The Yak - It's Turtle Cake Time for Liam's 26th Birthday | The Yak 8-5-24
Episode Date: August 5, 2024Cheah drops the best Chris Tucker impression you will ever hearYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more..., visit barstool.link/barstoolyak
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Hey, Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube.
Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Yo, DJ, hold that up. It's the act.
It's the act.
Welcome to the act.
August 5th, Neil Armstrong's birthday.
Oh, shit. Buried on Earth, walked on moon, born on Earth, walked on moon, buried at sea.
Whoa.
Nice.
Name backwards. Norts, Mr. Alien. born on earth walked on moon buried at sea whoa nice name backwards
norts mr alien whoa that's pretty good pretty cool i think oh roback buried at
r-h-o-b-a-c-k.com use code yak for 20 off your first purchase everyday shorts elastic waistband
they got the best hoodies the best joggers the best polos kodiak rowback.com what is buried at sea and tail you just throw your ass through it i don't
really bury you get you get eaten almost immediately right also it's not burying oh you're just throwing
throwing off the side but they're not like lowering you into the water in a vessel at the bottom of
the ocean i bet if there's a ceremony there there's a lowering process. What did we do with Bin Laden?
Bin Laden, we just tossed him out the chopper, right?
Wait, I don't know.
Burying at sea, if we did that to Bin Laden,
that seems almost ceremonial.
Yeah, it's like an honorable thing.
What's up, man?
I was so excited.
What's up, dude?
We are here with Knox.
What's happening? What's going on?
Hey.
Fresh off of Lollapalooza.
Yes, sir.
It was terrifying.
That was the sea of teens.
It was something.
It was quite a sight.
But it was a good time.
We had a good time.
Were they rowdy?
Yeah, they actually were, surprisingly.
Sometimes festivals are weird because, like, you don't know if anybody's there to listen
to you or if they even know you at all.
So, yeah, it was good.
There's a trend of teens pissing on people right now. Really? I see them pissing
their drawers, pissing their shorts.
At festivals? Yeah.
They'll piss on people.
Like the guy standing in front of you? Strangers?
There's a guy in Lincoln Park that's been pissing on
doorbell cams. Why? I don't know.
Hold on. I need a second.
Exhibitionist. Funny or not, I need a second.
There.
It's been me,'s funny I think it's funny I think
it's funny I would piss on my
boys I don't think I could piss
on a random I couldn't piss on a
stranger I've never pissed on
anybody I've been you definitely
have and it's it's body
temperature so you don't know
what's happening at first it's a
slow it's still wet yeah but you
don't if you're a little drunk and they're a slow burn. Well, it's still wet. Yeah, but you don't, if you're
a little drunk and they're hitting you in the ankles
and you're chatting with somebody and you're not focused,
you can get pissed on for quite some time. We used to
at football in high school, the shower was
like a ring around one pole.
And we would
just piss on each other. You'd be showering, but
you'd flip your dick to the side
and you're just pissing on your
boy's foot. Those guys being dudes, we're just like pissing on your boys yeah this guy's
being dudes we're just all pissing on each other and like i don't have a flippable dick
i don't know what verbs my dick can't
titus doesn't around the back yeah i would i would do it sometimes you harlem globe
trap flip it this way thinking you're gonna piss piss on this guy Yeah it's an old army trick
So Knox I know you
I discovered you on
TikTok
People did
Girl you're hotter than a fever
That's me bro
Did you do the dance
It's really good
I only know that song I'll look into the rest
It's incredibly catchy And a phenomenal i'll look into the rest please look into the rest
incredibly catchy and thank you phenomenal song thank you i think all the rest is significantly
better so oh so that's your like yeah that's the one that it got put on tiktok and then there was
like all these girls doing this like dance to it and everybody wanted me to do it and i'm not
okay so now you're like you kind of resent
that song yeah a little bit it's just like annoying i think you should appreciate it
because i still really enjoy it i appreciate that no i i do for what for what it's worth but it's uh
it's just one of those you know when you know when you have your like well i guess
none of you are musicians i guess but uh like you you put you put out your like the one song
that you have to sing to everybody and then I've sang that song 5,000 times
And after that, sneaker, sneaker
It's like, bro, I'm a burpee
And you've got a crew of like 10 people
Some of the coolest looking beings
Intimidating
My entourage, if you will
No, there's no way they're all day ones
Some of them are leeches.
Statistically, you have to have two.
One or two of them are orbiters and leeches.
They're all cool?
Yeah, no, they're definitely all cool.
I would say Johnny there with the curly hair, you know that guy?
Curly hair Johnny.
Yeah, I've been making songs with Johnny for a long time.
I would say he's definitely the closest to the day one.
What's the sunglasses guy
deal? His deal.
That's your drug deal.
Come on now.
That's Tucker, dude. He just stays vibing.
Oh yeah, I was right.
He's the drug dealer for sure.
I mean, he looks like one.
Alright, well who's NBC Sportsboy?
That's my drummer, Christian.
Yeah, he rips on the drums.
And you tried to get that shirt off his body.
I want to swap with it.
I would like that shirt.
I like that shirt a lot.
Give him a fair offer.
Do you have a good enough shirt to get that shirt?
Would you like to go to my Jeep where I keep all my extra clothes and pick something out?
That sounds terrifying, bro.
I don't know.
Well, I'm asking, what was his name?
Christian?
Christian.
I'm asking Christian if he'd like to make it a pure barter.
Yeah, but everything runs through Knox.
Come on, he's head dog.
I'll check it out.
Is that okay?
Yeah, of course, bro.
Okay, all right, all right.
They're y'alls, man.
Hold on, let me make sure I can get up.
Is that Arian Foster?
Yeah, that's Arian.
Oh, hey, Arian Foster.
In the Chicago office?
Hey, Arian.
What's going on?
Good to see you.
Hi, Arian.
Arian, what's up, man?
Arian, what about me? Great to see you, bud. Arian. Arian, what's up, man? Arian, what about me?
Arian, what about me?
What's up?
Fuck.
Where am I at?
I'll take it, yeah. You see the banners hanging up in my home?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I made some tweaks.
Why does he love you so much?
I'm his number one white boy okay that's cool yeah thank you
thank you stay away i don't want him around your boys i could trickle down that list so nox how
old are you i'm 26 26 yeah yeah you just started touring yeah yeah i just put out that song sneakers
he was talking about i just put that was my first ever song that was like two years ago to the day
actually it came out aug August 5th, 2022.
Damn.
Yeah, bro.
So when did you start doing touring and going to music festivals?
So festivals, for the first time this year, we just did Hangout Fest like a month ago
down in Gulf Shores, which was pretty good.
And then Lala was our second one ever.
Hangout Fest is a great name.
Yeah, that is.
It's a good time.
Who doesn't want to go to that?
Just fucking hanging out.
So your first song was a hit?
Yeah.
Why doesn't everybody do that?
I don't know, dude.
What a bunch of idiots.
How did they not think of that?
God damn.
No, yeah.
Like the fourth TikTok I ever posted in my life did like four million.
Be honest.
When you write a song, do you know when you have a hit? no no no every song you make is objectively you're like this is this
is good yeah obviously you're putting it out that's why you yeah yeah you you definitely don't
leave like we didn't leave so I made that song with Johnny actually and uh none of us left that
day being like this is the one that's gonna change our life I mean it's called sneakers like we were
like this isn't you know but then I mean we posted it i don't know oh you think everything every song
sucks you just never think like because even even now like i'm like signed to a label and stuff but
now i still do everything it's like diy it's like me and my buddies in our bedroom and you never
you're just not sure of like how people are gonna. You're never like, this is the one that's going to go.
Well, you hear it so many times over and over.
Yeah.
It just gets blurred.
Yeah, especially, that's the thing.
Before you put out a song, you've known it.
All the songs I'm about to put out in the next couple months
have been sitting on my phone for a year and a half.
So I'm sick of them.
Yeah.
But to the world, they're brand new and cool and fresh or whatever.
So this is probably the biggest crowd by far that you played for or what well yeah so it was the
biggest show that i've done for like my songs so i have a song with hardy that just came out
oh wow and so if you have you guys heard his new album and so i went and did the music video at one
of his shows and that was that was pretty deep that was like 25k i'd never done anything
like that it was crazy bro it was insane so yeah you're an ohio guy oh yeah dayton day where you're
from ohio state or no no i actually went to ou i went to ohio university to be a teacher yeah
yeah the only thing i learned was like how to do drugs and drink alcohol
most of us have that story yeah you look like you're good at doing drugs i mean i was i'm
retired retired yeah i'm severely retired good but good man you know how old are you 26 you're
stopping right yeah good good age to stop yeah dude i was like i had my time yeah i'm locked
in now bro time to do it i you know i would think so but i feel like if i did then like doing shit
like lollapalooza like i'm trying to take it in you know are you completely sober on stage
yeah yeah on stage yeah but then no and even on tour when we're like when we're like roading and
stuff we have a pretty like tame crew except i mean like everybody's a bunch of stoners that's it
yeah so uh we're we're pretty chill.
But then normally the last day, like last night, we just finished a tour.
So we did 17 shows and then did Lollapalooza.
And now we're done for the next couple weeks.
So last night, we got a little riled.
Do you ever get nervous going on stage?
No, not anymore.
We've just done it so many times.
We've played like 200 shows this year.
So it's like, you know.
But the high of performing one of your hits and having it sung back to you,
is that a top high?
Is that the best feeling you've ever experienced?
Dude, it's crazy.
It never gets old.
And I can totally see now doing it.
Like, you know when you meet these huge musicians and stuff
and they've kind of gotten lost in it?
You've never had a musician?
Am I the first musician on this show?
Come on.
We had the Phantom.
We had the Florida Georgia line.
We had Florida line.
Florida line.
We had Florida line.
Okay.
But I get how people can get lost in that.
Yeah, they're like,
I need to do heroin to compete with this.
For sure, bro.
Yeah, it's insane.
But it's cool, bro.
It's a good time. What are you looking at? Oh, they're smoking. But it's cool, bro. Like, it's a good time.
What are you looking at?
Oh, they're smoking.
Oh, they're blowing clouds.
I told you.
A bunch of stoners, dude.
I'm telling you, bro.
That's why they're all so chill.
Look at them.
They don't even know what to do.
The guy turned around.
He turned his head.
He turned around.
I wonder who blew that cloud.
So good.
Certainly wasn't the guy who turned his head.
Yep. Is she part of your crew
too in the Delco Irish shirt? Yeah, that's
my tour manager, Lizzie. Oh, hell yeah.
Believe it or not, she's in charge of all of us, bro.
Oh, hell yeah. I believe it.
Who's this motherfucker sitting down? He should have
been sitting down the whole time.
That's like our other tour manager
that just came and did Lollapalooza
with us. He was just there for that show.
She handled the whole tour we just did.
I see.
Okay.
Yeah.
So he's kind of just here hanging.
We're taking him to Nashville so he can hop on another tour.
Who are your music heroes?
I mean, listen.
I look the way that I do.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Big Ed Sheeran.
Fuck yeah, dude.
I'm not going to hide it, dude.
I'm not going to bullshit you I'm not gonna bullshit you guys
It's been great looking at you because you're like the cooler version of me
Oh dude stop but you have the mustache though
Which I'm extremely jealous of
Yeah he's cooler in every way but you do have the mustache
I'm very jealous
I wish I could
I didn't get mine until like this year so like 27
Oh you're 27
So next year
Hey next time when I'm back at Lollapalooza Next year and I come in we'll compare mine until like this year so like 27 oh you're 27 27 yeah next year so ask santa claus for hey
next time when i'm back at lollapalooza next year and i come in we'll compare we'll compare i have
my 27 stash dude perfect it'll be beautiful yeah is mark blutman in your crew yeah nobody can be
we got an extra seat in the van dude the van is fucking you probably will leave here with
the blutman wait you're going around in a van oh yeah we ain't got no bus or nothing dude it's straight sprinter van oh that's awful
brutal we've been living in it for everybody it's all of us whole crew what sprinter van dude
sprinter van we do have a tv in it though so you know we've kind of upgraded a little bit but yeah
no bus for us dude oh hell yeah any good road trip stuff so far anything crazy on the road
i'm trying to think. I don't think.
This tour's been pretty chill.
The last tour, dude, this is crazy.
We were in Phoenix, and I had a little situation,
and I had to shit in between two dumpsters and a McDonald's.
Oh, yeah.
It's crazy.
They wouldn't let us.
When did McDonald's stop being 24-7? Oh, yeah. Damn. Yeah, they wouldn't let us, like when did McDonald's stop being 24 seven? Oh yeah. Yeah. They wouldn't let me in. So what'd you wipe with? Okay. This is even crazier
for some reason. The guy that we were just making fun of for, for blowing the cloud,
he always is wearing cargo pants with a shitload of pockets. I don't know why, but, uh, he randomly,
I was like shitting in this dumpster. He like lean, it reaches his hand over the dumpster.
He's like, Hey, I got those.
And he pulls out a Ziploc bag of wet wipes.
Wow.
He just had on him, bro.
And I was like, this is the guy we got to keep around.
Yeah, he's a weapon, dude.
That's job security right there.
He's a problem, dude.
Dude, that was probably one of the better wipes of your life.
Oh, it was incredible, dude.
I took a picture of it and everything.
Yeah.
Sent it in the group chat for everybody to enjoy.
It was beautiful.
A guy that has ketamine and wet wipes.
You want to keep him around.
That's the guy.
That's the guy for sure.
For sure.
So they say that every athlete wants to be a musician and vice versa.
Every musician wants to be an athlete.
Are you a good athlete?
Guy's got wet wipes on right now.
He's got wet wipes.
He's crazy.
Oh, he's trying to earn favor.
He saw what it did for him.
No, I would say, I mean, I guess I was an okay athlete in high school,
but I'm pretty out of shape now.
State champion basketball player.
Bingo.
Oh, really?
First team in Ohio to go 30-0.
I contributed.
In Ohio?
Yeah.
What school?
Tri-Village is what it was called.
It was Division IV, though, smallest division, but, like, still.
Hey.
I got a big ignorant ring.
It's sick.
You should wear that.
Big ignorant ring.'s sick you should wear that yeah bro but yeah i wish i was uh i wish i was an athlete i would have chosen that way we're
gonna have you run the gauntlet i'm a little nervous but we'll see um it goes i i i think
you'll bode well i think sub three minute yeah sub three i think sub three minute who Sub three? I think sub three minute. Who's got the record? Big Cat.
Big Cat ran it 126.
126?
A really good time
is like two minutes.
That'd be an elite time.
Okay.
Okay.
You never had a musician
on this show?
Well,
he didn't run it.
Phantom?
They're soft.
He didn't run it.
Not the Phantom.
Yeah, no,
he didn't run it either.
Was Cam Newton a musician?
No.
I think he DJs, right?
No, he's not a true musician.
Greg Olsen's a rapper. Greg Olsen
is a rapper. Third leg Greg.
I love all the nicknames you put on the list, TJ,
and when you're putting them in, I go, oh, that's so
funny, that's so good, and then when we look back at them,
I have no idea what the fuck they are.
I'm Chazits.
Who was that?
Candid Walker? That's Che
after he ate the Cheezits and was going by Chuck that? That's Che. That's Che after he ate the Cheez-Its and was going by Chuck.
That was me in a trash can.
Oh, you were wearing the trash can.
Receptacle, yeah.
Shit, Mark, you performed this week too.
I did, yeah.
That's why we had the connection of musicians.
You ever play Scully's in Columbus?
No, I haven't.
I've only done the basement in columbus so
far maybe one day you'll get on my level yeah i'm trying yeah rob robbie sent me that video i did
robbie's show in new york oh amazing he sent me the video because i was telling him that i was i
was a fan and he was like he sent it to me it looked like y'all were having a good time they're
the best pop punk rules yeah it's it's so fun it's so fun i had some of my ohio people come with me
and they were just blown away
at how fun the show was.
Were you a karaoke guy before that, or is this your first time?
No.
My brother's turning 40 today, actually, and he watches the act.
Happy birthday to Ryan.
Do you want us to say it, too?
That's kind of what I was setting that up.
Happy birthday, Ryan.
Happy birthday, Ryan.
So we were having a surprise party for him in columbus uh i saw pop punk would
be there friday night it like worked i didn't go just for the concert i went for my brother's
party and then uh so i told pft i was like hey i'm gonna be in town actually can i get like on
the list to come to the show and he's like you should sing a song with us if you're gonna be
in town and that's kind of how it came about i was like yeah fuck it i'll do it and then
that's why i asked you if you get nervous because i i was not nervous the entire day i did a i did a rehearsal
uh oh you were in it dude yeah and i i went on like halfway through the show about so i had all
day i the show had started not nervous at all as soon as i walked on the stage i was like oh fuck
what am i doing yeah like it just like i went to drink my beer and i'm shaking i'm like i don't
know what where am I right now.
And I've been on stage before, but I've never sang before.
So, like, that.
And then I was talking to other people in the band.
They're like, yeah, we get a little nervous from time to time.
I don't know.
But anyway, they rule.
They're the best.
And Roan's a great hype man.
Roan's like.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Dude, that dude has crazy bars.
Yeah, he's bad.
He's insane, dude.
I feel like I get more nervous, like, hoping people show up. Like, I'm like, I hope has crazy bars. Yeah, he's bad. He's insane, dude. I feel like I get more nervous hoping people show up.
I'm like, I hope people are there.
Great song.
No, if we went to a karaoke bar, I don't even know if I would really want to sing anything.
But I just felt like PFT asked me, I had to say yes.
And then once I was up there, I was like, I don't know.
I'll bang my head a lot and scream.
That's all you got to do.
Simple as that.
No, it is.
The high is unbelievable.
You get to do that for a living?
You just get out there and it's incredible, dude.
I'm in the wrong career.
It ain't a bad gig, bro.
It ain't bad.
But you've grinded your way to La La and all these big festivals.
You've done some shitty shows, I'm sure.
Oh, dude, I've played to so many empty restaurants in my life it was terrible you know and everybody's like kind of like what is
this guy doing and like being from dayton ohio i'm actually from green like new carolina ohio
so it's like middle of nowhere and you're like the one person that knows how to play an instrument
so yeah i i moved to nashville pretty quickly after i went to ou and that's where i like
started playing in front of people.
Yeah.
And I was like, I got to get out of here.
I was thinking that when, when I was watching those guys play, like the, the, the crowd
for the pop punk is like all barstool fans.
Yeah.
And, uh, not to say that they're not awesome musicians, but it's like, it helps that they're,
they're playing in front of their people and everybody's like just primed and ready to
fucking explode.
And then I thought about it.
Like if you're playing music in front of strangers,'s got to be the like i couldn't imagine playing like i don't know you
have a crowd full of people that don't know who you are and you have to win them over with your
music that would suck yeah that's why i only do the barstool comedy shit yeah because like
it doesn't have to be funny at all yeah dude being an opener on tours is tough it's very
tough because they don't know the fuck
is this yeah they don't give a shit about you and you're up there like trying to like feel yourself
and like be cool and some dude we just did we did two shows in spokane and uh seattle just like
brutal bro just brutal and especially like i just did my own headline tour so you do your own shows
where people are there to see you and then then I hopped on an opening slot.
So I went from, like, playing all these shows where everyone's there to see me, like, hype as shit, whatever.
And then I went to being the opener again.
And it was just, it was brutal, dude.
It was really brutal.
So Washington State, they don't, I guess they don't fuck with me up there yet.
Tell them to fuck themselves.
Start fucking with me, please, bro.
I would love to come play lit shows in your city but you guys are
no fun so far spokane just they were just lame or they hated you no i don't think they hated they
just like couldn't have given a shit like they're just like there's like people standing in the
crowd just looking at you like bro get this fairy off stage it was like so checking their watches
waiting for the main act yeah yeah Who were they there to see?
There's a band called The Band Camino.
I love them.
They are so good.
Fuck.
Are they here?
Oh, I would freak the fuck out.
Knox, Knox, Knox, you got to...
They're here.
Can we get them on the show?
I'm just so happy you guys know them.
That's great.
They deserve the love, bro.
They're sick, man.
They're good friends. They're sick, man. They're good friends.
They're sick, bro.
Wow.
That was beautiful.
That was a beautiful moment, guys.
Dude, I got starstruck when you said that.
I'm going to tell them.
I'm going to make them tune in.
I'm going to come through.
Dude, I will.
Tell them we're baking.
They're good dudes.
Good dudes.
Oh, man.
All right, well, gala.
Is it time?
Yeah, thank you for rolling through.
That was great.
Dude, thank you guys for having me this is so fucking sick bro
so happy
embrace every
moment of your future
oh shit
I'm really scared
before you know it
someone did 9 minutes so you're gonna be ok
someone did 9 who?
he's a movie critic
I'm not gonna to talk shit.
His feet swelled up.
Wait, what did Jack Golke do, though?
Oh, Golke?
Was he pretty good?
I think he was pretty good.
Do you know the gist of it?
Of what?
Oh, yeah, yeah.
I got the run through, and I've seen it before.
Golke got 258.
Damn.
Because I'm not going to lie.
I was telling them earlier, I'm a huge Kentucky fan.
Oh, that's right.
You hate Kentucky.
You have to beat Golke.
But I'm scared I might not.
This is for Big Blue Nation.
This is for Big Blue, bro.
Man.
Brandon will walk you through it.
Oh, yeah. I got it all down.
Who's this guy in the goal?
That's Malasek.
He's a real motherfucker.
He's a piece of shit.
He stopped four Zlatan Ibrahimovic shots?
Three?
Yeah, four.
Yeah.
All right.
Let's see what he's about, dude.
I'm a little scared.
Come on.
Don't hold back on him.
He's not about shit.
Just fucking...
Yeah, y'all say...
Do I start here?
No, you start over here.
All right, let's do it it and don't take it for
granted i think he's gonna be good are we ready tj same
a little bit of self-sucking he remembered me for my uber bud light videos that's right
called me hilarious when did he say that?
He was in the Anus studio for the show.
I can vouch.
Thank you, Nick.
We ready, TJ?
Yes.
All right.
Oh.
You're soft.
Sorry.
Ready.
Three, two, one.
Oh, my God.
Picked up a lot of bads. Oh, my word. Oh, you're good. Don't panic. Knox, it's over, one. Oh, my God. Oh, my word.
Oh, you're good.
Don't panic.
Knox, it's over, bud.
Oh, you're close.
Knox.
You're not going to be able to go back home.
Oh!
Oh, my God.
Knox.
Oh, you're good.
You're good, Tucker.
Woo!
What a nice boy.
I really admire his personality.
Yeah, he's a great fan.
He went into every room upstairs and introduced himself and was chatting everybody up and like, just a lovely guy.
Whoa, baseball.
There we go.
Nice catch.
That's okay.
Oh, there we go. That'll be one. Hit something. Nice catch That's okay Oh That's
That'd be one
Hit something
Oh
So close
Big toss
Big swing
Whoa
That's a bad pitch
That's not your pitch
Focus
Not at a minute yet
You're good
Football
Football
Gotta get your board
okay
i think we're also gonna have mark blutman run this today oh yeah
well it is liam blutman's birthday today yeah
oh oh oh watch that bat
oh lock in Uh-oh. Watch that bat.
Oh!
Lock in!
Unfortunately, we do not know how old he is.
They lost his birth certificate.
Really?
Let me just guess.
There's no way of knowing.
Yeah, I guess you can't tell. I feel like he wasn't born.
He was placed here.
All right.
State champion. State champ. he wasn't born. He was, like, placed here. All right. State champion.
State champ.
Undefeated.
Oh.
I see it.
He has a good shot, too.
Yeah.
Oh.
Clean stroke.
Oh.
Mom?
The game's evolved since he's been in high school.
Yeah.
Yay. There it is.
Wheel it out.
Brandon hustling.
Brandon's trying to earn favor to get that guy's shirt.
There's no way that shirt will fit him, right?
It's a 2X.
Brandon already asked.
Oh, were they out in his car picking out a new shirt?
That might be.
Focus. Oh, were they out in his car picking out a new shirt? That might be. Focus.
Oh, boy.
What was Golki's time again?
He has 2.59.
Oh, boy.
That'll be tough.
He's not going to beat him.
That'll be tough.
Golki is smiling.
Oh, no.
Man.
Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Sit in here. Sit right here. Sit right here. Sit here so you can see. Trivia. Man. Yep.
Yep.
Yep.
Sit in here.
Sit right here.
Sit right here.
Sit here so you can see.
Trivia.
Okay.
You got to name 10.
10 total.
Any category.
Let's go.
Hold on.
I'm sweating.
Five members of Guardians of the Galaxy.
Yep.
Do that one.
Easy.
Five?
Yeah.
Peter Quill or Star-Lord.
Oh, what's his name fucking rocket raccoon group um the green girl um fucking gamora and uh nebula nebula okay wait you need more you need
10 three colors flag of ireland flag of ireland colors? Green, red, white. No. Right?
Oh, green, orange, white.
Yeah.
Green, orange, white.
Three more.
Capitals.
Do the six types of synovial joints.
What the fuck?
Colleges in the big eight.
Come on.
Synovial. Oh, I don't even know.
Most abundant elements in the galaxy.
What the fuck does that even mean?
Main ingredients in a Manhattan.
Two main nicknames, Slim Shady and Eminem.
Yeah.
One more.
One more.
Oh, fuck.
Oh, what?
Capital of any of those countries.
Poland.
Netherlands.
Greece.
Capital.
Germany.
Israel.
Tokyo, Japan?
No, that's not the capital.
Yep.
Yeah.
There we go.
All right, I got under four.
You got under four, and I'm sure there's always a professional athlete that you'll beat.
Let's go.
Can we see if I beat a professional?
You definitely did.
Dude, that's no joke.
I'm sweating, bro.
Yeah, man.
If I could have just hit a three.
You were also playing around beforehand.
It may have taken a toll.
I think it did, dude.
I think I was.
Your shot was nice, but you were airballing.
I know, bro.
I didn't have no power.
Taylor LeJuan.
Let's scroll down.
There's got to be an elite athlete.
Will Compton.
You beat Rome.
Pat Bev.
Fuck Pat Bev. No, I'm kidding.
Cam Newton.
Cam Newton, okay.
Sketch.
That's crazy.
Let's go.
Maxine McCorgie.
You beat two phones, Brett.
Delaney Walker.
I take this as a serious win, you guys.
I feel like this is a dub.
Yeah, this is a dub.
And soak it all in.
Let's go, baby.
Come on.
Wow, I'm literally sweating.
That was crazy.
Yeah, dude.
Take the good with the bad.
I'm going to come back here in like a year, and I'm going to get 230.
Yeah, train.
With the mustache.
With the mustache.
Beat Golke.
Fuck, dude.
What'd Golke get?
He's 2-0 against you.
He's, uh, yeah.
God damn.
He sends his regards.
That was such a bad way to put that, dude.
Damn.
He's nice.
God.
Well.
You know what?
I hope Golke makes it to the NBA.
I mean that.
Jack, if you're watching, bro, I'm sorry about what I said.
You're nice.
There we go.
It would be better for Kentucky if he did.
Because if you guys lost to an insurance salesman, that's embarrassing.
But if you lose to a guy who played in the NBA.
That's what I'm saying.
At least get drafted by the Thunder, bro.
Please.
You should cheer for him now.
I'm begging.
Yeah.
All right, man.
Great meeting you, man.
Thank you, guys.
Pleasure to meet you.
Enjoy your time off.
Y'all are goaded, bro. Thank you. Thank you, man. Great meeting you man thank you guys pleasure to meet you enjoy your time off y'all are goaded bro thank you
great meeting you
oh yeah
thank you guys
I'm gonna fuck up the dab
eight focus
eight
Tom's getting sweaty
alright what a guy
What a lovely guy
This will be fine
God damn it
God damn it
What a high energy guy
He's the best
He's a good He's got the star gene
yeah that's the guy you root for yes yes no for real like he uh i'm not aware of his music and
i don't i feel like i'm probably not in his demographic but he's so nice that i want to
go check him out now yeah we're personally cool dude%. Oh, Brandon's giving him a lot of, oh. Oh, yeah, that's an easy one.
That's an easy one.
I don't know why they call me.
Yeah, check it out, bro, please.
All right.
Thanks.
Yeah.
See you later, guys.
Best of luck.
Hell, yeah.
Hell, yeah.
He wanted that hug to be heartfelt.
Oh, yeah?
Is that what he said?
Yeah.
And it was by the end.
You've been hugging, dude. I've been hugging dude i've been hugging you've been hugging you're a hugger i might be the hugger i think you might be
i'm not you had a breath of the hug i did the gauntlet i did the gauntlet
when i hug a man i hug a man yeah god damn That was an extreme hug.
When I hug a man, I hug a man.
Yeah, goddamn.
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all right so what else is hey everybody what's. What's up? Hey. Hi, Brandon.
How was your weekend, man?
It was good. I think it was good. Good.
Nothing out of the ordinary happened.
All my kids are still there.
How was your weekend? It was really
nice. I had some
boys over, played
SSX 3 on the PlayStation
2, and each of the boys
had their own bottle of Pinot.
A big bean bag
and the night's called Pines 2.
So it's Pinot
and play PS2.
And it was great.
Almost beat SSX 3. Did you only play
that or did you play any other PS2? Tony Hawk's Underground
and a little bit of Crash Bandicoot.
Everyone kill the Pinot?
Everybody kill the Pinino uh everybody killed the
pino wow yeah ps2 night penis too penis too but generally a ps2 night is exactly what the doctor
ordered oh yeah i'd love to have that on a beanbag chair should we have a tacos that's a bad idea
no that's a terrible a wine race why did you think that's what he meant? Yeah, Kate's just...
I want to have like a sleepover
here.
Oh, I found my new favorite restaurant.
I found my new favorite restaurant.
I found my new favorite restaurant. Me and my wife went up to
a place near, between Racine and Kenosha.
Where'd you go? In Summers, Wisconsin
called Hobnob and god damn it was good.
I have a place I need
to take you. Where?
Twin Anchors here.
Best ribs. Oh, yeah.
That place rules.
Best ribs I've ever had.
I've been on.
Nobody said Hobnob.
The tangy sauce.
Unbelievable.
It's on rack.
I might go tonight.
You should.
What just happened here, right?
I know.
I just got restaurant cucked.
Big time.
No, no.
Twin Anchors.
I'm sure Hobnob.
You got Hobnob.
Don't bring Hobnob when I have Hobnob. So we get there.
Don't bring Hobnob when I have twin anchors.
The waiter is a cute little toad.
Unbelievable.
We get there.
Falls off the bone right now.
And it's like a 1950s building.
It's like a 90s.
It's right on Lake Michigan.
And the thing, I got a pulled pork sandwich one time when I went to Twin Anchors.
It was to die for.
The ribs are great.
Yeah, it falls right off the bone.
Y'all don't understand how good this place was.
I had the oysters.
Pulled pork.
I'm not a huge rib guy.
What would you recommend?
The pulled pork?
The pulled pork I recommend.
One of the best I've ever had.
I don't think of Chicago as a barbecue place.
I had it twice.
It is the best I've had.
It's got a good random vibe.
I really like...
It's got a dive bar type vibe.
Let me take you this week.
Yeah, but I'd also like to take you.
I'm not going up to fucking Kenosha.
It's between Kenosha and Racine.
It's in Summers.
It's beautiful.
It's right by the lake.
I saw a bald eagle go across the lake.
Why are you always seeing these bald eagles?
I don't know, but I love seeing a bald eagle.
I had a ribeye.
I had the Oysters Rockefeller.
I'm telling you.
The clientele was the oldest restaurant I've ever seen.
Everybody in there was like 90.
Wait, I like that.
I do like that.
I don't like that.
We were all like dead.
And it was just me and my wife in the middle.
Those people don't typically have taste buds.
No, but one of them fell out during the meal.
What time did you go?
One of them fell out?
Fell out of the booth?
Fell out.
6.30?
I even said to my wife, I said, somebody might die in here tonight.
And she said, oh, you're just being silly.
And then sure enough, about 15 minutes later, somebody just fell out.
Titus, you thinking about those ribs?
God, it was good.
Yeah, I'm looking up Hobnob, too.
Yeah, you should.
Is it super crowded, Nick?
It's not as good as Twin Anchors.
It was crowded.
We should go.
Twin Anchors looks better.
Twin Anchors.
You weren't going to say a restaurant until I said a restaurant.
Your restaurant reminded me of my better restaurant.
Don't they have on the walls
in Twin Anchors
some shit about local celebs too?
Yeah. It's a great touch.
It reminds you that the stars will eat here too.
Hobnob has all 1950s decorations.
It looks like an old 50s diner.
Their clientele is from the 1950s.
It's like an old mob looking speakeasy.
Very dark wood.
That's the best ambiance.
And it's got two anchors.
Yeah.
Twins.
Yeah, yeah.
I took a picture with my wife right by the lake, with the lake in the background.
How did you find Hobnob?
I Googled good restaurants, Kenosha.
Why were you in Kenosha?
I wanted to spend the night.
I love southeast Wisconsin.
I do too.
And I wanted to go that way instead of this way.
So I just found it. I found it like a year
ago and I never went. And I went
and it's my favorite restaurant now.
Were you too full to fuck afterwards?
No, no, no.
Did you see the sign?
Got a hotel on the way home.
When you were walking to the lake that said stop Lake Michigan
ahead. Did you see that sign? Yes!
I've eaten there.
Have you?
I've eaten there.
How good was it? The steak was a little chewy.
That's exactly what the sign
said. Yeah, there's like a sign that's like
it's kind of funny, I guess. It's like stop
Lake Michigan ahead so you don't walk into the lake.
Alright, I cannot
let this happen. I ate there, yeah.
I can't let this happen. You've eaten there?
No, he Googled it.
He was looking at pictures.
It was right in front of your face, dude.
He looked at an image and then gotcha.
I just wanted somebody to be with me.
How did that segment go for you, that whole segment?
Are you glad you brought up Obnob, old timer?
Yeah, it's right there.
Stop, Lake Michigan.
Oh, you've been.
It's a very funny sign.
Brandon, you do seem like the type of guy that prefers to fuck on a full belly.
Yeah, well, whenever.
Have you ever been too full to fuck?
Almost certainly.
No, it seems like you power up.
I think you power through.
You think that's when it starts?
You should try fast at sex and then like devour afterward i'm never gonna try fast at
anything you should try post chia seed sex what's chia seed oh you put chia seed in your water till
it gets goopy it's like an it's an interior shower that doesn't sound good at all it you
i you feel good you do that now you're drinking seeds? Every morning. I make my goopy water.
I got to do this.
I have GERD.
Like, now I'm pretty sure.
Like, your chest is hurting?
The breath and, like, the pain here is from the acid reflux.
Is the surgery going to fix it?
The surgery was.
That was coincidentally, like, a different thing.
Oh.
Oh, shit.
So it has nothing to do
they are affiliated I'm sure hopefully it helps a lot I've been like air hungry so you know the
feeling when you can't get a satisfying breath and you keep trying and you keep failing that's
every night oof what about you no I that just sucks you've been in pain though yeah but I like
hearing about others pain a lot is it kind of scary to know all that you do for your body,
the time commitment, waking up early,
the aches and pains, and things still happen to you?
Yeah, it's a reminder that our bodies are gradually
or rapidly deteriorating.
Does it make you want to work out more
or take care of your body more or less?
It makes me...
It's futile.
I don't know if this is a result of my lifestyle habits, but or less it makes me futile and like i don't know if this
is a result of my like lifestyle habits but yeah it makes me want to drink less live healthier i
don't know sleep more and that's good yeah i think a weaker man would be like it's all for nothing
yeah that's probably what i would i would do that i'd be like i if i was kyle bauer and i was in the
shape you're in and i still had these problems i I'd be like, well, this doesn't do dick.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But I like working out.
Yeah.
It's the highlight of my day.
Me too.
Is it fixable?
Is it something that you can go away over time?
Gert, I don't know about it.
Yeah.
I'm taking medication for it.
Oh.
We'll see.
Hopefully that helps.
Yeah.
Back to it.
I'm going to get one of those wedge pillows
you got one of those
yeah I was prescribed a more elevation
yeah
the pregnancy wedges
yeah
pregnant women use
yep
that's right
what did you guys get Liam for his birthday
I didn't get him anything yet
I didn't know it was his birthday but but all the Blutmans are about.
They are all about and...
Who does he...
Is he a fan of any individual?
Blutman?
Yeah, like a super fan.
Alcaraz, maybe?
The tennis guy?
I don't know.
He just knows a lot of athletes.
Probably some D4 football player.
Yeah, that's probably right.
Is there a team he really loves?
He's a UCLA guy, but I'm not sure he loves it as much as like...
He never passionately loves it in front of us.
He likes the Golden Knights, right?
Oh, he does.
Loves the Golden Knights.
So we're buying him a gift now
I already got him one
what'd you get him
Lowe's gift card
so you just wanted to say
what you got him
I thought it'd be the funniest
thing to get Liam
everybody should get him
a Lowe's gift card
I want him to
back up the Lowe's
did you see Dave's email
he just sent
no
I haven't read it yet
but uh the subject is do not hang out on fire escape.
That's not our office.
Hey, birthday boy.
Hey, man.
How old are we?
26.
Happy birthday to Ryan Titus.
Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
We have turtle cake?
Turtle cakes.
Oh, wow. Look at this We have turtle cake. Turtle cakes. Oh, wow.
Mini turtle cakes.
Look at this.
Wow.
Oh, my gosh.
We'll bring them on in.
Bring them on in.
We have the whole Blutman clan.
Yeah.
Listen.
Oh, my God.
Happy birthday.
All right.
Now, do what you would do if you weren't here.
I want to look in to your kitchen, wherever this happens.
Are these all mine?
Yeah.
Why?
I deserve this.
Wait, he has to stand up for this?
Oh, he has to stand up.
What's he have to stand up and do?
Light the candles.
Light the candles.
Light the candles.
Somebody, who's got a candle lighter?
We need a lighter.
Does anyone have a lighter?
I thought you guys would have this figured out.
I just want to observe.
Yes.
This is his 26th birthday.
I want to be a fly on the wall.
Yeah, we need a lighter.
Luke, go get us a lighter.
I would have gone towards the kitchen.
Blutman Sr., why don't you sit down?
Yeah.
Have a seat.
Mark, man.
Right here.
In that chair?
Well, yeah.
Maybe stand behind it.
I'll stand behind it.
I'll sit in front.
Hello.
And Liam?
Sit in the chair.
Sit in the chair.
Have a seat.
Are you excited?
Are you embarrassed?
Emotional?
Neither of the three.
Time goes by fast.
It can't be neither of the three.
How can it not be neither of the three?
Because neither connotes two, right?
Change the game.
Why can't it be neither?
Yeah, I guess you're right right and how long has this tradition
been going on how many years 26 all 26 it actually goes back to kristin's mother when she was alive
made it for kristin and her brothers and sisters back in the generation 60s wow Wow. Turtles. Was there ever a botched turtle cake?
This one.
Any birthday?
No.
I don't know.
You'll have to pay me.
This is going to be my first time.
I'm pumped.
Yeah.
Okay.
I hope it's good.
No, I don't think so.
I mean, other than it looking like tar.
No, it looks good.
The icing is shiny. It really is good.
Yeah, it looks amazing.
And Liam and Luke, for their birthday, they put the request in. the request in yeah what flavor cake what flavor frosting and it's different every year
has has liam ever got weird with it with his flavor peach no gross peach you asked for strawberry
strawberry yeah strawberry but i made them wait till they were like 10 to be able to like request yeah i just
like that's that's the age yeah i just like that since the new untold so the world has gone crazy
with their turtle cakes they're all making i've seen iterations with meatloaf yeah that one that
was classic you think that's like slapping is that a slap in the face we don't really talk about that
all right that one was
and didn't some people started going with different reptiles yeah we were seeing frog bread was out in
the battle frog bread oh whoa sacrilegious frog bread it's like the trank of turtle cake would
you would you try frog bread no rough and rowdy with the creator of frog bread and that could be a loser leaves
town as well oh yeah that's a crazy thing that we're gonna make a frog bread rough and rowdy
friday mikey bets whose wife is pregnant will leave his job if he loses i love it he's it's a
they're fighting for pinks loser Loser leaves town. Mikey loses.
He's done it, Barstool.
Yes.
The other guy loses.
He's done it, rough and rowdy.
So what?
That's not an even bet ever.
Come on, bets.
Negotiate a little bit, brother.
Is this the same guy that Jenks knocked out?
Or is that the brother?
The brother.
Okay.
But wait.
The brother is fighting.
Can we show who the brother is fighting, TJ?
And by the way, Nick, I'm not sure about Mikey's training because I saw him yesterday.
He went to Lollapalooza.
Oh, no.
It doesn't seem like the way to get ready for a fight.
If you had a fight for your job, I wouldn't be partying at all.
I'm not at Lollapaloozaala i wouldn't be sleeping i lost but i
saw tate mccray thank god i saw tate mccray mom what do you remember about the day liam was born
oh good question pain yeah a lot of pain a lot of red hair that was mistaken for blood i thought
what oh really that's horrifying i thought he would be a blonde
i mean all of my family are blondes so was he was born red oh major i was born blonde then turned
really yeah yeah like major god cursed me yeah did you do something wrong i think my dad did i think
my dad fucked up and then god struck me here we go all right so is this a morning routine
Or supper time
At night but the big part is
The morning after for turtle cake breakfast
So we should do that tomorrow morning
We'll save some
We also have to save a piece for Big Cat
Is that what he said
Okay yeah he's fighting the non-binary ninja
Wait what Yeah dude That one rocked me to my core Okay, yeah, he's fighting the non-binary ninja. Wait, what?
Yeah, dude.
Yeah, that one rocked me to my core.
And the non-binary ninja is Owen 2 right now.
Yeah, but he's Owen 5, the light bearer.
He keeps on changing.
The light bearer.
Wait, Owen 5?
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
He may be losing his job.
No, that's not Mikey Betts.
Mikey Betts has never fought.
By the way, if and when I do the gauntlet, I just prove that someone's going to have
to read the questions for me.
Okay.
I can't see anything.
You get to choose your question, reader.
Okay.
Brandon.
Brandon.
All right.
Good spirit.
Good spirit, man.
All right, crew.
Yeah, let's light it up. Do what you would do. Oh, no. Oh, man. All right, crew. Let's light it up.
Do what you would do.
Oh, yeah.
Nice.
Take one of those.
Thank you.
This is getting more and more festive by the minute.
Okay.
Whose phone's ringing?
Somebody's phone is ringing.
Probably Mark.
Sorry, guys.
Oh, I'm staying.
Oh, no.
Yeah, come on, Liam.
You have to put the hat on.
Come on.
Liam.
And if anybody online watching wants to get Liam a Lowe's gift card as well,
I never want you to have to spend a dime of your own money at Lowe's for as long as you live.
Yeah.
Do you know what Lowe's is?
Not right now.
Worldwide, the hat really takes it away from you.
I should go there.
Yes.
You probably should.
Luke, stand next to your family.
Stand next to your brother.
Yep.
Turtle cake.
Unfold your arms.
Oh, my God.
Enjoy it.
Happy birthday, big guy.
We won't sing to you.
Yeah, we will.
We definitely will.
Happy birthday to you.
Happy birthday to you.
Happy birthday, dear Liam.
Happy birthday to you.
All right.
Yeah.
Wish time.
Turned another age.
Then I all.
Yeah, you missed.
That's part of it.
You missed the.
Frightening.
Can you not blow?
This is real.
Why can't he blow?
Why can't he blow?
There we go.
There we go.
All right.
All right.
Okay.
There you go.
Yep.
That was it.
You guys witnessed history.
You guys did. You really did. You had one job. Chills. Bring the knife. Yeah. Good job, dad. There you go. That was it. You guys witnessed history. You guys witnessed history.
You had one job.
Chills.
You had to bring the knife.
Yeah, good job, Dad.
There's no knife?
No knife, huh?
Knife in the kitchen.
I got the knife.
It's got wires hanging out of them right now.
Good job, buddy.
It's so good.
26.
Unbelievable.
What did you wish for?
Oh, I don't do that.
The song just stopped.
Wait, are these-
Another Lowe's gift card?
Titus? Get him a Lowe's gift card? Uh, Titus?
Get him a Lowe's gift card. I'll get you a Home Depot gift card. Oh. Menards.
I want you to
pick your hardware. I still can't believe you're wearing a jacket.
Menards is great. Menards is big.
Menards is big. Ah.
I did something this weekend. Did you go to Menards?
No. I'm a Costco
guy. I'm a member of
Costco. I've been meaning to get around to it. I just haven't. Did you get a chicken bake? I can't have guy. I'm a member of Costco.
I've been meaning to get around to it. I just haven't. Do you get a chicken bake?
I can't have that. You have not been meaning to get around
to it. You haven't. It's one of the easier things
to do. It's so easy. You can't be meaning to get around
for over a year now. I think you can.
I thought it was society's elite that
could get to Costco. No. It's $60
a year. Yeah.
The things I have in bulk now
that's where I got my chia seeds.
In bulk?
You do it just to get items in bulk, or is it their selection?
The socks I'm wearing, $8 for 20 pairs.
That's good.
No, it's not all bulk.
Who did you see at Costco?
But that's like the main reason, the main incentive.
You texted me something from Costco.
Oh, there was a guy wearing a Henny Friday shirt at Costco,
and I went up and I said, nice shirt, and he walked past me.
My name's on the shirt in print i just i was so embarrassed it was probably maybe he got it goodwill or he slept at his
yeah he's probably a gay guy and he probably just got done fucking a stranger
the hat open it the morning after the socks, any other big gets?
Chia seeds.
You keep going to that.
Gluten-free chicken nuggets.
Penis frozen pizzas.
Hoa?
Are those booms or dooms?
Everything's been a boom so far.
These are comfortable socks.
They're thick.
You want to touch them?
Do you have like a Costco ID?
Yes.
Like a picture of it? Yeah. Take your picture.
Yeah. You have one too? Yeah. Don't tell me
you're an elite member though. He's an elite member.
Oh, he got the black card. Don't
tell me. I'm so... Fuck!
What is the black card? I'm wearing
a Santa hat in mine. It's just a little
cheeky thing. It's just a little cheeky thing I do.
I wear a Santa hat.
I want the Costco
people to know that I'm a fun guy.
There they go.
I want...
The boys.
That cool squad.
Must be doing Donnie's show.
That's annoying as shit.
No, you'll get there.
So, mine is $60 a year.
I believe yours was $250.
Yep.
That's embarrassing.
It's okay.
We all start somewhere. but what does he get
that you don't yeah what happens two percent back at the end of the year two percent back
in respect really yeah because you have to show this when you get there and i get looked down upon
yeah and my little face we're costco guys yeah let's sometime. I'd imagine we'd go to the same Costco.
Yeah, we almost certainly do.
Yeah.
Yeah, we do.
Truly underrated hot dog.
I haven't had the hot dog.
It's $1.50 for a hot dog and a large drink. With refills.
$4 rotisserie.
I've been planning to go.
Let me take you.
Shadow me.
I got some planning left to do.
Y'all done?
Y'all ready? Y'all good? Yeah, what's going on? Oh, I started eating mine. to do. Y'all done?
Y'all ready?
Y'all good?
Yeah, what's going on?
Oh, I started eating mine. What are you guys doing over there?
Fantastic.
They're the live studio audience.
Okay, so we have to guess the amount of M&Ms,
which is the same time every time, on the turtle cake.
Same amount.
The winner, the person who's the most far off,
has to do something.
How do we decide who eats the head?
That's Liam, right? You get the head?
The birthday boy gets the head.
Yeah.
Guess the number.
What's the punishment?
You don't get any.
Okay.
It is a punishment too.
For the rest of your life, you can't have turtle cake.
This is it. You're eliminated from turtle cake. For the rest of your life, you can't have turtle cake. This is it. You're eliminated from turtle cake.
You're eliminated from turtle cake for the rest of your life if you're far off.
Question.
Oh, it smells good.
Are the M&Ms just on the surface?
That's a good question.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Okay.
No trick.
All right.
Okay.
And no toenail.
All right.
I got it.
I got my guess.
I got my guess.
I think I'm nailing it.
How do we reveal?
All right.
Kate, go.
83.
I think 57. nailing it. How do we reveal? All right, Kate, go. 83. I think 57.
73.
100.
92.
61.
The same amount every time.
A lot of us picked odd numbers, which seems stupid,
but it feels like this would have an odd number on it.
Someone was very close.
No one got it head on.
What was it?
Very close.
What's the answer? Sorry. Moot got it head on. What was it? What's the answer?
Moot got the closest.
What was his guess?
He guessed 73.
It was 72.
Yep.
Moot.
Who's the furthest?
I did some quick math, yeah.
Oh, you did the furthest?
I saw eight across, eight deep.
So Kyle was 100, right?
Kyle was 100, but was anybody in the 50s?
Somebody was.
Yeah, but 50s is not as far away.
I was 57, I think I said.
Kyle, you can never have turtle cake for the rest of your life.
Damn.
Get fucked, dude.
He is genuinely sad.
All right, yeah.
Pass it out.
Let's get it going.
You could have turtle cake breakfast, though.
Is that a different turtle cake? It's a it going. You could have turtle cake breakfast, though. Is that a different turtle cake?
It's a different term.
This turtle cake, that one's turtle cake breakfast.
Turtle cake breakfast is better.
Is that what you're going to have tomorrow?
Yeah.
You swear.
Will you send a video?
We'll have it in the office and we'll eat turtle cake breakfast.
Perfect.
Oh, my God.
That was good.
What flavor was it? I did vanilla. Yeah. Yeah, I ate it before the office and we'll eat turtle cake breakfast. Perfect. Oh my God, that was good. What flavor was it?
I did vanilla.
Yeah.
Yeah, I ate it before the birthday boy got the head.
Can you have turtle cake cupcakes?
No, I actually can't.
None for me.
You took off the hat and everything.
You can't even celebrate the birthday anymore.
What was the highlight of your 25th year? Yeah, you took off the hat and everything. You can't even celebrate the birthday anymore.
What was the highlight of your 25th year?
I don't know.
Cool.
I guess.
Major life changes.
Gigantic life changes.
Yep.
We'll go with that.
Yep.
Cool.
What's on the horizon for 26?
I don't know.
Whatever happens. Do you have any goals? Are you a goal guy a goal guy far from a goal yeah i feel like you're like a one point in goal is there
anybody you'd be starstruck to meet we did this on the uh when rico and marty mush interrogated me
during a march madness live stream they were asking me about that i really genuinely didn't
know who to say.
I think I ended up saying Sky Shuffler
because he's a bit of a goober, but I don't think
it'd be that. I don't think Starstruck.
I don't think any Starstruck.
Blastoise?
That'd be crazy.
Yeah, alright.
Piplup just waddled in here.
I'd be a bit taken away.
I heard he was at La La, dude.
They were trying to get Piplup for La La, dude. Dude, I know.
They were trying to get Piplup for PMT, but they couldn't get him.
Yeah, he's big. Damn.
Without going and just guessing,
you're talking Pokemon.
Yeah, we're talking Pokemon right now.
They got Turtwig? How'd he do?
He's there in the cage.
Yeah, you're right.
What the heck?
What's your birthday dinner tonight?
I don't know.
Che requested Mediterranean.
Che?
Wait, what?
Che, you're making his birthday dinner?
I asked if they tried ABBA.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, it is good.
Is Che going?
I have a DraftKings thing.
Anyone can if they want.
Open invite.
Wait, you're doing the DraftKings thing, though, aren't you?
I can't go.
You're the one that's leading the tour. You're right. Yeah, and you guys chose them one day. Anyone can if they want. Open invite. Wait, you're doing the DraftKings thing though, aren't you? I can't go. You're the one that's leading the tour.
You're right.
Yeah, and you guys chose them one day.
I can't go.
I want to go, but I can't.
I got to be with Brian Walker on the Sarah Roughness.
Yep.
Big episode.
Big episode.
Yep.
Talking big 10.
You know what's not a big episode?
Fucking House of Dragon.
Oh, yeah.
I was like that.
It was tough. This whole season spanned 30 Fucking House of Dragon. Oh, yeah. It was tough.
This whole season spanned 30 pages
of the book.
From episode one of the season.
It was bad.
30 pages of the book.
Is the book part good?
Of what's currently airing?
No, it's just run out.
I want to read the books, but
correct me if I'm wrong, he's not done writing the books and he's never going to finish them.
So I don't want to start reading the books and then never get a conclusion.
Everything about this IP is a waste of your time.
Wait, isn't he old as fuck?
He's old and fat.
Yeah, he's old and diabetic, right?
He's like rehabbing wolves.
That's going to backfire.
What do you mean rehabbing?
He has a wolf sanctuary.
And they were on drugs?
No, I think they were just like, he's nursing them.
Is it the same writing crew and showrunners as Game of Thrones?
I don't have a clue.
Don't use your insider terms here.
Writer?
Writer?
Writing crew.
When you say writing crew, is that a Hollywood term?
Don't use your inside bullshit jargon.
The episode was extremely disappointing.
There was nothing.
It was all set up.
There was one battle this season.
Unless you asked Nicky Smokes, he said it was incredible.
Nicky Smokes just likes the smut.
Look, the storyline is sick.
The buildup of what's about to happen.
There can only be so much buildup.
It's been all buildup. Stinks. P.U. I'm done. All you need to build up of what's about to happen there can only be so much build up it's been all build up but like stinks
PU I'm done
and now it's a build up episode
that ended on a cliffhanger and now you have to wait two years
yeah I'm out
as a TV writer are you more critical of
shows or are you like nah you gotta
give them a break because blah blah blah
you know what I actually I'll never
tweet anything negative about a movie
or except the the jerry
seinfeld pop frost i thought you liked that i liked the first three minutes okay and then it
was a train wreck but i try and be respectful because it's hard the hardest thing in the world
is to you know write a show and then even harder than that is to get it made and so i won't publicly shame anybody i will the writing
this season was awful they had a terrible job of ryan there were a lot of poor line deliveries the
showrunners were doing cardio a mess don't say you're done with it or else someone's gonna spoil
the the everything that happens for you because they i know what happens i didn't okay i'm done
with it uh any spoiler you would tell Liam, tweet at me. Yep.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
So, Mark, Liam won't tell us.
He's too humble.
What are your highlights of Liam?
Honestly, just watching him dedicate all his waking time and effort into sports and us
going, is this really going to lead to something
yeah and it didn't him will he ever work with teraney kb brandon and mook titus and kate no and
he always had a plan and so the highlight for us yeah you had yeah you did you did in the back of
your mind you didn't see this as an end goal well Well, I like to work here, but no plan.
And so for parents to see him just thrive and more than just the work,
the social aspect of this place and the friendship that he gets from all of you guys,
that's the highlight for us, you know, as parents.
Has he told you guys that we're friends?
Well, he used the term.
I'm not good with the kid jargon acronyms, but he says BFF.
Wow.
That is the new shit.
Brandon fucking forever or something?
Yeah, well, that's not going to happen.
No?
No, I just meant.
You two, you're tight. He says you guys do sleepovers once a month to talk football?
You guys game together?
Yeah.
We do game.
We do sleepover every now and then.
Nope.
He came up to the Yak and he stayed that night.
Did you?
It was a nice home.
When?
Big ass house.
No, I didn't get to go.
Why didn't you go?
Not enough car seats.
Wait, car seats?
What are you, two years old?
Car seats? Not enough seats in the Wait, two years old? Hard seats?
Not enough seats in the car.
That's a valid reason.
One thing I noticed from your place, you sleep, your room's at the top.
Yeah.
The two boys, they have the room in the basement.
They're going to sneak out so much.
Let them go.
Oh, yeah.
It's amazing.
Perfect.
It's designed for...
It's good for a teen boy.
Yeah.
It's designed for them to get into some trouble teen boy yeah it's designed for them to to get
into some trouble that's great do whatever they gotta do at the pool table down there it's all
good you just want that's gonna be the fun house to hang out at like that's gonna be the house
where we can do anything we want yeah maybe i don't know would you get pissed if he knocked
over something that you a collectible of yours, and it shattered? Very. I've gotten pissed many times.
They've knocked over almost everything.
And I have multiple.
Everything you have is kind of broken.
And also, most of what I own is plastic.
Yeah.
I don't own many really, truly valuable things.
There's not a vase in that home.
No, no.
Just a Ken Griffey Jr. starting lineup from 1993.
I forget who said it, but somebody said your basement is sick.
It's amazing.
It's pretty cool.
It's a good basement.
Yeah.
Good basement.
It's designed for...
Oh, I worked out in my basement yesterday.
I did the light boxer.
Did you see my light boxer?
I saw it.
Yeah, I did.
Yeah, yeah.
That's a fun thing.
You took that from the office.
That'll wear your ass out.
I don't know how you've...
No, that's amazing. How did you get the arcade time everything you have has been
owned by someone else that was not taken from the office i did not get the they sponsored
unnecessary reference and sent me one okay that was not taken from the office the arcade cabinet
was stolen from me how'd you get that i one day uh they did an arcade thing robbing them uh they
brought in billy billy mitchell yes they did it and they did an arcade thing, Rob and them. Uh, they brought in Billy, Billy Mitchell.
Yes.
And they did it and they did a video and they put it in the game time room.
Well, when game time died, people just started stealing N64s and Nintendos.
Didn't know that.
And I just said, Hey Rob, I'm going to take that.
And he said, take it.
They have golden tea at Costco you could buy.
So I drove, I drove my car into Manhattan.
Wow.
And had to get a security guard to help me wheel it down to my car on a Sunday.
Undertaking.
Yeah, but I got it.
Is there anything here you're eyeing up?
There's some things.
There's some things.
While we're on the topic.
Jerry's treadmill will disappear at one point.
While we're on the topic of stolen stuff.
Oh, yeah, I got that.
This is my last pass.
This jacket is not mine
it was laying on this chair this is yours no oh all right well i don't know but no so what
happened was i mentioned somewhere on a live stream that i was like getting into tennis a
little bit and then like a couple days later this jacket appears appears on my chair. I thought someone left it behind,
so I put it off to the side.
It was sitting here for like over a week.
No one claimed it.
So I was like, I'm just going to take it home.
This is the first time I've worn it since then.
This was like a couple months ago.
And I don't know what to do.
Oh, abundantly approved.
That's yours.
This is mine?
Yeah, that's yours.
Yours.
I'm waiting for someone at this office to say it's theirs.
Shay tried to pull it on me today.
It worked.
It worked really well. It worked really well. Shay tried to pull it on me today. It worked.
It worked really well.
It worked really well.
Shay actually ended up wearing it. She was like, is that my jacket?
I was like, oh, shit.
Is there somebody that would come up and say it is theirs
and prove it, but you don't respect them enough to give it back?
Hmm.
Who wouldn't you give it back to?
No, I'd give it back to anybody, Nick's it's the right thing goldfinger i mean you
were taking it off to give it to jay i did take it that's what i mean yeah i was gonna get it on
but yeah i've been i've been walking around all day today just scared that someone's been what
the fuck man you stole my jacket i've been looking for that yeah i don't know i just wanted to get a
read of the room you think you think it's mine now i think you're good now okay all right it was on
your chair yeah it's it's been on multiple shows now but wasn't i don't
know where it came from wasn't there a special episode we did the night before that appeared
was it like christmas or what was the could have been i think it was somebody that came in from
out of the office we have a lot of people in for christmas right it was some sort of episode we
only had the smokes cameo that Kate set up.
The reality is, though, Mark, it looks good on you. Yeah, and possession is nine-tenths, so it's mine now.
And nobody's going to come up, look at it, thinking it's odd,
and go, where'd you get that?
Right.
It looks like it's been yours since.
Looking good is the tenth.
Possession is nine-tenths.
Looking good is the tenth.
Looking fly.
Yeah, just looking fly as fuck.
Hands in the pocket. So comfortable. Yeah, just looking fly as fuck. Hands in the pocket.
So comfortable.
There you go.
Brandon, do what you need to do.
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app today last minute tickets lowest price guaranteed all right steven shea uh i don't
i don't know how many of you here saw it oh yeah oh i've saw it a thousand times i did too the
chris steven chase chris tucker impression oh my god which he just dropped on us at a 215 on a Oh, I saw it a thousand times. I did too. Stephen Chay's Chris Tucker impression.
Oh, my God.
Which he just dropped on us at 2.15 on a Friday on Quick Picks.
We're going into the weekend.
I'm ready to go.
And he just out of nowhere, I sneeze and he goes, God damn.
Oh, do you want to hear my Chris Tucker impression?
Yeah, I sure fucking do.
And...
Bless you.
God damn.
Jesus.
You want to hear my Chris Tucker impression?
Yes.
God dang!
Che, how long have you worked at Barstool?
About eight years.
I would have done that my first day.
Yeah.
I know I have that.
I'm using it immediately.
I haven't thought about it in a very long time.
Actually, we were talking about doing the best impersonations for a future bracket,
and I was going to submit that.
But aside from that, I hadn't thought about that in years.
That would win.
That is so good.
So in my time I've known you, you once said your best impersonation,
your best impression was the guy from the Gatorade commercial saying
naturally they called our stuff Gatorade.
And you have done that on
the Yak before. And Godzilla.
And Godzilla. And Chappelle.
Dickie V. But you didn't do
the Chris Tucker.
That's all of Chris Tucker.
That's all your impressions are one.
Do your Godzilla impression.
Take some of that.
What did you see?
Godzilla, Godzilla.
That's all that impression. That's true.
That's true.
That's true.
So all your impressions are one sentence spoken by a person.
For the most part, yeah. I don't have a very...
I have a somewhat wide range,
but a very shallow catalog.
All right, but what else is hiding in there?
I honestly don't.
I used to...
I would just do these, like,
walking around my house every once in a while.
And then, yeah, this one.
Rush Hour 2 was a huge movie.
Also Rush Hour.
Specifically, and Rush Hour. That's his Rush Hour 2 impression. a huge movie. Also Rush Hour. Specifically, and Rush Hour.
That's his Rush Hour 2 impression.
You got to add this to your set.
Do impressions.
I mean, that's another five minutes.
I got some feedback on that.
It could be.
It could be.
If we expand in a comedy game, which I don't know that we will,
but if I ever do another set, then I'll try and work this one out.
You ever accidentally whip that out in front of your kids when they fuck up?
No, no.
And honestly, I would not have done it if Brandon didn't sneeze, because I just said
goddamn once I said that.
I was like, oh, I can say this in a funny way.
I know where to go from here.
So, Che, was that a particularly good one, or can you just rip that off at any moment?
I can rip it off at any moment.
All right, do it on today's show, but don't let us know when you're going to do it.
Actually, no, Che che i want you to
grocery prices are high i want you to go to the grocery store and when they say your total i want
you a video of your grocery please do that today okay yeah and i just and i want you to tweet out
the video just like grocery prices are too damn high. That video.
You can do self-checkout, but I need it in public.
Okay.
Simple as that.
Never know if you don't ask.
I don't know what he thought the answer was going to be when he said, do you want to hear my Chris Tucker impression?
Who would ever say no to that?
I fucking do.
Yeah, I sure do.
Yeah, Steve.
It was good.
It was quite the moment.
I thought about it all Friday.
Like I drove home.
I got home and went out to dinner with my wife.
Yeah!
Dang!
I watched the video 25 times Friday night.
Yeah.
It was the first thing I looked at when I woke up Saturday.
I woke up and I was like, I need to pick me up.
It's incredible. Me and Sass played it like ten times
in the green room. It might be what, Chad?
I think it might be the greatest thing I've done because all the feedback,
people are unsolicited coming up to me
today and just being like, I watched that a thousand
times. Yes!
We're approaching about a dozen people that have either
done that or texted me over the weekend.
I felt the need to text them. Thank you very much.
I still can't believe you used the other impressions first before that one.
I hadn't thought about Chris Stuckerman.
I guess he was in air.
I guess he was, yeah.
I guess he was.
Howard.
So is there anyone else in there that you haven't really thought about?
Like how do we figure out who else you've got in there?
There's more.
There's absolutely more.
There's got to be something else in there. I don't remember because I don't really thought about? How do we figure out what else you've got in there? There's more. There's absolutely more. There's got to be something else in there.
I don't remember because
I don't really...
38-year-old dad job. I'm not really
doing these things all the time now.
If something triggers a memory
that Brandon sees in my reactions
to that, I will bust
that out from time to time. I think we just have to name all the people.
Can we give them one to try?
Let's go to that random celebrity generator
and see if you can do it.
It's probably going to be no
for 99.9%.
You don't know that. Are there any that
you're actively working on?
No.
No.
We should give them a project.
Again, I don't really do this anymore, but just once in a while.
But you have the vocal
range to really capture anybody, I think.
Can you do Brandon?
I can't.
I can't impersonate just regular people.
Can we give you somebody to try by the end of the week?
Regular ass, dude.
I can try.
I can't guarantee it's going to be good.
I'll try whatever.
But, yeah.
Who should we give him?
I don't know what I need to do to sound like him.
Guess.
Do this one.
I never really got into the Fast franchise, so I don't really know his voice very well.
Okay.
He's certainly done a lot of other movies.
Singing voice?
No.
The dude.
He's definitely never seen that.
Okay.
I have seen Big Wadowski.
Oh.
No.
This is going to be an arduous process, but I will.
Eddie Murphy.
I don't have an Eddie Murphy.
From Nutty Professor.
Of course I know the Hercules, but I don't have that.
Do Fat Albert.
Never seen him.
Do what you think Fat Albert would say.
Wait, let's pull up people Che doesn't know and have him try to impersonate.
Who's one of the side characters in Fat Albert?
So Fat Albert says, I'm Fat Albert.
Who's the guy that says, I'll sit on you?
That's Fat Albert.
No, that's Fat Bastard, right?
That's Fat Bastard.
Fat Bastard.
Did you confuse Fat Albert with Fat Bastard?
Do Austin Powers.
Yeah, good one. I don't have theard? Do Austin Powers. Yeah, good one.
I don't have the British.
Do Borat.
Do Dr. Evil.
Borat.
I don't have Dr. Evil.
Borat.
Give your best yabby.
We'd be very comfortable with you failing.
I have that type of stuff.
A little bit.
Is there any cartoons?
Bugs Bunny, Elmer Fudd, Sylvester the Cat.
I think I used to maybe do Taco Bell Dog, but I don't know.
I think.
I used to.
It's not very good.
I'd take some Taco Bell Dog.
Give it a whirl.
I'd have to see the commercial.
This is, you know, we're tapping into 30 years.
TJ, pull a commercial up.
Is it Yo Quiero Taco Bell?
Yo Quiero Taco Bell.
Yo Quiero Taco Bell.
Oh, you're not going to beat TARDIS.
That's pretty good.
That was good.
I don't know.
Yeah, but this isn't something I actually know.
Should we do a, should we have, like, impression contest?
Yes.
Pull some out of a hat.
Yeah, we should all get a person.
We have to figure out who on the show
can do it impression I'm going right past her ass.
Yo quiero Taco Bell.
What a great commercial.
Yeah, really good commercial.
Yo quiero Taco Bell.
Yeah.
It's pretty cut and dry there, Che.
Yeah, I'm just trying to think of the tones I want to go with. Do Chris Tucker saying that?
That's the thing.
I don't have Chris Tucker real range.
But just try and fail.
We will laugh if you fail. i can do the taco bell dog um but i want other lines done in chris tucker that's the point
of impression so you could hear them doing things they wouldn't normally do yeah like chris tucker
calling a tom brady touchdown pass yeah that'd be awesome all right i can. I have a little bit from Rush Hour 2.
Alright, Chris Tucker to Mike Evans.
Yes.
35-yard touchdown.
Take the lead.
Fourth quarter.
This is really hard because I'm not trying to not do it, but
he escalates.
I don't want this to be a bad impression.
Alright, how about you write it down
and you come back to us when you're ready.
I have some Rush Hour 2 exchanges.
Yeah, do that.
I can do that.
Is Rush Hour 2 your favorite movie?
One of them.
Okay.
And the anniversary of it coming out was yesterday,
or Saturday.
All right.
Come on, Lee!
Carter! Carter!
Jackie Chan kicks him.
Yeah.
Dang.
Oh, shit.
Good.
We might get that taken down.
It's too good.
Wow.
I knew it was coming, and it still came out of nowhere.
That was unreal.
I'm speechless happy birthday Liam
happy birthday Liam
oh I just realized you don't even have
headphones on you can't hear anything
yeah because the headphones here don't work
oh it was really good
that would have made your birthday complete honestly
thanks Jay Headphones here don't work. Oh, it was really good. That was, yeah, that would have made your birthday complete, honestly.
Thanks, Jay.
I do like the idea of all your impressions being from Rush Hour 2.
Because there's other characters as well, right?
There's the British guy?
No.
Is there a British guy in that one? That's Rush Hour 1.
The bad guy, the rich guy, I believe, is from britain i heard from england he's from la
steven rain i also love that movie there you go yeah one last try steven mr feeney oh wow i don't
know i wish i did one of the greatest you right and you watch the show. You must have a Feeney. Do good.
Feeney is Che.
I don't.
I'll try and conjure up some.
I have a few.
Chris Tucker is probably the best one I do.
Yes.
I think there's a better one in there.
You just don't remember.
Yeah, you're great.
I'm being told you have a Justin Bieber impression.
Oh, yeah.
Do your classic Justin Bieber. Come on.
We love this.
Classic Justin Bieber.
No, he says it really funny.
There is a...
It is Justin Bieber saying his own name to a...
Some type of TJ.
You know what I'm talking about?
Okay, yeah.
It's a video that had like 200 views 11 years ago that Jayay can do the line from justin bieber
oh that's from the otis freestyle that's him yeah justin bieber he just got it
if you're closing in on it's a great freestyle. Jay, that's good, man.
Did you watch that?
Like, how did you know you had that?
Yeah, I watched that.
Gotta come from somewhere.
Hold on.
Play the video with no sound and you do it, Jay.
I love it.
All right.
Justin Bieber.
Oh, no.
I'm getting everything confused. I'm getting everything confused I can't watch
Justin Bieber
oh you're off
you're off
no I can't
I can't watch it and do it
then I get
wires get crossed
what
do Chris Tucker
to that video
oh man I'll bust one out the show
but like if you have a Chris Tucker and Jackie Chan
it would be amazing if you could put out a video of them
doing like an NFL play-by-play or being in a booth together
that'd be so great
that's a good point
yeah your Jackie was good
my Jackie needs work
physically
visually really good impression My Jackie needs work. Physically.
Visually really good impression.
Jackie, always okay.
We get a Mark Blutman gauntlet?
Oh, yeah.
Yes.
You're up, pal.
What?
I think you should go I will need help with
Sporkle, the reading
It would be beautiful if your boys led you through
Wow
That would be
Are you a fitness guy?
I used to be
I used to box
I used to play hockey
Now I'm just almost 64 Golf? I used to be. Okay. I used to box. I used to play hockey.
Now I'm just almost 64.
All right.
Golf.
I took up golf again.
Would love to point out he hurt his back yesterday.
Looking for a plate.
No.
I'll get you every time.
For the turtle cake, Kristen said, I need a plate.
And I kept bending down.
And now she's laughing at me.
Look at her.
Yeah, she's cracking up. Yeah.
Because this is like watching him shoot threes yesterday.
Was it bad?
It wasn't great.
Like, you got...
But when you were young,
Jeff D. Lowe wants to hold the record of like how...
I don't, deep down, I don't.
Then Jeff D. Lowe is going to be a very happy guy.
Every time this gauntlet is run, which is what, three times a week, he's ridiculed.
Yeah, but I think he likes holding that crown.
I will lay by check.
You think you'll miss 86 three-pointers?
No.
Heck no.
No.
You didn't make one yesterday.
Yeah, I did.
Oh, man.
Why are you hollering?
Because I'm upset with my offspring here
Oh I was talking about them, they were hollering at you
Yeah, don't holler at me
When you guys were little tykes
did you not look up to me as a great athlete?
Well yeah, but every kid does
Never
Whatever
Let me do this thing
Just do the damn thing. Ugh.
Walking out of the Yaks studio.
You should have your time versus me and Liam talking about things once each.
Oh, no.
See if we can think about this.
Okay.
Wired headphones?
Yeah, wired headphones.
TJ, is your dad coming to do it later this week?
Thursday.
Wow.
So we're going to have dad come to it.
He's been training for weeks.
My dad's going to sit out.
Yeah.
He's been going to the park every Saturday to try and shoot three-pointers.
That's the most important thing you can't embarrass yourself with.
Yeah, you can, I think.
I think it's more embarrassing to embarrass yourself with Sporkle, with like General.
Yes.
Oh, yeah.
Some of the, yeah.
Yeah.
If you go way too long not knowing is the
stock market fucked by the way yeah or a lot of people people are panicking it's yeah is it
japan got smoked yeah japan lost like 20 of their yeah what do you need me why are you
somebody doing that okay okay um so he just said that he had malicex gloves
I don't know if the balls are going to be
Firing off the foot hard enough to warrant
The protection
Does he ever really need the gloves?
It's like
Look good play good
We're having the boys
Justin Bieber.
Bieber.
Stuck in my head.
I love Jay's version.
Everyone, are we doing a...
You go, Brandon.
Am I doing an ad?
Go, Brandon.
Oh, okay.
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All right, boys.
You all right?
Yes?
Steven Shay predicts a 306.
A 306?
Yeah, six.
No chance.
Cornhole.
Unbelievable.
Yeah.
Yeah, I'm going to go five and a half.
I'm going to go 531.
Great call. Yep. That's a great call right half. I'm going to go 531. Great call.
Yeah.
That's a great call right there.
All right, you ready?
Yeah.
All right.
Too many Blutmans in the way.
All right.
Three, two, one, go.
I don't like it over here.
I want to...
He's taking his time.
Yeah, does it feel weird?
Is there always music?
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Well, he's... I also heard we owe a towel whip to someone.
Oh, yeah, we do.
Yeah, to Dante.
Go, go, go, go.
Is Dante near?
Oh, it's a bad kick.
It's a little bit high, yeah.
No.
A little off target.
He's not making Malicek work.
Oh, this could be days.
This could be days.
You get closer.
You think it's...
He's nervous because Mrs. Blutman is here watching.
Yeah.
Oh!
Oh, I thought that was it.
Oh, Malicek.
Oh, there's not balls.
Oh!
Okay, all right.
Big Cat, by the way, 250 days in first place today.
Wow. Yeah. Wow.
Yeah.
Oh.
Why don't you pop his dick out of your mouth, T-Guy?
I'd be remiss to not bring this up.
Fuck you, dude.
Who's with me?
Get that cock out of your fat-free face.
Wait, what?
What? What are you doing? I'm doing the option.
Throw technique.
That jawline's really popping as hard as he's sucking.
I'm trying to Tommy Frazier it.
Oof.
And his sons are watching this.
They're watching this failure right in front of him.
Did your dad ever lie to you growing up about, like, things?
My dad told me he taught Dr. J his side shot.
I thought my dad performed with the Oak Ridge Boys.
And I, like, told other people that.
My dad told me he was in the Oak Ridge Boys singing Elvira.
Did you believe it? For a little while. Because the lead singer did look. Singing Elvira. Did you believe it?
For a little while.
Because the lead singer did look a little bit like him.
He had the same mustache.
You're under two minutes.
Doing good.
Oh, he made the first one.
Oh, wow.
No way.
So we're going to have to read to him when he gets back? I think so. Ooh. Ah.
So we're going to have to read to him when he gets back?
I think so.
Oh, fuck.
He got a whole rack of balls, man.
He wanted that ball.
Oh, fake. Oh.
Ah.
This is where stamina comes into play.
Mm-hmm.
Okay.
Come on, have a seat right here.
Get in here. Record time. right here. Get in here.
Record time.
All right.
Get in here.
Shape of a stop sign.
Octagon.
Yield sign.
Get away.
All right.
Seven countries in Central America.
Seven countries in Central America.
Knicks.
Celtics.
Lakers.
You're trying to...
That might not be right.
Yeah, seven countries in Central America.
Eight police ranks.
Sergeant.
Three what?
Brad Pitt.
Billy Bob Thornton.
The other one.
Yeah.
Next.
Undeniable.
Nine MLB players that hit 19 or more postseason.
Captain.
Captain.
For police.
Lieutenant.
Oh, this should be fun.
Medium.
Medium.
Medium.
Well.
Well done.
Rare.
Got it.
One more. Got it. Done. Wow done, Rare. Got it. One more.
Got it.
Done.
Wow.
Pretty good.
Great time.
All right, Stephen Chay.
Did he beat the young musician that just went?
Yes, he did.
He did.
And beat Lee.
Both my times.
3.29 at 64 is not bad.
That's pretty good.
That's great.
Thanks for the support chat.
With inflation, that's like a minute 45.
Asking this respectfully, are you the oldest person we've had do the gauntlet?
By a lot.
How'd you make this three so quickly?
You didn't make a shot yesterday.
Yeah, but the lights weren't on yesterday.
Let's see where we go.
Big time player.
How old's Stu?
Big time performer.
Oh, yeah.
Stu is probably about the same age, maybe a little older.
Yeah, I think Stu is 63. What's that one? I'm a time performer. Oh, yeah. Stu is probably about the same age, maybe a little older. Yeah, I think Stu is 63.
Wait, what's that one?
I can't read.
Jake Malasek.
That's Malasek.
You beat Malasek.
And Gunnar Henderson.
By the way, I sucked at soccer today.
Yeah, you did.
That was about 15, 20 seconds.
Could have saved you some time.
Longer than that.
Clever, marky, gold finger.
That's true.
False sense of security.
Alright, Kyle, you have to scroll through this.
Pick the three in sequence worst
blunt rotation.
Show me the whole list.
Start at the bottom.
TJ's dad's doing it soon too, right?
Thursday. Yes, Thursday.
Oh, I should stay for that.
Cheer him on.
Stu's a smoker, so I think he has it down.
Bosco could be nightmarish.
Wait a minute.
Yeah, that's it.
That's a clash of personalities, dude.
Oh, melt.
Oh, no.
Yeah.
KB, Fasoli, and Nicky Smokes.
What's male?
That's me when I went backwards.
Oh, that's right.
Oh, the unbackwards.
You did better backwards than forwards.
Correct.
Let's see.
Mook.
Me, Mauro, and Cam Newton.
Jesus.
Che has a lot.
Palmer, Mintz, and Che.
Cam Newton would punch Morrow in the face for doing magic.
Let's see.
I think it's Mantis Liam.
I'd be chill as fuck.
Yeah, that'd be pretty nice.
Jerry.
That's a bad time for Compton, no?
Yeah.
Well, he's sportful.
Oh.
Yeah, he's dumb.
He was sitting here at 32 seconds.
Julian Edelman, TJ, and Chris Clemmer.
Titus Titus. Yeah, two of me. That would freak me out. Sitting here at 32 seconds. Julian Edelman, TJ, and Chris Clemmer.
Titus, Titus.
Yeah, two of me.
That would freak me out.
That trip, I'd be freaked out.
Wow, consistent, Mark.
Wait.
Pete.
Jack O'Keefe.
Oh, White Sox, Dave, and Kirk were next to each other.
That would be awesome.
Oh, it was Billy Football,
White Sox, David Kirk.
Me, Foley, and Westberg would be elite.
Holy shit. Oh, Arian Foster with two chays.
Oh, Nick Foley and Westberg.
Foster, chay, chay.
Yeah, I think
it was the Mantis
Mantis Rico and who?
Liam
Liam
Oh yeah
Happy birthday
Nightmare
Fuck that
Liam and Slides
Liam and Slides
Okay yeah
Yeah I wore my Slides more in the winter
Yeah
When it was raining and snowing
Decent tread on them
Oh my goodness Wow I'm happy with that time When it was raining, snowing. Decent tread on them. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Oh, my goodness.
Wow.
Well, I'm happy with that time.
It was awesome.
It was great.
Shockingly good.
It shocked me.
It goes quickly. Mark, as a former athlete, myself, hockey, boy, when it goes, it goes.
I'm feeling it already.
Kyle, too.
I've seen you.
I'm feeling it. Yeah, KB already kyle too i haven't really started um but kate he was speaking to me because i started the decline yeah he's like you're he's basically what he was saying is like the next 15 years of life
you're gonna be misery whereas the next 15 years of kb he'll probably still pretty good
but you it lives inside you My favorite moment the other day
when Zlatan was on
is I just hear Titus' voice go,
should I shoot some?
It's like, can I do my thing and show him?
I want to show off for Zlatan.
That was so cool.
I want to be best friends.
That was awesome.
Still out of breath.
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High Noon, sun's up.
Dece read.
Dece read.
Dece.
So, I don't know.
I experienced some disappointment today when I got here
and Mintz stormed into the Mostly Sports studio
and said, I have a story that's going to knock your socks off.
Why didn't he just tell it on Wake Up Mintz?
They don't do it on Mondays.
So, naturally, I said, yeah, or me and Titus said, yeah, do it on theays um so naturally i said yeah or me and ty to say yeah
do it on the show and he came back he told a story about how he got uh conned almost by by a homeless
man didn't knock our socks off at all no and on yeah it's socks stayed on socks stayed on i was
interested he had my attention the whole time but yeah pretty straightforward story a homeless man
chased him out of uh walgreens and they they ran down the sidewalk chasing each other i mean i saw that
it would be socks off the best thing i've ever seen it's a visual absolutely why did the homeless
man chase him uh he tried to pull a trick mince was walking up on the sidewalk and the homeless
guy acted like you don't try to pull a trick on mincey you just do it the homeless guy like stepped into
his line and then dropped his bracelet and said oh you broke my bracelet you owe me money now
and mince went into the walgreens um the guy chased him and was saying you need to buy me
something so mince at one point just says all right i'm gonna escape and he starts running
and he tried now it's funnier when i say it than when mince is that is funny when he started running out of the walgreens and ran all the way to his
apartment and the guy the homeless guy followed him about five yards behind him chasing him down
the street but your mince he kept emphasizing i was in my flip-flops he was in his flip-flops
kept saying that over and over yeah i think it's hilarious but yeah i'd have to see it i need
security footage there's gotta be i wonder if we could get it.
Yeah, the Walgreens.
That's what he said.
He wanted to call Walgreens for the tape.
Speaking of homeless guys,
I took a nine hour Greyhound bus yesterday.
You're talking about yourself?
Dude, it was crazy.
It was a 720 bus out of Cincinnati
and I got to the Greyhound station very early.
It was just in a random parking lot in the middle of Cincy, and I watched a guy pull a magic school bus on the Greyhound.
I watched a man shoot up heroin into his foot at 6.30 a.m. at the Cincinnati Greyhound station and then step onto the bus at 720.
To his foot?
Yeah.
You shoot heroin into your foot?
Or do you just run out of body parts? The rest of your shit is fucked.
You go to the foot.
You go to the foot.
Yeah.
That's horrific.
I think you choose to travel like this, Moog.
He does.
You don't have to travel like this.
No, I don't choose.
Dude, I saved so much money.
You're going to die.
Yeah.
That's the thing.
I'm getting a little worried because now I'm getting on these Greyhound buses and I'm like, how many weapons
are on this bus? That could have been your foot that he shot the heroin
into. You think he would? Yeah, at some
point he's going to shoot heroin into somebody else's foot.
Why would he do that? It's a waste of heroin.
If he runs out of his own body parts, he uses somebody else's.
And then he sucks my blood? Yeah.
That'd be sick. I don't know, but it's always an experience.
You run into people. Not a good one.
I don't know. I was fine.
I'm not intimidating, you know what I mean? I'm on the bus just doing my own thing sitting in the back watching
some guy have the bus ride of his life it becomes a good thing because mook gets to tell us these
stories yeah try and get a great story and get a sponsorship from greyhound for your tour yeah
nine hours is a little bit too much nine hours was tough the first three got me from cincy to
indianapolis and then we had like a 40 minute layover and then we stopped from indy we stopped in lafayette
illinois gary and then chicago if if we all put forth two hundred dollars to get you to a thousand
we'll buy we got a thousand dollar car yeah i tj can you show what's like a car that's a thousand dollars right now and we get
to pick out the bumper sticker it's gonna be and the custom license yeah you know how to drive
i if i would have to like ease back into driving for sure do you have your license yeah okay yeah
i'm down for a piece are you down yeah thousand dollar car we pick out the the decals and the
bumper stickers the the license plate and bumper stickers.
How important is getting car insurance?
The most.
Everything.
It's everything?
It's like $35 a month.
What if I'm in a $1,000 car?
You're not driving without it.
It's about reckoning.
Let's think this through.
It's everything for people that have something to lose.
It's true, yeah.
For Mook, is it everything?
Even if Mook hits somebody else.
But what happens then?
Oh, let's buy him a limo.
Let's buy Mook a limo.
Where am I going to park it?
Where am I going to park that?
Wait, Mook, we have to get you this limo.
Oh, my God.
How much is it?
500.
500?
You're pulling up to comedy shows in a limo and just be like,
oh, this guy's big time, and then you're the driver of it?
Oh no, he's getting out of the front seat.
Picking his gate up.
Dude.
That's 500.
I think hearses are cheaper.
A hearse would be sick.
These cars are cheap.
Yes, dude.
They don't run.
Oh, a little red beetle bug.
I need that limo.
I want Mook to have a limo.
$500 for a limo?
Does it run?
Am I parking a limo in old towns?
Yes.
People would be so mad.
Oh, that's pretty good, too.
Mook, yeah.
We'll all put forth $200, and we'll get you a car.
Dude, I might live in that thing.
You could.
It's probably bigger than my place.
Definitely.
The insurance. Oh, no accidents. There'd be more. Wait, I might live in that thing. You could. It's probably bigger than my place. Definitely. The insurance.
Wait, none reported. Scroll up and look at it.
You can do a month lease for $9
a month. Whoa.
$9 a month car payment?
Scroll back up. It was $9
or then down.
I can figure that out.
Where is this located? Fort Myers, Florida.
He's got to drive it back.
I'll take the Greyhound to Florida.
No, we'll fly you to Florida.
There, $9 a month.
Holy shit.
You could swing that.
All right, let's make sure.
Our 2004 Lincoln Town Car turns heads, blah, blah, blah.
Everything.
Does it ever say it doesn't run?
It has CD cassette player. a track there's anything quite like a lincoln town child seat anchors for your car seats
nice mook will you drive a limo should you yes call yes let's call wait let's get you this limo
what if we got it wrapped every month with a sponsor that would work and that way you don't
have to pay the insurance.
That would be huge. Otherwise, I can't
pay the insurance. It's $35 a
month, I'd imagine. For car insurance?
It's not going to be that much. That's four times
as much as the car.
I thought car insurance was like
a couple hundred bucks. For a nice car, yeah.
It depends on what car you have.
This is an absolute piece of shit.
Not every car has the same insurance.
I've driven some shit mobiles.
This is actually the pinnacle of luxury.
People are going to think you're rich.
I'm going to start picking people up.
If my Uber was a limo.
Yeah.
You don't see limos anymore.
Mook after shows, right?
To girls, hey, you want to take a ride in a limo?
Oh, you're heading home?
I can give you a ride.
Yeah. Limo. Why don't you jump in my car?
They shut the back window that connects.
Oh my god, you have a driver?
No. It's me!
What? No.
I'm being dead serious.
Let's buy this limo right now.
Yes. I'll throw in immediately.
This is a great idea, and I'm down
for it, but logistically...
Where am I parking this car?
Until you find a spot, you can park it here.
Thecars.com spot.
Employee of the month.
It's going to take up the whole...
Nobody's parking it.
Leave it parked here. Anytime you need to go anywhere,
get an Uber to the office, hop in your car,
and then there you go.
Alright, fuck yeah, I'm down.
I'll drive it to Indy for our limo. Alright, fuck yeah, I'm down. Alright, let's buy this. I'm down.
I'll drive it to Indy for our live show.
TJ, how do we... Let's do it.
Let's contact the guy and buy the limo. Yeah, maybe call him.
Yeah.
This is... You're gonna look back on your deathbed and be like,
this is where it all changed.
Liam's birthday. Luke
gets the gift. Yes, an awesome gift.
I got $50 to
Lowe's and probably more because
Nick is making sure
that a lot of people get me Lowe's gifts.
Liam, do you want a car? No.
See, that's why we're not getting you. Well, wait, dude, the
parking lot's super full every day.
What if, Mook, you were kind of like the company bus
driver and you picked up people in the morning?
Yeah. Yes!
It's like a company car and you are like our bus.
Yeah, put out an email.
Anybody need a ride?
I'm going to start picking up.
Add yourself to this list.
Let me start picking up the celebrities that come.
Yeah.
In the limo.
Any anus guests.
Yeah.
They land at midway.
There's Mook holding up a sign Zlotn.
Yeah, Zlotn, we're sending a limo for you.
I don't want this to turn out to be like
Perth. We're doing this.
Are you comfortable
driving a limo?
Yeah.
TJ, I'll call
the guy right now.
You sent me the listing?
This is huge.
You're getting a car, but not just a car.
You're getting a limo. People work a car. You're getting a limo.
People work their whole lives to be in a limo.
Our grandpa was a limo driver.
You know what?
This is the best day of my life.
Thank you, guys.
You never have to ride a Greyhound again.
It looks really...
In the ashtray.
Really nice.
Leftover grandpa ashes that don't fit in the urn.
Go in the ashtray in your limo.
Go in the limo.
I'm calling.
Okay. Call. the limo. I'm calling. Okay, call.
Nice light color.
You'll get his touch for the rest.
I'm pumped.
I'm going to whip this thing around.
I don't know if it goes that fast.
A few miles an hour below whip.
It's going to break down immediately.
Hello?
Hello?
Uh-oh. immediately hello oh hi this is nick i'm calling in regards for the limo that i saw online
the lincoln uh town car executive vo4 163 000 miles
it runs correct that's the biggest question
I have
Okay
Yeah right okay
Alright well I'm still considering but thank you for that
That's a no
Damn
No engine
Hello
Hi I was just talking.
It just cut to somebody else.
What was up?
It's $450.
It's a parts car.
Oh.
No.
So we'd have to take it to, like, exhibit to get it running?
We'd have to take it to exhibit.
We'd have to take it, get pimped out.
Damn.
I was getting excited for a second
well yeah five hundred dollars is i guess that was all those are parts figured okay well let's
go up to a thousand no we were at a thousand yeah oh yeah we said a thousand from the get
these all have to be parts yeah because they're all from that same place the auto group or whatever
that's who i just yeah doesn't even matter none of them hit the same. It's true. And once we hit limo, it's hard for Mook to accept
anything less. Yeah.
He had his Volvo wagon.
That would have been so cool if we didn't see the
limo. Check hearse, though.
Hearse is also a good story car.
There's no way a girl's getting into a
hearse. Some would.
You guys could buy me a Cybertruck
or some shit. Yeah, that'd be cool. One of your
neighbors had a hearse, right?
Yes, growing up.
He would drive me to school in a hearse.
What's a hearse?
That's what you put a coffin in.
Oh.
Funeral home car.
Funeral home car, yeah.
Sorry, Brandon.
I didn't know the formal name for that.
That's a very standard.
Hearse?
The formal name?
That's a very normal.
The formal. What do you mean? What's a hearse? That's a very normal What do you mean?
What's a hearse?
That's what it's called.
I'm going to call my dumbest homie.
I'll go dumb homie for dumb homie.
You can't call me out for the sitting up.
You like perch. Yeah, rightfully so.
That's a rightful perch.
No, it's not.
That's not a right rifle perch. No, it's not. That's a rifle perch.
That is not a rifle perch.
Luke, what did you call it? A funeral home car.
It's a dead person. You call an ambulance
a hospital truck? That's an ambulance.
18-wheeler? A truck.
He's good.
He knows his cars.
He knows his cars.
A limo's a limo. A hearse. He's good. He knows his cars. He knows his cars. All right.
A limo's a limo.
A hearse.
A hearse is also a hearse.
I've never heard that word before.
That's crazy.
You've never heard the word hearse?
I've never heard the word hearse.
Not once.
You call it dead body car?
Lucky boy.
I've never given it a name.
It's just like there's a coffin in that.
It's a hearse.
Do you see how convenient it is for there to be a one-syllable name?
Yes, but it also doesn't make sense.
Why?
Give it a name that's like there's a dead guy in that car, not that it's a hearse.
Why does an ambulance make sense?
Does a car make sense?
Does a truck make sense?
What string of syllables would make sense?
I'm finding myself in a hole here.
It's bad.
Like a coffin mobile?
I don't know.
Hearse.
Coffin truck?
Coffin car?
Hearse.
There's no context clues for me to know that hearse means there's a guy.
There's a lot of names of things that aren't contextually related to what it is.
Yeah, like a jeep.
All right, let me find my dumbest homie.
I'm calling my dumbest homie.
Kyle, you know Joe Dolan?
Oh.
He might not know.
Oh, my God.
He didn't pick...
Oh, my God. He didn't know what it meant when he heard ringing. Oh, my God. He didn't pick. Oh, my God.
He didn't know what it meant when he heard ringing.
Oh, my God.
My dumbest homie works at a funeral home.
Oh, dude.
Or he used to.
Oh, no.
Should I?
If he doesn't know, that's huge points for you.
But this is quite the gamble.
Should I ask him?
He's going to know.
He's got to know.
That was the question on the test he took.
Most men will know. He failed that test know. That was the question on the test he took. Most men will know.
He failed that test.
I got the job anyway.
Yeah.
They had said, Hurst, like, four.
Happy birthday.
Have we discussed the thief?
We have a thief?
Oh, I forgot.
Oh, somebody stole all the quarters from the free Lucy machine?
Just hundreds of quarters from the vending machine.
The vending machine takes one quarter for one can of Lucy.
Great deal.
And also, we have a dispenser of quarters.
But I guess somebody opened up the machine and took all the quarters?
That's a junkie move.
Shouldn't it be very easy to figure out who it was
I don't know
that's what I heard last week yeah
that's the most embarrassing
it's embarrassing because
that's a nice thing they have for us
yeah I mean I feel like
that's a deal breaker
you can't come back here if you got caught
stealing hundreds of quarters.
Yeah, I don't know.
Somebody just walked out with a bunch of quarters.
Somebody who probably
fills their pockets.
Toddler games, arcades are like
25 cents.
No, no games
are 25 cents anymore. Once your kids
get arcade age, you're going to realize it's a
different world they confuse you because you get the power card and then you don't know how much
you don't know how much a dollar is to point everything's 11 card tokens and that's just
it's crazy out there tokens don't mean anything they don't mean what they used to never did really
do you see what the youtube pedophile hunters have resorted to
it's getting too much they are i think they're 100 staging like like paying actors to play a
pedophile 100 yes but they're like hazing them now yeah forcing them down and shaving their head
yeah they had acon singing to one of them like little pump is like jumping around little
pump beat up the wrong guy they barged into the room and little pump beat up just like a yeah
another guy after they're done fucking with them they're like all right you handled that well and
then they dap them up yeah you're not so bad yeah shout out your socials it's the most pathetic
thing in the world anything you want want to plug? Yeah, one.
It's definitely getting carried away. I can't believe that's still a thing.
It's like a full-fledged genre
of popular YouTube.
I'm surprised we haven't done it yet.
Who would be doing it here?
Someone's going to do it.
Smokes. Nicky Smokes.
Nicky Smokes, for sure.
Him and Spider.
That would be good. Spider a good it's a yeah spider would i can see dante hunting a pedophile maybe oh jerry might get a little bit
yeah jerry after dark there'll be a really good one don't stop until you get a couple pedophiles
you can't stop till it gets three in a row. What is happening here? Oh, it looks like Spider, Megan, or Sword.
Oh, that's Paige.
That's Paige.
What the fuck?
The last I looked over there was Spider.
Yeah, I saw him.
Holy shit, is that Broadway, the intern?
Fuck yeah.
Oh, look at his stance.
He's like a Zootlander.
He's mewing.
Boy, he's mewing.
Oh, yeah.
We should just follow him with a camera all day.
Yeah.
I almost hit Jacob with my car this morning.
Hell, yeah.
God damn!
Oh, yeah, Che. Oh, Che Fuck yes
Mic drop
Che you're the fucking man dude
I think I want to bring him back to LA
Yeah you need
Yes
Get him work Yeah Let me bring him back to LA. Yeah. Yes. Get him work.
Yeah.
Let me take Che back to LA.
He does a bunch of auditions, but that's the only thing he can do is that line right there.
Mark, what is the best way to go about getting in shit in LA?
You thinking of returning?
Yeah.
I just want to get some cameos here and there. But I don't know how to go about it.
In complete honesty, if I may, the guy who played Rambis, he was not good.
You would have been much better.
That's the truth.
Yeah, thank you.
I would have cast you over him 10 out of 10.
How do they get the parts where you're just like the guy who gets bumped into on the street
as the main character is walking and he bumps into you and then he turns and just goes, watch, and you're like, ugh. You want to like the guy who gets bumped into on the street as the main character is walking. And he bumps into you and then he turns and just goes, watch.
And you're like, ugh.
You want to be that guy.
I want to be the guy that gets bumped into every so often.
Just walk, befriend somebody like a Jane Lynch.
Oh.
And I would walk the streets with Jane.
You don't know her, do you?
He's never met her.
He's never seen her.
No, never.
I mean, the stories would lead one to believe.
Are you thinking about a comeback?
You're castable.
You're very castable.
I'm thinking so.
Whenever, yeah, when people get cameos and stuff, I get jealous.
Yeah.
I would love to be in a movie where there's a scene of a group on an elevator
and I'm just one of the people standing.
I could see you in White Lotus as one of the people at the resort.
I mean, you built a strong portfolio.
I could play a waiter that's like a pivotal scene is happening
and they're talking at dinner and I just come up and I pour a glass of water
and I say anything else.
You know what?
And then I walk away.
You're selling yourself short because I really think you'd book stuff.
There are so many.
There's so much. I'm being serious. I think you'd book stuff. There are so many. There's so much.
I'm being serious.
I think you'd book stuff.
Who's laughing?
Everybody's laughing.
What the fuck?
I'm being serious.
I do this all the time.
You are castable.
There is so much sports content right now and porn content.
I could do both.
I'll do both.
I'll do both.
Pick your lane.
No, I think if you took a two-week vacation from here and wanted to
give it another shot get in i'd get you in a room or two he can't he has tied the show
oh yeah shit can't do it and we have a mac dynasty that we really gotta get going on so
you got liam and some stuff early. Did you try to keep pushing that?
Where was Liam in?
Baby Know-It-All.
Oh, Baby Know-It-All.
He was in Baby Know-It-All.
Baby Know-It-All?
It was on anus.
Yeah.
That was it.
That was actually.
You were in Hawaii.
You missed it.
Liam was on Baby Know-It-All. I had this.
Cheeks.
And then it was fall, and I was taking the leaves out of the bucket instead of putting
them in.
You ever let
Liam borrow the pen, maybe
write a scene for you?
Because he always talks about, I would have done this
differently. You say that?
Here's the reality.
Liam could not tell you
so Boy Meets World
we did 150 episodes
of just that show.
He could not tell you one episode.
Luke watched them all and was proud of me.
What was your favorite Boy Meets World episode, Lee?
It's too real, bro.
On your birthday.
I could say your wrestling one.
Okay.
Filla and Filla, I only know that because of the name.
Brandon likes that.
Then they went to a ski resort one time.
That was pivotal.
Cory the Little Piggy.
Yeah, Little Piggy.
So that's all I've got.
That was the entire bag.
So four out of 156 or so.
Not bad.
You're welcome.
Not bad.
No, he'd never want.
But the writing he does, like here, the sports-related writing, I mean,
that's awesome.
Me, Lukey, and our friend had cooked up ideas.
They actually did.
Outlines and stuff.
Good movie ideas.
Ghost Runner was one of them.
Oh, yeah.
That's a brand.
That's a brand.
Tell me about Ghostrunner
pitch me
pitch pitch
yeah this is good
this is big for us
this is big for us Brandon
this is where
you're now in my office
you need Connor and Ibo
you just topped him off
so Goatrunner
Ghostrunner
next
Ghostrunner
it's all ready
alright
kid baseball field dreams of being huge star Ghost Runner. Don't work a word to me. Next. Ghost Runner. It's all ready. All right.
Kid.
Baseball field.
Dreams of being huge star.
Pretty good.
Dead.
Dies.
Gets hit by a car.
Gets hit by a car. A hearse.
Maybe a hearse.
But we said this is where the start of the movie came from.
He gets killed in like a comedic, not comedic, it's over the top to the extent that this
clip will be on Twitter
in 12 years and people will just caption it like, they had no business going this hard.
Brad Pitt dying in Meet Joe Black.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's something that's just so insanely excessive.
And the whole point is that that clip will go viral and then it'll make people want to
watch our movie.
Yeah.
We're killing an eight-year-old kid, but instead of just having him get hit by a car and
die like we make it just like way out seen just like out there yeah so some years later other
kids are playing ball there and they're just playing like kids play and they need a ghost
runner well turns out he's the best ghost runner in the world because it's it's the kid a ghost
yeah and then they all they all they all learn life lessons through each other and there's
triumph during the championship game he steals home well i think he becomes the star player for
them but then the championship game he says guys you guys were the stars all along you were the
stars all along and then they killed themselves and all to play with them forever they get to
play together wow that's beautiful this beautiful. This is Field of Dreams.
They play the old guys from Field of Dreams.
Oh.
They lose 156 to nothing.
That's pretty good.
So that's Ghostrunner. That's the
basic package of what we have
so far. And now if
you were really pitching in Hollywood
the first note would be
but does the kid have to die?
Well, he's a ghost.
Then we have no movie.
Oh, fuck.
So we're not going to kill the kid?
Can't kill the kid.
We're Disney.
You can't kill kids with Disney.
Casper died.
It's the nature of Casper.
Bambi's mother.
Bambi's mom died.
Every mom and dad dies in Disney.
Wait, Kyleyle what was
the movie with the kid that got aids that's called the cure yeah lie he didn't die in the film it was
just heavily implied okay um no ball i like this actually yeah think of many kids didn't the kid
get aids in walker texas ranger yes he did yeah i got it was uh that was uh uh ailey joel osman
ailey joel osman i got aids what they say i got aids walker yeah walker ranger yes he did yeah i got it was uh that was uh uh ailey joe losman ailey joe
losman i got aids what they say i got aids walker yeah walker told me i have aids yeah yeah
all right hear me out movie sci-fi movie that's not my world up never mind
what do you got uh chicken pot pie and a pirate eye.
Love it.
Chicken pot pie, chicken pot pie, chicken pot pie and a pirate eye.
I see sequels.
That would be the opening.
I love it.
So the kid dies.
It's called Ghost Run.
I'm kidding.
It's got to be a ghost.
Okay, should the ghost be an old ball player
that the kid looked up to
and then the old ball player died
and he's this ghost runner?
I actually like the kid dying.
I'm picturing the kid gets hit by a car.
Well, you don't want the kid to die.
The kid gets hit by a car.
He rolls down the street
and then he's like getting up
and then like another car hits him.
Should a fighter jet nuke him?
Yeah.
Something just crazy.
What about a baseball related death?
Like he's hit by a foul ball.
What about a real short boy hits a ball and kills?
If he gets trampled by Mr. Ed rounding the base.
Wow.
We've got things.
See?
We can kill the kid.
No problem.
The first act.
We just can't go to Disney with it. We go like Comedy Central. You have the first act. We just can't go Disney with it.
We go like Comedy Central.
There's other companies.
Comedy Central, he's right.
FX has-
It's not really a humor piece.
No.
Angels in the Outfield.
It's more of a journey of the human spirit, I think.
Literally.
Is somebody dead in Angels in the Outfield?
The pitcher ended up dying soon after they- from smoking, right?
I think so.
Yeah.
I never saw Angels in the Outfield.
You should. Well- Before you pitch this this let's make sure should i make sure it would suck if it was exactly the same
i don't think you get it because the the angels are in the outfield and here the ghost runners
on the base paths yeah so that's two different things a defense runs. Correct. This guy is just trying to score runs.
He's trying to get, you know.
He's great at it.
He's very good at it.
Did they ever do an Angel sequel with other sports?
They did a second Angel something, didn't they?
Six Man was.
That was Kadeem Hardison.
Yeah, that was a similar concept.
Yeah, they did.
What did they do?
They did like three of them, right?
They did one.
Where were they?
Angels in the outfield, angels
with different sports.
I think you're thinking of Air Bud.
I think it was much like Air Bud.
They did 48 of those.
I was literally thinking of Air Bud.
Right.
We got some wheel business
before we spin the wheel.
Yeah, I think it's going to be what?
Angels in the inffield? Yes.
Angels in the Enfield.
Yes.
Well, those were straight to VHS.
They didn't even get good pictures for the cover of that one.
Those had to go straight to video, right?
Snoop Dogg?
Brandon, homework assignment.
You have to watch both those tonight.
And then re-pitch.
What was Heaven Can Wait?
That was football.
That was Warren Beatty. That was a great That was like in the 70s, right?
That was Warren Beatty.
That was a great, Buck Henry, Warren Beatty, great movie.
That was dead guys in football.
Dead guys in football.
But I don't think, yeah, Ghost Runner.
All right, what's the wheel business?
Connect me some guys in the sci-fi biz.
I got to talk to them. I have a couple.
All right.
Found another limo.
Oh.
Mook.
Fuck yeah.
Wait, what's it say on the front?
The Black Pearl.
Pearl, yeah.
That thing is struggling.
That actually screams Mook.
Yes, it does.
Oh, chill, Mark.
No, in a good way.
Mook driving the Black Pearl.
Look at that.
The Black Pearl?
That's not even a limo.
It's a long car.
Yeah, it's long.
They forgot to stop.
That's not a limo.
Four o'clock came. they kept the machine on.
Wait, it only has 55,000 miles?
1998 Cadillac Superior.
Thousand.
I will pitch.
I'll pitch.
When's your birthday, Mook?
September 15th.
I'm in on 10.
Oh, he's coming up.
Yeah.
We can raise it.
I'd with it.
The fucking audit group's texting me now.
So we owe Tal owe a towel whip
well it's Dante though
so we need to get Dante in here
why did I hear it was Lucas
it's Dante I texted him he can be in tomorrow
okay well you got a towel whip Dante tomorrow
I owe a towel whip Dante tomorrow
so that's no wheel business because we got it settled
but that was it that was the business
that was the business we owe him a towel whip
and you'll do it tomorrow.
I also have to give a quick shout out to
Sam Lauderdale. Oh, who drove you?
Who drove me to Cincy. He's a great guy.
Sam is a great guy. I once had beef with him, but we
got it settled quickly. He's a good guy.
He's just a big fan. He sent a bunch of jerseys
in for... He's the guy that sent the jerseys in.
Oh, yeah. He sent in a rash bill.
Shout out Lauderdale.
TJ, spin the wheel.
And shout out Tim.
Who's Tim?
He told me that Che had the Bieber impression.
Oh, my God.
You got to be kidding me.
Liam, what?
You got to be kidding me.
No, it's there.
I told you.
He did.
You called this.
There it is.
Happy birthday to you.
I knew it would be wet wheel, and I had a hunch yesterday it would be Marky.
I'm sorry.
Kristen, your mom's on the wheel too, right?
She was in.
Oh, no.
Yeah, she's in.
Oh, no.
So is Knox.
Oh, is he still here?
No, but.
Oh, maybe.
He would get wet.
His whole crew.
Yeah.
Yeah.
His whole crew.
His whole crew.
His whole crew was on the show.
It's going to be me.
Oh, my God. Knox has to be on the wheel. I feel like. Yeah, that's how it works. I feel crew was on the show. It's going to be me. Oh, my God.
Knox has to be on the wheel.
I feel like...
Yeah, that's how it works.
I feel like he would do it.
Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
I'm going to be honest.
I got to piss so bad, and I have a bad feeling about this.
All right.
Oh, I would love to impress some people with some piss.
My shoe's already untied.
That must be a bad...
Who's the last piss we had?
Was it you, KB?
Me, pathetically.
Yeah.
You could barely...
Oh, and i'm in
gray shorts not having a good dick day that's all right one day did you uh get crazy in cincinnati
no no i say that i did not go to king's island though um i met up with this girl that i grew
up with she lives out there now so I went out to some of their bars.
Great bar scene there.
Did you have a scallion chili?
I did not. I was told it would like
ruin my day.
Yeah, probably. I was told to stay away.
I think I would love it. Can you get it here?
Even like a derivative in Chicago?
You can make it. They have the canned
chili, but
I'm sure they're somewhere close.
Skyline and then a nice nine-hour Greyhound back home would have been great.
Yeah.
That would have been bad.
All right.
I didn't see your mama.
She was under Mrs. Blotman.
Oh, that's wrong, right?
Yeah.
For about 12 years.
Yeah, that's how I introduced myself.
I said, hello, Mrs. Blubman.
She goes, that's not it.
Like that?
She's got to hate that.
She was like, Kristen.
Yeah, Kristen Hoffman.
No, we're great, you know.
Well, no, 12 years.
Get into it.
Because we don't live together doesn't mean you don't stay together.
I think it is.
Family.
I guess you're right.
Everything's coming up.
First against the Black Pearl.
All right.
This bodes very poorly for me.
I was like, oh, yeah.
I did it twice. Can someone guess the final two
Liam who do you want for your birthday
If you can pick anybody
I feel like it's going to be the four of us
Four Bluntman wheel
Perfect
I feel like that's where we're headed
Perfect
Terrani you fucking dog.
Well done, Nick.
That's a good call, Brandon.
It is always me and TJ.
That makes the most sense statistically.
I think Zoss sneaks into the top two a lot.
Hey, birthday boy.
Look at you.
I couldn't even picture you wet, honest to God.
Yeah, same.
He got in the plunge though.
I did get in the plunge.
Oh, yeah.
Over two. Congrats. you wet honest to go he got the punch though I did get in the phone oh yeah over to
congrats congrats mom not your mom
that's about be a funny way to find out
first time that it wasn't me being the
adopted joke a B all right that's too
close once for me well it's always
that means it's going to be me.
It's been you the last, what, four times?
Yeah.
Kate, did you bring
a change of clothes? No.
Both your
correct shoes are on. I know. I nailed
it today.
Damn it.
Oh, damn.
This is bad. Luke, damn it. Oh, damn.
This is bad.
Luke, it's got to be you.
You take it if it's me.
That's three close.
Yeah, it's done. It is.
It's done.
How'd you miss that?
It's three.
It literally stopped.
TJ Tardis and some Blutmans?
Yes.
Oh, no.
Oh, no. Oh, no.
It can't be rigged, right?
The wheel's not rigged.
It might be.
The wheel is just.
Mark and Mark.
I'll tell you, yesterday, when you were doing your shooting,
I just had a thought to myself and was like,
it's going to be what wheel and it's going to be Marky.
It's going to be a disaster.
Two marks for stealing Malasek's gloves.
That's the karma.
Yeah, you hit his gloves.
The anticipation here.
Why the delay?
Where'd you put his gloves?
I'll find them.
Yeah.
One.
Fucking old.
Again?
Unbelievable.
Five bucks, I'll take it.
It's always good.
For five?
25.
All right.
Oh, it's four right up.
Yeah.
So it's one, one, one.
Oh, I forgot.
You watch the show every day.
There's a wet wheel twice a week.
2-1 Titus.
Oh.
The good thing is if my clothes get wet, I get merch.
Yeah, but it's not the good merch.
So what's the score?
I'll go back to the hotel.
There it is.
Me?
Yep.
Where's TJ?
Let me see TJ's face.
Get wet, dickhead.
I just felt that this was going to happen yesterday, two days ago.
Take your dad to the shower.
O's him down.
Are you wearing a bathing suit?
How many things are you going to take off?
I think he's your son. I'm a happy boy on his birthday. bathing suit? How many things are you going to take off?
I saw a happy boy on his birthday and
jump into that. Oh, Kristen's
loving this. The ex-wife is
dancing.
She's having a blast.
Jumping up and down.
So what went wrong?
Oh, yeah.
While he's gone.
Feels good.
Oh.
Yeah.
Brandon, what are you prepping for your own?
Divorce?
Yeah.
I haven't even cheated on my wife yet.
I'll probably get around to that by Christmas.
Yeah.
It's not so bad it's been for a few years maybe you have a bit of a complex about it and you never change your
last name but you get through it yeah it's fine maybe you accidentally facetimed your ex-father
in law this weekend oh hey did you oh turns out he was still on my phone as dad.
Oh, my God. Oh, God.
Was it accident?
How'd you accidentally do that?
I pulled up dad.
I normally have a nickname for my dad on my phone.
You know, you do have his dad.
I didn't know.
Why was he ever on your phone as dad?
We had a phone plan together, me and my ex.
So I guess all his numbers and my numbers were combined.
And when we split, I deleted.
I thought I deleted all his.
And I guess there was still one in there
there's like five variations of dad my phone for some reason you know how your phone does that
sometimes like duplicates yeah yeah whatever so I was with the kids and I was like went to call my
parents and uh wrong guy he did I realized it right away I hung up and then he called me he
facetimed me back and then I didn't I. And then I didn't. I didn't. And I said, sorry, butt dial.
But yeah, I was sweating.
That's tough.
But it made it feel weird to me that now he knows he was in my phone as dad, probably.
He doesn't know that.
But why would I butt dial that?
He wouldn't assume that.
I don't know.
I was sweating.
I'm sweating just starting to talk about it again.
Who'd you butt dial?
My ex-father-in-law.
Who was saved in her phone as
dad.
Ooh, sad and embarrassing.
Yeah.
A perfect mesh.
It is equally sad and embarrassing.
Forest Olympics starts tomorrow?
Yeah.
Yeah, the summer games.
Summer games.
Oops.
Summer games start tomorrow.
We got teams of four or five.
Do we know what the events are?
Yeah, we do.
I don't know if we're saying them,
but we do.
They sound like a blast.
I can't wait to talk about them
as you guys do them.
Pickleball and archery
and there's a dance routine of some sort.
Can you say the teams?
Well, I know my team is me, Rudy, McKenzie, KB, Mook, and Nicky Smokes.
Yep.
Sounds all right.
Dangerous.
That's my team.
I think they loaded me up with the athletic boys because my team has me.
Are you competing?
I'm going to play pickleball.
That's all I can do.
That's great. Great back-to-back
sentences.
Yeah.
I have Tate,
Chief,
Riggs, Megan,
Eddie, I think.
My team is my team.
At least Jerry's team that has
White Sox, Dave...
Che, Chaps, Mincy, and Mad Dog.
Yeah.
I'm refereeing with Spider, and I've never reffed before,
and I won short attention span, too.
If you yell at me, I'll just go with what you...
Shut the fuck up.
Exactly.
But how do you look in stripes?
You win.
Bad.
Oh, no.
Well, vertical or horizontal?
Vertical. Good. Okay. look in stripes? You win. Bad. Oh, no. Well, vertical or horizontal? Vertical.
Vertical.
Good.
Okay.
Yep.
So there's that.
Going to make that back look straight.
Yep.
Oh, yeah.
Maybe it'll, the shirt will look wavy.
Ripple down, yeah.
Yeah.
What do you think the most miserable Olympic event is?
Water polo.
Water polo.
Like, oh, I didn't even even think of that's a good answer water
polo just because it's exhausting just yeah you're in water they're treading water and they're
fighting each other their training has to be so hard are they allowed to touch the ground at all
yeah no every now and then they go down right i feel like cycling would be hard
so lady who won did you see that no she was She was just... You didn't say anything yet.
She was an alternate who wasn't even a pro cycler and just, like, got in at the last minute because the other lady got sick and she just, like...
She won it?
An American won women's cycling.
An alternate won gold?
That's very, very bad for the sport.
She got into it because she just liked biking around Central Park and then, like...
I can't believe it.
I'm telling you, the woman who won gold for US cycling.
It was, like, a random... Did Mark Letman leave? He's wet. I don't know. I'm telling you, the woman who won gold for US cycling.
It was like a random... Did Mark Letman leave?
He's wet. I don't know.
I just got a text from one of those automated random numbers that text your phone.
Yes or no? Do you think biological
men should be able to compete in women's sports?
Let us know in the next hour. Heavy.
Hurry up and let them know.
That's crazy.
For sure not.
I responded stop
Do you guys get those all the time?
No
I get texts from like JD Vance
From him?
Hi this is JD Vance I'm looking for support
I've gotten shit like that
Ruins my day
Did anything ruin your weekend Kyle?
my weekend?
the breathing
in our group chat you sent a message
but then unsent it real quick
I don't know what it was
I have something to ruin my weekend
what was it?
I kept filming a little too long
what was it? nothing I'll tell you after this I kept filming a little too long. Oh.
What was it?
Nothing.
I'll tell you after this.
Interesting.
All right, there he is.
Oh, he is soaked.
Wow.
He might be the wettest.
Oh, look at him.
The wettest we've seen in a while. We were out of towels, too, after the cold plunge.
There were just no towels left. We cold plunge like there were just no towels
left certainly had time to wash and dry those towels yeah you would think but that's a towel
from oobleck day oh how wet are you i'm very wet how did i was i was in there and i stayed in there
liam goes you can get out now and i went i thought I have to do two minutes. No, no.
He was like in there for 30, 35 seconds.
Oh, yeah. Yeah, you could do 10 seconds.
And now the chills are... Oh, yeah. Yeah, you're going to be cold for a while.
But I have clothes, right?
Yeah, whatever. Wake up with
mincey gear.
Yeah.
Certainly there's a nice football jersey in the
Mostly Sports studio.
I don't think you're allowed to go in there,
but there's a bin outside.
You can find something.
You have TJ's old clothes.
Dress your pop.
Dress pop.
It's probably been a while.
You got roughness.
Yeah, eventually.
All right, we got to get out of here.
All right.
That's the act.
We'll be back tomorrow.
We'll be back tomorrow. It's time to talk shop and do a Yankees love. It's a yak. It's a yak.
Yeah, it's time to talk shop and do a Yankees love.
It's a yak.
It's a yak.
Happy to be back.
Let's have a good week, everybody.
Happy birthday, Bluntman.
All right, see you tomorrow.
Bye.
Mostly sports.
Dynasty League starts soon.
Bye.