The Sloppy Boys - 80. Casino
Episode Date: April 29, 2022The guys make an Aviation variation invented by Hugo Ensslin in New York City.CASINO RECIPE1.33oz./40ml Old Tom Gin.33oz/10ml Luxardo Maraschino.33oz/10ml Lemon Juice2 dashes orange bittersPour all in...gredients into a cocktail shaker and shake well with ice. Strain into chilled rocks glass with ice. Garnish with lemon zest and maraschino cherry.Recipe via the International Bartenders Association (https://www.iba-world.com/) Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Transcript
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Hey folks, welcome to the Sloppy Boys, where we take a deep dive into the drinks that you
love.
I'm Jeff Dutton, along with Mike Hanford.
Hi guys.
And Tim Kalpakis.
What is up?
And we are your hosts this evening.
Oh.
Do we think, I wonder, people usually listen to this in the daytime, right?
Right when it comes out?
No, no, no.
We have kind of an after hours vibe.
We have an after hours vibe.
Oh, cool.
Some of the most hardcore slopheads listen when they drop, which is.
When do they drop?
5 a.m. New York time, 2 a.m. LA time.
Whew.
Freaks.
That's cool.
If you're,
if you're in LA and all your friends come over and you stay up late and a
two,
you hit play.
I like that.
We're like the new,
uh,
red,
the red Fox,
red Fox.
Yeah.
Oh my God.
Did you hear what they said this week?
Yeah.
It was pointless.
Oh, it sucked. Let's go to bed.
Yeah!
Our dreams are better than this crap.
Crap?
Speaking of our dedicated
listeners,
here's something...
We love those. We love them all.
Here's something that they will recall.
Here's a thing that happened in my life today
that harkens back to something that the true pod fans will remember from last week which was
um so i'm eating right today at lunch i go into my fridge i say timmy what do you have for lunch
i've got a couple of leftover ye rustic chicken wings you know those we talked about on the
patreon well i i take them out i nuke them
up i'm eating these things timmy wants timmy wants to dip you know everyone knows mike likes blue
cheese tim likes blue cheese jeff doesn't get dip well that just means more dip from a boys
yeah you get two blue cheeses in the shimbo, you boys. Blue cheeses for the boys.
So, I'm eating these wings
and I say,
Timmy,
dip it, you know?
Dip it, man.
What are you waiting for?
It's now or never.
Put the wing
in the sauce.
I didn't have the little cup of blue cheese empty.
I'm scraping the bottom of the bowl.
Tim, I can see where this is going.
I'm excited.
Four wings, no blue cheese.
Wait a minute.
I open the fridge.
There's no ranch to be found.
You know what I remembered was sauce?
Mm-hmm.
The Alfredo sauce known as Lay's Chip Dip.
I said, I open up the fridge and I go,
Chip Dip is sauce now.
Chip Dip is sauce now?
I plunge my hand into the fridge,
pull out Lay's French Onion Dip.
I said, how is that?
It was very thick in the jar.
I said, Tim, I don't know.
This might be too thick.
I, it won't, I don't know. This might be too thick.
It won't pour out.
I reach in with a tablespoon. You're scooping it out like you would with Play-Doh.
Yeah, yeah.
Right.
I used the tablespoon, plopped it on the plate,
mashed the, almost knocked over my pint of water.
I got so excited there.
British pint.
Anyway, I.
Come again. Mash around a little bit. British pint. Anyway, I... Come again.
Mash around a little bit.
It is a little gloppier. Like hummus.
But once it touched the hot wing,
it turned into Alfredo's hot wing.
As a great chef would tell me.
And I ate it.
I shit you not
better than ranch with wings.
Wow. But not better than ranch with wings. Wow.
But not better than blue cheese, you're saying?
My rankings go blue cheese number one,
chip dip is sauce now number two,
ranch number three.
And I love ranch.
I'll put it on my cob.
Chip dip is sauce now.
Well, but here's the thing.
Tim, you're there for the stank,
and ranch ain't got no stank.
No, they try. Oh, yeah And Ranch ain't got no stank. No. And they try.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, we got buttermilk.
Well, that's wild and wacky.
What I was going to say, too, for the listeners who listened last week,
that when I stayed at your house recently when you were out of town,
it's a little house sitting, keeping the whole place protected.
Yeah, and we know that the wet bandits tried to get in there and you kept them out.
When you go into Tim's fridge,
you are not at a loss for sauces.
There's the whole,
it's like you can't even fit more.
It was fantastic.
Jeff calls it the condiment creep.
Yeah, that's true.
That's when you keep buying condiments And then soon all you got is condiments
Well your condiments all seem to be on the door
And it was like
I don't know a creep too much on the door
Because you want your proteins
Coming in and out fast
You want a lot of turnaround on that chicken and stuff
But the sauces
Devote your whole
I've got a hundred sauces sauces i love condiments that's
what i'm all about now that said hold on before we move on no there's a little hole i'm sticking
with the condiment stuff well yeah okay tim there's a little hole in your story oh just one more thing i've never seen you have four leftover wings in my entire life how
did that happen oh are these come very very very good question and you're gonna like the answer
i'm guessing they came from a certain uh blonde roommate of yours no No. Very good guess.
Or what did you order?
48 wings or something?
I ordered 18 wings.
And I ate 14 of the wings last night. Even that seems crazy.
Yep.
It was too much.
I had a lot of work to do.
And I needed to indulge in some way.
And I don't do drugs.
So I needed to have 14 chicken wings.
And I wasn't drinking because I had to have my wits about me.
Right.
These wings will keep me sharp.
The hot sauce will keep my blood flowing through my brain.
It's like cracking smelling salts in your nose.
Oh, okay.
Now, so the Tim I know, we all know he's got the condiments.
It's all over.
He's got everything you could ever want.
All types of sauces and sauces, everything.
But now I purchased some Trader Joe's frozen waffle.
And I...
I saw those in the freezer.
I wanted to eat them.
As one wants to do in the morning.
So I did.
I didn't find... Did you have a toaster, Tim? I couldn't find it. So I to eat them, as one wants to do in the morning. So I did. I didn't find...
Did you have a toaster, Tim? I couldn't find it, so I
just fried them.
In a pan? In a pan.
It wasn't bad, but it's not exactly
the way I like to do it. I've got a
toaster oven, not a pop-up toaster,
but my toaster oven is down
below. I put it down in
a shelf because I don't use it that much.
And that's probably because I'd been doing a lot because I don't use it that much. And that was probably because
I'd been doing a lot of air frying with the air fryer. That was, did you see that little R2D2
thing on the counter? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I feared it. I've tried, I've made waffles in that. Mike,
I was looking at these waffles, gluten-free. And I said, this guy, even on, even when he's going
vegetarian, he's also, his vegetarian foods are withholding some delights.
Oh, that was a full mistake buying those.
I don't know.
I didn't reach for gluten-free.
Couldn't read.
But no, what I'll say, though, is I opened the door, went to the condiment wall to find all the syrups I could ever want.
I found zero syrup, zero maple, zero anything.
Oh, Michael. ever want i found zero syrup zero maple syrup anything so i ended up putting i ended up putting
caramel uh hot fudge sundae sauce jesus christ i mean it's you could do worse it was it was just
a little a few drips draps of it not much mike this is this is a heartbreaker because you know
if you looked in the right cabinet you would have found found a brand new, unopened, one of those Vermont things that's shaped like a tin log cabin.
That's what I'm looking for because I know you got, your family lives in Vermont,
and I know you always have some good Vermont stuff.
I said, why wouldn't he have the...
Oh, damn.
Mike, if you had stayed at Casa de Jeff, you wouldn't have found syrup, wouldn't have found it.
But you would have found a nice thick jar of blackstrap molasses.
How would that suit you?
Oh, well, that's interesting.
Blackstrap molasses.
Is this a New Hampshire thing?
I'm not exactly sure what that is.
We love molasses up there.
And in fact, my grandfather used to try to give me it, and I preferred syrup because I was a sprightly little boy.
Didn't have the stomach for something like molasses.
Oh, right, right.
Too stanky.
You've mentioned this.
But here's the thing, folks.
A little sneaky peek into the test kitchen over here.
Molasses is a front runner for the key ingredient for Jeff's wintertime custom drink. drink okay this is very interesting and very exciting
oh my god
wide wait what's your wintertime custom drink i'm done well it's gonna be it's in the test
kitchen it's in the test kitchen i'm still developing it if i haven't seen you in the
test kitchen when it was i was in there i was in there working on the Calpe Corp.
This is exciting.
Hey, one day, if Sloppy Boys LLC keeps growing at this rate,
we could have a test kitchen one day.
That would be cool.
Yeah, it sounds like we have one right now.
Yeah, but a real one.
We go in the test kitchen and make a bunch of IBA drinks,
and then once a year, try something dumb. the test kitchen and make a bunch of IBA drinks and then once a year try something dumb.
A test kitchen, wherever you could ever want it.
Now, Jeff, the bar is pretty low for you
because the Freedom Root and the Calpe Cordial
are both just a liquor and a soda.
If you add a third ingredient,
you're going to look like fucking Dale DeGroff.
That's the famous cocktail guy.
That is my intention.
A cocktail man.
I'm trying to think of ways to...
What are the other things we know I like?
Ice.
Yeah.
Lime.
Does molasses get along with all that ice and all't know i don't know that it does i don't
think so well that's one of those things with the with the lime is like the flavor seems wrong but
if you get the proportions right i mean a trinidad sour has lemon in it right and you wouldn't think
that angostura and orgeat one or maybe it? I'm thinking the molasses would go with your brandies and your.
Your warm stuff.
Warm stuff.
Yeah.
Like an old fashioned type thing.
Uh-huh.
And you know, an old fashioned has got a little expression of citrus.
Yeah.
So maybe it's something like that.
But I don't want to spoil anything.
It's still, you know, coming soon.
Okay. Test kitchen near you. Mm- still coming soon. Okay.
Test Kitchen, you're you.
Well, anything else for Booze News?
Wait, this was shit chat.
Oh, I had Booze News.
This was shit chat.
We didn't even start Booze News yet.
We were talking about syrups and all that shit.
Hit it!
Alright, let's hit it.
I am into news and I'm pouring one now.
Over new drinks with optional ice.
Seltzer flavors so nuts I almost spit mine out.
A, B, C, D, E, Foo's News.
It's a part of the show where the hosts talk about new bevs that have not been shelved.
Booze News, Bud Light Next,
Fireball, Malt Nips,
Arby's Fry, Old Bay Vodka,
and Amber Tops.
Da-da-da-da-da.
Get watched one
and two. ABCDE
Booze News.
It's Booze News.
You Gale Stileys freaks. You Gale Stileys freaks.
You Gale Stileys freaks.
ABCDE Booze News by the Duke of Drops.
And if you have a Booze News theme, email it to thesloppyboyspodcast at gmail.com.
Now, yes, two weeks ago, the ghost of Craig G. Nelson has entered a very similar Booze News theme.
But this had already also been
been uh sent before that episode aired and i and i thought that this was also a very good execution
i like a guy much like me i like a guy that goes for those big notes yeah what was uh what was the
double tracked it what was the name of it the name of that uh h abcde booze news ah yes and uh as we But ABCDE Booze News. Ah, yes.
And as we all know, that's a cover of Gale's song, ABCDEFU.
Yes.
I think everybody knows they're all up to speed.
But maybe we have a first-time listener who doesn't get all the jokes.
Yeah.
And maybe we have some last-time listeners checking out.
Too much Gale. If you're a first-time listener and you don't get this, there's the door.
We're not changing anything.
And if you do want to do a deep dive on Gale, check out the Patreon.
We just covered her EP.
Yeah.
Yep.
Here's the boosters I want to talk about.
Here's a funny little trend that I read about in an Eater article and wanted to share this
article with you guys have you heard of
la tabernas de mo no aka mo's taverns there's a tavernas de mo yes there is a trend this is a very
funny kind of anomaly that there is a very popular style of bar spread all through latin america
that is these recreations and unlicensed knockoffs of moe's bar from the simpsons and
mexico city guadalajara el salvador honduras guatemala nicaragua costa rica colombia brazil argentina paraguay chile peru all of them have these mose bars
oh wow they look great isn't that amazing huh i love they're like recreate they're not licensed
with fox or anything in fact fox tried to shut them down and failed but uh everyone just like
has their own take on it they paint some of the characters on the walls some of them have like duff beer some of them it's just like very half-assed but like when did this
kind of start happening um well i guess that it's been a few it's like booming now but they're
they're it's been brewing for a few years and uh i forgot where the where the first one is, but there was one that was a hit.
Yeah. So now it's like one of these things where it's just a genre of bar,
because it's not a chain, but there's like 17 of them or something.
And you know what's funny is I know that The Simpsons was really big
in Latin America, and I remember hearing something about how like, you know when you watch The Simpsons was really big in uh latin america and i remember hearing something about
how like you know when you watch the simpsons and in the opening it says transmedito on espanol
that it was like the first show to do that where it was broadcast in spanish and because it was
animation primetime animation they could just dub it and that's kind of part of the reason the
simpsons got so huge so fast and probably far and wide.
Yeah.
Even though the show seems like it might be irrelevant today,
why it'll never get canceled is it is enormously huge in South America.
Interesting.
Another thing I heard about Spanish exports is,
um,
I said,
there's like a Twitter story where this person realized that their brother
arthur arthur was named after r2d2 because um in spanish in like in certain exports of star wars
his name is arturito r2d2 became Arturito and then people
loved the character and people named
their kids after
little Arthur
to name your baby after R2-D2
be like oh he'll be like a little weirdo
that buzzes around and makes weird sounds
who was the
character in Game of Thrones who was the
younger daughter of the Starks
Arya was she the youngest? Yeah.
That was kind of a popular name around
that time.
Oh, yeah. Arya.
I think, unfortunately, there were a lot of
I'm naming my kid Daenerys.
Fuck off.
I'm naming it
The Game of Thrones, boy.
I'm naming my child
Littlefinger.
I'm naming mine.
You know what I always liked?
I just said her name.
Arya is a sword named Needle.
I thought that was funny.
Needle.
Oh.
I watched the first season of Game of Thrones
and then the last season of Game of Thrones.
Kind of open it up and shut it down.
I haven't thought about Game of Thrones and then the last season of Game of Thrones. Open it up and shut it down. I haven't thought about Game of Thrones in forever.
It was fun to watch, but
it did not stick with me.
It feels like it's kind of been replaced by Gale.
Oh, yes.
Yeah, yeah.
Gale lives rent-free in my head right now.
Game of Thrones does not.
Hey, I got a little booze news.
Sure, say it out loud.
And Mike, maybe you can help me articulate it since you're living in the damn place.
New York reviving its mandate for to-go cocktails.
Whoa.
Boy, I've not heard of this.
It had expired under Cuomo, and it's officially back for at least three years.
This is like a semi-permanent legalization from governor kathy
hochul am i saying that right hawkle hochul you'd have to ask what's your governor's name
you have to ask a better resident the caveat the caveat is that you can't order an insignificant amount of food.
There used to be a little loophole that they called Cuomo chips,
where people would order like a dollar's worth of chips
so that restaurants could just sell and deliver booze.
Now you have to get like a burger or a soup or a salad.
You can't get like fries.
That was during the pandemic to take stuff to go.
Actually, kind of just to drink at any time Because you couldn't just like sell
Booze on the street
But people were doing it
One place would get like
Just a peanut butter sandwich
Just like two pieces of bread with peanut butter
Smushed in the middle
Or chips
So that you can buy a $12 cocktail
Yeah right
And I did it.
Where do you think is that line where they say,
I mean, I can, as an outsider, I can say,
yeah, sure, there's a difference between a little plate of chips
and a plate with burger and fries.
But then when you said salad, I'm like,
well, are we going to differentiate between the dinner side salad
or does it have to be a chicken caesar where
i hope i'm not the one that has to go around all these places and decide
sounds like you might have to you're gonna have to ask the sla the state liquor authority
they've decided the category does not include candy bags of chips or bowls of nuts seems like
salads are okay no bowls of chips you? Bags of chips. You know
how we've talked about
zaps have been popping up at more
bars. Big bags
of chips hanging behind the bars. And I
wonder if the
people ordering the zaps was
originally because of that. And then maybe they got the
sense that little crunchy guys like
Tim like getting a few voodoo chips
with their boulevardier. Can I tell you a few voodoo chips with their boulevardia
can i tell you somewhere else uh voodoo chips have been popping up my pantry i got a bag the
other day finished them outright yeah they are once you crunch you continue to munch i would
say but i got i gotta just see him hyperion public yes hyperion public has them on the wall and then another place
just added them another los fieles place i can't think of but i had i ordered six large bags of all
their different types in a big box came to our house and i was one of those weird things where
i didn't think i ate so many of them but by the end of the week they were all gone and i was like
i had six little bags.
What the hell just happened here?
I ate the jalapeno and the gator and the crawdad
and Jesus Christ.
Speaking of boxes of chips, did you guys ever,
and this seems like an upstate Adirondack thing, Tim.
When I would go on vacation in the Adirondacks
at the Union, what was it?
Grand Union?
Grand.
The grocery store?
Yeah.
What was that called?
Grand Union.
Grand Union.
We would get like boxes of chips.
Like almost like bigger than cereal boxes.
Does that ring a bell?
No.
No.
Was there a bag inside the box?
No.
Yes, there was.
So it was like a big cereal.
Like wheat thins or something.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Or better cheddars.
Do you guys remember better cheddars?
No.
They sound good, though.
They're like Cheez-Its, but they're like circular and thinner.
I did a taste side-by-side.
Oh, no.
I did side-by-side with nips.
I wrote a birthday boy sketch about ips and zits.
Yeah.
It was you and i someone
walking with a box yeah i'm walking with a box of cheese it's mike's walking with a box of cheese
that's we cheese nips we bump into each other they spit all out onto a pile on the floor
and then it's a long sketch of sorting sorting through trying to take back and we would taste
test one go oh i thought that was a nip, but it was an it.
Yeah, and they're grossed out by it.
Yeah.
And it wasn't one of them like,
oh, that was an it, but you like the its.
Yeah, but it was on the floor.
Like after eating so many of them.
Little side joke.
It's funny because I had lived much of my life
eating cheese nips happily but then at
the office at gracie films where i was a production assistant i i did eventually try them side by side
and i was like oh my god it's are so much better because nips oh it's are the best they're the best
nips you think they might be good because they seem a little more baked they even look a little
dark and you're like oh oven fresh but then taste it, and there's like a mildewy
Yes, there's a dust upon
them. Boo! And they're kind of
waxy. It's no good.
Yeah.
I got no booze news.
You got no booze news?
Not today, my good man.
So that's it for booze news.
Donkey Kong.
Mm-hmm.
Classic.
Okay.
Shit, I got it.
Now, that was Donkey Kong?
Mm-hmm.
What was happening then?
Somebody falls on his head.
Oof.
That's a big ape to go down on his head.
Moving on to the drink of the day.
The Casino Cocktail.
You've heard?
Never had, never heard.
Never had, never heard.
Never had, never heard from me either.
This is a nice one.
You know what's nice about this?
It had a very distinct who made it and who altered it.
I like that.
distinct uh who made it and then who altered it i like that yes so this was this was a uh a later version is sort of a craddock concoction it appeared in his book in the 1930s the savoy
cocktail book craddock craddock harry craddock not to be confused with the other harry it's
very confusing to me right uh the the the first guy who made this thing, Hugo R. Eslin.
He had a book in 1916 called Recipes for Mixed Drink.
For mixed drinks.
And he was the head bartender at the New York City hotel, the Warwick.
You've been?
I don't even know.
I have been.
I have not.
It is around. It's in Midtown. I went there? I don't even know I have been. I have not. It is around.
It's in Midtown.
Mm-hmm.
I went there
and I had a martini.
I should have got a casino.
Ah.
Well,
this,
we'll talk about
what's in it
a little later,
but it's basically
an aviation
without creme de wallet.
Now,
I don't know
what that means, Mike.
Purple stuff.
I know.
I don't think we've done the aviation.
But anyway.
A big purple pea should know about violet liqueurs.
I know.
Hey, save that for the,
we'll get Adam on the blowout for that.
Yep.
It's a pretty simple drink.
So that one guy started it.
Craddock made some changes to it
and put it in his book.
And it falls in the category
of a cocktail
called Daisies. You know what that is?
Have you ever heard of that?
No. Like an
old-fashioned, maybe? Or what are some of the
other ones?
You know, like subsets of
cocktails. This one is
known as a Daisy. Each of these drinks
includes a spirit, citrus, and a
flavored sweetener. A margarita,
a sidecar, an aviation
are all daisies. A casino is essentially
an aviation with orange bitters
instead of creme de voilette.
Hmm.
I'd never heard it before.
You said a citrus
or a what?
Let's see. Citrus, a spirit, citrus a flavored sweetener yep so here i get it
it's like you know that's like because a sour would have like sugar or simple syrup and then
the daisies were using some sort of sweet liqueur so maybe when we're when we're talking about like
a sidecar or some shit that has triple sec instead of simple syrup, maybe we should be calling it a daisy car.
subtly almond,
a subtly almondy maraschino liquor,
not the liquid from a jar of maraschino cherries, which is taking down some of our greatest drink makers on this.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
What drink was that with it?
Oh,
it was the Hemingway daiquiri where you had an electric red version of it.
Yes,
yes,
yes.
And it's also served.
Have you heard this?
A Nick and Nora glass?
Yeah.
Yeah, Tim, you said this the other day, and I was like,
I thought you were making a joke about...
The infinite playlist.
The infinite playlist, but it's called a Nick and Nora glass.
Yeah, it kind of...
It looks like a coupe glass.
Right, but it's just a little smaller and, like, rounded.
It's a little dainty coupe glass that's, like, martini glass size,
like the small martini glass i think
that they were originally like champagne before flutes came along i think people drinking those
little nicanoras i get a feeling we've done this before on this podcast we'll make a drink
and then in the shaker you pour it out and it doesn't like fill all the way up your you know
yeah your martini glass or whatever i think that's what's going to happen here because it's meant for a smaller drink.
Ah, fuck.
Smaller glass, I should say.
Okay, here are the ingredients for the casino.
40 milliliters Old Tom Gin.
10 milliliters Maraschino Luxardo.
That's not the juice, folks.
10 milliliters fresh Joie de Lemon
and two dashes orange bitters
and if you're just joining us
Joie de Lemon is lemon
juice right Michael
sorry I just sometimes when I make these
drinks I turn into a
Frenchman
no I know method
pour all ingredients into a cocktail shaker
love that shake well with ice
strain into chilled rocks glass with ice.
Well, this is rocks glass on the IBA.
I'm going to go with that.
Hell yeah.
Nick and Nora thing.
I like the rocks glass, and that's my favorite.
Shake well with ice.
Pour onto fresh ice.
Yeah, I'm doing rocks.
Well, that is your favorite.
Ooh.
Mm-hmm.
Garnish.
Now, sometimes garnish is N-A.
This time garnish is garnish with a lemon zest and a maraschino cherry.
And they do kind of that cool, this picture here on the IBA does that cool thing where the skewer is going through.
How can I describe this?
The lemon peel is like.
Hugs the cherry.
Hugs the cherry.
Skewer goes right through it.
I think I did that with a tuxedo.
I'll do it again.
You can do that with a tuxedo. I'll do it again. You can do that with a tuxedo.
So this sounds like a pretty simple one.
Yeah, knock on wood.
The only stumbling block is that maraschino luxardo and not the cherry juice.
Oh, oh, oh, before we go.
I only have Tan Grey.
I don't have Old Tom Gin, which I guess Old Tom Gin is less juniper flavored. I
have a bottle.
I bought one at Barkeeper
recently and I've been saving
it for the right occasion. I haven't tasted
it, but I took a whiff and it did
pretty much smell like normal
gin to me.
Yeah, it didn't have that botanical, strong
juniper to it, but it
seemed like dry gin all
right well at least one of us is doing it properly i got a gin here that i'm going to
it's in my freezer now so i don't remember the name of it or whatever but i want to talk to
you guys about it or even if it's gin i'll bring it out later it's got a very unique ingredient
very unique okay that'll give us something to think about let's give them something to think about
folks
we'll see you after the ads
see ya
and we're back with casinos.
Casino Royale.
That's right.
Mine turned a little bit of a pink color.
What happened, Mike?
I don't know.
Oh, you know what?
We've come across this before.
Your bitters.
What are your bitters?
Oh, yeah.
It's my Angostura bitters.
Orange bitters, Mike. Orange bitters, Michael. Oh, right. Well, I didn't have orange bitters what are your bitters oh yeah it's my angostura bitters orange bitters
michael orange bitters michael oh right well i didn't have orange bitters so i had to go with
angostura bit and what was the gin what was the mystery gin well let's let's take a drink of
these and we can talk okay yeah okay but i look i mean that's pretty good it looks nice i also
didn't have a cherry so i used I used a lemon around a little blueberry.
That's cute.
It's cool.
It's not cute.
As you predicted, Jay, look at this tiny little drink.
It's like a Sazerac amount of liquid floating in the bottom of my rocks glass.
And then I thought that if I just crammed more cubes,
I thought if I crammed more cubes in there,
it would make the liquid fill the glass, but it even stopped doing that.
So I just have these icebergs floating around.
But to answer your question, Tim, yes, I did use orange bitters.
I used Fee Brothers.
Oh, that's what I've got as well.
I love that stuff.
It's good.
Pungent. You know, sometimes if you get a martini and you're not in the mood for the olive, I'm always in the mood for the olive.
But if you're getting it with a twist,
sometimes you also put a little orange bitters in there.
I had a martini the other day.
A woman, the lady brought me out the martini with three olives in it
and then three on the side of big, huge, blue cheese you know filled olives this is a little
much so hold on three normal olives in the drink and then three blue cheese olives on the side
yeah or four no four blue cheese olives jeez oh you don't need the two options mike write that
down i'm going blue cheese is the is the thing i ask for it and when i'm out to dinner at a
restaurant i'll say you got blue cheese olives for my martini?
And when they don't, it's humiliating because they're looking and say, blue cheese olives?
We have Lay's onion dip olives.
For sauce.
For sauce.
For sauce.
For Alfredo's sauce.
Okay.
Sips.
Oh. Okay. Sips. Oh.
Okay.
Fancy.
Fancy.
Balanced.
Complex.
That's pretty good.
Got a little of that cherry tree bark.
Yeah, that maraschino.
Fancy drink, man.
Fancy stuff.
A little bit of the maraschino is the ashy flavor where it was come back to,
and this is, got it.
No, when you alleged ashiness,
it was from a bitter,
it was from Campari type stuff.
Yeah.
Like Luxardo brand bitter.
Maraschino is?
Now, Mike, we got to get to the bottom of the gin mystery.
Oh, yes.
This, I went to a liquor store.
It was a nice liquor store.
I said, I didn't need to get expensive gin.
So I said, what's your cheapest gin?
And it was this Monopoloa dry gin.
That looks cool. That looks gin. That looks cool.
That looks cool.
That looks great.
But it's distilled from potatoes.
That's the big reveal.
Potato.
Wait, are those potatoes on there or are those gold metals?
Those are like golden coin type things.
It's a pretty classic looking thing.
Established 1782.
So you know Monopolo is the good stuff.
It's been around for a while.
Now, I've had Polish vodka that was made from potatoes.
I simply didn't know you could make gin from potatoes.
This is a Polish vodka that is now, or this is a Polish gin that is now, I was just looking it up.
Hold on.
There's a Polish gin now produced in Austria.
Austria.
Oh.
And there's a guy's name on it.
J.A. Bakzuski.
Produced and bottled by J.A.
Bakzuski. Maybe that's not a person.
I don't know. By that guy himself.
Well, I can report
back on my... Did you take
a sip of it before you put in the drink, Mike?
No, I will do that now.
Oh, live taste.
Okay, that's pretty... Oh that that does kind of remind me
of like uh a um beef eater gin which is my favorite for martinis great so i think that you're on the
right track here because i can report that the old tom gin that i bought it was pretty pricey
um it just tasted really like really good gin to me because uh it uh you
know how i like that i like seagram's 19 handle of cheapo gin and i'm not so into the fragrant
botanical ones as much i like them in certain drinks or by themselves but like not in a martini. This Old Tom is like dry London gin
that is right down the middle of your classic.
It's not floral.
It's not super junipery.
And Tanger A's do lean floral.
Yeah, but I actually, I love Tanger A.
It does lean more floral,
but it's not like some of the weirdies.
Whereas like, but this aligns more with Beefeater. This tastes of the weirdies whereas like um um but this this
aligns more with beefeater this tastes a lot like beefeater no this is an interesting drink it's got
a it's got a nice like uh kind of like a bitter i mean there's bitters in it but like the bitter
kick back in the back it's pretty good yeah but still nice and like crisp and crisp and citrusy
yeah here's what i like about this drink. It might be...
Michael, continue.
You were going to say something big there.
I was going to say this might be in order again,
but I can get to that later.
That's for final thoughts.
I was going to say,
I like the proportions
because small amount of lemon.
I feel like last week's drink,
the White Lady,
was delicious,
but a little lemony.
And sometimes I have a Tom Collins, it's a little lemony. And sometimes I have a Tom Collins,
it's a little lemony.
I want that citrus to be balancing out the other stuff,
but not actually taste like lemon,
and that's what I got here.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
I tell you, it's tough to measure out
that 10 milliliters of lemon or maraschino.
Not for me, baby.
You got to get the OXO.
Little measuring dude.
I got the Oxo.
Oxo Deluxe.
It's not Oxo, but it doesn't, it jumps pretty far from line to line.
Oh, yeah.
It's one I made myself.
Ooh.
Man, this is very similar to the White Lady last week's.
Yeah.
But me like you more.
It's a little fancier i ain't
complaining makes you want to go to a casino we are uh what are we in we're in like gin month now
i guess yep gin pretty much doing gin month the hashtag is gin is in folks i tell you i would
like to do a gin tasting the way we did like the the cider tasting or the yeah we went to
tequila tasting tequila tasting. Tequila tasting.
Oh baby.
Yeah.
That was living.
I feel like I have a lot to learn.
Um,
yeah.
Well,
the tequila tasting was,
uh,
all Cuervo.
And that was funny.
Cause you're like,
why bother tasting Cuervos?
That's crappy gin,
uh,
tequila.
We worked our way up.
No,
there's some very good top of the line Cuervos.
They almost,
it almost feel like they knew like,
we're just going to make a really good tequila. It'll blow your fucking mind. You won't believe that it's Cuervo. almost it almost feel like they knew like we're just gonna make a really good tequila
it'll blow your fucking mind you won't believe that it's cuervo and it came in it came in like a
like an arty box like a like a beautiful wooden box that's different every year and it was dark
and sticky reserva and it was like yeah it was like uh your beloved molasses like rum it was like your beloved molasses. It was like rum. Wait, was it Reposado?
Is that what it was called?
No, Reserva.
Was that a different thing?
Reserva de la Familia.
There you go.
Reserved for the family.
So it's just what they're calling it.
There must be a real name for that genre of tequila,
but it's dark and syrupy,
and I can't believe there aren't tiki drinks with it
because it was rum-esque.
That bottle was expensive, though. This could maybe be the next Tim concoction.
Ooh.
That's true.
I wanted to ask you guys something if I'm allowed.
Please.
You may.
The drink's called the Casino.
We should talk casinos.
Hanford, you're a roulette man.
I've seen you stand at a roulette table until the break of dawn losing money.
That's true.
That is very true.
He's a committed roulette player no matter what.
It goes up and they bring the free drinks to you because you're at a table
and then it goes down, down, down.
But you're trying to have fun.
Well, Mike's one of these guys.
He takes the money out of the ATM.
He's like, I'm only betting with this.
And then he keeps going.
He goes, hold on.
I got to go back to the ATM.
And then he drains that. I got to go back there because the money out of the ATM. He's like, I'm only about with this. And then he keeps going. He goes, hold on. I got to go back to the ATM. And then he drains that.
I can't go back there because the money I had was gone.
It was not enough, Tim.
But I can win it back.
Where did it all go?
I can win it back.
I blame that dealer.
I had a system.
I forgot the system.
That was the problem.
Mike, your go-to would be roulette or what?
You like blackjack too?
You know, it's the only one i kind of know
yeah roulette and i have to get into a groove with all of these every time i go to a casino
for real if we go to vegas for a bachelor party or something i feel like i have to reacquaint with
the game so i don't feel foolish and skittish i only know roulette and it was it's probably only
just from learning from mike but i feel like i I don't want to fuck with Blackjack because...
You don't want to learn from me.
Well, I don't like the...
I've stood next to somebody playing Blackjack,
and I don't like this expectation
that there's a right way and a wrong way to play.
And if you make a goofy move, which I'm bound to do,
if you make a goofy move in Blackjack,
the guy next to you will be like,
like you threw off the cards or something.
And it's like, I don't know. I'm a goofy dude dude it's fucking las vegas we're all morons for being here it's yeah and it's all like luck of the draw or like it goofy move like you're goofy non-goofy
move could have fucked him over too like it's right we don't know what's in the cards but if
i hit when i should have stayed you don't know what the card was. I'm playing, I'm following my gut.
The only time I played, that I've played Blackjack and it was fun was...
In San Francisco, the fake money?
Oh yeah, that was fun. But it was like the, it was like the, somebody taught us all, like he was very slow with everyone the table, and everyone at the table was bad, like brand new.
Great.
You got to have those tables.
And he kind of helped me.
He was like, you know, don't bet on that.
What are you doing?
Right.
I've always wanted to.
I'm a little bit afraid of craps.
I've never played it, and I would love to roll those dice.
That could be a good Patreon.
I'm a little afraid of craps, too, but not that kind.
Watch yourself.
Guys, what if for the Patreon we go to Morongo?
And I want to say, hey, sweetheart, blow on these.
Oh, you're good luck.
Oh, snake eyes.
Oh, snake eyes.
That's bad.
That's a bad one.
What is, what is, I don't know if Morongo has.
Mike, if I'm, if I believe these commercials correctly, they have everything you'd ever want.
Yeah, that's true.
That's true.
Those people are ecstatic in that commercial.
Yeah.
Doesn't matter what they're doing.
All those commercials, they simply lie and they're trying to make you, we know the vibe of because if you live in l.a i mean i guess if
you're on the east coast what is it foxwoods and tanglewood and stuff like that and turning stone
but in l.a we got saboba morongo and they sell them to you especially morongo they want you to
think that you're a rat pack kind of guy and they want you to think it's the 40s and you and some ladies are going to roll in and be the bees knees but
when you get there it's just as sad as any old slot machine now i mean now is it yeah that's
what i was going to say aren't they pretty light on the table games they're mostly slots i mean i
mean i've never been they've got everything but yes it's it's it's they don't have too many people there, so it's a smaller version.
It's not like walking into Bellagio.
That's what it's lacking, the people.
It's more accessible than Vegas.
Like, hey, it's like Vegas, but you can get there in two hours.
Yeah, it's Palm Springs.
It would be very funny to just go out to Prim, you know, that place just outside of Vegas.
Oh, is that the fake out that place just outside of Vegas? No.
Oh, is that the fake-out Vegas on the way to Vegas?
It's the fake-out Vegas.
Everyone's first time to Vegas, you think that's it.
You're like, wow, we're here.
It's another 45 minutes.
Where's Reno?
Is that on the way to Vegas?
No, Reno's up by Tahoe.
Ah.
Top of Nevada.
Top of Nevada to you, by the way.
It's a bummer. Casino floors bum me out. Even the nice ones
in Vegas, there's kind of a, that's it feeling to it for me, where you
walk in and you're like, they're kind of all the same when you stand right in the middle of it and you
look around at all the suckers.
I got to go to one of those high roller games.
Oh, like the Baccarat? Is that what? Yes. I want to go to one of those high roller games. Wombs. Oh, like the Baccarat?
Is that what?
Yes.
I want to be in the back.
I'm wearing a hoodie and sunglasses.
Mr. Kelpakis, you've bet $20 million on this hand.
That's right, bitch.
$20 million?
Wow.
You must be an oil baron of some sort.
But Mr. Kelpakis, that's nearly one year's salary for you with the Patreon
numbers rolling in.
What would the
pay pigs think?
Let them eat slop.
I'll buy them a new sty.
The thing about Vegas
to me is, the thing
I like most about it is, you walk down the street with your drink in your hand.
Yes.
Oh, yeah.
That's the best.
I agree 100%.
Some people want to go to shows.
Some people want to go to clubs.
Some people want to go to casinos.
I want to walk.
I want to go to Margaritaville and get a drink to go, and then I want to walk up and down that strip looking at the people watching as I go.
go and then I want to walk up and down that strip looking at the people watching
as I go. Man, nothing makes me
happier when I go to a theme park or a casino
strip or something like that and you see
somebody with the crazy drink.
It's like tall like a wizard's
staff. Oh yeah. Or like you see the
novelty drink and you're like, when am I gonna
find that? And then you do find
it and you get it. It's the best.
I like the ones that are kind of like
on a lanyard that they can wear off their neck.
I love that big silly shit.
Hey, we got to do Mardi Gras.
I know it's come up before, but we got to do it.
It's already happened, but this year.
Get the grenades.
Oh, yeah.
Those grenade drinks.
Hey, who can get more beads, huh?
That'd be fun.
Oh, yeah.
That's made for a movie.
That could be a movie, honestly.
I'll be at the...
We go to Joanne's Fabrics.
Yep.
I'll be at the local Michael's, asking for my namesake discount, of course.
Hey, come on.
I think we should fix up Michael and Joanne, huh?
Michael's and Joanne's, yeah.
Michael the craft guy and Joanne the fabric lady.
And Joanne the fabric guy.
They're both into the same stuff.
They're both crafty people, very creative.
Hey, you have so much in common.
Yeah, you have so much in common.
Plus, you're both so old, you gotta find someone.
You better settle down fast.
You're gonna die alone, Michael.
And Joanne, you're no spring chicken.
Oh, Joanne, you got eyes for Gelson?
He's never coming around.
He's food guy.
He's food.
Ah, yes.
Yes, yes.
Hey, wait.
I wrote a birthday boy sketch we did called Grocery Guys.
Grocery Jokes.
It was good.
It was a banger.
Trader Joe.
We sang songs, didn't we?
Albertson, vaughn john and
ralph ralph and we sang a song that went grocery dudes gross yeah we provide you with all kinds of
foods i think i was the uh trader joe's guy because i remember my costume was like
or no right yeah and and everyone would step uh forward and like, I'm Trader Joe, and I'm kind of fun.
Yeah, yeah.
That was good.
Yeah, I was Ralph, I think, and I was like,
hey, I'm not so bad.
I'm not so good, but I'm not so bad.
That's so bad.
I'm not so good.
I like the idea of somebody knowing.
I'm not so bad. I'm not so good. I'm not so good. I'm a bastard, but I'm not so good. I like the idea of somebody knowing. I'm not so bad.
I'm not so good.
I'm not so good at the best here, but I'm not so bad.
Well, what do you say we make a little second round?
Round segundo.
I love this.
I like that idea.
Are you doing any tweaks?
I wouldn't really know what to tweak.
The tweak of the week, maybe?
Okay.
You know what?
I've done this.
I've gone this way before.
I'm not going to do a second half,
or a second round,
because I'm still drinking this one.
But I'm wondering if a triple sec would work in here.
I could see it, Michael.
I could see that.
Mike, I'm going to do that.
In fact, I'm going to do a little Cointreau,
just a little splash.
And I'll report back after these messages.
Please do.
And we're back with our second round of casinos.
And I'll tell you what I did here.
I noticed that 10 mil was just enough to get that Luxardo taste,
just enough to get that lemon, right?
So I said 10 milliliters Cointreau.
Yeah.
Nice.
I feel like that's just enough.
Did you not do the bitters in this one?
No, I did it as scripted.
How do we say that? Double orange.
Described.
To the letter of the law. Ah, yes. How do we say that? Double orange. Prescribed. To the letter of the law.
Ah, yes.
How do you say that?
It's fantastic.
Tim, how did you alter your beverage of the night?
I did absolutely nothing other than doubling it.
Look at that big old gulper.
Holy shit.
You know what?
This needs more.
This guy's not doing his taxes tonight.
No way, man.
This guy's getting tanked
and it's like weirdly better.
Like when it was small like that
and I was sipping it,
I was like, this is dainty,
but now I got a big fatty.
I'm going to tie one on
and then my neighbors
are going to have to deal with it.
The problem with making it,
the problem with making it as written
is you're operating from a scarcity mindset, which is never good.
No, no, no.
You want to operate from a place of abundance.
Right.
It's hard for me because I'm one of these depression kids.
I grew up during the Great Depression.
We had nothing.
We had nothing.
You got to make it last.
You got to make the bitters last.
You're still saving rubber bands from the 40s.
I love that.
I know.
I, to this day, won't wear nylon stockings.
Yeah, you know, when I was moving, I remember, Tim, you came over like,
is there any metal, any tin you're throwing away?
I could collect that and bring that.
I'm doing a metal drive.
Yeah.
Do you have any copper?
Now, Mike,
you didn't make a second round, so why don't we just
jump into final thoughts. What do you think?
Order again.
Order again. Order again.
And again. And it's fancy.
It's easy to keep these ingredients around.
Get that maraschino bottle
because you're going to want to use it for your
Hemingway Dax.
And you don't really use that
much of it all the time anyway, so it lasts.
You're not like pouring a shot
of Maraschino Luxardo or anything.
Yeah, grab that weird basket
bottle and put it right next to that
tall, piss-spike
Galliano, and they can be the center
piece of your weird bar.
Everyone comes over and says, what's this? You say,
that's not your problem, unless you want to go up the yellow bird tree.
Do you?
No, I'll have a gin and tonic.
Okay.
You need to listen to the sloppy boys.
And that's how you do it, folks.
That's how you get people listening.
What was the other drink we had recently that had maraschino in it?
This year, I want to say, was it the fucking?
What was that?
Because that's why I have one now because I bought it for it.
It was something a little bit on the fancy
side. Hold on.
I'll tell you.
I'm scrolling through. I feel like
an average Joe just scrolling through
the podcast app.
Hey, Jeff. Episode 66
The Illegal doesn't have the
recipe listed in the show notes.
What are you talking about?
Were you drunk that day or what?
Yeah.
The illegal. I'll have to fix that.
It should be
illegal.
Huh. That's too bad.
That is unfortunate for the listener
who was at a loss that week.
Also, it's too bad for Tim and I who didn't catch that.
Oh, illegal. Yeah, that's it, Tim. Also, it's too bad for Tim and I who didn't catch that. Oh, illegal.
Yeah, that's it, Tim.
Oh, the very one.
The very one.
Ah.
And we liked that.
We said it was fancy, but you guys,
if you don't like mezcal, you wouldn't like it.
Yeah, but, oh, is that what we said?
You didn't like it because it was smoky like mezcal.
Right, I remember thinking, like,
I like this as much as I like a mezcal drink,
but it doesn't make it into the Stone Cold Classic Club.
There you go.
Now, you guys, we were just talking about casinos, of course.
Do you think you're smart enough to take the casino quiz?
Smart enough.
Now, Mike, are you certain that it's smart enough?
Is it smart?
Are you smart enough?
Yeah.
That's what makes you know a lot about casinos is being smart.
Well, I got to get a piece of paper out here because I got to keep the scores.
Let me put a J for Jeff and a T for Tim.
That makes sense to me.
Okay.
This casino quiz.
This is a blurt.
You answer when you feel like
you know the question. The answer.
The question. Okay.
When in a casino,
this man would order them shaken,
not stirred. James Bond.
I'm of course referring to
James Bond, who was the first to portray him in a feature film.
Sean Connery.
Sean Connery, of course.
Old Sean Connery was born in what country?
Scotland.
Scotland.
If you were the first to blurt out Scotland,
you get a point.
Way to go, Jeff.
Yes, I get a point.
Perfect.
Hold on.
What was...
I feel like that was
a you gotta let me finish the um the question oh but you get a point because you answered that's
actually a good learning moment for you jeff so this is this is tricky okay sean connery this is
a bonus is what you want to do bonus yeah question one we get a bonus sean connery sean connery was the first James Bond. Who will be the last?
Mike Hanford.
Daniel Craig.
Tim is right.
Okay.
But mine was more flattering.
That was just a goof around one.
That was a goof around one.
That's a silly one.
I love goofing around.
I'm actually a comic writer.
Sometimes it doesn't work out.
We all took a trip to Las Vegas and stayed off the strip at Jeff's grandparents' timeshare.
Yes.
What Las Vegas casino did I have?
Sorry.
What Las Vegas casino did I leave at sunrise when I cursed gambling in all of its trappings?
Circus Circus.
The Luxor.
Montage.
No. Caesar's Palace. Bellagio. The Luxor. Montage. No.
Caesar's Palace.
Bellagio.
Bellagio.
Think towards the end.
MGM.
No.
King Arthur would be at home in this.
Excalibur for Tim.
Hmm.
My first time in Vegas, me and my brother didn't know how to gamble. We just went to Excalibur for Tim. Hmm. My first time in Vegas, me and my brother didn't know how to gamble.
We just went to Excalibur and ate the buffet and just ate so much food,
we had to go back to Motel 6 and go to bed.
I was so mad.
This was a night, Tim, that you're talking about when I was just playing roulette.
Dave Stick stuck around me and so did Chris, and we left.
Everyone else went home or to the hotel or whatever.
And we left in the morning and the sun was out and I was so bad.
And myself and on the car ride home, the cab ride home,
Van Aertsdale was like, man, I can't believe it's daytime out.
And I turned around and was like, would you shut up?
I lost my cool.
See, that's normal for Van A van ars he's a night owl
that guy i know he stays up late gambling call of duty okay this casino game always reminds me
of shit craps craps for jeffy reminds me okay well you guys are tied
No I have two
Tim has one
Tim has two because he got the bonus question right
That's not
It's not even true
Have you a crystal ball
No I don't
What casino game has the best odds for the player
Blackjack
That's right Jeff
Way to go
How many colors For the player. Blackjack. That's right, Jeff. Blackjack. Way to go.
Way to go.
How many colors are represented in the game Uno?
Four.
Woo, Jeff.
Fuck me, man.
Bonus point.
Can you name them now?
Red, blue, yellow, green.
Yes.
Five to two.
Wow.
Celine Dion has a residency at the Coliseum at Caesar's Palace.
Is Celine Dion taller or shorter than five foot nine?
Taller.
Taller.
Shorter.
Hey, Timmy got it. you would think neither of us would get that point but he said the right answer the right answer for those those listening at home didn't get to see uh hanford shake his head
no long pause and then Hanford shaking his head.
It's funny because I can't see you guys
when I have the question sheet up.
So I don't know what you guys are doing.
Okay.
Bonus.
Is she taller or shorter
than fellow Canadian songstress Shania Twain?
Taller.
Taller.
That's right, Tim.
Shania is 5'4".
Ooh, close game.
A wee one.
That don't impress me much.
Shania, however, does not hold the title for shortest Canadian Grammy winner.
That honor goes to Nelly Furtado at 5'2".
I didn't know she was Canadian.
And I didn't know she was 5'2".
Okay, this is it.
Wait a minute.
This is it here.
This is the last one
The score is
Jeff has 5 and Tim has 4
I hope I get this one
and tie it up
Are you prepared in the case of a tiebreaker, Mike?
I will have to
scramble, yes
Jeff, would you like to
You can do something here.
You can...
So since you have one extra point than Tim,
you can double that extra point or leave it as is.
Well, hold on.
You can also answer after the next round.
Oh, that would be great.
I feel like that would be more advantageous.
Because you might not have to double the point.
Okay, last question.
What is my favorite casino game?
Roulette.
That's right, Tim.
Tim got it.
So now the score is tied.
Jeff, would you like to double your extra point?
You had an extra point leading into that round,
and you had the option to double it.
Would you like to do that now?
Yeah, I would like to do that.
Okay, Jeff, you win the game.
You have six, and Tim only got five.
Tim, I'm sorry about that.
Congratulations.
Jeff, that was a very good
tactical move there at the end.
Very smart.
Because a lot of people don't know.
We were talking about gambling in Vegas
and odds and stuff.
A lot of people don't know to double.
You got to double down
on your extra point
going into the last round
if you have it.
Also, hey, you know, I know we're all joking and having a good time here, but I needed a win.
Are we, are we?
Yes.
I've been down.
I feel like somebody on the Discord.
I've been down.
They calculated who's been winning the polls, and it wasn't me.
They did?
Yeah, it was not me.
Oh, damn.
Damn, damn, damn.
Damn, Daniel.
So, J-Boy needed a W, you know?
Congratulations.
Did they have the scores of who has been winning?
All I remember is that I was last.
So you got to hit them up.
Okay, I'll send the word out.
On the Discord, I never know what's going on.
I'll see somebody has mentioned me, so I'll go in and see what they were saying.
And I don't know.
Is there a way to just go right to where that was, or do I have to search?
There should be.
I don't know what it is.
I don't know what I'm doing on there.
It's hard.
I do that, too, that when I go on there, I just go to my at mentions, and I respond.
And then I feel like, hey, there you go.
Hey, there you go.
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See you at the craps table.
Ding, ding, ding. Dave and Buster. week see you at the craps table ding ding ding dave and buster
crapola at the craps yeah i'm winning about crapola win win win casino win win Give it up for your boys Give it up for your boys
Give it up for your boys