The Nick DiPaolo Show - Anthony Cumia Part 2 | Nick Di Paolo Show #1552

Episode Date: April 10, 2024

In this episode right leaning comedian Nick Di Paolo interviews Anthony Cumia! Like what you hear?  Get TWICE as much "Nick Di Paolo Show", full episodes of Steven Crowder’s “Louder with Crowder��� show and more on Mug Club! Sign up today to get all their content at https://Nickdip.com and use the promo code NICKDIP to get your first month FREE! For Tour Dates, Merch, stand-up clips and more visit https://nickdip.com 

🎵 Welcome on a Wednesday. How are you folks? Great to be with you on today's show. The second part of my sit-down with the great anthony kumia uh you're gonna love it i love that people uh the black people get so upset with the police and with white politicians and white uh republicans dude you're the ones taking the brunt of of the the punishment here by not locking these motherfuckers up and letting them steal with impunity. All of a sudden, CVS closes down because it's being robbed every fucking other day,

and now grandma can't get her diabetes prescription. She's lost a foot because you don't have law and order in your city. Amazing. It's true. There's so many black stumps on the street. Yes. Black stumps because they're running out of stores with mascara and fucking Desinex. The Desinex is backing up because they have no feet.

Mom's Maybelline needed a Snickers bar at three in the morning. Nobody fucking, they got them locked up like they're her fucking cousin. What? That's really like, and then they call it racist. I know. You go, why do we walk into our stores and our community and everything's behind a locked

glass door? Again, sorry. And again, same thing I was saying before. i'm certain there are black people that walk in there go motherfuckers of course yeah they're doing this to us why the fuck and it's not the black people that want it they're they're shit unlocked that are to blame it's white politicians that are not enforcing these laws they're not rounding these motherfuckers up well putting them in jail making uh them have to pay a bail to get out and then pursuing these prosecutions they leave with impunity and and and here's another thing nick i gotta tell you i was

talking about this the other day the fact that they call it shoplifting is repugnant to me a girl going into a 14 year old girl going into sephora and pocketing mascara and running out sweating bullets that she's gonna get caught that's shoplifting yes we all shoplifted as a kid you'd walk into a store and take a pack of baseball cards and you were shitting your pants walking out that fucking door. Walking out with garbage bags full of thousands of dollars in material. Punching anyone in the face that gets in your way. Great point. Strong arm robbery.

That is not shoplifting. But they want it, again, the despicable shit media. The language. Wants it to sound like an innocent little crime. Oh, you're shoplifting. We've all done it. No, it's robbery. That's actually, that's a great point. I fucking, I was coming to work here. And by the way, folks, anybody who thinks I'm,

thinks I'm racist. Yeah. I, and I always say this now and I don't mean to, cause I, but people know, love me. No, I'm not. I just have the, I'm like you. I speak about it openly, and most black people appreciate it. I always forget my premise as I'm sweetening it up and softening my personality. Yeah, yeah. I do it all the time. I moved to fucking Savannah, Georgia, which is 60-40, black to white. Right. And I knew that before I came down here, visited the place, fucking loved it, went into supermarkets and restaurants, saw black and white people sitting together, older black and white people having breakfast together.

Like you said, I saw black and white people going to church together. And I knew it was predominantly 60% black. No racist, even a bigot's not going to move to a a city known it's 60 black if you're a white bigot absolutely i mean state of uh south carolina where i now reside is uh oh that's right a very large percentage of black people in the south you move down south you're going to get a large percentage of black people in the states that you live in. And again, just like you said, me and the girl, we go out to brunch on Sunday in Greenville. You sit down outside at a table,

sipping a mimosa and eating your eggs benedict. And I look around, people with family, black and white couples, men and women. How do we stop that? And a stroller with a baby in it and a dog on a leash, and they're walking around the most peaceful, clean. There are public bathrooms where anyone can go in and use them. And I'm walking in there, you know, used to Penn Station,

where there's some fucking junkie on the floor with eight needles popping out of him and toilet paper hanging from his asshole. Get a quick blow job. It's pristine. They keep it clean. It's nice. It's peaceful. And black and white people are enjoying the same peaceful surroundings. So yeah, if I was a racist, maybe I'd move to a mountaintop in Idaho somewhere and want to get away from everybody. But it's an amazing thing when you leave some of these Democrat-run shithole cities and you move somewhere where people are getting along. You become so jaded and pessimistic. But yeah, there are places you can go

that aren't as vicious and ugly as the big cities. What's the name of the mountaintop in Idaho? Yeah, yeah. You got an address on that? What's the square footage of? Ruby Ridge. It's called Ruby Ridge. Oh, Jesus.

Oh, my goodness gracious. What else did I want to... I was jonesing for you, honest to God. Oh, goodness gracious. What else did I want? I was jonesing for you, honest to God. Oh, I know. I fucking, and by the way, I know people who will listen that, I guess people who aren't fans of ours might spill over this

if they let themselves out of their bubble for a second. Because when me and Anthony get there, it sounds like we're trying to, what's the word I'm looking for? Justify our racial outlook or whatever the fuck. It sounds like we're trying to, what's the word I'm looking for, justify our racial outlook or whatever the fuck. It sounds like an hour. This is why I'm not racist. But it's hard to argue with what we're frigging saying.

Oh, you're in South Carolina. Are you just over the border from me? You've told me this. I got no memory. I know. I'm very close. You don't have to give out the town, but how far from Savannah? It's maybe at most two hours.

All right. We'll never see each other. I know how we are. If you're going to say 35, 40 minutes, I go, I'm coming up this weekend. Well, when people watch us talking on our respective shows or whatnot, and they think we're just kind of commiserating, and we're recognizing. It's like when you see two guys on Harleys pass each other

and they wave, or the bus drivers. They got to give a little wave because they know they're in the same fucking business and same interests. That's what we do when we get together to chit-chat. Can you imagine, and I love Jimmy Norton. You know, I fucking love him more now than I ever have. Oh, yeah. I just like the way he handles his life, and he's amazing.

But can you imagine if I somehow stumbled in there before him into Opie and Anthony? I don't know if that would have been good for my career, or I would have been snuffed out six months after I met you. But you and I would have done some fucking deal. Oh, yeah, yeah. Opie would have lost his mind, first of all. And I love Opie, too, by the way.

The guy's never been nothing but a gentleman to me. And I know, I understand that. We're kind of in a nice truce period. Oh, you guys still go back and forth arguing and shit? No, no. We were for a while and, you, and things were said over the course of the years. It's like a divorce.

You get divorced, and you fucking hate your ex. And then after a while, you can kind of not hate as much. And that's kind of what it ended up being. And we kind of hammered out this informal ceasefire, but that's going to blow up when my new book comes out in July. Yeah, yeah. What is it?

Should we plug it? Spare Me. My new book is Spare Me. It's available for pre-order on Amazon. I already see the artwork. It's a black guy with a spear. Chasing you. Sorry. Spare S-P-A-R-E.

I'm sorry. Yes, yes. Spare Me. Spare Me would have been a good one. Maybe a third book. Spare Me. Oh, this is fucking great. Yeah, Spare Me. Coming out when? Pre-order on Amazon. Yeah, I say it. I wrote it like a year ago while we were still kind of, you know, shitting on each other

and some things in there might be you know, a little you might get mad at me again, so what are you going to do? Just call him. It's like putting lube on his asshole. Call him before you release it. And go look, some of this shit. A little preamble. That's all. You know, you've worked with people over the years that

you know, you get a with people over the years that you get a little oil and water kind of a thing. Well, as Colin Quinn said about me, DePaulo's the only guy that burns bridges while he's standing on them. Nobody can sum me up like Colin Quinn. Yeah. And I've said

this, I've always said people are sick of hearing this. I'm sure with every interview. They would always ask me about my stand-up, and I'd always go, well, I'm getting labeled as a conservative. I'm not a conservative. And I said to Colin, how do I stop being labeled? He goes, well, you're not a conservative.

He goes, well, let's put it this way. You could be telling a McDonald's joke, and people know how you voted, Nick. Which just, I mean, is that not perfect? I bring that up every time I'm being interviewed. Hey, guys, in the second half of the show, I will be continuing my discussion with the great Anthony Cumia, get into his health problems, my health problems,

and, of course, we sprinkle race into that too. Anyways, that's exclusively on Mug Club. So you've got to go to nickdip.com to sign up for Mug Club. So go to nickdip.com and sign up for Mug Club. Hey, boys and girls, head over to nickdip.com to get exclusive hats, T-shirts, hoodies, and more. It's yet another way for you to support the show and look sexy at the same time. You can also get signed copies of my previous specials and all of the Nicker shirts. Just go

to nickdip.com and click on store. Again, that's nickdip.com. Click on store. Thank you guys so much. See you soon. So how are you liking, we're talking to the great Anthony Comia, by the way. How are you liking South Carolina? Wait a minute. When did you officially move in? I was still up in New York and Missy was down here taking care of the house and everything. And I was staying in New York and i was commuting down here back and forth from fucking you know south carolina uh right i'm right outside greenville and uh thank god because the airport's right there flies right into la guardia yeah so it's not a problem yeah uh yeah yeah so i was able to go up and take care of the studio up at compound media

up in new york city uh and i was kind of spreading myself thin, and I wanted to finally, you know, break ties up there and do a show and finally start living in my own house that I fucking bought down here. I had this house for a year before I even moved into it. And then when I had my health debacle... That's what I was going to bring up. You look good. You look thin and healthy.

Dude, it's amazing. It's amazing how shitty you can feel and go through and live your life and then when they fix you, you look back and go, holy shit, I felt shitty. Well, money will do that. You're a successful radio guy.

So what? Was it bypass or no? Yeah, well, money will do that. You're a successful radio guy. And so what? Was it bypass or no? No. Yeah, yeah, quad. What? Had to do four of them, dude. It was nuts. All at once? All at once. It was, you know, I didn't feel anything like a heart

attack or anything. I just had this accelerated heart rate one day. Really bad. The fuck? That's every day with you and me. Yeah, just look at the news. Quit watching the news, yeah. Black Twitter. They opened you up and they said we have black Twitter plaque in here.

Yeah, yeah, exactly. Like a cartoon. Boom, boom. So I figured I better go to the hospital. Yeah. And they do an angio where they snake some shit up there and check out how clogged your arteries are. And mine was full of ricotta and mozzarella.

I just had every one. The imported kind, I hope. Yeah, the imported kind, the good kind. Not the boy's head. Yeah, so I had to, right there, they told me, they go, yeah, we're going to have to do a quad bypass on you. And I'm like, you know, what are you going to do? You just kind of get on that roller coaster and hope, you know, at the end when it goes, you're alive to get off the fucking thing. Because you are powerless.

You become completely powerless. You are in their hands. Your life is literally in their hands. And you just resign yourself that this is what needs to be done. They take you in. They literally crack you open like a fucking lobster. And that's what they do. That is so scary to have your heart

obviously a success when they do that when they do that I've seen operations where they take the fucking heart out and put it on a table while they're like working on it's like working on a Mazda or whatever the fuck

it is amazing your heart still beating while they're doing that It's like working on a Mazda or whatever the fuck. It is amazing. How do they... Your heart's still beating while they're doing that? No, they take... First of all, they take an artery and vein out of your leg. Right, I know that. And out of your arm over here. So they have some veins and arteries to work with

to stitch them into place to bypass the clogged area. Oh, that's right. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. to work with to stitch him into place to bypass the clogged area. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. So now with the heart beating around, they can't work on these delicate little things, so they hook you up to something called a heart-lung machine where it takes your blood, pumps it out of you into a big machine that oxygenates it and puts it back in your body.

And then they stop your heart. They just stop it. I bought one of those machines on Craigslist. And it sucked. This guy lied to me. Once they're done doing everything, they take these little paddles, jumper cables, and on're open, and on each side of the heart, and they go, boom, and, you know, they hope it starts up again.

So they stopped, again, I can't believe, but, you know, again, white people have contributed nothing to society. Oh, of course not. I'm sure that was invented in Tanzania, or maybe, or fucking, what's her name, one of the squad, Tlaib's fucking hometown. Yeah, it's called the Senegal blood machine.

The Senegal voodoo blood machine, they call it. Your color, honest to God, when we first came on, your color is way better. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You look way thinner than I remember you. And I also. Dude it it yeah it was all like unhealthy bloat and now you know i i go out i do do the fucking rowing machine and do you really and yeah all the shit to you know get get because i have i have energy now i i used

to be able to take five steps and and I was sweating like a pig constantly, which is one of the unbelievable signs of get yourself checked out. And I just kind of was like, ah, I'm stressed out. Ah, it's this. Ah, it's that. It's like, hey, dummy, every relative on my father's side croaked in their 40s. Maybe you should have this looked at. And they didn't even have black Twitter to be fighting on.

It's genetics. Like I, you know, have a heart disease in my family. Some people have this penchant for violence. So it's all genetics. I had, I get these, well, I was talking to you about this. I don't know if you ever did it, the fucking testosterone therapy. Yes. I told you about getting pellets in my ass.

They put pellets in every three or four months. This guy puts pellets in my ass. And I frigging, while I was there a couple days ago, they said, we haven't done your blood work. I want to see what your testosterone level is. And you're, you know, at hemoglobin. And I said, go ahead. And so the next day I get the frigging results. And normal testosterone for a guy my age is like between 400 and 900.

Mine was at 1500. Sticking your dick in the oak trees around Savannah. No. I said, 1,500. I have two. And then I put up an X. It didn't do that well. I thought I was going to get a big laugh.

I actually took a picture of the results. It says 1,500. And I said, this is an easy fix, but I go, but what they're getting for a gallon of hand lotion these days? I don't know if I could... Of course, a nice joke like that gets like 24

fucking likes. And then I put a picture up of Kathy Griffin and that one goes through the roof. Yeah, yeah. It's never mean enough. I can't believe it. No. I'm on X. I'm on a place that I can't be mean enough on.

That's very... Yeah, yeah. I had to go off of the testosterone. I was getting shots every two weeks, and it was great. What happened? Why do you have to get up? But it's not good for people that have had quad biopsy. Oh.

Apparently, it increases your cholesterol in some people, and I happen to be the lucky one. It also increases your red blood cell count. Yes. Well, mine went through. I had like, yeah. My arteries looked like morning rush hour at a Japanese subway. Just shoving them through the fucking...

I used to say that on stage that my A-order looked like the fucking Holland Tunnel at five o'clock on Labor Day weekend. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, no, I know exactly what you're talking about. So I'm like, $1,500. I just had to stop it. And I'm like, oh, fuck, great.

Now I'm going to, you know, like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Faggot, I'm going to turn back into a goddamn hairless little fruit. My wife sees 1,500 testosterone, and I'm like, gee, now I'm going to. Yeah, yeah. You're fucking me. You never fuck me? Yeah, that's great.

I have a smoothie, and it goes right to my girlish hips now. Fucking awesome. I did the Ozepic goes right to my girlish hips now. Fucking awesome. I did the Osepik, Anthony, right? Oh, yeah. I did it and I've never, I go, this is magic. This is, I dropped 26 pounds. It was the same 26 pounds I've been trying to lose for, honestly, people always said, Nick, you're in good shape because I would lift weights. People always said, Nick, you're in good shape because I would lift weights. But, you know, I mean, I had that. When somebody asked me my physique, I said, I look like Harvey Keitel in The Bad Lieutenant. Remember that scene when he was drunk with a vodka bottle and a shirt on?

He's got like that vision up here, but he had like a gut. I go, that's what I look like. And I dropped this 26 pounds in about three months. And the sad part is hardly anybody noticed. That's number one. Because like when you're in shape, when you're heavy, I don't know, very few people know.

26 pounds is a fucking lot. So I dropped that and I go, I couldn't believe I'd get on the scale and go, what the fuck? It'll be going down and down. I didn't feel like I was starving. It's supposed to make you feel full, but I didn't feel that either.

I always felt hungry and it didn't feel like I was starving myself. whatever the bottom line is. I keep reading articles lately saying how bad it is. People's stomachs are paralyzed. It can cause thyroid cancer. And I keep going, geez, at first I try to rationalize that by going, well, the weight loss industry is getting crushed by these guys. So they're hiring people to write hit pieces. That's me just trying to rationalize. So then I go, I need a source for somebody I can believe. So then I find Tucker Carlson, who doesn't have hacks on when he interviews people. I find his thing on X, and he's interviewing a guy who was a doctor and worked for Big Pharma

and knew everything about Ozempic from the inside. And he said about it was an hour interview that scared the living shit out of me. For those of you guys on Mug Club, stick around for the second half of the inside. And he said about, it was an hour interview that scared the living shit out of me. For those of you guys on Mug Club, stick around for the second half of the show, which is me finishing up with the great Anthony Cormier. It gets funnier and funnier. Everyone else, go to nickdip.com and join to get my full show, Steven Crowder's full show, and a whole lot more. And check out my tour dates, May 1st and 2nd,

Sidesplitters Comedy Club, Tampa, Florida. May 10th, two shows at Soul Joe's Comedy Club in Pottstown, PA. And of course, the big one on May 11th, Count Basie Theater, Red Bank, New Jersey. And I hope to see you guys there. I won't take all that they hand me down And make out I smile though I wear a frown And I'm not gonna take it all lying down Cause once I get started I go to town

Cause I'm not like everybody else No, no I'm not like everybody else I'm not like everybody else I'm not like everybody else And I don't wanna live my life like everybody else And I don't wanna live my life like everybody else And I don't wanna be destroyed like everybody else And I don't wanna get a job like everybody else

Cause I'm not like everybody else I'm not like everybody else I'm not like everybody else