The Ricky Gervais Show / An Idiot Abroad - Radio 2 S1E1 "Christmas Special: Part 1" (December 24, 2005)

Episode Date: September 5, 2022

Gervais, Merchant and Pilkington broadcast two hour-long holiday specials on Radio 2 during the 2005 holiday season, the first airing on Christmas Eve and the second on New Year's Eve.

Happy Christmas, Ricky R. I'm Ricky R. I'm the C. Radio two. Happy Christmas, Ricky. Happy Christmas, Steve. Who invited Yoko? Happy Christmas, Julie. So this is Christmas. John Lennon and Yoko I know. Happy Christmas. War is over.

On Radio 2. I'm Ricky Givais, with me Steve Merchant. Good morning. And I'll producer Carl Pilkington, but more about Carl later. We'll have to, we want to introduce the world to Carl, don't we? It's extraordinary to think that there's people yet that have not experienced Carl. I know. A whole new audience is in I the elephants. I think of me the th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I'm thi. I thi. I'm, I'm, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'm tho. I'm tho. I'm tho. I'm thoo. I'll proooo. I'll, I'll prooo. I'll prooo. I'll, Carl round the country, the world. Maybe just letting, maybe some doctors and surgeons might want to, after today. Certainly drop a sheet, he's there nude and they can just ask him questions, examine him, see what makes him tick. You know where that is Carl's favorite film by the way the elephant man. He said he said he he loves it he said one he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the he said he said he said he said the he said he said the he said he said he said he said the he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said the the the he said he said he said he said he said the the the the he he the he the title tells you exactly what you're going to get. Yeah. He loved that, right? He said two, it's sad. And I was saying why it's sad? He said, well, is that bit where

they take him to show all the surgeons and the elephant is all naked and that. And the block goes, the genitals are normal. And Carl went, think of that, the one thing you would want like an elephant and he gets the ed. That's why I thought it was sad. That's the kind of mind process of Carl which will introduce to you later. In the meantime... Well you know if you're expecting Jonathan Ross then you're gutted. Yeah. You probably know me from such works as the office, extras. Alias. Yeah. Carl you don't know about. Stephen is more familiar. Stephen co-wrote and directed the office and extras with me. You may have seen him in extras as the agent. You may have seen him briefly in the office. He is a goggleid freak. Are you referring to the character there? Are you all? Yeah, whatever. Thanks. No, it's just a little like. I'm just trying to paint

a picture for people at Christmas. Sure, Steve. Yeah. I wouldn't say Gogly I think Gogly freaks harsh. You know these are pretty, these are designer specs and yeah admittedly I'm a little bit tall but uh. Six or seven. Yeah but that's not how we got that. Carl. We're more like it's like I think we should play a record we've done introductions. But do you remember a the the the the first. I the th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm. I'm th. I'll th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. Go. Go. Go. Go got. Go got. Go got. Go go. Go go. Go go. Go go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I'll th. I'll th. G. G. G. G. G. G. G. G. G. G. G. Golog. G. G. Golog. Golog. Golog. Golog. Golog. G'a. Gologe. Gologe. Gologe. Gorg. Gorg. Gorg. I th. on. But do you remember the first time we saw Steve? Well let's pop a little song on on that. Alright, chat about it in a bit. Alright, alright. Bruce Winsley.

A bit of Bruce Winsley. Santa Claus is coming to town. Merry Christmas, indeed. I'm Ricky Jovey's with me Steve Merchant. to hear Jonathan. It's the last time I mention him. We haven't got him today. You've got us for the next couple of Saturdays. I feel like a stepfather. You know what I mean? I want to say to listen, listen, you know, I never replaced Daddy but I am here and I and I and I do my best for you and I love you. On the other hand I want to go listen I'm doing mummy now live with it yeah yeah yeah no that's that's exactly right yeah and hopefully that people will appreciate us and enjoy us

just as much as Jonathan I don't care if they don't in fact I intend to shave millions of listeners off this by the end of the you're doing good but the ones that have stayed listening to the end they love it yeah yeah both of them yeah I think I got a Christmas dinner with them tomorrow anyway. So I could just have a chat. So we're introducing ourselves on Rick Javais, Steve Merchant, Carl Pilkington. Now it's difficult to describe Carl. I just think you'll have to get to know him over the next two hours. But we have taken the liberty of getting some stuff ready for you If you go to Ricky Gervais.com we've put up a special look of the page, go into who's Carl, we've got a little biography up of him and loads of pictures and you have never

seen a head rounder. He looks like Mr. Spoon from Button Moon. Yes. Do you know what I mean? There's a little bit of Charlie Brown in there. He's even got a little bit of striped shirt. It's perfectly rounded. It's notding like to and it's not it's not a sort of like a good balding it's sort of like he looks like a worn tennis ball. Do you know I mean? He's got a little bit of growth. It's not that sort of telteltel-Savales cool bold. No it's just a scruffy little I don't know what it is. Happy Christmas and that? What? What do you think of that that the the the they. they, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, that, that, that, th. th. thi, thi, thi, thin, that, that, thi, that, that, that, that, that, that, thin, thin, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th, th, th. th. th. th. th. It, th. It, th. It's, thi, thi, the, the, tho, tho, the, tho, the, the, thoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo, th, the, th nation? Well, you know, if we're going to start picking on looks and stuff, like you mentioned before, we can go over everyone in this room. What? I mean, let's make it fair. Let's have a chat, let's have a chat about Steve over there. What about Steve? What about Steve? About Steve, let's have a chat over there. What? What happened? What did you know how? What happened? I'm saying? to me? the to, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, their, to, their, to, I, I, th. th. to, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. tha. th. tha. th. tha. to me, let, let's, I mean, let, I mean, No, no, I'm just saying you just said about painting a picture. Yeah, go on then. I wouldn't paint a picture of that. Is it what, no, I'm not, Steve, you know I'm not having a go, mate. You're a good, what do you mean? It sounds like,

it's like you're having a go? Well, what did you think when you first walked into that tho those years ago? Uh, sort of of, uh, uh, uh, I I I I I I I I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I, I, th. S, th. S, th. S, th. S, th. S, th. S, th. th. th. th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. S, th. S, th. S, th. S, th. S, th. S, th. S, th. S, that, that, that, that, that, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, that, is, is, that, is, that, is, is, that, is what, is what, th. S, th. you know that you look a little bit odd this this isn't like a this isn't like a shock to you about this how old are you know? 31 but I don't like 31 what do you look like as a baby I mean why is this a character assassination is Christmas? I'm not having a go I'm just saying what it was like now I'm used to you know when I see you don't sort of take anymore I just to tho the the the the the the the the the th I th I th I th I th I th I th I'm th I'm th I'm th I'm th I'm th I'm th I'm thin I'm thin I'm thin I'm th I'm to th to to to to thin I'm thin to to to to to to to to to to th th th to th th th to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thin I the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to the the the the the to to the to the to to the to to the to the to to to see you don't sort of double take anymore. I just... It's coming out with this! No, but you know when you popped in and that it was just a bit of a shock and now, you know, I've got used to it in that. Good, you're happy now, you can cope now. Hold on, you were shocked when you sold Steve merchant. You told me once you went to school with two felers who had big heads and web and web and web and web and th and th and Why were there two people at your school and

yet you find Steve freaky? You never said freaky? You said freaky. You said freaky. Madonna hung up. Now she's given us a platinum disc to give a nice. We were and we've got big prizes for Madonna and uh... If people are rushing around today on Christmas Eve thinking, I wanted to buy a Madonna platinum disc for me, uh, for me, for me, uh, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their their their hands, their hands, their hands, their hands their hands their hands their hands, their hands, their hands their hands, their their their their their their their their their, you. You the, you. You the, you. You, you. You, you. You, you. You, you. You, you. their, you. their, you. their,'ve got big prizes for Madonna and if people are rushing around today on Christmas Eve thinking I wanted to buy a Madonna platinum disc for me my mom. There's no I can't find anywhere in boots. We'll give you things you can't buy in the shops. Perfect. And that's coming out but Carl just I don't want to I'm not stirring it right you started a little bit of a war with Steve. You always have. Well no, no, no, no.

This is what it, well this is stirring right now, this is the terminology. But do you know that the fellows in your school, the Big Eds and Webbed hands? Wobbed tans. But they hung around together, did they? I don't they? they? they? they. they. they. they. they. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. Thea. Thea. Thea. Thea. Thea. Thea. Thea. Thea. Thea. Thea. Thea, th. This is, th. This is, th. This is, th. This is, th. This is, th. This is. This. This. This. This. This. This. This. This. This. This. This. This. This. This. This.............................................................................. It. What. What. It. It. But, the. What. But, the. What. What. But, the. But, the. But, th. But, the. But, the. But, the. But, they did. And they were nothing to do with each other? No. I think people expected them to sort of knock them out together, but they must have thought, oh that would be too obvious. You know what I mean? But where did you live near a power plant? I mean, why did you have? I don't think it had anything to do with stop you there because it always happens as soon as we, you know, it's supposed to be a nice day and suddenly you're open to go, right?

Now this has got, this got sent on the email, okay? Now this is not me saying this, this is not me saying this. This is not me saying this. This is someone Carl, through a combination of his intriguing way of thinking and slightly less than human appearance, right, Carl may just be the proof needed to muffle the cries of creationists the world over, as this missing link demonstrates that not only did man involve from apes, but the process isn't quite finished yet. Okay now that's someone else an external person's opinion of you. The terrible thing like? The terrible thing like that is, Carl's feelings aren't hurt because he didn't understand a word of that. I said the word creationist, that lost him.

That lost it. You know, you know when people say they're talking to their cat and they go, oh look at him, look at it? It's like he's like he he he he he he he he he he's like he's like he he's like he's like he's like he's like he's like he's like he can't he's like he can't he can't he can't he can't he's like he can't he's like he can't he's like he can't he's like he can't he's like he can't he that. Well. Well. Well, well. Well, well, well, well, well, well, he can't that's that's that he's that he's that he that he that he that he that he that he that he that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's th. thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi that's that's that's that's that now we're talking about your head and that, right? When you go back to say your mom and dad, it's Christmas time, right? There's a lot of people traveling down the country, going back seeing the mom and dad, they've probably seen them all year, right? When you go back, is it a shock to them again? No, do you know like how you get their their their thau, how thau, how thau, how tho tho th tho th th their th th thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, that, tho, tho, tho, tho, that, that, that, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, to to to to to say, to say, to say, to say, to say, to say, to say, to, to, to, to, to, th.... th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th, th, th, th, th, th. th. th. th. thi, thi, thi, thi, that, that, thooooooooooooooooo, thoooooooooo. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, you get used to how someone, like I said I'm used to you, I see you a few times a week, I don't need a double take. But what I mean is when you go back to this sort of go, oh here he is. Don't you know, play a record, this is like, let's leave it then.

Let's move on then because I'm going to get angry and we haven't even got, it's only, it. Simon and Garf Uncle, April comes she will. Looking forward to spring already. Yeah, it's a bit premature. It's like, well I thought it'd be nice, you know, it's a bit cold. Let's get Christmas over first all right. Christmas over. I love that. My mom used to go, oh that's that over for another year. Yeah, yeah. You should look forward to it. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that's that's to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th th th th th th th th th th th. th. th. the the the the the the the the tho the the the the thoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. to to to to it all year, buy things out of the catalog, pay for it for the next 12 months and they go, oh that's that over now. You know, 5 o'clock Christmas Day, that was it. When is Christmas over? I would say Christmas is over once you've seen the Vicaridiply Christmas special. Really? Yeah.

See, I think it was when the elderly ones fall asleep about 3. Really? the elderly ones fall asleep about 3.30 then wake up because the kids playing with somewhat noisy. Yeah. A game that goes, that's when Christmas is over. You know what you're getting this year then? Exactly. I do. I was shopping with Kyle. Don't give anything a way that I bought, right? Because it, you know, but I've got to tell you something. I, uh, we went into this one shop. I didn't get anything from it with shopping their shopping their shopping their shopping their shopping their shopping their shopping their their their th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm their their, their, their, th. I'. I'll, th. th. th. th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the, the, the, the. the. the. the. the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. toda. te. te. te. te. teto tell you something. We went into this one shop, I didn't get anything from it so I can talk about this, looking for a present for my girlfriend Jane. And that was a beautiful shop in St James's. They're all beautiful around there and it was this shop of a kind of classic sort of antiquities and it was things that are this guy, you have to ring a bow for the bloke to come down. Carl was just so confused. to, to, to, their, thiii, th, to th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, tho, you, thi, thi, thr, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, thian, thian, thian, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thin, thin, thin, thin, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thrererea'''''''''lip, thin, thin, thin for the bloke to come down. Carl was just so confused about that. He's used to someone standing there going, can I help you? Yeah. What

size do you want? Right? And he came down and he loved his stuff. He absolutely loved his stuff. And what sort of stuff was it? It was sort of stuff that he'd got from sort of church. It wasn't tap. It was old. It was old. It was carved. It was carvings. It was from, it. It was carving. It was carving. It was carving. It was carving. It was carving. It was carving. It was carving. It was carving. It was carving. It was carving. It was carving. It was carving. It was carving. It was carving. It was carving. It was carving. It was from from from from from the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. He loved. He loved. He loved. He loved. He loved. He loved. He loved. He loved. He loved. He loved. He loved. He loved. He loved. He loved. He loved. He loved. He loved. He loved. He loved. He loved. He loved. He loved. He loved. He was this is beautiful and I was talking to him, I said what's this and he was going, oh that's so and so I was going, oh that's wonderful. Look at it, and I overheard Carl, trying to make conversation, he said to this guy, who's so proud of this stuff and it's, you know, ah, at 16th, 17th century, he went think from the 60s of then and he went, alright. He went, when was the last time you got something in? But it went, we get something in every day. And afterwards I said, why were you asking those questions? He was going, I just, it always confused me with antiques, what happens when

they sell that out? They're not making any more. I just thought there's a sort of good business to get to get to get thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, tho, thi, thi, thi, their, their, their, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, their, their, their, the the the their, the th.... And, th. And, th. And, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thin, thin, thin, that thoan, thoan, thoan, thoan, thoan, thoan, thoan, that, thi. And, when, when, when, thi.'s a sort of good business to get into, that's all. Do you know what I mean? Why? There'll always be antiques, well, you said it yourself. The place wasn't buzzing, was it? He had to pop down, he couldn't even be bothered sort of sort of sat in the shop waiting for a customer because it's probably days go by. Nothing's happening.

Done it? For you to ring the to wake him up to say oh I'll come and look at this old stuff forget it so you've got all your Christmas shopping then car you you're bang up to date you don't yeah I've sorted you know most stuff out but here's one for you right here's a little question go on I've finished a job right I've been working somewhere for like about 10 years you can say it no no no no except him yeah it was a good little place to work everything but I've had enough yeah you the you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you to to to to to to to to to the to to the to to to to to the to th to th to to to th to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th th th th. th. I th. I the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to to to the to to to to the to to th was a good little place to work and everything but I've had enough, you know what I mean? After 10 years and that. You're moving on, we've got a lot going to move on, haven't you? You've got to, you know, try and see that.

You're going to go to, yeah, it's good. Right, so you're moving on, yeah. Right, so they gave girlfriend, wanted a camera. No. Right? So, they got me a camera, they wrapped it up and they, you know, like my leaving dude, they said, open it, no, no, what's going on? So I'm going to give it to Suzanne for Christmas? No. That's, that's, okay. That's a disgrace. But why is it the disgrace? Because it doesn't matter because I could I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I, their their, that, that, that, th. th. It, th. they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you're, you're, they're, they, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're got, they're myself and I didn't decide. You can't, no no no no no, no, that's second hand. It's not secondhand. It's not second, it is second hand, it is second hand, it is not even opened it. But surely the point about buying a gift for your girlfriend is that you've gone in the shop and it's a sentimental attachment. It's not about that. It is no. No. It is. It is no. It is no. It is no. It is no. It is no. It's no. It's no. It's about. It's about. It's about. It's about. It's about. It's about. It's about. It's about. It's about, it's about, it's about, it's about, it's about, it's about. It's about. It's about, it's not. It's about, it's about, it's about, it's about, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's. It's. It's. It's, it's. It's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's second. It's a second. It's a second, it's not, it's not, it's a second, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it a camera and it was brand new and you went, oh yeah Suzanne, happy Christmas. So are you going to tell

her it was a gift? Well no, she's at work today so she doesn't need to know any of us. So you're not even going to tell her? So you've got deceit as well as meanness. It doesn't matter. People are going to. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It......................................................... So. So. So. So. So. So. you. So. you. you. you. So. they. they. Are. Are. Are. Are. So. So, are. Are. So, are. So, are. So, are. So, are. So, are. So, are. 88291. It should Carl be giving a gift to his girlfriend, which he's passing off as his own present. It doesn't matter what the... You cannot... The thing is, it would be okay if you were giving it to a mate or something, but I'd's not even a £700 free camera. She, she, she, she'll never think that I spent 700 quid on her. That is brilliant. What's an improvement on last year?

Do you remember what you got her last year? I'd rather retailed us. Come on. What did you get? What did you get your partner, your life partner, your last year for Christmas? Your love her? Your last year for Christmas, how long have you been with her first? Um, 11 years. 11 years. What did you get her last year for Christmas? From condoms.

I mean that's unbelievable. I've got two packets. Yeah, no, no, you bought her a big bumper packet of condoms from boots or something and you got one packet free. Yeah, and they're all been used. Ha ha ha ha ha ha! Walk out to Winter, I was a tech camera before that the Pretenders, it's Rick is your very easy show, but I'm here, Steve, the Merchant, Carl Pilkington is here. Christmas Eve, Radio 2, Merry Christmas.

Producer just came in and said, oh can you give out the web address, BBC. the thrown, BBC. told you, theyce, th well, just in case people want to listen to this show again. Yeah, right. He's got a sense of humor. Yeah, as if. So, Carl, we've had loads and loads of emails. We should just, because you just tuned in, Carl received a leaving gift of a digital camera

when he's leaving a job and he's not even unwrapped it he's giving it straight to his girlfriend for tomorrow which I think Ricky and I feel he's not going to tell her it was free and he thinks there's nothing free it wasn't free it's ten years of my life I had to do that yeah and you've been 11 with a think what she's gone through she's had 11 years of her life well you know he's to Carl would have been okay if he'd have kept quiet, idiot, David Salford. He's right, yeah he's right. It's a disgrace, he has dishonored his former employer and his girlfriend from Graham and Anna. That's a good point. It's an insult to the people that were there. They got you some of it, they thought they really liked, they really went out and thought about it, they wrapped could have unwrapped it. Do you know what, I really hope it's happened?

that before they gave it to you, they took pictures of their genitals in the toilet, as a little little way, so your girlfriend's going to get that and get loads and loads and loads of pictures of awful from people to work at XFM. That would be the best Christmas gift for me. What if there's a note? T their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their thoom. Tome. Tome. Tome. Tome. Tome. Tome. Toom. Toge. Their thoomorrow. Their thoes. Their thoge. Their they's. Their they's. Theuice. Theuice. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. It's is is is their their toda. It's toda. toda. toda. toda. toda. today. their. their. their. they's. they's. they're signed to Carl. Look he's thinking about that look that is the first time he's ever thought of that. Look at his head. Look at his head. Christian Hull says I think Carl's heart is in the right place. Don't know about his brain though. Good point. A fair point. There's one here. I once got a frozen box of fish my husband. thi. thi tho' th th th th th th th th th th th th th th. th. tho- tho- tho- tho- tho- tho- tho- tho- tho- tho-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o----upo-o-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------wo-wo-wo-wo-wo-wo-wo-wo-wo-wo-woo-wo-ho-wo-wo-ho-wo-h-h-h-h-aa-h-h-he-hea-hea-hea-w-w-w whilst working in a chip shop. Carl's girlfriend should be grateful. Yeah, I suppose so. I mean, it's staggering. It's one from Jane.

It says, better his girlfriend has the camera as it looks like he hasn't got a posable thumbs. And that's people having a dig, they don't even know you. But you know, you know why I'm not a sort of big fan of Christmas and buying presents and that anyway because I've had bad experiences in the past when like you know buying buying stuff for people. Go on. You know like when it was a kid and that right and you know you put a lot of thought into buying presents don't you when you're a kid because you know you haven't got that much money to how old are we talking? About eight about eight

right so you look like you did but you had hair I assume. Yep, right. So eight years old and that I'm putting a bit of planning into it thinking oh, you know, what would my man want? Yeah. Now my ma'am's a big fan of gnomes. Right? Right. Right. Right. Nomes. You must be pleased how you to do it. And fair fairies and stuff like that, right? the little elves and all th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi, thi, the th. th. that that's what th. I that that's what th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. What th. What th. What th. What th. What th. What th. What th. What th. What th. What th. What th. What th. What th. What th. What th. th. th. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. I'm the. I'll look for something that's that's a bit gnomeish and there was a shop you got a Nile Edmonds. There was this there was this shop sort of down the road that sort of sold a lot of tat right? Oh good. Sort of every you know all them shops where everything's quite cheap it's sort of they sell things that they sell thi th things they they they they they they they they they they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they they they they they they they they they they they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they're they're they're they're they they're they're they they they they're they they're they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they, they sell things individually, that shouldn't be, like toilet rolls and that sort of thing. They used to think everything's a pound that now they're sounding that everything's

99P because a pound wasn't cheap enough. They're undercutting the pound job. Yeah, yeah, go on. So anyway, so I had a look in there, let's have a lot of see if they've they've got any gnomes and that. And the closest, and the closest, and the closest, and the closest, and the closest, and the closest, and the closest, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, the closest, the closest, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now now now now now now now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now now now now now now now now now now now now now now, now now now now now now now now now, now now now now, now, now now, now now, now, now, now, now now, now now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, the closest, their their their their their th. Now, thi. Now, thi's thi's thi's thi's thi's thi's their their their their their their th's called a Victoria Plum. Victoria Plum, right? It's like a little one. No, Victoria Plum. Right, did it right? It's like a woman gnome, right? Okay. So I thought I should love that, right?

So I think it was about two quid, right? Invest in one of them, take it home and well chuff with myself and that, I can't wait to see it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it's like, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, tha, thi. It's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, yeah. Anyway, do you know like when you're a kid, I bought that like two weeks before Christmas, sure, right? And do you know when you're sort of excited and you want to give someone a present earlier? Yeah, you know what I mean? Yeah. I sort of took my mom into this shop, right? And we're just walking about, and the Victoria Plum. And the the the the the th, I was, I was, and the Victoria plum is th, I was, and th, and th, and th, I th, and th, I th, I th, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th, and thu, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th you're th you're th you're thirty, and you're, and you're, and you're, and you're, and you're, and you're, and you're, and you, and you, and you, and you, and you, and you you you you you you you you you you you, and you you you you you you you, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I thi, I's sort, I's sort, I'm sort, thin, thin, tho, tho-s, tho-s, sort sort sort tho' tho' tho-s, sort tho' tho' thirty, and you're sort thirty, and you're sort to her, I said, oh, it's looking out up there, do you like that? She said, no, it's bloody horrible. Right? Oh, oh.

So this is too late, it's too late to go back. He spent all your money. Money spent, it's wrapped, it's under the tree, right? I'm thinking, I can't believe it. So I said, no, you know, that, made, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, it, it, it, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's, it's, it's, it's, it's. It's. It's. It's, it's, it's, it's. It's. It's, it's. It's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's. It's, it's, it's, it's. It's, it's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's, it's to. It's to. too. too. too. too. too. too. too, it's too. too. too, it's too. too, it's Day comes, right? I'll open my stuff. She's about to open hers. This is like Dickens. She opened hers and that and she went, oh that's lovely that. Don't give me that. You know, you said she said it was horrible. She was a liar. Yeah, pretending for not wanting to hurt your feeling. She was a liar. And that's, you know, that's why, you know. But things have moved on.

What are you on about? Yeah, but you don't forget, do you? I don't, I still don't know how this justifies you not buying your girlfriend of 11 years an actual gift. Although that was quite touching. Play a Christmas song. Let me th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. tho. tho. tho. th. th. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. to. to. to. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. th, beautiful song, wonderful on BBC Radio 2. Well, it's that time of year when we give gifts. Yeah, absolutely, and you know, we like to give and we like to keep on giving.

Yeah. And that's why it's competition time. Oh sure, nice to look. Yeah. And we have a platinum disc of Madonna's album Confessions on a Dance Floor. It's framed, classy, giving that away, to a person who can climb inside Carl's brain and understand what the hell he's doing. I think we should give them a shot. We're also good we've got us just because we can. This is like one of those gifts we made, isn't it? We didn't buy it, we made it. This is extras on DVD, signed by both of us. That's like giving away my camera in a way. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. I's, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I, to, th. th.......................................................................................................................... on DVD signed by both of us. That's like giving away my camera in a way. You know what I mean? You've got loads of copies of them, there's no thought in it? You're having a go. You know what I mean? But, oh, yeah.

But we were involved with that. Yeah, we sort of did that. If you designed the camera and then built it in a little factory somewhere and gave it to Suzanne, I'd let you off but you didn't. Also a copy of more flannimal, shall I sign? And some flannimal collectibles. Now they're handmaid, you see. Now listen, that's not a cheap gift. A set of those flannabels collectibles, right? They're not toys, they're handcrafted, right? They went for 600 pounds on eBay. So that's a good giv. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thiolnip. th. thiolanananananam. th. th. thi. th. thiolanam. th. th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, thi. And, than. And, they. And, they. And, they's, on eBay, 600 quid. Or 65, you know, they're very rare. Davy in Belfast, by the way, just the last one, he says, I've bought my wife a silver necklace and I got the shop to put it in a box saying white gold instead of silver, is this wrong? So if you're Mrs Davie from. Pop back to the jewelers, just get them to check it. He probably thinks he's safe because she's not listening, but any friends of Dave, who's

got a wife who's going to get a silver necklace with white gold? And she'll be showing that off to my gun, that's white gold? Davy, David, got it yesterday? Should be showing that off on boxing day? Yeah, I wonder if it'll slowly be haunting it'll that that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's th. Yeah. Yeah, it's th. It'll th. Yeah, it's th. It's th. It's thi thi thi thi's not thi's not thi's not thi's not thi's not thi's not thi's not thi's not thi's not thi thi thi thi he's not he's not he's not he's not he's not he he he he he he he he he he he he he he's not he's not he's not he's not he's not he's not he's not he's not he's not he's not he's not he's not he's not he's not he's not he's not he's not thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi. thia' thia' thia' thia' thi thi thi thi thi ell-the-truth Davy tell the truth say it's still a beautiful gift it's a lovely thought but but don't lie don't don't mix a lovely gift with a lie it's this notion that the Christmas is a chore I gotthe the missus something I know I know exactly it's bizarre isn't it should be it should be a joy Carl the way I do a treat it should be a treat it tr tr tr tr tr tr tr tr tr tr tr tr tr tr tr tr tr the tr tr tr tr tr true it should be it should be it should be it should be it should be it should be it should be it should be a true it should be a true it should be a true it should be a true it should be a true it should be a tre it should be a tre it should be a tr is a tre tre tre tre tre tre I tr is a tr tr tr tr tr tr tr tr tr tr tr tr tr tr tr tr tr tr tr tr tr tr tr tr tr tr tr tr tr tr tr tr the true I the tree it should be a tree it should be a tree I true I true I true I true I true I true I true I true to to to true to true to to true I true I true I true I oms, but that to me isn't a treat. Wiking up next to you every day. Well listen, are we doing this quiz? Right, Rockbusters, and we should explain what Rockbusters is. Don't be fooled. It has no association with the popular TV show Blockbusters. Although he's just ripped off the name, but you can't even do it. It's like a cryptic. No, it's not cryptic, because a cryptic clue actually makes sense every part of it. You might as well call this what band am I thinking of. Yeah, go on. Well, what do is let's sum it up

in an easy way, right? I give you some initials of an artist or a band, right? They play on radio too, right? You'll know the sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort the sort sort sort the sort the sort the sort the sort the sort the sort the sort the sort the sort the sort the sort the sort the sort the sort the sort, the sort, I the sort the sort, I, th. th. th. th. the the the their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, th. I, th. I, th. I, th. I, th. I, th. I, th. I, th. I, th. I, th. I, th. I, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. thi. thi. thi. I'. thi. I'll, th. thi. thi. thi. thi. the sort of songs we play, big good songs, right? And what I do, I give you like a little description, like a cryptic clue about that band, right? So say, say like if I said, if I gave you the initials W-H, if I gave you the initials W-H, right? Sure, yeah. This is a classic rock, what's this cli-a-h? the initial initial initial initial initial initial initial initial initial initial initial initial initial initial the the the the the the the the the the the the the th, the th, the th, th, the th, th, the th, th, the the th, th, the th, the th, th, th, th, th, th, th, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, th, th, th, th, their-s-s-s-s. I th, their-s. I-s. I-s. I-s, their-s, their-a-s, their-a-a-s, their-a-a-a-s, their, their, their, their, their, th, their, th. I- clue, right? W.H. are the initials of the artists of the band. And then, like, you say, right, I was in Texas, right? I've had no wonder about, I was over there on holiday. Yeah. This is the clue. This is the cold run.

Yeah. But, so I was in Texas and that. It had been raining. I fell I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I th, I th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I was, I was, I was, I was, I was in, I was in, I was in, I was in, I was in, I was in, I was in, I was in, I was in, I was in, I was in, I was in, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was in, I was in, I was in, I was in, I was in, I was in, I was in, I was in, I was in Texas, I was in Texas, I was in Texas, I was in Texas, I was in Texas, I was in Texas, I was in Texas, I was in Texas, I was in Texas, I was in Texas, I was in Texas, I was in Texas, I was in Texas, I was in Texas, I was in Texas, I was in, I fell over, right, landed sort of, landed on my leg, right? So that's the clue and then I say W-H. Right, and the answer would be like wet-knee in Houston, right? Wet-knee-husten. There's no artist called Wet-Khne Houston. Wet-n-wit-wit-wit-wit, that-wit-nigh, Wight, Whitney Houston. No don't try and make wet sound like wet. You know but I'm just said that's... Well it worked for people got it. Who's wetney Houston? Who's wetney Houston? Oh forget that one. Here's another one right. This is what you're dealing with.

No right. Here's is another one then, but easy right. The initials ND. The initials ND, right? And the clear would be something like, oh, someone's stolen me a garden tool, right? Someone's stolen me garden tool, so you think about it, right? What's a garden tool? Oh, what's going on? Someone's stolen it. Nicked rake, right? Nicked rake? Nicked, Nick, Nick, Drake? Yeah, Nicked rake? Yeah, Nicked r Drake. That nearly works. Yeah. So that's that's the sort of thing we're going to be doing. I don't know if you want to... Well let's play a record and then we'll come back with the actual clues and you can win yourself this platinum disc. It's exhausted. It's exhausting. It's Nick Drake. Isn't radio too brilliant? It is good. I'm loving it it here. It's nice to be off the Timbott. It's brilliant. It's brilliant. I's brilliant. I's brilliant. I's brilliant. I's brilliant. I's tip. I's tip. I's tip. I's tod. I's tod. I's tode. I's th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I' th. I' th. I' th. I' th. I' th. I' th. I' th. I' th. I' th. I' th. I' th. I' th. I' th. I' th. I' th. I' th. I' th. I' th. I' th. I' th. I' th. I' th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. thi. thi. th. thi. th. th. thi. th. th. th. thi. th. off a Timbott station. Don't slag it off.

There's enough out there for everyone. This is Christmas and all everything's lovely. Yannick How in your world. Rockbusters. Let's get on with it. Okay, these are the genuine clues. You can win yourself this Madonna Platinum disc plus some other goodies and the clues are. Right. So these three clues by the way we've got to get three right to win this one. Oh this is so hard. I mean the the worrying thing is if you do get these you think like Carl. Yeah which is really good. So you might want to give up all the goodies just to not admit that you got a so-called Carl Crippery clue. Right here we go I'm ready for it. They better work. They better work. They They better work. They're they're better. They're better. They're better. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. It. So. So. It's. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the because their name's not wetney. Well they got it last time didn't they say? Right, first one. Put the, uh... I mean, it's just not, imagine that in the Times Crossword. Um, the, um... Listen, do you know the little information card?

What do we do it? Let's hear it. Let's hear it. Let's hear it. this is still the clue. this still the clue. Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, uh, uh, the, the, the, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, uh, uh, the, this done before Christmas. Let me hear it. Oh, Paul. Listen, do you know the little information card you get in a mobile phone? Oh, sorry, is this the clue? This is the clue. Okay, fine. Work, what is it? Okay, quiet. Get quiet. the little information card you get on your mobile phone, right? No, what's that? What is the question? What is it, what is it? the, what, what, what, what, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, is? the, is? the, is, is, is? the, is, is right but put that oh shatter will you be quiet we got to the news in five minutes we got to get three clues out you put you

put that little card right on a spider's house the initials if they don't hear the initials they can't play along it's important right S W right I'm making a note of this S W right so that little card, information card from the I've got it. I've got it. Right. Put that on a spider's house. Right. Diana Ross isn't feeling that good. I don't know. Right. That's the clue. I. D. Right. D. Right. D. Diana Ross isn't feeling that sort of good at the moment. It's different. that. D. Ri. Ross isn't isn't isn't isn't isn't isn't isn't isn't isn't isn't isn't isn't that's isn't that's isn't. I that's isn't. I that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. that. I. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. I. that sort of good at the moment she's... It's different, different. How can it be cryptic if the clue's different the next time? Diana Ross isn't feeling that good. I D, right? And then the last one, that stuff, that I put on my toast, right? Right. It doesn't taste sharp enough, right? That stuff I put on my toast. Oh, that stuff I don't taste, taste, taste sharp enough. Right? Pop holies! Eat your heart out!

The initials, J.B. All right, so there you go. There's three clues. Okay, right. I've got that and it doesn't work. Well, does not work. Just got until I'll quickly, hang on a sec. Let me give out how the people can get in text us 88291, you can give us a call 0500 288-291 or you can email Gervais at BBC.co.C.C.C. again then, Carl? Well, quickly, that information card you get on your mobile, just pop it on a spider's house. That's SW. Yeah. The second one, Diana Ross isn't, you know, feeling that good at the moment. What's up with her? Oh, I did. I did. And then the last one, that stuff I put on me toast. I don't sort of taste sharp enough, right? What's going on there? J.B. J. B. Right. T. Rex, Christmas bop on Radio 2. After the news, we've got the answers to rock busters. Good luck with that. Still time to get those answers in. Plus we've the the the the the the the the the their th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. J. th. J. the. ta. J. ta. ta. ta. tas. tas. taste. J. taste. taste. taste. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. T. T. T. T. S. T. A. A. S. A. S. G. S. G. G. A. G. G. G. G. A. S. G. G. G. G. G. G. G. G. G. G. G. G. S. G. G. S. S. S Monkey News. If you've never heard Monkey News before, you will not believe your luck.

It is truly extraordinary. Am I right? You are, but this is the real news. On 88 to 91 FM, this is Radio 2 from the BBC. Talk by Coldplay. to give away in the second hour. Talk. Talk by Coltapolome. We've got some cold play stuff to give away in the second hour coming up soon, some collectibles

and some sign stuff and albums, everything, but this is the Madonna one we're playing for, the Madonna gold disc, platinum disc. Platinum, platinum disc. Is that better or better? That's better, yeah. That's better, yeah. Well, it's a gold one, but I wins this is sort it out and we've got some other stuff that me and Steve have made for you as well. So Carl, give us the clues

again and the answers. So we're doing it now. This is it, Carl. This is the final moment where we actually get to see how your mind works. And you've got a winner and everything. We're ready to go, right? Right. First one was, you know that little card you get in your mobile, right? Yeah, you put that on a spider's house. Yeah, okay. So I got that one. The initials were S. W. Yeah, so it's Web. It's Sim on Web. Yeah, Sim on Web. Yeah, Sim on Web. Yeah, Sim on Web. I've never heard of Sim. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. themememem. that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that. I that that that that that that that that that that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I that. Yeah. I that. I that. I that. I that. I that. I that. I that. I that. I that. I that. I that. I that. I that. I that. I that. I that. I that. I that. I that. I that. I that. I that. I that. I that. I that. I that. I that. I th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've that. I've that. I've that. I've that. I've that. I've that. I've that. I've that. I've that. I've that. I've that. I've never heard of Sim on Web. Is that a French artist? Simon Webb, isn't it? Oh no, but it still works. No, it doesn't work, mate. No, it doesn't work. No, it doesn't work. No, it doesn't work, mate. It doesn't, mate. Because you said Sim on the web, mate. It doesn't work. It doesn't work, they've got it, we've got it, we've got a winner, so it doesn't work. Yeah, let's the second, let's the second, the next. the next. the next. the next. the next. the next. the next. the next. the next. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, the th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, thre. It's, thre. It's thre. It's the. It's thre. It's the. It's the. It's the. It's wrong with her. That's changed. That's completely changed. Diana Ross isn't feeling that good. Right.

That was the clue, the initials were I did. I have no idea. Right? That was, you know, ill. Ill, ill, ill, she's a diva, ill, ill, ill, divo, right? That sort of opera. It's an absolute nonsense. Deva and Devo are too good. You're an idiot. You're really are a stupid idiot. So well well done if you got that and that. Last one. That stuff I put on my toast. Yeah. It doesn't

taste right. It's not sort of sharp enough. No I've got, I got it be blunt and I got jam. There's no artist called the jam. No. It's that. It's that. It's that. It's that. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's the t. It's t. It's t. It's t. It's t. It's t. It's t. It's t. It's the the tip. It's tip. It's tip. It's the the tip. It's tip. It's tip. It's tip. It's the the the the the tip. It's the tip. It's the t. It's t. It's t. It's t. It's t. It's t. It's t. It's tie. It's tie. It's tie. It's tie. It's tip. It's tip. It's tip. It's tip. I. It's tip. I tip. I tip. I tip. I tip. I tip. I tip. I tip. I tip. I tip. I tip. I tip. I tip. I I got jam. Jam blunt. But there's no artists called Jam. There's no artist called the Jam. No no no I got, there's an artist called the Jam. Jam. No no, no, I've got like Jam's Blunt. Jam's Blunt. James. James Blunt. So he's the winner. It doesn't work. I don't know anyone. I don line? You're such an idiot. I don't know what to say to this guy. I mean, as soon as Christmas is over, pop in somewhere, get yourself checked out. Steve, I don't know how you pronounce your surname, Steve Toes or Steve Toes, he says, admittedly he says, this is the worst quiz ever. It is the worst quiz ever. He He he. He he. He he. He he. He he. He he. He he. He he. He he. He he. He he. He he. He he. He he. He he. He he. He he. He he. He is th. He is. He is th. He th. He is th. He is th. He th. He th. He th th th th. He is. He is th th th th th th th th th th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He is. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He's th the. He's the. the to to to to to to to to to to to to the to to the Duff for Christmas. Lovely, a wonderful poetic, I mean. That's lovely isn't it? Appropriate as well, you know, baby Jesus born this year, you know, born this year in something

or other. Don't be going into that. Why? Well, it's, you know, BBC and everything. to be saying Christmas baby Jesus and that. Why not? But you can talk about Jesus. Just leave it. Well, we've just been saying Christmas all the time. What are you talking about? What have you been reading?

I'm just saying. This is like last year when I was at the Christmas dinner table with my parents. And my sister is religious. the the time the time. I was thinking well this has got to be the time. I mean there's no other time than his birthday. No I do we use. One and two I think the time talk about Jesus is Christmas and Easter. Easter. That's pretty much the big two. No I know it's popular this time of the year but I'm just saying it's best you know there's other people out to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the they. I they. We going. We going. We going. We're going. We're going. We're going. We're going. We're going. We're going. We're going. We're going. We're going. We're going. We're going. We're going. We're going. We're going. We're going. We're going. We're going. We're going. We're going. We're going. But. But. But. But. But. But. But. But. But. But. But. But. But. But. But. But. But. But. But. But. But. But. But. But. But. But. But. But. But. But. But. But. But. We're going. But. But. But. We're going. We're going. We're going. We're going. We're going. We're going. We're going. We're going. We're going. We're going. We're going. We're going. We're going. We're going. We're going. We're going. We're going. We're going. Christmas. Yeah. Happy Christmas to everyone that. Play a record. Seth Lakeman and Fight for Favour, one of my favourite songs of the year. Isn't that beautiful?

It's very nice, yeah, I've not heard it before. On Radio 2. Rickage of Ageve, Steve, Steve, Steve, Merchant, Carl, I don't know why I'm The gift of song and chat. The gift of chat, the gift of rockbusters. The gift of Gobletty Gook. The gift of Carl to the nation. You cannot buy that. You can't bottle it. I'd like to see him bottle. That'd be ideal. Like a little frog. Pickled in a jar. Yeah, exactly. He will be one day. He will be in Ripley's one day. And they say he used to walk around amongst us. It's quite thua. It's thua. It's thua. thua. thua. thia. thia. thia. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the th. thi. thi. the thi. the the the the gift. to to to the gift. to to to to to to to to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to to be to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the gift. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. the the the the the the the the the the the the the tho. the gift. the gift. the gift. the the the gift. the the gift. the the the gift. the to. to to to to. to. to to to. used to walk around amongst us. Exactly. It's quite normal. But let's not forget why we give gifts? Well yeah, just to cheer people up in that. Yeah, no, it's because the wise man gave gifts to the baby Jesus. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. That's why. What would you have got the baby Jesus? I'd probably got him tokens. And let him decide, you know what I mean? You don't want to get anything, you know and then he doesn't like he wants to take it back. Well I'll tell you, in a recent poll, Waterstones did, the favourite gift for children was flannamels still available. That's so outrageous. That's so disgraceful. It's Christmasy. What's you all got in the extra is on DVD. I don't make make the the the the the the the thx, I thx, I tha, I tha, I th. th. th. I th. th. I th. I th. I th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. It's, the, the, th. It's, th. What, thathe. What, th. What, th. What, th. What, th. What, th. What, th. What, th. What, th. What, th. What, th. What, th. What, th. What, th. What, th. What, th. What, th. What, th. What, th. What, th. What, th. What, th. What, th. What, th. What, t. What, ta, ta, ta, ta. What, ta. What, ta. What, the toge. What, the toge............................................. flannevils. Yeah.

I like the fact that one of the wives men turned up with gold. And the other two, FrankenSense and Mirror, which as I understand it is, what, it's like incense or something? Incense or perfume? I don't know. I think, I believe that's what it is. I just love the idea one of them to know. They've all got together they've gone, okay now guys we're not gonna spend more than 50 quid each this year, alright? Definitely not. So what have you all got?

Before we go in and see and what have you all got, uh, I spent a bit more than 50? What are you talking about man? We just said, we were just gonna spend, we're just gonna. Which is like a token. No, I got they got, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, got, got, I, I, got, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, got, got, got, got, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, trying to make an impression he's the son of God. I did know but we only got Frank, I got FrankenSense. And what do you forget? He got Murr, and I don't even know what that is, and I'm a wise man. Surely one of them must have been furious. Is Merr still popular? Is Merr still very popular?

I hope so because this is my grounds getting this year. Really, lovely fun. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their. M. M. M. M. M. M. M. M. M. M. M. M. M. M. I that's that's that's that's that's the the the their. their. their. their. their. I. I. I. the the the the the th. I th. M-in. M-I. M-I. M-I. M-I. M-I. Mare. M-I. Mare. M-I. Mare. Mare got them gifts, right? Yeah, little baby Jesus. Yeah. Were they for Christmas or his birthday? I don't know. Radio 2 indeed. You heard the Pogues, Fairy Tower of New York. One of the best Christmas songs ever. I think the best Christmas song ever and one of the best songs absolutely. No, it's not. It's brilliant. Do you like that Carl? It's all? It's all. It's all. It's the the the the the the the the the the the Christmas. the Christmas. the Christmas. the Christmas. the Christmas. the Christmas. the Christmas. the Christmas. the Christmas. the Christmas. the Christmas. the Christmas. the Christmas. the Christmas. the Christmas. the Christmas. the Christmas. the Christmas. the Christmas. the Christmas. the Christmas. the Christmas. the Christmas. the Christmas. the Christmas. the Christmas. the Christmas. the Christmas. the Christmas. the Christmas. the Christmas. the Christmas. the Christmas. the Christmas. the Christmas. the Christmas. the Christmas. the Christmas. the Christmas. the Christmas. the Christmas. the Christmas. the Christmas. the Christmas. the Christmas. the Christmas. the Christmas. the Christmas. the. the Christmas. the. the Christmas. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. Christmas. the. the. Christmas. the. Christmas. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the., one of the best Christmas songs ever. I think the best Christmas song ever and one of the best songs absolutely. It's a it's brilliant. Do you like that Carl? It's all right yeah it's good. Enjoying yourself Carl? Yeah it's a what being here? Yeah it's a thiinaught I mean we're getting looked after and that I can't believe like you know the amount of food and that we've got here it's it it it's it's it's the m m m m m m m m m m m m m m m m m m m m m Yeah, yeah. Where you take the pineapple chunks for an old lady. Yeah, yeah, but yeah, but but yeah, it's going all right. I mean, I've been sort of listening to radio too, you know, the last few weeks enjoying it and that and sort of, you know, making sure we get the show, you know what I mean? I want it to fit into into into into into into into into into into into into into into into into into into into into into into into into into into into to fit into to fit into to fit into to fit into to fit into to fit into to fit into to fit into to fit into to fit into to fit into their their their their their their their their their their their, their, it's their, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, but, I's, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, yeah, I'm, yeah, I'm, yeah, yeah, I'm, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm, yeah, yeah, their, yeah, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, th. Yeah, but, but, but, but, but, yeah, but, but, yeah, but, but, yeah, but, but, yeah, but, but, yeah, but, but, yeah, but is, I've been thinking. Oh yeah, this is, this is great this show. This is perfect. Listen again of course on BBC.

dot, UK, forward slash Radio 2. But something that Wogan does, right, on breakfast, Terry Wogan, right? He does this little thing called Thought of the Day. Yeah. And I I thought we could carry it on. I'd like a little... What are you all going to do it? Just have a little thought. Well if you ever have a little thought, please tell us and we'll put it up on the website. Oh, you want to do, you want to do, you want to do it on the day? Yeah. It's a big, it's a big feature, isn't it? Have you got one? Have a the tha tha tha tha tha tha tha, tha, tha, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, th. th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. Please, tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha, please, tha, no, okay, well no, alright, well let's have a little jingle, have a little jingle. Okay, I don't know what the jingle is, I don't, but just makes it up.

You listen to Radio 2, the Ricketshire Show with Thought for the Day with Carl Pilkington. Right, well, uh, thanks for our own me. Um, brilliant. It's just like to say, you know, it's Christmas time. Um, you know, cheer someone up. Have a laugh with them. Make the day and that. So, happy Christmas. That's it. That's your thought for the day.

Well, just that you don't need to mess about, you know what I mean? Just if you can do that today. Yeah, I'll have that. If you can, if you can do that that today that today that today that today, if you, if you, if you, if you, if you, if you, if you, if you, if you, if you, if you, if you, if you, if you, if you, if you, that, if you, if you, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, tho, tho, th, th, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, th. C, th. C, th. C, th. C, th. C, th. C, th. C, th. C, th. C, th. C, th. C, th. C, th. C, th. C, th. C, th. C, th. C, th. C, th. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. to, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to tho. tho. know, I think I give him, I don't know, not child rights because children are a lot more intelligent than Carl. I don't know, sort of, I suppose animal rights, no, animal, no, because they're, they're, I know. But, you see, the thing is, Wogan normally has on a priest or a rabbi or a thinker, not normally their, not normally their modern equivalent of, you know, Frankenstein's Frankenstein, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, I, I, I. I. I, I, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I, I, I. I. I, I. I. I, I, I, I. I, I, I. I, I. I, I, I... I, I.. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I, I, I, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I'm, I don't, I drag it out how they have like a fable or something don't they cut out all that right? because you know they've got a lot of time on their hands when they're in their house. Well not Christmas it's their busy time as well I'd thought Christmas because do you think they only work Sundays? do they're they're their they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're their they're their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their they're to to they're they're they're to to they're they're they're to they're to to they're to to they're they're to they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they they're they they they they they they they they their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their to their their tooooooooooooooo to to to to, but, you know, they've got, they do all right for themselves, they've got, they've given that house to live in and that.

No, they, well it's the house of God, they don't, you don't actually keep up. No, they, it's not the house of Fraser. No, the vicar lives in a little vicarage, and that's usually joined on to the house of God. You don't get those addresses mixed up. He doesn't get all godsmail when he's going, ooh, for you again. Well, if you, I mean, you've heard now the way that Carl's mind thinks. You've heard over the last hour in 25 minutes. We've got these coltables, to, to, the, to, to, to, the, to, to, the, to, to, they. And, to, they. And, they. And, they. Oh, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, thoes, thi. Oh, tho, tho, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, don't. Yeah, don't. Yeah, don't. Yeah, thro. Yeah, they. Yeah, they. Yeah, don't. Yeah, don't. Yeah, don't. they. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. thro, okay, you've seen the way he thinks. Brilliant. A question that you want to ask him, you want to get his opinion on something, you might want to get his opinion on the supernatural, on you know, civil rights. Anything you want. Just get his mind work, because he loves to learn, he loves to be educated, he loves to ask questions. You can te 8, 281, you can't. You. You. the, you. the, you. the, you. And, you. And, you. And, you. And, you. And, you, you. And, you, you, you. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi, thi, thi, you might th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th, you might, you might, you might the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. And, you might, you might. And, you might. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thco. This is an example of how Carl thinks. Once we and Steve were talking to Carl and we told him that they're going to be able to bring back a mammoth soon, bring a mammoth to life.

He went, he's joking. And we thought, oh that's interesting. And then we realized, I said, what do you think we said, he said, what do, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, we said, we said, we said, we said, we said, we said, we said, we said, we said, we said, we said, we said, we said, we said, we said, we said, we said, we said, we said, we said, we said, we said, we said, we said, we said, we said, we said, we said, we said, we said, we said, we said, we said, we said, we said, we said, we said, we and we said, we and we and we said, we said, we said, we said, we said, we said, we said, we said, we said, we said, we said, we said, we'd, we'd, we'd, we'd, we'd, we'd, we'd, we'd, we'd, we'd, we'd, we'd, we'd, we'd, we'd, we'd, we'd, we'd, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. they'd. they're, we'd. th. th. they're, we'd. they're, we'd. they're, we'd. th. they're, we'd they're, they're, they're, they're, we'd. thinking when you thought it was a man moth? He said, I thought of a little moth with a fella's head bumping into a lamp. He's a fella's making a thunda. I'd love to be Stevie Wonder. He's great, isn't he? Well, Carl has started offending everyone as we thought. But we've got to explain, does I mean he honestly means no harm He does these things that what what for said? Well, this is from Reverend

Gwynn Owen from Stockwood. Yeah, a vicar, okay when I'm tired of being a vicar and working one day a week thee, and that's a vicar swearing. You made a vicar swear? That's how infuri. That's how infuri. Well. Well. Well I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I'm I'm thi. Well I'm thi. Well I'm thi. Well I'm thi. Well I'm thi. Well I'm thi. Well I'm that's that's thi. thi. Well. Well. Well I'm that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's th. I I. I I th. I I I I th. I I I th. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well I'm thi. Well I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi' thi' thi' thi' thi' thi' thi' thi' thi. I'm thi and do bugger all all week. And that's a vicar swearing. You made a vicar swear! That's how infuriated you are! Why don't you? He's done you, Reverend. Oh dear. If you have a question for Carl, we're going to give away these cold play collectibles. If you have a question that you think will really peak his interest really make his mind work then you can get in touch with us and the best question will win

those cold play collectibles and a few other odds and ends we got knocking around gifts yeah but I was talking about the gift I think my father's favorite gift I received one Christmas it was a the fervo their fervor the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their I I I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the I was a kid and I thought this was probably about 10. And I thought this was dying, I was so jealous. It was a reversible jacket. What happened to them? I know, I mean they were all the rage for about 25 minutes and um and it was a met. But what was great about is it seems to me with a reversible jacket. What you want is you want say checks on one side and just say plain blue on the other so it completely looks like a completely different jacket yeah whereas this one obviously a little bit cheaper I'm not splashing out a huge amount it was kind of it had a beige body and white

arms yeah turned it inside out beige arms white body it looked almost identical and I could never quite understand when he was ever gonna utilize that when people would do me when he would when he would he'd walked to a party they'd say, you know? Well I think it was having two jackets in one that was the buzz, not there. So he'd walk, yeah, he'd go into a party and I go, all right, right, yeah, yeah. Notice before I go to the toilet that this is a beige body with white arms. Yeah, all right, everyone. No, no, no, but when I come down, the, the, the, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, so, yeah, so, yeah, yeah, so, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, so, so, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, the, yeah, yeah, the, the, yeah, yeah, the, the, yeah, yeah, the, the, yeah, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, he, the, he, the, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he'd, he, he, the, the, the, the, You got that? You know right, yeah. He comes down and I go, none of that jacket I came in wearing. Yeah, the beige body, have another look. Have another look. That must be a completely different jacket. It's a completely

different jacket. You must be one of the richest man. You must be one of the richest men in Bristol. But hold on, but you won't carry in's a reversible jacket, alright? It's the best, the best. The only idea of a reversible jacket must be, so that you think people think that you've got two jackets, that's the whole point, surely. I know. I don't understand what's the appeal other way. One black, one white, one furry, one. I know. Yeah, so that's why the reverse. Didn't need them. We'll be here if we needed them. Well, they're bringing back a mammoth though, aren't they?

Yeah, they are bringing back a mammoth. But listen, you know, we're chatting about presents and all that, and before my little thought, my little thought about... It was a little thought. Just, you know, cheer someone up, if you can't. thrown their today, right, right, next door to my mom and dad right and this is what I mean about you know the old people they might not have that many people cheering them up this time of year so you know if you can get him a

little gift and that because what happened was this old woman living next to my mom dad how old you this this was only about two years ago okay and I think a son's left home doesn't keep in tou-a th a th you thn't thn't thn't thn't thn't thn't thn't thn't thn't thin a thin a thin thin thin thin thin thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thi the. the. the. the. thi thi thi thi the the the the the the thi. thi thi thi thi thi th. thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi their their their their their their their their their their their there there there there there there's the the there's throoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo the think her son's left home, doesn't keep in toucest, you know. It doesn't even phone her, I don't think, isn't that, right? Quite sad. And I thought, I'll give her a better my time, have a chat with her, try and cheer her up and stuff. And I said, all right, how's it going? She said, yeah, not bad, that. And she said, yeah, I'm th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. And, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm not, I'm th. And, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I' th. And, I. And, I. And, I. And, I. And, I. And, I. And, I. And, I. And, I. And, I. And, I. And, I. And, I. And, I. And, I. And, I. And, I. And, I, I, I, I, I, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, I'm, th. And, I'm, I'm, I'm, th. And, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm not, yeah, yeah, and she was saying, but I don't get a chance to get out these days, you know, I can't get about like I did, and all that, I'm going, yeah, it's bad that. Anyway, I go to like, one of those big super stores where they sell all electrical stuff and that, right? I'm in there, I think, oh, superstore get your little catalog so you can have a look at dishwashers and that she's over the moon

she still goes on about it was years ago what that you got her a catalog I thought you said you were gonna buy a dishwasher no no no just just the catalog and that but your life is sort of like just bit of a saute tragedy that that's what I'm saying it is though because you've got in the street and there's people knocking around with big heads and webbed dance and webbed feet. That I mean that must have been... She's pretty weird anyway this old woman because she was telling her. And that's coming from you. No no well after the catalog and that she opened up a bit and she was saying now you know

she's a bit odd anyway because she woke up the to their tho.......... sort of falling on her head from a dead rabbit hanging over her. So I mean she's a nice... What are you talking about? No that's what she went on to she sort of opened up a bit and so what street were you born in? Where is this place? Is it Elm Street that you live on? She just said a man was a witch or something so it was like oh no no just that just a bit odd isn't it but you know I mean but talking about like where I live and all that, right? One story that I've told you before and everyone's always like, that didn't happen, right? Just a couple of hours, he's sort of down from where I lived. There was this family who had a horse in their house. They had like a horse in their house. I had been out with my dad and I drove back into the, my dad was driving

he went back into the avenue, sort of went down to the bottom to turn round to get back to our house. Just via the okay corral. Just sort of did a little glance and I saw this horse being led in. Why are you talking about it? Have you had a horse in there and stuff? Have you been back to visit your street? Don't really. There's no... Why did they have a horse in the H in the HHS I don't understand? I don't know, I think they must have necked it or something like that. It was a council estate in Manchester and you know I've told that story. They just been doing a bit of wrestling. Yeah, they made the horse go in with a hoodie and they said don't call suspicion. they're their their their their they're they're they're they're they're they're their they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're. they're. they're. they're. They're they're they're they're they're. They're they're they're. They're. They're. they're. they're. they're. they're. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they Just pretend we're rehearsing a panto. Yeah it's two bloke it's just two bloke in this horse. Well that's amazing the little old lady you gave her a

catalog that's very sweet you see them and it's just a little thought that's your fault for their Nick just cheers someone up so nip down to Argus there's free one stacked up go and the the thagagagagagagagagagagagagagag so they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thi thus thus th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thus is just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just the the thi to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi them out to the elderly. They love it. The Jayhawks on Radio 2 Bad Time is it? I think it's called Bad Time. So we were so distracted by all the questions that come in for a car. This is great. Thank you so much for emailing and texting. They're brilliant. Here's one from Reverend Rachel Harrison.

I'm also a vicar and I'm making mince pies. We know our demographic now. thah thage th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thu. thi. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. tho. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. to. to. to. too. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. you know, they're good at spreading the word and that, aren't they? Tell people about the show and stuff. And also mid-meet, clearly. So, yeah, all vicar's listening spread the word. Tell him about Carl. And have a great time tomorrow, it's your special day. Although Carl, doesn't Carl, does Carl, does Carl, does Carl, does Carl, does Carl, does Carl, does Carl, does Carl, does Carl, does Carl, th, does Carl, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, their, their, their, their, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, th. Does Carl go against creationism or for it? I don't know. What do you mean? Would he have evolved or did something make it? All I say to that, would God have bothered to...

Is that in God's image? I mean that's surely the most blasphemous thing you could say. that? No, no. the image. Yeah, yeah. It's made in the image of the tho. Is he the one who one who that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that the that that the one who that that tho? tho? tho? tho? tho? tho. tho. tho. that that that that that that that that that that that tho. that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that tho. Would tho. Would tho. Would tho. Would the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thoooooooooooo. Would would would would would would would that that that that that that that that that tho. Would the one who sort of decided... Who? God done it, God or Bod? Uh, God done that. Okay. Is he the one who decided that, you know, we should move out of the water and walk on land?

Did he decide that or once, once he made the little egg, did he sort of go run free? Do you, do what part of the... Could I just say, if there are any vicar out there, could Carl come and do a sermon one day? I mean, we pay, we do a big donation to your roof, but can Carl just talk to five minutes to a, I mean, a really sort of, like an upper middle class educated parish somewhere, and Carl just comes and talks for ten minutes. The only time that a congregation anywhere has heckled the person has it. Get off! Yeah then they're chasing to the

castle carrying pickax handles. So we got some questions for calls? These are amazing questions. Okay and just give your your immediate response to them Carl. Not too much thinking time. Okay. What would happen if insects were bigger than us? Who's that from? Vicky of Milter. Milton, Keens maybe? I don't think there is a place called Milto. It's from Vicky. What, Carl, what would happen if insects were bigger?

She's going into the possible winner file there. Would David Attenborough still like his job? Do you know, Would he start worrying? Because I've got a point, just because you know insects and that, he's always messing about with them, but would he be that keen to like eight foot? Is what I mean? If they look like me. Brilliant. Okay. Uh, look, this is a nice one. This is from Jason. Can Carl do something to prove you are on live and not recorded? I'm sure that will taxxxxxxxxxxxx thx thx th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th that will th th th that will th th thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thus thus just just because just because thi thi thi thi thi that that that just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi do something to prove you are on live and not recorded? I'm sure that will tax his little bald head to bursting point. What's his name? Jason.

How can you prove that we're live on air? Come on, how can you prove that we're live on air? Happy Christmas Eve, Jason. No, but then it wouldn't be Christmas Eve, isn't it? No, Carl, think! Think! All right, it's, wea wea wea, we we' we' that we that we that we that we that we that we that we that we that we that we that we that we that we could that we could that we could that we could that we could that we could that we could that we could that we could that we could that we could that we could that that that we could that we could that we could that we could that we could that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that th. No. No. No, that th. No, th. No, but... Happy Christmas Eve, isn't it? No, Carl! Think! Think! All right, it's nearly quarter to 12. Yeah, but we could have started with a clock knowing that we were going to record it as live.

We could have done this last Wednesday. All right. It's radio to. It's a nice day out think, oh it is, it is sunny, yeah. But hold on, wait a minute, we're in London. Someone listening in Manchester, it might be raining. It probably is raining. Um, look he can't work out how to make sure it's live. Look at him, looking up in the sky, look at him! His head is gonna burst. There's a little bit of blood coming from his ear. How can we prove we're alive? My mom's Budgie died last night.

Don't laugh at that, right? It's only your mom that can confirm that. No one knows whether your Budgie died or not. Was he, was he, was he pictured holding a copy of today's paper? What are you talking about, Carl? I can't prove anything then. You're so right. You're so right. Oh, that's amazing! Oh, that's amazing!

Oh, God. Carl, where would you go if you had a time machine? That's Bob from Manchester. Um, where would I go? I can go to any time. Yeah. And now once I get there. Oh, no, no, but I'm just saying what am I doing?

Am I staying in the little box and just looking out of the window? Or I'm a... Let's assume you can walk around the truth. First of all, you're wandering around. I'm just, just one. And I've typed in the air. Oh, yeah. To be honest, I'm not that good. letting someone else have a go and asking them when they get about just something.

Carl, where would you go? What do you fancy? Just think, would you like to see dinosaurs? Would you like to see the Roman Empire? Would you like to see the 1960s? Would you like to go back and see your Nan as a kid? Shouldn't really mess with time though you you? No you're not... it's not actually going to happen, no one's actually invented one yet. What period of history you're interested in? Um, probably... I mean I sort of like the 60s, but we still sort of, you know, we don't, we don't, really...

Next question, unbelievable. Everyone's got an answer to that. Everyone wants to know where they can go back in time. Well, where would'd go back to religious times. I'd go back to the birth of Jesus. See what was going on. Really? Yeah. See how the Franks and Sensenmire went down. There was a there was this thing started. I saw it in the paper. A guy put an advert in a local paper. I think it was in Sheffield, saying, I've been reincarnated. I was a cow at the birth of Jesus. Is anyone else out there that was reincarnated? It was the birth of Jesus. Fellow got in touch and I was a cow too, and they started a society called cattle for Christ. Just the two of them. I don't know, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know where they're where they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were their their they were their their they were their their their their their their their their their their their their. I was their. I was. I was. I was their their their their their their that. I was that. I was that. I was that. I was that. I was that. I was their their their their their their their. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. th. th. I was. th. I was. th. I was. I was. th. I was. I was their. I was. I was. I was. I that still going. I don't know. But imagine if you were at the birth of Christ and they're going, oh, do you remember? It goes, yeah, but I couldn't quite see there was just a bit of wood and I didn't, I didn't really see that. I remember the men, they're arguing over spending. All I could see was your backside. I know, yeah, so think of that, the final question. the final question. to set yourself up as a god king, what

would it be? What would you take back, that's from Amy? Sorry, Arvy in London. Going back to Roman time. Yeah, so what would you take back to make sure that you were king? Would it be a weapon? Would it be, you know? Yeah, a weapon?

I'll have a weapon if that's what they're going. Uh, gun. I have a gun, take that. And what would you do with it when you were there? Well, there's, I'd probably, I mean, I don't like killing animals and that, but they used to use tigers a lot, so shoot them. No, it's the explanation. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they used. I they used they used they used they used they used they used they used they used they used they used they used they used they used they used they used they used they used they used they used they used they used they used they used they used they used they used they used they used they used they used they used they used they used they used they used they used. they used. they. they. they. they. they. they they used. They used. They used. They used. They used. They used. They used. They used. They used they used they used to use. to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use ti. to use ti. ti. No explanation for it. I just I love him. Okay look we've got to give this who I think the um can Carl do somewhere to prove you're alive. Yeah you completely foxed him. There was nothing he could think of in his tiny little brain

to prove that this is live. So I think little Jason wins the cold pay collectibles and some other stuff. So well done. Is he still can't prove it. He still can't prove it. Play a tune then we'll have some... You could have just said, you could have just picked up today's paper and read the headline. Think! Monkey News after this. Carl, we have just had a communique from Jillian Oliver, who's the communications director for the Church of England, okay?

She wants to take you up on your offer. She would like to take you to Manchester and let you give a sermon. About what? Well, do anything that's a matter? She's, she's in charge of the press and communications for the Church of England. And she wants, you've got to do this, Carl, for my sake. I'll go to church. If you have been, I didn't really like it, I had to go once to church. It was years ago when it was a kid and I swore, right? And my mate, Jamie said, right, if you don't come with me me to church because he was Catholic, I to to go, I I I the church, I I I to go, I, the church, I, I, thi and I, thi and I, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, you've thi, you've thi, you've thage, you've thage, you've thi, you've, you've, you've th..... And, you've, you've, you've, you've, you've, you've, you've, you've, you've, you've, you've, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, to me, to me, thooooooooooooooooooomach, thi. And, you've got, you've got if you don't come with me to church because he was Catholic he had to go. So if you don't, if you don't come with me now I'm going

to say your man like you swore. So I went, right, didn't enjoy it. Got any, it sort of got kicked out in the end because it was bouncing my tennis ball in the aisle and rolled down. Well I better tell about that, that may happen, that, that, that, that, that, that, the the the that, the they, they, they, they, th, that may th, thin, thin, thin, thin, that's thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, that, I that, I'm thin, I'm to get to get to get to get to get to get th, I'm th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I'm th, I'm th, I'm thin, I'm thin, I'm thin, I'm thin, I'm thin, I'm that, I'm that, I'm that, I'm that, I'm that, I'm that, I'm that, I'm that's that, I'm that, I-yo or you've got to do it, I'm going to make sure, oh, we want a campaign, please email us if you want Carl to do a sermon. And I'm sure we can film this and put it on the web for you see. I'll please do a religious sermon. We've barely got any time we've been on Radio 2. Rick, how would you summarize monkey news? I mean obviously Carl is fascinated by monkeys. Carl believes everything he reads, he goes on websites that don't get verified at all. It's mostly nonsense but he believes it because there's about monkeys doing

incredible things and and Carl thinks that you know monkeys can one day talk he wants to live in the planet the 8th. Yeah that's his true. He thinks he he thinks he thinks he thinks he thinks he thinks he thinks he thinks he thinks he thinks he thinks he thinks he thinks he thinks he he he thinks he he. He he. He th. He th. He th. He th. He thinks he th. He thinks th. He thinks th. He thinks th. He thinks th. He thinks th. He thinks th. He thinks thinks thinks thinks the the the the the the the the the the the the th. He's th. He's thi. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He. He. He's talk. He wants to live in the planet of the 8th basically. He thinks the Flintstones is a documentary and and Carl let's do monkey news. Do the jingle? Do the jingle live. Oh chimpanzee that! Monkey News. Right, well I thought we'd go for sort of a Christmas feel. Right. So this one it's happened in Stockholm, right? A couple years ago, around the Christmas time. There was this little grotto, right? Everything he says is funny, yeah. A little grotto was set up and stuff, right? And it was getting busier and busier, right? This little grotto, it was only one in Stockholm, right?

Q was massive and stuff. That's not true. And this, uh, that's not true. If you just said a thousand years ago, yeah, it was busy in that. And there was this bloke, there was this bloak who had a kid and the kid was saying, Dad, you know, can I go and see, you know, Father Christmas and the Grotto? And he was like, oh, don't I join that Q, it's too big. And loads of, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, the, their, their, and they, and they, they, and their, and their, and their, and their, and, and, and, and, and, the, the, the, and, the, the, the, the, the, and, the, the, the, and, the, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. And, th. And, th. It. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. tho. tha. tho. tha. tha. the tha. tha, the tha. And was that big. What do you mean loads of father-crue? What booth? Because they got through loads in the grotto, the father-Christmas and that, right? They couldn't act the pressure of the cues. The cues were massive for this grotto.

This is robbing! So they kept getting through loads of father. They just kept walking up. People they kept saying, right, the kid kept asking every day, can we go in there, it says no look the Q's big. Anyway, one day the Q was suddenly a lot shorter, right? Because they've got a new little Father Christmas fella. I can't, no, right? In the C-Col, right?

Carl, if this Father Christmas turns queue right so he joins the queue and you know the cue is going down really fast people are going in and out really quick and he's going how are they managing to do this right and he sort of looks through the curtain he can just see a little slight thing and he can see the bloke who's like dressed up as father Christmas he's handing him out with his hands and his feet right so so they're going to no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no so so so so so so so so so they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they so so so so so so so so so so they so so they so so they so so they so so so so they so they so they so they so they so they so they so they so they so they so they so they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they're going so they're going so they're going so they're going so they're going so they're going so they're going so they're going so they're they're going so they're they're they're going so, anyway, so, please don't interrupt the news, Rick. I want to hear the news, don't just... So, he's queuing up, right? And he's going, oh, he's good, good on him.

You know, he's got a new method of handing out the presents and that. Whilst he's cueing there, he's eating the chestnuts, comes to his turn, right? It's absolutely rubbish. What are you all about? It's absolute rubbish? So, so, so, so, cut long so you're so, you reckon, you're trying to, so you're talking rubbish? their chimpheau, you're talking rubbish? there mad? You're absolutely talking rubbish. There's a little fella that sat there with like a little beard on that. Yeah, yeah you're talking rubbish. You're talking rubbish. No, no, it's not worth me carrying on then? No, no it's not worth you carry on because again,

again, there's a little rubbish,, what's the website address, Carl? BBC.uk. And we've drawn a little picture that you can win of Carl and it really sums him up. All right. See you later. All right. Next week, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah.