The Worst Idea Of All Time - Killionaire TV 13: Broox v Mehdi v Samantha
Episode Date: September 24, 2022Broox - a milk guzzler with a billionaire Hydra idea that involves super glue, de facto relationship law (or lack thereof) in the state of California and... Love? Mehdi - a man who will let the pronun...ciation of his name slide bringing an interdimensional ploy involving the infamous Skinwalker Ranch. And Samantha - a tech-cursed competitor who wants Bezos and Musk to get in some subs and hunt for treasure (and die). This is final competitor episode of Killionaire TV so enjoy these brilliant plans and may God protect our billionaires, long enough to see them become trillionaires and NOT A SECOND LONGER.Thanks to editor AJ of Cult Popture and graphic designer Tomas Cottle.TWIOAT Twitter / Instagram / Facebook / WebsiteGUY Twitter / Instagram / Facebook / WebsiteTIM Twitter / Instagram / Facebook / Website Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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He's Tim Batt, I'm Guy Montgomery, and this, well this is a dumpster.
Together, we're best known for watching bad movies too often.
But as the world turns to custard, we've got a new thing going on.
We want to create the world's first ever trillionaire,
and then swiftly remove the world's first ever trillionaire,
dispersing their funds to humanity at large.
We're taking your ideas, pitching them against each other until we find one winner.
Welcome to Kill Your Near.
You can start it if you want or I can start it. It's totally up to you.
I'm just feeling really vulnerable at the moment, Tim.
Welcome to Kill Your Near, everybody. I'm starting the episode because Guy's feeling a little bit vulnerable. I'm feeling really vulnerable at the moment tim welcome to kill your near everybody i'm starting the episode because guys feeling a little bit vulnerable i'm feeling really vulnerable at the moment everyone do you
want to talk about it before we kind of get to the episode i'd rather not go into it we're just
going to leave that sitting there i'm going to pour myself a glass of water okay okay okay well
i don't know if this is the exact energy that we want while we plot to create and then murder a trillionaire for comedy purposes.
This discussion is occurring for comedy purposes, you see.
However, it is my great honor to welcome to this session of pitches Brooks, who is a Twitter famous, milk-guzzling, occasionally COVID-c covid catching i believe recently adventurer who has just shown
us that he has a glass of the the cold white stuff to hand for the session uh brooks it's so nice to
see you how are you pleasure to be here excited you feeling okay now yeah i'm obviously over just
a minor cough hanging around.
Cool, man.
I'm glad to hear that.
Nothing a glass of milk a day shouldn't sort out, am I right?
Exactly.
You freak. Yeah.
Okay, we'll get to that later.
But I would love to bring in our second pitcher today,
and that's someone we haven't met before, Mehdi.
Yes.
Now, how'd I do on the name it's perfect
okay cool i feel like you you you uh i think you're being generous you're placating us yeah
i feel like we could say anything and you go yeah you you got it and then afterwards you'll
badmouth us rightly there's a south pacific buffer that i'm allowing
this uh it's needed i've always loved the way that we flattened vowels and then on this
call i realized just how much sort of hazardous sort of air time that creates do you know what
i've been telling people recently especially international people well i think international
people already know this but the classic kiwi accent the real tip off, is that we pronounce T's as D's in pretty much every word.
And if you ever listen to our Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern say the word water, water, every time.
Water. I'd love a glass of water.
She's real heavy on the D. She's like water.
Well, I tell you, if you're listening along right now, you can go back, check the tape,
because I did say at the start of this episode, I'm going to get myself a glass of water.
I'm going to pour myself a glass of water.
Okay.
And I'd like to think I really fucking hung something on that tea.
You're quite good at enunciating, you know, the teas and stuff.
Anyway, listen, here's how this works.
We've got two gentlemen here brimming with ideas.
Or idea.
To select who will pitch first,
I have written down on the notebook in front of me a star sign.
Can you please Google the star sign?
Whoever picks the closest star sign to the one that I have picked.
This is insane.
We were doing
numbers for so long like whoever picks the closest number and i'm bored of it okay so we're
experimenting with the form um so uh medhi can you please pick a star sign first i'm like 50 50
on what exactly a star sign is so i'm gonna say capricorn. Perfect. Okay. And Brooks?
Is Aquarius a star sign?
It certainly is.
Not only is it one, it is the one I wrote down.
So Brooks, you have one.
Thank God we don't have to go through the calendar to figure out who's closer.
Absolutely.
But I mean, for what it's worth, you chose Capricorn, if I'm not mistaken.
Is that right?
Yeah. So Capricorn is right next to Aquarius.
So you were both right in that ballpark of the calendar.
So, Brooks, tell me, would you like to pitch first or second today?
I will pitch first.
Fantastic.
Check out the big balls on Brooks.
Yeah, come out swinging.
Those big old milky balls.
Jesus.
Maddy, I'm going to put you on mute for the duration of this pitch,
and then we'll be right with you.
I feel like I've swung from vulnerable to overzealous,
and I'd like to apologize to our listeners and, most importantly, to Brooks.
I'll not mention your milky testes again.
Appreciate it. All right right dive in the floor
is yours excellent and it's covered in milk jesus man you go ahead you know when to get out of the
pool okay yeah yeah the milky pool good evening fellas all the proposals i've heard on previous
installments of killionaire follow the same misguided pattern of creating a trillionaire.
They all try to take a billionaire and generate enough additional wealth to switch that B to a T.
It simply doesn't work. I propose we flip that paradigm on its head and come at this problem from a radical new angle.
I put to you that the wealth we need to amass in order to reach a trillion dollars is already
out there.
We don't need to make it, we just need to consolidate it.
In order to move forward with this endeavor, it is helpful to first look to the past for
inspiration.
Who in history has had more success consolidating both money and power than the royal families
of Europe. We're talking about kings and queens here, fellas. Sure, they would occasionally
wage wars and coups on each other, but that is neither here nor there. Their main way
of consolidating power was through marriage. They would take their enemies and make them
family, economically tying the two parties together and moving forward.
The wealthiest billionaires have between $100 and $200 billion apiece, meaning the combined
wealth of roughly seven of the top ten richest people in the world sums up to a 13-digit
figure, crossing that magical trillion-dollar line.
Now I am not suggesting that we parent-trap or cupid's arrow seven
billionaires in order to make them all fall in love. That leaves way too much to chance.
We need a safer bet to get them all into both the metaphorical and literal marital bed together.
Therefore, I suggest we Gorilla Glue Jeff Bezos, Elon Musk, Bill Gates, Warren Buffett, both Google guys, and Zuckerberg all together.
That stuff is permanent.
After seven years of living bound together, they will legally enter into a polyamorous common law marriage.
At which point, that which used to belong to seven individuals is now theirs.
All that cash now belongs to a single entity, a seven-person pod.
Boom. Trillionaire created.
At this point, I'm sure you're thinking, what an incredible idea.
It's wonderfully simple. Elegant, even.
Well, I encourage you to hold on to your proverbial butts because it's about to get better.
Even more elegant.
Because not only will this polyamorous common-law marriage pod create the world's first trillionaire,
it will also lead to said trillionaire's untimely demise.
For the most part, all we have to do is sit back, relax, and watch the inevitable bloodbath.
At this point, it's just a waiting
game. While they may not have seen each other as romantic partners before being covered in
industrial-strength adhesive and stuck together, they will, at this point, have been inseparable
companions for going on a decade. What are they going to do? Not fuck each other? And you just
know at least some of them are going to catch feelings.
It would be nearly impossible not to.
Historically, the majority of these guys have not had a great track record in regards to marriage.
Lots of divorces in their collective past.
Now, I don't want to slander anyone here, but you mean to tell me that they weren't stepping out?
Consider the egos involved. I find that hard to believe.
In any case, their lack of fidelity is going to lead to the downfall of this pod,
and more importantly, lead to an unprecedented redistribution of wealth.
Due to their aforementioned relationship shortcomings, jealousy, lust, and mistrust,
we'll all find the gl scape we have created fertile ground
to lay seed. In short order, their lovers quarrels will put them at each other's throats,
but because they are still attached, there will be no going for a walk, no sleeping on
the couch tonight, no spending the weekend at their sister's. They can't file for another
divorce. What would be the point? Even if the judge were to grant it,
in another seven years, they're back to being common law married. There's literally no escape.
No, instead their negative feelings towards each other will continue to simmer until they have
reached the rolling boil of murder. That's right. I can almost guarantee that our trillionaire pod will do all the dirty
work for us and take out at least five of each other off the board.
Since they are married, all that wealth doesn't go anywhere, it stays with the surviving members
of this C-suite septuple.
But on the minuscule off chance that they don't start in on each other, it wouldn't
take much of a spark to set off the
horny, horny tinderbox that this collection of the world's greatest capitalists chemically fastened
together. A whisper in an ear here, a forged letter there. If we channel our inner Yagos,
then they will start dropping like flies. When the pod is majority corpses, we will enact our endgame. We start laying the guilt on thick.
Maybe we ceaselessly play a recording of a heartbeat, some real telltale heart shit.
You get the idea.
Between the regret, the psychological warfare we wage, and the smell of their decomposing husbands,
they aren't long for this world.
Romeo and Juliet, eat your hearts out.
they aren't long for this world romeo and juliet eat your hearts out after the final member perishes at his own hands we reveal our machinations and reap the rewards you are welcome
world thank you wow thank you brooks for that incredibly strong pitch beautiful and harrowing sort of art idea yeah i i really feel
like you were referencing shakespeare and uh i feel in the presence of a master storyteller who
has been strumming my pain with his fingers yeah when you first started talking about uh marriage
and you know the the fusion of assets i sort of thought you were equating marriage with
business acquisition and thinking of one of you know like going on one of these business absorbing
the others but at no point until you outlined it could i have imagined that you were going to
suggest we um gorilla glue this must be the strongest glue it's the strongest glue i know of
um and i think we could get them to sponsor us.
They seemingly got involved when that poor woman did her hair and eyelids in the stuff on Twitter.
Oh, yeah.
That's worth Googling for sure.
Can you just give us the cliff notes?
She went to the ER and they basically said, we don't know.
Oh, wow.
So there's no known sort of anti-adhesive for this stuff
that's how strong the glue is i think i mean i think gorilla glue got involved and maybe sent
some anti-adhesive but i don't know send some more glue surely if you develop a glue this strong you
have to also develop the anti-adhesive you would hope there's a law along those lines these are not
the type of questions that brooks should be answering right now um you should be answering questions about
the plan this is our chance to interrogate and kick it i know i just want to shoot the breeze
uh look it's a it's a great idea i think um how are we going to get the seven of them in a room
together to begin with and then how are we actually going to physically you know pin them down or get the glue onto these people's bodies
and what parts of the bodies how are they connected together uh i don't think the the what parts is
is that big of a deal uh if they're together to they're together i mean they'd probably prefer
if it was you know all a pinky finger but for our purposes you know we could do head to foot to to you know hand to stomach whatever
whatever we can get um as to as to where uh i don't know i think they all live in california
so you imagine we throw some sort of billionaire barbecue they probably hang out anyway to be
honest they probably get together and figure out how to like stop getting taxed or continue to prevent being taxed um you've really i mean
glossed over the um the how they sort of fit together part and it's interesting brooks because
you are far from the first person who has suggested um combining a few of these billionaires
together in some sort of fused fashion.
We've had like a human centipede pitch previously,
which is sort of the most disgusting version
of what you've proposed.
Human centrillionaire, I think they said.
But I mean, not to be outdone,
you've coined your own phrases here.
You've got your C-suite septuple.
That is beautiful.
The polyamorous common law marriage pod,
which I think I like for the banality of it.
Yeah.
And then also, can I just say,
and this isn't relevant to the concept itself,
but just as a detail on your pitch,
the point at which you said,
what are they going to do?
Not fuck each other?
That was a real high point for me.
I like that a lot.
Now, them being glued together for seven years and then
uh at that point the law switches to them being in what in new zealand we refer to as a de facto
relationship where it has the same legal status as marriage um there is a requirement for that
to be a romantic relationship it seems like you've sort of figured out that component where we're
playing some sort of psychological cupid with these guys yeah we've also got 50 states over here in america i'm sure we can find one of their laws that would would
benefit us and just chuck them in that one there was going to be my question are you familiar with
is it because in new zealand i think it only takes like two years to achieve i think it's three years
i think for defective seven feels like a long wait yeah and it feels like there's a lot of opportunity i mean you know
god knows that being part of this common law polyamorous common law marriage pod uh it's
probably going to have an impact on their business their ability to operate the day-to-day functionality
of all of their billion dollar companies i don't even think of that but that's a really good i mean
like what do we think about these guys finally crossed the seven-year threshold to qualify as a one union but all of a sudden all
of their you know there's going to be whippersnappers nipping at their heels we're going to be looking
at you know the next amazon or the next meta like how do we how do we protect against that
well seven was a number that i uh pulled out of my ass uh so it could be shorter which would
be helpful uh but let's let's i'm gonna google it because that's what i said um
they've if we if you jump seven years in the past and look at the the wealthiest people i
think you would find that it's pretty much this this same list i think maybe
elon wouldn't have been on it. But I also picked seven individuals
to kind of pad that number a little bit. Depending on who you picked, you could have gotten away with
as few as six. So while they may not in seven years be the wealthiest individuals, I think we
would still get across that. I think, you know, I mean, I'm inclined to agree with you. I just
think it's a question worth asking. And we leave no stone unturned here.
Undoubtedly.
I wouldn't want you to take my idea if you weren't rigorously testing it.
And that's why...
It does...
Sorry, just a quick update from Google.
It does seem like we will need to kidnap them
and traffic them to a different state
whose laws we will be running under because...
Oh, California doesn't recognize...
California doesn't recognize any kind of unwedded uh defector relationship just gonna make for another rough day for these billionaires
because i'm sure that being gorilla glued in and of itself is frustrating but to have to relocate to
idaho or whatever the fuck it's gonna be a pain in the aris now uh i've got no further questions. Nor I. I'm going to put you on hold now, Brooks.
Sounds good.
And Matty, we are now going to take your pitch.
How are you feeling?
Are you ready?
Oh, I've got to use the bathroom, but that's good energy to have.
That's great energy.
That will really communicate a sense of urgency to what you're saying.
And this is urgent.
We're running out of time.
The planet's running out of time.
Okay.
All right.
The floor is urgent. We're running out of time. The planet's running out of time. Okay. All right, the floor is yours.
I'm just going to shoot from the hip.
So my pitch has a pretty intricate setup,
so I'm just going to kind of gloss over that and get to the meat.
In Utah, there is a place called Skinwalker Ranch,
and there's a lot of weird stuff involved in that area.
But for our purposes, the main thing we're going to focus on
is the fact that it is theorized to be the nexus of our dimension
and a parallel dimension.
Yeah, I don't usually interrupt these pictures,
but first of all, can I just say,
very cute that you think I don't know what Skinwalker Ranch is.
Well, I don't know what gets over there. Guy probably does. I don't know what skinwalker ranch is well come on i don't know
what gets gets over there guy probably does i don't know what's cool all right so anyway
what you guys are going to have to do is probably tim because of his luciferian energy uh he's going
to go to jeff bezos and tell him look je Jeff, you're not going to beat Elon to space.
You're not going to beat him to Mars.
You're not going to beat him to Saturn.
Or you're not going to be able to have sex with the first alien.
That's all Elon.
You need to reshift.
You need to shift your focus to being the first one in an alternate dimension.
And I know just the place.
Because while you're doing that guy goes out to utah
and he convinces the current owner i we'll figure it out and madame skin
yeah uh uh skinwalker esquire junior um you tell him look i know a guy i don't have the money now
we're gonna have to buy this place on credit but i know a guy. I don't have the money now. We're going to have to buy this place on credit.
But I know a guy.
You've never heard of him.
But he's a multi-billionaire.
So he's going to buy this place from us.
And then we'll pay you back double what you purchased.
And, you know, guy, he does his whole car salesman kind of deal.
You know how it is.
Many times.
That's my most famous shtick.
So what you are essentially doing is you're going to convince Jeff to,
you're going to tell him that this ranch, you're selling it for $1 trillion.
He's going to say, I don't have $1 trillion.
I'm short on cash.
So you just tell him, look, you're going to be able to go to an alternate dimension.
You can start Amazon all over again.
You can go to a dimension where people don't make fun of your life.
You can do all the stuff.
Why do you need to hold on to Blue Origin and Amazon and all this?
So he starts selling off all his assets until he hits $1 trillion.
And then when he goes over to the Skinwalker Ranch, you fail to mention, like I failed to mention,
that there are creatures that walk out of the portals to alternate dimensions that do mutilate cows.
So you don't tell him that.
He goes through the hole and he either starves to death or one of the cow mutilators do eat his eyes out of his sockets.
And so you have his money.
You are free of any sort of legal repercussion because you didn't kill him
it was the it was the faceless monster that came out of the sky portal the
okay i'm not gonna quibble but sure uh it's not quite that um and so and he gets you know if he survives which you know is against the
i'm bending the rules but he does if he survives he gets to start amazon 2
on a different plane of existence so uh everybody wins wow thank you very much um
just before we get into the questions is that that
yeah that feels like it felt like that yeah i i don't know i don't have anything else to say all
right now okay can i like offer a small punch up on this idea because i okay i love it um just a
small tweak should we maybe pitch the interdimensional portal element to bezos in the fact that we are
it is getting increasingly hard to extract the resources and labor that bezos seems to feast on
here to keep the growth of amazon alive so now he has to like reach his hand through the window to
a whole other plane of existence to pull resources out of the upside down you know what i'm saying
sure yeah i mean it could be that it could be you know he he's already at the top so it's like
new game plus for him so true i i love that shit yeah i got a little bit so initially in your um
in your pitch you were talking about el Musk and sitting Elon down and saying
look it's not going to happen, you're not going to win the space race
is that correct? No we're saying that to Bezos
so this was all focused on
Bezos, yeah you're going to be bested by Elon
sorry I got my wires crossed
understood, so this is purely we're concentrating
on Jeff Bezos
and we're leveraging his fear or
jealousy or inferiority
against Elon Musk to sort of lure him into making decisions
that we control right well i don't think uh i i don't know if jeff bezos is a narcissistic
person or maybe he i don't know if he's a chance he is i think it's yeah safe uh yeah money
yeah i believe he probably is.
I mean, look, I don't know a lot about the Skinwalker Ranch,
so it's difficult for me to judge just, you know, the...
This might be a good opportunity to elucidate a little bit
on Skinwalker Ranch, Matty, if you'd be so kind.
Do you want to tell us some things that happened there?
So it's got a lot of standard spooky
stuff to it like stuff being moved without you know yeah anyone moving it and it has like i
mentioned cow mutilations pretty standard uh but the reason why people think it is a nexus of dimensions is because two separate people have uh have said on record that
they saw either a hole in the sky and it was at the night sky but through the hole it was daytime
and then at another point uh scientists it was yeah scientists he saw a hole in a faceless creature walking through it so
uh i think i i'm just going to take all that at face value and say it is the nexus of dimensions
as well you might and i mean the the other thing to think about here is i feel like we could
appeal to jeff's desire to get to space by virtue of the fact that multiple dimensions you know like all of these
interdimensional planets or you know places exist in the in our conception of what space is uh-huh
so i feel like this is a kind of space exploration yeah it's like you know elon's going the traditional
route you've got the power of the supernatural on your side if you follow us to the skinwalker ranch and that works in favor of the pitch okay i like that a lot i look i follow this um i'm pretty familiar with
skinwalker ranch brag about it one thing sorry the one bit that i i might have missed sorry how
how are we obtaining ownership of the ranch to be in a position to sell it
on credit well we're just making like that's just a pretty
straightforward transaction yeah you don't you don't disclose because you don't want him going
straight to bezos but you just tell him i know a guy i'm his in between so you sell it to me
and whether or not you want to uphold that barg it's you know yeah it's it's up to
you if you just want to pocket it and then i guess i mean i'm going to ignore my punch-ups to your
plan how do you how does this get bezos to over the trillion dollar mark did i miss that as well
i've been hearing a lot of pictures today so my brain is quite soupy so he starts when when you start convincing him that you know you're not
going to beat elon to space you say we have this ranch we're selling it for a trillion dollars
and he says i don't have a trillion dollars and so you say lookzos, you don't have any need for Blue Origin or Amazon or the MMORPG that you started or Lord of the Rings.
You have a chance to go to another dimension.
Get rid of all that stuff.
Sell it to Mark.
Sell it to Elon.
He's getting liquid.
Yeah.
Yeah.
He's getting super liquid okay super liquid i
think we've heard everything we need to from both parties if you're happy tim and now in an
unprecedented and very surprising angle for this episode of calionia tv a third player has entered
the arena hello samantha um samantha if you don't mind i might just explain to everyone
what's happened thus far okay samantha has joined us twice previously on killing your tv
uh in our first ever pitch session um she put forward an idea a fantastic idea which we failed
to record then she joined us earlier today to re-pitch so that we could hear the idea and
have it recorded for all of you and for some reason the application we're using to record
all of these did not record her part of it so what i have asked is for samantha to rejoin us
and compete in this current session of kill your near Samantha, this will be the third time that we've heard your idea,
but would you like to pitch it again?
Yes, absolutely.
We'd like to hear it again.
In that case, the floor is yours.
Great.
So my pitch for how to elevate
the world's two most wealthiest billionaire men
to the status of trillionaire,
at which point we can then take all of that money
and distribute it to people who would use it for simple things
like food and healthcare,
would be to pit the egos of Jeff Bezos and Elon Musk
against one another
in a race
to the bottom of the ocean
in separate submersibles
in order for them to
recoup
a massive
Spanish galleon's worth of
gold, silver, and jewels
from a ship that sunk off the coast of
Cartagena in 1708.
It was English ships fighting Spanish over the rights to continue to colonize
and extract mineral wealth from Central and South America.
The Spanish ship sunk completely and the treasure has never been recovered.
It's long been storied and rumored
that there is a vast well
sitting at the bottom of the Caribbean Sea.
And a few years ago,
using radar technology,
the ship has been located.
It's also been confirmed
to be this exact Spanish galleon,
the San Jose,
because it has these very unique
runner cannons that
were along the gunnels that look like dolphins.
It's estimated to contain $14.43 billion in current U.S. currency.
idea is to have Jafizos and
Elon Musk each get
a submersible
that can travel
about 40 meters per second.
So getting down to the ocean floor
in that area is about two hours.
And then with attached
scooper arms, collect as
much of this treasure out of this
sunken ship and surface
with it. They will go down over the course of a week.
It will be a regatta.
And then every day, the amount of treasure that they collect will be weighed in value.
While this is happening, we will be running bets on how much of this treasure that they
can bring up per day and who will be the winner overall.
We will be offering traditional betting in Las Vegas.
We will also be offering some form of cryptocurrency and NFT-based betting
that they can get a part of, a slice of that treasure right away,
which will further drive them to gather the most treasure, gather the most
treasure. We can also
offset costs of sending
them up and down, since Mercicels are expensive,
by putting corporate
sponsorship on the side of these
vehicles. And then
on the very last day,
when they have scraped up as much treasure
as they can, we will simply
hit a kill switch, and then their vehicles will never come back up.
Oh, and we can take all of the money
and return it to indigenous and people
who were brought over forcibly in Central and South America.
Every time I hear this picture, it gets cleaner and cleaner.
Yeah, I've got gotta say that you know you've benefited from
uh multiple pictures because that was I would say not just like from you but that was probably the
most streamlined and clearly articulated pitch we've had um I mean you know great Samantha
the third time you haven't let the curse, you know, shake your spirits,
and I appreciate that.
Look, as we've said before, there's a lot to love.
Guy, yeah.
Yeah, I mean, look, I've got, in this instance,
I have no questions.
Obviously, the $14.43 billion, it doesn't sound like a lot,
and it's not.
In the scheme of a trillion dollars,
it doesn't even really touch the sides.
But the idea is the luster of like jewels and gold and
buried treasure and the media appeal of competing against one another a chance to settle some sort
of you know imagine score between billionaires is um i i think the the profit opportunities that
that will generate with running gambling selling advertorials on the side of the submersibles, I do believe, I honestly think if this event went forward, the amount of money that would come across the books in Vegas, or if you just go on Betfair or some sort of gambling website, would be astronomical.
Yeah, it's all about the gambling aspect to generate the money to me you've found a really nice premise
and a beautiful wrapper for what is essentially like an international gambling opportunity and
one from which we would need to you know we would need to have enough money to take on all these
bets yeah yeah yeah wow yeah you move it around you know yeah you got half paying the other half
um yes and i love the simplicity of the death plot
as well it's just like yeah and we checked the kill switch and i know like do you know what's
crazy third time i've heard it it's never occurred to me until now to ask anyone who they think would
actually win because that's not what it's about it's about hitting the kill switch on these
submersibles who would win samantha between bezos and musk in an underwater race to Jules? I would say Bezos because he's been into space
and that's the smallest vehicle that's been traveled in
the furthest and the fastest.
I feel like, because those spaces are very small.
So if you're not comfortable being in like,
I don't know, a weird old elevator,
like something like that while Elsa's sinking into the dark.
And you feel like Elon would dash off some inane tweet
halfway to the bottom of the ocean
and fucking derail his entire, you know.
We can't have Elon crashing one on day one
and all of a sudden that bidding money is worthless.
They won't get further access while they're in the submersibles
because then they could absolutely affect the outcome.
Yeah.
I mean, you've probably answered all the questions
by virtue of us asking them previously,
so you wrapped them in the pitch, so I'm good.
We're going to put you on hold, Samantha.
We're going to discuss, and we're going to pick a winner.
Thank you.
It's a tricky situation, Tim.
It's awesome.
We've got three fantastic pitches to choose from. It's a tricky situation Tim I mean It's awesome We've got three Fantastic pictures
To choose from
All completely different
It really shows
All very different
You know
In the marketplace of ideas
Yeah
We are rich
We certainly are
Trillionaires
Of ideas
So
Let's circle back
We've got
Brooks
Has got
You know
Down and dirty
Keep it simple, stupid.
Glow a bunch of rich dudes together.
Glow a bunch of rich people together until all of their money belongs to one entity
and then wait for them to eliminate one another.
We've got Maddie, who's buying Skinwalker Ranch.
We're buying Skinwalker Ranch.
We're all buying Skinwalker Ranch to get Jeff there.
Yeah.
We're beating down his ego by telling him that Elon's going to destroy him
in any race he could conceive of
except the greatest race of all,
the race to another dimension.
That's right.
And then we're trusting on some of the freaky,
spooky, supernatural occurings of Skim Walker Ranch
to eliminate Jeff Bezos,
keeping our hands clean
while he's also worth a trillion dollars
because he's liquidated or sold
all of the assets he has
in the hopes of buying this for roughly $1 trillion.
Samantha Ocean.
Yeah.
Bezos vs. Musk to the jewels in an 18th century sunken Spanish galleon.
And we're clearing a lot of money through Las Vegas.
They're all strong ideas.
Honestly.
Honestly.
And it's almost unfair to the others because we're rewarding samantha for having to
live through the hardship we created by not even recorded well all i'm saying is this you're saying
she's got the strongest pitch i think she does i really do i really i like the skimwalker ranch
angle although it isn't it isn't very clear to me on in terms of how the trillion dollars kind of comes up
and also the kind of leaving it to an interdimensional monster is the primary
method of killing it's fun it's fun but it's risky yeah i i mean and look brooks is simple
it's glue yeah it comes down to glue well it's you i think you're underselling it he's thought
about it so thoughtfully absolutely it's glue but it's also think you're underselling it. He's thought about it so thoughtfully.
Absolutely.
It's glue, but it's also like the passage of time.
It's the propensity for humans to fall in love with whoever's around them.
Yes.
But what does it hinge on?
Glue?
Yeah, it hinges on glue.
Yeah, that's true.
It hinges on these guys being glued together and the glue being strong.
All right.
Well, we know that Brooks has a dinner engagement.
We do.
So we must rush.
I mean, I don't know how it's going to go down in the room
because this is a world first for Killing Air TV,
but we're going to have to give it to the invader, in my opinion.
I think it's Samantha's.
I think logically you're correct.
You can do this.
Okay.
Look, welcome back.
We missed you all while we were talking to each other i certainly did i
don't know if tim did i did the whole time i was saying i wish i wish we had the gang back together
uh all really strong ideas like the beatles because oh there's five of us yeah damn it
i forgot that me and guy aren't one person um you know we we haven't experienced this before you go ahead i didn't come out from behind did i
yeah yeah i it would be incredible if you did but look here's the long and short of it we've got
an interdimensional pitch relying on some supernatural murder for someone who hopefully
will be a trillionaire after selling everything we've got gorilla glue and the power of love
via proximity and then we've got this underwater race slash betting ring and they've all got their
own merits and they're all good ideas but honestly i'm going to cut to the chase here
samantha you have benefited from the curse that was uh holding you back that third pitch honestly it was a master class it encompassed
everything you could hope it did and i've seen way worse ted talks by the end of it i was believing
in the value of this like not just in the world of the show but as a premise it works for me
and that is why your idea will be going forward congratulations samantha
um brooks do you want to say anything as one of the co-losers of this round?
As a proud co-loser, I would like to congratulate both the winner and my competition.
Great pitches all around.
I've got to say, they were great pitches all around.
It's so magnanimous.
Mehdi, would you like to say anything?
Uh... Yeah, fair enough. Maddy would you like to say anything uh uh
yeah fair enough
I'd be furious too
you know if I was you I'd be spewing absolutely
that's what I meant to say
um me and then Samantha
in victory can you tell us how it feels
give these guys just a glimpse into what
it feels like to join the winner's circle
it feels really
really good.
Like, inside, here, sitting on the floor.
You know, that would drive me nuts if I'd lost.
But thankfully, I'm just an adjudicator, not a competitor.
Thank you all for your time, for your fantastic pitches.
We really appreciate it.
And thank you for watching Kill Your Near TV
in this maybe final episode.
I don't actually know what order I'm releasing this in.
But if it is, thanks for watching.
And if it's not...
Get your votes in.
Yeah.
And we'll see you on the internet.
But if it's not, then, you know,
we'll look forward to the next episode.
Okay, bye.