The Yak - Big Cat & KB Kick Off The Fall Of Taz! | The Yak 10-5-21
Episode Date: October 6, 2021Saved by the lack of nitrousYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/barstoolyak...
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Hey, Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube.
Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. What clip?
The YouTube.
The sports clip.
The sports clip.
Yes.
A haircut shouldn't feel that relaxing, but it does.
It's sport clips, haircuts.
That's because stylists just don't wash your hair.
They use a seven-pressure point massaging shampoo technique that is so relaxing,
you melt in your seat.
It's almost like a grown man throwing another grown man a touchdown in the end zone yes and the hot steam
towel oh yeah it's infused with tea tree oil and perfectly steamed leaving you feel uh feeling like
you left a swedish sauna top it off you get a pinpoint cut stop by sport clips today and ask
for the mvp haircut. It's ridiculously relaxing.
Sport Clips, the pros in men's hair.
Very nice.
Boys.
What?
Yes.
I know who that is.
Who is that?
Take a guess.
That was either Ben Mintz or the Tasmanian Devil.
Yeah, it's Tasmanian Devil.
I'm just going to warn everyone in this room not named Kyle Bauer, Dan Katz.
You all are on notice because KB and I are about to get some fits off.
It is the fall of Taz.
Feels like 98.
Yeah.
Oh, we should find that in Tennessee, Taz.
Tennessee, Taz.
Tennessee, Taz. Tennessee, Taz.
We're going to make so many Taz sweatshirts.
We're going to be wearing – you won't see – maybe one of us you'll see without a Taz,
but you'll never see both of us without a Taz.
We've got to coordinate that.
We're going Taz mode.
Taz all –
Yeah.
Are we trying to get other people on or just us?
No, I think it's just us.
It's our thing.
Yeah.
When you look at Taz, like, dude, think about, like, look at him.
Yeah.
He's got his tongue out.
He's like, I'm a bad boy.
I stick my tongue out right in your face.
Let me get this straight, though.
None of the rest of us are welcome to Taz.
Maybe you guys can get, like, a dude, like, Tweety Bird.
Yeah.
Why don't you, you know what?
Let's go around the room.
Why don't you pitch us on why you deserve to be in the Taz crew?
I mean, I feel like I like all the Looney Tunes.
My boys.
Also, Taz was a very important figure in my childhood.
I love the Looney Tunes.
You wouldn't be here today if it wasn't for the Tasmanian Devil.
How do you live your life day to day in admiration of our Lord and creator, Tasmanian Devil?
I go to Tasmania for lunch some days.
I'll just pop over to Tasmania.
I travel around in a little tornado.
Yeah.
To and fro.
Sass.
Sorry, I was just...
You're out.
Yep, you're Tweety Bird.
We'll get some Tweety Bird gear for you.
Because he's always tweeting.
I'm cool being Tweety Bird. We'll get some Tweety Bird gear for you. He's always tweeting. I'm cool being Tweety Bird.
They were throwing the Tasmanian Devil and Tweety Bird and what else on everything in
the late 90s.
In the late 90s, early 2000s.
On everything.
5XL.
Clothing.
Ice cream.
Shirts that didn't fit anyone.
They didn't stop throwing them on ice cream.
I think Tweety Bird, you can still get that at any truck.
The fall of Taz. Not the fall in any truck. The fall of Taz.
Not the fall of Taz.
The autumn of Taz.
You don't want people to think that Taz is falling down.
You're not destroying Taz.
It's the rise.
It's the rise of Taz.
The rise of Taz.
The rise of Taz fall.
Yes.
Yes.
The rise of Taz comma fall.
Yes.
Semicolon.
Semicolon fall.
Yeah.
In parentheses, it's autumn and we're're gonna wear a lot of taz gear yes how many taz things do you own right now uh probably three or four but it's about to
it's about to infinitely get larger how many are we talking 15 20 i think KB and I are looking for maybe 14.
So we have two full weeks of straight Taz. Of Taz gear.
Well, can there be one day where we all wear Taz?
No.
Just once?
KB?
The boys Taz'd up?
I don't know.
I don't think so.
I got a Taz plug.
He has Taz and heroin.
Yeah.
You're sorry now.
Taz, heroin, and C4.
Me and Roan have our own Looney Tunes character
That we're wearing
Pepe Le Pew
That skunk shit
That horny skunk shit
That's our guy that we love
Do they even show him anymore?
No, they can't show him
Brandon's been roleplaying as Foghorn Leghorn for 42 years
There's my guy
I think Roan
Roan could be in the Taz crew.
He definitely embodies the chaotic energy.
The chaotic energy of the Taz community.
He's LePewing with me.
I'm just saying, he does.
He's got that energy.
Taz gets no pussy.
LePew takes it.
He doesn't care what it smells like.
Stinky fuck.
He'll take all the pussy.
Fudd?
Was Fudd in that family?
Elmer?
There's Fudd on his own shit.
What's that big orange guy?
Gossamer.
Gossamer.
Yeah, you're Gossamer.
I'm not Gossamer.
Yeah, you are Gossamer.
I'm Foghorn if I'm anybody.
Gossamer.
Yeah.
I'd rather be Foghorn.
Yeah, you'll be Gossamer.
You're Gossamer.
Can you get us a picture of Gossamer real quick? Why do I always have to come up with Gossamer? I don't want to be Gossamer. Can you get us a picture of Gossamer real quick?
Why do I always have to be Gossamer?
I don't want to be Gossamer.
We're going to get a bunch of gear for...
How can the two boys that aren't talking be Gossamer?
Gossamer.
No, those two boys?
I'll be Gossamer.
I'm Gossamer.
I'm Marvin the Martian.
Yeah, you're Marvin the Martian.
No, you're his dog.
Look, I'm just God's brand.
What is that?
I've never seen that in my life.
You've never seen Gossamer?
What does Gossamer do?
Dude, he's so unremarkable.
He's also...
You're the Gossamer of this crew.
I think Marvin the Martian created him.
Oh, really?
Yeah, to terrorize Bugs Bunny.
Is he like a figment of Marvin the Martian's depression or some shit like that?
No, I think Marvin's not depressed.
Oh, he certainly is depressed.
He has clear goals in his life.
He knows what he's doing.
He's driven.
I want to be Bugs Bunny.
You'll be Lola.
You're Rancid Rabbit from CatDog.
Yeah.
I'm going to be Taz.
Nah.
Yeah, whether you like it or not.
Nah.
Yeah.
I don't think so, fella.
I'm showing up one day just full Taz here.
How could you stop him from being Taz?
You can't.
Big Cat bought it all.
I have a Taz guy as well.
You do?
Yeah. Who is it? Don't give him up. Don can't. Big Cat bought it all. I have a Taz guy as well. You do? Yeah.
Who is it?
Don't give him up.
Don't tell him.
Don't tell him.
I met him in Nashville this weekend.
Did you guys see the two brothers on Broadway, the twins that take pictures of everyone?
Yeah.
Those guys are fucking cool.
They were wearing Taz gear.
That's cool.
Head to toe.
Big Cat, I heard on PMT that you said That Dave Came up with numbies
Yeah
I said shout out Dave
Yeah
That's weird
Thanks for listening
I didn't listen
Oh
So you didn't even listen
Just getting a lot of people
Sending me clips from it
Yeah
I thought that would be
A funny joke you know
Salute to Dave
Yeah
Kind of muddy the water
Like what's going on here
Is it Dave
Or is it Sass?
Well, Roan confronted Dave about it, and apparently he just didn't give a fuck.
Yeah, no.
No.
Dave will take what he wants.
He's Pepe Lepeel.
He is.
He takes.
Takes and takes.
Christopher Columbus.
What did he say?
He's like, oh, he's like, what?
I was like, what's up with Numbies?
He was like, oh, yeah, I saw you tweet something about that.
What's up with Numbies? He was like, oh, yeah, I saw you tweet something about that. What's up with that?
And I was like, yeah, I'm pretty sure Sass said it in like, whatever, 2012 or whatever.
And he's like, oh.
And that was the end.
He's like, oh, he's like, well, we're going to make millions off of it.
Didn't you use Dave for the Numbies?
To the moon as well with the stocks.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, that was yours too.
Well, it wasn't even that.
He was just running with my tweets word for word.
To the moon is something that we've been saying for a very long time.
No, I'm sure it is.
You triggered, bro?
I'd love to know where you guys got it from.
You triggered?
No, I definitely didn't come up with to the moon.
I think we got it from fucking Neil Armstrong.
You didn't come up with Numbies either.
Okay, Brandon.
We went back last week and we saw that
people were saying it like 2009, 2010.
Oh, no. Okay.
Oh, no.
It was Dax
Shepard, wasn't it? It was Dax.
Dax's numbers. He did it
on a Punk'd episode in
11. They were Punk and Spears. This guy Dax says numbers. He did it on a Punk'd episode in 11. They were Punk and Spears.
This guy Dax keeps stealing all my friends.
I fucking hate that guy.
Who was that guy that was just in the office?
Yeah, I didn't know who that was.
You talking about Joe Gorga?
Yeah.
One of the greatest characters of all time in Real Housewives of New Jersey franchise.
Male characters.
He's at least top two.
Not a taxes guy.
You know what? You didn't have to say that, Owen.
You're a piece of shit.
I mean, taxes only come around here for a year.
I'm not a taxes guy either.
Who's a taxes guy?
Oh, you love paying taxes?
This British motherfucker. I'm about to have a tea party at your house.
So what? Joe decided
one...
No, actually, I think that was Juicy Joe who didn't do taxes.
Which Joe was that?
Juicy Joe.
Muffled Joe?
His brother-in-law.
And what Joe is he?
Joe Gorga.
His brother-in-law.
He doesn't have an identifier?
No.
He ain't juicy.
He's high tea.
The security guard dapped him the fuck up.
Yeah.
It was...
Yeah.
The security guard's all Jersey guys.
Obviously.
They kind of look like they would be.
We should make them wear Viva jerseys.
Yeah.
Staten Island.
All of them.
Staten Island?
The Rock?
All Staten Island cops.
Can you really count on Staten Island people?
I fucking love these guys.
Yeah, they're the best.
Shut up.
They're all Staten Island guys that got...
Staten Island cops that had to go to security guard because they used their firearm.
Don't do that.
They discharged the firearm.
They had an accidental discharge.
Shot a police horse accidentally.
You guys don't watch Real Housewives?
I don't know.
Of Jersey?
That's the oldest franchise.
I didn't know there was Dude starring in it. Do you guys watch Real Housewives? Fix that't. Of Jersey? That's the oldest franchise. I didn't know there was Dude starring in it.
Do you guys watch
Real Housewives?
Fix that.
What is it?
OC?
Yeah, it was OC.
Oh, that's the big
blonde hair woman, right?
There's a lot of blondes.
Vicky and Tamara.
I asked Glennie, though.
I was like,
aren't you excited?
There's a fellow
paisan in the office.
He was like,
no, I don't care about that.
I was like,
Glennie, you care about
The Sopranos,
the Disney version
of Italian people and not the fuckingos the Disney version of Italian people
and not the fucking
in the flesh version
of Italian people
like this is
this is the real
genuine article
he's doing all the things
that Tony Soprano
purported to do
what the fuck
unbelievable
come on Glennie
this is a true Paisan
true Paisan
Nick has a Paisan
he's Italian
doesn't pay his taxes
got temper he's horny he's horny he's everything that you want out of
hell not a pervert just italian god damn it clinty nick you don't think too short king i'm
the least italian italian there is you are italian and your dad wanted you to be Italian so bad. Yeah, he
really, really wanted me to be.
By making him?
He was going to name you Santino.
Yeah, and he called me that.
He just didn't agree that my name was Nick for years.
Nick is pretty Italian. Yeah.
Nicholas? There's no Santino. Yeah, little
Nicky. Nicky boy.
Go get me a coffee, little Nicky.
That's what they all say. That's what they say.
If you're named Nick, you can't rise in the mafia.
I'm forever coffee boy.
Yeah.
I know.
Damn.
So what kind of things was he doing to try and groom you as an Italian?
Just serving you seven fishes at every meal?
Every single meal, he was tanning me.
My dad is kind of olive-y.
Oh, yeah.
I don't know.
Well, yeah. Nah, I don't think so. He, yeah. I don't know. Well, yeah.
Nah, I don't think so.
He's darker.
I don't know.
My dad's black.
Yeah, I was about to say,
you're trying to say
something different.
Yeah, I don't think
I met him.
Although, that was
a hired actor.
That was a crisis actor.
Yeah, he was.
I was very convinced
that it was.
Oh, I still am
thinking it is.
Nick is in the full on
He's on the full zone where if he says anything to me, I still am thinking it is. Nick is in the full on. A man with nothing like me.
He's on the full zone where if he says anything to me, I'm like, okay.
What did you have to go?
Didn't you have to go to the hospital for scrotum?
My dad did.
Oh, yeah.
My dad had an infected scrotum.
Yeah, he's like, got to go to see my dad for his infected scrotum.
I'm like, okay, sure, buddy.
That is true.
You know that chimney sweeps used to get badly infected?
In fact, there's like crazy scrotum cancer among chimney sweeps.
Yeah.
I think my dad was wearing pants with just a rusty zipper.
He kept on catching his zipper?
Yeah.
The soot would get caught in their scrotal folds.
Really?
Yeah.
And they just had to wash their balls like once a week and it licked the scrotum cancer.
Yeah.
Washing your balls once a week would cure all.
Yeah.
It really prevents
almost all cancers.
Damn, I've been trying
to get that fucking
scrotum cancer fact off.
Thank you for that.
Yeah.
I'm fucking having
that sitting back there.
It takes my dad's
infected scrotum.
Finally, I can talk
chimney sweeps.
Fuck.
Is that still a profession
that's like...
Are there still chimneys?
Yeah.
Justin Trudeau
used to do it.
I would just figure
like machinery... Before every party.
We're still at a level of technology where a man has to go into the chimney and down.
Well, think about it.
Chimneys aren't exactly advanced technology.
They're backwards technology.
You're heating your home.
They're a base level of technology.
It's flus.
Yeah, heating your home.
Have you ever lit a fire when the flue wasn't open?
It's terrifying. Yeah, and the whole house just fills up lit a fire when the flue wasn't open? It's terrifying.
Yeah, and the whole house just fills up with smoke.
Pretty quick.
So fast.
Yeah.
Do you imagine being like, hey, make sure you put out the fire before you go to bed?
Right.
Like imagine getting shit-faced in those circumstances.
I don't know.
Apprentice chimney technician.
Double wires don't have chimneys.
We should get a chimney sweep in here
I would like to
just real sooty
I want him to be sooted up
but he needs to be
how do you
borderline blackface
not even borderline
I want him
yeah
they need to be
it's like
like Cockney though
we need it to be like
a British
a British
British chimney sweep
I don't want like
some American
Welsh
Swansie
an umbrella I need it to talk like this, I need a Welsh. I need a woman with an umbrella.
No, I need it to talk like this.
Yeah.
I need it to be like that big teeth.
Big teeth.
Why don't they have chimney sweep porn in England?
Did Poppins fuck a chimney sweep?
What?
Yeah.
No, I'm saying like, you know how in, you know, you see the-
It's Pizza Boy.
Yeah, Pizza Boy.
Or you got to fix the pipes underneath the sink.
Why not?
Why not a chimney?
It probably exists somewhere.
There's definitely some, you know, you can make some chimney.
You know, I need, you want to sweep my chimney?
Yeah.
Yes.
And they're walking around like the sweep is like a phallic.
It's like a pole.
Yeah, like my chimney has chimney down your chimney.
Yeah, my chimney hasn't been swept in a long time.
Want to help me out?
How did?
I'm sweeping everyone else's.
Yeah.
I found it.
There are chimney sweep influencers.
There's a vlogger on YouTube, but he's getting no love.
We got to hype him up.
We got to hype him up.
Fireplace Fridays, a day in the life of a chimney sweep.
When was the last time he posted?
This is from a year ago.
Yeah, he's dead.
He's dead.
He definitely died.
I think they die a lot. They got from a year ago. He's dead. He's dead. He might have definitely died. I think they dialogue.
They got a dialogue.
There was like a huge murder mystery cold case and then the body just was in a chimney
sweep for years.
What?
In a chimney.
He ate.
He ate.
He ate.
He ate.
He ate.
He ate.
He ate.
He ate.
He ate.
He ate.
He ate.
He ate.
He ate.
He ate.
He ate.
He ate.
He ate.
He ate.
He ate.
He ate.
He ate.
He ate.
He ate.
He ate.
He ate.
He ate.
He ate.
He ate.
He ate.
He ate.
He ate.
He ate.
He ate.
He ate.
He ate.
He ate.
He ate.
He ate.
He ate.
He ate.
He ate.
He ate.
He ate.
He ate.
He ate.
He ate.
He ate.
He ate.
He ate.
He ate.
He ate.
He ate.
He ate.
He ate.
He ate.
He ate.
He ate.
He ate.
He ate.
He ate.
He ate.
He ate.
He ate.
He ate.
He ate.
He ate.
He ate.
He ate.
He ate. He ate., yeah. He's regularly posting chimney videos getting like three to five views.
Oh, no.
Ratio is ass.
Ratio.
Can you do that on YouTube?
Yeah, you can.
You can't ratio on YouTube.
Yeah, you can.
Sweep this ratio.
Are you sure about that?
Likes to your comment likes.
There we go.
I guess, yeah.
Don't tempt me with a good time, Seth.
Anyone who goes to the comments, it's going to count as a view for the video. Yeah, but not a video like. Yeah, I guess that is true. Don't tempt me with a good time, yeah. But then anyone who goes to the comments, it's going to count as a view for the video.
Yeah, but not a video like.
Yeah, I guess that's true.
Don't tempt me with a good time, sis.
Brother, you could never ratio my YouTube.
Does anyone actually know what chimneys are useful for?
Like, why do you actually need one?
So you can have a fire in your house.
How many people have active fireplaces?
Every house has a chimney.
Almost no houses have active fireplaces.
I think more than you think.
I also think most houses that have chimneys
are old houses that at one point used the chimney.
I think your privilege is showing a tiny bit.
Just slightly.
I feel like most houses in the suburbs
have chimneys.
They do?
It depends on when they're built. It completely depends on when they're built. I feel like most houses in the suburbs have chimneys. Oh, they do? But not new ones.
It depends on when they're built.
I think it completely depends on when they're built.
Anything built before 19.
They're not building new chimneys.
Well, they might, but it's purely for like, oh, look at this fireplace.
You think they're building new chimneys?
Yes, for sure.
You think you could get a chimney built on a house?
Yes.
Nobody gets an addition and adds a chimney.
No, it's part of the original house.
But new houses are being built with chimneys.
Not all of them. Not even a lot of them. Really? But it happens. How do they's part of the original house, but new houses are being built with chimneys. Not all of them.
Not even a lot of them, but it happens.
How do they make it so the rain doesn't go down the chimney?
The flu. I think it's the flu.
Is it the flu?
Why doesn't rain
put out a chimney?
Why doesn't rain put out the fire down the chimney
once the flu's open?
I would imagine there's probably
almost pieces.
Tears to block it off?
Or maybe the rain's just not enough.
Yeah, I don't think it's enough to get in there.
It's like spitting on a fire and expecting it to be put out.
Did you guys have chimneys growing up in your houses?
I had a chimney.
Raccoons built a nest in there.
So you guys are lying?
No, raccoons built a nest in our chimney.
We didn't use it.
We had it closed off.
I moved like four times.
We did chimney in every house.
Really?
So you guys are lying?
We're saying chimney so much that the word just sounds strange.
It doesn't sound.
Are you guys fucking with me?
Are you?
Is it like one of those things?
Maybe, though, your parents have like a chimney fetish.
They would only move to houses with chimneys.
That's right.
All my friends' houses had chimneys, too.
But I think Massachusetts is like an older area.
It's like a well-developed area.
I lived in a house in Atlanta.
The house was built in 2005. It had a chimney. I think it is for if you want to have like it's like a well i lived in a house in atlanta the house was built in 2005
it had a chimney i think it is for if you want to have like it is a piece of the living room yeah
right a selling point is like look at this look at this fucking fireplace you're never going to
use but it's not a middle class thing it's either low class where you have to use it high class
where it's a conversation piece that's a stove i also think i had a wood burning stove in my
first house the way it works... With a little metal
pipe that... Made with Lincoln
Law. In real estate, when you're like putting
listings, there's just a box
for... And they just try to check as many boxes as
possible. You know what I mean? You don't want to be
like, oh, we lost out on this
customer because he wanted a chimney. Wait, we're saying
chimney too much. You don't buy a house with a chimney.
You buy a house with a fireplace. No, no. You buy
a house with a chimney. With a fireplace. You don't sell a chimney. You sell a fireplace. No, no, no. Nobody says, a house with a chimney. You buy a house with a fireplace. No, no. You buy a house with a chimney. With a fireplace. You don't sell
a chimney. You sell a fireplace. No, no.
Nobody says, this house has a chimney. You say,
this house has a fireplace. This chimney is big.
That's not true.
I want to introduce a new
word, chiminea.
What do you guys know about a chiminea?
It's like a mini chimney
that you can have inside, I'm pretty sure.
Can you look up what a chiminea is?
It can't be a mini chimney because a chimney by nature has to go outside.
No, that's a chimney.
He said chiminea.
No.
Can we make a chimney?
Miniature chimney.
Can we make a chimney in this office?
A mini chimney?
Pull up a chiminea.
I'm pretty sure a chimney.
It sounds like a woodland animal or something
a hand warmer
a chimney
wow
that's a mini chimney
a chimney
dude
fuck you
yes dude a chimney
look at that
I wanted to bring up a chimney
how do we not have porn
that's a dick
yeah
and it's smoking
it is a smoking dick
it's a smoking hot dick
we should get one for the studio
we should get a chimney
we shouldn't get one for the studio.
You have to have an outlet.
It has to be able to go into the wall or something.
No, you get a fan that blows it that way.
It's a chiminea.
A fan blows it that way, and then we get another fan in the hallway.
It dissipates, Brandon.
That's not how smoke works.
If you move the smoke around, it won't get smoked.
Search indoor chiminea.
Yeah, could you get an electronic chiminea oh i want
one of those for my patio yes a chiminea aren't you glad i brought up a yeah i might buy one for
my wife's birthday coming up that's a great idea big cat wait you found your ring wait a second i
did oh i have she won a chiminea though where was it i have a theory she doesn't know what she runs
oh no i think i dream cheated on my wife urban meyer i think i dream cheated on my wife. Urban Meyer? I think I dream cheated on my wife.
It was at the foot of my bed where I sleep.
It was right beside where I sleep. You sleep at the foot of your bed?
No, I was on the floor. Michael Scott?
It was on the floor. It was on the floor
where I sleep on my side of the bed.
I think I had a dream the other night where I was
at dinner with a bunch of people. I think I took
it off during my dream. I think I dream cheated
on my wife. That's worse than your life.
Yeah, that's way worse. Yeah. Because that's just
all of your... It's your subconscious.
The fact that you're not calling it a nightmare.
I think I took it off during my sleep.
It was your dream? No, it was your dream.
Who did you dream cheat with?
Who were you at dinner with? I called her and told her
about four o'clock yesterday. I said, I'm sorry, but I lost
my ring. She said, oh no, it was by your bed.
Oh no, I dream cheated again.
I think I dream cheated. No, but who was at the dinner?
Let's do a whodunit of who you dream cheated with.
There were attractive women at the dinner.
Who from the office was there?
Nobody was there from the office.
Joey wasn't?
Yeah, was Joey there?
No, Joey wasn't there.
Renee Zellweger?
Zellweger.
She's not in the office.
Was the fantasy like you and Joey were fighting over the same girl?
No, that wasn't the fantasy at all.
And she went with you?
I was having dinner and then...
You killed Joey with a throw pillow?
Yeah, you smothered him with a little tiny throw pillow.
Yeah.
Fucked all the chicks.
And then you burned his body in a chimenea.
I think I took it off during my sleep.
It's crazy, but I think that's what I did.
But why would you have to do that to dream cheap?
That's a pretty bold thing to assume.
I think I remember in my dream taking it off.
That's fucking weird.
Yeah.
I don't know why I would do that.
I don't sleepwalk.
I don't sleep talk to my wife.
You got to give your wife a dream hall pass.
Yeah, you do.
You get some dream dick?
She's dreaming.
She's dreaming of Joey.
She can get whatever dream dick she wants.
We don't have to make this a thing.
You're fine if she dreamt every night.
I'm a dream dick.
I don't care who she dream fucks.
What?
She can't help who she dream fucks.
You wouldn't be okay with that.
I would be pissed.
She can lucid dream.
She can lucid dream.
Yeah, you can control who you dream fuck.
I'm assuming she's dream fucking too.
How fast did your dream come?
I don't.
You definitely seem like someone who could still just
randomly have a wet dream.
Alarm went off before.
Okay. I'll buy rest my case.
What if she dream takes off her Nuvo
ring? Uh-oh.
I don't know what. No. Dream children.
Steven. What if she has a whole
family in her dream? That's not
yours. Steven, as a wife guy, if you
cheated on your wife in your dreams, would
you tell her?
He dream
cheats too. He definitely does.
But it's actually with Mike Evans.
His dream
cheat is just having a catch with
Tom Brady. Mike Evans
throws him a touchdown pass. He's like, thanks, Mike.
You want to fuck my pussy?
Well, okay. Tom Brady in a low-cut He's like, thanks, Mike. Mike's like, you want to fuck my pussy? Well, okay.
Tom Brady in a low-cut
top with double Ds throwing him
a football.
This is sick.
Tom's like, hey, Steven, go out and do a big guy
move.
Hit the
Giovanni Bernard spot.
Steven, answer?
Yes? Giovanni Bernard. That's not what I behind. Steven, answer? Yes? G. Yovani Bernard.
That's not what I wanted.
Yeah, what?
No, no.
He's a dream cheat, Steven.
I did have a dream last night about the NFL, but it was...
Of course.
Jay, you're being around the bush here pretty hard.
I was at a mall and I was in a news commercial.
And they were doing a draft there and I was first in line.
Of course. That was the whole dream. Your dream? Jay there. And I was like first in line.
Of course.
That was the whole dream.
Your dream.
Shay's dream scenario was him waiting in a line. Yeah.
But being first.
One, one kid.
Steven, what?
I forgot.
I was trying to remember it the other day.
What bet do we have that you would have to, you'd have to break down film and pee on the.
He'd have to show the tip of his penis, right?
Oh, this was a while ago.
Yeah, what was it?
I was trying to remember it.
Jesus.
I think it was if the Bucks won the Super Bowl.
No, it was something about getting you the All-22 from Baldi or something.
Oh, yeah.
If I could get the NFL edition of the All-22 where you get it basically instantly, then yeah, I would do that.
You would break down film
while peeing
with a rock-hard penis.
Or like,
he'd use it as a pointer.
He'd use his dick
as a pointer.
You know,
when you take a picture
and your finger's
over the lens a tiny bit?
I thought he was going
to be like that
with his penis.
Always in the corner.
It would be like
a shadow of my penis
while peeing.
It wouldn't be erect.
I mean,
how am I,
you know?
Morning.
Morning. Morning.
You guys don't sit down when you do that?
If you have a boner in the morning?
No.
How would that even work?
What do you mean?
You tuck it inside the rim of the penis?
Inside the rim of the toilet.
You guys don't do that?
No.
I stick my hand on the wall and lean back.
You use the rim of the toilet to hold it down?
No.
You just like...
That sounds dirty.
You push it down.
Wheel of fortune wheel?
You put your fucking dick on that dirty ass toilet? No, you just stop her on a wheel of fortune wheel. So you put your fucking dick
on that dirty ass toilet? No,
I put my hand on it. It's hard.
What, your dick or
the... So you have to point your dick straight down?
Yeah. I'd argue it's easier
to just bow in front of the toilet.
I go like this. It's a sign
of respect. You put your hand on the wall
and you put your ass back.
I'm in a bathroom stall.
That's too big for me to shove.
You have a giant toilet in your place.
How do you shove an erect penis down
and have it not touch porcelain?
Maybe a little more careful next time, Ron.
When I have an erect penis, I go like this.
You put it down like this.
That's a toilet.
And then you go like this.
Is that what you do?
You look like a linebacker about you go like this. Is that what you do? Yeah.
You look like a linebacker about to go forward and backward there.
You straddle the toilet.
You look like Fred Warner right there.
You just pee straight down.
That was explosive.
I didn't know you had no way to play that. Why don't you put yourself at an angle with the leaning tower of pizza?
I told you how to do it.
I told you how to do it.
Brandon, you do it.
You can do it sitting down, but you just cross your legs.
Cross your legs?
You've got to tie your dick to your leg.
It's always like this when you sit down to pee.
You do this, and it just has no...
Yeah.
It looks like this.
And you just pee a little...
Got your nose.
You pee a little puddle into your lap, and then you stand up and shake it out.
And you shake it right out.
We should have meant boner toilets.
Yeah.
Like, it's an ultimate sign of wealth.
That's where you piss if you have a boner. It like it's an ultimate sign of wealth that's where
you piss if you have a boner it's just a it's just a flashlight yeah
just sitting in the toilet you just fuck your toilet until you pee
yeah yeah i actually think that's kind of like it worked my boner toilet keeps on getting clogged
with my cum.
Brandon, I'm confused about your stance because there's no way if your dick sticks straight, like pretty, I guess, an acute angle to your body.
So like not 90.
Yeah, hold on.
Acute to your body?
That's it.
That's the bow.
Yeah.
You bow and then.
And you're still holding your dick down.
Am I in the minority here?
You just went straight up.
Yeah, 100%.
You guys don't sit down when you do that.
No, I don't.
Actually, I'd be the majority.
All right, that's shocking to me.
That's not...
How's that shocking?
I had been doing it a different way for a very long time.
It just seems more efficient.
Don't you ever... Do you ever sit on your dick? Do you also stand up to
wipe your ass, Steven?
I do stand up to wipe my ass. What?
Oh, no.
So then you don't wipe your ass.
You don't stand up all the way.
If you stand up and wipe your ass,
you're basically just wiping the cheeks.
You're not actually wiping your ass.
From a thousand years ago.
Oh, no.
Oh, no, no.
My butthole is very clean.
Steven, that's actually scientifically impossible for you to say that your butthole is clean.
He looks like a clean butthole guy.
No, but he's not.
He stands up.
He thinks he is.
He's not wiping correctly.
You sit down with your boner, but stand up to wipe your ass.
I'd argue toilet paper has never touched your butthole.
It's like a 75 to 80% full stance.
No.
Oh, so you do a little mini squat?
Wait, can you come in here
and give your squat?
Yeah, are you hunched or squatting?
You've got to come in here
and give your squat
compared to Big Cat's squat
because he might get lower
when he's boner peeing
than when you are actually
wiping your butthole,
which should be as open as possible.
Yes.
Oh, no, Stephen.
You should have two assistants coming to spread your butt cheeks open for you
if you're going to stand.
Oh, he's got...
You can smell the poop in his butt right now.
And you should also be able to unlearn this behavior.
Like, there's no...
Oh, he's checking his face.
Looking up.
He's Googling.
He's Googling how to wipe his ass.
He's Googling how to wipe his ass because he's never just done it.
Stephen wears diapers.
All right, here we go
Alright
Alright he's sitting on the toilet
That's the toilet
That's the shit
No
No
No
No
You don't have enough
No no that's
Your butt's closed
Your butt's closed
Che
There's
There's gotta be like a pound of shit
Just wedged between your cheeks
No
You're just petting your ass.
Steven, go back to sitting.
Do you wash your ass in the shower?
You feel your asshole right now, right?
It's wide open.
Now stand up a little bit.
That's close.
That's close.
And then what do you do?
You just close your ass?
I stay sitting.
You go this way.
No, Nick.
I do a combo of front and back.
Steven, you do the right a combo of front and back. You go back to front.
Steven, you do the equivalent of brushing
your teeth with your mouth like this.
That's the one
for one comparison. Wait, Nick, do you go
back to front? No, no, no.
I just go sitting. I go backwards.
You're like this. I'm really
brushing my teeth.
That's sitting backwards. You're like this. I'm really rushing my teeth. That's sitting down.
You almost have to spread the cheeks further apart.
Yeah, you stay sitting.
What are you talking about?
Because your butt cheeks are naturally spread by the toilet paper.
I wipe dry.
And you kind of give a little like this.
You do a little.
Yes.
Jay, go to the bathroom right now.
No, don't even go poop.
Just go wipe and let us know how much shit is on the toilet paper.
Steven, you don't put your hands in between your legs. You go like this. You go around the no. Don't even go poop. Just go wipe and let us know how much shit is on the toilet paper. Steven, you don't put
your hands in between
your legs.
You go like this.
You go around the
back.
Yeah.
No.
No, it's not.
It's not.
No, it's not.
Wait, you go back to
front.
No, he stands.
No, he stands.
This is crazy.
I thought he was
doing it.
Do it again.
He's squatting.
He's not squatting.
The door is slammed.
Your asshole is closed. I think actually even that you're not squatting. The door is slammed. Your asshole is closed.
I think actually even that you're squatting, it might even be like clenched more.
Steven, go.
When was the last time you shit?
All right, so go sit down and wipe and bring the toilet paper back.
Bring it in.
Bring it in.
Wipe and bring it in.
No, actually.
Wipe and bring it in.
I'll fucking kill myself.
The fact that Steven thought that, he's like, fine, I will.
If you went and wiped right now sitting down, I guarantee you.
Yeah, it'd be a full shit.
It would be a full shit.
You know, because it's so dried.
I think it would come off.
It would be beige.
It would just be a nutty.
It would be chalk.
It would be chalk, yeah.
Like, are you just constantly itchy?
He's probably used to it.
Stephen.
It's probably calloused.
It's calloused.
You need a chisel.
Some people in here are lying about people.
No, I wiped like that until seventh or eighth grade when me and my friends had this conversation.
And they started calling you Poop Butt Owen.
They were like, how do you wipe sitting?
I didn't know that was an option.
I never stood up again.
Poop Butt Owen.
Yeah, and you never stand up again.
After you change it, you'll never stand up again.
You'll never stand up again.
Security guy, get a desk.
Oh, cool.
Oh, hell yes.
Go take that desk.
The security guy got a desk. That's a kiosk hell yes. Go take that desk. The security guy got a desk.
That's a kiosk. Steven, you need
to sit. You need to sit.
Try it. Try it. Will you try it?
Will you try it?
That desk just looks so
unnatural. No, he just gave us a finger.
Should he go wipe his ass and not show us
and just tell us yay or nay?
There's no way it comes out.
Che or nay? I'm going to throw up, though.
I don't want to think of...
I think of it...
I can picture the exact color his shit will be.
Just a rust brown.
Rust.
Rust.
Like a stagnant water around a sewer drain.
Oh, yeah, because that's the other part of Stephen.
That part of his asshole's never been touched.
Yeah.
It's literally...
No, probably comely.
No, comely's going to be so sensitive to the touch.
Yeah.
It's like those fucking worms they find at the bottom of the Pacific Ocean.
Yes.
Just never seen the lightest hand that does nothing.
Just Michael Bay in a tiny submarine.
Michael Bay's in Che's ass right now.
Things have never seen the light of day.
They're so deep.
KB, you've been a little bit quiet over the last couple minutes.
Oh.
Yeah, just chimneys, boners, shit.
Too much for you?
I guess.
A little elementary.
A little too blue for you?
Speaking of boners.
I'm aging out of this show.
Chimney's an asshole.
How about some geography shit?
What are all the twin cities we have in America? Oh, great question. Shitimney's an asshole. How about some geography shit? What are all the twin cities
we have in America?
Oh, great question.
Shit.
We have a bunch.
Does Dallas and Fort Worth count?
No.
That would be Siamese twins.
Aren't they touching?
Yeah, they would.
I think they'd border.
Well, Minneapolis and St. Paul
touch, don't they?
Isn't there a river between?
Yeah, there is.
What about Kansas City
and Kansas City?
Yes.
How about St. Louis and...
Where's St. Louis?
East St. Louis?
Is that right?
East St. Louis.
There's Memphis and West Memphis separated by a river?
They don't count.
They don't count.
I feel like they should count.
Mississippi.
The Quad Cities.
The Mississippi River.
That's four.
The Quad City DJs.
What did they spin?
Where are the Quad Cities?
Davenport.
They did come on and ride the train. Bettend? Davenport? Come and ride the train.
Bettendorf? Did they come and ride the train?
What are the other ones? Rock Island?
Mississippi. I don't know.
Brandon, I've never had more people come
up to me than when I wear my Mississippi State shirt.
Yep. At Penn State.
And they say, why are you wearing it? No, not even that.
Just anywhere I am. Sir, do you need
help? No, they're like, we're a big brand.
I was at the hotel
and I was in the elevator
and this guy's like
on his phone.
He's like,
so I have to ask.
And I was like,
oh, no,
I don't go to Mississippi State
and I don't have any relation
to Mississippi State.
Well, you do.
You do, Brandon.
I actually almost said
Brandon Walker.
Brandon Walker.
He would have loved that.
Like who?
But then I didn't feel like
getting into that conversation.
Brandon Walker?
Oh, wow.
Brandon gave me this.
He gave me a hard time about not wearing it.
Got him that for my vacation.
Wait, did Brandon hat shave you?
It's Brandon.
It's Brandon.
Brandon?
That's what he said.
It's Brandon.
I think that's what he said.
Brandon told me that he was going to get me a bunch of Mississippi State.
Can we not do this?
He did, didn't he?
Or are you saying he's going to get more?
I'll get you some Mississippi State stuff.
I said, Brendan, I said my best shirt that I own is my Mississippi State shirt.
And Brendan didn't come with one?
No.
Large?
He didn't get me any more.
L?
XL.
No, do an XL, Brendan.
Don't count on that coming in.
Oh!
You!
Oh, no.
Also, I am large.
Don't do an XL. You got pizza going around, boys. Pizza! Oh, we have a, I am large. Don't do an XL.
We got pizza going around, boys.
We have a big Friday coming up.
Oh, yeah.
We decided.
Everybody Viva'd in the chat except for Brandon.
Brendan.
I was on the show.
Brendan didn't Viva.
No, that was this morning.
That was this morning.
I was actually in the process of getting my root canal canceled.
Viva.
Which was the greatest.
I swear to God, this is the best day.
Like, yeah, I have two kids, whatever.
Getting a root canal canceled while you're in the fucking chair.
Yeah.
It was incredible.
There's no better feeling than canceling like a doctor's appointment or a dentist appointment.
But there is.
But he was there, though.
But when you cancel, you feel somewhat guilty.
They canceled on me.
That's the best.
While I was in the chair.
That's amazing.
They started doing the numbing
on my mouth.
Yeah.
And they were like,
yeah, we can't get the nitrous on.
And I was like, well,
what are we doing?
And they're like,
well, you can reschedule.
I was like,
I think we probably should.
Did they inject you
or did they just rub a Roman swipe
on your gums?
They did the Roman swipe gum.
Funny.
Yeah.
Yeah, Che, I know.
He's thinking that would be a good segue into this.
Seriously.
Roman swipes.
Oh, Che.
They're clinically proven to last way longer in bed.
They're effective, easy to use, fast acting, and don't require a prescription.
They can ship the swipes to you in discreet, unmarked packaging.
And each swipe's packet is small enough to hide in your wallet for whenever you need it they're super easy to use
just take the swipes out of the packet swipe it on let them dry and you're good to go go to get
roman.com slash yak you get your first month of swipes for just five dollars when you choose a
monthly plan that's get roman.com slash y-a-k um okay so friday wait one last thing about
okay go ahead no i was gonna say we really like, I do think that if someone could ever figure out a way to create a company that just schedules things for you but cancels them, but it all is almost LARPing cancellations, they'd be a billionaire.
To get that high?
To get that release?
Right.
It is a very sweet release.
But you need it at like different
levels of cancellation right and they probably would need for some of the plans to actually go
through just like minor plans so you can really feel what's the best thing to get canceled what's
the most any type of travel that you don't want to do is by far the best i mean today was actually
the peak because i was literally laying there and they were like yeah it's going to be about an hour
and a half it's going to hurt whatever we hour and a half. It's going to hurt.
Whatever.
We're going to get the nitrous going.
And then November is when I reschedule it.
That's never going to happen.
That's so far away.
But I think traveling.
If you have to go somewhere.
If we had canceled the Rediscovering America right before.
Think about that.
I had a couple rap battles that got canceled like a day before,
and I was like, oh, my God, thank God.
Because you don't have to carry that thought of the performance going into it
or the anxiety.
Or if someone told you you didn't have to do stand-up tomorrow night.
Oh.
Yeah, I might just cancel that myself.
Yeah.
I was about to not graduate and then school was cancelled
and then I did
that's probably the ultimate
that's huge
but like cancelling something that in the end benefits you
kind of has a downside
what about cancelling
yeah my tooth will fall out
that's cool
cancelling like a meal
or get together with a tertiary family member.
Yeah, or just hanging out with a group you don't want to hang out with,
like a group of friends or something like that,
where you're like, I don't want to fucking hang out with that fucking couple.
Yeah, like if someone invites you to a Red Sox-Yankees game.
Ours, buying early feels better than not going at all sometimes.
Sass.
Yeah.
That release as soon as you pull it off and you're free.
You sprint out of there.
It's unbelievable.
My last career wrestling tournament was canceled in the middle of it.
And it was the best.
That is incredible.
I just won.
Did somebody get injured?
I just won and made the quarterfinals.
And I knew I wasn't going to beat the next guy.
And then I would have to go to the consolation round
and probably wrestle like three more times.
Snowed out. got to leave.
Snowed out.
That's incredible.
Never wrestled again.
Never wrestled a match again.
You were already there.
Branson Ashworth from Wyoming was my last opponent.
You were already there.
Shout out Branson Ashworth.
The weather was getting, I guess it was snowing a lot in the forecast.
I hate that guy's name.
What was it?
Branson Ashworth.
Is he a millionaire?
He might be.
It was kind of a pussy move, but it was the greatest feeling ever.
At the end of my softball career, early 30s, all my friends in their early mid-30s,
we were playing in the playoffs, and there was a team with all 23-year-olds that were awesome.
We won the semifinals.
Then we were scheduled to play them in the finals.
We just went to the bar and didn't play the finals.
It was awesome.
We lost to them by like 20 earlier in the season.
We're like, we're not going to give them the satisfaction.
We're not going to let them play.
And then we just never played again.
They probably wanted to play so bad.
Yeah, well, it was like that moment in time where a few people had had kids.
It was like, this is probably our last season ever.
Let's go out on a win.
Fuck yeah.
Fuck yeah.
Yeah, you guys won.
Yeah, we won.
You won.
They didn't get satisfaction.
They were so disappointed.
So disappointed.
They didn't get their moment.
It was such a great move.
We're like,
let's just not fucking show up.
The part of their brain
that like registers loss
probably fired up.
And we had a great time
at the bar
and that was like
that we never
had another team again.
Did you get fucked up? Oh yeah. Yeah. Oh yeah, oh yeah bro of course you did that would be an amazing service someone who
just plants a plan an undesirable plan for you that you were locked into and then cancels that's
what i'm saying if we can figure that out like it has to be somewhat real and it just cancels it for
you it has to be in a kind of distant future as well so you have that feeling of doom as it comes closer right just so you get that no well the kid no it's no i think
it's the best the day of no it cancels the day of but you think it's a feel day off is good but
also there's a specific like if you have like for instance we're going to virginia tech on saturday
right i i it will be fun it will be be good. It's part of our job.
But if someone called me on Friday afternoon,
they're like, we're not going to Virginia Tech.
That's the...
Like, I wouldn't want to be canceled on Saturday morning
because I'm already, like, ready to go to the airport.
But Friday opens up the whole world.
Yeah, Friday would be like, holy shit,
now I have an entire day that I never knew existed.
So it is...
There is, like...
It would be a sweet business.
Yeah.
Damn, we got to do that.
Weddings everything. I had another
business idea. It was
it was like
professional treasure hunting
like a weekend of treasure hunting
and you just like go go somewhere
and fucking just get unleashed on a
treasure hunt. I'm trying to I'm trying to start
up a treasure hunting business on the 17
acres. I like Pennsylvania. You are buying them. Yeah I think so. Can I get in on that. I'm trying to start up a treasure hunting business on these 17 acres that are buying in central Pennsylvania.
You are buying them? Yeah, I think so.
Can I get in on that? Can I get an acre?
An acre?
I think it's treacherous acreage.
Break it off an acre.
Yeah, but we're getting a good deal on it.
So I could probably... Where is it?
Central Pennsylvania, about two hours from here.
Two hours from here, two hours from Philly.
And if you want to know more about it, you can listen to today's episode of Son of a Boy Dad.
Yeah.
There he is.
He came back.
The promo king.
I want to open up a bar that has power outages.
What do you mean?
There's like a thunderstorm sound and the power goes out in the bar.
Nothing brings people together more than a power outage.
It's very true.
If you're stuck together, the camaraderie is second to none.
You can go get candles from the back of the bar.
Grab a jigsaw puzzle.
Yeah, it feels like you're...
It's like a snow day or like you're camping.
Yeah.
Kyle and I hunkered down from a hurricane together.
Hunkering down is the best.
Nothing better than hunkering.
Yeah, it's very fun.
But that happened at a bar that I was at this past weekend,
and it was while the NFL games were on.
They lost power.
Oh, that's not cool.
And it fucking ruined it.
No, that's not cool.
Or they only lost satellite,
and it was like the lights were on,
but the TVs were all off,
and everyone was just fucking furious.
People were just flooding out of the bar.
So that kind of ruined it.
A Hunker Down.
Yeah, I mean, like the first two weeks of COVID were awesome.
Brandon, what's going on? Because you were Hunker Down. You're like, fuck that. All right, let's Hunker down. Yeah, I mean, like the first two weeks of COVID were awesome.
Brandon, what's going on?
Because you were hunkered.
You're like, fuck that.
All right, let's hunker down.
I mean, then it sucked.
But those first two weeks were like, I don't have to do anything.
We all have to be safe.
Saga King was coming out.
Jordan was about to come out.
They're trading that outfit.
Yeah, they traded outfits.
They're trading outfits.
Why does that bother you?
No, it doesn't bother me. It's just weird to look at because that girl, Alex was wearing her outfit.
What's her name?
Hannah.
There you go.
Alex and Hannah switched outfits during the show.
What the heck?
Well, it's just confusing.
Freaky Friday.
What's confusing you about it?
What the fuck?
It's not right.
Something doesn't make sense here.
Something's not adding up.
Alex was wearing that and now she's not.
Because she was wearing that and now she's not. Because she was wearing that
and now she isn't.
Yes.
Agreed.
This is wrong.
Now you can't figure out
which one you dreamt about.
Oh, no.
I don't know why this is...
Brandon's like looking over there
and just fiddling with his ring.
It's like...
It's vibrating.
It's an instinct. Yeah. He's got a mood ring it's like let me get a good look at you then
I'm gonna go take a nap all Brandon does is sleep and use the boner toilet.
See you in my dreams.
Can you, by the way, we got to talk about this real quick.
I just thought of it because Playboy Marty.
We haven't got Friday yet.
Oh, yeah, we got to talk about Friday.
But can you pull up Kraken Aces? Can you pull up Mincy coming off the poker table?
Oh, yeah.
Holy shit.
Someone get him an IV and some pickle juice.
I don't know how...
Is playing poker...
He looks like he just ran
the Barkley Marathon.
He just had 35 carries
in an NFL game on a Sunday.
What is...
What happens when you play poker?
That's the walk you do
when the skin of your feet
is just off.
That's the walk... Walk in hot cold. That's the walk you do when someone pulls the chair out from under you,
and you're like, did I just break my tailbone?
And you're walking around like, I don't know, I might have.
What happened?
The weird part about that limp, his upper body looked like it was in just as much distress as his lower body.
His upper body was struggling.
When you're walking through a desert right before you find an oasis.
What is he doing?
Or like he was just
sitting down to shit
for 45 minutes.
Yeah.
His legs fell asleep.
Jesus.
He's putting his fucking
body on the line.
His ACL almost blew out
in that first second.
Watch this again.
Right there.
Yeah.
Like he almost.
He might compound
stress fracture in his leg.
What the fuck?
Minzy.
Oh.
That first step is something.
And everybody else is walking fine around him.
Like very briskly.
Like, bro, you okay?
He got like hurt or something?
I don't know.
Makes no sense.
He just sat in a chair like everyone else in the world.
I mean, I get cramps.
He doesn't spend a lot of time sitting.
He's always up and moving around.
That's true.
He's a mover.
He's a mover and a shaker.
Can you play it again?
I'll show it.
It's so good.
Let's see it a little bit more.
Just a little bit more.
Look at the guy fly past him.
The guy like jukes around him.
He does.
That guy is significantly older than him him He does That guy's significantly
Older than him
He's just flying around
Also having just played poker
The couple in front of him
Is just
Twice his speed
And his elbows are doing
Oh my god
Mincy
His body's
Full body spectacle
What a fucking legend
So Friday So Friday.
So Friday.
Wait, do the ad first.
No, we're done.
We're done.
We got them out.
Sports book.
Use the Barstool sports book.
I want some of this acreage, but go ahead.
I want an acreage.
I want a half an acreage.
Yeah, it's 17 acres.
You know what?
I actually...
Extraordinary deal.
I don't want an acre.
I just want to be able to go there and not get shot.
Because I think that's part of the deal.
If you buy 17 acres...
We actually have to shoot people.
That's part of the thing.
Yeah, you're just basically sitting there waiting for people to come down your driveway.
$28 a year in property taxes.
I have an acre in New Mexico and it's $7 a year.
What are you guys on your Bailey Carlin shit?
My grandpa left it to me.
But we're going to turn it into a flying squirrel sanctuary.
And we're also turning it
into a son of a boy
at an amusement park.
I love this plug.
Yes, where you can
do all kinds of amusing shit.
Shooting guns.
Meet the boys, of course.
One of the Swedish
roller coasters
where you just go down.
Oh, those are fun.
Yeah.
Maybe Madame Toussaint,
like wax of your dad's. Right now, like Wax of Your Dads.
We're going to have like a shooting range with the hosts of Pardon My Take on it, on the targets.
Smart list, guys.
Yeah.
Numbies.
Peyton and Will Arnett.
Friday, condensed milk, dry ice.
KB, talk about that.
Friday, we're doing Tommy Day.
Tommy Day.
Is the boy going to be in?
I will have to clear it with management
Brendan if we don't get Tommy
His name is actually
Thomas Brandon Walker Jr
We're drafting ice cream ingredients
We're doing a
A T
An O
And an M
All edible
Is Tommy going to be eating this? A T, an O, and an M. All edible. All edible. All edible.
No funny shit.
Because wait, is Tommy going to be eating this?
No.
No.
He'll be adding the MY.
He's going to get the good ice cream.
We'll get him some.
I'll get him some ice cream.
He could have some of the one that he likes the most.
Okay.
It was your idea.
Explain the MY.
So T-O-M, and then there's a my section where he's going to be given seven other ingredients,
and he'll be able to assign an ingredient at the end.
So there'll be a T-O-M ingredient and a my ingredient coming from Tommy.
So we all draft T-O-M, and then he adds the last ingredient.
And then at the very end, he adds the last ingredient, I think five or six of which should be decent.
So who's responsible for buying the my ingredients?
We can all – should we all bring them?
We'll all buy a my and you can't be assigned your own my.
So we all buy a T-O-M and a my.
Wait, wait.
Okay, hold on.
I'm confused.
Is it about the my or the Tom?
Both.
A T-O-M...
So we're all bringing three ingredients.
Okay, so T-O-M, that's like tomato, onions, mayo, for example.
Yeah, are we all making our own ice cream or are we making one big ice cream?
We're going to draft them.
We're going to make our own for each.
How's the ice cream get made?
We're cold stoning.
We're just going to mix it together.
We're just bringing ice cream.
You're going to buy ice cream.
No, we're doing it.
No, we're going to make ice cream.
We're going to cold stone it.
I think making ice cream takes a long ass time.
Cold stone is not making ice cream.
Cold stone is taking ice cream.
No, they're making ice cream.
They're pouring milk.
We're not doing that.
We're not making ice cream.
Wait, what's the taste of wine?
Tommy assigns an ingredient after the draft to each one of us.
Each one of us?
Yes.
What's your last ingredient?
And it could be anything.
It could be hot tamales.
It could be chocolate chips.
It could be Snickers.
Something traditional and then maybe like spinach or like some glass shards, whatever it is.
I think Tommy should also get to pick out the ingredients.
Yeah, why don't Brandon, we'll bring your T-O-M, and you and Tommy bring all the my's.
We're the my guys?
You're the my guys.
Yeah, because then it'll be fun.
Yeah.
But you should also be a Tom guy.
All right.
Here's what we'll do.
But if Tommy's picking ingredients, he should have to have something.
No.
He doesn't have to.
No, it's his day.
He has to smoke a cigarette.
Here's what we'll do.
I'm going to bring in multiple Ts, multiple Os, multiple Ms,
just that are for Tommy that will all be very edible, very fun.
All right, okay.
So he gets to decide from that.
So I'll put those out for him.
So that takes care of it.
He's going to have a great ice cream.
We've got to talk logistics here.
I'm going to bring in M&Ms and, like, Oreos.
And for him.
Tootie-footie, yeah.
But then when we do ours, that's where the funny stuff happens.
I got it.
I was doing some research.
If we're not making it, should we just do vanilla?
Yes.
I think just a base of vanilla.
But, like...
That's what Colston is, folding into ice cream.
Not some Breyers bullshit, though.
We need a fucking lot of vanilla to be able to fold.
Not some E.D.'s. Not some Turkey Hill. Yog vanilla to be able to fold. Not some E.D.s.
Not some Turkey Hill.
Yogurt would be better.
Big Cat.
Froyo would be better.
A Froyo machine?
Froyo mixes better.
It does.
It's a softer mix.
So how do we get a shitload of Froyo?
I think you want an excuse to buy a machine.
Yeah.
Let's just buy a machine.
We're going to have to buy a machine.
You've been wanting to do this for months.
Can someone bring us a Froyo machine?
Can we rent a Froyo machine
Yeah 100%
But it needs to be like fully loaded
Yeah you're ready to go
I don't think they just rent them out with just the machine
You don't know how they rent them out
They hook you up
You don't know how they rent them out
You probably pay for the machine and pay for the ingredients
How do you know how they rent them out
I've worked at places where they got pinkberry I've worked at places where they got pink berry like catered.
I've worked at places where we got pink berry catered.
What do they do?
They just bring like the base, and then it's just a toppings fest.
So the base, though, it's like a tub of it.
It's a tub of it, yes.
I want the machine.
We want base.
The machines don't travel.
The machines don't travel?
With the right amount of money, anything can travel.
What about like a little jet pack of it?
Like the guy's walking around just squirting.
That would be awesome.
Yeah, he has the machine on his shoulders.
Yeah.
So are these toppings or fold-ins?
They're toppings.
Toppings are fold-ins.
No, we're folding in the toppings.
Let's do tea and Tom is a topping.
The other two are mix-ins.
Oh, that's the...
No, because what if it's tomatoes or what if it's like tomatillo hot sauce
or like something...
I'm trying to think of something...
Meat.
No.
It's a sundae, basically.
We're making sundaes.
We're making a sundae.
Let's not complicate this.
We're just going to figure it out on Friday.
TOM can be anything.
TOM can be anything
and then the my I still don't understand.
Are you guys trying to fuck each other over, though?
I kind of want a nice Sunday.
Yeah, I would love that.
Let's just bring one goofy one.
Yeah, I mean, it's all about the draft.
It's all about the draft.
I don't want fucking tomatoes, though.
Are we going to predetermine the draft order for that day so we're not bogged down?
Are we going to just go ahead and figure it out that day?
What are you?
That's really flexing.
What are you, new?
Let's make this a two-hour marathon.
Can we bring two nice ones and a silly one?
Do I need to cancel Pick Central is what I'm asking.
Yes.
Yeah, you probably should.
We should probably start at noon.
Can we do that?
I don't think we can do that, though.
Just cancel Pick Central for the day.
Legally, I don't know if we can do that.
Can we go...
Wait, what's the my?
Someone explain the my.
The my are the last ingredients.
It's just your own?
It's one ingredient?
It's Tommy's ingredients. You don't have to worry about the wrong time. Tommy's the my. The my are the last ingredients. It's just your own. It's one ingredient. It's Tommy's ingredients.
You don't have to worry about the wrong Tommy.
Tommy's the my.
Tommy is the...
So your ice cream will have four ingredients.
Tommy will have his own input on everybody's Sunday.
So Tommy has to bring a my for every one of us?
No, we'll bring in a my and we can assign it all to Tommy.
Everyone bring a my?
So we're bringing four ingredients, basically.
Let's just decide this off air. Tom and a mystery. Tom and a my. So we're bringing four ingredients, basically. Let's just decide this off air.
Tom and a mystery.
Tom and a mystery.
Tom and a mystery.
Everybody brings him four.
Tom and a mystery.
The mystery doesn't have to, it doesn't pertain to any letter.
It can be anything.
Right.
And we give those all to Tommy, and he gives them back out at the end.
He decides who gets the hot sauce, who gets the.
And I also will bring in Tommy's own T-O-M that he can draft.
Tommy can do his own draft of very good ingredients.
Okay.
And before we go today, KB, can you try to tackle that man?
Tackle him.
Which man?
The security man.
He has poison oak on his arm.
No, he doesn't.
He dapped up the short guy.
How do we get the...
Yeah, that's how he got the oak.
I really want to get the soft serve fro-yo.
You want a machine.
Contact us.
I love that machine.
Yak listeners.
And APB.
We need a room for all your machines, too.
I really want a machine so bad.
I've been talking about it.
We need an arcade in here, bro.
We should get a churro machine as well.
We should get a bar.
We're buying machines.
We should.
I guess let's just get a shitload of frozen yogurt because it does mix the best.
Ice cream machine rental.
Call that guy right now.
Clowns.com.
Call him.
Was it really?
Yeah, it was just clowns.com.
Let's call him.
They nailed it.
They snagged that one.
I don't know.
Fucking clowns.com.
That's where we run ice cream.
I mean, it would be actually nice if the frozen yogurt guy was a clown.
That would be great.
That's really Tommy Day.
That would be a plus.
I also want to get a magician in here one day.
The same day. What if we did get a magician in here one day. The same day.
What if we did like a
carnival day?
What if we gave Tommy
a Tommy Day to remember
and we hired a clown
to kidnap him?
That would be cool.
That would be cool.
And we saved him.
He would love you so much
if you like
peeked in the door
of a white van.
Don't think we need
to role play.
Yeah.
Yes.
Dude, he would remember it.
He probably would.
I said I'm here to save you, boy.
Forever.
Zah's trying to get your attention.
Call clowns.com?
That's how he's talking to somebody.
I'm going to give him a ring.
He's talking.
Here we go.
All right.
I want to hear Zah.
If you were to guess where... hello hi yes hi who is this hi yes my name is lorraine with clowns.com lorraine good to talk to you um
we are uh we're doing uh an event on friday for our 11-old son, and we wanted to rent a frozen yogurt machine
and possibly a clown.
A clown, got it.
So we don't have frozen yogurt.
We have ice cream.
Yeah, how's that work?
Like, is there a machine?
Yeah.
Yeah, it's an actual machine.
It's an industrial machine, so it's pretty heavy.
Okay.
Does the clown carry it?
No.
We have different guys that carry it.
Can they also dress in clown stuff?
I don't want...
So let me just talk.
Like, if the clown shows up and there's two guys carrying a machine, he's going to be like well why aren't they clowns
I definitely understand
no what it is is that
if it's okay with you because
the guys because they're different they're delivery
guys what we do is
they drop it off before your event
starts the entertainment
they come at a separate time depending on which time
you want us for
we'll set it up on which time you want us for okay
um we'll set it up for you um if you want uh an ice cream machine without an attendant it's $4.99
for the rental um if you want it with an attendant it's $5.99 with the uh rental how how hard is it
to like use it is if i'm if i'm the attendant am i I going to screw it up? It's really not.
We'll show you exactly how to use it when we set it up for you.
How much ice cream comes in it?
It's literally
100 supplies.
It's chocolate and vanilla for the flavors.
Oh, okay.
I think this is going to
be something we're going to want to do.
How much for the clown
How much for the clown
Yeah I was gonna say
Depends on how many kids
Will be attending
Do you have an idea yet
For
One
A single kid
One kid
Yeah
Oh that's cute
I know
No problem
We can do
What do you say
We wanna do an hour
Of entertainment
For our small group
We do
It's $2.55
For up to 15 kids
Okay We do face painting Tempor2.55 for up to 15 kids.
We do face painting, temporary tattoos,
balloon animals, magic show.
We bring out a cotton candy machine as well.
Okay, and now what is the,
is a clown okay with being on a live show?
Or is that like,
because we also have a live show that goes on during it.
It's kind of a birthday. We do a birthday day for our son, and it's on a YouTube show.
Would the clown be okay with that?
I don't see a problem.
I would have to double-check and ask my manager if that's cool.
Okay.
Where's it going to be located?
It's in Manhattan.
It's right by Madison Square Garden.
Madison Square Garden.
Got it.
Is that a private home or at a venue? It's in an. Madison Square Garden. Got it. Is that a private home right at the venue?
It's in an office.
An office. Got it. Okay. Let me double check. What time are you looking for for that?
It would be like from 1 to about 3 o'clock. So 1 to 2, the clown. And then the ice cream, yeah, like 1 to 3.
Okay. Yeah, let me see.
Give me one second.
I'll be right back.
All right. I'm going to actually send you to...
Oh, okay.
Administrative assistant.
Administrative assistant, Zah.
He's going to talk to you and get your details.
Oh, okay.
Cool.
Sounds good.
All right.
Thank you so much.
Boy, this is going to be the best day of my life.
Couldn't that have went better?
That's very exciting. Boy, this is going to be the best day of my life. Could that have went better? No, it couldn't.
That's very exciting.
So I think what we got to do is we got to get, I wonder, can we get a lav mic on the clown so he can be free roaming during the draft doing jokes?
Just like, ho, ho, ho.
Yeah, just a little giggle would be a treat.
I mean, the ice cream machine's done.
That's done.
That's done.
Yeah, this clown seems like he does it all.
Yeah, I wonder if he smokes...
Obviously, he smokes cigarettes.
Do you think that he'll be able to share cigarettes with a young
child? Yeah. Do you think Tommy's
going to like this or no? Tommy's a little
over for clowns. I kind of want them.
I figured that. That's fine.
So let's not... The clown's not for Tommy.
The clown's for everybody else.
Well, yeah, it's for the show. I mean, if Tommy wants to enjoy him, he can.
Okay, all right.
I just don't want to put the pressure on Tommy having to enjoy the clown.
But the clown doesn't get to eat any ice cream.
No, no, no.
Maybe at the end.
No, actually, the clown should have to eat as many servings as we leave over.
There's 100 servings.
So if we eat like eight servings, you've got to eat 92.
Can I throw in the most interesting word I heard?
Cotton candy.
He has a cotton candy machine.
He has a cotton candy machine.
No, but we'll spoil our appetite.
Who cares?
I want the ice cream.
What if we spoil our appetite with cotton candy?
Should we invite Frank on the show?
No.
No.
No.
What about...
It would be so great to the Yak listeners who are like,
we have this huge tape
and we're like...
But also Frank will host.
We need to be clear
that the clown
cannot interact
with anybody but us.
Yes.
Yes.
Well, he's not paid
to do that.
Unless we decide.
I mean, if we...
I'm just really excited
for the ice cream.
So we could add
maybe like five people
that interact with the clown
from the entire office.
Yeah, I want Tommy's smokes to get squirted by the fake flower on his jacket.
Yeah, that would be a great idea.
So we could draft people to interact with the clown.
Yes.
What about...
Can we cancel Pick Central?
Or no, Steven?
I'll check with that on this thing.
It would be great if we had 12 to 2.
It is a football Friday.
Well, yeah, but it's also a clown.
What if you do it at 11?
We could just say it's Pick Central.
You could also just do it at 11. Well, yeah, but it's also clown. What if you do it at 11? We could just say it's pick central. You could also just do it at 11.
Okay.
Or, yeah, we could say it's pick central and just give picks as well.
Yeah.
Everyone brings a pick.
We'll bring a pick.
As part of the draft.
That's some clown picks, bro.
We'll figure it out.
We'll figure it out.
We could do one to three.
That's fine.
No, we could maybe move to 11.
I don't know about how slinging everything works.
You're the king of slinging.
I know how the Brandon Walker House football show works.
What else do we need for this party?
We got to figure out logistically the room.
This is the most we've ever planned out.
Yeah, we should all scooch the chairs together or something so there's a clown area.
I just want him to be able to walk free range.
You think we could get a petting zoo?
You think we could get a petting zoo in here?
Like an ass?
A fucking ass in here?
Snake?
Yeah.
If we just put a snake in the room and just said, it's here.
All right, let's find a snake rental.
A snake guy.
Like a guy who just has a snake on his shoulder.
Animal Man, New York City.
Or a parrot.
Pounds.com.
I love it.
I love it.
Should we put all the toppings in a pinata?
That shit would be crazy.
We had a pinata last Tommy Day.
Yeah, sure.
We've done the pinata.
What about a bunch of liquid in a pinata or some shit like that?
I'd love to bob for some apples.
Oh, okay.
I'd like to do that as well.
What about if we bob for some frozen yogurt?
What if we bob for the toppings?
Bob for toppings.
And each one's like a number or something, and you pull out your number.
That's your draft pick order
we number the apple
yeah yeah
we'll bob for the order
we'll number the apples
okay we'll bob for the order
what about the
you gotta do it blindfolded
so you can't pick which apple
you're trying to bob for
yeah yeah for sure
for sure
we have a problem
and Glennie has to try
what's the problem
no don't
so they can only do entertainment
no ice cream machine that day
so we would have to do it another day
so then we're gonna have to do it another day or we're would have to do it another day. So then we're going to have to do it another day.
We're going to have to do it another day.
This is the most disappointing thing that's ever fucking happened.
Do you want to call Big Dog Party Rentals in Brooklyn?
There are other ice cream rentals.
There are other ice cream places.
But this one has everything.
Clowns.com is one stop shop.
But they don't have ice cream.
We can still get the clown.
We can still get the fucking clown.
I don't know what to do now.
If they don't have, it all starts with the ice cream.
Because we can still get tubs of ice cream.
It's not dependent on the machine.
Brandon, you didn't even ask Tommy yet.
Also, I'm thinking...
First of all, he's my son.
I don't ask him.
You can't hype this up in pants.
I'm thinking about this now, though.
What's the MLB schedule on Friday?
Who cares?
No, I care because they're going to be...
Like, if they're doing a stream...
It will be full.
There will be two games.
I don't know.
Right.
If they're doing a stream against our fucking clown party, I'm going to be upset.
We have no crossover.
Sports fans are not going to be watching this.
I don't think it would start in the afternoon.
I think it would be.
I want the clown and the ice cream machine together.
All right.
Let's put them on hold.
Let's call one more.
You said big guy party, Reynolds?
Big dog.
Oh.
That's apt.
That ties in.
This is so disappointing.
No, no.
Don't get crestfallen.
But that was a perfect call.
That call couldn't have went better.
But now in retrospect, it could have.
Because they could have had the ice cream machine for Friday.
The way the call went, it seemed like that was a sure thing.
It was a little too easy, though.
It was too good.
Should we rent a party space to do the show?
What if we did a live space to do the show? What if we went to a...
What if we did a live show in...
At an ice cream?
A clown's house.
Yeah, I'd go to a clown house.
I'd go to a clown house.
It's really, really small.
We're crammed in.
Oh, man.
That was super disappointing.
So, baseball schedule Friday begins at 2.07 Eastern.
That's not great. I've sent a text about the sling
steps. So we'll take Pick Central and we'll end at 2.
But we need to find the fucking
we need to find
an ice cream machine.
Pick Central goes out to other radio stations.
There's not very many. Really?
Yeah. We're in Portland.
We're in Des Moines. We're in Flagstaff.
Flagstaff. Flagstaff.
Seems like a city you'd like.
Yeah, a lot of long-distance runners flock there.
I'm trying to find Jersey Jerry, a Mike Tyson impersonator,
to walk him out at Rough and Rowdy as well.
One thing at a time.
One thing at a time.
That's December 10th.
Let's not table this.
Let's get this out of the way.
When's there a Friday when the whole crew's together?
Let's get some. Almost never. We's there a Friday When the whole crew's together Let's get some Almost never
We have to do this Friday
We do?
Yes
Boys it's now or never
Why don't we all just bring in
A pint of vanilla
But what about
What about the clowns
And we get the clown
And we bring in our own
Fucking ice cream
Just some
Store bought ice cream
The machine might be hard anyway
Plugging it in here
Remember we plugged in a griddle
And the whole stream went down
Yeah
It's true
That's a good point
That did happen
So if we all bring in a pint of ice cream ourselves
Tub
Or what if we get
What are those industrial tubs
Industrial tub
You get gallons
Yeah bigger than a gallon
Or like yeah multiple gallons
Industrial tub
Just attach a spigot to the side
A painter's
A painter's tub full.
Yeah.
A paint can of ice cream.
A couple paint cans of vanilla ice cream.
Some pails.
Some pails of ice cream.
Maybe sherbet after.
I like sherbet to cleanse the palate.
Also, the bear draft is down to four.
The last four bears.
Are we?
Yeah, it's already down to the last four.
Wait a minute.
We're getting off track here.
It's Fat Bear Week.
It is Fat Bear Week.
But we also have the finals.
Walker versus Otis?
I knew Walker was going to make it.
Walker.
All right.
So this is Walker.
This is the final.
This is a good looking bear, no matter skinny or fat.
Walker's going to be on.
That's an ass for days.
Otis was lower.
It's a pear shaped bear.
Holy shit.
Wait, can I see Walker's ass again?
Show Walker again. Holy fuck. One more Walker. That shit. Wait, can I see Walker's ass again? Yeah, show Walker again.
Holy fuck, that ass.
I found you, Miss New Booty.
Seriously, that thing would break your dick off.
It would snap it right off.
Brandon, you got to get so good at wet dreams that you could just take naps instead of jerking off.
Yeah.
Otis.
Oh, see.
Otis was bad before.
Otis has the best transformation. I thought Otis was going to off. Yeah. Otis. Oh, see. Otis was bad before. Otis has the best transformation.
I thought Otis was going to die.
Yeah.
Otis.
Look at that.
That's a big time.
It's Walker, though.
Come on.
Walker's going to win.
It's Walker.
Run away with it.
This is so hard.
Otis is pretty fucking good.
Do we need to show you the ass again, Big Cat?
I don't want Walker to win, though, because Brendan's going to claim it.
He's going to claim it as a
Mississippi State title. Look at that. He will.
You can't have Walker win.
Otis it is. Alright, Otis.
There's also a live feed. I don't know if I'm
legally allowed to show it, but there's a live feed of the actual
river that they're hanging out. I was watching
it. Oh, they hang out in the same river?
Sorry? They hang out in the same river?
Oh, yeah. They were like three of them. These guys are all friends.
So at the time I was watching, they were three of them.
You know what it is?
It's the AAU-ification of the fat bear week.
Yes, it is.
These guys back in the 90s.
They're not from the same region.
No, in the 90s, though, the bears would fucking hate each other.
Now it's like, you know, everyone played summer ball together,
so they're just fucking kissing up.
On a banana boat out in the river.
Yeah.
It's gross. Super teams so specializing yeah so we're all bringing in our own ice cream tub paler bucket and and four ingredients and we have the clown on retainer what if we just went to a 16 handles or a Pinkberry with a big tub and filled it up and then just did the draft fast enough?
To the brim.
To the brim.
We can probably get away with that.
Yeah.
That's Otis?
Right now?
That's Otis?
That's him right there.
That's Otis live.
What the fuck is he doing standing over there?
What the fuck is he doing?
He's fucking marooned. Is he stuck? Call the cops. fuck is he doing standing over there? What the fuck is he doing? He's fucking marooned.
Is he stuck?
Call the cops.
What is Patty Maroon over here?
This guy is stuck.
Yo, what is he doing?
What the fuck is Otis doing?
This is y'all's finalist.
Dude, that's my guy.
That's your goat?
That's my champion.
I'm going to be watching that stream for the rest of the day.
I will be too.
Let me see Otis real quick.
I hope we just see a human stumble into the camera.
Look at Otis. He's sitting. Wait, I want him to be clumsy. I me see Otis real quick. I hope we just see a human stumble into the camera. Look at Otis.
He's sitting.
Wait, I want him to be clumsy.
I want him to fall off.
Wait, what if he catches a salmon?
That would be so hot.
He's fishing.
Stream ends when he gets a salmon.
He topples over here.
He's really just posted up.
Zuh, have you seen a live salmon catch?
This is a real live stream.
I saw them playing, running around, messing around and all that.
I didn't see a salmon catch.
Imagine if a duck just swam by and he just fucking gobbled it up.
Bear eat duck.
Oh, my God.
You just see a guy go by on a kayak and he rips him out of the kayak.
Just brutal.
There's nothing we can do but watch one of our peers death.
Dude, Otis is just chilling.
Can we see Walker?
I think you think that's the case.
You think he's not chilling?
You think he's worried?
He's on the hunt?
I got to see that.
I got to check that stream.
You are sensing some stress and a kinship is forming between the two of you.
Okay, tell.
KB's worried about Otis.
Can we check in on Walker?
Does Walker have a cam?
Unfortunately not.
It's just one feed.
They've got multiple national parks, actually.
It's a lot of national parks out there.
How did you find this again, Zaha?
Everybody go to explore.org and vote for Walker.
Or no, vote for Otis.
Vote for who you feel.
Yeah, it ends today, 5 p.m. Alaska time.
Rome, give me a spliff.
Give me a spliff, man.
You'll learn a thing or two out of me.
Oh, say less.
Let's build a zoo, my friend, and then butt it down.
What are y'all saying?
Booyakasha.
Are we clowning?
Well, no.
Clown.com.
Do we have that clown on retainer or no?
So should we do the clown and then just figure out the ice cream?
Yes, yes, yes.
I mean, the clown is the most important part.
We can bring the ice cream.
We can figure out the ice cream. We don't need soft serve. We should just get a bunch of big p out the ice cream. The clown is the most important part. We can bring the ice cream. We can figure out the ice cream.
We don't need soft serve. We should just get a bunch of
big pails of ice cream. They'll soften
throughout the show as we have them live.
We'll have excess ice cream so it'll
be soft enough that we can fold it in ourselves.
Am I saran wrapping this cube
so we could Cold Stone on it?
No. No Cold Stoning? We'll just make it
Sundays. Just Sundays.
You really want a cold stone?
Yeah.
I think that we should maybe have a twister board where you spin it and a couple people
have to cold stone.
So what we can do is-
We got a cooler here.
I'm sure upstairs there's a cooler.
Dry ice.
We got a ball for apples.
We'll just throw a bunch of ice cream in a cooler and not even put ice in there and then
just let it thaw.
Yeah.
Let it thaw.
Yeah.
So it's really melted around the sides, but soft enough in the middle,
and that's why we need excess ice cream.
Yeah.
And we need another cooler to bob from.
You in, Sass?
Yeah.
Okay.
We'll move pick central up to 11.
Okay.
And we'll take 12 to 2.
12 to 2.
Right.
Beautiful.
If that is doable, we will look into it.
That would be great.
All right.
And then we'll be done before any baseball games.
Perfect.
Sure.
We are master planners.
We are women.
Oh, my God, we are.
The four Cs.
Should we have the clown say the creed?
Yeah.
Yeah, that's inevitable.
But in a goofy voice?
In a goofy voice.
He has to honk his nose.
I'll write a nose honk in there.
Let's see if the clown might do a blood oath with us.
Yeah.
Maybe put that in the fine print.
Yeah, ask if he's willing to take personal attack, like a kiss, if he's willing to get
hurt.
Clowns are oftentimes public masturbators, are they not?
Yeah.
We need to prep for that.
Almost exclusively.
I still think we should consider-
We'll bring Tommy a little sleeping mask in case things get out of hand.
In case of jerk-off break-in.
We should consider
having the clown kidnap Tommy.
I would like to say
I'm against that idea.
You don't have much sense.
Guy to guy here, I think you're off.
I don't think I am.
I think you should let us kidnap your son.
I'm staunchly against this.
It's like an escape room.
Is anybody else with me on this? No. staunchly against this. It's like an escape room. It's for real life.
Anybody else with me on this?
No.
No.
It would be funny.
It would be so good.
If he threw Tommy in a sack.
Yeah.
In his trunk.
In his trunk.
Just throw him around the box.
Boys in sacks.
Boys in sacks.
Kicking around.
Leg up.
Yeah.
They always just use their feet.
They never use their arms.
Use your arms.
It's like swimming
if you want to get out of a sack.
You got to use your whole body.
And then Brandon, you can get really emotional.
Be like, don't worry, Tommy.
Daddy's going to save you.
And then, of course, you will.
I'm having a whole lot of fun joking about it.
I think that if we decide to do it, you can't tell him.
You can't tell him anything.
It'll be exactly like Taken, except Albanian.
You'd have to be deciphering like clown honks.
Good luck.
What does this mean?
Hurry, hurry.
I think what Brandon's saying and don't say anything
here Brandon because I think we got to go along with
Brandon saying plan it out
but don't tell him so it's
really real for him as well.
So I got it. I got what you're saying.
There needs to be raw emotion in his face.
Don't talk about it anymore because Brandon wants to be surprised with the kidnapping as well.
He needs to sell it.
I'd be closer with my dad if he saved me from kidnapping.
Brandon, what if one of us got kidnapped and then you still saved us?
And then Tommy thought you were like a hero.
How would you do that better?
We won't fit in a sack.
Yeah, but I don't think that's realistic.
I volunteer to get kidnapped.
What if the clown brought a gun?
A little sack?
I'd get kidnapped at gunpoint.
Yeah, what if the clown brought a gun and pulled it out on sass?
Let's ask him if the clown can't bring a gun.
The security guard has to deal with it.
We don't know if the clown is qualified to do all these things.
He's a clown.
He literally will do anything.
And then, Brandon, you can be like, Tommy, wait here.
And then you go out to just right there and you just beat the fuck out of the clown.
And then you save me.
And then we just come back in and continue with the show like nothing happened.
And then Tommy's like,
wow, my dad's here.
That's a lot to squeeze
in two hours.
My dad's here.
We'll get rid of that.
We have to hit the ground running.
We should start writing a script,
honestly.
Yeah, well, you know what?
So let's just leave it here.
Brandon, say no more.
We will have a plot twist
with the clown.
There will be a plot twist.
Something.
So we're going to start.
Creed, Bob for apples.
Cream.
Gone.
Plot twist.
Plot twist. Plot twist.
Draft. Well, maybe hospital.
Hospital
after plot twist.
So we need to have... Quick trip to the hospital.
We need to hit every one of these
every ten minutes.
It's gotta be tight.
It'll be more like CityMD.
That's true. It's right across the street. We will have to cut corners.
Yeah.
And then Sass is drafting, so we have to account for that time yeah sass needs time to complain about
the ice cream he's got to run to the store yeah all right great show guys all right all right
we'll see everyone tomorrow i don't like i don't even want to do a show tomorrow because that's
probably friday we fast forward to friday i mean thing is, every one of our shows till Friday, we'll be talking about this.
Yeah.
The whole time.
Also, I just want to point out the irony that we did an entire bit about how awesome it
is to cancel plans, and we just made an elaborate plan.
Huge plan.
Should we cancel it?
To just get an ice cream?
I kind of feel like we should cancel it.
No.
Because this wouldn't be fun to cancel.
Well. We've got to do the yak in the weather. It would. It would.'t be fun to cancel. Well.
We've got to do the yak in the weather.
This is a lot.
It would.
It would.
It would be a lot of fun.
You guys should show up.
Wouldn't have to buy ice cream.
Friday off.
All right.
Well, this will be, this is a choose your own adventure for the people at home.
You don't know if we're going to cancel it.
Yeah, that's right.
That's part of the fun.
Yep.
Exactly.
You don't know if we're going to kidnap Tommy Walker.
I'm against that one.
No. Oh, yeah. I know. Shut up. Shut up. Don't say anything about it because we want to make it real for you. the fun. Yep. Exactly. You don't know if we're going to kidnap Tommy Walker. I'm against that one.
No.
Oh, yeah.
I know.
Shut up. Shh.
Don't say anything about it because we want to make it real for you.
All right.
Okay.
All right.
That's our show.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right. It's your dog, yeah, the style of tape, who wants to act?
It's the act.
It's the act.
Yeah, it's time to talk shop, we're doing Yankees, love is the act. Thank you.