The Yak - Welcome Back To F*CK FM | The Yak 11-29-21
Episode Date: November 30, 2021All the FUCK with a side of FUCK and nothing but the FUCKYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visi...t barstool.link/barstoolyak
Transcript
Discussion (0)
Hey Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube.
Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. What an entrance.
Who made that? Psych. We're not doing that. Oh. What? entrance. Who made that?
Psych, we're not doing that.
Oh.
What?
Nah.
We get a little Steve clip?
That was beautiful.
Whoever was sitting here before needs to go to the dentist.
Marty Mush.
Oh, really?
Get some things checked out.
Marty Mush.
Frightening smell coming from this thing.
Now we got some minty fresh dude wipe smell.
It's not just for your butt.
Kyle has cancer.
He was actually texting us very concerned this weekend.
I'm concerned now.
Yeah.
He said that we just talked about it and he's...
I'm concerned for him.
And I also said it would be good Like you know for the show
Because it would be a good talking point
Him having cancer
He replied
I think I'd be a little cranky
From the cancer
And I was like
That's a personal problem brother
Yeah keep that to yourself
Yeah
But have we thought about how this affects me
Yeah
I have
Yeah
I mean
In order to be successful at Barstool
You need a partner.
Right.
Would you have a sense of humor about Kyle's cancer?
Yeah, for sure.
But, like, that would just get old.
Yeah.
Well, he might not get old.
I know.
Oh, see you, Sass.
Yeah, I'm so jealous.
Is that a stinky mic?
You don't want that, Mike.
All right, so we'll just leave Roan's seat open in memoriam.
Now it just smells like minty bad.
It is kind of bad.
Kyle, are you okay for real, though?
Because I am actually concerned, all jokes aside.
Yeah, I mean, it just kind of sucks that I have to wait like three weeks.
And then when you Google lymphoma symptoms, it's like painless.
Oh, why do you think you have?
I have night sweats, which I do.
But you have day and evening and morning sweats.
Lymphoma is like the most rare form of cancer.
That's what makes it so wild.
That's not true.
That's absolutely not true.
It's blood cancer, right?
Yeah, but that's not true.
It's one of the more rare forms of cancer.
Look it up.
I thought I had lymphoma.
Lymphoma's not that rare.
I thought I had lymphoma for so long.
We're now living the office episode
where
Kyle might have
actually cancer
and you're gonna be
complaining about
the time you thought
I'm not
I'm just saying
I can give some input
I researched it
for like three months straight
it's gonna be
very hard to get through
this show
when Kyle is
battling cancer
and you're like
you know what the worst is
yeah
when you think you have cancer
it could be debated that it might be worse when you can't fall asleep till three in the morning cause you're like you know what the worst is yeah when you think you have cancer it could
be debated it might be worse you can't fall asleep till three in the morning because you're
scrolling because you're googling lymphoma i've showed have i showed you guys have i showed you
rare cancers seven that's not the like you i said it was and then i corrected myself i said it's one
of the most that's pretty common i mean i bet you what like one in six I corrected myself and said it's one of the most. That's pretty common.
I bet you what, like one in six people get it.
I think it's one in three. And there's also seven types.
Number one has seven in it.
So it's really not even top ten.
Yeah.
Right?
And look at all like from reading this correctly.
I don't know how this is numbered.
That doesn't make sense.
One is seven types of rare cancer.
Click on one of those charts.
I'm actually concerned about Kyle.
All right.
So I find I won't be concerned about you.
And death comes in threes.
Oh, shit.
Does that mean the Yak or just Barstool in general?
Yeah.
Well, Young Dolph and Virgil are out of here.
Yeah, and you'll be the third.
Fuck.
But you're not going to die.
It's going to take you a while.
We'll see.
You're going to have to catch the next threesome.
Yeah, I was actually equally concerned about the Young Dolph thing.
Yeah.
The guy who got murdered for joking about him.
The comedian who got murdered, yeah.
Wait, a comedian got murdered because...
A Memphis comedian.
Made a joke?
Joking about it.
The jokes were trash.
The jokes weren't really jokes.
Oh, Young Dolph died.
Ha ha ha.
But from comedian to comedian, aren't you breaking the rules?
You're not supposed to criticize someone else's craft.
Isn't that a code?
I don't think so.
I'm pretty sure comedians are the worst people in the world.
They are.
They'll criticize.
Yeah.
Oh.
And you made a joke too, Kyle.
So what will get Kyle first, the cancer or the Young Dolph jokes?
You got Barstool Security holding it down.
Young Dolph's crew isn't going to be able to get through here.
I don't understand why you can't go to
Why they won't take you earlier
That seems
Enjoy your holiday without thinking about
Your potential cancer
Why wouldn't they take you now
Can someone please help us
Why do you think you have lymphoma
It's not that I think I do
It's that I exhibit some of the symptoms
And then I have to just wait on it.
Just, you know.
Yeah, that sucks.
Without closure, yeah.
That absolutely sucks.
Jersey Jerry is here.
Rona's out.
I forgot Rona's out.
Jersey Jerry's going to be in a dunk tank later.
I might not be.
What?
No, the loser goes.
Oh, yeah, the loser.
Yes, that's true.
I never was known to be a loser.
What do you have to lose, man?
What's the competition?
Fact.
I think you just have to guess the amount of sales.
So, yeah, so the live stream.
Wasn't your first viral video because you lost?
Yeah, but I didn't really lose.
The Steelers lost.
Okay, yeah.
I was hurt from it, but.
You don't live vicariously through their success.
No, they're not.
I never really even liked the Steelers.
I was a fake fan.
If a player got hurt, you would quit?
What was that?
Yeah, but that was all for TV.
That was for TV.
Open your eyes, Kyle.
You got caught, bro.
He did.
I actually believed that.
Yeah, no, so tonight the telethon, Barstool Sports, 20% off in the entire store.
Yep.
So the telethon, we have everyone here.
Office is packed.
Yeah, office is packed. Remember a couple years ago we did the pitch off between White Sox Dave and Karabas.
Right. This year, because we have the rough and rowdy fight coming December 10th,
Jersey Jerry versus Jeff Nadeau, we have a dunk tank in the office.
Both the guys are going to guess what sales we could potentially get to.
And then loser has to go in the dunk tank.
And I think we're also adding random items to the dunk tank too.
Yeah, because just seeing a man get wet, especially when you know what's coming, the thrill is gone.
Right.
By the time he is submerged in the water.
We need a new element.
I think I have to talk to Blattman because I came up with this idea like two months ago.
I can't remember, but I think I said something like every time someone gets, every time we reach a
new threshold,
someone gets to add something to the
dunk tank. Maybe something viscous.
I would like to see ketchup.
I like to see covered in news.
I live with somebody who had to buy some of the
ingredients, and she went out to the
grocery store and bought some last night. It's something.
Hear me out. It would be funnier
empty, just completely empty. Yeah, they would be sad. Hear me out. It would be funnier empty. Not my sister? Just completely empty.
Yeah, they would be sad.
They'd have to get back up on the board.
That would actually be very funny.
Yeah.
Ouch.
You just hear him trying to hold on to the plastic as they're going down.
Nick, what's with the chain?
That's for my boy, Dead Marcus.
Oh, yeah, Dead Marcus.
We talked about Dead Marcus last week.
Yeah.
I feel like I haven't been on the yak in a while. You haven't. I haven't. You've been slacking. There's a reason boy, Dead Marcus. Oh, yeah, Dead Marcus. We talked about Dead Marcus last week. Yeah. I feel like I haven't been on the Yak in a while.
You haven't.
I haven't.
You've been slacking.
There's a reason you feel that way.
Well, you've got a hip podcast.
You're traveling around with Roan.
Riding Roan's coattails.
Yep.
Roan just brings me places, and I do nothing when I'm there.
That's a good thing to say out loud right before bonus season.
Right.
We're bonus season, baby.
Please.
Oh, you're good?
Like I was going to get a bonus anyway.
When do the bonuses hit?
When do you want them to?
Am I entitled to a bonus even though I haven't been here a full year?
I don't think so.
I think Rough and Rowdy probably will be considered.
Yeah, I got to talk to Dave about that.
What do you mean?
You're backing out?
No, no. I was actually thinking when I saw that massive poster of your guys'
faces, I was like, this would be crazy if one of you guys
backed out. What are you worried about?
No, I'm just, you know, the
Rough and Rowdy should be separate
from a bonus. Yeah, I know, but you
haven't been here for very long, and you also are
fighting in Rough and Rowdy, which is gonna be...
You know what, how many pizzas do you want
your bonus to be? I never even received that. I you know what how many pizzas do you want your bonus I never even
received
how many pizzas
do you want
I'll fucking get it
I never received
a pizza
we're owed
four now
because this is
the end of
November
this is six
now
six if we
count December
yeah
but he's
four
he's four
behind
behind
yeah
yeah
jeez
he's four
behind
what a disaster
this fucking
this company's
become
and the thing the worst part about it is I don't know when they came because I never felt for them Yeah. Jeez. There's four behind. What a disaster this fucking company's become.
And the worst part about it is I don't know when they came because I never felt for them.
And I haven't been to a doctor in two years.
So they could have been there swollen for God knows how long. Is it typically the lymph nodes?
I thought it was just any painless bump that you had on your body.
I don't want to talk about it.
Well, no.
Have I showed you guys the picture of my bump?
Because this was a legitimate.
This wasn't like an in my head.
You're going to have cancer by the end of the show.
I love you, Sass.
I'll send you guys the picture right now.
We're fine with it.
We go into it, and we're like, Sass isn't going to make Kyle's cancer about himself, is he?
Oh, I saw all the comments.
And he's completely done that.
I saw all the comments being like, Sass is going to make the's cancer about himself, is he? Oh, I saw all the comments. And he's completely done that. I saw all the comments being like,
Sas is going to make the cancer about himself.
Wouldn't a mosquito bite be a painless bump?
If I knew it was lymphoma, if it wasn't lymphoma,
I wouldn't have made it about myself.
Wait, what?
If it wasn't lymphoma, I would have had nothing to say.
Oh, but you're forgetting that form of cancer.
Yeah, because you're a survivor.
I also thought I had brain cancer.
You did?
So all of this comes from my mom.
It's genetic, yeah.
No, all of the hypochondriac stuff comes
from my mom because she'll convince me
that I have something and then she'll get
this really worried look on her face like I have
five minutes to live. Can I ask you a question?
She made me go
to the doctor to get a scan
for my brain because I had a lazy eye.
And she cried.
Is your mom celebrating any holidays right now?
Hanukkah?
No, I just asked.
No, my mom's not Jewish.
Oh, okay.
Well, that's a shock.
Wow.
That's a flip because the neurotic, like you walk up a hill and you got brain cancer because you felt a little lightheaded.
I didn't think I had brain cancer.
My mom did.
And no one even told me.
My mom is very, very paranoid about me as well.
Ever since I was one, somebody tried to kidnap me in Chicago.
Really?
She put Nick on a leash at an embarrassingly late age.
The first time I ever went to New York, my mom bought me a kid leash.
Her defense is that it's wrist to wrist, but it's still a leash.
It's a long handcuff.
Yeah, right, right.
And I was in sixth grade.
I had armpit hairs.
You should not have.
No, you didn't.
No, I didn't.
But my peers did.
I know exactly who had armpit hair in sixth grade.
Bo Chukta?
Bo Chukta, Schilling-Rodacher, Patrick Trosh, Zach Dabrinsky, surprisingly.
He was the one guy at my height who still had it.
I don't remember my first armpit hair, but I do remember my first pube.
Really?
You just get one long pube.
Yeah, we all do.
I got a full bush, brother.
Yeah, he does.
I had one long pube, and I cut it off with a nail clipper.
Ooh.
What?
Because I was like, what the hell is this?
No, it's not my time.
Nick, you would have been an awesome like uh faded poster missing boy poster
oh yeah you see like on a west virginia town today where it's like wait what is age progressed
the digital age progression yeah but because it's like west virginia they didn't have the
right computers so it's like you're all distorted and shit no that's just how we look when we age in west virginia yeah they age the computer throws in maybe like a little bit of a math addiction
yeah yeah i have like i have lesions but you yeah you would have been perfect have you seen this boy
i i i'm yeah i should have been kidnapped yeah because you were a cute little kid i was adorable
and this guy tried to pull me out of our cart. What? Yeah.
Did your mom say anything? And then my mom's been a mess ever since.
Yeah, she yelled for my dad.
My dad came running.
The guy ran.
What, did your dad threaten to kiss him?
That's what he was going to do.
Yeah.
That would have been crazy if you'd been kidnapped.
And then your dad kissed the kid.
I may have actually been.
I don't look like my parents.
Oh.
Interesting.
So this is a story they told you.
They've gaslit you
Yeah they have
Wow
They kidnapped you
In Chicago
Yeah
There's a movie about that
With Sarah Paulson
What?
And she kidnaps her
She kidnaps her daughter
And like
She gives her these
Like
Like
Pills for dogs
Or something
That like
Make humans legs go numb
So she convinces her
That she's paralyzed From the waist down her whole life.
What's going on here?
That's not the same as what we were talking about.
Well, same idea with getting kidnapped and your parents not telling you that you were kidnapped.
So there could be a missing case or a missing child from Chicago in like 1980.
And it could have been that.
How old do you think he is?
How old do you think I am?
I made you my age for a second
yeah
1992
that's right
there could be a missing
child and it could be you
yeah
we should actually
look that up
well imagine
you still have the same
beard and everything
as a baby
there I am
I knew it
it's just Nick's
head on a baby
mixing
I think that's me
your biological father's
gay
what this was like believable at first Just Nick's head on a baby. Mixing. I think that's me. Your biological father's gay.
What?
This was like believable at first.
All right.
So back to Kyle.
Not.
Flip.
Flip it?
Kyle, I'm not going to make it about me anymore, but I do want to know what happened.
Because I wasn't here and I remember just seeing everyone being like, oh, Kyle's got cancer.
Nah, you know what? Nah.
Can we make a shirt? Can we make a shirt?
I don't want to jinx us.
Let's make Kyle doesn't have cancer shirts.
You know who doesn't have cancer?
Kyle Bauer. I like that.
Yeah.
The vibes are most important.
It's called manifestation.
Yeah.
Who's got two thumbs and doesn't have cancer?
This guy.
Yeah.
Make that for you.
So what else?
This church came up to me.
I was walking through Times Square.
Yeah.
And it was some sort of form of Christianity.
I had headphones and he tapped me on the shoulder.
And he said, are you British?
And I was like, what?
And he was like, I knew it.
And I was like, what?
And then he emailed me, because I gave him my email, because I'm a pushover.
He's trying to get me to go to Bible study.
So I might live stream that tonight.
Where is Christianity?
It's some form of it, yeah.
They're trying to get me to move to Curious Yoil. It's a... I think it's an exclusively
Hasidic, Jewish,
Yiddish-speaking,
vastly growing town in New York.
What?
About 35,000 people.
Orange County.
A little bit upstate.
Oh, where the...
Big Paul and Little Paul
make the bikes.
Mm-hmm.
Oh, yeah, that's right.
Exactly. I don't know. Oh. The Chopper Boys. Yes, yes. Paul make the bikes. Oh, yeah, that's right. Exactly.
I don't know.
Oh.
The Chopper Boys.
Yes, yes.
I explain the show.
That's every episode.
Well, actually, you should have.
They get mad at each other.
Big Paul gets mad at Little Paul.
Little Paul gets mad at Big Paul.
That was California, I thought.
No.
Oh, that was New York?
Yeah.
I thought you were joking.
I thought it was in California.
No.
Oh, I never watched it.
Those guys are fucking.
I just assumed it was in California. Upstate New Yorkers. Do the people. Oh, California. No. Oh, I never watched it. Those guys are fucking. I just assumed it wasn't California.
Upstate New Yorkers.
Do the people.
Oh, yeah.
Wow.
I didn't know.
Wait, yeah, that's Orange County, New York.
I didn't even know that was a county in New York until I looked up.
I'm 99% sure because I remember watching that show and there was always winter.
They were more New York.
And they always wore like New York Yankees hats. So if this was orange county california i'm the one who's very fucked up now you can go visit
the uh yeah there we go newberg new york that's where marty i met paul tunnel jr on a flight
and i think he was a little weirded out because i was like, I'm a huge fan. I was, you know, this was like maybe a year ago, so I was very much an adult
and very much like not a chopper guy.
I don't give off motorcycle energy.
Eh, I could see you in a cycle.
Nah, I don't give off motorcycle energy.
You could keep the facial hair and everything.
You just have to change your clothes.
Yeah, assless chaps.
More leather.
Yeah, way more leather.
But I was very starstruck by him.
He gave me his card.
Who in here, who in the office would be a motorcycle guy?
Yeah, you call him.
You know who's a motorcycle guy?
You're objectively more famous than him.
Jared.
Big ass.
Pat rides, rents motorcycles, takes them everywhere.
Really?
Does PFT?
No.
He's walking by.
I could see him on a motorcycle.
At least in his sidecar.
Not a chopper.
He's got like crotch rocket vibes.
Like a Kawasaki.
You have his card?
I thought I...
He gave me his card.
I'm looking.
Imagine if I had him and called him right now.
Big Ed looks like a motorcycle guy.
Not as much.
The bald head?
The bald head helps.
I'm with you, Jerry.
He does.
Jared would definitely be a motorcycle guy.
Crotch rocket. You don't think so? Not really. I don't know. He does. Jared would definitely be a motorcycle guy. Crotch rocket.
You don't think so?
Not really.
No.
He would.
He's too top heavy.
He'd be a weeble wobble.
Damn it.
Large, I can see on a motorcycle.
Yes.
Definitely.
Yes.
I would love to be a motorcycle guy.
But those motorcycles, though, like the ones they make, they don't look comfortable.
You have to fucking hold your hands out here.
Yeah, that can't be comfortable at all.
Look at this.
Ooh.
We should go.
We should go.
Live, yeah.
It's pretty fun.
I've been.
Maybe.
Kyle, you were saying that one of your dying wishes was to go there, right?
TJ with that hair falling.
Orange County choppers.
Yeah.
Look at that.
Looks like an aquarium.
It does.
It does look like an aquarium.
It does look like an aquarium.
You're right.
Not much parking. parking Yeah not much parking
I guess you could fit a lot of motorcycles
Yeah right
It's skinny
How far away?
There's more parking
So you like those guys?
TJ?
I used to watch the show yeah
Yeah
It's great they always yell at each other
Don't put it in our address
Oh no
You can google that
Oh god damn it An hour and a half Let's go to that Let's go after the app It's great. They always yell at each other. Don't put it in our address. Oh, no. You can Google that.
Oh, God damn it.
An hour and a half.
Let's go today.
Let's go after the app. Dude, it's Hudson Valley.
That's just up in the valley.
Oh, it's beautiful up there.
The valley.
That's fucking nothing.
We have to stop in the...
No, we'll take the train up the valley.
Where's the Hasidic town?
We could take my motorcycle.
That'd be close.
It's in Palm Tree.
What's it called?
The Hasidic town?
Curious. Oh, there's a Ramada. We could stay the night. What's it called? The Hasidic town. Curious.
Oh, there's a Ramada.
We could stay the night.
We'll go to Applebee's.
We'll go to Ramada.
We'll go to Denny for breakfast.
Sass and I are going to go work out with Jeff Cavalier of Athlete X.
He invited us.
Did he actually?
Yeah, I actually haven't gotten back to him because I'm nervous.
Why not?
That would be awesome.
Athlete X.
Who's that?
His idol. He's that? His idol.
He's a YouTube
fitness influencer.
But like the biggest one.
Would you say
he's the biggest one?
He's one of the biggest.
Really?
Mm-hmm.
His big thing is
this is killing
this blank
is killing your gains.
Yeah.
What would be
killing Kyle's gains?
What's a blank?
Cancer. Yeah. His cells. I gains? What's a blank? Cancer.
Yeah.
His cells.
I'm going to learn how to say this cancer that you have.
Lymphoma?
Lymphoma.
Lymphoma.
Non-Hodgkin's.
Non-Hodgkin's?
Is that the one you're afraid of?
I don't know.
What about Hodgkin's?
I don't know what the difference is.
Do you want us to wear like ribbons if it?
No.
Non-Hodgkin's and lymphoma sounds a lot less serious than it is.
Hodgkin's is a good thing.
What if it starts with non?
Anything that starts with non sounds like it's better.
Your test came back negative for Hodgkin's.
Oh, no.
We'll just have Stephen Shea tread water to raise money.
So you're dead.
You don't want us to wear rubber bracelets and say, fight like Kyle?
Yeah.
Wrestle like Kyle.
In all seriousness, do not wear any clothing, merchandise, or accessories.
What about a guy in a singlet pinning a cancer cell?
Really?
Wait, search wrestler cancer. Pin cancer definitely cell. Really? Search wrestler cancer.
Pin cancer definitely exists.
Really?
I was close to the victim.
What if we all wore singlets
to the show one day and support for you?
No.
This is going to be our darkest episode ever if you actually do have cancer.
We're not making light of it.
He doesn't. No chance.
No chance?
Oh!
Well, that looks like he's fighting
down cancer. He's lifting up cancer.
Yeah, he's...
Those ribbons are to bring awareness.
He's about to go for the flying 69.
We could get that fixed.
Easily.
Easily.
Jerry, are you excited for the fight?
It's close.
He said you're in a bad mood today.
Well, he lost a lot of weight because he had the cocoa.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
How was that?
Rough.
It was...
Couldn't get boners.
No, I didn't get an erection for nine days.
Really?
Not even a little bit.
So is that a long time or not?
I think it is a long time.
Okay.
Yeah.
It was rough.
Yeah, that sucks then.
I was in the shower one day, and I thought I was dying.
I thought I was dead.
I couldn't even move.
And just to take a shower just gets you tired.
You just limp dick just laying there?
Yeah.
I mean, it's not noticeable.
I mean, it's not that big.
So, yeah, it's always kind of hard. It's always pretty much the same size. It's so small, it's not noticeable. I mean, it's not that big. So, yeah, it's like always kind of hard.
It's always pretty much the same size.
It's so small, it's always hard.
But no, it was rough.
I mean, I never really believed in the COVID-19 protocol.
Yeah.
No, I know.
But now I believe it.
Jerry called me right after, or a couple days after.
He's like, I'm thinking maybe I get the vaccine.
Yeah.
It was tough.
It was tough.
Well, you don't even need the vaccine now.
Yeah.
For at least, what is it, 30 days, 60 days?
Something like that.
Yeah, I read like the antibodies.
Yeah.
I mean, I always thought like I was immune to it, like Marty.
Why?
Marty's immune to it?
I don't know.
I just.
Like Marty.
Can I just point out, Marty is not immune to COVID.
Did he tell you that?
Yeah.
I mean, but he goes to bars a lot and he's around a lot of people all the time. He's probably giving it to everyone. Did he tell you that? Yeah, I mean, but he goes to bars a lot
and he's around a lot of people all the time.
He's probably giving it to everyone.
Yeah, it could be true. He's probably had it and just didn't notice it.
Yeah, I think it affects
people differently. Marty's immune too.
How old's Marty? He's pretty young.
25? 27?
28? 29?
30?
Something.
36? 36? He could pass for 36. 28, 29, 30, 31. Yeah, something. He's around there.
36?
He's 36?
He could pass for 36.
Dana Beers is 33.
I know.
Dana Beers is getting up there.
Every time I see a picture of him, he looks older.
What is he doing?
He just moved away.
He's just living in Jackson.
He's doing Dion's documentary.
He's living there full time.
That can't be fun, living out there.
In Mississippi? It's not bad.
It's a wonderful place.
Jackson is?
Oh, you live in Mississippi, right?
I did live there for a spell, yeah.
For a spell?
It's not boring.
You vacationed there a few times.
I would much rather be there than here.
Really?
It's a wonderful place.
You'd rather be in Jackson?
Not Jackson, no.
Yeah.
I'd rather be in the country.
So what'd you do?
You just sold your house and just moved out here? I did. How much did you sell your house for? Not very much, no. Yeah. I'd rather be in the country. So what'd you do? You just sold your house and just moved out here?
I did.
How much did you sell your house for?
Not very much, huh?
Nope.
Yeah.
Nope.
220?
It was a double wide trailer.
220?
It's an oddly specific...
I don't know.
I just figured...
220 sounds about right.
Yeah, it actually does sound right.
220 is a nice-ass house in Mississippi.
Oh, yeah.
Get out of here.
Oh, yeah.
A nice-ass house. That's big. Let's pull up Zillow, Mississippi. You can buy a whole house in Mississippi oh yeah a nice ass house
that's big
let's pull up
Zillow Mississippi
buy a whole plantation
in Mississippi
can we pull up
your old address
no million dollar house
in Mississippi
yeah you can look at my house
what's the
so you lived in a trailer
do my town
West Point Mississippi
you can do that huh
you said you lived in a trailer
nah I didn't live in a trailer
you said double wide trailer
I said that
he was kidding
right
oh wow
he was
what did you guys call it
heel he was healing he was healing Oh, wow. He was, what did you guys call it? Heel?
He was healing.
He was healing.
That was heel play.
That was heel play.
That was heel play.
The blue healer.
Heel play.
Just a little heel play.
All right, well, Zod does that.
Travis Matthew.
Travis Matthew is a lifestyle performance apparel brand creating the most comfortable and versatile
products on the market.
No more searching for brands that fit right or cover all the bases.
From comfortable active wear and polos to elevated button-ups,
Travis Matthew has men's lifestyle apparel you need for every occasion.
Travis Matthew has the most comfortable sweatshirts, sweatpants, everything.
Polos, hats, shorts, pants, button-ups.
Visit TravisMatthew.com slash yak today and use the code yak20 for 20% off.
Look at those prices.
Did you see those prices?
Yeah, let's look at one of these.
Not this one.
Whoa, that's in the middle of nowhere.
No, it's not.
That's right.
That's a mile from the high school.
That's a wonderful house.
Yeah, it's in the middle of a cotton patch.
You know that house?
I know that house very well.
It's on North Eshman Avenue.
I know that well.
I know who lives there.
Name them.
That'd be a fun little wiffle ball.
Why are they moving?
Why are they selling?
I don't know.
They're getting old.
They don't have kids anymore.
But get out of that one.
Let's look at these other prices.
Yeah.
There was one for $65,000.
There was one for $23,000.
Yeah, let's go low to high.
Yeah.
Ooh.
$28,000 would be nice.
Ooh, let's see that one.
$23,000.
Three bedroom.
You're kidding me.
$28,000.
That's it?
Standard little ranch house.
Railroad street.
When you win Rough and Rowdy, you should buy that. You can buy seven of those after Rough and Rowdy. What's that $157,000, that's it? Standard little ranch house. Railroad street. Jerry, when you win Rough and Rowdy, you should buy that.
You can buy seven of those after Rough and Rowdy.
What's that 157?
That's out by the river.
That's not really my thing.
The 157 out by the river?
Yeah, it's out by the river.
That looks nice.
Are you on the river?
Yeah, because it's built up for flooding.
It's built up for floods.
Oh, I like this one.
Do you know where this is, Brandon?
I know exactly where this is.
It's by the river.
It's a cute little home.
Yeah.
That's nice.
I don't like it out by the river. There's a lot of snakes. Yeah. That's nice. I don't like it out by the river.
There's a lot of snakes.
Oh.
A lot of snakes.
Really?
Yeah.
How big are the snakes down there?
Like garden snakes?
No, no, no.
Oh, wow.
It's literally right on the river.
Yeah.
No, it's on the river.
Exactly seven, Jerry?
Nah, maybe a little less.
How much was it?
Six and a half.
28.
28,000, right it was?
Mm-hmm.
I could buy five, maybe.
All right. There's also going to be a couple. I could buy five, maybe. All right.
There's also going to be a couple.
I could buy about half of those.
Go to that street.
Go to those red dots right there.
After these bonuses hit.
Down, down, down, down.
Yeah, go to these.
These will be more expensive.
This is the nice area.
Oh, damn.
$750 for that?
Hey.
Let's look inside.
Yeah.
So it gets a lot more expensive When you get over to the golf course
I'd argue that's not worth it
No
No
Plus you're living behind
No way
You're living behind a wall
A gate
A gated community
Oh
There she is
Is that all yours?
Go fishing
No
Everything the eye can see
You're on the golf course
Everything the eye touches
Bring the boat out there
Can you just jump in there
I saw Bill Dance fishing in that.
What's the most expensive?
Zoom out and find the most expensive.
Oh, shit.
That's it.
$1.1 million.
Oh, that looks like a plantation.
I think it is.
Probably one at some point.
No, there is a plantation in town.
That wasn't it.
Yikes.
That's a nice one.
That's not it.
Damn.
That's a plantation.
You can't tell us that's not a plantation.
That's not a plantation. I'm telling you. Brandon, I think we know what plantations are. We're northerners. That's not it. That's a plantation. You can't tell us that's not a plantation. That's not a plantation.
I'm telling you.
I think we know what plantations are.
We're northerners.
That's not a plantation.
In the middle of town, there's a plantation home.
Look at that.
Damn.
God damn.
God damn.
That home was built in probably 1970 or something.
It's not a plantation.
Oh, that's plantation molding.
Yeah, they just made it look like a plantation.
What was that house in the back, Brandon? That was for other people that live on your property molding. Yeah, they just made it look like a plantation. What was that like house in the back, Brandon?
That was for other people that live on your property.
Okay.
Yeah.
That million dollar house, pretty damn nice.
People that might work.
Hey, is there one on my road?
Go west.
We should all buy a house.
Go on your road.
We should all pitch a brand new house.
Yeah, we should get everyone.
We should get everyone we know in New York to live down there.
Me and Big Cat are covering it up.
Open that little spot right there.
I would dismiss the bad rep that Barstool gets
if we all moved out to Mississippi on a plantation.
Oh, look at this.
That's just property.
What about that?
$2 million of property.
How many acres?
Wait, what's that?
5.5.
It's just all property, guys.
It's property.
Well, how many?
Eight.
Whoa.
That better be.
2,000 acres.
Dude, we got to start buying fucking property. You know who bought property? I owned a's property. Well, how many? Eight. Whoa. Whoa. That better be 2,000 acres. Dude, we gotta start buying fucking property.
Rone just bought property. God's not making
any more. Rone and his buddies just bought
property in Pennsylvania. I have an
acre in New Mexico for $15,000.
My grandpa left it to me. He got ripped off.
That blue line,
so that blue dot there is where I live, Jerry.
Where? That blue dot. I don't
see a blue dot. That's what he's on right there.
Oh, okay, okay.
My road is right there.
I live out a little bit.
Well, it looks like no houses are for sale over there.
No, no.
No houses on Tremont Creek Road.
Why are there no houses there?
Because nobody wants to move.
They live in paradise.
Brandon, what do you know about Gatlinburg?
Paradise.
Gatlinburg is wonderful.
Tennessee.
Some people love it.
The Smoky Mountains.
It's a vacation destination up there.
The crazy thing about looking at these houses is everyone,
every one of these houses has someone living in it,
and 50% of them know who you are.
In West Point, that's true.
That's a good point.
In West Point, that's true.
Shit, I didn't even think about that.
That's my hometown of 8,000 people.
They would be, like, honored if they knew we were looking at their houses.
They'd probably be pissed off.
Probably be mad, yeah.
Kyle, you want property?
Is that your wish?
No, no, no.
True Planet Tree?
Wait, so was that activity just you outing all of your fans as still poor?
No, no, no, no, no.
You were healing there.
He was healing.
I wasn't healing.
He was healing.
You were healing. I responded was healing. I wasn't healing. He was healing. You were healing.
I responded to one guy, one anonymous guy saying,
I'm rich.
Saying, I'm going to get fired.
And I said, oh, no, I'm rich.
That wasn't real.
That's heel play.
Are you rich?
No.
That's heel play.
How much do you make, Brandon?
Less than Jerry, apparently.
It's heel play.
I mean, deservedly so.
I mean, if you want to talk about the facts, we could talk about the facts.
All right.
I'm just saying.
You say, Jerry, I mean, there's people in here that make more than me.
Why don't you go after them?
Why don't you come after Jerry?
I'm sorry, Jerry.
I emailed TJ a fun story.
It was the math you did earlier.
I was playing off the math.
That's for the fight, though. That's for the fight. You won't fight. I'm putting my Jerry. I emailed TJ a fun story. It was the math you did earlier. I was playing off the math. That's for the fight, though.
That's different.
That's for the fight.
You won't fight.
I'm putting my body on the line.
You won't fight, Brendan.
Not against Jeff Nadeau, you're not.
No, definitely not.
Is Jeff here yet?
You're going to be okay to fight?
He gets here fast.
Yeah, I'm good.
I'm good.
Is Rico in his safe space yet?
You had to lose weight anyway.
COVID might have been the problem.
Does he have a safe space?
Yeah, he's got a safe room.
He's also carrying a baseball bat around.
Yeah, I've seen that.
Isn't it due here?
It's coming.
He had put on Twitter yesterday,
he got such a long day in New York,
and he's going to show up at 5 or 6 o'clock
and then get out of here at 8
and crawl back to his little piece of shit apartment.
Ooh!
Sounds like you guys are going to fight.
You know what would be awesome?
If you won Rough and Rowdy, you should just buy his apartment.
Become his landlord.
That would be awesome.
That would be so sick.
That would be the coolest move.
Rent's due.
Just tweet at him every time rent's due.
He's just going to get exposed for what he is.
What is he? Crumb bum?
He's definitely not good at boxing.
Definitely not good at boxing.
Definitely timid.
You don't know if he's good at boxing or not.
You just assume you're better.
I would assume I'm 100% better, yeah.
I mean, if we're...
And if you're not, that's going to be a problem.
Yeah, I think it's like singing.
How? You're not going to be a problem. Yeah. I think it's like singing. How?
You're not going to be good at it if you just try it at once.
But if you practice a little bit, you will be slightly better than terrible.
Yeah.
How's your training going?
Good?
It's good.
Yeah, it's good.
It's good.
Got no complaints, really.
I had the COVID, so I was out for a week and a half.
You're back in?
Yeah, back in.
You know, get the ball back rolling.
Didn't really affect me afterwards.
The only thing that I'm still struggling with is the taste.
You still don't have a taste?
No.
I was telling the guys at the stream yesterday,
I've been eating spicy garlic pickles for over two years now.
I eat one a day.
And I went to have one
the other day,
a couple days ago,
and it just tasted disgusting,
and I love them.
It's my favorite snack.
Wait.
I've actually heard that.
Did it taste metallic?
It didn't.
It tasted sour, kind of.
I don't know.
It was weird.
They never taste like that.
That's a shame.
How's your smell?
My smell is good, but my toothpaste, I have to switch to toothpaste too now.
Because I think it tastes disgusting.
I've heard that some stuff will taste just like straight up trash.
The toothpaste tastes terrible.
Yeah.
Horrible.
Sass almost had COVID.
I almost did.
Yeah.
Really?
Sass had to get tested like a few times.
I had to go to the doctor like a bunch for it.
He's had bad toothpaste before. Do you have any questions he's how to get tested. I had to go to the doctor like a bunch for it. Is that bad too?
Thanks.
Do you have any questions recently?
No.
I never had COVID.
Too young.
Too strong.
Yeah.
Just a supple young boy.
He's immune.
Marty's immune.
Back to the east.
I know.
Marty's going around telling people he's immune.
He might be.
He could be.
He's not.
He could be.
Some people just get lucky.
For somebody who goes out as much as he does to all these parties,
hundreds of people, so close, taking pictures.
Kissing him on the lips.
Yeah.
I mean, come on.
Smooching him.
He might be.
I got it.
See, the reason why I'm not a Steelers fan anymore is because I did get the
COVID in Pittsburgh.
You can't prove that.
I got it in Pittsburgh.
Come on.
But I was with you.
But you already have had it twice.
You already have it.
And you have the vaccine.
I thought you had it twice.
Well, if you count getting the vaccine, yeah, twice.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
And I think I know who gave it to me, too.
Oh, you have the actual person in mind.
Really?
We met a lot of people.
Who is it?
It's a female.
What?
Whoa.
Kissy kissy.
No, but we know. No, not like that. No. She's a female. What? Whoa. Kissy kissy. No, but we know.
No, not like that.
No.
She got very close.
Really?
In the tailgate?
Yes.
Very, very close.
Oh, no.
How close did she get?
Did she touch you?
This close.
That close?
Should we watch the stool scenes of it?
See if we can find the person?
Yeah, you want to find her?
I don't know her name.
And it wasn't sexual?
No, it wasn't sexual.
No.
But she was the closest that somebody's came.
Do you think she was sent as a biological weapon?
By Jeff the Dew?
Very smart.
Possibly.
Who's this guy's hair?
Who's this guy's hair?
I don't care about the guy.
Who's that hair?
That hair's got a bunch of guy underneath.
That was a hell of a mullet.
I want to get him. That wasullet. I want to get him.
That was a wig.
Not for the...
I want to get him.
I want his hair.
Kind of like one of those scalpers from...
He looks like a Corsagas brother.
Come on.
He looked like one.
I got to get a haircut like that.
Yeah?
I don't think that's a haircut.
That's just longer.
Are you doing this hat for a while now?
It's bad right now.
I bet you it looks exactly the same. I have no hair gel in, so it's a whole different... That's just longer. Are you doing this hat for a while now? It's bad right now.
I bet you it looks exactly the same.
I have no hair gel in, so it's a whole different.
You've never seen me like this. Take it off.
No way.
Come on.
Tell me you live in Williamsburg without telling me you live in Williamsburg.
I don't get that one.
That one flew right over my head.
Look at you.
I don't live in Williamsburg.
No, but without telling me.
I want it confused to me.
Take off the hat.
Take it off.
I can't.
Take it off.
I can't.
You can't.
It's Kyle's one wish.
Take off the hat or take off the sweatshirt?
I'll take off the sweatshirt.
I have a funny ass shirt on.
Take off the sweatshirt.
Take off the shirt.
But I got a lot of stomach that I'm working with right now.
Take off. Wait, what's so funny about the shirt? Take something off, boy. It's a the shirt. But I got a lot of stomach that I'm working with right now. Take off.
Wait, what's so funny about the shirt?
It's a funny shirt.
All right, show it.
All right, we'll get that off.
It is going to be pretty funny.
It is a funny shirt.
I think the hat's going to come off with the sweatshirt.
He doesn't have the ability.
No, it's not.
All right.
And he's taking it off.
I don't see anything on the shirt yet. It's a high logo on the shirt. Oh, he's taking it i don't see anything on the shirt yet nothing nothing it's a high logo on
the shirt oh he's really being careful oh oh shit that's a funny shirt oh oh no oh
oh no way it survived that oh oh got it this boy knows how to wear a hat. Damn. Viagra. What does it say?
An exciting new drug that increases blood flow to a man's brain.
That's good.
It's a good shirt.
I like that.
A lot.
Right?
Isn't it a good shirt?
Yeah.
Someone sent me it.
I took it once and it didn't work.
Really?
You didn't lift this weekend?
The shirt?
What?
You didn't lift this weekend?
Oh, no. Now, why does it look like it? Oh. What? You didn't lift this weekend? Oh, no.
Now, why does it look like it?
Oh, no.
I'm looking a little small.
Oh, no.
Nick, you smiled at me like you've taken it before, too.
No, no.
I was laughing because it didn't work.
Why didn't it work?
I don't know.
So now COVID and Viagra both won't give you boners.
Did you take it while you had COVID?
Huh?
You take it while you had COVID?
No, I didn't.
I took it about a year and a half ago.
And it just never... I didn't see any difference. about a year and a half ago. And it just never...
I didn't see any difference.
What are those rhinos?
It just doesn't get you hard.
You have to get in the mood
and you stay hard, right?
I don't know.
Just, I didn't...
I mean...
You guys want to do it
on the act one day?
I think it does get you hard.
For sure it gets you hard.
Sweatpants?
No, I thought once you get
in the mood, you just stay.
Brandon, no.
No, it just gives you a throw.
No matter what.
It gets you hard.
I've never tried.
I haven't either.
I've taken the over-counter shit.
What's that?
Bad.
You wake up the next morning,
your dick's in like a knot.
Ugh.
What is it?
Boy Scout knot.
Like a cherry stem?
I didn't have that issue.
Yeah,
it was just short and stout.
What's over-the-counter stuff?
It's the rhino.
Oh, the gas station. The rhino gave me
a migraine for three days. Really?
Yeah. You've taken it? Yeah.
Why'd you take it? I mixed it with, like, Oxycontin.
It might have had something
to do with it.
Jesus. Come on, KB.
I already did the ad read.
Yeah. Oh, wow.
Steven, are you off your game?
Just did it
Oh my god, what a mistake
Jay's got a big day
What were you listening to other than that?
What?
He was listening to Smart List
Right before we looked at real estate
Are you okay?
They're in the booth just blaring Smart List
You don't make mistakes like that
God, this podcast is so fucking funny
I'm sorry, I was going to pay attention when they had an ad
But we don't have any.
Che bodied me in chess this weekend.
Oh, no.
You guys play?
Y'all play?
Yeah.
Online?
It was a good game.
Online.
It was a good game.
I was one away, but he just kept on putting me.
I need to get into that.
I know.
It'd be good.
Games are fun.
Like, I've been getting into games.
I've been doing crosswords.
Yeah.
The New York Times.
The New York Times.
The crosswords.
The mini's fun.
The mini's good.
Che, first football game?
Football game, yeah, for Stephen and his son.
Yeah, state championship.
How was it?
We got housed.
Oh, no.
We left somewhere in the third quarter.
We were losing 40-7.
Who was in the state championship?
Cranford against East Morris.
East Morris is tough.
Was Persephone Hills in it?
It's a higher classification.
How many classes?
I could talk about that for you.
Ohio has seven classes.
You're not a state champion.
Ohio has a lot of towns and cities.
It never needs to be broken up into seven classes. I think seven in Ohio is a lot of small towns and cities. It never needs to be broken up into seven classifications.
I think seven in Ohio is a very populous state.
I think it should be three for the high population states,
two for the medium, and one for the small.
That's wild.
Mississippi is a very small state.
Would you have a high school with 60 kids up against a high school with 800 kids?
I think PA, if it's two adjacent school districts with small enrollments,
they just combine the teams.
You're just talking about consolidation now.
Just for the football?
No.
You're making a kid drive 40 miles to practice now.
But you don't need seven.
I think seven in Ohio is pretty right.
No, you shouldn't get to be able to call yourself a state champion if you were.
So you're a school with 700 kids.
You can't compete against a school with 900 kids.
There's 15 million people in Ohio.
It's not about it.
It's watered down. Vermont has four.
I like this. This is an impassioned
argument.
He could talk about this all day.
Vermont should not body me.
Should we do the yak?
Vermont has like 12 teams per class.
You're a conference champ, not a state champ.
How many teams per class in Ohio?
I bet there's 100. There's still a lot, but 64 make the playoff.
I just noticed.
They're so big.
They're huge.
Big-ass shoes.
Get over it.
There he is.
There he is.
Let's get a clap.
Let's do a slow clap.
Rico gets a very.
Yikes.
I can just look at Rico.
I can send him in a spiral.
That's amazing.
Jerry, cowardice loves company.
He's gone.
He's gone.
Watch.
That would be awesome if he just came flying back through the door,
through the glass.
Watch this.
Hey, no, no, no.
Hey, I don't need you.
Here we go. Uh-oh. I don't need you here we go uh oh
I don't need you
I just
it's not good right now
things aren't good
what
just
talk to you later
I'll talk to you later.
Oh, no. He's mad.
We can go back.
It has destroyed him.
He's already on edge.
He's already on edge.
I'm just kidding.
No, I know.
I was just kidding.
I was kidding.
I was kidding.
Kyle has cancer.
That's really what I'm talking about.
What are you talking about?
No, I'm not joking Kyle has cancer. That's really what I'm talking about. What are you talking about? No, I'm not joking.
I might.
Are you mad that he has cancer?
You think it's taking your shine away?
No.
Nothing's wrong.
I just did.
I said literally on the act.
I was like, watch.
I can show.
I can do a look at Rico and have him spiral.
Nothing is wrong.
Except for the Kyle part.
Pray to St. Jude.
Pray to St. Jude?
That's for child.
Did he tell you to do that?
Or was he going to do that?
He said go.
He said you do it.
That was the advice he gave to him.
Pray to St. Jude.
I got to handle something real quick.
Oh, no.
Oh, Jerry.
You need back up?
Jerry's got to handle something.
Jerry, you need a crew?
You all right?
Are you sure?
All right, Rico's smiling again. He's good. He's good. He's laughing. I want to know what Jerry's handling. Jerry's got to handle something. Jerry, you need a crew? You all right? Are you sure? All right, Rico's smiling again.
He's good.
He's good.
He's laughing.
I want to know what Jerry's handling.
Jerry's about to handle something.
Imagine if he just went out and shot Rico.
What if he just went out there and pulled a hammer out of his back pocket and started
smashing him?
Spider in the face?
I got to handle something?
Oh, shit.
Talk to Rico.
Damn.
Have them talk out here.
Well, they're probably talking about Nadeau.
It's now Marty, Rico, and Jerry.
And Marty is immune to COVID.
Yes.
And Jerry just had COVID.
Yeah.
But he thought he was probably immune.
And Rico doesn't believe in it.
What?
Did we find that girl that gave Jerry COVID?
Working on it.
Working on it.
Okay, thank you.
I want to find her.
Yeah, expose her.
I'll track her down.
You guys have a good Thanksgiving?
It's great.
I had to do that stream.
I didn't have a good night.
Wasn't fun. Wasn't enjoyable. You walked around and told everyone
in this office that Mississippi State was going to win
for the last month. I believe that.
And you didn't say it as a joke.
There was no heel work.
No.
It was literally like, we're going to win this game.
I thought we were going to kick their fucking ass.
So you said all the time, Dan, we're going to win.
I was going to wear my Mississippi State shirt today.
He looked at me and goes, Dan, we're going to win this game.
I thought we were going to kick their fucking ass.
And you got your ass kicked.
And we did.
What was the score?
31-21.
Wasn't that close.
That's not that bad.
Wasn't that close.
I wouldn't say that's an ass whooping. It was an ass whooping. That's not an ass whooping. It was 31-21. Wasn't that close. Yeah, it's not that bad. Wasn't that close. I wouldn't say that's an ass-whooping.
It was.
That's not an ass-whooping.
It was 31-14.
We scored late.
It was an ass-whooping.
Well, let's ask you the final say.
Yeah, I wouldn't say that's an ass-whooping.
It's not an ass-whooping.
It's not a wipeout.
It's not a wipeout.
It's not a wipeout.
It didn't get to me yet.
Not a wipeout.
And then I always get the salute to service hat and then the hoodie every year.
Wait, she didn't come to the plane.
I got a couple of them.
There's Jerry.
I feel good.
You know, I'm really overwhelmed with all the fans coming up to me
asking for pictures.
I don't mind the pictures.
I like pictures.
I like fans.
But I would have never imagined Jersey Jerry getting this many pictures.
I think it was always the pictures.
What do you think, Kat?
Should I bring a jacket?
Sweet, you can take it off.
Yeah, bring a jacket.
This is right before he had COVID.
You know, Jerry, this could have been a text message.
He could have had it at this point.
Yeah, so?
He does look a little white, a little pale.
It's not cold worth it.
No, but still.
Are we cold?
Yeah.
I said it could have been a text message.
Just scroll.
Can you scroll and look?
I want to find it.
Oh, that could have been her.
No, that's not her. I know her. Man, that was like a fun it. Oh, that could have been her. No, that's not her.
I know her.
Man, that looks like a fun time.
Oh, dude, it was awesome.
It was a strip club.
It's a tiny girl.
A strip club hosted the tailgate, which was awesome.
It is dope.
Tailgates are fun.
Tailgates are a lot of fun.
Did you guys get to see Titties?
All right, so maybe we can't find her.
Maybe we don't have...
That's too bad.
I really wanted to.
Sass and I saw Titties on the street the other day.
You guys saw Titties on the street?
What?
Wild?
Like lying on the street?
Crazy.
No.
Hot girl walking around just shirtless.
Me and Owen are turning the corner and he's like, whoa.
And I was like, what?
And then I look up and this girl's just walking down the street with just perky tits.
A shirt that just cut off at her tits.
And then a massive selfie stick.
That might be her.
Natural perks?
No.
Fake perks?
Yeah.
No, they were natural.
No, those were already.
I didn't look long.
Just hard.
Oh, is that her?
I saved that for when Jerry comes back.
I think that might be her.
I don't know her.
Find her and ruin her life.
Do not.
Don't.
Stoolies.
Don't even say that.
Stand back and stand by is what he meant to say.
Yeah, that's what he meant.
Spin dog.
Oh, fuck.
Oh, man.
So.
TJ, I screenshot all your NFTs.
That's fucked up, man.
I know.
It was Black Friday.
Just did it.
And can you resell them?
I think so.
It's a good way to save.
Yeah.
Billy's got some dropping tomorrow that I'm pretty sure is going to be stolen very fast by some hacker.
Yeah.
I'll hack into the system.
Get them.
Please do.
Yeah.
Do we have coders at Barstool?
Yeah.
Greer.
Yeah.
It's a website.
Greer Codes.
It's like our best friend.
I worked for a website.
Greer's a coder?
Yeah.
I didn't know that.
I thought he just did Excel.
What?
Do you think the website's built on Excel? No, I didn't know. I genuinely didn't know that. I thought he just did Excel. What? Do you think the website's built on Excel?
No, I didn't know.
I genuinely didn't know that.
Have you ever met a stew or a website?
Well, I know, but like they work in the office.
Have you ever met stew?
Not stew finer.
No, I haven't.
Also bald.
He could, yeah.
Balder.
He could take your life there if he wanted to.
Why?
He could just hack in the mainframe and delete you from the world.
Damn.
Didn't we interview somebody about the deep web or the dark web one?
Yeah, Greer.
Wasn't him down?
I think it was him.
No, it wasn't Greer.
Someone else?
It was somebody new at the time.
I thought Greer did data.
He does do that, too.
What's Greer do?
Coding forms data.
Really? What's Greer do? Coding forms data. Really?
What's Greer do?
I don't think he does anything.
He does data.
He does a lot.
He's just taking money from our fucking pockets.
What you doing?
You know Greer gets paid a million dollars a year?
He'll be let go this year.
It's true.
I've already talked to some people.
Greer listens to every single podcast like that there is on Earth.
That's a fact? Yeah, Greer's to every single podcast like that there is on Earth. That's a fact?
Yeah, Greer's whack as fuck.
Every single podcast?
Every single podcast.
On Earth?
Yes.
Wow.
I know.
Those data guys, they love podcasts.
They do.
That's what they say.
2x speed?
Nope.
I've become a 1.5x speed guy.
Are you a 1.5er?
Yeah. I don't like how it distorts the voice. I've become a 1.5x speed guy. Are you a 1.5er? Yeah.
I don't like how it distorts the voice.
I like it, though.
The voice sounds all weird.
Yeah, it's like a little faster.
Yeah.
But it sounds weird.
I don't like it.
That's funny.
That's funny.
No, you don't.
That's funny.
You're hurt. I'm laughing. You're hurt by that. I laughed. You fucking got don't. It's funny. You're hurt.
I'm laughing.
You're hurt by that.
I laughed.
You fucking got your ass.
I had a good laugh at that.
You got your ass.
If you do a.5X, they sound drunk.
Yeah, they sound so.
That was my first time listening to part of my take.
It was accidentally on.5X, and I thought you guys were just, that's how, like an inside
joke you guys did.
You were PFT.
I listened to like 30 minutes of it before realizing it was.
Jesus. you guys did you at PFD I listened to like 30 minutes of it before realizing it was Jesus who makes
like
who listens to
half speed
it's an option
nobody
I'll listen to half speed
who's the dude
who does the
like videos
for high schoolers
and he talks really fast
what
Ben Shapiro
no
oh
yeah him on half speed
can we play him on half speed
yeah
that would sound uncanned I know I don't know what he sounds like that was really fucking fun let's do it No
Sounds like
Joke you're doing yeah talking like that on purpose. This is it's crazy. It's someone would actually like
Willing do that for ya preferred. Yeah, it shouldn that on purpose, but this is it's crazy. It's someone would actually like willing to do that for ya preferred Yeah, it shouldn't be an option like who listens to half-speed. It's an option. Oh wow
No, I'll listen to half speed who's the dude who does the the videos for high schoolers and talks really fast
Whoa, and Shapiro? No. Oh. Yeah him on half speed. Can we play him on half speed?
That would sound uncanny.
That sounds okay.
Whoa.
Oh, fuck.
Oh, damn.
Inception.
What's going on now?
Where are we?
How many times can we do this?
We'll do that for you.
Yeah, it should be an office. Wait, so if we go to live right now.
I wasn't happy.
Who's talking really fast?
Edge of Hero?
No.
Yeah, he won't have to.
He's kind of fucking me up.
Yeah, can we leave? Oh, God.
Christ.
We're trapped.
Someone get Greer to get us out of here.
Wait till we go to live right now.
Oh, my God.
Oh, that's insane.
Four cancer patients and four Kyles.
Oh.
Was Casey on Succession last night?
Yeah, she was.
It was good for her.
That's pretty awesome.
That is cool. What? I got night? Yeah, she was. It was good for her. That's pretty awesome. That is cool.
What?
I gotta watch it.
She was.
She left a Kindle and gave him a what's up.
And gave him a, with a water bottle in a club.
I've never seen the show.
Neither have I.
Actually, I lied.
I watched the first episode to try to get into it, to binge it, and I just couldn't get into it.
People say the first season's not that good.
I think.
There she is.
Let's ask Duke Casey's part.
Oh!
Sup?
Sup?
And then Casey went like this.
Recreate it.
That's exactly what she did.
Hold on, I'll be Kendall.
Okay, ready?
Alright. Recreate it. That's exactly what she did. Hold on. I'll be Kendall. Okay, ready? All right.
Wait, what the fuck?
You do it at the same time.
No, you're supposed to say sup.
Sup.
And then I go like this.
You don't do the water bottle.
I do.
He doesn't have a water bottle.
No, he does.
No, he does.
Yes, he does.
Oh, my God.
Dude.
He's sass.
They both had a water bottle, but he does say sup.
Classic sass.
He only sees the hot chicken. All right. Watch it. Watch it through. The water bottle, but he does say suck. Classic Sass. He only sees the hot chicken.
All right.
Watch it.
Watch it through.
The water bottle is an Easter egg, too.
Why?
Where's his water bottle?
Ready?
I haven't figured out yet why.
No water bottle.
No water bottle.
Water bottle.
Water bottle.
It's his right hand, Sass.
No, he just picked that up.
He picked that up off the ground.
What's up? What's up? What's up? Are you Casey or am I? You're Casey. No, he just picked that up off the ground. Sup?
Sup?
Are you Casey or am I?
You're Casey.
No, you're Kendall.
Yeah.
I'll be Casey.
Sup?
Hey.
Oh, here we go.
Oh, yeah.
Whoa.
Three, two, one.
Sup?
You raised it too high.
That's how he does it.
Casey wasn't wearing a hat in the scene.
She was also standing.
Oh, that's true.
Yeah.
Her hair was out, so please.
Yeah.
You're going to need to.
The hair will not be coming out.
I mean, we're doing a scene.
It's bad.
We're doing a table reading.
I'm not an actor.
I'm a writer.
Please.
No.
What's up? What's up? Pretty good. No Sup Sup
Pretty good
Kind of a baller move by
Is his name Kendall?
Kendall
Kendall Roy
Cause she's already talking to a dude
Yeah but he's like
And he just comes in and drops the sup
He's rich
Like you
Like me
Yeah
Shut up
You think he's healing or no?
I don't think so
I think that's just the way he lives his life
Can we google Brandon Walker net worth?
If you Google my net worth, it says $400,000.
Fuck yes.
Which is awesome.
It is awesome.
One million.
It says one million and...
Beautiful.
You're rich.
I'm rich.
One million and five million. So where in between would you say that is? That's exactly... It's in there. Love it rich. I'm rich. One million and five million.
So where in between would you say that is?
That's exactly.
It's in there.
Love it.
It's in there.
Where'd Jerry go?
He just left.
Yeah, he goes to take care of business.
What?
Yeah, what?
They might be ambushing Nadoo when he gets here.
Are they doing some sort of video of him walking out?
No, talking with Nadoo.
So are Jerry and Rico good friends because they don't like Nadeau?
I don't know if Rico's good friends with anybody.
Except for Dan.
True.
Wait, what?
Rico is good friends with me?
I said are Rico and Jerry good friends because of Nadeau.
Because they're anti-Nadeau.
I don't know.
Rico's a tough nut to crack.
I wouldn't say, yeah.
Brennan was right. He's a tough nut to crack. I wouldn't say, yeah. Brennan was right.
He's not really friends with anyone.
Technically, I think I'm friends with Rico.
People are friends with him.
Rico's not friends with me.
Correct.
I can't get to good friend status.
No.
Because for every four good texts I get from him,
I get a fifth one that just makes me want to kill myself.
Did you get a happy Thanksgiving text?
I was on a group of 22 that got one.
I was on a group of four.
And I immediately left.
It was a group of four.
You, Dave, Hank, the writer.
Mount Rydermore.
I was on a group of 22.
You have to ask.
You can't afford it.
Hey-oh.
It's not a big deal.
Yeah, they're kicking the shit out of New Dew right now.
They might be jumping him. That would be crazy. Hog-tying him. What, they're kicking the shit out of Nadeau right now. They might be jumping him.
That would be crazy.
Hog tying him.
What, do you think he would still fight?
What if they murdered Nadeau?
I'm not sure they'd win.
I mean, he might be coming in.
He might be ready for an ambush.
We don't know that.
What if Nadeau just has like a giant six pack underneath his garb?
Steroids gut?
Or just like an actual shotgun. Yeah, that too. Steroids gut? Or just like an actual shotgun.
Yeah, that too.
Steroids what?
Gut?
Steroids gut.
I've seen it.
It's a six pack on top of a fat belly.
Steroid nipples.
No, steroids gut is when people take so much steroids and they eat so much food that they have a big gut,
but it still somehow has a six pack and it looks really weird.
Yeah.
Not a good look.
Yikes. Me, I'm more going for looks really weird. Yeah. Not a good look. Yikes.
Me, I'm more going for like the Jesus abs.
Yeah.
What about the hair?
Jesus hair?
Jesus hair.
Unfortunately, I don't have the texture to pull that off.
What are you talking about?
What are you getting there?
I bet if we took your hat off, your hair would look exactly like your hair always looks.
I said that.
I promise you it wouldn't.
Without a doubt.
I promise you it wouldn't. Without a doubt. I promise you.
You put product in it for it to look messy?
Yes.
All right.
Let's do it.
Let's play a game of Family Feud to see if you have to take off your hat.
Sure.
All right.
Here we go.
Well, what do I have to get?
You have to win.
What's a good score?
1,200?
1,200.
1,350?
I'll make it easier.
1,000.
Yeah.
1,000.
You got to get 1,000.
1,000 is easy if you get fast money.
I'll win.
I have to win. 1,100. Let's say 1,100. I'm not going to do a easy if you get fast money. I'll win. I have to win.
I'm not going to do a score. I have to win.
No, but you have to win and you have to get a hundred
on fast money. Yeah, you have to
win.
And if you lose, you have to take
your hat off. You have to see his hair.
And you have to let us see it. You can't fix
it at all. You have to just take it off.
You just have to go, what? I have stick straight
hair. Sticks aren't...
That's the straightest thing you thought of?
Strong. Sticks coming all variety.
Straight as a stick.
I have spaghetti straight hair.
Laugh it up.
Are we going to play or what?
Oh, shit. Oh, damn.
I've only played once. Damn, my posture is all right.
It looks really good.
KV, you do not sit through that ever.
The screening is cool.
There's 500 new questions?
Oh, let's go.
I think we're responsible for that.
I think we did.
We probably helped them out a lot.
Can we look at their site traffic over time?
All right.
All right. Better not be a girl.
There's Jared.
Oh, Aiden.
Say what you're thinking.
Yeah, not Aiden.
All right, Sass.
Name something that gets scooped.
Ice cream.
Good answer.
Good answer.
He's good.
Uh-oh.
Don't worry. Aiden still has not gotten it.
Still thinking about it.
Dirt on Aiden.
Come on, Aiden.
Dirt.
He's got number three.
Aiden got the number three?
Okay, Aiden.
Oh!
All right.
Those are the big two.
Scooped.
Scooped.
Ian Rapoport.
Oh, Aiden got it.
Oh, no.
Oh, he's right there.
Oh, fuck.
Big Aiden.
What did he think of before?
Scooped?
I mean, this is a tough one.
Oh, he's missing now.
Yogurt.
With a spoon, I guess.
What would be a big scoop?
You're thinking a little too literally
Drama
No
Never mind, we'll just ditch that one I guess
News
So we ended up with the answer
Animal poop
You ended up beating him
Why didn't they type it in?
What the hell is going on back there?
30 people.
What do you mean?
Drama?
News?
No, drama is not news.
No, no, no.
Drama and news are not the same.
It's like the scoop.
That's the scoop.
No, those aren't the same thing.
Whatever.
I mean, that was ridiculous.
You want to piss off Zop before you have to do a hair reveal?
Name something a person wears even if it has a hole in it.
Underwear.
Ah. What was the one where it's like, name something that...
Pants.
Wouldn't all shirts have a hole in it?
I think all of these things already have holes in them.
Didn't I get this question and I said a boat?
Oh, yeah.
A boat.
That was rich of you.
No, what?
Why would you wear a boat?
That's cheating.
That was a good answer.
Holes.
A hat.
Hat.
Oh, that's kind of on the nose, huh?
Maybe socks.
Don't help him.
Yeah, we want to see his hair.
Fucking Owen, I want to see his hair.
I'm seeing the hair. It's gross. I want to see his hair. I want to see his hair.
It's gross.
I want to see it.
You've seen it.
A hole.
With a hole in it.
He doesn't listen to anyone.
It doesn't matter.
It doesn't matter.
It's a great test of stick straight.
You did give him the answer.
Sass's inability to listen to other people.
So the number one answer is going to be socks, which I said to you.
Yeah.
I didn't hear what you said.
I don't have headphones on.
He's still in the same room.
He's whispering.
All the time.
What a performer.
So great.
It's a master class today.
Yes, 100 married men, give me one word you'd hate to see in a text message from your wife.
Your name.
Right?
No.
Yeah, that's a good answer.
You know when you get a text and it's just your name?
Oh, yeah.
Sass.
Kyle.
I didn't see that.
Kyle.
You guys ever gotten this one?
Kyle. It's got to be one of the 500 new. Yeah, we have is this? You guys ever gotten this one?
It's got to be one of the 500 new.
Yeah, we have gotten this one.
Give me one where you hate to see a text.
We're about to see some hair.
Neighbor.
What?
What are you doing? No, that's good.
That's good.
Fucking the neighbor.
Neighbor.
Oh.
Breakup.
Okay, one word word Divorce
Oh
There we go
Bro you kind of nailed this
Dead
I'm dead
We're getting hair
Money
Cheat
These are dumb ones That was tough Hair reveal We're getting hair. Money. Seals. Money. Cheat. Oh.
These are dumb ones.
That was kind of stupid.
That was tough.
Hair reveal.
Hair.
Hair.
Hair.
That's so dumb.
Hair time.
Hair time.
TJ, can we put a caption?
Here's the hair.
I don't care.
It's not that big of a deal.
Oh, you don't care.
Oh.
Oh, my God.
Look at your fucking hair, bro. No, dude. Look at his hair. It's not that big of a deal. Oh, you don't care? Oh, my God. Look at your fucking hair, bro.
No, dude.
Look at his hair.
It's crazy.
Look at his.
Look at his.
Oh, it's crazy how crazy your hair is.
I've never seen hair like that.
Look at it.
Bro, how does it do that?
All right, I was not expecting that.
Yeah, why?
Can we blur it?
This is bad, man.
It is stick straight.
You literally just have hair.
All right.
You look like a guy who could use a haircut.
All right.
Yeah, we got our laughs.
I mean, it wasn't what I expected to be either, so.
What do you mean?
I thought it was going to be worse.
Oh.
It looks good.
Fortunately, I'm just.
It was healthy looking hair.
It was good looking hair.
Yeah.
I guess I'm just better looking than I thought I was.
Yeah.
Right.
It's really, it's a lot harder to play Family Feud when you're the one playing.
Usually I'm sitting in the chair.
We need a compilation of his quotes today.
Usually I'm sitting in the chair and I'm just thinking about all the answers.
And I'm like, oh, these, this, this.
And I'm sitting up there and I don't know one answer.
Yeah.
I mean, the text one was bad.
Well.
There's divorce, leaving, money.
It's like there's no bad dog owners.
Sorry, no bad dogs, only bad dog owners.
There's no bad family feud questions, only bad participants.
I disagree.
Harder to play.
They made it hard for you.
That was actually hard level.
We were playing on hard level.
It's not fair.
Got a stomach ache.
Oh, no.
From what?
I ate a lot of bad food this week.
Talk us through it.
What'd you eat?
A lot of McDonald's.
Really?
Yeah, that's what we got for Thanksgiving dinner.
Kyle, we're going to need you to...
Chickens. Dude, I have cancer survivors reaching out to's. Really? Yeah, that's what we have for Thanksgiving dinner. Kyle, we're going to need you to... Chickens.
Dude, I have cancer survivors reaching out to me.
Really?
I don't know how I feel about it.
I've got cancer.
It's not that bad.
Chin up, buddy.
The other ones aren't going to reach out.
Yeah, it's only the survivors are reaching out.
Yeah, people are being cool.
I have lymphoma.
I just finished this treatment. I don't think you have it. I have lymphoma. I just finished this treatment.
I don't think you have it.
I don't either. I hope you don't.
It's a good Taz shirt we haven't mentioned.
Once you speak it into existence, you realize
how ridiculous it sounds.
But it also made me nervous.
Okay.
Don't like that.
I don't want any nerves.
This is kind of on you.
You're not nervous?
No.
All right, we're good.
You made me so nervous at this point.
You might as well have it.
You need him to have it at this point?
Kind of.
Otherwise, it's really kind of putting me in a... We have spent a lot of time on it for something that might not exist.
Mentally, I'm thinking about it a lot.
Yeah. I'm going to go home and think about it. Mentally, I'm thinking about it a lot. Yeah.
I'm going to go home and think about it.
Ooh, Spider, thank you.
Are we...
My man.
Two hour.
If he gets it, are we wiping the episodes?
You know what?
If he gets it, thank you, Spider.
If he gets it...
He's not getting it.
KB, you get to...
Anytime soon.
You make a list of top five episodes you get wiped.
Okay.
This one, not allowed.
Yeah.
All right.
We'll run with it.
I got to go hop over to Tico 10 and run game.
Wait, are you actually leaving?
Are we going to stick around?
I don't know.
Why don't we just roll this into the telethon?
That's what I said.
You want to go?
TJ.
24-hour yak?
Holy shit.
We should do a 24-hour yak.
Let's fucking see how long we can roll. Can we do a 24-hour yak? I think I said. You want to go? TJ. Six-hour yak? Holy shit. We should do a 24-hour yak. Let's fucking see how long we can roll.
Can we do a 24-hour yak?
I think I could.
I think we could.
We could just cycle people in.
Cycle through.
I don't know.
That fucking live stream we did, the part where I take Grit Week live stream, that was a lot.
Yeah.
Was it?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Because you weren't eating boys.
Oh, well, you were eating hot dogs every 20 minutes.
Yeah, but it wasn't even, like, it was.
How many dogs did you eat?
24.
One an hour.
I felt so gross.
You conned me.
You put half of them in milkshakes also.
Yeah, that was a bad mistake.
At the time, you thought they were delicious.
At the time, it was a great...
Glizzards.
I needed something to cut the sodium.
But, yeah, when I realized, like, in hour 18 that I had not only had 18 hot dogs, but also like six milkshakes.
That's when I felt really bad.
But yeah, we weren't like on like this is on.
It was just a camera watching us.
You guys play a lot of video games, right?
Yeah, we play video games and did random shit.
I'd love to play some video games right now.
Yeah, I would do that.
Do we want to play one of those murder mystery games?
That would be fun.
I don't think we like have the game though.
What do you mean? We don't. We do we have the game, though. What do you mean?
We don't.
We do not.
Why can't we?
What do you mean?
We would have to set up the switches in the game time room, and the game's not downloaded.
Luckily, we have about six more hours.
What time is the telepon?
It's 9.30 p.m.
Brandon's show starts at 5.
Brandon's show's been bumped.
Here, you know what?
I'll tell it to you.
Lincoln Riley home run higher at USC.
Alabama's going to get smoked by Georgia.
I was wrong about Ohio State.
There, show gets made.
Run that.
You've got to take a caller.
All right.
LSU guy.
Nick from West Virginia.
Hi, I'm. LSU guy. Nick from West Virginia. Hi.
I'm an LSU fan and also a Purdue fan.
No questions.
I just a big fan.
How many throw pills you got?
You probably don't have any.
All right, Kent State MAAC Championship.
Yes.
Saturday.
Saturday, June.
Northern Illinois.
We already beat them this year.
It'll be sloppy, but it'll be fun.
I hope you're wearing better.
I didn't like the grays.
Slow.
The gray uniforms.
Yeah, did you like them?
Flash fast on them now. I thought... Kent State has some of the best The gray uniforms. Yeah, did you like them? I'm like, flash fast on them now.
I thought, Kent State has some of the best colors and uniforms possible.
We don't, though.
No, but like, when you think about...
The color scheme is alright.
Like, Central Michigan.
Not a lot to, I mean, it's, you know, Eastern Michigan.
Not a lot to work with.
Gross.
Green, yeah.
Right.
Green and gray.
Yeah.
Their primary color
is gray.
Those Packers uniforms
were disgusting.
Were they wearing
different ones?
They wore like
their traditional uniforms
or something.
Not yesterday.
Or whenever, I don't know.
I saw a video of it
on Twitter today,
so I assumed it was yesterday.
Oh.
Gross.
The brown and blue
or the blue and navy.
The socks, yeah.
Those are bad.
I don't know. The helmets were gross. Those are bad. I don't know.
The helmets were gross, whatever it was.
Steelers are dead.
Yeah.
Big Ben is.
That throw was shocking.
Bring in Haskins.
Shocking.
In the show?
Yeah, sure.
Bring in Dwayne Haskins.
All right, get Dwayne.
No, Russell Wilson's going to be the quarterback of the Steelers next year.
I thought it was going to be Aaron Rodgers.
One of the two. Okay. I'll settle it was going to be Aaron Rodgers. One of the two.
Okay.
I'll settle for either.
No one wants Rodgers anymore after that whole Vax stunt that he pulled.
Yeah, true.
COVID-19.
I don't know if you heard that joke.
Yeah.
He belongs in prison.
Jail.
He's addicted to double dates with Miles Teller.
Yeah.
Yeah, he can't get enough.
He thinks that facial scar he has is cute. It's not. That's why he double dates with Miles Teller. Yeah. He can't get enough. He thinks that facial scar he
has is cute. It's not. That's why he's
blacklisted from movies.
It's a fact.
Are you friends with Miles Teller? No.
I thought you were friends with Shia LaBeouf.
No. I thought those guys were the same
guy for a long ass time. You're friends with
Efron. Efron, yes. Give him a call.
Yeah, give him a call. Efron
changed his number.
Last time I texted him, it came back as green bubbles. He blocked you, yes. Give him a call. Yeah, give him a call. Efron Hubbard. He changed his number. Because of you.
Last time I texted him, it came back as green bubbles.
He blocked you, bro.
I feel like people that famous probably get a new number every month.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I can see that.
Although he...
Oh, no.
Last time I texted him, it was December 30th, 2019.
Damn, it's been a while
Me and Efron
You've been a bad friend
Say like wish him a happy Thanksgiving
Belated
Or very early
Choice is yours
I have his brother's number
I'm sure he still has it
What's his brother's name?
Dylan
Imagine being Dylan Efron
He actually has got a pretty good life
Wait yeah I think we googled him
He's hot isn't he?
He's hot and he's also like
I think he's hotter than Zach He's hot, isn't he? He's hot, and he's also like a... I think he's hotter than Zach.
He's like a workout model.
Can we see Dylan?
And he travels the world.
He's got cool-ass tattoos.
He's got a pretty good life.
Yeah, I think brother of an A-list would rock.
Yeah, because...
No, but think about it.
Jackson Hatcher's brother?
He's probably set for life,
depending on his relationship with his brother.
But he also doesn't get recognized all the time, but he does get primo puss.
He definitely gets primo puss.
But how many times a weekend do you think he calls his brother at a club?
Yeah, he's like, tell him I'm your brother.
I think it would rule to be an A-lister's brother.
He's living.
He just has a QR code to both birth certificates.
Yeah.
Oh, look at him shirtless next to each other, though.
Yeah, he's a good-looking dude.
Look, he's a good-looking dude.
Yeah, he's hot.
All right.
Yo, he's hot as fuck.
Wait, did Zac Efron change his face?
No.
That was fake, right?
Fake news.
Bullshit.
He got his wisdom teeth removed or something.
Call him and ask.
He got hit in the face with a shovel, so he had to get a little bit of tune-up.
Who's the most famous person's number you have in your phone?
Probably Barack Obama.
Damn.
No, I'm just kidding.
Damn, big cat.
He fell off.
He did fall off.
Probably Zac Efron.
A-Rod?
Yeah.
Please.
He fell off. He's in his flop era. Yeah. He's no Zac Efron, that'sRod? Yeah. Please. He fell off.
He's in his flop era.
Yeah.
He's no Zac Efron, that's for sure.
Joey Chestnut?
Yeah.
More like Joey No Nuts.
He fell off.
Dude from Imagine Dragons?
Which one?
Wayne.
Dan?
Nah.
He sucks. Come on. Wayne Dan nah he sucks come on
foul ball guy
yeah I don't have
mine's probably you
damn
big bro
mine's probably PFT
damn
don't know why I said mine probably is.
It is you.
Yeah, mine is too.
I don't have anyone else's favorite.
You don't have Tim Dillon?
I do, but you're more famous than Tim Dillon.
Yeah, you are.
Yes.
He's a Patreon millionaire.
He is.
He is a Patreon millionaire.
Guy's rolling.
He's my best friend.
You are also a millionaire.
Not Patreon.
Not Patreon.
You got it the boring way.
The responsible way.
The safe way.
Gambling.
I've checked Hanks' number from when we were in California.
Oh, hell yeah.
So you basically have Tom Hanks' number.
Call him up and be like, yo, can we talk to Tom?
If they're on a family plan, it would be a similar number.
Call him.
Call him.
So I should just try everything.
No, call him.
Send the show what you call him. I'm pretty sure So I should just try everything. No, call him. Call him.
I'm pretty sure he hates his dad.
I don't, but I could.
Is this illegal to do?
No.
Illegal?
I'm pretty sure he hates his dad.
You just got to say you're taping.
We're taped.
We're live.
Do it.
And make sure to hang up if it starts saying his number for the voicemail.
Do you have his number, too, Kyle? I'll call him. I don't saying his number for the voicemail. Do you have his number too, Kyle?
I'll call him.
I don't have his number.
Okay, I'd rather call from a number that he, I don't know if he has.
All right, send me it.
Okay.
He won't answer.
I want to hear the voicemail.
It's Chet.
Do the thing.
All right.
You know, some people always try to come up with a funny voicemail?
Chet makes me nervous.
He does?
Yeah.
Why?
He was in the warmest guy in the world.
He definitely has one where he pretends to answer.
Yeah.
Nope.
Blocked.
Wait, was that actually it?
It just went straight to voicemail?
I just saw him do it.
Bummer.
Chet paying his bill.
Brandon just walked out.
Oh, my God.
I didn't fucking notice.
He went to get a haircut.
What a jerk.
Telephone.
He was really mean to Mincy.
What'd he say?
Listen, there's a lot of shit talking you can do.
He was calling him big-tittied and shit like that,
which is funny,
but then he was like,
you have no talent, which is funny, but then he was like, you have no talent.
Which is very mean.
Yeah, that's
up there for one of the more mean things you could say.
I hate being called a dummy.
That cuts me deep. Really? Dummy? Yeah.
You have no talent. When have you ever?
Yeah, you're not a dummy. Now my boy
Teezy calls me a dummy all the time.
Teezy is the dumbest guy I know.
Yeah, he's got DUI.
Nothing dumb about that, dude.
No, he's wicked.
That's smart and strategic.
Save on Uber costs.
Yeah.
Not don't fucking drink and drive.
There we go.
Idiots.
I was promoting drinking and driving all week.
It's crazy to think like 50 years.
Don't worry.
Okay.
How so?
What do you mean?
What do you mean promoting it?
I was just tweeting out
saying it's like the coolest
thing you could do
over Thanksgiving.
For sure.
Impress your friends.
Get a DUI.
It's crazy to think
like 50 years ago
or not even 50.
30 years ago
people would just
drink and drive.
I remember when
it became illegal.
Yeah.
It became illegal
like when I was alive.
Well, dads used to
be able to do it. Yeah. Dads still can do it. Yeah. But then moms got mad about dad became illegal. Yeah. It became illegal like when I was alive. Well, dad's used to be able to do it.
Yeah.
Dad still can do it.
Yeah.
But then mom's got mad
about dad's friends
and he's just drinking a beer
in the car.
Yeah.
No, but I do remember
I do remember
some of my like friends,
fathers growing up
smoking cigarettes in cars
with like the windows open.
Oh, up.
Oh, yeah. Just being like, I mean, at the time, I had no idea. Yeah. Like, yeah, friends fathers growing up smoking cigarettes in cars with like the windows open oh up oh yeah
just being like i mean at the time i had no idea yeah like yeah i kind of like yeah smoking in
restaurants that was like smoking 2005 i remember yeah that was crazy i'm pretty sure it was 2008
or nine in chicago because i remember new year Eve, everyone was at the bar smoking as much as they could because on January 1st it changed.
Shit.
There's still some smoking bars.
Yeah, they're called casinos.
Casinos.
Fuck yeah.
Drinking and driving, the smoking one makes sense because, okay, they didn't know.
Oh my God.
Smoking makes way more sense.
What?
Smoking makes sense.
What?
No, no.
I mean, like, it makes sense that it was legal for so long because they didn't know, like,
oh, it's going to be bad.
The drinking and driving one, don't you think the first person to get, like, blackout drunk
was probably like, damn, like, this is, I probably shouldn't be driving right now.
Yeah.
Like, I can't even walk.
It's crazy to think about.
Like, the people just crashed.
Yeah.
I watched that.
That's hilarious.
That documentary about, not really that funny.
It's funny to think that everyone was just drinking and driving for so long.
Was that happening?
The documentary about the band that I, I think I told you to watch, Sass.
Did you watch it?
No.
I watched a little bit of it, yes.
Yes.
There was one member of the band who like, they were like, yeah.
And then he crashed his like fourth car of the winter.
Yeah.
And he was just like.
And that was just usual.
Yeah.
So.
Don't drink and drive.
They probably blanded on the car.
It's a piece of shit.
It's a Tesla.
Piece of shit Tesla.
Mm-hmm.
Wait, can you be drunk in a Tesla?
No.
No, I don't think so.
Not yet.
You will be able to eventually.
Why?
Because eventually I think
it's going to be like
you don't even have to be
in the driver's seat.
That'd be cool.
Wow.
That will be cool. We need that. But then would it So yeah, you couldn't sit So. That'd be cool. Wow. That will be cool.
We need that.
But then would it
so yeah you couldn't
sit in the
So then traffic
will be insane.
But you can't sit
in the driver's seat
and be like I'm not
touching the wheel
if you're drunk
because you're still
Traffic would be worse.
Traffic should be lighter.
It would be worse
because it's like
it's human error
that causes traffic.
True.
Traffic is entirely
Yeah.
Yeah you are traffic.
Right.
You're not in it.
The Tesla's crashing
like on their own is that your platform is drunk driving solves traffic. Right. You're not in it. The Tesla's crashing on their own.
That's your platform is drunk driving.
Solves traffic.
It's the craziest shit.
Imagine being in a Tesla and it just starts turning against you.
Uh-oh.
It's only happened like a couple times, I think.
But when it does, it's not good.
All right, should we wrap it up?
Let's wrap it up.
Really?
I thought we were just getting started.
TJ, can you pull up the thing I sent you?
Let's do Fuck FM.
I just wanted to give a shout-out to these people.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, big shout-out to these guys.
Yeah.
This is the dream.
61 people, four days, three nights.
They're still stuck in a pub.
Stuck, snowed into a pub.
Like, first off, no, they weren't.
And they were there for an Oasis cover band called No Oasis.
How do you get snowed into a pub?
You'd have to be there for, like, 15 hours.
Are there any chicks there?
Yeah.
One of them said, like, oh, I'm actually quite chilled to be here.
Miss my kids, though, but they're with Nan.
Oh, that's awesome.
That is so sick.
That's awesome.
Getting snowed in is the best.
You're not snowed in with that.
Snowed in is like you can't even open the door.
Snow day in New York City is the best.
Oh, yeah.
No, they could leave if they wanted to.
It's snowing right now.
They're just having a blast.
Yeah, it is snowing.
You think we're going to get a lot of big snows this year?
I think it's going to be a big year.
No, no.
Show me a couple squirrels.
I'll let you know.
You'd sell them in size. They are fat. They are. You think it's going to be a big year. No, no. Show me a couple squirrels I'll let you know. You'd sell a lot of size.
They are.
You think that's a thing?
They know?
Yeah.
You got a yard, Dan?
No, I do not.
You got a deck?
Yes, three.
Three.
You have three decks?
I knew that.
You told me.
Three.
One, two, three.
One for each one.
Sorry, Sass.
You're out.
You can have the mezzanine.
The solarium.
Sass, you need new shoes, man.
I know. My mom tried to order me new shoes the other day,
but they were out of stock.
What kind of shoes did you want?
I was going to get the same ones.
I was going to get the same ones,
but I decided to change my mind.
I was going to get the vintage Reeboks
and then they were out of those
you're 14 years old
my mom tried to order me
my mom was like those shoes are ridiculous
and I was like I don't mind them
and she was like I'm ordering you new shoes
they were sold out of black
no no no no
then I tried to get Stan Smiths and they were sold out of those too
so now I'm just going to order shoes in New York.
Sam, I'm buying you shoes.
Enough.
You're not leaving the house.
I don't want these shoes.
The only time you don't complain is when it's to your mom to repel.
No, Mom, I like these.
Yeah.
No, I definitely complain to my mom.
I don't need a coat to go out.
Absolutely not.
I'm not even that cold.
Is Thanksgiving actually the best holiday?
No. I actually think it is. I Thanksgiving actually the best holiday? No.
I actually think it is.
I think it's top two for me.
Mine's Fourth of July and Thanksgiving.
Fourth of July and Thanksgiving, yep.
Wow, same thing.
No, Memorial Day is better than Fourth of July.
Memorial Day is the best weekend.
Yeah, maybe I just never do anything.
The beginning of the summer is better than the middle.
Oh, by far.
But Thanksgiving is fun.
Fourth of July is the one holiday where you wake up and you're getting fucked up right off the bat.
Thanksgiving, though, is objectively no religion, so you don't have to do anything.
You don't have to buy anyone anything.
The best is when it's not at your house, too.
It's the best family holiday.
It's built around football and food.
Yeah.
That's incredible.
Did you guys play football?
Do you guys ever play football on Thanksgiving?
Toss pigskin around.
Like have a game, family game.
A little catch, a little fetch.
You say have a catch or what's the other one?
Play catch.
Play catch.
Have a catch.
Have a catch.
Play catch.
I actually, I definitely say play catch.
Really?
Really?
I say have.
Internet arguments.
I say play.
Let's get a gun.
Play catch, but not a catch. Let's get a play catch, but not a catch.
Let's have a catch.
I say let's catch.
Hey, sport, catch.
So Jersey Jury and...
They're just gone.
He's gone.
All right, I got to go.
All right, I'm going to go too.
Yep.
All right.
All right, we'll stay.
Hold it down, boys.
We'll stay.
See you guys tomorrow.
See you guys tomorrow.
24 hours tomorrow.
What's tomorrow? Oh, the, yeah guys tomorrow. 24 hours tomorrow. What's tomorrow?
Oh, the Yak.
24 hours. It's the act. It's the act.
That's time to talk shop and do a Yankee pop.
It's the act.
It's the act.
Bye. Thank you.