The Yak - Kate and White Sox Dave Spark Dating Rumors at Camp | The Yak 8-22-24
Episode Date: August 22, 2024Create your ideal breakfast bowl with four ingredientsYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit b...arstool.link/barstoolyak
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i think everyone's ready to go home yeah yeah yeah yeah this has been awesome great beautiful
wonderful trip i've been loved every minute of it.
I want to go home.
I think everyone wants to go home.
Yeah.
I think this is a perfect amount of time we've spent at camp.
Yeah.
All right.
That's a yeah.
Yeah.
But for real.
There it is.
Dude, I'm so sore.
My whole body hurts.
My brain hurts.
I don't really know what's.
I mean, water activities were too much.
Too much.
Too much swimming, even though I swam for a total of.
Two laps.
Two laps.
That was too much swimming for me.
That did you in?
My heart rate got to 167 yesterday.
You attacked it.
I think I was under cardiac arrest.
What did you have measuring that?
My Apple Watch.
And then when I, the worst
part was 30 minutes later when we were, Kate like came over to Will and I just like laying out there,
my heart rate was still 130. Wow. It just wouldn't go down. I was in tremendous amount of pain.
You got a lot of heart. But athletes tend to have high heart rates. I don't think that's low.
They have low heart rates. Right. And I also think that you're supposed to, high heart rates. I don't think that's an athlete. They have low heart rates.
Right.
And I also think that your heart rate's supposed to come down pretty quickly
after you do the thing, not stay at 130.
You damn near swam how many meters?
Upwards of 20?
60.
Oh.
Probably 60.
Round that up.
Yeah.
Yeah, sure, 60.
60's fine.
Yeah, that took a lot out of me.
If you died at camp,
who would we blame?
Pete?
Yeah, it would have to be Pete.
Yeah, actually,
I would like that as
maybe a living will.
If I die in any accidental death,
please prosecute
all business Pete.
If you did die here,
do you think they'd rename it
Camp Big Cat?
No chance.
I don't know if I'd want that to be Camp Big good good morning big no because they don't want to name it
after somebody who died here yeah i would haunt it and haunt this yeah you want the out of
this place you get to choose where you haunt i think you just haunt wherever you die oh man yeah
so if anyone died in your house, that's haunted.
Well, it could be also not haunted because it would be a friendly ghost,
like when Jerry and I found that friendly ghost.
Brandon's going to haunt a Hardee's parking lot for decades.
Drive-thru.
Hey, don't tempt me with a good time.
How was everyone's night last night?
Fun?
I was up all night vomiting.
I don't know if Elsa's was. Wait, what happened?
You partied so hard?
No, I got a migraine from playing an hour and a half of pickleball.
Oh, my God, an hour and a half?
Yeah, it might not have been an hour and a half.
I might be rounding up.
But right after we got done with the water games yesterday,
we went and me, Che, a couple other people went and played pickleball.
Yeah, we were saying you got – and you were.
Brandon, Brandon Walker, the man sitting right next to me,
last night we were playing card games.
Who were you sitting with?
I just went around everybody.
He came out.
I was doing anus.
He had a beer in his hand.
Yeah.
He was partying by the fire.
It was awesome to see.
He was ripping them on anus.
But he also ended up getting cross-faded sun and beer.
Sun and beer.
But I was like, he had an empty beer can, and he came out asking for another,
and I gave him a look like, whoa, what's going on here?
Camp Brandon's a different vibe.
Yeah, so now you're regretting those.
Yeah.
No, I'm regretting the pickleball.
I'm not regretting the beer.
Although they probably contributed.
I like how you say beer.
Beer?
Beer.
I'll take a beer.
I said beer, not bear.
Bear.
I'll take a bear.
Yeah.
I had five beers.
I was up until 345.
Yeah, you were wound up.
Doing what?
He was on victimize.
Guess who the last two people up were?
Me and White Sox Dave.
Oh, my God.
What a couple.
I went to leave.
He was like, you're a pussy if you leave.
You're a pussy if you leave.
And I was drunk enough to be like, you're right.
Where were you?
You also walked into breakfast with White Sox Dave this morning.
He was clearly flirting with you.
I need that money.
Would the beef be upset or would he just be like, listen,
people do depraved things in the woods.
Chalk it up to the game.
He would chalk it up to the game.
The beef knows the game.
I did not.
I would like to look in the camera.
I did not hook up with White Sox Dave.
Right.
I did not.
How late did you guys stay out?
Oh, my God.
What is this long hair on my hoodie?
It was in her element. She was like in the
woods like she was at like a Delco keg party
just talking to everyone, being the
life of the party, singing, dancing.
Freestyling with Chief and Huey.
Where was the fire?
Where Jerry was.
Oh, I did go by it for a little bit.
We ended up burning the second rope that he couldn't
burn and Donnie's like hippo mode suitcase with music was there and I don't know if I was just hitting right Oh, I did go by it for a little bit. Right below your cabin. We ended up burning the second rope that he couldn't burn.
And Donnie's like hippo mode suitcase with music was there.
And I don't know if I was just hitting right.
I was hitting people's vapes.
Yeah.
Crazy.
This does have the vibes right now of like the last day of a bachelor party where everyone's like, get going. Yeah.
We got to go.
We got to go.
We got to go.
We got to go.
Yeah.
You asked, you're like, hey, we're not, because we're doing this an hour early.
You're like, we're not going all the way to one today. No. And what was my answer? I think I said 12. Yeah. You asked, you're like, hey, we're not, because we're doing this an hour early, you're like, we're not going all the way to one today. No. And what was my answer?
I think I said 12.01. 12.01.
I got a kid on the road, boys. Yeah. We're going to
12.01 today. And we got David the mentalist who's going to
give us a nice 20-minute block of time. Take us home.
The brain will be able to be red.
Might be tough.
Yeah, true.
Yeah.
I'm mentally sore, not physically.
I'm both.
My whole body.
Rudy and I, we're going to do a – we thought of an idea for next year,
last day of camp, because I think we're going to do this every year
because it was a lot of fun.
Thank you to Mountaineers.
I'm bringing Tommy next year.
The best.
We're going to. The last day
will be a relay soar off.
Oh, we'll all win.
So instead of the belly flop
contest judging, it will be judging
people getting out of chairs,
reaching down and getting like a penny.
Yeah.
Tying your shoes.
Shit like that. Soar off.
Oh, my shoes have needed tying for two hours. I'm not even off. Oh, my shoes have needed to be tied for two hours.
I'm not even worried about them.
They've been needed to be tied?
Yeah, this one just needs to be tied, and I can't get down there.
I mean, Brandon, how happy are you, though, that you were the announcer yesterday?
So fucking happy.
Shout out to Kate.
She's been killing it on the sideline.
Kate crushed it.
Kate was great.
You're teeing it up.
Eddie was great.
Connor was great.
Can we see?
There's two things I want to pull up. One was White Sox're teeing it up. Eddie was great. Connor was great. Can we see? Can we?
There's two things I want to pull up.
One was White Sox Dave's hair.
Yeah.
That picture.
And the other was the start of the trampoline.
King of the Raffle.
One of the dumbest.
That was the most horrendous thing I've ever seen.
And I got people accusing me of trying to change the rules after.
I think, KB, you were on that.
Yeah.
After about five minutes, Taylor and I, who were on separate teams,
both looked at each other like, this is going to go on for an hour and a half.
And no one's going to – everyone's going to get hurt and no one's going to win.
Everyone was going to gas or get hurt.
Right.
You guys were never getting each other off.
No.
Ever.
So that's why we changed it to White Sox game versus Che.
This is hair.
Oh. Oh, so gross.
It can't decide what it wants to be.
No.
I think he was like the happiest I've ever seen him yesterday,
but that picture is tough.
Yeah, and then watch the – I tweeted the clip of the start of the trampoline.
I mean, it was so funny, but it was also just, you guys were gassed.
And there they go.
Oh, my goodness.
And they just all sunk to the middle, and no one was ever going to get off.
I think you got one person off in five minutes.
Like fucking on Zola.
Yeah, it looks like, from that angle, it looks like naked wrestling on a trampoline.
Yeah, and when you sink, nobody can see you.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
This is ridiculous.
And this is when you start getting out of breath.
One of the worst, worst ideas.
But that was also like, when we came up with the games, we thought King of the Raft, it would be like a hard raft.
Where you can push each other off.
And there's no... Not a raft where you can push each other off. Not a raft
where everyone just sinks to the bottom.
Rudy came off
this with scratches all over his back.
People were bleeding. Oh, people came off this
looking like they came back from war.
Like, it was crazy, and it was five minutes.
It looked like they're doing nothing, but they're doing everything.
Look at this.
BFT, I think, was the only one who went off.
And then it was just back to holding each other.
I would have immediately had somebody throw me off.
I would have just sat in the middle and no one would have been able to move me.
I would have slinked toward the edge myself and just had somebody push me off.
I have the hiccups.
I'm going to drink a Mountain Dew.
Drink a Mountain Dew.
Get you a Mountain Dew.
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You all right?
No, I'm not all right.
Brandon and Shay were playing pickleball at 7.30 this morning.
I didn't make it.
Shay was playing pickleball at 7.30 this morning.
I can't wait to go home.
The mountain is calling.
You should answer.
Grab your friends.
Grab an ice-cold Mountain Dew, whatever refreshing beverages are sold,
and do the Dew.
Thank you to Mountain Dew.
I was up at 7.30, but I took one of those lean your forehead against the wall showers.
Oh, yeah.
That's a gross.
That's a gross place to do it, but my head needed it.
I needed my head needed wall at the time.
Yeah.
What?
I don't know.
Will, what time do we'll stay up till?
When did they leave?
4 a.m.
They left at 4 a.m.?
They left at 4 a.m.
They left at 4 a.m.
Mm-hmm.
4 a.m.
Kind of makes you wonder why they even came if they were going to leave on the last day.
What?
Everybody leaves on the last day.
I know.
What the fuck?
Am I too quick for y'all this morning?
I think you're a little too quick for us.
Yeah.
What you got?
He has been quick lately.
I think I was a little too fast for you guys.
Do I need to slow it down?
It'll slow it down.
Take it down.
You're going 85 in a 35 right now.
We're in a school zone.
Kind of makes you wonder why they even came if they were just going to leave on the last
day.
That's like a... Is it a a movie a riddle yeah, it was this a riddle the more I still not
We're all leaving today like a Yogi bear quote
So why would I be bothered that they're leaving on the last day if I that's why we were concerned
Oh, there's more elements. Yeah, I thought it was deeper maybe.
It's fine.
This is goofy.
We're goofy right now.
All right, Brandon.
I'll slow it down.
Slow it down for us, please.
You got four items in a breakfast bowl.
Yeah.
What are they?
And what's the order of importance?
Love this.
Well, there's hash brown potatoes.
That's your first item?
Yeah, that's my base.
It's hash brown. Yeah. And it's cheese. Yeah. And then it? Yeah. That's my base. It's hash brown.
Yeah.
And it's cheese.
Yeah.
And then it's eggs.
And bacon is surprisingly fourth.
Bacon or sausage, yeah.
I like to cut up breakfast sausage.
But if you want to go bacon, you can go bacon.
But it's scrambled eggs.
What about rice?
No, because I've got hash browns.
Yeah, hash browns.
I don't know.
I just said it.
What about rice?
This isn't, no.
Isn't that kind of dry?
Rice?
Not everything.
That's a dry bowl.
Hash brown, cheese.
The melted cheese.
Hash brown.
You didn't say melted.
That's an extra.
Hash brown, melted cheese.
I don't know about pork rolls.
Then eggs, then bacon.
That's a dry bowl.
Well, then, I mean, we're implying sauce.
No, you can't imply sauce.
I don't think that's a dry bowl.
I would go sauce.
Fuck you for implying sauce.
Melted cheese would do the trick.
Avocado fifth.
Avocado fifth.
Now I'm out on avocado fifth.
That's my bowl.
But you said it was my bowl.
Is your bowl?
Whose bowl is it?
I go peanut butter, Chex, Cheerios, slices of banana, milk.
That's a breakfast bowl.
That's cereal.
You're a literal child.
What are you talking about?
That's cereal.
You're a literal child.
Peanut butter what?
We can all agree hash browns.
Chex are the best Chex.
Hash browns won, yes.
Crumbled sausage.
I like crumbled sausage.
Crumbled sausage, too.
Scrambled eggs, hot sauce.
Crumbled sausage that has a little bit of liquid to it?
No, I mean, what?
Like the oil in the sausage pan?
That could be it right there, the greasy sauce.
Well, you got the hot sauce.
I got the hot sauce.
You got your hot sauce.
How much hot sauce?
I'm going sausage fifth.
I think I like Nick's.
I'm going eggs, cheese, sausage with a little oil and hot sauce.
No hash brown. That's going to and hot sauce. No hash brown.
That's going to make you poop.
The hash browns are on the side.
All that grease.
Y'all are sleeping on pork roll.
I went to go to the bathroom for the first time this week.
I am comfortably sleeping on pork roll.
And the bathroom was under, somebody was fixing it, closed for the time being.
What?
Yeah.
Shitless.
The camp people are putting everything up and just disassembling everything around us.
Oh, they're out of here.
Well, I mean, that makes sense. Yeah, they're out of here. Well, I mean, that makes sense.
Yeah, they're out of here.
Yeah.
Yeah, I think camp ended.
The camp.
Yeah.
There's a bachelorette party here next week.
Seriously?
Yeah.
But that's going to be awesome.
Y'all want to come up here for that?
That's a great idea.
We should just hide in one of the cabins until then.
Yeah.
No, the camp horseshoe has been one of the greatest hosts.
Like, everything.
Yeah.
Food's been great.
Phenomenal fucking place.
The place is incredible.
We've been able to use everything.
Hopefully we come back.
I want to do this every year.
The counselors and the workers, like, everybody's, like, so cool.
Oh, they're all so nice.
Talking to everybody.
Yeah, shout out to Jordan who owns it.
A lot of Australians.
A couple guys from the UK.
The Londoner.
I saw an Irish person yesterday.
No, you did.
Yeah, I did. It was crazy. Oh, you did? Yeah, I did.
It was crazy.
Did you chase him?
No, she asked for a picture because her brother was a fan.
Really?
Those are my favorite.
An Irish fan.
I feel like that's someone you can chase.
You can chase an Irish person?
Yeah, if you catch him, you get a pot of gold.
That's an Irish.
I'm going to go chase him.
Yeah, when you see an Irish person, you say, run.
I'm going to chase you. That's the one type of person to go chase. Yeah, when you see an Irish person, you say, run. I'm going to chase you.
That's the one type of person you can chase.
Yeah, you for sure can chase an Irish person.
Oh, no.
And they'll have fun with it, too.
They'll serpentine pattern away from you.
Oh, man.
Chasing an Irish person.
Maybe that's a game next year.
Chasing an Irish? Yeah, we just get an Irish person, and that's a game next year. Chasing an Irish?
Yeah, we just get an Irish person,
and it's like whoever catches the Irish person wins the round.
That'll be the easiest ethnicity to catch.
I don't know about that.
I don't know.
I'll slow it down.
I think I could.
Yeah, pump the brakes for us.
I think I could chase an Asian.
I think Irish is going to be your slowest.
The thing is, like, it's probably.
You could chase an Asian, but they'd probably die running away from you.
No, it's problematic.
Wisconsin offensive lineman?
You have to chase with a smile.
Yeah.
If you're chasing with a scowl, what's that guy doing?
Chase an Irish, dude.
Like, everyone's having fun.
Yeah.
You're eventually going to get them.
They're going to giggle while they get chased.
You can even tickle them when you get them.
It's kind of an even distribution of fun.
Yeah.
Even it's fun for the viewer, too.
They love getting chased.
Like, if I was watching Big Cat chase an Irish person,
I would love to be like, oh, there he goes.
I think that's what I'd say, actually.
He's almost got him.
Ooh, ooh, ooh.
But if it was any other ethnicity, it would, you know.
They might have little, like, coins dropping out of their pockets while you chase them.
I think it has to, you can't yell at any other race, like, get back here.
I think that's for an Irish.
Stop Irish person.
They're a chasable.
Yeah, they're the most chasable race.
Easy.
Easy.
I'm trying to think of the other, I mean, like, I wouldn't want to chase a Russian.
No. No.
I don't think they're chaseable.
I don't think they run.
I wouldn't want to chase a German.
French would be boring.
Yeah.
I'd just give up.
Jamaican, you're just, you're not getting them.
Not even, that's not, it's not a chase.
No.
That's just a race that you lost.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Canadian wouldn't be terrible. It wouldn't be fun. Wouldn't you lost. Canadian wouldn't be terrible.
It wouldn't be fun.
Wouldn't be fun.
There's no reward to catching a Canadian.
I don't want to get political,
but chasing an Irish Catholic is much better than an Irish Protestant.
Yeah, I'd agree with that.
They do, they...
I'd agree with that.
It's more fun, it's more light-hearted.
They zigzag a little more.
Less, like, you know, trauma.
Yeah.
Well.
You're going to reach.
Someone told me cut it out with the sunscreen.
What?
Is it pissing them off?
I love you, but you've got to quit it with the sunscreen.
Your skin is your biggest organ and absorbs everything.
The sun provides essential vitamins to your body.
Don't resist it.
Just don't burn
Well, well then that's kind of that would be that's the barrier to not burn would be to resist the Sun
Cuz you'd have to get out of it. But how do you there a method? I'm not understand. There's a movement online right now
It's like anti-sun. There's a WWE wrestler lady Valhalla. Yeah, whatever
She's like if you just eat the right vegetables, you won't burn in the sun.
It's just the sun.
I think Tom Brady said that, like, drink a lot of water.
A ton of water.
Sunflower oil, right?
Well, I've got to do that first, and I can't just jump into no sunscreen.
Right.
You've got to wean yourself off.
By the way, congrats on wrestling.
Be back.
Officially back.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Officially back.
When's the final episode?
Tomorrow.
I had Tony Khan yesterday swerve Strickland tomorrow.
He's the AEW world champion.
Is this something, though, like is there a part of you that, like the dog chasing the car and then they catch it?
What do you do with it now?
Like, what do you complain about?
Has a dog ever really done that to a car?
No, but it's the first time.
And, like, you finally got what you've always complained about, and rightfully so.
Right.
But now that you have it, what did you do yesterday?
You turned to the bottle.
Yeah.
Right.
That's true.
You went and drank some bears.
Some what?
Bears.
Some bears.
I said bears.
You said bears.
You finally get what you want.
Yeah.
I guess I got to bring something else back.
No, you got to get something else you like canceled.
Morning, sunshine.
Time to run it back.
We might have to.
I got the coat.
Let's go.
What about jock sniff sports?
I never did a show called jock sniff sports.
What was it called?
The crotchables. Two balls on crotch one the crotch two balls
the recrochable no the recrochables two nuts talking ball a sports movie podcast featuring
chris clemmer and brandon walker was that it yeah i think so i think that's too short yeah
how many episodes of that did you do oh like, like, enjoyed, like four. I did one with him.
We reviewed The Ringer.
How was it?
That's where I'm going to watch that. Wait, The Company?
Yeah.
Can we circle back to the chasing thing for a second?
Yeah.
They made a video game about chasing Italians.
What's it called?
Mario.
Oh, no.
That's a video you played.
You're the Italian.
You played as Mario. How could you be so off base? But you're getting chased That's a video you played. You're the Italian. You played as Mario.
How could you be so off base?
But you're getting chased.
No, you're not.
You're running forward.
You're the aggressor.
Mario's the aggressor on all that.
They're coming at you.
Were you playing Mario backwards?
They don't get playing reverse.
Reverse Mario would be pretty sick, though.
Yeah.
But it's not reverse Mario because you're running at the shells.
You're running forward.
You're running at the goobus.
Mario car progress.
You can get chased facing forward, right? No, but you didn't. Boo chases, I think. You're running at the goombas. Mario, car, progress. You can get chased facing forward, right?
No, but you didn't.
Boo chases, I think.
You're talking about the turtle that goes back and forth?
You're trying to look at me.
Stop.
Yeah, you're right.
That's a game about chasing an Italian.
I would like reverse Mario, where you start at the castle,
and you have to escape.
Run back.
Who are you getting chased by in Mario?
Right.
A bunch of shells and shit?
They're coming towards you as you're towards them
You don't understand one of the simplest games
Level
Yeah, we I thought I had a brain blast right there, that's
No, Mario doesn't get chased at all.
I don't think there's ever a point where Mario doesn't get chased.
Not in my life.
Maybe in the newer ones.
I don't want to completely bury the boy.
I told you, I'm mentally sore.
Bury the boy.
That's a fun game, too.
Bury the boy.
Bury the boy.
Yeah, that's what you do when you get the Irishman.
Just bury him. That would be really fun. Oh, man, we're definitely do when you get the Irishman. Just bury him.
That would be really fun.
Oh man, we're definitely going to do chasing Irishmen.
If you're an Irish Yak fan, fly out to Chicago.
We'll chase you.
There's plenty in Chicago right now.
We'll chase you down.
They're here for the summer working.
Is the DNC going to still be going on when we get back?
I think it is tonight.
What are they doing with fucking bugs?
What?
Contaminate the DNC breakfast with a bunch of maggots.
Who did that?
Oh, because they're trying to get us to eat the bugs?
I guess the other side did that.
Wait.
Like a camp break?
Infiltrated the breakfast.
The Republicans bugged the...
Yeah.
Are you talking about bugs like listening devices?
Like, nah, like mealworms.
They put mealworms in the food?
Yeah.
Either that or maggots.
It was my Aunt Pam.
That sucks.
Is that in your breakfast bowl?
Maggots or mealworms?
Mealworms before maggots. In their breakfast food?
I guess.
Where did you hear this story?
Hold on, Mook, I'm setting you up.
They had to, like, squash the mushrooms?
Justin, FBI investigating after maggots found a DNC
breakfast in Chicago.
They're going to try to eat the bugs.
Wait. Okay. So the FBI
wouldn't be investigating unless it was criminal, but it could just
be old food. Could be old food.
Yeah. Could just be
maggots. Yeah, which would probably
be old food. No, but like not even old food.
They just serve maggots.
I don't know why you'd want to be.
Trying to sleep with bugs.
You want to do the Shady Ray ad and let's get
the mentalists out here? Yeah.
He's going to have to carry hard. David, you got
to fucking... You got a lot of work
to do out here, David. Some real magic.
Oh, let's see.
Hold on, hold on, hold on.
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What are you doing?
Why are you moving?
Do like a turnaround.
Have your back towards the camera and turn around.
Do it when Brandon says Shady Rays.
All right, here.
All right, ready?
And start river dancing.
Yeah, yeah.
I know.
Yeah.
And then start running.
River dance, then sprint away.
Oh, you know what river dance is.
All right, you ready?
Like you're playing hacky sack with both feet.
Plus, with Shady Ray's hassle-free returns,
no, no, no, no, no, no.
Fast return, I think.
Yeah, fast return.
But you've got to turn fast.
Yeah.
Plus, with Shady Ray's hassle-free returns.
No, but also repeat fast return to the camera.
Okay.
Plus, with Shady Ray's hassle-free return.
Connor, I hadn't said it yet before you repeated it.
That's how fast he was.
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Oh, he's doing it.
He looks like Josh Block.
Head over to ShadyRays.com.
Run away.
Get him.
Get him.
Go get him.
Yeah.
To get 35% off, go to our website.
See for yourself why I'm here.
Nobody's going to get him.
300,000 people have rated these shades five stars.
ShadyRays.com. Code YAK35. gonna get them five stars shady raise calm code yak 35 wait I want to see who can flee from the cops the best on a deck on a deck someone who would like
leave this scene by leaping over the chef Donnie the best like you're at a
high school party and the cops come you gotta like you're at a high school party and the cops come and you gotta... Like you're at a high school party, like, currently.
You were at a high school party last night.
Yeah, it's weird.
All right, Jick.
All right, let's do it.
Let's do it.
I notice you guys are kind of in camp shape, we like to call it.
Starting to get there.
Yeah, we're rough.
Camp shape?
Camp shape.
Going all day, not used to the toll it takes on your body.
Nope.
Right?
Definitely not.
Yeah.
Hopefully that doesn't impact the mind a little.
I got two for you guys today.
I didn't bring much to camp with me because I didn't really expect to be doing too much.
But let's do it.
So first we'll start with kind of just the straight hardcore mentalism.
I'll do it with one of you over there just so I don't have to
make it easier. Brandon's mind's firing
on also.
Do you have your cell phone on you also?
Are you familiar with Wikipedia?
Yeah.
Awesome. Will you just go to the internet and look up
how many articles are on Wikipedia? We'll see what
number you got. I'll come over there for a second.
It's alright if I see this because I can
look it up too. Yeah, but I don't want you to see
certain things. No worries.
You didn't beat off of the bunk, did you?
No. You were drinking some bears. Did anyone?
Bears. I did not.
How many articles on Wikipedia? Yes.
Articles
are on Wikipedia.
Are on.
I'm as full as can be right now.
Sneeze.
I'm a bit sneez be right now. I sneeze.
So if you take a look, we're all swaying.
You'll be all eyes on yours for everyone. Oh, man.
I didn't drink off once.
I'm so full.
I'm feeling heavy.
How many words are on average per article?
Pat my belly.
The average approximately 2,898 words per article.
2,898?
Yeah.
And if we multiply that by the number of
articles, we'll get the approximate amount of words across Wikipedia. Is that fair? So how
many articles is there? It's 6,871,086. Perfect. So that gets us over 19 billion words across
Wikipedia. Obviously, we're going to have some repeats if and or but, yet so, because, etc.
But there's going to be a lot of unique words.
Is that fair to say?
Fair to say.
Visit Wikipedia for me?
All right, I'm going to visit Wikipedia.
Cool.
I'm going to come over here just so I can't see everything.
And Kate, you can see from the same angle as me so you know that I'm not cheating or anything like this.
I want you to look up any article on Wikipedia.
Don't let anybody else see.
This should be something unique.
Don't look up anything camp related.
Don't look up...
It'll be random. Yeah, totally. And anything camp related. Don't look up, yeah, don't look up.
Yeah, totally.
And once you have it, just let me know.
Got it.
You looked something up.
Perfect.
What I want you to do is scroll to a random point in that article now and think of a word
that's at least seven letters.
So it's harder for me to guess.
And let's say your topic was football, right?
That's already seven letters. So don't think of the same word as your topic.
Something completely different from the topic.
Does that make sense?
Completely different.
At least seven or exactly seven?
At least seven, yeah.
So it's longer, harder to guess.
You got it?
You got one?
This isn't the right page, I don't think.
All right.
Wait, what is this? Do you have one? This is't the right page, I don't think. Alright.
Wait, what is this?
Do you have one?
This is...
Where, where, where?
All good.
Random spot.
You can literally just zoom.
This doesn't seem right.
Pick a word.
Read that page.
Well, it's probably been...
Just catch a word that's a little bit longer.
Alright, just that word right there?
Sure.
Is that general or specific to the topic?
It's general.
General, awesome.
Turn the phone off so I can't see anything.
All right.
And you have the word in mind?
Yeah.
Okay, don't forget it.
Focus on the first letter of that word.
Okay.
Would you like me to take my glasses off?
That actually might help if you don't mind, yeah.
Thank you.
Oh, perfect.
Actually, no, back on.
No, I'm kidding.
No, you're good.
First letter.
It's a C?
It is not.
No.
What's the first letter?
R.
R.
R.
Okay, this happens sometimes.
You might have thrown me off a little bit, to be completely honest.
That's all right.
Were you thinking of the first letter of the topic, maybe?
Is that why I got a C?
Yeah, he was.
Okay.
So that's a C?
Okay, that makes sense.
God damn.
What?
Okay, let's focus on the topic first, but don't forget the word.
You have the topic in mind?
Yeah.
Me or him?
I kind of want to know. Either.
I got it.
Okay.
Okay, it's two words.
Yeah.
It's a name.
Uh-huh.
Ooh.
Okay.
Is it Crispinite and something like that?
It's crisp and walk.
Okay.
What the fuck?
Oh my God.
How in the fuck?
Holy shit.
Okay, but you have a word in mind, yeah?
Yeah.
And there's, I mean, how many different words?
There's 19 billion different possibilities here.
Yeah.
And you're thinking of one word.
Yeah.
Focus on that word.
And then focus on one of the letters in the middle of that word.
Got it. You got one? You thinking of the C in the middle of that word You got one of the other see
Know that okay, where you think you give a see okay?
We're even at the end I was
Was it recommended
How do you do that? How?
How?
You're reading both of us at the same time.
That's top level.
That's insane.
Oh.
What?
You searched up Chris Benoit.
Yeah.
And the word you picked was recommended.
Yeah.
And he...
How could he possibly...
That's insane, man.
I got one more for you guys if you want.
Yeah, please.
Cool.
So this would technically be classified
under the umbrella of mentalism
because it involves predictions.
So I have three different predictions here.
Will you just hold onto these for me?
Sure. Thank you.
And then we're gonna use a deck of cards here.
I'll split these about in half.
Let's go maybe somewhere.
I don't know.
No, I don't like the feeling.
Hand me a ball blast, please.
I was thinking about the M. I need to take the feeling. Hand me a Baja Blast, please.
I need to take the edge off.
We got zero.
We got code red.
Give me an OG.
OG.
Thank you.
So we've got two piles here.
Will you just cut as many cards off of this pile and place them right in front?
Give them hell, Kyle.
Come on, Kyle.
Kyle Dane. Are you happy with that, or do you want to add some more, take some away on, Kyle. Kyle Dean.
Are you happy with that, or do you want to add some more, take some away?
It's up to you.
This is good.
That's good?
All right, let's do the same from this pile.
Cut as many off as you'd like.
And are you happy there?
I'm pleased.
Are you sure?
Yes.
Perfect.
What I'm going to do is I'm going to flip these cards face up,
and I'm going to mix these into here face down,
and then the same thing with these cards. This way we're mixing them up a bunch,
so we'll mix these in so both piles
have face up and face down cards.
Now do the same thing one more time,
as many or as little as you'd like,
right in front, and then the same with the other pile.
There.
And you're happy with that?
Yeah.
Not add one more, take one away, stay right there?
Right there.
Perfect.
We'll take these cards.
We'll flip these so they go the other direction.
We'll mix these into this pile.
And we'll take these so they go the other direction
and mix these into this small pile here.
And those were free choices, yes?
There was no markings for you to pick up there that felt totally free?
There were, yeah.
Are you sure?
Yes.
Perfect.
That'll be important.
So what we'll do, we'll take these piles,
and if we take a look here,
we have cards that are facing both directions, right?
Face up and face down cards.
What we'll go ahead and do,
we're only going to need the face up cards here.
So do you mind, just so that you know I'm not cheating,
will you just put the face up cards here
and I'll take the face down cards back?
Got it.
Good job, Kyle.
You're doing a hell of a job, Kyle.
Yeah, Kyle.
Great job, Kyle.
This is why he's our card guy.
Way to go, Kyle.
Kyle Dean.
Yes, Kyle.
Yeah, he's finding those cards.
Yes, Kyle.
Kyle Dean.
Yes, give him hell, Kyle.
Yes, Kyle.
Kyle Dean.
He goes by Kyle Dean now.
I love that.
Slower or faster?
Yeah, Kyle.
Perfect.
Go your speed, Kyle.
There we go, Kyle.
And that was free, right?
If you would have flipped maybe one more card, we'd be in a different position.
That feels fair?
Like if you would have maybe added one more to a pile,
we would have had a different amount of face up, face down?
Reasonable?
Yep.
And those are all the face down. Reasonable? Yep.
And those are all the face down cards.
Yes.
Perfect.
See, before this, I wrote these predictions down,
and I didn't know how you would cut the cards.
I didn't know if you'd add some, take some away.
But maybe I did because I wrote down these predictions.
Can you look at prediction number one?
What does it say?
23 cards are face up.
23 cards face up.
Can we just count those cards right there and see what we've got?
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23.
Okay, so far so good.
So far so good.
Honestly, this is a little embarrassing for me if it messes up,
but it would be your fault because you did the trick, right?
Prediction two, let's see what we got.
16 cards are black.
Can you put the red?
Let's just count the black ones onto the table then.
So we'll go one, two. We'll put red over here.
Three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16. Okay. Pretty good. Pretty
good. It's weird because you almost did want to change your mind at some point, but we would
have been in a completely different place. And I haven't come anywhere near these, have I? Nope.
Last prediction.
This is the big one.
Let's see how we did.
Prediction number three.
You are going to die in Hardy's parking lot.
Oh, fuck.
Holy shit.
No.
The rest of the cards are all hearts.
Take a look at those.
What?
All the cards left should be hearts there.
Yep, all hearts.
Oh, my God.
Wait, no, there's a diamond. There god. Wait. No, there's a diamond diamond. It's
Wait, there's a diamond shit. Which one the seven I
Only give you three predictions
You know what I actually before this I knew that there would be a fourth prediction I just didn't want it to be visible to all you guys at the beginning
About a half hour ago a little prediction. I just didn't want it to be visible to all you guys at the beginning.
About a half hour ago, a little more, I posted on my Instagram story another prediction, prediction number four.
If you just go to at David Gishner, G-I-C-H-N-E-R.
God damn.
Brilliant.
I'll show you also if you want to kind of look here.
But if you go to the story right here, you'll notice prediction number four.
So it should have been the rest of the cards. Come on, dude what we got to see except for that's 47 minutes ago what is this
what the come on so
i don't know that is insane what did like What do people say when you post that story?
Does anyone slide and like, what?
A few people are like, oh, I guess I'll have to watch it.
What the hell?
I appreciate it.
I love that.
I can't get over the Chris Benoit.
Thank you.
Thank you, guys.
Gage's GIFs, sir, everyone.
Please follow me.
Now we know when you update your stories and it's just a
random prediction
you're in the middle
of a trick.
That's kind of cool.
It's like,
oh,
you must be
blowing someone's
mind right now.
All right,
thank you.
Thank you.
What are your
short-term goals?
I love this place.
I mean,
it's such a special
place.
I want to definitely
be here,
but then obviously
perform magic
in the off-season when it's not summertime
and stuff like that.
Yeah, for sure.
We were having this debate.
So you're a counselor here?
Yeah, so I'm a counselor here.
So when you're the counselor and all the kids show up the first day
and they just hit the lottery because they're just going to get their minds
blown the entire time, you're just doing tricks all the time?
That's a lot of fun.
I bring out tricks here and there.
It's a nice way to
get them to clean the cabin.
If we don't get a perfect score today, maybe no
magic show.
That's crazy, man. Unreal.
Thank you so much. Thank you guys again. I appreciate it.
Appreciate it.
Can you predict who's going to win the Super Bowl?
I've got to keep it to myself.
Okay.
That was nuts.
I was thinking C, and he was thinking F.
That's crazy.
He read two of you.
Yeah, at the same time.
That's the thing.
There's no figuring that out.
I don't know.
How could you possibly do that?
Doing it together should be a wrinkle that would stop him from being able to get it right.
We're easy.
That's nuts. Open up for him. God, that guy rocks. Damn. should be a wrinkle that would like stop him from being able to get it right more easy that's not
open up for him god that guy rocks damn i want to know how to do that and a true geek i want to
learn how to do that too i don't know if i do i don't get my mind blown more than blowing mine
yeah yeah amen i also would just fuck it up constantly. Maybe we should do Worst Magician Week next year?
Oh, lowest rated.
Lowest rated on Yelp.
I would actually love to see a magician show up and just be like 0 for 5 on tricks.
We should do One Star Week where we find businesses that are one star on Yelp and have them come in.
Try to prove they should get more stars.
Yeah.
I see women go to do the one-star makeup artists,
and they go get their makeup done and see how it,
and it's usually pretty bad.
I'll go to a one-star barber, have them come in.
Yeah.
Give them something complex.
Yeah, we should have one-star week.
One-star week.
I like it.
Brandon, we do the DraftKings out here?
Yeah.
Nobody better than me. You are the guy.
Is that a signed jersey, by the way? Yeah.
By who? Bernie Kosar.
He signed it? Yeah.
And you're wearing it? Yeah.
Doesn't that... That's the thing about me,
Big Cat. I don't give a fuck. That's true.
That's true. So he saw the
spelling of Chris Benoit somewhere.
Yeah, but he was already over there by the time we did it.
I'm just saying, I don't know how.
Did he see our fingers?
Did he see his fingers?
No way.
I don't think so.
He was talking to me.
But even if he saw his fingers do that, how would he know recommended?
I don't know.
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The crown is yours.
The crown is yours.
The crown is yours.
How about them birds?
Yeah.
What's going on?
They got your hand dots.
Yeah.
Out of nowhere. Trade it for a bust.
No.
Well.
You trade for a bust in bed every night.
I don't trade for it.
You don't trade for it?
I have to barter for it.
Yeah, you do.
Trade your dignity for it.
So they're still doing that little political convention thing?
I think they'll tie it to last night.
Is that going to affect us?
Maybe.
Travel-wise?
Shouldn't, should it?
If they're leaving, is we're passing O'Hare?
No, but they got it tonight.
Yeah, we're fine, we're fine.
What do you think the fuck scene is in one of these political conventions?
I think it's pretty crazy.
I think it's pretty crazy yeah I think it's pretty
you think everyone's
just sucking and fucking
oh yeah
I heard DC in general
is a big sucking
and fucking town
yeah
they put their
differences aside
and suck and fuck
suck and fuck
not us we're full
I mean I think
it's a lot of hate
fucking which is
yeah
oh
you think there's
a little like
they're crossing
the whatever
the aisle
the line
a little bit do you think rival pundits ever yeah're crossing the whatever, the aisle? The line? A little bit.
Do you think rival pundits ever?
Yeah.
Do they just hate each other for it?
I don't think they have to.
There's probably something spicy about that.
Wasn't James Carville married to a Republican?
Yeah.
Isn't he?
The mouth of the South?
I think he's dead now, isn't he?
No, he's alive.
The mouth of the South.
Right?
Yeah.
Jimmy Hart is also still alive.
He is?
Yeah, very.
James Carville is... He's alive. Louisiana. Yeah. He's the bald. He is? Yeah, very. James Carville is...
He's alive.
Louisiana.
Yeah.
He's the bald guy, right?
Yeah.
Louisiana drawl.
Old school.
He was in old school.
Probably having great times.
He was in old school.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's maybe the only thing I know him from.
James Carville from old school?
Yeah, I mean, I don't...
I'm not someone who's tuning in to political commentary,
so old school.
I can't remember who he was married to,
but I think it's a Republican woman.
Roseanne.
That's... No, it wasn't her.
That was Tom Arnold that was married to her.
Was the other guy actually married to her, too?
Who?
She's been married multiple times.
Damn.
John Goodman was not married to her. That's John Goodman? John Goodman was not married to her too? Who? She's been married multiple times. Dan? John Goodman was not married to her. That's John Goodman? John Goodman. Dan Conner? Yeah I
guess that is John Goodman. Who was uh... I always thought John, the wrong John died. Should have been
Goodman not Candy. I mean Goodman has given us a life of joy. That's a mean thing to say. The wrong John died. We can't trade John Goodman
for John Goodman. The wrong John died, in my opinion.
Wrong John died.
I gotta say, too, I've been
watching Roseanne recently.
It's the same as the Fred Durst thing.
He does it for me now.
Roseanne. 400-pound John
Goodman in a flannel shirt.
Where his sister-in-law gets slapped around
and he goes to put on his coat to go
beat the shit out of him.
He comes home and calmly gets arrested?
I thought that was hot as hell.
We're kind of coming back.
He also goes and beats up his daughter's boss at the grocery store.
That was hot too.
He was mean to her
at the grocery store and Dan went to
beat her up.
That's a little much.
But her boyfriend had already gotten there and beat him up first.
Oh, really?
A very violent family.
And that's when he respected the boyfriend.
Oh, for beating up another man.
He hated the boyfriend.
His boyfriend's name was David.
He hated David until then.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I remember David.
He hated David.
No, wait.
David.
No, I mean Mark.
Mark was the bad boyfriend.
Did she marry David?
Darlene married David.
I thought David was the brother.
Darlene married David.
Yeah.
That was the guy, Galecki.
Johnny Galecki.
Yeah, that was David.
He's Big Bang Theory now.
Yeah.
Not now, because that show's over.
Right, but he was laying it down on Penny.
It's also Rusty in Christmas Vacation.
What's another wrong name that died?
Yeah, if you could swap one for another.
All right, so when...
First of all, you've got to decide
who you want to come back.
Kurt Cobain. It should have been Kurt Menifee.
Yeah, yeah.
You want to trade Kurt Russell for Cobain?
No.
You've got to keep Russell, right?
There's got to be a...
Every time I turn on... Patrick Swayze. Every time I turn on.
Patrick Swayze for who?
Stewart.
Star.
Yeah.
Every time I turn on.
I'm just going to get that star out of here.
Every time I turn on Fox NFL Sunday morning, I'm like, that should be Cobain.
Yeah, it should be.
Kurt Menefee and Kurt Cobain.
Kurt Menefee is the black host of NFL Sunday morning.
But do you think if you brought Kurt Cobain back, would he just do it again?
Yeah, he probably would.
Like, that was a waste.
You just took two people out now.
Wrong names.
Kurt, we brought you back, man.
All right, see you.
Give me a shotgun.
Oh, Bill Clinton should have died instead of Bill Walton.
Yeah, Bill Clinton's old.
Big time.
That was a long, long time.
I don't know.
Now, hold on.
John Candy died early in life.
Bill Walton got a full life out.
Yeah, but we still could use him.
Oh, wow.
Sounds like you hated Bill Walton.
No, I'm just saying we're going back and trading John Goodman for John Candy
so we can have the second half of John Candy's life.
We got the second half of Bill Walton's life.
What about –
Let's be smart with our draft picks.
What about Yoko Ono for Yokozuna?
Oh, that's a good one.
Is she alive?
Yes.
She's alive.
We can make that trade.
She's alive.
I'll take Chris Farley for Chris Jenner.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's a good swap.
Yeah. But it's a C and a K, Chris. I don't know if you can do that. Can you cross. Yeah, that's a good swap. Yeah.
But it's a C and a K, Chris.
I don't know if you can do that.
Yeah, can you cross that?
I don't think you can do that.
Fuck.
In this fake thing.
That's actually against the rules.
Is there any famous...
And Mario wasn't chased.
...sacrifice to get Ledger back?
I would give up the Heath candy bar for Heath Ledger.
For sure.
Absolutely.
Yeah, I'd do that in a heartbeat.
You ever had a Heath blizzard?
So you'd rather have a Heath blizzard once every other month than a life back?
To have Heath Ledger alive?
No.
He didn't know me.
Oh, I can't switch my blizzard.
That's my favorite impression now.
All right, Kate.
Sorry, Heath, you're staying dead.
It's just River.
River Phoenix for Phil Rivers?
I don't think we're... I wouldn't want to lose Phil Rivers.
Also, those names are not similar at all.
Okay.
Well, my brain's not on.
You don't have to be a dick about it.
I'll slow down for you.
Thank you.
Amy Winehouse for Amy Schumer.
Fair.
Yeah.
Love that trade.
Now let's hear some controversy.
Oh, what about Phil Hartman for Dr. Phil? Ooh, yeah. that trade. Now let's hear some controversy. Oh, what about Phil Hartman from Dr. Phil?
Oh, yeah.
Easy trade.
We're much rather than Phil Hartman.
But is Phil Spector still alive?
Phil Donahue just died.
Who's that?
He was still alive?
Phil Donahue, yeah.
I don't know who that is.
Donahue?
He was the first Jerry Springer.
He was the first Jerry Springer.
He outlived Jerry Springer.
Him and Oprah were the talk show king and queen of the 80s.
He had the Ku Klux.
He's like, and now the Ku Klux Klan.
He had crazy people.
Yeah, he'd bust their ass, too.
That would suck to be on the, hey, you were the wrong person.
The wrong person died.
You should have.
Wrong kid died.
Wasn't that the Macaulay Culkin movie?
His glasses.
Oh, that's my girl.
My girl, yeah.
Was he not in that?
He was in it, but that wasn't her.
Yeah, the wrong kid died.
Did he get stung to death?
You want the girl to die?
No, it wasn't.
What was wrong kid die?
Oh, Stand By Me.
I've never seen Stand By Me.
Stand By Me.
I'm pretty sure the older brother died.
And they said wrong kid died.
Yeah, wrong kid died.
I'm thinking of Walk Hard, the Dewey Cox story.
The whole story is the wrong kid died. No, no, no. I'm thinking of Walk Hard, the Dewey Cox story. The whole story is the wrong kid died.
No, no, no.
I'm thinking about Stand By Me, the Jerry O'Connell classic.
Not to be confused with Kangaroo Jack.
Also a Jerry O'Connell classic.
Yeah.
I've heard all about Kangaroo Jack.
I think JLC might be in the office next week
Oh yeah?
Maybe have him do the gauntlet
Oh he'll do it
Yeah he will
Why are your hands in my back?
How's your hand in my back?
I didn't even notice it was here
It's resting on my
Now it's rubbing my neck
But it feels good right?
Let's do a
Massage your right and neck rub
Yeah I'm fine with that
Give me that neck
Kate go ahead and rub Moose's neck.
Harder.
Wait, so Kate, did you fuck White Sox, Dave?
I heard that.
A lady never sells.
A lady never sells.
The last time I saw you last night, it was 3 a.m.
You were White Sox, Dave.
The first I saw you this morning, you were walking in together for breakfast.
I was.
That is true.
But seriously, it was literally just the two of you at the fire?
There was a couple other people, too.
Was there slow dancing before?
Maybe.
345?
Let me tell you, people look different in the fire.
345 is way too late.
He kept calling me a pussy.
I walked outside for one second to pee outside,
and I heard White Sox Dave playing guitar and singing
Who Says by John Mayer.
Well, he's got the moves.
He does play guitar very well.
People don't know that.
You're defending him?
I did not.
I did not have sexual relations
with White Sox Dave.
White Sox Dave and Kate being boyfriend.
Now that I mention it,
when I went down there to listen to music,
I was like, oh, Kate's here.
Let me go talk to Kate. She did a good job today.
And I never could because White Sox Dave was like sitting right next to me.
He's got a problem, dude.
He was sitting on the back.
Can I help you with something?
If I walked in on you two all tangled up, I'm sending a text message to recently brought back Kurt Cobain for advice.
If I don't know where he starts and you begin, where he ends.
Yeah.
My little Harvey Dent.
That's a good camp love story.
I didn't.
I was going to start telling a story, and then I didn't know if I should.
Imagine if you two created a child and it got your spine and his hair.
That'd be boring to work in a bell tower.
It's just a spine with hair on it.
I got a little Kate story.
We were walking back to the cabin yesterday, and she said,
hey, do you want to hear something funny?
And I said, yeah.
And she turns and rips the loudest fart.
So her timid farts on fart day?
Nowhere near this.
That's just good old you, man.
It was like off a bus seat loud.
I've been building up big ones
because it's the girls' cabin.
I don't want to fart in the girls' cabin.
I heard you did.
Yeah, what was going on in the girls' cabin?
I heard you did, too.
Were you guys doing anything?
Did you guys pillow fight?
No, but we have been, like, gossiping.
I will say that. The windows are wide open. Did you guys tickle each No, but we have been, like, gossiping. Yeah. I will say that.
The windows are wide open.
Did you guys tickle each other?
We didn't know.
We didn't know that.
Just a lot of gossiping.
Did y'all, like, fight over White Sox day?
Yeah.
And you won?
It was last night.
They were pissed.
That's why I didn't go back to the cabin for a while.
I've been trying to mount that stud for months.
We come up to camp for two days.
Oh, five, six of them.
What did he say he put his program height in as?
Five and a half.
I have a dragonfly in my hand.
That was actually one of those moments yesterday where it was my own doing,
but I got so frustrated.
So I was basically frustrated with myself,
but Rico being the head ref had a meeting in the morning to explain the rules
to Steven Shea and White Sox native.
And those two guys then tried to explain the rules to the teams.
And it was the worst game of telephone that's ever been created.
It was so frustratingly a lot lost. Yeah. And it was the worst game of telephone that's ever been created. Yeah, it was a lot lost.
Yeah, and it was one of those moments where I was like,
I kind of did this to myself because this is what I wanted,
but man, did it suck.
Che as a captain is quite an adventure.
No confidence.
It's like there is no captain.
I've never seen anybody get frazzled so easily as Stephen Che.
Yeah.
And it's a shame.
Second guesses himself out loud in front of the group.
Third and fourth guesses himself.
Yeah.
He was asking the white team, like, what's your confidence level on this?
And somebody would be like, I'm an eight.
And then somebody else would be like, I'm a seven.
He's like, okay, perfect.
Eight will go high.
That's just your confidence.
That doesn't give you the better skill.
Oh, man.
He's going to have a lot of che.
So the finale of Camp Barstool will be airing 2 o'clock today,
central time on all the channels, on the Barstool main channels.
It gets contentious.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Might be some talking points coming out of this one.
Yeah, there'll be a couple.
I heard a story last night.
I'm not going to give details to any person or any circumstances.
We'll be able to guess.
Yeah.
We've been here.
Go like this.
You know that little piece of skin up there? Yeah.
Inside your mouth. Inside your mouth.
You know what I'm talking about? It's like between your two teeth.
Sure, yeah. You're up a lip. A little web.
Yeah, there's a little web there.
A penis has one of those.
Right? The frenulum, it's called.
What's she talking about? Who said this?
No, we... It's into my mouth?
This is a campfire story last night.
Oh, so it fits, the penis fits perfectly in the mouth like a walking beast?
No, no, no, no, no, no.
Just bear with me here.
A horror story?
Yeah.
Real?
But do you know what I'm talking about?
Apparently a penis also has one of those.
Okay.
Sure, sure.
We'll go with that premise for now.
Okay.
Did you know if you get a handjob hard enough, that thing will rip clear in half?
Oh, that's not where I wanted that coming from. And what do they call it? A frenulum. No, the slang get a handjob hard enough, that thing will rip clear. Oh, that's not what I wanted that called.
And what do they call it?
A frenulum.
No, the slang term for it.
Oh, they call it, there's a term for it because it happens often enough.
It's called a broken banjo string.
So someone at camp has broken a banjo stick?
I'm not going to say.
A string?
We can't say who.
I'm not going to say any details.
But you can go to.
Is this anatomically visible on the penis? Apparently. I'm not going to say any details. But you can go to... Wait, is this anatomically visible on the penis?
Apparently.
I don't know.
It happens to uncircumcised penises.
No, I'm just thinking about...
Thinking about your penis?
That's why they have slang for it in the UK.
It's called a broken bandage.
Sydney, Annika, Hannah, Ella.
It could have been someone doing it to themselves by accident.
Yeah, gut broken.
White Sox teeth.
That's probably likely.
Smokes.
Smokes.
I'll just say I'd never heard that term.
I didn't know that was an injury that could happen, and I was stunned.
That would be the most smokes thing ever, too, to be like, I broke my dick in half.
And be like, how?
And be like, don't worry about it.
You don't want to fucking know.
Yeah.
Also, it makes him tough.
Yeah.
Snapped another banjo string last night.
Did this person talk about the recovery process?
Apparently then they had some drinks.
It was a guy.
Well, a lady can't break a banjo string.
Well, no, you said a handjob.
Well, a guy could do that to themselves.
Right, I know, but I was thinking.
That's not a handjob.
That's masturbation.
Yeah, that's jerking off.
I like to think of it as a handjob.
Oh man, I had the best handjob last night.
That's volunteer work.
They had had some drinks, they put a condom on,
because they were in pain, but they didn't know it had happened yet.
Who was this?
Is it someone we know?
No.
Yes, no.
I mean, that's a funny story.
What the fuck was happening at this campfire?
It wasn't at the campfire.
This was years and years ago.
But I just never had heard the term broken banjo strings.
Did this person gather you guys around to tell this tale?
It was like being passed along.
It's like an old lore that was being passed along.
It didn't happen to anyone in particular.
I just had never heard that term.
And I didn't know it could happen.
So I'm sharing it with others for awareness. I'm looking. Yeah, I gotta look this up. I thought I'd heard that term. I didn't know it could happen, so I'm sharing it with others for awareness.
I'm looking.
Yeah, I gotta look this up.
I thought I'd heard it all.
I thought I knew everything.
What?
Dudes will get that cut at the top
by choice, so they hang lower.
Doesn't affect anything else.
Really?
It unwinds you a little bit.
Huh.
And apparently, you told me yesterday,
water intake helps your flaccid length.
A lot of people say that.
Well, I've been dehydrated most of my life.
Checks out.
Same.
Checks out.
I've been pissing neon green.
Really?
Hell yeah.
Not enough water.
Yeah.
The sun goes down.
I cramped out so hard yesterday.
That was bad.
I was basically out for like a half hour.
Oh, you were on the table.
I was on the table.
On ice.
On ice.
What are you doing?
I got a text message.
I was seeing who it was.
It was Paige.
Who did Paige want?
Just something.
I got a package.
Hope she's been having a nice week.
Yeah.
Chill and smooth. Did you see what Chef Donnie's brother did? What? He got a package Hope she's been having a nice week Yeah Chill and smooth
Did you see what Chef Donnie's brother did?
What?
He got a weed whacker
He found Mount Everest
No, he got a weed whacker
He cleared out the entire backyard of the office
Yeah, that looks great
He had to beg for a weed whacker
He got it
And then he cleaned up our property
There's gotta be something we can do back there
Four square
Well, it's grass
It's still gonna look awful back there
That's why I needed the weed whacker
Depressing place
Oh, yeah
Checks out Also, you see that dude Try to come into the office Well, it's grass. It's still going to look awful back there. That's why I needed the weed whacker. Depressing place. Oh, yeah.
Checks out.
Also, you see that dude try to come into the office?
Yeah.
Yeah, that was a little much.
Yeah, but that's what he does.
That's his thing.
He does that everywhere?
He goes to football stadiums. He's great.
Oh.
I'm honored that he came down.
Oh, I didn't know that.
He sees how far he can get in the stadium.
Oh.
You probably see.
Oh, wait.
Wait, does he do the one where he sees how long he can stay?
He's all right, yeah.
Oh, I love that guy.
He goes in the college football stadium.
I didn't know it was the same guy.
I've watched all of his videos.
He did one at Cedar Point.
He stayed for like seven hours.
He's coming.
I got him coming back.
He's coming back.
He's not shysty either.
He's just earnestly doing it.
I didn't know that was the same guy.
He's not sneaking.
If it's an open door, he's not climbing or anything.
What's the craziest place he's got into?
Well, his big videos is he also sees how long he can stay somewhere.
Are you sure about that?
I don't know if he's the same guy.
Okay, that's not the same guy.
There's that guy, though.
Have you seen that guy?
I haven't seen that guy.
That guy will stay at a game.
Maybe that is the same guy, but this guy goes to college.
Oh, it is.
He tries to stay at a game.
I like the ones where he stays.
So, like, if a game ends, like, he'll go to a Cubs game,
and the game will end,
and he'll just see if he can stay in the stadium for, like, hours.
Yeah, he's great.
Like, he'll just sit at the seats, and then they'll finally be like,
all right, you got to go.
And then when they say they got to go, go to the bathroom.
And he's built up a rep.
He went to Madison Square Garden and got kicked out.
Yeah, this is him.
Oh, yeah, okay.
Yeah, I like this guy.
I'm a fan. Yeah, he's good. Oh, yeah, okay. Yeah, I like this guy. I'm a fan.
Yeah, he's good.
Flies himself around the country and goes to stadiums.
How long did he stay?
He walked right up to the door.
The security guard met him, gave him his resume.
No, no, how long did he stay here?
Oh, here, I don't know.
I tried to see through it and couldn't see anything.
He's going to take us into the suites.
We got it upside down, 27 minutes down.
I'm already here.
I think I got to go for it.
All right.
It's locked anyways.
He doesn't do, yeah, he's not like trying to break in.
Probably not an eagle still, but.
But when they tell him to leave, he leaves.
Yeah, he's like polite.
Bullpen car. God dang it. Still a lot of people in here. That's honestly dragged this out for me. But there's one more spot I really, really want to see.
I saw some security by it back when we were a couple floors up, but they might have came and went,
and I need to see if I can make it happen.
We got to get into Ben Scully's press box.
I mean, this is crazy.
I cannot believe I'm inside here right now.
He also has, like, a TikTok voice in real life.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So many iconic sports broadcast seven four so this was uh
this was actually like we should be honored honored yeah he showed up yeah we got to drain
the curiosity out of that hour and seven minutes he stayed in good for him i feel like i could get
back in if i wanted to what an absolute day at the ballpark, ladies and gentlemen.
Whoa.
You about to ride a horse?
All right.
There's your number.
Yeah, we're at 1201.
Want to do the high noon ad read?
I don't.
We'll be back tomorrow full yak. We just need a mental reset.
We also got to drive.
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Dude, I ratioed the fuck out of a kid today.
I saw it.
You did what?
Oh, yeah.
Some guy said, what age group honestly still follows anything Barstool?
I'm generally curious how anyone over 25 still finds Barstool relevant in any way,
and I said, you literally follow me.
That's it.
9,000 likes
on my reply.
That'll do it.
Yeah, God is ass.
God is ass. All I said was you literally
follow me. God is ass. I love a good
ratio. It's great.
Brandon, have you ever gotten
ratioed? Oh, yeah.
I get in a lot of Twitter
confrontations. I get ratioed from time to time, but
that's the cost of doing business. Yeah. That's the cost
of doing business, Kirby.
Ratioed plenty of man in my day.
Sure. That's a big ratio.
That's a doozy.
Alright. that's a doozy um alright anything else guys
let's see here
I gotta get my windshield replaced
yeah it cracked more on the drive up
what?
it was half the windshield was cracked
now it went across the other
that could fully crack on you
that's what cracks do they grow
you mean it could fully crack on you. Yeah, that's what cracks do. They grow. Yeah.
On your...
You mean it could fully crack on me.
Like it could shatter.
It's not going to shatter.
Yeah, your face.
I mean...
It'll spiderweb.
It's not going to blow in my face.
You're going to have a car full of people on the way back, right?
No, it's just me.
Oh, just you?
Okay.
Just you and your lonesome?
Yeah.
Can't fucking wait.
That's going to be great.
Yeah.
I'm going to stop in Stoughton and go to my sporting store.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Buy me something.
I got you.
Could I have something, too?
I got you, too.
Why don't you bring us gifts tomorrow?
I got you a TV.
Well, I got to be able to get out of there.
Get us a gift.
If I can get to the store, I'll have you gifts tomorrow.
Is this the kind of store that would have a mannequin for sale?
Yeah, but maybe.
Okay.
Or like a half-punching dummy.
Yeah.
I bought chain mail and I need to...
What about team...
Display it?
Display it.
Oh, is this week in the Ren Faire?
This and next.
Hell yeah.
But it's a little too heavy.
What about team...
Team Logo Fleshlights?
No.
This place will not have Team Logo Fleshlights.
I am full.
There's that Oklahoma City Thunder one that's the auto-mover.
You have the iPad mount and then you mount the Fleshlight pussy,
and it automatically goes up and down and has the two handles on the side.
But it's Oklahoma City Thunder branded.
Nice.
Everybody's seen that.
Imagine seeing your reflection in the iPad after using something that's $3,000 to jerk off.
I think once you buy it, I think you're okay with yourself.
Yeah.
No, I think using it is a whole different matter.
I think the purchase is the hardest thing.
No, I think using it is like this is happening.
Yeah.
Wow.
It's pretty solid.
Like, well made.
Is she in a go-kart track?
He's showing the elasticity.
Oh, just traffic in the background.
You can watch.
Yeah, it has the mount.
And I think it has paddle shifters.
Oh, nice.
Is that made in the U.S. now?
We gotta be.
Yeah.
I don't think of anything.
Would you use that, Mook, if we got it? Yeah. Is that be. Yeah. Yeah. Think of anything. Would you use that mook if we got it?
Yeah.
Is that even a question?
Yeah.
I'd give it a go.
Give it a whack.
These bugs.
Anyone checked in on Titus?
Is he in Switzerland?
He left today.
Oh.
He's all the way in Switzerland.
The text I sent you showing you my chain mail to show to Tommy, I embarrassed myself with it, Brandon.
I mean, no.
I sent a picture of me and my chainmail.
I said, show this to Tommy.
No.
Hold on.
What did you say?
I said, show this to Tommy.
And I said, can you take him?
I said, can you take him?
And you said.
I didn't know you were talking about to the Renaissance Fair.
You showed me chain mail about the Renaissance Fair.
I said, can you take him?
And you said what?
I said, I could handle any blunt or blade that he has.
I said, no, can you take him to the fair?
And I said, maybe.
Take him physically?
I thought you meant physically.
Can you fight my kid?
Yeah.
With that, I could.
Are you going for anus or just because you love the game?
What is it?
This upcoming weekend, this weekend and next.
I think I'm going to go next.
Where is it?
I don't know.
It's around us.
Oh, okay, nice.
I want to go and dress as a jester.
Yeah, right.
There's a big one up there, me and Bristol.
Yeah, that might be it.
Horniest place in the world, I'm telling you.
Come.
I'm going to be decked out.
Do you have a name for your character?
No, it's not.
It's just me.
Okay.
It's the real me.
Chainmail Nick.
Nicholas Teraney.
Nicholas Anthony Teraney.
You look good in chainmail.
Thanks, man.
Wait, you're Nat?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Whoa.
I tried to, like, go by that a little bit, like, freshman year of high school.
Because I thought Bam Margera was going by his initials.
That's just not true.
I just assumed that was his initials.
I wanted to be like Bam Margera.
What is Bam's first name?
I don't know.
But they called him that because it's like Bam Bam from the Flintstones.
Oh.
Yeah, I think it's cool when guys go by their initials for their first name.
What, uh, wait.
Brandon is his first name.
Yeah, so, yeah.
But it's Brandon Cole Margera.
Fuck.
So close.
All right.
What, all right, you need to go?
Yeah, let's spin the wheel.
It's a three-hour, 19-minute ride.
They close at five.
Let's spin the wheel.
So let's go.
I want a gift tomorrow.
I'll do my best.
I got to get there, though. And again, apologize. We're at 5. Let's spin the wheel. So let's go. I want a gift tomorrow. I'll do my best. I gotta get there though. And again, I apologize.
We're just dead. Yeah. We'll see you
tomorrow. We'll be fully rested.
I mean, the Yak used to only be an hour.
That's true. People got... I've only been in
this area for... That was a big
vicinity, yeah. Alright. Alright, 2 o'clock.
Tune in. Barstool Camp
finale
on all the Barstool main stuff.
We'll see everyone tomorrow back in studio. It's your straw jack style of day For a while it's the act
It's the act
It's the act
Yeah it's time to talk shop
We're doing Yankee Swap
It's the act
It's the act Bye, guys.
See you back in Chicago.
Love you.
Bye.