Werewolf Ambulance: A Horror Movie Comedy Podcast - Episode 444- The Pope's Exorcist (2023)
Episode Date: September 11, 2023Look, I know that I have said it so often on this show that it has lost all meaning (did it ever have meaning?) but this week, it's a spi-cy meeeat-a-baaaaall! Holy ghost, literally. We are tackling t...he 2023 Russell-Crowe-as-an-Italian film "The Pope's Exorcist." Special topics for your consideration include: Crappy teens, possessed kids who just aren't Regan (can they even tap dance?!), Italian doctors living and working in Spain, the absolution of all the Catholic Church's sins, an extremely sexy pope, and a reminder that in most international settings, Americans are the worst. Exorcisms are a mainstay in horror, and horror is a mainstay in us. Check out Episode 90- "Amityville II: The Possession," Episode 155- "The Exorcist," Episode 216- "The Devil Inside Her" in which there is an exorcism of an extremely strong baby, my god what a fantastic film, and Episode 367- "The Last Exorcism." The regular lineup of links! You can support us at patreon.com/werewolfambulance and get years' worth of action film commentary-- get in now, just in time to vote on this month's episode! leave us a message at 412-407-7025 hang out with some cool listeners at https://discord.gg/DutFjx3cBD buy merch at www.teepublic.com/user/werewolfambulance we're on Reddit at r/werewolfambulance on Twitter @werebulance on Instagram @werewolfambulance. werewolfambulance@gmail.com www.werewolfambulance.com if you feel you really must lodge a complaint with us, please do it on Facebook at facebook.com/werewolfambulance because we are probably not gonna see that, ever.  If you liked this, please leave us a review on Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen! It helps others find us and allows us to continue to grow.
Transcript
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Katie, Alan, mail-culled
Katie, Alan, mail call.
We got a box at our PO box.
It's right in front of you. I need you to get in there and dig around in that box.
Okay, let me dig around.
Okay, let me dig around.
Oh, I love it. It's addressed to Katie and Alan, comma, wherewulf ambulance ambulance.
Yeah. I love that.
And it's from that box. Okay, let me dig around. Oh, I love it. It's addressed to Katie and Allen, comma, where will
ambulance?
Yeah.
Oh, I love that.
And it's from the UK.
Whoa.
Yeah.
Yeah.
The customs.
For Alan.
Yes.
to be.
the the car alarm. Oh, it's good. And I think there's a note as well. There's a note.
Always read the note first.
Yeah, please.
Alan and Katie, it's taped shut.
Would you afraid I was gonna read it?
Okay, here we go.
Dear Alan and Katie,
I hope you enjoy these little bits that I've made you.
You guys make me so happy I just to say to say to say to say to say to say to say to say to say to say all the joy. I don't think you can get chocolate oranges in the USA.
You need to whack it and unwrap it.
Lots of love from the UK.
Donna.
Lots of love from the UK, Donna, from Worthing North Brighton.
Yeah.
I have never seen a chocolate orange before my life.
Listen, we're gonna eat this.
I'm gonna cut out the point where we eat it because I know you people don't like hearing us eat it.
Take the chocolate orange out.
Okay.
Wack it on the table.
I don't want to.
You got to.
I don't want to.
Okay, hang on the to? I can't do it.
I might need to unwrap it before we whack it.
Oh, she did say unwrap it first.
Okay.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha.
Oh, cherries chocolate, orange.
Okay, we've got the orange open.
Yes, did you?
Oh my gosh, it comes in little segments.
Yeah, it's they chocolate covered slices of orange? No, but it's orange-flavored chocolate. Oh my God. Mmm. That's good. I'm blown away
that it's the first time you've ever had a chocolate orange. What about chocolate orange?
Wow, that's amazing. Thank you Donna. Donna. All right. And speaking of amazing,
Donna sent us magnets. Oh my god, can I describe, mind you?
Please.
Mine is a picture of Andy's homework from Child's Play 2 on which Chuckie has written,
fuck you bitch.
Jesus Christ.
And a little word bubble that says come to daddy.
Donna, you fucking delight.
I think with the magnets you could wear these as pins. No way.
No way. Oh my god, are you serious? Yeah, yeah. You're right. That's what they are. Yes.
Oh, I get it. I get it. Katie. Alan. Can I read what mine says to you? Yes. One of them is a word bubble that just says,
holy shit, she's a friend of mine? Which is from the demons movie where the guys? th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, oh, th. Oh, th. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, the th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, the th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh of mine. Which is from the demons movie, where the guy says,
holy shit, she's a friend of mine.
Holy shit, she's a friend of mine, yeah.
And then, this is beautiful.
It's a tombstone that says Dr. Freudstein.
Oh, from house by the cemetery.
Fantastic, Donna, you know us.
These are little handmade magnets.
They're so good. They're so beautiful.
Thank you. Oh my god. This chocolate orange is so good. Yeah, I'm so glad you've had a chocolate orange.
You want another slice? Yeah, another slice? Yeah, I do. Hang on.
It's good though. You said you're gonna cut us eating. You're not. I'm not gonna cut it. Yeah, I don't cut it. Oh, so task. task. the tod. the the their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. the chocolate. the chocolate. the chocolate. the chocolate. the chocolate. the chocolate. the chocolate. the chocolate. the chocolate. the chocolate. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. the chocolate. the chocolate. the chocolate. the chocolate. the ch. the chocolate. the chocolate. the ch. the chocolate. the chocolate. the the the the the the the the the chocolate. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. the the the the the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. t. to. to. t. t. t. I. t. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. I. to. the. to. tasty. Why is British chocolate so much better than, like shitty British chocolate is so much better than shitty American chocolate?
Like a Cadbury bar, you get in the UK is so much different than it is in the American one.
Yeah. Mm-hmm. I don't know. I think they just don't, I think they just make it better.
I don't put wax in it. No. You are amazing.
Thank you so much.
Donna, you just made my whole fucking week.
Truly.
Alan.
Katie.
What other delightful things are we going to talk about this week?
Well, Katie.
Yeah.
As you and all, I'm a priest.
You're a Padre.
We're talking about a movie that we've both been excited to do for a while.
Yes.
It's finally on Netflix.
Yes.
You all know because you saw the title on this before you click.
You downloaded it.
Yeah, you're streaming it.
It's the Pope's Exorcist.
The Pope's Exorcist starring notorious Italian Russell.
Bless his heart.
Can I give you an observation about this movie that I think may reshape the way you look at it?
Okay. This is Father Gabriel Amorth's blood sport.
Tell me more. This is a man writing a fiction about his own life and how fucking amazing he is.
He's Frank Ducks. Yep. He did everything right.
That's what its name is. Yeah. He did it all right. All the right people loved him.
Well yeah, I mean didn't he claim to do something like 50,000 exorcisms? Something like that.
Which is like 136 years if you did one a day. Right? And as we know,
exorcism is a lie. Yeah. And please just give people the mental health that they
need. Yeah. Which is a funny thing because he talks about it. He's like no, most of these are just like
mental health issues. Well yeah, but then there was the one in his past that he thought was a mental health
issue but it's dark past. This movie opens on a title card but I
don't I didn't write down what it said but I did write yeah maybe the devil
just wants to be left alone for some god damn peace and quiet. You mean when we
gear the devil and tell ourselves that he does not exist, that is when he is happy at us.
Yeah, that's what I meant by that. Yep. Yep. Yep. Cut to a big man on a tiny scooter and me giggling. Looking dope on that Vespa, gotta say. Why, why the Vespa? I mean, I guess it's his movie about his life. He's Italian. It's an Italian. It's an Italian. It's. It's an Italian. It's an Italian. It's an Italian. It's an Italian. It's an Italian. It's an Italian. It's an Italian. It's an Italian. It's an Italian. It's an Italian. It's an Italian. It's an Italian. It's an Italian. It's an Italian. It's an Italian. It's an Italian. It's an Italian. It's an Italian. It's an Italian. It's an Italian. It's an Italian. It's an Italian. It's an Italian. It's an Italian and Vespa. Right. Get him a little fiat or something.
I am Mambo, Mambo Italian.
Looking Christmas donkey.
Can I read to you a mean note that I wrote?
Please.
I mean, I don't look my best after the pandemic either, Russell Crow.
I like a chunky Russell Crow.
I do too actually.
I think he like works it really well.
I like that he's allowed to get fat and old.
That's good for him.
Yeah, he's a man.
We're allowed to get fat.
People are like, oh yeah, you just like Santa Claus.
How cute! I've never heard a man or anyone say to a woman, oh, you look like Mrs. Closs. I love that th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thus, thus, thee thee, thee, that, thi, thee thee thi, thi, thi, thi, he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he, he th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi-a, thi-a, thi-a, thi-a, thi-a, thi-. You must entertain children.
So he's pulling up to the site of his next exorcism.
Yeah, July, June 4th, 1987.
For some reason important.
Yeah, I'm not sure.
Yeah.
Yeah.
The exorcy?
What would you call?
The possessor and the exorce?
Yes.
He's a young man who has been speaking Latin, I think, despite never having spoken Latin before.
In English.
Okay, because I wrote that I hope the devil teaches me Italian.
But also that I can understand Italian when it's being spoken as slowly as Russell Crow is getting it out.
But I liked that he was like, they're like he's been speaking
English and he's never spoken English before and Father Gabriel Amorth's first
question is, do you have a television? Yeah, right. And he says that's a beautiful pig as he's
walking into the house. Yeah, I was a beautiful pig. It was a nice looking pig. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's talking to a little girl being like, hey, you want to help save
your brother? You want to help save your... Leave this fucking kid out of it. Get a grown-up
to do it. Let her be. Send her out of the house, perhaps. You must have repeat our father,
as much as humanly possible. Oh, man. We see the guy into...
We see the guy and I just thought like, why would anyone fake being possessed?
It seems like such an enormous amount of work.
Sure, yeah, and when we see the guy, it's like he's...
He's... Looks like he's having a seizure.
Yeah. And he's like, oh no.
Because he probably is.
Even though it's 1987 and we know, God damn well what teaers are.
I always think about that Jim Storer versus Supernatural
when he goes with Lou Gentile,
and the guy shows them the video of them
exercising a child who just had Turettes.
Yeah.
And Lugentilly's reaction was you have to destroy that tape. Not let me call the authorities about what you did. No, destroy the tape. You know, how very Catholic Church of him. Yeah, which gets written off in this
movie. Oh my God, I can't wait to talk about this. All of the crimes of the
Catholic Church are written off in this movie and it's so fucking funny.
I feel like they hit like cut, rap, print, we solved it. So the guy brings the pig into the room. Yeah. And somehow
Father Gabrielle convinces the Satan to possess the pig. He shows him this like
really big coin that he has that's got like some Jesus writing on. It is a St. Benedict medal.
Okay. Yeah. Which is it usually says on the back, like in Latin, be gone, Satan.
Oh, okay.
Yeah.
I used to have one on a rosary.
Oh.
I just refer to it as the hypnotic coin because it makes the devil go, yeah, yeah, yeah.
It sure does, and also hypnotic coin should be our jam band name.
So that's good to you? I don't practice Santeria.
Yes, I understand the Sublime is not a jam band,
but that's what I think of immediately when I think of jam band.
I just can't stop thinking of Sublime because every other teenage girl on the planet is wearing a sublime t-sieme t-shirt right now.
And I'm like, are you, are you a 9?? are the ninth was, when that album came out? This is the fishbone conundrum from the last week's episode.
So strange.
Kids, I know we had great music in the 90s, but you should be listening to little Uzi
Vert, or whatever is cool right now.
I have no idea.
Travis Scott?
Um, Ariana Grande?
Taylor Swift.
I mean, Taylor Swift is cool, right? She's making a lot of money.
Yeah, she's like the biggest star on the planet right now. Yeah, there you go. Yeah.
All right. So, didn't Jesus do a thing where he got a bunch of demons to a swine herd and ran him off a cliff?
Probably. May it wasn't Jesus, maybe it was one of the other people. I don't, I genuinely don't know. Uh, so they get they get the devil the devil the devil the devil the devil the devil the devil the devil the devil the devil the devil the devil the devil the devil the devil the devil the devil the devil the devil the devil the devil the devil the devil the devil the devil the devil the devil the devil to possess to get to get to get to get to to get to get to get to. Did. Did. Did. Did. Did. Did. Did. Did. Did. Did. Did. Did. Did. Did. Did. Did. Did. Did. Did. Did. Did. Did. Did. Did. Did. Did. Did. Did. Did. Did. Did????? th. Did. Did. Did. Did. Did. Did. Did. Did. Did. Did. Did. Did. Did. Did. Did. Did. Did. Did. Did. Did. Did. Did?. Did? Did. Did. Did. Did. Did. Did. Did. Did. He. Did. He. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the, I genuinely don't know. Uh, so they get the devil, he's like,
if you could possess anything,
why don't you possess this pig right here?
It's like, is, but the thing about the Satan
is like, I don't think he's always so eager to prove himself.
Like, I always took Satan for the today. on Satan's tail and now he's stuck in the woods
Whatever like,
Why?
You got me again!
Oh, sons of bitches.
So he gets him in the pig.
Yeah, and then they blow the pig's brains out.
Oh, that made me so mad. He was gonna be a nice salami.
Phrushuta, a panceta, Morda del Sop de Sara, Corricino. Bagul. Bagul.
And then he says, God bless you.
Yeah.
And uh...
She sells sanctuary by the fucking cult starts playing.
Yeah, what is this movie?
So one kind of kicks ass.
Yeah, it really does.
A lot of great stuff on the soundtrack.
Yeah, it really is.
So now we've cut to July 1st.
In Castile, Spain?
Yeah.
What something happens later that I was so confused by.
Okay.
When they go to the hospital and all the faculty is speaking Italian?
They're in Spain!
Were they speaking Italian? Yeah. Oh, God th th th th th tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. th. th. thi. thi. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. t. ti. ti. t. t, that's funny. Well, you know what, they're very similar.
So mom and a son and daughter have inherited a old church. An Abbey, yeah.
From their dead dad slash husband. Yes, they're moving into a new house.
The beginning of every like, every every horror movie every third horror
movie maybe yeah and then we cut back to the father Gabriel like going to the
Holy See to meet with the Pope who I was blown away by who they cast is the Pope in
this movie I took me a minute to figure out that he was supposed to be John Paul the second.
Yeah. Who did they cast, Alan?
Franco Niro, who is known for being in spaghetti westerns.
Yeah.
And like, kind of yucky horror movies and exploitation movies.
Yeah. It was like, Franco Nero, what are you doing as the Pope. And also you're the hottest Pope that's ever existed. He's so smoking hot though. Even as an old dude. I like, he popped up and I was like, oh, what's this now? And then I was like,
everyone already thinks you have weird taste. Don't bring it up. Well, I'm glad you said it.
Have you ever looked at a picture of young Franco Nero? No my God. Right? Oh yeah.
He's a fucking dream.
Oh my God.
He looks like Tom Brady if Tom Brady grew a bunch of chest hair and wasn't a dick.
Yeah, he's a real.
Yeah, Franco Nero would.
As an old man, you're still like, yeah, wood, would, yeah.
Yeah, I'd pile a little steel wool.
Yeah. Oh my God.
I said, yeah, and then I thought, what?
I like that I snuck that one under.
Yeah, you really did.
Did he just say, oh God, what did I agree to?
So, Father, what is his name?
Father Amorth?
Father Amorth is here for a tri., th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, the the the they, they, they, the, the, they, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. I th. I tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, they.a, they.a, the they.a, they.a, they. Oh, they. Oh, Father Amorth is here for a tribunal.
Right, right.
But he's also like boop-booping these nuns, like a game you'd play with a baby,
where he's like beep-boop and they're like, ha-ha-ha-ha!
He's so funny.
He's like jingling plastic keys in front of their faces. And they're cackling. Hello, a bride's a Christ, it's a me, Father Gabriel.
Here's where I wrote, is Russell Crow going to be Italian this whole time?
The answer is yes.
But I don't know, because his Italian is not terrible, it's just very slow.
Yeah, yeah.
But his Italian accent is, uh, when he's speaking English.
Have you ever heard the David Lee Roth album that he sings entirely in Spanish?
No.
It's a human smile.
It's a Davidly Roth's record, but he did like an entire Spanish version of.
The man does not speak Spanish.
Do you just learn it like phonetically?
It's phonetic and it's like kind of wrong.
Okay. And it's beautiful.
I'm very excited to listen to that.
So here you're like Yankee Rose, but in Spanish is very funny.
But that's what this was reminding me of.
Yeah, it's like every line Dolf Lundgren ever said.
And for all I know, Russell Crow might be a fluent Italian speaker, like, um, I'm
I'm thinking no. Oh my god. It seems for a moment that he's pitching the right to choose.
I don't know what that was about. I don't know what his deal is. Oh what he sat down in front of the
tribunal? Yeah where this American is just yelling at him, this fucking pen-neck
geek. Missy kept yelling, what is this glee rejects so mad about?
He reminded me a lot of the character of Kenneth from 30 Rock, that actor.
And then there's like Bishop Lamumba or Cardinal Lamumba that's like on Father Gabriel's side,
like he's his man in the dugout or whatever you would call it.
And we're cutting at this with, we're seeing the family and their
new digs and like the daughter's like bumming a smoke off of guys. The daughter has such
a bad fucking attitude. I, God, surly teens. When mom's like when they're driving up and she's
wearing like shorty shorts, you can't dress like that over here. We're not in America anymore. And I was like, ma'am have you been to Italy Italy Italy you're in Italy no they're in Spain but still
Spain but then later you'll be in a hospital never when it will be speaking
Italian yeah no they're in Spain but also Spain pretty pretty you can just
wear whatever the fuck you want yeah yeah tidies on the beach for sure hold on
one second But you could, she's a rebel, is what you're supposed to get from that.
She's a rebel.
They're so mad that they had to, well no, the kid's not mad, because he doesn't speak.
The daughter is so mad that they moved over here from America to fix this place up and sell it.
One. You could just hire contractors from afar? You're not doing the manual labor. You don't need to be there.
Yeah.
Two.
How are you paying for that if you're broke?
Sorry?
To the renovations on an abbey?
Yeah, no, if you just go over there, you don't have to pay for until it's done.
Okay. And you've Thought the same thing for the song we care a lot by Faith No More is a fucking
bop. It's so good. Faith no more is tough for me.
Strong disagree, huge fan, still to this day. I said tough for me and I like that you disagreed
with that so that I am a big fan. I'll make you a mix. No, don't. I just don't get Faith no more.
So the daughter's like fucking around or something,
and then you see like a goat head mask behind a
like a glass panel.
You're like, oh, couldn't even notice that.
It's like the little brother's wearing it.
Oh, right, right, right.
Yeah.
But you're like, hey James Wan is here.
This is like what I want want Wanian movie to be.
Yeah.
And it just, like, James Wan never goes like,
full fucking ridiculous.
And this movie is like, let me just take the governor off.
See what Russell Crow will do.
Yeah, I guess.
I guess. The James Wan problem is that he thinks it's good.
Yeah. Also like like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, the the thi, thi, thi, thi, tham, tham, tham, tham, thinks, thi, tham, tham, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, James, James, James, James. James, James, James, James, th. James, th. James, James. th. James, James th. th. th. th. James th. th. James th. th. th. th. James, James, James, James, James, James, James, James, James, th. th. th. thi, James, James, thi, thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. James thi. James tham. James thi. James thi. James thi. James thi. James thi. James thi. James thi. James thi. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Also like, yeah, fucking right, this kid likes the
violent fems, you know. Every kid, that child legally has to like the violent
films. I love the violin fems, but I just don't believe that little boy does. He's
very small. He's listening to the song that has the line, why can't I get just one
fuck? get just one fuck. Duh. Duh. Duh. I'm doing.
So they're hearing like bumping in the thumpin in the basement and stuff.
Yep, yep, yep.
And they see something through the wall.
What is it?
The Vatican seal we find out later.
Yeah, whatever.
So back to the hearing.
Where I have the note, this is like Stephen Seagal,
the exorcist. He is being subjected to this tribunal, because he was not permitted to
have done that pig exorcism. Right. And the fucking American guy is like, and as agreed,
the proceedings will take place in English. And I was just like, lo, the L, to, the well, why, why would they would they they they they they they they they they they they would they would they would they would they would they would they would they would they would they would they would they would they would they would they would they would they would they would they would they would they they they they they they they they the the they they they they they they they the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. th. the. as agreed, the proceedings will take place in English. And I was just like, LLO, L, L, L, L, L, L, well, why?
Why would they take place in English?
And then the very funny line about him being a partisan in the war?
Yeah.
It's just funny because a lot of priests in Italy and France, like, the thi thiii thiiii. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th, why they're they're they're thi, why wi, why would they're they're they're tho, why would tho, why would tho, why would thi, why would thi, why would thi, why would thi, why would thi, why would thi, why would thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're thi. they're they're thi. th They're like, not him, though. He's cool, he's a cool guy.
He's cool guy.
But he's a real guy.
These are based on books he really wrote.
Was he actually a partisan?
Who knows?
I mean, that's something that could be easily checked.
Sure, but it might be like Kuma tee.
Yeah. No, I talking about people
like sort of daring God, I don't know. Once I was at a party with my cousin Joe and there was a
baby pool and it started storming and he just got into it and dared God to strike him down. And I was like,
for a moment I was like, oh no. Because if this really happens, not only is Joe dead, but I have to believe in God. Guess what?
Don't you do this to be Joe?
He's fine.
So he's got to go talk to the Pope now, because he's sick of this shit.
Well, it seems like he's getting, they're trying to lay him off.
They're like, your position is being eliminated.
He's like, is this because of what I wrote in what Madre de Dio magazine.
Oh man. My local bishop is the Pope.
Cut back to...
One more thing.
Yes.
He's storming out and the American guy says to him,
you have not been dismissed and he just goes,
cuckoo! And the scene ends and I was like, what?
What? He also does like the under the chin fuck you move?
Yeah, the bab-cool.
Yeah.
It's so funny.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But a cool priest.
A cool priest.
So we cut back to the abbey and there's more thudding and creaking of floorboards.
And the kids listening to some sort of heavy metal. No descript. I hope he doesn't get the the the the the the th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th doesn't th th th doesn't th th th doesn't th doesn't th doesn't th doesn't th doesn't the the the the thus thusus the thususususususususususususususususususususususususususus. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi thi thin thin thin thin thinn. thinnusenen. thinnuuu. thinnuu. thinnu. thinneu. thinnu. thi. thi And the kids listening to some sort of heavy metal, I don't remember what. Non-descript heavy metal.
I sure hope he doesn't get possessed by that heavy metal music.
Whoops, a doozy!
Yeah. He gets eyes pop wide open.
Yeah.
There's something happening in the basement with some workers where they light a flare?
Why would you do that? My God, it's 1987, get a flashlight! workers fucking around and finding out with a burning.
Yeah, they sure do.
And then we just off screen hear the guy who's the contractor going,
I'm pulling my whole team out of here.
Yeah, I feel like that guy, something happened.
And he was like, I'm never setting foot on the set again.
And they just copied and pasted his words from earlier.
But now Henry's all fucked up. Yeah.
He says, he calls out mommy, and they're like, wow, he's talking, and then he goes,
you're all gonna die and scratches his face.
You know, I don't like to talk ill about children.
Talk ill about children.
This kid is terrible.
He is terrible.
And I don't think it's entirely his fault.
No, no, it's direction. Because later when he's sort of like giving a monologue as a demon, it's really hard
to watch because his lip-syncing isn't, it's just like not adding up and it just looks terrible,
but that's not his fault.
Right.
And he's got like, fake gums and teeth in to make his teeth look real tiny?
Yeah.
For some reasons, that's the devil.
Devils have shitty teeth.
There's a lot, you think there are dentists in hell?
Actually, yes, of course there are.
That one who fucking shot the lions go in there.
Yeah, and Corbyn Burns in.
He's not a real dentist.
. It's not Daniel Day Lewis, he didn't have to learn it to be a dentist for the role.
Remember how I thought that movie was a comedy?
So, the little kid, what's his name?
Henry?
Ricky, he's fine.
Enrique if you will, because he's in Spain though.
Henry scratches up his own face to make himself look more like Regan from the Exorcist?
Absolutely. up his own face to make himself look more like Regan from the Exorcist or Reagan from the
Exorcist and they take him to the hospital for an MRI and the doctors are all speaking
Italian. Yeah. And I can't for a fucking life me figure out why. I think they genuinely probably just
forgot what movie, what country this movie was taking place. They're like a Frostal Crow's Italian, everybody's fucking Italian.
I mean, someone like right in, is there a thing where like Italian doctors are big in Spain
or is there a part of Spain that's so close to Italy that you would just bop right over there to go to the hospital?
I don't know, dude. I don't know, dude. I don't know, I don't know either dude. And she th. And she th. And she they they they they they they they they th. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't th. I don't know. I don't know. I don't th. I don't th. I don't th. I don't th. I don't th. I don't. I don't th. I don't. I don't th. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I th. I th. I th. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know know. I don't know know. I don't know know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't knowto call the consulate. Yeah. Why? What? Are you being held against your will?
Is this?
Wait, before or after, oh no, no.
So they get him back home.
Yeah.
Where he grabs her, his mom's teties.
Oh, wow.
Diels meal. What does he say to his mother?
He says, baby's hungry, you fat cow, you never breastfed me.
Mm-hmm.
He grabs her tid and she goes, oh no.
She goes, Henry, no.
Oh, that's that.
You scamp, get off that.
We see his stomach has something like scratched into it, and I really thought it said,
Kate. I thought it's a Kate. And I was like, well, that's pretty good. Cake! No, Kate. No, th. No, th. No, th. No, th. No, th. No, th. No, th. No, th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th, th, th, th, th, he th. He th. He says, he thi, he th thi, he th th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He says, he says, he says, he says, he says, he says, he says, the the the thea thea thea thea thea thea thea thi thi It says hate. I thought it's a Kate. And I was like well that's pretty good. Cake. No Kate. I know. Then he says, bring me the
priest. And she has met a priest. So they bring him the Spanish priest. Wrong fucking
priest. Wrong fucking priest. I laughed so hard. Do you know who his voice is being done by? I don't.
Do you remember the Vivich?
Of course.
The dad and the Vivich?
Yes.
That guy is doing the voice.
Oh, he's so gravely.
Yes.
He's great.
It's good.
Great name.
Yeah, yeah.
People might also know him from the British office. Yes, you're right. Oh, it's so funny though.
But like when his voice just isn't sinking up to this child, it's like you can't help
but think of him just doing the lines, like this is weird.
And the child is trying so hard.
He's putting so much effort into it and it's just not working.
Which is so funny because when I think back to the exorcist, maybe it's because I saw it when I was so young, but I never thought about somebody else doing Reagan's voice.
No, it feels seamless.
This does not feel seamless.
But yeah, he says, wrong fucking priest and throws him out into the hallway, which was pretty
good.
Pretty good.
Baby, hungry you fat.
Oh my God, shut up. So the mother is very fit. It's just rude. Yeah. So we
cut back to the man who I'm referring to this point as badass priest. Is that hot
pope? No, ill papa is hot pope. Okay. I love it when you call me ill papa.
Yeah.
Father Gabriel, is the badass priest.
Okay, badass priest, got it.
And they're having a conversation where the pope's like,
these are young kids, they don't think the devil's are real.
I know the devil's are real.
Yeah, this conversation was weird because it felt like they were talking about the old days. Yeah. But I couldn't figure out what was happening in the old days that wasn't happening now.
I don't know.
Were you uh covering up pre-sex abuse?
Is that what you were doing?
Father John Paul in the second?
Because it's come out that you did a fuck a lot of it?
We also were told that God like to get into the ground down. No, no. Which is where I wrote, what about like seeds and stuff? Like taters.
Yeah, taters.
Did God not bless these carrots?
That thy bountiful feast and all that.
No root vegetables.
He doesn't like the fruit that grows on trees.
No root vegetables.
God must never take a shit.
God has so little fiber in his diet.
He trikes a couple of metamusal every morning.
Keeps him regular.
That's fine. He's an old man.
Here I just wrote Pride, I don't know.
Something about pride?
There's a lot of, like pride is a,
The scene of pride,
is one of the motifs of this film, but I don't know why.
Well, he's a very prideful priest. He's proud of what he's done with all these exorcisms.
But it also has something to do with the woman that he let down.
Exactly, his pride wouldn't let it help her. Why, though? Because he thought she was a, she needed mental help and he's an exorcist. But he was wrong, not prideful. thiiiiiii. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. the thi. the thi. the thi. thi. the thi. the thi. thi. thi. thi. the thi. thin. thi. thi. thi. he is, he's he is, he's he is, he's, he's, he's, he's is, he's is, he's is, he's is, he's is, he's he. He's he. he. he. he. he. he. he. he. he. he. he. he. he. he. he. th. the the the the the the the thi. the the the the the the thi. the the thi. the the the the the the the the the theeat, he's a the theat. thi. thee. he's he's he's thi. orcist. But he was wrong not prideful. Like how does pride
tie into that? Because he because of his pride at that point in time he was like, I'm a priest
I don't do mental health shit. That's for the secular world. Got it. So I'm outy
five thou and then, you know, as priest's talk. Bad-ass ones anyway.
I'm gonna get on my best button, hit the gnaws, I was like, go down the street.
Oh, God.
So yeah, and like during this conversation, like, the Pope is like, you're so pride for it.
He goes, I'm me, prideful.
A wink and a wink.
Oh, mama mi and a wink.
So then he gets the Pope's like, I've got this case for you.
Listen, you're my guy.
You're my guy.
You're my number one dude.
All these other dudes are posers, but you know what's what.
And he says, this place has given the church problems before.
In the past. Our sins will seek us out. All right. So you've got to take your vespot of this vineyard
and drive on down there. Drive on down to Spain. The Pope says this demon sounds dangerous.
Are there like carefree ones, Opa?
I don't know. There's the one that Anthony Akita sings about, the demon in his semen.
Dude.
The jolliest of demons. There's the one that Anthony Qaeda sings about, the demon in his semen. Dude.
The jolliest of demons.
Anthony Ketus is smiling spurns.
A demon with a refractory period.
So he goes to see Henry. Yeah, the Spanish priest is like, oh my God, I can't believe you're here. I've read all of your stuff except for your books.
Yeah, the first thing he says to him is, have you read my books?
Shut up!
I've not read your books.
The books are good.
The good books.
He pulls out a flask.
Yeah.
Like, is he always a drunk?
Yeah. And the mom is just, she's been at 11 the whole time. Sure. Or she's a really bad actor.
She's not because she's in a couple of those Mike Flanagan shows.
Oh, okay.
She's in Bly Manor and Midnight Mass, whatever that one's called.
And she's good?
She's fine.
She's really bad in this.
Yeah, yeah.
I think it's a what she's got to work with situation.
Yeah, maybe it was just the direction.
Yeah, I think so.
Russell Crow walks by, I think a statue of Jesus and just says,
hello, my friend.
Shut up.
It's a my buddy, Jesus.
Jesus winks at him as he walks by.
Yeah.
She's got his hypnotic coin.
He's gonna light on that kid.
And when he shows it to the demon kid,
we see the demon's pupils move away from the kids' pupils.
Yeah, like a little liquidy cat eyes or something, which I'm not that into.
No. No.
This is where I wrote, they can barely show the sweet baby angel's face because he's doing
a terrible job with the lip sink.
But he does say I'm not some stupid fuck you can convince to get into a pig.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Uh-huh.
And he's like, I remember your sins.
He says, my name is M.
. nightmare to which all I could hear was my name is mud and I've had that song
in my head all day. The primus song? Yeah. Okay yeah. See you'll go primus but
not faith no more interesting. Yeah I don't know what that's about. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But it'll a little bump. Bada little. It's a bass player's band. Yeah, it's a bass player's band. Yeah, it's true. Yeah, you might want to take. Yeah. Yeah, to. Yeah, to. Yeah, to. Yeah, to. Yeah. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh, the. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh, the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. it's true. Yeah, you might want to dig tool. They've got a really good-
Shut up!
I am no longer being polite about the tool thing.
You know I'm 100% not serious about it.
I know you're not.
Here's where I have the note this child actor is no Linda Blair.
No.
So he shows him. You can't the tap the tap the tap the tap. You can't the tap. That's the tap. That's the tap. That's the tap. That's the the tha. That's tha. That's the tha. That's tha. That's tha. That's tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. thatha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. thi, thi, thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th. th. tha. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. tha. tha. tha. thi. thi. It. It. It's. It's. It's thi. It's thi. It's thi. It's thi. It's thi. It's toeea. It's toea. toea. toea. toea. toea. toea. toea. I'm thi. I'm th shows him... You can't even tap dance. You're going...
Oh God. The tap dancing? Oh boy. So he showed the demon shows Father Badass, a scene from his past life when he was a
partisan. Yeah. And a German sniper was taking out everybody in his little battalion.
So he kind of fakes being dead.
And this was like a point of shame for him, I guess.
I think that's why he became a priest,
was because like God had spared him in that moment.
But when he's laying on the ground, he's got a cross on that looks like
you just saw, you got like your advance from no limit and ran to Jacob the jeweler to get a cross on that looks like you just saw, you got like your advance from no limit
and ran to Jacob the jeweler to get a cross?
Yeah, that's just Italians though.
Dude, I used to wear the biggest cross.
Really? Oh my God, yes.
I got it for like my confirmation or something.
Oh, shut up. What's your confirmation name?
Julia? Oh, it's my aunt's name. Oh, that's nice. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's a the that's a that's a that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's name. She was my sponsor. Oh, that's nice.
Yeah.
Yeah.
He says that his nightmare is France winning the World Cup.
And then I wondered who his league team was.
Probably Roma.
Are they the fascist ones?
Yeah, I think so.
I could be wrong about that.
I don't know much about that. Although he did fight against the fascist in the war. He's Antifa. I could not get the word out for some reason.
And he always paints himself as being on the right side of whatever history.
Yes, oh my god.
No, everything is done by evil and he's a good guy.
So the kid speaks German to him and then pukes up a little cardinal.
Baby Bird? Yeah. Which is a theme, a motif that will come back throughout the film of this little Cardinal.
Oh, does it? Because he saw it when he was laying on the ground pretending to be dead.
Right, right, right. Right.
He says something like the higher the demon, the more access it can have as though it's like a corporate structure or like one of those buildings in the X files where if you want to go up to level five. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to level to level to level to level to level to level to level to level to level to level to level the to level the to level to level the to level the to level. to to the to to the the the to the to to their to to to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the tho. the. the. the. the. thea. thea. thea. thea. thean. thea. thean. thean. thean. thean. thean. the. th you got to steal that guy's card. I also thought of it as like I don't know like getting to go backstage with the
devil. Yeah more access. All access. Oh my god it's so dumb. So dumb. We're told that
Henry saw his father impaled in a car accident and Russell Crow says, trauma
can be a gate away for the devil.
See you know blaming the victim.
Okay.
Also, if you're depressed because of trauma, that's not depression.
That's the devil.
Yeah, get rid of that depression and let the good lord in.
Yeah. It's your fault.
Yeah. It's not a chemical imbalance, you do thufess.
No. But we do see that his father died in the descent way of a pole coming through the window
and going right through his fucking head.
You hate to see it.
You hate to see it.
Yeah.
Just that reminder that that can indeed happen.
Yep.
So the daughter here is more knocking.
And her brother says to her, Amy, I'm in hell. He says it really casually. I was like, Amy, I'm in hell.
Hey, Amy.
Like, okay.
They get a phone call and she answers the phone.
And it's her dad.
Dad's on the horn.
And then he says, you're all gonna die.
Because I'm a demon and I gotta look like this.
That's somebody else that you're doing there. Who is that now? It's pretty good. You use it for someone else
and I just can't think of who it is. Because you pun me so full of coffee that I'm insane.
I can't do you want some coffee? Blew! Sweating. So we learned that you need to know its name
to exercise it, which I know is like a thing in demonology, but I hate it. I think it's so stupid. So it's like we got we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th thi thi thi thi th th th that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's like that's like that's like that's like that's like that's like that's like th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thooooooooooo thoooooooooo that's that's that's that's that but I hate it. I think it's so stupid. So it's like we got to trick him into telling us what his name is. Right. He can't stand the
pain of prayer. Right. And he doesn't like jokes to which I wrote, fuck you, I
bet the devil loves jokes. Maybe does. He's a funny guy. Yeah, yeah. And a hell of a final play. Um, so. Father Gabriel's like, hey, uh, what's the Spanish father's name?
Thomas? Thomas?
Uh, Thomas, yes.
He's like, hey, so we've got to do confession.
I've got to hear your confession.
Yeah.
And then, just the father's like, well, I haven't done confession in eight years, and he's like,
I don't want to hear all that, so I'm sure you're fine. Yeah. I just love the fact that he's like, eh, anyway.
That stuff's all made up, so we can go.
Confession is the fucking worst.
Oh, I'd never done it, I can't imagine.
Yeah, it's so embarrassing and uncomfortable.
Do you tell real stuff or do you just make stuff up? Or I'd be like, oh, I was like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, tha, th. th. thi thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th. That's stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff, thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi, thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. that's thiiiiii. thii. thi. thi's thi. thi's all thi, is all thi, is all was like rude to my parents, you know.
And then they were like, well, I've met your parents, so. Yeah, you're all right. Yeah, they had it coming.
You should root harder next time. Yeah, maybe it'll, yeah, forget it.
And then we cut back to the kid and he says some like, fucking come talk that I was just like,
why you're making this little kid mouth these words.. hate yourself for the release you'll feel when I fuck you. And I was like he's a sweet baby angel. Hey movie? He also
calls him Soldier Boy to which I was just like Soldier Boy. Remember Soldier Boy?
Is he still around? Probably. Yeah. Superman that ho?
Remember that? Oh yeah man Soldier Boy. he can't be still around, right?
He's gonna be like...
I'm Googling him.
He's now Soldier Man.
And he's got like Soldier Man's Rim Shop or something?
Like, he's doing fine for himself.
Yeah, I don't know, it doesn't seem like he's very relevant anymore.
Oh, him in Twista.
Twista, once we all figured out that all you could do is rap fast.
No one was interested in that.
We mean all you can do is rap fast.
That's a lot.
That's a lot.
Yeah, but it's a lot.
Buster Rhyme's has a whole litany of other things.
It's true.
It's true.
He can also say.
Rah, rha, like a dungeon dragon. It's supposed to rhymes one of the patron saints of this podcast.
I think so.
I hope so.
Yeah, I hope so too.
So we learn about the sins of the two priests.
Yeah.
That father amorth let this girl die.
And she was like super hot too, so that was worse.
She's looking beautiful in that like, our gento would have cast her in a movie way.
100%.
And then he would have put, like a knife through her belly.
Right through her face.
Right through her face.
Closed her in a window.
And then the other...
You're so beautiful. I want to kill you in a movie.
What a monster.
Maybe in a real life.
We haven't done in our Argento in a while, halfway. Well, put them on the list. Do you think about it? All right.
The other priest fucked a lady and led her on
that he was gonna leave the priesthood
and then had no intention of doing it.
And I was like, wow, you fucking suck.
Also when we see her, smoking hot.
Smokin' hot.
Great tits. Never listen to a man who promises you things in order to get you to fuck him.
He's not gonna do it.
He's not gonna do it.
We're real scumbags.
Yeah.
Well, anyway.
The little boy calls him a pantie sniffer.
Yeah.
That's fine.
At least he's fucking an adult woman, I guess.
A consenting adult woman.
Yeah.
And he's lying to her. He's tricking her
into it. Sure, sure, sure. Yeah. Prayer has more power in Latin. Okay, because that
makes sense. Yeah, sure. Got it. Yeah. As long as I can do it in Spanish because
that's the only one I know. Yeah. Yeah. So the Pope's exorcist is now investigating, because he knows something is going on at this abbey.
Yes.
And so he's found the seal of the Vatican on a well.
Yes.
So he hooks a toe cable up to his Vespa.
His single cylinder engine.
He could have gotten a lawn mower and it would have been as powerful.
Pulls the 600 pound slab of stone off of this well.
Unbelievable.
And this is cut with things happening to the family.
Right, like a cross turns upside down. We get it. We get it.
All right, James Wann, slow your roll.
And mom is getting snuggled by a single arm?
Yeah, that felt very James Wanny into me too. She's just sleeping away too. Like it's no big
deal. Like her son is fucking possessed. And there's priests storming around the house and
she's like, I'm gonna take a little napper? Yeah. It feels like my husband's arm and nothing else rolling against me. Very weird. And the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I th. Yeah. I th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I'm th. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I's t. I's t. I t. I t. I t. I t. I t. I t. I t. I t. I t. I t. I t. I t. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm arm and nothing else rolling against me. Very weird.
Probably poking her the butt with his ghost bone.
Yeah, ghosts, ghosts definitely get boners.
Oh yeah, oh yeah.
To demon, demon, demon and my semen, there's right where it is.
It's right there in the text.
He pulls this thing off and... Oh, and Henry bites the priest the text. He pulls this thing off and, oh and Henry bites the priest's ear.
I gotta tell you, I think I might like to bite an ear.
Oh sure, but it's super satisfying.
Yeah, yeah.
I used to eat pigs ears when I was young because we have them every year on Easter.
Really? Yeah, I don't know why.
That's a weird Italian thing, huh? Oh, I didn't. Presumably.
I don't know.
Ears and feet.
I ain't no Italian.
I don't know.
Oh yeah, yeah, pig's feet for sure.
We used to call it the crunchy meat.
I haven't had it since I was a child.
Well, Katie, if I because you got like the sort of soft bit and then right into the cartilage.
Just like the carton, gong-gag-gang-uh.
So he gets his ear chewed off, sister gets tossed by something.
This is what she gets for having such a bad fucking attitude.
Yeah. Put on some long pants.
And...
Mom gets sucked into the bed. Yeah, come on. No big th. th. th. th. th. th. That's th. That's th. That's th. That's th. That's th. That's th. That's th. That's th. That's th. That's the th. T. That's th. T. That's the th. T. T. T. T. The's the the to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to to to to to to to to too. Gg. Gg. Gg. Gg. Gg. Gg. Gg. Gg. Gg. Gg. Gg. Gg. Gg. Gg. Gg. Gg. Gg. G. G. G. G. G. Gn. G. G. G. G. G. G. G. G. G. G. G. G. G. G. G. G. G. G. G. Gets. Gets thea'er. Gets theathath. G. G. G. G. Gets the. Gets the bed. Like fucking Johnny Depp.
Yeah, yeah, come on.
No big spray of blood.
And a badass priest finds a bunch of skulls in the well.
And then there's a bunch of flames like a rock concert.
And he runs inside and saves mom from the multiple arms that are mauling her now.
It's so stupid. It's so stupid.
It's so stupid.
And he gets knocked down and threw some doors with like a single blow from this demon.
But he gets up again. You'll never keep Father Immort down.
I drink from my flask. It's in my pocket flask. And I have some whiskey that. I'm good, drown, I'll get off again. No, I love it. Keep going.
Alan just looked at me like should I keep going? Should I keep going?
Y'all listen to early Jumboomba, it's fantastic. Don't just be fool by that one crappy song that they had on the radio. Is it crappy? I mean, it just, we're all one more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more. We're past. We're all all all all all all all all over over over. We're the the the the they. We're they. We're they. We're they. they. to to to it's just we're we're all past it yeah. We still
bob along when it comes on the radio. So we cut to while all this is happening
the Pope is going through a redacted version of events that happened at this Abbey. He's stunned
that everything is redacted and a fucking Quarcities it's the
goddamn Catholic Church why does this surprise you? You're the pope. How is it redacted? th? thed? thed? thed? thed? the thed? thed? thed? the thed? thi? thi? thi? thi? thi? thi? thi? thi? thi? thi? thi? thi? thi? thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th. th. th. th. th. We's th. We's th. We's th. We's th. We's th. We's th. We's th. We's th. We's th. We's th. We's th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. to to the. to theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. We're th. We're thee. We're thi. We're thi. We're the goddamn Catholic Church. Why does this surprise you? You're the Pope. You should know. How is it redacted? Just scribbled. Yeah, it's like a
big pendant and then it's rolled it out. Big pendant. But for some reason he's like, oh no!
Oh, it's a rock in my world. This really does rock his world. It gives him a fucking heart attack. Yeah. Yeah. And the father badass is like, the to go. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. thi. thi. the the the th. the the th. thi. thi. the the the the the the the the the th. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. How, th. How, th. How, th. How, th. How, th. How, th. th. th. th. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. It. It's. It's. It's. It's, th. It's, th. It's like, th. I. t. togu. togu. tog. tog. tog. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. It's like, th. It's Yeah, yeah. And the father badass is like, look, we got to go
down in the basement and check this shit out. I'm gonna hammer through this wall. Spanish inquisition
happened here. He says it's the darkest time in the church's history andacomb is so fucking funny.
They find a door into a torture chamber.
And this is all cut with the Pope having a heart attack.
Which is funny.
And like, silly stuff like Father Amorth is like chucking dried heads at the other priest.
Why is he terrorizing him?
Yeah, he's just being like, I'm a jocular frat boy priest.
Yeah, I don't get his frattitude.
Oh man, he's got a fratitude.
And so they realized that the Spanish Inquisition was here.
Hard for me to say. That's a hard phrase, Spanish Inquisition.
And that they've locked some demon down in the basement. Yeah. And there's a
priest who has locked themselves into a cage not for they weren't being punished, but for their own safety.
But why? Because you could just reach into the cage, or demons can do whatever they want.
Like, how is the cage protecting him from anything?
Unless there's a fucking tiger down there.
Eh, I don't know.
Maybe demons are like sharks
and they butt the nose against it and run away.
Somehow it keeps a demon in orthe tum tum of the priest in the cage.
Which has gas in it? I'm sorry there is no gas in a skeleton.
Oh yeah, yeah, it's called the angel fart.
Angel toots?
Who knew? I mean, this was just like,
I'm a frat boy priest loves a fight joke. Here we go.
Yeah. Just as this happens, the Pope projectile vomits blood onto the young buck, which I honestly really liked.
Very funny. Yeah. And it gets in his mouth, it gets in the cardinal's mouth. Yeah, that's funny.
And this is where we learn from the basement demon,
that the demon can possess multiple people at the same time.
Mm-hmm.
And we learned that the reason the Inquisition happened was because the demon did it.
Not because the church did it.
The demon made the church do it.
So, and then we get a scene of the American priest being in the Pope's chapel and maybe talking to the devil?
I don't know what that was about.
Was he supposed, were we supposed to assume that he's in league with Satan?
I don't know.
Because he would have been a lot cooler than he wants.
Yeah, seriously.
Um, and then this is all just a setup so we can see these two dumb kids sitting out
of bed too to their mother. Yeah.
Oh my God.
Amy got the devil in or two where I wrote, this is supposed to be exciting but I am very
bored.
I hope I'm just in seven fucking heaven about how ridiculous Russell Crow is in this.
Yeah.
I'm getting such joy from how bad he is in this.
He's, I mean, he's enjoying himself. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Amy's head gets turned right the hell around.
This does not affect her corporeal body in any later ways.
She's fine.
You can turn your head all the way around when you're a teen.
Yeah, yeah, I mean, they're still so flexible.
Their bones haven't fully set yet. Yeah. We're told that this is Asmodius, the king, the king, the king, the king, the king, the king, the king, th, th, th, th, th, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thi, thi, thus, thus, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. Yeah, thi. Yeah, thi. Yeah, tho, thi. Yeah, tho, thi. Yeah, thi. Yeah, thi. Yeah, thi. Yeah, thi. Yeah, thi. Yeah, thi. Yeah, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi is Asmodius, the King of Hell, a name I've never heard.
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, classic King of Hell.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, have you heard of Asmodius?
Yeah, yeah.
Okay, well, good for you.
Oh yeah, yeah.
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh yeah, yeah, I was in a band called King of Hell. This demon the bass player of Gorgoroth. Gorg. Gorg. Gorg. Gorg. Gorg. Gorg. Gorg. Gorg. Gorg. Gorg. Gorg. Gorg. Gorg. Gorg. Gorg. Gorg. Gorg. Gorg. Gorg. Gorg. G. G. G. the bass. G. the bass. G. G. the bass. the bass. the bass. th, the bass. th. th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. Yeah, th. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, the bass. Yeah, the bass. Yeah, the bass player. Yeah, the bass player. Yeah, the the the the the the the the thi. Yeah, the the th. Yeah, the th. Yeah, th. Yeah, the the the the the bass player. Yeah, the bass player of Gorgoroth does go by the moniker King of Hell. Annie.
I'll see myself out.
This demon feeds on exorcists.
Okay.
What is it?
The autopsy of Jane Doe you have just a hyper-specific like panda-like diet?
I do not understand this.
We're told that, yeah, that he is going to infiltrate the church.
He has this like, there's like demonic maps of how he's going to get into the whole world
to infiltrate the church. That I think is canon, maps of devils and stuff. Oh, I think so. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's also like, I don't want to be the barrier of bad news. But the Catholic church is losing thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi he thi thi he hea hea hea hea. hea. hea. hea. hea. hea. hea. Oh, hea. Oh, hea. Oh, hea. Oh, hea. Oh, hea. Oh, hea. Oh, hea. Oh, hea. Oh, hea. Oh, hea. Oh, hea. Oh, hea. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. th. th. that, that, that, he he he that, he he he he thi. thi. thi. the the thi. thi. think so. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's also like, I don't want to be the barrier of bad news,
but the Catholic Church is losing people left and right.
Well, really? Really? I can't imagine why? It makes so much sense and it's so logical.
It's so logical and they haven't done anything awful to children.
No, no, they've certainly not done anything that would alienate anyone.
Yeah, yeah. For a couple hundred. For th th th th thous thous thous thous thous thous. Yeah, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. tho, tho, thoen, thoen, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, their tho, their their their their tho-a, their their tho-a, tho tho th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. a couple hundred. For as long as they existed.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Shenade O'Connor was fucking right and you're all the fucking assholes.
Anyway. Not you all. No, you guys are fine. You're fine. Yeah. The royal you. So Amy is able to sedate her brother with the sedative that the Italian doctor gave mom. Yeah.
Yeah. Generally not, don't get sent home with injectthe sedative that the Italian doctor gave mom. Yeah, generally
not, don't get sent home with injectable sedatives for your child. I mean
they're Lucy Goose here over there in Spain, Italy. I guess so. Spatitilly.
I wish I lived in Spatitilly. So this is when we learn that Rosaria is the woman
that he failed, who committed suicide in
front of him.
Right.
And she committed suicide because she was being raped by a priest.
Wait, what?
What does it thrown.
Yeah.
Yeah, she says to him, every night it comes to me and fucks me.
And he says, you.
Oh, and then she bites the head off the bird. Yeah.
I guess I didn't put that together.
Yeah, okay.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So, she swan dive off the road.
So she kills herself because he didn't help her.
And so this is where he's like, and there was a cover up, but we're done with that now because the Catholic church is doing.. the Catholic, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, the, the, the, thi, thi, thi, thi, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, th.... th. th. th. th. th. thi, thi, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, to, toooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. Yeah, th. And, th. And she's also, when we see her lying on the stone below the balcony where she jumped,
she has angel wings of blood.
Of blood, yeah, uh-huh.
I wrote, How Dare you?
And he's just talking and talking.
So much of this movie is just Russell Crow talking.
Sure.
In an Italian accent. Which is starting to feel like that meme, like, I ain't reading all that that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, to to th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii, is thiii, is thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th feel like that meme like I ain't reading all that. I'm happy for you though. We're sorry that happened
It just keeps going on and on
Too long didn't Russell Crow? Yeah
T L. D. R. C. L. D. R. C. So we have to wear the armor of God to defeat the king of hell. So they have to put on their vestments. Oh. And there's a storm coming in. Okay. And God is not here is written on
Henry's tum-tum. It's replaced hate with God is not here. I just wrote, it doesn't
say Kate after all. And Amy's crab walking on the ceiling because she a demon now. You know I can crab walk super fast.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I just wouldn't know if you knew that.
I need to do it sometime for like a movie.
I need to be someone's crab walking extra because I'm super fucking fast.
I think we just put it on YouTube.
YouTube content for whereof ambulance.
We'll do a crab walk.
Dot. And P4.
Back slash, wait for you.
Amy tackles mom after crab walking on the ceiling and beats the shit out of her.
She puts her head through that porcelain sink and the mom just bops right back up.
I would be dead.
I would never get up from that.
Fucking John Wick fight. Yeah, she's fine. She doesn't even have have have have have have have have have have have a a a tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. the. the. thoe. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. thi. toe. toe. too. too. too. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. ta. ta. ta. ta. A. A. A. She doesn't even have a bruise. And earlier
she'd had a conversation with Russell Crow where he was like, did you ever
believe? And she was like when I was a little girl I used to think that my
guardian angel walked me home from school or something like that. And he's like, okay
pray about that. And she's like, oh yeah now I'm a believer. He says to her, don't to lose faith in this scene. And th and you and you and you and you and you and you and you and you and you and you and you and you, and you, and you, th. He th. He th, he th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th, he's th, th, th, thi thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th. th. thi, thi, th. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. thi's thi's thi's thi's thi's thi. thi. thi's thi. thi's thi's like, when did she get it, like, fucking today?
I don't know.
It's so silly.
Well, what this movie re-supposes is that everyone started
at Catholic at some point and just has to go back to it.
Yeah, fair enough.
So, I love this part of the movie because Father Gabriel Amorth was when he was
writing his book about this, was like,
oh, you know what that scene in the Exorcist when Father Carus takes the demon into himself?
I did that. That's about me. I did that. I did that. That's the thing I did. I told them, and they, I had told, see, I had said that to, see, I had said that to, see, see, see, see, see, see, see, see, see, see, see, see, see, see, see, see, see, see, see, see, see, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, see, see, see, see, see, see, see, see, see, see, see, see, that, see, see, see, see, see, see, see, see, see, see, see, see, see, see, see, see, see, see, see, see, see, see, see, see, see, see, see, see, see, see, see, see, see, see, see, see, see, see, see, see, see, see, see, see, see, see, see, see, see, see, see, see, see, see, see, see, see, see, see, see, see, see, see, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that I did it 10 years later. I need my pig, Gabe.
Be my piggy.
The demon goes into himself.
And then it cuts to the Pope, just sitting up in his hospital and I'm going,
no, Gabrielle!
They just have a connection.
Yeah, they are just brows for life.
I mean, fucking Franco andoro can do to a rock. Yeah.
The demon says to Father Amorth, I knew you would sacrifice yourself to save those children
and now you are mine.
And I thought, like, was that a studio note that they just had to include those explicit
words because I fucking knew that.
Listen, uh, hello, we're the studio heads.
Why are they Italian?
People of us stop to pay an attention at this point.
So if you can remind them of what they're watching?
Can I tell you what my next note says?
What?
Ah, Kee Brian Hayes just hit a two run home run.
So go on.
So go on.
So tho to hang himself badly.
Hasmodius won't let it happen.
So bad at it.
So he runs down into the basement and I have the note, oh shit the Virgin Mary showed up.
Sik!
It's just the lady and now she's a monster, I don't know.
And also the woman that the priest fucked is now wandering around. I assume she was still alive.
I don't understand why she's part of this.
And she's covered in blood.
Covered in blood.
Yeah.
Yeah, there was no implication in his story that she was deceased.
No, no, no.
No, no, no.
No, no.
No.
No, no.
Like a woman who's been treated treated treated treated.
. No, fairy. No, fairy. Like a woman who's been treated out of tricks or treats.
So he prays or something and she explodes?
Yeah, there's like a CGI screaming mouth.
Oh my god.
And then there's a big prayer?
Well, yeah, it's like they have to, it's, it's a weird scene because it feels like they're, they have to defeat the memories of these tragically trrage trrag, trrag, trrag, tr, tr, tr, tr, tr, tr, tragically, tragically, the the tragically, tragically, the tragically, tragically, tragically, tragically, tra, tra, try, try, true, try, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, th, thi, thi, thi, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, that's that's that's that's thi, that's thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, like they have to, it's, it's a weird scene because it feels like they're,
they have to defeat the memories of these tragically ill-treated women, which I don't think
that's the message the movie intended.
No.
The message the movie intended is, the Inquisition and the sex crimes to, they're just like us.
Nems were demons, not us. Not us! Anything bad that happened within the Catholic Church is because priests get demons too.
They're just like us. Listen, we want to pay taxes, but these demons are keeping the churches from two.
Every time we fill out of Form 990, they just rip it up.
So there's a bunch of stuff that happens with like burning pentagrams and all this shit, but I couldn't be asked to write down notes about the end.
No, especially with the pirates just taking a lead there.
And they win.
You knew they were gonna win.
The pirates, they did.
They beat the Royals.
Yeah.
And the Papists win as well.
I mean, yeah, I guess so.
So they go back to Rome. You know the God. He works in very mysterious ways.
Jesus Christ.
Why couldn't he just... Never mind.
Doesn't matter.
So they go back to Rome and we learn that the Pope has set up basically the papal men in black who are now.
The papal men in black who are now.
Yes, there's this really quick wrap up of like where are they now, where they're like the American American, the American, the American, the American, the American, the American, the American, the American, the American, the American, the American, the American, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their, their, tha, tha, tha, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thiolan, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, to run around the world and solve demon crimes? Yes, there's this really quick wrap-up of like where are they now,
where they're like the American guy had to go to Guam.
Yeah.
I'll pray for Guam.
Yeah.
Also, in this point, like, the Pope just puts out his hand with a ring on it,
into the Spanish priest Tomas's face. And as soon as it comes out he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he out out out out out out out out out he he out out he he out he he out he comes out he he out he jumps out he jumps out he jumps out he jumps out he jumps out he jumps out he jumps out he jumps out he jumps out he jumps out he jumps out he jumps out he jumps out he jumps out he jumps out he jumps out he jumps, he jumps, he jumps, he jumps, he jumps, he jumps, he jumps, he jumps, he jumps, he jumps, he jumps, he jumps, he jumps, he jumps, he jumps, he jumps, he jumps, he jumps, he jumps he jumps he jumps he jumps he jumps he jumps he jumps he jumps he jumps he jumps he jumps he jumps he jumps he jumps he jumps he jumps he jumps he jumps he jumps he jumps he jumps he jumps he jumps he jumps, he jumps he jumps, he jumps, he jumps, he jumps, he jumps, he jumps, he jumps, he jumps, he jumps, he jumps, he jumps, he jumps, he jumps, he jumps, he jumps, he jumps, he jumps, he jumps, he jumps, he jumps, he jumps, he jumps, he jumps, he jumps, he jumps, he jumps, he jumps, he jumps, he jumps, he jumps, he jumps, he jumps, he jumps, he jumps, he jumps, he jumps, comes out, he jumps, like, he just reacts quickly. And I thought, I wonder if I could get people to, like, do that out of surprise,
if nothing else, like, when I met them, just put my hand in their face with my ring out?
Do you think I could get people to kiss my ring?
So here's a thing I'm thinking.
That people signet ring, like, kind of shows up earlier in the demon I think. Oh. And I'm wondering if he's supposed to like,
their implication is that maybe the Pope has been touched by the demon or something? I don't know. I don't know. I might be grasping at straws here for a much cooler movie than the one I watch.
I like that you're looking for me and meaning. I do. Let's go to work. Let's go to hell.
Did you ever read that?
B-B-Bobbbobb!
Is that Kickstart My Heart?
Why is it always Kickstart my Heart?
Skydive Nigg from a people plane.
The Pope, a Pope, kickstart my Pope.
I have a Matt Groneig comic called Work as Hell, which is very, very good.
That's the one-eared rabbit?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
When he said, let's go to work, let's go to hell, I was like, work as hell, I need
to read that again.
It's so good.
Katie.
Alan.
I picked this movie, let's rate it.
Okay, your turn.
I fucking adored watching this film.
Oh my god.
It's such trash.
It's so bad, it's as bad as I wanted it to be.
Yeah.
Like rarely am I rewarded with a movie being as gloriously bad as I wanted to be.
That is true.
I'm going to give this movie.
I'm going great time watching it. I also forced Missy to watch this movie.
I was like, I don't want to watch that.
And I'm like, please, just please watch it with me.
I want someone to enjoy how bad this movie's going to be with me.
How did she, how did she take it?
She may have been having a third screen experience, but she was sorry.
Three screens.
What about you? Um, I mean, given that Italians are one of the only people that it's okay to be racist towards,
in America these days, um, God, it's really bad. It's a lot of fun. I watched it at 1.25 speed, which Netflix allows, which I think really did improve my experience.
But still, I'm gonna give it a, it to get a quat throw from me.
Ah, Bonjorna.
That's a four.
That's a four.
That's when the moon hits your eye, like the Pope's exorcist, it's a four.
Katie, you watching this movie at 1.5 speed is going to become very relevant.
1.25 speed.
Sorry, sorry.
I'm not crazy.
I'm a lunatic.
I'm a lunatic.
I'm a bada bata.
I mean, his Italian was slow enough that I could understand it, and I had it at one.
So what it must have sounded like at one is insane. This is a message from Patron.
Okay.
They say, I am asked.
I am Ashton.
Hi Ashton.
I started listening to you guys after your guest appearance on God-awful movies.
We've, we should be of them to think.
We've got to send them a bottle of wine.
For the three of them.
Yes.
To one of their their their their their their their their their three of them. Yes. To one of their homes. And you guys are a delight. Really enjoy all your content.
Currently at episode 180, working my way through the catalogue through the back catalog.
Oh my goodness, thank you. Looking forward to all the great content you have made.
Oh, don't hold your breath on that. And then on August 27th this was in July
yeah and August 27th Ashton writes small change I am all caught up now you guys are the best.
Ashin no baby no to which I responded how long did it take you to make it through the
back catalog. Yeah. I started listening to you around the 14th of March. Okay. From your guest
appearance on Gap. Okay. From episode one I caught up today in August.
April, May, June, July, August. Five months, 400 episodes. I don't know how many hours it took me, but I listen to all my podcasts and
audio books at higher speed. 2. 2.5 for podcast three times for audio books.
Are you a brain genius? How are you processing it that fast?
It also helped that I did multiple 30-hour flights and layovers during that time.
Oh wow. Oh wow. You know we did hit the, we did hit some charts out there. Thank you.
My response was, holy ghost, that is a lot of us in your earholes.
That is so much of us in their earholes. My God.
Even if like at two-time speed, it's still over 200 hours.
Also, how high pitch does my voice get at two times speed?
Well, I edit everything at 1.5 times speed.
Oh, do you?
How high pitched am I?
Pretty cute.
Pretty pitchy.
Pretty pitchy.
Ashton?
You're a maniac.
You're a fucking maniac champion.
Thank you so much for being a patrone and thank you so much for whatever. Thank you for your sacrifice. I feel like you went to war.
Thank you for your service. Ashton thank you so much and thank you for being a patron, like
Alan said. And if you'd like to be a patrone you can get at us on Patreon. to come back-sahmuilance We have several years worth of action movies
there. Yeah. You can hear me discover my love for Kung Fu movies from the film
Bloodsport. Yeah, which I may go home and watch. Mm-hmm. You say that every week?
I get home and I'm tired. Yeah, I just gave you the good lord amount of coffee. Yeah, I might have it. I might have a blood sport at me tonight to night, honestly. I'm just going to fast fast fast fast fast fast fast fast fast fast fast fast fast fast fast fast fast fast fast fast fast fast fast th for th for th for th for th. I th. I th. I to th. I to say to say to say to say to say to say to say to say to say to say to say to say to say to th. I the the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. I. I. I thi. I thi. thi. the. the. the the. the the. the. tooo. too. to. to. to. to. to. to. the the the the to you the good lord amount of coffee. Yeah, I might have it. I might have blood sport at me tonight, honestly.
I'm just gonna fast forward through the parts
where Jean-Claude Van Dam was talking.
I stand by the Pope Exorcist as being the bloodsport of Priest movie.
No, I think I, I think that makes a lot of sense, honestly.
Katie.
Katie.
Katie.
Alan.
Let's do the Dario Orgento film opera.
I am very excited for this.
You'll be surprised.
It's about a serial killer and women and stuff.
Women.
And I bet one of his daughters isn't it.
I don't know if his daughter, uh, hiswife is definitely in it. Is Asia in it?
I don't think so.
I don't think he'd started killing her yet.
Or the other daughter who he threw her head through glass or.
Yeah, Dariah Nicolotie's in it.
Okay, fair enough.
Yeah, all right.
Yeah, she is.
But it's got a soundtrack from the from Bill Wyman and Brian Eno.
Okay.
Yeah, it's going to be a good time.
It would be fun.
You haven't done Argento in a minute.
No.
You're like looking at me with scorn on your face.
I don't know if you're, I mean, I don't know if you're, I don'to, you've got into the base place. Should I see the Barbie movie, Alan? Should I see the Barbie movie?
It was really good.
I know, I'll get to it.
As a feminist.
Oh, thank you so much.
So we're gonna do opera, come back for that.
We're gonna keep the Italian rock block going.
Yeah, see how long we can keep it going.
With some real Italians.. And tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha thi I I I I I I I th. th. thi I th. thi thi thi th. thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi tho thi thate I thi the. I'm tho thi thi thi thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I tho tho th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm the. the. the. the. tho. thea. I'm tho. I'm tho. I'm thea. I'm tho. I'm tho. I'm speaking English of course and I think that's it yeah I'm done
all right thanks for listening to another episode of where will fambulance can
have another slice of that chocolate orange yeah hell yeah do you want it
before we shut off the recording yeah thanks not waiting to that thou? notha not to that their. thinne not waiting for it to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to be to be to to be to to to be to to be to to to to to to to to to to their their to to to to to to their to to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to to be to to be to to to their. I I I their. I their. I the. the. the. thoo. I to. the. I thooo. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. thhuh. Oh, it's starting to get melty. Oh, it's so good. It's so good.
You should take the rule with you. I'm crammed too in my mouth. No, I don't need this in my house.
Donna. Thank you again for all the gifts. Donna. You're a hero. You're truly a hero.
I'm sorry. I say you're British and I'm saying your name is such a Pittsburgh accent. Donna. Hey Donna, thanks for the stuff, Donna.
Can you say it with an English accent?
No, can you?
Hey, O'Donnell.
Why did your voice get so quiet.
Hey, Donnell.
Thanks for listening to another episode of Herrof Ambulance.
This is embarrassing, goodbye.
We've lost our goddamn mince to call them! Ah! Ohto set the pool. No way to do it, Finland's to fulfill reviews.
Get the clouds and let the face, can't live in the atmosphere
a piece, a few inside basket case.
Please make I continue to pray.
E&T.
A-Rodd a comedy review's hungrytry and fangs and Stephen King.
E-M-T. We live deliciously at the-o-trees, obesely con to Daddy.
A paranormal active TV's from Mr. Patrick's City.
E-M-T.
E-M-T. But you're saying, yeah, I'm too, the empty, to.