The Ricky Gervais Show / An Idiot Abroad - Guardian S1E8 (January 23, 2006)

Episode Date: September 5, 2022

According to Emily Bell, editor-in-chief of Guardian Unlimited, Gervais and Merchant had approached the Guardian with the idea of the show. Bell believes they switched to a podcast format for greater control over content and access to a larger audience. The first 12 episodes were released free of charge through the Guardian Unlimited website.The first series of podcasts began on 5 December 2005, and a new episode was released each Monday for the next twelve weeks. The show relies heavily on the wit and bizarre theories of Pilkington, who was now unemployed, having left his job as radio producer at XFM. The podcast focuses more on Pilkington as a primary figure of humour in the show in various ways, including questions directed at him that have been emailed in, either by fans of the show or by Gervais and Merchant themselves.

The Ricky Jovey Show on Guardian Unlimited Hello welcome to the 8th in this series of 12 podcasts the Ricky Jovey Show with the Guardian. I'm Ricky Javais. Hello with me Stephen Merchant. Hello and Carl Pilkington. So thank you again for all your emails. We're getting thousands. We're up to about a quarter of a million hits a week now, people listening to this show. A quarter of a million people bothering to go and listen to this show. Nothing else in their lives. All around the world. It's unbelievable though. North America, Asia, South America, all over Europe, and thanks to everyone in England as well.

Where we do it from in a little room in London. Keep going to Ricky Gervais.com and registering. Because when we finish these 12, we can email you when we come back and start again. We're going to need a little bit of time off to record the second series of extras. Well, I'll tell you more than that Rick, you're going to need to time off, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, and, and, to, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and the, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and.r.r.r.r.r.s.s.s.s.s.s.s.s.s.s.s.s.s.s.r.r.r.r.r.r.r.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a. And, to. And, to. And, to. And, tell you more than that rate you're going to need to time off just to have a little breather because I know how hard you work. And you may. Well thanks mate but I mean you blinking work hours. But Carl's been on holiday again hasn't he? Oh yeah that's right yeah because Carl you don't do anything. And you have weekends off, you take at least five or six weeks holiday a year even you tho. you. You you you you to to to to to to to to to to to their their to their. to their to their to their their their to their to their to to their to to to to to to to to to to their to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I th. I'm. I'm. I'm try. I'm try. try. I th. try. th. I th. th. th. th. th. th. th. need a holiday to... you put around... Your big day last week was going to the cobblers. So why do you need a break so much this week? It's just that, you know, it's good for your brain and that, isn't it? It opens it up a bit. You are not evidence for that. Where the thoo'naken area? Where did that? Where that that th. Where th. Where th. Where tho? Where thi. Where thi. Where thi? Where thi. Where th. Where thi? Where thi? Where thi? Where thi? Where th. Where thi? Where th. Where th. Where thi? Where thi? Where the the the their thi? Where th th th th their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their th. Where th. Where th. Where th. Where th. Where th. Where th. Where thi. Where did the. Where the. the. the. today? today? today? the. the. the. the. the. thi. the. there isn't much else to do at Grancanaria.

I mean I don't want to go slagging a place off because every time I seem to talk about somewhere get into trouble for it. But it's just like a big rock. It's just volcanic, and it's just a volcanic, and you must have looked like a little barnacle on that. Have you been there before? Been near it before to another rock. It which which which which which which which which which which which which which which which which which which which which which which it which it which it was it was just which it was just which it was just which it was just which it was just. It was just just. It was just just. their. their. their. to to to to to to to to to to to near it before to another rock which was just the same sort of thing. Why did you go back? Because you think, well, they can't have loads of these islands that are the same, like just a big rock with hotels on, they can't get away with it. So you think one the next one. But why, why do you keep going to these places that are rocks? is this a giant rock? Because that's what you do, isn't it? You go and find out yourself.

I mean, when Armstrong went to the moon, what was he expecting up there? That's a fact, that's a big rock, and he still went all that way. I don't know what that point was. No, so what I'm saying is though, sometimes... Tell us about that you know because I mean so far you've given us a lot of insight into into the the moon landing so there was Armstrong there was Armstrong yeah there was a fella called buzz and another bloke yeah poor bastard yeah never remembered yeah go on and they went up there got out two of them did. One of them didn't

bother, the one whose name, don't know who he was. Didn't even get out stretch his legs, right? Went all that way. They had a potter about, had a wander, came back again. So that's all you need to know, isn't it? Yeah. And they... And their opinion pointless? To me, yeah. But to them them them them them them them them them them them them them them them them them them them them them, I I I I I I I I I I I'm they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they're their their they're they're they're they're their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their the. the. the. the. theateate. to to to to the. thoooooo. to thea. thea. thea. the. the. the. the. the. to know, isn't it? Yeah, and in your opinion pointless? To me, yeah, but to them, I'm sure they had a good time and that's what I'm saying. Sometimes you just take the risk, don't you go and visit a place, make up your own mind. And so what do you make of this place? You enjoy it, Grand Canaria? It was just a big rock, but did you... I bet the moon was better. the moon was, really, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, I, I, I, I, I'm, I'm, I'm, I, their, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, the, the, the, sometimes, sometimes, sometimes, sometimes, their, sometimes, sometimes, their, their, their, sometimes, their, sometimes, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, I made a mistake it was one of those like big massive places where these loads of people and you know you go for your dinner that describes a hotel yeah no no you've nailed that but I've been to a few that sounds like it

you know do people really I mean that's probably why it's called Grand Canaria right because there's just grand is everywhere yeah but what I thought I'd start doing is a start a diary okay why just because I sort of had a bit of time on the hands and that just thought write it down right right stuff down and do you hope that this one day will become one of the great literary documents like Samuel Peep's diary? I haven't heard of that, is it any good? You've never heard of Samuel Peep's diary? The most famous diary other than probably Anne Franks.

I've heard of Anne Franks and that and I thought if she's sat in a, you know, a loft, a lot of that, th. and I th. and I th. and I th. And I thi, and I th. And I th. And I th, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I haven't I haven't I haven't I haven't I haven't I haven't, I haven't I haven't I haven't I haven't I haven't I haven't I haven't I haven't I haven't I haven't I haven't I haven't, I haven't, I haven't, I haven't I haven't I haven't I haven't I haven't I haven't I haven't I haven't I haven't, I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I haven't, I haven't, I haven't, I haven't, I'm I'm I'm I'm th. I'm not th. I'm not th. I'm not th. I'm not th. I'm not that, I haven't heard, I haven't heard, I haven't heard, I haven't that I haven't that I haven't that, I haven't on in her life at that point, yet she was still writing it down. I thought, well I'm on holiday, yeah. I thought, so there is stuff going on that I can chat about, start a diary. Sure. You started a diary? Yeah. And what you're gonna do? Did you, did you keep it up every day? Yeah, just, oh can I read it, please? their diary is meant to be sort of a... thi' th. th. th. th. to th. to to to to to to to thi, thi, thi, thi, to to to to to to thi, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their, to to to to to to to start, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I to start, I to start, I to start, I to start, I to start, I to start, I to start, I to start, I to start, I to start, I to to to to to to to to their, I, their, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I thi, thi. I thi. I thi, I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm tho. I'm their, I'm their, I'm their, I'm, I'm, I'm their, I'm, I'm th. I read some out on this podcast? I... Carl. Some of it though is only relevant to me. It's sort of... Oh this is, please give me it. Oh my god. I mean this isn't, I haven't just... Look how big it is! Oh my god! It's huge. It's about a foot long and it's... Oh that is amazing! Imagine if Anne Frank's been like, as she got out, right! Everyone would have it th. It th. It th. It th. It th. It th. It th. It th. It th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. Some, th. th. Some, th. Some, th. Some, th. Some, th. Some, th. Some, th. Some, th. Some, th. Some, th. Some, th. Some, th. Some, th. Some, th. Some, th. Some, th. Some, th. Some, th. Some, th. Some, th. Some, th. Some, th. Some, th. Some, th. Some, th. Some, th. Some, th. Some, th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. Some, thi. Some, thi. Some, thi. Some, thi. Some, thi. Some like that. As she got out, right, everyone would have heard it clanked down on the desk. Yeah, but my writing is quite big, isn't it?

Oh look, give us that. Do you know about joined-up writing? Have you heard about that? Amazing. Sometimes you can't read it, can you? Right, okay. Oh, look, look. Oh, my god. It starts on the first day. This is wonderful. Going on holiday on holiday on holiday. Going on holiday. Going on holiday. Going on holiday. Going on holiday. Going on holiday. Going on holiday. Going on holiday. Going on holiday. Going on holiday. Going on holiday. Oh, to, to, to, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, the. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, the. Oh, the. Oh, the. Oh, the. Oh, the. Oh, the. Oh, the. Oh, the. Oh, the. Oh, the. Oh, the. Oh, the. Oh, the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the first day. This is wonderful. Going on holiday to Grand Canaria today, woke up to the news that Tony Banks had died. There was a piece on the news about how everyone was shocked. Got me thinking about an invention. That would be good. Right. A watch that counted down your life. If it says you've got three days left, go to the doctors. Told Suzanne about invention. She said she wouldn't buy one. If it says you've got three days left, go to the doctors! Told Susanna about invention, she said she wouldn't buy one, but she said that about the iPod!

How would this device work, this watch? I mean, how would you, how would you know when you were about to die? Is that a concern again not for you to worry about it? All I was thinking is that Tony Banks fell, you know he died and everyone was shocked about it...... No, all I was thinking is that Tony Banks Valley, you know, he died and everyone was shocked about it, but if you had like a little watch on. But how did, what, you can't just say, wouldn't it be good? How would this work? Yeah, um, I imagine you in the patent office going, got an idea.

They go, oh certainly, yeah, Mr. Bogart and what's your idea? Oh, how does does it work? Just pop it on your wrist. Brilliant. You're an idiot. Well, it's interesting that he goes on. The flight to Grand Canary was a bit bumpy. I thought about the clock that counts down your life again and I wondered if it would know if you were going to die in a disaster. No, he's querying his own his own life. He's wondering if th. He's wondering th. He's wondering this this. He's wondering this. He's this. He's this. He's th. He's thi. He's thi. He's thi. He's thi. He's thi. He's thi. He's thi. He's thi. He's thi. He's thi. He's they-he's thi. He's thi. He's thi. He's thi. He's thi. He's they. Well. Well. Well. He. He. He. He. He's they. He's they. He's they. He's they. He's they. He's they. He's they. He's they. He's they. He's they. He's they. He's thi. He's thi. He's thi. He's thi. He's thi. He's interesting. He's interesting. He's interesting. He's thi. He's interesting. He's thi's interesting. He's thi. He's. A fellow on the plane was reading Koi Mag. It was a fishing magazine. I glanced over and noticed he was reading the Pond of the Month article. Don't think they could make it into a weekly magazine. Well to be fair to you, I remember seeing a guy on the train once reading Carp a magazine, I've dedicated entirely to Carp, and and it had carp of the month. And I just thought, you know, once you're like three months in, the editor must be stressing

if we've got any more carp? If we got a carp that's actually done anything? I reckon if they used the same one to'ean. I reckoned the same one that's the same one toys. No one would be noticing. I waited to go to the toilet, I looked at what game he was playing. It was Darts. He's that fat and lazy he can't even face playing a more active game on a games console. Ha! Ha! Ha!

Ha ha ha! Me and Suzanne got off the coach along with a couple of old people. One of them was in a wheelchair. I don't think it was wise of I'll keep an eye on it as the weeks go on. Day 2 in Grand Canaria. Brilliant, we're only at day 2. The hotel is a bit odd. I've never seen as many cross-eyed people in one location. Oh, that's amazing. Well you may have let me read on a bit more a key. This is amazing. This is a brilliant diary. This might be the best diary ever written.

Oh. What's that listening to the kinks on my iPod, I wondered if everybody thinks in their accent. I know I do. What's this? What you're talking about? Just that, you know, when I've been sat there lying on the lounger, right? And I was thinking about stuff. How do you know you think in your accent?

Tell me a typical thought. Because what I mean is, say if I saw something, right, do you know how I say like, oh, that's a bit weird, isn't it? But I don't have to, but in my, I don't think the sentence is like I'm saying it. It's just a thought the thought appears it's conceptual and it's already there. It's not like I go Rick what? Just looking at a fellow over there were yeah? Yeah I was yeah. I was thinking it looks a bit weird. I don't I don't think out whole sentences. Whereas you have Carl Carl look the tooks to look over there more cross-side people. No well that's yeah that's how I I I I I I I I I I I I that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's their that's their their that's their their their that's that's their their their th. I don't that's that's th. I don't that's that's that's that's that's their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their. I I I their. I their. I their. I their their their their their their their th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I don't th. I don't thi thi thi thi thi thi. I don't thooooooooo. I don't the. I don't the. I thi. I thi from it. Look over there. More cross-side people. Is that how your mind works? In a way, yeah. And that's when that, because I thought, because I thought, because I

explained a lot of this. It's great thing, I think that's a whole tendontis. Because I don't know where he's from, so I don't know what his accent would be like. I think he's from Kent or Cambridge or Oxford, right. So you think he might think in his, in his voice, in that voice box-in-room. Just wondered. Had lunch inside today due to shite weather. Sat next to an old fellow. Old men's ears and noses carry carry growing as they get older. Suzanne noticed his fingers were fat too. Maybe they continued to grow. Suzanne didn't laugh and I said her arse at the same problem. Oh God. Day 3, Cloudy started the day. Had a bit of an argument.

the day, had pie and chips in a cafe. And a bit of an argument with Suzanne because I thoughed that we were paying for food when we were on an all on an all holiday. Change my mind when I saw the, they sold pie though. The cafe was called tattoos. The fellow who owned it didn't have any tattoos. But we never saw his wife. Ha ha ha ha! Ha! Ha! Oh, brilliant!

Had a drink in a bar. Everyone sat and watched one of the local cats lick its bollocks. It's the greatest holiday in the world. I had been entertainment in that town. Went back to the hotel and learned asleep before tea. I love the fact you're like, you're too moaning about old people, but you're just as bad. He done nothing so far. He said nothing, he's got to be hip. Oh God, God. Oh, I woke up to news about ducks being badly treated. There was a really ugly one with bent legs. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. Why does he write this down? Oh God!

Oh! There is a fat bloke from Bolton who was in the pool as I write this. He's got a big tattoo on his back, but I can't work out what it is. Dot, dot, dot, he just got out of the pool and burped. He just felt like you had to keep us abreast of that. Everything's in the diary. I just seen it get to the point where you're going, breathed in. Yeah, breathed out again. There was a big fat fellow in the sea who kept his t-shirt on. If you're big and fat, is there more chance of you getting burnt because there's more of you on show?

I asked Suzanne and she said she didn't know in that sort of not listening kind of way. I wanted to hang about to see if the fat fat the fat the fat the the the the the the the the the th the th th th th th th th th th th th the thee the thee thee thee thee thee thee the thee to to to to to to thee thee to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to hea to hea hea hea hea he he he the the the the the the the the the the the thee thee thee thee thee thee te te.e teat teat te.eat te.eat te.eat tea.ea.eat tea.ea. tea. tea. thee thee thee th see if the fat boat was going to get in the kayak. Suzanne said we had a head back. I'm just letting wait in to see if he's going to capsize. We go home today, so we got up early to get the last bit of cloud. No, it's just that it wasn't, it's not that sunny all the time. I mean, I was sat in weather that if it was like that air there is no I'd be sat in the garden. But because you're on holiday it's like well we've got to sit in it, put your coat on. So are you going to continue to write this diary every single day? It's amazing. Keep this diary up. It's amazing. I will keep it up because what I find as well is. I think earlier on before I went away I think I did learn something and because I wrote it down I remembered it a bit better so what was that I just was thinking then I forgot it now but but I remembered looking back at it and not having to read it all because I remembered the end of it

before I read it if you know what I mean I've no idea what you're talking about well well if you've enjoyed the diary of it before I read it if you know what I mean. I've no idea what you're talking about. Well if you've enjoyed the diary of Carl Pilkington more next week I hope another week's worth that's amazing I'm gonna try and get that published we've put the odd page up on the web go to Ricky Javais dot com don't forget to register there as well so we can email you and that's happening. Brilliant. The Ricky the the the the the the to the to to the the to to the to the theeejjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjiaejjiaveejjiavee. th. th. th. I th. I've to to to to the. I'm the. I'm to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the. the. I will will will will will will will will will will will will will. I will. I will. I will. I will. I will.a.a.a.e.a.e.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.e.a.a.a.a.a.a. I.e. I. I'll.a. Brilliant. The Ricky DeVay Show on Guardian Unlimited. Rick, who hosts this podcast? The guys at Positive Internet, why? No, I know you're a big fan of those guys. Yeah, because they're brilliant. Well, they are, and they'll tell you, they're working overtime.

Because we've had an email from Jake, who's the director of Positive Internet, and he's been in toubent the editor of the Guinnessness, th Oh right. And he's hoping to see if we can get this podcast in the Guinness World Record Breaking section or the podcast world record record breaking section or whatever they call it. I don't know exactly what record we'd have broken. I assume it's just sheer number of listeners is it? Or yeah? Yeah, it's the number one podcast and it's the biggest downloaded show ever at the moment. I think that's because people have only had podcasts for a couple of years. Yes, well I don't know I mean I don't know when the next issue comes out I guess it's sort of December time. I used to get the Guinness Book of Records every year. I

I love it. I've never understood why it was such a big set out. I mean presumably who's excited to find out whether I don't know a man man man man man man man man man man man man man man man man man man man man man man man man man the the the the the th. th. th. th. thin is the thin is the thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' th. I don't know. I don't know. I don't th. I don't th. I don't th. I don't the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thin' thin' thin' thin' the the an the an thean. I thean. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I thean thean thean the an the an the an the an the balance three egg cups on his head has beaten the record. Well they're real records as well obviously I used to go straight for that I really loved the sort of animals fastest, strongest, all that sort of thing, biggest. But aren't they the same every year? Well no, they do change and obviously there's new entries to keep it exciting. But what annoys me is that it looks like anyone can get in if you're willing to do something that no one else will bother with. I did belong on Big Brother where it was the stacking sugar cubes. And I was thinking, well no one's going to bother beating that. No. There's people that walk along with a milk bottle on their head. And no one's going to walk along with a milk bottle on his head. Yeah, I'm going to go into training tomorrow. They're ridiculous. thi th. th. th. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. Thea. thin. thin. thin. thin. thin. thin' thin' tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. No. There. thoomoomo. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. I. No. No. I. I's. I's. I's thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thii. I'm thii. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thoooooooooooooooo. I'm you know, but I do like the real ones. There was one in there, I got on a couple of years ago, and it was about disasters, and

there was one where there was some big ornamental incense burners at this thing in, I think, Thailand or Korea or somewhere, and they fell over and they killed seven of the congregation. And the headline was biggest jostic disaster. Now again, there's no one going going going, um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um they and they and they and they and they and they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they're they're they're they're they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they are they are they are they are they are they are they're they're they're th th th tho the the the the the the the the the the the the that that that that their that that their they're they the congregation and the headline was biggest Jostik disaster. Now again there's no one trying to beat that. There's no one going we need eight. We need eight people we're going for it tonight. What do I have to do? You have to stand quite near those big Jostics. Okay. And what record am I breaking again? Um, we'll tell you after. Also I think a lot of people will waste their their their their their their the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to to to to to to their the. to to to to to to to to to to to their their their their their their their their their their their their they they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll their their their their their their their their their their the. the. the. We'll te. I te. I te. I'll try. I'll try. We'll try. I'll try. We'll try. We'll try. We'll th waste their energy on this because there's one guy in there that can do the hundred meters in 11 seconds running backwards and I want to say to him,

turn round because I think you'd be fast forwards. You know, if you'd have only from the age of 10, you might be one of the fastest runners in the world. Because you're never going to be one of the great great great great great great great Oh, one of them is putting a milk bottle on his head. Yeah, yeah. This is Wonder Watch. There was a guy in there, I've always been fascinated by the guy he had the world's longest fingernails and they were truly extraordinary and they went out and they started to curl around obviously and in the end it almost looked like sort of a you know there's a big spiral of an arreld old fingernail but I just thought it just seemed like such a terrible affliction really to be walking around you know with with these

a giant finger there so much you can't do just missing out you know Jeff you come in bowling I can't you know just so many different things that you've never quite understood who's willing to have this eat into their life, you know, it's going to take over their whole life just so they can have their photo in this book. It seems a very bizarre impulse. Carl, have you ever been tempted by any world-breaking attempts? Do you find them fascinating or futile? I mean, you don't get paid or anything, do you do it for the pride? But say like the fellow who can run with a milk bottle could he could he get a milk round do you know i mean i i can understand that if if you can use the skill but like you say if it's a if it's getting in the way of your life and that then what's the point there was a kid at school who said i'm in the

good news record i'm i'm i am i. He brought it in and it's, now I don't know if this is a valid claim. He claimed to have been in the audience for what in this particular edition was labeled, you know, the largest audience ever for a sporting event, some giant Super Bowl game in America. And he claimed to have been in the audience. Now does that, do you think he deserves to saythat's a lot. As it was the largest audience ever, I think a lot of people can claim that one. I mean... If he wanted to get a name check on doing that, he would have been best saying, I was sat on the audience in a bath of beans. Because then that would add to it to it and get a little, you know, have you in the picture He's Mr. Trickler. The Ricky DeVaso, on Guardian Unlimited.

Harry from Canterbury wants to know whether any of us have ever had any cruel nicknames. He claims that he's quite tall and rather his suit, and he says he's often called Lurch or Wolfie. He's always thought that Carl looks a bit like Mr. Potato Head. Yeah. No, there's no potato that round, but I suppose you could fashion a potato to be that round. Maybe we could, if anyone can carve a potato into the roundest head ever, pop a couple of eyes on it. Make it look as much like Carl as possible. Exactly. But yeah, did any nicknames? that, did you ever have a nickname? No, I was boring. I didn't have a nickname? thinickn'n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-nip-nipe. thininin. thin. thr-a. thin. th. th-a. th. th. thi. thrown. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-s. I'ma-a-a-a-s. I'ma-a-a-a-s. I'ma-a-a-na-na-na- like that. No, I didn't have nicknames. I always wanted a nickname. I just thought it was quite cool for some reason, particularly because gangsters always

seem to have nicknames. Lefty. Fingers. Yeah. And so I decided to just to the name. to the name of to just come up with one and so I went I remember I was at lunch once and I just said to my mate Phil. How old are you? 12 13? I just said to him uh Phil don't know if you know mate but some people aren't calling me Steve anymore everyone's everyone's calling me Spud now. Now I don't know why I thought

Spud it's weird we should talk about Mr. Ted I don't know why I thought Spud. It's weird, we should talk about Mr. Tad. I don't know why I thought Spud was a cool nickname. I just sort of, I think it's a grown-up name though, isn't it? And it's also because I think it sounded like, it was probably either something that you'd find in one of those kids, like the biggest lorry driver in one particular sort of car park. Yeah, I come Spud. Yeah. And he gets out, right boys, and he's big and massive and it, Spud, Spud, and he's big and he's big and he's big and he's big and he's a tall, the, he's Spud, and he's big and he's big and he just went, oh yeah, right right and no one started and I was hoping he'd go you know everyone's calling Steve Spud yeah but of course hey Spud the first time said Spud you go what? Yeah exactly to be really proud

wouldn't you but but I think that it kind of actually in a way it probably revealed that I just was probably not in people's thoughts enough to get to get for the name to catch on you know because you sort of need to be a a a a to be a to be a to be a to be a to be a to be a to be a to be a to be a to be a to be a to be a real to be a to be a to be a to be a to be a to be a to be a to be a to be a to be a to to to the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their their their their their their their their their their their name name name name name name name name name the the the the the they. theyn. theyn. theyni. the. their name name name name name name name name name name name name name name name to the the real player in the school. I think you should have gone somewhat more memorable. I mean, I'm not saying a gogglead freak or anything. What? No, no, it was good advice, Fatty. Fatty, Fattie, poplain. That's the problem I wasn't fat at school and I suppose Carl didn't have a round bald head at school did you? No. Did you have a nickname? Did you have a nickname? Um, not really. I mean there was a lot of people on the estate that I grew up on. You know, nicknames are big things on estates and that. A lot of my dad's mates, right? What their nicknames did was tell you about him.

Do you know how I said about the elephant man's a good name? Yeah. Because like what you're going to get? said elephant man's popping around in a bit it wouldn't be a shock when he walked in yeah so so it was it worked in that sort of sort of thing you know so there was there was John the screw right John the screw yeah yeah well he had sex a lot or he worked in a prison no he had a DIY shop so you had him right there was Fred the Vegge. Yeah, I assume it's because he was at the same IQ as you. Or he was in a coma. Yeah.

Right. There was, it was my uncle, tattoo stand. All right. He had like loads of tattoos that he'd just done himself. Oh my God. The problem was, because he did his tattoos himself. The'd just done himself. Oh right. The problem was because he did his tattoos himself, the ones on his left arm were really good. Because he was right-handed, on his right hand, rubbish. So he was him. Oh great. And there was Jimmy the hat. Yeah.

Did you always wear a hat? No he didn't. That was the point there. That he never wore a hat. That's amazing. How can you pick up on someone never wearing a hat? How would you ever notice? I'll tell you what, I've noticed something about Jimmy? Go on. He doesn't wear a hat. Why was he not called Jimmy the parrot? Why was he not the parrot? Why was he not a parrot? Why is he's a the the parrot? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. that's just the way, I mean, that's how they work in it. Here comes Jimmy three legs, why did you call it that? He hasn't got three legs. I didn't really have one apart from, like, I had a CB, you know, like when you'd go on a CB radio and have a chat to people. Oh, this was a craze in the, uh, was it, late 70 band radio wasn't it? Everyone had these little handsets and they'd speak to each other in the sort of local area.

Yeah, it was mainly, I think it started off with like truck drivers, yeah. Yeah, because there was that thing from like about 1970, what it was convoy, yeah. Yeah, yeah. So I had one of them and Meandle, I had two different names. Yeah, there's loads of code stuff. Yeah. I had a couple. I had, there was Pilky-O-1, because like I said, there's a lot of Pilkington's and that in Manchester, so I just thought, give it a number, if someone's Pilky-O-2, it's open. Do you know what mean? They can have it. And then, like did boxing and that.

Well, you did it once. Well, I had a boxer boy. Because I thought that's quite a good image as well. That's kind of like people going, no, I don't mess with him. Do you know what I mean? If he asks what your handle is, tell him. Do you know what I mean? He's a boxer boy in that.

So just add the too and he used to just go on there and... Pointless. What is the point of this? Well you just meet people don't you see people you say what's your handle with a box boy what's yours? Uh, rubber duck. All right, cheers. It's ridiculous. But then you'll say like, then you go, oh, uh, what's your 20? What's that mean? Where are you? Well, what do you say, where are you? Because, the to say, where their their their their their their their their? their their? their, their, their, to say, to say, to say, to say, to say, to say, to say, to say, where, to say, where, where, where, where, where, where, their, to say, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where? What? What? What? What? What? What? What, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where? What? What? What? What? What? What? What, where, they? What, they? What, they? What, the, they? What, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the about this all the time, don't you? People listening, jotting stuff down. Oh, right. So just in case someone in the world doesn't know what handle means, they're out of the loop. They're out of the loop. It's hardly the, it's not a difficult code to crack, is keep saying that wash around or when they come back with something else, I can't work out what's going on. No, it's like anything, isn't it? That's what codes are all about, isn't it? You set them up and that mean how big is

your car or something? Or something? Or something? Or how old are you? How old are you? How old you're burning? Of course. So what's the answer come back? You go? I'm 15? 14? Brilliant. That code. That code, there's no one going to work that out. There is no one going to work that one out. So let's just play tho the answer the answer the answer the answer the answer the answer the answer the answer the answer the answer the answer the answer the answer the answer the answer the answer the answer the answer the answer the answer the answer the answer the answer the answer the answer the answer come come come come come come come the answer the answer the answer the answer come the answer the answer come to come to come the answer code, there's no one going to work that out. There is no one going to work that one out. So let's just play through this conversation. Give us an example of how it worked. Right, so, so you turn it on and that and you start off and there was something that you said at the start like, hello.

Just break a the start like uh... hello just break a breaker yeah break a the copy or whatever then someone will go yeah what does it's what does it's because I want to hear the fascinating conversations that car must have had yeah and you go uh all right it's a boxer boy yeah what's your 20 and you go well just I'm in Manchester in the flat in the flat oh and you go all right yeah how many many candle will you burning? You go, I'm 13. Oh. So, that's the end, is it? Then you might sort of say, what, what was it? Something like, what am I burning? Right? He's in burning again? Confusing, but you're on, yeah. What am I burning?

What am I burning? The bacon? Because then you can tellto you, you're twice. That's like what's my power, what strength am I coming in at? Oh yeah. Because then you can tell if they're quite close to you, so if you're getting someone burning a one. Well you've told them, you've said, wait, what's your 20? You go, I'm in Maccashfield Street. All right. But then you go, oh, oh, oh, oh, th, oh, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're th. th. thi. their, their, their, their, their. their. they're their. they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're But then you go, oh that's interesting because you're burning, you know, burning three. I don't normally get a three. This is the least interesting hobby. You could ever do? I wish you had kept a diary of this because this has been fascinating. Now and again, someone will come in and go side on, right? What's that mean? And that means like there's someone sat there listening in to this chat and going this sounds interesting. Yeah? th. th. they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they're they're they're they're they're they're their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their the least. the least. the least. the least. the least. the least. the least. the least. their. their. their. their. their. their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their the least the least least least least least least their least least least their least least their least their least. their least their least. their least their their the least least. their the least. their their the least. and going, this sounds interesting. Yeah, no, it does it. And they want to join in, so they sort of go side on, you go, side on, bring it in, right? And they go, all right?

How many candles are you burning? Yeah. Once you're 20? Yeah. Once you're 20? Yeah. See you later. Once you're the first time so

that when you then speak to them again you don't need to ask in those questions. Can I just confirm that you're burning 15? Is that time again? Do the jingle. Oh, monkey news! Oh, shit! Sorry, sorry. Yeah, okay. Uh, I was gonna be, I'm gonna do a really good one. Okay, good. Oh, chimpanzees!

Monkey news, you're fucking! Right, you know, it's nearly time for the Winter Olympics again. Is it? Okay. They sort of come round every four years, thrown. the last one that happened, four years ago, yeah. There was a bit of an incident. Oh no. I would know about this thing because it would be big news because it's a well-known televine

as well. Do you remember any winners that were among it? No, of course not. No, of course not. So anyway, one of the popular events. Um, so anyway, you know it works. one of the popular events, Bob Sleigh. Okay, right? You know, it works. Well, you need four men, is it four men or five men?

It's four, so it's definitely four men that you need on those team. And two, and there's two team, Bob sleigh as well. But they're always men, is that right, Rick? Yeah, that has the Winter Olympics for... Yeah, so we just clarify, with the Winter Olympics you can't have any animals taking part. No and they also, well no, because it wouldn't be allowed to there's no way they could disguise it because not only would they see it straight away, right? But they have blood tests. Okay so, they'd show up. So they're they definitely know if it was a non-human. It's it's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's. It's not. It wouldn't. It's not. It's not. It wouldn't they wouldn't they wouldn't they wouldn't they wouldn't they wouldn't they wouldn't they wouldn't. It wouldn't. It wouldn't. It wouldn't. It wouldn't. It wouldn't. It wouldn't. It wouldn't. It wouldn't. It wouldn. It wouldn. It's. It wouldn. It's. It wouldn. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It wouldn't. It wouldn't they they wouldn't be w. It wouldn't be w. It wouldn't be they they they wouldn't be they they wouldn't be they wouldnthe human involved in a bobslow team. Okay, so carry on.

So anyway, this country, I don't want to name because they try to shake off this sort of, you know, this bad news. Oh yeah, and you don't know. And it's not true. So anyway, the country was doing getting all like the press and stuff. All right, yeah. And one of them never got a looking, right? How tall was he? Anyway so this one member was getting fed up because the other two were getting all the press and what have you. So he said, I'm not happy with this. Yeah. I'm jacking it in.

So they were like, he's joking. We've qualified, we're getting into like the main race and everything you can't leave us now and he said well you could do it all on your own before you know the way you were acting like you didn't need me so I'm going so they were like oh they need to replace him because there's a certain amount of people needed so so so anyway so the clock's ticking it's getting close to the big race and everything they're like what we're gonna do they're like what we're what they're gonna they're gonna they're gonna they're gonna they're gonna they're gonna they're gonna they're gonna they're gonna they're gonna they're gonna they're gonna they're gonna they're gonna they're gonna they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they they their their their their their their their their their their their their their their they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they. they. they they they they they they they they theook with them. What they're going to do? Yeah, they didn't have any of them and that. A lot of injuries and stuff. Well, just get a mate to do it, just get a mate or a friend or the coach do it, yeah. But, you know, there's a lot of responsibility on these people and you know, you won't want to let to let to let to let to let to let to let to let to let to let their their their their their they they they they they to have their their their they're to have any their their they're they're they're they're they're they're they're have any they're they're they're have any they're have any they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they have have have have have any any any any any their their their their their their their their tha. They don't have have have have to have tha. They didn't have have have have have thi thi thi they're not have have their they're not have their their their their their their to the race seems to be three people on it. There appears to be three, okay, yeah.

They start off, they're whizzing around the track, fast than normal, they're beating their old records. Right, amazing. Because the new fella they've got a little bit smaller. Ah! Is he in? Is he in the, he's got the kit on. Nobody knows who he is but the country's loving it. They're like, well, it looks like we're going to break all our records, you know, good, it's good that they found someone you, yeah. Bet the other fella who left is, he's sort

of kicking himself, oh, I could have been part of this. Anyway, this wasn't that bloc, that was very short legs and long arms, was it? Anyway, what happened is, they is, they is, they is, they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they their they they their, their, their, their, th. th. th. thi, their, it, it, it, it, it's th. It's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it. It. It's, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it's good, it's good, it's good, it's good, it's good, it's good, it's good, it's good, it's good, it's good, it's good, it's good, it's good, it's good, it's good, it's good, it's good, it's good, it's good, th. It's good, it's good, it's good, it's good, it's good, it's good, it's good our records there, they started taking photographs. A lot of flashing, a lot of flashes from the cameras and stuff. Right, of course. Suddenly the bobslay goes a bit sort of mental and whizzes off, off the track, right, into like all the tires and stuff that they have for protective. Oh, they love t don't they, Bobsley members. Sometimes you can find them swinging in one or maybe eating a banana. Ambulance comes rushing over and stuff. The other two members are looking pretty nervous for some reason. They're saying look, don't take the helmet off because you know you can do more damage to the neck. Well don't the paramedics have to do it. They know they know their their their their their their their their job. They're just. They're just. They're just. They're just. their. their. their. their. their. their. their their their they're just, they're just, they're just, they're they're they're they're, they're, they're, their, their, their, their, they. they. They're, they. They're, they're, their, their. They're, their. They're, their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their, their, their, their, their, their, their, te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. Some, the. Some, the. Some, the. Sometimes, the. Some, the. Sometimesto the neck. Well don't tell the paramedics how to do it. They know their job. They know their job. They know their job. So they were like just, you know, and plus you know, he doesn't, he came in that last minute to help us out. He doesn't want everyone to know he is. He's not after the limelight. Like some of the members. He just was helping. He's he their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their. He's their. He's just. He's just. He's just just just their. He's just just their. He's just just their. He's just just just. He's just. He's just. He's just. He's just. He's just. He's just. He's their. He's their. He's their. He's. He's. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He's just. He's just. He's just. He's just. He's just. He's just just. He's just was just was just was just was just was just was just was just was just was just their. He's just was just was just was just their their their their their their their their their their have you. They're gutted, they lost the race. The little bloat, is the bloke not saying anything? Is he not? He's in the ambulance now.

Is he not saying anything though? Anyway, word got out from one of the ambulance drivers a few weeks down the line, once know the country lost out on a medal in the bobsley he sort of reported that there was a monkey in the back of the ambulance. People were like going, ah you're joking about you. I don't remember this at all. Well this is it you see because he sort of swept it under the carpet a little bit. They were like this. This is crazy talk. This is crazy talk. It's a this, you, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, the, the, the, th, their, their, th, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, the shit again. This is crazy talk. Absolute shit. Where do you get this from? This is crazy talk, right? It is crazy talk, and it's from the mouth of Carl Pilkington.

But the weird thing is that backed it up. Following week, there was a story of some people who visited the zoo, saw a chimp in a neck brace. That's this week's monkey. Alex. Well, that's the end of another podcast. Thanks very much for me, Ricky Joveys, with me, Stephen Merchant. And Carl Pilkington. And thanks again to those guys at Positive Internet who host this podcast, the world's number one podcast. We'd also like to congratulate Steve Corral from the American Office who won a Golden Globe. Yes, congratulations Steve and obviously everyone involved with the American Office and

for our American listeners, if you haven't checked out the American Office on NBC, it's dynamite. It really is a cracking show. I don't know if you're a fan of the original, but if you are or even if you're not, just watch it, it's great, it gets better and better it. It's absolutely brilliant. It's absolutely. It's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, if. It's, if you. It's, if you're, it's great. It's, it's, if you're, if you're, if you're, if you're, if you. It's, if you're, if you're, if you're, and th. It's, and th. It's, and th. It's, and th. It's, and th. It's, and th. It's, if th. It's, if. It's, if. It's, if. It's, if. It's, if. It's, if. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. th. thi. thr. thr. thr. That's got to be the first time a Golden Globe has been won by two different people for the same character. I think you're probably right, mate. Cheers. Congratulations again for winning it all those years ago. Two. All right. I don't need to mention one. Bye.

By. The Ricky Givay show on the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. the. the. th. th. th. the. and Guardian Unlimited.