The Yak - Kate Was Almost Kicked Out of a Bar Last Night | The Yak 8-7-24
Episode Date: August 7, 2024Brandon and Cheah have formed a strong pickleball bondYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit b...arstool.link/barstoolyak
Transcript
Discussion (0)
Hey, Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube.
Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Yo, DJ, hold that up.
It's the Yak.
It's the Yak. It's the Yak.
Roback.com.
Use code Yak.
Roback.com for 20% off your first purchase.
Talk your shit, Brandon.
R-H-O-B-A-C-K.com.
I'm wearing the shorts right now, and they're very comfortable.
Roback.com. Hoodies, joggers, shorts, polos, Q-Z-A-C-K.com. I'm wearing the shorts right now, and they're very comfortable. Roback.com.
Hoodies, joggers, shorts, polos, Q-zips, all the good stuff.
Use code YAK, 20% off.
Kyle's going to be here, and he's going to be late.
He has an appointment.
He has a throat appointment.
Are we concerned?
For Kyle?
He's going to the doctor a lot.
He's going to the doctor.
He's the best of us, but he's going to the doctor a lot if he's
if he's unhealthy what are the rest of us we should never find out i never will he'll be here
shortly i guess he said he was in a doctor's appointment yeah if kb goes down we're all
fucked me and kate are dead tomorrow i was counting on him being the last one standing
i could see kb getting involved with some sort of experimental drug that makes his heart explode.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
He did that before, correct?
He was on Crater.
He's done experimental drugs.
He's experimented a lot with things.
He's a protocol guy.
He's always game for new protocols.
But being a protocol guy means you stick to it.
His protocol changes by the hour.
Yeah.
He jumped from protocol to protocol.
Yeah.
Like nothing to it.
Also, Kratom is something you can just get in a gas station nowadays, right?
That's always been the case.
Is it?
Yeah, it's root water.
It's disgusting.
Why do you ever try that?
Why do you ever try that?
Yeah.
That's to help people wean off of like heroin and he just picked it up.
Okay.
You skipped the heroin part?
It's like the flip flops at the Old Navy checkout. It was like an impulse buy. Yeah. He was like, yeah, throw it in. Does it You skipped the heroin part? It's like the flip-flops at the Old Navy checkout.
It was like an impulse buy.
It was like, yeah, throw it in.
Does it work to wean people off heroin?
I think it does.
It's a very convenient thing to have in gas stations.
And the one Kyle was doing, he was doing full vials.
I remember we were in Kansas and his suitcase fell open.
And there was all these vials that rolled out.
And then he looked it up.
He was doing it forever.
And then he looked it up on r slash opiates.
And dudes that were junkies for years were like drinking half a vial to get off of the junk.
Oh, shit.
There's a place called r slash opiates?
There's an r slash everything.
I knew that.
R long boobs.
Really?
I knew that.
There's a porno for every letter.
Like the amount of horniness on Reddit.
So like the yak subreddit
is r slash it's the yak i'm glad you brought this up because i said if you type in r slash it's
what do you think the first it's is slash it's her asshole.
R slash it's anal time.
R slash it's all good.
And R slash it's Lana time?
Those are all not safe for work.
Yeah, it's anal backwards,
so I believe it's only the dick coming out of the ass.
It's anal time, baby. anal backwards, so I believe it's only the dick coming out of the ass. It's anal time, baby.
In reverse, Terry.
What's it's her asshole?
I don't know.
Is it just...
I assume it's just pictures of assholes?
That's why modern porn turned me off.
There's way too many assholes.
Really?
Yeah.
I don't want to see an asshole.
What do you want to see?
I want to see two tits and a vagina.
Yeah.
You watch solo work?
Hell yeah.
That's what I want to see.
Mean potatoes.
Yeah, I'm not trying to see an asshole.
Assholes are disgusting.
Yeah, you don't need the fixings.
Well, they're always so perfectly done up
because they bleach them and they whatever
and then it makes, what is my,
I don't want to know what my asshole looks like.
Sauron, probably.
Just all seeing.
Welcome to this subreddit.
We celebrate on-off style posts that feature a portrait of females alongside with their
asshole.
Oh, so you see their face, too?
They say every asshole looks like its owner.
74 motherfucking thousand.
There's 10 online right now.
They're doing better than me on Instagram.
So wait, yeah, they say every owner, you start to look like your asshole as you age
I wouldn't know mine
it's part of you they say that
your lipstick color the perfect
lipstick color for you is matches
your asshole we should all take pictures
of our assholes and then
as a team try to figure out
who's who because I wouldn't know mine
would you be able to identify your dick out of a thousand dicks?
I would like to think so.
I think so, yeah.
Yeah, but you never.
But I don't really stare.
I very rarely look at it from the angle that you would be looking at it from.
Oh, I'd hate to see it that way.
Yeah.
I've actually taken hundreds of pictures of my own asshole.
Yeah?
Like, do you have an album?
We used to.
I think I deleted all of them.
Yeah, I'd hope.
He's perching.
Of course I am.
We used to have the butthole rule in FIFA.
Do you guys ever hear of the butthole?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Tell them.
You get buttholed.
If you lose in FIFA for nothing or more,
you get buttholed. You have to take a picture of your butthole.
Was that game group run by your local youth group leader? Yeah. Okay, send your buttholed. You have to take a picture of your butthole. Was that game group run by your local youth group leader?
Yeah.
Okay, send your buttholes over.
Yeah, it was just me and my boys in my basement.
But if you lost, the winner got to pick who your butthole went to in your phone.
Yeah.
And you could send it to anyone.
That's wrong.
Yeah.
But you can't tell it's a butthole yes you can get like super
close in how close you gotta get moog you can tell it's a butthole you couldn't tell you couldn't
tell it was a butthole so people just thought they were getting like random pictures of what
what do you mean i don't know random pictures of what they didn't know okay i uh got real bad hemorrhoids my senior year of high school
and i was too proud to bring the donut to school or not too proud too embarrassed to sit on and so
i think that's too proud by the way is it too embarrassed and proud or though i think well
those are opposite if your dad's proud you don't want to get embarrassed you don't want to get
embarrassed because you were too proud yeah but i wasn't Yeah. But I wasn't too proud. Okay.
So I just had to sit on them all day until they got lanced.
Oh.
The member of NSYNC pushed them back in for me.
Brandon, how are your hemorrhoids?
I've never experienced anything like that.
I feel like you have, like, active.
Also, everybody assumes – everybody just asks me how my kidney stones are i've never had those either i've had both i do look like a prime
candidate for kidney stones but i've never i've never what brings on kidney stones i think just
diet or what you're taking in and and your body's reaction to it as soon as i went full gluten free
i got them oh really yeah oh and uh passed at Bird's Nest. Is it too much iron?
Next to a dude who was pissing next to me
and he was a fan.
I had blood coming from my dick hole.
There was a year
at the New York office where like
everybody. Big Cat and PFT got them.
I feel like 8 other people too around us
all got kidney stones within like a few months of each other.
They like vibrate them to break
them down.
Does it hurt women to get them? Have you ever got
them? If you have a
tight pussy, bro.
Come on out.
Sneeze them across the room.
You shoot them into a spittoon
when you walk into a saloon.
The double doors.
I would imagine it hurts.
Tanya from Real World had them real bad.
Oh, good to know.
Thanks, Jay.
What a pull.
What?
Deep cut.
Tanya from Real World, from Walla Walla, Washington, had debilitating kidney stones.
Yeah, it was bad, huh?
What Real World city was she in?
I think she was in...
God, I have a guess.
How do you know that, but you don't know what city she was in?
Right.
You don't know what season she was on? I don remember vegas i think might have been what yeah yeah hold on you know
her hometown and her medical diagnosis unforgettable no but what's unforgettable is what season she was
on what city she was in like theo was uh theo von was uh new, right? Or was he Austin?
You just lost that argument.
You could look up where Tanya is.
So that was the storyline of the show, so big you remembered it.
Chicago.
Chicago.
Oh, she was the blonde.
Yes.
Yeah, okay.
I did watch Chicago.
That had Kyle Brandt in it, I think.
Kyle Brandt and... Oh, she's giving Tara Reid energy.
Anissa.
Back in the day.
That was 2001.
God damn it.
You hated Anissa.
Whatever.
A long time ago, man.
A long time ago.
Oh, not Walla Walla Washington.
Yeah, you kind of got...
Well, there must be multiple Tanyas.
There might be multiple Tanyas. I would guess. A show that's been a long... Oh, The Era Walla Washington. Yeah, you kind of got... Well, there must be multiple Tanyas. There might be multiple Tanyas.
I would guess.
The show that's been a long...
Oh, The Erotic Traveler.
That's fun.
Fun show she was on.
Did y'all get into the real world road rule stuff?
The only reality I watched was the VH1 dating shows.
Bret Michaels, Tequila Tequila, Flavor Flav, all the spinoffs.
I watched the MTV dating shows because they all made me just, I hate the word cringe,
but they made me do that.
Was it called Dismissed or Next or something?
What was the one where they got on the bus?
There was like three people.
Yeah, you got off the bus.
And somebody walked across the park and then they took a look at Next.
Can we watch Next clips?
Because their intros of what they liked were so funny oh so good we can't no oh fine come i remember my
the first reality show i watched was joe millionaire oh yeah first one i got it was he
yeah he was faking being a millionaire they rented a castle and had a he had a butler yeah all the
women fell in love with him and he was still good looking as fuck. He was. Yeah. The big reveal was like, I'm a farmer.
Was that the one with the slurp?
Oh, yeah.
That was the slurp in the woods.
Yeah.
What? Yeah, they went to the woods
and they were slurping.
Yeah.
They were at a campfire
and then they like snuck off to the woods
to get away from the cameras
and then they were still mic'd up
and you could just hear them.
And the closed caption just read slurp.
No.
What was the one where they tricked the guy into being on a reality show?
And everybody there was an actor.
Joe Schmo?
Was it Joe Schmo?
I was going to say it was Average Joe, but Average Joe didn't seem right.
It was recent, right?
Rudy.
Rudy watched it.
It was 15 years ago.
Joe Schmo.
Yeah.
Rudy knows everything about Joe Schmo.
And it was just one normal guy and at the end
they all when they revealed it they acted like we did it because you're so special
it was a really i remember watching it was a really weird reveal because he hurt they didn't
they didn't say like oh we did this to make a fool out of you and you you we did this because
you were the right one and we just loved you so much the premise was what now he it was a
truman show they put him on a reality he thought he was on a reality show he thought he was and he thought he
was on a cast of 12 people the other 11 were all actors and every scenario was meant to get him
to do something or you know like kiss this you do that eat that and um he one by one all the
actors got voted off or got eliminated.
And it came down to him and somebody else.
And they revealed to him, by the way, this is all fake.
It's all fake, yeah.
And they did.
They treated him like he was some sort of make-a-wish patient.
It was a weird, weird show.
What was his reaction?
Was he like, okay?
Crying?
It was like, oh, my God, I can't believe you guys did this for me.
Oh, he liked it.
Oh, he was dumb.
I think. Was he was dumb i think
is he a dumb man that's what the jury duty guy was like yeah he was really likable at the end
of that one yeah i think they were expecting him not to be yeah then he became america's sweetheart
i don't remember jury duty he's dating the hawk tour girl now yes yeah that's huge that's huge
she was uh supposed to come in monday but we all said no immediately. Yeah, she's really fallen down the ladder.
She was just on a Steinies podcast.
Oh, hell yeah.
So she's making the rounds.
She was at SummerSlam.
Yeah?
In Cleveland.
So good for her.
She got to go to a wrestling event.
And then she got pitched to us and didn't totally work out
wonder where she is this week she's kicking around i don't know she tweets like a bot though
does she i don't know if you saw her twitter but she's on there like good morning twitter
it's like very off-putting she's yeah that that sucks that's super off-putting
i don't know have a pleasant day everybody, everybody. Oh, fuck this bitch.
She's like, share your favorite memes with me.
It's like, all right.
She's very, I don't know.
She's probably, somebody's probably running it now, like the Iron Sheik.
Yeah.
Oh, somebody running his?
Oh, somebody ran his the whole time.
Oh, okay.
Somebody would have to be running his now.
Yeah, he's a dead man.
Michael Jackson has a Twitter account. When he got famous for all the tweets, it was never one time him. That was tough when I learned that. TJ, doesn't Michael Jackson have a Twitter account. When he got famous for all the tweets, it was never one time him.
That was tough when I learned that.
TJ, doesn't Michael Jackson have a Twitter?
Let's see if any Barstool employees follow Michael Jackson.
Because he was dead before Twitter came.
I think Tupac might have one.
Does he have one too?
Maybe not.
Yeah, a verified Tupac.
Wait, who?
Oh, he tweeted an hour ago.
Yeah.
That's weird. Yeah, I don't like that what employees follow it i think that was just tj's friends oh your boys
your weird ass homies weirdest homies
uh tim hitching's gonna be here tomorrow yeah they're on a plane right now nice headed this
way i assume yep you
going out to dinner tonight yep you're gonna make him do you're gonna make him drink 15 root beers
no but he was uh his only request i asked my parents if they wanted to do eat or see anything
while they were here all he asked for was chicken vesuvio what's why what is that that there was
some dante blog about chicken Vesuvio,
and he was like, that's the only thing I want to try.
So we're going to get chicken Vesuvio. All right, have you heard from Dante today?
Because that motherfucker's got to come get whipped.
I just texted him.
He is in Las Vegas.
No, wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
Yesterday he was at a construction.
I'm starting to think.
Yeah.
He's running from it.
He said yesterday, I'm at a construction site.
I might be there tomorrow he said um
uh monday i said hey in the office today he said no i'm running around i can be there though why
what's up i said yak ending soon we'll pick you to towel whip you stop by next time we're here he
said oh okay my bad tomorrow cool i said yeah it's totally fine yesterday are you here he said no
sorry at a construction site um i'll take my punishment i promise i said okay what day works He said, okay, my bad. Tomorrow, cool. I said, yeah, it's totally fine. Yesterday, are you here? He said, no, sorry.
I had a construction site.
I'll take my punishment, I promise.
I said, okay, what day works best?
No response.
Texted him today, are you here today?
He said, no, I'm in Vegas.
I'll be back on Friday.
We might never see him again.
I don't think you should have mentioned the towel whip.
I think that was, you should have just been like, hey, I need you for something.
We might need to contract out the towel whip.
Because I am frustrated by him not being here,
but also I put myself in his shoes.
And if you,
if Steven Shay texted me,
Hey,
I need you to come into the office and get your ass whipped.
I'd be like,
no,
I'll stay in Vegas.
Don't think I'm going to be doing that.
Uh,
Che,
how was hard knocks?
It was all right.
Big cat has a line in it,
which is cool.
Yeah. Right in the beginning. We're at the barstool bar watching it yeah kate you were certainly at
the barstool bar last night kate i realized um is so peer pressurable but we realized we could
use it for fun because this guy brought over a tray of shots and me and kyle and mook all handed
ours to kate we're like come on kate do one and we were acting like we didn't see her do the other
one she just did them yeah and then somebody else had shots i gave you mine and then chief was like
you got to try this one and i was like okay i don't want to be rude well can I tell you what happened right after this? The band ended up calling security on me.
I went out.
Megan Money's husband showed up.
Oh, yeah.
And he was like, you got to come smoke a cigarette with me.
And I'm like, again, you asked me to do something.
I'm not going to say no.
So I got to smoke.
I start hearing people calling my name because the band had started to play Toby Keith's,
courtesy of the Red, White, and Blue. And I like, like you hear that song you've had a few drinks sure so i come stomping back in and i love to dance i can't dance but like it's my favorite thing in the whole world like
ever and all the girls from barstool were up on front dance floor like everybody was having a
great time so the song starts and i come i'm stomping in and i they had this sign that i was
dancing behind.
It's like, you know how bars will have like two for one shots
or like their specials for the week.
And like, it's the convention type sign
where it's like a pull down projector screen
almost on like a little pole.
It was like my height.
So I was playing it when it got,
I'll stick a boot up your ass.
I thought it was just the barstool bars,
like just a piece of shit sign.
I'll put it down and I kicked it was just the barstool bars, like just a piece of shit sign. Yeah.
And I kicked it over.
Okay.
Just because the band like stopped and he was like, whoa, whoa, whoa.
I'm not starting again until you pick that up.
And we had had like a banter earlier in the night.
So I was like, oh, he's joking with any normal person would be like, oh, he's serious.
One time you don't say sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.
I thought he was kind of joking with me.
So I was like, all right, I'll pick up the sign.
And he started the song again.
And I was like, whoo, and I pushed it down again.
Kate, you're a menace.
And then.
Wait, you got like called out in the middle of the dance floor?
He stopped again.
And he was like, if you do it again, you're out of here, blah, blah, blah.
And the bar manager ran up and was like, she's like a Marine.
She works at Barstool.
She's just excited about the song.
Because Curtis, he was like, I don't care if she's a Marine or a Barstool or whatever.
She can't.
And I was like, why does he care so much about this sign?
So I was like, what's the funniest thing I could do right now?
And I was like, all right, all right.
I'm sorry.
And then I picked up the sign and ran out of the bar.
And it turns out it wasn't just a drink sign.
It was their band's sign that they brought that had their QR code so you could pay them.
So I looked like an enormous fucking asshole.
And I didn't realize it the entire time.
And like, I wasn't even like, yeah, I had those shots.
I had like three fourths of a beer and half of I was like half a high noon in.
So I wasn't like hammered.
I was just like being stupid with the girls.
I went back and forth in that story like three times who I hated.
It was me.
I went to the singer at one point.
You're a good friend of mine.
Like you a lot.
I was anti-you the whole time.
Oh, big time.
Oh, I went back and forth.
I ended up anti-you.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But about halfway through, I was like, that dude just needs to sing his fucking song.
And then I turned back and I realized.
You kicked down their donation.
You're a douchebag.
I know.
You're a douchebag.
You're a piece of shit.
In my defense, I swear to God, I didn't realize that it was their band's sign.
Hold on.
Kate, Kate, Kate.
Best case scenario, that was the Barstool Bar sign.
Exactly.
So what?
That's still not your sign to kick it over
i was like it was falling so gently because it was like it was like it was fine like fine the
sign was fine the whole time and i was like gently like like what about the first kick i woke up in
a cold sweat at three in the morning and i like pulled the sheets off myself and i was like i suck i am an asshole i felt so bad can we get the uh
the security footage of this yeah i wonder if they have it because it was a whole thing it
was a whole to do i had no idea why he was so mad you're the victim here yeah yeah no i immediately
as soon as i saw the sign i was like oh i oh my god i suck
so bad and then i like all the bar like you know where the stage is so like everyone can see and
the bar was packed at that point and like everyone was just cut the music had stopped everyone was
kind of like standing there looking and i was like oh my god now what do i do i can't leave
because that would be you did the ashley simpson lip sync jig the band started playing again
so i just kind of started sad dancing oh yeah like slow dancing and then i like slowly moon
walked out of the bar and i went home now kate i i will say this you getting kicked out of the
barstool bar as an employee by a member of a band would have been very funny. If security had to remove you,
that might have been the funniest thing.
If you got carried out.
They were so nice. The bar, they were like,
we're sorry. I was like, don't apologize to me.
I'm the asshole. I didn't realize that was their sign.
So then Megan Making Money sent them
a Venmo for the trouble we caused
them, so then I Venmo'd her.
They wouldn't start playing until she showed them.
It was a whole to-do. It was was a thing i had a great time though otherwise yeah
i had a really good time sneaky dickhead yeah it was i felt bad i felt bad after do you think
you're gonna think of this moment often like when you're right about to fall asleep for the rest of
her life i woke up like shaking your kid's graduation it'll go snap back yeah
no i'm already like i feel i felt terrible do y'all have any asshole moments you think back
and they're like god damn it yeah i know case probably got a million of them yeah yeah one
time in new york city i was getting on the bus to go home and bx34 shout out and this old man
was like you go first and he was old and i was like no no you go
first and he was like you i should have just gone he was like insisting i was like no no you go first
so he's like and he took a step and he fell right on his face oh no that was supposed to be your
fault i think about it 24 7 i like will never not but that's not you being an asshole but it's like
come on but just get on the bus like humor this old man and get on the bus and i haunts me to
this day first grade my mom pissed me off so i went downstairs and there was a chalk drawing of me and her from
seaworld i took it out of the frame and crumpled it oh yeah oh shit uh that's that's rough it's
fucked up dude and i so i i redrew it for her and now there's like a really shitty drawing of us in
a frame that she still has and so every time i go home i'm reminded of me being a just absolute dickhead first grade wow
i got mad at my uncle doug when when he came to visit me uh and he came to play football with me
and i got mad that he was leaving so i went and he was going the car and i just kept begging him
begging him begging him please stay please stay please stay play football play football and as
soon as he got to the car he said no i gotta go i gotta go to work and i slammed the
door in his face and i was like seven and i remember thinking that that what you shouldn't
have done that that was an asshole move and now uncle doug's probably been waiting this long for
his revenge yeah and he's gonna exact it very soon. For me, it's sixth grade.
I was getting bullied, of course.
And I retaliated by going to the bully's locker and throwing out his science textbook.
That's funny.
That's fine.
Yeah, that's great. But then I saw him get reprimanded for it.
And he got in a lot of trouble for not having it.
It cost like 200-something bucks to replace.
I think this is the concept of TED, the TV show. I think they did think they did that in ted oh did that they did something to the school bully where he
got in trouble yeah i felt bad even though this kid like tortured me for a little bit i put a
hamburger patty i've talked about this on anus i think about all the time it was lunch one day in
high school i put a hamburger patty in the middle kiki leaper's history book and uh i haven't talked
to her in 10 years and i gave her a call on anus,
and she was like, yeah, you put a fucking hamburger in there
for a long time.
Kiki Leeper?
Kiki Leeper.
Fantastic, man.
I love Kiki.
That's a great name.
She's the one that spread you.
No, that was another Kiki.
Oh, it was a different Kiki.
You had multiple Kikis?
There was a group of girls that would trap you
when you were alone in the hallway,
and they'd push you up against the locker
and spread your butt.
Get him!
Give me that butt!
Yeah, that's true.
Kiki and I worked at Foggy Bottom together.
The first Kiki.
Yeah.
That's a great name.
I'm trying to think.
I have a ton of asshole moments.
Yeah, we know.
I used to write mean things about my mom in school when I was growing up
whenever you had to write stuff that you're supposed to take home to your parents,
like Mother's Day cards.
Oh, yeah.
I did a mean one.
I would always do mean ones because I thought they were funny.
Yeah.
I'd call her fat and stuff.
I did that too.
Yeah.
God damn.
Because in our house, jokes always played and humor like i
had no concept of like now's not the time so the teacher would like think she's doing a cool thing
where she's like i'm gonna have all my students make mother's day cards yeah yeah i did that once
too i would fuck you hear her crying late at night i did that all the time she saved all of them yeah
she'll make me feel guilty from time to time and bring him out. I sold my brother a gram of weed for $40.
I was the biggest scumbag on earth.
I got an eighth, and he was like, I want to smoke.
And he was young, and I was like, yeah, $40.
Selling your little brother drugs.
You had me there.
Yeah.
I ripped off a girl.
So I was a Lutheran, but I converted to being catholic so i was in
these confirmation classes and i ripped off a girl for her charizard that i still have
but i hated her because she was homeschooled and for and that's it no i hated her because
every time i would yawn in uh confirmation class she would right into my mouth not spit but just
blow that's that's funny yeah but so i ripped her off for i gave her like the tops pokemon cards i confirmation class, she would right into my mouth. Not spit, but just blow.
That's funny.
But so I ripped her off.
I gave her like the top Pokemon cards.
I gave her like 10 for one Charizard.
And it was my only Charizard.
Still have it.
That's just business.
That's just good business. That's capitalism.
Ripping off the homeschool kid.
Yeah.
I feel bad.
You think today she would know where that charizard car was no
right she probably has not thought about it at all it might have haunted kiki leaper thinks of
the burger it was patty only just the patty and i put it in the far chapter so and really
and put it back in her backpack my friends put sand in my backpacks. You got sand in your backpack? That's good.
I had a person put an Easter egg in my baseball bat bag.
I carried a bag that had my two bats and everything.
Yeah.
And one day those bats just started fucking, I mean, literally rotten eggs.
Somebody had egged me, put eggs in my baseball backpack, and it was rough.
That used to be a thing in college at my buddy's frat.
They would poop cup each other if they were mad at one another.
Your pranks are all butt.
I like shit, piss, and cum.
I've been pretty clear about that.
You've been transparent.
There's one that I feel bad about.
There's this kid, Derek Hunter.
Love him.
And he was my neighbor, but he lived on this beautiful house really up a super steep hill and he rode the bus to school
and I drove and so I would wait for him to get off the bus to walk home and I would just follow him
all the way to his house up this steep hill was a long ass walk and I did it every day after school
oh man did you have a decent car was your first car decent uh 92 jeep
cherokee that's pretty good it's pretty cool yeah that's pretty good and a serious sportster in it
oh the one that you could turn it on and it had the steelers logo yeah yeah that's a good first
car yeah that's a great first car i had a 93 ford probe they don't even make my first car was older than yours they yeah they
stopped making them a probe they stopped they stopped making the probes like 96 or 97 but it
was i could literally i could sit in the front seat if i yawn i could tap the back window do
probes only go in asses all right you can probe a lot of things can you yeah i think the first
i think there's deep sea probes.
If I told somebody to draw a probing, it would be an ass.
For sure.
But they weren't even – show me a 93 Ford probe, TJ.
They weren't even good-looking cars then, but they were trying to be good-looking cars.
They weren't like Honda Accords or just, you know, what you're going to get. They were trying to be like super sleek looking and they just looked like a
vacuum cleaner.
Those aren't bad.
That's like the
That's the wrong year.
But you were very tall and lanky, right?
You were tall and lanky.
Oh, I was disgusting looking.
Yeah, you in that.
I was in that.
Mine was red, but it was that car.
Wait, that's pretty fucking cool.
Was it red on the inside?
Oh, yeah.
It was red everywhere.
Oh, I like that.
Brandon, you should get it again.
I don't.
I want a Gremlin.
I do want an old car.
PFT getting that El Camino kind of gave me a little itch.
Oh, that should give you a nightmare, doesn't it?
It's like 50-50 on something.
It's not going to.
Who cares if it works?
I saw an old 70s Nova the other day. I was like, I50 on something. It's not going to, who cares if it works? I just, I saw an old 70s
like Nova the other day
and I was like,
I could drive it.
Yeah,
you don't get one of those things
for it to work.
You just want to look at it.
You just want to have it.
Yeah,
just have it.
Oh,
that's my 75 Nova.
There's something too
about the old super unsafe seats.
The one long seat
that goes across
and it's real cushy
and bouncy.
Yeah.
Ashtrays everywhere.
Yeah.
Do they put, they don't put as ash trays in cars no more, do they?
No.
That used to be a huge feature.
My dad used to use it.
Marlboro Reds with the windows.
All the windows down manually.
I guess, do we have cigarette lighters anymore?
Now they're just the plugs.
Yeah, so what were the cigarette lights?
They would just spark?
They would get super red and hot.
You push it in and it gets
hot and it's like round red circles.
That's crazy. That was like built into
an automobile. With ashtray, yeah.
Smoking was the best thing you
could do for your lungs.
Yeah, it was time. Until it
kills you.
They just snap a finger and they're like,
actually it's not the best thing. It's literally the worst.
I never,
I never smoked.
They used to market it,
right?
It's like,
this is good for you.
Not only is it not bad for you,
this is actually great for you.
They marketed it as weight loss too.
Like keep your weight down.
That's true though.
Oh yes.
Yeah.
Because it makes you,
it blocks,
nicotine blocks appetite.
I guess so.
I think so. And maybe it gives you something to do with your i guess so i think so and maybe it
gives you something to do with your mouth instead and then but yeah i never felt like super hungry
after a cigarette or you had an oral fixation for a long time yeah what oh me oh yeah
did you have like uh sig smokers at your high school yeah yeah yeah well like i said i never
smoked but i kind of missed going into like a
a shitty bar or something that's covered in smoke yeah like that was that just made you feel
something different like restaurants you know there was some you want non-smoking or smoking
and that was cool if they're smoking in a restaurant every section
that was crazy my parents coming home from restaurants as a kid.
It was late at night in bed.
And when they walked by the door, you could smell the cigarette from the restaurant just so deep in the clothes.
Oh, they're back.
Your dad had to have smoked, right?
No, nobody in my house smoked.
Wow.
Your dad did crack and didn't smoke cigarettes?
He did what he wanted to do, and that wasn't cigarettes.
Cigarettes are addictive.
It's scary.
Yeah.
You can die from cigarettes. He stayed away from that. Yeah, that's good. wanted to do and that wasn't cigarettes cigarettes are addictive it's scary yeah you can yeah um
you can you can die from cigarettes he stayed away from that yeah that's good he put it on
his tombstone um yeah he did he did cocaine and and we yeah he did everything else i love i grew
up loving the smell of weed yeah but i never really did it my dad was a cigar guy which like he would smoke them in the car with
us sometimes and it was like fucked up that's a lot but it smelled great do people smoke pipes
anymore and i'm not talking about crack my grandpa did and it was my grandpa my granddad did i almost
said grandpa they smell fantastic the smell was so good he had a little parlor room in their house
oh that's cool that was what their house smelled like when I would go to my grandparents.
That's a good smell.
Every now and then I'll catch a whiff
of it and it makes me happy.
Do they exist?
I don't even know.
I think Rite Aid, you can go into pipe.
They have pipe tobacco.
Why aren't those popular anymore? People love cigars.
Why don't people do that?
I used to have a Gandalf pipe.
No way.
Yeah.
It was pretty sweet.
And we put it up each other's butts.
Yeah.
We'd put turds in it.
So turds.
We'd shotgun our turd at tail into our buddy's butthole as a fist.
We'd top it off with pubic hair.
Yeah, we sprinkled pubes our friends have you covered with their newest and boldest premium polarized shades at shady
rays they're kicking off their most anticipated release of 2024 with a limited edition debut of
their rival collection this is a new single lens style and barstool blue with a premium
stool and stars lens etch and if you're looking for something more casual the classics are also
getting the barstool treatment both of these styles are perfect for all-day, everyday comfort and
performance. They have hundreds of options to choose from, so you're bound to find the perfect
pair for your style. If you don't love your shades, exchange for a new pair or return them
worry-free within 30 days. There's no risk with Shady Rays. Their team always has your back with
personal and fast support. Head to ShadyRays.com, use code YAK35 to get 35% off polarized sunglasses and you can try
for yourself the shades rated 5 stars by
over 300,000 people
alright so me yeah sorry to interrupt
but Howie Mandel just posted
tweeted a clip of Mark Blutman
explaining the anus podcast
to Howie Mandel give me that
that makes sense
need that
as quick as we can get that up.
Liam works at Barstool Sports.
Barstool and Luke.
Liam and Luke are both there and they wanted him.
So he was, because he's Canadian, he is a hockey fan.
So they made an urn that is like the Stanley Cup.
And so Luke, the younger one, is interning for these two guys, Nick Teraney and Kyle Bauer, who have a podcast called Anus.
And so you're going to be on Anus, right?
In Anus?
In Anus, I think it is.
It's a new untold story.
And so he's going to be there every day.
It's beautiful
it is beautiful
can you read the
inscription
always in our hearts
Aaron Blutman
alright
alright
also Nick
fuck you
you named your podcast
Anus
and you're coming at me
for the butthole stuff
that's an amazing truth
that's a new untold story
yeah that was
that was bad
that was bad
that's awesome
also you're on the show
yeah
you're on that show. Yeah.
You're on that too, brother.
Howie Mandel knows your name.
No, he doesn't.
He heard my name. He heard your name.
Yeah.
I think Howie Mandel would like a new Untold Stories.
You think so?
Yeah.
I love Bobby's World.
Was Howie Mandel part of Bobby's World?
Was he the voice of Bobby?
Yeah, of course.
Yeah, he was Bobby's World.
I don't remember Bobby's World.
Oh.
I thought he was the...
Don't you know Bobby?
He was dad.
He was everything.
He was everything.
It was Howie's production?
It was Howie's everything?
He was the voice of Bobby?
Yeah.
Well, I know his face was...
Wasn't his face on the show?
Created by Howie Mandel.
Okay.
Big shout out,
Bobby's World.
Was he...
Did he have a live...
Was his live face
on the show? It was all cartoon. I think, did he have a live, was his live face on the show?
It was all cartoon.
I think he like, did he intro it with his?
I don't remember Bobby's World.
Why don't I remember?
You don't remember Bobby's World?
I feel like he introed it.
Yeah, I remember that.
Yeah, that's what I remembered.
Yeah, his face being.
The mom was like crazy Midwest, right?
She had like the most Midwest voice ever.
Oh, there he is.
Yeah, there he is.
I remember this part.
Three.
Everybody here ready?
You at home?
You watching?
Okay.
They don't make it like this anymore.
Let the show begin.
Huh, there he is.
There's that fucker. He didn't even open his mouth.
This is good, man.
That's really good.
That's good shit.
Big ass dog.
Let's watch it again.
So yeah, me and Stephen Che.
Might be pickleball guys now. it looked really fun i had fun playing so much fun had fun playing shay and i had fun playing titus and uh and uh tate and of course lost both of those
and mad dog was super good you guys were all really good well rudy wasn't and then um afterwards
after everybody went their separate ways,
me and Che just played one-on-one for a while, and it was delightful.
We had the time of our lives.
Correct, Che?
Yeah.
We played for 30, 34 minutes.
It was a great time.
I think we should do it weekly.
I would almost say semi-daily.
I had never really watched pickleball before,
and I get why it's so addicting now.
Yeah, because old, fat people can play it. I the sound yeah yeah it's very pleasing what are the events today
you guys crushed archery there's well if you liked archery you're gonna love target practice
is it the same fucking people who brought you archer
comes a whole new sport yeah you throw shit at a target if you could probably you'll never guess
what the targets are you probably show the court right now uh tj um then we're doing a relay race
400 meter we're doing a 400 meter relay race and then we're doing puff suits and then we're doing
what yes you're doing the race in pluffer suits and then three on three basketball did we just
get a discount on the suits and we have to use them for everything?
I think so.
Because they tore immediately yesterday.
Immediately.
Did yours tear?
Yeah.
Yeah, our team's tear.
I feel like they're not meant for wrestling.
Kate, you being the ref is like the funniest character of just like an indecisive shot.
This is out.
That's like such a good schedule.
Don't want anyone mad at me.
The pivotal pickleball call when it was out.
It's so good.
And it goes to Kate.
She goes, I think it was in.
She gets her like that.
Kate lost her mind.
Well, the truth was I wasn't paying attention.
That's a really good character.
Yeah.
Oh, totally.
Shy ref.
Yeah.
Politely.
I don't know.
Also, Kate, it was probably out by three.
It was out.
It was probably out by that much.
Someone submit a video.
It was way out.
My eyes went blurry when the ball was moving and I just thought.
I think a really good Barstool series would be you reffing like high school games.
Yeah.
Having to make pivotal calls.
If you were an umpire.
I was saying. Striking someone out. Last night at at the bar i was talking to kb about it and i think if i had to be like
a real rat i think it would kill me i think i like would literally i don't think i would survive
um there's a clip it's on the letter t yeah but the letter no it's not that's okay also tj didn't
get credit but tj was a hell of a ref because every time you'd ask him a question, he'd go,
I don't know.
Was that in or out?
I don't know.
Yeah, I was asked to be a ref 30 seconds before the show started.
And was explained none of the rules.
Yeah, we asked Spider, what are we playing to?
And Spider's like, hang on.
Yes.
Touches his earpiece.
It was supposed to be 11, and after like 10 minutes into your game,
it was 0-0. So we moved it to 7 uh did y'all ever ref or ump no i umped i umped for a good four years
i when i was like 16 i did for 10 year olds and when i was 18 i did for 12 year olds did you ever
push back at parents oh i threw yeah i threw i threw a guy out once yeah he was being a dick
he's being an asshole he was like taking this 12-year-old game so seriously, and he was yelling.
He was under his breath.
He was cussing.
And I had Bud Bowen, who's the radio announcer for the football team.
Rest in peace.
Rest in peace.
No, no, no, no.
No.
No.
No.
Oh, you haven't heard.
We're not going to speak that into existence.
Oh, shit, Kate.
I thought.
We're not going to speak that into existence.
Oh, shit.
Uh-oh. Wait. Well, hold on. speak that into existence. Oh, shit.
Wait, well, hold on.
No, he's, no, no, I would know.
I'd be the first to know. I thought he was dead.
I'd be the first to know.
Brad, he's been dead for years.
No.
Anyway, he was the Parks and Rec guy,
so he would, if I threw the guy out,
he would back him up,
and he'd come be the muscle and the heavy.
But yeah, I'd throw a guy out.
I got hit in the nuts one time behind the plate.
I got hit in the throat.
I got hit a lot.
What did your strikeout call look like?
I wasn't very – I would just say strike one really loud.
Strike two really loud.
And strike three, I'd really get into strike three.
Did you get a high pitch like that?
Yeah.
Strike three.
Strike three.
Strike three.
But I didn't have many – I didn't do any of this or anything like that
which i looking back i wish i would have were you buddy buddy buddy with the catchers oh yeah i like
the good catchers i was yeah oh yeah yeah that was always the best when you had like a friendly
um you should do it again no no i hate i did not like the worst ever the worst ever uh i got one
night somebody didn't show up so bud sent me to the girls softball field and said there's eight
year olds down there do the eight-year-olds down there.
Do the eight-year-old girls' softball.
Them motherfucking parents were fucking awful.
Dude, softball dads are crazy.
They were.
They were the worst.
I said, I will never.
I'll just quit.
I won't do the girls again.
That was the worst.
I mean, my cousin, my Uncle Donnie's kid was on the team.
He wasn't being mean to me but everybody else
was and he didn't do shit to stop him damn that was always the worst when like the parents went
over the top and like ran onto the feet yeah yelling at the ump it's it's and it's a guilty
pleasure video or like tiktok or twitter or my whenever you see parents said lily go after an
umpire i'm like it's embarrassing it's terrible. And I watch it every time.
Every time.
I watch it every fucking time because people lose their fucking minds.
It's the most embarrassing thing because the kids just don't care.
We used to have a rule book parent.
Yeah.
He would carry the rule book around with him,
and he would, like, run onto the field.
And he'd say, point at it?
Yeah.
And then our coach would have to, like, hold him back.
It was, like, a whole fucking thing.
See, that guy needs his ass kicked. Yes yes somebody needed to step up and kick that we
don't give out good enough ass whippings anymore that guy needed his ass whipped at least once and
then it would have been over yeah yeah again that would kill me like be like my son blah blah blah
dessert i like i think i would die then be that person that would kill me yeah i i i definitely
had some i remember one time i i
made a call or something i was walking off and and one of the women said when that's why they
shouldn't let kids do the umpire and uh my mom heard it and it didn't go well oh no did your mom
throw she she she didn't she she charged she verbally charged just started talking and walking
straight at her and oh, that's scary.
That is scary.
My mom would verbally charge a lot.
What do you do to get out of that?
I just kept on walking.
Yeah.
Kept on walking.
And I don't know.
It's a good way to make 12 bucks.
Hell yeah.
Because it was fun.
It was fun.
You know, it felt like you were part of.
What year was this?
94, 95, 96?
I guess it went a long way back then.
Same as altar serving funerals.
You made money altar serving funerals?
I didn't.
They're supposed to tip you.
They're supposed to tip you?
I never made a penny.
They're dead.
Weddings and funerals.
Somebody needed to come up to you and slip you a 10.
Otherwise.
I got the tip a few times altar serving but never never paid
i was an altar server for way too long me too i just like to go ahead and ask this question
not catholic not um what's altar serving yeah same i had the same question oh you have a gown
on and you stand next to the priest you open up his book yes you're like his little bowl as he
breaks host into it really you're like by his side like
a shadow the entire oh i didn't know that yeah you get to ring the bells four times hold the incense
yeah hold the bowl as he would dip it and splash oh you held the i do all that shit yeah what the
no no no this was every sunday i had to do this of my life oh the only payment was like a peanut
butter easter egg at easter from the priest but if i did weddings and funerals i get out i got out of school and i got 10 bucks i never got that yeah
shit i was pretty good the book i had to hold was heavy as he was reading from it kate this
father joe god rest his soul clicked his dentures real loud this is unlocking a yak memory what was
the funeral home that you brought up with the uh the party was a party something oh my god in rutherford new jersey the funeral home
it was like the party you'd walk your boy there right they they always put plastic dinosaurs out
in their garden and so we'd go play with them uh i gotta look it up huh i don't think i was
attractive enough to make the altar serving team. No, yeah.
Oh, Calhoun mania.
You had the ball.
Yeah, what was it?
Calhoun mania.
That sounds so awesome.
I went to one Catholic wedding and it was the longest experience of my life.
Oh, it's the worst, yeah.
They had intermissions.
It's long.
Everything's so long-winded.
The worst was the Saturday night before Easter mass.
It was three hours long.
Is that when they hit the big drum?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Stations of the Cross was never fun.
Oh, until Richard Pugh was Jesus.
Richard Pugh?
He was so cool.
Richard Pugh?
They stripped him off.
You really?
They crucified him?
Yeah.
We were all in youth group when he was like the hot guy.
Damn.
The hottest year.
How do you look getting crucified?
So good.
It's so good.
We're talking muscles.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
And this is flattering.
Like, sorry.
This is flattering on anybody.
It is.
Yeah.
Getting crucified is the sexiest way to die.
We should do another Yak calendar
and it's just all of us.
Every page. Every page is us. It's like walking into a calendar, and it's just all of us being on every page.
Every page is us.
It's like walking into a room and now it's just us.
What's up?
We have to do a whole Yak.
My parents would love that.
Jesus was a hot guy.
Probably.
Maybe.
He's depicted as a hot guy.
Mediterranean diet's very good for you.
Long hair, beard. Abs. Got a lot of sun. A lot of sun. probably maybe he's depicted as a mediterranean diet's very good for you yeah yeah long hair
beard abs got a lot of sun a lot of sun yeah just carpenter good with his hands yeah he would pull
do you think he ever made a cross for somebody to be crucified on
that's a good question i don't think that was his I don't know what brand of carpentry he did.
Right.
Cabinets.
Rocking chairs.
I guess they didn't have that many brands of carpentry back then.
That might have been his only gig.
They weren't making porch swings, I don't think.
He was in the local 227.
That was a good show.
What?
227.
A show?
Yeah, on NBC for four years.
I just said random numbers.
I know, but it was a show.
Marla Gibbs was on it.
It was Jack A's first starring appearance.
It ran on Saturday nights between Amen and Empty Nest and Golden Girls.
It was in that block of shows.
You see what you did, Mook?
It was a good night.
It was a good night of TV.
You could have picked any number.
You had Amen, which was Sherman Helmsley.
You could have said any number in the world.
Sherman Helmsley was on Amen.
He said 227.
Guys, let's hear him out.
Golden Girls was, of course, iconic.
I mean, thank you for being a friend.
I'm sorry, man.
And then you had 227 and Empty Nest.
Empty Nest was a good little show.
What was Empty Nest about?
It was an old man, Richard Mulligan.
This is how I remembered.
When I was nine, I knew the star and
supporting actors
of every NBC show
Richard Mulligan
and then Christy McNichol
was his daughter
and he had another daughter
and he had a dog
named Dreyfus
and Dreyfus was hilarious
Richard Leisure
was on the show
who was also Joe Isuzu
very cool
yep
very cool
alright so I'm back
alright
what did I miss
while I was gone
I think we should
crucify someone today
add it to the wheel yeah add it to the wheel crucifixion Alright, so I'm back. What did I miss while I was gone? I think we should crucify someone today.
Add it to the wheel?
Crucifixion.
We gotta kill him or just tie him up?
Just tie him up.
Normal crucifixions you were getting tied up, right?
I think nailed was just a real just another fucking
What was tying up?
Is that some form of torture?
Don't you like end up suffocating?
Yeah, you suffocate over time.
Well, that sounds worse.
Than being nailed?
Kind of.
If they leave you up there and you can't.
How long does it take?
It's the same thing, but when you're being nailed.
How long does it take for you to join it all the way?
Like days.
I'd want to die as fast as possible.
Right.
I think you want to check on out.
Just get me out of there.
Yeah.
Let's get this thing rolling down the road.
St. Peter got crucified upside down, right?
Yeah.
He sure did.
That's a bummer.
Yeah.
Well, he didn't get beheaded like the rest of them.
They got beheaded?
Some of them did.
There were some beheadings.
Getting eaten by lions.
There was a dragging, I think.
I think there was a dragging.
There was a dragging back then? There was a dragging, I think. I think there was a dragging. There was a dragging back then?
There was a dragging.
Dragging.
A dragon?
Dragging.
A dragon?
Dragging.
Brandon, why don't you sell me something?
What do you want me to sell you?
I can sell you so many things.
Proper Wild.
Oh, yeah.
They've got deliciously juicy energy shots and energy gummies that deliver the perfect boost
whenever you need to wake up and stay fun.
That's a good tagline.
Wake up and stay fun.
You know what?
Oh, they sponsor the wheel.
Oh.
Look at that.
Oh, I didn't know that.
I was surprised you saved this to the end.
I texted you about it.
Well, you know how I am.
So do we need to spin the wheel now because it's the proper wild wheel? Sure do. All it. Well, you know how I am. So do we need
to spin the wheel now because it's the proper wild wheel?
Sure do. Alright, go ahead and spin the damn wheel.
Alright, Mook, why don't you hit one of those proper wild
shots, too? Here, Mook.
Looks like Kate's got one in her hand. I'm gonna do it after
last night. I could probably use one. There's cold ones in the fridge
if you want. They got no weird ingredients, just
good, clean caffeine. Their best
selling flavors are peach, mango, strawberry,
kiwi, and blackberry.
Oh, yeah.
They give you up to four to six hours of energy.
They've got five times more caffeine than a shot of espresso
and 15 times more I-theanine than a cup of green tea.
That might be healthy.
Is that funny, Che?
Is Che laughing at me?
He really tickled someone.
Dude, he threw his head back.
That was a fa.
Jay, what did I say wrong?
You didn't say anything wrong.
I just liked the way you said that.
I just said a word.
You can't see him.
I shit you not.
He threw his head back and laughed at the ceiling.
Say it again.
I heard the laugh.
What struck you as funny the way you said i think
i just thought it was funny oh my god you're misobjective give me a break i just said i
think do we know the proper pronunciation is it possible that's an l anyway it's got 15 times
more of that than a cup of green tea and you can can use code WILD for 30% off at properwild.com.
And the wheel today brought to you by our friends at Proper Wild.
Let's see what we got.
Let me rip this apple real quick.
It's crisp.
I just had a peach mango.
It was delicious.
Is apple the only fruit that is described as crisp?
Pear.
Delicious.
I have pear.
Okay.
See, there we go.
That's how we determine thing crisp
you don't hear it you never had a crisp banana or crisp strawberry but you have
pear i think fruits fruits that crunch lettuce is also described as crisp yes it is what else
and a lot of some you can make a cut fries you can make a crispy potato oh my god they're not
crisp from the jump even though they for breakfast. Cookies for breakfast are crisp.
Especially a Tate's cookie.
Criminals love cookie crisps.
Why was cookie crisps... Their mascot was a criminal.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Trying to steal cookies?
Yeah.
Trying to steal the cookies.
He was being chased by a cop.
I guess the Hamburglar was also a criminal.
Oh, wait.
I think...
Every mascot just used to be a criminal, Wait, I think, wasn't every mascot
just used to be a criminal, right? Yeah.
Mr. Clean never did anything wrong.
He fucked the housewives.
Mr. Clean fucked the housewives. A lot of
mascots were being chased, right?
A lot of chasing, because they loved the product
so much. The Trix Rabbit.
The Lucky Charms Leprechaun.
The Trix Rabbit was
trying to steal it from the kids.
He was being chased. The from the kids. Oh, right.
Yes, he was being chased.
The Cocoa Puffs bird was just like an addict.
Yeah, but that was an affliction.
He was a junkie.
He was cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs.
He's a junkie.
What was Captain Crunch's deal?
I think he was a military man.
Yeah.
He was a Somalian pirate.
Beat his kids.
Yeah, he did.
And then there was the honeycomb, that thing.
He was a pest. He's a lunatic. That's a a bear no he was uh just kind of a fuzzball but it's a bear now isn't it no that's
that's honey that's a good graham golden graham golden graham yeah tony the tiger was annoying
as fuck he's just like he's like a he's a jock yeah he's a try hard a little bit didn't honeycomb
have like a tasmanian Devil type fella?
Yeah. It's crazy for the Honeycomb.
Yeah, they had a...
Huh?
What?
What's going on?
We just said that.
We just fucking said that.
Oh, Jesus.
Just moments ago.
I'm thinking about the sign again.
Bernard the B-Boy.
What?
Wait, that's awesome. Bernard the B-Boy. What? Wait, that's awesome.
Bernard the B-Boy.
Is Cinnamon status current?
His name's Wendell.
Why is his name Wendell?
I don't know.
Does the Sugar Smacks,
the Honey Smacks Frog
have a name?
Dig'em.
Dig'em.
Didn't the Cheerios B
go to rehab?
Probably.
In real life?
Maybe so.
The actor or the on the cannon to be himself
sex addiction it was the sex yeah a lot of scandals wow did you spin that wheel tj yeah
there you go brought to you by proper wow you look like you could be on a box of frankenberry
i really do yeah you look you look just like frankenberry goddamn when you're right you're
right that's your celebrity lookalike.
Let's see Frankenberry.
There was cow chocolate and Frankenberry.
And Boo-berry.
And they just added a chick.
But there was a third.
We're finally making it.
Wasn't there a third?
There was Frankenberry.
Yes, ghoul.
Oh, no.
What's the third guy?
There was a ghoul.
You do look like him.
The old school one.
No, you were just like him.
Ghoul.
Yeah, what was it though?
It was.
It was.
No, it was.
It rhymed.
It rhymed.
I don't remember.
Fuck.
Whoa.
That's Calchocula.
Who's the green lady? Fruit Brute. Fuck. No, that wasn't. Yeah. I don't remember. Fuck. Whoa. That's Calchocula. Who's the green lady?
Fruit Brute.
Fuck.
No, that wasn't.
Yeah.
I don't remember him.
Yeah, she's new.
She's new to the game.
First female serial mascot, right?
Maybe so.
What?
Cruella Creepy?
Carmella Creepy?
I can't tell.
Crackle was trans. Yeah.
Right, Mark? Yeah. Yep. Cool. was trans right mark yeah yep cool yes one of my favorite scenes in all of cinema is liam neeson buying tricks in ted and oh yeah at the checkout and he's like he's like will i be followed if i
buy these because it's for kids that is really funny. Liam Neeson's funny. He's like, you know I'm a fan.
He's very funny.
What's he been up to?
I don't know.
I saw just an old clip of him trying to be funny with Ricky Gervais.
Yeah, from Life is Short.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He wanted to do comedy roles.
Really good sketch.
It's really good.
Yeah.
Yeah, you showed me that.
Yeah.
That's a great video.
You might have showed me that too.
Maybe so.
You just showed that to everybody.
Put on prints.
You're a whore out here in the streets.
I'll show a video to anybody that'll watch.
What?
I'm worried about Kyle.
Are you?
I'm just saying it.
I'm worried about him.
He's had appointments.
Did you guys watch Jerry After Dark last night?
Oh, it was great.
I saw the clip.
If that had gone best case scenario what would it have i don't know
i don't know when i when when the the premise was described to me i i was like that's that's
insane that's insane yes um but then i guess that's what that show is and sure enough it was
insane apparently jerry burned himself pretty bad yeah donnie doesn't seem like an it's donnie's
very measured no dude what in. What? In the kitchen?
I know that he's out.
He seems very protective of that kitchen.
He is like very blatantly suicidal and nobody stops him.
I guess I didn't think of that.
He does climb tall buildings.
He's really asking.
He's crying for help.
He wants to go.
But he's not.
Hell yeah, man.
But Jerry, though. People say when they see him. Jerry, though. Jerry, you let him listen to the kitchen. He doesn crying for help. He wants to go. But he's not. He's like, hell yeah, man. But Jerry, though.
People say when they see him.
Jerry, though.
Jerry, you let him listen to the kitchen.
He doesn't give a fuck.
Yeah.
Can we see a couple of the clips?
Yeah.
Because there were some great noises that came out of it.
Why is it stuck?
There's a little cheese.
Oh, no.
But we're in a good spot.
Okay.
We're in a good spot.
We're in a good spot.
And then, boom.
Fire. It's on fire. It's on fire? We're in a good spot and then Pick it up. Oh my god
What is he so close to it. Donnie.
Donnie, yeah, right there.
Grab the handle.
Bring it back a little bit.
More.
More.
Perfect.
Was it actually on fire?
I can't.
What?
Yes.
We're in a good spot.
It's too harsh on Mincy.
It must be easier than I thought to light it on fire.
Okay.
Good spot?
You want to flip it? Let's flip it.
I'm just going to use my hand.
Hold on, Donnie. Donnie. It's aflame again.
It's aflame again.
Pick the handle. Pick it up.
Pick it up. Pick up the pot.
Okay. Stay right there. Stay right there.
It's definitely burning then if it's on fire.
We got to flip it. We got to flip it.
We got to flip it.
It smells like shit.
Yeah, I don't know how to flip it, though.
Give me the spatula.
Wait, hold on.
Fuck it.
Oh, my God.
Nice.
Hot.
Give me the spatula.
I don't know where the spatula is.
You have eyes.
You can see.
It's going to be in this place.
You have eyes.
Right, right, right, right, right, right, right.
This will work.
This will work.
That's all time.
You have eyes.
That's so funny.
So what, they made breakfast, lunch, and dinner?
Yeah, three scenes, I believe.
Three acts.
Okay.
How long did it take?
Was it chaotic like that the whole time?
The entire time.
Zero chemistry.
No.
Which is perfect.
Yeah.
There was a mousetrap?
Now, base, quickly.
Not even close.
There we go.
Base, base.
Grab it with your right, with your left hand.
What's up, Specs?
Close enough.
Back more, back more.
Yeah, back. Since when?
Back.
That's all burnt. It's all burnt butter. Doesn't even matter.
Yeah.
Yeah, good. Yeah, good.
Alright, should we- get him ice get him ice get him ice here i'll get you ice oh my gosh i got a blister ready
right into the flame god that sucks so much that's such a good they're gonna have to do that again
it's so good that might just have to be a regular show.
Hey, Danny.
Hey, guys.
What's up, Danny? There's also a What's for Lunch with me and Kyle and Donnie that just came out.
Kyle and I.
What'd you make?
Hibachi.
Oh.
Donnie's working his ass off with that kitchen.
Yeah, he is.
Him and Kevin come in early.
He wasn't here this morning, so I knew they must have went late.
They come in early every morning to work out together,
Kevin being his younger brother.
Yeah, right.
Everybody just calls him Donnie as well.
Yeah.
I do call him other Donnie.
How does Donnie get away with us all thinking he's normal
when he's clearly not?
Yeah.
But, like, he's just handsome.
Yes.
We all just.
Yeah.
You just can't bite the hand that feeds you.
He's given us a lot of data points that he's crazy.
But handsome and...
But we continue to just be surprised when these moments come out.
He brings us food a lot.
Yeah, that's true.
It was a real indicator was the movie, the film fest, where he played a psychopath.
A psycho, yeah.
And everyone's like, Donnie, how could you do...
Like, that was crazy acting.
And he was like, eh?
A real indicator would be.
He lied about having a skydiving license so he could go alone.
That's right.
Yeah, he does like hounds, right?
That's what it's called?
Like hounding a building?
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Just walk along the edge.
Yeah.
And there's always like an Indian guy that dies doing that,
like I think every four minutes.
I guess we
should have known when his show was called die trying yeah yeah he wanted to try things that
could lead to his death if he was like a little bit uglier we'd be like dude yeah axe or like
stop hanging around me you gotta chill the fuck out is what we would say if i was doing what donnie
was doing you guys would send me away oh yeah for sure yeah we'd. Yeah. We'd be like, is everything all right at home?
If you were doing anything even kind of out of the ordinary, we'd say you got to get the fuck out of here.
Being able, like, hanging out with handsome dudes is one of the better.
I, like, hit up Mark all the time.
And I'm at, I'm like, there's like a bounce in my step, a twinkle in my eye when I'm out with Mark.
Yeah, I almost feel bad going out with you all the time.
Yeah.
When the bachelor's in town, you're at your best.
Oh, my God. Yeah. Perk up. in town, you're at your best. Oh my god.
He'll perk up. He'll hit me up. He invited me to Austin.
Imagine going out in Austin with the bachelor.
God
damn.
Fucker. What's up, Danny?
Nothing. What'd I miss? I don't know what I'm
walking into here. I'm sorry. We talked cereal.
A little crucifixion. Damn, it's brittled in.
Two-round crucifixion. Fuck, I missed the crucifixion.
Our old cars.
A lot of butthole talk.
Oh, refereeing.
Oh.
Yeah, we almost have
like a referee union here.
It's always Spider, TJ, Kate,
you're in it now, Megan.
You guys are all like tenured.
I'm trying to get my way
into the referee.
You want to be a referee?
Kind of.
Spider has refereed more
than some NFL refs.
I agree.
He's been a ref for, what, five or six years now.
That's because he's mean.
You listen to him.
He's a mean little motherfucker.
He's mean on the court, yeah.
I like it.
I like it, too.
We need that.
Yeah.
And then you got Kate doing her shit, doing her Kate shit.
Good cop, bad cop.
Kate and Spider.
Spider's quick to want to throw people out.
The second you argue with him, he's like, I'll do it.
Get thrown out today.
That's actually a good idea.
That's a great idea.
Go home.
I think my event, I'm doing the Target thing.
I would love to get thrown out of throwing a ball at a pineapple.
Dude, it's just like the Rio Olympics.
I get so fucking mad about throwing the ball at the pineapple that the ref tosses me.
You're not playing basketball?
I'm not, no.
I'm on the bench.
I'm coming off the bench.
It's where I do my best work.
Went to a Final Four that way, so I figured I might as well run a bench.
Are you playing, Brandon?
What are your events?
I'm only playing three-on-three basketball.
And I don't want to.
This is post-retirement for me.
I don't want to, but I don't have many options here.
Sounds like you need to become one of the refs.
I asked Hank two weeks ago, can you put me on commentary,
make me your sideline commentator?
Do commentary.
I begged Hank to do it and he just said
I think just suck it up
and play basketball
and then I don't
yeah I'm so sorry
you have to do that
for your job
very well paying job
that you let us all know about
no I haven't
I think you're done
with athletic activity
certainly for the next
couple weeks
at the very least
there's certainly not
anything in the next
it could be worse
you could have to
throw a ball
or a pineapple yeah two weeks to do the whole thing yeah do the whole
but at least then i'll get to not sleep in my own bed yeah you'll be in a bunk bed you're gonna be
in the sun all day yeah i'm not sure how that one's gonna be worse because if it's outside
we're in trouble i gotta say i was a little impressed with your athleticism yesterday
you were doing some dives you You did like eight dives.
Some would say you're just being dramatic.
I think it was athleticism. Well, a little bit
of that was just not being athletic enough to actually
get to the ball. So you had to
throw yourself.
But I was. Listen, was I the best
player on the court? Yeah, I was.
Did I deserve better than Rudy's
teammate? Yeah, I did.
Am I a hero? Yeah, a little bit.
You guys were awesome.
You guys were really, really good.
Danny, how was Oakland?
Amazing.
Spent 19 hours there on a Monday for White Sox versus athletics.
I love this job.
Gets me to be able to do my dreams and go on dream trips like that.
At least you don't have to go with Dave.
Yeah, right.
White Sox Dave was there eddie as well but no it kind of just felt like i was being uh i was on
like a a weird field trip where your teacher keeps telling you like no this is gonna be great you
know you're gonna want to see abe lincoln's house that's how it felt going to the coliseum but it
was fun for a monday i'll say that yeah dave said the stadium was such a piece of shit that it was cool yeah it was just
concrete for weeks it was like a an empty in-ground pool once that shuts down there's
gonna be skateboarders in there graffiti how uh how much were the tickets good question not much
i don't know eddie got them though but it's nice of ed you could you could bring whatever you want
in this place you could bring we walked in and
there was a guy bringing a full thing of donuts in there were people walking around with marionette
puppets if you wanted they let you bring marionette puppets oh yeah there's no other ballpark lets
that we were worried about bringing a camera in we could have brought everything boomstick mics
but yeah it's uh gonna be sad to see it go they dropped a summer pass for tickets at the beginning
of the season it was uh 99 for 45 games yeah that's a bargain shit that's we went a few years
ago for something dallas braden we went with and i went to explore the stadium during the game and
there's people just smoking cigarettes at the top amazing they just did not give a shit i think the
white socks right now are doing 44 for for four tickets, four beers, and four
hot dogs. Wow. That's a good
ass deal. Did you feel a sense of
brotherhood with the A's fans?
A little bit. I'm not a White Sox fan, but
I felt their pain.
The sons of Rebae,
they call them. I feel like White Sox Dave would flourish
in Oakland. Oh, yeah. He might
move there. He might get a nice
lake house up there. But, yeah, he was... I think he'd be flourish in Oakland. Oh, yeah. He might move there. He might get a nice lake house up there.
But, yeah, he was.
I think he'd be killed in minutes.
Yeah?
Yeah.
They would just graffiti him.
Everything there was graffiti.
You think he would get killed?
I think so.
I bet you Lloyd would like him.
I think White Sox Dave found the exact job and niche that he can survive in and thrive in.
And if he even strays from it a little, I think his life ends.
Yeah.
I think he's on a very narrow path.
I think the same thing with Ben Mintz, though.
I just think he's going to bump into something one day and just cease.
It's plot armor.
It's Arya Stark.
It can't happen.
I got nothing.
All right.
Well.
Was there a bunch of kids here today?
Are there?
What?
Not kids.
College students?
They're filming a commercial for something.
Oh, I heard kids going, yay.
And I don't, they're young people.
There's a large amount of young people hanging out by the bar.
They were all eating lunch over there.
Yeah.
And yeah, I didn't know what they were doing.
And then I asked, and there's some sort of commercial here.
TJ, can you show the, if we were to do a gauntlet, we're not going to do a gauntlet,
but if we were to do a gauntlet and then looking back towards the studio where a home run would go,
they took the ivy down, and it looks like complete and total shit.
Yeah.
Yeah, why did they do that?
Why did they do that?
I don't know.
The ivy was so great. Where was the ivy? It it looks like complete and total shit yeah yeah why did they do that i don't know the ivy was so great where was the ivy stephan was below the it was below the signs and above the
it was covering that thing i gotta be honest don't don't remember it you don't remember the ivy no
i liked it yeah i'm surprised i think the ivy was was key to the office i agree it was awesome yeah
yeah it brought me very much joy every day i felt felt like Wrigley Field. That fired up Stefan.
Oh, he liked it?
No, he was pissed.
He was like, I only told you to take off three feet of ivy.
Yeah, he told them.
He took it off.
Now, it makes you wonder why Stefan didn't just take it off.
But Stefan told them, take down that section of ivy,
and they took the whole thing.
We believe it.
What's up, Arian?
Hey, Arian.
Good to see you, my friend.
It's Arian.
Foster?
Arian?
Or just a white guy? I had a missed call from him the other day. Come here,. It's Arian. Foster? Arian? Or just a white guy?
I had a missed call from him the other day.
Come here, Arian.
Arian.
Oh, he's talking to his mom.
How do you know it's his mom?
I thought he said that.
Oh, Nick's going to dab.
This is.
Wow.
I hate that Nick has this.
Oh, what?
That was.
Oh.
Oh, that was.
I fucked that up.
Oh, God.
Can we try that again?
Yeah, yeah.
How you doing?
Can we do that again?
No, you got one chance.
Are y'all live?
Yeah.
Yeah, we're live.
Yeah.
I'm sorry I missed your call the other day.
It was late. could you not sleep
why can he do no wrong oh yeah like i like him too but i mean have a seat just give me a second
where you gotta go the airport yeah a little bit all right
yeah that makes sense you know somebody was murdered in his house before he bought it
yes whoa i didn't know that yeah it was well it's actually a murder suicide i've lived in a murder
house before what i am in meridian mississippi i rented a house that had so they told you
yeah they told me okay yeah yeah that's a weird law that they have to tell you yeah
murder suicide's pretty that's a bonus yeah was it right before no i think it was like
10 years maybe and so i didn't affect me none
that's a weird law at uh at what point did the realtor bring it up to you guys like right at
the end like right before we started like they were like okay we do have to disclose this
they're not gonna open with that right yeah they didn't show you where it happened
yeah no they told us where it was they told you where but you turned it happened? Yeah, no, they told us where it was. They told you where. But you turned it into the best room of the house. Oh, it's so amazing.
It's a good ass room.
Really nice in there. Yeah, cozy.
Hope the ghosts are having a good time.
Have you been to his house?
Virtually.
That's my guy, man.
I just like this relationship, man.
Why don't you like it? No, I think it's fine. I think it's cool.
Aaron's a great friend of mine.
I enjoy Nick. I enjoy you. But you act like this is Jesus right here? No, I think it's fine. I think it's cool. Aaron's a great friend of mine. I enjoy Nick. I enjoy you.
But you act like this is Jesus right here.
No, no.
It's a two-way street.
I mean, we're both white.
Nick's just one of the most witty, hilarious, good people that I know.
Please, please, please stop.
Now I see why you wanted Aaron to come on.
No, no.
It was great that he walked by.
TJ, clip that.
What are we talking about?
What are you guys?
We've just been bouncing around subject to subject.
Got you.
And whatever you want to talk about.
What did you bring to talk about today?
We talked about the Vietnam War.
That's fun.
We already covered that.
We already hit that today.
We were on serial mascots when you were talking.
When you were talking teens being sent to their death.
We were talking about Boo-Berry.
Boo-Berry and buttholes.
He said I look like Franken-Berry.
Say that again.
Franken-Berry, remember the cereal, Franken-Berry?
Is that Captain Crunch?
No, it's Franken-Berry.
I thought it was like a spin-off.
I've never heard of Franken-Berry.
It was Count Chocolate and Franken-Berry, and Nick said I look like Franken-Berry. So, Brandon, you's Frankenberry. I thought it was like a spinoff. I've never heard of Frankenberry. It was Count Chocolate and Frankenberry, and next time I'll look like Frankenberry.
So, Brandon, you grew up poor.
I grew up probably like that.
Legally poor.
Legally poor.
I was happy.
Did you have the generic cereal where it was just the bag?
You didn't have the box?
I was aware of that, but one of the splurges was let's get the boy the cereal.
Dude, I grew up with frosted mini spooners.
And it was the bag on the back, but the bag still had mazes, so I tried to – you couldn't write on it.
Now, we had –
We drank Dr. Thunders every now and then.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Dr. Thunders and Mr. Pibb and all that, but we never – cereal, I somehow was able to get the –
Well, the generic Dr. Pepper with the real cane sugar,
you know what that's called? Fizz?
The Fizz-icist.
That's good.
I grew up with... Kool-Aid's already a struggle
drink, but
we didn't have the Kool-Aid.
We went the step below, and it was called Flavor-Aid.
That's what they killed the people in
Jonestown with. Jim Jones. They used Flavor-Aid.
Wow. I think that's big Kool-Aid trying to blame Flavorade, right?
It was actually Kool-Aid, wasn't it?
I don't think.
I mean, yeah.
If you're about to kill yourself, get the knife.
Get the knife.
Just dying with that red mustache.
How embarrassing.
Kool-Aid was...
My kids don't drink Kool-Aid.
My wife doesn't make it for them, but Kool-Aid was a huge staple. That wasool-Aid My wife doesn't make it for them
But Kool-Aid was a huge staple
I was a Tang house
Wait really?
I think so
My mom also used it
You could clean your dishwasher with it
Put a scoop of it in the thing
Acidity or something
How did you figure that out though?
That's a great question.
That's a great question.
What flavor would you use?
It was only orange.
Oh, for Tang?
Yeah.
White trash knows multiple uses for everything.
Yeah.
I think that's where class and race kind of like converge on the Venn diagram.
Yeah.
We're all the same.
Pretty much.
Yeah.
We can use.
Like, did y'all used to cut the lotion bottles in half when
it was about are you y'all probably didn't even use lotion oh you
okay toothpaste toothpaste you cut come on come on we weren't jerking off you could get
five more days after cutting the lotion is the worst thing to do that too and now you jerk off
yeah what do you use what well we didn't have. I didn't have it back then.
I'm just saying baby oil.
Oh, baby oil.
Is that the best?
For my knowledge, I mean, if there's something better, let me know.
That'd be a slippery.
It's not the worst.
It cakes up.
It starts to cake up on your hand.
Shampoo is the worst.
Conditioner was the worst.
Hand soap.
When you're like 14.
So soap can actually give you like a rash.
Yeah, yeah.
The petroleum jelly was great while,
but afterwards impossible because it's oil-based to wash off.
You'd get those beads.
Oh, yeah.
You would have to make an afternoon out of jerking off with lotion.
You're like, I need to take a shower after this,
clean up the floor.
I used Vaseline as a kid one time.
Yeah, right.
It was like everywhere. Everywhere? Yeah, right. It was like
everywhere. Everywhere?
It got everywhere. It was like sticky. It was fucked up.
Sticky Vaseline? Yeah. Baby oil
though. I never thought about that one. Give it a spin,
man. I probably won't.
Don't give it a spin, man. I just do a few swipes
of the chapstick tube and then I get...
Just go up and down.
Bird's bees.
Chapstick's a fleshlight for you
fuck
yeah
real mature shit
yeah
Aaron you guys ever
on macro dosing
tackle the
Brad Paisley
LL Cool J
collaboration
accidentally racist.
I thought about that after you and Big T left.
I feel like that's a –
I thought about some racism with Big T.
That you guys could have some fun.
What happened?
Breaking down the lyrics.
So it's a song by Brad Paisley and LL Cool J like 11 years ago, 12 years ago,
where it was just trying to bring white people and black people together,
and it was just the goofiest lyrics of all time.
That sounds like it.
The premise is horrible.
They tried to do what Nelly and Tim McGraw did with Over and Over.
I feel like it'd be, yeah, I forget.
LL Cool J raps the words R.I.P. Robert E. Lee at one point.
That's not a –
What was the chains line?
I'll forgive the chains you put on me if you
forgive like the chains i wear around my neck what a horrible it's horrible it's crazy because
ella was like a goat like that shit yeah dog shit uh where's the change uh now my chains are gold
but i'm still misunderstood i wasn't there when when Sherman's March turned the South into firewood.
Oh, my God.
Feel like a newfangled Django dodging invisible white hoods.
This is the rap part.
Now, the singing part of the top is also.
If you don't judge my do-rag coming to you from the Southland.
If you don't judge my gold chains, I'll forget the iron chain.
Yeah, that's what it was.
Yeah.
That's all.
I will not.
Yeah, you need to talk about this with Big T.
I'm sure he's.
Yeah, you guys need to break this down.
This is horrible.
This is written by like Lonely Island.
It seems to be like that.
Yeah.
This is probably on Big T's workout playlist.
R.I.P.
Really, but I got to thank Abraham Legion for free.
That's just historically inaccurate and just ridiculous.
Yeah.
L.O.
is, you know, he dropped down a couple of notches on my list now.
Well, that song's been out for 12 years.
I just now found out about it. That's the reason why I haven't heard that.
That's horrible.
Yeah, it was bad.
That's horrible.
Yeah, I'm sorry I did that.
I shouldn't have.
One of my favorite songs.
Damn. Love it so much. One of my favorite songs. Damn.
Love it so much.
Did you tell them how you spoiled the Mr. Ed thing for me?
Come on.
I was fucked up, bro.
You spoiled Mr. Ed?
No, I didn't spoil Mr. Ed.
He's bad.
He told him it was a horse.
Nick, we were playing the Sandy Koufax clip for Arian.
Oh.
He's never seen it before.
And Arian's like, wow, this is pretty cool.
And then Brandon goes, just wait until he slides.
Oh, my God.
Right before the funniest part.
The horse slides.
And then Aaron's like, oh, okay, yeah, yeah.
And I was like, well, yeah.
I mean, he wasn't excited.
He spoiled the rest.
You told him the slide was coming.
I maintain the slide is so funny, you can be told it's coming,
and it's still fucking funny.
Allow me to make that decision.
Why?
Because you're robbing somebody of the first time to see.
This show came out in 1960.
Now, Arian will go the rest of his life never getting to experience the Mr. Ed.
Every time I think of a horse now, I think of you.
You've had 64 years to watch this show.
You never did.
It was all built up for that moment that you ruined.
Slide's still funny, though, right?
Shirts fire.
Thank you. It's Duke Silver from Parks and Rec's still funny though, right? Shirts fire. Thank you.
It's Duke Silver from Parks and Recreation.
Oh, I thought it was Marvel.
I don't got my glasses on.
You thought it was Marvel?
Yeah, I saw it.
I do wear a lot of these that are Marvel, so this is Ron Swanson.
I thought that was Tony Stark.
Yeah, Tony Stark.
No, it's Ron Swanson.
He's now Mr. Doom now, right?
Dr. Doom.
Dr. Doom.
He lost his medical license.
Oh, is he Mr. Doom?
Okay. I don't know right? Dr. Doom. Dr. Doom. He lost his medical license. Oh, is he Mr. Doom? Okay.
I don't know enough about Dr. Doom.
Medical malpractice.
What does Dr. Doom do?
What does he, y'all know?
Apparently, he's the worst of the worst.
You could probably put him together.
Oh, he's a villain?
Yeah.
So he goes from like-
His last name is Doom.
From birth.
Yeah, he was fucked.
He got a point.
It's a prophecy. I mean, government help him fucked he got a point it's a prophecy i mean government help it yeah he went from like the most beloved to like a villain yeah damn the worst of the worst
apparently this is yeah this is actually his name is victor von doom he had no other choice
that's like princess die
you motherfucker no shit that happens Victor's also a good evil first name
Victor?
I feel like a lot of bad guys are named Victor
Especially if it's a K, yeah
Victor
Is that Russian?
Is there a good Victor?
Yeah
Victor?
Victor Newman
Victor Cruz, he could dance
Wimbledon
You know Victor Newman?
Victor Wimbledon
Victor from Harry Potter?
I forget his last name
Victor Crumb
Yeah he was nasty
I'm on number four
I saw three
I shouldn't have said that shit
What happens Brandon
Victor
What is that
Ukraine
I don't like to judge.
Award winning juggler.
On Cirque du Soleil.
Can y'all juggle?
Titus can.
I mean basic.
Can you juggle four?
I can juggle three.
I can do three.
Not particularly well.
You can do it.
Adam Savage from Mythbusters.
That was what he was.
He wanted to be a juggler first.
Titus, do you think you could juggle with the apples while eating a bite each time?
You know, I've never tried that, Danny.
I've thought about it a lot.
I can't give you a straight answer.
I think that's something when you're in it, you'll know once it gets started.
Do it tomorrow. To be honest, Danny, that's something when you're in it, you'll know once it gets started. Do it tomorrow.
To be honest, Andy, that's a very forward question.
Yeah, it's pretty personal.
I should have asked you off camera.
Sorry.
No problem.
Whoa.
Wait, it wasn't makeup?
Is he sick?
It's just that white?
He has gray scale.
Is she weirded out right now you guys are gonna clown
the fuck out of him and then watch that's hard he shifts it that's hard we weren't clown well i mean
that look i mean well that was just one ball okay so this might be a hot take he's a fire juggler
don't get me wrong right go on um but it said award-winning juggler i just the the pool of
competition can't be because how many people are trying to juggle well.
What's the juggling award?
Yeah, I want to go.
That's what I'm saying.
What award did he?
Look at the guy in the back.
There has to be juggling awards.
I mean, he's fired.
Don't get me wrong.
I'm pretty sure he'd be up there.
He hasn't done anything really yet, has he?
Yeah.
That's okay.
It's kind of sick.
He hasn't done anything yet?
Nothing that's blowing me away.
Nothing like crazy.
You guys' juggling standards are really high.
If you're award winning, I want to see something I've never seen.
He's just like casually throwing.
What's the guy behind him doing?
I saw some boxing behind him.
He doesn't have a juggling gym.
The guy's got a mask on.
He's renting space for sure.
What award did he win?
The juggling one.
I want to know the name.
There must be a yearly like world champions of juggler it can't be there's gotta be competition
there's gotta be there's competition for everything tj is there a juggling podcast
i listen to a crossword podcast oh fuck that wait i gotta go back to that you listen to a
crossword podcast yeah i know you love crossword i love crosswords i love the building of all you ever do but podcast yeah let's do a crossword podcast you're probably nice i scrabbled
in um i'd like to think but not i'm not the best doesn't translate doesn't translate as well i
think i think you'd be all right you go up to the studio every day there are those painted abs yep
oh it's just a shirt that looks like abs that Is that too many abs? That's too many abs.
That freaks me out.
Where are we at on his makeup?
Do you like it?
Not like it?
Brings out the cheekbones.
If it makes him feel beautiful.
It's impressive.
Is he trying to go for beautiful?
He can juggle nine balls.
He's going for sleek.
I can't read none of that shit.
My eyes are horrible.
Did he go to juggling school?
I think he went to juggling school.
What's the most balls you've juggled?
Just two.
But full spin.
David Bowie in the labyrinth.
Oh, they have those meditation joints.
Yeah.
What's his name from Boys in the Hood?
Lawrence Fishburne.
Furious Styles.
He won a Silver Clown Award in 2012.
Okay, the Silver Clown.
He won the Silver Clown.
What is the Silver Clown?
International Circus Festival in Monte Carlo.
That doesn't seem like something Monte Carlo would host.
That's a very ritzy place.
Isn't that a very rich and ritzy place?
I like that he just wears body suits that make his body look good.
Gold medal at the Circus Festival seems like an insult. Yeah, that make his body look good gold medal at the circus festival seems like an insult yeah what you'd get a gold medal at the circus
get a load of this guy silver clown
you think circuses try to recruit them oh yeah, yeah. That used to be like the thing, like back in the traveling circus.
That was the public's entertainment.
And we've just...
We lost it.
I'm okay with that one.
Just shake that one.
Elephants coming to your town was a cool feeling.
That was weird.
They're still there at the zoos.
There's a couple of...
I'm talking about my town.
Are they still doing circuses?
You have a lot of elephants in your town, don't you?
You know, all of a sudden at the National Guard Army, there's two tents and there's elephants inside.
That was a crazy thing.
I think I've said this before, but when I worked where the 76ers play, I used to wear concessions and the circus would come there.
Oh, that's the real deal circus. And they demanded to have some of their own concessions.
And then after each show, they'd be like digging in the trash can to reuse the popcorn boxes.
We had to like stop them from doing using like the hose out back for the lemonade that wasn't real that they said was real.
Like there was all kinds of a lot of money saving.
Oh, OK.
A lot of money, a lot of pension.
Do you guys ever watch Nightmare Alley?
No. What is that?
Bradley Cooper. He like joins a circus and becomes like a mentalist.
No. Great movie.
Go home and watch it.
Anybody pay attention to this guy? Yeah, he's awesome.
I've maintained he's awesome from the start. The best in the world.
I don't know if I like juggling.
You guys have not been to a circus.
He's using his head as a juggle ball.
How can you not?
If you don't like this, you don't like juggling.
Holy shit.
I don't dispute the
skill. That's
literally what you're doing. You're saying
he's undeserving of the silver clown.
That's hard to do. I didn't say that.
I don't know who's up for the silver clown.
So here's a fun tidbit.
This better be a fun tidbit.
When I was young, because my dad was...
It's going to be fun for me, bro.
So when my dad was younger, well, he was younger too, I guess.
So when I was younger, my dad used to say, look at this shit.
Okay, that was cool.
He used to play receiver.
Yeah.
And he said, if you want to learn how to catch, you got to learn how to juggle.
And so that's where I developed my hands, was I learned how to juggle when I was little.
That's like Mighty Ducks using the eggs.
Yeah.
Like different, I guess not.
Ducks.
I said this before on my other podcast,
but like, I might just be getting older,
but I just feel this is objectively correct.
They don't make movies like that anymore.
The Little Giants, Mighty Ducks.
Them shits, they don't make those anymore.
They stopped aiming those types of movies at kids.
Now it's all animated or...
Or you get the
Sandlot 3 where it's like 12 inch
softball. Every movie's trying to make either
$200 million or like $200,000.
Yeah. There's no
middle. Yeah, I feel you.
Sandlot was classic.
You think he what? All the ones you mentioned
are classic.
Do you think this guy fucks from
this? Of course.
Yes. He gets juggle this? Of course. Are there jugglers?
Yes.
I'd fuck him.
He gets juggled pussy?
Of course, bro.
No way he gets juggled.
There's somebody in that crowd like, I can't wait to catch him at the slot machine.
You know he's a freak.
He's playing with his chick's tits.
I respect this dude.
He's doing like a little kid thing.
He's having fun and he's making a living from it.
Look at that.
He also hasn't.
He's in his bag.
He hasn't even kind of fucked up.
He's in his bag right now.
I think he's too serious.
A little bit of that.
You want like cheerleader vibes and smiling?
I want to see street juggling with David Blaine.
You think that's how he came up?
On the streets?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Like minor leagues and street juggling? I think so. He got that's how he came up? On the streets? Yeah. Yeah. Like minor leagues
or street juggling? I think so.
You got discovered. You don't go straight to this.
No. Because this is also
like performance art. Yeah, this part's contact
juggling, which is what Fushigi's are.
Remember Fushigi? Dog, that was
the biggest scam. I got one.
I thought it was going to like roll
on my hands a certain way. It's just a ball.
TJ was nice with it. I got one. You brought one in, right? Yeah, I got one. I hands a certain way. It's just a ball. TJ was nice with it.
I got one. You brought one in, right?
Yeah, I got one.
I got a CVS.
Where's he?
Who's catching the ball offstage?
Oh, here we go.
Nah, he's nice.
He's nice, bro.
What's his name?
Victor Key.
He's Key.
I like him.
It's very Ukrainian style.
Yeah.
Yeah, of course.
I live over in the Ukrainian village.
I see this every day.
Yeah.
Every corner.
How long was this video, TJ?
How long did you do this for?
Two and a half hours.
That would be impressive.
Holy shit.
What's the world record for longest juggling?
Oh, let's guess. I bet it's like two days. It's gotta be days. It's the world record for longest juggling? Oh, let's guess.
I bet it's like two days.
It's got to be days.
It's got to be long as fuck.
Yeah.
Someone just squirting Gatorade in their mouth the whole time.
Has an IV.
Yeah.
And a catheter.
Are there still like traveling circuses or is like the bearded lady looking for a new job?
I saw one in Gurney last week.
They still have like the sideshow people?
I went to a freak show. It's never been Gurney last week. They still have like the sideshow people? I went to a
freak show.
It's never been a worse time to be a bearded lady.
We went to a freak show in Coney Island. Me and Nick went to a
freak show, yeah. Yeah.
We were at the bar outside
the freak show.
The whole mook fucked up big time.
I asked the girl next to me if she was performing.
Oh god.
And she was just there. It's just a goth girl with piercings she was just a
pierced woman that's you're odd looking what time do you go on it was fucked up but the freak show
was awesome it grossed me out yeah the guys were puncturing themselves a lot yeah it was a lot of
like swallowing swords and like lighting fire putting it in their face and mouth no like conjoined
twins or anything like that um no no just that lady it was just the lady out front there's an
ugly chick my mom took me to that when i was like seven that was way too young to say because she
grew up in brooklyn so she was like i gotta take it to coney island see the freaks you guys were
just talking about how mincy and white socks day wherever they work besides here but imagine like
conjoined triplets going on indeed for a job once the traveling circus yeah where do they end up i
don't know well so the um the conjoined twins uh that were had like the tlc show yeah they're
teachers now yes one classroom one paycheck which i don't like that's fucked up yeah but i the kids
probably those the first day of school, you see that?
Those are the ones that got married?
Yes.
One got married.
Yeah.
Yeah.
The better looking.
Rebecca and Sarah?
Sarah and they're conjoined at the head, I believe.
Yo, last time I was here, we did that ranking for the Bachelor.
For the Bachelor?
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Who won?
Za.
Shout out to Za.
Yeah, he has an eye for it.
He had the last two finalists.
Yeah, he nailed it.
Nice.
He won.
What for him?
Nothing.
We never won anything.
We didn't even talk about that ever again.
Damn, sorry.
No, no, no. Don't be sorry. There's a lot there's a lot of things i have no idea what you're talking about and i'm pretty
sure i was here i think mine went out very quickly yeah yeah we're just doing enough of
vibes nobody watched it the chick i picked is the bachelorette now really yeah you should get a
bonus point for that thank you all right i came in second is it on right now or is it i don't i
don't watch i don't i don't watch the bachelorette only the bachelor yeah i mentioned the golden
bachelor yesterday and this guy right here was like that's that was a great show that i couldn't
handle that one because like they're all eliminating the women it was just like all right that was my
last chance i'll never love and everybody's story was just like, I'm a widow.
Yeah, anyone who loses is dying alone.
Yeah.
That was their last.
There was one that I followed her on Instagram.
You like older women.
I do.
These are older, older women.
How old are we talking?
Like 60s.
Yeah, I could do that.
Oh, hell yeah.
Yeah, I could do that.
Experienced.
She was like I
forget her name damn it was she from
Delco Agnes she had
white hair she was like
Latina
it was it was she was gorgeous
yeah she didn't did she follow you back
no she didn't follow me damn
yeah that's okay you know everybody has their
preference she's still trying to figure out how Instagram works
yeah probably probably damn I hope she's doing well though she could be dead
what is it about older women who um that's a great question i think for me it's because like okay
where i'm at right um i would love to find love and be done with the streets right but I can't control that but until
then like when you deal with like okay so so I'm 37 so at my age if you if you're dating they're
like hey I still got a shot at a family and kids so we need a it's it's two months are we what is
this and I'm just like ah you know I'm not there i'm not gonna do this i don't want this waste your time any younger it's just they're not we don't have that much in
common so i'm just not that interested so but when you dabble in the older pools um they know what
the deal is you're you're trying to have a good time with a little stallion and i'm trying to
have a good time and afterwards she may cook you some food but there's no like expectations it's just like we all know we know
why we're here i know your ass falls hard though like what happens what happens when what happens
when that happens well i i i have never fell for somebody like whale okay right so it's because
it's i'm not trying to be in a relationship right now. Brandon, when you cheat on your wife, would you be happy?
Like, Arian.
Well, I think I'm going younger.
Right.
I think I'm going younger for sure.
Although, I never thought about the cooking.
No, I'm saying when your wife chooses another.
Fuck.
Yeah, I guess.
Because they always go younger.
They always go younger for sure.
I mean, I know. Am I stable? Yeah, I guess. Because when they. I'm They always go younger. I mean, I know.
Am I stable?
Yeah, I guess.
Because when they.
I'm going to cheat on my wife in the next six months to a year.
So if you want to give it like 18 months, call me back and we'll see if we can't get this thing going.
She's stunning.
Okay.
I mean, hey.
Yeah.
Big.
I'll help a friend out.
Go on a double date at a retirement home.
That'd be amazing.
Scoop of ice cream.
No, but they treat you well, too.
When you lay with a younger woman, it's awkward.
It's just weird.
But she treats you well.
She gives you a rag.
The cooking point is something I just had not thought about.
She gives you a sandwich or something.
Because older women can cook better.
And they can hold a way better conversation, too.
I don't care about that.
That's why you want to go younger. Pussy and food, man. Yeah, it makes sense. That. I don't care about that. That's why you want to go younger.
Pussy and food, man.
Yeah, it makes sense.
That's what makes the world go round.
That's why you want to go younger.
It makes sense.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I like a stimulating conversation.
No, you don't.
Yes, I do.
Let's talk about world events and love me.
Absolutely.
During.
Yeah.
I don't know about during.
No, I'm going to get a little talk to me.
Yeah?
Yeah, talk to me.
Yeah. Brandon's girl would be like, I'm going to get a little talk to me. Yeah? Yeah, talk to me.
Brandon's girl would be like, I'm a church mouse in the sky.
Gallaudet University dorm.
I'm just breathing heavy.
Just trying to keep up.
That is an interesting dynamic, though, when you lay with a woman you've never laid before.
Yeah. Do I say things think do i not say things
she talks to me now you know that you have there's no synergy yet so you have to build that rapport
it's weird i don't think you can talk for a while it's not like to the third or fourth time when you
start saying the things i think if she initiates the talking oh then that's all green light but
if she's not saying anything then there's there, play some music because it can get awkward.
Oh, I changed my sex playlist.
You have a sex playlist?
Did I tell you this?
No.
I changed it.
What's your favorite song on it?
Probably Stealing a Kiss by the Warren Treaty.
It's the Warren Treaty.
I've never heard it.
I don't know.
They're good.
I don't have to run that.
They're good, yeah.
I'll show it to you.
You said you had that LL Cool J, Brad Paisley song on your music.
Now, do you pay for the premium subscription, or do you have ads?
An ad.
An ad mid-thrust.
Oh, no.
Yeah.
She knows you're poor.
Oh, fuck.
That would be the worst, though.
What a buzzkill.
You're mid-thrust?
Were you affected by mesophilia yeah man i think if you're a younger lady hooking up with brandon and you hear him
and you see him and that like that's part of the charm like you're slumming it a little bit i don't
think so i don't think you have your shit together are you trying to say a compliment there i thought
so i i mean yeah like i like some ladies are into that yeah you
know you're fucking a bluegrass yeah so I'm on this date map and you can set
like your age of what your preferences right so I'm like from 35 to like 65 is
my my thing right and so I saw this girl who's obviously in her 20s, early 20s, but she has her age at 65
because she's trying to catch a 65.
You know what I'm saying?
She's trying to get caught. I was like, that's smart, though.
Yeah, I wasn't mad at that. She's whale hunting.
Yeah. Good whale
hunting.
Good whale hunting.
I knew
a comedian in New York City, and she had a sugar daddy,
and it sounded like the best
thing fucking ever.
I know a couple of those girls.
But you got to take old dick every night.
Yeah, that's wild.
Not every night.
A lot of them pay for texting and pictures.
He just wanted to like walk on the beach with her.
He would like take her on vacation.
It's disguised as innocent.
So sad.
Yeah.
He was just lonely.
Yeah.
Just wanted a companion.
And to see her butthole sometimes.
That's sweet.
That's kind of sweet.
Nah, I couldn't do it.
No.
I wonder how I'm going to be when I'm like in my 60s and 70s.
Because then, hopefully I'm out the game by then.
But if I'm still single, there's no more dating up.
You know what I mean?
No.
Yeah, it'd be bad.
So I hope I'm out the game.
Yeah, dating up at 65 would just be fucking gross.
It's not even cute anymore.
I don't know what that looks like.
They don't have breasts anymore.
They have bosoms.
Is that a bosom?
There's a heft to them.
They were slam.
Who was that in Atlanta?
There's a strip club.
I went to see her.
Why don't you look at me when you say that?
Arian, you know Atlanta.
She looked at me the whole time.
Magic City.
How do I relate to Arian?
Sorry, but I equate football players with strip clubs.
A little bit. I mean, she's right.
I equate certain football players with certain.
No,
please kill me.
Anyway,
there's one that like,
it's where Atlanta strippers go to.
They say where the strippers go to die.
And it's like an old lady strip club.
Oh,
I might have to,
where's Anthony Bourdain went.
And there's a,
I went to see her when we did Atlanta Superbowl week.
And she's like 80 years old and she'll come over and she'll crush a PBR
camera,
their giant hefty boob. And then you get to keep it in a Ziploc bag and she writes like 80 years old and she'll come over and she'll crush a pbr can with her giant
hefty boob and then you get to keep it in a ziploc bag and she writes you a poem and i have that in
my house what yeah of course oh and she slaps you she she slaps her boobs are like enormous
and you put your face out like this and she just like slams your face in between and so you like
going to strip clubs yes so i was trying to convince uh my fellow podcast mates that it is
like it is such a bonding experience if you go with your lady i've been with pat to a couple
back in the day when we first started it's fun right yeah i i am so i've been to one for a
bachelor party and the only thing i looked at was my shoes i was so so embarrassed i snuck out
i'm like eating a burger chatting up the the ladies. You can't do it.
I don't like it either.
I mean, I'm not a habitual strip club goer.
But like, if you, you know, I haven't gone in like at least eight years.
But like when you're out with the fellas and you have some drinks, you have some chicken wings.
It's a good time.
Yeah.
It's cool.
Just go for the food and leave.
Get to pay some rent.
Yeah.
It's good deeds.
What was Anthony Bourdain doing there?
It's like a famous institution.
I forget what her name is, but she's kind of famous in the stripper world because she's
like the oldest stripper.
Now we're going to try the old pussy.
Oh, man.
Steven.
We have six ads today, Brandon.
We do.
I got to get through them.
Everyone loves talking about Steven Singer.
You've heard the expression a million times.
I hate Steven Singer because most other jewelers hate him.
Why? Because Steven Singer delivers the best quality, the real, the diamond jewelry at very best possible prices every single day.
He makes it so easy to buy real diamond jewelry for someone you love, and he makes it fun.
No phony sales, no discounts, no pricing games.
Steven wouldn't treat his friends any other way, so why would he treat you any differently?
Steven Singer is a jeweler you can trust.
He has the best guarantee in the jewelry business, a full 100-day, 100% money-back guarantee,
plus fast and free shipping all year long.
Experience the difference with Steven Singer.
Visit our friend Steven Singer in his showroom at the other corner of 8th and Walnut in Philly
or online at IHateStevenSinger.com.
Real, natural, rare, earth-born diamonds from a real jeweler you can trust.
Steven Singer Jewelers, one place, one price.
That's IHateStevenSinger.com.
What do they mean by the other corner of 8th and Walnut?
Is that a famous corner?
I just assume it to be a cheeky way of saying we're at 8th and Walnut. Is that a famous corner? I just assumed it to be a cheeky way of saying we're at 8th and Walnut.
Yeah, but the way it says it, it sounds like something else famous.
Should we know what's on the corner of 8th and Walnut?
Is that where the cheesesteak places are, Pat and Gino?
There's four corners to the intersection.
So they're just saying, no, we're not at that one.
We're at the other one.
Is that it?
That's how I always interpreted it.
Should we Google Maps it? I would like to. I don't know. What's there at 8th and Walnut in Philly? Sure, I it? That's how I always interpreted it. Should we Google Maps it?
I would like to.
I don't know.
What's there at 8th and Walnut in Philly?
Sure, I've been there, but I don't know.
See, by saying the other corner of 8th and Walnut, we now remember.
You seem to be dismissive of the fact that there might be something famous.
So we got 8th and Walnut, 8th, Penn, I think Titus Spry just wrote it.
Yeah, and I think by saying the other, now you remember Ethan Walnut because now we're talking about it.
Ethan Walnut. There's that. There you go.
Penn. Okay. Now we remember.
Okay. Oh, Starbucks.
Okay.
Is that Steven Singer right there?
Steven Singer. It's the other corner.
Not to be confused with the Starbucks.
I wonder how that lady that's walking, I wonder if she's
still alive. I always think that when I'm on
Google Earth. I like zooming in on people more than buildings. I wonder how that lady that's walking, I wonder if she's still alive. I always think that when I'm on Google Earth.
Yeah.
I like zooming in on people
more than buildings.
I've always thought
a really dope premise
to a movie
would be somebody
just randomly zooming in
on Google Earth
and it's happened
to witness a murder
or something like that.
Oh, that's cool.
That'd be fire, right?
That has to have happened
at some point, right?
Seeing a murder on Google Earth.
I've seen clips or stuff
where we think we've seen somebody burying a body.
Yeah, that was like somebody
that was a claim, right?
Yeah.
What's the most serious crime
caught on Google Earth?
Surely there's like
drug deals being...
I would assume there's some indecent exposure to...
Oh yeah, people have to flash that thing
I had a buddy who got caught by the
Google Earth cam going into a liquor store
at 11am
Tough
I saw the
Google Earth car in Jersey once
Thought it was cool
So you might be on there
Might be I was right behind him
He was chasing it smiling Saying cheese show him my titties um we have one more we have a lot yeah
well you gotta go you gotta do the high noon sure thing tell them about high noon high noon bring
the fiesta anywhere you go with the all-new high noon tequila seltzer fiesta pack this variety
eight pack features two new tequila flavors, blood orange and prickly pear, alongside
two tequila favorites, grapefruit and lime.
All are made with real tequila and real juice, perfect for any fiesta.
Find the High Noon Tequila Seltzer Fiesta Pack nearest you at highnoonspirits.com.
High Noon Sun's up.
Mm-mm-mm.
Mm-mm-mm.
So I was doing that Barstool Golf thing.
Yep.
And I had never had a high noon before.
And I really fuck with those.
They're fantastic.
Afterwards, I really, and this isn't even an ad.
I didn't even get paid for this show.
They actually are amazing.
Yeah, they're really, really, really good.
Have you bailed out of surviving Barstool yet?
See, when you talk to me, I get this.
There's like this undercurrent of disrespect
Let me ask you a fucking question
Hide it
Let me ask you a motherfucking question
Have you bailed out of surviving Barstool yet?
Nah, bro, let me show you what I did, dog
Look at this
Tell the people what that is
That's a calendar
See those dots? I have blocked out those dates
I'm gonna to be here.
All right.
Yeah.
So when you back out.
Are you in it or no?
No.
Okay.
Why you on my bumper then?
Huh?
Why you on my bumper?
I'm just saying.
When some guys, they're counting on back out, I'm not going to say yes.
I'm not even being promoted.
Promoted.
Promoted.
Yeah.
You'll be promoted heavily. Yeah. It's whatever. But I'm there. to say yes. I'm not even being promoted. Promoted. Promoted. Yeah. You'll be promoted heavily.
Yeah.
It's whatever.
But I'm there.
I gave my word.
All right.
I mean, barring like a death or something.
It's fine.
Is it done here?
I think it is done here.
Arian, would you ever move to Chicago?
No.
For sure not.
Not even, no.
Not even a little bit?
Houston.
And I'm only there because I have kids. Oh, no. Where do you live? Not even a little bit? Houston. And I'm only there because I have kids.
Yeah.
The moment I'm free from that, and shout out to my babies.
I love them.
But I've got to be there.
I'm going to go to like New Zealand or some shit.
But I think you have to have like permission to live there.
You can't just live there.
Yeah.
Maybe I'll find me a nice elderly New Zealand lady.
I think they age well too.
All right.
Of course.
Yeah, because the sun doesn't shine as well down there. In New Zealand? It I think they age well, too. Of course. Yeah, because the sun doesn't
shine as well down there. In New Zealand?
It shines better down there. That's why
they age well. How does
the sun shine? I don't fucking
know. I just started talking. Sometimes I don't know where
it's going.
It's a daily show.
Danny, would you rather own the
Dallas Cowboys or the Minions franchise?
Whoa.
Mark.
You guys are really coming at each other.
I knew you were going to ask this shit.
Don't just take into account money.
You have to also take into account lifestyle.
What would your day-to-day look like?
What would the circle of people you're running with?
All that sort of stuff.
I don't know whose handle it was, but they came up and asked me that same question.
Oh really? That's making the rounds?
Who's doing that? Must be Cody or something.
I don't know a lot of people's names.
That would be Cody.
If you don't know him, it's Cody.
Did you kind of want to punch him in the face?
No, no.
Maybe it wasn't Cody.
That was just for his own personal feed.
Or just his album he just yeah
that's just gonna be in the camera roll for a while i'm going minions yeah a lot of people are
yeah a lot of people are it's cowboys i maintain cowboys yeah i maintain i mean who's who's getting
who's getting mad at you 12 year olds if the if the minions movie stinks well my thing is you could
you do the cowboys and then if you don't want to do the day-to-day shit,
sell it in six months for whatever you want, and then you just have the money.
Are there more Despicable Me movies or Dallas Cowboys Super Bowls?
Despicable Me movies, right?
I think there's five or six.
Oh, is there six?
Oh, yeah. There's Despicable Me's, and the Minions also have their own.
Yeah, they got like three or four.
We looked up the Minions have made $5.3 billion at the box office,
and the Cowboys are worth like $9 billion.
But that doesn't take into account all the merchandise.
Yeah, Franch.
Can you imagine owning AT&T Stadium?
Just going to chill there?
Yeah.
That's got to be awesome.
I don't think Jerry Jones chills there, though.
Owning grew.
I would.
But owning grew.
It's also rare to have a new type of character like a minion everyone just recycles like you know the same superheroes the same uh you know uh disney princesses well they say they're here to
stay i think it's every 10 years there's a new yellow character that takes the world by storm
okay so it was minions pikachu Pac-Man There was a chart Tweet
About every decade there's a new
Yellow thing we fall in love with
It's human nature
So we're due for one right now
We're due for a yellow
And one of us could make it
Yeah we gotta get on the yellow character
Everybody should pitch a yellow guy
That will take this next decade
Just a cartoon character with jaundice oh yeah an alcoholic liver failure what what nothing fascinating i was gonna pitch
steven you can't do that they laugh at that one good he's laughing he's laughing it He's trying to hide the tears.
Sometimes we laugh to keep from crying.
Have you ever wanted to do that the whole time the Minions was discussed?
No, not really.
Are the Minions a big thing in your household, Steve?
We saw the...
They skipped over Pikachu, too.
I didn't think...
Actually, both my kids were minions for Halloween last year.
Wait, who's the 60s dude?
I also have that question.
That's a cat.
Curious George.
I know everybody but that guy.
Curious George was not yellow, but his keeper was yellow.
He didn't have a yellow hat.
Right?
It was the man in the yellow hat.
What about his raincoat?
That was the man.
I'm thinking of Amelia Bedelia.
Pluto wasn't yellow.
Yeah, Pluto.
He was a dark yellow.
He's like a dehydrated urine.
We're due for a new yellow.
Odie's more yellow than Pluto.
That's Top Cat.
He didn't do great.
I think we just kind of
shoo home Top Cat.
I think it started with Pac-Man.
And then...
Yeah, we're due.
We're due for a yellow.
I'll make it
I want in
alright
yeah we just gotta
retweet it
we just gotta post it
just be like
I love this fucker
I'll draw it tonight
and everybody just
be like
this guy's amazing
we'll put it on a shirt
in the store
he'll never be in anything
it's like Hello Kitty
Hello Kitty was never
a show or anything
that was a brand logo
that's crazy
they just came out
and said it's not even a cat
what? the creators of Hello Kitty are said it's not even a cat.
What?
The creators of Hello Kitty are like,
it's not actually a kitty
and people lost their minds.
What is it?
They said it's a little girl.
Yeah.
It's like the aura of a cat
but it's not a kitty.
The aura of a cat.
Yeah, you could see
how we were confused
the fact that it's called kitty
and it looks like a kitten.
Thank you.
Shout out again to Shady Rays.
Yeah.
I should have had
those sunglasses with me when i
speaking of uh paying some bills though even though i'm not in school anymore back to school
shopping is still exciting to me something about getting back into a routine is so comforting
especially when you're picking out those items you're going to be using every day an absolute
must-have for this fall is raycon's best-selling everyday earbuds. Their everyday earbuds from Raycon feature active ergonomic design,
multipoint connectivity to let you pair with two devices at once,
and active noise cancellation.
Raycon has some great features, including 32 hours of battery life
to stay tuned for longer and optimized gel tips for...
I'm going to read that sentence again because I didn't do it well.
Raycon has some great features, including 32-hour battery life to stay tuned in for longer
and optimized gel tips for a very cozy fit.
The quality on these guys rivals some of the biggest names in premium audio.
Go to buyraycon.com.
It's B-U-Y-R-A-Y-C-O-N.com slash yak today to get 20% to 40% off site-wide.
That's right.
You'll get up to 40% off everything at Raycon's website when you go to buyraycon.com slash yak today to get 20-40% off site-wide. That's right, you'll get up to 40% off
everything at Raycon's website when you go to
buyraycon.com slash yak
buyraycon.com slash yak.
Great work, Brandon. Arian, have you heard
Che's impression? No.
Alright, get ready. Have you seen
Rush Hour 2? Of course.
Che? Sorry, I was cutting
something. What's up? We were telling him about
your impression. He's never heard it from Rush Hour 2.
Chris Tucker?
Yep.
All right.
You want us to set you up or you just want to go straight into it?
Sure, yeah.
Set me up for it.
Che, say the impression.
Yeah!
Damn!
I like it, man. I like it, man I like it, man
Thank you, thank you
You taught me how to play pickleball yesterday
I appreciate you
It was, it was a fun sport
I never played before
Do you have an addictive personality?
Because you did coffee recently
And then I think you were talking about
Like getting really into pickleball yesterday
No, I just played for the first time
Yeah, but are you really into it now?
No, I mean
Could you see yourself?
I could, like if the homies was like Hey, y'all trying to play pickleball? I'd be like, yeah Okay But I'm not going to go get a pickleball yesterday. No, I just played for the first time. Yeah, but are you really into it now? No, I mean. Could you see yourself? I could, like,
if the homies was like,
hey, y'all trying
to play pickleball,
I'd be like, yeah.
Okay.
But I'm not gonna go
get a pickleball paddle.
What about coffee?
I'm in on coffee.
Yeah?
That is different, yeah.
Okay.
But that's more
of a chemical.
Yeah.
They have hooked me.
Were you ever
a nicotine guy?
No, I don't.
Okay, okay.
Pickleball and coffee,
it's a good way
to find an older woman.
Yeah.
It really is.
Hey.
Almost like I did it on purpose.
Almost.
All right.
So they're stirring out there.
Yeah.
For Olympics.
We got to get to the Barstool Summer Games.
Oh, fuck.
Corey, what are you going to do?
I'm not allowed to say that.
What?
If you say that on that video, they take it down.
So the Barstool Summer Games are coming up shortly.
Corey Rutledge is already starting and getting into
action. So we'll
go do that. We'll stream that and
yeah, everything else.
They're on the other side of Wall 9 8th
because there's a famous Philadelphia
jeweler that's on the corner
of Wall 9 8th and Stephen Singer
bought the other corner.
So that's the Pats and Gina's jewelry.
That's why they hate Stephen Singer.
I can rest easy. Alright So that's the Pats and Geno's jewelry. That's why they hate Steven Singer. Okay.
I can rest easy.
All right.
I'll see ya.
See ya.
See ya.
See ya.
See ya.
See ya.
See ya.
See ya.
See ya. Go watch the Summer Games, then go watch Mostly Sports Dynasty,
then go watch whatever you want to watch.
Donnie streams?
All right, see you tomorrow. Bye.