The Ricky Gervais Show / An Idiot Abroad - Radio 2 S1E2 "Christmas Special: Part 2" (December 31. 2005)

Episode Date: September 5, 2022

Gervais, Merchant and Pilkington broadcast two hour-long holiday specials on Radio 2 during the 2005 holiday season, the first airing on Christmas Eve and the second on New Year's Eve.

Heroes by David Bowiez on Radio 2 I'm Mickey Javais with me Stephen Merchant. Hello there, Happy New Year indeed and across from us the little fellow who presses the buttons because to be honest we can't be bothered. Carl Pilkington. How would you describe Carl Pilkington for people who didn't hear the show? For the show, Carl is, and he won't be saying this, because he won't fully understand it, one of the most stupid men I've ever met. Yes. He has a perfectly round head. I mean, unbelievable. You can see pictures of him, go to Ricky Gervais. We've put up some photographs, just his head looks like an egg. It's not an issue though is it? What? We're on the radio?

It doesn't matter. They're just trying to paint a picture for people though Carl. It's important. In fact, I have painted a picture, you can go to the BBC website and you can, I think you can't thrown. Can you download people who can't see it but you can see if you're real fat or the but that's Carpunton the one of the most stupid men alive you know some people still think that he's an invention I know he think that we think that we invented him and we give him lines and as if we could do've not experienced Carl before, hopefully there will be plenty of Carl

later in the show. Well actually we've got Carl doing a sermon. Brilliant. The Church of England has been requested by the Church of England which is unbelievable. And I actually went and bought him a Bible. He did have a Bible. He said the Bible is too heavy, it's got no pictures. So I bought him a children's Bible which is embarrassing, that in Waterstones for a start and even that was too much for him he was going there's 200 pages I mean the writing the letters the font was about I'd say half a centimeter high yes yes yes and but if you've read it

have you I'm read all of it I just got some of the highlights so you so we're doing the history of religion are we coming up what you do the other day. So we're doing the history of religion are we coming up? What do you mean? What do you mean? What do I mean? No, I'm just doing a little taster. What the problem was right last week? What do you mean little taste? What are we trying to sell Bibles? It's the biggest selling book in the world? They don't need it. I thought you were going to do athese days it goes what's that what do you mean the Bible? No but I'm just saying there's probably you know a lot of people out there have gonna you know it's an old book and once something's been around for a bit you don't sort of visit it it it's like so you're not Harry Potter we're talking about this is the Bible yeah I know but it's still very popular but this films out you know I mean this films I've they've the film I've they've they've they've the they've they've they've the they've the they've they've the the that I've the that I've the that I've the the th I've the the th I've th I've th I've th I've that I've that that I've that I've the th I've that I've that I've that I've that I've that I've that I've that I've that I've that I've that I've that I've that I've that I've that I've that I've that I've that I've that I've that I've that I've that I've that I've that I've that I've that I've that I've that I've that I've that I've that I've that I've that I've th th th th th th th thi the the thi the thi tho the thoo the thoo thoo thoo the thooo the that's that's that I've that I won't bother. So you're giving the you're giving the church of England a little bit of boost? Excellent, excellent that coming up. Well last week, like I just asked last week on the show we were talking about the gift

that you'd arranged to for your girlfriend. How long have been going out with her again? Um, thinks about 11 years. 11 years, your life partner, he got a gift when he left his old job of a camera. He didn't even unwrap it, he just passed it on straight away, like past the parcel to his girlfriend. We were giving him some stick. Everyone, about 90% of people phone and saying you are a skin flint, it's awful. How did it how did it go down? She loved it? Did you tell her? Did she loved did she liked it? Yeah, I think she likes it? to their, did? I'm, did? Did. Did, did? Did, did? th. Did, did? th. Did, did? th. Did, th. Did, th. Did, th. Did, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to? to? to? to? to to to to to to to to th. to, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, to to to to to to to, liked? Like, to, their, their, their, their, their, like, their, their, their, their, th. We? Like, th. We? Like, th. We? Like, th. th. th. thi. their, their, their, their, their, their, their, th. We? thi. thi. thi. thr. We playing about with it on Christmas Day. Brilliant. Showing her how I use it and said you know she's paid for a holiday for us to go away I said take it on that you use it she's loving it. Did you tell her before before you gave it to her that you'd got it as a as a leaving gift for your previous yeah just before I mean I wasn't going to go into but to be their because because because because because because because because because because because because because because because because because because because because because because their their their their their their their to to to to to their to to their to to their. I to to to to to their. I was. I was. I was. I was to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their. their. I their. I was their. I was their their their their their. I their. I their their. I their. I was their. I was their their their their th. I was off and bought her a watch nice good thought a little extra one those ones a little calculator

on from a Texacana it's all right it's like a little square art deco the fellow said it is nice I've seen it oh yeah yeah yeah so how did you tell her when you came in with the devastating news last week that just before Christmas your mum's budgy died how was Christmas in your household was it a little bit down you know with any death it's always sad in it no matter what it is yeah yeah between well I mean I mean how long she had it probably lasts about eight years or something which is pretty good in it for a budgie. Yeah I think so. Came unexpected, it wasn't ill. And what she, what, I've

spoke to her the other day and I said, you know, how is it going? Because on Christmas day she was down. Yeah, been calling her up every day and said, you know, how are things? And she said, I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I s s spoke the other the other the other the other the other the other the other the other the other the other I s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s. I s. I was, I s s s s s s. I'm th. I'm th. I came came came came came came came came came came came came came came came came came came came came came came came came came came to to to to to to to to to th. I was, I was, I was. I was. I was. I was, I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was the other. I was the other. I was the other. I was the other. I was the other. I was to to to to to to to to to th. I was, I was, I was, I was, I was th. I'm th. I was th. I'm th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was to her the other day and said, you know, how are things? And she said, well the other bird, that's in the cage, she's got a sort of parrot that's in the same cage, is it? It's been a bit down, it's missing its mate. So what she did, she'd kept a few feathers from the budgey that died, right? She got a rock, a couple of sandwich fasteners, I stuck the feathers on rock, the feathers, the feathers, the feathers, the feathers, the feathers, the feathers, the feathers, the feathers, the feathers, the feathers, the the the the the the the other the the the the other the other the the other the thaugh, three.cough, though, though, threatherk, though, though, though, though, though, though, though, though, though, though, though, though, though, though, though, though, thapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapet, thapet, their, their, their, than, that, that, that, that, that, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's that's, she's, she's, she's, she's, that's, that's, that's, that's throthananananana' th feathers on the rock. The other bird's happy now. Wow. Now I know that your mother explains everything. And if you ever die, we just get a tennis ball, stick it on the end of a broom. She'll be happy. Handbags and gladwags, by once to it. That would make a good theme tune.

Brilliant. And then it would work really well, perhaps on a DVD. Presumably, presumably that would still be available in the shops. Great for any New Year's vouchers you've got. You all listen to Ricky Gervais on Radio 2 with Steve Merchant and Carl. So good Christmases, yeah all round. Uh, that's it right. What does it write with, what did Suzanne get you? She got me, you see you were having to go at me about giving her a camera, right? Which was you know, I can use.

Which was second hand? It doesn't really matter that bit. But it's a present that both of us could use, right? And you were making me feel bad about that,. That's why I got her a watch, right? Which in a way I can use because I can say what time is it? But the thing is, right? She got me a little printer? that's a little printer? to go with a computer and that. But for me, again, that's a present that, you know, we can, a that's a that's a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, th. th. that, that, that's, that's, that's, thr. that's, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that's, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, t. And, t. And, t. And, t.a, ta, toda, toda, toda, tha, thea, tha, tha.a, that's, that's, that's, that's, tha.a, tha. And printer to go with a computer and that. But for me again that's a present that you know we can all be using. You are so ungrateful. It's not that it's just that you know when it's good when you're a kid, in it? When you're a kid what's all about like your presents? What do you

want when you're a kid? What's your best present you ever had? There's a few things. There's th. There's th. There's th. There's th. There's th. There's th. There's th. There's th. There's th. There's th. There's th. There's th. It th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th th th th th th th th th th th th th that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that that that that that that. that that. that th. that's that. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th th th th th that that that that, that that the the the the the the the the the the that that that that that that's that's that that's that that always remember one Christmas, right? It was the year when computers first came out. And there was one called the Sinclair Spectrum that I wanted, right? What year we're talking? 85? Must be 85? 808, 83, yeah. And, uh, anyway, I think my mom and dad's got me one. You know, it's under the tree in a big box and thinking yeah that's about right. Yeah not the size of a computer brilliant. Anyway

Christmas Day comes you know I couldn't sleep and all that excited like you are as a kid. Yeah get up, open it. It's not the one I wanted right. It's not the spectrum it was a ZX 81 right so I thought well I'd best not show that I'm disappointed and that, you know, even as a kid you have sort of, you know, that thing of... You've lost that, now you say, oh, it's not what I wanted, Suzanne, but go on here. But you know, so I sort of, you know, pretended I liked it and that, I thought, oh, just play some games, I thought, just play some throwns on it, he's frowned since he was about four. Look at those lines. Right. So, yeah, but this is why, you'll understand in a minute when I tell you the end of this story.

Go on. So, I load up a computer game, which used to take about 10 minutes. It was on the cassette. Oh, yeah. Yeah, it sounds like. And I kept trying it and my dad sort of, my mom used to get up early to open the presents with me, my dad got up at about midday, he couldn't be bothered. Anyway he comes down, I'm still telling you, I know the picture he paints is so heartbreaking. Alan Bennett or something, Dickens.

You know what was sort of those sort of 60s back of like Kathy come home sort of a really insane drama's so anyways. So they're the the the the the they. I I I I I I th. I th. I th. I th. th. th. thin. thin. thin. thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' that. that' that' that' that' that' that' that' that' that' that, that, that, that, th. Anyway. Anyway. Anyway. Anyway. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that. that' that' that'n' that' that' that' that' that' that, getting frown growing and that. Trying to read this book, thinking why isn't it working? So my dad has a look, and he goes, oh you're missing a bit. I said what? He goes, you need a ram pack, right? Which is a bit that you put in the back of it, that gives it extra memory. So I'm like, what do you mean? What do you mean? it's Christmas Day right? And we're talking about the days when like Tandy wasn't open. It wasn't open for days. Do you know what I mean? It's like now by lunchtime Christmas Day everything's open. Then you had to wait about two weeks everyone like had a big holiday and everything. So I'm like oh God. Oh actually started to be sick with frustration.

Oh no! What? What are you? What know what? Well like I say I don't know it must have been about eight or something. Oh but that thing of like what is Christmas then I can't play with it and I had to wait for like two weeks or what have you sat over the kitchen sink sort of going, ohmoh! Stressing out, hated it was a rubbish Christmas. I love the idea of you going, ugh! Ugh! Stress, isn't it? What did your dad say? He just said, look, calm down. We'll get you one when the shop's open. It's like, yeah, but two weeks, isn't it? I have never heard anyone being sick for stress. Oh, my little kid is so stressed. Before the trail we heard feeder on radio to Steve Merchant here with Ricky Gervais,

Kyle Pilkington. We were talking before that about rotten gifts and particularly gifts that Carl's received in the past. We're just actually thinking now because we've got a giveaway, we haven't got to give away, but we're generously giving away. A Eurythmix platym disc. So if you're ayrhythmix fan,, then you can get in touch with us, let's know what the worst gift is that either you receive this year or maybe even in the past, you know, something that really you just just was terrible. Maybe you, like Carl,

had the poker face when you received it, you politely open the box but inside you were dying. But you can get in touch with us, 88291. the worst gift the, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, the worst, the worst, the worst, the worst, th. the worst, the worst, tho, the worst, the worst, tho, the worst, the worst, the worst, the worst, the worst, the worst, ea, ea, ea, ea, ea, ea, ea, ea, ea, ea, ea, ea, ea, ea, ea, ea, ea, ea, ea, ea, ea, ea, ea, ea, ea, ea, ea, ea, ea, ea, ea, ea, ea, ea, ea, ea, ea, ea, ea, ea, and, and, and, the the wa, wa,a,a,a,a,a,a,a,a,a,a,a,a,a,a,a,a,a, the the the the the the8-291 the worst gift ever will receive the Eurythmic's platinum disc. Well talking to gifts I got my girlfriend a few gifts were a trip to Paris and a few little bits and pieces and one of which was a trip to the theatre. Nice. The thing we'd walked past before and wanted to look really great the woman in black which which is not the Fortune Theatre in Common Garden. I bought a four ticket so she could take people. She chose to take Carl and Suzanne. Well of course, now I think it's a scary play, isn't it? It's a scary play. It's a scary thing. So you've got instantly Carl's the man. Absolutely. And it was it was, was it great, was it great wasn't it? And the the the the the theater, was great, was great, was great, was, was, was great, was great, was great, was great, was great, was great, was, was great, was great, was great, was, was, was, was, was great, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was it was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was great, was great, was great, was great, was great, was great, was great, was great, was great, was great, was great, was great, was great, was great, was great, was great, was great, was great, was great, was great, was great, was great, was great, was great, was great, was great, was great, was great, was great, was great, was great, was great, was it great, was it great, was it great, was it great, was it was it great, was it was it great, the production is so lush and it's genuinely really really, it's going for 17 years, they really honed it and it was great watching Carl.

At one point we were in a box which I'll tell you about in a minute and I pointed, I just pointed to show Carl that this face was appearing, right? But as my, as I was pointing, he didn't see me pointing, my finger came into his peripheral vision and he went, oh! And I laughed for about five minutes because he just saw a finger come in, I wasn't even trying to wind him up in that, because that was such a bonus for me and I nearly died. But the reason we were in a box, I went there and I said, oh can't, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, th. th. th. Well, th. Well, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi's, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I'm, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. th. th. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. th. thr. thr. thr. thr. th. th in a box, I went there and I said, oh can I get a box and they said, oh the boxes are a little bit small and crammed. I went, okay, so I give you some really good seats, so we got some nice seats downstairs. And do people go to the theatre these days to clear their throat and their nose?

Because I was surrounded by people going, which I find absolutely disgusting. I even that even annoyed me doing it and I apologize people at home listening and that coughing and that Coughing and eating sweets chatting about things. Yeah, right? And I was I was getting a bad neck You know what I'm like yeah, I just wanted it to be silent, right? So in the interview? I said oh, can we go? the box? They went. their to their treat, I said oh, yeah, fine, yeah, they. they. they. they. th. th. th. th. th. I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was. I was. I was, I was. I was, I was. I was. I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was. I was. I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I. I was. I. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. t. I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was. t. I was. I was. t. I was. I was. they didn't sell it so we went up there and they let us go in when the first we had to go past some people in the world trending pass but sorry sorry sorry all I'm a celebrity I get a box yeah yeah that exactly yes they probably think oh they've given it to him for a special treatment I was gonna buy it it's no extra money yeah yeah they just didn't sell it because it's another reason to you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the they the the they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they to try try try try try they're they're they they're they they're they they they're they they they they they they they they there there was only three chairs. So I went, oh, oh, this is the other box has got four chairs. Carl went, I'm not going out there again. So we got it, we said, I'll sit on the floor.

Imagine him sitting on the floor. Were you sitting on the floor with your little head peeking over the edge of the box? So I went, oh no, this is it. everyone's looking at the box now, right? And Carl was horrible. Car was trying to hide, but it was... To be honest, I mean the idea of a box is you get a better view, but I didn't because it was like, I have to sit right at the back. Yeah. I might as all have been like, near the fire exit. I just was like, I don't want to be seen., and you're meant to see who's in the other box. It was very a socialite type thing. The boxes are probably the worst view in the theatre. That's why some theaters don't actually sell them.

But I'll tell you what, I'd rather have to lean forward and see some up than be surrounded by people chewing and sniffing. But it wasn't that bad though, Steve, you know what's, you, you, you, you, you, that, that, that, that, that's meant to be like a nice relaxing night out whether it's going for a nice quiet meal suddenly turns into this like nightmare. Well I won't go to public places with Ricky because there's always something that will annoy him and then he won't take it out on you. We've got to leave we got to leave it's too smoky it's too noisy it's not noisy enough. There's music there's not music there. People annoying. Well people annoying. that's that's that's they. People they. People they. People they. People will. People will. People will. People. People. People. People will. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. they. People. People. People. they. they. People will will. People will their. their. It's their. It's their. their. their. their. I. I will will will will will will will will will will. their. I. I. I. I will will will. I. I will. People. People. People. they. People. People. People. People. their. People. their. People will. their. People will. their. I. I. I. I. I. I. I will will will will. I will. I will. I will. I will. I will their. I will their. their. their their they. they. they. they. their they. their they. their their their the their their their their. the other day right I went out for something to eat. Nice quiet, you know, Italian place. A walk in, there's about six people in there having a nice quiet meal, you know, quiet I thought that's good, he's not going to complain about the noise and that. Sit down, I have some Arabeata, which is nice and that.

Anyway, he starts sort of normal chat saying how he'd like to put my head in a vice. Sorry, he'd like to put your head in a vice? In a vice, just sort of, not really. Sort of normal, yeah? Yeah, yeah, I was just thinking that it would be lovely to put him in work. You know those vise that are sort of attached to work benches. Just so, not to, just put it in their vice, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, just, just, just, just, just, just, I can sort of do what I want to paint his head or something or feel it squeezing it and I imagined I just imagined sort of squeezing it too tight so so so he's saying all this right which I'm getting the sort of picture enough without sounds right but then he thinks well why not sounds it's quiet in here right

start sort of going so your heads in the vice tig in it and you are sort of going, all right? So he sat in a chair, quiet restaurant doing that. It's like the scene out of when Ari met Sally. Yeah, right? Ollie's like tourist and that sat there sort of going, oh look you ate over there. And suddenly, like, from a look of like, oh that's going to, it's going to be jaise to, what the hell is he's going on. I'll go, ah! Ah! Is there any other radio show that's ever been on Radio 2 that has had this discussion? Well no, does Johnny Walker, OBE, ever say, I'd love to put Terry Wogan's head in a vice and see what happens?

Oh, dear. Yeah. Oh, dear. Eurythmix, here comes the rain again on Radio 2. We've got a Eurythmix platinum disc to give away and we'll get to that shortly. You're going to get your worst Christmas gifts ever coming in. You're talking about Rick about the nightmarish people you find now in any kind of the theatre or and the cinema is because I love the cinema as you know and I'm a big cinema, because I'm a big cinema, the cinema, because, because, because, because, because, the the the the th and I'm, th and I'm, th and I'm, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thi, thin, thin, the the thin, the the the thr, thrific, to thrific, thrific, to to to to to to, to, to, to to to, to to, to to to to to to to to to to to, to to to to to to, to to, to, to to to, the to, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the treatment. I go all the time you know I'm a big cinema fan I shouldn't have to sit with for one for a better word the scum the world. Do you know what I mean? anyone who

isn't you mean anyone who isn't you mean anyone who isn't me? And uh but sometimes you know you end up going to cinema once to see you know that the film the film the film the film the film the film the film the film the film the film the film the film the film the film the film the film. the film. the the the the the the cinema. I the the the the the the the the the the the the the the cinema. I the the the the cinema. I'm the cinema. I'm the cinema. I'm the cinema. I'm to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to be to be to be to be the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the cinema the cinema the cinema the cinema the cinema the cinema the cinema the cinema the cinema the cinema the cinema the cinema the cinema the the the the the the the the the on the Wednesday afternoon. So sometimes you're forced to sort of see these people and I went to cinema once to see, remember that film Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon? And I sat there, I thought this is great, I was a nice big sea, it was fine and this woman comes trundling in again, she was fine and this woman comes nachos, hot dogs, big soft drink cartons, you know what I mean? It's like, you know those people who they've, they've gone out to eat and if and they probably into the cinema and if a film happens to be showing there they'll go and watch that. They've come to a picnic. They've come to, yeah, they're come to raise and so they've arbitrarily chosen thrown. So she she she. So she. So, the film, they're, their, they're, they're, they're, th. So, they're, they're, tho, they're, they're, they're, they're, they've, they've, they've, they've, they've, they've, they've got, they've, they've got, they've got, they've, they've, they've, they've, they've, they've, they've, they've, they've, they've, they've, they've, they've, they've, they've, they've, they've, they've, they've, they've, they've, they've, they've, they've, they've, they've, they've, they've, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're they're they've got. They've got, they've got, they've got, they've got, they've got, they've got, they've got, they've got, they've got, they've got, they've got, they've you can tell she's stupid. This trailer comes on for AI, remember that film Spielberg from AI and the trailer is something like Jimmy is a 12 year old boy he does it he feels like a human he he experiences emotion like a human but he's not a human he's a robot right everyone goes quiet and she went to her husband how old was he

again oh so already I'm on my backstop, do you know what I mean? Crouch and Tiger Hindragon comes up and you know it's in Mandarin, I think it's an Asian film. And it comes up, you're a question tiger and dragon. She says, bear in mind she's paid the money to come in, she says, funny name for a film. Which is pretty weird. So, it comes up and says, Mandarin subtitles. She goes not subtitles. It comes on right, they're all speaking in Mandarin. She to her husband, turns him, she starts going, chink, ching, chong, ching, ching, chong. She starts going, chink, ching, chong ching, ching, chintchang chong. No. Right, join the film. I mean, it's the film started and she's doing hoping that the seat will flip back loudly and I can stop.

Knock her popcorn all over it. Over his stupid face, but sadly the seats didn't flip up. So I just kind of huffly climbed over a few seats, sat down, brilliant, next to a teenage girl on her mobile phone. Oh. And she's on there, she's chatting and I'll meet you after you after I'll meet honest with you, you're 14 and unless this is your broker in Hong Kong saying the big deal is about to go through, which I suspect it's not, I suspect it's Gavin saying can we meet behind the bike sheds later, put the phone down, people who are on the phone, in the phone, the cinema! I know.

It drives me. I know, I cannot believe. I can't believe it. should be calm down, chill out, you know, but how can you chill out when this stuff's going on? What's your New Year's resolution? Paul. Just with that though, I mean, surely people are allowed to like have a chat if a film's got subtitles. Why? Because you can read it, it doesn't matter about the noise.

That is the most stupid thing I have ever heard in my life. No I'm just saying take a ghetto blaster. Yeah, you could if you can multitask. I mean that would do my head in having music and I don't know what to sort of concentrate on. But if you, it's only like reading a book when you're on a train, isn't it? You've got noise around. What? What are you talking about? These films cost millions of dollars. Everything's perfect. The music, the sound effects. The whole montage, this mixed me, and someone comes along and goes, oh I might as well talk to Gavin on my film where I was reading it anyway. You're an idiot, you're an idiot, Carl. I think your New Year's resolution should be less stupid. No, I'm doing, I'm going to try and learn something new every day.

What have you learned today? Well I did a lot yesterday so I'm having a day off today. But no you know just well I did didn't I did the Bible stuff and that so I'm gonna I'm gonna try. Oh yeah we've got that coming up. What caused to be less annoyed? I suppose I should be more tolerant of that? Do you know what Rick you said is going to be more annoying? What? It's going to be more? to be more? to be more? to be more? the to be more? the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. their th. thi? thi? thi? thi? thi? their thi. thi. thi. thi. thi, their, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, their, their, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I their, I their, I their, I their, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, their. I did, their. I did, their. their. their. their. their. their, their, their, their, their, I did, I did, I did, thought, I just thought, I just thought, but this is a wonderful hypocrisy of it because you've just been agreeing with me about how you hate people who are annoying. Yeah, but only to friends, people like, the thing is right, I've got to say a couple of things right, the reason I sort of torture Carl's torture, I mean the brain of a fish, right? I don't know what, all my friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends then is then is then is to to to to then. weird or stupid or something like that. Carl's little round head, I mean the brain of a fish, I can't get my hands off his head. Robin Ince, he's got glasses, he waddles funny, he's

got little thumbs, his thumbs are too short, right? I can't keep my hands off him, right? My mate, Rob, who did the flannels with me, he's got a perfectly round head, his teeth protrude slightly. He's in America though for when you need a round bowl out, didn't he? Yeah, exactly when I go to New York or, and then he thoughts be like Dave Il from Slay. Interesting that you're collaborating on a book but he chooses to live in America? I know, yeah. But could I just say also that I do not advocate the use of know and he believes an experience annoyer and he probably wouldn't let me do it to be honest I have to offer an awful lot of money also do not smoke there's no point and floss I wish I'd floss when I was a kid also if you've got a bicycle or anything like that for Christmas please wear the

correct safety gear what well well I got a bike as a kid yeah my dad that I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I that the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the theeeeeeeat thou too took took took too too too they. they. they. they. tho. they. they. I you know I think I think the helmet she used to come come with him and what have you I popped it on went out my bike coming back into the garden dad sees me he said come here so what he said I never want to see you wearing that helmet again you look ridiculous ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Oh wow! He's not to take the wrist! No one looks good in them though, didn't they? Yes, they do. Wear the helmet. Neil Young and Heart of Gold on BBC Radio too with me, Ricky Javais, Steve Merchant. Hello? And Kyle Pilkington.

All right. We were asking for the worst Christmas gifts you've ever received, past Merchant, hello and Carl Pilkington. We were asking for the worst Christmas gifts you've ever received, pastoral present, and there have been some absolute stinkers here. Peter Archer says, I'm diabetic and I once got three big tins of sweets. I mean that's just rubbing it in. Cheska says I once got a Christmas tree from my brother on Christmas day. Was it a plastic one or a real one? It's got a Christmas tree from my brother on Christmas Day. Well, it depends. Well, it depends.

What do you mean? Was it a plastic one or a real one? We need more information. I got a fly mode from my 85-year-old Gran, which was nice, but for the fact that I live in a flat. Well, he could do the carpet. There's one here, it says, Sid from thi. I once received a PlayStation 2 which I really wanted. I didn't open it for a few hours while we had lunch and I was looking forward to playing the game a bit like you with your ZX Spectrum. I opened up the box and much to everyone else's enjoyment there there was

two oranges and a pair of socks. That's cruel. But that's like, I mean that's just the kind of a family's there? I mean in their family's that. I mean in the the the the the car in in in in in in in in in in in in the case in the case in the case in the case in the case in the case in their their their their their their their their case. their case. their case. their case case. I their case. I the car their case. I their case. I their case. I their their their their their their their their their their case case case case case case case case case case case. I their case case. I their case. I their case. I their case. I's their case. their case. their case. their case. their case. their case. their case. their their their their their their their case. I's their case. I their case. I their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their case. I's their their their the Vickers got a PlayStation 2. It's just the wrong label, isn't it? Yeah, he couldn't believe his luck. Coming up, actually, talking to Vickers, a lot of Vickers listening, apparently. I don't know how many that is. I don't know how many there are. But Carl's going to do a sermon. You remember last week, he insulted Vicar the Week. day a week. He made a vicar swear. He said maybe if I give up my one day a week I can become a DJ and do bugger all all week. You made a vicar swear. I didn't mean to. No. Jillian

Oliver has phoned in and she's the press officer for the Church of England and invited Carl to do a sermon. We've risen to the challenge. Carl's going to do a bit of a sermon. We just say, that's when we've picked we've picked that's when we've picked that's picked that's picked we've picked that's picked that's picked that's picked that's picked that's picked that's picked that's picked that's picked that's picked that's picked that's picked thoped thoped thicked thicked that's picked th. th. that's th. that's th. that's picked their their their their their, their, their, I've their, I've their, I their their. their. their. to to to to to to to to to to to to to their. Hea. Hea. Hea. Hea. Hea. Hea. He's their. He's their. He's the their. He's the the the they. He's the the the the th. I've th. I've th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm the the th. I'm to. I'm to. I'm're open to all religions here. Maybe in the future Carl can do a sermon for another denomination. I don't know, you know. It just depends though how sort of thick the book is. Right. So you want a religion with a smaller book? Just a smaller book. I just say I view all religions equally because I am an atheist.

So I truly do view all religious beliefs equally but you know just because I don't believe in it a lot of people do and Carl was gonna basically sum up the Bible that's what we're doing today should we play a record and then come back with the first part of Carl Sermon I cannot I mean honestly can't wait I feel like squeezing his head during this record okay can we get advice advice. Somes, waiting on a friend. Great track. Amazing true.

So, Carl, you've studied the Bible over the last couple of days. And you're going to give us a, basically the Bible abridged. Is that right? Just condensed. Just that, you know, it's not the time of the year when religion, no matter what you are. Let's do a sermon. Everyone's settled down at home, turn the radio up. This is Reverend Carl Pilkington with the history of the Bible. All right, thank you very much. Right, well, thanks for coming.

Starting off, you know, I started off at the beginning of the book, the book, the book, the book, the book, the book, the book, the book, the book, the book, the book, the book, the off at the beginning of the book, what have you? The Bible, we'll call it for the sake of argument. It's quite a bit missing, it doesn't say about how sort of God was already about, so it doesn't go right back to the beginning. Right, okay. God's already knocking about that. Anyway, he made the world, right? He did all that, right? He sorted out sort of sun for in the day and that so everything's light and you can see yourself about. Right. He did the stars and the moon for at night, right? I was thinking about that. If I was in, I probably would have just let it be day all the time rather than having two systems. We're not criticizing. No, I'm not, I. I. I. I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, it. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's the the the they. It's so, it's sort, it's sort, it's sort, it's sort sort sort sort. It's sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort. It's sort sort. It's sort sort sort. It's sort sort sort. It's sort sort. I's sort. I'm sort. I's sort. I's sort. I's sort. I's sort. I's sort. I's sort. I's sort. I's sort. I's sort. I's sort. I's sort. It's. It's the, it's the, it's the the the the the they. It's they. It's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's sort of, it's sort of, it's sort of, it's sort of, I'm sort of, sort of, sort of, sort the th. It's sort the sort. It's sort. It's sort just let it be day all the time rather than having two systems.

We're not criticizing. No, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not going to go. I'm just saying, I mean, it's easy now, in hindsight to sort of say, you know what? It's easy really criticizing, but he was working, he's sort of, he's sort of loose. He's sort of, yeah, sure, yeah, he did. and that because the farmers getting up in the dark and that. If it was day all the time, less crime and that. I'm just saying it might have been worth an idea. He missed a trick there is what you say. But he moves a mysterious way so you don't know why he's done that. He might be thinking something, he might be thinking, he might be the small brain can't really. Fair enough. I'm not having a girl like I'm just saying just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just that. I'm just just that. I'm just that's just that's just that's just that's just that's just that's just what it's just what it's just what it's just what it's just what it's just what it's just what it's what it's what it's just what it's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's what it's what it's what it's what it's what it's what it's what it's what it's what it's what it's what it's what it's what it's what it's what it's what it's what it's what it's what it's what it's what it's what it's what it's what it's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's what it's what it's that's that's that's that's that's the that's the the the the the th. I that's th. It's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's what it's what it's what it's what it like, made the sun and that and then he said, oh, make some creatures and stuff. He made a load of birds, loads of different birds,

creatures, animals and that. Because with the world being so big, it's like if you buy a big house, you need more furniture, don't you? So he made this and he was like, oh, what am I going to fill it with? So this is why he did all these animals. That's not actually in the Bible. You speculated there on the mind of God. Well I'm sort of just treating it like it's his big house, right? And he's filling it it is making it look nice, different birds and what I'm right? It's just my opinion. It's making it sound like the playboy mansion. Yeah. th. th. th. the th. the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the th. th. thi th. He's thi's the. He's the. He's the he the their the. He's their their hea. He's the play the play the play they's they's they's just they's just they's just they's just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's. He's they's. He's the play the their and a woman sure we all know as like Adam and Eve yeah everyone knows their names but at no point is is their surname mentioned well he's not gonna have trouble with a post right so anyway right Adam and Eve are the god says to him not just enjoy yourself and that right do what you want but I'll tell you to him, not just enjoy yourselves and that, right?

Do what you want, but I'll tell you this, I'm only telling you once, he said, he said, don't be eating fruit from that special tree. So they were like, all right, fair enough. He said, the tree that I'm talking about is the tree of knowledge. So that sort of that sort of that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, tho, tho, tho, thi, thi, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, I tho, I tho, I tho, I tho, I tho, I'm tho, I'm tho, I tho, I tho, I tho, I th. I th. I th. I I th. I I th. I th. I thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thin, toda, toda, today, today, toda, today, today, thauuuuu. And, thauoooooooooooooo, tha, tree of knowledge. Yeah. So that sort of made it a little bit worse because it sounds good and that and you're like, oh, knowledge. Yeah. Well, don't go in that door. Yeah, exactly. Instead of just sort of not telling them. Because I don't know, see the tree of knowledge, what I had on it by what I can work out is, it's an apple tree. And it's pretty tempting, in it, to to their. their. their. their. their. their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is their. Yeah, is that's. Yeah, is, is that's, is that's that's. Yeah, is, is, is, is their. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It. It's, it. It's, it's, it's a. It's a. It's a. It's that's their. It's that's their. It's their. It's their. It's sort. It's their. It's sort. It's sort't know what they were eating back then. Right. Do you know what they were getting by on? No, I don't know. Right. So anyway, so they were like, yeah, all right, whatever. Eve goes for a wanderabout, right? Killing Time and that. Bumps into this snake. Oh yeah. And snake said, you know, said, alright, you got an apple, right? And he was selling it to he was going, he's it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, to they. And it, they. And it, they. And, they. And, they, they, they, th. th. th. they's, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they's, they's, they's, they's, they's, they's, they's, they's, they's, they's, they's, they's, they's, they's, they're, they're, they're, their. I. I. I. their, their, their, their, their, their, their, they. they. their, they. they're they. they're they're they're they. they're they're they're they're they're they was going it it tastes good than that right and she's like well shouldn't really but you

know I've been told that I shouldn't eat that because I think God said to her at some point oh get on with it you're on page one at the moment this is absurd this is just unbelievable I know but I'm just get to the point you're on page one you know I'm the the th you're th you're th you're th you're th I'm just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just the the the the the the the the the they. I'm the the the they. I'm they. they. they. this this this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the they. I th th is just just just just just just just th. I they. I they. I they. I'm just just just just just just just they. I they. I'm just just just just just they. I'm just just just. I'm just. I'm just. I'm just, just paying... Just get to the point, you're on page one, you haven't moved on, just get... Okay, we know Adam and Eve, what have you learned? Yeah, I know, but I'm just saying, he was saying, don't eat it, because it's dangerous. Yeah, I know, we know, get on with it, just get on wet, I mean, oh. But the thing is people do thi-tha-fee, that's thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thin, thi, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, thin, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, don't tho, don't thi, don't thi, don't thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thin, thin, thin, thin, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha'''a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a, tha, tha, tha, they're not that bother it's an apple right there they're gonna have a little cheeky apple anyway they eat it right God goes mental at him he said I told you not to do that I've told you can enjoy yourself and everything you've gone against what I said oh you've eaten the apple Adam and Eve sort of got told off and what have you they went off and had kids that added extra pressure a lot of arguments happened and that's kind of

part one. That is amazing. That is amazing. So, oh you're an idiot, really, you are an idiot. Well, part two later then. You better buck up your ideas in part two. On 88 to 91 FM this is Radio 2 from the BBC. What a great trout. Amazing. Binnid Skinner. Sweet Home Alabama. On BBC.

What a great trout. Amazing. Sweet Home Alabama. On BBC Radio 2 with me Steve Merchant. And over there, both of us. Yeah. Carl Pilkington. Still to come we should also point out, we've got rockbusters on the way.

It's the quiz that's not sweeping the nation. No one cares. Oh no, that's not fair. No, look at him. He's probably been sweating over that. He's been reading the children's Bible, and that's all he came up with, the first people were Adam and Eve. I mean, we don't know what their surname is. Unbelievable.

What an idiot you are. Also in the third hour, monkey news, the monkey news, which are you the third hour monkey news? the throwns, we're all looking forward to. It's sort of like Darwinism versus, isn't it? monkey news or do you like Adam and Eve? Also it's probably worth kind of digesting some of the year's big events Rick so maybe we should just cast her eye it's back on some of the... I think people are waiting to see our our three opinions on the review of it. Oh yeah yeah yeah I should just give away this Eurythmic's platinum disc that we offered up in the first

hour and we were asking for the worst Christmas gifts you've ever And I want to give it to this guy because I, well, it's not like, you know, I'm sure it's fine, but it's just something about it which really amuse me is from Toby and London. He says, when I was younger I got a book about crude oil. I'd never expressed an interest in oil and certainly not crude oil. But what I love is just, it's the parents, it's thinking of that gift. They were shopping, they were going, what oil, what, the oil, the oil, the, the, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. what oil is it that Toby likes? Yeah I don't need does he like? It's olive oil probably I don't know. He thinks olive oil or sissy. What's that one that he loves the spouting out the ground one? I crude oil? Get him the book on crude oil Mary.

Unbelievable. So Toby and London you get the Erythmic's platinum disc go well done to yours also in this hour wethose. But I was just going through the papers of course and it's the New Year's Honours list today and I imagine you're very excited about that car. New Year's Honours and all that. Yeah you're familiar with that when people get night herds and obese. I've heard about it. Sir Tom Jones you got to call him to the to tho. You're the the the they they their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their to to their their their. And their. And their. And their. And their. And their their their their their their their their their their their their their their. And I their their. And I their. And I their. And I their. And I I their. And I their their. And I their their their their their their their tod. And I toda. And I today. And I today. And I'm today's today's today's today. And today's today. And I'm today. And I'm their their the one let him have one. Do they? Well it's just I mean the way I saw it was like you know the queen used to give him out to people who you know did like big things like killing dragons and all that. Yeah that was a while ago but yeah yeah now it's you know from dragon killers to sort of Joe Pesquarling. Yeah I see what you mean yeah you went in the jungle without and deck is an Obey. Some. Some. Some. Some. Some. Some. Some. Some. Some. Some. Some. Some. Some. Some. Some. Some. Some. Some. Some. Some. Some. the they. they. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's like. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. That's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It's. It. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's in the jungle with Alan Deck is an OBE.

Some people actually sent, famously some rock stars and big names, they sometimes give their awards back or they refuse to accept the knighthood. If it was offered to you, Rick, would you accept it, your OBE? Or you're... See, look, I don't know because, one, I know it's sort of like not a cool thing and I don't know if you should you you a monarchist or not, which I'm sort of indifferent really. But I would feel rude. Yes, I'm not me. I said, you know, after we won the Golden Globes, an interviewer said, do you think you're getting a knighthood?

And I said, why not? I said, you can't do anything with it. I said, in olden days, you could ride a white horse along and have a big sword. Nowadays you can just put it on your headed note paper. And I said something like I'd rather have a name like Don Javaisi. And the headline was Ricky wants to join the mafia. Which I think is a bit harsh. I've been invited to the palace a couple times. I think about, whoa, hang on. What do you mean? I've invited to the palace about three times. I. I. I. Wi. Wi. Wi. Wi. Wi. Wi. Wi. Wi. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. I. A. I. I'm. W. W. I'a. I'a. I'a. I'a. I'a. I'a. I'a. I'a. I'a. I'a. I'a. I'a. I'a. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And, to. And. And. And. And, to. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And, to. And. And. And, to. And. And. I'mtimes. Why? Can I just point out for people who don't know who I am? I collaborate with Ricky on everything except his stand-up comedy which I suspect was not the reason you were getting invited to the palace. No, it's a little bit boardy, a little bit blue. My work on flannimals. Yeah for your choice. Please get him along. I love the monk. So I should just I've co-written both the office the office the office the office the office the office the office the office the office the office the office the office the office the office the office the office the office the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the tha. tha. the. I. I. things. I things. things. things.a.a.a.a. ta. I ta.a. ta. te. the the the the the office and extras and yeah I've never had an invite from the palace.

Yeah, but I think the Queen knows who's the main one, who's the driving force. You know, anyway, right? So I get this thing to boot, the first time I thought, oh, I can't, I can't go. Why couldn't you go? Well, I, you know, I don't know. The second, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th thean, was, was, was, was, was thean, was, was thean, was thean, was, should we go? And it was very exciting, but I felt a bit funny, just going along to the palace, right? And I said, who was it? It could just be, you and Jane and Prince Philip and the Queen? Was it that? Well, no, there was about eight. There was eight,

So you need to say, people. to say, I said, people, people, people, people, people, people, people, people, people, people, people, people, people, people, people, people, people, people, people, people, people, people, people, people, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, to, to, the, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, the, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, the, to, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the the, the the the the the the to, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the company of geniuses I noticed there. No, no. I'll tell you it about someone, mostly later. And I said, we go for an hour. She went, it's not the sort of place. You can turn up for an hour with a bit of some leaf round meal. It's not your boss's barbecue in the weekend. Pop in. I've got some other people to say I'm seeing him so you play. Cheers Liz. But the thing thing that came th. th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, you thi, you the the the the the the the the the thi, you can the the the the the the the the the the the the the the sort, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you can the sort, you can the sort, you can the sort, you can the the the sort, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can't, thi, that. that. that. that. that. that. they. they. they. the the they, the the the the the the the the the the that will be attending, stroke not be intending, right? And I thought that was just too harsh to send back I will not be attending. So there was a number at the Marshal's House and I called him up and he went, hello? And I said, hello, it's Ricky Gervais here, I won't be able to return. I said, I thought it was a little bit harsh just sent back I will not be attended. He said I thought I th was I th was I th was I th was I th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thought I th thought I tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho th th th th tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho. I tho th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th th th th th th th th th th tho tho tho tho tho that that that that that thate that thate thate thou- theee thoooooooooooooooo tho tho tho tho tho the. you to call. Was it Roger Moore? I don't know. I went, there's no noise and he said, oh there's no trouble, thank you so much for quite. I bet no one calls him. I bet he doesn't get a look in it and it was really, I'm so glad I called and did you just send back I will not be a ttimes now now he's out and about she's never home no I bet his house is a mess

yeah it was just after the the first series of the office went out I got invited to this thing I'd met Jonathan Ross on this on this show and then we were talking about being Bowie fans I never met before and he said well I'm interviewing Bowie for this special come along and I went along and there was Bowiere my hero is amazing a couple of big celebrities in the audience one of which was Salman Rushdie and Greg Dyke who was at the going on track the Bowie. I went to the pub the next day with my mate and he said, what did you do last night? And I said, nothing.

Because I couldn't say I was hanging out with Greg Dyke and Salm Rushdy. Why? What did you do? And I just said nothing. If you can name every celebrity that Ricky has mentioned in the last league who he spent time with, then you can win yourself a prize, perhaps a signed copy of extras for which he got invited to the palace and I did. 88-291 if you can name every name the rejuvase dropped. That's gone to the band. Rick as you know I absolutely love a good cover version I think that a cover version if it's

done really well can not only match the original it can sometimes even better it. I totally agree. And I think that that's Ryan Adams version of Wonderwall and I think you know much as I love Wonderwool it almost reinvests it with a new beauty and a new majesty that perhaps we'd forgotten about because the other song is not taking it away from no not at all but it's that it's that it's that it's that it's that it's that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that's that's that's the that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to. the the the to. the thoe. thoe. thooe only only only only only thoe only the the the taking it away from null oh not at all but it's almost kind of reinvented it you know beautiful absolutely beautiful great song anyway that's what's weird really because you've done that and that's kind of what I've done with rockbusters right I've taken something we taken blockbusters and made one word sort of made it better no not really because those are real clues that work yours are the ramblings of a madman you don't really really really really really really really really really really really th th th th th th th th th the th th th th the th the th th th the th th th th I th I thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus tho tho tho tho thus tho thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus th th th th th th th th th th th th th their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their the their the their thoooo's their their their the ramblings of a madman. He doesn't really understand what the word cryptic means. It's more, this should be called, what am I thinking? Well, we should just introduce the

idea of rockbusters to people who didn't hear it last week. Now I'm trying to think of some classic ones. Do you remember there was the, now what was it? The, the West, Jamaican fellow. Jamaican fellow. The Jamaican fellow. the Jamaican fellow. We the Jamaican fellow. We the Jamaican fellow. We should. We should. We should. We should. We should. We should. We should. We should. We should. We should. We should. We should. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. We should should should should should should should should should should should just just the the the the idea. We should should should should should should should should should should should should should should should. We should. We should. We should. We should. We should. We should. We should. We should. We should. We should. We should. We should. We should. We should. We should. We should. We should. We should. We should. We should. We should. We should. We should. We should. We should. We should. We should. We should. We should. We should. We should. We should. It. It. It. It. It's. It's. It's just just just just just just just just. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the was detraut spinners. And he tried to make it, I mean it doesn't work. You have to speak in a Jamaican accent and say the trout spinners. Well they wouldn't, they wouldn't say detrout, they'd say Detroit. Detroit. So it doesn't work there's the stupid Whetney Houston. No one called in the if you want to win these we've got some Kylie collectibles for rockbusters. The good thing about crawling into Carl's head is there is a lot of room. There's plenty of room. It's very much like when God

created the earth you can just fill it up with anything. Yeah yeah. So your rockbuster's clues this week then Carl's the week they's cluice the week. All right so can you win the three the three three three three collect collect collect collect collect collect collect collect collect collect. The k k k k k k k k k k k the three three three. The k k k k k k k k k k k k k kk. The three. The the three. The the the they. The they. The the the the the the the the they. The they. The thi. The thi. The they. The the the the the they. It's. It's. It's the they. It's. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It is. It is. It is. It's the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. thi. thirty thirty thirty thirty thirty thirty the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thirty thirty thirty thirty thirty thirty the the the the trying to get any tag we get them free yeah extras flannamels etc also with the junk liner in the office yeah so then three clues you text him with the answers you win the stuff right first one first clue the initials of the band of the artist are FFFF right now already and the so and the crypt well well not ruin it and the sort of... Well, not ruin it. And the cryptic clue, I've got snails, crossants and begets in my palm. Right, what's, what's going on there? I don't know it. Right, there's the clue. Say that again. I've got snails, quasants and baguettes in my palm. Oh, it's weird. F F. What's the band of the artist? The clue changes every so slightly so so so so slightly so slightly so slightly so slightly so slightly so slightly so slightly so slightly so s so s so s so th. th. th. th. th so th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's the c' the c' the c' the c' the c' the c' the c' the c' the c' the c' the c' the cry. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. th. Well. Well. th. th. Well. Well. th. th. Well. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. the cry. thi. th. thi. th. th. thi. thi. the cry. the cry. F. F, what's the band of the artist? The clue changes every so slightly every time.

I know. Right, the next one. Uh, my granny's is taking a penalty. She better get the ball in the back of the net. NM. Artists or a band? NM. That's antaking a penalty. I've got it. She better get it in the back of the net. It's a good one. Okay. It's a good one. That might be his best ever. Wow. And the last one, this is a tough one, but you know, you know it works. Wow. When he says tough he means doesn't work. Yes. Does not work. Repeat. This does not work. The initial of the band the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. It th. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. It is is is is is is is is th. It is is is th. It is is is is th. It is th. It is th. It might th. It might that might that might that might that might that might that might that might that might that might that might that might that might that might that might that might that might that might that might that might that might that might that might that might that might that might th. It th. It is th. It is. It is. It is. It is. It is. It is. It is. It is. It is. It is. It is. It is. It is. It is. It is. It is. It is. It's th. It's th. It's tha. It's tha. It's. It's tha. It's. It's. It's. It's tog. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. The initial of the band, it's an 80s band I think I've got to help

him out. A, A is the initial, right? And the clue is, and where people go to relieve themselves after looking at elephants and that, what am I? Right? So, letters A, the cryptic clue, and where people go to relieve themselves after looking at elephants and that. What am I? And the initial? A. 88291. That works. You can give us a call 0500 to 88221.

That's really scary. That's really scary. That's really scary. Givay's at BBC. . If you've got an answer for all, you need all three of those to win those Kylie collecthyhyhyn. It's alright, isn't it? Yeah, well done. Play a little cheeky song. Yeah. Razor Light. Golden Touch. On Radio 2.

I'm Ricky Gervais with me, Steve Merchant and Carl Pilkington. All right. We were going to have a quick assessment of the year's events because it's been a tumultuous year in many ways, Rick. You know, some steps forward. I'm sure you'll agree with the ban on fox hunting. Absolutely. I really can't believe it took to 2005. I really, and then people moaning, we can't go and hunt fox. Oh, why not? You can't go in other fox ripped to pieces? Oh, what do you want to do instead? I never understood it because it was people getting up in arms and it's a sport for them. It's a game. It's a can't play Yatsy anymore you've got now guess who well all right all this rubbish

about oh well you know it's what foxes do oh is it oh but why do you like it why do you wouldn't want a robot fox because you want to see blood my brother in law was doing this job he's a driver and he went to this really posth school he was he they were to they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they th I I I I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th was th was th was tho tho tho tho tho tho tho they they they they they were tho they was they were they were they were they were they they they was they was they was they was they was they was they was they was they was they was they was they was they was they was they was they was they was they was they was they was they was they was they was they was they was they was they was they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they thi thi thi toy toy toy toy toy to toy they were took toy they were they were took they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they I don't agree with fox hunting they went oh why are you a vegetarian he went no I eat meat they went you eat meat but you don't agree with hunting he went why do you eat fox yeah I mean it's such a ridiculous argument are you to that you please with that ban Carl what sort of I don't think you know we should sort of any animals should we I totally agree I you know respect their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their they they to they to to to they their their to to to to to to to to their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their the the the the to the. I te. I tea. I toe. I toe. I toe. I toe. I they they they they they're they're they they're they're we? I totally agree and you know respect their place and that. I mean I've I went on holiday once right went into the sea right was only up to my knees right got stung by a jellyfish right and what I mean the sea that's someone else's territory in it right and I could have had a moan

but I was like well I shouldn't be here whereas if you went home and a jellyfish came it yeah? I say what would would I would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would th. th. th. th. th. th. I would have th. I would have th. I'd th. I'd th. I'd th. I'd th. I'd th. I'd the the th. I'd have the th. I'd have th. I'd have the th. I'd have the the the the the they. I'd have they. I'd have the they they they they they they they they they they their their I their I their I their I their I their I their I their I their I'm their I'm their I'm their I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I went I'm th. I went the. I went I went th. I went tho. I went th. I went tho. I went th. I went the. I went the. I went the. Whereas if you went home and you're watching telly and a jellyfish came at you. So what's going on? You would, wouldn't you? You would say what's going on, wouldn't you? Yeah. You'd definitely, if a jellyfish came up from behind your telly and clamped onto your face, you go, Suzanne, what's the jellyfish doing? I don't go have the polar bear put down. No, don't have the polar bear put down. You took him from the ice

caps, popped him in a zoo, right? That's his house now. He didn't want to be there. And then someone climbed in. I love it when a matador gets gored to death. I love it because the ball didn't want to fight. Happy to the ball the ball the ball the the the the to the to to the the to the the the to the the the the the to to the the the the the to the to the the to be to be to to to to to to to to the the the the the topapeapetermapotapotapotapotapotapotapotapotapotapotapotapotapotapotapotapotape pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop poppapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapap. Happy the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the tape. tape. tape. tape. tape. tape. their tape. the gay civil marriages or the civil ceremonies. I'm not entirely sure yet what this is. Do we loosely call it gay marriage just for the sake of ease? No, well it's just a, it's officially a civil marriage isn't it? They're not saying it's a marriage as such because I don't know if the church and I'll not sure. We've got enough vicarious, let's know. Yeah. But I don't know if you read it on paper the other day. But the church is going to look nice, isn't it?

The flowers are going to look brilliant, aren't they? But I don't know if you read the other day that I was pleased to read that John Inman, Mr. Humphreys from I being served has just been involved in his civil ceremony with his long-term partner. Whoa! John. I know. th. th. th. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. it when one of those sort of people that are obviously, they come out after like years, like Alton, like Alton, like the new trac suit, I'm actually gay, and they all have to go, you're joking. You know, sit down. No way. Like when someone knows there's a surprise party for and they got to pretend that they, oh my god, I', I', I', I''''''''''''''''''-a, I'-a, I'-a, I'a, I'a, I'a, I'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'er, their, their, th. th. th. thit, thi, thi, tho, tho, I'er, I'er, I'er, I'er, I'er, I'er, I'er, I'er, I'er, I'er, I'er, I'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'er, tha'er'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'er, they can't fake it. No way. Like when someone knows there's a surprise party for them, they've got to pretend that they, oh my God, I couldn't believe it. But, um, yeah, so what we had, we've had, uh, it is a year of disasters, which is, uh, it does seem worse this year. I don't know, maybe I'm hitting that age where I think there was like, it was nice and it was like, like, like, like, like, it was like, it was like, it was like, it was like, it was like, it was like, it was nice, it was nice, it was nice, it was nice, it was nice, it was nice, it was nice, it was nice, it was nice, it was nice, it was nice, it was nice, it was nice, it was nice, it was nice, it was nice, it was nice, it was nice, it was nice, it was nice, it was nice, it was nice, it was nice, it was nice, it was nice, it was nice, it was nice, it was nice, it was nice, it was nice, it was nice, it was nice, it was nice, it was nice, it was nice, it was nice, it was nice, it was nice, it was nice, it was nice, it was nice, it was nice, it was nice, it was nice, it was nice, it was nice, it was nice, it was nice, it was nice, it was nice, it was nice, the the th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. the thi. thi. the obviously Hurricane Katrina and the tsunami and the earthquake and things and it's obviously been terrible and we don't want you to be flipping about that but the only time I was praying for a natural disaster of biblical

proportions was when I was watching Celebrity Love Island and it never happened sadly and some of the drags of humanity on that show. I but I mean if anyone seen the show I said he was a mental case yeah it's pretty libelous I think I think yeah I think yeah I think I mean let's let's let's face it let's let's when before you um must say anyone is stupid or a mental case do the old binary sort are they madder and thicker than Carl if not I you I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that that that that that that that that that that that th th th th th th th th th th th th th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the the the. the the the the. the the. the. the. the. that's the. that's that's that's the. th are they madder and thicker than Carl? If not I think you, you know. That means I can never accuse anyone of being stupid. I do say. But I love it, he was talking about Lady Isabella Harvey and he went, I love Lady Isabella Harvey because thing is like, she, she don't like books.

Brilliant, they got something in common then. The idea that something in common is something that they don't th th th th th th th th tho tho tho tho tho th tho tho the idea tho tho the idea tho tho the idea tho tho tho tho the idea tho tho tho the idea th common. The idea that something in common is something that they don't do together. I love the idea that people, I was sitting around just praying for a big wind. Just a big wind. And the only big wind was from Rebecca Luz. I mean I've never met anyone who is, I don't know't know so underwent by music and the plethora of shooting. No I do like it. But it was said about when I got my first got my iPod which I absolutely love okay and I was downloaded I said I got 10,000 songs he went wasn't he that money for he said I like a walk he said you know the walk when you the the the the one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th is. I was the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th the th th th th th th th th. th. I the I toy. I toy. I toy. I toy. I toy. I toy. I toy. I th. I th. I th going for a walk, he says, how long's the walk? When do you need 10,000 records?

And he was trial work with the ones he put on, and he got to about seven. And what do you like? You only like songs with a story? Mainly, a song that, you know, when you pop it on, you know, when you're the turn it off and fade it off because you've got to hear how the story ends. But how many times can you hear the same story? I mean it's a great tune but it's not because it's a story it's because the lyrical content apart from the story aspect and the beautiful tune and the way he sings and the production. It's not. It's not otherwise you always got a bloke he born on the wrong side of the tracks or whatever, I'll turn it off now, he'd be going, I wonder what happened to him. So you listen to it all.

What are the songs are there, songs of the story? There's one Johnny Cash when he's nick in a car factory. A th. A they. their, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. th. thi. thi. thi. I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I'm, I'm, I'm, I's, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'll, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I'll. I's. I'll. I'm. What. What. What. It's. W. It's. W. It's. W. W. It's. W. W. W. W. It's. W. W. It's. W. W. W. It's. It's. It that song. He works in a car factory and every day he's going right, I'll nick a little bolt, right? Then he knicks a wing mirror and I think he knicks like gear stick and that. So if you've got seven songs that you like, I mean it must be what's your favorite song? How could you do that? Because you haven't? I've heard how that ended now, you see? I haven't? I assume that's their their their th. What's their th. What's their th. What's th. What's their. What's th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. their their, th. their their their their their their their, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, th.. I'll, I'll, I'll probably got it wrong I haven't I know I assume I assume everything you say it's probably wrong there you go then you'll never know and that will annoy you know so other songs like Rod Stewart killing a Georgie oh yeah that's your favorite song isn't it that's that's good because it's yeah what's a story there just about a little gay fella goes to New York because that's that's the the the the the that I I the that I that the that th I th I th I th I that th th that th th th. that's th that's th. th. that's th. that's that's th. that's that's th. that's th. their their tho. tho they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll their their they'll their their their they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll their their their they their they their their th. they'll th. they'll th. they're thi thi they're thi thi the the the the. the. the. the. the. that's tho. that's the. that's they're they like, you know, if you were gay in that, New York was brilliant.

That was like, you know, where they all went and stuff. I had a good life there. His dad didn't, I think his dad kicked him out or something. Now you're, that, I'm sure you're thinking of a small town boy by Bronsky beat. I'm sure you're getting all these, up in that just because it's another little gay fella as you call him. Anyway he goes to New York. He goes to New York. He's having a good time in the 70s. Oh you're right. Oh you're right. His dad said how can the son of mine not be straight? I take it all back. I'm sorry yeah you're right. Yeah. And he goes to New York. They go out late and that. They go out of their their they go out. They go out. to go out late. to go out. to go out. to go out. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to go to go to go to go to go to go to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to that and out of live, you know what I mean? They get the most out of life and that. Parting late, he was on his way on. Sorry that's such a general sweet day and part in part of it. No it's just if you go in Soho in London right at like five in the

morning you think it was like rush hour. You assume you assume anyone who takes a the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. You th. You th. You th. You th. You th. You th. You th. You th. th. th. th. thate is like thate is like th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. G late late the. G late the. G. G. G. G. G. G. G. the. the. to to the. to to to theee. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. like rush hour. But you assume anyone who takes a bit of pride in their appearance is gay? Well, I mean, no, you can look after yourself and that without, you know, without being a little gay fellow, but I'm just saying that's what that song's about. I can't just say anyone's offended by this, he means no harm, he doesn't know. He knows not what he says, really. Everything he's not having to go, you live and let live don't you? He's a bit like, he's a bit like Mork from Morka Mindy. He hasn't got a prejudicial bone in his body, but go on then. Yeah so, and then because he was out late, he was walking back and sort of, it's a bit of a sad ending he gets attacked on that, but it get people to just text in, just a few people.

If they've got any songs they can recommend to Carl, um, we may be getting played to him. Pinball wizard. Pinball was you love. That was a good one. That was a that, that's about a blind fella. Right. Deaf dumb and blind. I don't know if he knows what his place. No, it's just that, he's a pinball wizard, but you know if he's deafen blind, does he know what game he's playing?

Sure. Does he even bother putting money in it? Well, you don't forget it. If you hear... that's it, their today. that's, that was Bruce Spruce. I don't think anyone was making that confu- having that confusion. Oh sorry, okay. Just in case. Okay.

We were doing about 20 minutes ago rock busters, special New Year's Rock Busters, three clues, three bands or artists. We've had a number. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, I, I, I, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm thin, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm th-I. I'm, I'm, I'm, I th-I. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th, I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I thin, I thin, I thin, I thin, I thin, I thin, I thin, I don't thin, I don't thin, I don't thin, I don't thin, I don't thin, I don't thin, I don't thin, I don't thin, I don't thin, I don't thin, get this right. Well, I was worried that I got it right. Well, I don't know what it says about our audience. It's like why are we bothering? We may just shoot off. They'll be happy just watching the tumble dryer going rained. I know. Well, Carl, come on then. What are the clues? First, the initials were F F F Fils and quassants and begets in my palm right that's that's like the clue what what band or artist is that think

about it right going in the initials were Fffffoo-in-hand right so like I France Ferdinand it's France food in hand France France because it's like oh that's what we eat over there should be French food in France France food in hand. French, French food in hand. I've never heard of a band called French Food in Hand. Well, a lot of people got it. I know, but French food in hand.

What are they on? What labor are they on? What are they on? Just French food in the thrown....................... French, French, French, French, French, French, French, French, French, French, French, French, French, French, th. So, French, th. So, French, French, French, th. So, French, to. So, French, to. So, to. So, to. French, the. French, to. French, to. French, to. French, to. French, to. French, to. French, to. French, to. French, to. French, to. French, to. French. French. French. French. French. French. French. French. French. French. French. French. French. French. French. French. French. French. French. French. French. French. French. French. French. French. French. French. And, to. And, to. French. And, to. French. French. French. And, to. to. to. to. to. the the to. the to. the to. the to. to. the to. to. to. the to. the to. French, the the better get the ball in the back of the net. Go on. NM with the initials. Try and work it out, your grand, that's your nano muskore, that's nanomuscore it, right? Nanumuscore. Okay, I'll give you that one.

And who is it? Nana Muscury. Nana Muscuri. Nana Muscuri. Right. So that works. And then it doesn't work. It's close enough. It's close enough. The final one was, the initial was A, right? And the clue was, and where people go to relieve themselves, after looking at elephants and giraffes and all that sort of stuff, what am I? Right? That's a, well, Amazulu. Amazulu.

Amazulu. No, I got him to. I'm a Zulu. So that works as well, isn't it? Yeah, no. Three good clues is always there. Well, not really. Couldn't really call them cryptic.

Well, I'll give it to David Lyons of Elfrey. You're the Kylie Collectibles, which is a... What is it? I use some Kylie collectibles. Live, live signed staff on there. Some sign stuff on there. I hope he's a Kylie fan. We're throwing a signed extra DVD and some flannel stuff as well.

And that Monday gets straight down some kind of clinic. Have your brain examined. All right, but Kate Bush. Cape Bush, King of the Mountain, must be a song about the Tour de France or something. Wear a helmet. Wear a helmet. Good advice. Now, as you mentioned earlier, Rick, last week we had a spokesperson from the Church of England, who was offering a spot at some kind of Manchester church, for Carl to do a sermon,

educate the kids on the Bible and all things religious. We've preempted that, we've actually, we're first installment in the first hour and it was very slow. You've got a bit quicker. You've got to register. You've got to, you've got to, you've got to read it. I mean, that was nearly longer than the real thing. You're tai' thin' their their their thoing people thoing people thoing people tho it but this is what Vic has doing it they drag it out this this is their living if they don't drag it out what did they when you go to church

what what what well they won't have a job would they you've got you got to make sure you know you do you know you to do their you know to the tell the their you their you their you their you their you their you their you their you their you their you their you their their their their they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they not my words, but yeah, that's why I can't, you know, rush it. You've got to tell the story, haven't you? All right, well you need to get the Old Testament out of the way, because we're not even on to the New Testament, you know, you've only got an hour in ten. Well, I'll just do right. Jesus hasn't even made it. It's 50 minutes before Kong makes an appearance. Well exactly, let's get to the main event. Come on. I can't now anyway. Just where we left off just in case you've just tuned it.

Don't recap. I'm just saying that Jesus is the main event because this is the Church of England. There are other religions where he's probably not as high up. He's not as future as probably. No he'd be the kids didn't listen to the mom and dad. Well, they weren't arguing a lot. They did, they had a bit of an argument. The kids did, yeah, but Adam and Eve didn't argue, did they? They were loving it, they were having a great time.

Well no, not once, once they had theyatheap. I'm an atheist, I'm the kids didn't listen to the ma'am and dad because they had a criminal record and that for Nick and the Apple. The kids were running riot, they're not bothered. So let's pick up. I'd like to apologize there. I'm just going to say it really isn't worth complaining. He doesn't know what he'd get off. In the court of law, he'd get off. He'd get off. their their own actions. they. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. tho. tho. tho. tho. So, they're tho. So. So, tho. So, I's tho. tho. to. to. to. to. to. to. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. I. So. So. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm to. I'm to. I'm to. I'm to. I'm to. I'm to. I'm to. I'm to. I'm to to. I'm to to? People are doing what they want, Adam and Eve aren't listening, all the rest of it. No, no, no, it gave them free will. So the story goes, oh this is making me ill. So anyway, right, so he said, how can I, how can I get rid of all the badness and that, so he made it out, right? Before he did that though I forgot something that's quite important he met up with this bloke Noah. They met up over a coffee.

Yeah yeah and he said to Noah look, get an umbrella. I like you and that. Here's a little job for you. All I'll say is buy shares in galoshes. Yeah we're no I don't go anything away but you'd get a big boat. He said what I want you to do, right? Make this boat up. He said, and when you've done that, go about, right, and get two of everything. Right? So, it was like, that's a big job, right? Man and female.

Yeah. Would you know, because I was, do you know, I always say I was put myself in the situation of the person's job and that. Yeah. I was thinking I can do, I can sort out a man, elephant, man, woman and that. I wouldn't know how to do it with a spider. What? I don't know why he brought on spiders. I do not know why I brought on spiders. Because he missed an opportunity there. rid of the spider and you know I'm get get four you know flamingos or something get get get eight chimps let's use the space wisely but but the weird thing is

right with the spiders as well because he did get the spiders on didn't he? it rained right it rained for ages like what was it weeks when it ran in that so and then he let out a bird I think it was a raven. No it wasn't. Right, come on, let him finish. It wasn't a raven. This is a fact. He let a raven out, right? And he didn't come back. So already his system had broken because he only had one raven out.

Right? He was like, oh. So he said, right. He left, the's what I know, you remember with me I say, so is that what he did? You let a raven out first of thee? First, yeah. And then... Never trust a raven, always give it to the dove. Dove, don't send a raven to do a dad's job. I reckon the raven. I reckon the toub. I reckoned think that? Uh, because he found a twig or something. Exactly. Say what, why could that be the top of a tree though? Why could it? How did he know that?

I don't know? Rick, if you aren't going to add to this, we're never going to get it done? Okay, I'm sorry. Where did the water go? Where did the water go? This is mental. Do they refreeze the ice caps? What? Tell me, is it, uh, it got to be... Didn't say it was a kid's Bible, wasn't it, wasn't going in depth. He just said the water went away, right? Where? It floated off. It floated off. It floated off. It floa. It's, ah, I can't be bothered. Oh, I can't be. I. I. I. I he has us to dedicate it to his wife Fiona McCall and us love from Pengey or Pengu or Pengu or something. It's got to realise that if we didn't ramble we wouldn't have a show.

This is it. This is what we do. theyrowne, the radio station, got plates of MLO, well put a CD on. You must have the greatest hits of VLO if you want to hear it so much, why are you thrown up a radio ticket? Well I think it's more the indication, you know, it just wants to tell his wife. Yeah, you know. Do it on a better show. What than this? Yeah, there's kind of the second hour. We've got more stuff to give. their their their their to to to to to to to their to to their to to their their to to their to their their their their to their their their to their to to their their to to their their to to to to to to to to to to to to to to do. It's just just just just wants to their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their to their their their their. It just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just. Yeah. It. It's just just just. It's just. It's just. It's just. It's just. It's just want. It's just wants. It's just wants. It's just. It's just. It's just. It's just. It's just. It's just wants. It's just wants. It's just wants. It's just wants, that's what the nation's waiting for. But, um... Plus, Carl, are we got more of your um, diglical retail? Oh, jeez.

French food, you know? On 88 to 91 FM. This is Radio 2 from the BBC. California Cation by Red Hot Chili Peppers Now we've got some red hot chili peppers stuff to give away as well. We've got a red hot chili peppers platinum disc. Brilliant, only platinum on this show. Yeah. None of your gold muck. Absolutely.

We need some kind of quiz question because we want to make sure that only a red hot cippeppers fan gets this merchandise off. Okay, what about something like, famously they were photographed with a sock over their what? Anyone can get that? That's too easy isn't it? Notice I was all coy, I didn't want to say, why didn't I just say, oh no, because I was asking the question? Yeah. Wouldn't I? What would people phone in, you'd they'd have to say, oh that's no that's no good it was it was there we know what it was it was over there what would I say on radio to John Thomas John Thomas over there they think that's probably a member of the band yeah what do you say when you go to the doctor with your trouble with your

trouble look okay I know we're talk's official term wouldn't you be well it's funny isn't it going to saying because you never use that term no it's because it's so it's formal I suppose it's like you're try to sort of like put on heirs and graces because you're in the company of a doctor what would you say what if what if I had a problem yeah yeah I had to go to the doctor with you I probably I probably I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I probably I probably I probably I probably I I probably I probably I probably I probably I probably I probably I probably I probably I probably I probably I probably I probably I probably I probably I probably I probably I probably I probably I probably I probably I probably I probably I probably I probably I probably I probably I probably I probably I to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th th th th the the the the the doctor I the doctor I the doctor I the doctor I the doctor I the doctor I the the thi thi thi thi thi thi th'd show it to Suzanne and say is that normal? No I haven't, I mean I'm 32 right? I've never necessarily. No, just, you know, she's not a doctor and there's nothing about you that's normal. So I can only imagine. No, but you know what I'm, I have, you know, you know, Suzanne, my girlfriend wants me to go to that well man clinic. Oh, no, the, well, said, oh no way. Unless I'm really ill. Well you should get everything checked out. I know. But finger up the... So what's the quiz question? What's the funniest term for it?

No. What do women call it when they go? Because that's even worse, isn't it? I don't know. What did your mom call? Uh, she never sort of brought it up. What do you mean? What does she call it? And even when I was a kid she didn't give it a name, it's just, even now. What did she call yours then when you, if you had mommy I got a... She didn't. What, you never discussed? Why, why, why, I'll just get on with it and that. What did you say, oh, I'm just saying, I'm, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, she, she, th, th, th, th, th, th, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, tha, tha, thi, thi, tha, tha, tha. And, tha, tha, tha, tha, thi. And, thi, tha, tha, tha go to the toilet when you go I just say I'm just going to the toilet no when you were three you didn't say I'm alright mum just did me

the toilet get me fags ready when I come out I'm dying for everything what do you I never never gave it a name what do you to what so do you thi walt I think whoe the to the toilet I think I th I th I th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th tho th the th tho the the the tho- I to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th I I I I I I I th I th I th I th th th th th th I the I the I ty toye I toye toye toye toye toye toye toye toye toye toye to to to to to to to the to. Well, I honestly, well I can't remember then if I did have a name. What do you say now? Uh, well, I don't have to announce it. I know where the toilet. I don't want to sound the question. I don't know. What's the good question?

Oh, this is difficult being pre-recorded. Someone said, oh is this pre-recorded? If we pre-recorded it, we'd have edited out the bad bits. Why would we have had that conversation? It's like, oh, it's 10 past 12. Let's do headlines. I remember Carl try and approve it was live last week and he was saying things like, it's Christmas Eve. Well, really, actually, there's a couple of mentions. I always like to checkhapapapapn. I their. I their. I their. their. this is where they, kind of peat you like for instance, Kiefer Sutherland was spotted having a pint of Guinness in Dublin. So that's interesting apparently. And it says here Ricky Javais and others were seen at John Stewart's show at Prince Abelia, was so where was like two and a half weeks ago. And Ithe news. Also, my favourite one is spotted, they have it in the heat and stuff, and my favourite was spotted on the set of his new movie, Johnny Death. I mean he's pretty much going to be there. That doesn't count surely. That is, the same as train spotting. Oh, I saw the 2.30 from where was it? Where was it? What time? What? What? the time? the time? the time? the time? the time? the time? the time? the time. the time. the time. the time. the time. the time. the time. the time. the time. the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the th. th. S spotted. S spotted. S spotted. S spotted. S spotted. S spotted. S spotted. S spotted. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. th. the. the. the. th.'re live You can check this out in today's copy of the Sun flipping through and there's a picture of you

Rick and it says at the top comics they're as funny as cancer. I thought that's a bit harsh And I mean, I mean, you know most people agree, but and I mean it turns out. They don't thrown. So is Jennifer Saunders and Peter K, Mirosayow and apparently that's the funniest of all the star signs. Well I wouldn't disagree with that. I would disagree with it because whenever anyone says to me they're reading their stars and say what star sign are you. I give them a wrong one. They read it.

They go, that's just you. I go, I'm not that. twaddle. We've said Peters, to hell with it, twoddle. It's twoddle. Black Star by Radio Head on BBC Radio 2 with me, Ricky Gervais, Steve Merchant and Carl Pilkington. I forgot. I forgot. How are you, can you even call yourself a DJ? I don't. Well, no, clearly. I mean they're I'm a broadcaster. I'm a broadcaster. We've got this red-old chili peppers platinum disc to give away. Well what about that one? What do you call your little... That's your quiz question.

On Radio 2, on New Year Eve, your question is what do you call your thingy? If you're a thing, if you're a thing, what do you call your thingy front? That's unbelievable. Well, I don't know. It's arbitrary as anything. So that people and other funny names nothing nothing nasty and we're read them out remember we won't read out it's nasty but what's the what you know what did you you know you call your little what's your little? Unbelievable what I mean it's BBC Radio 2 so have you seen the dregs they put on these shows I mean people who couldn't get a job anywhere out what you're talking about his top colour of broadcasters on this station who. Who. So so so so so so???? that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. their their their their their their their. their. their. their. their. So. So. So. their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their th. their the. their the. theing about? It's top colour of broadcasters on this station. Who?

I can't name off it on my head. Yeah. It's people who they don't want on Radio 1 anymore. That's true, isn't it? All right, well, 888-291. Or you can email it? Or you can email Joveys. you recently I'm not even mentioning the I'm not suddenly my mouth. What do you call your little ding dong you little really wink away? What do you what do you call it? What do you call it? What do you call it? Unbelievably unbelievable. Well, there's some we learn something? Yeah.

And we'll give away this platinum disc to whoever's got the what, the most droll, the most amusing, most charming? After what do you call yours? After what do you call yours? A. A. A? the, what? the, what? their. A. A. A. A. their, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what their, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what? What, what? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What, the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the, what, what, what, what,well, I really enjoyed that one. Beautiful. We are looking back at some of the big news stories of the year. Still to come, of course, I should just point out, we've got Monkey News. Oh, that's the big one. Oh, that's the big one. We've got the final part, it certainly is. We've got the final part of the final to Jesus Christ thi, so, so, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, the year, the year, th, th, the year, th. So, the year, th. So, the, the, the, th. the, the, the, the, the, the, thi, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the the the the the the the year, the year, the year, the year, the year, the year. And, the year, the year, the year, the year, the their, their, their, they. they. they. tho, they. they. thoooo. they. they. they. they. tho, their, tho, th quite a big thing in the Bible. Anyway, go on. Plus of course you've just set this possibly the worst quiz question I've ever heard on any radio station ever. Well, I was, do you want to recap? What do you call your little, your little, your little, your little fellow or your little thio' madam? Yeah, sure.

And you can win the nation what you call your little thingy. Red Dot Chili Peppers platinum disc to give away. Carl what have been some of the big new stories that have hit you this year? Oh this is going to be good. Well I don't really watch the news do it gets me down a bit. Sometimes you know you better often not knowing I sometimes wonder about you know the way we've got satellites and stuff and you know what I mean? Does it do us any good? Knowing stuff. So I mean that you've mentioned... That is brilliant coming from Carl. Yeah. I mean that's an amazing quote isn't it? I mean it's not we will fight them on the beaches but does it do you any good knowing stuff? It's pretty much what sums you up. I thought your new

year's resolution was to learn one thing a day. All I'm saying is normally when you see people who are brainy they never look like they're happy. Like who? Einstein, Hawking. They all look at it like fed up and that. Well let's leave Hawking aside with the way he looks please. You're such an idiot. You're such an idiot. Look at Einstein then. Well yeah let's, then look at me. I'm happy. Well yeah, look at Einstein then. Look at Einstein then. Look at the the the the the the the the the the the the the they they they they they they they they're. Look at they're. Look at they're. Look at they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're all. I they're all. I they're they're they're all. I they're all. I they all. I they all. I they all. I they all. I they all. I they all. I they all. I they all. I they all. I they all. I they all. I they all. I. I. I they all. I. I they're. I. I they're. I they're. I they're. I they're all. I they're all. I they're all. I'll. I'll all. I'm they're all. I'm they're all. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm they're all all. I'm they're all. I'm they're all. I'm they're all. I'm they're all. I'll. I'm. You have no reason to be though. Anyway, and Einstein was happy. He was gallivanting around, he was having a laugh, he was going to parties, he was hanging out with Marlonneau, he was loving it, he was inventing nuclear weapons, he was having a whale of a time. Anyway, all I'm saying, he was hanging out with, what's his name, McFly? It was brilliant. So normally I just pick up on the stories, that sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort th. th. th. th. th. that's, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that's, that's, that's, that, that's, that's, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi, the, the. the. the. the. the. up on the stories that sort of make me go oh that's quite interesting yeah two that stuck out for me in 2005 blind people not always using dogs now they've got horses well that's

ridiculous it's not true what you're talking about it it is true what do you mean they're trying it out people you know they've got guide dogs and that yes they sort of guide dogs and that. Yes. They sort of saying why stop there. They give them... Well, do you know why? Because the horse?

Exactly. Because dogs can go into Tesco's with you and go around to visit your auntie and sit at your feet. What do you do with a horse? No, well it just cuts out the middleman that if the horse knows where it's going person gets on the back off it goes. Oh don't talk rubbish. Where do you read this? Yeah I've got you printed off I can show it to you. Oh so it's the internet of course it was the internet yeah I mean when will you learn but why is that such a mad idea because you haven't got a whole of it I bet it is something I I bet there's a grain of the there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's a there's a there's a there's a there's a there's a there's a there's a there's a there's a there's a there's a there's a there's a there's a there's a there's a there's a there's a there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's th I'm th I'm th th th th th th th th th th th is th is th is a th is a th is a the the the the the thrown I the the the thro the the the thro the the throe the the I the the the that they're going to be used like guide dogs. I mean just think! I'll look at the new story during the next song and we'll get a lot of it. What else? There must be another new story that's got...

Hang on. Uh, chickens and that. Go on. Um, a fella had a problem with a chicken. Wasn't laying enough eggs and that. He got an axe, put it next to its little. that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, thi, thi, the, the their their their their thi, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, their their the, the, the, the. There the. There, the. There, there, there's must there must there must there must there must there must there must there must there must there must there must there must there must there must there must there must there must there, panicked it a bit, laid loads of eggs. I don't know, is that a major news story? No, it's not major, but it's interesting, isn't it? What? What? What's the chicken?

Yeah. No, they're sort of the two things. That's the only two news stories of that's amazing. I mean, that's a much, plus, plus, plus, plus, plus, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, the, that, that, the, that, that, that, that, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, it, it, is not, is not, is, is, is, is, is, is, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it. It's, it. It's not, it. It's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not. It's not, it's not. It's not. It's. But what do you think about when you hear about that chicken? What, what, I don't think anything of it because it came from you so you probably got something wrong or it was a little fluff piece in a tabloid that just someone, they had a slow news day that day, you know, Rick, am I right in saying that Carl himself made the news news this year? Because wasn't, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, their, their, their, their, 't it right that a friend of your girlfriends had read about him apparently you were slagging off Cornwall so yeah yeah my my girlfriend's just living Cornwall and you were the front sort of story on something like the Western something or that addition slagging off

Cornwall what have you said about what have you said about what have you said about Cornwall I haven't said anything I like cormor yeah what you must have said something, although they wouldn't have a... I mentioned Carl Pilkington. You've been slagging off apparently. I love going there. Have you ever sown anything about it negative? What was that thing? Oh, didn't you slag someone off of Mavagissie?

You went into a pub in Mavagissi? Yeah, and he was airy. Yeah, if you're listening like that. No, but I like it. If I wanted to retire on that early, that's where I'd go and live. I wouldn't know. But I went there, right, in this little place called Mever Gissie, and went into a pub and the woman behind the bar was all friendly and going, it was at around Christmas time and she said, oh, what's it's like, their their their their their their their their their their their, I I I, I, I, I th. th. I thirty, if I thirty, if I thirty, if I thirty, if I'd thirty, if I'd th. If I'd to to to to to that, if I'd to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to that, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I that, if I that, if I that, if I that, if I that, if I thirty, if I thirty, if I that, if I that, if I'd that, if I thr, if I tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho that, I that, I that, I show you some pictures, right? And she was going through and there was a picture of someone there and I said, God, you know, what's E-Comans? Look at him, he's well Airey. And she said, oh, he just works behind the bar, he wasn't dressed as anything. And he came out around the corner, Airy fella.

But there, but there's someone for a wedding present, we took someone on a holiday there for a week, who was a fella on the beach who, he worked in one of them huts, you know how they sell deck chairs and stuff. Oh yeah, yeah. And I think that's a pretty nice job, especially in the summer, in it, the sun's out, you sat there, all you've got to to talk the tot the the the the the the they., they. they, they, they, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their their their their the their, their their their their their their their their their their their their the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their, their, their, their, their, their, their their their their their their theyoooooooooooooomaa'ea'ea'ea'eatrooma'eatroomeatr, they o'eatr, their their their their is talk to people say what do you want to that chairs there you go no problem see you later but this fellow right I kept I went in there I got the chairs took them back he's been really moody he said uh so you got a lot of sand on them I said well there's loads of it out there it's not a surprise that he's stuck and he had a bit of a moan at me and I don't know if I don't I I I I I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't if I don't if I don't if I don't if I don't if I don't if I don't if I don't if I don't have I don't have I've have I've have I've have I've have I've have I've have I've have I've have I've have I've have I've have I've have I've have I've have have I've have I've have I've have I've have I've have I've have I've have I've have I've have I've have I've have I've have I've have I've have I've have I have I have I have I have I have I have I have I have I have I have I have I have I have I have I have I have I have I have I have I have I have I have I have I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I've have I've have I've have I've have I've have I've th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th the th the th they maybe he recognised you. But that isn't a diss, that's one person, isn't it? If you're from Cornwall and you've got any reason to dislike Carl. But there's not many people live in Cornwall, it's a very small community.

I mean no wonder they don't want to be part of us with people like you slagging him off. I love Cornwall I not judge the rest of the nation by Carl Pilkington, it's not fair. I sometimes wonder if, imagine if he's the one that archaeologists dig up in a million years time and find some of his notes and they measure the head and everything and then some of the ramblings that he did. Or if an alien comes down, it would just be him that they'd bump into that. That would be just our luck. I'll tell you what you th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I'll just, I'll just, I'll just, I'll just, I'll just, I'll just, I'll just, th. I'll just, th. I'll just, th. I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I, I'll, I'll, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'll just, I'll just, I'll just, I'll just, I'll, I'll just, I'll, I'll just, I'll just, I'll, I'm, I'm, try. try. try. try. I'm just, try. I'm just, try. I'm just, try. I'm just, th. I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'll, that. I know I'm not, I know I'm sort of not the brightest bloke knocking about on that right, but I treat myself the other day to a new mobile right and you know going through it getting used to it, getting used to out of send text and all that and you know the predictive text? Yeah, so if you send a text you you to type it and that sort of guess is what you're going to write out. And it's new so it doesn't really know me yet. I was sending a text to someone to say something like I ain't got a clue or something, right?

Row ain't, right? A-I-N-T, looked up at the screen to make sure that he'd written it right, that had written up biotechnology. What? What? That had predicted that I was going to use the word biotechnology. I am never going to use that word, ever. What? I ain't got a clue. No, ain't. A-I-N-T.

Yeah. I wrote that just A-I-N-T on the fact that you've got a cleverer phone than you. People have been to the true. People have been wondering whether the show is live or if it's pre-recorded. Well if it weren't live, then how could Grace email in telling us how much she hates the show? She says, well she says, dear Ricky, I think you are a Pratt. She's got my attention already. She opens with that, comes in straight away. That's her opening gambit.

But she doesn't just leave it there, she qualifies it. She says all you do it's q-a'lifed. She says all you're stupid, th've said is you are stupid and I mean by your own admission you must know you're stupid don't you? Yeah, well, you know, I get buying that but yeah. Yeah, but I mean it's a fair comment isn't it? The other people who slagged off are people who'd like to see foxes ripped to pieces so which I stand by. Okay, what else? Uh, I'm sick of listening to you be rude about the world and the world.

the rude about the world? Are you thin rude about the world? Well anyway, I have to turn off the radio. I'm surprised anyone listens to you, please try growing up. Oh, she missed her dedication. Oh, that's a shame. What annoys me with Grace is that... Nothing annoys me about Grace. Careful, what you're doing? What you're doing? good at all. We're not entertaining, we've drone on too much. Yeah, but we don't slide off the world, we love the world. We love the world, we love the world and Carl. In fact, the thing is about the world and Carl is the same shape as the world and that's why I like him because that's all you need there, little round. I cannot but think the pot of the tho, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, the, Rick, th. th. th. the, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we. We. We. We. We. We. We. We, we, we, we, we, we. the, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, the, we, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the world, we love, we move on to a final bit of the sermon, we, just thinking back to some of the other highlights of the year. One of mine, Rick, I'm sure one of yours, Live 8. Live 8. Live 8. Not only was it a great day, but obviously it raised its message very much clear and open to the world. Did you enjoy live 8? th? Yeah it was all right, it's you know quite a good thing. I mean as it has it sorted the problems out or... Well it's more about raising awareness isn't

it and bringing that to the world's attention. I'm aware of it so yeah it's sort of done the job and that. Well I read something about... I read something about... Un-Belive-I'm unbelievable. Do you know but It was about when it was about the G8, canceling the debt to the 20th poorest nations or something which I think. Well, then I was reading up on that and there was something about, you know Bill Gates? Yeah. Who did the computer stuff, don't he? Yeah? I think it's the wealthiest man in the world. Absolutely. The first, I think the first hundred billionaire. Wow. Was he? That is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is a the the the the the the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That. That is. That. That. That. That. That. That. That? I? I. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It's. It's. I. I. I. I. I?. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. It's. I was. I was. I the the world. Absolutely the first, I think the first hundred billionaire. Wow. Was he? That is a lot of money. Because they worked out, they put to him that with his labour, what his labour's worth, he would have to drop over six thousand dollars

to be bothered to pick it up. Wow. And they asked him and he said, well of course I'd pick it up, but yes he's that rich. But he could just pay someone to do it as well, can he? Okay, get on with it, Carl. Again, you've missed the point. No, no, no, again you've missed the point. But all I'm saying is, sorry, Gracie, and wherever you are, Carl's an idiot and I stand by it. And don't rip foxes to pieces. the world, right, six quid, everybody, right? And my, just what I was thinking and what I would say to you to see what you think, right? Do you think it's fair that everybody

gets six quid? Right, why, what's your point? What do you mean? You should meet the poor should get more? Well, no, not really. What I mean is, say if you live in Africa, right? You can get a lot more for say a quid there than you can in London. So what I'm saying is rather than six quid each, maybe give people in London a ten or each in Africa or whatever, give them about three quid, 350. So you're saying give the poorest people less so they can get as much for their money in their Argos? Yeah basically. You're, if you were to redistribute wealth, you'd give the poor people slightly less than the rich people because they've got a higher standard of living. Gracie, once again, can I come back to you on this? Do you know now why I call me their...

Oh, you know what I like about about Gracie? She told the truth. Grace actually she put her name down some people I mean just say you're a Pratt and they believe they're shouting you across the street yeah you're not funny yeah but you know I mean I rest my case Carl you're an idiot all right Robert Post and a song called Gottenon one of my favorites of the year is almost the end of this radio to Ricky Javay emergent Carl Pilkington it's been a pleasure doing these two specials. If we're invited again, keep your emails coming, not Grace. Keep your emails to yourself.

Now everyone's in top of their opinion, please send them in. And it's, we learned something, haven't we, Carl? No, he hasn't. Okay, good. It was a long shot. Yeah, you know what I mean? It was, you know, but we've been doing a sermon because, one, we've got a lot of vicar's listening for some reason, and think of that, you know, we're hardly there pin-up. Oh, you know what I mean?

The vicar's going, oh, I must listen to that show. It's so cool. And there was a thing in the, I think, the mirror, their sermon as podcast and download for busy people who can't get the church all the time and they're the chart of the pod what's the number one podcast in the world well I think it's a Ricky's release yeah it is it is it is it is number one in the world yes it is but so that's why we're doing this we do it in fact we should do a you should do a full version of this and put out in in in in in in the the the the the the the the the th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. thi. thi. the. the. the. the. thi. thi. th. th. th. What's th. What's the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th th th th thi. thi. thi thi thi thi thi the is the is the is the is the. the. they's theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. they're they're the. they're they on them yeah, let's do it No, I figure it that. Because this is this is valuable time and Grace doesn't want to hear it so just do the final

I suppose what would you call this and summing up with the Bible then we do a longer one. No, it's not it's not sort of summed up because to be honest after they'd was a bit like, oh this is just do it, just do it. Okay, this is the final, this is the final episode of the Bible. Well, the greatest story ever told, go on. No, but it's not the final chapter, this is just another bit in it, that I thought I can believe to. You didn't, you couldn't even read a children's Bible. They had to go to water and they that I picked up on, right, that I could relate to, do you know Samson Delilah? Yeah, of course. Do you know what happened on that?

Yes. Well, just in case you haven't heard the story of Samson Delilah, what it is, I think God had a word with some bloke, I can't remember his name, I think it's Manoa, or something his name, right. I'm still having problems. Adam and Eve let me down. He didn't say that by the way anyone listening at no point as God ever said Adam and Eve let me down. No, but anyway. And then he had a word with Noah, he did the boat thing so he said I can't ask for two favors right? So he asked this other bloke the Noah. He was happy though was he? Yeah yeah yeah yeah he let him go on though it's like jury service once once you you you you you you you you you you he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he th the that that the that the that that that the that that the that that that he that that he he he he he. So anyway, he didn't bother getting the fish on the boat, did he? I don't know. They were happy, aren't they, surely? But anyway, yeah. Although it was it salt water everywhere? Why didn't the, why didn't

the fresh water fish die out? Rick, I'm just going to stop you there because we've still got monkey news in before one o'clock. So he had a word with this fellow this this this this this this this thapapapapapapapapapapapapapap. And he th. And he's th. And he's th. So he's th. So he's th. So he's th. So he's th. So he's they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they're they they they they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're not. I. I they're not. I they're not. I they're not. I they're they're they're they're they're they're they're a little boy, right? And when he grows up he's going to sort out my problems. So it was like a long-term plan that he had sorted, right? So anyway, they have the kid, right? They're happy, we've got a little baby boy, they go right, what will do to show our respect to God, will never cut his air? Because He'll like that. Right? We're still still still still still still still still still still still still still still still still still still still still still still still still still. the old, the old, the old, the old, the old, their. their, their, their, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. their, thi, their, thi, thi, thi, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, thi. So, thi. So, thi. So, thi. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th Jesus is going to make appearance, but they called him Samson, right? And he grew up, right, never cut his air. His air made him strong, right? He was going about, he was helping people out, he was stopping wars and that, because he was so strong, his air made him strong and that apparently. Anyway, nobody knew that, nobody knew it was his air, that did the job. So this is right so far, isn't it? I don't know, I don't know the ends and outs. So anyway, what happened is, women are loving him all of a sudden.

He's got nice long air and that, he looks apart, he's stopping problems, women are going to, he's a good fellow, isn't he? Like Stringfellow. Anyway, he didn't realize he had the power the power the power the power the power the power power power power power power power power power power power power power power the power power power power power power the power power the power power power the power the power the power the power the power the power the power the power that's the power that's thatellow never cuts his hair because that's where the power lies. Anyway, he didn't realize he had this power until one day he got up, right, did his air and that, went out, a lion jumped out. He killed it with his hands, with his bare hands. Right? So again, Noah was a bit annoyed because that's one of the ones that he saved. But anyway, right, so he goes, I can't believe this power this power. I this power. I this power. I've this power. I've this power. I've this power. I've th. I'm, I'm, I'm th. I'm th. I'm the th. I'm the the the th. I'm the th. I'm, I'm, I'm, I've, I've, I've, I've th. th. the the their. their. their, their, their, their, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's. He. He. He. He's. He's, he's. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He's, th. He. He's, th. th. t. t. tied. tod. today, today, today, today, today, today, today, today, today, today, today, today, today, today, th. t But anyway, right? So he goes, I can't believe this power I've got, right? I'm gonna like sort out the world's problems. Didn't the lion have

long hair though as well? Oh, well just, just what? No, but you're always picking on the... To be honest though, that's as far as I got anyway. So... That's it. That's it. If you were interested by those you can buy the Bible in all books books books books books books books books books books the book book book book book book book book book book book book book book book book book book book book book book book book book book book book book books the book books the book books th books that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that their their their their their their their their their their that's their that's that's their that's that's that's that's that's that's that Bible in all good bookshops and read the rest. Is that what you're saying? Or any religious book. We don't remember the Torah or the Quran. I'm an atheist. You know, somewhere only we know, by Keene, on BBC Radio 2. Right, it's that time again. It's what the nation's been waiting for. Yep. Oh, chimpanzee, see that, monkey, the monkey, the monkey, the monkey, the monkey, the monkey, the monkey, the the the monkey, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thoom is the the thoomkee is took is took is. We're is. We're is. We're is. We're is. We're is. We're is. We're is. We're is. We're is. We're is. We's is. We's is. We's is. Wea, we's is is. Wea, we's is is the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the toananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananusususususk will will will. Wea. Wea, we're tooloanan, wea, it's that time again. It's what the nation's been waiting for. Yeah. Oh, chimpanzee that, monkey news.

Right, this is something that I do know about, all right? If monkeys have been up to anything, I will. This is what I'm on on top of this. This one, it's pretty recent. Monkey was knocking about New York. He got locked up for like, Nicking stuff and all the rest of it, right? Anyway, that's the... I don't know where, I disappoint this, point this. Well, hang, Steve, Steve, does that work...

But you know, I mean, if that's the opening gambit, if I don't come in there, when do I come in? I mean, if I don't pick him up on that, when when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, show you the original. Nickin stuff. Anyway, so he worked on a plan to escape. Oh shut up. And it worked it all out. He saw the bloat with the keys and that. How do we know this? This isn't even the name, the story. I wouldn't even worry about it. Because you, no, because he's embellished and he's, it's... So anyway. I said this before. I'm going this before the the the the the the the the the th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm going th. I'm going th. I'm going th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to to to to th. to th. th. to work. the the the the the the th. the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to work. to work. to work. to work. to to to to. to. to. to. to. to. to. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. to. to. to say it now. You do not interrupt the news, it's the news. So anyway, right? So the monkey gets out, is roaming about free, word gets out, that is escaped and that right? The copper, I think he's named PC Wilcox of NYPD, right? Police Constable Wilcox, the new police constable Wilcox. Oh leave it? Yeah, yeah, we've only the the the the the the the the th. We've th. We've th. We've th. We've th. We've th. We've th. We've th. We've th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. He's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's the the the th. He's the the th. He's the th. thrown thrown thrown thrown thrown thrown the tho. the thoomoomorrow, he's the the thoomorrow, he's thrown thrown th. Dixon of Queens. So he got a call to sort of assist, you know, this monkey ropelt. PC Wilcox of the New York City?

Ricky! Because they were having problems catching it. So he was out on his motorbike looking what's going on. Anyway, cut a long story short, he manages to catch up with the monkey. Why didn't the monkey have a car? He got it in like a little alleyway. Why did the monkey steal a car? Anyway, so he had him, he gave him the rights and everything, you know, everything used to say in all that business. He said, oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, monkeys don't talk.

So Steve. He didn't need to say anything you say anything you say, he may be taking down. to the they. they. they. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. than. there. there. thin. thin. thin. there. their. their. tho. thin. their. their their their their their their. He's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He's, he's, he's, he's, he's ta. He's ta. He gave. He's ta. He gave. He gave. He gave. He gave. He gave. He gave. He gave. He gave, he gave. He gave, he gave, he gave the right. He gave, he gave, he gave, he's the right. think what you're saying. So anyway, the monkey's like Faircop right, he's on the back of the motorbike being taken back to the station. Yeah. Oh gosh. Anyway, Wilcox gets a call on the on the radio saying you know, listen there's been another problem. Oh no. Right. Will you... There was a diversion there was a gang. There was a gang. Oh. So he said can you go and saw it out and he's like well I've got a monkey on me back. He said well take it with him. What was he on drugs? So anyway. Isn't that what junkie? So it goes down to the scene where it's all kicking off. Monkeys just sat on the motorbike thing I'm not going to try and get away away it it it it. It it the way. It th. It th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thin the the the. Well the. Well the. Well thin' the. Well the. Well the. Well th. Well th. Well th. Well th. Well th. Well th. Well th. Well th. Well th. Well th. Well th. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll the. I'll the. I'll the. I'll he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he the. I said the. I the. I said th The gang, hold on was he wearing a crash on me? The gang, sort of, you know, he saw all that going off. Copper goes up.

So, was this a gang of humans? So, so anyway, so it's kicking off, right? There's a gang, and they're all having a fight and what have you? Anyway, it gets out of hand because Wilcox, even though he sort of helps out the person who has been beaten up, he walks off, gang starts picking on the copper. Oh no. So the monkey thinks best help out here. Oh, he goes up, right? Anyway, cut a long story short. He let the monkey off, he got keys to the city. Steve, how did he help out the policeman? Have a look at that.

There's the facts. It's not fact. Never happened. That's the facts. I mean everything about it's wrong. Everything about it is nonsense. Steve? Well, all I say is there is a picture here of a monkey brandishing a gun. If that's not true, if that's not fact, then there it is right there. What is it? So we have just dumbfounded by that monkey. But it's all there, Steve. Okay, well I'll, I'm gonna give it a full assessment. Let's see if, there's the news coming up, see if there's any stories like that in this. Right, on 88 to 91 FM, this is Radio 2 from the BBC. Thanks, Mr.