Whiskey Ginger with Andrew Santino - Andrew Schulz

Episode Date: July 29, 2022

Santino sits down with the Infamous Andrew Schulz, to talk about vacations in Italy, his new acting role in the new White Men Can’t Jump, hand gestures, the last great movie superstar Tom Cruise, and much much more! #andrewschulz #whiskeyginger #andrewsantino #topgunmaverick COME SEE ME ON TOUR!!! https://www.andrewsantino.com ORDER SOME MERCH!!! https://www.andrewsantinostore.com Join our Patreon : https://www.patreon.com/whiskeygingerpodcast ============================================================================== SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS! ROMAN Get your T up dudes and $15 off your first month and FREE SHIPPING https://getroman.com/whiskey HELLO FRESH Get 16 FREE meals PLUS FREE SHIPPING https://hellofresh.com/whiskey16 DAD GRASS A Variety of CBD products. Get 20% off your first order https://dadgrass.com/whiskey ONNIT Find your flow state! Save 10% OFF YOUR ORDED https://onnit.com/whiskey Follow Santino on Insta and Twitter: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino/ https://twitter.com/CheetoSantino Whiskey Ginger Insta and Twitter: https://www.instagram.com/whiskeygingerpodcast/ & https://twitter.com/whiskeyginger_ Whiskey Ginger Clips: http://www.youtube.com/c/WhiskeyGingerPodcastClips Produced and edited by Joe Faria IG: @itsjoefaria Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What up, Whiskey Ginger fans? Welcome back to the show. If it's your first time joining the show, welcome to the show. We got a good one for you today, like my man Steve Harvey done say. It's Andrew Schultz. This dude is wild.

He's all over the place, man. You can't miss this guy. If you're into comedy or you're on the internet, you see this dude. He is everywhere making waves. He put out a special on Moment House. You can go check that out at Moment House. They've got it right on their main page of their website. And also go to Andrew Schultz. You can go check that out at Moment House. They've got it right on their main page of their

website. And also go to Andrew Schultz. You can see all his videos and also you can buy his special right now. Still up there supporting the dude, doing it independently without any major streaming networks. I'm not on tour. I'm chilling for a while. I'm going to be shooting the third season of Dave. And also I'm going to be shooting my special, uh, fingers crossed. We're locking everything in. So I'll tell you ASAP, but I think it's going to be in Denver. I think it's going to be in Denver. So heads up Denver. It's going to be out there. Maybe, uh, at the end of September, we're figuring it out and I'll let you know ASAP. Um, but in the meantime, I'm going to shut up. Why don't we just go to the episode?

In here, we pour whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey on Earth. I like gingers. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to Whiskey Junior. My guest today is one of my favorite people. I don't know if I said that for all my guests, but I mean it once again. Today, it is the infamous Andrew Schultz. What's up, my boy? My guy. Cheers. Cheers for years.

Cheers. We got some Whistlepig 10 in here. Also, Joey Avery's in the room in the back. Mm-hmm. Shout out. My full-spectrum rainbow low-banger. Me and this dude had a black, we went to Alcatraz

on a man date. Okay. We did a little boy date. Me, him, and O'Connor. We toured on Alcatraz. You were in SF? Yeah. Doing shows?

Yeah, I did, what did we do? No, Cobbs. And then we went and had a meal over at Miller and Lux, which is this guy, Tyler Florence,

this chef. And then he was like, you guys want to go on the, the restaurant is inside the, what's a new stadium called? Chase Center. Chase Center, where the Warriors play. Which is, you know, not in Oakland at all.

Yeah. It's literally on the wharf or whatever the, and he's like, you guys want to go on the floor? And we were like, yeah, yeah. And he literally was like, yeah, go ahead. And their back door goes into the bottom of the basement. And the dude was leading us, was like, I think this ahead. And their back door goes into the bottom of the basement and the dude who was leading us

was like, I think this is the way. We were doing it. Joey was like, I think we go down here and then we just walked out on the floor. And were you able

to take shots? No, no. They were, they had the, the floor was closed off and the players were practicing but we were just

standing there watching them hoop. Amazing. Yeah, I was like, what the fuck is in the restaurant? Yeah. So shout out to that

and then Joey took us to a roof party and had to go back to reality. But enough about him. Let's talk about Schultz. Let's talk about you, man. Okay. I'll knock this out real fast.

Okay. Because we talked about it on the other show. Yeah. The special is great. Go to Moment House and watch the special. Oh, thank you very much.

People need to go watch you. Yep. Because it's an independent way that people need to support so we can keep this thing moving. Yeah. So we don't have to use the traditional platforms. So God bless. watch you. Yep. Because it's an independent way that people need to support so we can keep this thing moving. Yeah. So we don't have to use the traditional platforms. So God bless.

Thank you for that. And we just don't have to edit the jokes. Like that's my whole thing. I just don't want to cut the jokes. And I think if this is successful, then the networks won't be able to tell us to because we'll just do it ourselves. Right. And you kept the colors red because the Confederate flag, that means something to you. That's close to your heart.

Yeah. Because it was red in the background, right? It's like a reddish. Because they were trying to tread on me, dude. Yeah, don't tread on you. Yeah, and like I don't like being credited on, so. Never. Yeah, I just can't do that. Never, never, never.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And God bless that, dude. God bless that and God bless America and the troops. Yeah, but can we also talk about the second best country ever, which we got into a little bit all over there on Bad Friends, but Italy. And I want to tell you something that's very interesting. The more I know you, the less Irish you become.

Yeah, well... You're only Irish on paper. Right. You're Chicago as fuck in terms of personality. Okay. But you are Italian. Yeah. You're an Italian kid. Who has

the gene. Sometimes you have it. Yeah, yeah. There's red-headed Italians out there. There are, but they're rare. But there are. Your boy Santino. Literally Santino. That's right. The most famous one. R.I.P. Right? The other famous Yeah, right. He had a little Sandy.

There's two red-headed Italians and they're named the same fucking thing. Here we are. Okay. So, I mean, we went for the honeymoon. Oh, that was the honeymoon? That was my honeymoon. Oh, I thought that was just like a little jaunt. No, no, no, no.

But man, you were living the life. Yeah, I'll never take my wife on a vacation that expensive again. That never again. Wait, why? But I mean, it was just so expensive. And it got to the point where like I wanted to do all these things. So I just started saying yes.

I was like, yeah, we'll do it. We'll do it. And then I convinced myself, the euro and the dollar are the same. You know what I mean? I'm like, it's Putin. It's Putin.

We're making money. Let's go. We're making, we're profiting, babe. That's why we should take this boat. Wait, but was it to the point where like you,

okay, you were traveling, but did you have an agenda or did you do the thing where you were like, we had an agenda. We actually used like a, like, you were traveling, but did you have an agenda, or did you do the thing where you were like... Yeah, we had an agenda. We actually used, like, a travel agent. That was helpful. They recommended that one spot that you have to go to.

Wait, where, where, where? The Borgo. What you told... Yeah. I mean... Stupid. It was just awesome. It was like...

I was like, I'm going to come back here. What did you spend the most money on? The hotels, probably. The hotels are ridiculous. Food isn't that crazy in Italy. No. And the quality for the price is retarded. Yeah, because you don't

get clipped with all the extras in the States. And by the way... Also, a bottle of wine, I mean like you spend $50 on a bottle of wine, it's amazing. Yeah. Yeah, it's not like here. They're like, it's a Bordeaux and it's $685. You're like, damn, that's an expensive bottle.

That's a glass. That's one glass. It's from Arizona. Wine country. Have you been to Sedona? They mined this from the bottom of the Grand Canyon. No, what I liked again, I know it's cliche and I don't give a fuck and I'm going to stick near it.

I love not tipping. It's great. The price is the price. Why do I have to guess what it's going to turn out to be? Let me tell you why not tipping is It's great. The price is the price. Why do I have to guess what it's going to turn out to be? Let me tell you why not tipping is so great. There. Because when they're nice to you, it's because they really want you to have a great meal.

And that's the fucking AC shut off for that. I don't know if they picked that up. It gets nervous when you get real. There's a guy who it will make his day to make your meal, and he's not they picked Adam. But like, dude, it gets nervous when you get real. I'm just like, there's a guy who's like, it will make his day to make your meal.

Yeah. And he's not doing it for 20%. No. The price is already baked in. Like, he actually has to find joy in his job now.

Right. He's forced to. Right. Because you can't just be happy when the tips come in. A waiter here, you're happy with that. We're all waiters.

Do we ever work in a, okay, you're happy when you get the tip. You're happy at the end of the day with the money. You have no joy in the job. But these guys have to find joy in the job or else they're miserable. So it's like, trust me, get this.

And then you try it. You're like, it was really good. I told you it was good. Yeah. You know what I mean? There's this different reward system. I knew it would be good. Yes.

For you, it would be good. Because... You fucking get it, bro. It's my hands. I do it with my hands. Please. I'll show you the guy. The first day that we were together

with the couple that we were traveling with. You know, I'm a little bit better at, I'm self-proclaimed one of the best that when we're on the road or touring or traveling, I'll find kind of the little tiny nook of where we should go. I keep digging to find the spots and I found the spot the first fucking day

and the people we were with were like, I don't know, I was like, watch. And this dude, it was like a, you know, a little, just a little, um, like a little butcher shop is what it looked like. But then he's like, you would sit and eat. And I was like, can we? Cause we were going to take what they call takeaway to go. And I said, can we? He goes, yeah. Okay. To the back. We go through, we're in this guy's fucking house. We're in his house outside of his house on his patio and he's cooking. I have video. I'll show you. And he's like, you want me to bring

I can? And I was like, you go ahead, go. And he brought out, I mean, it was like dish after dish after dish. That was the best. And by the way, it was his food. So he's not doing it to upsell you on making a couple more bucks. No, he's like, this is my food. I want you to try it.

And it's 10 bucks extra. Right, right, right. The food is not that expensive out there. No, it's not, no. Dude, I love it. It was huge. And we lived on a boat, which was fucking wild as shit. That's the thing that I-

You took a boat, right? Yeah, yeah. But what happened is that the hotel, so the hotels in Amalfi are like, they're like baked into the side of this cliff. So everything's right in the water. There's no beaches with sand. Everything is like cobblestones.

It's rocky. But this place had a beach and the hotel and then it had like a dock to get a water taxi. So I mean, I felt like I'm fucking James Bond. Like the guy who's the concierge of the hotel is like, we got everything for you tonight. Trust me on this. Just be at the water taxi at 730.

And the water taxi pulls up and it drops you off at a restaurant that also requires a dock. So you're just going dock to dock. And I'm like living this life. And I'm like, what the fuck is going on? I'm having this amazing fish. I'm having a great wine. My wife and I are happy. And it was just, yeah, it was so different.

And I'm not one of these fucking Americans that goes to Europe and like they really get it. Because a lot of them fucking don't. Yeah, no, of course. yeah, it was, it was, it was so different than, and I'm not one of these fucking Americans that goes to Europe and like, they really get it. Cause a lot of them fucking don't. Yeah. No, of course. There's a lot of guys that don't get it. Yeah.

There's parts of Europe that suck, but there's this part of Italy, which is less about like, look how big my yacht is. And more about like, look how much this day can be enjoyed. Yeah. And that's what I really liked.

Yeah. It's hard for me to relax when everybody's competing on yachts. I love Miami, but if it's like, look how big my boat is, but my boat's bigger. It's just too much.

Like, I don't want to be, but when it's like, you're really going to like this lemonade, and they're like, why? Oh, because these lemons come from this thing. You'll really like it. He's not competing

with the fucking lemon guy. Like, you know what I mean? Like, he just wants you to enjoy the fucking lemonade, and every day was just what I mean? Like, he just wants you to enjoy the fucking lemonade. And every day was just kind of about enjoying it. And I wonder if that's what happens when you've had a culture for thousands of years. Like, Americans, we're like young.

We're like just found. Yeah, we're kids. We're kids. We're like immigrants. We just found money. We're like, I got to get it all. And I mean, that's what you and I are doing right now. We're like, let's fucking build podcast studios.

Let's find a way to tour crazy. Like, we're doing it. But I wonder if in 500 years, we're like, all that work is cool, but like, if the government just gives you money, like, just take it. Just take it. Like, that Greece is like,

I think these fucking Germans are going to give us money. But what if it bankrupts us? They'll give us more. They're Germans. It's fine. Yeah, they'll figure it out. As much fun as we had in Italy, I just read an article the other day

that like, whatever, one of the governmental heads is going to retire, or I mean going to forcibly quit because they're fucked. Italy's fucked. Financially. Financially.

Fucked. I mean, they're a tourist economy and they were shut down for two years. They're fucked. And everybody died. Dude. And when you go, you're like, oh, I see it.

Yeah. Like, there's no, they don't listen everybody died. Dude, and when you go, you're like, oh, I see it. They don't listen to nobody. No public official tells you what to do and then you do it. And everything is kissing, hugging, everything is outside. I'm surprised they didn't all kill themselves. You've been to Sicily before, right?

Yeah, I've been there before. So that's the most outside culture. The kids are outside at fucking midnight. Dude, that is one of those things where you go, oh, this is in the States when people are like, these fucking savages with their children running around. Dude, that's all Sicily. That's my people. We just don't get it because it's fucking 95 during the day. It's 100 during the day.

The kid is going to melt. So you make him nap. All day. Right? And then at night you take him out when he doesn't die. Right? Like, it makes a lot of sense. The siesta makes the most sense,

though. I know we joke about it in American cultures that you're like, you know, a lot of Latin cultures do it too. You take a siesta.

But you do at first go, why the fuck are you guys closed from three to five? Why? Then you stay there long enough. You're like, I get it. It's the hottest point of the fucking day. It'd be nice to break up the day.

Because you remember, like we said, if you served or bartended, working a long shift, you should be able to fucking nap halfway through and be like, can I kick it for a minute? And when you ask them about it, their reaction is not understanding us.

They'd be like, why are you close from three to five? They're like, why are you eat from three to five? They're like, why are you eat from three to five? Yeah. Why are you not, why are you not eat before? Why three? Yeah,

yeah, yeah. Not one. Eat at one. Yeah, it's better for you. Don't be stupid. Yeah,

it's so hot, you have hot coffee. But the dinners though, wild though, they're like, you're like, what time is the first, you know,

the dinner, first spot reservation? He's like, nine, nine, nine thirty. You're like, what?

I'm still waking up. I wipe sleep out of eyes. Then you come in. I'm Russian now. No, but you know what? It was incredible to live the fantasy life. Yeah. The boat shit wasn't weird?

No, you know what's so weird? Break the boat thing down for me. I thought I was going to hate it. Yeah. Because I like boats, but I don't want to live on a boat. Sleeping is the one thing. shit wasn't weird no you know what's so weird i thought i was gonna hate it yeah because i like boats but i don't want to live on sleeping is the one thing it fucks with you for the first night or two you get fucking a little it's a little much okay because it's not you're not in the middle of the sea but you are in like a harbor where it's a little rocky so you like feel it a little but it's a it was a big cat was a 50 foot. So it's big. There were six bedrooms. I mean, it was big.

So like, I will say the hardest part is the shower. And we're not tiny guys. Yeah. The shower. So you shit in the shower. The whole thing is a shower. So your legs are on the sink while you're taking a shit. You have to, dude.

Our legs won't fit. They don't go straight down because I'm like crunched like this. So I'm shitting with my legs up on the sink. And then at some point I realized I could just shit, shit, sit, shit, and shower. So I would just shit, shower like this on the shitter. I'd get to knock it all out at once because I couldn't stand up. It was too tiny of a bathroom

because you're on the boat. And it only took me to the last fucking day to realize a lot of these Italians shower on the back of the boat. Oh, they just do the wash down. Well, because there's a wash down when you get out of the sea. But I was like, oh, they don't want me putting soap in the water. And the Italian captain was like, no, no, it's okay.

I was like, but water or soap will be in the, he's like, it's okay. I was like, all right. It's so funny because you posted a thing about jellyfish, right? Everywhere, these motherfuckers. Well, my wife got stung by jellyfish wait seriously yeah I swear to God did you pissed on her I peed on my wife yeah how long the back of the boat lovely and with the people like there was a first mate who was this girl and then the captain and barely spoke English yeah and I'm just screaming at

them in like Spanish I'm like it works right? Just say it works so I can pee all my fucking life. Give me the green light. Yeah, yeah. And they're both like, yes, you must. And hot piss on my fucking life, dude. Wait, but I read somewhere that it's hurtful. It doesn't work at all. Yeah, no, it doesn't.

She's scarred from my pee, I think. I think the pee solidified the jellyfish fight, and then it never got away. Did it hurt? Did she say did it hurt yeah she had hurt her dude see we got

we swam there was one point we were swimming out on this this little island Levanzo and we come around the corner

and it's dude it's like disgusting how beautiful it looks what shocked me as a kid that grew up around lakes yeah yeah you know

it's different oh my god well lakes are you can't see when you put your hand under water. Well, lakes are, you can't see your, when you put your hand under water in a lake, it's gone. You don't see anything.

It's black. Yeah. And this was so fucking blue that 50 feet was clear to the bottom. Yeah. I couldn't, my mind couldn't wrap it

because when you see clear, my mom goes, oh, is that the sunshine coming through? And I go, no, ma, that's the bottom of the sea. And she's like, oh, it's shallow. I'm like, nope. That's like 100 feet, ma. Yeah. She? And I go, no ma, that's the bottom of the sea. And she's like, Oh,

it's shallow. I'm like, Nope. That's like a hundred feet. She was like, no, no. But as I look,

I would put my fucking goggles on. I looked down. I'm like, Oh my God. It was almost daunting to see the bottom of the sea so far away. All of the geology there is, is, is daunting.

It's crazy. It's creepy. And then as we swam through all this shit, the, the fucking jellyfish started coming. And I said to Rolando, the fucking captain, I was like, jellyfish? He goes, yes, yes, everywhere. I was like, that's not good, dude.

Tell me before I jump in. And he's like, no, it's okay, but everywhere, yes. He's like, you can move. can move around you know and i was like no no no no dude i don't want to be near these motherfuckers that'll bum out the rest of the trip yeah but also because i thought well you've heard stories people get stung it doesn't kill you but some people react to it different yeah so it could fuck you up like a like a beast thing right right right some people get clipped. It's really bad.

Yeah, some people get clipped. But some people go into anaphylactic shock and I was looking it up and I was like, how dangerous is it? Because I really did want to swim in this other spot

and they were fucking all over the place. And you're like, it's not worth it. Nah, I didn't want to ruin my shit. I did want to get pissed on though. Yeah.

That love is hot. That's hot, dude. You could just ask your wife that shit though. Yeah, I have. She doesn't want to do it. She doesn't want to piss on me. Really? She won't do it? No, no, no. Really? No, you know what's funny, though?

In the shower, we built a new shower, and it's big. You hose her down? I piss on her every time. Every time? Yeah, but as long as it's below the knee, it's funny. That's exactly right. Above the knee, it's abusive. Above the waist is disrespect. It's disgusting. That's your wife. But your foot? Come on, I'm going to piss on your foot. I love you. You walk on those. Yeah. It's exactly right. Yeah. Above the knee, it's abusive. Above the waist is like disrespect. It's disgusting. That's your wife.

But your foot. Come on, I'm going to piss on your foot. I love you. You walk on those. Yeah. It's already filthy. It's got the ground. That's the earth.

Yeah. I'm going to piss all over it. It's like a dog's mouth. Do you know what I mean? Like this is the cleanest part of your foot now. Come on, man. Let me piss on it. No, you got to pee.

Do you shower together? Will you shower together or no? I mean like sexually, no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Functionally, if it's an outdoor shower or something like that, sure. Ours, in the apartment, it's just better if you do it than I do it. Right. Like, I don't need to be in the shower with you.

See, we got, I'm not going to brag. You have a big fucking shower. We got a big fucking shower. Multiple heads. Yeah, we got two rain heads. Okay, so then you have a shower for two people. Yeah. You're not really even showering together.

No, we're just in the same room, showering at the same time. It's a king-size bed. Yeah, we're not really even showering together. No, we're just in the same room, showering at the same time. It's a king-size bed. Yeah, we're in a king-size bed. Yeah, a California king shower. Which, the only reason I'm bragging about it is because we ripped down this old piece-of-shit bathroom, and it was the one thing that we needed because our master bathroom,

when we got the spot, was so whack. This dude loved Coke. It was 80s Coke marble all over the bathroom, from the floor to the ceiling. The spot that I've been to. Yeah. It was like a rapper marble all over the bathroom. From the floor to the ceiling. The spot that I've been to. Yeah. It was like a rapper. He did marble from the floor on the wall and then at some point you know he was

high as fuck and was like, what if we did it on the roof? And the contractor was like, nobody does that. And he's like, we do. The whole fucking ceiling was marble tile, dude. It was a coke head. It was a coke head move. There was no other reason you would put marble flooring on the fucking ceiling.

So we ripped it out and gutted the shit out of it. Oh, but I was going to say this, but the thing that surprised me the most about Italy truly was that when I had been south, and I told you this over there, I didn't know, they don't

really fuck with meat down south. In fact, a lot of spots we went to were vegetarian and shit I didn't know it was like veggie. I thought it was mostly seafood. Yeah, it is But I mean there's some spots that will just do they focus on a lot of vegetarian shit You're not in Tuscany like you're not gonna have Florentine fucking steak. I know I wanted some steak though Bro, can I be honest with you? The steak was kind of mid. Really? You had no good steak over there No, I didn't almost say it wasn't good, but my expectation for Italian food is very high. Yeah, sure.

So, like, the steak didn't impress me and then the other thing, outside of gelato, let me preface this. Italian food is fucking amazing. They don't know how to do dessert. And I'm like, why the fuck do they not do dessert? It's olive oil they cook with, not butter. Oh, yeah. The French, it's butter. I know the French don't know how to do dessert and I'm like why the fuck do they not do dessert it's olive oil they cook with not butter oh yeah French it's butter I know the French ought to make a fucking dessert

it's it's the best I'll fuck up a croissant all day long everything yeah everything feels like dessert yeah but the Italians it's olive oil that's why the gelato everybody goes for because it's like oh this is the best option of sweet that of sweet. I don't need pistachio bread or whatever the fuck they try to make. So much motherfucking pistachio. Everything is pistachio. You're like, is this pistachio in the salami? Yes. You're like, alright, well, you could put it on the side. I just want just the

meat. No, no, pistachio. You're like, okay. They put that shit in too much shit. That's a fucking shout out against pistachio culture. It's good. You guys are fucking with it way too much. Yeah. They're fucking with it way too much.

But you're right. The desserts were kind of whack. There was almost nothing. They're fine. Yeah. And you'd think when you have like this amazing pasta or this great pizza that the dessert is going to blow you away as well. But no. No.

It's true. And I ate a lot of sardines, which I never do. But they put sardine pizza she made for us one day, the girl the boat and then the other time I said we were like can we get fish? And she got what look what is orange roughy? It's like similar orange roughy. What's that? Orange roughy just like a big goofy looking oblong fish But it's delicious. It's a white fish Okay But I said can we do like we were like oh you like a fish like a like a grilled fish because we had a flat Top on the boat like a branzino or something like that yes yeah and she's like

oh okay and she goes back and she makes like a fucking al dente big thick pasted thing with

little tiny fish bits no no and I was like nah lady no no no so we threw her off the side she didn't come with us

on the next trip she was actually in a fight with her boyfriend and no shit there was one time when she was getting all italian on his ass and i thought she's not coming yeah she was yelling at him on the phone she was lighting him up it was sexy as fuck yeah it was so hot she was pacing on the dock and we were all like standing there just like dude she's gonna either kill this guy or maybe this is like a love thing i don't like i don't know if she's professing her love or telling him like she's gonna rip his dick off with her teeth

that's that southern italian shit you don't see that up north as much. No, it's different up there. They're like Germans up there. Northern's more like, yeah, it's fancy. It's like to chum. It's soft and fancy. And you hit Rome and shit switches. Yeah.

Something flips. Fuck, something flips. There's like arguments and shit. And you don't know if it's arguments or if it's like, dude, I had a guy drive us from Florence to Rome, right? He's this, he was Italian dude.

He drives us from Florence to Rome. He drops us off at the hotel. The valet at the hotel makes him move his car up, right? After we take out the luggage. Right? I go back to give him a tip

and his car's up and I'm like, hey, thank you so much. That means a lot. And I was like, oh, you coming back with us?

He goes, no, no, I just have to so much. That means a lot. And I was like, oh, you coming back with us? He goes, no, no, I just have to go tell this guy to fuck off. And I see him and he walks to the valet. He goes, yeah, whatever.

He's like, fine, and then just walks away. But like, there's an Italian thing which was, I can't possibly drive back to Florence

without telling this guy to fuck off. Right, right. Like, he fucked me. He did something to me. But he politely told him, he's like, I telling this guy to fuck off. He fucked me. He did something to me. But he politely told him, he's like, I will tell him to fuck off and we'll be on our way. Remember when you made me move? Fuck you. And then

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Did you learn what this means, by the way? No. You ever seen this before? All right. So the boat captain, Roland, shout out to fucking my guy, who's very funny, he would start with a yes or a no

and then give you the opposite. Like if you go, Oh, is this the horns? This is cornuto, yeah. So this means your wife or your husband is fucking someone else. Oh, I thought this is bad luck. You're giving the horns.

Yeah, so listen, because I did this to Roland. I go, fucking rock on. He goes, no, what is this? Why? And I go, what do you mean? I was making a joke. bad luck you're giving the horns yeah so listen i because i did this to roland i go i go fucking rock on he goes no what is this why and i go what do you mean i just i was making a joke it's a american joke phrase i was like rock on it's a joke and and he's like no no no no no it's um ah it's not good it's like like your wife is fucking someone I know. Dog, I lost it. I was like, this is cock?

This means cock? They have cock. They have cock. They have cock. But it means, but cornuto, I guess, and I was telling Fancy, because in Spanish, cornuto or whatever, it means horns. The horns of the bull. Right, right. or whatever, it means horns.

The horns of the bull. Right, right. But in Southern Italian culture, if you do this to somebody, it's like saying, your wife is fucking someone I know. You know, your wife fucks someone I know. I just love that

that's the worst thing that could happen. Oh, dude, the way he said it, he was like, no, this is not good. And I was like, if I did this to somebody

out in public, he's like, ooh, that's, you're looking for the fight. Dude, we really stopped that in America, right? Like, there's hand gestures everywhere else where it's like, it's a fight. Oh, yeah, uh, you're looking for the fight. Dude, it's, we really stopped that in America, right?

Like, there's hand gestures everywhere else where it's like, it's a fight. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, and I think we just, in America, we're like, eh, we'll use the words. Yeah, we'll say it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, even flipping something. This means nothing. Nothing.

Actually, it's sad. A woman did it to me today. And you're like, shut the fuck up. No, she did it, yeah, today. She gave me one of these out the window, and I was like, what? Dude, this, if a guy did that to me. Like, yo, dude. The Eminem version, you know, like when his fingers are rigor mortis, yeah, yeah, yeah. But this, if a guy did that to me, I'd laugh.

Yeah. It's, suck my dick is the one where it gets crazy. When a guy does that, you're like, hold on, let me take a photo of how stupid that looks. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You go like this, yeah. You know what, buddy? Fuck you. Yeah, yeah.

No, yeah, but the words are more powerful. Words mean more to us. For something there, like, this was, he's like, it's so bad. In my mind, I thought, that must be like going up to a guy in his face and being like, you fucking cuck bitch. Yeah, yeah. Right in front of his wife or whatever. That's the same thing.

Yeah. He's like, no, it will be bad. It will be bad. And I was like, damn, all right. And you have to fight. That's the other thing that's interesting that's a fight you just called him a cuck in front of his family now you have to fight

yeah Cornuto and he kept saying don't do it he was so funny man every time I'd ask him something I knew what he was doing it's the same thing when Americans go um and we're killing time when somebody answers your question with your question where do we eat he would go like this and we're killing time. You know, when somebody answers your question with your question, where you go,

where do we eat? Where do we eat? Where do we eat? Yeah, yeah, yeah. He did it. He would go like this. I'd go, is the marina going to have a spot?

He'd go, no. Well, yes. He would say no. He starts with no. Or he starts, whatever the opposite is. Yeah, always.

So if I go, I'll go, maybe Rogan's Italian. Maybe. Starts with the opposite and goes for it. Maybe Joe's Italian. Dude, he is Italian too.

That's true. That's it. Now everything makes perfect sense. Every time. Dude, every time we'd say, I go, you know, is that a nice area?

Yes. No, it is not dangerous but ugly it's bad you know

and you're like oh okay I think he was stalling for time but his English was really good except for if we got

too quick they speak great English yeah they do cannot understand a single word in English it's shocking how good they are with it coming out yeah I cannot understand a single word in English.

It's shocking how good they are with it coming out. Yeah. But when it comes back, like, I started using a little Italian accent. Maybe they don't understand. We all do. Nothing. Yeah, we all do. We all go, can we swim here?

They don't get it. Yeah, they don't want to hear it. I went British. I was like, maybe they get British TV shows or something like that. Like, I do every accent. Because usually when you're American and you're traveling, like, they know the American accent. They watch the fucking Office or Friends or some shit like that. I do every accent. Because usually when you're American and you're traveling, they know the American accent. They watch the fucking Office or Friends or some shit like that. They understand it. Nothing. And it got to a point

where I would look at my wife and be like, am I saying something stupid right now? No, they just don't want to hear. They know it enough to get through all the shit. They explain because they're like tour guides, but they're not having conversations. No. And they kind of don't want to too, because some of the times they would break off and they would go have

their little conversation on the side, and they'd both be laughing. And look, that's so self-indulgent, but you know that they're talking shit. Yeah. Even though they're probably not, but there's a piece of me that's like, yeah, they are. Yeah. You know, they're like, these dumb fucking idiots. Also, just laughing near someone. Oh, it's so rude. Yeah, like... I know you're

talking about me. Yeah. It's like if me and you were doing this, and Joey's right there, and I'm's so rude. Yeah, like... I know you're talking about me. Yeah. It's like if me and you were doing this and Joey's right there and I'm like this, I'm like... You know, right away.

And he'd be like, what the fuck is this guy talking about? What the fuck is this guy talking about? Even if it's a snicker? Yeah, oh, bro. If somebody goes...

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What's going on over there? What'd you say? Yeah. What'd you fucking say? The thing I do love, the thing I did really love, we were at an island called Favignana. And, you know, look, I'm not famous, but we're known a little bit.

So when you go certain places, people know you. Yeah. And it was amazing because not one human, not one human said shit the whole time and it was like this is great i'm just a guy in this thing yeah you know you can just kind of disappear and i'm nothing on the scale of what fame is yeah and sure enough i walk into this place and this guy goes and he's got a weird it's like he's trying to do an american accent yeah yeah yeah and he's like yeah i hear you're a big famous guy in america

and i was like what it got me man i was like what are you speaking in rewind he was like he's like yeah tv comic man aren't you and i was like what is what do you what is that what do you what do you mean i go who said? and he points and sure enough there was a girl there who was the shit they were cool as fuck they were American they knew and they were like dude we've seen you live and she goes this guy is my cousin who owned it and next door to there

was their grandma's house and their grandma passed away left them the house she goes we come here every summer we just got engaged here to come hang with our family the whole family was there so we were taking shots and drinking with them and it was so funny because of course my wife was like you couldn't get one vacation out without someone right i was like i thought for sure nobody in sicily would be there it's a tiny little bullshit island i was like no one's gonna fucking know the internet man makes the world small i know well and then of course then other people then

it would happen a few other times where I'd get like a look. Dublin happened a bunch. Yeah, obviously. These motherfuckers. They speak English. I know. But also you're like, do I fucking get to Ireland? People see me in fucking Ireland?

But yeah, no. They do. But out of the window, this dude out of the window is real funny because they like to say the word legend. Oh, yeah. Legend. Yeah, legend. Santino. Legend.

And he's flying by and I was like, that's the best way to do that, man. Just fucking say legend and he's flying by and I was like that's the best way to do that man just fucking say legend and keep fucking moving versus you know an uncomfortable conversation

which you gotta have a lot of now too when you run into people sometimes and they say hi and then you're you kind of have to take the lead

because they don't know what to do and then you go do you want to do a picture or something it's like I love to say hi to fans but also like I don't know where to do and then you go do you want to do a picture or something it's like it's like i love to say hi to pins but also like i don't know where else to go now yeah i want that interaction to be the most comfortable thing for them yeah because i'm very grateful yeah you're

like i love you what do we want to do now because sometimes they'll stand there yeah and they want a picture so bad but especially i think what happens oftentimes is like when you're kind to them they don't want to take advantage of the kindness yeah like oh man you're like he was sweet and talked to me and I don't want to be the annoying guy to like inconvenience him with a picture. No, take a photo, take a fucking photo. You like the photo cuz like wrap it up. Yeah the photo to me is like this is goodbye well it's also this is it right this is it there's no story after the photo once it you hit a click it's see you later but can you imagine the guy takes a photo and he goes,

you know, my brother was it. And you're like, oh, no, no. Okay, okay. No way, no way, dude. No way. No English. Sorry. I fucking.

No, I respect it and I love it and I appreciate the love a lot. I do. Yeah, it's the best. But I also think sometimes they're surprised. Yeah. Because you're like, hey, man. And they're like, are you talking to me now? Yeah.

And you're like, no, no, yeah, we're good. Yeah. And then they're kind of like, what do we do now? You're like, I don't know. I don't, but it's good to see you. It's dope because they know us usually just from podcasting or stand-up. They know us as ourselves. Right.

from podcasting or stand-up, they know us as ourselves. Right. Like, I can see the anxiety for an actor that's playing a role that that person thinks is really cool. Well, because they're going to be

Don Draper. Exactly. You're Don Draper. And it's like, no, I'm really not. Yes, you are. You're Don Draper, John Hammond. I'm a theater nerd.

It doesn't matter, Don Draper. No, no, no, no, no. Do you want to smoke with me, Don Draper? I don't even smoke cigarettes. I don't even smoke at all. These are stage cigarettes. Yeah. They're actually not real.

Have you smoked those before? Oh, bro. They're brutal, dude. Oh, wait. You know what I didn't talk to you about? When you did fucking, when you came on here, me and you and Timmy got dinner. Oh, yeah. And you shot.

The White Man Can't Jump. Yeah. What's up? What did you do? We didn't even talk about it. Oh, that was actually really fun. Because now you're an actor, bro. No, I'm not an actor. It's everybody online everybody online i'm bad at acting are you though i'm only this is how

you know i'm bad at acting i'm good at being funny yeah but not good at acting so you're good at being you funny is what you're saying yeah i'm good at being funny and i can like i can like turn it into a little bit of a character that's like even a more exaggerated version of me. Like I can play like, like union me. Do you know what I mean? Like, but I can't, I'm not, I'm not going to be that too out of, but like when I saw what you and Bobby did on Bad Friends, like where you guys were just playing out a scene and you weren't like trying to say the wittiest line. You were trying to say the say the funniest thing that that character would really say.

Yeah, right. And because it was real, I was fucking dying. Yeah, you were into it. I was, I loved it. But what do you mean? You have that ability.

You have that click. It's different. What I saw you guys do is different. I can like, I can bust balls. But like when they made you riff on the movie.

That, let me go. If I can go. That's the same kind of thing. No, like that to me is, I'm just roasting. Like they let me just go. Who'd you roast? They had these fucking three, it was these three Mexican dudes and Jack Harlow's talking

to them and they're like, they had a line that was funny and I did the line. They're like, yo, if you want to play around or whatever. And I learned you play around in the read through and then if it gets a laugh, they're like, hey, try that. Yeah. That's the fucking, before I was like, I don't want to step on toes and there's all these people around whatever so i'd play around in the read-through and then once they get confident so i'm walking i walk up and i'm like hey who are these quesadillas or whatever you know what i mean i'm

like same fucking line bro i had a banger bro that i didn't say i i was gonna call them the wet backstreet boys and bro bro bro yeah dude it was fucking wait why didn't you say let it fly the wet backstreet boys I thought was a little crazy and the grips and stuff were losing their mind

when I was making fun of these Mexicans and I was like I found my people you know what I mean like those are my people the grips are gonna be the guys that last the most fucked up shit exactly

like when I go on set if nobody knows me except the grips I'm like I made it you're fine. These are my guys. That's the move.

That kind of stuff where they just let me go and I can just do the funny line and then I'm not carrying that much, that is good for me. Right.

I would do a film maybe if I was more involved in writing and actually building this out and a story that I really want to be part of and tell. Yeah.

But the skill that you guys have right there, I'm being honest with you. And you know me, I don't really like... No, you don't bullshit. It was... I really was impressed, man.

Oh, thank you. Well, me... They'll watch it and know what I'm talking about. Well, yeah, but when... See, when me, like... I think it's also because we have the same...

We work on the same wavelength of that stuff that's why the show is good you know like cause me and the noodle just know each other's comedy a lot so like

I know exactly where he's gonna go and sometimes as like playfully dumb that Bobby pretends to be nah he's sharp he does that thing a lot where people are like

oh he's just like a sweet and it's a goofball I'm like he's a maniac he is a he is a sickly accurate maniac he knows exactly what he's just like a sweetness a goofball i'm like he's a maniac yeah he is a he is a sickly accurate maniac he knows exactly what he's doing he knows exactly how to set you up yeah well he joked about it once on there but he knows how to set you up he knows exactly what to do to bait you to say the thing that he'll go oh why why and you're like why are you treating me like

yeah you did that no he's the best at manipulating it. Yeah, but that... I mean, that's why the dance is good. But, um... So acting in that regard, that was fun. Was Harlow good? Was he good? Yeah, dude, like... He's a good actor, huh? What I'll say is this. He has...

I don't even think the kid feels insecurity at all. Well, I mean, how could you if you were that successful? I guess. At this point in his life... He makes bangers. People like him. Yeah. But, like, it was interesting.

He was, like, he was taking it very seriously. Knew the fucking lines. Can you hoop? Not really Sorry Jack, I love you. He they're training them and all that kind of stuff But it's like, you know, you gotta play when you're young to really you play. Did you hoop? No, I didn't I didn't hoop like no, but it was no opportunity to just go shoot around no around I mean, yeah, I was shooting around just a little bit because you could we were at like a gym Yeah I basically played

the guy at the gym that sells everybody drugs. And then, this is something interesting that's an actor-y thing, I guess. I kind of found that the funniest thing for the scene without changing the lines that much would be if I really admired him in an almost creepy way.

Oh, that's good. And then the character was really funny no matter what I said, because I'd just tag it with like these kind of like almost like Gen Z terms. I'd be like, alright, twin. You know what I mean? But I'm this like, this white, like fucking almost Jersey Shore looking dude. Alright, twin.

Yeah, and I was like, oh, that's kind of acting. Like, okay, it's like you have what's on the paper, and then you have to be creative with how those lines are funny because sometimes those lines aren't funny. Yeah, well, a lot of times if you work with someone that's good, they want you to just put your spice on it, which they'll go, hey, man, do the Schultz thing.

That's what they want. But that was cool, and I was always worried I was going to, like, you know, ruffle feathers for, like, the writer and the director. But when they didn't have ego about it, they were like, dude, this is great. Yeah. And I'm imagining that if it's a movie, it's like, you really want to tell the story. One word in the script isn't as important as this overarching, overarching story. Right.

If you're like a writer for a TV show who was given a job to write this one passage, each line means something to you because that's your fucking job. Yeah. But if you're putting out this whole story and then somebody comes in and, like, says a really funny line, dude, the guy Doug was fucking great. He was just like, dude, I don't care if you riff. You're just making me look better. I'm going to get the credit. That's true.

I'm like fucking run with it. Wait, who is it? Doug who? Doug, bro. Doug, bro. Yeah. Doug, bro. Wait, this is the director? No, no, no, no. Your boy directed it. Oh, yeah, yeah. Okay, that's right. That, bro. Yeah. Doug, bro. Wait, this is the director?

No, no, no, no. Your boy directed it. Oh, yeah, yeah. Okay, that's right. That's right. Yeah, yeah. That's what I was saying. When you said Doug, I'm like, who's it?

No, Doug wrote it. Oh, whoa. Right, right, right, right. Okay, okay. And your boy was great. He was just super, like, he was super sweet and, like, you know, he kind of gave me confidence. And then once I'm, like, feeling good, it becomes stand-up. And it's just...

He is a great director I mean he's legit he knows what the he just knows comedy I knew he knew comedy when you guys were working on the house party I just knew

I just knew he knew comedy because the jokes that we made or the jokes that I would pitch and then he they sent me a couple outtakes and I knew right away I knew right away because

look they Netflix sent me the screener for this movie with Kevin Hart called Me Time and I thought I wonder if they kept in the things that I like the most.

Because it's always hard. And? They did a lot of it. A lot. I'm not saying all of it, but that's how I knew Cal was dope too. Because when we did House Party and he sent me the clip and he goes, because I said this line that I think will make it at the very last cut. You never know.

It goes through a couple of cuts. But these two young black kids answer the door and I'm supposed to be the white nerdy neighbor. And he's like, what are you, a fucking cop and i'm like what dude fuck 12 are you kidding me and and he left and he left that piece and i thought because that's a that's a cuttable thing where if you're not in that zeitgeist a lot of america won't get what that means it'll be like what is that what does that mean but that he'd left it in because then right afterwards i go are you kidding me i'm fucking i'm i'm blm till i die i put up two black squares on my instagram and when they left that part in i thought this that's cal knowing the beats that i that i he knew the ones that i love and now your character has like three dimensions right you're

the white ally then i layer right that's that's so that's what you're saying is like when i find something i think is funny a character that's funnier to be the white ally. Then I layer, right? Yeah. So that's what you're saying is like when I find something I think is funny, a character that I want to play. It's funnier to be the white ally. Yes. Than just be white neighbor. Yeah, give me something else. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So then they let you create it.

So if they're dope, like he was, that's what you were saying. When you find the thing, you go, okay, let me find the little thing underneath that I can make it a little bit more personalized, a little bit more true to me. Not true to me, the me, but like true to this thing. So I can be a little bit more unique. So it's not just like, you're the guy that does the thing and you deliver the pizza and you go home and you do it. And you're like, that's boring. Yeah.

That to me is not fun. Well, that's why. It's already waiting a lot. It's the whole time is waiting. Yeah. Now that I've accepted that, I'm like, okay, I can do other things during that time, but at least when it's ready to go, like, let's do something. And the best is when they just say, hey, we're just going to roll and just do a bunch in a row.

I love that. Just let me fly. Let me fly. That's awesome. That's my favorite. Yeah, because once you get it. Because now I'm not wasting people's time. Now I feel like you want to do it.

Now I'm like, every once in a while I'll say something I know they won't keep in. Like, I remember, like, Jack Jack all those characters leaving and I'm supposed to be like alright. See you later Jack, and then I was just like In here we pour with CBD a lot of people know about CBD But do you know about CBD dad grass is what I'm here to chat you about. You can chill out all summer long with dadgrass. It's too nice outside to be couch locked. Get up off the couch, all right?

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slash whiskey, or you can swing by your local Walmart and pick up some today. Ginger. I like gingers. Sometimes it's for you, you know what I mean? And it's just like everybody laughs, we break, we reset, and it's okay, and it's a long day is a little bit better. Yeah. Yeah, no, sometimes, but sometimes, you know, you're like,

when we're shooting Dave, sometimes I know I'll say stuff to Dave that I i know they'll add that what a thousand years would never leave but it keeps the mood up oh yeah because people need to when you do the same thing over the hardest thing is a long take when it's like three pages yeah or whatever or you know a page and and a page and a half of just a lot of like movement and talking and then and then and then and then you do it five times and after five times you're like there's a lot can we do how many times so And after five times, you're like, this is a lot. Can we do, how many times? So you have to throw shit away that even everyone around you is like, that's never going to make it. You're like, I know, but I'm bored.

I think that's why theater actors are so nice with it because they have to do the other things. Yeah. They can't move the script at all. So they got to find other little quirky shit that they can do to make it interesting for themselves. Fuck the people in the audience. No, they got to do it for them.

Yeah. Yeah. That's the true, like, it's for the art. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, theater's still true to the it's for the art. You can make some coin doing it. Would you do theater?

Nah, no way. Never. I'd be so trash at that. Why? Oh, because your genius zone is being able to like develop the character and riff within it. I just want to, I want to like, to me, um, the pressure of like doing it right to service other people. Because if I fuck up a live, if I fuck up live, I want it to be on my shoulders. Like stand up. Let me fucking eat the shit by myself. I don't want to fuck up a live, if I fuck up live, I want it to be on my shoulders. Like stand up.

Let me fucking eat the shit by myself. I don't want to fuck up live with seven other people. Like if I do one stumbling thing, even though we'll all get through it, it's like, well, then it reflects on you. I want to take all the blame and all the glory. That's why we love stand up because you're like, this is on me. Stand up is shooting the last shot. Every stand up comic loves three, two, one. Every stand-up comic you know did that a thousand times as a kid because we love the last shot. Those are the

stakes. Yes. Theater to me is like, I don't want to fucking bump on the road on your shit. And also, I don't want you to fuck up any of my shit. So at least with TV or film, it's the same kind of communal dance, but we get to keep massaging it until we know it's great. Where to me, I might be fucking talking to my butthole, but I just think I'd be bad at that like, okay, tonight we're ready to do this thing live in front of these people tonight. And you're like, I don't know. Can I do some alts? Yeah, the lack of wiggle room. I want to do some fucking alts. I want to ask you this before we stray too much into the unknown.

The special, how much did you shoot and how much are you giving away? A shot. What do you mean? Like how much are you putting up on the internet? Because the new thing is like how much are you putting away outside of the special for free versus what's on the special? Oh, you mean like how many clips have I made from the special and given to people already yeah yeah yeah i did a long chunk i did the abortion chunk it was like six minutes and i put that up on youtube as like promo because i want people to know what they're getting up yeah yeah and then i've taken a bunch of clips and some of them are like moments that just kind of happen and then some of them are

like pieces but those are like usually around a minute but not everything hits everybody well that's why you you're good at so floating it so much out you know you're gonna be floating that shit out there so it's like you know like rudy said she saw that shit on tiktok yeah it needs to be grab that and then drag back to here and then grab. It's kind of like, who told me? Neil Brennan told me that Dre put out like an album that nobody really knew about, but it was only on the new GTA.

Because he was like, where else are people going to hear my shit? People listening over here. Yeah, they'll hear that every day on the video game. Then it'll get put into TikTok. What that algorithm does is crazy. every day on the video game. Then it'll get put into TikTok and that algorithm. Like, what that algorithm does is crazy. That song on TikTok

goes nuts. It's just like... The trends. It's game-changing. It's out. Yeah. And even if it, like... Yeah.

Even if they give it a little snippet of it, someone's gonna use it for their thing to push to the next thing. But you need to give enough, though. That's my feeling. Yeah.

It's like, you need to give enough and it's like, it needs to be diverse enough. Like, the abortion thing was gonna be, like a conversation piece for like writers and shit. And then like a crazy crowd work moment is going to make you go, what the fuck? Like it's a special, and he has to get it right. Do you do crowd work in the special? Oh, yeah.

You do? Yeah, like I'm fucking with people. Like it's wild. And it's like that's also to what we were speaking about is like this is the last shot. If this doesn't go well, it looks horrible in the special. So it's got to go well. Yeah. So I think people saw that.

And a lot of people I would even see in the comments like, all right, I'm buying it. Because to them, they're like, what the fuck? Like these are higher stakes now. It's not like I did four shows at a club over the weekend and I took the one moment that was great. It was one. No, I did four shows. Oh, you did?

But I'm saying in a club, you can just fuck around the whole time and see what happens and grab something. I filmed four shows. Where was it at? It was at the Paramount. Awesome. Oh, yeah. And usually when you put out a special, I mean, you know this, but it's like you have

one show is really like the meat and potatoes and then if a joke is better in another show you can mix and match because for me this is the best version of every joke that I have that's what this should show you this is not just one random show this is the best version of all the jokes that I have

so if this joke was better in show two you're getting show two okay oh am I not sweating in that one the jokes that I have. Right. So if this joke was better in show two, you're getting show two. Okay? Oh, am I not sweating in that one? That's show two. You're gonna get show two. We might go back

to three and four. But you're gonna get two. So, but yeah, just like, Why Austin? It was a market that I hadn't

performed in already. So I could have done the jokes that I was touring before. Because remember, I had the tour. I was about to film. Pandemic shut everything down like two weeks before. Nuts. So boom.

So I go back and now I need reps before I could do a special taping. So I can't do it immediately after the pandemic because I haven't been on stage in fucking two years. Right. I go, and then I build up, and then this is... Was it half old shit, half new shit, or a ton of the old stuff and a bunch of new shit too? A ton of old, a bunch of new, but, like, changed and morphed and, like...

Right, because of the time. Yeah, but you know what I also realized is, like, nothing changes culturally. I have a fucking gas prices joke in there. Oh, do you? And like literally I'm watching things happen that were in the special. Like I had that abortion piece.

I've been working on that for years. And then they get rid of abortion. I'm like, right in time. There's a gas prices riff that I do. I'm like, okay, $7, let's do it. It's like everything feels so relevant. And it's one of those things where it's like, nothing changes in America.

We've been arguing about the same things for the last 50 fucking years. A lot of people reposted recently because of the documentary, that Carlin documentary. Did you see that shit? Yeah, I didn't see it. Dude, they reposted all his old bits again

that you've seen before. And they're relevant today. Yeah, it's all about abortion, fucking war, presidents, international fucking relations all of it is the exact same today as it was then which makes me think though sometimes you go does comedy hold up because you can watch some old bits you watch some of eddie's old stuff and you're like hey i don't know if this isn't good now yeah but carlin but i've watched a lenny bruce

joke or i listened to a Lenny Bruce joke about a white dude that was like interacting with black people for the first time and like trying to relate and his references were off, but conceptually. It's there. It's there. It's like, it's where your comedic instincts went with that character. I'm BLM, I'm square. But he was like, I love jazz.

Watermelon's my favorite thing. Right, right. And he said it, and he's making fun of that archetype of white guy. Yeah. And this is in, what is Bruce? What year? I don't know. 60s?

Yeah. Maybe 60s? Late 50s? 60s? 60s, 60s, yeah. 60s, 60s? 60s, 60s, yeah. 60s, okay. So it's like, okay, let's say that there is an intelligent design to American culture, right? Sure. And you know how like every generation pushes back against the last?

Yeah. Right? So it's like the fucking, what are we, like millennials are like, oh, sensitive. The next generation after millennials, they think millennials are bitches. Right. The Gen Zs are like, these guys sensitive. The next generation after millennials, they think millennials are bitches. The Gen Z's are like, these guys are pussies. Say whatever words you want. Who gives a fuck? They're out here. They're wild.

What if that's by design? That's how you keep things within the same space. These people go conservative. These people go super liberal. Then the next generation conservative, next generation conservative next generation liberal and then we just keep on fighting about the same shit and then we don't have to worry about society getting too far away from from us this is like the government fucking this is like

some inside shit that's how i would design it like if i look back at societies and i saw what happened like you look back at like ancient greece or rome it's like it got so liberal they were fucking animals and then which i think we should bring back. They're good. I've said that before. Sheep. Like, people give our people

a lot of shit for fucking sheep, and it's like, if there's an animal. You're gonna fucking squid soft and fluffy. Whoa, it's got a kicks. Dude,

like, if you look at it, it has ass on it. It's got a nice ass. And you fall asleep on it right after, like, Big deal, dude. Yeah, you got a pillow. You can fuck a pillow. It's got a nice ass. And you fall asleep on it right after. Big deal, dude.

Yeah, you got a pillow. You can fuck a pillow. That's why we fuck pillows. What's the deal, man? Actually, the Greeks, and by the way, you want to talk about when anybody throws a dart about people's history being fucked up, those guys, they might have been the best at fucking everything until they ran out of stuff to fuck. Yeah.

And then started killing everybody. Yeah. They got so sick of they couldn't fuck everything, and they're like, we'll just Star Wars. That's what you do when you can't fuck. Yeah. You start killing. That's what school shootings are, man.

You can't fuck. They start killing. There's no terrorism in the Dominican Republic. Do you know what I mean? They're fucking at like 13. No one's getting that mad. I kill myself. What for?

For what? What for? For what? I got five pussy over there. I got five pussy over there. I can't kill myself. You see the pussy? You see?

You see the pussy? Come on. Hold on, hold on. Explain, explain. Explain to me. Explain, explain. Explain to me. Explain, explain. Explain to me. Explain.

So I go blow myself up. And then the pussy stay open, no fool. Explain, explain. One more, one more. But right, like, dude, there's... The most disturbed cultures are probably the most repressed sexually. That's by far it. Terrorism?

You're Irish. Oh, yeah. I'm slightly. White terrorism exists in Ireland. Mm-hmm. Incredibly repressed. Oh, yeah, dude. The church is everywhere.

You can't fucking sneeze without seeing a new church on every corner. And they're not new. They're thousands of years old, but you're like, there's a fucking church on every corner but also unbelievable art music yeah

poetry and it's like it's pain and there's the only outlet is the art like you can't just talk about it because they're like

the fuck is wrong with you right but if you sing about it you're like alright fine it's not bad yeah so it's like

there's this weird correlation between like restriction and art. Like, did the Greeks have good art? No. No. No one's like, dude, you gotta see this Greek painter. Yeah. I mean, they have, like, they built things that were really cool.

But I don't know, like, and I guess the statues, but, like, the art is Roman. Yeah, well, the Italians fucked some shit up. Yeah. Yeah. The Italians were phenomenal with that. That's, the Italians fucked some shit up. Yeah. Yeah. The Italians were phenomenal with that. That's also the church banging over their heads. Maybe. But they were,

Michelangelo has his little thing. Well, they all had some fucked up shit. That's the bit I was trying to figure out where it's like, like everybody was fucking kids until the Catholics came around. Uh-huh. And now we look at the Catholics as kid fuckers,

but I wonder if they're like, do you know how many kids we saved? Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, these Greeks were fucking everything. Yeah, they were insane. They were nuts, dude. The bathhouses.

Yeah. There's orgy houses, orgy huts. Dude, there's a museum in Pompeii of a brothel. Because, you know, everything is, what is it called? It was kind of like Frozen in Time, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you can actually look at what they were selling. There were pictures of what it was selling because some people couldn't read. The sailors are coming in but they can see a picture

and you're fucking animals. You're fucking boys. You're fucking girls. Like young. You're fucking young. Insane. And it's like first of all it's like you can knock away a couple of pictures. Like these are your people, right? Like you're doing the excavation with the little brush.

Give me the chisel. What are you guys, clearing out some old debris from the... It's like, you know what that's like? It's like when I get bad... You leave like, okay, leave the gay shit, but not the kids. Not the kids?

Come on. Are those little people? Oh, little people. Get the little people out of there. That guy's a lot taller than that guy. You know what that feels like? Damage control. That's like when I go get fast food and I'm guilty about it,

and I won't throw the bag away. I throw it outside in the trash outside. You know what I mean? Like I ate it, but I'm ashamed. I'm like throw the bag away. I throw it outside in the trash outside. You know what I mean? Like, I ate it, but I'm ashamed. I'm like, this goes outside. You don't even want to smell it. I don't want to know it was here. You take a shower like it was a murder?

Yeah. Get all this fry grease off of my arms. I do. I put it outside like a scumbag, because I'm like, I don't want to be reminded tomorrow I did that. Yeah, you did it. That's chiseling away your fucking old shit. Yes.

No, it is true though dude they it's the the we are we are trying to get better as society but when you ever look back you're like we're doing pretty good we're a lot better than how we used to be i think you always become if you live long enough you become the bigot yeah the hippie progresses like our parents maybe our parents are a little older than that, but like those people are now going trans. Right. They're the hippies. I know.

And you just live long enough and society moves in a certain way and eventually you push back. And I think every once in a while it goes too crazy and you need an institution to be draconian about it and just come in and shut shit down. Right. And you almost like start over again. You keep pushing, keep pushing, keep pushing, start over. I don't think we're there. No. But it's happened before.

Yeah, but I think something is on the rise. I think something is like there is a next. There's got to be something that's coming next to like change the wave of what's happening now. Because what's happening now is a little, I don't know, it feels a little empty. It's like a lot of yelling into the void, a lot of fighting, a lot of, it's just like so much kind of like, you're on here or you're over there.

There needs to be one more thing. Oh, it's sides. Yeah, but there needs to be something that just like cracks the whole thing open. You're saying something that exposes the system? Yeah, something that kind of like, because we're all in such disagreement, like everyone's like,

you're either here or you're here about everything. I think something needs to crack open where we all kind of are on the same page for the first time in a long time, where we're like, yeah, man. War. Yeah, sadly that is kind of- It's like 9-11, everybody was like, all right, dude.

Yeah, you couldn't, you didn't have one person against defending America back then. Yeah, yeah. I mean, yeah. I hate to say it, but war is kind of the historical thing. That's what I'm saying. The plot in like a lot of these like sci-fi movies is it's aliens, right?

Like aliens come, like they're going to attack us. And then all of a sudden you call China and you're like, all right, fucking, you know, no more tariffs or whatever. Let's get after these aliens, right? Like isn't that in the movie, every movie, it's like there's a call to Russia, a call to China. Russia or China. It's always, yeah yeah our whole childhood was every movie was like give up the plutonium it's always russians but you know for a fact we'd be like well who who

they're going for like you know what i mean like if they were gonna blow them up we'd let them get blown the fuck up and then we'd yeah and then we take care of business you know we then we'd come back to square one you know who's number one. Yeah. That is true, though. Every single childhood movie we had, it was always like, or if it wasn't Russian, they were vague. They were Eastern European. Yeah.

You know what I mean? They always had the same accent, but you're like, you know. Whoever the bad guys were. They were the bad guys. And now that Hollywood wants to sell movies to everybody, there's no more foreign bad guys. Well, like what, did you see, that's a big statement. Top Gun.

No, yeah. Did you see, yeah, you're in this room along with me for a long time. Top Gun, same thing. You knew I was going to go there. Yeah. You knew. I wanted a bad guy.

No, but they were so blank. Yeah. It was boring. No, the movie was amazing. No, the movie was perfect. No, no, I'm just saying, their characters were boring. I was like, who am I fighting?

Yeah, I want it. Who are these things? They're innocuous. You know what it is? And I realize this. Because the movie was bomb as fuck, by the way. You saw it? You didn't see Top Gun?

You have to see Top Gun. Fucking dork. So good. You have to look at the, there's a story out there. I got to have drinks with the director. And he's told his story, but they asked me not to say it, whatever. So say it. Oh, yeah, yeah, but it's out there, I think.

Yeah. Well, maybe it's not, but now it will be. His, the way that he got the job to direct the movie was fucking, it's one pitch. He has 30 minutes with Tom Cruise in Paris. Fuck. And, like, he Tom Cruise in Paris. Fuck. And like, he has it all ready to go. And it's his idea. They pitched him a couple things.

He went out there and I have it like written down. The way he told the story is fucking amazing. And I'm going to butcher it because I forget. But like, he had four lines to convince Tom Cruise who said no for 30 years to every single person that's pitched him this thing. Before he goes into the pitch meeting, he gets a call from Tom

the night before. He goes, hey, you know, just no matter how this goes, I just wanted to let you know, I fucking think you're awesome and I think you're great and I've always loved working with you and you're really talented. Hangs up and he goes, he don't want to do this move. No matter what happens. You know that call?

No matter what happens means we ain't doing this shit fam but thanks for flying to Paris but much love and I hope you enjoy the croissants and shit and the berets bruh he said

what were the fucking four lines he said the uh the movie is he goes the movie is about Tom Cruise uh

trying to rectify his relationship with Goose's son, and it takes him behind enemy lines. Tom Cruise goes, hmm, the Goose's son thing is interesting. He goes, hmm. Number two, he goes, the opening scene is Maverick's character is flying a plane. He's part of, like, some top secret plane thing, and he breaks Mach plane. He's part of like some top secret plane thing and he breaks Mach 10's the fastest man on the planet.

He goes, hmm. He knew he was going to like that. You knew he was going to like that. He's like, so I'd be the fastest man on the planet? And then he goes, three, he goes, we're going to shoot everything practically for people that are unfamiliar. That means they're going to do all the stunts.

Yeah, it's real. Tom is like... Flying the planes. Flying the real planes. And he goes, four, we're not calling it Top Gun 2. It's called Top Gun Maverick. Ready? Whew.

He goes, this is the most fire part. He goes, Tom goes, hey, can you give us a moment, Joe? I think it was Joe Kaczynski. I think his name was Joe. He goes, can you the most fire part. He goes, Tom. Tom goes, hey, can you give us a moment, Joe? I think it was Joe Kaczynski. I think his name was Joe. Yeah, yeah. He goes, can you give us a moment? And he's sitting there with the other dude, the head of the fucking thing. He goes, Bruckheimer or whoever it is.

And he goes, call him up. We're going to make the movie. Fuck me. In that moment, call them up, we're gonna make it. I don't need to see the scripts, I don't need to see anything else. Call them up, we're gonna make the movie. Four lines. You have four

lines to make one of the most successful movies ever and convince a guy who said no for 30 years. Four lines. God damn. Well, I will say this, they knocked it out of the motherfucking park. They crushed that shit. Miles Teller too shout out yeah

did great stud yeah he's a boss yeah he's already proved himself so many other times you're almost like oof now he's

he's really in the candy sweet cause this motherfucker for a while was like doing great shit already yeah and now you're like wow now he's fucking

now it's over now he's set for life yeah you know what I mean like that movie will cement him now he's got now he kinda gets to

is he gonna be the guy now is he yeah of course yeah he'll be the guy but also he gets to do whatever he wants now you know what I mean like he

explain that to people because I don't think people really understand how film works you know like the acclaim that he received from the drumming movie

yeah yeah yeah drumming is hard what is it called whiplash drumming is hard drum tough Yeah, yeah, yeah. Drumming is hard? What is it called? Whiplash. Drumming is hard. Drum tough. Drum tough. Drum hard?

Drum hard. Drum hard. Drum hard. Drum hard. Yeah, featuring J.K. Rowling, not J.K. Simmons. J.K. Rowling. Drum hard. Drum hard.

Drum long. Drum hard. No, so the acclaim that he received from that was appropriate because of how, you know, to show his range of an actor. Yeah. But when you do this. That choice was great. When he would go like that.

When he did this. Woo! When he was beating the motherfucking drums. But when he did this, it kind of just goes, okay. You can be a star. Well star you can hold your own with with what what is quoted to be the problem in my opinion the last movie star alive i mean tom is the last movie that's alive so it's like you're holding your own with this guy yeah and you have one-on-one scenes yeah and i believe it and i and i like the i like the exchange it's not so i just

think what i was what i mean by that what i'm'm saying is, now he can do kind of what Tom started to do, not to his degree, no disrespect, but like now you can start to pick your lane. You don't have to do movies just to do them. He can go, I'm going to wait a couple years, and then I'm going to do a movie because I really want to do this movie about this character I know. You know, like they're making the Ferrari movie right now about Enzo. Are you trying to get in or what? I don't know.

It'd be nice. No, but I mean, it's just like, yeah, because they need an Irish mechanic out there somewhere. Sanitino. Si. Someone got to change Them fucking tires No but they're making Enzo And it's like

Isn't that a movie That you would change A tire in A hundred Are you kidding me I'd fucking wipe the sweat Off of Enzo's face That's what I felt

About the fucking White man can't jump It was just like I loved the movie As a kid I wanna be in it Okay And then you feel this

You're like a F1 fan I imagine And you're like It'd be great to just be part of this story, and if this story becomes the way we remember this guy, you get to say to your kid, you know, man, I really want to play this. Instead of what a lot of actors have to do is, you have to do a lot of shit. Yeah. And he didn't have to do anything anyway. I'm just saying now even more so. Because the movie just, you know, I don't know,

what did it make, fucking a billion and a half? Yeah. I mean, it was the highest grossing. And Tom got fucking first dollar points on that. Of course. So he'll make, you know, I don't know, a couple hundred million. Of course. No, and he deserves it.

Of course. Dude, he's a... Joe showed me just pictures he was taking of people on set. And there's a picture of him where he's not posing for a picture. But it looks like it, huh? And he's a superstar. Yeah. Like, there's just something about it.

Like, he was next to a plane just kind of like looking like off and smiling. It would look like the cover of the movie if you wanted it. Right. If you needed it to be. And like throw away all the goofy fucking Scientology shit. The guy is great at acting. Like he's very good. He's great at acting.

Yeah. He's phenomenal. He's phenomenal. But he's a superstar. He is. He's changing my mind about Scientology now. I might sign up. I'm in.

I have to see that movie. I walked out of the movie, and I'm like, why are we kidding ourselves? Okay? It works. It works. It works. Sign me up, Scientology. It works.

Come on. Let me tell you, Sea Org, let's go. I'm down to clean a toilet or two. Anyway, Scientology, Andrew Schultz and I are ready to jump in is this what we do that can make us yeah Xenu give us a god bless from the Xenu god lord please whatever it takes um all right look I love you let's go get some food let's get some food uh I'm gonna say this for the 15th time but go to momenthouse.com yeah we're big fans over there we like we did our bad friends of them we're gonna going to do them again.

Crushed it. They're humble, but they fucking crushed it. We had a good time. We had a great time. And honestly, it's a good platform because it's new. And it's nice to be at the forefront of new shit by people that I like. There's people that work over there I really enjoy. Bart Coleman, shout out.

Shout out, Bart, man. So do yourself a favor. Go to momenthouse.com. Watch Schultz's new special. He is infamous. We end the episode the same way. Look at that camera right there, about right in front of Ditka,

giving you the finger. One word or one phrase to end the episode. This is cemented in history forever. When you're ready, go ahead. Xenu. Xenu. In here, we pour whiskey. Whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey. You're that creature in the ginger beard.

Sturdy and ginger. Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse. Gingers are beautiful. You owe me $5 for the whiskey and $75 for the horse. Gingers are hell no. This whiskey is excellent. Ginger. I whiskey is excellent. Ginger. I like gingers.