The Ricky Gervais Show / An Idiot Abroad - Guardian S2E5 (March 28, 2006)

Episode Date: September 5, 2022

Series two of the podcast began on 28 February 2006. It consisted of 6 episodes with the final one released on 4 April 2006. The series saw the return of Karl's Diary and Rockbusters. A new (though short-lived; it was only presented in the first episode) feature was also introduced in order to replace Pilkington's "Monkey News", called "Real Monkey News", where Gervais attempts to present facts about chimpanzees which are factual and scientific.With the start of series two, the formerly free Ricky Gervais Show shifted to a pay model – and as a result the show is now classified as an audiobook. It is available through Audible and the iTunes Store with individual episodes. The reason for this addition, according to Ricky on the podcast, is because The Guardian agreed to pay for the bandwidth for 12 episodes, and any more extra episodes would have to be paid for out of their personal finances.

Hello, welcome to number five, season two of the Ricky Jovey show, with me Ricky Javais, Stephen Merchant and Carl Pilkington. Coming up, Carl's going to teach us all about Sigmund Freud. No, we're not doing that. We are. Because last week we promised people that you'd researched Sigmund Freud. Yeah, but I had a look, but I didn't find him that interesting so... But that's not... But this is what I mean, this is what we were talking about.

You say you wish you could go back and learn stuff in school because you didn't. You want knowledge, you always say what you want to learn something interesting every day. Yeah, but you've got that. I gave him it, I had I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I that I that I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I thed thed thi the. I thi thi thi thi thi. I didn't th. I didn't that I didn't that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I the. I the. I didn't the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. I com yeah he started that I just had a look I just did a search on like famous quotes from quotes brilliant that I get everything you need a quote that I don't need to know his history that sums up a man's life work a quote no but that's what you remember for in it Churchill will go on the beaches and all that Sigmund didn't really have any sort of catch phrases that. Sigmund didn't really have any sort of... Catchphrases is what you mean. Yeah, that's... Yeah, things that you hear. Yeah, soundbonds. He wasn't good with the press.

Brilliant. So you won't bother to learn about it. You didn't you pick up a book? I wouldn't know where to start. Do you feel like you're thinking in your head? Sometimes like then I was, but I don't know if I am because it's got a mind of its own, on it. I did look at some of the things that he'd said and the one... Do it now! Do it now! What have you learned about Freud?

Okay, here we go. This is Carl Educates, Ricky and Steve. Number one, Sigmund Freud. Carl, tell us what you learned about Sigman Freud. Right. All I remember was that he said, a baby, you look at a little baby having some milk from its man's breast, right? He looks well happy. It has enough, it's full up, it goes to sleep, it's got a smile on its face, right? He said, that's what happened when you're older as well. That's all I remember from all the things that he was saying on his thing. He just said it's weird how like...

Absolutely. Now to be fair, Rick, that is obviously in transation from the original so I don't want you... No, I'm not having to go, Freud. I've that, that, that, that, that, that, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, tho, tho, tho, th, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, the tho, the thu. He, tho, tho, th. He th. He th. He's, th. He's, th. He's, th. He's, tha, tha, thr. He's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's that's that's throoooooooooo has been discredited on some issues and we've moved on with experimental psychology and what happens. That's the one that was interesting. I don't quite follow it. So what do you take from that? Explain that to us in layman's terms. Um, I don't know. Well that's pointless. Without application, knowledge is it? It's just saying drink milk all your life. It's good for you. No he's not saying drink milk all your life. What is this? Is this an advert he's doing now?

He also came up with good work on an egg? Yeah, oh Christ almighty. But like I said, I wasn't that impressed by his by his work. So unbelievable. Carl is allowed to cast a vote in this country. It doesn't make sense. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thi. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. I. I. I. I. I. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I thi. I th. I thi. I thi. thi. thi. thi. th. th. to vote. He's allowed to cast a vote in this country. It doesn't make sense. You know, I wish I hadn't. I've only done it once and look what happened. I've got to call it for jury duty. Not doing it again. People do what they do anyway. I think the only letters vote. So we feel like we're having a saying what's going on. But really, it just carries on, don't it. I think the only letters vote so we feel like we're having a saying what's

going on. But really, it just carries on, don't it? I haven't seen a big change. But that's exactly why you vote. No, the best thing you can do is look after yourself. Get on with it. Brilliant. Okay, well I hope that's a quote. I hope someone out there who's maybe making a dictionary of quotes or an encyclopedia. And they've finished with Froy. their. their. I. their. I. I. I. their. I. I. their. I. their. I's their. I's their. I's their. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I'll. I'm. I'm. It's th. It's thi. It's th. It's th. It's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's. I's. I's. I's. I's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's th. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's their. I'll their. I'll their. I'm their. I'll their. I've their. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I'm th. I've th. I've ththey finished with Freud, they've done Foyd, they've done Pavlov, he ate a dog on the head with a stick, next Carl Pilkington. What would, what did you say about the world? Just get on with it. Just get on with it. Just get to the today. We're not in charge of it is what I'm saying. That's nearly as good as let's go to the beach. I I to me me me. I to me. I to me. I to me. I to me. I to me. I to me. I to me. I to me. I. I. I to me. I to me. I to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the to to to to to to to to. I to to. I to. to. to. to. to. the their. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the tod tod toda. toda. toda. toda. toda. toda. toda. toda. toda. toda. toda. toda. today. sick of hearing about this. Some quality thinking here, go on. Go on. No, he was saying about global warming and that. He was saying he's sick of hearing about it.

Because at the end of the day, that's just a world in it. We're all getting old. And the world's getting old. That's the end of it. Brilliant. What another amazing quote? Well it is, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi, thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And,? Well it is, what we're trying to do. This is what I'm saying about, we don't like people to get old, we're always saying, oh, we can change that face, we can lift your chin up, we can put a wig on you. Why are you so annoyed about people wanting to live a little bit longer?

Because enough's enough's enough is what I'm saying. the world's the same, it's just getting old and you know it used to have more green on it but now it's going to be bald so it hasn't got as much green it's got more soil. Treat the world like a head. That's an amazing quote. Treat the world like a head. You've actually come up with one there. I thought of another phase you could just sitting here talking to you. Flogging a dead horse. Yeah. What do you think that means? Flogging a dead horse? A number of people are still amazed by your complete lack of understanding

some of these famous sayings and phrases. So that's an easy one. Yeah, that's like, you know, get a new horse or... No, he hasn't got it. No one's going to buy it. No it doesn't mean that sort of flogging. And you're hitting it. Yeah, right. So what's the point in hitting it? So it's dead anyway so don't bother it in it. It's not feeling anymore. It's a way, it just means it's a waste of time. Yeah, but it depends what that horse has done to you. No it does. It's that thing in it, if like, if, if, if, if, if, the head and it went down you'd go and you'd be annoyed you still have built up aggression you give it an extra clout. Sometimes it's worth flogging a dead horse if he did something do he annoyed you. Carl I've got a couple of little facts for you just to try and inflame you. Sometimes it's worth flogging a dead oars if he did something, do he annoyed you? Carl, I've got a couple of little facts for you, just to try and inflame your imagination.

Go on. Sharks are immune to cancer. Are they? Yep. So what, have they found that out? Well, I don't know, but... But I've never heard of any fish having cancer though. I haven't heard of a cod being ill. So why are we focusing on that one?

Good point. Okay. Stroking a spider can cause its hair to fall out. What? Because it doesn't like it and he gets stressed out or is it just that some people are rubbing too hard? No, I don't think it's their rubbing too hard. I think it's somewhat to do with... I mean, what sort of maniac is stroking a spider anyway? My mom did it want. Really? Yeah, not to a spider. It was just a little bee. She'd been out, sunny day and that.

Got the washing off the washing line. She was bringing it in. Little bee sat on the top of like the bed sheet or whatever it was. And she's in the kitchen with it it and she goes, look at that. Little bee there, she started stroking its head. And it loved it. How did it make it clear that he loved it? Well, he wasn't struggling. It was just sat there like,

because it must have been like a bit dozy, they get a bit in the heat and that. And he just stayed there on the sheet and she, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, the, th, th, th, th, th, the, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, tho, tho, the, thrown, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, sink, sink, sink, sink, sink, sink, sink, sink, sink, sink, sink, somed, s, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, throwne, tho, tho, tho, s', s'a, s'a, stroked, stroked, stroked, stroked, stroked, stroked, stroked, stroked, stroked, stroked, stroked, s'er, the in the heat and that and he just stayed there on the sheet and she sort of strokes his head for a bit and she had to put it out he didn't go out he didn't try and escape it's like you've had enough now that was that she sent it out she loved all that she loved little flies and we had Ari the house fly what do you mean it's just a fly that I always seem to knock about in one corner of the room. Right, it's the same fly, was it? Yeah, it was the same fly. How do you know it was the same fly?

So whenever she saw a fly, she went, oh, it's back. Well, it's just that it stayed in. Carl. the today, tho, th's, th. th. the same. th. th. the same. th. the same. th. the same. th. the. th. the. the. their. their. their. the same. the same. the same. the same. the same. the same. the same. the same. the same. the same. the same. the same. the same. the same. the same. the same. the same. the same. the same. the same. the same. the same. the same. the same. the same. the same. the same. the same. the same. the same. the same. the same. the. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. th. the. the. the. th. th. the. th. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the same. the same. pet house fly as opposed to a different fly every day? Because it was always in the same place in the corner. But it could have been that something of that particular place that attracted flies rather than it was the same fly. Well, I'm never worried about it. It's not, it wasn't arson. It's just always hung it out.

But how do you know it're thinking another flyer's getting a bit of free rent or something. Just let it stay, I don't understand what... But why no, no, I... Right, okay. You're in a house, right? This flies, okay? Not flies, fly. Why do you think it was the same fly for all those years? Just because we haven't got loads of other flies. At the throw. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thirty. to. to. to. to. to. tooom. tooes. to tooome. too. too. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their. their. their. I. thi. I. their. their. the. their. the the the the the the the the theauuoooooooooooooes. Let's the. I don, hang on a minute, he's trying it on here. That's what I mean, it was always just one on its own. And we just thought, leave it, it's all right. I don't know why, why you're suspicious? Why you always think someone's out to do you? No, I don't know. I don't know why no point did I feel suspicious. Speaking of flies though

and that, they've got one right. I was out with Ricky and he reading the paper. There was a story there about a fly that its eyesight was bad or something and they've made it a pair of glasses and it had a picture of a housefly wearing glasses. Okay this is this is incredible Steve can I can I take over? Let me just need to finish a couple of questions for that so he's got there's a small fly and they've made it pair of glasses yeah so it can see better yeah and your concern is what well again it's just that thinne. th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th th thi th thi thi thi thi thi thi thi the thi thi thi the thi thi thi the the thi the their the is just their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their thi thi thi thi thi theeeeeeeeeeeat thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. they're they're theeeeee. they concern is what? Well again it's just that thing of we're looking after everything now. Sorry I've got to come in here Steve. All right. I showed you the story. It was a picture of a house slide with a pair of glasses on, right? It was about one sentence thing. It was about

how far technologies come. And the group of scientists using microscopy right and a laser tools had as an exhibition shown that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that they they they they they they could they could they could they could they could they could they could they could they could they could they could they could they could they could they could they could they could they could they could they could they could they could they could they could they could they could they could they could they could they could they could they could they could they could they could they could they could they could they could they could they could they could they could they could they could they could they could they could they could they could they could they could they could they could they could they could they could they could they could they could they could they could they could they could they could they could they could they could exhibition shown that they could make a pair of glasses someone has to put on a half, they put it on there and they're taking a picture of it and it's on display. At no point was it actually, because the fly had bad eyesight, the fly was presumably dead, it was purely an art installation or a show of technology. I thought you were going to say Rick that you drawn the glasses on there and he believed it like there's a bearded lady in this paper? No. My god Tony Blair looks like Adolf Hitler. No. What do you think of that though? But they did it as an experiment? Yeah but all things start as an

experiment. But why would they make a pair of glasses for a fly? How would they know he had short, a bad eyesight? How would they know it was the same? Bumping into stuff? I don't know. Bumping into stuff. But why would they bother making glasses for it? And they've got a compound eye, they'd have to make about a thousand pairs of glasses for a fly? It's just, it's just that thing in it, of human nature is something something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, wrong with Summit, let's fix it. And they try and help people out all the time, don't me? When you know, we are, we're always doing it. We're always try to help people out. Instead they're just going, you've been dealt a duff card, cope with it. They're always fiddling, always fiddle about. It's like that bit about, what was it? You see this is technology going mad and that they're doing operations on people right and instead of inject sort of injecting you with stuff that knocks you out they're going to hypnotize you and

they operate on you when you're hypnotized but you're still awake so you sat there awake you're aware of what's going on around you but you can't feel anything because someone's hypnotized you. Why are we messing about with that when there's nothing wrong with the injection? Well there are I mean that it's not healthy to constantly give someone very dangerous very dangerous. Yeah but you just said it yourself there constantly. If they keep coming in having having stuff done, don't be doing multiple operations. But sometimes you need to. Why? Because of whatever they complete maybe? Yeah but no, not multiple. Give them one or two max. After two it's like enough's enough.

We've operated on you, we fix that, we're not fixing anymore because it's just going to be there there's going to be something the the the the the the the the the the the the the the we fix that. We're not fixing anymore because it's just going to be, there's going to be something else wrong with you. Because you're getting old. Like the world. Get on with it. That's what I'm saying. Stop sort of plowing stuff into it. Like I've said before about a car. You know, the gearbox has gone. All right, we'll replace it. Oh, exhaust. Well, all all right, we'll put an exhaust on it. Oh, the oil filter, forget it. I came up with a good idea. We'll be the judge of that. I'll do it now. It's not a good idea.

Okay. Okay. I'm sticking my neck out here. But I think this isn't to be a good idea. Okay. Thoughts? Well, I'm going to agree with you. I'm going to second that motion. Okay, let's see if we're, let's see if we're both right. See through skin.

Hi-hi, Rick. Hi, Rick. Hi. to you know when I talked about replacing blood with ink? Yeah. They can do it, not with ink, coconut, what was it? Well one, it said coconut milk can be used as plasma, but I'm not verified because it's off one of those websites where they're of spurious facts I've seen facts like the Impala's fair is nearly

the same color as grape juice which I don't know what that is that aimed at I don't know you know it's so what you think of that Steve I mean I've sort of touched on it but I've just got to echo what Ricky said like I can't have an opinion unless it's been verified. But why aren't you just being open-minded enough to go well? No, no, no. It's not being open-minded. Open-minded is being open-minded, the fact, you know, the possibility. Open-minded isn't believing everything you hear. Do you don't believe everything you read, do you? A lot of it? a lot of stuff you kind of go, well that's interesting to... But what we talked about this, what about Noah's Ark? What about it? Well, you know, you said you believed it because it's in book form, but...

According to that, didn't he get two of every species on a big boat? But we know that's impossible, don't we? Depends where he was. It was above a zoo. There would have been a lot of different stuff knocking about. That's my only problem with that. The zoo hasn't got one percent of all animal species. No, but they've got more. What I'm saying is where was he floating where he could get an elephant, a giraffe, a cat, a dog, a gerbil. Where were all these things floating about? Well exactly. That's my old testament zoos, they were quite big.

Yeah, but you're right, you're questioning it. How is it possible? But I've just said, a zoo. But what are you talking about, a zoo? As I said, there's no zoo that has got one percent all animal species. I don't know where you got them from then. There's a couple of million species of animal. And how did you round these animals up? Because they were drowning, so they were looking, they were actively seeking out an ark. Well they would have just been looking for anything to get old of. Yeah, and where did they keep them all separate? How did they... At that point? Oh no, the lions at the otter? Well, they. Well, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they're, they're, they're, they're, the, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, them all separate? How'd they... At that point... Oh no, the lions at the otter?

No, because at that point, it's that thing in it of how you all pull together in it in a bad situation. Don't talk shit. You all chip in, they're all like, oh god. You know, let's be nice to our neighbors. Right. So they're the spiders, their spiders, their spiders, their spiders, their spiders, their spiders, their spiders, their their their their spiders, their their spiders, their spiders, their their thi. their spiders, their their their their their their their their their thions, their their their their their their their their their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their their their their their their their their their their their their their th and thi. Li. Li. Li. Li. Lia. Lia. Lia. Lia. Lia. Lia. Lia. Lia. Lia. Lia. Lia. Lia. Lia. Lia. Lia. Lia. Lia. Lia. Lia. tie. tie. tiea. tiea. tie They were on another bit of the boat. The spiders don't have to knock them out with the lions just because they're all in it together. They get their own little area, don't they? Well, I don't know. How big is this boat? How big? It's big. It's a big. It's a big boat. Home Edition team. They all chipped in. Probably had the career eye for a straight guy out when him out with some of the interior design elements.

Yeah. Two of every species, Carl. How big would this boat have to be? Yeah, it's big. You can't just keep saying it's big. Because I know in your mind, you're imagining this arc, there's a boat with Noah up the front with his wife, two giraffes, their th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, their, th, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their their their their their their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, tomeomeomeomeomeomeomea, tomoomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow, their their their their, theiraffes behind him, their necks there, two elephants and it's just like elephant, giraffe, hippo, dog, cat, weasel, couple of frogs and a spider talking to a flyer going that let's get on. But when we're off here, you're dead. But what would you have done then? Are you saying that you wouldn't get on there?

Because it's too noisy? It's not a a of what it didn't happen. It didn't happen. To be honest I'm not bothered and they got through it didn't they? They got through it, their earnail. We're not short of them. If anything, like I said, he didn't do us a favor because he saved too much. You can't move out there for stuff. Oh chimpanzee, that was ruined it down again, you're fucking fine. That's the jiggle for excerpts from Carl's diary. This is all legitimate stuff. Fricking, I've had no input in this. This is the first time we get to read it. Went and did some shopping for stuff as it was my turn.

Suzanne moaned a bit because I forgot orange juice and bought some cheap to read it. Went and did some shopping for stuff as it was my turn. Suzanne moaned a bit because I forgot orange juice and bought some cheap toilet paper. She always buys the expensive toilet paper. I don't know why they make to the toilet paper with pretty patterns on it. That made it into the diary. That made it into the d'oeuvre. That made it into the d' the diary. Up and out at 9 o'clock to 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 to 9 o'clock. to 9 o'clock to 9 o'clock to 9 o'clock at 9 o'clock at 9 o'clock at 9 o'clock at 9 o'clock at 9 o'clock at 9 o'clock at 9 o'clock. to to to to to to to to to to to the the the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the toan. I. to-s. to-s. the to-s. to-s. to-s. to-s. to-s. too'-s. too'-s. too'-swolds. Now I think this was a gift for your girlfriend wasn't it? For her birthday and that's so I just went for one night. Got the car and headed off. We stopped at a service station to get some breakfast. We had fried toast with an egg on it, one sausage and beans twice. Costs us 13 pounds 85. They sell everything separate so it seems cheap. At that price we must have been charged for each bean been. We found that th. the the th. the th. the th. th. to to to the the to to the to to the to be the to be th. the to be th. th. thereen, thereen, to be thereen, to be toe, the too, th. We were, the tooomereen, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, to be. We're, toe, toe, the the the the the toge. We're toge. We're toge. tsoo'-s, tote. We've tote. We've got, tote. We've got, tote. We've got, too'-s, toge. We're toge. We found the B&B but they wouldn't let us in the room because we were early. We went for a walk. There was not much around the B&B, so we had a quick walk around the car park. And we went back in. Happy birthday. The room was now ready, it's an all right room. Three

biscuits so I ate them straight away. Like a child. Like a dog. He runs in, jumps on the bed. No, no, no! Oh, I'm not. th! the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. So, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so. So, so, so. So, so. So, so, so. So, so. So, so. So, so. So, so. So, so, so. So, so. So, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, so we th. So, so we. He runs in, jumps on the middle. No, no, oh, I'm not. Get off the bed, not on the furniture. The room overlooked the car park that we'd already been right. Just staring at that window. Remember when we went there? We'll always have the car park. Oh, God. The room had posh coat hangers in the carthouse. Oh God. The room had posh coat hangers in the wardrobe with sponge on them. So I ate the sponge. Don't think they are needed.

We went and booked a table for Sunday dinner and went on another walk. There was a field that was there just for birds to live on. We couldn't see any, so we went to the pub. Headed back to where we were staying for our dinner. I had beef. It was nice enough but there was a family of 13 behind us. I don't see the point in going out in large numbers. They annoyed me. One of the family asked for sorbet before his next course. It was only about 11. He thought he was it. I said to Suzanne, I've had enough and needed a kip.

Watch Planet Earth on BBC One. They filmed a panda for four weeks and all it did was sit in its cave. It did nout. If I was fear, I wouldn't name one of my cars after them as it suggests it won't work or go very far. It'd be like bringing out a Ford Sloth. No one would buy it. Oh, that's amazing. Oh, God. The new Voxel Slug. I would love my ad campaign. Oh, that's amazing. Oh, God. The new Voxel Slug. We had to look around the local village. There wasn't much to it.

We did the usual thing and had to look around the church graveyard to see how old the dead people are. So Suzanne had ever times to far. She's gone to the cots, whilst the room wasn't ready. She's seen the car park and empty fields and now, let's go and play how old the old the old the old the old the old the old the old the old the old the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the's seen the car park and empty fields and now let's go and play how old the dead people are. I like the fact that you mentioned we did the usual thing of having a look around the church grave, but do you make her do that every time you go away? I like the fact, I want to know what she did for two hours when you slept. Did she just went to a club? I'm aware of a time. She just looked looked out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out, she just, she just, she just, she just, she just, she just, she just, she just, she just, she just, she just, she just the the the the th. She just, she just, she just, she just, she just, she just, she just, she just, she just the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the usual, she, she, she, she. She's, she. She's, she. She's, she. She's, she. She's, she. She's, she. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's the the the the the the th. She's th. She's th. th. She's th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. the. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the park just like, Memories. But that's what you do though, isn't it, when you go to these places.

There's nothing else, unless you want fudge. Or, uh... You know, you walk around a church graveyard here. I guess you like fudge. We went home. It took three hours to drive back. People say they go to the country to see the wildlife. People say they go to the country to see the wildlife. I saw rabbits, pheasants and a fox on the way home. They were all dead in the road.

I was just intrigued to know because Rob from Breton Trent has sent this in and he wants to know that, because he's just started seeing someone. And he wants to know what your advice Carl is on how to keep her happy. You know he's just started a relationship with what your advice will be to keep her happy her her her her her her her her their. th. they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they th. th. their. they th. th. th. thi. th. thi. thi thi they were all they were all thi they were all they were all they were all they were all they were all they were all they were all they were all they were all they were all they were all they were they were they were all they were they were they they were they were they they they were they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they are they are they are they are all. they are all. the. the. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. they're all all all all all all they're all all all all they're all all all they're what your advice Carl is on how to keep her happy. You know, he's just started a relationship with so when he wants to know what your advice will be to keep her happy because, you know, I mean he won't have heard that you took Suzanne on that wonderful trip to the Cotswolds. So what's your sort of your advice really for someone who's perhaps just started a relationship? I mean you've been with what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what you their, what you their, what you want, what you want, what you want, what you want, what you want, what you want, what you want, what to to to to to to to to to to to to to to be to to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their, what, what, what, what their, what, what, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, what their, of your way to please them because then it's not the right person. I think you should just do what you want and then if they like it then they're the right ones for you.

So don't go out of your way too much. I mean I've got a posh badge for a birthday. That's once a year. Rest of the time it's kind of like, I like weird. I the the the thage. I thage. I the thage. I'm thage. I'm th. I'm kind. I'm kind th. I'm kind th. I'm kind th. I'm kind th. I'll thi. I'll thi. I'll thi. I'll thiolk, I'll thiolk, I'll the the thi. I'll thi. I'll thi. I'll thi. I'll thi. I'll their thi. I'll their their their their their. I'll their. I'll their the the the the the the the the the the the their their their their their their their thi. I'll their thi. I'll thi. I'll thi. I'll thate. I'll thate. I'll theateateateateateateateateatea. I'll try. I'll try. I'll thea. I'll theatea. I know I like weird stuff I like watching weird stuff and all that now and again I won't make her watch it I'll tape it it's amazing advice but sometimes you just say no come on the blow with the two heads on I want to watch it live so give and take is what you're saying there that's all it shouldn't be hard soon as it's hard it's not right so just the that the that that the th th th that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that the the the the the the the the the the the the tho the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that the the that that the the that that that to to to to toooooooooooooo tooooo toooo too to too the the the the the the the the you're saying there. That's all this shouldn't be hard. As soon as it's hard it's not right so just go about your business see she joins in. Brilliant another quote for the book.

Woke up to the Commonwealth Games on the radio. Now what you're making in the Commonwealth Games is that something that interests you? Were you a sports fan? I'm not really I mean Susanne's sort of been getting up early, especially to watch it. You know how I feel about, a lot of it, it just seems to be sort of wasted. If people are running fast, use it. Do you know what I mean? Rather than just try to beat your own record or someone else's, do something where you do have to run. If you're a good swimmer, be a lifeguard. Don't be messing about going up and down. I was swimming recently, I do a lot of swimming and I've never quite mastered my front crawl. It's never quite nailed the breathing because it's quite trick, isn't it? You know, you've got to breathe the right moment. And so I'm in the swimming pool in the local gym. And there, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm in there, I'm in there, I'm in there, I'm in the swimming, I'm in th, I'm in the swimming, I'm the swimming, I'm the swimming, I'm th. I'm th, I'm th, I'm th, I'm th, I'm th, I was th, I was th, I was th, I was th, I was th, I was th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I'm th. I was thin, I'm thin, I'm thin, I'm thin, I'm thin, I'm thin, I'm thin, I'm thin, I'm thin, I'm thin, I'm thin, I waited till he came up and sort of went, uh, excuse me mate.

Um, I was just watching you when you were doing your front crawl. I was really impressed. Could you just watch me when I do my tell me if I go to a man? I know. And that was what I, that was a problem. It was only as I was saying it, did I realized what it sounded like, I was, I, I, I, I, I, I, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. th. th. th. that, that, that, that, I, I, I was, that, that, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, th.. th. th. th.. th.. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, thi, thi, thi, thi, that, that, that, thi. And, that, thi. thoo. that, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just that was a problem is only as I was saying it, did I realise what it sounded like. I've just been watching you swimming up and down. I was really impressed. And you're both in speedos. You know, I'm got the goggles on.

Oh, you've got a special. A special orthopedic, no, I know. You know, special prescription goggles so I can see when I'm swimming. So how much were they? Quite, rather quite pricey. But why do you need them? There's nothing in a pill to look at. It's not like your scuba diving. There's nothing it just... Clearly there is someone to look at in a pool. Well no, I wasn't checking him out. Well, I was checking him out, but I was checking him out for swimming tips. And he just looked at me when I asked him, can you just watch it when I asked him, can just watch, can just watch, can't just watch, can't just watch, can't just watch, can't just watch, can't, can't the, can't the, can't just watch, can't the, can't the, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can, can't, can't, can't, can't, can the, can, can, can, can, can, can, can, can, can, can, can, can, can, can, can, can, can, can, can, can, can, can, can, can, can, can, can, can, can, can, can, can, can, can, can, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they. they, they. they. they. they. Clearly, they. Clearly, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there'sto say, can you just watch... I don't know how you have the nerve to do that? Well, I, it was innocently motivated. Well, I know it's innocent, but what a strange thing to go up to someone? But what, with the civilization we live in him, where we can't just ask our fellow,

man to help us out. But sometimes it's nice to just think, no, do you know what, I'm not going to fall into the trap of thinking he's immediately going to think I'm gay or that I'm chatting him up. I'm just going to ask him to do me a favour. There's nothing wrong with that. What if he said, yeah, it's just good, yeah. Do you mind coming out with me with my plastering? He's there in the pool, he's swimming up and down, he's, you know, he's not, no skin off his nose to just offer a bit of kindly vote. If your car's broken down in the middle of nowhere and someone drives by, you know, it's a generous thing to do, just stop and maybe look under the bonnet and help them out. I agree.

But I don't see how there's any different. No he didn't, I'm joking. Rockbuster! That's the jingle for Rockbusters. A quiz which I don't think anyone enjoys. I mean Carl doesn't enjoy writing them, we don't enjoy listening to them. The listeners from the emails are just not interested, so don't know why we bother. But anyway, here we go. Right, last week's clues go. The first one is a cryptic clue just in case the first thing you've heard.

They're not cryptic. With initials of an artist that are a band. You work it out, you send in the answers. Right, the first one, the initials were SC, right? And the cryptic clue was, I went into the restaurant on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday. The fellow making the food he was there each time. Okay. Right? So you've got to think about it. This is what I'm saying. Yeah, what is he? He's not got? He's a cook in he if he's making the food and that. Who is there? Who's there on Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, Friday? It's the same cook. the food, the food, the food, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. th. the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the fathe, the fathe, the fe, the fe, the fe, the f fellow, the f fellow, the f fellow, the f f fellow, the f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f fathe, he the fathe, he the fathe, he the fathe, he's the, he's the' the'er. thoooom. the'er. the fathe'e'er. the fathe'e'e'e'er, he the fathe'er, he's the fathe, he's the same same cook. Yeah, yeah. So what have you got there? Same cook? Sam cook?

Sam cook? Sam cook. Yeah, but if I went, the way I look at it is if someone went, if I worked in a record shop, someone came in, so have you got Sam cook? I'd go, yeah, sure, he's in the jazz section or whatever. Right, the second one. Go into that woman's store and rip her off right so what's a store Shop right if you're ripping someone off what you doing stealing another way of conning right? Okay and what what is it it's a shop it's a woman so what am I saying what's the initial see con shop Right it's a woman. Con her shop corner shop there. So Steve work that one out well than the last one?? the last one? See? See? See? See? See? See? See? See? See? See? See? See? See? See? See? See? See? See? See? See? See? See? See? See? See? See? See? See? See? See? See? See? See? See? See? See? See? See? See? See? See? See? See? See? See? See? See? See? See? See? See? See? S show? S show? S show? S. See? S. See? S. See? S. See? S. See? S. See? S. See? S. See? S. See? S. See? S. See? S. See? S. See? S? S? S. See? S? S? S? S? S? S? S? S. See? S. See? S. See? S. See? S. See? S. See? S. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the store?, Corner shop. There you go. So Steve worked that one out, well done there. The last one. I'm stand.

You've had to go at laying down a track, but it ain't perfect. What's that? So a track? Yeah, what's the initial? So you've had to go at laying down this track. So when you're laying down a track it's, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, the, the the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the the the the the the the the the the the the the tha, tha, the tha, the the the the the tha, the they.a, the the theya, the the the the the the the the the the the the,. So when you're laying down a track, it's like a mix, isn't it? Yeah. You've had a go at doing it. You've just, you know, it ain't perfect. So you could say it's a, what's another word for not perfect? It's a bit of a, it's a bit of a... shit. It's a bit of a, uh, shit. That's a bit of a, uh, shit. That's a bit. It's a bit of, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, th. Shit. Shit. Shit. It's a, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, the, the, the, the, th. th. th. th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It's, th. You, th. You, th. You, th. You. You', th. You', th. You', you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, th. You', you, th. You'-a. You've, th. You've a, th. You've a, th a bit of a rough mix. It's your rough mix. Your rough mix? You're rough mix?

I've never heard of that bad. That's not bad. Annie Lennox, isn't it? You're rough mix. Condice Morris in London, got them. I really don't know what to say. So sign picture off to a... Well, I feel embarrassed that we're still, we're thak, tha, thin, thin, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thin, thin, th, thin, thin, th, thin, th, th, th. th. th. thin, thin, thin, th, th, th, th, that, that, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I', I', I' that, I' that, I' that, I' that, I' that, I' that, I' th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thin, I, I, thin, thin, thin, thin, th. th. that's, that's, that's, that's, tho. that's, tho. that's, that's, that's, I'm that's thou. th this, okay. Yeah, well, we're dracking it in a bit. Should we just not, let's, should we just not mention it again like it never happened?

Well, let's do monkey news next week. No, we're not doing monkey news. There's nothing going on. I'd be doing it if there was monkey news going on. It's not going on. We can't do it. up. CK. Depressing. Oh God, we've got this week to come. I thought that this was over. Fak. Fucking hell. Do you know the songs that you sing at Christmas?

That bloke who sings them is brilliant at it. Right? CK. Second one. M.G. I told the homosexual man that the grape tree was mine. What? I told the homosexual man that the grape tree was mine. And what's the initials? MG. Right? Okay. A bit of an easy one. And I ask you, if you believe in Father Christmas, right? What would you say if he asked you? The initial is S. Is that specifically Ricky?

Um, we might as well keep it as Ricky, yeah. I ask you if you believe in Father Christmas, what would you say? So have they got, is there any prior knowledge? Do they have to guess what I'd say? Well, no, it's obvious what you'd say about it. Oh, this is so bad. It's an embarrassment this. So it's a little quiz, leave them thinking with that for the next week. Right, what are you going to learn about next week? Podcast at Ricky Javace.com, just send them in. Embarrassing. Don't bother, if they're shit. All right. Well, that's about it for another week. So end of number five, number six next week. Keep coming to Ricky.Aaaaaaaaa. Ricchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchch. Aa. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. That. th. That. That. That. That. That. That. That. That. That. That. That. That. That. That. That. That. That. That. That. That. That. That. That. That. That. That. That. That. That. That. That. That. That. That. That. That. That. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. It. It's. It's. It's. t. t. thi. th. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to Ricky DeVace.com. I don't know where keep your

abreast of things that are going on. We've made little video haven't we, Carl? that we might pop up there. And we've had a few emails about the old shows. People came into them late in the season where you can now get all 12 episodes of the first season on iTunes and I think that's a two or three quid in England or five dollars or so I'm not sure. But you can get those now, all 12. So for me, Vikitavais, goodbye. From Steve Merchant, goodbye. And from Carl Pilkinton.

All right.