Trailer Park Boys Presents: Park After Dark - Episode 101 - We Are the Champions…?

Episode Date: July 10, 2017

This week’s podca$h comes to you from the front of Bubbles’ shed! Bubbles and Julian are amazed when Ricky correctly pronounces something he has struggled with his entire life. PLUS: Are we in an alternate universe, or are we just stoned? Episode 101 is brought to you by the Official Trailer Park Boys Store and the Boys' own Freedom 35 lager, now available across Canada!  

The fuck you doing man? Coming in like your actual news broadcast this time. Alright, are we starting? Let's get this, can I get it going or what? I just want to start by saying thanks, man, for the fucking, this nice tent. Beautiful tent, bubs. These fucking things are the most addictive new food to me. These jalapeno fucking crunches, for heaven's Christ's sake.

Jesus, they're good. Ricky. And the little... Did you, wait. Did you hear what you just called them? I just caught that as well. What happened? You pronounced it right.

I did? For the first time in your life. First time in your entire life you said jalapeno. You said jalapeno. Well that's just what Chipper called them. Well that's what they're called. What does it mean? They're not jalapeno. Well you would call them jalapeno.

Oh, well he didn't tell me they were fucking jalapeno. He said jalapeno. Well it's the, see, they're the same thing though, Ricky. Except one of them's spelt right and one of them isn't. See, you just did something right and then he just fucked it up. I do have to complain

about the fucking health health burgers, though. That's a chicken breast burger, man. What do you mean health? It's not health. Do I look like I eat health? It's not healthy, Ricky.

It's a fucking dirty old chicken burger with mayonnaise and lettuce on it. Pretty fucking good. It's not health. All right. Let's get this started. It's not a health. All right. Let's get this started.

Who's doing the intro? All right, fuckers. What's going on? This is the official Trailer Park podcast. It's coming at you right now live from Sunnyvale, kinda. This is episode 101. Well, it's not really live. Where are we located?

In front of Bubble Shed. My shed. Nice fucking tent to put up. I stole this from the film fellas. They got a track over there with all kinds of equipment on it. And I was like, that looks like a big tent. I pulled her out and look what I got.

You know what? You just started a war. You know what? You started a war with those guys. You know how they are with the fucking tent. I am keeping that. I am no way to getting that back. What number is it?

101. I said it because last week. It was 100. It was a conch shell. Still a little sore. I said it because last week was a con show. Still a little sore. I got a little banged up. You took a nasty fall. I think somebody shoved me.

No, I watched the tapes. Nobody was even close to you. So we partied for how many hours straight? That day was what? At least 72. Yeah, that's not a day. That's three days, bud. I know.

How many hours I said, didn't I? I said hours, not days. Listen. About 72 hours. It was a good one. All right. We done? You were doing blades earlier today, I saw.

I haven't done blades in fucking years, man. You know what? They're a little harsher than I remembered, but they get the job done they fucking hit you pretty quick now for the home viewers that don't know what doing blades is well probably everybody does know but you should just explain it Ricky you take a fucking blowtorch take two knives make sure they're not good quality like real silver or some shit heat the fuck out of the tips take a little piece of, put it down into a little ball, pick it up with one blade, squish the little fuckers together. It's kind of like a modern day dab, but way fucking cooler. Hot knives. They're also called hot knives.

I wonder if you could do dabs on hot knives. Holy shit. Yeah, man. I'm going to try it. Of course you could, but why would you do it if you've got a dab machine with a red hot deal and you just go... What if you've got no power? Well, Rick... Ricky, I just know what's going to happen if you start doing dabs off fucking hot knives. You're going to be all burned like you used to be. You used to have those straight fucking burns all over your lips.

I got them like four times in a row. Ding, ding, ding. It was crazy, man. Four burns. Well, you shouldn't do hot knives when you fucking have a quart of rum in you. Although, the time he did dabs when he was drunk and he put his lips on the red hot bowl,

he had the two burns, two circular burns, and he looked like Pappy Le Pew. Pappy, yeah. He looked like he had pursed lips all the time. Pursed. Remember? He doesn like he had pursed lips all the time. Pursed. Remember? He doesn't know what pursed lips means.

No. I don't know. How does, where does that expression come from? Pursed lips? Pursed lips. Well, if you got them like this. Can I see? Yeah.

Is that supposed to look like a purse? Well, fuck, don't do that. Don't do that again. Don't look at me that way again, Bubz. Here, Julian. So does purse mean more than one thing? Bubz, get the fuck... What? I'm pursing my lips.

Does purse mean more than one thing? Yes, there's a purse. A lady's purse. Your bum purse is, you know, people that keep things in there like a wallet. People have... Ladies have purses, though. Yeah. So your lips aren't supposed to look like one of a lady's purse.

Is that what you're trying to tell me? What are you calling a lady's purse? A purse or a lady purse? No, a purse. A money collector. Money holder. You're whatever you say about it. It's a fucking purse.

Let's move on from the purse. Okay, we got off fucking track. All right, bubs, here we go. A little trivia for you. You probably don't know this. It's a fucking purse. Let's move on from the purse. Okay, we got off fucking track. All right, bubs, here we go. A little trivia for you. You probably don't know this. James McCartney. Who the fuck is that? Paul's dad. Shit. Do you know when his birthday is?

Well, I'm guessing it's today. I fucked that up. It's totally today. I'm guessing it's today, otherwise you wouldn't be asking me. He would have been born around, let me think. Paul was born in 40... Who gives a fuck? Who, I believe, I would say around 19...

between 1900 and 1910. Who else? You're pretty close. Who else's birthday? 1902. There you go. Paul McCartney's dead. He's fucking old. If Paul McCartney's dead, didn't get all horned up that night and lay some pipe, the Beatles wouldn't have existed. So he's 117?

Well, he's not alive, Ricky. Oh, they didn't say that. Also, this is a coincidence, Ringo Starr. It's his birthday today. Bull shit. See, that is not a coincidence. That is a fucking conspiracy right there. You have it.

The Beatles are alive. You don't even know what the fucking conspiracy means. Just wait now. Let's just hear him out. Ricky, you just said the Beatles are a lie. You don't even know what the fucking conspiracy means. Just wait now. Let's just hear him out. Ricky, you just said the Beatles are a lie. Yep. Walk me back through your logic. Do you know what the fucking chances of that would be?

Pretty good. Not that crazy. That two people would be born... That'd be one in 10,000. Minimum. Okay, so even if it was... Well, even if it was, who cares? So how does that prove the Beatles are a lie, Ricky?

I just think it's one of the openings that, you know, when you're going through facts, you're like, ah, ah, something doesn't add up here. I'm gonna go in the back door and fucking figure this shit out. So I would start with, I want to see some fucking birth certification. Okay. Get that the fuck going. And then I'm telling you, something's up. That's too much of a coincidence. So who wrote all those, all those, the greatest songs in history? Were those just fake people? No.

Either Ringo was fake or Paul's dad was fake. Which is really complicated because if Paul's dad's fake, he wouldn't even get born. So I'm thinking he's real. Ringo is probably either an alien or a Russian imposter. Spy. Because he had the same birth date as Paul McCartney's dad. That's how the Russians do it. They're smart.

That's how they do it, bubs. That's how they got him in there. Hey, it's Paul McCartney's dad's birthday. You got to get the fuck to that party, bud. Get in there and show them how you can play drums. This is, see, this is how conspiracy theory people get carried away on the internet right here. That's the prime example.

Is Earth flat? Let's get into this one. We know it is. Is it flat? It is, he believes that. We've talked about it. It's flat as fuck. You're so fucked. It's flatter than your mother.

What a, oh yeah, okay, here we go. else do we got? Anything that's fucking worth talking about? I don't know. Troy Geraghty, he was born. Who was that? Dono, American actor. Patrick Lallime. Oh yeah, that's the guy from the... he was a goalie for the fucking Penguins. Alright, how can we know that guy? Alright, Jim Gaffigan, American comedian. He was born today.

What a fucking shitty day for birthdays. Real shitty, man. Well, Ricky, you're saying all these people are shitty? Everybody that's born July 7th, you're not that fucking excited. I'm sorry. Michelle Kwan, figure skater. Oh, I knew her. She was, yeah.

She's born in 1980. All right, take it back. July 7th's okay for birthdays. All right, who here thinks Mila Djokovic is as hot as fuck? Uh, was or is or both? Both. Was, for sure. I know you're a big fan.

Haven't seen her lately. My hands up. Okay. Well, this is for... Back in... Back in 1456, a retrial verdict acquits Joan of Arc. She had the orange hair. Back in 1456, a retrial verdict acquits... Jonah Verrick. Back in 1456.

Now, we're not talking about fucking... What was the name of the movie? Mila Jovovich? Yeah. Why are you talking about Mila Jovovich? Because back in 1456, on this day, a retrial verdict acquits Jonah Verrick of, here you say, 25 years after her death. What a fucking shame. That is a goddamn shame. Because she was just young when they what do they do? What's that got to do with Mila Jovovich cuz she played Jonah Varick man in that movie. It's just weird

I tied all that together. Don't tell me you didn't see that movie. I didn't Bullshit what movie guaranteed you wax the fucking goalie to that one of you. I've never seen it. What is it? What's it called? Joan of Arc. I never saw it. I swear to fuck. I saw Mila Jovovich in the futuristic movie where she's got the little skimpy gear on. Yeah, that was hot. I cranked it to that one.

I'll admit that. Not a lot of crazy shit happened on July 7th either. What the fuck are you talking about? You know why? Because everybody's hungover from Canada Day and from July 4th. Yeah, you're probably right. That's why there's not a lot of big events. Everybody was in bed.

No, no, no, no. There's a lot of shit. That Jane Hoffa was elected chairman of the Teamsters on this day in 61. And that guy, Jimmy Hoffa, we already talked about. All you need is love was released. That's big, I guess. Do you think? Doors light my fire. It's not a bad song.

A couple of pretty big ones. Canada's House of Commons approves equality of French-English language. What the fuck does that even mean? He doesn't know? Rick, think about it. What? See, this is times where you gotta... It says it makes them equal. So it makes them equal.

Why the fuck wouldn't they be equal? Because they, you know, they didn't have fucking French signs and shit. Now it's like English and French signs all over Canada. So do the English fuck the French or do the French fuck the English? I don't know. Who was here first? Why can't everyone just get high and fuck off and love each other? French. The sign's all over Canada. So do the English fuck the French or do the French fuck the English? I don't know. Who was here first? Why can't everyone just get high and fuck off and love each other? How about this one, Ricky? In 1875

on this day. Good year. Jesse James robbed a train in Otterville, Missouri. Oh, that's fucking cool. That guy was fucking cool. Yeah. He was pretty cool, but he was a ruthless killer. Let's not forget. Oh, well, I don't like that part about him, I guess. Let's not forget.

He was a murderous prick. Well, back then, you know, you wanted some money. You were allowed to walk around with a gun and shoot people. He had a set of nuts on him, though. I wish I had his nuts. Just for a week. He had a set of nuts on him? I'm fearless.

How do you know he had big nuts? Well, you gotta have big nuts to fucking do some of the shit he did. It's no fucking room. Ricky, that's just a figure of speech. Well, you gotta have big nuts to fucking do some of the shit he did. It's no fucking room. Ricky, that's just a figure of speech. No, it started somewhere. They started measuring people's nuts. And people that were crazy, they found, had bigger nuts. When someone says, that guy has balls to do that,

they don't mean that he's got huge fucking balls. It's just a fucking... I beg your pardon. I think it does mean that. So you just said they started measuring people's nuts. They did a study and said, why the fuck are these lunatics different than everybody else? They measured every part of their body, tested their blood, looked at their heart, their brain. Do you have any evidence of this whatsoever, Rick?

It was in a science magazine that I borrowed at the library in grade 7. Okay, so you couldn't read in grade 7. Clearly you're lying, Ricky. I was gonna... Because if you never read a science magazine or definitely not borrowed one, you might have wrecked a page out of one to fucking roll a joint with. He didn't even know the alphabet in fucking grade seven.

Fuck I didn't. Bullshit. That's true. There was two letters you were always forgetting. Where were they? Well, P and Q. That's why everybody There was two letters you were always forgetting. What were they? Well, P and Q. That's why everybody kept saying to him, Ricky, you've got to learn to watch your P's and Q's. All right. But he knew the element... That was the weird part.

He knew elemental P, but then when he would do it all in a row, he would leave out P and Q. Elemental... Elemental... R. Elemental... Yeah, that's fucked. Elemental R. T-U-N-O... L-M-N-R-R-R. R. L-M-N-R... Yeah, that's fucked. L-M-N-O-R-T-U-X.

Okay, Ricky, just wait. I'm gonna talk about something here. Okay. Do it. And I want you to just, I mean, are you... I want you to take a deep breath, because I think this might make you blow a fucking gasket. Okay.

Ready? Don't hurt his brain, bubs. Do I hold it or just release it? Release it. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay.

Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay a gasket. Okay, I heard a scream, bubs. Do I hold it or just release it? Release it. I was reading about this thing, this phenomenon, on the internet called the Mandela Effect. The what?

That's not the part that's gonna freak you out, Rick. You talking about that leader guy? Yes, that's where the name comes from.. You talking about that leader guy? Yes. That's where the name comes from. All right. Smart fellow. Smart fella. Sexy.

So what it is, is there's all kinds of people, like thousands, tens, millions of people that all have the wrong memories of certain things. Right. So there was a theory going around when they fired up the Halden Collider there last year,

a couple years ago, they instantaneously shot to, we shot to an alternate universe and a couple things are different. That part I don't believe.

That sounds fucked. But, a couple of the things that I read, the memories, I have the wrong memories too. Bob,

so you're a, what do you call yourself? No, let me just... Okay, let me... Here, I'll just give you the one that blew my mind. C-3PO. Yep. R2D2's body.

Good, good guy. What color is the cocksucker? Gold. He's fucking gold, man. Right, is he gold? He's gold head to college. He's gold. He's fucking right he is.

Like he just was dipped in gold, right? Yep. That's the way I remember him. Even his cock, I bet, is gold. It would be. Guess what? What? The cocksucker has a silver leg.

Bull fucking shit he does. C-3PO has a silver leg from the knee down on his right leg. I didn't believe it either. That's no fucking way, man. I'm telling you. I've watched that movie a thousand times. And everybody in the world remembers him being totally fucking gold. Nobody remembers him.

So what does this have to do with Mandela? R2-D2 was yellow, right? Well, the fact that everybody in the fucking world remembers him being all gold, and then all of a sudden, if you go get your Star Wars VHS tape, the original 1977 version, in your trailer, and you watch it right now, he's got a silver leg. Cool. If that is true, then the guy that made him would remember. Yes, but what they're saying is if we switched universes, everything changed.

It's just remnants of memories in people's heads. So we switched universes. Well, that's one theory. The other theory is that everybody's just... But why would we all forget that if it really was a silver leg? Why would we? I don't know. How about nobody was looking at his fucking legs or their fucking... Are we used to that? The fucking mid-region? But nobody, nobody remembers a silver leg. Like nobody? Are you, there's got to be somebody out there that remembers that shit. I don't think there is.

There's nobody that remembers the lake. Okay, Julian. Do you remember the Berenstein Bears? No. Do you remember the books, Berenstein Bears? Yeah, the books, yeah. Right? Fuck. I had... Guess what?

What, man? They weren't called the Berenstein Bears. What were they called? The Berenstain? They were called... No, the Berenstain Bears. Bullshit. S- The Berenstein. They were called, no, the Berenstain Bears. Bullshit. S-T-A-I-N is how it's spelled. No chance.

No fucking way. I'm telling you, it is. S-T-E-E-N or E, what's the other letter that works? I.

I-N. That's the way I remember. Like a stain on your clothes. That's how it's actually spelled. Don't fucking believe you. Well, I didn't believe it either, and I went and watched. How does that happen? So, basically, the concept is it's a bear and a big stain.

That's how they came about, I guess. I didn't think it was that kind of a stain. No, I'm not even saying that, Ricky. I'm just saying the Berenstain Bears, which is what I remember, were actually the Berenstain Bears. I don't fucking believe you, Matt. Well, I'm telling you. I've got to look this up. You research it Bears. I don't fucking believe you, man. Well, I'm telling you... I gotta look this up.

You research it yourself. I have my fucking computer. You research it yourself. What else you got? That's a good one, too. I fucked that one up. Yeah, let me think of some other ones. That means I'm normal.

Oh. This is one that kind of freaked me out. Forrest Gump. You know that silly bastard. Yeah. I live as... Or no, the shrimp. Big Daddy Shrimp. That kind of freaked me out. Forrest Gump, you know that silly bastard. Yeah. Life was, I don't know, it was a shrimp. Big Daddy Shrimp.

Bubba. Bubba Gump. Yeah, Bubba Gump. But when he's sitting on the bench talking to the lady and he's saying what his mom said to him, what's he say? Life is like a box of chocolate. Wrong! He never said that in the movie. Where did it come from?

Life is like a box of chocolate. That's what he said. No, he did not. from? Life is like a box of chocolate. That's what he said. No he did not. He said life was like a box of chocolates. That's not the way I remember it. Life was like it? He didn't say was. That's what he says in the fucking movie. I just watched it to double check it because I didn't believe it either. Life was? Life was like a box of chocolates. That's what his mother said. And then what? It turned into something of a different life. And Hannibal Lecter? Yeah.

He never said hello, Clarice. Yes, he did. Nope. You've been saying that for fucking years. It scared the shit out of you. Hello, Clarice. Whatever you're doing. Remember when I used to put the raw bacon on my face and come in your bedroom? Hello, Clarice.

Oh, God, that scared the fuck out of me. Who said it then? Somebody said it. It's never said in the fucking movie, I, Clarice. Oh, God, that scared the fuck out of me. Who said it then? Somebody said it. It's never said in the fucking movie, I'm telling you. Oh, yeah! And you want to hear another fucked one? Can't wait. Queen, We Are The Champions. How many times have we sang that?

Of the... How many times have we... We are the champions, we are the champions Of the world Yeah, guess what? At the end of the song? Is that how you think the song ends, boys? Because we are the champions of the world. That's how it ends in Marvel.

No, it doesn't. He doesn't say of the world. It just ends. So I guess, what, aliens are part of all this? Is that what you're saying? I just, I'm just saying maybe we're in an alternate universe. I gotta go watch all this shit right now wait what is this i don't know but it's taking my head right off my goddamn body what are you guys smoking oh here just wait watch this magic powder

20 examples of the mandala effect here we go here we go. Here we go. War of bullshit. No, look. There it is. The Berenstain fucking bears. Unbelievable. Curious George never had a fucking tail. You kidding me? Yes, he did.

No, he doesn't have one. Why doesn't he have a tail? I don't know, but I remember him swinging from trees by his tail. This is not a real monkey. No, he's not a real monkey. Look, C-3PO isn't all gold. That's fucked. That is fucked. I still don't believe it. That's just photocopied. Oh, yeah, Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood. Yeah. Watch the jingle at the start. Oh, Jimmy. Oh, Jimmy. No. My neighbor. It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood. It's

a beautiful day in the neighborhood. The's a beautiful day in the neighborhood. The kids are playing. Yeah, guess what? He never sings, it's a beautiful day in the neighborhood. Yes, he does. Someone else does. Nope. The line is, it's a beautiful day in this neighborhood.

Don't believe that. Well, I'm telling you. Well, I've been taking it. Ricky used to watch a lot of that when he was younger. And he used to sing it all the time. So Ricky fucked me up for that one. This is a weird thing to say to people. Falling fat people are a health risk, Hamilton City Councilor says.

Falling people? Falling fat people. Falling fat people? What the fuck are you talking about? Has it been raining fat people lately? Or what are they talking about? Are fat people jumping off buildings and killing people? Randy fell down the stairs a few times.

Did he always kill somebody? The city councilor thinks fat people are a health hazard because they could fall on you. What the fuck? He blurted out the comment during a debate on a sugar-free drinks policy in Hamilton. I know this fellow that was skydiving. He was pushing 300. Shoot didn't open, survived. But if there was somebody underneath him,

they would have died. All right, well, you know what? We'll put a pin in that. Let's put a pin in that one. Not to keep harping on it, boys, but Ricky, what was your favorite peanut butter when we were kids? I liked Skippy. I liked the Kraft Smooth.

I liked the Jiffy... what's it called? Jiffy. Jiffy peanut butter. It's our favorite stuff. No, there is no such thing as Jiffy peanut butter. Bull fucking shit. It's called Jif. No it isn't. Just J-I-F.

There's no Jiffy. They've changed it. You know what? That fucking thing that happened... They did not change it. What did you call it when they spun something and sent us to different... The Howden Collider. Yeah, it happened.

And Stephen Hawking said, don't fire the fucking thing up. You don't know what you're doing. You could open a black hole and we could instantaneously get sucked into it. So is any of this real? So, I don't know. Are you guys real? We could be in a big computer sim. So, none of us are real, I real? So, I don't know. Are you guys real?

We could be in a big computer sim. None of us are real, I guess, Buzz. I don't know what you're saying. Listen, let's wait and see if this will play. Let's just see. Oh fuck, remember those electric company car guys, the Tesla fellas? Model 3 comes out today.

Crank that up. Play the box. All right, let's hear it. Best of all threes finally here. Sing it, Pubs. Listen. Listen. What the fuck? Song just ends. We are the champions. What the fuck?

Song just ends. Do they say that like before? It's not a different version. Would you ever buy an electric car, bud? I would. No way. 35 grand for the Tesla Model 3. Really?

Yeah. Elon Musk. What? Elon Musk, he's the owner of Tesla. He invented it, and he's also the SpaceX guy. Is that like a nickname? Musky? He's musky?

Musky balls? No, that's his real... What? Well, people give a musk a whole hand. You ever smell him? He's musky. Yeah, but he's a bad musk. I bet Elon is a good musk. A smart musk.

A good smart musk. A smart musk. A good smart musk. A smart musk. Ricky, I swear to fuck you, wipe me on that. Can't you eat something without getting it all over you, man? What is that? It's a little chip dip now. It's hopefully mayonnaise, because I hope it's not something else. It's all in your hair and your arm, man.

So you're just scooping up an unidentified white cream off your arm and eating it with a chip. He does that all the time. Hey, boys, fuck. Unidentified white cream, man. No problem, I'll eat it. Says Ricky. Cockatoos repress opposite sex with Phil Collins-style drum solos. I didn't know birds could play drums.

Bull fucking shit, man. Here, read it then, dummy. I don't believe anything. Because if it's fucking there, it's real. That's from a real fucking news feed. The first footage of cockadoos bashing out drum solos with little sticks and seed pods what are believed to be musical displays to impress the opposite sex. So they beat on drums, they get banged.

That fucking impresses me more than it probably impresses them. So you'd probably bang a parrot playing a fucking set of drums then, would you? I have a whole new respect for them. How would you bang a parrot playing a fucking set of drums then, would you? I have a whole new respect for them. How would you bang a parrot? Wrap him in duct tape so he doesn't explode. You must have somewhere you can put something in. Hmm. Okay, what else do we got?

That's gross. Oh, here's another one. A poutine donut on Tim Horton's Canada Day menu for American customers only. What? Poutine donut? Sounds fucked, but why wouldn't they offer it to us? We fucking invented poutine. How do you make a poutine donut?

Nah. Like poutine flavored? It tastes like... Too many words, bud. Don't know. Poutine donut. To celebrate Canada's 150th, Tim Horton's is serving up a patriotic food on the menu. A donut, smothered in poutine and an iced cappuccino coffee drink, topped with whipped cream, maple flakes... Just wait.

What the fuck? I gotta see what this poutine donut is. It's covered in poutine, I guess. Cheese curds and shit? Why the fuck wouldn't they offer it to us? 10p. What? There's a pitcher. Oh, there's a pitcher.

No, there's not. No. Mm-hmm. Oh, no, keep going. There we go. Oh, my. Jesus. May have wanted to put that a little closer to the front.

Yeah, throw that up. What is that dirty whore? Jesus Christ. You know what? It could either be really good or really fucked and shitty. I bet you it's delicious because remember that time we had a burger down in somewhere? I think it was in Memphis. We had a burger but the buns were two Krispy Kreme donuts.

Yeah, that's a heart attack burger. Oh fuck, I forgot about that. That was fucking good. Remember you started screaming and punching holes in the wall. You were so excited, Ricky. Remember that? You were like, this is the best fucking hamburger I've ever had. Fully erect.

Yeah. One of the best things I ever put in my mouth. Yeah. Besides the girl. Bubbles, mama. All right. I don't know. James Hoffa, elected chairman of... I remember we had a theory where Hoffa was buried.

Ricky had a theory. Remember? What did he say? I believe he thought he was in a couch. Oh, he was in a sofa that was on the side of the road. He was in a folded-up sofa. Fucking never found it. 1962, the United States performs nuclear tests at Nevada test site.

I was remembering that. You don't remember that, Randy. Researchers suggest replacing car honks with duck quacks. Oh, my God. What's that going to do? Imagine down in New York City, fucking quack, quack. It would drive you fucking nuts. Researchers are tackling sound pollution from loud car horns by developing

a beep which apparently sounds like a duck's quack. Quack. I'd rather hear quack, fuck you, quack, fuck you. Quack, quack. Just a fuck you. If you get really pissed off and you lay on it, it just goes quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, qu Are you all right, Ricky? Whoa, what happened there?

You got one of those when you get on a loop. It's like a record that won't go its way. It's found in most friendly for pedestrians passing by, so it's more of a friendly. There's no such thing as a friendly horn, man. People are fucking crazy. Friendly ducks. Friendly horns. Remember I wired up a loop thing to my horn.

Used to go, hey, buddy. Yeah, that was a new one. The classical car horns. Ah-hoo-ga. Ah-hoo-ga. Remains a famous sound in early modern, but it came to be replaced by the other attention grabbing sounds.

Some of those clank songs have come to be found very irritating, however. Alright. That's a fox. Boys, in 1996, STS-78, which was the Columbia, landed. Who, the what? STS-78, which was a space

shuttle mission, Ricky. Number 78, which was the Columbia, landed on this day in 96. I wonder if it was full of blow. All right, 1997. Come from Columbia, Ricky. It landed from space. Why was it named Columbia?

There must have been a situation with a couple of the astronauts, I'm guessing. Trying to do a little deal. What, with a cartel? We're just going to make a little pit stop down here, pick up some goods before we go to space. I guarantee you there's no links between NASA and fucking the cartel. I guarantee you. There's nothing.

Yeah, I'd be very surprised if there was a... I'd be very surprised. Back in 97, Tiger Woods wins Gulf Western Open. Like, what the fuck happened to that guy? What do you think? He's all banged up all the time. Right. He's probably on the Columbia as well.

Well, if you had fucking half a billion dollars in the bank, I'm guessing you'd be a bit banged up. I wouldn't be banged up at all. I would turn that half a billion into one billion. That would be my goal. Who wants to be a half a billionaire. Why would you need a half? If you got 500 million you pretty much won the fucking game.

What the fuck is this all about? No, you pretty much won the game and you're a billionaire. That's when you can fucking seriously get things done. So you'd start trying to... What would you do to turn a half a million into a billion? Lottery tickets. I don't know man, I'd buy like shopping malls and shit like that, flip them, fix them up a bit. Do like Renaults, do like a shopping mall renault thing. So you'd be like a buy it, flip it guy except with malls.

Yeah, well everybody's flipping things these days man. I'd buy a... Why is the mall fucking failing in the first place? Because it doesn't look... Because nobody goes to the fucking mall anymore, that's why. So there's a terrible investment. Okay, you're down a hundred million now. I'd buy every Ferris wheel. Every Ferris wheel in the world, I'd buy them. Then you'd have

a monopoly, and you'd fucking up your prices. It's like, fuck you, I own them all. You want to go on one, you're paying more money. And then once they pay more money, sell them. Shoot and match. How many millions of dollars do you think there is on the planet of fucking Ferris wheels? Ferris wheels. It's gotta be hundreds.

So you'd drop a couple of hundred million on Ferris wheels? I don't even think it would cost you that much. I bet you'd get them all for 20 million. No. Oh my fuck. No you would not. The one in Vegas alone is worth more than that. What? And the one in fucking England. For a Ferris wheel? And the London Eye is worth more than that. What? And the one in fucking England. For a Ferris wheel. And the London Eye is worth more than 20 million. Dumb name. Bad idea.

So how much would you spend on your Ferris wheel investment, Ricky? As much as it takes to get the monopoly. If it's not that, buy every fucking rink in the world. You have a monopoly. Charge more. What if you bought every monopoly game and had a monopoly on monopoly? That's fucking great. Brilliant. Because then you could sell

it for more. You'd own them all. You want one, you don't have to pay this much. Sorry, bud. I own them all. Every fucking one of them. And you'd sell them at Julian's $150 million losses at the malls he owns. I would make sure that it wasn't losing money, bubs. You could talk and work something out.

You could put your Ferris wheels in his mall parking lot. Or we could just put them up your ass. There we go. And you could both be broke again and be like, yeah, we lost. What would you do, fucking Mr. Business Guy, with $500 million? Put her in the bank. Yeah, that's lots of fun. Put her in the bank.

I'm going to make 10% on it a year. Guess what I'm making a year? 50 mil! Did you guys know that the seven wonders of the world got fucking changed by somebody? Yes. Why? What was wrong with the old ones? Some of them got busted.

Who did? One of them got... I remember one of them got destroyed in an earthquake, a big one. Here's the original ones. The Pyramid of Giza. Yeah. That's no good anymore? Yeah, it's still a seven wonder.

Nope. What is it? I believe it is. It's not number one anymore. Hanging Gardens of Babylon. That was number two. Those are gone. What happened to them?

They fell down. They used to be hanging and they dropped. Oh, it says destroyed by earthquakes. Yeah. Temple of Artemis at E-P-H-I-S-S. Ephesus? Destroyed by arson. Great.

Somebody burned the cocksuckers to the ground. Statue of Zeus. Zeus. Zeus. Zeus, yeah. He was a great god. That Olympic grease destroyed by a fire or earthquake. They're not sure, I guess. Fuck, it's got to be one of them because it's gone.

Jesus. Why would they say that? Well, it might be a good idea to ask Zeus why he left the only statue of him. The mausoleum of mausolos at Haley Karnasus. You should never be given things like this to read. You shouldn't be reading other languages, Ricky. It was disassembled. Why?

Why would you fucking take that apart? Because a bunch of dicks fucking... Because nobody could pronounce it. Yeah, I bet I'd get that one. The Colossus of roadies. That was destroyed. Fuck, they're all fucking destroyed. No wonder they didn't pick new ones. So, let's just sum it up to this.

Out of the seven wonders of the world, only one left, and that's the fucking pyramids. Julian. It's Julian. It's still standing. He should be over there. Seven, look, Julian's muscles. Number six. Real funny. Seven wonders. Look, Julian's muscles, number six. Real funny.

Seven wonders of the world. Mechu Piku. Machu Picchu. That's one of them, though. Yeah, that should be. Who's Chris Redeemer of Rio? No, Christ the Redeemer. That's the big Jesus statue up there overlooking the city.

Petra. So, you know what? Going back to the fucking 500 million. Great Wall of China, that's a good one. You can see it from space. I would construct a fucking wonder of the world and charge money for people to go. Like, I'd be rich forever.

What would it be? Pyramid of Chicken Itza. Pyramid where? Of Chicken Itza. Chicken Itza. I bet you, you know what's going to happen? Do you want me to build those skysccrapers we're talking about in space? No.

They build it down? That's going to be a wonder of the world. And the Taj Mahal. Taj Mahal, Ricky. Those are all pretty good. I don't think any of those should even qualify, really. No, they, I mean... Well, they're not worthy of the fucking second choices.

They never got picked the first time until everything else got fucking destroyed or burnt down or earthquakeed. Mmm. Oh, Christ. What is this world? I might need a nap, boys. I need a fucking nap. I need either way more liquor or a nap. Let's nap, then liquor.

How big are you, Ricky? Fuck, you know what? Unexpectedly, 8.75. I'm almost ready to go. Yeah, it's a nap. Why are we smoking? You guys should go have a nap together. I need to... I need to feed some kitties and I need to do some belly work on a few of them and I need to brush about 19 of them. I need to go feed the geese.

And you need to pull the goalie to Joan of Arc. I'm not gonna watch Jonah Vark. You're gonna watch it, you're gonna be yanking. I guarantee you. Scratch bastard needs his nails cut too. Good luck. I gotta get Scratch.

Hope you like the movie, bud. Alright. You're fucking done here. Episode 101 is in the can. The lingo is the use. Never got that expression. Signing off from Sunnyvale.

I'm Ricky. I'm Bubbles. And that's the news for today. And I'm Julian. Let's fuck off. And I'm Julian. I'm signing off. Fuck off.

And then you gotta do this. I'm not doing that. All you can do is do that shit. Repeat complete. Alright, I'm done. See you guys. Let's get drunk tonight. Okay.