The Ricky Gervais Show / An Idiot Abroad - Guardian S2E6 (April 4, 2006)

Episode Date: September 5, 2022

Series two of the podcast began on 28 February 2006. It consisted of 6 episodes with the final one released on 4 April 2006. The series saw the return of Karl's Diary and Rockbusters. A new (though short-lived; it was only presented in the first episode) feature was also introduced in order to replace Pilkington's "Monkey News", called "Real Monkey News", where Gervais attempts to present facts about chimpanzees which are factual and scientific.With the start of series two, the formerly free Ricky Gervais Show shifted to a pay model – and as a result the show is now classified as an audiobook. It is available through Audible and the iTunes Store with individual episodes. The reason for this addition, according to Ricky on the podcast, is because The Guardian agreed to pay for the bandwidth for 12 episodes, and any more extra episodes would have to be paid for out of their personal finances.

This is Audible. Hello, welcome to number six. The final episode in this season two of the Ricky Javay show with me, Ricky Javay, Stephen Merchant, and Carl Pilkington. All right. You can still go and get the archive, all 18 episodes we've done so far. That's available on iTunes and audible.co. UK. And there's a little video diary we've done. A little free podcast. We may go into free podcasting but in video Steve. And there's a little free taster up there.

So check that out go to Rickieserase.com to find out all news and everything. but come on let's get on with th tho th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the the the th. th. th. th. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to Ricky Rays.com to find out all news and everything. But come on, let's get on with this episode. We're here and now. This is right, yeah, absolutely, here we are. Good, go. I've got some bad news to start off with straight away. The world's oldest tortoos, a 250-year-old tortoise died last week. Yeah, in a zoo in India 250 years old. So would that have had that thing that they say about how you get like a flashback of your life?

You mean your life flashes before your eyes? Yeah they say don't they? Just like on your last breath or whatever. You look like, see you're coming out of the room and everything. Well, one I don't believe that's true. I don't believe your life flashes before you. I don't know, I don't know what evidence we've got. People who die say, you never guess what's happening. No, but there's loads of things that have happened where people go, oh, that's that's weird. That's that goes to show that we've been around. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. their th. th. their th. th. their th. their th. their th. thi. their life, thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. their life life life life life, thi. their life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life, their life, their life, their life, their life, their their life, their life, their their their life, their their their life, their life, their life, their life, their life, their life, their life, their life, their life, their life, their life, thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. that. thr-a. that. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. their life, life, life, life that we've been around before or... No, it doesn't. I have no evidence for that. I told you that time when it happened to me when I was younger. Go on. You're like a flash before your eyes?

Well, it wasn't like a flashback, but it was the next thing next to flashbacks. It was, um, I was having a bath and that and she said, is that too warm? And I said something like, no, it's all right, this, it's a lot better than when he used to have a bath in that wooden bath in front of the fire. Okay. And she was like what? And I said, you know, it happened years ago in front of fire. And I can't remember that now, but I can't remember that now, that that's they. they. And, they. And, they. And, they. And, to, the, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, the, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, the, thi, thi, thi, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. It, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, to. It's, to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. the, it's, it you know that just goes to show that because I was at an age when I wouldn't have known about wooden baths years ago in front of fires. No but you talk rubbish now so all you were doing you were talking

rubbish from an early age. Where's the problem? No but you can only talk rubbish if you're aware of knowledge. Well you I didn't know about wooden baths so I would have only got your mother's word on this and she th I th I the the the the the the the the the the to the to to the to to to to to to to to to to to their I to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their their their their toldld. to to to to to to this and she thought you might one day be a doctor. So she put a rock with a feather on it to keep a parrot company. Lest we forget. Yeah but I'm just just saying. Wow it's all bollocks. So have you researched this you've tried to find out when little Carl Mark one and his wooden bath when he was right? No I don't want to go there because that's when you start digging out all sorts of trouble. It's rubbish. No it's not rubbish. What sort of stuff might be doing? There's no scientific evidence. No, just like I've said about family trees and that, don't be looking at them because you're only going to find stuff you don't really want to know about them because you're only going to to try and it's the same. If your granddad badden, you go, keep that quiet. So don't look at family trees and it's the same, don't be looking back in your past lives.

There's no past lives. Well, Carl on the wooden bath. Proof. If you could be, if you're going to live on air talking shit again. But this this tortoise, so if that's... And also its flashbacks would just be, you know, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you. their, you, you. their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, to be. their. their, their. their. their, their, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't be, don't be. Don't be. Don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, their. their. their, their. their, their, their. their. their. their, their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. tod. their. today, today, their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. basically spent, I don't know how many years, in a cage. It was in the zoo. So it died of liver failure, which is a problem if you were thear tortois, because with us they can cut your open and have a look at a liver. With that, it's going, forget it, we're not getting in there. It's like you when you didn't want the plumbers to knock through the tiles to check out the piping. It's the tortoise. If it's a liver, we're not going through that.

It's not worth it. If it's your head or your feet, we'll have a look, mate. But we're not looking at intern lorgans with a giant tortoise. Why not? Can't you drill into those. That is easier to replace than skin. Carl, I was joking. You can't do a liver operation on a tortoise. Why not? It's got all the same parts, on it?

All the same body parts on that. Well, I don't know. That's the point. Well, not really. Oh, yeah. But better ones in a way, because they live longer. So they're doing something right aren't they? If they can live 250 odd years, our art can't do that. Which is what I say about our tortoise has got it right in a way that is taking its time

on everything. We're rushing about, getting stressed out. That's just, you know, getting on with it. It's not rushing. It eats healthy, don't it? It eats lettuce and stuff. So that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's, that's, that's, that's, th. th. th. thi. thi. th. th. th. th. th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, their. It's, their. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's, tote. It's, tote. It's, tote. It's, tote. It's, tote. It's, tote. It's, tote.auu.au. It's, tote. It's, tote. It's, totally. It's, tot it? It eats lettuce and stuff. So that's probably doing it right, but to be honest, it's too much. I wouldn't want to live 250 years. Just eating lettuce. Let's not forget that all the tortoise does is eat lettuce. It's not like it's jet skiing weekends, then getting its lettuce on a Monday. That's all it does is eat lettuce. And that appeals to you, does it? No. I'm just saying that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that's probably, that's probably, that's probably, that's probably doing that's probably doing that's doing that's doing that's doing that's probably doing that's doing that's doing that's doing that's doing that's doing that's doing that's doing that's doing that's doing that's doing that's doing that's doing that's doing that's doing that's doing that's doing that's doing that's doing that's doing that's doing that's doing that's doing that's doing that's doing that's doing that, that, that, that's doing that, that's doing that's doing that's doing that's doing that's doing that's doing that's doing that's doing that's doing that's doing that's doing that's doing that's doing that's doing that's doing that, that, that's doing that, that's doing that, that's that's that's doing that's that's doing that's doing that's doing that's doing that's doing that's doing that's doing that's doing that's doing that's all it does is eat lettuce. And that appeals to you, does it? No, I'm just

saying that it must be doing something right though. Of course it's doing something right. Because it's living 250 years. But all animals do something right, however long they live. Mayflies live a day but they're doing something right. Well they're not, hardly. They haven't got that's from one extreme to another, isn't it? That just seems a bit mental to me, that living a day. I wouldn't bother, so forget it. Because you'd be bothered? You don't, just as you get to know someone. Another may fly. Yeah, but I'm just saying if we had that, if that's how we lived our lives, you wouldn't have a chance to make a mark or anything, would you? It's just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just..... to to to to to to to to that. I. I that. I that. I that's that's that's that's that's to that's that's that's that's that's that's that. I that's that's that I'm that I wouldn't that I wouldn't that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that. I that. I that. I that. I that. I that. I that. I that. I that. I that. I that. I that. I that. I that. I that. I that. I th. I th. I th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm not th. I'm not that, I'm not that, I'm that, I'm that, I'm that, I'm thooing. I wouldn't thoing. I wouldn't thooe. I wouldn't that that. I wouldn't that's how we lived our lives, you wouldn't have a chance to make a mark or anything, would you? It's just...

Would you try and pack a lot in that day? Disneyland, whatever. No, I'd prefer to make it miserable so I don't miss it, if you know what I mean. But I was thinking the the the their day about, you know, their body and everything, because it works, does the brain control you or are you controlling the brain? I don't know if I'm in charge of mine. No, no, no, I can't. Do you know what I mean though by that? Does the brain control you or do you control the brain?

Well, when you, like, don't you ever sort of think sometimes, say if you're making... But you are the brain? No, but I was making a shopping list right going right need some rice kidney beans and I thought I had everything and I sort of was rolling up the paper and then then something went oh an onion your brain did that something went an onion was it no my brain my brain so my brain sort of went you forgot something. I didn't think I'd forgot. I would not enough. You are your brain? No, no, but don't you understand the brain, my brain was, I was in control of my brain when

I was writing down rice and kidney beans. But you're not in charge of the onion. That's another part of the brain that's in charge the onion. The onion, onion sector. No, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but I, but I, but I, but I, but I, but I, but I, but I, but, but I, but, but, but, but I, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, don't, but, but, don. No. But, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, I. No. No ready to go. But then, yes, but your onion lobe kicked in. What, so you put the paper in your pocket, you got the coat on, then you just suddenly hear, I'm not, I'm not even thinking about that shopping list. It's in my pocket, I'm thinking, don't need my gloves, it's cold out. Suddenly, onion. It was like, onion. the onion, the onion, and it, and it, the onion, and it, and it, the, and it, the, and it, the, the, and it, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so. the, so. the, so. the, so. the, so. What, so. What, so. So, so. So, so. So, so, so, so, so, so, so. So, so, so. So, so, so, so. So, so, so. So, so, so. So, so. So, so, so. So, so. So, so, so. So, so. So, so, so. So, so. So, so. So, so. So, so. So, so. So, so. So, so, so. So, so. So, so. So, so. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. to get the paper out. What I'm saying is, who's in charge? The brain, the mind, the brain is the... What are you dreaming who's in charge? That's just, you forgot the onion and then you remember the onion.

You must have forgotten things in the past. No, but not like that, not where, like, it just made me think, that. You did. No you are your brain. It's not like there's you, then there's a brain, then there's an extra one looking down at it, oh the, you know, the meta brain, the thing above it. No, but your brain, how does your brain work? You give it information, don't you? You give it information, don't you? Well it takes one? If I sat in a room with nothing, not feeding it anything, you wouldn't know anything. No, but it's this thing that there's two ewes. It's this thing that there's... There's this... Carl and Carl's brain. Yeah, there's not, there's not a duality in this.

If you go, come not, there's not two people in there having an argument, come on brain. And the brain's going, oh don't you start, I was thinking then. And the other things going, brain, the brain goes, Carl, onion. You are your brain. If you are anything, you are your mind, your brain, your collection of memories, your personality. You're not what you look like, thi. And then. And then. And then. And then. And then. And then, and then, and then, and the the the the the the the brain. And, and the brain. And, and the brain. the brain. the brain. the brain. the brain. the brain. the brain. the brain. the brain. the brain. the brain. the brain. the brain. the brain. the brain, the brain, the brain, the brain, the brain, the brain is, the brain is, the brain, the brain. the brain. the brain. the brain. the brain. the brain. the brain. the brain. the brain. the brain. the brain. the brain. the brain. the brain. the brain. the brain. the brain. the brain. the brain. the brain. the brain. the brain. the the the the the the the the the the the the the brain. the the the brain is. the the the brain is. the the brain is. the the brain is, the brain is, the brain is, the brain is, your personality. You're not what you look like. So answer your question, Carl? What do you think I then? You were thinking of a tortoise on a skateboard then when I did that last sentence, wasn't it? I like you, Rick, I'm always annoyed and embarrassed when we have to concede something to Carl. And it seems though, each week I look on the emails that we've got, and once again someone found some evidence to support some of the nonsense that Carl has come out with.

Now you remember we were talking about his concept of putting a giant mirror on the moon because why should we have to go into space? Then we could just look up at the moon and we'd see the earth reflected back at us and we'd think that's the earth. I can't see myself back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back. the earth. the earth. I that's that how ludicrous this is. No, indeed, although someone I think they're really being very picky, they were picking you up on a technical point because I think one of your criticisms was the idea that the moon is the moom is moving and thus the mirror would be absent from view for some time, although people have been claiming that the moon, there's always the same face of the moon that's shown to us. There's always the same side of the moon is always visible to Earth. That's when they talk about the dark side of the moon, it's not just light, it's the fact that we can't see it's the other side of

the moon. No, but we move so it's not always present to... Well, no, but it would always be present to someone on earth. Yes, I know, this is the thing is the thing is the thing is the thing is the thing is the thing is the thing is the thing is the thing is the thing is the thing is the thing is the thing the thing the thing the thing the thing the thing the thing the thing the thing is the thing the thing the thing the thing the thing the thing the thing the thing. The a the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the fact. the fact. the fact. the fact. the fact. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. the fact the fact the fact the fact the fact the fact the the the the the the the the the the th th. th. th. thi that that that the that that the that that that that that that the that that that that. that. that. that is thinking of looking up there and seeing himself looking back. That's what he's hoping. Like when you're going along in a car and you see a shiny building, you go, oh that's my car and you wait. That's what he's hoping to see. He's not doing it to gauge the speed of light and think and change like that. He's not doing that. He wants to look up through a telescope and wave. Yeah. That's what they's they's they's the the the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their the a telescope and wave. That's what they don't realise. I know what he's thinking. Do you want to respond, Carl? It's got, the problem with the moon is. There's a statement. The problem with the moon is, dot, dot, dot. The problem with the earth is there's too much water. No, the moon, it's been around ages on it. But it's got no history. It's got nothing to show for it.

Just a load of old rocks and stuff. And for me, history is created by stuff happening on it. So really, the Moon, even though it's old, in a way it's new. Because it's untouched on that. But we don't go to the moon to visit museums or arcades. Say like Emery the Eighth, right? You watch Antiques Roadshow, whatever, and some woman goes, oh this plate you've got, this was Emery the Eighths.

And as you can see, you can see the knife marks on it, oh look, there's some chicken on it, right? And you go, oh God, yeah, that's amazing. Then someone goes in and goes, here's a plate of Enri VIII's the plate, but it hasn't been used, it's still in the box. You'd go, well it's not as good that. It's got no history. No, because very often on the Antiques Road show they have endur-a'-durde-o'-nosedu. they's-nigh. they's-nigh. they's-nigh. they's-nigh. they's-nighs. they's-nighs. they's-nighs. they's-nighs. they's-nighs. They's-nighs. They's-nighs. They's-nigh. They's they's tho'-nigh. tho, tho, th-nigh. th-nigh. tho, their their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their-nigh. It, their-nigh. It, tho, tho, tho, tho, th-nigh. It, th-nigh. It, th-nigh. It, th-n't-n't-n't-a, th-a, th-a, th-a, th-a. th-a'-a'-a'-a'-a'-a'-a'-a'-a'-a'-a'-a'er-a'er-a'er, thahahe away. Why? Arthur Negas are like that in a few hundred years time. No, but do you understand what I'm saying? Things are only good if stuff's happened on it. The moon, you're up there, you're having a look, you're going, no one else has even been

here. But you go to the moonthem. They're just not doing that. Well, they're not, are they? Because last time they went up they were playing golf or something. There's golf balls up there that they've been whacking about. What sort of research is that? That's what I'm saying. There's nothing up there. So why else would you go all that way and go, oh, no, fancy, fancy, fancy, fancy, fancy, fancy, fancy, fancy, fancy, fancy, fancy, fancy, fancy, fancy, fancy, fancy, fancy, fancy, fancy, fancy, fancy a a a they, fancy, fancy, fancy, fancy, fancy, fancy a they, I they, I they, I' a they, I' the, the, the, the, the, they, the, the, the, the, the, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, they, their, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they're they're they're they're they're they're their they're their their they're they're their they're they're they're their they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they, they're golf balls about if there's really important stuff to look at? You don't see people in museums going, fancy having a knock, knock some golf balls about now I'm looking at this vase.

Oh right, that's interesting. But on the moon, nothing. Nothing to look at. What other games have you brought? That's what I mean? Carl have you ever seen the program inside the actor's studio? No. James Lipton interviews famous actors and gets words of advice about how they work and how they act. But at the end he always asks a series of questions which is based on a French

series of questions that a guy called Bruno Pivo used to give people when he interviewed them. So I'm going to ask you some of these questions, many people will be familiar with them. We're just interesting to see what your response is. And you know, answer them quickly. You don't have to think about them too much. What is your favorite word? Uh, not thing I've got our favourite, because you only use them when you need to, don't you? I don't just go about saying the same word. So, uh...

Well, alright. Yeah, it's not my favourite, it's just that it does the job. It does the necessary job for that time, don't it? It's like, how are you? I'm all right. It's a greeting. What about, um, I th. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi, thi. thi. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. Well. Well. Well, th. Well. Well. Well, th. Well, th. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well, th. Well, th. Well. Well, th. Well, th. Well, th. Well, th. Well, th. th. th. th. It, thi. It, thi. It, thi. It's, thi. It's, thi. It's, thi. It's, thi. It's, thi. It's, thi. It's, thi. It's, tha. Well, tha. Well, tha. It's a greeting. What about, I think serendipity was voted England's favourite word. Never used it. No, stupid word. Who decided that? I don't know, it was a poll but I don't suggest things. I can't believe people coming up going,

um, favourite word, serendipity. Thanks for asking. Yeah. But the thing is, say if it meant, oh, I'm fed up. Will it still be the best word? Is it based on how it sounds and how it's put together or what it means? I think everything. But then loads of words are being left out on, you know, which are probably brilliant words and they're not getting a looking. Such as? Well like that one fed up. I'm fed up. I'm fed up. Well, I'm fed up. that the thiu. th up. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I th. I th. I that that that that that that that that that that that that that that. I' that, I' thi. I'm that thi. I'm thi. I'm their their their their their their their th. I've th. I'm th. I'm their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their. I've th. I's th. I's thi. I's thi. I's thi. I's thi. I's thi. I'm thi. I'm theeeat. I'm theat. I'm theat. I've theat. I've theat. I've theat. I've theat know, he just sums it up. When someone goes, how are you? You go, I'm fed up me, sick of it. It's another good one. How are we getting to here? Come on, two of your other favorite throw. I've had enough. It's just all stuff. These aren't words. They're all phrases. They're all negative. They're all winging. These aren't, exactly. These aren't words. What's your? My my my my my my my my my my my my. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. th. I thi. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's. I's. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I'm. I. I'm. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th all negative, they're all winging. These aren't, exactly, these aren't words.

What's your favorite thing? My favorite thing to do is moan. Yeah, that would be their, oh, it's not one word, it's those words fed up, sick of it, ah, that's all that. Ah, geez. Winge should be your least favorite word? It might be serendipity. That would be up there for me. I tell you what, that would be up there

for me. Probably like French words that I've made it into the English thing. Just, just, there's a munge. So, you know, how do you dislike it? I'll you dislike a blemongue? But just, just, you know, as if we haven't got enough words in our books. Because I was thinking about, uh... Go on. Alphabet, right? Why have we got that many? Wa'err... Woome?. Yeah, but that's because we've got more letters. Well, I don't know that. So if we've created a headache, I reckon you could at least half it. Well you probably could half it. Well you only use about half a dozen of them. No, but stuff like an X, you look at words that I've got X in and there's always words that you go, what does that mean, that's that's th.. th. th. th. their their their their their their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, th. th. that, that, that, that, that, their, that, that, that, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their.a.a'. their. their. their. their. their. their, their, their, their,that? That's how it comes across to me and there's loads of big words it's like dinosaur names it's like well look nobody was about when they were knocking about so let's make up some names for them using the letters that hardly get used. They've all got

Y's and X's in them. Yeah that's what I'm saying it's like let's use it for that. Yeah so just, it's not so much what is your least favourite word? You just don't really like, just most of the words. Just cut down the words. Stop adding. Stop adding new words. I get by, I don't know how many words there are in the world, but I reckon I hardly use any of them. Well, I'll tell you what, this year's word must be podcast. Yeah, but it it it'll be in the dictionary and... But it's made up in it. It wasn't here before. It's just another one. This is what I'm saying about... But what else would you call this? You know, there is a podcast? You know what...

There is a new concept? There is a podcast. You know, there's a podcast. It's a broadcast. It's still a broadcast. Yeah, but they're a broadcast. the the the broadcast I don't work on a radio station, I do a radio show, but I don't understand what I do a radio show and I upload it, I don't understand, it's called a podcast! Done! Here's another idea. Go on. Add a new one, get rid of an old one. Last one in, first one out or whatever.

Do it that way. podcast this year but what word would you lose? Well what's the name? Those birds that died out. Dodos? Get rid of it. If the bird's gone the word can surely. It's almost profound. It's amazing. It's great. Oh god. What turns you on creatively, spiritually or emotionally? It's amazing! It's great! Oh God! What turns you on creatively, spiritually or emotionally? Learning. That's a nice answer. Well, you say that.

Yeah, but everything you teach me, I take it in. It's just that sometimes I go, I don't get it, but that still counts as far as I'm concerned. Well no, no, it doesn't, learning is, knowledge is, there must be some sort of retention. You can't say I've got a great memory for a second. You can't say that, you know, it has to stay there. And then knowledge has to't applicable because it's useless. I mean trivia's useless to a large extent. It's not real knowledge because it doesn't really help you in practically. No, but there's a lot of that going on.

You're always reading stuff that you go, I've just read that. It's got me thinking for a minute, it's not going to's that's what art does and yeah sometimes education's good for its sake if it really does inflame but but then sometimes like I said before you can know too much where it gets you down go on I just was reading something about an octopus that's that's like a killer octopus and it annoyed me that this was knocking about now because I didn't know I thought they were quite friendly. Whenever you see him in cartoons and that, they're always happy, aren't they? And then suddenly, like, they've sort of brought the whole sort of creature down. Do you know what I mean? No, what do you mean?

What do you mean? Well just, just, you know, when you see him in films, they're running about and that and everybody likes an octopus. But this one that's on the, it was your fault really, because you told me about that frog that's going about killing people. No, I didn't say that. So I looked it up on the internet at like other creatures and stuff. And there's, uh, there's some octopus that's in the sea and what it does you don't even have to like threaten it it just spits in the water and if that stuff gets on you does you in. Again I'm not... so in a way it's good knowledge because I mean I don't go in the

sea anyway because it's full of stuff like that but that's just reassured me that I'm doing the right thing. If they're knocking about, just gosing everywhere, you don't even have to be near one, you don't even know if it's been spitting and stuff. It can kill you. It just seems unfair. I haven't armed it. I haven't gone near it. right. So that's where a knowledge has not helped that octopus out. Because now, when you

eat them, I just think, yeah, have another one. Do you know what I mean? Get rid of him. Another conversation with himself. What is your favorite curse word? Um, I don't, I don't think I do anything like that. I just, I think people can tell why my face when I'm like fed up. Uh, well they know you're fed it because you're always winging. Uh, I don't think I've got one. Uh, nobbed. That sums everything up and I think it's... But you wouldn't call your Nan a knobbed, what would you call a nan? Uh, but she didn't do anything to annoy me that much. But if she did, what would you say? If she really annoyed to?

Well, nobed's all right, in it? Because she'll, she sort of gets it, it. them things that everybody understands but it's not too offensive. Right. What a no bed. All right, you're getting into this, aren't you? So that sums it up, but I don't, I don't really, do you need one of them? What's that doing for you? It's better to think, in it? Like, okay, I've just slagged off that octopus, but at no point was a effing and jeffing about it? I've that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, I, that, that, I, I, I, I, I, I, I don't, I don't, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, that, that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that, I don't,'m with it. I don't have to start swearing about it. And that starts... What would you do though if you were swimming, right? It was a nice little thing, you're an holiday, right? And there's his octopus there, and you're going around, right? And you see it start spitting at you? What did you say that? Well, it's too late, then, then, and I'd kick it. I'd say, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It, th, th, th, th, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, th. It, it, th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's a. It's a th. It's a thi. It's, thi. It's, thi. It's, thi. It's, thi. It's, th. It's, thi. It's a th. It's a, but what's the point, what's the point in getting annoyed

now because it's done its, it's done its stuff on it. I don't know what you're kicking and call it a knobbed, under the water. What is this octopus thinking? Oh God! Okay, you fucking eight-legged shit. I'm not bothered. I don't know what you're saying. Fucking, fucking of a mollus. I don't just spit out you again. It's not bothered. You slimy little fucking boneless wanker. This is why the face is good. Are you still talking to the octopus? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Oh, I don't believe it. He's written it down. That's downloadable as a ringtone. That's downloadable as a ringtone. And it's also the jingle for Carl's diary.

Just reading excerpts of Carl's diary. Went home and looked up Freud on the internet, didn't find him that interest in, so looked excerpts of Carl's Diary, went home and looked up Freud on the internet, didn't find him that interesting, so looked at some other philosophers instead. Socrates, Aristotle, why have you just listed some philosophers? Just a show that I'm learning. Well, that's not learning. That's just learning their name. That's a list. You might as well write one to a hundred. Yeah, but if someone says, oh, what's your favorite philosopher? I'll go on a minute, and I've got them written down.

But why are you... Wait a minute, I'll go home, get my enormous diary out? Yeah, yeah, get a wheelbarrow, bring in my workings and say one of the names I've written down. When they say, well, why do you your favourite philosopher? You throw the diary out of them and leg it. Then you go on to say it's weird our names have changed but then there's no other point there. Just it, isn't it? When you think about like Socrates, I've never heard that on anyone who I know. Is what I mean, it's just in a way. But you're not Greek, are you?

But how did that go about back then? I mean, say if you were phoning someone up and he said, I'm booking the table for two, the girl's name, Socrates, did he ever go, cheers, without going to go, their name, the name, the to have to go, you spell that for me. And it's not just him. Look at all the other names that are on that list.

But they're from a different country. And a different era. And you're the different era, and you sort of have to roam and stuff. Well, ancient Rome or Rome in 2006. Yeah, same buildings. I used to love Nero going around on his feet at Punto. Laosu from years ago came up with some good stuff. One, he know, he who knows does not speak. He who speaks does not know. Not entirely true. To lead people walk behind them. Yeah. And of course the journey of a thousand miles begins with one step. Yeah, did that. Just favorites.

Maybe this is why people are at the start line, spectating at the Commonwealth games. Well, no, it's just that I've never understood why in Olympics and stuff like that. If you're going to watch, don't stand around the start line, go to the end where you see the winner. But because of that saying it actually makes sense, don't it? It's like, well every step starts with a step or whatever. Every race, you know, you've got to start with a step. Yeah. So, um, uh...

Which is to, who am I talking to now? You or your brain? Well I was thinking about it a bit, so I think I was in control of it a bit more. So what have you come up with? Just, just if you want to stay at the start line, do. What does that mean? I'm just saying, if you're into, I'm not, I wouldn't watch, the threat. I'm just saying, if you're, I'm, if, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm, I'm, th... I'm, th. I'm, th. I'm, th. I'm, th. I'm, th. I'm, tha. I'm, th. I'm, th. I'm, th. I'm, th. I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm talking to you now? This is me. Okay. I wouldn't watch. Are you going to bring the brain into it or is it there's no... I don't know, let's just say what happens. Okay. All I'm saying is, right. If I was to watch a race, yeah, I wouldn't hang about the start line because I'm comfortable. Did you say that's the place to start because every race. their race. that's is is is is that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's the race. the race. that's their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their to to their their to to their to their their their their their their their their their their their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. to to say. to say. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. the step. No, but I wouldn't normally. I won't watch any race. The brain definitely

hasn't been used to you. Is it you or your brain you're talking about now? It would... I'm just saying about me. If I was on holiday, yeah, and Suzanne said there's a race going on down the road. I'd go, well let's go, keep going down the road and stand up the finish line. Okay. But now, according to Lazoo, I'd I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I'd I'd I'd I'd I'd I'd I'd I'd the the their. Yeah, I'd say, I'd say, I'd say, I'd say, I'd say, I'd say, I'd say, I'd say, I'd say, I'd say, I'd say, I'd say, I'd say, I'd say, th. th. th. th. th. th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's their, I's their, I's their, I's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's the. It's the. It's the. It's the. It's the. It's the. It's just just the. It's the. It's that. It's the many people around the start line is there more room there? She goes, yeah, I'll go, let's go there then. It's less busy. Right, and what would you see there then? I'd see people starting the race, but I wouldn't be that impressed with them because they'd go, well, I wouldn't want to see the

first step then? So what do you think is Lazoo now then? It's not what but I wrote down three of us that one isn't my favorite that was the third I preferred the leading people from behind. Okay and what would you do to lead someone now then? Well if you're behind you don't have to take responsibility do you? You can go well I didn't th. the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th th. th th th th th th th th th th th th th that that to to to to to to to to to to to to the the to to to to to to to to to the the to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their their their their their their their their their their th. th. th. the. the. the. the. I theateateate. I theateate. I theateate. theateate. toe. theate. their their the. the. the have to take responsibility do you? You can go, well I didn't send you where you went there. That's not really leading them, is it? Yeah, because I've made them think. I've gone, uh, they go, oh, I've just walked into a big hole. I've told him in that hole, but they've learned a lesson, they won't go in a hole again. That was one of the greatest conversations I've ever been part of. I mean that was incredible. Never mind the Aristotle and Socrates.

That was incredible that. If someone's out there could they make a transcript of that because I think that, you know, in a thousand years' time, that would be amazing. That was incredible, Carl. And not once was the brain used. Rockbuster! That's the jingle there for rockbusters. One of the most hated quizzes in the history of mankind. Joking out you. The people loathe it.

That's the last one anyway, so just get over. Just do the answers. Hold on, we can't do another one though, because we can't give the answers out. So this just... Yeah, this is the last the last the last the last the last the last the last the last the last the last the last the last the last the last the last the last the last the last the last the last the last the last the last the last the last the last the last the last the last one the last one the last one the last one the last one the last one one. the last one. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the answers. Hold on, we can't do another one though because we can't give the answers out. So this is just... Yeah, this is the last one, it's just the answers for last week for people who are doing it. Okay, well, small mrs. The first one that I gave you last week was, the initials, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, so. So, the, so. So, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, is. So, is. So, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is. And, is. And, is. And, is.a, is.a, is.a, is.a, is.a, is.a, is.a, is.a, is.a, is.a, is.a, is.a, is. Yeah, is. Yeah, is. Yeah, is. Yeah, is. Yeah, is. Yeah, is. know the songs that you sing at Christmas? That bloke over there is the best that's singing them. So what's, what the songs you do? Carol King.

Carol King, that works. Well done. Second one, Mg. I told the homosexual man that the Great Tree was mine. Right? Mg. Garvin, gay, honestly. But how do you get to Marvin? Was it? That's my, my vine, in? That, that, that, that, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, what the, the, the the, what the the the the the the the the the the the, what's, what the the the the the the, what's, what's, what's, what's, what's, what's, what's, what's. So, what's. So, what's, what's, what's, what's. So, what's, what's, what's. So, what's, what's, what's. So, what's, what's. So, what's. So, what's. So, what's. So, what's. So, what's. So, what's. So, what, what's. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th.G. Gay. Yeah. Marvin Gay, obviously. But how do you get to Marvin? Was it? That's my Vine, isn't it? That, that, I told you on. My Vine Gay? Yeah. And the last one, my Vine Gay? That's shocking. It's, well, shit. The last one the initial was S. I said, uh, I asked you, I asked you if you believe in Father Christmas, what would you say? What's the name for Father Christmas? Santa Claus. Right, so if I said to you, do you believe in Father Christmas, you sort of go?

No. Yeah, but, yeah, but what's his name again? Right, so what would you do, you'd go, Santa? No, I don't, I don't. That's what you do there. You go, Santa? th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, thi, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, th. What, th. What, th. What, th. What, th. What, th. What, th. What, th. What, th. What, th. What, th. What, th. What, th. What, what, what, what's, what's, what's, what's, what's, what's, what's, what's, what's, what's, what's, what's, what's, what's their? What, what's their? What, what's their? What, so what would you do you go, oh, Santa? No, I don't, no. I say that's what you do there. You go Santa, nah, Santana. So that was the last one. Well done to Bob in Yorkshire. Got all three of them right. You'll get a little sign picture. Oh well, that's it. That's the end of season two, Ricky Gervais Show. We're back soon. Check out Ricky Jaze.com for information and upcoming news. There's a free video cast we're doing.

We're also bringing out a book at the podcast. Yeah, that'll have a lot of the best conversations we've had with Carl. And I think there have been some of them in this show. And Carl has illustrated all his points and his memories to, I mean, that he thinks that's proof, Victorian evidence. So, I mean, it is the ramblings of a maniac, but you can pre-order that on Amazon. Well, thanks very much. It's goodbye from me, Ricky Javais, Stephen Merchant, Boyd and Carl Pilkinton. talking to. All right. Audible. Audible. Hope.