Werewolf Ambulance: A Horror Movie Comedy Podcast - Episode 445- Opera (1987)

Episode Date: September 18, 2023

In this week's episode, we're spending all our mental efforts trying to suss out the meaning of yet another Dario Argento film with 1987's "Opera." Do we figure it out? OF COURSE NOT. Special topics for your consideration include: more dream logic, letting birds solve a crime, getting fed up with being murdered, finding new ways into the dating scene, and DANIELE SOAVE! We love Dario Argento, I think? Perhaps for different reasons though. You can hear us discuss his work in Episode 23- "Suspiria," Episode 84- "Demons," Episode 185- "Deep Red," Episode 306- "Tenebrae," Episode 325- "The Bird with the Crystal Plumage," and Episode 369- "Phenomena." The regular lineup of links! You can support us at patreon.com/werewolfambulance and get years' worth of action film commentary-- it's a ladies-kicking-ass month with "Mad Max: Fury Road!" leave us a message at 412-407-7025 hang out with some cool listeners at https://discord.gg/DutFjx3cBD  buy merch at www.teepublic.com/user/werewolfambulance we're on Reddit at r/werewolfambulance on Twitter @werebulance on Instagram @werewolfambulance. [e-mail] www.werewolfambulance.com if you feel you really must lodge a complaint with us, please do it on Facebook at facebook.com/werewolfambulance because we are probably not gonna see that, ever.   If you liked this, please leave us a review on Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen! It helps others find us and allows us to continue to grow.

Katie. Alan. I'd like to apologize to the listeners in advance. Katie. Alan. I'd like to just apologize to the listeners in advance. For what now? I am a little under the weather. We're recording remotely because I did not want to infect Katie with the head cold that I'm currently dealing with. I shan't be infected. I don't have time for this. No, no, no, no. I would feel awful. And it's not COVID-in. Missy made me swab inside of my cheeks when I took my COVID test because apparently that's the thing to do now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now. now. now. th. Does. Does th. Does th. Does th. Does th. Does it's, thi. Does it's, thi. Does it's, thi. Does it's, thi. Does it's, thi. thi. the the they. thi. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I's, th. I. I. I. I. I's, thi. I's, the the the the thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. I'm. I'm. I'm toe. I'm toe. I'm toe. I'm toe. apparently that's the thing to do now. Does it say that in the instruction manual? No, this is like... Oh missie, no. I think she just wants to see what she can get you to do. It was ass cheeks that she got me to swab in. Oh yeah, that makes sense then. You've got glan's down there. B over and spread them.

But my voice is a little wonky because of that and my energy might be a little dulled because I am on a monster dose of NyQuil right now. Why would you take the Nyquil before we recorded? You know they make Dayquil. What? Don't worry, because I have energy for both of us for this movie. You know the Dayquill is for closers, Katie. We all know that. Dayquil is for closers? Yeah, like coffee is for closers from Glen Garry Glenn Ross that often. Oh, and I do want to send a shout out to Jason. You know I don't think about Glenn Gargara Ross that often. Oh, and I do to send a shout out to Jason. Jason!

Who left us a voicemail and sent us a very sweet email. Yeah. And Jason is having some surgery and we want you to know that we also love you. Yes. And we want you to be well and please let us know how you are as soon as you can. Yeah, everybody sends your good vibes out into the world for Jason today. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Like like Markey Marky and the Funkey Bunch. I mean a racially charged incident?

Speaking of racially charged incidents. It's more like um gender charged incidents I think. We're going to talk about what movie today Katie. We are talking about the Dario Argento film opera. Also known as Terror at the Opera, I think. I feel like that's in a post-Guogle world where it's hard to Google just the name opera. Gotcha. I was searching for this on Roku. And they were like, did you mean, fucking whatever opera? I was like, no, I wanted the movie opera. Yeah, I could not find it anywhere on my cell phone.. Ito find it like on my cell phone. Oh, I watched this

movie on my cell phone. Did you really? Some of it. I do like the way Dario Argento intended. I do love that the opening credits has him as an original idea by Dario Argento, like yeah, fucking obviously. And before we get too far into this, remember this is all based on a dream that he had. So it doesn't have to make sense. Well, that's good news because it doesn't. You know how I love Dream Logic in a film? You do. But I feel like at some point it's also a cop-out.

Well, what it says is the pieces didn't quite fit together, so I just cut them a little, you know? Yeah, yeah, and the motivation of the characters did not make a fucking lick of any goddamn sense anywhere. Okay, should we get into that now or should we get into it later? Because I think, I rewelned a particular scene like two or three times to figure out what the killer was describing as their motivation. And I think I got it, but I could try. Well, let's get to that when we get to it. Okay, we'll get to what we get to it. Yeah, yeah. So this film starts off with a raven watching an opera practice. Yeah, it's you know, eyeballs and crows. Here we go. Cool looking eyeballs, really weird-looking

lids with like the nubs on them. Yeah. I mean, say what you will about an old-school Dario Orgento film, they're going to be gorgeous. I shouldn't have watched it on my cell phone, huh? Probably not. No, there were a lot of a lot of good visuals. A lot of good shots of birds. Love some bird shots. Sure, sure. Yeah. Do you notice there was no no animals who were harmed in the making of this movie? Oh, there is one point where Dario Argento definitely fucking killed a bird and it's dead when it gets tossed I was like you have to be kidding me you have to be kidding me it's 1987 we knew better. We never did inferno on here right? Not to the best of my knowledge. There's definitely a seed in inferno where someone puts a bunch of cats in a bag and then drowns them. Oh God. And I was like, there's no way you took those cats out of that bag, did you?

You definitely drowned those cats. Oh, no, I definitely haven't seen that. Dario, he hates everything. He hates everything but particularly women. I assume it was a female raven he murdered. So there's an opera singer yelling at the ravens. Who we only ever see from her POV. We never see her. We see her for a little teeny tiny split second, which is way too short for what the scene is. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, she's pissed because the ravens are squawking while she's singing. This boat is in the way! Lead singers, man. Always a fucking pain in the ass. I mean, divas, right? Am I right? Divas? Birds should be with other birds. their birds?

What? As far as I can tell, these birds are, there's like 30 of them. There's so of them. There's so many of them for practice. For practice. You're talking about practice? I love it. Where's the Alan Iverson of Birds? I love when you break out in Alan Iverson.

It's my favorite, like, quoteable thing, that shows up in the most random places. Yes. Like there's an episode of Ted Lasso where he references it. Oh nice. Should I watch that next season? I didn't watch that next season. It's fine. Yeah, yeah. I think that next season is when he references that. Okay. I think so because Jamie Tart is like not giving his 100% of practice. He's like, it's just practice coach. He's like it's practice. We talking about practice. I look forward to this. Yeah. And I'm fascinated with this rapper named Billy Woods right now. And in one of his lines, he says something about praxis. And then in the background you hear him go, we talking

about practice. Oh, that's funny. I like that a lot. Yeah and I was like oh man that is like a nerd on nerd joke that I'm a hundred percent here for. Definitely. But who's not here for this mistreatment of Ravens is the Ravens owner who shouts I'll take my Ravens and leave. Sir? I love that Raven nerd. He's so good especially later in the movie when he shows up inexplicably in that Raven nerd. He's so good, especially later in the movie, when he shows up inexplicably in that one scene. I, what, okay, so that is him later in the movie. Yeah. Okay, all right. So we get, we get a lot of Dario classics in this. We get a collection of things really close up with a panning camera. That's his thing, one of his things. And it's got to end on a phone and someone with with a black with a black with a black with a black with a black with a black with a black with a black with a black with a black with a black with a black with a black with a black with a black with a black with a black with a black with a black, the black, the black, the black, the black, th.. panning camera. That's his thing. One of his things.

And it's got to end on a phone and someone with a blackhand glove picking up the phone. Whenever I see those black hand gloves now I think about that scene in pieces where the hand was trying to do the jigsaw puzzle with the gloves on and clearly couldn't do it. That movie is so funny. I wish I'd watched that again, honestly. But also very, very funny is the car hitting the opera singer? Because it's literally one second. The scene is like, it cuts from inside the opera house to the street outside, boom, something hits her, cuts right back inside.

And everybody's just like, ooh. You don't, it's, I, it happened so fast I feel like I didn't hear anything. Do you know why? Because in Rome, going on to the street you were taking your life into your hands, those people are maniacs. Gotcha. Fair enough. But, so we cut to the star of the movie who is constantly listening to opera at annoying levels. She's a terrible neighbor. When her neighbor later in the movie doesn't know who she is, I'm like no you would know who she is.

Everybody in the building knows who she is. She's the B word who listens to opera way too loud. And then probably sings along. Oh no. But she's lovely. You ever had a singing roommate or singing like a person?, the the the the the the the the the the th. She, th. She, th. She, th. She, th. She, th. She, th. She, th, th, th. She, th. She, th. She, ter, ter, ter, ter ter ter ter ter, ter ter termi termi- terrible terrible, ter- ter- terrible, ter- ter- terrible, ter- ter- ter- ter- ter- ter- ter- ter- ter- ter- ter- ter- ter- ter- ter- ter ter ter ter ter ter ter ter ter ter, ter, ter, ter ter, th th th th th th terrible ther ther ther ther ther ther thorou-a ther-a ther-s ther-s ther-s ther-s therrible neighbor ther-s ther-s ther-s ther-a ther-a ther-a too loud. And then probably sings along. Oh no! But she's lovely. You ever had a singing roommate, or singing like person who lives in your building? I had a bass playing guy next door when I lived in Southside who only listened to the song Mr. Bigstuff and he would just play it on his bass and then he'd listen to it and then he'd play it on his base and well like, you see him pulling up in his car and he'd just be listening to it

in his car he truly was Mr. Bigstuff. That is insane. It's weird yeah he was weird. Who do you think you are? I mean it's a banger. Oh yeah no doubt no doubt. So she gets a phone call saying you're gonna get your big chance tonight or whatever. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their. he. I their their. I he. I he. I he. I he. I he. I he. He's he. He's he. He he. He he. He he. He he. He he. He he. He he. He he. He he. He he. He he. He he. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He's th. He's try. He's try. He's try. He's just just just just just try. He's just just be try. He's just just be try. He's just just be try. He's just just try. He's he to get your big chance tonight or whatever. Yeah, basically like you make your debut as Lady Macbeth. Are you happy? And then who shows up to give her the big news in person? Is it Dariah Nickelodey? Yeah, you know it is. Her agent, Mira. And what did she say to her when she starts complaining that she's not ready for this?

I'm not sure. So Betty, or is it Betty or Betsy? Betty? Betty says, I'm too young to play Lady Macbeth. She's right, too. And Daria Nicolote said, you'll be a smash-in. A baby lady, she does say that. She does say that. And someone else also says that Lady Macbeth was 17, which is just deeply untrue. You'll be a baby lady. the baby lady.

Baby lady, God, that's what I want to be. That's the only thing in the world I really want. I want to be a baby lady. I want to be a grown woman who just gets to watch a lot of TV. Yeah, and listen to opera way too loud. Yeah, and no one can say anything to me about it because I'm a diva. I guess she's literally a diva. Yeah, the textbook definition of it. She also just for some reason has a flashing red light in her bedroom, which I found very distracting. I mean, is it because she's not good at sex? Oh, maybe. Maybe it's a literal, like it's almost like a waving red flag for men.

This is the weirdest running through line in this movie. It doesn't mean anything, does it? Like, it doesn't have any connection to anything else in the movie. It does, it sort of does. Okay. Because, well, I guess we'll get into it now. Put a pin in it, we can come back to it. Okay, okay.

Okay. Okay. Okay. So, she goes to the opera? Like, this movie is just, because it's the dream logic. . Like this movie is just because it's the dream logic we're just like we're here and then we're there and then we're this and then we're that sometimes we're sleeping for no reason. Sometimes we're a POV character who's seemingly crawling

on the floor. Yeah why are you so short? I don't know. I'm not sure who that was meant to be. Betty? The detective? He was very tall. He was very tall and very handsome. Oh my god, what a smoke show. That is also a problem with this movie is like, he could have just asked her out. Yeah, he is in your favorite film that you think of all the time and often remember when I reference it. Demons. Oh, okay. Yeah, that's the one with the motorcycle right the motorcycle around in the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh th. Oh the. Oh thia the. Oh the. Oh the. Oh the. Oh, the. Oh, the. the. Oh, theateathea the. thoo. thoomoomo. thoom. tho. thoom. thoom. thi. thi. thi. thi. Oh, thi. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, the. Oh, thi. Oh, the. Oh, the. Oh, the. Oh, the. Oh, thea. Oh, thea. Oh, thea. Oh, thea. Oh, thea. Oh, thea. Oh, thea. Oh, thea. Oh, thea. Oh, okay. Yeah, that's the one with the motorcycle in the machete. Yeah, he's the guy who drives the motorcycle around in the theater. I will remember that so I can look for him again. He's also in a bunch of like sci-fi, sort of sword and sandal movies, like, outlaws of gore, and like these mystery science theater movies.

Okay. Yeah. I love. I the the the the the the the th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thi is thi is thi is the is the is the is the, the, thi is thi is the, the, the, the, the, the, yeah, the, the, the the the the the the the the the the, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, the, the, thy. Yeah, thy. Yeah, thy. Yeah, he is th th, he is th th th the, he is th the, he is the, he is the, the, the, the, the, the is the is theat, theat, theat, theat, theateat, theateat, theateat, theateateate. Yeah, the, the like these mystery science theater movies. Okay. For sure. Yeah. I love a sword and sandal as you know. I do. I do. I do. I do. I do. We see the POV like Creeper going around and they've got a black glove hand that they have put a surgical glove over top of and it made me want to puk. Yeah, it's disgusting. The idea of how sweaty and leathery your hands could be. There's something about the sound or the scraping, the touching of the two that doesn't sit right with me. You know that thing when you're like, you've got those yellow, like, a kitchen cleaning gloves on?

Yeah. And the ones that make you feel like like the kitchen the kitchen the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to the to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be toearycary cutorycarycarycarycete toe toe toe toe to be to be to be to be to be to be to be tothen the ones that make you feel like a superhero? Yes. But you've been like cleaning the kitchen for like two hours and you like lift your wrist and just sweat poured. Like that's all I can think about was just all that sweat being absorbed in that leather glove. And I was like, ugh, gross. Dario.

So yes, she's back at the opera. That we're talking about the Macbeth curse, you know, the bad luck. Yeah. I'm very jealous of her glossy hair. Oh yeah, she's like a prel commercial. It's amazing. Beautiful. And she has like really, really, thanne and I feel would be really on point right now fashion

sense. Yeah, I do like a lot of her looks. Like kind of baggy khakis with a tucked in tee shirt and white sneakers? Yeah which is something that I criticize someone for wearing recently in a movie and getting fucked while wearing that but I can't remember who it was. It's like why would you wear this baggy khakis if you're trying to get fucked. I don't know maybe that's why she's wearing them because she's not trying to get fucked. It's true she is an opposite of she's an opposite fucker. Her costume too is also very lovely all gold plating and chains I like adore it. It's so wonderfully tacky. I love it. I mean a little known fact about me is that I have enjoyed the opera. Okay okay. And I that I that I that I that I th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thus thus thus. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. the th. th. Yeah, th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th. Yeah, the. the. the. the. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. that I have enjoyed the opera. Okay, okay.

And I love Macbeth. Sure. Yeah. Yeah. Although I've never listened to or seen the opera of McBeth, I just know it as a play. Yeah, I haven't seen the, it's a fairity, I guess. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

I wish I could get into just listening to opera, but I like going to see opera. Sure. But like... I don't just sit around and listen to it. Well, whenever I watch Inspector Morse and he's always listening to opera and I was like, I should be an opera guy too. But I'm not, I'm just not. You probably will be in like five to seven years, I think. It's true. It's like just it's on the horizon for you, I think.

I did just receive a in the mail a buttoned down cardigan vest to really add to my fall wardrobe of just looking like the 50 year old man that I am. I feel like you're going to look great in that. What color is? Oh yeah. Let me guess. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th tho tho tho tho thi. thi. tho tho tho tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. th. thi. thi. thi. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm the. I'm the. I'm the. I'm the. I'm the. I'm the. I'm thooooooooooo. I'm the. I'm the. I'm the. I'm the. I feel like you're going to look great in that. What color is it? Let me guess, navy blue. Oh no, it's black. It's black. Just that I try something new. Yeah. We've also seen the, on top of the gloved hand, we've also seen like a masked figure skulking around, like just having a black bag over one's head. And I think it only had one eye hole cut out of it. And it's tiny, it's like a pencil eraser size. And it's in the middle, I thought. I felt very confused by the eye hole. I don't think it's in the middle, but I think they're constantly turning their

head to look at things, so it looks like she's doing a great job. I mean the singer is lovely, whoever's actually singing it is doing a great job, the actor is not doing a great job. I think she's doing a really good job of having opera mouth. But not opera upper face. Right, or like throat. She's obviously not singing but she's making the mouth motions like she's singing that are very good. Very like projecting her lips and stuff. She just looks so angry.

Sure, well it's Lady Macbeth. True. She wasn't angry. She was just kind of, you know, terrible. Just really a social climber. Um, and while she's singing, we see our POV person is skulking around and ends up in a balcony seat and a man dressed like a Swiss guard for some reason comes to him and is like, hey you're not supposed to be here. Yeah he's a stage personnel only and then the black glove just grabs his face.

Yeah, and murders him on a coat hook. Yeah, the coat rack kind of goes into the back of his neck, which I thought was great. Yeah. Yeah. And they smash a, uh, a lighting rig falls down into the audience. Yes, which we're told later kills a stagehand, which I'm assuming they mean this guy? Or do they know this guy got murdered? Oh, I don't even know.

I don't even know either. The director's just like, just go on, it's fine. Shut up. I am baffled by him because what he does later in the movie would ruin his career. At which point? He's like when we're later getting reviews of this performance and like the press is just lambasting him for how shitty his stage thing is it's like, it looks like trash. It's terrible looking. Yeah. It's just a plane with a skull in the background.

And why? Well, what I've done here is I've set Macbeth in a post-World War II fascist America or something. Or something. As a side note, there's a very good modern adaptation film of Macbeth called Scotland PA, which I think Andy Dick is one of the witches. It's very weird. It's very good.

I remember really enjoying it. Huh. I just thought of an adaptation of Richard the Third that's set in a fascist England, like in a World War II fascist England. Oh, that's really, and I think it starts Ian McKellan. I like that guy. But it's really, really good. Because there's the one scene where he's trying to get a jeep to start so he can drive somewhere

and it won't start, and he stands up and screams my kingdom for a horse. And it's just like, oh you did it. You did it. You did it, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. thi, and it's th. th. th. th. And it's th. And it's th. And it, and it, and it, and I th and I th and I th and I th and I th and I th and I th and I th and I th and I th and I, and I, and I, and I, and th and th. And, and th. And, and th. And, and th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, thi's thi's thi's thi's thi's thi. And, and thi's thi. And, and thi's thi. And, and thi. And, and thi. And, and you did it. You did it. You did it, yeah. It's so much better than Bazleurman being like, these guns are called swords, get it? I remember seeing that movie in the theater and just being like, what? What? Anyway, at this point, we're cutting back and forth between Betty singing and a raven, and it looks like it points that the raven is singing it, which, th, which, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, and th, and th, and th, and the, and th, and th, the, th, th, th, th, th looks like it points that the raven is singing it which I really enjoyed. And she says something backstage like I thought I thought I heard shouting and screaming and it's like yes you probably would have from

those falling lights but no she heard it from the guy getting coat-racked. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. What the hell? What the hell? Is this where she gets sent the stinky liquid from Mara? Possibly. Well, right now I got an Aldi ad, which I didn't think I'd ever seen before. We meet the cop first, because I wrote a little note to myself here, shouldn't he be back at the office having our main character solve a crime, which, not far off. Yeah, good luck little snake is what the note says.

Yeah. And she's, when we see that she's amorous with the note says. Yeah. And she's when we see that she's amorous with the stage manager. Yes, Stefano. What was it that that Mara sent her? I think it was perfume. Because when Julia comes in to collect the dress from the performance, she's like, oh, it smells like Mara in here. Gotcha. Gotcha. But they think that it's either frog oil or acid.

Yeah. I thought like, well, good call on dumping it, except for your plumbing, I guess. And we keep getting these flashes of scenes that are completely unrelated to anything. Like a child watching the opera, which seemed unreasonable on television? And then of, no, not that, of the, like, the murder that's going on with a woman, and it seems like a slightly sexual murder that's happening? Wait, when was that? We see like them running up the like old decrepit spiral staircase.

Yes. And there's the woman like screaming and the other woman is watching. This is like intercut a few times by this point. I remember the steps, I don't remember that, but okay. I mean, there's so much banana's shit in this moving. And there's like a, a, a weirdly, a weirdly, a weirdly theeeeeeeeeeeeeeaa thiiiiiiiiiolioliolioliolioleteen, a thioleteen, a thioleteen, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th. thi, th. th. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, the, the, the, the, the, theeeeean, thean, like, like, like, thean, theanan, thean, like, weirdly pulsing brain that happens a couple times too. Yes I was trying to figure out what the brain is is it linking to Lady Macbeth in some way because it's really more about her hands right? Who knows? Who knows? I mean is it's just like Dario's like well you've all got like Freudian ideas about what I'm doing anyway so here you go? I guess I I I I I I I I th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thus th thus I thus thus thus thus thus thus th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. was being bound and I think she is perhaps unwell.

And then we see like the things that she was being bound with and the knife that's there we'd see in a like murder kit that somebody has. And then when we see the murder kit we then see footage of Betty singing the opera and the murderer like zooms in on the footage and starts stabbing the TV screen. Bad idea. I don't, but like I don't understand why that happens. I mean is it just pure madness? Like I just don't understand. Yes. Gotcha. Let's go with that. It's dream logic. We also see, uh, from the point of view person that they go into the backstage area and start ripping up her costume. Right and are attacked by the ravens. Yeah,

well the birds are like indignant like, that's our friend's outfit. And I do love this because Ravens are like, it's been proven that they do recognize people and they will befriend people. Yeah, or they'll hold grudges. Right, right. So like I really enjoyed that aspect of this film, but they're like, you know who's going to solve this crime? Boyds.

Very much so. And they do. And let me tell you, they do. And it's hilarious. But this is the scene where you see the hands just like drop a dead raven and you're like, fuck! That's a real dead bird. Yeah.

But the one is just screaming and it's like, yeah, go tell your friends, you little dinosaur. You go get him. I do love this scene. I have a note that says a person is killing Ravens, and by that person, I mean Dario Orgento. We come back to Betty's room where she has like this electric blue boom box that I'm deeply, deeply jealous of. Wasn't that beautiful? It was really beautiful. Yeah. And they're like leaning up from the bed and she goes,

I'm just terrible at sex. This is so uncomfortable, like is this badly translated? Like what is happening here? There's part of me that was like, God I wish I could be that honest. Look I'm awful at this. It seemed like she waited till afterwards? Yeah, it seemed like she the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I. I. I. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I. Yeah. Yeah. the. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. the. the. the. the. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, the. Yeah, the. Yeah, the. Yeah, the. Yeah, the. Yeah, the. Yeah, the. Yeah, the. Yeah, the. Yeah, the. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. part of me that was like, God, I wish I could be that honest. Look, I'm awful at this. It seemed like she waited till afterwards to say it though. I feel like you got a lead with it. Like, look, this is going to be bad. But. She was like, she was doing the, it's not you, it's me to him sure and like he's like I guess whatever he's like yeah it is you I'm very pretty as well yes we also keep hearing a heartbeat but I don't know if she's hearing it or we're just hearing it or what I assume she's hearing it because the screen pulses when we hear it and its cameras focused on her I guess so I guess so. I don't know. There's

all of a sudden just someone behind her with the black glove. Yeah. Who ties her up? Uh-huh. At this point I was convinced it was Dariah and Nickelodey, even though she has been a surprise bad guy before in these movies. Sure. I thought is that too obvious? And then I thought it's Dario Argento. Nothing's too obvious. How dare you? How dare you? You know what it is. So she gets tied to a pole and her mouth is bound with tape. And then my favorite, like, I think it's an insanely amazing visual of the needles taped under her eyes so she can't blink and ask to watch the murders. Yeah, it's real like proto-jigsaw though. Sure, but I think it's got a, I don't know, there's like a, there's an artsy, fartsiness

to it that is just like really striking. Yeah, sure. Especially when he's like the camera has the pins over it when you're looking through her eyes and watching the murder. Yes, that is unnerving. I think there's a lot of and I think all of the close-ups of her eye trying to blink with the needles on it. Like were they really on her eye? Probably? Baby. Mom I got the lead. Some birds and baby ladies were hurt during the making of this movie. Definitely. So we get a Dario Orgento classic, a murder set to mediocre heavy metal.

Yes, a knife into the back of the mouth as metal plays. Yeah, this is from a band whose real name is GOW, G-O-W, but for the this movie they went into the pseudonym Steel Grave. Steel Grave. Isn't the song also called Steel Grave later in the movie? Maybe, yeah. I think it might be steelgrave by steel grave. And there's like, I think the other one's called like like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, the their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their like, there's, I think the other ones call like Knights in the night or something. Guys. But I really like, I was like, I love Dario Argento's love of like kind of mediocre metal. Yeah, I'd see, he likes what he likes. Yeah, yeah. This guy gets like great stabbed. Oh, yeah. He gets stabbed all the hell up. I love it when the knife knife the knife the knife the knife the knife the knife the knife the knife the knife the knife the knife the knife the knife the knife the knife the knife the knife the knife the knife the knife the knife the knife the knife the knife th. th. tho tho tho tho tho tho thi thi the knife thi thi thi thi thi the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the the the the thi the the thi the thi theeeeeeeeeeeeeeat. Nights. Nights. K. Nights. K. Nights. Nights. K. Nights. Nights. He gets stabbed all the hell up. I love it when the knife goes into his mouth and you see the blade coming up behind his teeth.

Yeah. It's gross. It's gross. It's gross, Dario. And then the murderer says, you're not frigid, you're a bitch and heat. What the fuck is that? What the fuck is that? I don't know the the the the the the the thah is that? I don't know, but then when you find out later,

spoiler alert that the detective is the murder, you're like, I can't see that guy saying that. I can't see any of this. That's the thing. And it's also insane that she does not call the police. Well, she calls them from the phone booth, but they're not going to it's like, I'm not gonna give my name, bye-bye. Right, right. Because they're gonna know that she was with her boyfriend. Like they left a place. Yes, they do because the police, well, it's the,

it's the, Alan, the cop, who does the questioning, but one of the other, like one of the stage hands or something is like, yeah, they left the party together. Yeah. Yeah, of course they did. But it doesn't because of who the killer is. Hmm. No one was ever investigating it, were they? So she gets picked up out in the street in the rain after she calls the police and doesn't give any information and then goes for a leisurely wet stroll. She gets picked up by the director, Mark. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Who's a real scumbag, so he's a great red herring. Because they immediately start having a conversation about making love. Yes, and he says the line, I always jerk off before

I shoot a scene. Ew. And her reaction is nothing. Nothing. Doesn't even flinch. She's too busy drying her hair in the car's heating vents. She has had a really bad night and she's worried about her god damn glossy hair. Would you be? That hair was beautiful. I mean if I had great hair I'd worry, yeah. Oh, you do have great hair. You stop that. You stop that. Stop it. Stop it.

Stop it. This is also where he delivers a line about people saying he should stick to making horror movies or something and you're like, what is this? What is this? What is this? I'm the Dario Orgento now, dog. Seriously. So she tells him that he's like, you've got to tell me what's going on. She's like, no, no. I used to have these nightmares about a man in a black hood and that's who killed that dude. Yeah. She's like, I'm not going to tell you, I'm not going to tell you.

Wait, actually, here's everything everything everything everything everything everything everything everything everything everything everything everything everything everything everything everything everything everything everything everything everything. Yeah, and it doesn't help. It just doesn't help us really in any meaningful way. Oh no, not at all. It does nothing. Like everything in this movie, it means nothing and it has no effect on anything. Yeah, it's true. And at this point I was sure the killer was her mother, but I didn't know why. Yeah, where is she? Right, we keep being told that her mother is an opera singer or was an opera singer. Was an opera singer. But we don't find out that she's dead until the end, right? Right. That was weird too, Dario. So she's back in her apartment? Yes. And Mark's gonna leave her alone.

And she's like, I apartment? Yes. Yes. And she's, and Mark's going to leave her alone. She's like, I'll be fine, I'll just lock the door. And then she's like, oh my God, there's somebody outside of my door. And she yells at her neighbor. She's like, what are you doing out there? And the neighbor said nothing. I said nothing and starts thrusting her hips at her? This lady's intense. She's got a lot of big feelings. You know why?

Why? Because Betty won't stop fucking listening to opera on 30 at all time. Especially this woman has a small child. Like that has to be waking that kid up. Yeah, that's why that kid is always in the vent staring at this lady. Always in the vents speaking with the voice of an adult woman. Oh, I hate it so much. I hate it. Oh my God. So we, yeah, this is where we learn that the opera is getting bad reviews. And she's in her apartment screaming, oh my god, why did I sing that role?

I shouldn't have. It was all my fault. But like, did she not, what this movie presupposes, is that she didn't't have it was all my fault but like did she not What this movie presupposes is that she didn't know she was the understudy in Macbeth Exactly because when it happens she's stunned But like again like to give him more credit that maybe is due I've had tons of dreams where like, like, thrown. You have to come to play the show with us? Oh, are you excited? Are you terrified? Are you th? Are you th? Are you th? Are you th? th? Are th? th? Are th? Are th? th? th? thi? thi? thi? thi? thi? thi? thi? thi? thi? thi? thi? thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi? thi? thi? thi thi thi? thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi to to thi to to to thi toe thi thi to thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi had shown up and be like, dude, you have to come play this show with us. Aw. Are you excited? Are you terrified? Terrified because I don't know any of their songs. Oh, okay. I remember I had to, I, Iron Maiden called me and told me I had to play with them, but we were playing the entire show standing on tight ropes. Wow. And I was like I don't know the songs and I don't think I could stand on tight ropes. No, especially while whaling on your axe. Yeah.

Very, trees are stupid. So weird. Why is that stuck in my brain? That I had that dumb dream. I know like I'll think of all the useful bits of information you could actually have, but your brain's like, mm-mm, anxiety dream forever. Right, and so this is now when we get the police investigator asking questions of everybody, right? And everyone being like, I don't know, who cares? You're dumb, who gives a shit, I hate everything. Two people associated with this production have been murdered and everyone's just like, eh. Also, I just want to point out, I know this is later in the movie, but we are told later in the movie that people around her mother in an opera production kept being murdered too. Mm-hmm. Nobody brings this up.

Uh-uh. Is that what the bracelet that's sewn into the dress is supposed to, because it's like an anniversary bracelet bracelet? I have no idea. So is this supposed the anniversary of her mother's killing all those people? I don't know. I thought it was a medical alert bracelet and until... I thought that I would just hang on to that until proven otherwise. And I was never proven otherwise, as far as I know. The dress was allergic to pedicillin. Yeah, do not.

Oh, man. Oh, man. So now Julia and Betty are hanging out, working on the dress. Yes. And I don't know nothing about no sewing. Sure, me either. But do you take everything off with an exacto knife? I don't know.

Do you cut off the plastic gems just to sew on more plastic gems? Yeah, what if you need a diamond rather than an amber thing? Maybe that's not the color of her energy. Oh man. RIP the guy from Smash Mouth. What? Yep. All songs from that era are attributed to Smash Mouth. That's fine. I have to say that I love Julia's look and I love that like long knotted pearl necklace look of both the 1920s and 1980s. Mm-hmm. I loved, I loved her haircut and I was like that is very Liza

Manelli but she somehow was making it look very fresh. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And then I I thought about that awful thing that guy said to you. That I look like Oza Manelli. Yeah, that made you so sad. Me so sad. People really tried to comfort me too. Like, oh, she was really hot when she was young. Like, no, I'm not young. That's not what he was thanks. You. You. You look like modern day Liza Manil. She's gotta be dead, right?

Nah, she's still alive. Is she? You're thinking of her mom. Who's her mom? Uh, uh, where's her mom? Julie Garland? Why is it? Why is it?

All right. Hold on. No, fuck it. Who cares? I gotta Google this now. I wouldn't want that for you. She is divorced. But she's still alive.

Wow. So I guess I look in 46. Great, I look like that. Anyway, this lies a Manelli looking lady is about to get some scissors to the gut or so I thought. She does and he like cuts her open and puts the bracelet inside her only to withdraw it from her? It doesn't she then swallow it? Oh that's right he jams it into her mouth. Yeah no she swallows it. She it seemed to be that she swallowed it on purpose. That's right because they're playing, she thinks

they're playing a game. Does she? Because she's like, oh, you want the bracelet? Ha ha ha! He! And then he hits her with an iron and knocks her down and... Right. She falls like it was a fucking anvil. I feel like in the heat of the moment, you could take an iron to the back. Yeah, I don't care if you thi ththe kidneys. I'm fine with that with adrenaline going.

Oh, for sure. If you were here right now, I would have you hit me with the iron that's like three feet behind me. I did make eye contact with that iron that's behind you on screen. But that doesn't make sense because why would she be... It's either... Okay, so either this person is not wearing the mask and it's the cop, in which case, why would you be fucking with him? Or this person is wearing the mask, in which case why would you fuck with them? So he is wearing the mask because when she knocks him down, she then takes off the mask. Right, and gasped, yeah. And she goes, oh, it's you, Bubbity.

She takes her sweet fucking time peeling it off to. Then she gets strangled to metal music before she can name him. And then he simulates Felatio with a knife in her mouth, or scissors in her mouth. Scissors, yeah. Real real and then fingers. It's cool. It's pretty cool. He's groping around inside her like you're looking for a chapstick on your night stand in the middle of the night. It is disgusting. It is th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. to thi, to to to to thi, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th. She, th. She's thi. She's thi. She's thi. She's thi. She's tape, tape, tape, tape, tape, tape, tape, thae, thae, thi. Shea-a-a-aughethe middle of the night. It is disgusting. He's like me searching my car seat for change to pay for gas in the 90s.

Yeah, way down in there. And then yeah, he like takes the scissors and he's like chopping her up the middle, but we don't see any of it. And I was like, Dario. He ran out of money on this one. Yeah. At this point I got an ad for Gillette. Yeah. Shaving equipment with some maybe basketball players, but I don't know who they are. Where were you watching this on Tubie? Too tube, baby.

Ah, you should have watched it on the shutter account. You changed the password. I sent you the password in the last email. Was that like a thia thia thia to the end? I don't think I saw it. Sorry, I'll check. Actually, it's dead smack in the middle of the email. That's a way to get me. Look, I read things.

I just don't, you know, finally kicked me off. Never. No. So then, Betty gets cut free by the murderer and I'm sure he says something, to her. He says to her something like, weird choice last night, you whore. Or something, and you're like, wait, what choice? And she's not good at fucking. Or interested in it.

Yeah. She has been an old needle eyes again for this killing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then she just goes for a jaunty little walk. I don't understand. Is she descending into madness because she should really seek some kind of help or protection? I think this is, again, that dream logic of just doing the most incomprehensible thing after doing, after seeing this. Like, you know, you're playing like Bacchie ball with your third grade teacher and then all of a sudden you're running the Boston Marathon. I am sorry but I maybe it's just for me not ever having dreams in that sense the like we just weird stuff like

that that I'm just I don't know it doesn't it doesn't hit for me I'm like this doesn't it just doesn't make any sense. Yeah. All of my dreams are hyper realistic. Oh really? A lot of them are, yeah. Okay, all right. They're all anxiety dreams, it's fine. Hmm. Like, I'm going to run a race and I can't find the starting line even though I can see people running. That's fun.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not very interesting. No one's dreams are though, are they? Dario. No. No, no Dario there not. So, she gets questioned again by the hot detective in the like foyer of her apartment. It cannot be overstated that he is very smoking hot. He really, and that like stubbly blonde beard,

hmm, mm-hmm, killing it. He looks a lot like my friend Mark. Oh, hi Mark. Now you doing Mark. Are you doing Mark? Are you doing Mark? Oh and then she goes and puts eye drops in her eyes that make her blind for a little while? They do. And we've also got in three lines in a row about Daniela Suave, Daniela Suave, a great drinking game would be to drink every time someone says, Daniela Suave, a character who has no lines in the film. And is uncredited but is played by one, Michaela Suave.

Oh, it's Michaela Suave. Yeah, you love the like, Where's Waldo of Italian films looking for Makele Suave? I do, I do. He shows up in a lot of them from this era. Daniela Suave. He's like, hey, I'm a Daniela Suave. He's like, hey, I'm a Daniela Suave.

I might if I come in and sit in your apartment. He never says that though, does he? Yeah, he says it to her initially because then when Dari Nicolodi comes over, she's like, hey, I met Dandelieresquevay downstairs. And then they have the, what, who, ha, who, ha, for like 25 minutes. Who is the real? Dani? Who is the real? Dani? I can't stop shaking my shoulders when I say it. It's very musical, it's very dancy. Yeah, very dancy.

She's doing her system for relaxing, which is I guess guided meditations. With her fucking street shoes on the bed, what are you doing? You know how I feel about shoes, first of all, shoes in a house are gross. Take your shoes off. They were just on the sidewalk. That's where dogs shit. Yeah. Get out of here. And people. We live in a god damn city. But not Philadelphia. So there's less people shit. Well I'm doing what I can. I mean I appreciate your efforts. So they get knives to defend themselves and the lights go out. Because of course they do.

Because of course they do. We can always scream, you are a singer, you can scream the roof off. She's like, these walls are three feet thick. But that's not real, is it? Wals could we're never three feet thick? Unless they live in a bomb shelter. Why? So, we get a knock at the door.

And I believe this is the reason Dari and Nicoloti stopped being in our Gentile movies. Oh, why? Until 2007. Because, and I think it might have ended their relationship too. I was going to say, when did they divorce? I think around this time. Okay. Because he shoots her in the goddamn eye through a keyhole.

He sure does. With this ridiculous scene of seeing the bullet in the keyhole. It is extremely ridiculous. Wait, what, um, this was 1987? Yeah. Oh, they were already broken up. Oh, wow. Okay.

Yeah. So this is when she decided not to do any more movies with them because she was sick of him killing her in movies. I think that's totally reasonable. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Got some online casino app ads here.

Gambling funnugs. No, gambling fucking sucks. Hey, you want to play a game? Yeah. Give me a dollar. Give me a dollar. Give me a dollar. What?

I mean, we can just play board games or whatever. No, I do want to play a casino game? I don't, I don't have this money. Well, then you're a responsible gambler. Let's carry on then. So she ends up stabbing Daniela soave right on her beautiful parquet floors. Yes. Of course he gets stabbed because he's McIlliswave. Dude loves to get stabbed. He loves dying. She looks in his pocket and finds his police ID to prove that he was in fact, Danielisuave and picks up his little gun, little handgun and fires it and it kicks back so hard it flies over her head out of her hands. Listen, she's just a tiny little gun.

She's just a baby lady. She is just a baby lady. You're right. I should be more charitable. So how does she get out of her apartment? This small child with the world's most unnerving adult voice is in the vents saying I watch you all the time. Listen how can you say that after we did house by the cemetery with Bob and having that adult woman's voice for

that child? Oh I forgot about Bob. Oh God that was upsetting. Oh god that was upsetting. So this whole, but this is very unnerving because the child is saying, I watch you all the time, like a real fucking nebshit, and she's like very calmly saying, like, I watched that person try to kill you tonight, in a grown-up's voice, and it's this tiny child it's just so upsetting. It's so weird. Her mom's out of always smoking. Sorry.

Or the mom's in the apartment smoking. She takes her to her apartment. Oh, right. Right. Smoking and dressed in her undies. Yeah. She's a real bitch. I love her mom so much. Because her mom's like, you're disgusting.

And she tries her and goes, Mom, you're disgusting. You're naked all the time. Yeah. And then you hear her slap the child. Which for me, went right into your child, Major League Baseball. Yeah. Have you tried hitting some dingers instead of your kid?

Oh no. Yeah. Yeah. Oh my god. And then she goes for another stroll. She goes for another scroll, but not before telling this neighbor that the neighbor needs to call the police. And you're like, this bitch isn't going to do that at all. No. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. thi. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. Yeah. to. to. to. to. Yeah. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to. th. th. to to the the the th. to. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the neighbor needs to call the police. And you're like, this bitch isn't going to do that at all. No, she's not.

She's got warrants. When she talks to Mark, she's like, Mark, did you hear what happened? He's like, yeah, I phoned your apartment and I spoke to the police. So I guess she really did just call the the cops the cops the cops the cops the cops the cops the cops the cops the cops the cops the cops to just just just the cops the cops the cops to just to just the cops the cops the cops to just the cops to just to just the cops to just to just to just the cops the cops, the cops, to the cops, the cops, the cops, the cops, their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their to their the cops, to the cops, the cops, the cops, their their their their their their their their their their their their their their tha. She's thoananaugh.a. She's thoana' thoa' thoa' thoaughanananana.a.a' th tho tho tho tooan.a' thoananana' th th to cops. That was nice of her. So I guess the opera's got to keep going? Yeah, I mean she's just got the show must go on, you know? Yeah, yeah. So everybody from the movie now that we've met up until this point is in the audience at the opera. Yes. And we've heard from Mark that he has a plan to suss out the killer. What the actual fuck? Because there are eyewitnesses. Yeah.

Yeah. Hmm. Buh. Birds eyewitnesses. Right. But first, OK, so first, yes, she goes to sleep in her dressing room. Because even though she's just been attacked, she's so to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to toe to to their plan plan plan to to to toe plan plan plan plan toe plan plan plan toe plan plan plan plan plan plan plan plan toe. toe. their plan plan plan plan plan plan plan plan plan plan plan plan toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their their the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to the the to the to the toe. toe. toeck. tooomeck. tooomeck. the tooomeck. the to so first, yes, she goes to sleep in her dressing room because even though she's just been attacked, she's so tired she needs to lie down and have an apper. And Mark is like, why she is, she's in her

sleep window. Mark is like quoting Shakespeare at her, which I think is very rude when she's tired. But then she has a dream where she's I think there's three I don't know if there are two or three characters in the scene but there's like a little girl which I think is her. It's her yeah. There's a woman getting murdered which I think is her mother. No. It's not her mother. Her mother is the one watching. Her mother is the blonde lady who's just standing there wild-eyed. Yes, her mother can only nut when she sees murder. Right.

Which is, I think what they're implying at that point is that because she's not good at murder sex. Oh, see, I thought that the mother had lured the killer into killing her rivals with the promise of sex. But your explanation makes more sense. Yeah, I think it's that mom is horny for death. She can't get a boner unless somebody dies for it. Exactly. Blood boners only. To quote, just the great Shakespeare, these filthy boners. Damn spot! spot. Ah, too mes'er.

Too mesent like a tree. Yes. Just, it's so silly. And I love Dario's memory. She sits up and she goes, I just had the same nightmare I used to have as a child, but I can't tell if it's a dream or a memory of something that really happened. She's saying this to no one. Who dreams of memories?

I don't know. Do people? I mean, your dreams are your brain making sense of like the information that's in them. So I guess you could, but like, it would still be like, I don't know, weird because it's a dream. Yeah. Um, so, yeah, now we're back to the opera, yes. We're back on the opera and they've changed the set dressing to be, I guess, naked women under gauze standing in the background. This felt very that Susan Sarandoned movie where she can't say progeria. Progeria?

Progeria or ageria? Progeria? Or a Shaday video. And we cut to, they're singing the Appa, but for some reason, Betty is singing with her back to the audience, like she's in an emo band from the 90s? Yes, I don't get that at all. They have to put makeup on her while she's dripping sweat, which I just found to be repulsive. And there's just, she's talking to somebody while somebody else is going, 19, 20, 23, 62 skidoo. And go! But in this little interlude where she's getting makeup on and someone's counting,

she says something to mark like, when is this going to happen, this thing you have planned? And he's like, soon, soon, he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he's he's being he's being he's being he's being he's being th he's being th he's being th. th. to th. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. to to to to to, like, when is this going to happen? This thing you have planned, and he's like, soon, soon, he's being so mysterious about it, which is fucking insane for what it is. Listen, you half-ass Bruce Willis looking mothucker. He really is. He looks like a cross between Bruce Willis and Neil McDonough. Ha ha! So what's going on is is behind her is a paper wall that a fucking steel cage match burst out of, starring 30 Ravens and the Raven Handler who kicks the cage open, setting the ravens into the crowd, one at a time. I love that he was the raven handler was in on this though.

He was like, yes, this is a fantastic plan. But why would you not warn her that he's going to shove this cage through the wall behind her? Well, she is a woman. Have you thought about that? So like, why bother it? Oh, that, that, that, that, that, that, th. th. th. th. that's, th. th. th. th. th. th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi's thi's thi, thi's thi's thi's thi, thi, thi, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. thi. thi. thi. that that that thoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo, why bother it? Oh yeah, that's fair. Uh, she'll figure it out. So yes, they open this giant cage. It gets kicked open by the raven guy.

The ravens start flying around the room. Yes. For a really long time. Long time. They have to make like full circles because they're trying to figure out if they recognize anybody in the crowd and the crowd is losing their shit and I'm just like, y'all it's a bird calm the fuck down. What's the worst that's gonna do to you? They are menacing. They are looking very menacing. But also like I guess he's just willing to give up on his opera career, because this happens after the lights fell in the previous show.

Yeah, but if it works out, he's going to be the most famous opera guy ever. Well, turns out none of that actually matters, does it? It doesn't matter because it's all a dream. I do love the ravens as a crime-solving device, but... All the killer would have to do is cover his face, no? Huh? Which I would be doing if there was a raven menacing around a large crowd of people. I think I would cover my face. Wouldn't that be your name? He said, if birds are flying at you?

Throw a bunch of shiny things around and leave the room. And run. But no, they peck out his eyeball. They do peck out his eyeball and none of these people will ever attend the opera ever again. Ruined, ruined for them. I love the one raven that has the eyeball in his mouth and I don't know what the eyeball is made of but it starts like breathing and the eyeballs is like puffing out from the breath of the raven? How did they get that raven to chomp that eyebrow? Is a note that I really need an answer to? Who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who? Who who? Who who? Who the the the the the the th, who? Who? Who? Who the their th, who th, th, th, th, th, th, tho, they tho, they they their they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they th. th. the, the, the, the. the the to to to try took try to try the the the the the thee the the. they the. they they they that eyebrow is a note that I really need an answer to. Who knows? So you'd certainly seen this movie before.

Oh yeah, oh yeah. Were you ever surprised by the killer? Yeah, I, there, even watching this probably for the tenth time in my life, I had no fucking recolection of who the killer was. He loves a surprise killer. Just like, out of fuck all nowhere. I guess now that I think about it, anyone who was the killer would have surprised me, right? Because no one had a motive.

Would you have been surprised if Betty was the killer the entire time? No, I wouldn't have. I mean, no more surprise than I was that it was the cop. And it turns out the cop had been murdering people for her mother, because it's the only way your mom could get a boner. I guess so, yeah. And now he thinks that since she's so supple like her mom, he wants to do the same for her?

Uh-huh. Yeah, I get it now, but I don't like it. But she doesn't want that, so he's going to burn them both alive. Right. Yes, because I'm not sure how Mark thought this was going to play out. Like he lets the Ravens out. The Ravens identify the killer. And then he just walks away.

Who did he think was going to stop the bad guy? Who knows? Because he didn't tell anybody else this plan. There weren't like cops waiting. No. There weren't cops were like, hey, grab the guy with a pecked out eye. Yeah, no, nothing, nothing like that. He's just like, well, found him. I guess I'll see you later. So the killer blindfolded her and then gives her his gun and is like,

shoot me, which is just setting up this asinine ending that's going to happen in this movie. I have to say this really shocked me. But like at this point he's saying to her, Betty, all I ever wanted was your love, but he's a good looking dude, he's got a job, probably has a car, he could have tried another way. Yeah. Yeah. Yes.

Yeah. It's not like this guy is not swimming and hot-looking women. Oh my God, seriously. It's better I die. Well, okay then. Good thing there are all of these loose sheaves of paper in these cages. What is this room? It's the loose paper room.

Where do you keep your loose papers? Do you smell that gasoline that we keep here in the loose paper room? It's a room of papers and a gigantic gas can. How would you ever need that much gas? That would overfill my 2011 Toyota Corolla. Oh my God. This whole scene is bananas. Yeah. He shoots her or she shoots him.

He's holding a match. I'm not even there yet. Oh, I'm sorry. He says, I'm afraid of pain. The man has just had his eye plucked out by a raven. And he's managed that. And totally fine, by the way. Totally fine.

Oh my God. Okay, go on. Now I'm ready. Sorry, I just had to yell that. So he lights a match. She shoots him, wink, wink, nudge. She's been blindfolded. says I don't want you to see this, which is like make up your fucking mind, but okay. And then like she's holding the gun and he's like a little to the left, no, your left. It's bananas. It's absolutely bananas.

Um, and a fire breaks out, it takes her for fucking ever to get out of the room. Finally she gets free. Enter my certainty that I can kick a hole in a door. I'm just certain I can do it. Sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I believe in you. Unless it's, unless it's three feet thick. Cut to, Mark torturing a fly in front of a camera. Yeah. In the Alps. Did I mention when we went to the Alps? They're having this very strange conversation where she says I don't think the Alps. They're having this very strange conversation where she says, I don't think the problem exists any longer, and then some dishes break, and she said, I knew it. We just saw like the housekeeper carrying a bunch of dishes. Yeah.

I don't understand. This part doesn't make any fucking sense at all. Nope. No. She's outside. She's frolicing in the Alps. It's sound of music out there. And Mark sees a news report that Santini, what is the name of the detective?

Yeah. Alan Santini. Alan Santini, standard name. Weird that he has the same person last as you. Uh, we learned that the killer faked his death with a dummy? Well, the police now inform us that he burned a mannequin and escaped, which like, lull. Also, what? What? What? What?

And why weren't Betty and Mark informed of this? Who knows? Because as he's, as Mark is hearing this news broadcast, and she's out frolicing in the Alps, a helicopter goes over and she's very concerned about it. So the police are there,. They have made this whole plan. He says they've been tailing him for two days. Nobody thought to give them a get them on the blower? No, she, Katie, she's a woman.

Yeah, but Mark's a dude. That's true. Yeah. So Dario Ogento makes this woman run down the side of an out. She runs so badly too. I hate bad runners. What how are you gonna run down a mountain? Pump your arms, don't flail. That's how. You want that Tom Cruise straight karate chop the air run.

I just think you should be more efficient if you're trying to outrun a serial killer. So Mark, Tantini comes like running out of the woods after her. He's still wearing the mask too, which I like. Isn't he? I think I know. I think he's just in street clothes. Okay never mind. And then Mark tackles him and he stabs Mark. Yeah Mark ends up being a good egg. He gets stabbed for his troubles, you know. Yeah.

And, by the way, are her and Mark in a relationship now in the Alps? Uh-huh. Uh-huh. No, I think Mark likes to fuck. I don't think he'd be okay with her. Uh-huh. Okay. okay. Yeah.

So she- Does not strike you as an understanding man? No, not with that bleedful on hair. No. So she convinces Santini that she is just like her mother and was rooting for him to win. And she says we need to run away now and they start walking away slowly. She says, I wanted you to win to kill him. Mark is probably still alive at this point these are the last words he hears and his ears.

I even know that says they run away. Well they walk slowly away. They really do. So she sneaks up behind him and hits him with a rock. Yeah. And then cops come running out of the woods. They're like, oh, we were here the whole time. It's a lot of men running at him. How did they not stop him from murdering Mark? I don't know.

And also, did you think it was weird that they were all like handsome model men that came running out of the woods? Yeah, I was like, is it a band of vigilantes from the local like barber school or something? Handsome boy modeling academy. Yes. He's shouting, the murderer is shouting, I wanted, I did nothing wrong, I wanted to free their souls. What does that mean? Yes. Yep. What does her finding a lizard in the ground, freeing it from being under a rock or something,

and then hugging a clump of grass mean? Yeah, she's doing this little inner monologue about because I am different I don't even resemble others any of them. I like the wind, butterflies, flowers, leaves, clouds, like throw in rainbows and unicorns and you've summed up my six-year-old. You sound like a lot of people. There's nothing different about any of this. I also really love flowers. Sure, who doesn't? They're great. Great. My last note just says, Dario, what?

My last note says, Dario, you fucking nut bar. Yeah, absolutely. Holy ghost. Katie. Alan. I'm gonna need a rating on this one. I mean it's bad shit. It's like I really enjoyed it. I feel like you've really, I feel like I have Stockholm syndrome. For these films where I'm like okay I really like these now but it's an awful movie. It's God-awful. It's so stupid. It's so ill-conceived. It's just like, I get it, it's a dream, but like you also should have written an ending, you know? Or a motive, or like a beginning or a middle, or something.

It's just bananas. It's just a whole big bag of bananas. It's just a whole big bag of bananas. That's my rating, a big bag of bananas. Who doesn't want a big bag of bananas? Your potassium levels are gonna be great? Yeah, you're not gonna get any muscle cramps for a while. Yeah, it's gonna get, you can make banana bread when they start going a little brown. Gotta make some banana bread. You put chocolate chips in banana bread? I do. Yeah. I believe I've given you

my chocolate chip banana bread in the past. I think you have. Can you send me the recipe? Sure. Thanks. Just a little recipe swap. Put the shutter password in the recipe and I'll find it. Okay. This movie is a seven. No it's not, Alan. No it's not. Look yourself in the mirror. This might be the last great Argento movie. You've said that about two other movies I'm sure of it.

They really start getting diminishing returns after this. Wait when was Bird with the Crystal Plumage? That's his first movie. Oh okay. Or his first of the like Gialo movies. Okay. Yeah. Hey we made it through this whole episode without saying Giallo until now. I feel like you said it right the first time and wrong the second time just to get me to say Jalo. I'm sorry, Jello. First.

Daniela Suabe, you stab at Daniela Suave on a park and a floor. It turns out about just to Russell Crow. Yeah, we need some English, some just regular old English speakers next a week. Dude, in this movie, just regular old English speakers next week. In this movie, the guy who is like running the opera house, who is obviously not speaking English in any way, shape or form. And like his voice does, yeah, his voice does not match his body type at all. No, it really doesn't.

And I feel like we've seen him in other movies where I've been like that guy's mustache is gross. It's like yeah chubby guy John Waters' mustache it's a weird choice. It's a weird look. Oh boy, it's not a seven but that's cute that you think it is. As we know, our rating system means fuck all. So I could have said this was an 11-d poop, and it would have been fine. Honestly, I'm changing my rating. It's an 11th poop. Thank you. Thank you for putting into words, but I could not.

You're a bard. Katie. What are we going to do next week for these delightful people? Let's bring down the mood a little, shall we? Oh, a little, yeah. Little or a lot. Let's do Jacob's Ladder, which we've been putting off for about a month because I haven't been in a mental state to process it. But you're on there now.

We're ready for this, right? I'm ready to suffer and probably have a cry. When I'm tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha th ready to suffer and probably have a cry. When I'm sick, I cry at the drop of a hat. Oh, I'm so glad we're doing this movie. So like, yeah, it's mmm. Little baby Macaulay-Calkin, though. Can't go wrong. Oh my god, you're right.

I haven't seen this movie in ages. Yeah, it's right before the bees got him. Did we say Jacob Slatter? It's Jacob Slatter. Oh yes, Jacob's Ladder. Alan, we're so bad at this. We're so bad at this. I feel like we should have said that at the beginning of the episode,

in case this was anyone's first episode. Just like Betty and fucking Guys, it's not you it's us It's us You any thought you're having about us right now is absolutely fair and look we accept it We're out here changing people's lives We're out here supporting people during major surgeries. We sure are helping people escape from terrible states. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, uh,, actually. Yeah, so why don't you people take your snide comments? And you don't give us any snide comments. You guys are great. But if you'd like to give us some money instead of snide comments,

you can go to Petrion.com, backslash, where we do an action movie. If you get in now, you can vote for this month's action movie choices, which are, as per Allen's suggestion, ladies kick an ass. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So that's gonna be a good time. And thank you to everyone who is a Patreon. I think so everyone who isn't, because you guys are great too. Yeah. Like less great, but still great. No, come on, Katie. th. We th. We th. We th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi th. thi thi, thi, thi, thi, that, that, that, that, that, that, tho, tho, that, that, that, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, th. th. tho, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to theea. thea. the. the. th. th.. Like less great but still great. No, come on Katie. We love all of our

children equally. That's why I only have one Alan is because I know that I could not split my love equally. I wouldn't do. I just don't have the personality for it. I have one child to love. You're gonna get it all and not make me choose. Like one of them's always gonna be shittier than the other. That's just the way of the world. You can't know anyone who tells you they love their children equally is lying. As the shitty one I can attest to that. I was definitely the less loved one.

Oh wait, this is delving into therapy. So come back next week for Jacob's Jacob Jacob Jacob Jacob Jacob to everyone who's been buying stuff on T-Public. Yeah, you can go to T-E-E-Public.com and search for Warholombulence. We have all kinds of good stuff there. And thanks for listening to another episode of Wearable Fambulance. Daniela Suave. Get better soon, Jason. Get better soon, Jason. Get better soon, Jason. MADY Action I'm dead pools, Savinies tidies at the pool. No way to do with Finland's to fulfill reviews. Killing glass and laugh the face,

killing in every space, A pew inside your case. Please make I continue to break. E&T. Please make a kid to do the break. EFT. A moral comedy reviews hungry, Brian, from wings and Stephen King. E.M.T. We live deliciously at temperatures of his recently got today. A paranormal activities from Mr. Rogers to me. Rogers City, EFT, END

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