The Nick DiPaolo Show - MGT Vs Rino Johnson | Nick Di Paolo Show #1557

Episode Date: April 22, 2024

In this episode right leaning comedian Nick Di Paolo talks about No representation, James at it again, Mad Max and more! Like what you hear?  Get TWICE as much "Nick Di Paolo Show", full episodes of Steven Crowder’s “Louder with Crowder” show and more on Mug Club! Sign up today to get all their content at https://Nickdip.com and use the promo code NICKDIP to get your first month FREE! For Tour Dates, Merch, stand-up clips and more visit https://nickdip.com 

🎵 Hey, hey, where are we? Beginning of the show, Nick. You fat, nasty, black bitch. Don't start like that. Come on. It's Juneteenth. No, it's not. Not yet.

Anyways, how are you, folks? It's Monday. Filthy Monday, state of Georgia. You have a good weekend? I did absolutely nothing, and it felt good. Absolutely nothing. And playoff hockey started. Please tune into that.

Even if you're not a sports fan, it'll make you straight. Fast. They go seven minutes, eight minutes, Dallas, without a whistle. With people getting knocked silly because it's a playoff. It's just so good. You guys, every year, I know I'm a broken record, but you guys are watching fucking women's basketball. You got your brackets filled out.

Fuck you. Oh, by the way, our girl Caitlin Clark signed a deal with Nike. So much for poverty. 28 mil. It's over eight years, which is nothing compared to an NBA, but still. 28 mil. And she's got other shit out there, I'm sure. Tampon things and giant maxi, when they say maxi pack, I mean, you know, it's like

a, it's like a mattress. She must, she's gonna be, you know, she's gonna do good as she should. But again, people, why only 28 million? Oh my, you wonder why the Marxists. It's never enough. Well, they don't get it. They don't get the free market determines it. We don't go, oh, she's a chick. We're gonna mark it down. It's so simple. Yet you guys just don't want to, although the left doesn't understand it. They do what they do and they want something where we all can suck together. We can all make 10,000 and let them run the show. That's the wet dream you know it i know it made a london broil yesterday mother of god it's like porn for me

me next uh bitching kitchen uh that might be it might might i might be an idea i'd have to have a side dish with it maybe an 18 year old cheerleader or pant. Don't talk like that. I'm kidding, folks. Early 20s. Anyhow, I got to sit down and focus. I'm actually nervous about the stand-up coming up. It's basically here. And I just said seven, eight months. I've never done that in my life. I know, look, I know enough tricks. I'm old enough where I can go out there and make you guys fucking laugh. But I put pressure on myself as far as, you know, I, I know enough tricks. I'm old enough where I can go out there and make you guys fucking laugh. But I put pressure on myself as far as, you know, I want some semblance of order up there.

It's fucking weird. And I can't make myself sit down. Well, I know because if I do it now, by the time Tampa comes up in 10, 12 days, whatever the fuck it is, I won't remember what I sat down and... It's a fucking weird thing. Can I be honest with you? And I love it.

Don't get me wrong. When I come off stage, I'm as high as a kite and on stage and killing or whatever, having a blast. But soon as that fucking, you know, the laughs dissipate, I leave the club.

I would love to just be writing for eight people sitting on my couch and having the checks. I'm an old fucking man. Anyways, let's get to it. Smash and grab. Smash and grab. I don't even know what the hell. Oh, what is this?

Jesus. Yeah, I just want to, speaking of sports, I want to show you a clip of the greatest, you guys know when somebody gets robbed of a home run. Well, this is the greatest one ever in the annals of baseball. And I told Dale, as soon as I read the headline, I go, there's only way two guys can be in on robbing a home run. And that's one deflecting it or something. I can't think of any other way.

So this is from a college game, I believe. Check this shit out. A long blast to left field. He jumps up, gets his glove on it, comes back in. This guy dives and catches it. You shit. What

a play. I don't know if you have to be a straight guy to appreciate that. That. They're equally. Those two things are equal. You can't say this guy. And it really happens. When two guys are involved in a play, one of them is usually like,

he made the hard part. No, that was. And the guy, the second guy, to be that alert and doing his job, if he's in the pros in a couple years, he'll be smoking a cigarette watching that guy. I mean, some players hustle, but not everybody, but I had to show that for baseball fans, and I know you guys vote like I do, which means you're probably heterosexual, and Nick, what are you saying? Gay people don't like, no, gay guys don't like sports. I just said it. Not true.

Okay, whatever. Let's move on. What? Fuck off. Fuck off. Do that into the mic. That would have been hilarious. Dallas was doing me.

Let's move on to some politics, and I'm sick of talking about this. I might turn this show into fucking tits and race. Not rice. Race. The tits and rice. Have you had the tits and rice. Not rice. Rice. The tits and rice. Have you had the tits and rice? That's one. Delicious. Yeah, it's one word. It's German. Tits and rice. Tits and rice.

Mike versus Marjorie. What did I tell you about this new house speaker, Mike Johnson? I know he's conservative. He's a family guy, anti-abort, all that crap. But again, he's got that Colbert look and he's wishy-washy on some shit. Anyways, Rep Troy Nels, he's a family guy, auntie, all that crap. But again, he's got that Colbert look and he's wishy-washy on some shit. Anyways, Rep. Troy Nels, he's a Republican from Texas, and our girl Marjorie Taylor Greene, whoever he thinks is a lunatic because, you know,

she calls people on their bullshit. They're among the Republican lawmakers who are outraged on Saturday after Democrats appeared to taunt Marjorie Taylor Greene with Ukrainian flags on the House floor. What are we, sixth grade girls? This is where we are, folks. We've had assholes running the show since, I'd say since George Bush I was done. Since then, we've had nothing but a clown show. Except for Trump. And they're waving Ukrainian flags because... Go ahead, we'll show you the clip. That's in the United States Capitol, in Congress, in the House, waving another country's flag.

Oh, Nick, quit being a jingoistic. Shut the fuck up. Love it or leave it. I know I just came up with that one. No other country would ever do that with the American flag. I don't think so. Or any other flag, for that matter. So Marjorie Taylor's calling him out.

She should. Mother China's angry. It is. It's pissed off. I don't blame you. Okay. It sounded. It's pissed off. I don't blame you. Okay. It sounded quiet too. The House voted over the weekend to approve a bipartisan foreign aid bill

enraging Greene, who has steadfastly opposed sending help to Ukraine. You know why? Because we have our border wide open over here, sending billions over there. They're getting smoked, by the way, if you want to know it. They're getting smoked and we're letting the whole world come in here and destroy this country. That's not an exaggeration. She should be pissed. Raw Story reported that after the vote, she unloaded on reporters

in a swear-filled rant. Well, great. House Speaker Mike, I don't trust this motherfucking Johnson, this motherfucking Johnson, supposedly Republican, Louisiana? I should... L.A. is more like it. Also addressed the flag, saying there's only one flag that should be waved on the House floor.

The implication, of course, is it's the American flag. Who wrote the article saying that, like, bitterly? Yeah. Yeah, this ain't the fucking U.N. God damn it. But this jerk off helped pass it.

So he should keep his mouth shut too. You need to shut the fuck up. Rep Anna Paulina Luna. Piece of ass. I think she was... Delicious. Thank you. I had nothing to do with it.

She looks like a weather girl in Telemundo. Guys, you want soft porn? Put on that channel. Paulina Luna also spoke out. She's a Republican from Florida and we love her. During the vote saying, put those damn flags away. Only guys, you notice only women speak up? Fucking ball is fucking, I'm so sick of Ted Cruz, Rand Paul.

You guys have been played to the point where I believe you let yourself being played. Rand Paul, Kentucky also had an issue with democratic demonstration, did you? Ukrainian flags, he said, fly in the chamber of the United States House of Reps as they vote to send more of your hard-earned money to corrupt foreign regime. And he is. You know, Zelensky, when he was running, he shut down all his competitions like media, Christian churches. And the left loves it, you know.

And just like that, they shout Ukraine, Ukraine, while happily working to secure Ukraine's borders, not ours. Which everybody can see. Incredible. In-fucking-credible. Isn't it?

I think it is. Hey, in the second half of the show, I'll be talking about what happens when Black Spring Break comes to your town like it did ours this weekend. I bet you can't guess. I bet you like. I bet you it was just like St. Patrick's Day.

Soon it was over. There was no litter whatsoever. We're all the same. Anyways. Also, I'll tell you what happened to the first transgender mayor in fucking communist California. Even they couldn't take it. Welcome to the, again, it's Rome. I said the Dallas.

It's Rome. It's exclusively on Mug Club, those stories. So join now to get it at where? NickDip.com. N-I-C-K-D-I-P.com. Aye? Aye. Hey, boys and girls, head over to NickDip.com to get exclusive hats, T-shirts, hoodies, and more. It's yet another way for you to support the show and look sexy at the same time.

You can also get signed copies of my previous specials and all of the Nicker shirts. Just go to nickdip.com and click on store. Again, that's nickdip.com, click on store. Thank you guys so much. See you soon. Make me a sandwich. Make me a fucking sandwich.

Watch your tone, son. Don't tell me my business, son. I was quaint. Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away. Yesterday, Letitia James, backup singer for the Supremes, asked the, there she is. Those are good pictures of her, by the way. Huh? No, she's a fat, angry fuck. She actually, maybe she's on fucking, you know what, Ozempic.

I am. I put on three pounds and I can't see. Fucking great. Is that what it's supposed to do, make you blind so you can't read the scale? Yesterday, Letitia James asked the judge to disallow Trump's $175 million bond. There will be a hearing on Monday. Yes, so there she is. You fat, nasty, black bitch. Notice at the 45-second mark, we're going to play the whole clip. It's a little long.

How Letitia says she is upset by how Trump treated Obama. You don't even have to dig that deep. Okay? All you're going to need to know is black people in power, they don't like whitey. They don't like them when they're in or out of power. Nobody will fucking say it. But here's a, you know, whether it's the fucking district attorneys, you know, attorney generals, whoever. If they're black and they're in a lot of powerful positions, especially women. They're as racist as they fucking come.

And the Democrat Party embraces it, the white fucking cowards. How many times do we have to go over this? But yeah, at the 45-second mark of this audio, she complains how Trump treated Obama. And again, how Trump treated Obama instead of how Obama spied, right, weaponized the Department of Justice to spy on Trump when he was moving into the White House and all that other shit. Fuck you and everything you believe in.

Let's play the smelly whore. No. The president of the United States has complained that I'm engaging in some sort of political witch hunt, that I've got some personal vendetta against him, that I campaigned against him. That is not true. He's an illegitimate president. He sits in the White House. That president, because he's not my president, he's an illegitimate president. His days are numbered. His days are numbered. Pause. She just said at the beginning of this, people accusing her of being political and

it's a witch hunt, and it's not true. And we cut back to a few years ago, her campaign. We've got to get ready to mobilize and we've got to get ready to agitate and irritate until victory is won, but more importantly, until Trump is defeated. We will all rise up and resist this man. And ultimately, we'll bring him down. This illegitimate president. You fat nasty black bitch. The level of respect that you gave to President Obama. And that is absolutely no respect at all.

Donald Trump has got to go. Hey, hey. Ho, ho. Donald Trump has got to go! Hey, hey! Ho, ho! Donald Trump has got to go! Hey, hey! Ho, ho! Hey! Donald Trump has got to go! All right.

All right. All right. What folks says about this family, I do. I has told you and told you that you can always tell a lady, but the way that she eats in front of folks like a bird. Ugh. Can you imagine looking into the camera and going, yeah, no, I didn't, this isn't political, this isn't witch hunt. Does she know we have past shit on tape?

And she'll get away with it. She'll get away with it. As hateful and as racist as they come. Anybody ever call her out on it? Anybody of any high profile on the right in the media shit? Other than if you go to like Breitbart or whatever to this show or call me. No. Can you imagine letting her handle this case?

That's fair, isn't it? And how did Trump treat Obama unfairly? What did he do? Huh? Be specific. We don't have to. I don't have to. I'm a black woman in power. Anyways, this prosecution smells a lot like Valerie Jarrett's pits. No, operation. And it is. It's Obama, Valerie Jarrett, that whole crew. This is his third term. I don't want to hear it. I am so anxious to see

how this friggin... I'm getting them all mixed up. This is the one now? Is this the one? I can't keep... Yeah, the hush money ones, no. Yeah. Oh, my God.

And people on the left just nod. They're both Democrat. Yeah, he's got to go. He's got 49... He's got 90 indictments against him. He's a bad guy. Oh, Sister Christian. And I'm just so curious.

I want to fast forward to November and see how this turns out and what the reaction's going to be. Like I said, even if Trump wins fair and square, they'll have some legal bullshit. They already said it. They've already stated it. Relax, Nick.

I am. I took my blood pressure last night. Not bad. 131 over 85. That's right in the normal range for a guy my age with a small penis. Sister Christian, all the time has come. Anyhow, I like people who are committed to their cause, but sometimes you can go a little too far. Nick, what's the headline? Mad Max. Nick, what's the headline?

Mad Max. Over the, well, since we've seen you, this happens since we've seen, right? A guy named Max Azzarello, breaks my heart, Italian fella. Kind of looks like a movie star. You know who he looks like? American Psycho. Christian Bale.

He's got a lot of Christian, doesn't he? Looks like a Christian Bale. He's got a lot of Christian, doesn't he? Looks like a Christian Bale. Guy could have been a movie star. He burned himself to death Friday, just to make a point. I did that when I was in a fight my wife. I'd put my hand on the stove real quick. That's as close as I came. He burned himself to death Friday, to make a point, but don't you want to be around to go, hey I was right. Near the courthouse where former President Trump is standing trial.

He was a registered organ donor whose kidneys have already been donated, but there's smoke coming off them. Who wants burnt kidneys? Just a little char. The kid gets the kidneys, you go, these come with onions? What the fuck?

They've already been donated to two patients. I guess they put them out before it got to the internal organs. Anyways, two patients got his crazy kidneys. According to an organization that coordinates transplants,

both of Mr. Azzarello's kidneys were transplanted, and he was able to save two people's lives on the national wait list. I hope they were white. What? No, I'm kidding. Doesn't matter. Look, that looks painful. That's him standing, right?

What the fuck? Leonard Aiken, president of the nonprofit organ donation group, live on New York said Sunday about the kidneys. We extend, he says, our deepest condolences to Mr. Azzarello's family and friends during this difficult time, but we're taking a shit, is what they said. Our thoughts and our prayers are with them. Like I said, talk about committed.

Let's take a look at the footage. Oh, Jesus. Oh, stop. Oh, stop. Oh, stop. Oh, stop. Oh, stop. Oh, stop. Oh, stop. Oh, stop. Oh, stop. I don't know what that is. Here he him? I don't know what that is. Here he is over here. You can see him laying on his back. Christ. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired.

You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. Oh, my God. Talk about committed. And the thing was, let's read what he was about is that as a rello a 37 year old from florida described by friends as a brilliant man he was one of these guys who was crazy smart

uh who descended into madness died hours after setting himself on fire in the collect pond park across the street from where trump's hush money trial is taking place the self-described investigative researcher who wrote troves of posts about non, see, and here's where the fucking person writing the article sticks their two cents in, wrote about nonsensical conspiracy theories. Let the reader decide, cocksucker. The post is, it's going the way of Drudge. It's unbelievable. Have traveled to New York City from Florida without his family's knowledge and had been protesting in front of the courthouse where he had bashed political leaders from both sides of the aisle.

So you can't go, that's a wacky Trump fan or a wacky Biden. This extreme act of protest is to draw attention to an urgent, important discovery. This is him, right, talking. We are victims of a totalitarian con, right so far, check. are victims of a totalitarian con, right so far, check, and our own government, along with our allies, check, is about to hit us with an apocalyptic fascist world coup. Correct, correct, correct. Why'd you burn yourself? We need you, Azarello wrote in part of a rambling manifesto posted on his Substack page. And you imagine the fucking jerk off Person who wrote this Going yeah that's a bunch of baloney

What the fuck Anyways Hey For those of you guys on Mug Club Stick around for the second half of my show Everyone else go to nickdip.com You'll get the rest of my show Steve and Crowder's full show

And a whole lot more And while you are there Click on my dates you'll get the rest of my show, Steve and Crowder's full show, and a whole lot more. And while you are there, click on my dates. They are approaching fast. May 1 and 2, Sidesplitters Comedy Club, Tampa, Florida.

This is May what, 23rd? I mean, April 23rd? Today? My grandfather was born April 23rd, 1885. May 1 and 2, Sidesplitters Comedy. Then May 10th, two shows at Soul Joel's Comedy Club in Pottstown, Pennsylvania. And then the very next night, I head to the Count Basie Theater in Red Bank, New Jersey on May 11th. That's the big one.

So click and get tickets and whatnot. Yeah, so that's next wednesday by the way that you're starting up is that what it is i've been putting off looking so that means i'll wait till this weekend and sit out and just get some semblance to make me feel better as soon as i get up there it'll be fucking chaos anyways uh while you're there like i said get tickets to those shows hi good night everybody Anyways, while you're there, like I said, get tickets to those shows. Hi. Good night, everybody. Good night, everybody. And make out I smile though I wear a frown And I'm not gonna take it all lying down Cause once I get started I go to town Cause I'm not like everybody else, no no

I'm not like everybody else I'm not like everybody else. I'm not like everybody else. I'm not like everybody else. And I don't want to live my life like everybody else. And I don't want to be destroyed like everybody else. And I don't want to get a job Everybody else Cause I'm not like everybody else I'm not like everybody else