The Yak - We Found a Gic at Camp Barstool That Blew Our Nips Off | The Yak 8-21-24

Episode Date: August 21, 2024

Brandon just wants some dock time to himselfYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.li...nk/barstoolyak

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Hey, Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Yo, DJ, pull that up. Hello, we're live. It's the Yak. Hey. I'm wearing Roback swimsuits right now. They're hiked up a little bit too high, but that's okay because I'm sitting weird. These are the most comfortable bathing suits out there.
Starting point is 00:00:44 We got water activities today. Roback.com, promo code YAK. 20% off your first purchase. Q-zips, polos, hoodies, joggers, shorts, and swimsuits. Say swimsuits or swim trunks? I say swimsuits, but most people say swim trunks. I'm also wearing them.
Starting point is 00:00:59 Roback.com, promo code YAK, 20% off your first purchase. All right, so we have we're at Camp Day 2. How's everyone feeling? Good. Check in. It wasn't this bright 15 months ago. Yeah, the sun intentionally, the sun feels like it has a personal vendetta against Brandon
Starting point is 00:01:15 because we were sitting here and it was fully, it was nice shaded and then right as the music hit, the sun came and was like, oh, is that Brandon? Really bright. Let me get his bitch ass. Yeah. I don't think the sun said that. The sun never called me a bitch. The sun was like, hey, why don't you step outside, Brandon? Gotcha again.
Starting point is 00:01:33 Brandon woke up cranky today. I very much did not. Why do y'all keep saying that? You woke up on the wrong side of the bed. I've been as pleasant as I can be. I've been like a puppy here. No, you came to breakfast. We were all sitting together.
Starting point is 00:01:43 You sat on the far side of the cafeteria. I always do that. This reminds me of one of my favorite books that I've ever read. Not to get intellectual on you guys, but Grumpy Monkey. And it's a book about this guy named Jim Panzee.
Starting point is 00:01:59 You know, I'm about sick and goddamn tired of you perpetuating a narrative about me that I'm cranky. I'm not cranky. I woke up in the cabin. Can you just tell me, can I just tell you how the story goes? The monkey's grumpy? No, all day the monkey walks around and everyone's like, hey, Jim, why are you grumpy?
Starting point is 00:02:15 And he's like, I'm not grumpy. I'm not grumpy. And he's stomping and he's getting mad. And at the end of the day. Wife had health issues. Yeah. His friend, the gorilla, Norm, sits on a porcupine or dances with a porcupine, gets porcupine needles in his butt, and they're sitting on a tree. He's like, hey, Jim, I think you've been grumpy. He's like, you know what?
Starting point is 00:02:35 I have, and that's okay. And then they let out a big exhale. It's like, it's okay to say you're grumpy. But I woke up about 7 o'clock. I went to the field. I walked for 50 minutes. Whoa. The sun was shining. I was feeling good. I went to the field. I walked for 50 minutes. Whoa. The sun was shining.
Starting point is 00:02:46 I was feeling good. I was walking barefoot. Oh, my God. What a day. And as soon as I walk into breakfast, the first person I see is you. And you're like, why are you so grumpy? Yeah, Jim. So I think what I have to do is I have to dance with a porcupine.
Starting point is 00:02:59 Yeah. And then we have to sit on the dock and be like, hey, it's okay sometimes. You think there's a porcupine within 20 miles of this place? Yes. We could find one. Dancing with one, no problem. They're pretty big, right? They're in cinema a lot.
Starting point is 00:03:10 Yes. I've never seen one. In real life, you don't see them as much. The quicksanded. Homeward bound is the one that really sticks out to me. I've never seen a porcupine. You've never seen a porcupine? Can we get our hands on one?
Starting point is 00:03:19 I've seen a pika. They can shoot. A pika? Which is a real animal. You saw a pika in Oregon? In Crater Lake, yeah. That's a Pokemon. I threw jagged rocks at it.
Starting point is 00:03:28 Hell yes. There's nothing like throwing rocks at a pika. Have you killed anything here? Here? I've been catching flies. Time. Killing time. You've been spending a lot of time in the woods by yourself.
Starting point is 00:03:37 Me, yes. Well, I mean like Brandon, except he gets the bad label. I like the solitude as well. I'm just anti-social. Yeah. I went down to the pier yesterday, and I was sitting there forever. One of the funniest pictures ever. All the other barstool people just wanted to come down there, too.
Starting point is 00:03:51 I was just trying to read my book. Pete had no business out there. The picture of you and Pete, just two foes, eye to eye. I just wanted to read my book. Yeah. I wanted to read more about the 1957 Milwaukee. Yeah, Brandon, his sleep routine, he reads a book. His wife calls him. They talk about how they love each other. Yeah. Want to read more about the 1957 Milwaukee? Yeah, Brandon, his sleep routine, he reads a book. His wife calls him.
Starting point is 00:04:07 They talk about how they love each other. Yeah. It's crazy. That is nice. That's the truth. Put the boys on the phone. I couldn't. I thought it had to be scripted.
Starting point is 00:04:15 It's real love. You got it all figured out now. Automated. Yeah. TJ, do you have that picture? Maybe I'm the right one. Yes. This is my favorite picture.
Starting point is 00:04:23 I get this dream. Just two guys staring each other down. Because I'll defend you here, Brandon. Nothing will ruin a nice doc book session like that. Look at that. Look at that in there. And you see where the doc is. That's a loud walking material.
Starting point is 00:04:40 That's haunted. As soon as he steps out there, you just get all. I got your back on that one. Just dressed inappropriately for the weather. Just like a fucking asshole nothing about it was good And I was was that a that's just me getting away, and then everybody came out there Everyone just came out on the dock. Yeah, I went fishing yesterday caught nothing No, I'm saying I saw a guy catch two. I haven't caught anything only Chiefs caught stuff Zupi caught two yesterday Yeah, you just need someone around you catch catching to keep the hopes and excitement up.
Starting point is 00:05:07 Yeah. But you didn't have that, did you? No. I not only didn't catch anything. Were you guys, was anyone on the boat with me? No. The photographer that we hired, Spencer, caught something and then asked us to take a picture of him. Wow.
Starting point is 00:05:22 And I was like, what the fuck, dude? I was like, you're supposed to have the, you're supposed to have the camera taking pictures of us fishing. He just caught one right next to me. Did you take it with his camera? Someone else did, but yeah. What should photographers do
Starting point is 00:05:36 when they feel beautiful? I understand that, but like he, like what? That was my fish. Sometimes photographers are feeling themselves. They feel good. Yeah, true. I don't think That was my fish. Sometimes photographers are feeling themselves. They feel good. Yeah, true.
Starting point is 00:05:47 I don't think you can have too hot of a photographer, though. Yeah. No. Because that would make the person on the other side of the camera. Yeah, that's true. Need to be real. Yeah. Like, whenever we have to film with John Kelly at work.
Starting point is 00:05:56 Yeah, he's handsome. Handsome guy. He's really handsome. And, like, he'll walk into the room with his camera. And I've said it. It was just like, oh, somebody's doing a movie about a cameraman. He looks like he's the one that's gonna be filmed yeah it's not right you gotta bed raggled hair any more schlubs like Doug
Starting point is 00:06:18 you want a kayak yes sir I did and they made me wear a life jacket which was fine what but I had to wear a life jacket on the kayak and the idea of the kayak everybody else went on a boat there's like did, and they made me wear a life jacket, which was fine. What? But I had to wear a life jacket on the kayak, and the idea of the kayak, everybody else went on a boat. There's like eight people to a boat. I didn't want to be on that boat. I wanted to get on the kayak and go wherever in the lake I wanted to go.
Starting point is 00:06:34 But the camp people here, we can't go out by ourselves. So, I get in the kayak and I think it's peaceful and I'm just going, and about 15, 20 yards behind me at all times. You were like the president with Secret Service. Is one of the camp counselors on a paddle board marking me the whole time and followed me all over the lake. And it made me feel a little.
Starting point is 00:06:54 Grumpy? Grumpy's not good. But I was like, I'm 45. I can kayak. I'm good. And I kayaked all around the lake, and she just followed me. That's so funny. And she was just sitting there watching me to make sure I, and she just followed me. That's so funny. And she was just sitting there watching me to make sure I didn't fall in or die.
Starting point is 00:07:08 That's so funny. Yeah, that would piss me off. It didn't piss me off because I'm a congenial guy, but I just got out there, and I just. I like this new Brandon bit of explaining things that clearly piss you off but never admitting that you're. That did not piss me off. It would piss me off.
Starting point is 00:07:24 Yeah. Look at these guys. Hey. What's up, on all right what up boss steven jay's got a guest today that says he's gonna blow our nips our nips our nips off he tweeted it like we were getting uh a-list celebrities right i i was asking around i was like who's the just guest jay booked and also is it does it count as booking if it's somebody that is here? Correct. But he did book him. He booked him. He's 19 years old.
Starting point is 00:07:50 It's not Mbappe. It's not. It's a big one. It's a huge one. A 19-year-old. Yeah. Yeah, he booked a camp counselor. He booked a camp counselor who's got a special trick for us.
Starting point is 00:08:03 But saying blow your nips off. Yeah. I will say he had a huge crowd gathered around him yesterday. There was a big crowd. There was a lot of noise. People were talking him up. So we'll have him on. Che also, as a captain, has been exactly what I expected.
Starting point is 00:08:18 But still just so frustrating. He gets frazzled. He gets frazzled. He also, we had a couple moments yesterday. One was when we were walking up to the trampoline volleyball and he looked at our entire team and was like, is anyone good at trampoline volleyball?
Starting point is 00:08:34 Has anyone ever played this game, Steven? Well, that's not as good as when you said that he looked at the tug-of-war team on the other side, saw Max and Taylor LeJuan and said, I think we got him. No, the exact quote was, we're significantly heavier than them. And we just never had a chance. No.
Starting point is 00:08:50 But it was a fun day. Really fun. Softball was shockingly watchable. Yeah. Yeah, well, the camera angle was great. Everything was good about softball. Dude, you're an ace pitcher. That was fun.
Starting point is 00:08:59 I could not. You almost got me a little pissed. I was mad. No, yeah, with the dance routine. Like, I know it was for the best. That's how you beat us. Get angles. Yeah, you were doing.
Starting point is 00:09:09 You guys were better than us. No. No, I think. On an individual basis, you are. We played it. Yeah, but if I didn't do. If we played it, like, straight, like, you got to pitch it, like, as perfect for the hitter. You did what you had to do.
Starting point is 00:09:22 You guys would have killed us. Easy to say. Yeah. I'll say what was crazy, fucking Kate was entertaining yesterday. Yeah. It was the crane. It was the crane.
Starting point is 00:09:32 That thing was still beeping this morning, by the way. It was. That crane was beeping. I walked by the crane, and it doesn't like people near it. I think it's sentient. Is it grumpy? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:09:42 It's grumpy. Grumpy grain. I have a shocking revelation, too. I've got to wait for Will to get here. I'll just say it, and then you guys, we can discuss when he gets here. Will showers with a bathing suit on. Yeah. Well, can't do that.
Starting point is 00:09:55 We know what lies beneath. I understand that, but our shower situation, while not ideal, is still singular showers. Not bad. Yeah, there's walls. There's stalls. The floors are gross, and I was packed when I got the email for like, be sure to bring shower shoes. I think I was in your car. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:10:13 The ground's gross. The ground's gross, but a bathing suit in a singular shower is crazy. That's making all the precautions. Right. That's a borderline invisible penis Yeah you're just admitting how small your penis is That is the eye of a needle He uses the eye of a needle as his fleshlight
Starting point is 00:10:33 That's a small small dick Yeah it's been fun here I actually like kind of Today I was like I wish we were staying one more day Because I feel like we're finally in a routine Sleeping's not terrible. I did sleep with, I'm now on the mouth tape. And Will gave me my piece of mouth tape when it was pitch black last night.
Starting point is 00:10:54 And I woke up this morning and ripped it off and it was pink. It was pink mouth tape. Oh, you still have a pink mouth tape. You ripped your lips off. No, I thought for a second I was bleeding. But then I realized it was pink mouth tape. And then I realized if someone had pranked us or come to rob us and I had pink mouth tape on, what do you even do? You can't defend a home.
Starting point is 00:11:11 And I didn't even know I had pink mouth tape. Could you feel this morning? I got shit on by a bird. I felt the same. You haven't been wearing glasses. That's good luck. Yeah, I can't see. Where are the glasses?
Starting point is 00:11:19 Yeah, I can't see. I don't know where they went. What do you mean you lost? Well, I guess it's hard to find them once you lose them. Impossible. It's a real catch-22. You're bird-shitting on you. It's good luck. Oh, that is bird-shit. Do people say bad things are good luck just so you can get over the bad thing?
Starting point is 00:11:34 Yeah, like rain on your wedding day. Specifically is good luck. That's ironic. That's true. Which one's ironic? No, it's unfortunate. All you need is an eye. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:11:44 Linus Morissette, one of the greatest Canadians of all time. We're here in Canada. Close enough. Yeah. Okay. Shit on me right here. You were in that very seat. I was in this seat, and I had my leg probably.
Starting point is 00:11:59 In the middle of the show? Middle of the show. Happened on the show. Happened live on Mostly Sports. From that branch up there. But I never saw a bird. So I don't know who shit on me. And surely getting
Starting point is 00:12:10 shit on by a bird turned my mood around? No, I was pleasant. I was very likable as the host of Mostly Sports today, I would say. I love that for you. I'm such a likable guy. I love that for you. I'm such a likable guy.
Starting point is 00:12:25 I love that for you. I'm ready to get in the water today. We're going to have some swimming activities. Who knows who can swim in this ragtag group of people. It's hard. I'm excited for next week when we have to go somewhere and play parachute for a week. And Jerry was what? How long was he out there for?
Starting point is 00:12:48 All night, right? At nine this morning? Jesus. They extended it a little bit. I talked to him this morning. He's really, really worn down. Yeah, he's out of it. Did he work the whole time?
Starting point is 00:12:56 I saw a tent. Did he sleep some of it? I'd say he slept from four to six. But it was live? Yeah, it was live the whole time. So did Lucas have to stay up all night? I think so. Yeah. Oh, shit. Just the whole time. So did, like, Lucas have to stay up all night? I think so. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:13:05 Oh, shit. Just watching Jerry sleep. I think he said three to five was, like, the worst few hours of his life. Because it got cold last night. He was a homeless crack addict. And then Ryan, who has zero body fat, was sitting there like... He had the Lucas, not Jerry. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 00:13:18 No, no. Yeah, no. Lucas did have homeless crack addict pants on last night. Yeah, his wardrobe is compact. It's odd. It's crackish. Yeah. Very Florida crack.
Starting point is 00:13:33 Kyle, you been just going on your strolls? Yeah. How you feel? I got cross-faded last night. You got cross-faded last night? It's weed and edibles. That's the same. But it is different, if you know.
Starting point is 00:13:51 I feel high still. Oh, that's the worst feeling. Look high, smell high, taste high. Taste high? Taste high? Yeah, my thumb. Your thumb tastes high? It's sticky.
Starting point is 00:14:02 Oh, man. When you sweat high, that's the worst. Yeah. So do we have, that's oobleck right there? Yeah. You have oobleck. So does someone want to get in it? Apparently it's some good ass shit too.
Starting point is 00:14:13 So what is it? This gets you stuck? No, it's a solid when you're moving and a liquid when you stop. I want to see if I can fast step on top of it. Go do it. Okay, I'm gonna. Go do it, Kate. I have it all over me already.
Starting point is 00:14:26 I put my hand in it. You put your hand in it. But it's spread to my sweatshirt and my pocket. Well, you probably put your hand on your sweatshirt. You gotta be fast, I guess. You gotta do it right away. You keeping your socks on for it? I'm not giving these away for free.
Starting point is 00:14:36 Give the boys a show. Katie Money grabs if you want them. That's gonna ruin your socks. Wait, wait, wait. Move your... Oh, no way. Move your chair. Move the last chair.
Starting point is 00:14:48 All right. Oh, there it is. Okay. You're really going in socked. Oh, cool! It's working. That's really cool. Now jump out. Now sink. I'll jump. Oh!
Starting point is 00:15:00 Oh, that is cool. That is pretty cool. I'm all the way at the bottom. Uh-oh, uh-oh. Oh. That's awesome. That's pretty cool. That is cool. That is pretty cool. I'm all the way at the bottom. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Oh. That's awesome. That's pretty cool. That is cool. And it looks sexy, too.
Starting point is 00:15:10 It does. Yeah, it looks hot. Sick. Whoa. All right, so that was Ooblack. They nailed it. Ooblack 2024. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:15:19 Even if ours worked. It really wouldn't have been anything. Okay. So the best case scenario. Oh, shit. What else can we do with you? You might be trapped. worked. It really wouldn't have been anything. Okay. So the best case scenario happened. What else can we do with you? She might be trapped. It was such a failure that it was funny-ish.
Starting point is 00:15:30 And yeah, now we just have Oobleck that I don't really know what you're supposed to do with it. Oh. You're going to have to take your socks off now. Oh, okay. Take your socks off. Uh-oh, yeah, I'm going to have to take them off. Fellas. Here we go. Settle down, everyone. None of gonna have to take them off Here we go Brandon you did a great job announcing yesterday. Thank you. It felt good. Connor was great, too I also like how oh look at that make a wish
Starting point is 00:16:02 Like how you really did you really gave White Sox Dave the business. I did. I gave everybody the business. Yeah, but you were giving White Sox Dave the business. I was. I thought he was a piece of shit all day. Why is that? He just was.
Starting point is 00:16:13 He was playing selfish softball. He was playing selfish. He did have the unassisted double play where Kyle was just standing on second base. Yeah, yeah. And Dave just wouldn't flip him the ball. He wanted that, yeah. Yeah. He was all over the ball. Standing on second base. Yeah, yeah. And Dave just wouldn't, like, flip him the ball. He wanted that, yeah. Yeah. He was all over the field.
Starting point is 00:16:27 Selfish softball. He played selfish tramp ball. I don't know if he can do a selfish tug-of-war. I guess he can. We had just no chance. It's a tough spot where I feel like I want to – deep down, everyone wants to impress athletically, but we know we're not gifted enough to do that.
Starting point is 00:16:45 But also trying to play sports funny. There are moments. Like Max had a Willie Mays catch of an egg yesterday. Yeah, it was awesome. Phenomenal catch. But it was also a catch of an egg. Yeah. Right.
Starting point is 00:16:58 No, it's good shit. How about Rico? What do you think Rico did? Rico, the egg toss was vintage Rico. That was a clusterfuck. That was so much fun, though. It was. Actually, like, after we finished, even though it was insanely frustrating how he ran that game,
Starting point is 00:17:14 I wanted to keep playing. Because it was. I didn't even get a chance to play. Yeah, no, you were out right away. Yeah. You just didn't even throw it close to you. You chucked it 20 yards away from me and said my name. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:17:24 Did you guys record this morning? Yeah, we did pick them. How'd it go? It was good. I think it's good. Pretty straightforward. It's going to be a football show this year. Yeah, good.
Starting point is 00:17:31 We're going to talk football. That's good. That's it. Nothing else. It's going to be a football show. Hut, hut, hike. Go routes. Slants.
Starting point is 00:17:40 Those are three football things. Fumbles. Name two more. Onside kicks. Yeah. Punts. Probably won't talk about punts a lot. Fake punts. Couldn't talk about fake punts. Fake punt punt. That's just a punt, though. Yeah, I know, but
Starting point is 00:17:53 if anyone ever actually did it, they would be a genius. Fake punt punt would revolutionize the game. I think we've had fake punt punts, haven't we? You fake the punt. You fake like you're faking the punt, and then you just actually punt? And you throw it back and just actually punt. Yeah. That would be keen.
Starting point is 00:18:08 That would fuck someone up. Big time. I'm really excited to bet again. It's got to be four parlay. Kyle. I forgot. Kyle betting. Four leg any time touchdown parlay.
Starting point is 00:18:20 There's nothing better. God, I forgot about Kyle bettingting. It's one of my favorite players. I'm going to go week one, all rookies. All rookies. I like that. I feel like rookies get better every year or no? Wow. It seems like rookies keep getting better.
Starting point is 00:18:37 I don't know if that's a fact, but I kind of like... What's the best year for rookies? I like the idea of it. I'm going to do Bowers. I'm going to do, who's the Bill? Keon Coleman. Malik Navers. And I'm going to do Harrison. That's three.
Starting point is 00:18:55 You can do Malik Navers. Do we have a DraftKings three? No, we don't. We do have Mountain Dew. I've been drinking. Yesterday I basically replaced water for Mountain Dew, and I felt great all day. So Mountain Dew, if you want to get off your ass. So here are the Bustin' Boys.
Starting point is 00:19:10 With bold flavors and a refreshing citrus kick, Mountain Dew will get you off your ass and have you feeling like you're an actual mountain. I love the original. KB's a code red guy. A mountain where the weather's always perfect, your friends are ready to hang, and a day of epic proportions of weights. A bunch of people were playing four square last night. I can't wait to get in the lake today.
Starting point is 00:19:31 So the mountain is calling. You should answer. Grab your friends. Grab an ice cold Mountain Dew. Wherever refreshing beverages are sold and do the Dew. I'm having one right now. Nice. Have you a Dew?
Starting point is 00:19:39 I'm having an original. Taylor, did you know that Will showers with his shorts on? Does he really? Yep. I don't remember that. Is that a new thing? That must be a new thing. Did last night.
Starting point is 00:19:49 You think that was a post-case race thing? Will was always a no-towel guy in the locker room. Really? Sticks out in the locker room? Oh, yeah. Peace out. With what he's got? I think that's the pride.
Starting point is 00:19:59 You see kind of those meat-swinging sticks walking around the locker room. You've got to say, hey, listen, this is what I got. But it's power. There's power behind it. Yeah. Man. There's power behind it. I got bad news about Will Compton.
Starting point is 00:20:11 What? He currently is sitting with the nurse right now. It's not good. Are you serious? I hate walking into this. Where is the nurse? Can we get a camera on them? They're literally through that door right there.
Starting point is 00:20:22 Can we get a camera on them? Do we have a movable camera? What's that? Yeah, let's go find Will. Right now, we got a big toe injury. He's been complaining about his big toe, but then we spent the entire morning just doing laps around the whole
Starting point is 00:20:35 camp. He's also in the water. That's recovery. Oh, there he is. Oh, no. Oh, no. This is not good at all. You went to the infirmary? Let's get a mic on him. They wanted to air vacuum on you? You said no? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:20:55 You said I can't leave my guys? Yeah. Put your mic on. So what was the prognosis of your toe? Taylor was there. Why did you do that? Yeah, the nurse nurse and I quote, this is the worst jam toe I've ever seen in my life.
Starting point is 00:21:08 You said severely jammed, possibly broken. Whoa. How'd you hurt it? Do you remember when White Sox Dave hit that ground ball and then I was trying to beat him to the bag? Yeah. Yes. So when I was reaching for the bag,
Starting point is 00:21:20 I didn't hit the top of the bag and my foot, my toe just went right into the side of the bag. That actually was my fault. You didn't cover the bag. No, no, no. You didn't cover the bag. Oh. and my foot my toe just went right into the side of the bag. That actually was my fault. No, no, no. I didn't cover the bag. Oh. So I apologize. I broke your toe.
Starting point is 00:21:30 I love the accountability. Yeah, that's fucked up. But right when my toe hit, it felt like I ripped my toenail off. That was kind of like the sensation. And then when I took my sock off and there was like nothing wrong with my toe at first, I was like, I feel like I was being like a pussy. And then last night it started to blow up a little bit. And then this morning it's just been.
Starting point is 00:21:47 And then the infirmary, they said, you got a boo-boo. Did they put a Band-Aid on it? Yeah, I got it taped up. Oh, nice. I asked her if I could still play. I was like, can I go? And what'd she say? She said, you're an adult.
Starting point is 00:22:01 And I said, no, but can I go? She's like, you're a grown man. You can decide if you want to play like, you're a grown man. You can decide if you want to play. So you're saying I can play? Oh, that's bad. Got the old blood tape on there, huh? Trying to get something?
Starting point is 00:22:15 Yeah. You need it to be broken. Yeah, you need it to be broken just so that you can play through a broken toe and tell it. A malignant owie. Yeah. You see it, though. She did say maybe broken. It's colored. They don't have x-rays?
Starting point is 00:22:30 She said maybe broke. The worst jam she's ever seen. Do I need a MRI? That toe is broken. That's brutal, having to go to the nurse's office. Will, I told everyone that you shower with shorts on. Why? Well I have a reason So
Starting point is 00:22:50 When it was happening in real time I just said out loud I was like guys I messed up I'm showering with my shorts on Because So here's the thought process I was thinking we were going to open showers So being institutionalized We're usually used to shower and naked. But being around a different band of brothers,
Starting point is 00:23:10 from different walks of life, I'm thinking this will be the first time maybe it wouldn't be a normal thing for them. So they're probably going to wear shorts. So when I put my shorts on, it was just already in my brain that we're going to an open shower to have shorts on. And then it hit me when I was standing in the individual shower. I was like, I didn't have to do this. So you're saying that we're not close enough for me to see your car?
Starting point is 00:23:31 We are, but I just didn't know the etiquette from you guys if it's like, hey, we're going. So tonight, would you like to shower together naked? Yeah, I mean, that would be comfortable for myself. Okay, all right, cool. And we'll do that. You know what I mean? I was telling them before you walked in, like, you were never a shy boy in the locker room.
Starting point is 00:23:47 Yeah, no. Would people make fun of you? Because it didn't make sense. I'm like, I didn't wear shorts in the shower. I'm just thinking I'm around just a completely different set of people. Would people make fun of your penis? Oh, you don't remember.
Starting point is 00:23:59 What? My nickname in Washington was Shrimp. Oh! Why would I remember? Yo, how would he remember? Hard to forget. Did that make headlines? Your nickname was Shrimp.
Starting point is 00:24:11 No. Quinn Dunbar. Quinn Dunbar would be like, Skrill. Skrill. What you talking about, Skrill? Skrill. Oh, no. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:24:21 But then you wear it with pride and they can't. Yeah. Because, like, if you then come in with shorts on, everyone's like, oh, no, this guy, he's worried about this. Yeah. I bet it's huge. Exactly. You can't come in the next day with shorts on. Then it's like, you got him.
Starting point is 00:24:35 Did you ever think about going in hard? It's hard, right? I don't know. What if he just went in hard? If he just took a shower hard? Yeah. Just like, I love showers. There would be times after practice where I would be and I'd just have to sit there in my locker room.
Starting point is 00:24:48 Why were you hard after practice? Football, man. Yeah, I guess so. I apologize for the dumb question. What are you talking about? It's football. Does it make you hard? No, I don't think.
Starting point is 00:25:02 I like how you referred to showering in the NFL as institutionalized. Yeah. You were like, I was part of the system. Yeah, I was part of the system. That first couple of showers when you get to college and everyone's starting to do the no, like, naked thing, it's very uncomfortable. Oh, it has to be.
Starting point is 00:25:18 My first, I think, ten showers at Michigan were shower shorts for the man who has nothing to hide but still wants to. It's crazy that they just don't have singular stalls. Why wouldn't they just... Shower wallet? Yes. I don't disagree with that. Why wouldn't they just...
Starting point is 00:25:33 But there's a lot of good camaraderie in an open shower. Yeah. Like, it's calling you shrimp. Yeah. Or playing gay. Like, get the guys who get really uncomfortable and be like, hey, you need me to get your mid-back? No, I'm good.
Starting point is 00:25:45 Then all of a sudden you're over there with the foam soap. Hey, don't touch me. Hey, relax, man. I'm just trying to get you clean. What a game. Touch the homophobe. It's the opposite of smearing the... Say it.
Starting point is 00:26:00 You can say it. Can I? No, I don't think so. Yeah, no, it's back. It's back to game. I'm torn here, rocking a hard place and on something do it's in your heart. Don't I? You don't have to do it's in your heart All right, I might say later how about the Spartans though do you before they win the battle tell me Just the curve of the bell. Yeah, the bell curve. It was wild.
Starting point is 00:26:28 But wait, they weren't circumcised back then, were they? I think it was a peelback. Oh, wow. That's a lot of work. It's a two-man job. Peelback's got to be the most uncomfortable part. So, yeah, that's what the drummer boys were doing when they were on the front lines. I'm only a peelback right now, but I'm going to be a... I've been a peelback boy for five fucking years.
Starting point is 00:26:47 Where do you see yourself in a few years? Right there. Peelback. Yeah, that was the intern. Peelback boy. What are you doing? Oh, switch.
Starting point is 00:26:59 Switch a room. Switch it up. I'm getting a headache. He's getting a little hot. Yeah. He's getting a little hot. We're in a good place. I like it. I'm going to punch that o's getting a little hot. Yeah. He's getting a little hot. We're in a good place.
Starting point is 00:27:06 Yeah, I like it. I'm glad you punched that oobleck. It's fantastic. Making him walk. Steven, you want to have the guy just, I want to get my nips blown off. Would you just have him come out? Steven's got a guess that he's going to have our nips. Oh, he's right here.
Starting point is 00:27:20 You've been watching this whole time? Oh, Taylor, Taylor, Taylor, this is him. All right, okay. Oh, oh, oh, the magician. Before we get our nips blown off, everyone loves talking about Steven Singer. You've heard the expression a million times, I hate Steven Singer because most other jewelers hate him.
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Starting point is 00:28:09 or online at IHateStevenSinger.com. Real, natural, rare, earth-born diamonds from a real jeweler you can trust. Steven Singer Jewelers, one place, one price. That's IHateStevenSinger.com. Okay, so what's your name? I'm David, David Gishner. David, all right.
Starting point is 00:28:24 So, David, you blew Steven Sheay's nips off last night. I appreciate it. I appreciate it. Are you ready to blow our nips off? Let's try, shall we? Okay. All right, let's do this. I got two things for you guys.
Starting point is 00:28:35 I don't want to be a part of this. Do you have your phone on you? No, I don't want to. He's got it right here. I got to promote the show. You got it right here. I got to promote the show. I got to promote the show.
Starting point is 00:28:43 Anybody's phone doesn't matter. I'm all volunteers tribute. I have my phone. I perfectly love this. Let me use your phone quickly. We're gonna try this here. Will you open it up for me? Yeah. Awesome. Let's do this. Is that the only thing?
Starting point is 00:28:56 We'll try this. Teethfinder.com. Will, throw me my phone. You wanna be a part of it too, Walt? Yeah, I want Brandon to do it. No, I just needed, that's too high. Actually, you know what, we'll do this one second. I'll come back to this, do you mind?
Starting point is 00:29:11 Let's try that. Can I go soft, like a soft toss? Can I mess with it? Like, did you do anything? I opened your calculator, but we're gonna use it later. Okay. Yeah. Okay. So here's what we'll do.
Starting point is 00:29:19 Let's start with a card trick, if that's cool with you guys. Yes. That's cool with me. So let's do this. Well, somebody over here, do you wanna help me out quickly? Yep. Cool. Let's start with a card trick, if that's cool with you guys. Yes. So let's do this. Well somebody over here, do you wanna help me out quickly? Yep. Cool, let's do it. I'm gonna have you, I have a Sharpie here.
Starting point is 00:29:32 Yeah, I got it. I'll give you the Sharpie. I'm just gonna have you sign your name across the face of a card. I'll come back here just so it's a little bit easier. Write your name right across the seven of diamonds for me. Seven of diamonds. Respect the sevens.
Starting point is 00:29:44 Sign it or? Yeah, sign it. Perfect, the reason I have you sign this card is to make it unique. It's the only card like it in the deck, the only card like it in the world. Could be a different card, you could have signed it in a different spot,
Starting point is 00:29:55 but this is unique to you, is that fair? Yep. Awesome, so this is where it gets a little bit weird. Do you mind just opening your mouth for me? Dream come true. Cool, awesome, open up and just bite. Get on your knees, dude. Perfect, true. Awesome, open up and just bite. Perfect, great.
Starting point is 00:30:06 So far so good, and I'll do the exact same thing with the Joker. So what I'll do is I'm gonna sign my name across the Joker here. You see that on there a little bit? Yeah. So what I'll do, I'm gonna do the exact same thing. I'm going to place the Joker into my mouth.
Starting point is 00:30:25 Now, let's try this. This gets a little bit weird, I'll be completely real. You volunteered, so it's on you. Just put your hand on my hand. Okay, to be honest, that has nothing to do with the trick, I just thought it'd be a cool experience. Yes, love that. Love that.
Starting point is 00:30:43 I'm just kidding. Let's do this. Here we go. Did you feel that? Did I feel that? Did you? Because for some reason, I somehow now have your sign. What the fuck? Take a look at yours.
Starting point is 00:30:58 Wait, Kyle. What the fuck, dude? Dude, no. How'd you swap him like that? You can keep that. I don't think you want this back, so I'll hang on to it. What the fuck? Wow. Yeah, I thought, yeah. Okay, that was awesome. Thank you.
Starting point is 00:31:10 I appreciate it. I'd say half of my nips are off. One nip is off? It's looking crazy. Well, let's get the other three quarters in. Mine was in the mouth when he signed it, right? Yeah, yours was already in the mouth when he signed his. So that makes no sense.
Starting point is 00:31:24 Don't peek at this. I know you said you didn't want to help out. Will you just hold this? That. So that makes no sense. Don't peek at this. I know you said you didn't want to help out. Will you just hold this? That's all you got to do. Don't tell him. That's the only thing you got to do. Perfect. Am I holding it in my hand or putting it in my pocket?
Starting point is 00:31:34 Whatever you want to do. We'll come back to it. Can I get your phone again? If you don't mind. Yeah, it's right here. I'm not going to lose it. Do you want it open? Yes, please.
Starting point is 00:31:43 8690 is my code. Okay, no worries. Will you give me a three-digit number? Any three- want it open? Yes, please. 8690 is my code. Okay, no worries. Will you give me a three-digit number? Any three-digit number? Yeah, 125. 125. We're going to multiply that by another three-digit number? 172.
Starting point is 00:31:54 172. We'll add that to a five-digit number. Will you just type something in? Yeah. Where's Zah? I want to see him run away. Perfect. Will you let's multiply? Cool. will you multiply it by a two digit number
Starting point is 00:32:09 for me actually what two digit number just so we can tell everyone um 75 75 we'll multiply it by 75 um will you just give me a two digit number we'll multiply it again 14 14 um we'll divide it by a three-digit number. Zero to eight. Just 28. We could do 28 if you want to do 28. Let's do 28. Just do 28.
Starting point is 00:32:35 We'll divide it by 28. Let's subtract a six-digit number. Six-digit number? Yeah, you could just type something in there. Okay. One, two, three, four, five, six. Cool. Let's multiply it by a two digit number.
Starting point is 00:32:53 Seven, seven. And then we'll divide it one more time by let's do just a one digit number. Type a random one digit number in that problem right here. Perfect, hit equals. I think he's got something. Perfect, and do we have a number? Everybody in the chat has to do that.
Starting point is 00:33:06 10 million. Here, do you mind holding that? I can't. Perfect, can you see the number? I can. Okay, I gave you a piece of paper before this, and you guys all chose different numbers, we added them up in different ways.
Starting point is 00:33:14 Yeah. Yep, typed in some random numbers. It is, can I see that piece of paper if you don't mind? Thank you, because you'll notice on this piece of paper, I wrote down a number. Sure. Can you read off the number one digit at a time? One, zero, zero, seven, five, one, six, eight.
Starting point is 00:33:42 Get the fuck off. But the thing is, if I actually take this and flip it completely upside down, that might save some of our looks a little bit. Yes! Oh, that's wild! So you guys can hang onto this. Incredible. Unbelievable.
Starting point is 00:33:57 Dude. I got hip off. What the fuck? That is incredible. That's for you. We need the chat to do that formula. Holy shit, how? Because if there's something that feels like the formula is already preset. How's the chat going to do that for you?
Starting point is 00:34:08 How's that possible? We are the chat. Our brain level is the same as the chat. That's why they're watching. We're on the same level. Wow. Do you have any others? That's incredible.
Starting point is 00:34:19 Do the Lady Gaga one on somebody. We'll do... I mean, it was Lady Gaga yesterday, but we could do something different with it today if you want. Right, you had a whole list of celebrities. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So let's do... Shit. This.
Starting point is 00:34:32 This is crazy. Just because your phone's already open, can we still use it? Yeah. Is that cool? I'm just going to search something on the internet. Well... Oh, jeez. No, I'm just kidding.
Starting point is 00:34:41 No, I'm just kidding. Here we go. Cool, it's searched. I, I'm just kidding. No, I'm just kidding. Here we go. Cool. It's searched. I have an image pulled up. I'll turn the phone off so I can't change anything. You don't have any, like, voice activation settings on, right? So it's not, like, listening to us.
Starting point is 00:34:56 I mean. Obviously it is, but it's not fully listening to us, right? It's not going to search what we say, correct? Right. Perfect. In my notes, I have a list of a hundred different celebrities, numbered 1 through 100. Will you just name any number 1 to 100 for me? Me?
Starting point is 00:35:10 Yeah. Hit him with a zero. You got this. Well, 51. It's 1 to 100. How many options could that be? 51. What? 083.
Starting point is 00:35:27 Nice. So 83. Yeah. Perfect. You're good. You're better than I thought. No, no, great. So 83.
Starting point is 00:35:35 83. Do you want to change your mind or are you happy with 83? Change it. I did this yesterday. I changed it yesterday. Change it. The thing is, do you want somebody else to choose a number?
Starting point is 00:35:46 Because what if we arrange something? Yeah, what was your number, Mook? 64. 64. And we didn't arrange that? No. Do you want to change it or do you want to stick with 64? Yeah, I want to change it to 047.
Starting point is 00:35:57 So 47. Yes. John Lynch. So you guys have changed it three times. Are you happy with 47 or do you want to change it one more time? What was yours? I think we're pleased. Still with 47.
Starting point is 00:36:03 47? I like Will's more. Okay. What was it? 83. 83? 083? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:36:10 83. All right, 083. Are you sure? Yeah. Yeah. You might regret this a little later, but we'll do this. 83, I want you to look here. Make sure that I'm being completely fair.
Starting point is 00:36:19 Will you open up my notes here? Okay. And then hit celebrities. Okay. And then hit celebrities. Okay. And then if you scroll in celebrities all the way down to 83, what do we have? I can say it out loud? Yeah, you can say it out loud. Ed Sheeran.
Starting point is 00:36:32 Ed Sheeran. But you see they're all different. Nice, Luke. What number did you say? I said 47. I didn't 47. Will you look at 47? What would that be?
Starting point is 00:36:38 47, Usain Bolt. So a ton of different celebrities. That's as different as possible. We went with 83 and it was Ed Sheeran. Yeah. Yeah. Will you open up your phone? Cuz a few minutes ago I typed something in on the internet And you guys could have chose any number you could have changed your mind, but you didn't Golly Ed Sheeran. What the fuck? I don't know it's nuts bro
Starting point is 00:37:04 He's 19 self-taught 19 self-taught are you self-funded 19 years old I don't know. It's nuts, bro. I appreciate it. Thank you. That's insane. He's 19. Self-taught. Self-taught. Are you self-funded? 19 years old. Yeah. My parents are super supportive.
Starting point is 00:37:12 Unbelievable. You're really, really talented. Thank you. That's a very funny way to put it, too. Thank you. My parents are super supportive. Yeah. No, totally.
Starting point is 00:37:24 Is there like a magic school, or you just teach yourself all these tricks? Yeah, loneliness I just teach myself a bunch of stuff Have you met O's? I have not met O's, but I've exchanged a few conversations Like through Instagram with him Is he your guy? I love O's, I mean he's phenomenal The trick I did with Barstool, he performed that
Starting point is 00:37:41 He's done that a few times On AGT, stuff like that But yeah, I know a bunch of people who are good friends with him That's crazy I did with Barstool, he performed that. He's done that a few times on AGT, stuff like that. I know a bunch of people who are good friends with him. That's crazy. I'd love to see you guys go head-to-head. We all work together. Magic's a great community. What are your socials?
Starting point is 00:37:57 Just at David Gishner. My Instagram, I used to post on TikTok, David Gishner Magic, but aside from that, that's about it. Do you have one more? If you guys want. Yeah, cool, let's do it. I want one more.
Starting point is 00:38:08 Let's do this, let's go back to the cards. I don't wanna tell him. We'll go back to the cards. Oh, he spells it with an I-E. Let's do this, will you take any card you want? That's Dave. Oh, he's got Jik in his name. Anyone who wants.
Starting point is 00:38:24 You got it? Will you guys show it to everybody? Wait, what's going on? He's got J is anyone who wants huh you got it. We got show it to everybody. What's going on? He's got chicken his name discovery you got diamonds Is that not was that actually it yeah? Oh? Yeah? No, that's all right Awesome sure everyone the King of Clubs. Fuck. What? What the hell?
Starting point is 00:38:48 I said that too soon. That's on me. We'll give these a mix. To be honest, I memorized the order of the deck of cards, and you went right for the one that I handed to you. It happens sometimes. I'm such a shit. We'll come back over here.
Starting point is 00:38:58 Go ahead, grab any card you want. I'm just embarrassed myself. This time, don't say it out loud, but show it to everybody. I won't look Okay You guys all saw it? Yeah Perfect I'll take it back here
Starting point is 00:39:11 I'll place it Show it to the camera You got it? Hold on, time out Time out Restart You can see it in the camera You can see the screen
Starting point is 00:39:23 Screen Restart Okay, we'll do it again We'll do it again Go ahead Whenever you're ready Restart. You can see it in the camera. You can see the screen. Screen. Restart. We'll do it again. Whenever you're ready, just call the word stop. Stop. Do you want that one or do you want to change it? Perfect. It's interesting. You got the same one, didn't you? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:39:39 He's doing side tricks. You guys are missing the side tricks. I will do a real one. I'm going to turn this way. You can show it to the camera this way. I'm facing away. You can show it to everyone and the camera. Love it.
Starting point is 00:39:50 That's better. Can you see it? Yeah. Okay. Got it. Okay. Everyone got it? All right.
Starting point is 00:39:56 Okay. All right. I'll take it face down. Perfect. We'll place this card. We'll move it into the middle right here. I'll give him a good shuffle. Do you know what we call this in magic?
Starting point is 00:40:07 No. Showing off. Oh, I like that. Let's do this. I'm gonna be a human lie detector, essentially. So I'll show you guys a bunch of cards. Every card I show you, I'll say, is that it? You're just gonna say yes.
Starting point is 00:40:20 Even if it's not, just say yes, because I wanna try and guess what I think your card is based off your facial expressions. Okay. Just all yeah you can try to you got him kyle um so king of spades we'll start with the king of spades king of spades say yes that's it yep yeah okay i don't think it's the king of spades we'll put that there what about the six of spades six of spades say yes that's it no fucking way no actually i don't think it's the six of spades say yes that's it no way no actually i don't think it's the six of spades we'll keep going what about the two of diamonds yeah this time yes okay i don't think it's the two of diamonds we'll keep going that's okay um we'll keep trying king of diamonds this time yeah
Starting point is 00:40:58 that's it again yeah something about actually it was the way you said shucks um your voice inflection kind of changed a little bit and that tells me that this actually is your card So I'll place this one right over here That's the last trick I got said this up he said it's up he said it's We're in the middle of it right now. We in the middle of it. I don't know We're in the middle of you haven't even found the card Was that not a good finale? I thought was that not it? It's getting that dick. Yeah, Zach You haven't even found the card. Was that not a good finale? I thought... Was that not it? Yes. It's still in that deck.
Starting point is 00:41:26 It's still in his deck? What is it? What is it? You can tell me now. I forget what it is. It is. It's in the deck. What do you mean?
Starting point is 00:41:35 I know what it is. You remember what it was? It's in the deck. It's in the deck. I think it was... What card was it? What card was it? It's in the deck.
Starting point is 00:41:41 One of the ones, Six of Spades. Six of Spades, yeah. Oh, I put it down? Yeah. Oh, shit. Will you show it to me? We's in the deck. One of the six of spades. Six of spades, yeah. Oh, I put it down? Yeah. Oh shit, will you show it to me? Over in the middle of it. I love this shit.
Starting point is 00:41:52 Oh, it's not there! It's right there! I thought that was your card, though. You guys just didn't believe me. That? No. Oh! Oh shit! Oh! That's insane. Oh! believe that thank you hopefully your nipples come back yeah you might have to
Starting point is 00:42:19 come back on tomorrow yeah I mean I, I would take thousands of tricks. I didn't bring much with me. I brought a deck of cards and stuff here, but I can do some mind reading stuff tomorrow if you guys wanted. Do you ever perform different places? I do a lot of private events and stuff like that. A few public shows here and there. You've got a big future.
Starting point is 00:42:42 Thank you. I appreciate it. You might be next up. Officially? Yeah, he might be next up. You want to big future. Thank you. I appreciate it. You might be next up. Officially? He might be next up. You want to crown him? Crown him. You're next up.
Starting point is 00:42:49 Wow. This is the put on Prince, just so you know. So when he does that, he's the put on Prince. David with an I. I appreciate it. Well, thank you guys again. Yeah, thank you so much, David. I'll see you around.
Starting point is 00:42:59 That was awesome. Thank you. Che, good booking. Cheers. Please, it's yours. Book him for tomorrow, Che. Okay. All right, let's talk about Lucy.
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Starting point is 00:44:21 Booking for tomorrow. Mind reading tomorrow. Thank you. I don't understand that for tomorrow. Mind reading tomorrow. Thank you. I don't understand that. I never will understand it. It will always confuse me. But I don't want to, I don't even,
Starting point is 00:44:32 I like the awe and wonder. I don't want to know. I kind of want to know. I want to know. I kind of want to know a little bit. Yeah. I want to know enough.
Starting point is 00:44:40 Did that make your toe feel better? Did you think about your toe at all during that? I just started walking. Like, oh my God. That's good. It's funny you mentioned that. Check your toe feel better Did you think about your toe at all during that I just start walking like oh my god good funny you mentioned that Check your toe so we see like a counselor here. He's a camp counselor. Yeah, he's got to be the coolest camp counselor You get in
Starting point is 00:44:56 Just like your summers mate. Yeah, but it was somebody's sick of doing tricks though. Yeah No, I don't think you get sick of doing tricks, especially for, like, like, a cabin full of 10-year-old boys, the awe and the wonderment. Yeah. You just can wow them every day. That's an unparalleled rush.
Starting point is 00:45:12 Yeah. And then they learn a trick and get to bring it back to their fifth-grade class and be, like, the coolest kid in class. Yeah. Billy, where'd you learn that?
Starting point is 00:45:20 Summer camp. Where did Jim Panzee go? Uh, I don't know. Is there more? I don't know. Is there more? I don't know. He just left? He went to have diarrhea.
Starting point is 00:45:29 He went to have diarrhea? Yes. Oh, no. Went to have diarrhea. Jimpanzee. Who's this? Brandon. Brandon?
Starting point is 00:45:36 You ever read Grumpy Monkey to your kids? Mm-mm. It's a good book. We're on If You Give a Mouse a Brownie. What happens? He'll ask for some ice cream to go with it. Let's give a mouse a cookie. Is there two? It sounds like a spinoff. Wait, what happens after? No kidding. What happens when he asks for ice cream? He's going to ask for a spoon to go with it. And then when he gets a spoon, he'll start drumming and then he'll want to start a band. So you'll have
Starting point is 00:45:59 to play guitar. He'll want a stage built. You'll build out the stage. And then when he builds out the stage, he'll want to make tickets. So'll build out the stage. And then when he builds out the stage, he'll want to make tickets. So you have to get paper and markers. And then eventually he'll want to make posters to put up all over the neighborhood. But it could rain in the neighborhood. So when it rains, he's gonna fold them up in the boats
Starting point is 00:46:15 and sail them down puddles. And the mouse is gonna get wet. You're gonna protect him by putting them in your pocket. And then... Man, you were on a fidget roller. I know, I was rolling. You had me at the edge of my seat. I was rolling. And then, when you put him in your pocket,
Starting point is 00:46:30 he'll start to realize that he's hungry. When he's hungry, you'll go to the store and get some stuff to nibble on, and when you get some stuff to nibble on, he'll want to have a picnic. When he goes to the picnic, he'll want to swing. And when he swings high, he'll see a big white cloud, and that white cloud will remind him of ice cream.
Starting point is 00:46:43 And chances are, if he wants ice cream He's gonna ask for a brownie to go with it So the moral of the story is don't do anything nice for anyone because then there's gonna make you do shit all day Because like if you just say no to the brownies, you're good What are you teaching Rue I think think it's... Give a mouse some brownie, he's going to want some ice cream. Yeah, I think it's... You're going to have to set up a concert venue? Yeah, I think it's... Yeah.
Starting point is 00:47:09 I think it's just don't ever do anything nice for anyone. That is kind of the moral. Yeah. Say no. Because your whole day is now just catered... This means don't do anything... Yeah. Yeah, a mouse is a fucking...
Starting point is 00:47:21 Good night. Yeah, if you don't want your day to be ruined, just don't ever give anyone anything. Yeah. If you want your day, if you don't want your day to be ruined, just don't ever give anyone anything. Yeah. Or at least have some fun. Apparently this is all you can ask for. You get three asks. Do you draw the tickets?
Starting point is 00:47:34 Do I actually draw the tickets? Your daughter. No. That would be actually a good thing to go through. Is that just give people three asks. I saw some, I saw some i saw some of the pieces that you put up yeah dog shit yeah yeah they fucking blow yeah yeah yeah you saw my
Starting point is 00:47:51 waffle i didn't see your waffle uh my dog waffle oh that was oh okay okay i didn't know your dog's name yeah okay i would have just assumed waffle what are we gonna do about that you're gonna follow waffle on instagram you waffle on instagram back in the day okay it's a pipe dream for taylor Okay. I would have just assumed waffle. What are we going to do about that? You're going to follow Waffle on Instagram. You Waffle on Instagram? Back in the day. Okay. It was a pipe dream for Taylor to make me feel regarded for it. I bullied Will about giving his dog an Instagram. You thought you were going to tweet me?
Starting point is 00:48:14 Wait, you thought you had Miss Peaches? You thought you had Miss Peaches on your hand? He essentially thought he had Miss Peaches before Miss Peaches. Wow, we need to do, there needs to be like a 30 for 30 about all the washout dogs that didn't make it. Waffles. Waffles is going to be first round talent and just fucking bust. This is like early days of busting and he made it and I found out about it and I was like, what are you doing, man? I love you, man.
Starting point is 00:48:36 What is it called? Waffle in the house. And how many followers? Dude, is this you? Waffle in the house. Waffles in the house? Okay. How many followers?
Starting point is 00:48:53 1,400. Oh, bust. That's brutal. That's good for a dog. I think your average dog. Miss Peaches gets 1,400 followers. You're talking about the Tom Brady of dogs. True.
Starting point is 00:49:06 The one who's tackled every single feat of all time. But think of how many people own dogs. How many of those dogs have Instagrams? I bet you 1,400 is in the 1%. Waffle walks so Peaches could run. And you also don't want to get, once you get into that, then you've got to become friends with the other dog Instagrams. And that's a whole thing.
Starting point is 00:49:21 I know someone who did that. This is the same book as if you give a mouse a brownie. Yeah, and all you get out of it is some free dog food. No, Cooper is not my boyfriend. He's also not not my boyfriend. Wait, what is that? You were saying that? I'm 70 and dog years.
Starting point is 00:49:36 Is that your... That's Waffles? Wait, what voice was that? You're tweeting from his voice. Do your Waffles voice. Yeah, do the... How did Waffles say that? How would Waffles... Here, let me pick out a caption, and you have to read You were tweeting from his voice. Do your Waffle voice. Yeah, do the Waffle voice. How did Waffle say that? Here, let me pick out a caption, and you have to read it in Waffle's voice. Oh, the blender.
Starting point is 00:49:51 Is Waffle a boy or a girl? Girl. And you know there is a sponsor on the show that I'm a big fan of, and that's Farmer's Dog. Yeah, Farmer's Dog's the best. Waffle would have patches all over over. Okay, here we go. I mean, this is what Waffle said. Been waiting like this. Say it. How do you hear Waffle's voice? It's gotta be a dopey voice. A dopey feminine voice. Been wait- Been waiting like this forever. How'd you say forever? Forever.
Starting point is 00:50:41 Been waiting like this forever to get home, for mom and dad to get home. What's a Montana? I wanna do one, I wanna fly home. Oh my god. What's your voice, A or B? B. I just think Bulldog, you want one. Yeah, but it's a girl. It's a girl. What voice, do you know like Steve Urkel?
Starting point is 00:50:56 Oh my god! Oh my god. This is... Did you write this one? Do the second voice. Of all the nicknames my dad calls me, Little Unit, Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese, Puppy Bear Pig, Double White Trailer, Stud, Extra Thick, etc. My favorite one is daughter. Daughter. Happy Father's Day to all the dog fathers.
Starting point is 00:51:30 Daughter. This is a follow. What the fuck? We need waffles to make a comeback. Let's go, okay? Put up waffles Instagram. Let's get waffles. Your mic's nowhere near you. Let's get waffles. Let's get waffles. Do's in the middle. Your Mike's nowhere near you. Let's get waffles.
Starting point is 00:51:45 Let's get waffles bumping. Does that mean you have to reread them? Do I need to reread them? You're fine. We just can barely hear you. All right. Let's get waffles bumping. Yeah, no, he will.
Starting point is 00:51:55 He jeepers you. He'll jeepers you. He'll say jeepers. Like it works for Mystery Inc. Like if there's something wrong, if he comes in and a computer crashes, he's like, oh jeep. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:52:07 Really, really crazy shit. Let's get Waffle's numbers up. Okay. Yeah, let's boost Waffle. Waffle's in the house. Waffle's in the house. Is it Waffle's in the house? Or Waffle in the house was taken. This is Waffle in the house underscore. Waffle in the house underscore. So you were set on Waffle in the house.
Starting point is 00:52:24 We were set on Waffle in the house. It was COVID. Got it. Waffle in the house underscore. Waffle in the house underscore. So you were set on waffle in the house. We were set on waffle in the house. It was COVID. Got it. Waffle in the house underscore. Oh, my God. Uncle Taylor says no bad days, but this was a bad day. I didn't know I made it. You didn't know I made the cut.
Starting point is 00:52:38 Oh, my God, you're Taylor from waffle in the house. Yeah, I am. I am. Oh, my God. This is. I mean, Waffle's going to have a big bump today. Yeah. Waffle's going to have a big bump in the social media.
Starting point is 00:52:53 When's the last time Waffle in the House underscore was posted? Oh, my God. 2022. Miss my mom and dad, but this nice lady Riley is into cuddling, so she'll do for now. Also really hoping to poop soon. Those tornadoes have had me spooked and constipated for days. What the fuck?
Starting point is 00:53:13 This is my favorite. Just want to take a moment to thank the World Health Organization. Last week, who announced that dogs can't get the coronavirus? Who let the dogs out? Oh, my God. This is so great.
Starting point is 00:53:28 This is really good. Yeah. All right, we've already got like 150 more followers. Let's get it going. Let's go, chat. Kyle, how's your cat doing? We need an update, though, then. Yeah, we'll start updating.
Starting point is 00:53:38 Wait, Piper Jones is not? She hasn't posted in, I don't think, in a while. Why is that? She's taking a social detox? Yeah. That's actually smart. You got a don't think, in a while. Why is that? She's taking a social detox? Yeah. That's actually smart. You got a cat?
Starting point is 00:53:50 I've had a cat, yeah. Piper Jones. Piper Jones. Piper Jones. She's got an Instagram. Yeah. And he's got a cat room. Are these yours or your wife? It's a mix.
Starting point is 00:54:00 Mostly, I always have the finishing, the final say. Oh, okay. So would she bring you some that you did cutting room floor? Yeah, have you ever had like a rejected stand? Yeah, just be like, no thanks. Yeah, I've experienced that. We can. Has there ever been an argument in the household over a post?
Starting point is 00:54:17 No. Okay. No. We need to get some new, you need to promise the people that when you get home, you'll get some new Waffles content. Yeah. I'll bring back some Waffle content. I want Piper Jones to slide into Waffles DMs. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:54:29 That'd make you sick. I'm going to put... It's been so many years now. That doesn't affect me. You got another one. I'm going to put... You were doing something with an X yesterday. No.
Starting point is 00:54:38 Man, I really was just a hateful... Holy shit. My stance on the Waffle Instagram is the same. He's going to chop it. There it goes! Oh! I'm putting alerts on for waffles. Post stories, reels, everything. You see waffles get crazy.
Starting point is 00:54:57 Do you remember the children's book that was just an outright sandwich? What? I remember each page was a... What was the name of that? I don't know. I do remember that. Yeah, the Swiss cheese had holes in it, right? That was a treat.
Starting point is 00:55:12 Mm-hmm. There was tar on one. There was tar? Yeah, they dropped it in the beach. Oh no. Do you remember this? I do remember this. I don't quite, then.
Starting point is 00:55:22 Look it up. Children's books are awesome. I want to write one called If You Give My Cousin Some Heroin, He'll Steal Your Xbox. Is that what happened to you? Yeah. Nice. That's really good.
Starting point is 00:55:33 That'd be a bestseller. Did anyone make a fire last night besides Jerry? I want to cook some soup. We had to. We had to eat the hot dogs. I don't know who made it. Yeah. Right.
Starting point is 00:55:49 So you ate some hot dogs? Yeah. Had to. They lost the game. White Sox Dave wasn't. Got caught in 4K. Donnie's live streams make me so nervous.
Starting point is 00:55:59 I'm on pins and needles. It's, it's, yesterday we actually, I actually fucked up and I said we were going to be on hard knocks on it, because he was just standing in a circle with us. Did you see Hank getting caught? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:56:12 He swished the gay ball. From deep. You guys know how basketball, you'll have a gay ball if you make it, you're gay? Hank with the prettiest stroke of all time. From so far away. Deep. I like the live streams are cool. I just think he needs to have like an outfit that he wears.
Starting point is 00:56:29 So we know it's. Yeah, like a red. Like a red. He said he's going to buy a live hat. Yeah, right. A live red hat. Because he'll be walking and lingering and just kind of blending in. Right.
Starting point is 00:56:37 Yeah. Yeah, he was just sitting next to me last night at dinner. And I was just, I just forgot after like three minutes that he was live. So yeah. It's dangerous. Did you tell him he had to start saying it? Because when he approached us on the boat, he's like, hey guys, I'm live just so you know. Thank God you're saying that. Yes, I told him he has to announce his
Starting point is 00:56:54 presence every time. Because otherwise we're going to get in some... I actually said, I not only said he has to announce his presence but I said, please also stay away from Will and Jerry. I literally said that. I was like, don't go near Will and Jerry.
Starting point is 00:57:10 Yeah, you were going up to strangers in the mess hall. You're like, you hear what words back? Yeah. Jerry was right behind him. Guess what's back. Jerry was right behind him. Oh, hey. Or else.
Starting point is 00:57:24 Gable. God fucking damn it. Oh, hey. Or else. Okay, ball. God fucking damn it. It's funny, as he's walking over, does this thing have audio? Hey, Brandon. How's the diarrhea? How'd you know? Did you go in our cabin?
Starting point is 00:57:44 No, I went to the main dumper. What do you think it was? I don't know. Probably just being up here for a while. I don't know. You're that relaxed. Did TJ tell you already? Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:57:52 How did TJ know? We were wondering because the- I said I'm leaving for diarrhea. The magician was incredible. He was very good. Very good. Very good. But I saw two tricks.
Starting point is 00:58:00 Once you see two, you've seen three. No, he's third. Did you see that? He's like a magic hater. He's a hater. Yeah. Very good. But I saw two tricks. Once you see two, you've seen three. No, he's like a magic hater. He's a hater. Yeah. Why do you always assign things to me that I didn't say? I said, once you've seen two, you've seen three. But people who love magic, they get wowed every trick. Every trick's a new trick. He did a celebrity trick that was pretty cool.
Starting point is 00:58:22 Yeah, the one to a hundred celebrity trick. Oh, you saw that? Yeah. Okay, he saw them all. But he was guessing people's phone codes? Phone numbers? No, no, no. He did the multiple, multiply, divide, numbers. We all did numbers things. No, I don't have anything. That was yesterday.
Starting point is 00:58:36 I don't have anything. No, yesterday. I always did the celebrity trick on our show. Oh, okay, sorry. I should have been following. Yeah. Hey. But Kyle put next up on him, put on Prince. This guy's next up? Yeah, I think he is, yeah. I should have been following. Yeah. Hey. But Kyle put next up on him.
Starting point is 00:58:45 Put on Prince. This guy's next up? Yeah. I think he is, yeah. He's pretty huge. He's got chick in his name. Yeah. He was very good.
Starting point is 00:58:51 He's very calm and confident. Have you seen Facilis doing bald spot cam on the drone? What? Good stage presence. Well, that's direction from the gun. Who's got the worst bald spot? Rudy got got. We had it on Rudy.
Starting point is 00:59:02 Rudy got got. Oh, no. And Kate's also on bald spot watch. If we see a bald spot, we send her out to the field. Oh, we're going to get some bad ones in the water. Just stick near White Sox, Dave. Okay. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:59:13 That's just a bald man. That's just not a spot. Yeah. Yeah. He just has the most confusing hair of all time. It's skewed. It's wonky. Someone in the booth had it out for you, too.
Starting point is 00:59:25 Really? Yeah. Did you see the Kate was interviewing Max? Oh, yeah. Cut it. Yeah. That's just good edit. That's good edit work.
Starting point is 00:59:33 Yeah. The other one that I loved was the Nicky Smokes. I don't know if you can find it, TJ, when he hit his home run. He's just such a douchebag. He's such a douchebag. Did you guys see this edit? Yeah. See if you can find it, TJ.
Starting point is 00:59:45 This is a perfect cut. Yeah, I had to tell Nicky Smokes to put his T-shirt back on last night. He just had his shirt off while we were playing cards, and I told him he's grossing everyone out. Watch this. Oh, that's long. That's out of here. Nicky Smokes goes yard.
Starting point is 01:00:08 Rodney the Bass is jerking off. That's so awesome. Yeah, I was like, put your shirt back on. Because he's right next to me. It was also just so weird. We were all just hanging out. He had sweatshirts on and stuff. He had his shirt on. Yeah, it was a cool night. Did he invite you to drink some of his 48 beers with him? No. 48 beers. He was telling everybody He's got 48 beers coming.
Starting point is 01:00:25 All right. He was telling everybody he's got 48 beers coming. I saw him in the dark shirtless just dragging a case behind him in the dark in the woods. He was trying to get everybody to go to this, what was it? The Tiki Hut. Yeah, Tiki Hut. He was like, I found a Tiki bar over there. There's four seats.
Starting point is 01:00:37 We were like, why don't we just stay in here? Yeah. Wait, it's on the camp premises? Yeah. He wanted to go to get bitches. He said he was going to bring two bitches. Nice. Nice. What camp premises? Yeah. He wanted to go to get bitches. Hey, so he was going to bring two bitches. Nice. Nice.
Starting point is 01:00:48 What was that? Oh. We played Werewolf last night. Have we talked about that? Yeah. I want to play it again. Great game. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:00:54 Love it. I want to play it on the Yak. It's a fun game. I don't know if the, would you think the audience would like it? I think so. Definitely, yes. What's the game?
Starting point is 01:01:01 Once the game gets going, absolutely. It's like Mafia. If we just quickly explain the game and then play to one round of the game, I think the music would be great. Do you have the cards on you? No, they're in the room. Shit.
Starting point is 01:01:09 We could use a deck of cards. It was very funny that you, Will, we started playing this game and Will was like, I love this game. It's so much fun. I was like, all right, how do we play? And then he's just like, hold on one second. He just spent like five minutes reading the rules. And then he handed me the rules and he handed me the second card of the rules.
Starting point is 01:01:25 Oh, Jesus. So it was like mid-rules. Tate saved the day on that one. Tate did. I actually think Werewolf would work on the Yak if we did a Werewolf deck. Is this a game of deception? Yes.
Starting point is 01:01:35 It's like everyone closes their eyes. You say Werewolf, wake up. Two people are Werewolves, and they decide who to kill. Then everyone closes their eyes. There's a doctor who can save someone, and then everyone opens their eyes, and they've got to figure. Then everyone closes their eyes. There's a doctor who can save someone. And then everyone opens their eyes, and they've got to figure out... Do you play with the Tanner? Yeah, I would love that. Who did the murder? Tanner's depressed and wants to die,
Starting point is 01:01:52 so he's trying to act suspicious, so he gets killed. Wait, that's a real thing? Yeah. I used to play that game all the time. Oh my god, Tanner. He's part of the werewolf? Yeah. It's a bad job. Nobody wanted to be the Tanner. I'm not a big fan of the town drunk. What is the town drunk?
Starting point is 01:02:08 We must have had a different deck. Town drunk can't talk the whole time. Town drunk just can't talk. But it can't speak. Okay. So if you're like a werewolf, you say, all right, that's the town drunk. You just move on. That person has to wait until the next round.
Starting point is 01:02:16 But we should probably play with the town drunk when we have that many people tonight. Yeah, yeah. We should get it all going. You get, yeah. When you get like a shitload of people, there's, like, super werewolves. What? Yeah. I've never played with that many people to know.
Starting point is 01:02:33 What does a super werewolf do? I think it says, like, they have to call out werewolf during the night at some point to where you can hear the voice where it comes from because there's so many people. But you would be able to tell by the person's voice yeah you'd assume so for sure i've never played it with that i was just trying to read like what it could do like what's a super werewolf compared to that do you know was it in that no i played a one night ultimate werewolf was the one i did was like the box because you said they can go up to like a hundred you could stack up as many as you want yeah that's Yeah, I just like looking over it was this table of grown men and everybody's like
Starting point is 01:03:12 You're like trying to quietly like wake up I just got a text The nurse I guess went over to some people and and Wait, oh no someone someone saw will go over to the nurse or the nurse shared this story when the nurse asked will what activities are you participating in this afternoon will replied I played 10 years in the NFL she said what do you do I was like what do you mean she's like what are you doing I was like I played do you mean? She's like, what are you doing? I was like, I played like nine years, but I'm done now. And then she kind of just sat there and had this awkward look, and I'm like, I'm messing with you.
Starting point is 01:03:50 We're playing like water games. But I did play in the NFL. Had to drop that on the nurse. Yeah. Was she impressed? I don't know. She was more disgusted by my feet. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:04:03 Has anyone ever, like, guessed that you were an NFL player? They'll, like, come up and say, did you play? Yeah, do you play something? And I'll be like, yes. You won't say NFL. You'll just say yes. It'll be like baseball. No, football.
Starting point is 01:04:21 Middle linebacker. Yeah, because you have the look of an athlete. Yeah. Yeah. You kind of look Middle linebacker. Yeah, because you have the look of an athlete. Yeah. Yeah. You kind of look like a baseball player. Yeah, I usually get more of a, do you play baseball or something? Dan, do you ever get that? No.
Starting point is 01:04:35 I wish. That would be awesome. You kind of have the build of a former NFL player. I don't think I carry myself like these guys. It would be a great compliment, but then it also would suck because then I'd be like, no. Then you have to say it. It's actually the worst question to get.
Starting point is 01:04:54 Hey, you play something? Like, no, nothing. Podcasting. I like talking about them. Yeah, right. I get, were you a lesbian gym teacher in the 90s a lot? Yep. And I was.
Starting point is 01:05:04 Yeah. Brandon, you might get a couple. Yep. And I was. Brandon, you might get a couple. Did you play ball? I got basketballs, yeah. What's the cutoff height where you had to have? I think 6'7". Oh, pro or like college? High level.
Starting point is 01:05:17 I think 6'7". Or if you say no, it's embarrassing? If you're 6'7 or above and you're like, no, I didn't play basketball, it's like, what the fuck? 6'7 is pretty tall. I know, no, I didn't play basketball, it's like, what the fuck? 6'7 is pretty tall. I know, that's what I'm saying. I'm thinking. No, but 6'7 is like that's. But if you're 6'6, you had to have done something too.
Starting point is 01:05:33 Right, right. I'm thinking 6'5. Brandon is 6'5. 6'5, though. Yeah, like, no, you need to be like. 6'5 is like. But think of you look like Brandon. 6'7 is auto basketball.
Starting point is 01:05:42 Yeah, 6'7 is auto basketball. I'm 6'7. I'm too I can do anything. Yeah, 6'7 is auto basketball. I'm 6'7. I'm too tall. Too tall. Yeah. I have like that disorder that dogs have when they see dogs of different heights and they just think to themselves, I'm the same height as that person. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:05:54 Like when Will and I are together, I'm like, oh, Will and I are the same height. Yeah. But then there was a photo. We were at J.P. Hubby, J.P. 1. J.P. O.G. J.P.? O.G. J.P. And it was Charo and Will, and I decided to get in the photo as well. And it's just like, I look like a zoo animal.
Starting point is 01:06:09 That's so embarrassing for you to be so tall in a photo. I just quickly forget about it. But it's also like, it's kind of crazy how tall I am. Are you like uncomfortable in a lot of situations? Like chairs? Chairs, door frames, beds. The bed's here. What are you doing?
Starting point is 01:06:22 Yeah, beds here are a little different. But you find a way to make it work. So you spend your whole life being tall. You kind of just figure out ways to sit comfortably in situations. Yeah, those beds are not... Were you always tall? Were you like a big baby? I was six pounds. I was six pounds at birth. I was a little boy.
Starting point is 01:06:38 Wee baby. Yeah. Oh my God. When did you hit 6'7"? Like what? I think I really don't know, but I think it was like 15 or 16 years old. Jesus Christ. I was like that. I got to that height. 6'7"? Like, what? I think I really don't know, but I think it was, like, 15 or 16 or something. Jesus Christ. I was like that. I got to that height. 6'7 at 15?
Starting point is 01:06:49 15 or 16, yeah. That's tight. That is a little crazy. Or something like that. That's crazy. But it was, you didn't know where my body was going. I didn't know where it was going. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:06:58 There was zero control in anything. Who's become a big-time football prospect? My senior year of high school. I played nose tackle my first three years and then transferred because this kid was like the 60 in the country. And I went there and I played two games and took that film and sent it out. And like in a three week span I was an All-American. It was like the most insane thing I've ever been.
Starting point is 01:07:21 So junior year you had no offers? Zero offers. Wow. Yeah, I was terrible. And somebody figured out you were a tackle? Yeah, I went down there and they're like, hey, you got the frame to be an offensive lineman. Just go try it. And then I
Starting point is 01:07:33 did. Wait, you went, say that part again. You sent out tape of your, of playing D-tackle senior year? No, so I played D-tackle. I was sending out tape, like my YouTube highlight tape from Cactus Shadows High School is still on there from my junior year, and it's not a whole lot to look at.
Starting point is 01:07:50 And then between my junior year and my senior year, I transferred to Scottsdale-Shepard High School, and there was this kid who was having all these schools come in to see him, and I played the first two games, just took those game films and didn't make a highlight tape, just sent it out, and it was a lot. Holy sent it out and i like was it was a lot holy shit offers were you expecting that 10 days no no it was like it was crazy yeah how much of recruiting is like self-promotion i think it's way more now because there's like
Starting point is 01:08:17 huddle accounts now before yeah when i was nice was all scout and 24 7 and rivals that was and they were like relatively new. I feel like now it's easy to put yourself out there. We would have to put Stuffmail together, VHS, make the highlight tapes yourself. Now you kind of have the access to the games. You have to be active on social media unless you're a crazy recruit. I don't think so.
Starting point is 01:08:40 What about you? When did you get off of Nebraska? Fringe level. Nebraska wasn't until the end of summer going into my senior year. So had you been getting offers in junior year? So my very first offer was May after my junior year. Got it. Illinois and Wake Forest were my first two.
Starting point is 01:08:56 Oh, bro, Will was kind of – was him. You were him? He was all statewide receiver. Yeah. You didn't think about going to Wake Forest? Wake Forest offered me as a receiver. Yeah. Oh, that would have been.
Starting point is 01:09:08 You and Mike Campanaro? I kind of just knew that defense would be the move. Yeah. And here you are just now getting your toe broken playing softball. 35 years old. With a bunch of us. Just washed. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:09:23 34 going to be 35. A couple of weeks. Got a month. Yeah, got a bunch of us. Just washed. 34 going to be 35. A couple of weeks. Got a month. Yeah, got a month. Yeah, did you guys have that moment ever where you're, like, looking around at us, and you're like, man, I was in the NFL, and now I'm with us? With subhumans? That would depress me a little bit.
Starting point is 01:09:41 Just a little bit. It's more like I can't believe we get to hang out with these guys. In a good way. That would definitely depress me a little bit. Just a little bit. It's more like I can't believe we could hang out with these guys. In a good way. That would definitely depress me. As White Sox Dave is arguing with Rico over eggs, and I'm just like, I played in the NFL. This is what we're doing now? Improvised.
Starting point is 01:09:59 You guys are better people than us. Yeah. Yeah, as everyone starts screaming, Rico, those egg tosses aren't fair. I think they somehow weren't. They were not fair. They were not fair. No.
Starting point is 01:10:12 They were not fair. Y'all got definitely hosed. I think they'll be making a comeback in the relay race. So, yeah, today we're going to, right after we finish the act today, we'll do another like 10, 15 minutes. We're going to get in the water. We're going to be streaming.
Starting point is 01:10:26 And then we're taping the relay that will air tomorrow after the act. The act's going to be an hour early tomorrow. The relay race should be fun. I'm excited. 12K. You're down a man right now. See, I thought 12K was for the softball, winning the softball game. What did you think the rest of them was?
Starting point is 01:10:44 Just because we won that? No, I thought, like, sitting here yesterday going into it, I thought the softball game. Oh, did you think the rest of them won? Just because we won that? No, I thought, like, sitting here yesterday going into it, I thought the softball game. That was stakes. Oh, so you were really pumped when we won. Yeah. Wait, 12K, there's cash prize now? Yeah, there's 1,000 a person.
Starting point is 01:10:56 1,000 a person. 2,000 to the captain, which Stephen, if he had any morals, would give that to charity or give it back. A donation. If we end up somehow pulling off an incredible win, he should definitely... Donate it? Yeah. I mean, that's not... We have a great captain.
Starting point is 01:11:16 White Sox Dave. He had one hiccup yesterday that really pissed me off. What did he do? He didn't run his head out. He didn't finish through first with two outs and we were essentially trying to go. You're right. And if he did, I'm like, he beat one out earlier. Got you injured.
Starting point is 01:11:30 Yeah. I'm thinking to myself, bro, you're the captain of this team. We're obviously losing bad. You've got to finish through. He was like, I don't even like steak. And then he was eating a steak at dinner. Yeah. Is there anyone half this?
Starting point is 01:11:41 I'm like, no. I don't want to have that. He did actually, like like genuinely apologize to me That's sick I told White Sox Dave I lost my glasses and he was like I can tell there's a string on top of your Head and I was like I can't see the top Either this is shot of what this is the drone shot. Oh my god. This is where we're gonna be today I think we get the blob involved. I'm going to have my shirt off for way too long.
Starting point is 01:12:08 I don't know if the blob's going to be involved. Get a nice tan. There's a lot of... Go out with your white tee. Yeah. They're working hard to still make it a thing. If someone can get on the blob... Why?
Starting point is 01:12:17 What's the problem? You have to anchor the blob. The blob is overinflated, and they're struggling to deflate it a little, is what I've been told. You kept getting up there, and you can't to deflate it a little, is what I've been told. We kept getting up there, and you can't get on. Who's swimming right now?
Starting point is 01:12:30 Practicing. It's probably Don. Yeah, it probably is Donnie. That's awesome. What a shot. You were saying earlier about breakfast. Shout out Mountain Dew. You're being so weird. I know.
Starting point is 01:12:40 Yeah, I am. It's fun. It's when you get, whenever you get somewhere, the first day is always like trying to figure it out. Then when you get a routine, it's like you kind of want to stick on the routine for a couple more days. Like if we just had one more day. One more day and night. Like so we left on Friday, I wouldn't have hated it. It would have been perfect.
Starting point is 01:12:56 Yeah, because we'd be mid, you know, tonight's going to be the last night. Wow, look at this. This is sick. Okay. Yeah. This is the finale. Oh, look at that. Where is sick. Okay. Yeah, this is the finale. Oh look at that. We're down Oh, yeah us look I see it right there. I want to shoot that thing down so bad There's the oobleck pool trying to convince Mike to let me use his gun
Starting point is 01:13:20 Is that the solely driving it I think so usually yes That's what makes me think it's gotta be easy. Now we have to shoot it down. Can this thing slice through a carotid artery in case it hits a tree? Probably. This is his big chance. Oh boy. Can he land it right in front of us? Get it down here! Get it right here! Get it right here! Land it! I'm scared to drop it.
Starting point is 01:13:40 Land it. You got to. You have to. Do I throw the axe at it? Yeah, we should chop it in half. Here it comes. Here it comes. Kyle, chop it in half. Chop it in half. Kyle, throw it at it.
Starting point is 01:13:53 Wow. Can we throw the axe at it? I really want to. Oh, I'm gonna chop it in my head just in case. Yeah. Cool stuff. By the way, B-W Walk, people talking about bald spots. For your age, man.
Starting point is 01:14:09 Yeah, thank you. Incredible hair. Yeah, thank you very much. It's really nice. Really, I noticed that, Taylor, thank you very much. I appreciate that. That's an interesting way to take a compliment. Would you ever grow it out?
Starting point is 01:14:18 No, no, I appreciate you calling this out because I do have... Oh! Oh! Oh, it's so windy. You won't move? Chop it in half. I want to.
Starting point is 01:14:31 Chop it in half. That'd be so sick. You guys seen the videos on Twitter where the drones like in Ukraine? Oh my God, you're so easy. They just have the drone. Those things are so scary. Oh, there's trees above you, drone. All right are so scary. Uh-oh. Oh, there's trees above you, drone.
Starting point is 01:14:47 All right, see you. There he goes. Wow. For your contract negotiation, you're in, Brennan. You should do a certain hairstyle for a whole year. I'm not. This is a big cat misnomer. I'm not actually in a contract. I haven't mentioned it in over 24 hours.
Starting point is 01:15:02 I know, but you put the seed in the head. Nick was actually the last one who mentioned it. I was hoping that these guys would be able to put their weight behind it. You put the seed in everybody's head that I'm going to be in a contract negotiation. I'm fine. Well, you technically are. Yeah, but not going to be much of a negotiation. No.
Starting point is 01:15:15 You should unionize with them. You want to unionize? You're the third person that big heads at that, too. Yeah, I said that to Rico today, and Will just turned to me. He's like, I think that would be bad for us. I was like, oh, that's terrible. Just right before signing the dotted line. Just be like, just so you know, we're not signing unless Rico's signing.
Starting point is 01:15:40 Dave would rip that up so fast. All right. Yeah, football is coming up. This is the finale before football season. Pardon My Cheese Steak. Get it now for your game day night eats. It's the best play call you can make. Pardon My Cheese Steak brings you awesome cheese steaks, loaded fries,
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Starting point is 01:16:32 Chef Donnie. Chef Donnie. I would have said. Is that Smokes? Is that Smokes? Smokes? Is it? Yeah, I'm nervous about having to have my shirt off all day.
Starting point is 01:16:42 Nicky Smokes hit me with good luck today, pussy, right before we started the softball game. He's the worst. I was so blown away by that shot. That's him. Rudy Baldcan. He's doing pretty good today. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:17:00 So what are we doing? He's covering it up. Oh, no, that is bad. Oh, yeah? What? I didn't realize how bad that was. Is it up. Oh, no, that is bad. Oh, yeah? What? I didn't realize how bad that was. Is it bad? I can't see.
Starting point is 01:17:09 Right there. Oh, no! Oh, no! That's a fun shot. Fuck. Oh, no! Oh, my God. He has no idea.
Starting point is 01:17:19 Oh, look at that. He's almost doing it for camera. He thinks he's free and blissful. This is the worst moment of his life, and he doesn't know it. No idea. Look at it. Get him to Turkey with the boys. That thing is.
Starting point is 01:17:33 I never noticed, so I guess that's a good thing. Yeah. Yeah, you never flew a drone over his head. Yeah, if you can only tell me a bald spot if there's a drone directly above you. That's kind of a good spot. Yeah. Oh, is he? 32? 31, yeah.
Starting point is 01:17:48 Yeah? It'll be gone. This is the biggest moment of his life right now. Did you get a hair transplant? No, I haven't. Does putting on a helmet that many times fuck up your hair? I think so. I don't think so. I think it's all genetic.
Starting point is 01:18:03 I don't think so. If you were losing it... I think so. I don't think so. I think it's all genetic. I don't think so. Yeah, it's a genetic thing. If you were losing it, would you? Guys say it, though, and you kind of think about it all the time. The guys that are balding say it. Yeah. I can't imagine having all those dreads. They're like two sizes too big of a helmet. Barefoot, huh?
Starting point is 01:18:19 Yeah. It's much better. That's impressive. I wore my foot raw, so I just went barefoot today for my walk. Oh, that's beautiful. Yeah, it was nice. Yeah. A little cold.
Starting point is 01:18:31 A little cold on the feet. The dew? Yeah. It was chilly. You've been eating well, too. Yep. I'll say it. That brisket was maybe the best I've ever had.
Starting point is 01:18:42 Yeah, the chef's got just great chef plates, too. I mean, it was good brisket. Oh, I normally don't like brisket, and I ate, like, ten pieces of it. It was so good. Here's a gem. The chef. Yeah, he's got the best chef pants ever. They're, like, South Park Bears.
Starting point is 01:18:54 He just wears what he wants to wear. Yeah, like pajama pants. Pajama South Park Bears. Carmen's just a Bears fan. He made a white Alabama barbecue sauce last night with a Baja Blast reduction in it. Yeah. And it was good. The Baja Blast barbecue. He nailed it.
Starting point is 01:19:15 All right, you want to do the high noon ad? We can spin the wheel and get to some games. Yeah. Is there a whip today? No whip. No, don't think so. As long as we don't lay in it. The moment everybody's been waiting for is finally here.
Starting point is 01:19:30 The High Noon Pool Pack is back, so grab a case, text the group, and get your friends to the nearest pool. It's only here for the summer, so now's the time to enjoy lime, peach, and two limited edition flavors, guava and kiwi. As always, the High Noon Pool Pack is made with real vodka and real juice, has 100 calories, is gluten-free, and no added sugar.
Starting point is 01:19:45 Visit highnoonspirits.com to find it near you. You're a good reader. Bo Nix, official starter in Denver. Yeah? Bo Nix? Bo Nix. You got to feel good about J.J. McCarthy being out. I don't root for injuries.
Starting point is 01:20:03 Yeah, but since it happened, you got to feel good about the Bears being in the same division. I don't root for injuries. Yeah, but since it happened, you got to feel good about the Bears being the same division. I don't root for injuries. That's not what I said. If injuries happen, they happen, but I don't root for them. Right, but they never would. So you got it. It's got to make you kind of happy. Now that it's happened? Yeah, Minnesota is down their first round pick. Yeah, it's pretty good. Yeah. Pretty happy. Pretty glad we got there. All right, should we do the wheel? Yeah.
Starting point is 01:20:40 Oh, what a nice little reset. All right. All right, boys. So everyone tune reset. All right. All right, boys. So everyone tune in. All the Barstool main channels, we're going to go get set up for today's events. Should be interesting. Anytime we got to get in water. Do you guys have any idea?
Starting point is 01:20:57 I think there's a belly flop contest. We got to feel good about that. Yeah, well, Max. But you're an X Factor. But Max. Yeah, Max is a big boy. You got to be able about that. Yeah, well, Max. But you're an X Factor. But Max. Yeah, Max is a big boy. You got to be able to land it, though. It's all about just not giving a fuck.
Starting point is 01:21:10 No fear. Just letting it go. Because if you give a fuck, then I think you're judging. You might be judging. Oh, no, the refs might be judging you. Yeah. Yeah, Brandon Walker, Connor Griffin, Kate, Eddie. Great job.
Starting point is 01:21:23 Were there any games yesterday you wish you were involved in playing? I was jealous about softball. Softball looked really genuinely fun. Tramp ball was an abject disaster. Nobody knew what they were doing. It was just a chaotic game of let it go. I heard afterwards you're not supposed to hit it like a volleyball. You're actually supposed to catch it, bounce once,
Starting point is 01:21:42 and then you throw it while you're in the air. It was completely wrong. But it up while you're in the air It was like completely completely wrong Because the whole one just one touch hit it over nobody is the tramp at all, right? Thank you work down looks fun though. It could be the most fun. Yeah They let us win one on land. We said that before Don't let us win one on land. They let us win two. Yeah. What? Softball is worth $24,000. Wow.
Starting point is 01:22:10 Yeah. All goes to the captain. Charity. Oh, Che would get that. All right. We'll see everyone tomorrow. Tune in. We're starting Barstool Camp Day 2 in a matter of minutes.
Starting point is 01:22:23 All right. Love you guys the water. All right, love you guys. Bye.

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