This Paranormal Life - #120 The Most Haunted Car in America
Episode Date: July 9, 2019If a cursed item is ruining your life you simply get rid of it, right? But what if you need this cursed item to get to work every morning? This week we're investigating The Golden Eagle, the most curs...ed car in AmericaSupport us on Patreon.com/ThisParanormalLife to get access to weekly bonus episodes!Buy Official TPL Merch! - thisparanormallife.com/storeFollow us on Twitter, Instagram, and YouTubeJoin our Secret Society Facebook CommunityIntro music by www.purple-planet.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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We all wear sunglasses, so shouldn't we also wear moon glasses?
Where did crabs come from?
All of these questions you can find the answer to on This Paranormal Life!
Hello everyone, welcome to This Paranormal Life, the comedy paranormal podcast where every week we investigate a brand new paranormal tale, claim, case, beast, story, whatever it is,
and we will come to a conclusion at the end as to whether or not it's true or false.
Now, you're hearing the sweet dulcet tones of myself, Rory Powers.
I've been in the paranormal industry for, well, since the day I was born.
I came out of that vajayjay and saw a ghost.
I took out my EMF reader and I realized what I had to do with my life.
That's right. Rory was born on a ghost train.
He was born into a family of carnies where he had to fight his way to the top,
eventually running kind of a tri-state area of carnivals
until eventually kind of coming around to his original calling,
which was the ghost, backward all began.
Granted, when I came out, the figure I thought was a ghost
was actually just the deathly pale doctor
who was just ghastly at the sight of such an ill, tiny baby.
He'd never seen such a pathetic, fragile thing in his life.
And he delivers babies.
Because, you know, usually it's like congratulations it's a
boy congratulations it's a girl he just looked up and said i'm so sorry your baby's bad your baby's
ugly they say like every baby is beautiful you know and they smell good he said i smell like
rotten garbage wow yeah which was mean for a doctor to say so unprofessional welcome to the
world i guess rory unbelievable and then also uh i'm
joined by kit as well happy to be here yeah did you have a normal family loved you i guess
nuclear family front lawn two dogs couldn't have been better brother good to hear all right look
i don't want to dilly dally i don't want to beat around the bush i want to get into some paranormal
shit okay on this show we've investigated a lot of haunted objects before all right haunted
dolls cursed boxes etc and these things are relatively easy to manage because some of the
time you can just get rid of them i guess so they're material objects and therefore can be
given away exactly but what if you needed your cursed object kit to commute to work in the morning? Today we're investigating the Golden Eagle, the most evil car in America.
Really?
Yeah.
Now this is a request from Brandon Gage, who sent an email into thisparanormallifepodcast.gmail.com
and told us that he would like us to investigate the Golden Eagle, the most...
Thanks so much.
I wasn't done. It's a full... I need the full title of us to investigate the Golden Eagle. Thanks so much. I wasn't done.
It's a full.
I need the full title of the episode.
The Golden Eagle.
The most evil car in America.
Wow.
Well, thanks so much, Brandon, for sending in the Golden Eagle.
The most evil car in America.
Yeah.
Which implies that there is a more evil car somewhere else.
Yeah.
But in America, this is the top tier. You don't want to know about the most evil car of else yeah but in america this is the this is the top tier you don't want to know
about the most evil car of turkmenistan that puppy it's barely a car it's mostly ghoul it's just a
man making honking noises shanking strangers in the streets it's more of a jack the ripper situation
now people also may know this car as christina as I believe it inspired a Stephen King novel and a movie by that name.
Oh, this sounds somewhat familiar.
Have you seen that movie?
I have not, no.
So that's interesting.
So Stephen King, mostly known for his books about fiction,
he's written many, many horror novels.
But you're saying that this one actually has basis in reality.
I believe so.
Well, I think he took the theme of a haunted car and turned it into a fiction book
oh got it but throw out that you know throw away all links between fiction and this story because
this is cold hard that's a lot to ask when that's the point of the podcast is to work out what's
real or not but fine just don't even think about fiction. Think about fact and cold, hard sci-fi.
The Golden Eagle was the nickname
for a 1946 Dodge Limited Edition car
that was originally bought to be used as a cop car
for a police station based in Old Orchard Beach, Maine.
It was bronze, orangey color, a nice ride for the time.
Probably used as an undercover car because it didn't look like a traditional car.
I actually have a picture of it right here if you want to check it out.
Please do. Send it my way.
So this is a weird first photo to show me because the car is almost entirely hidden behind a bush
as if it's some kind of forest predator.
In fact, it's nowhere near a road to begin with you'll learn this further down the line but it actually became pretty important that
the car was hidden from strangers in plain sight so a lot of the pictures that you'll see moving
forward are the car kind of peeking out from bushes i thought this is a cop car for for urban
high-speed chases for an undercover cop you know where you know where cops
don't go into the woods so if anyone sees a car parked in the woods they're gonna think there's
like a homeless orgy going on or maybe a sketchy drug deal they're not gonna think a policeman is
in that car because you see uh not a lot of people know but but police are like Roombas. They mostly handle flat, smooth surfaces
that they kind of patrol
and sometimes hoover up.
Sucking up the crime, street from street.
That's beautiful. The problem is that
they don't work on sand,
forest, water.
All the things that a Roomba can't handle,
the police cannot handle. But the car was
only used by this police unit for
a short time
Because in a strange turn of events all three of the police officers who use this car died in completely
unexplained murder suicides
Murder suicides. Yeah, that's about as grisly as it gets pretty much
So it was only obviously given to a very small number of policemen, actually.
So just three.
Only three.
Three guys on patrol.
I mean, when you're on your third murder-suicide, that's time to...
Slow down production of this particular car.
You got to stop and see what the consistency is here.
You know, what kind of coffee were they all drinking?
Did they work in a certain location in the area?
The guy at the
dodge factory is like but i mean these guys must be you know living on the edge he's like oh what
are these guys doing their spare time a yoga instructor one of them runs an animal shelter
yeah one of them um just like volunteers in an old folks home really yeah just the car then
yeah he took a lot of old people with him when he died now now obviously these
officers aren't detectives they can't work out what the link is they think it must be the car
but what do you do you can't kill a car you can't arrest a car no you can't hang a car for its
crimes not legal it's not so they get rid of it they sell it if you think the car is the reason
and you're a police officer i think you probably should impound it and turn it into a cursed cube
or something but whatever they got rid of it they sold it really think it was to do with the car
though i don't know why else they would have got rid would have sold it i mean i guess on the face
of it if you're another officer and your chief calls you one morning, he's like, great news, Toby.
We've got a new ride for you and your partner.
Oh, that's great news.
Oh, yes.
Oh, a beautiful 1946 Dodge limited edition number.
Wasn't that what Joe drove?
Oh, I don't think I think Joe cycled to work, actually.
What about Craig?
I'm pretty sure he had that, Craig.
Oh, no.
Murder Craig. Well, sorry. Just we'll call him Craig. cycle to work actually what about craig i'm pretty sure he had that craig oh no murder craig didn't
well sorry just we'll call him craig i'm pretty sure he snowboarded in arizona
well they got rid of the car they passed it through another owner or two not causing any
immediate harm until it ended up in the hands of a woman named wendy Allen and this is when the car began its second rampage.
One sunny day, Wendy was driving down the highway in the Golden Eagle with her family,
enjoying a cruise in the summer heat, when all of a sudden, the steering wheel jammed,
making it impossible to steer, basically turning the car into a 60 mile an hour battering ram. Jesus Christ.
Luckily, Wendy managed to wrestle the wheel loose again
and regain control just before the car could collide with anything.
That's everyone's worst nightmare.
It is.
And this wasn't the end.
The car would frequently turn out of nowhere,
leading Wendy off the road
and would even randomly open its doors while she was driving
as if it was trying to throw her out of the vehicle.
I mean, I think after the first incident with the whole no steering on the highway thing,
I don't think I'd be driving it too much longer.
I'd be bussing it across time.
Look, Wendy got this thing obviously on the cheap.
The market is really low for cursed cars, all right?
So we're talking maybe 150 bucks
for this thing i don't think she has the luxury to to afford a higher vehicle wendy allen's not
driving a unhaunted tesla down the highway all right she ain't driving a model s let's be real
no it is that's a tough question because they're you know we actually come from a town from an area
where if you don't drive you
ain't getting anywhere you ain't alive that's what they say on the mean streets where we're from
but there's a lot of places in the world like that not least in america that are just
piss poor public transportation oh yeah and if you're wendy you you know you the only job you
can get is in a certain place you know you go to that police auction and you're like do i
you know have to quit
my job because i can't afford to drive or do i pony up a hundred dollars and you know take my
life into my hands and try driving this thing yeah and i mean what else is she gonna do there's maybe
like a cop car that was burnt in a riot a speedboat that were there were drug heists was done where
they arrested that like a couple guys with cocaine she's like oh no no i'll
play it safe i'll take this gorgeous little cop was it the golden eagle yeah i'll take the golden
eagle oh the golden eagle you'll want to know about you'll want to know about its history little
lady you know what i don't want to know it all began why are you still talking here's the money
are you a cop it's like an old man by the car like sweeping in
front of the bonnet ah the golden eagle you say how did you get into the auction i haven't heard
that name in years they've been auctioning it for half an hour if i were you little lady i'd
stick with that pogo stick over there was used to bounce out of alcatraz by the head of the mob she's like
oh what but it's not cursed oh it's cursed it's maybe the worst of them all because he bounced
right out of alcatraz and into the shark infested waters of the bay they say there's some sort of
sulu level deep sea curse on that pogo stick. How did they even recover it?
On a regular basis, the car would put Wendy and her family
in life threatening situations.
But even though these situations were alarming,
Wendy and her family never felt it was bad enough
to straight up get rid of the car.
I guess if there's like a little bit of time
between each incident.
However, even though it never harmed any of them,
in the 1980s to the 1990s,
this car was linked to the deaths of at least 14 people.
I mean, this thing's pretty old by this point.
What year did you say this car was?
Oh, God knows.
I don't even think it was new when the police got it,
so it was already a little old.
Then it was in the... Did the police...
Then it did a tour where a
bunch of people died now it's at least 30 years 40 years maybe old i think i don't know and it
hasn't been steering for 20 of those years there is a chance that this is just a bad car there's
more than a little bit of chance but i guess there's just enough desperate drivers out there with no cash. Well, that's it
I mean 14 deaths like three deaths fine
Seven deaths. I think Wendy's hitting people with the car but 14 people that brother is
Paranormal if you are driving a vehicle that has killed 14 people and you are not touring a war zone
are driving a vehicle that has killed 14 people and you are not touring a war zone such as Afghanistan.
There's a problem.
If your car has killed 14 people and you live in upstate New York,
there's a problem.
There is.
How is that thing passing its MOT every year?
I don't think they have an MOT in America.
I think that they're more relaxed on car regulation.
Now, I won't mention every death because because one, that would take a long time. And two, not every death was recorded,
but. Right, you need, start listing these things, you need evidence. But to briefly run through it,
some people touched the car and were killed afterwards. On two occasions, people died in a
car accident, flew out of their own cars, and landed right beside the Golden Eagle.
And there's even stories more elaborate than that, but I will save those for the end because they're a bit more outlandish.
Okay, but I get the picture.
What we're dealing with is a little bit like the Curse of Tutankhamun, where these deaths that are linked to the curse may be tangential.
We're not saying that the car
repeatedly reversed over people
time and time again,
but rather that the people connected
to ownership of this car even may have died.
Absolutely.
The car itself is not coming to life
and mowing people down.
It's not Optimus Prime-style
unfolding like Bumblebee
and just like punching suckers in the face.
Exactly.
This is just, it could be pure coincidence.
It could be a Decepticon that remains in car form.
We don't know.
Well, before long, the whole town knows about the Golden Eagle and its killing spree.
Can I ask, where did it get the name from?
The Golden Eagle? Such a patriotic name. I have no idea. I mean, it's not even golden. eagle and its killing spree can i can i ask where did i get the name from the golden eagle such a
patriotic name i have no idea i mean it's not even golden it's quite orange yeah by all accounts it's
yellow or something i'm just imagining like at the dealership they're like so why do they call
it the golden eagle is that because it's like fast or something and they're like honestly whenever we
got it there was some ancient egyptian hieroglyphs scratching to the bottom.
A guy told me it means golden eagle.
He said there's some other stuff about the end of the world, the sky turning black.
But anyway, we just call it the eagle for short.
Yeah, we just wanted to be on the safe side, respect his ancient traditions.
He said it ran on human blood,
but we've just been putting diesel in there,
and it seems to be fine.
I think the hubcaps are pyramids.
It's got like, what do you call those little things
on the bonnet of cars?
Did that come from pirate ships?
What?
You know how pirate ships had the woman
on the front of the pirate ship?
Is that passed down to cars?
They put those little emblems on cars.
Because the ship thing is actually pretty sinister, right?
To like tie up a woman on the front of a pirate ship.
Was it for like good luck?
Or were the pirates like,
Yar, the sea wouldn't dare hurt a lady.
So they can just sail across and they're like,
Oh, you want to touch a woman, Poseidon?
You want to be in my crew, you'll have to go through her lightning just blows the woman to smithereens turn around boys
poseidon sees no gender i mean it's a pretty piratey thing to do to cower behind a human
shield because i don't think they were i mean they
were pretty cool and adventurous but they weren't very noble pirates from what i can remember
historically it was a lot of stealing and plundering and shit i can't really assume
they cared much for the uh health and safety of women it seems to be a super ancient practice
they're saying that the uh the ancient greeks and romans put on their kind of
gods on their ships maybe not at the very front the vikings would put on crazy like aggressive
looking things to like scare people off evil spirits the egyptians place figures of holy birds
the ancient greeks put on boar's heads to symbolize vision and ferocity wow so it was kind of like it was
like your mascot essentially yeah it's like a half-time little furry mascot but strapped to
the front of the ship we need like a little gray that we can strap on the front of our bikes
to just you know let people know what i mean that's just et that's the plot of et
et's like please let me go shut up you little bastard ward off some spirits for once
you weak little shit there's something really sad about a hyper intelligent species coming down to
earth and us chaining him to a bike and he can't get away like that's pretty pathetic if he's smart
enough to come to earth he should be smart enough to know I'm going to chain him to a f***ing bike.
That's you in court.
In alien court.
They let me go?
They're like, yeah, E.T. was a f***ing moron.
Why do you think we sent him to Earth?
You could keep him.
He was banished from his own planet for being a king dumbass.
I mean, like, because the real version the real version of et is the alien comes down
comes down and then we probably like mug him right and beat him up and leave him somewhere
like that's what would have really happened he lands in the wrong neighborhood et2 lands in the
wrong neighborhood has to like fast and the furious, like earn street cred through drag racing.
He lands in an alley and it's like, uh, E.T. phone home.
You're a long way from home, buddy.
Absolutely start hammering him.
Wailing on him.
Taking his ray gun, taking his space money.
Before long, the whole town now knows about the Golden Eagle and its killing spree.
Some people believe the car is cursed.
Others believe it's possessed by a demon but one thing is for sure this car needs to be taken off the road
it is a god we can all agree on something it is a hazard to everyone in the town so one night in
2010 a local church group snuck over this thing is is like 70 years old. So you can't kill what's already, what had no life.
I think it was like Jesus that said that.
All right.
So, you know, it's true.
So one night in 2012, a local church group snuck over to Wendy's property,
hitched the golden eagle to the back of a tow truck and stole it from her.
But this wasn't enough to ensure the end of this car's wrath.
The group then chopped it up into separate pieces
and distributed each piece to a different junkyard.
This actually happened.
So why did they want it gone so bad?
People are dying.
But it was just chilling in Wendy's yard at that point.
I guess maybe they're still, she's still driving it.
Okay, she's driving it every day.
I mean if if
people genuinely think that this car is possessed by a demon a small town church group are gonna
have a problem with that presumably true true some kind of community watch neighborhood watch
kind of group they could be uh concerned when wendy woke she was heartbroken her and her family
had obviously become quite fond of the car in the time that they'd had it.
The only person that hasn't killed so far is Wendy.
And her family.
Well, Wendy pleaded online to have her beloved family car returned to her.
And through the magic of the internet,
they were actually able to track down most of the pieces and assemble it back together.
No!
Who did that? satanist i guess there's like a warring
factions in this town oh my god how is that possible unfortunately wendy would continue
to be harassed by the church who called her quote the sea witch of old orchard beach and
they repeatedly accused her of using dark magic to continue to curse the
vehicle jesus i don't know whose side i'm on at this point yeah it should be the church but this
is it's pretty f***ed up i mean it seems like a jump to go from her car's been in an accident to
she's a what did you say a sea witch a sea witch i didn't even know that was a genre i've never
heard that that implies there's a land well i assumed every witch was a land witch are there sea wizards as well that we should know
about can you explain to me what a sea witch is yeah of course they're sort of sleek looking
fellers in the water fins on either side big long snouts on them kind of go you're describing a dolphin yeah of course i know they're beautiful but don't
give in to the urges when you see that blowhole you're gonna so you know it's a dolphin you you
don't think the witch has a blowhole now this is basically where our story rounds off in terms of
the journey of the golden eagle car i did say halfway through that
i left out some of the reported deaths you did because i felt like look we get this a lot in
the paranormal world there's an interesting and plausible story that essentially gets ruined
by a few out of control i can't wait to hear this i can't wait and this story is no exception to
think of all the shit we've come out with in the past and
we've never given a a warning like this a disclaimer so in the 1980s and 90s as we mentioned
the car allegedly went on a bit of a rampage at one point a man simply touched the car at for a
dare and later went on to murder his entire family and burn the house to the ground
at another point the car was vandalized and the individuals involved started to die one by one
some were you did this what does that mean how fast some were apparently decapitated by a car crash involving an 18 wheeler because
everyone dies and everyone dies arguably one by one not at the same time and allegedly up to four
of them were hit by lightning allegedly up to four that is some vague shit no i don't even if
any of it happened any number between zero and four might have happened.
I don't know if this was four individual bolts or if this was some sort of direct.
It just hit the ground and zapped all four of them at once.
It was like in a cartoon.
They were out having a Sunday morning brunch.
Beautiful clear skies,
and then like in a cartoon, one cloud about two meters across just flew over their head,
zapped all four of them, killing them instantly.
As I said, you know, we get a great story, and then some of the details are just a little too outlandish.
How dare you even bring these stories up?
When interviewed about the car,
Wendy herself said, I say, it's just a car that's been passed down in my family for years,
and people are reading too much into the things that have happened to people around the car.
Because look at me, my family, my friends, we're fine, aren't we? If the car was hell-bent on
killing everyone, well, why isn't everyone dead
said the sea witch she makes a good point i mean she feels confident enough i guess that the car
is fine i mean kudos to her i mean in the same way that freaking voldemort thinks the dark arts
are fine yeah he's the biggest sea witch of them all do you know how i know that he doesn't have a nose he doesn't have
blowhole on the front of his face how many people know this but voldemort actually has a blowhole
between his butt cheeks that's jk roiling left that out of the books but it's part of the lore
she's confirmed it since on
twitter yeah yeah if you don't believe us um check out the this paranormal life twitter account i
mean the the whole thing is there we've got the receipts yeah we'll show you that jk rowling has
confirmed it well with the golden eagle now kind of half in pieces half assembled and in hiding
wendy built a brand new car called the dazzling raspberry
if the golden eagle killed that many people the dazzling raspberry might end the world it might
be some sort of nuclear device it's a wmd for sure the dazzling raspberry well the dazzling
raspberry is actually covered in 2.5 million beads, toys, buttons, marbles.
And Wendy now uses it to raise autism awareness.
So fair play to you, Wendy, for turning around a bad thing.
Well, you know, we got to clap that one out.
Well done.
Appreciate the hustle.
I don't know if that makes up for killing 14 people.
But I wanted to include this because you know a lot
of times in paranormal cases we reach that point where someone uh is famous for their paranormal
story and it's reached that point where they monetize it right you know they they start
selling tickets to go see the faces and the hearts of faces. They write their own books and go to paranormal conventions.
They try to sell the,
uh,
their ranch,
their paranormal ranch for millions of dollars.
Absolutely.
Wendy here,
not only denies in interviews that she believes the car is haunted at all,
but with whatever clout she's gotten from the experience uses it for the
greater good.
Her social media posts has gone viral.
Instead of linking her
soundcloud in the comments she's linking a charity be good to each other yeah yeah be awesome to each
other remember to have a glass of water now and again and hell if that's what it takes to be a
sea witch then maybe i want to be a sea witch maybe we're all sea witches maybe we should all
try to be sea witches a little more salty that's what i'm saying, brother. All right, Kit. Well, I've told you a little bit of the story and the history behind the Golden Eagle.
Sure.
The most evil car in America.
Where's your head at?
It is interesting.
And it's interesting because it's a very, very grand title.
You know, most paranormal car in America.
Because as we know, there's a lot of paranormal cars in the
world we don't always think about them but you know you've got my namesake kit uh the car that
was from night rider yeah if that's not a paranormal car i don't know what is it seemed to
be sentient it seemed to have a personality all of its own well i think it i think kit's vibe was
that he was just like a hyper intelligent like he would he'd been built by humans he could be that smart to michael
like he was his best friend that's all i know it had a mind of its own granted yeah but i think it
was given that mind by a scientist sure sure uh here in the uk we had brum that was a car with a
mind now brum should have been crushed immediately.
Yeah, Brum.
Right off the show floor into the incinerator.
Brum was one of God's mistakes.
Brum needed to not exist.
The fact that Brum was, in fact, given a platform,
given a TV show all of his own,
is very disturbing.
I think the original creator is famous for that quote,
Now I have created Brum, destroyer of worlds.
Yeah.
Which obviously changed the path of World War II entirely when Brum hit the scene.
In terms of paranormal shit, we have the f***ing car from Back to the Future.
Yep.
That's pretty up there.
Yeah.
Well, again, I think it was more of a science one than a...
Was it?
I mean, I know Christopher Lloyd basically looks like a stock image
that would appear if you Googled wizard,
but I'm pretty sure he was just a...
I mean, his name was Dr. Emmett Brown.
He was a scientist who, I think, created the car
that was able to go back to the future.
I'd be pretty disappointed if the way that car operated was magic. is part of the lore this is what i'm saying okay so actually on second thoughts it's
not as much of a crowded field as i thought it might have been right off the bat seems like most
of the cars i mentioned were uh mostly science just regular cars uh but this one definitely has
a cursed past it has double figures levels of deaths to its name.
Oh, yeah.
Over many, many decades.
The fact that this thing is still going after so many years is kind of suspicious.
It is strange, isn't it?
I mean, I think if you get to the point where a local church group feels the need to kidnap and disassemble it,
I mean, that speaks some truth to how cursed this thing really is
you know me personally i haven't had a lot of experiences with cursed cars before i've actually
only ever had two cars in my life and the only one i ever had problems with was which i think
you've driven in before do you remember the silver one that i used to have thunder yeah i had that
was my first car that we we uh we called thunder after the uh
pokemon move of course because it would only work 60 of the time um because essentially i don't know
what was wrong but it was something with the ignition so we used to get into the car and then
we would all take turns to guess how many takes it was gonna take to start the car up to start up
old thunder but that was just a car that was a little run down and we saw this a little bit with
the golden eagle you know i mean doors coming unlocked is a bit of a red flag yeah but it does
beg the question this is like an easy story to write off because it's a car and we don't normally associate cars as being haunted
like houses are but in a house that that's textbook haunted activities doors opening and
closing very true but for some reason when it happens in a car that's just oh i guess it's
malfunctioning yeah exactly oh the steering wheel locked up like oh the the engine's overheating oh
car problems oh the radio is uh just turned on its own and now it's just
doing a satanic incantation weird car problems hashtag car props better take it to quick fit
yeah i know what you mean i think we're we're a lot used to the um the notion of a haunted house
you know any sort of vehicle can really be cursed i mean we've talked about cursed boats before
we've talked about um ghosts on a We've talked about ghosts on a plane.
I think it's surprising that it's taken us this long to get to a haunted car.
And hell, where do we go from here?
Haunted bikes?
Haunted skateboards?
Anything's possible, truly.
In the world of the paranormal, at least.
But, unfortunately, that is too ambiguous an ending.
Saying that all things are paranormal.
That it's possible to haunt a mode of transport.
We need to come down on a firm answer to this.
So given the information that I have provided to you today, Kit, where is your head at in terms of this cursed car?
So the way I see it is, like in all paranormal investigations, we have true or false.
Is it truly paranormal or not?
And like with this case, we have two paths in the road here.
Oh, nice.
We have one that leads to paranormal highway where ghosts are driven by demons and Nicolas Cage's Ghost Rider or whatever that f***ing movie was.
That's the norm.
Yeah.
And then the other is regular real life as we know it
because right now we're driving down the highway of life all right more road more car stuff and
there's there's a sign up ahead and it says half mile from here turn off for paranormal freeway
and by all accounts there's enough gas in the tank to take us right right from paranormal freeway
all the way into some sort of alternate cursed dimension.
Is this still a conclusion?
Do you remember why you started this sentence?
And granted, that road, that turnoff, is paved with dozens of dead bodies.
Okay.
Seems to be that this paranormal car is on a rampage.
Of course.
So paranormal car, so you're edging towards
you're edging towards the paranormal and yet all right if we don't turn off the road that we're on
leads straight to regular boring ass real life and you know what's at the end of that road
what is the you is the is the fact fact that wendy is just a shitty driver okay i feel like this is the elephant in the room
is so so those are the two roads but you haven't told us which one we're going down yet
it's schrodinger's road man we could take either both that's not a that's not a conclusion though
we need to take one road because the elephant in the room is that wendy has owned this car for decades yeah and
by all accounts this thing has killed year on year very true to the point where her community
are trying to intervene to stop her from driving i don't think this woman even has a driving license
i think this thing's illegal as all hell by all accounts the doors are falling off it have been
for decades none of this shit works.
Steering crapped out years ago.
And yet this thing is still being driven every day by Wendy.
Yeah.
So it's possible that this thing is paranormal.
But what's more likely here?
I'm starting to think that Wendy sucks at driving.
I don't want to put it too much on Wendy because as we said, I mean, this car shouldn't be on the road.
I mean, whether groups in this town have taken it upon themselves to destroy the car because it is cursed or because it is just genuinely a hazard to society that this old, decrepit, dangerous death mobile is roaming about the streets at 50 miles an hour.
Again, I flipop back and forth
between wendy and these these rogue mobs that's right between uh paranormal freeway and regular
um it's a side regular life highway regular life high but if i have to make a decision i think i
just needed something a little extra on the paranormal side i need someone to say that they
saw the car start by itself out of nowhere
yeah we need to see this thing at a crossroads at 1 a.m with no one behind the wheel exactly
or maybe a bit more of a traumatic backstory you know like i say the ancient hieroglyphs
scratch on the inside of the the bonnet exactly anything like that and i think would tip me over
into the sorry steer me over
to paranormal town thank you yeah um because that would just put enough uh spooky gas in the tank
and i'd get that indicator going because that would be an indicator that this thing is paranormal
so i think i'm just gonna have to take regular old town road down here with paranormal city in my rear view.
I think it's normal.
I don't think it's paranormal is what I'm trying to say.
I was trying to do your thing, but I feel like I should just do my thing.
It's not paranormal.
I think it's just a normal car that's very dangerous.
I think we're in complete agreement here.
Okay.
Okay.
That's a bummer but hey thank you so much to brandon gage for emailing in that suggestion to this
paranormal life podcast at gmail.com thanks guys and gals if you would like us to investigate a
paranormal story uh that you have either heard about or you've experienced yourself you can email
that in to the email address that i just mentioned and we will definitely take a look at it and as
always we don't run any ads on this podcast because as soon as you let the mibs and the
money makers at the top stick their grubby little hands in in your art uh which is what this show is
this is high art they start manipulating stuff they start doodling over your masterpiece they
start saying hey why don't you
throw some brown in there and some fluorescent green and you can't say no because they're paying
you we get paid by the people for the people when the people want and sure sometimes the people tell
us what to do yeah granted they they demand via email what we have to cover and we can't say no
we absolutely cannot say and sometimes those people are executives who work for large companies
who are involved in higher up branches of the government and sure sometimes we're
locked into a years-long contracts where we have to churn out a number of episodes every single
month yeah and i am also obliged every hundred episodes to mention chompy's
at least three times whoa call back call back to chompy's the cereal that never gave up the cereal
that never gave up that never goes off that's right we've aware it where i was full of the
shite it's never out of season it's never out of date oh gavin from chompy's on the line here he says uh
just by a text don't call it shite for starters no problemo gavin no more calling chompy's shite
but to keep this podcast fun free from those grubby little fingers we do a little thing called
patreon where from as little as oh maybe two or three dollars a month i never remember which is
the lowest one from as little as one of those you can get your name shouted on the podcast and then at five
dollars we have bonus episodes guys let's be honest what are you doing five dollars a month
that's the kind of thing you don't even realize is gone on a windy day if you see like five bucks
blowing you kind of give it a second thought like oh maybe i should oh it's no never mind it's
it's gone right it's not worth running down the street after you might look feel a little embarrassed
if you ran down the street after five bucks exactly but if you were to scrumple up that
five dollar note uh and throw it into the ocean and then a usb drive popped out of the ocean
with a brand new episode of this paranormal life on it that's
a good deal that's a great deal you gotta provide your own usb drive though you will yeah throw the
usb drive into the ocean and we'll throw it back with a brand new episode on it and we don't do
change either so if you if you have to throw a 20 in you're not you're getting 75 tip right there brother because we're greedy little sea
witches we want it all we're hanging out with wendy under under that sea please uh go check
out the patreon uh it helps us uh keep this show going uh and helps us keep making bonus content
which we love and giving you guys more episodes and as we said if you do give us a little money every month you get your name shouted out right at the end of the podcast so thank you
to olivier lutz huh just like the saying live and let olivier that's right this guy this guy is
pretty much the polar opposite of wendy behind wheel. This guy is letting everything Olivier its own way.
He's driving at 90 and then coming to a screeching halt to stop for a beetle crossing the road.
So he refuses to kill.
Refuses to kill anything.
I mean, everyone should.
You're building it up like that's something really noble.
Are you going to career off the road,
endangering the lives of everyone on the motorway to save a bug?
So he's endangering other lives, though.
Of course.
You're like, he killed four to avoid that beetle.
Actually, he's racked up more deaths than Wendy, let's be honest.
But thank you anyway for your support.
It's pretty noble.
Thanks.
Thanks also to Michael Hendry.
Michael Hendry, we dependry on your support
nice we we hit michael up on venmo like four to five times a morning and uh he almost never replies
he pretty much did it once a couple years back and we've been trying to milk that sucker dry
ever since yeah you think you guys are getting bled with this once a month bullshit no we hit this guy up on the regular on my birthday on my half birthday quarter birthday
christmas half christmas what's a quarter birthday it's a quarter of the half to my birthday it's a
half of the half to my half birth i know less than i did two seconds ago explains why you didn't give
me a present for my my-half birthday, so...
On your deathbed, notebook style, it's revealed that he gave you a present every single time.
They were just being kept from you in a massive pile.
Because it was so weird, the post office thought it was absolutely a bomb.
Like, no one gives someone a quarter birthday card.
Please incinerate all of this.
We thought you were in ISIS.
Thanks, Michael. Thanks.inerate all of this. We thought you were in ISIS. Thanks, Michael.
Thanks. Thanks also to Jay Armstrong. Remember when kids
would buy like a stretch Armstrong?
Yeah. Well, this was the toy that followed
it. A Jay Armstrong.
This wasn't really very
stretchy at all. In fact, it was
incredibly rigid.
But you could kind of crank
the arm back and then use it to
to punch other children oh wow in like fights and things yeah it was discontinued almost
immediately taken off the shelves yeah because it also weirdly it was very rigid but still also
filled with gel which it goes without saying would explode on first contact oh yeah i'm just
googling that now the tagline on the box was punch your fellow boy. That's insane.
Yeah, it was weird. I don't know why
they thought that would sell. Well, Jay,
weird namesake to have.
I'm sure you and your father made a fortune from
liquidating the Armstrong company,
so glad to see you're giving us some
of that. Thanks also to
Julian Hug. Julian,
from the support you're giving us,
you deserve more than a hug. One date, any city, any restaurant you want, hug. Julian, from the support you're giving us, you deserve more than a hug.
One date.
Any city.
Any restaurant.
You want, Julian.
That's what you get from the amount.
I'm looking at it here.
Oh, shit.
He just messaged back.
Singapore.
No boo.
I don't think we can afford that, bro.
Shit.
Julian, have you been to London, my friend?
They just got a new five guys by the house Julian
do you like Nando's Julian
they do Cajun fries Julian
and I will pay
we'll go split seas
I'm actually a little short this much
Julian I'm gonna need you to
front this one for me
this meal is like a fraction of what I give you
every month to make the podcast
you're gonna have to cover this one Julian I need breakfast This meal is like a fraction of what I give you every month to make the podcast.
You're gonna have to cover this one, Julian.
I need breakfast too.
Let's stop by a Tesco to get a meal deal.
This is breakfast.
I mean second breakfast.
Thanks also to Jose de Luna.
Jose, can you see?
Jose, I have a very interesting offer for you, my friend. I want to take you out for drinks any city any place any time just you just me just can't and you're paying jose and sure i got enough
cash in this wallet to pay for the whole thing the flights the hotels the drinks but you know
this is your thing this is your reward i don't want to take that away from you. You should be able to pay for the whole night, you know?
Maybe we go to Vegas or something afterwards.
On your dime, obviously.
It's his thing, so he should pay?
I want this to be his thing.
That's his reward?
If you think I'm going to pay?
No way, Jose.
That's what I'll tell him.
I don't think Jose's going to take that very well.
He actually just paid for his half and left the restaurant.
The waiter comes over to me.
Please tell me your name is Jose, sir.
No, it's Michael.
Shit.
He actually paid for his half, left.
And on the way, I alerted the waiter, said,
Those guys don't have any money.
Call the police.
Nah, they will try to run.
The police were...
It was a sting operation.
They were waiting at the back door.
After the shit we pulled with the last guy.
After the shit we pulled at French Laundry,
Napa Valley,
one of the most expensive restaurants we could possibly choose.
Thank you,
Jose,
for your support.
Thanks also to Kristen Armstrong.
Another member of the Armstrong family.
Wow, it is a true honor to have your family of toy makers listening to this podcast.
Now, obviously, when the company was liquidated, Kristen was resistant.
She sold that bad boy to the U.S. military.
What?
That's right.
They used to drop the Armstrong line of toys behind military lines where they would just hammer the Nazis.
Really? Toy Story style? I didn't realize they were animated.
Yeah, it was a mix between the Armstrong line of toys and then a bunch of other toys that they had kind of like Sid from Toy Story style mashed together.
Sure.
Like this dumb spider with a baby's head.
Of course.
That weird shit
just threw it.
And the war was over
almost immediately
because that's not something
you're trained to handle
on the battlefield.
That spider with a baby's head
single-handedly
took a couple of
really major
hold points.
Yeah, really turned the tide
of the war.
So thank you
for your service. Thanks also
to Mikael L. Gentry.
Wow, Mikael L. fell down
a well to hell and
popped out the other side
somewhere in Australasia. He was a
pretty chill guy before, but after...
You abandoned the rhyme thing so fast.
Well, I wasn't trying to rhyme.
This is just the facts.
So, what happened? This isn't like a weird nursery rhyme. Of course. Oh, I wasn't trying to rhyme. This is just the facts. Oh, so what happened? This isn't
like a weird nursery rhyme. Of course.
Oh, jeez. Is he okay? No!
He used to be a chill guy. He doesn't
talk anymore. He saw some pretty
effed up things down there. He fell down a
well to hell? Oh, yeah.
I'm so sorry, Mikkel. I hope
you're well. He isn't swell.
Thanks also to Andrew Steen.
Whoa-oh, it's andrew the steam train
he's a lean mean fighting machine he's a heavyweight titleman he's called the steam
because uh he's world-class heavyweight for exactly one punch and then he is out of steam so bad stamina really for
terrible stamina but if that punch connects he could knock out the best of them wow that is such
an impressive record to have mike tyson a bear put anything in front of them he will knock it
out unless he misses in which case he's done for he's obliterated i mean the bear would rip him to shreds oh yeah he'd be dead because he's lost all the state all his
steam and granted in fights he is uh he's uh zero to 14 he like his record is not good oh no no
because the amount of power that he has to focus into one fist draws out from the rest of his body
so his legs kind of go his vision narrows to a pinpoint so so it's
actually really hard to hit that him trying to make that punch is very much luke skywalker trying
to take down the death star he has to focus all of his energy and training on making that connect
yeah and if it doesn't it's the end of his universe it's the absolute end
of him and he hasn't he hasn't made it yet he hasn't made the connection yet but when he does
it's gonna be a big it's gonna be a big hit earth shattering and when you do we will be at the mgm
grand casino to celebrate andrew let's do it your dime your winnings of course yeah of course thanks
also to olivia powell olivia uh sounds like she
might be similar to olivier in his kind of live and let live attitude yeah not at all olivia is
a cold-blooded murderer oh yeah foul powell they call her anything that you know comes to life she
has to bring it to death she has to end it a beautiful caterpillar becomes a butterfly smushed
She used to hand it.
A beautiful caterpillar becomes a butterfly smushed.
Anything, just anything gets her.
Yeah, just like a leaf on the ground, she used to smush it with her foot.
But weirdly, she has an affection for this show and this podcast.
Please don't smush us.
Please keep us alive.
And thank you for your support, your life support.
Thanks also to Ryan Griffin.
If it isn't Ryan Grifting Griffin.
He's always engaged in some sort of small-scale swindle.
Little scam, little sneaky bastard.
For a name like Griffin as well, such a magnificent mythological beast, you should have some class, Grifting.
But your honesty, like the Griffin itself, is's just a lie it's a legend it's fake
but thank you for taking some of that annihilating brian here but thank you for taking some of that
scheme money yeah and throwing it our way if you need help with schemes and scams and other things
that would give us more money let us know we have no problem with scams or grifting.
Because just like Nessie,
our honesty also doesn't exist.
So get in contact, please.
Thanks, lastly, but not leastly,
to James Drain.
James, if it wasn't for you,
I would have drained my bank account dry.
But that little trickle that you give me every month,
those little droplets,
they keep this flower blossoming.
And I hope it's not a pain, Drain,
you know, because I don't think you're insane
to give us this, there's no word
for money that rhymes with Drain.
And I'm only realizing that now.
Blang.
Sweet, shiny, blang.
So thank you, James Dane, for the blang.
And thank you so much to everyone that we shouted out.
If you're waiting on your shout out, don't worry, folks.
It's coming.
We got a little bit of a backlog, but we're powering through them.
Thank you so much for joining us for this episode of This Paranormal Life.
We'll be back next week with a paranormal tale.
This Paranormal Life.
We'll be back next week with a paranormal tale. But until then, remember to live fast, investigate, and die young, baby.