The Unmade Podcast - Special: It's a Wonderful Complaint

Episode Date: August 18, 2021

Tim and Brady write letters of complaint covering; New York, TV casting, KFC, a famous movie, and recognition for two long-forgotten students. Go to Storyblocks for stock video, pictures and audio at storyblocks.com/unmade - https://www.storyblocks.com/unmade Support us on Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/unmadeFM Join the discussion of this episode on our subreddit - https://redd.it/p71ivl Catch the podcast on YouTube where we often include accompanying videos and pictures - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCkIRMZDOKKKs-d14YPmLMxg USEFUL LINKS Episode 44 - Professional Complainers - https://www.unmade.fm/episodes/episode44 Our first 'complaint episode' - https://www.unmade.fm/episodes/special-writing-to-complain Bill De Blasio - Wilhelm, not William - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bill_de_Blasio The Duke of York, later James II - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/James_II_of_England York, England - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/York Brady's I-HEART-Y design now on a T-Shirt and Mug and stuff - https://the-unmade-podcast.creator-spring.com/listing/i-love-y-unmade-podcast NYPD Blue - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/NYPD_Blue Richard Schiff - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/NYPD_Blue 100 Years... 100 Movies - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/AFI%27s_100_Years...100_Movies It's A Wonderful Life - https://amzn.to/3iXxPSf A tribute to Tim and Brady back in their school days - https://www.unmade.fm/press-play Liverpool FC Shankly Gates - https://www.lfchistory.net/Articles/Article/2592

Back in episode 44, Tim and I discussed an idea called professional complainers. And the next episode, we did a pilot of it where we kind of wrote some letters of complaint. And now by popular demand, we're doing another episode of letters of complaint because, well, you asked for it. Because there are a couple of whinges. Is that why? Yeah. Letters of complaint. All right, Tim, how's your letter writing been going?

You've been channeling your old complainer man? I have. It's amazing how the dam has burst. And once you start giving yourself permission to complain, an enormous amount of stuff flows forth. Oh, yeah. My dam burst years ago. Yeah. Can i go first i've got i've got one here that i've been uh just polishing and i think it's ready to uh pop in the post all right go for it okay this is addressed to mayor bill de blasio city hall new york united states Mayor, I'm writing to complain about the name of your city, New York. Having used the name since 1664, the name New just seems misleading. The city is hardly new, is it? Can I suggest changing the name to simply York?

I am aware this will result in the need to produce new signage and souvenir merchandise, but I think this short-term pain will lead to long-term gain. Perhaps there could be a three- or four-week transition period where both names are valid. I have attached a mock-up of an I Heart Why t-shirt To give you a feel for the rebranding You may use this free of charge in any PowerPoint presentations etc

As a courtesy I will also write to the Lord Mayor of York here in England Suggesting he change the name of that city to Old York I think this will better reflect Old York's quite historic look and prevent confusion when you change New York's name to simply York. Best wishes, Brady Haran. P.S. When I lived in Adelaide, we built an extension to our house and called it the new room for several years. But eventually we realised this was silly and started calling it the back room. I love the idea of a three-week transitional period. I love the idea of a three-week transitional period. I've got the second letter here that I've written to Lord Mayor Chris Cullick, St. Helen Square, York, in the United Kingdom.

Yes. Dear the Right Honourable the Lord Mayor of York, Reverend Councillor Chris Cullick, or if I may, Chris. Please find enclosed a copy of the letter I sent to the mayor of New York, Bill de Blasio, suggesting he change the name of New York to simply York. If he heeds my advice, this will obviously put your own city of York into a difficult position. Perhaps even force your hand. But I feel this could be a blessing in disguise. Renaming your city as Old York, I think, could result in increased tourism. I can envisage a scene like the end of Field of Dreams,

where cars queue for many miles to come and see your city's old buildings and Viking museum. Have you seen Field of Dreams? It's an excellent movie. Kind regards, Brady Haran. Oh, that's good. That's good. Changing the branding of New York. That's great. Later on, I'll send you a picture of the I Heart Why t-shirt I made.

It's quite funny. Oh, cool, cool, cool. So, I'll pop those letters in the post to the Mayor of New York and the Lord Mayor of York. And, you know, I'm quietly confident I'm going to get a positive response. I think I've made a solid argument. Do you think that you'll get a pushback argument or do you think that it'll be just enacted immediately? It's the sort of thing that someone is likely to steal the credit for as an idea. Look, I don't mind if someone steals the credit as long as the right decision is made.

I think it could be one of those things that just goes through by acclamation without a vote or anything. It could. It could. I did a bit of research, actually, because I always assumed New York was named after York in England. Like, you know how in Australia, lots of towns are named after, and suburbs for that matter, are named after places in England, like the settlers just named things to make them feel at home. And the state of New South Wales, of course. Well, indeed, yeah. So, I always assumed that New York was named by sort of English settlers after York back

home to make them feel at home. But in fact, it was just named after the Duke of York, who kind of led the military campaign to take New Amsterdam from the Dutch, and they named it after him. He later became King James II, quite about 21 years later. He was briefly the King of England, but he was James, Duke of York. So, New York was actually named after him. I mean, being named after the Duke of York these days isn't really something to brag about,

is it? The current Duke of York's in all sorts of strife. Indeed. Maybe now the time is ripe for a name change. That's Prince Andrew, of course, the Duke of York, for people who don't know, who's in a bit of hot water at the moment. Yes, but perhaps just removing the new is not the idea. Maybe they keep the new because if we change it to something else

from York, it'll be something else. Oh, that's a good point. Maybe because Prince William's so popular and he's currently the Duke of Cambridge, is that right? It could be something else. Oh, that's a good point. Maybe because Prince William's so popular and he's currently the Duke of Cambridge. Is that right? It could be New Cambridge. Or just New William. New William. That's right.

New Willie. There. Nice. Oh, look, I might have to draft another letter to Bill. Bill de Blasio. Presumably he's a William. He might be up for that. That's right.

Yeah, it could sort of, you know, yeah. So history could resonate with the myth that it was named after him. Look, I think. Nice work, mate. Thank you. It's good that you did some research so that it's not just like a silly letter. No, no, no. It's like a properly researched proposal.

I think it's going to. I think it's going to. I think I've given them some food for thought there. Letters of Complaint. Anything you want to get off your chest? Well, I tell you, we're going to stay on the theme of York, New York, because mine actually is somewhat relevant to this. Mine is a letter to an executive producer by the name of David Milch.

And here I write, Dear David, as one of the executive producers of the cool 90s police drama NYPD Blue, soon to be named YPD Blue, you should be feel pretty proud. It's a cool show with lots of gritty, realistic sets, some good acting, shaky camera footage and wicked opening credit tracks with lots of pounding drums. I love it. Full respect to you and the late Stephen Bochka, who I know got a lot of credit for it, but then again, he also did make Doogie Howser MD.

However, I'm writing to complain about the casting of episode 15 of season 2 and episode 24 of season 4. I think you know where this is going. Every week we have our regular heroes, Detective Sipowicz and Simone and the rest of the squad. But there's also weekly guest stars, the criminals. I'm not telling you anything you don't know here. But this week in the first episode, it was played by the actor Richard Schiff. It's pretty cool to see him actually, especially now that we know he goes on to play Toby Ziegler in The West Wing. You remember he plays a Romanian

immigrant, Vartan Ilescu. Now, as you know, one of the cool features of NYPD Blue is that not only do the main detectives' lives unfold, but also some criminals, informants and other characters pop up again over the years. It's part of what makes the show feel like it's a genuine, developed world. Which is why it's so weird and annoying to see Richard Schiff again turn up two seasons later as a totally different character. This time he's a witness called Stephen Cameron dealing with the same detectives. Why don't they stop and say, hang on a second,

where's your accent and we put you in jail two seasons ago. This time he's called Stephen Cameron. How do you explain this? Were men with beards in short supply in New York in the 90s? Is LA running low on actors? Did you lose a bet to Richard Schiff or was this just a mistake? In Australia, we call a mistake a blue. And Mr Milch, my friend, you have made one heck of an NYPD blue. Yours truly, Tim Hine. Nice. Nice. Sorry, I got a bit worked up there.

I'm sorry about that. In all seriousness, why do you think that happened? Do you think it was an oversight or like it can't have been an oversight? Like why did they cast Richard Schiff in two different roles as like, you know, an extra? I have no idea. You think of all the actors, all the extras desperate for a little bit of work. And here's one guy who just rolls into two different jobs in the same show. It's bizarre.

I honestly think he's a friend of someone. I honestly think, like, you joked about a bet there, but I reckon there's some mate stuff going on there. There must be. In fact, looking through Wikipedia, I could see that he turns up in a few of their shows, you know, some that didn't make it and so forth. Yeah.

So he pops up again and again. I don't know what he's got over them, but imagine getting – it's not even like he walked through the back scene of this show and then he – episode and then he walked through the back scene again. It's like, what's that milkman doing there again? He's like a talking main plot character. And what series did you say they were? How far apart were they?

Two years. So like season two and season four so interesting that is interesting oh it's it's it's wrong but anyway do you think they should do a bit of a george lucas and to go back and like digitally change him in one of them so a different actor is inserted into the scenes like you know meddling just turn him into jabba the heart instead like very nice very nice to Jabba the Hutt instead. Very nice. Very nice. Tim, today's episode is sponsored, but I thought we should, you know,

in keeping with the show, this should be a letter of complaint. So, may I read you a letter I've written to Storyblocks? This is dangerous, man. Go for it. Dear Storyblocks, thank you dangerous, man. Go for it. Dear Storyblocks, thank you for sponsoring this week's episode, but I am writing to complain. Your fantastic library of stock video images and sounds

are undoubtedly a tremendous boon for all the filmmakers, audio producers, businesses and creative people out there. The fact they can download all that great stuff by simply paying a very reasonable monthly fee is frankly incredible. Having over a million items in your rapidly expanding collection is also impressive.

I myself have benefited tremendously from this service, often downloading sound effects and professional graphics for my own productions. But on reflection, is this really fair? You're essentially creating a media ecosystem where anyone can now produce high-quality content without having to travel the world, spend weeks on difficult locations

and spend vast sums of money creating their own media. Shots that were once only the domain of Hollywood studios can now be downloaded in seconds and license-free. Advertising agencies and greedy media companies, which have for so many years carefully built themselves into dominant positions, now find themselves competing with people like me, making videos and podcasts from home. This kind of disruption to the media landscape hardly seems fair on those billionaire moguls at the top of the pyramid.

I think you should reconsider making this library available to literally anyone who can type storyblocks.com slash unmade into their browser. That's right. Literally anyone can visit storyblocks.com slash unmade and download all this stuff. That's just crazy. Please let me know your thoughts on this,

and thanks again for sponsoring the episode. Yours truly, Brady Haran. Oh, man. I've put them back in their place, haven't I? That's a backhanded complaint if I've ever heard one, man. Backhanded complaint. That's a humble complaint Yes, yes Get on to that story blocks

We look forward to hearing back from you Explain yourselves You disruptors Letters of complaint So I've got another one I think I've got one that's a really good one to finish with, my third one. Is that how we're going? So I'll do one now, you'll do another one, and then I'll do one.

Or have you got... Oh, spoilers, Tim. Spoilers. All right. So basically you're saying you're going to burn off a bit of a rubbish one now before you do a good one later? Well, I've got a showstopper. Okay.

And that better come at the end. Okay. Although for some listeners, this may be the showstopper. Okay. And that better come at the end. Okay. Just to be fair. Although for some listeners, this may be the showstopper. That's right. In fact, this one is a showcanceller. That's what I think they call it. All right. Look, I've gone, I've done, I knew that, you know,

that civilians would love to hear a bit of a follow-up on the letter that I sent last time to KFC. So I've decided to follow up with another letter. And I was prompted. This is not just a follow-up, hey, what's happening on the last letter. Something pretty significant has happened, as you'll see. Okay. Anyway.

Go on. Here we go. Richard Wallace, General Manager and Managing Director, KFC Pacific. Dear Mr. Wallace, you no doubt remember that I wrote to you last year after eating a KFC meal that was strangely mediocre. I'd not experienced that before and I was pretty thrown by it. You didn't reply at the time, but I do know that the chicken has improved lately, so thank you for attending to that in action,

if not in words. Right. Unfortunately, now something else has happened. Oh, no. I was ordering a meal on your app on Saturday night and I noticed something called Christmas in July Feast plus KFC Christmas jumpers. What the?

It's now August. Three of my favourite things in this world are, number one, KFC, number two, Christmas,, number two, Christmas, and number three, Christmas jumpers, in that order. So where was this news a month ago? I'm writing to complain about a totally rubbish insufficient marketing campaign on the KFC Christmas in July feast. Why has this been kept so quiet? It sounds awesome, and I'm very upset that me and my family have missed out all because we didn't hear about it.

No advertising whatsoever. Just knowing it happened and we didn't hear about it makes me disappointed. Have you ever heard about something that was brilliant but had already finished? Well, this is like that. You've pretty much ruined Christmas in July. this is like that. You've pretty much ruined Christmas in July. So as compensation, can you please post me and my family a set of the lovely red and white Christmas in July feast jumpers. I've included our sizes below. Also, in my previous letter, I mentioned that I had found out about the existence of the KFC gold cards.

Just noting, flagging, that has not arrived yet. So please pop that in the same package as the jumpers. On the whole, though, I must say things are good. No more mediocre chicken, so I'm very happy. I look forward to the jumpers. Tim Hine. Nice. Nice work.

See how I butter him up at the end there? Yes. I like that you're making another play for the gold card as well. Yeah. Oh, yeah. The gold card. That wasn't accidentally sent to you, was it? Very good.

I like it. Make sure you send that one off. Oh, yeah. I reckon you might be a chance of getting that. I reckon you're a chance. If you get those jumpers, awesome. They are nice jumpers have you have you have you have you is this campaign been running over there no or maybe it hasn't again

they just dropped the ball on marketing it's not like kfc to skimp on advertising though i've not seen it anywhere and it would have been so exciting i don't know how we've missed it i don't know they've just obviously lowballed itballed it. I do like how that starts with me thinking you were going to complain about Christmas in July and it turns into a complaint that you weren't told about it. Very nice. Yes, that's right. Why weren't we told?

Why weren't we told? Letters of complaint. Okay. I've got another one. All right. I don't think you're going to like this one. Hang on. Can I just say, do you feel better having, I think it's good,

having written the letter, you sort of, you get even more passionate while you're writing the letter, and then when it's done, I feel strangely peaceful and satisfied. Yeah, you don't even have to send it to feel satisfied, but we are going to send these. Oh, yes. This one I'm going to send to Kathleen Kennedy, who is actually from Lucasfilm,

but I'm writing this to her in her role as Chair of the Board of Trustees, the American Film Institute, Los Angeles. Right. Dear Ms. Kennedy, I am writing to complain about the 100 years, 100 movies list, first published in 1998 and then updated in later years. Specifically, I'm writing to complain about the inclusion of It's a Wonderful Life at number 11. My friend Tim has long talked about what a great film it is.

His movie taste is pretty good, if a little on the posy side. So in recent months, I attempted to watch it. And it's rubbish. After three separate sittings, I finally gave up having not finished the film. It's insufferably long and contrary to what everyone says, I found Jimmy Stewart's character unlikable and implausibly moody. I was somewhat relieved to see he was passed over for the acting Oscar. Otherwise, you can bet I'd be writing to the Academy next.

But back to your list. Ranking It's a Wonderful Life at number 11 is frankly ridiculous. Films you ranked lower included Star Wars, The Godfather Part II, Jaws and Raiders of the Lost Ark. To be honest, I found the whole list a little pompous and weighted too heavily towards old boring films. I know BMX Bandits is not technically an American film, but I thought you could have maybe slipped it in somewhere mid-table. I doubt anyone would have checked. After all, you included Lord of the Rings in a later update, and that was made in New Zealand of all places. Kind regards, Brady Haran. P.S.

Where is Top Gun? So you didn't like It's a Wonderful Life? Nah, it might be a wonderful life, but it's a dull movie. And did you get to, there's some lovely, charming bits in it. It does drag a little bit. Oh, yeah. And he's so moody. Don't you think it's lovely how he's, you know, he's forever making the grand sacrifices for the sake of others.

And he feels like he missed out on a grand life. And it turns out he lived a grand life. It's a wonderful film. Look, I understand the message they're trying to make in the film. But, nah. I would sit there trying to, it was like wading through intellectual treacle trying to watch that film. I was like, oh, okay. It is schmaltzy.

It is, yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's also just boring. I don't know. Like, I know acting was bad in those days, but that doesn't mean we have to sit through it in these days. It's like when you watch, like, sport from 100 years ago, like cricket from back in Don Bradman's day, and the bowling is, like, you know, really terrible. And you're thinking, gosh, I could have made 100 runs back in those days. Look how bad they are. That's what it's like watching acting in old movies.

It's all so wooden and they don't talk like normal people. Tally-ho, old chaps, shall we go down to the bar? No-one talks like that. It is melodramatic. It is melodramatic. And it is overacted and schmaltzy. Why do I love it so much? Maybe there's certainly an element of nostalgia and Christmas attached to it,

but I love his character and I love the story as a whole and I love lots of little moments in it as well. That is not the 11th greatest film ever made in America. No, it's not. No. I have to agree with you there. And it is dropping down the list. When they reissued the list, you know, some years later,

it had dropped to number 20, but still, I don't think it's down the list. When they reissued the list, you know, some years later, it had dropped to number 20. But still, I don't think it's in the top. Anyway, I've had my say. I want to see what Kathleen Kennedy has to say. You've more than had your say. You've written a letter. I know. What was number one?

What do you think number one was? The greatest American film. They probably will have something like The Wizard of Oz. What's the ultimate pretentious film for people who want to pretend they're really into films and like great films well there's so many like that i don't know tell me the decade it's from uh it was made in it was released in 1941 okay i'll tell you it's citizen kane oh okay sure yeah i mean the godfather at number three i'm okay with yeah i'm even okay one two three four five with the wizard of oz at number six like the wizard

of oz is an old film that stand i mean that's 1939 and that stands up as a great film what about what's number two um casablanca oh okay i think that's an overrated film oh they're all gone with the wind is number four that's overrated they're all overrated it. Oh, Gone With The Wind is number four. That's overrated. They're all overrated. It's a poser list. They can't stand up to the weight of the status. You watch it fresh and you go, no, it's a good film. But, yeah, they don't stand up in the same way.

The Godfather does. It's a poser list. Godfather's a great film. All right. Anyway, I'll send that off. I'll let you know what happens. Can I ask one more question about the list? Because I love lists.

What's the most recent film in the top 10? Looking at the 1998 version, there have been reissues and stuff. But looking at the 98, which is kind of the canonical version for me, the only film, Schindler's List, 93, came in at number nine. Oh, right. And the most recent film after that was The Godfather, 72. Here are the years of making of the top 10. 1941, right. And the most recent film after that was The Godfather 72. Here are the years of making of the top 10. 1941, 42, 72, 39, 62, 39, 67, 54, 93, 52.

Yeah, so they weight it towards things being done for the first time, you know. The wonderful thing about The Wizard of Oz is not just that it holds up as songs and it holds up as a concept in a movie, but it's also the first time colour was introduced and, you know, all those kinds of first moments of things. I mean, The Wizard of Oz is poorly acted, but everything else about The Wizard of Oz is pretty great. I think the film I've seen the most in my life is probably The Sound of Music,

and I think that stands up really well. Yes that that does stand up too yeah I like that film time for your showstopper Tim oh jeez I wish I hadn't built this up now I might be writing to complain about your letter I I think I'm just going to have to step into it, though. I think this is a bit of a bathe yourself in glory kind of final letter of the episode. Going for the three pointer on the buzzer. All right. This one is to the principal of our old school. Okay.

Dear, dear Mr. Principal. I am writing to complain about the lack of recognition at your school to two of your most gifted alumni. Brady Haran and Tim Hine were discovered by the insightful, nurturing school leadership of the early 90s, and through assemblies, speech nights, and general schoolyard banter, their raw talent genius was crafted into something substantially more. Hine, of course, also shone in several other fields, including as sports captain. Harren, however, never resented dwelling in his shadow and ably played his support role with grace. This was made easier by Hine, of course, and the fact that he so

generously reflected the virtue of humility. Nevertheless, it is as a duo that they have flourished. Even back then, some of us suspected that they had the potential to one day make a podcast about ideas for a podcast that they wouldn't make. In 1993, they graduated, stepping out into the wider world and into greatness. Tearing up a bit here. They opened their wings and flew. And yet, I understand that there is not one monument to them anywhere in the school. No building is named in their honour. No bronze statue has been erected. No medal is awarded. There's no plaque on the wall. Not even a

scholarship has been named in their honour. Something I would be personally happy to contribute to with a substantial financial gift. Now you'll get a reply. financial gift. Now you'll get a reply. I notice your college's current vision is inspiring hearts, inspiring minds. Could there be anything more inspiring than students arriving each day through the Tim and Brady gates? I urge you and the board to act swiftly and remedy this great crime. Yours truly, two former anonymous students. This great crime. Yours truly, two former anonymous students. I mean, not only is that truly a great oversight,

but I think you've left them with no choice. I mean, they must be just unaware of the history. I mean, maybe it's not been, you know, if you don't record the history, you lose it and you lose some of the great stories, foundational stories. But also it just shows, it shows the youngsters what they could become that's right it's a warning if nothing else i would give money for the construction of the tim and brady gates yeah that's right i think that's an awesome idea i would definitely pay for that just like how you've been inspired by colonel light you know light's vision the statue of him pointing to the city.

Imagine Gates with us pointing the way into school. The students would walk in and they'd be like, wow, today I'm going to learn. Should we offer to donate a statue of ourselves to the school? What would we be doing in the statue? Well, you'd probably be pointing at me and I'd be pointing upwards, something like that, you know, like, I owe it all to that guy. And I'd be like, I owe it all to the Lord. Great.

I mean, I would hope it would be a statue of you in full flight doing the butterfly stroke in a swimming pool. Looking as graceful as ever. And me throwing you, like, a safety ring into the water. Well, with you sort of at your hand up, you know, like whispering to someone else, like, I really hope he doesn't drown. He hasn't taken a breath for several minutes. Yeah, well, there you go.

I think it would be good. I could be wearing the Fanta shorts. My only opposition to the statue idea is they're so expensive. So I think maybe we're going to have to go for the gates. I think the gates are more in our price range. All right. What sort of gates do you see? Like the Brandenburg gates, you mean?

Something grand like that? That would be nice, but I'm thinking more like the You'll Never Walk Alone gates at Anfield, the Liverpool football club. You'll Never Walk Alone with Tim and Brady at your side. And as students arrive each day, they sort of tap it with their hand for good luck for the day. You know what I mean? It becomes like this and it gets worn away over the years.

Yeah. I like it. Yeah. What would we say instead of you'll never walk alone? What would our saying over the gates be? I mean, you do want them to be able to run with it to honour us so that we can be surprised. I guess that's the thing.

Oh, really? Wow, that's a – we're humbled. Maybe the Gates could say money for nothing. I'm picturing a moment like, you know, when William and Harry came together a few weeks ago and they sort of, you know, pulled down the big cloth to reveal the statue of Princess Diana together. It was like this big moment of

reveal i'm imagining a beautiful ceremony like that i think that'd be good yeah um that would be nice could we have could we have like giant oversized scissors to cut a ribbon like and each of us holds one of the handles that's a great idea at the gates and then walk through. And maybe like the Sydney Harbour, like someone on a horse will run ahead and break through and run through, you know, to be the first one through before the official people come. Do you think there'd be fireworks across the top of the gate as we cut the ribbon?

There'd be like this fireworks going left to right, firing off like they do on the Sydney Harbour Bridge at New Year's. I like how they do that. They go back and forward like it's in a line. I like it. I like the idea of the gates being quite like thin, like a normal school gate, like only one or two kids can get through. But they're really, really high, like the Anfield Never Walk Alone gates,

so they're really tall and narrow, like two or three storeys high. That's right. I can see it. Like I'm literally picturing it in my mind totally totally i'm thinking about nothing else i i used to you know i used to watch you arrive at school every day because i'd get there so early and i'd be reading the paper upstairs looking out the window and then the bus would turn up and i'd see you walk in i'd like walk down yeah so i i can picture you arriving each day and i can just imagine hundreds of school children coming through and tapping the gate coming through rubbing tim's nose until it like over over 100 years it rubs down to nothing and

he looks like voldemort rubbing tim's nose what what statue is it well you've you've now told me what the statue is the statue is clearly going've now told me what the statue is. The statue is clearly going to be me walking through the gate and you sitting down reading a newspaper. What, nearby or in the picture? Nearby, yeah, nearby, like just, you know, nearby. But also, can I just say, what kid gets to school early and reads the newspaper?

What were you, like 40? Did you have a pipe and slippers? It's because we were doing the share market game and I was so excited each day to get the paper to look up how my shares were going when we were doing business maths, learning about how the stock market worked. But I had the choice of two buses. One would make me slightly late and one made me early, and I took the early one.

Because you wanted to be there. You wanted to see me arrive. Get into position. One day the bus broke down. I'm just screaming. I just got out and ran. I want to see Brady. I've got to see Brady.

People are like holding me back in traffic No no And I'm like I've gotta see Brady Arrive He could be in danger At the side of the road Then I come in

And you're already In the school yard I hadn't said I was like No Yeah Alright Well

That was a That was a good letter Send that off to our old principal And see what you can get arranged. And seriously, I will contribute to Gates. Seriously, we will contribute to Gates. I will. We could start a foundation, actually.

Maybe, like, people could contribute to it from all over the world. If we had the Tim and Brady scholarship, what would that, like, reward? What would it be for? Would it be for potentially great swimmers or a musician? What would it reward? Who would get the scholarship? I don't know. That's a good question. Disadvantaged guitarists?

Yes. Yes. They would have to apply for it What would they have to do to gain the scholarship? I think their surname would have to start with H Yes Yeah, to continue the tradition That's what I'm saying

And their middle name would have to start with J Yes, that's right That's probably enough Yeah, yeah, yeah Imagine that, if we said we will give a scholarship to anyone Yes, that's right. That's probably enough. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Imagine that if we said we will give a scholarship to anyone but your middle name has to start with J and your surname has to start with H. The problem is what will happen is that people will have children

and their surname is H and they'll just deliberately give their child a middle name starting with J so they can get the scholarship. Or they'll just change their whole surname by Deedpole as well. Such will be the desirability of this scholarship. That's right. The honour. The honour of the scholarship, which will be more than the money. I think the honour is more than the money.

In fact, we'll guarantee the honour will be more than the money. It'll be the new Rhodes Scholarship. Now that the Rhodes Scholarship has been tarnished by its association with Cecil Rhodes, this will be the new one this would be what people want oh look at that see already we're inspiring hearts and inspiring minds I don't know if we can afford the scholarship though I think we should stick with the gates there's a choice between them I think the gates are the priority clearly because the scholarship will will empower one student whereas the gates will inspire all students.

So I think it's probably the fairer one to go with. You must know that principal. Do you think you can have a quiet word with him? I do. I've met him. I've had a couple of meetings with him about other matters at some stage. Did you not bring up the whole lack of recognition thing or did you just sort of didn't want to make it awkward for him?

Well, it was, I mean, these anonymous people writing this letter have obviously highlighted the issue, but I was thinking. It's given you an in to follow it up, yeah. I think he was a bit nervous because he was pretending not to know who I was. Like I had to introduce myself and he was, you know, all that kind of stuff. He was pretty convincing, pretending to not know who you were. He was, yeah, he was convinced. And I think people standing around obviously were embarrassed for him.

Yeah. But I did mention that I was an old scholar. And even at that point he sort of raised an eyebrow and then sort of, you know, got on with what he was saying. He didn't say, you know, Tim Hine. No, sorry. You don't know Brady Harandy. Oh, you're Tim from Tim and Brady.

No, no, seriously. I will bring it up with him again yeah and um don't feel bad that he didn't remember you though tim i mean i imagine principals probably only really remember former prefects and of course you were you weren't made a prefect so you know he probably doesn't remember you no i guess i was i was too busy setting up the the pa system for assemblies in the band to uh to be a prefect and they didn't want to distract me from my scholarship knowing that that i was destined for greatness you think the fact you set up the pa system for assemblies is way more impressive than it actually is i got to i was the only one who knew how to set up the pa system and including for the socials for the dancers and stuff yeah i was a um semi dj i have to say you were you're like yeah yeah you're you're you were like

the roadie of the school well well the roadie and the performer i like to think they're sort of rolled into one right yeah it's not a common role these days. You don't see many, like, you know, international megastars who are also their own roadies. Well, the really good ones know how it all works and they sort of, you know, give everyone a hand. You'll often see Bono two hours before a U2 concert plugging in speakers and checking the power.

Well, he does wear a black T-shirt, so he's halfway there. Yeah. Well, do send that letter off and I look forward to seeing it. The Tim and Brady Gates. The Tim and Brady Gates. Do you know what we should do? You know how when there's like a big planning proposal for a new building and stuff, you have those architectural sketches made up?

We should have some architectural sketches made up of what the gates would look like. That's a great idea. In fact, that would really help him. I think me having a word and then a letter like this coming and then that work already being done because he's busy. Yeah. That's going to make it. And I want it to be like those architectural sketches that always have like, you know, drawings of people as well, just mingling and walking through the gates to make it, you know, more easy to envisage. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Those artists.

Sort of computer generated sort of faceless beings that are wandering around that's a great idea well done there's a good batch of letters there they will all be sent off and we will keep you all informed if we get any replies i feel better i feel i feel at peace now i feel content i feel like i've um i've exhaled which letter of the ones we read today do you think is most likely to get a reply? Well, we didn't get a reply from KFC last time, so I'm not sure if we're going to get one this time. But, jeez, I hope we do.

Get those jumpers. That's nice. The mayor might be obliged to reply. I don't know. They might have some sort of policy on that. I think the Lord Mayor, Reverend Councillor Chris Cullock might reply. If you were to complain about one more thing right now, what would it be? Oh, I came up with a whole list of them.

Oh, I should have written them down. I was having a shower before we started recording and I came up with two or three more letters I wanted to write and I've forgotten them all. I thought of one more. It's a bit like, where's Ronald McDonald? Where's he gone? And the Hamburglar and Grimace. Yeah.

So I'd write to McDonald's and say, is Ronald dead? Like you never officially closed the book on what's happening with Ronald. Or is this like some kind of Britney Spears situation where Ronald McDonald's being controlled by someone and not being allowed to control his own destiny? Maybe the Hamburglar went, you know, too far. He's behind bars. Rubble, rubble, rubble.

I think there's a fair chance this is not the last time we will do a Letters of Complaint series, not least of which because we've all got our own little Letters of Complaint sound effects and stings and bits of music now. Letters of Complaint. music now letters of complaint i wonder if people have any complaints regarding the unmade podcast what would people like to say if they were sending a letter to the unmade podcast what would they complain about apart from apart from your ideas i can't believe i'm saying this but if you would like to send a letter of complaint about the unmade podcast, send it to unmadefm at gmail.com.

And please, it must have the word complaint in the subject field so that when all the emails come in, and I know what's what, anyone that's got complaint in it, I know which folder to put it in. So put complaint in the subject field and send your letter of complaint about the Unmade podcast. And depending on what you say, we may read some out. How will you be able to distinguish these complaints from all the regular complaints? Good point.