Whiskey Ginger with Andrew Santino - Annie Lederman

Episode Date: August 19, 2022

Santino sits down with Comedy Store Regular and Trash Tuesday Podcast queen Annie Lederman to talk about whatever she wants because she's the one wearing the boots. #annielederman #whiskeyginger #andrewsantino #podcast COME SEE ME ON TOUR!!! https://www.andrewsantino.com ORDER SOME MERCH!!! https://represent.com/store/whiskeyginger Join our Patreon : https://www.patreon.com/whiskeygingerpodcast ============================================================================== SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS! SQUARE SPACE Get that site up and running now! 10% off your order https://squarespace.com/whiskey BETTER HELP Get the help you need from a licensed professional 10% off your first month https://betterhelp.com/whiskey BESPOKE POST Go to https://boxofawesome.com PROMO CODE WHISKEY PRIZE PICKS Promo Code: WHISKEY Matching deposit up to $100 https://prizepicks.com Follow Santino on Insta and Twitter: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino/ https://twitter.com/CheetoSantino Whiskey Ginger Insta and Twitter: https://www.instagram.com/whiskeygingerpodcast/ & https://twitter.com/whiskeyginger_ Whiskey Ginger Clips: http://www.youtube.com/c/WhiskeyGingerPodcastClips Produced and edited by Joe Faria IG: @itsjoefaria Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What up, Whiskey Ginger fans? Welcome back to the show! Welcome to the show! So happy you're here. If this is your first time joining the show, welcome to the show. Like it, subscribe it. Leave a comment down below for the Al. Go. Rhythm. Spread it around. Please tell 10 people who tell 10 people who tell 10 people that you love the Whiskey Ginge. It means a lot to me. I'm trying to bring you a bevy of guests, some you've seen before, some you've never heard of in your entire life. Click on them anyway, alright? Enjoy. I'm so happy to announce something. Of course, I should get to my guest.

My guest is Annie Letterman. She's so funny. Part of Trash Tuesday. Got her own show coming back out. She's wild and crazy. Happy to have this goofball on my show once again. But I'm so happy, man. I'm touring around, getting ready for my hour.

I'm doing four cities, getting ready for my hour. I'm filming my special, of course, in Denver, Colorado, September 24th. Denver, Colorado, two shows, 7 to 9.30. Please come out.

Come see your boy film his special. And then before that, I'll be in Salt Lake City September 9 and 10. Then I'm in Minneapolis. I'm sorry. Then I'm in Brea.

Brea, the 13th, Southern California. What up? Then I'm in Minneapolis and Madison, 16 and 17 that weekend before I go to Denver, Colorado. So go to andrewsantino.com for those tickets. andrewsantino.com

for those tickets. Also, go to andrewsantino.com, pick yourself up a Gisato shirt. Some of the merch, the new merch is there. The Gisato. It's a beautiful shirt. Spinny or meatball with the spaghetti. You should enjoy the Gisato shirt. You guys liked when I was goofing around

with the Gisato stuff when I was in Italy, so we put together a shirt. Hope you like it. Go buy it. Go to AndersAntoni.com and buy yourself some tickets to come see your boy. Everything will be in the description below. Enough rambling for me. Let's go to the episode. In here, we pour whisk, whisk, whisk, whisk,

whisk. You're that creature in the ginger beard. Sturdy and ginger. Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse. Gingers are beautiful. You owe me $5 for the whiskey and $75 for the horse. Gingers are hell no. This whiskey is excellent.

Ginger. I like gingers. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to Whiskey Ginger. My guest today is one of my favorite people on Earth. I say that for all my guests, but I mean it once again today. It is the return of the boot-wearing Louis Vuitton purse-having new Starbucks studded cup totem, Annie Letterman. Annie, thanks for coming on the show. Let me see this.

You've been bringing this to the store every night. It's my diva cup. It's filled with period blood. Is it really? To the top? Yeah the top yeah you want some yeah how many months worth is this for you two uh yeah it depends if it's a bad day you do have a heavy flow more angry i the angrier i am the heavier i bleed dude could you name your next special or an album heavy flow i think that's i think heavy flow is nice just go right right in. What does it say? What's Al Ed? It says A-led instead of J-lo. Because this is, I watched the J-lo documentary.

And all I took from it was like, I guess I got to get that cup. This is tight. And then so I hit up the person who made it for her. And I was like, can you make it say A-led? Shut the fuck up. You hit up the person? I found the person who made hers. No.

And then I spent the money on it. And then I looked on her website and she sells like fake ones for like 30 bucks. And that's 30 bucks. No. I spent the, I got it. You spent the money on it. And then I looked on her website and she sells like fake ones for like 30 bucks. And that's 30 bucks. No. I spent the, I got it. You spent the money? Yeah, of course. Are those Swarovski crystals?

Yeah. Did you bring a pill box too, just in case you needed it? Yeah, but they're vitamins. I just hadn't gotten to them yet. Well, how many vitamins do you take? Grandma. Oh my God. It's a full pill box.

Grandma. By the way, do you know what my, the way that I protect myself now, my self-defense? Instead of like physically defending myself, I just imagine, if I feel scared, I just imagine myself like a really fun and like crazy old lady. You are kind of like a fun, crazy old lady. I'm going to be, how amazing am I? But you look younger than you've ever looked now. Is that weird? And there's nothing new.

Well, I guess I do like peptides and stuff. With a little bit of money, everybody improves. God, it really is crazy, isn't it? With a little bit of cash. It's just my life has gotten so good. Everything gets a little bit better with a little bit of cash. When people are like money doesn't fix things, it's like they're lying. It fixed my ugly face.

Look at, I look better than I've ever looked. Yeah. I was horrific when we met. Your hair was a little wild. Yeah. I was fatter. I feel like when I first met you, you were wearing like pleated khakis.

Did I really? I think you just, you were like. I was poor, first of all. You were a comedian. You were being just a comedian. Well, I was so poor. I didn't have,

I mean, I didn't fucking, I don't come from fucking enough money to like, you know when you meet the kids that came out here and they just like had a bevy of money to just. It's so weird. And you're like, oh, so you didn the kids that came out here and they just like had a bevy of money to just- It's so weird.

And you're like, oh, so you didn't have to do anything. Like they already had nice cars when we were 23. I was like, I remember going to apartments that were really nice when I was like 24, 23, 24. And I was like, fuck dude, how do you get this kind of place? Yeah, and you're like so in shock. You're like, what is this?

And then you realize like, I always thought like, well, it's better. And I still believe like both are good, but it's, I used to always be like, no, it's so much better to come from, like, humble beginnings. I think it does. Well, I think it's you get a range. So you know, like, the different sides of life. Your perspective is a little bit more grounded.

But then you see, like, a lot of people where you go, like, how did, like, how did that person get, like, so successful? And then you, like, do a little research and it's, like, rich parents. Right, right. Dad owns CBS. It's just because—and I don't think it's always like the nepotism of like the name of your parents always. I think it's just that sort of like, your time is freed up to not be worrying about money.

100%. You didn't have to think about having a fucking job and then only being able to do night spots. That's the stuff that no one knows about when they're like, oh, Annie, yeah, she just like popped up out of nowhere. You're like, or 20 years.

I popped up out of a rent You're like, or 20 years. I popped up out of a rent-a-wreck, okay? It was a fucking neon. I had a silver rent-a-wreck neon that I lived in. I stayed in it. How did you make a bed in the back? I would sleep in the front. Here's the thing.

I pass out, like I, even though I quit drinking 13 years ago, I still have like the tendencies of an alcoholic. Like I can just wake up on stairs. Really? Yeah, I just go till I pass out. Just wake up on a dick again. Just wake up on a random dick like the old days.

Like the good old days. No, I'm in a loving relationship. Now it's Todd Money, I know. Now it's T-Money. Shout out to Todd. We love that dude. He's the sweetest. He's got the brightest, most beautiful smile.

Whenever he walks into the lot of the comedy store. He's number one. I want to give him a big hug and a kiss. Well, you're probably one of the only people he wants to talk to. I into the lot of the comedy store. He's number one. I want to give him a big hug and a kiss. Well, you're probably one of the only people he wants to talk to, too. I always drag him to the comedy store. Well, there's so many fucking creeper peepers around there, man. That place is filled with weirdos. Well, we have one guy we love who's this guy, Steve Breeze, who

I don't even know if he does open mics or not. He's this, like, bald guy with, like, a really round head and glasses, and he just chain smokes cigarettes and kind of, like, sits Indian-style on the wall. Love this guy. I love him. Steve Breeze. I love Steve Breeze. He's so fun. When I used to smoke cigarettes, he would always bum me cigarettes and then I would go buy him like, you know, expensive ones. Like I would always be like, what kind do you want? Just because I wasn't buying, I wasn't bumming them because I was broke. I was bumming them because I didn't want to buy a

pack, you know? So I would always like repay him and stuff. But we would just, I just would sit and talk to him. He's just this total weirdo I love him do you do these nicotine do you still take the nicotine tabs or whatever I don't I did that for a while

and then I realized I don't really I don't feel like I need it I do like the some of the oh Zippix yeah those are fun

we love those the toothpicks those are so good they do jack you up in a way because you know how like some people will I don't want to release any names go ahead

but you know how some of our mutual friends who are powerful people smoke like a cigarette before they go on? Yeah. And you're like, that's weird. You're so healthy. You do that and they're like,

no, it gets you pumped up. And I'm always like, they're lying to themselves. But then if you do like chew on one of those nicotine toothpicks before a set, you are kind of like. Well, because they make different levels

of milligrams of nicotine too, which is kind of nice. So you can have like a little one, but they make their. What did you call it? Huh? Nicotine? Oh, I got worried. I went, oh no, not another one. Another friend bites the dust. Nicotine. Wow. I've got to be careful how you say nicotine these days. Say it real, enunciate, nicotine. Nicotine. Never say nicotine. Yeah, you don't want to hard-on nicotine. I was talking to

the Lucas Brothers years ago when I ran this show in Brooklyn. They were on my show and I whispered over, they were like, do you have any gum? And I said, it's only Nicorette. And they literally went like, they thought I had said the word. And I went, why would I? You're here doing my show.

Also, what do they do? They split the gum? Do they put it between their teeth? Doublemint. I don't have any double mint. Those guys are fucking killing it. They got an Oscar in their pocket. Did they get an Oscar? Yeah, for the fucking... You don't remember what it was.

No, no, no, no, no. You're making me draw a blank, but they did... I'm making you. Just because your face always does this to me. Oh my God, this is how you live. You just blame, blame, blame. No, you know what it really is? I got no fucking sleep last night.

Why? Were you nervous? Every time you come on the show, I just get so overwhelmed. No, why can't I think of the name of the fucking movie that won an award for them? Like, that's crazy. But what? You know what it is. Why couldn't you sleep? Honestly, some nights my mind is running wild.

But what is it running about? Are you worried about things? No, what it is is i'm thinking about because i'm shooting the special and i'm prepping all these dates to go tour before the special and it's like so many moving parts i'm directing the special and i'm working with my buddy vin arfuso shout out to vin who's going to be like creative direct vin arfuso that's a great name vinny arfuso you got to meet this guy dude he's my guy but he guy but we're working on like the creative and there's just so many

things running so at night are you worried about the perception of it because I have been really getting in my head recently about like how things land

which is like so bad for like I'm gonna just call it art guys sorry I know it's annoying to a lot of people but if I don't I will suck at it

like I get like do you know what I mean it's like I always have to remember it's not my business how people take it like if I was making a painting I just make the, do you know what I mean? It's like, I always have to remember, it's not my business how people take it. Like, if I was making a painting, I just make the painting, and then it's up for other people's interpretation. Yeah.

But I have just been getting in my head, I don't know what it is, I'm just having this little... I think right now there's a, like, in the world of comedy, even though you don't dance in the world of, like, you're not going around talking shit about certain people out of, with any kind of, like, malice, or that's not your angles anyway. Well well I accidentally did

and then I got into I mean I did get into a little of a shit talking thing right what well oh yeah sure but I didn't mean to

and that sucked and I hate that and I don't want that ever again no I know but that's kind of part of it is you like you want to stay away

from all the bullshit and just do comedy right but I think that's what's washing through my head the least the most for me is like I don't know tinkering with all the with the set and what exactly why i want to put out and also the creative dude because you know i made a drastic

mistake on the first time i did a fucking special i hated it it just i didn't like the way it looked it felt i didn't and you just went forward because you're like i have to well yeah showtime gave me a deal and they were like let's do it with the show and then i was like i don't know if i want all this stuff in there. And I honestly, I did that thing where I'm like, well, I'm just going to go have fun. And it was fun. But then when it's out, you're like, ugh, I don't fucking— There's no way anybody puts out a special and goes, perfect.

It's like there's this medium in between being a perfectionist and being like, you know, like an artist who's controlling your work. You did it. You said it. You liked it when you watched it. So then fuck it. Post it then fucking posted who cares dude so many people are going to like it a few people are going to not like it and talk shit about it it's just it doesn't i'm getting good at not reading comments before it was like the only way i would read like if you want me to read something you got to put it in between like you're a cunt and you're fat on a youtube comment and i would like fucking get your message but i've been gotten really good at it where i don't read it but

sometimes they sneak in, you know? Yeah, they do. They sneak it and they get it. And the reason that you're taking them personally is because your fucking ego is attached to it. And I know it's all me. These are just people doing whatever.

It has nothing to do with me. Sure. But it's like, fuck. It's like, I don't know. I'm just, I'm on my journey. You're on your journey and you look and you and your boots are fucking going ham right now. This guy at the coffee shop was like, you look great.

I was like, I feel great. I got a spray tan. I feel good. I'm going to start pitting out and it's going to start turning spray tan colored here. It's going to dye that shirt. Yeah. But I got the shirt from Fashion Nova,

so it's okay. This is insane. Is that Cardi B's company? I have no clue who owns anything. I wear skims. I'm wearing skims underwear. It's like, I don't want to give in to these people, but in the end,

they like, skims is a great product. We're all slaves to the algorithm it's so let it eat me alive sell me shit on instagram I kind of like it it's like having a personal shopper and I know there's like probably going to be a time where a robot takes over my life or something and it's horrible but at this moment it's really convenient to have. If a robot took over your life? It's just Whitney's robot. I'm like, oh, this one's back again. We got Bearclaw back again.

I'm like, I want a bear to claw Bearclaw. I'm done with Bearclaw. I love Whitney. I'm like, I like you, Whitney. You're my favorite robot, Whitney. I love your big fake tits. I love that when I go over to Whitney's house. Would you ever get big fake tits by the way?

no but looking at Whitney I like my little boobs I enjoy having little boobs and I also like to give myself I'll pad my bra a lot like I'll give myself I'm gonna start doing TikToks where I show

I give like do tutorials on how to give yourself a temporary boob job oh I like that because I don't want to the thing that scares me about plastic surgery is like you lose yourself your tits know it's not like you can go back

but your face is different I understand fucking what you're saying but like even when people get the veneers like they have to grind your tits it's not like you can go back but your face is different i understand fucking like even when people get the veneers like they have to grind your teeth down there's this price i like myself and i work on like i work on liking myself more and more and i feel like if i got fake tits it would be like pushing me back to another place but i love fake tits on everyone else i love i've been doing a bit about it like i love them yeah i do feel ownership over them i'm like now, now they're ours. They're back to yours now. I'm like, can I have them? But, no, I don't know.

I like, I don't have back problems or anything. I don't like the idea of a doctor, like, going in my body and putting something in my body like that. I'm a little bit of a hippie. But I love Whitney's, and I love, and I do think because they're kind of not hers anymore, she just shows them all around. She does, yeah. Every time I go to her house, it's like I see her inside her asshole. Yeah, well, that's where all her secrets are. That's where some of her them all around. She does. Every time I go to her house, it's like I see her inside her asshole. Yeah, well, that's where all her secrets are.

That's where some of her best jokes are. That's where she pulls them out of. How was Trash Tuesday? What's that? How was Trash Tuesday? Trash Tuesday's good. It's kind of, you know, it's running. We just had Carlos on as a guest,

and he stormed off. Wait, really? These, what is going on with these guys? Well, he got mad. What did you say? Something to piss him off? He brought up an article that he hadn't read and would not admit he hadn't read it.

And then that pissed him off for some reason. Because you called him out. You were like, you didn't fucking read that shit. Esther called him out. But I'm a call-out person. I'm always going to call people out. You can call me out. What did he not read?

It was the NASA article about how it's dangerous to jerk off in space. And the crux of the whole thing was it's dangerous because you could like accidentally impregnate someone. Or something like that. That's what it is? Yeah, that was like the first part of it or whatever. So he hadn't read it. And it was just sort of like, it wasn't even like a real.

Did you read it? No, no, no. It was his article he brought in. I saw that. It was clickbait. I saw it, no, no. It just, he brought, it was his article he brought in. I saw that click, it was clickbait. I saw it and I was like... It was a nonsense article. But also like,

this is where we're at now? But also, show me the woman that got pregnant by it first. Don't tell me it's an option. I feel like that's impossible. You'd have to catch it and then throw it inside of you?

You gotta watch out with these fucking homewrecker bitches up there with you. These space homewrecker bitches are just floating around waiting for loose jizz. What if I was the teacher that went up with the chimp back in the day and the chimp jerked off and then I got impregnated?

Imagine you're up there long enough with a chimp. How many years before you'd actually have sex with it? I mean, it really depends, I guess. What if they call up and they go, Annie, we know it's been three years. We cannot get you back for the next five. There's a world war going on. Are you fucking the chimp?

Five years. Five more years. It would have to be, I don't think I'm ever getting back. What if you fell in love with the chimp? I don't want to, but I don't want to come back

with the shame of fucking this chimp. Do you know what I mean? What if he had a great personality and he was sweet to you? You're starting to look like a chimp right now. Are you like being,

becoming a chimp hitting on me? He wakes you up in the morning, you know, and he just rubs your little hair. He just rubs shit all over my face. He just takes his shit. He's like, wake up.

He puts me in full blackface. I'm completely canceled. By the time I get back, I fuck the chimp. He's put me in blackface. I'm done. That's so funny. That's a great space movie idea of you. You in space with a fucking chimp.

He cancels you. You have to fall in love with him. You have to raise a family in space with a chimp. I think, yeah, it would have to be for me to even entertain those feelings. I would have to know that there's no life back on Earth for me. Well, it's World War III. Everyone's dead, I guess. What if Earth—

Do you know that I learned there wasn't a World War III like five years ago? What do you mean? There was not a World War III. I know. What are you talking about? I just didn't pay attention in school at all. You thought there was maybe? I didn't know how many there were.

Hmm. Should I admit that? I probably shouldn't admit that. I'm wearing glasses. I got to start acting the part. Everybody knows those aren't smart guy glasses. They're like crooked.

Yeah. I sat on them. No, I think if you knew there was no chance of coming back, you'd probably fall in love with the fucking chimp.

Well, if all, like, you have to just be real with yourself. Like, if all other things, but I don't think I would. They're just so like... You don't know know have you spent time with the chimp wonderful people wonderful people man don't don't judge i spent time with dolphins i did train dolphins back in

the day they fuck people they really i mean have you seen the rapings it is like the girls are kind of like i saw like a video of a dolphin and she is kind of laughing it's like this is how rape works it's like there is that moment where you And she is kind of laughing. It's like, this is how rape works. It's like, there is that moment where you're like, is this fun? And then you're like, oh my God. Well, the dolphins are so soft is what it is. They're just so smooth.

They're so smooth. They're very mean. Are they? They do these head jerks, yeah. So when I worked at the Koala Basin Marine Mammalabin on Oahu, this was when I was like 17. Wait, really? Yeah.

For how long? Just like a month. I was there for four weeks. And it was just like a program where you could, the University of Hawaii did this program they were working on the echolocation

to figure out like how um dolphins uh they like perceive objects so they like send out these vibrations

through their melons and and it like vibrates rather than seeing they don't see it because their sight it's like black and white they can't see that much

but they most of it is through like feeling these vibrations back. Echo. Echo location. Right. So we just would do different things with them

but they would have you would just do regular training sessions with them to get them prepped for those training sessions and so sometimes you're on fish duty

you would have to like defrost all these nasty fish and put them in a bucket and stuff but you would have these buckets of fish as their treats and if they were mad at you they'd do like a head jerk.

So you would ask them like you do. I think this was Kiss. So they come up and like present their rostrum. I can't remember. I was like 17. But their, yeah, I think it's their rostrum is their nose. And they'd like present it and you give it a kiss. And then you could make them kiss each other.

It's kind of like. So gross. It's kind of like Girls Gone Wild, if you think about it. And then you could do like, this was pec grabs, so they'd come up and then you could like touch their pecs. Oh, right.

And then you could do backflip, but they would get mad at you if they didn't want, like, and they didn't like, like a lot of them didn't like me. I was like, they're probably like, who's this fucking bitch?

This Taylor Hanson looking motherfucker coming in here from fucking Philly. I had hoops on. Who's this bitch? Who's this trailer trash? Who's this bitch? But they do this jerk and it is scary. It's very rejecting.

What are they mad about? They're just upset. They're annoyed with you? They're just like, bitch, what are you doing? Maybe I didn't give them enough fish or something. Yeah, that's what it is. But I remember feeling like deeply rejected. They did all end up dying though.

At the hands of you no you leave and they're like but they would send like a newsletter every month you would get this like dolphin institute newsletter to see how the dolphins were doing

there were four dolphins a cake my Hiyapu Hiyapu was the boy um Alele and Phoenix I liked Phoenix

cause she had like this notch in her in her tail you are kind of a person that likes Phoenix. Well, I'm a little, aren't I a little like Arizona trash? You're like a little desert trash. I am desert trash. And my family was in Arizona as a kid.

You look exactly like all the girls I went to college with. You went to Arizona? Yes, Arizona State. So hot, fun girls? Hot, fun, a little dirty, trashy. They kind of always had... I look like I get fake tits, right? Don't I look like I would? I don't think, I think it would be crazy

if I got fake tits. I wouldn't like, I wouldn't like it on you because your body doesn't look like it wants big dumb tits. I'm a sturdy, I'm like a, I look like I'm supposed to be swimming

or shot putting. You know what I mean? Or throwing that fucking pole with the big heavy thing on that that killed a guy this week. Do you know that? Did you read that? So many deaths this week.

It's wild. Some guy, you know that there's a, there's an, there's like a, it's like a big long pole and it's got a 22 pound weight on the end or something

or whatever. And I guess some dude fucking hook whipped it around and it just smoked a dude in the face and killed him on sight. In face. On the face?

I don't want Olympic things go wrong. Like, do you remember the, the, what do you call it the cool runnings thing what's the cool runnings one uh bobsled bobsledding

do you remember the bobsledding when whoop oh over the side yeah I watched that maybe 100 times I was like

this is so bad this is so bad thank god live leak stopped existing by the way yeah yeah we don't need to see all that shit my ex-boyfriend

used to wake up in the morning he was so depressed he was like such a depressed boy and I'm like it might be because you wake up and you make a cup of coffee and you watch live all that shit. My ex-boyfriend used to wake up in the morning. He was so depressed. He was like such a depressed boy. And I'm like, it might be because you wake up and you make a cup of coffee and you watch Live Link. That shit's so gross.

That was like Faces of Death. Do you remember that? Yes. Can I tell you the worst one? This is really bad. This haunts me. Guys, trigger warning. You might want to skip through this one.

It's actually so bad, maybe I don't want to ruin people's day. Don't ruin people's day. Okay. Yeah. But you might know it. It involves a mother. And if you know it, you know it.

And you'll never forget it. I don't want to hear it. In. Yeah. But you might know it. It involves a mother. And if you know it, you know it. And you'll never forget it. I don't want to hear it. In here, we pour whiskey. Hey, I've talked so much on this show about Squarespace and how I used it to build my own sites

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Let's go back to really lighthearted stuff. I know. I want to be happy. This is why I don't watch, I don't watch True Crime or anything. I was going to bed last night and I was like, let's put on like a documentary

and we put on this documentary about anarchists. I think it was on Hulu. I don't remember what it was on, but I just kind of fell asleep and I woke up my, you know, my usual two hours in. Yeah and like, where's my passport? I'm like, did I pay for the, for the freezer? My eggs are in. That's literally what I'm like, did I pay for that? I'm like, are they

going to defrost my eggs? How many eggs do you have by the way? Four embryos, four male embryos, all boys. Really? Four and a half. One isn't like, one might not work, but it's like a last case scenario. Because they tested it? Yeah, so, yeah, they can see like how viable they are. Right. So the three are really strong, and then one would maybe not make the injection. All boys. How annoying.

Well, because you would have a boy, though. You should have a boy. I know. I just feel like I learned so much as a girl that I could like be so, but you know what? I am such a boy mom you can teach the boys about the real shit about women instead of the yeah like my mom didn't know anything about my mom was so disgusting I love my mom but I just have memories of her just being like hold on kids we're like already like ready to go on the van she's like hold on I'll be right

back I gotta go cram a tam she's like cram cram a tam. Is that good though? That's so funny. I still say it to this day. Cram a tam is really funny. But my mom was just like, yeah. You know what I realized? I've been doing a lot of, I'm almost completely forgiven my parents. I think I, I think I have. I can't imagine having like a flare up. We have a family vacation coming, so I'll let you know. But I feel like not like mad at them at all for my childhood. Did you have anger towards your parents? Well, your dad probably. Not anger. I mean, my old man, I just, he wasn't my dad really.

He wasn't there. Do you know what I mean? So his presence was gone. So I think I was more like, I don't know if it was anger. It was much as it was like, I just, I just found out. You're like, oh, I guess you can't trust a lot of people. Yeah. You just have to do your own thing until they prove their trust to you. Well, yeah, you're not entitled.

Like this thing that you were entitled to, which was like a mother and father. Right. You're like, oh, fuck. Well, it's not real. Maybe I'm not like. But also it was nice to like grow up and then see how many other people's parents were like not trustworthy. You're like, oh, shit.

Okay, I'm not. I think I thought it was rare. My parents were so trustworthy. That was what got me in trouble. They were like, hey, like creepy white man with dreads, why don't you have my daughter sleep over, my child daughter

sleep over your house? They were just like, are you not being given a shot by society? We'll give you our kids, you know? And it was like so out of like their own like kindness.

It's like I can just see it like so clearly. You and your dad are good though. He's the best. Oh, I'm good with both of them. I'm good with both of them, but I realized with my mom. Your dad is Eddie Pepitone in my head, by the way.

They do kind of have a, and Bernie Mac. Yeah, your dad is Bernie Mac. Bernie Sanders. These white bitches. He is a little Bernie Mac. Your dad is Bernie Sanders with Eddie Pepitone-esque, his wit, his comedy.

Like when you used to put him online all the time, you don't do it as much. Well, you don't, I don't know if you see that. I'm just not with him as much, but I will. When you used to put him online all the time, you don't do it as much. Well, you don't, I don't know if you see that. I'm just not with him as much, but I will. When you used to put them online, I loved watching him. I have so much fun footage. I asked my dad,

I thought it was going to be like a romantic question. I asked my parents' last vacation we were on. I have to like edit the footage. I was like, where do you think you'd be if you hadn't met mom? And he's like, Hollywood. Like, he thought his life would be better. I was like,

he's like, I'd be a big dad. He thought he was going to be a star. He's like, I. Like, he thought his life would be better. I was like, he's like, I'd be a big, you know. He thought he was going to be a star. He's like, I'd be, you know, married to Jennifer Garner. I was like, Jennifer Garner's your girl? Isn't that weird? That's a strange pick. But I honestly feel like it's. She is very beautiful.

She's beautiful, and she's also regular. She's norm. She's a normal. Very norm. I read a quote of hers recently that was like, people keep asking me what my skincare routine is. She's like, it's to not look at the mirror all the time and focus on other things.

That's dope. I mean, it's nice to have someone, but also because she's already made it. Do you know what I mean? And Ben Affleck's like, well, I actually like the bitch that looks at herself in the mirror all the time. I'm actually going to leave you with the kids, lady.

You enjoy looking at her kids. I don't follow that shit, but I keep seeing it pop up. And at some point, I feel like it's the Mandela effect where I'm like, were they always married? Were they married before? Ben Affleck and J-Lo? No, I don't think they ever got married.

But they were together for a long time. They were together for a while, yeah. They were just like a big Bennifer. They were the first couple, I think, that got a name. That wasn't at the Brad Pitt and Brangelina? Wasn't that the one day? I don't know the timeline. I think it might have been

the same timeline. It was like around 2000. But also, well, did Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck adopt black kids as well? No. That wasn't their thing?

Do you remember how popular that was? That was such a cool, hip thing in Hollywood. It just got so weird. But then do you remember when Sia adopted like 23-year-old black kids recently? She did?

Yeah. It's like, you better not make them do a chore. One chore and this is getting weird. I want you to clean the chandelier. Mommy. Mommy, I'm fucking. She was going to buy, this is not really anything private, but she was going to buy this piece of land near my neighborhood. That's huge.

It was Bob Hope's old property. And she wanted to turn it into an artist community. I don't think it ever happened. We could only Bob Hope, she would. Don't Rogan me. Rogan's always like, ba-dum-bum. You're like, do not ba-dum-bum me.

Yeah, but you stared at the camera waiting for the bitch. I was waiting for it. You wanted something. I was like, hit it. Because of your prowess and the community that you are in, are you afraid of monkey pox? Listen, as a gay man.

No, I was thinking maybe I shouldn't do as close of meet and greets. Maybe we don't hug and shake. Yeah, but then I read another article that said it's from, because my immediate reaction was like, oh, great. I don't hug and shake. Yeah, but then I heard, then I read another article that said it's from, because my immediate reaction was like, oh great, I don't want to like touch people. And then it was like,

it's fluid exchange. So it's got to be like, Again, I got to stop these meet and greets. You get a poster and you get to suck my tits. And a little anal. I just think it's,

it's such a, it's, and it's one of those things where the fucking articles were like, hey, it's more prevalent in the gay community. one of those things where the fucking articles were like hey it's more prevalent in the gay community but then you say that

and they're like oh you homophobic you're like no that's where that's where it is we need Jeff Scott to rise from the dead

I miss him dude he used to make fun of everything so much he was so fun I you know what I think they put this like little plaque for him

in the comedy store in the back it wasn't enough I think we should paint a mural of him sitting where he always sat in sacred ground and then have a fake arm coming out

with a pipe. His shitty pipe. People always stole his lighter. He put his lighter in a metal thing so he wouldn't steal it. Stolen always. He was the fucking man. He used to always say to me, he was like, he's like, I fought for gay rights

before any of these other people were fucking born. And he's like, as a gay man that's lived through all of it, he's like, we fought that we could also be made fun of and laugh at ourselves. Yeah. I thought that was always so nice. And Jeff was always like, there is never a joke in a comedy club.

Right. That was too offensive. He's like, that was the fucking whole purpose. He's like, a lot of them bombed. The OGs do not get offended well it's inside a comedy club anyway so what are we talking about but also he just knew that it was like

like anything we all we know maybe more than most people when something has malice and like kind of hate behind it anybody can tell everybody can tell

it's like so see through when you know a comment you know when some this was crazy. I don't know if it was a, I watched one of these bullshit videos online and it was one of these preachers, you know? He's like mega church guys.

And he said something to the effect of like, well, you know, where would black people be if we didn't take them from Africa? You know, one of these things that you're like, do you know what I mean though? Where you go, this is the difference. Like in Hollywood, married to Jennifer Gardner. But I was like, this guy knows what he's saying. They all know what he's saying. He's trying to be like a sneaky little psychopath about his racism. But you're like, the leap of difference between

that and then making fun of something is so obvious. I know America knows. It's just weird when people get upset when you're like, dude, you know that's not fucking based in any kind of... But also, like, if you go in worried people are gonna think you have malice, it will come off weird, too. Well, of course, because you're, yeah. I always have to do, like, I do, like, a visualization before my set sometimes when I'm being good. But I'll do a thing where I'm like,

this is so lame. I can't believe I'm telling everyone. But it's true. It's what I do. I imagine myself on stage and I'm, like, um, talking and there's like light coming out and it's going all the way through the club. So it's like, they, they're feeling like a goodness, not like, cause I want to make people laugh. I don't want to make people feel like uncomfortable or bad. I feel like I used to be a little, not that I don't want to be edgy, but it's like, I don't know. I just want it all to land in like a loving, we're all here to laugh.

Well, you want them to have fun yeah you don't like nothing got worse than there was a time period particularly especially at the store where comics were just like being as crude and mean as possible as possible and it was like their goal to be dark and you were like all right dude i know this is not i can be like i'm like you know i'm being i can be mean but it mean, but I am always just trying to entertain. This is one of the comments I caught the other day, which was like, it's such an annoying thing to catch this comment because I should never have read this. But some girl commented, like Whitney was saying something like,

you know, crowd work, like some bullshit. You know, like, I love you, Whitney, but it's like your opinion or whatever. Something she was saying about something and um and someone wrote on her like yeah my brother and I paid extra to sit in the front row

at an Annie Letterman thing and she said that we were brother and sister fuckers never again I'm like what did you think was gonna happen

when you hot brother and sister who probably looked exactly alike yeah I've seen those people like it's like why by the way how come I've seen those people too yeah do you know I've By the way, how come I've seen those people too?

Yeah, do you know what? I've seen a hot couple where I'm like, oh, you guys are in there like, we're brother, sister. You're like, what? You're like, why are you sitting romantically? You're weirder than me. Why would a brother and sister

go to a comedy show, by the way? But also sit in a front row. I have a twin brother. Motherfucker won't even call me back. It's like, my relationship with my brothers is different. I don't know what this is. I like when I get those sometimes. I got one not too long ago.

But I'm like, that sounds hilarious. I wish I had a clip of it. Yeah. But what did you think was going to— You thought you were— Why did you want to sit in the front for my sweat to get on you? The front row is a, I feel like I'm going to get closer to them. But I was—

Before I even did comedy, when I was like a fan, I was so scared of being anywhere near the comedians. So scared. I was always like, I don't want them to see me looking at them. Yeah. It feels dirty for some reason. I was so scared of being anywhere near the comedians. So scared. I was always like, I don't want them to see me looking at them. It feels dirty for somebody. I was like… Well, this was before you wanted to do… But you kind of knew you wanted to do comedy, right?

Yeah. So were you kind of scared? Like, I used to have the fear. I'm like, what if they call me up? Like, not that that's ever happened in a comedy show. Or call me out. Yeah, I didn't want to be called out. Well, because I think we probably do comedy.

For me, I can say… I can't speak for you, but I think I didn't like the feeling of people making fun of me when I was a kid. So I was like, and I didn't like when attention would be brought. I mean, I remember crying.

We went to the Phillies for our like eighth birthday and I didn't want the Philly fanatic to come over and like make a birthday thing for us. I just didn't like the idea of the surprise of it. I didn't like the lack of control

of the attention I was getting. He's also very pervy looking. That thing is so weird. It's got a long penis nose. It's like suctuous. Yeah, it's like, what is that? It's like a pussy and a dick at the same time. It's very progressive.

It's green, and we know about those green M&Ms. Dude, a fanatic's got a dick pussy nose, dude. His nose is a fucking dick pussy nose, dude. We got both, dude. And then my mom, I was like, mom, like, don't get that. And she was like, okay, we won't.

And obviously, she'd already ordered it. 100%. And then my swim coach was there. It was like, one of my, like, the people from my actual life was seeing me. I was crying.

I was like, so, like, felt so betrayed. I think if she had told me, it would have been different, but she didn't want to ruin the surprise for my brother. But like,

but so, that feeling, I hated. So then, I was like, all right, I started to just, like,

speak up in class, make jokes, like, be like, I'm going to get attention, but it's going to be like on my time. On your time. That's exactly how I was too. I'm the same way today. Like even when we go somewhere public, I want to like hide so bad. Like if we go to like a concert or something like that, all I want to do is like hide in the background, not be seen. I don't want anybody to be like, oh, hey, man.

Oh, I still love it. No, no, no. I don't mind them saying hi and they're a fan, but I kind of want to just be like oh hey man oh I still love it no no no I don't mind them saying hi and they're a fan but I kind of want to just blend in do you want a picture they're like

we're busy I just want to blend in because I just kind of want to feel as normal as possible oh you poor ginger you never blend in well that's why

I wear hats in public because I just want to like when I go to a thing I just kind of want to be a regular I don't I don't know I just want to be as normal

and regular as everybody else. Cause we are anyway, but it's like, I don't want any attention or special. I like not getting special treatment. I'm kind of turned on by it. It's like, I like waiting in shitty lines. I like that. I like waiting in bad long lines. Well, I've always kind of like been able to charm my way through things I was like a bad student as far as like actually doing my work but I always like had good relationships with my everybody everybody knows I was molested by my teacher in high school so it's funny like I've always had great relationships with my teachers no but not like that but like I really always was like you know my dad taught me how to be that way like just charming like get your way through I got ADD it's like homework's too hard. But now I'm learning. I really appreciate people

that hold me accountable. It's like awesome. It's like, oh, you believe I can actually like finish this thing I said I was going to do? And I've had this whole kind of turnaround in the past couple months

where I've just like, I'm showing up on time. Was it two minutes late here? Two minutes. It's pretty on time. Now, wasn't that a beef thing with you guys with Trash Tuesday

that nobody was showing up on time that everyone was fucking off the schedule? I don't even think it's a beef time. Now, wasn't that a beef thing with you guys with Trash Tuesday that nobody was showing up on time, that everyone was fucking off the schedule? I don't even think it's a beef thing. I think what it is is they moved the studio so far away from my house, and it would be scheduled around like rush hour. You're on the west side, right? Yeah. Nightmare.

It would be scheduled around rush hour. I can only give you an hour of my time back and forth beyond an hour two hours of travel time it's two hours already I can't give 220 I can't give 210

so I just said like just start without me and nobody cares we don't need me the whole time we don't need any of us the whole time it's all good we didn't have Carlos the whole time. We don't need any of us the whole time. It's all good. No. You guys all do.

We didn't have Carlos the whole time. He stormed off. Was he being serious? Who knows? I couldn't tell. You know you can't tell with him. No, he's really good actually. It was very entertaining.

It was funny in the end. Yeah. But have you spoken to him since? Yeah, I talked to him. Oh, he's fine then. Yeah, he's fine. I was like, you're fine, right? Because I was like, this is a bit, I think.

And honestly, it's a good bit because what else was he going to do just sit there and be like I didn't read the thing remember when he lived at the top of the Hollywood Hills with that chick and he was married and it was in this

wooded house with all those dogs it was the weirdest I was like he to me was I was like is this a Steinbeck novel I came over one day

and it took me 20 minutes to get up the hill he lived at the top of the Hollywood Hills and it was a fucking huge house and he was renting it from some artist or some shit. And it was like a four car garage. I was shocked. And I walked in and his wife was just like leaving. And he had like all these

animals. She had all of her, she had so many bags with her. She had a car, she had a Volvo fucking packed. It was wild though. He, He was just, it was just, I think with comedy you think you know people and you don't. You don't know, you really don't know them until you see them outside of the world of comedy. I've known Carlos forever. I don't know him at all. But I mean you don't really know a comic until you know them outside of the world of comedy. Right. I didn't know, I just knew him as a cool dude

I knew from the game. I just didn't really, I was like oh this, you're a completely different guy than I thought. But I kind of like that Carlos is like a little bit, he's like a little unhinged, like you don't really know what you're going to get from than I thought but I kind of like that Carlos is like a little bit he's like a little unhinged like you don't really know what you're gonna get from him

and it's funny no it's good and also keeps you like what the hell but his non-sober stories are also really fun

because he was like an actual user you know when someone says they got clean and you're like what are you using he was one of those people where you're like

oh yeah he's going to dirty little places being a bad little boy. I just can't believe people weren't like crazy. I'm like, people didn't check for their teeth in the morning. I'm like, what is going on? Oh my God, Todd and I went on this walk in Venice and we're walking down the street and there was a, I saw it. I saw a group of people

outside. They're all sitting around. Homeless people in tents? No, no, no, no. They weren't in an actual house. It is Venice, right? Venice is not as bad as Beverly Grove where I an actual house. It is Venice, right? Yeah. Venice is not as bad as Beverly Grove, where I used to live. That's bad, huh? It's crazy.

They put my pet co out of business. Oh, come on. They put the pet co out of business with my trans girl that worked there, who misgendered my dog. I couldn't believe it. I was always trying to do a joke about it, because I just go so hard, and I just so want to please trans. I'm always like, hey girl.

Like, I'm just like giving her everything. Like doing backflips. Like, oh, your nails, you know? So stupid. And, um, well, I just like girling down with girls. So it's like, if you're presenting as a girl now, you're getting the girl treatment. We're going to talk nails, hair, eyebrows. I'm going to look you up and down, give you the whole thing.

It's just fun. And, um And so I was like doing that. And then I had Randy, my dog, and who had an appearance on here when he was a pup pup. Yeah. But he has this little penis and she like squatted down and she was like, oh my God, what's her name? And I couldn't believe it. What did you want to say? What's their name? What's their name? Yeah. No, just what's his name? She's looking at a penis. She doesn't know that. Yeah, you're right. I guess it would have had to be, what's his name? Was the lipstick out? No. No, then how do you know? It just looks like a tuft of hair.

Randy's not into trans, and I don't mean that in like a transphobic way. Your dog is transphobic. He can only get hard for his Monopoly man toy. Randy has a problem where when he gets a boner, his penis is so small he has the smallest penis of all animals I've ever seen

like he's got like a hamster sized penis like it barely comes out it's crazy when it comes out it comes out a little bit bigger but it's just when it's there but the sheath is so small that his penis will get like

stuck outside of it aww so you have to get lube and you have to jerk his penis back no no I swear to god there's no other we couldn't believe it

when we looked at YouTube we're like Annie you know you don't have to do that. No, you have to. There's, what am I, take him to the vet every time to do it? No, it'll just go in on its own. It doesn't go in. It stays out.

And it gets all like, it starts, it'll get like, it's like bulbous, you know? It's like trapped. And it's just like, this fucking dog. This is why, this is why female dogs are better than male dogs, 100%. I think male dogs are better than female dogs. And I'm going to tell you why. Every female dog I had has been a little bit of a bitch you know a little cunt but randy is the most sweet loving they're like boy dogs are more affectionate so just like people

boys are more affectionate than girls just like us annie oh my god i had a couple of you fuckers trying to hold my hand in public i'm like what is going on yeah every affectionate man like when you're on a second date they're're being affectionate, I'm like, what are you up to? Get away. And they do always end up playing you. I'm like, you're giving me the Dennis method. I can feel it. You're Dennis methoding me. In here, we pour whiskey.

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You're Dennis Methoding me. Always Sunny has given me so many life pointers. The best. The Dennis Method is the best one because it really is like, I have gotten Dennis Method. Because of the implication. He said, dude,

there's some really fucking funny episodes of that show. Like, it's the same way that South Park has, like, ridiculously classic episodes. It's just, how do they just... Those two shows just nail it so hard, and they're just able to, like, not hold back. Yeah, because they got through that hard time. Like, when you've lasted long enough...

Dude, we talked about this before we recorded. If you've been around long enough, like, as a comic or an entertainer or something, at some point, you're like, well, I went through the shit I'm just gonna say it and do it and then whatever

big fucking like what's gonna happen it's already you've already established who you are and what you really give a fuck about well it is weird

because you have to get your priorities straight because when you first start comedy it's like there's a lot of things dangled in front of you it's like

you gotta get Montreal like all these things where looking back I'm like I had to get Montreal and I got it but I was like that was what I had to get, you got to get Montreal. Like all these things where looking back, I'm like, I had to get Montreal and I got it, but I was like, that was what I had to get.

Yeah, you had to pay your own way to fly on a fucking in a coach seat of a plane for seven hours. to go hang out with a guy with a fedora. To go,

to go, to go. Who got himself canceled by saying the N word over and over and over and over and over and over again to Sam Jay.

Yeah. Who is fucking with Sam Jay, by the way? Sam Jay is the fucking shit. It's so funny to me that that guy got clipped for that and it was like a weird entitlement thing I think where he was like I'll say it if I want

it's like I mean yeah you can say anything you want you're in a position of power with comedians so you're gonna get in trouble or whatever I saw him recently like before he got cancelled and I looked at him and went I'm so glad I don't like need you.

Oh, it's so nice to know. I hate people when they're like, but you never need anyone. We used to need, well, no, when we were young, you needed everybody. You feel like it though. But you don't really,

that's where rich kids I think always get shit because they don't feel like they need stuff. Because we're looking at everything as like survival. We were so desperate. How do we get money? How do we get through this? How can I help you to get to the next thing that I need? Thank you so much for having me fly out here and be like i lost eight hundred dollars coming here thank you for having me so much

oh my montreal they blew it was a whole thing because that it was like they gave us such a bad show and then he came up to me and was like how was he didn't make it to the show we're like on the cobblestone i just got off i just bombed everyone bombed your showcase your your new face yes and we everyone bombed except Joe Mackey. Joe Mackey killed him. If I said this story already on this show, sorry guys. No, you didn't. But like, so we're under

all this pressure. And I was in New York, just I used to wake up every morning and go, I want to be funnier. I want to be funnier. I want to be funnier. I used to always be like, I just want to be a touring comic. I just want to be the funniest. Like, I wasn't thinking about the things, you know? But I was getting the things because I wasn't thinking about the things because I was, like, so focused.

And so I didn't know anything about, like, having a good look or people, like, I didn't know you could suck at comedy and become, like, one of the most famous comedians in the world. Do you know what I mean?

Like, I didn't know that it was, like, a different thing going on. I didn't know that, like, they just picked people, like, where they went, oh, we like your vibe. You fit into a thing. I didn't know that like they just picked people like where they went, oh, we like your vibe. You fit into a thing.

I thought it was like the funniest, which I still think it is, but I just really had this like belief that it was like you just got to be your funniest or whatever. And then so I wasn't my funniest.

I tanked. It was like, it was hot in the room. It started two hours late. There was like 10 suits like all the way in the back. And then this one lady writing a review. But I swear to God, in my memory, I know this isn't true,

but in my memory, she had a giant notepad and one of those pencils you get at the airport, the giant pencils. It was just so like, what are you writing? You could hear like, scratch, scratch, scratch, scratch, scratch while you're on stage. It was just like, everyone bombed. Joe Mackey killed. It was so annoying.

I was like, Joe, I'm happy for you, but could you have just... He was the only one that smashed. Who else was in your class? It was Joe List, me, Nick Mullen. It was a great cast. Juno, I can remember Juno's last name. He's really funny. He works with Stan Hope.

Dan Hope. Dan Hope? Dan Hope. Great comic, Dan Hope. Oh, God. Carlos rented a house from him. Wait, what was the Stan Hope joke? I mean, what was the Bob Hope joke?

We can only hope. We can only Bob Hope. We can only Stanhope. We can only Stanhope. Wow, I'm forgetting my jokes from two minutes ago. See? I got to stop worrying. Take the vitamins.

I need my vitamins. Do you think that's what it is? These are like for my hair. What's in there? It's one a day. Is it one a day men's vitamin? Viagra. Is it blue chew?

I have like, it's not blue chew. No, this is Nutrafol for my hair. Okay, let me guess. Wait, Nutrafol, is there fish oil in there? There's a fish oil. Omega-3s, there's a vitamin. This is magnesium for my jaw. Okay, Mago.

For what? You should take magnesium. For your what? For my TMJ, I take it. But don't you have back and joint stuff? I grind too. Wait, do you grind? Yeah. Do you have a mouth guard at night? For my TMJI ticket. But don't you have back and joint stuff? I grind too. Wait, do you grind?

Yeah. Do you have a mouth guard at night? I have a crazy mouth guard. That's how you know we're getting old. And I have to take, no, I've always had it. I used to never grind my teeth. No, I've ground my teeth since I was 12, since I got in a car accident and probably was fucking molested. It's all like fight or flight shit. It's like we're fucking worried.

Our bodies are like. Do you have bad dreams a lot? I have, sometimes I have bad dreams but they're not bad I've been really like exploring my dreams are you writing them down when you wake up? no I'm not going to write them down

I know people that do that and then they get them analyzed I think it's good but I just I kind of remember the beats and I go how did I feel about that but I had one really crazy dream

I learned a lot of lessons like so I had one dream where I was at my house with Bianca, the waitress at the comedy store, who,

we love her, but she can be a bitch. So in my dream, she was, this is what I love about her, that she's a fucking bitch. But in my dream, I was like,

okay, lock the doors because I have stalkers. And she was like, the door's locked. And I go, you sure? And she goes,

yeah. And of course, as she's saying that, this like big, like man, woman, like it wasn't a transfer it was like a it was an everything like scary big thing yeah like pushes through the door and i'm

like bianca like you bitch right and then i'm trying to get like rid of this person they're like coming to attack me and i get this i'm like bianca give me a knife and she passes me a knife that's this big it's a dog penis. It's my dog's dick. And I stab, and I stab the person and they go, and they feel bad and they like run away. So I didn't kill them or anything but I like gave them a little prick. Well, how do you know they could have bled out on the way home? Well, you know when you're, you know

how you know in your dreams. When you did say, yeah. So then they like, that person runs off. Then, um, then Hennigan, uh, Doug Stanhope's manager is there, okay? And he's going, he's giving me advice, managerial advice. He goes, I think you should hire that person as your assistant. I go, the person that I just stabbed that tried to like attack me?

And he's like, you should hire them. And when I woke up, I unfollowed every person on Instagram that I was following for their feelings. Wait, really? Yeah, I was like, this is a boundary issue. Why am I always letting people to be nice? I let people into my life. And when I unfollow people,

someone, it's not like, I'm not saying like, fuck you. I hate your saying. It's just like, I can't have you be a part of my day every day. I don't want like,

why don't you just do the thing where you unfollow everybody that people to do that all the time. They go down to zero. Cause I like following people. There's certain people I want to be a part of my day. See, I don't, the down to zero thing is like, you think's certain people i want to be a part of my day see i don't the down to zero thing is like you think that's a that's a that's a statement i don't know i always unfollow people that go down to zero if you stop following me i'm so grateful i can unfollow you because i i like to keep it low because it's just a lot and i'm not

on my phone as much anymore thank god i really think i've broken that habit um but you know the instagram trick now what you know how it just shows you accounts that you don't follow? Yeah. You know you just click on Instagram now? Yeah. This is crazy. All you have to do, this is a good tip for at home, I found this through this, click on physically Instagram. Yeah. Literally, just do following. What if just like asses came up on your thing? It was just all fucking. Bunch of pussies. Wait, but can you see this? You just click on Instagram and click on following and then this can be your feed oh and it's only accounts that you follow it's not so the ass picture wasn't somebody follow i want to just let everyone know there

was no ass photo on here but it was a pretty girl and he wasn't following her no but that's what that no but i'm saying but that's but they're trying to get you to cheat on your wife that's fucked no but this is funny they'll just throw a fucking picture up here of a profile they're like here you go like some half of this shit, none of these, don't follow that. Don't follow that. That's the first one I follow in four.

Vice. But you're like, how come? I just don't want to see other accounts. I don't give a fuck about these. Also, that's why I've checked out Instagram, man.

I'm going to, I'm handing it off because I'm just done. I, here's the thing. I want to hand it off, but then I don't trust the people I hand it off to. And it's not their fault. It's,

they're not me. So it's this control thing, right? I want to detach from off, but then I don't trust the people I hand it off to. And it's not their fault. It's they're not me. So it's this control thing, right? I want to detach from the control from it, but I also want it to be fucking dope and good. Who cares? Why? What would make it dope and good? What would be the difference? I just, I think like.

Yeah, I guess you're right. I used to think that I was like, oh, I wanted to curate this. But they don't, it doesn't, Instagram doesn't even allow that anymore. That's my point. It's fake anyway. You put your best thing in and then it doesn't, Instagram doesn't even allow that anymore. That's my point. It's fake anyway. It's like you put your best thing in and then it doesn't get the, it pulls it away from the algorithm.

And then you put in like a boomerang and it's like 700,000 views and you're like, what the fuck? I'm seeing a lot of the older comics are just kind of like doing the, the filters where it's like, which celebrity am I? And there's like no joke and they're just like posting them. Yeah, I just, and it's like, which celebrity am I?

And there's like no joke and they're just like posting them. Yeah, I just- And they're like, maybe we don't need to do Instagram anymore. Like I started TikTok and it's like, what is this?

I'm on it because I love watching it. I don't really post. All I post is like this. This will be on TikTok. I'm going to do my temporary boob job. I'm going to show girls at home how to give themselves big fat titties for the night. I think that's dope. What do you use? I do like, I can give myself aob job. I'm going to show girls at home how to give themselves big fat titties for the night.

I think that's dope. What do you use? I do like, I can give myself a nose job. Like I can give myself all the plastic surgery just with like TikTok things I learned on TikTok.

What do you use to plump up the tattoos? You do, there's this bra that you can get from Victoria's Secret that's called the bombshell bra which is like

two full cup sizes. Then you get these chicken cutlet things that you can get at fucking Rite Aid. Okay, these are on a budget. Just balling on a budget. Titties on a budget. How orange is this? Let me see you lift up your arm. Not really. Okay, a little wet though. I get sweaty armpits. I'm

in fight or flight. Why don't you get lasered out? You get Botox for it. It's Botox. Wait, you get Botox under your armpits? Yeah, you get Botox under your armpits, but I have never put any injectables or anything to my face or my body at all. So I don't know. I just think I can work on it from the inside. But I've seen one of those things. What's it? Hyperhidrosis.

Yeah, that's what I have, hyperhidrosis. But a lot of the people have them on their hands. Yeah, my dad had it on his hands. Do you have it on your hands? It was so awkward. Pull your hand out. Let me feel your hand. My tits would just slide right through his hands.

Pull your hand out. No, your hands aren't. They can be a little clammy. your hand. My tits would just slide right through his hands. Pull your hand out. No, your hands are... They can be a little clammy. No. Sometimes, but not... But it's my armpits are the spot. Back of your knees? Back of your legs?

I don't know. That's where my teacher jizzed. On the back of my knee. Wouldn't that be weird if the Lord just gave me like... I always fought a wet spot there. Was he an anatomy teacher? Which was it? No, he was an art teacher.

He wanted to draw me nude. I wish I could find those drawings. That's the evidence. Yeah, that's right. So terrible. He wanted to draw me nude. I wish I could find those drawings. That's the evidence. Yeah, that's right. So terrible. He only got three years probation. It's probably because I couldn't find that fucking picture. How many times do I read a new article about a fucking teacher?

But it's a female teacher. It's teachers. What's going on? But I always see a female teacher with really young dudes where you're like, holy shit. It's just so sad. The teacher thing is really. Well, the thing is like the teachers, the female teachers too are usually like in their 20s

if you think about it. They're always 22 years old. And it's like, why are you putting them, like they're not old enough to like be doing this job yet. Yeah, but usually they're like... You shouldn't be allowed to be a teacher until you're like... 50?

79. You're about to die. You should be like about to retire. That's actually really funny. We should only hire teachers that are over 70. And by the way, and arm them all. Because even if they tried them last year,

they're too old. Like they can't do it. It's like your dick doesn't work anymore. And they all need to be strapped. Give every teacher a gun. And every elderly teacher a gun. Yeah. Give an elderly teacher a really complex gun too.

Something really hard to figure out. Well, in my school, the thing that was so weird is like I always thought it was just I had this one bad teacher that like got me and the girls I knew he got. And then I would,

more and more would unravel and I'm like, almost all the teachers were doing something. We had a pervy janitor. The janitor was the only guy I liked in that building. So we had a guy

who they brought in. He was like 22 years old. But he used to call me blondie. I'm like, oh. You know what he was saying. A little questionable. Yeah. Is it blind everywhere, Annie?

Have a good day. No, he was like a weird, like, he was a weird thing. When I went back to visit my school, because I had like weird Stockholm syndrome afterwards, after like all the shit went down, I went to court. You went back to school? I kept thinking I was bad, and they were good. I had like a weird fucked up like trauma response. So I would go, I went back to the graduation ceremony, because because the school was really small there were 17 kids in my graduating class

so they would have a graduation ceremony and like all the alumni would come and that was kind of like the school reunion and so i went to like the next year's graduation and the other art teacher who was the first one i told about the one that the one that jackson pollocked me he was like really mean to me. Like I went in to say hi and he goes, it's only current graduates and like screamed at me and told me to get out. And I was like, I knew enough to know I wasn't that bad.

I was like, oh my God. So I like kind of was like, and I stepped out of the room and the janitor goes by and he goes, he goes, I saw that. And he's like, and you know what Blondie, I saw what they did to you in the school and they did you wrong.

And it was like nice to have that validation from one person to the point where I'm like, did I imagine this they did to you in the school, and they did you wrong. And it was nice to have that validation from one person to the point where I'm like, did I imagine this guy? But he was the janitor, and we had on Wednesdays, because we're all juvenile delinquents, so I think that's where you get most molestation in schools with kids where it's like, can't trust these fuckers. Right, right.

People are like, you steal. Why would you tell us the truth about this? You guys were all juvie kids? Well, it was juvie kids in special ed. So it was like, I was in the middle. Which side were you on? I was on the fringe. I straddled more than just my teacher.

No, he straddled me. I didn't straddle him back. Yeah, there it is. I never was back on him. But so he ended up. So we had different community service on Wednesday was our, like,

what we would do. We would come in for, like, a morning meeting and there was community service after lunch. So, you could do,

there was, like, people that did, like, boxes. They did the recycling of boxes around the neighborhood. Oh,

how miserable. They loved that one because they would get high. It was all, like, which ones can we be the highest at? Oh, yeah.

So, they would drive around in, like, a truck and it was just, like, you know,

the cool, whatever, kids. That was the cool truck. I didn't like to do it. My best friend, who was such a bitch, did it and it was just like, you know, the cool whatever kids. That was the cool truck. I didn't like to do it. My best friend who was such a bitch did it and I was like, I need a fucking break from this fucking bitch. This thunder-stealing bitch.

She was always fucking my boyfriends and shit. But did I sound still mad at her? I'm not still mad at her. She's a 16-year-old girl. I'm not still mad at her. No, but she did fuck more than one of your boyfriends. She did. It was really, I would plant too.

There was this guy that looked like a white Snoop Dogg who was like physically hideous. And I told her I had a crush on him and she fucked him within a week. You should, yeah. You just kept doing that all along. I just wanted to see if she, if it was real. How many guys she would fuck?

How many was it? Three, four? It was, she fucked, okay. I had an ex-boyfriend who when we broke up, he transferred to my school, which was very psycho because it's a small school and she fucked him but I was like

it was like a guy I was like stranger danger like I don't like this guy and so that was kind of like laughable she fucked my my first boyfriend

this guy that I was so in love with who I lost my Virginia Tona's waterbed I should not have been in love with him you could waterbed remember waterbeds holy shit yes and what a nightmare.

Yeah, why do people have those? Losing a Virginia was rough too. Why is that? Why would it be any different? It's just, yeah. It's like painful. It's like awkward and I'm swimming.

And you can't get comfortable. And then he told everyone I fuck like a dead fish and I was like, I was physically swimming. For you to say I fuck like a dead fish is so unacceptable. I was in the ocean, bitch.

I was in character. I thought you wanted a role play but um but so she fucked him I found out like after we broke up and Snoop Dogg

white Snoop Dogg white Snoop Dogg but I didn't really like him that was so it wasn't too many but she fucked my friend Liz's boyfriend too where is this girl now

do you think she is quite successful oh you know who she now, do you think? She is quite successful. Oh, you know who she is? Yeah. Do you talk or no? No, I, you know, I went back to the well a couple times to see. Because I always am like, it was me.

Like, I always had the, I don't have this anymore. I mean, maybe a little bit. But I'm always like, it must have been me. So, like, I would go back and, like, make up with her. But she told the cops I was lying when I went to the cops about what my teacher did we really yeah What was this girl's fucking deal? I don't know but I have to feel bad for her because she obviously was she's got some shit And yeah, and she I mean she did also like me. I don't know what it was Maybe she was jealous of me or something. I don't know

That's probably is probably like she mom was kind of a bitch She probably kind of had maybe like a she loved she wanted to have your life or wanted to be you. And I had a little bit of an, I had a couple friends in my life who were just a little hotter than me. Like the bachelorette right now, they have two, they brought two girls on. And the one girl,

if she was just the regular bachelorette, would be doing great. But they have a girl and it's just a little hotter than her, you know? And so all the guys keep being like, I'm really into the other girl. That's so fun. Like they keep like, and'm really into the other girl. That's so fucked. Like they keep like,

and it's, you feel bad for her because it's like you already have that with your friends when you're in, well, I guess they're not in high school,

but they're like young. Women do do that. When you're on the competitive nature of women of who's hotter and who's- But you want to not do it. Like if you're, like you try and,

for me, I always never wanted to be competitive with my friends. Yeah, but it's natural. And I don't feel competitive in comedy at all. Maybe in the beginning I did, but I don't have any

of that anymore. Thank God. Meanwhile, guys know exactly where they are. Like, guys know their number immediately, and they just accept it, and there's nothing, and then you just don't care. Or you start doing comedy. Ginger, fucking ginger, pretty low on the scale to rise, rise, rise. Let me tell you something. I've always been slightly

handsome. Oh, you're a hot ginger. But I've known I was slightly handsome. You're like Gerber baby hot. Like like you can tell you were like a hot baby i was a cute baby yeah yeah i was a cute baby you were like a commercial baby but i had this complex as a kid of like i just didn't look like anybody else so i was so weirded out by that i was like when like if you ask someone what they're when a young when we're young specifically if you ask like a 16 year old if you're like oh you know what boy is, if you're like, oh, you know, what boy is the cutest boy? Every guy know who's the cutest boy.

Yeah. Right? But like never would someone go, you know who my type is? Yeah. The fucking redheaded guy. So any girl that ever like liked me was always- I like redheads.

Yeah, but any girl that ever liked me, it was always like a secret they would tell me. Yeah. Like don't let anyone know. I don't want to ruin my reputation. Yeah, because no one ever goes, you know, and orange it's always it's always you know who the guy is we all knew who like the really cute dude was he looked he was a soccer player or the football player yeah athletic and always not that nice of a face but he had like the characteristics of a guy

who had a nice face yeah because boys don't grow into their face till they're in their 20s anyway yeah like girls can kind of look like until they're in their 20s anyway. Yeah. Like, girls can kind of look like what they're going to look like in high school. They kind of will look a little bit different. And then our face starts to crack. And then it just falls apart. There's going to be a moment in my life

with my boyfriend who is 11 years younger than me where I look so much... Wait, he's 11? Is he really? Oh, my God. Doesn't he seem mature? Well, he is. I mean, he's...

Because he's also quiet, so he doesn't say enough for me to know that he might be... No, he doesn't. He'll well he is I mean he's because he's also quiet so he doesn't say enough for me to know that he might be no he doesn't he'll never make you think he's young he'll never say

some dumb shit he is like he just he's so he's like so good he laughs in his sleep that's a new thing I realized

holy fuck can you imagine did he have no problems as a child no he was a middle child he was completely ignored but he learned to like hang out with himself

so he I always am talking to his mom I was like you fucking bitch you ignored him so much you made him into the perfect boy are you gonna marry Completely ignored. But he learned to like hang out with himself. So he, yeah, this is his greatest asset. I always am talking to his mom. I was like, you fucking bitch. You ignored him so much. You made him into the perfect boy. Are you going to marry this dude? Yeah, of course.

When? Well, I keep like trying to, because I want a my budget ring. So I keep covering some of the bills. What does that mean, my budget ring? I want a nicer ring than his ass could get. How much, what's the number? Like 25. Wow. Is that a lot? I don't know.? What's the number? Like 25. Wow.

Is that a lot? I don't know. I don't know what it is anymore. But I don't, like what. Everyone has a family ring, but I'm like, I guess I'm a geriatric wedding at this point. Older, yeah.

Like, you know, they call it geriatric pregnancy if you're over 35. If you're over 25. It's like so brutal. You're like. Well, like let's, let's freeze your eggs

and also pick a casket because those things will happen right after each other. No, but I think, I think, uh, I guess that's the right, I don't know what the,

you know, the old adage was like, it was like one month's of a salary or something like that or some bullshit. So that's why I want to, my budget is, and then it would be more, you do it in California where I,

I kind of like have an idea. I mean, I don't know where we would do it, but I have this idea that it would be funny to have a Vegas wedding on purpose. Like have, no? Tacky? The bit is not funny. Tacky?

It's just not, like, no. Tacky. Yeah, you just can't do it. Tacky. No. Tacky, spray tan, tacky. I know, but where? Tacky!

All right, do it. Yeah, you should do it. Now that I think about it. Are you going to come? No. Absolutely not. Yes. You know what I'm realizing? I'm like, I'm going to have to make people, I'm going to be like, Rogan, you're ordaining it. Like, I have to give him like a role. You have to give people a job. Well, it's like, after you went to Schultz's, it's like, there's a lot of pressure. I'm like, Rogan, you got to come to my,

you went to Schultz's wedding. But the tackier you do it, the funnier it might be. Like, I want it to be like, but we also were like, we want to culturally appropriate every wedding. Like, we want, like, the Jew stomping of the thing. Love it. The glass. We do henna. Can you imagine if we did henna?

Just fully, everyone's so mad at us. You should ride in on an elephant and shit. Ride on an elephant. That's so fun. It'd actually be cool to culturally appropriate every wedding. Ethiopian food. Everyone's eating with their hands. And there's eat like Ethiopian food everyone's eating with their hands and there's no silverware

everybody will be eating with their hands the wedding planner losing her mind everyone's in pantsuits we appropriate lesbian weddings oh my god I think you

I think you should make it fun super fun because most weddings are super fucking boring most are so boring no I don't want it to be because I was a wedding

photographer assistant for like two weeks until she went she went to me, Annie, just make sure you always zip up the lens bag. I go, yeah. She goes, zip up the lens bag.

The only thing that matters is lenses. She goes, zip up the lens bag. I go, yes, bitch. Of course I'm going to zip up. Bing. Crash on the ground. She was like,

I remember she went, it could have been a baby. She was so nice about it. Never worked with me again, obviously, but she was so nice. Did she charge you for the lens? No, she was rich. No, but she should have.

For me to learn the lesson? Yes. I know, and it was $2,500, the lens. Yes, they're expensive as shit. And, oh, I'm going to get these ones. I would have made you, oh, yeah, these. I would have made you pay for the lens without a doubt. Yeah, and I think it would have been a good lesson.

I don't think, I wouldn't have been mad at her if she made me pay for it. Yeah, because it's like, that's... She was just so sweet. She was trying to set me up with her son so I think she felt like maternal towards me

and she wanted to like coddle me a little that age gap would make it so she wouldn't make you pay but if you were close if she was only like 10 years older than you she would have made you pay

because she would have been like I remember how I was at your age and I wasn't this big of a fuck up right but I was still drinking I probably was wasted on the job the wedding photographer thing is like what a great gig

it's like but it's what you learn in that position is that people don't care about their weddings. They care about the pictures afterwards. Yeah, the photos are the only thing that they want. So you have to ruin these people's day. Like, you have to, it's your job as the wedding photographer. They give you a list of all the shots they want.

If you don't get one, they're mad at you. They're not going, they're not thinking like, oh, they didn't want to interrupt me because I was dancing with my bridesmaids and having fun. It's like you literally have to take them from their fun and be like, get your ass over here.

We're taking the picture, you know. I've seen people do like three photographers at the wedding. Maybe that's better. One videographer and there were the, one videographer

and two or three, I've seen it where it's two or three different camera people and you're like, holy shit. And one's supposed to get candids and the other one's supposed to get posed stills.

It did kind of make sense because at the end of it all, you didn't even notice it was happening because the candid ones were the ones they wanted the most

and the fucking formatted ones were so fast. They were like, oh, here, take, okay, get the fuck out. I always think about Love Actually when he was like filming his friend's wedding

that he had a crush on his wife and then she was like, I want to see the wedding videos and it's like, just zoomed in on her. Like, why was that? Okay, that's so psych a crush on his wife. And then she was like, I want to see the wedding videos. And it's like, just zoomed in on her. Like, why was that? Okay.

That's so psychotic. It's creepy. And then I had my ex-boyfriend in college, who majored in DJ, by the way. He made up his major. He majored in DJ. And he had like his like DJ graduation show.

And his dad flew in and we had broken up at this point. Yeah. But obviously I probably still loved him. I was like, but he had a new girlfriend and everything, but we stayed friends. And so I probably still loved him. I was like, but, um, he had a new girlfriend and everything, but we stayed friends. And so I go to his graduation thing and his dad is there and his dad is like, uh, has a camera and he's like, oh, I'm doing the

photographer for the graduation show. And I was like, oh, cool. And he's like, yeah, I'm doing portraits of all his, all of his friends. So why don't you come over here? I'm doing them against this wall. He like pulls me aside. He like leans me up against it's in Santa Fe. So it's like against this Adobe wall. And he's like, yeah, why don't you put your,? I'm doing them against this wall. He like pulls me aside. He like leans me up against, it's in Santa Fe. So it's like against this Adobe wall. And he's like, yeah, why don't you put your, I'm wearing like a skirt and like a belly shirt. And he's like, why don't you put your leg up? And like, you know, why don't you pop your, you know, something like kind of like, it's

like kind of like a hot girl picture. He's taking all these pictures of me. Two weeks later, I got a call from my ex-boyfriend. He goes, you better come over to look at all my graduation pictures. And I go, why? He goes, you're literally in all of them. He's like, my current girlfriend's nose

is in the corner of one of the pictures. My dad just took only pictures of you. There were no other portraits. There were more pictures of me than of my boyfriend. Well,

he liked what he saw. Oh, so funny. Was he the blondie guy? Was this the janitor? Get up against the wall, blondie. Yeah,

dad's always, I guess I was always a little mature. I had my neighbor, my neighbor, I used to, I had this like ongoing romance with my neighbor when I was a kid

from like 11 to like 19. We used to like hook up. He was only there when his, it was kind of amazing. I like lived a young adult. Your next door neighbor. Yes. Not the dad, the boy.

He was my age. I know. But he, his parents were divorced so he would only be at his dad's house every other weekend. So it was like really fun, you know, Your bookstore neighbor. Yes. Not the dad, the boy. He was my age. I know. But his parents were divorced, so he would only be at his dad's house every other weekend. So it was like really fun, you know? And we would like play basketball together and we'd sneak out to the park and like smoke cigarettes. You were the tomboy that would play ball and then suck dick.

But it was just to get the boys, you know? I know. I was like, to get attention from my mom and to get the boys, which would have been so unfortunate if I was around when trans shit was popular. I would have 100% transitioned for the attention of my mother and to get in that boy's locker room. And it would have backfired on me big time.

I'd have been looking at their penises. They'd be like, what is going on? The trans guy's crazy. But yeah, I was so like a league of their own. But yeah, so we would like sneak out to make out

and like up at the park in the middle. Was this your first fuck, this guy? No, we never had sex. I did give him one of the worst blowjobs of my entire life. First couple of blowjobs are always hard. Always teethy, always toothy. Teethy and also I was very, I thought like the sound. Or pulley.

It's like Yankee. It's so weird. You're like, ow, ow. Well, we just don't, we've never been around. Penises are so, like I had sex before I even like fucked with penises sex somehow is less intimate than sucking a dick that's how I felt as a kid

because I was just like so scared of like what the hell is this I was just I had a penis phobia when I was little and then adults just kept pulling them out on me

I don't know what was going on I was like I'm scared of this why did I get scared I don't know as a baby I was like stop pulling your pacifier out I'm like

it's not a pacifier but but he so Stop pulling your pacifier out. It's not a pacifier. We stayed friends over all these years or whatever. Then his dad, he did something where he went and taught English in Guatemala or something. There were some mudslides. His dad started hitting me up on DM being like, have you heard from him? Do, do you know where he is? And at this point I'm like 19, 18 or 19. So I'm legal, but I am a child. He's all grow. And he's just hitting me up regular about, you know, his son. And then we found him. He was fine. And he would just kind of keep hitting me up.

Just like, you worried about more mudslides, Annie? Like, just kind of like, when are you going to be back? Like, all this stuff. And then, um... No, but it's... Was any of it... Was any of it like... He didn't, like, make it sexual,

but it was like... It was a weird amount of attention to be getting. It's your neighbor's dad. It was just like, why are you checking in so much? Don't hit me up, yeah. I wasn't like... I mean, let's just say he was a fan. And then my friend ended up having two kids with this girl we went to school with.

And I came back into town. I go, I want to meet your kids. So we meet up at a park and his dad shows up. And I don't think there's anything weird about that. We're all playing with the kids or whatever. He leaves. My friend goes, my dad didn't even show up to their birthdays. He only came because I said you were going to be here.

Poor guy. Sad poor guy. Dad's like you, dude. I'm a dad girl. Daddy's girl. All right, Annie. My boyfriend's dad did that to me too once he was like taking pictures.

He goes, you're fucking hot. Sorry. I had to say it, but I am closer in age to him. So it makes sense. Yeah, but don't say it. It was nice. It was flattering. It wasn't mean.

You're hot. I had to say it. It was nice. I was i was like i know i was feeling myself that day you're hot i had to say it annie i love you thank you for coming um everybody watch trash tuesday everyone go trash tuesday i also have a spotify thing on monday wait what's on what is that it's called uh don't bore me it's an audio it's like um the club i'm probably not supposed to liken it to it but it's like the clubhouse app. So it's all audio. And it's your guys' chance to entertain me and come in with some good stories or you're going to get booted from the show. It's pretty fun.

It's just an hour of interaction and fun. Okay. And then I have my solo podcast, Annie Wood, coming back. Okay. It used to be called Mean Spiration. I'm writing all this stuff down. You're texting to see if your flight is... I'm texting Carlos.

You're saying Carlos. Andy's a bitch. I said that bitch is here. I heard what happened with the NASA article. Go listen to all her podcasts. Follow me on all the social medias. I'm still handling them. Do you have shows or no? I do. When does this come out? This will drop on the 19th.

Oh, great. On Friday the 19th. Say those shows. Plug those shows. All right. Hold on. I'm not prepared. My phone was on airplane. You're an American guy too, huh? That's right, baby. Greatest country in the world, dude.

No, yeah. I am. Are we wrong? No, no, no yeah I am are we wrong? no no I am but no I'm actually both Delta 2 because some places just don't go direct maybe I should do that because I can't handle a fucking layover anymore oh dude I don't do it

as much as we travel back of the plane right by the bathroom I have IBS. You should shit next to the fucking... Are you really not flying first class? I've never flown first class in my life. And I refuse to.

Andrew. I refuse to. It's better. I'll never do it. Andrew. You're never going to catch me in a first class seat. Ever. Andrew.

Are you joking? You've got to be kidding. I don't think I've ever been up there. I get scared. Those people up there, man. What are they doing up there? What is that, the Illuminati? Living a beautiful life.

Are you lying to be relatable to your fans? He's lying. There's no way. I heard how much your ticket cost. It's the same as yours. Mine are first class. No thanks, dude. Are you serious?

I'm flying the plane. You're lying. You can't. You've got to fly first class. Plug your dates, you dummy. They'm flying the plane. You're lying. You first, you can't, you gotta fly first class. Plug your dates, you dummy. They're nice to you. It really is so sad. All flying should just be what first class is.

Yeah. And then first class should be a private jet. They're so, yeah, they're so mean. They're so, well. It's not nice how they are back there. No, it's mean. They're so mad at you all the time. Okay, I'm going to be at the Pittsburgh Improv

September 9th through 10th. So I will be flying on our special day so please come american by the way too i'll be flying oh scary um the tempe improv september 22nd through 24th shout out to arizona la jolla comedy store september 16th 18th. These five show weekends are making me livid. I'm about to call my agent. Coluso. I'm going to be doing the Coluso Casino. That's going to be really fun.

That's one night, September 30th. It's going to be fun. Gambling afterwards. Let's spend all the money I made. Kansas City, Missouri. Improv. October 7th through 8th, Irvine. Come do that with me.

San Jose. I've done it for you, bitch. Yeah. San Jose, California. I'm going to do a Michigan. Anyway, there's a lot. Florida, a lot of things. Just go to AnnieLetterman.com slash shows.

Annie Wood's coming out soon. Follow my YouTube. Follow this bitch. She's so funny. I love you. Look in that camera. Say one word or one phrase to end the episode. You've done this to me before.

Everybody does it. So one word or one phrase. Sup? In here, we pour whiskey. Whiskey. Whiskey. Whiskey. Whiskey.

You are that creature in the ginger beard. Sturdy. Ginger. Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse. Gingers are beautiful. You owe me $5 for the whiskey and $75 for the horse. Gingers are hell no. This whiskey is excellent.

Ginger. I like gingers.