Whiskey Ginger with Andrew Santino - Fahim Anwar

Episode Date: August 5, 2022

Santino sits down with comedian Fahim Anwar to discuss his new special Hat Trick, his love of magic, birds of all kinds, growing up around rich kids, and much much more! Fahim Anwar Hat Trick Standup Special: https://youtu.be/HaTA-HVCo4w #fahimanwar #whiskeyginger #andrewsantino #podcast COME SEE ME ON TOUR!!! https://www.andrewsantino.com ORDER SOME MERCH!!! https://www.andrewsantinostore.com Join our Patreon : https://www.patreon.com/whiskeygingerpodcast ============================================================================== SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS! SQUARE SPACE Get that site up and running now! 10% off your order https://squarespace.com/whiskey BETTER HELP Get the help you need from a licensed professional 10% off your first month https://betterhelp.com/whiskey ZIPPIX NICOTINE TOOTHPICKS Promo Code: WHISKEY https://zippixtoothpicks.com MINT MOBILE Plans Starting at $15 a month! https://mintmobile.com/whiskey Follow Santino on Insta and Twitter: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino/ https://twitter.com/CheetoSantino Whiskey Ginger Insta and Twitter: https://www.instagram.com/whiskeygingerpodcast/ & https://twitter.com/whiskeyginger_ Whiskey Ginger Clips: http://www.youtube.com/c/WhiskeyGingerPodcastClips Produced and edited by Joe Faria IG: @itsjoefaria Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What up, Whiskey Ginger fans? Welcome back to the show. If you're new to the show, welcome to the show. Please like it, subscribe it. We post every single Friday. We haven't missed. We don't miss, baby. But please put that notification on if you're on the YouTubes and leave a comment down below for the Al Go rhythm and spread the word.

Tell someone about the Whiskey Ginger and share it. It helps us out a lot. It keeps us moving along in this nice, beautiful orange train. Today, my guest is Fahim Anwar. Fahim is incredible. He has a special out right now. Go check it out on YouTube. He's so funny.

I love this dude. I also am shooting a special. Hey, I'm finally doing it. September 24th at the Paramount Theater in Denver. Tickets are going to be up next week. All right, so keep your eyes on andrewsantino.com. I'm also running a bunch of, I'm running the hour. So I'm going to be in Salt Lake City,

September 9th and 10th. I believe I'm going to be doing Minneapolis and Madison, Wisconsin the next weekend. And then I'm going to do a solo date here in Brea on the 13th, I believe, here in Southern California to run the hour. But those tickets are going to do a solo date here in Brea on the 13th, I believe here in Southern California to run the hour. Uh, but those tickets are going to be available at Andrew Santino.com, Andrew Santino.com Salt Lake city. You're up first, baby. Come out and see your boy September 9th and 10th before I run the special in Denver and Denver, those paramount tickets will be up

very soon. Andrew Santino.com keep checking the site. Thank you so much for your continued support of the show. It does mean a lot to me. I appreciate the fans. I just want to say that before we start the show because, you know, I do appreciate you guys. So, love ya. Enough rambling from me. Let's go to the episode. In here, we pour

whisk, whisk, whisk, whisk, whisk. You're that creature in the ginger beard. Sturdy and ginger. Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse. Gingers are beautiful. You owe me $5 for the whiskey and $75 for the horse. Gingers are hell no.

This whiskey is excellent. Ginger. I like gingers. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to Whiskey Ginger. My guest today is one of my favorite people on Earth. I say that for all my guests, but I mean it once again today. It is the fantastic, fantabulous, functional, fighter, fighter flight, more like flight, less a fighter than a flighter,

fly, ferocious, Fiend, Farty Boy, Fahim Anwar, Farty Boy. Hey, thank you. You got to throw one that's low. You know what I mean? Yeah.

Fahim saw Writer's Tears here. If you guys haven't heard about Writer's Tears, it's a product of Ireland. It's Walsh Whiskey in Carlow Island. And shout out Wr Riders Tears. I forgot somebody gave me this. I forgot who gave me this. A friend of ours. So we're going to have a little bit of Riders Tears.

If you haven't had this, it's delicious. Fahim assumed it was mocking Hollywood. It is. Yeah, I thought like some Hollywood writers made it. Maybe. Like as a joke or something. And also, Feeam and I, it's early in the morning,

so we're going to have just a little bit of something, something, nothing crazy. And if you want more, we can have more. Also, sorry that they're in plastic cups. My,

the glass, glasses I usually use for the show are at home. And I thought, should I go back and get them? And no. For you, no chance. Clink.

Clink. Cheers. We'll just pretend. This is very. Make a glass sound. Ready? Clink. Alright. You say the full word instead of the onomatopoeia. Glasser. Glasser. It's good, isn't it?

Yeah, it's not too harsh. No, it's pretty good. This whole podcast is just going to be a commercial for writer's tears. This is like an hour and a half of like, it really goes down smooth. Yeah, we should beep it out. I should have Joe just beep it out. So, Fahim Anwar is my oldest friend in comedy. Yeah, we go so back, man.

There's only one issue I have with you and you know what it is. What the fuck? You know what it is. Is it me having sex with your wife? Yep. It was once and it was like a- It doesn't matter, dude.

It wasn't chill. It's not chill. Well, why did she let me do it if it's my fault? Because I was rooting her on. Yeah, you went to watch. I was like, go for it. Get him. Well, why did she let me do it if it's my fault because I was rooting her on Yeah, I was like go for it get him. Yeah, I'm cocked dude. Well, it is I do like that you allowed me to finish, you know, yeah, cuz like sometimes you don't let me do that I know yeah, get off. Let's go get out of here fame

No, it's that you're Afghan that bother, you know, I might I hate that. Yeah. Yeah, you're coming around though a little bit, right? I don't know, dude. Like how brown are you willing to go? Spain. That's like a classy. Yeah.

Yeah. Mexico City, Spain, that's about as brown as I can get. After that, I get a little scared. Uh-huh.

I'm surprised that you, what did you use, pee your pants right now? Just, Fahim, you know, you're just terrified but you're trying to hold it in the whole now? Fahim, you know, you slowly see this form. You're just terrified

but you're trying to hold it in the whole time. Fahim is my oldest friend in comedy. We've known each other for legitimately 15 years or so. Give or take. I can't,

I don't know the exact number but it's about there. It's about 15 years. And I've always loved you so much. You're one of the most well-respected comedians in our circle. And now,

finally, you put a special out that is of your taste, of your liking, in your way, I should say. That's nice. Because you put out a special before that was just on a platform that died, which is weird, on CISO. SoSo?

It should have been called SoSo. SoSo. Yeah, not bad. Yeah. Don't sign up it's so-so but this one is on your own and I highly recommend people go check it out that's not the only reason you're doing this show

but I do want to plug this up top because it is a phenomenal fucking special and it's called The Hat Trick the Jeremy Roenick the yeah

is that right? yeah it's called The Hat Trick Hat Trick and you know why it's called the hat trick hat trick and you know why it's called the hat trick? because I do all three rooms you used to want to be a magician

oh yes that as well so it's that magic angle right and then I've always wanted to score a hat trick in hockey in hockey

and soccer soccer and and air hockey air hockey yeah and foosball so it's like just my dream of

accomplishing all the hat tricks in all the sports yeah and then you know all three rooms in the comedy store as well. So it's like just my dream of accomplishing all the hat tricks and all the sports. Yeah. And then, you know, all three rooms in the comedy store as well. God bless, man. Yeah. So he does all three rooms

at the comedy store for people that are unfamiliar. We've talked about comedy so much on the show. I feel like people do know what that is, but that's the main room, the belly room,

and the OR or the original room. But we call it the OR because it's cooler. We don't have time, yeah. Yeah, we don't have time to say all those words. Yeah, you think we got to where we are by saying original room? But it's amazing to do, to watch you do the sets because it's cooler. We don't have time, yeah. Yeah, we don't have time to say all those words. Yeah, you think we got to where we are by saying original room?

But it's amazing to do, to watch you do the sets and it's organic and I think what's, I think the most impressive thing about it, truthfully, is that it is what it is. There's not a shitload of editing

or any of that stuff. Yeah, it was kind of nice because I was so close to it, you know, when you work on something and you're editing it and I think when I first started doing it and I saw it and I'm like, oh yeah, I like this. But then you see it every day and you really can't tell anymore.

Right? So then you're like, oh, I want to check it out before you put it out. And I sent it to you and I don't know. It's like, you know, I don't know what it's about. Well, I hated it. Yeah, you said, this is fucking terrible. It's trash. I go, dump it. No, but you were super nice and that felt good. Like, all right.

Like that's comforting to know. Well, I knew, okay. So the jokes I already knew were going to be good because I've seen a lot of your material because we work together so much. But then the only worry is, is this going to visually be appealing

and in his light? You know, like specials now, it's not like how good are the jokes. If you're a seasoned comic, the jokes are going to be good. I know it's going to be solid. It's going to be a funny special no matter what as a comic i be i get more worried about is it going to look or like uh organic to you or your brand or whatever you want to say yeah because that becomes a thing is like you know big companies

want to push you to do specials in huge rooms they're like get a 7 000 seater and you're like they're fucking eight crane shots and two train tracks and whatever the fuck the little train track little yeah little choo-choo cameras to push in but just to get but i think that doing it really low-key like you did it was the version that i think maybe i don't know what i'm talking about but maybe the internet is more um accustomed to seeing now because they they're close to it they feel like they're a part of it instead of like, I'm looking in a window watching someone do a special instead of a hall.

And I think people have atrophy to the super produced special. Yeah. Just there's so many specials nowadays. It's crazy. And they're so glossy and they're on these stages and there's these loaded audiences.

Like the first one I did was in that vein. It was a very traditional special. Yeah. With the theater. How many seats? A thousand or something like that? It was at the very traditional special. Yeah. With the theater. How many seats? A thousand or something like that? It was at the Alex Theater in Glendale.

So funny. It's just a guy's name, the Alex Theater. Yeah, yeah. Hey, what's up? I'm Alex. You want to use my theater? Just so it was passed down from generation to generation. I don't really do much, but like, yeah, if you want to use the venue, here's the price

point. Yeah, I'm Alex. Here's my theater. I'm Alex. This is my theater. It's very SoCal. He's running late night ads like, hey, I'm Alex. This is my theater. I'm Alex. This is my theater. It's very SoCal. He's running late night ads like, hey, I'm Alex. This is my theater.

Come on down. You have a play? Yeah, it's got those spinny graphics. Yeah. Do you want to do a TED Talk? More like Alex Talk. Come on down to my theater, Alex Theater. It's in Glendale, obviously.

We have a stage. We have lights, seats. And then one dude's smoking. He's like, I do sound. Yeah. Alex Theater. That's Gus. You did it at Alex Theater.

Yeah. And it was too many people. And then this version is the more stand-up version. This is the more like, this is the more intimate. You know, it's weird. Like we do stand-up in the clubs. That's kind of where we hone the craft and the jokes and all that. Just these dark rooms.

And then when we shoot a special, it's like we go to a completely different field. Yeah, that's weird. You know what I mean? Yeah, it is strange. It's like if you played on, you're a tennis player and you play on concrete. And then for the biggest, to capture what you do, you go, let's do grass. Right. Let's take the lens cap off and let's do grass.

Like how often do you play on grass? You're like, never. Never. I'd almost never do this. But grass is nicer. Yeah, it looks better. Yeah. So I kind of wanted to capture more about like where we actually develop these jokes.

Yeah. So less of a jump to the super polish. And I think less people are doing the raw. And I needed to stand out on this one. Because like people know you and stuff. Like it's great. You know, we've been friends for a long. Yeah, they know.

They know me? They know who you are. All right. That's you. it's great. You know, we've been friends for a long. Yeah, they know. They know me? They know who you are. All right. That's you. Oh, fuck. You had no idea? No. The production team just puts this stuff up

and I really don't look at any of it. That is my face. I've never even noticed that. And that's your name. Fuck. I don't want to pretend to be able to read on this show. Yeah, they do. You're right though.

I know what you're saying is like you need it to pop a little bit more because of who you are and where you are but your positioning I think is you're underrated how about that

oh that's nice you're an underrated comic dude also do you play tennis man I did when you talked about it I was like is this guy a tennis guy yeah

I played on the high school tennis team my dad made me and my brother take tennis lessons wait you played on high school on the team yeah well that's a team? No, no, this is a forehand.

They go, people set up like this, you know? I had a two-handed backhand, though, so I was kind of weak. But no, backhand is always two-handed. No, like... No, this is a forehand. Yes. This way. But some guys can do the straight-up masculine backhand one-hand.

Tough guys, huh? Tough guys. Real tough guys. Not me. And I would go, Was that your tennis noise? No, I wouldn't make the noise. You wouldn't make any noise?

No. I'm too embarrassed, man. I can't grunt. Like some guys at the gym, they'll lift insane weight and go, I would rather do less weight and keep that noise in me. That's such a smart idea.

Yeah, I let it out. Like how much more gains are you getting by being annoying at the gym? Yeah! And you just fucking throw it? I think the gym should be called, ah, fuck. Because that's what I say after and before I start every little mini workout.

Right as I'm done, I go, ah, fuck. And then if I'm about to pick something up or if I'm about to start the row, I always sit down and I go fuck it's every time it's the

ah fuck is what a gym should be to me yeah you know what my new goals are when I was younger it was just to get like ripped and put mass on gains yeah gains

now it's just I just want to do the bare minimum to not be fat yeah yeah I just want to maintain yeah that's all I really want shirts exist I just need to be like fit enough to have a nice silhouette in a shirt. I don't need to have all

the muscles and shit. You just want to be toned. Toned. Yeah. But you have the genetics. Yeah. I guess a little. Yeah. You already are in a good. You too though. I've never seen you out of shape. I've never once. Yeah. I've been out of shape. There's a couple of times I've been out of shape. I was kind of doughy when I was working at Boeing. I was like skinny fat, you know? Oh right, those guys. You know, I'm living on my own for the first time, right? And you have to cook, because before you had mom to make everything. So I discovered Bertolli pasta. Box pasta?

No, it was in a bag. It was in the frozen food section. So you know, you just cut the top off, put it in the pan and it's just like restaurant quality pasta. Is it though? Dude, for a fucking 22 year old, you're like, this is amazing. It's magic. I remember Stouffer's

is what I used to have. Stouffer's. Yeah, we were, I was a little bit, I had a little bit less money than you did at 22. So Stouffer's is what I went for. And then I look at the bag

and I see the calories and I'm like, no shit. 55,000. Yeah. Yeah. No, genuinely, I think it's like 4,000 calories

per one bag. And I'm eating two servings. I'm eating the whole bag. Well, I don't, serving size is bullshit. We know it's bullshit. Serving size is what they've equated to what they think you should be eating based on what? An average accumulation for health. But I'm bigger than most people.

So I weigh more. Daddy gets to eat a little bit more. Do you always add like 500 calories? You're like, I'm a big boy. I'm a big boy. I just feel like I think sometimes they undershoot that. And you're like, come on. Yeah, give me a little more.

Let me have a little bit more. And I don't like it that the number gets in your head. Like we had, we love from Treader Joe's dried mango. You know, they do, you know, dried fruits. And on the thing it says eight pieces is one serving. No, it's not. No, it's fucking not because I eat, and they're this big. And so you eat them and by six or seven, you're like, that's not, that's not.

Yeah. And in your mind, you're like, it's fruit. I can eat as much of this as I want. Yeah. And each piece only has like 64 grams of sugar. Fuck it. You know what I mean? It's like three cans of Coke or something.

So by the end of it, I've had 18 cans of Coke. Big deal. Yeah, come on. Let me live, dude. I don't pay attention to those things anymore. I used to be a little bit more, oh, this has too much, this has fat, or this has this, and then I got over it.

I was actually in the worst shape when I paid too much attention. Instead, I just eat what I know consciously. Like, there's no way that's that good for me. Yeah, I just think about it. I don't like micromanage. I'm just like, yeah, I'm fine. I had a thing. Or I'll just have a chicken. I won't have a burger every day. Well, now that you live alone, what do you cook for yourself the most?

Are you back to Bertolli? No, man. I can't do Bertolli anymore. I'll do a steak. I'll do simple shit. I'll do... Oh, I got an air fryer. And that's a fucking game changer, dude. Dude, everyone has an air fryer. You don't have one? No. Get on it. Do I need to buy one right now on Amazon Live on the show? Yes. Yeah, stop the cameras. Buy it. I think I to buy one right now on Amazon live on the show? Yes. Yeah, stop the cameras.

Buy it. I think I should buy one. So many people have said I should buy one. How much do they cost? Are they expensive? No, it's like a hundred bucks. You probably get one even cheaper. Let me see.

Let me see what an air fryer costs. What are you air frying? All right, here's the sales pitch. Because this is the problem. This sounds like a thing that I'll buy, I'll use four or five times, and I'll put it away in the cabinet and never touch it again. All right, here's my sales pitch for it. Give me the air fryer. Bare minimum, it's my sales pitch for it. Like bare minimum, it's

great for like sides. $100? It's nothing. So if you want tater tots in seven minutes, air fryer. Air fryer. Fries, seven minutes. It's just a quick potato, you know? You can... They should call it quick potato. Quick potato. Yeah. You can... Okay, reheating pizza.

It's like a time machine. I don't do that. You don't reheat pizza? What you're saying is foolishness. Why? What, you'll eat all the pizza? I eat it cold or I've already eaten all of it. I'm not reheating pizza. Cold pizza? Bueno.

Cold pizza is so good. Love cold pizza. I like cold Chinese food and stuff, but I won't do cold. I don't like cold pizza. We don't talk about Chinese stuff on the show. Oh, I'm sorry. Because of what's going on. Oh.

Yeah. Thanks. I'm sorry. We do love, I do love cold Chinese food. You're right. Yeah, that's going on. Yeah, thanks. I'm sorry. We do love, I do love cold Chinese food. You're right. Yeah, that's the best. But it's only because

most of the time my Chinese food, I get a lot of meatless stuff now. So, you know what I mean? I'm trying to cut back on some of the meat because Chinese food,

usually I'm like, give me the deep fried orange peeled chicken. You know, give me crispy beef. General Tso, the best tasting general out there. By far. How is he not a captain at this point? Bro, I ate at beef. General Tso, the best tasting general out there. By far.

How is he not a captain at this point? Bro, I ate at P.F. Chang's the other day. I wanted to watch Top Gun, so I went by myself just because I kept on hearing about how great it is. And I wanted to catch it in theaters before it's gone. Yeah. You P.F. Chang'd beforehand. Well, I was so hungry.

It's one of those things where you haven't done life right and you're really hungry. So I'm like, this is happening. I'm a 38-year-old man and I'm and i'm gonna eat at pf chang's by myself so i treat myself i go above the bowl if i was a teenager all i could afford is really a bowl probably but look i'm doing okay you're killing i'm killing it yeah i just put a youtube special out i'm on whiskey ginger treat yourself treat yourself treat yourself to a two-item plate from P.F. Chang's. I agree.

So I get the broccoli and beef and then the Kung Pao chicken. Whoa, whoa, whoa. What, you got a problem with that or is that? No, no, just two entrees. Two entrees, yeah. Big boy. I'm doing a plate. I'm not doing a bowl.

But do you take the leftovers to go? I eat the fucking whole thing, dude. You ate both entrees? No, no, no. It's one entree, but you get two things. Okay. So I get my little thing, and I'm just eating it at a table, and it's kind of a sad P.F. Chang situation,

but I just got to cram some food in before I take flight. I brought my aviators. Well, what's funny is before the movie started, I had to put my phone in airplane mode and it felt like part of the experience oh wow

like an extension of Top Gun like yeah yeah so I eat this sad P.F. Chang's and in the restaurant if you want to call it that

I noticed two other like sad guys eating P.F. Chang's by themselves and it was this silent camaraderie between all of us. You knew what was going on. They were all Top Gun in it.

I don't know if they were all going to Top Gun or not. Yes, they were. You think they were? They were all ready to take off. Those were my wingmen? Those were your wingmen. And I didn't even know it? That was Goose.

Are you Maverick, by the way? You're Maverick? Yeah, I'm Maverick. You think? I have no idea. I don't think so. What am I? Guys like you and me, we're just not Maverick.

You know what's funny? In all these Top Gun movies, it was great. I saw that movie, you know? So fucking good. Oh, okay, so you saw it. It's great. It's the best action movie

I've seen in a decade. I can't even tell you the last time I went to a movie, because I've seen a lot of other movies that were good in theater. Like, I've talked about it. I think Everything Everywhere All at Once is the best movie I've seen in fucking years. But this is the best action movie, driven action star movie since, I mean, Bond.

Bond was the last time I saw. When was that last Bond that came out? A year and a half, two years ago? I don't even know. Something like that. It was such a throwback. God, it felt so cool. It's almost like, you know, Rocky IV isn't the greatest movie in the world,

but execution-wise, it is a masterpiece. Yes, because it's such a... Think what you will about it, subject matter and cheesy lines or whatever. But in terms of execution, that is the perfect movie. Well, yeah, it's going to be... Will they all hold up anyways?

Because someone in my family hadn't seen Die Hard. And I was like, we got to watch it. And we were home for the holidays and we watched Die Hard. And it's so corny. And so many of the lines are bad. And so much of the story, you're like, was this bad then? And I just didn't care because it was badass.

Yeah. Because a lot of it's shit. And then you're like, maybe it was just because you loved Bruce Willis. Oh, yeah, he carries. You're like, I don't give a fuck. He's so cool. But this kind of stuff, you loved Bruce Willis. Oh yeah, he carries the thing. You're like, I don't give a fuck, he's so cool. But this kind of stuff, you can say,

I think objectively, it's so visually incredible. Even if the acting was dog shit, you'd be like, I don't know, man. Who cares? Seeing those fucking planes do all that. Yeah, it doesn't matter. The acting could have been terrible, it wouldn't have mattered.

Yeah. I was a little kid. I kept going, get him. Whoa, get him. I did. Audibly, I was saying stuff. Push it! Push it, rooster! Harder! Push it! Harder! You've got it! We're either watching a porn or

Top Gun. Yeah. Push it, rooster! Harder! Harder! I was so excited. Let me get your gauge on this. What's your snack order when you go to the movies? I don't snack. Fuck, Fahim, what are you talking about? Well, okay, it's the immigrant parents. You're not allowed to snack. They're already paying top dollar for a movie experience. Like, it was hard enough to get your parents to get you to do that

right and then they're not gonna immigrants are gonna buy food at the place that they went you sneak it in right what are we sneaking in we would do popcorn you'd sneak in a bag of popcorn yeah there's no shame with them like but popcorn's pretty only good when it's hot to me so you cook popcorn at the house and then what, your mom put it in her purse? We had it in a bag. Yeah, yeah, purse is good. Psycho.

Yeah. What else are you sneaking in? We would do candy sometimes. We would go to the, we would go to like the Whole Foods, what's the Whole Foods? Like Safeway and just buy some candy bars, put it in our pockets,

go in. I get the candy. Yeah. But popcorn's gotta be hot. Support popcorn. Support the place with some popcorn. What about a soda? You bring in your own sodas, too?

One time I did bring in a can of pop. They probably knew I was bringing it in with this giant bulge in my... They're like, what is that? I go, I got a giant cock. And I'm 10. Why are you looking down there, mister? I have a cylindrical cock. I have a big giant cock, and it goes in my pocket.

Why is your cock on the side of your leg? That's where our cocks go. Yeah. Racist. Okay, okay. Yeah, side of your leg? That's where our cocks go. That's where, yeah. Racist. Okay, okay. Yeah, yeah, all right. It's auditorium two. It's your culture.

He doesn't fucking understand. I got to get snacks every time I go to the movie theater. Have to. I must get popcorn. And I must get a soda. And I must get a sweet to go along with it. And you drop 50 bucks. Don't care.

Yeah. Don't care. I'm supporting China. AMC, Chinese baby. Yo, it is funny how they're like, alright, we'll take the Taiwanese flag off and then they're like, yeah, we're still gonna ban it. And they go, fuck you guys. It's back on. It's back on. I know. I did like that. That was badass.

Fucking strap it about. I gotta have popcorn. I gotta have a soda. And sometimes I get a chocolate to pair with it. But the problem is I eat it during the previews. So I'm never snacking during the movie. It's annoying if you're watching is, I eat it during the previews. So I'm never snacking during the movie. It's annoying if you're watching,

like if it's an action movie, cool, that'll drown out all the sound. But if you're watching some Oscar contender and you just hear the bag of a Sour Patch Kids and some guy eating nachos, it's not an ASMR experience. I'm trying to watch them, like know what type of movie you're going to watch.

That's true. Snacks depend on the film. And also, I'm sick of the fuck, like know what type of movie you're going to watch. That's true. Snacks depend on the film. And also, I'm sick of the fuck, they're offering too many snacks now. You know what would be great is if they look at your movie ticket and they go,

you can't have these snacks. You're like, why? It's too quiet in there. Like they have a decibel meter. If it's Transformers, eat whatever you want. Transformers,

they're like, pop rocks. You can eat the pop rocks with your mouth open. Just the whole auditorium of people eating pop rocks. They have way too many snacks right now. There was like chicken wings at the one I saw. I think the layers are this.

Candy, popcorn, nachos, and then we start to get into like a hot dog. Yeah, it's okay. Hot dog's okay. Once we go past hot dog, chicken wings or burgers and stuff, what are you talking about? Get a meal before or after the fucking, this is not a place to have a full dinner. That's a good point.

After nachos, you're crossing over into dangerous territory. Like hot dog is still fine, but I'm also like, I don't know, but we'll let it go because it's a part of that snack, you know, that snack level. But once I saw that they were doing wings,

they literally had chicken wings, and I was like, mm-mm-mm. You're just watching the movie like this. Just greasy-ass fingers. Just ribs. Can I get a rack of ribs and a large popcorn? It's absurd. What if it's a combination?

It's sort of how they have those Alamo Drafthouse, but it's for Brazilian barbecue, so they just slice meat off while you're watching a movie. You just have the green. Fogo de Chão meets AMC. Turn your meat cart up when you want meat. Turn it over when you're done. You're done with meat.

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Better, B-E-T-T-E-R, help, H-E-L-P, dot com slash whiskey. And talk to someone within 48 hours. Ginger. I like gingers. Those places are disgusting, by the way. I went one time to a Brazilian steakhouse and they do just serve you meat until you say you don't want anymore

and it's a disgusting amount of beef. It's gross. It's so much. It's just gross. But that's part of the experience. You're going to skip meals and you go, this is my entire meal experience for the day.

I'm saving up for Fogo de Chão. I feel bad about how much meat I'm consuming. When we went to Fogo de Chão, me and the old lady, I'm not kidding, had to shit before we left. My stomach turned over. It was too much. It was like, you got to get this out. That's one of the ad reads you got to do for this as well, right?

You're doing a Fogo de Chão spot. Fogo de Chão, you need to shit bad? Are you clogged up? Fogo de Chão. Anyway, that, yeah, that's, they do, they are paying us well

to say that, which was weird. I thought they wouldn't like that because we talk about pooping at their restaurants. They like you do whatever. It's cool that they let you just go off and do whatever.

Fogo's chill. It's Fogo, man. Fogo Pogo. Actually, that just reminded me. I used to have a Pogo stick competition with a kid, Matt,

my buddy Matt, when we were in fifth grade or something like that. We could see who could pogo the most. We'd go after school to his basement, see who could pogo the most. And I think we set a world record, but we never bothered to reach out to Guinness. Oh, fuck. I think each of us could bounce on that thing like 150, 200 times. Yeah, I was into pogos for maybe a few months, and then I was out.

Did you have a fancy pogo, or are we talking old shitty Pogo? Just the neighborhood. I didn't have one on my own. It was just a neighborhood kid who had one. Again, immigrant kids. Immigrants are not allowed to have Pogos. Yeah. Back in the old country, Pogos are just off limits.

Yeah, exactly. Yeah, I get that. I get it because it's dangerous. You could Pogo onto a mine, and that could be a problem. You could Pogo onto a mine, and that could be a problem. You could pogo onto a mine. That much pressure centralized into one point, it's not good. Right. Yeah.

I guess you could set off an old bomb. I was crawling until I was 20 just to disperse the pressure. Yeah. Because you want to spread it out. You want to spread it out. You don't want too much weight concentrated on one point. I get it. Have you seen this guy on TikTok?

There's a man on the internet who walks on all fours. No. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. What's his thing? For a year. I think he walked on all fours for a- For fun or what?

No, he wants to take it back to his roots, I guess. But honestly, man walks on all fours. This is a guy. He like, I think he did it. I wonder how, yeah. Discover guy who walks on all fours. This is a guy. He like, I think he did it. I wonder how, yeah. Discover guy who walks on all fours. Popular videos on TikTok. This dude, I don't know how long he did it for genuinely.

Day 300 on all fours here. His name is XP Movement. You can take a look at this guy, but day 306. So he's almost reaching an entire year where he's walking on all fours. And can I tell you something? His movement is incredible. This guy can run so fast on all fours. And can I tell you something? His movement is incredible. This guy can run so fast on all fours.

I also like that he has almost a million followers by walking on all fours. Yeah, remember how you cultivated years of joke writing and all that stuff? Yeah, I'm in the wrong business, dude. Should have been walking on all fours. Yeah, I got to walk on all fours. So this is him on a jungle gym. What's that about? I think it's to show that he's a jungle guy.

Okay. Okay. I think it's just to show he's a jungle guy. Okay. Okay. I think it's just to show Day four or all fours Day 300. I mean, it's incredible. All right, he's a fit guy. Super fit.

Mm-hmm. Super fit. I'm obsessed with guys that do alternative ways of working. This is him working out in a weird way. Yeah, I would love if he shows up to a date like this.

I'm walking out on all fours. She's like waiting at this like fancy French restaurant and he's like, hey, are you Denise? Kevin? Yeah. And he just comes in on all fours. Do's like waiting at this like fancy French restaurant and he's like, hey, are you Denise? Kevin? Yeah. And he just comes in on all fours.

Do you mind if we eat on the ground? Um, I was, I was thinking we could eat inside. Does he do mo-cam for Planet of the Apes? Yeah, he does, yeah. That's how he made his fortune? Yeah.

By the way, he's impressive. He's going to get himself a job without a doubt. He's going to, he's going to lock into a fucking, you know, Avatar will need him for a spinoff. Dude, even

school assemblies would be like, this is the monkey guy! You guys wanna see me? You guys wanna see me walk on all fours across the gym? Yeah! Everyone's gotta capitalize on their weird, obscure talents, or the lack thereof. Now you can capitalize on the lack of talent. If you don't have a talent,

you can capitalize on the fact that you're talentless. It's kinda beautiful. You can find a very specific niche. That's the beauty of TikTok, I guess. if you don't have a talent you can capitalize on the fact that you're talentless it's kind of beautiful you can find a very specific niche that's the beauty of TikTok I guess TikTok or Reels whatever you just find one thing

and just get really good at it or not even good at it but just maybe it's just funny maybe it's you slipping on a banana at a grocery store and you just have like a hundred videos of that that could go viral

it will because people are like oh that's a banana guy I love these videos at some, that could go viral. It will. Cause people are like, oh, that's a banana guy. I love these videos. At some point it will go viral. Like even that, uh, someone sent me that Kyle Rittenhouse kid. You know that kid? Hilarious. I love his stuff. One of the funniest. One of the fun. What if he parlayed that in a standup? His special is really good. His standup special is really good. No, he's got a video game. He's doing a video game. First person. Yeah. It's a first person shooter. Oh, okay. I'm dead serious.

No, it isn't? Yes, it is. No. No, but he shoots turkeys out of the sky. Oh, okay. The fake news turkeys or something. That makes sense. Somebody sent it to me the other day.

And you're like, well, this is exactly what the internet does breed. It's like, it's always going to give an opportunity. Whether you hate someone or not, they're going to make some money on the fucking internet. If they're famous enough for almost nothing, they're going to make some fucking money on the internet. Well, like the Cash Me Outside girl. She does the OnlyFans. She's a billionaire.

Breaks OnlyFans. Yeah. How crazy Dr. Phil just, he made that. Yeah, so we can blame him a little bit, huh? Well, he probably thought he was teaching her a lesson. Like, all right, you're on the show. I'm going to talk some sense into you. And she's like, cash me outside.

Okay. She's delusional. And now she has more money than Dr. Phil Everill. For sure, yeah. For doing way less work. I think somebody said she made $50 million. We looked it up one time on Bad Friends. I think she made $50 million in a year.

Jesus. Yeah, God bless. Good for her. Good for her. Well, you know what I mean? I'm not willing to get on OnlyFans and show my chochito. I don't want to do it. Yeah.

You had an OnlyFans for a little while. For a little bit. But I mean, I was doing a lot of crazy sex stuff and acts. And I was getting maybe like $30 for the year. A year? For everything. Oh, fuck. And I'm like, that's a lot of work.

Because sex work is work. It is. Um, for $30 it's not really worth it. No. I don't think that's worth your time. I could have a real job, and not have to put those things in me. I know, but I did subscribe to your buttplug videos

for like a week. I got in, got out. I'm not gonna lie, because you wouldn't increase the gauges. You can't keep putting in the same size. That's the problem. Yes, but there's a limit to, you know, the contraction of my muscles and stuff. It's hard.

Sounds like a guy that doesn't want it that much. Like I want it. I don't think so, bud. I consulted my doctor and everything and he was like, if you do this, you may never be able. You think Steph Curry just was like,

I'm shooting too many jump shots. No. You shoot until you cannot shoot anymore. Yeah, but Steph Curry with the jump shots doesn't run the risk of never being able to poop properly again. Doesn't he, though? You don't know how hard those things are on his body.

Jump shots? Oh, yeah. So you think I should, like, revisit it? I do. I do. What if the money doesn't increase? It's not about the money, dude. You're such a corporate fucking sellout.

It's not about money. It's about love and passion for butt plugs. It's about expanding your anus and showing your fans love. What if it expands so much that it never contracts and then it's like sliding out all the time and then it's a problem when I live a normal life? Then you sell that like we just talked about. You sell that talent. Then you're the guy

with the open butthole at the auditorium after the guy who crawls on all fours. We got the guy who crawls on all fours and the banana slip guy, but the headliner tonight, open ass guy. Oh shit, this guy's insane. Stuff just falls out of his ass all the time. He can't help it. You think I would be headliner?

For sure. Who's going to be above that guy? And schools would still hire me and stuff? Absolutely, dude. It's high school now. Anybody can be anything they want. Yeah, they do watch Euphoria and that's pretty advanced

and they're being exposed to a lot of crazy stuff early on. So that's kind of tame, the open asshole thing. Open asshole thing fits right into what's going on culturally. And you think teachers would be okay with it

and the principal and stuff? You better believe it. Okay. Looks like we got a new business. Cheers, man. All right, man, I'm back. I want 10%. Okay, that's fair.

I mean, you gave me the idea. I was going to give up on it. 20%. Well, I thought we agreed. You keep talking, I'm going to 30. Good man. What a bully.

Imagine if your agents were like, we're taking 20% and you're like, wait, what? They're like, hey, if you keep commenting, we're going to go higher. He's going to go higher.

I won't say anything. I'm still making 30 a year and you're taking 20% of my gauging butthole videos. I want what I want. Like, you're doing so well, you so don't need that. It's just such a power move.

Like, look, I want 20% of Fahim's butthole videos. But Santino, you're doing so well with Bad so don't need that. It's just such a power move. Like, look, I want 20% of Fahim's butthole videos. But Santino, you're doing so well with Bad Friends and Whiskey Ginger and Touring and Dave.

You're missing the point, dude. Look, a deal's a deal. A deal is a deal. He shook on it. I put my hand right in his ass and knocked it around

for a second. Did we lose some listeners with the ass stuff? I think we gained some. I think we gained a few. Yeah. More than anything. I think we gained more of, my audience, what are they like? I think we gained some. I think we gained a few. Yeah. More than anything. I think we gained

more of, my audience, what are they like? Gaping assholes. There's a live studio audience. You guys can't know. There was a warm up guy and everything. Gaping assholes. I remember the first show I did as a guest star and

looking at live studio audiences, it was so sad to me because in your mind, you're like, wow, this is so cool. They get to see a live show. And then you see that they've kept them there for like 40 hours

and they've given them, you know, maybe a Twinkie to eat, like a ramen out of the bag. You know what I mean? Not even- It's hard and there's the packet and they rip it open. And it's like-

It did make me sad I was like oh these poor people they definitely don't want to sit and watch us go through this shit I wanted to do a bit cause like I've been a part of a studio audience like you know when you're on a sitcom or something and you see the bleachers and they're all there like if you want to see someone lose the glamour

of Hollywood see the glint out of their eye go to a live taping. Because all of them come in just so enamored with Hollywood. It's this magical place. Like, golly, this is where they shoot TV. Friends. They shot Friends here.

Because they repurposed the stages. It'll be like stage 14. Roger. Yeah. Two and a half man. Friends. And they're just like, Yeah. Two and a half man. France. And they're just like, whoa, oh, that's a real set.

It's so cool to them. And then they sit through a live tape. They really abuse these people because they're sitting there for like six hours. And so it's fun for them for the first like, you get to see the,

the veneer disappear. Right. So they're like into it, into it, and then they're looking at their watch. And I've been at tapings and stuff where they've been there. The human body can only take so much. Yeah. And they fucking hate Hollywood by the end of it. Right.

Because they're like, I want to leave. You can't leave. We gave you a Subway sandwich. $25 and a Subway sandwich, we told you. And it was a foot long. You can take half home. Eat the half and shut the fuck up. You had two, and I'm not even saying anything. I'm not gonna

tell the others you had two. And just some guy from Iowa has to sit down. He's like, I wanna leave. I wanna see my kids. I wanna go back to the Hilton at Universal Studios. No. You shut up, Tim. You shut up and you laugh. Okay, we're gonna do some alt lines now. We're doing pickups. I wanna get out of here.

I hate Hollywood. You see those bad bodied people? Those are all the writers. They're gonna throw alts. You know what it is? Because I've been to enough tapings where anybody you see in a blazer, in a huddle,

those are writers. Writers. And they're just pitching alts. Like, what if you say, say, that's my cream cheese. And the actors do it again. Or you see an actor go, I don't really, I don't like cream cheese. I don't, I've never liked cream cheese. And the actors do it again. Or you see an actor go, I don't really,

I don't like cream cheese. I don't, I've never liked cream cheese. And the writers always got to go, oh, that's, no, that's fine.

Yeah, no, we were just, just one for safety. And then, just like try it. And then, and then we'll do your,

your way afterwards. But it's like one in the can. And then, and then we're, and then we're good. And then you guys can have fun. I never had to do that. Did you do background?

I never did background. But I, yeah. I never fell into that. I know a lot of people that were like, that's how you learn the business. And you're like, I don't know. By like sitting at a table and going. Yeah. There's people that know. Isn't there a phrase you're supposed to say to make it sound like you're really talking?

Abracadabra. Oh, really? Let's see what you say. I thought it was peas and peas and something. Go ahead. Let me see abracadabra. Keep saying it over. See? Let me and peas and something. Go ahead. Let me see abracadabra. Keep saying it over. See? Let me try peas and something. I'm saying something. Are you saying peas and something? Peas, please.

Peas, please. Pass the peas, please. It is kind of a hard art because some background people can't even fake just being in the background. Like they're so... Right. Like they forget how normal people act. So they'll be like. Yeah.

And if you go to lunch somewhere, nobody is that animated. And sometimes people are so over the top, the director has to be like, oh, I got cut, cut. A guy in the red, stop that with the hands. Cut it out, please.

That has got to be the most mortifying feeling. The most embarrassing. Because you're supposed to be like, oh, I got cut, cut. A guy in the red, stop that with the hands. Cut it out, please. That has got to be the most mortifying feeling. The most embarrassing. Because you're supposed to be invisible when you're a background actor. Yeah. If they have to say,

cut, invisible guy, you're visible. You're very visible. Yeah. You're too visible. Do this, it's got to be like, oh, fuck,

because you're already walking on eggshells to be there. Yeah, you think it's over. You think your career's over. In here, we pour whiskey. This episode of the Whiskey Ginger Podcast is brought to you by Zippix.

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when I was a PA, the perspective from being on like both sides of it, of watching like actors come in and looking to read for movies at this studio this studio it was so crazy because like huge names now would come in that then weren't big like cooper bradley cooper megan fox people that like weren't really famous famous yet and it was wild to watch them do the same kind of you know nervous weird dance that we do yeah on the other side and then they just exploded and we're still in the same spot.

But it's okay. And that's okay. That's okay. And that's okay. Yeah. Yeah. It's not that big of a deal. Everyone.

Everyone's got their own path. Everyone's got their own path. Everyone's got their own path. You know, some of it's YouTube and other people's like blockbusters and TV shows and stuff. But like at the end of the day, it's a screen. It kind of works out to be the same. It's visual and you watch me on it. You wanted to put it on YouTube though. We talked when you, your special, you would, you preferred it on YouTube because you said you had more control, which is totally true.

Well, it was this thing like the landscape changes. We've been doing standup for a while and there was a way to do it when we first got into it. Oh yeah. There's only one way. There's only one way. And there was all these gatekeepers and there's traditional media and you had to get that person to subscribe to you to like like what you do to be able to get on the platform whether it's comedy central netflix but now everything is so fractured yeah and tiktok and instagram and youtube exists um like i could have sold this to a streamer, not like a big one like Netflix or something, but maybe a Tubi or a Comedy Central

or a Peacock or something. But that's short money because I might make a little bit of money, but I'm doing okay financially. I didn't want it to be in comedy jail. I just wanted it to be like running water where if somebody hears about it, they can just type it in and see it and see it for free. Yeah. Cause the CISO one I did back in the day, like nobody knew what CISO was. There was a paywall. So no one was ever going to see it. Yeah. So I didn't want a repeat of that. I just wanted, I valued exposure

over everything else. Right. Yeah, especially when you're not a household name or nobody knows who you are. We're at a point now where it's kind of borrowing from music with like SoundCloud rappers and everything. You gotta just put it out there and hopefully people

gravitate towards it. That's the only shot you got at breaking through. Right. If you're trying to make money and be protective over your content, if there's friction between you and the content

nowadays as an unknown, you're limiting, you're clipping your own wings. Like, no one's gonna see it. Right.

Man, you love bird analogies. I love birds. You're such a bird guy. I'm a big bird. That's why I love Larry Bird. Oh, really? Yeah, big, big, I never even watched him play basketball, bird guy. I'm a big bird. That's why I love Larry Bird. Oh, really? Yeah, big, big.

I never even watched him play basketball, but I just, I like the name. You're just big into birds. Big bird. Yeah, big, big bird. That's my favorite Sesame Street guy. The big bird? The big bird. That obvious meth addict?

Yeah. No, he was on, they said, I think they found out. Did you see the behind the street? Behind the street. Yeah, that goes beyond. It's called beyond the Street, I think. Oh, Beyond the Street. Because you know sesame seeds.

You know sesame is from, you know sesame seeds come from the opium. Right. It's an opioid. So they talk about the darkness on Sesame Street. Yeah, just how most of those characters were on something. Yeah. You know, Bert and Ernie, you know, were,

they've come out to be a gay couple that everybody knows that abused, um, intravenous drugs. Um, you know, Oscar the Grouch was obviously had a, an awful alcohol problem, was a big drinker. Well, he was able to conceal it in the trash can, but we knew you could smell it on that guy. And also why are you, why are you in a trash can if things are great? Right. Get, get out of the trash can. But Big Bird was on heroin. There's no doubt in my mind. His legs were so skinny.

If you free some of the frames, you can see the track marks and stuff. It's kind of sad. It's so sad. Big Bird does sound like a drug dealer, by the way. It's like, yo, where do you get that good shit? You know Big Bird's got it. Oh, Big Bird's got it? Yeah, Big Bird. He'll drop you that good shit. He's the plug for sure. And Elmo was definitely on coke. Oh, Big Bird's got it. Yeah, Big Bird. He'll drop you that good shit. He's the plug for sure. Caw-caw. Caw-caw. Caw-caw.

Caw-caw. Caw-caw. Caw-caw. Caw-caw. Caw-caw. Caw-caw. Caw-caw. Caw-caw.

Caw-caw. Caw-caw. And Elmo was definitely on Coke. Or Adderall. Or Elmo just got passed around. Oh, Elmo got fucking pumped by everybody. I don't want to do it this time. That tickles.

Shut the fuck up, Elmo. That's why I like it. Keep laughing. The dark side behind the street. Behind the street. That would be so funny to watch a behind the street about Mount Sesame Street. That is true, by the way. They did come out and say that Bert and Ernie were gay or that they were.

I don't remember. They did a public. I'm dead serious. They did like a public release saying they were. Do you think that's what they were from the jump or did they just sort of lean into the opportunity? Yeah. No, no, no, no. I think they were Bert and Ernie gay.

I think they were gay. I think they wanted indeed a gay couple. Sesame Street. Why don't we ask them for ourselves? Bert and Ernie gay. I think they were gay. I think they wanted indeed a gay couple. Sesame Street. Why don't we ask them for ourselves? Bert and Ernie. Bert and Ernie. Hey.

This turns into Maury. No, it says right here. The writer claims the former Sesame Street writer Mark Saltzman said Bert and Ernie's relationship was modeled after his own

with his life partner. There you go. Facts are facts are facts, dude. Yeah, I mean also, you know, they were too old to be roommates. I think because we were young we were like, oh, they're just buddies.

And then you realize you're like, these two figures seem to be like in their 30s. You know, isn't it funny? You ask yourself questions when you get older that you just never ask as a kid. You just take things at face value. One thing I noticed too is when I was a kid, because people are, people have different financial situations. But when you're a kid, you don't care, really. You just know, oh, my friend Blake, he has intercoms at his house,

and his pantry has so many snacks. Right. And you just tell your parents this, and you don't know why. You don't even think to ask, what does your dad do? How do you get all this? Yeah, you don't even, you just, oh, cool.

You have Super Nintendo Genesis and all these stuff you just assume they just got more stuff yes you don't question how they got it

or how this is possible you just know Blake's family has nicer things and snacks and a bigger house and you don't know why right

but when you're an adult first question you ask is what does Blake's dad do?, what does Blake's dad do? Yeah, what does Blake's dad do? Is he a drug dealer? Or you need to make sense of how this is happening. Why he's got all that money. But as a kid, you're like, cool.

He has fruit by the foot. Yeah. All the time. They never run out. You can walk into his pantry. You know how ours is just a door? It's so true. There's a light.

Yeah, they have a light. And it goes all the way back. And things are separated into jars, and there's a woman there who's there all the time. Behind the counter. A counter? And she says, what do you have? And they have an icy machine?

What do you have? Like a fully functional icy machine? Well, two of them, actually. Yeah, for blue and red. I like blue. It's my favorite. Sometimes I drink it so much, my brain hurts. Was Blake your friend

that had all the things yeah I could tell that that was a real name Jeff we knew a kid named Jeff I can't say his last name but Jeff lived in a beautiful brick house

and in his basement had a fucking a coke a coke bottle machine oh shit cause I love I mean coke in a bottle come on

and he had candy machines down there and he had pinball and he had probably they probably had six or seven different pinball and arcade machines in his basement it was fucking insane i still to this day i have no idea what jeff's dad did that's now that i'm older i want to know i wish i could have

retroactively cared about that stuff it's too it's you know too much time has passed for me to know what he does and then i think it was mind-boggling to me. He had an N64, and he didn't want to share that one with his sister, so his sister had a different N64. She got her own. Yeah. Wow. Two N64s. Wow.

And I couldn't even have one. Getting an extra controller was a big ask. I remember on the N64, because it's four slots, right? Yeah. And so it comes with two, or no. No, it comes with one or two.

It came with one or two. I don't remember, and then you had to buy a secondary one. Yeah. If you don't play GoldenEye with four people, or no. No, it comes, one or two. It came with one or two, I don't remember. And then you had to buy a secondary one. Yeah, if you don't play GoldenEye with four people or Star Fox. Yes. And by the way, everybody wanted a color controller because the original N64, the gray thing was shit because then they had like gold and green and red and blue.

And those are so much cooler for no reason. It was just color. But I remember asking for an extra controller. And my mom was like, we'll see. We'll see was such a mom answer about anything. Like, you know what I mean? Like, we'll see. And you're like, that means yes.

I just have to be good for this whole week. No, I knew we'll see means no. Oh, see, we'll see means yes for me. But you have to be good. I have to like turn a leaf and like really strive to be like, I can help with the groceries. And my mom's like, Hmm, good. There's this, uh, like Afghan phrase that means like, we'll see, or essentially means the same thing. And my mom would say it all the time. Whenever I would ask for something, I'd be like, mom, can I get a Sega Genesis? And she'd be like,

but Chisholm, but Chisholm, yeah, but Chishishim, which means like by my eye or something. It's some sort of like metaphor or something. Yeah. But I just knew whenever I heard Bachishim, it means it's not going to happen. Ah, different. That's different than my we'll see. Nice. Your, your Bachishim is my mom saying, I don't know. Or, hey mom, could I have a, I really want a Genesis. What do you think? Do you need it? What would she say? What's our bachishim?

What's my white bachishim? It's like the phrase white bachishim. My white bachishim. It was more like, we'll see to me was like a, yeah, we'll see how the week goes. And if you're doing good. So there was hope with we'll see. Yeah, we'll see there's always a little bit of hope. Just you can't fuck up. But if you fuck up,

you know, if I got in trouble again, then it's like, buddy. Did you have to get good grades? Almost never did. Did they stress upon you? You had to? Like, were you fearful if you didn't get good grades? I was a B and C kid in high school with like a couple of A's. What would happen if you got a C? What would

your parents do? It depends on the subject. So really, they cared about what subject it was. If it was like a subject where it's like, yeah, he would get a C in that. If they believe your teacher, they go, yeah, he is pretty fucking stupid. Yeah, that's a C. That's what he does. That's a C effort. But in college, I got A's and B's because I liked all the shit I took.

So it was just obvious. It was so obvious that I just didn't fucking give a shit. That's what my grades reflected. Didn't care. I could get by just fine. And I got by with like a 2.9. Like it was just a, it was like a B minus average. And I was fine with it. I just didn't want to put in the extra effort because I was an athlete and I love drugs and partying. And I was like, if I can get by with B's, B's and C's get degrees, daddy. Yeah, that's true. You were a straight A student, I know.

Not straight. I mean, I could have a B here and there, but if I got a C, my life was over. So, yeah. I was fearful of getting... What's the phrase in Afghan for you're in trouble? Like, you're fucked. What's a you're fucked? You're fucked. Or like, you know,

you know the... I don't know about... There's no precursor to you're fucked. Usually they're already into it. It's like 0 to 60. It'll be like, you'll start hearing the insults out the gate, which is like, oh shit. Is that your phone to come to this podcast? Maybe, yeah. So it'll be like, do the pushups.

Fahim sets an alarm to do pushups every 15 on the nose and it is, it's 15 after, isn't it? I'm trying to get shredded. you're trying to get jacked they'll say like khak basaret khak basaret khak basaret

khak basaret what is that? dirt on your head which means like drop dead so it's kind of like you're underground oh shit

that's dark yeah yeah that is dark and there's padaranalat padaranalat I forgot what that means you sound like great restaurants on Melrose I think I've been to padaranalat yeah that'd be great just open forgot what that means. You sound like great restaurants on Melrose.

I think I've been to Padaranalat. Yeah, that'd be great. Just open up a franchise of like kebab places and they're all insults that I would hear as a child. Chakbasaret. They go, all these Hollywood types, like agents, like how about we meet at a Chakbasaret? You have to go to Chakbasaret.

It's so good. Have you had the tabbouleh at Chakbasaret? It's so good. What's the dirt on your head? Chakbasaret. So when you leave, you're like, you have to go to Haq Basadet. It's the new hot spot.

When you're done eating, they literally put like dirt on your head. I think it's a blessing from their country. This guy with a beard, he comes out and like he doesn't speak English or anything, but he kind of sizes you up. Then he takes dirt out of his pocket and he puts it on your head.

And it's like, I don't know where they get the dirt. I don't know if it's Hollywood dirt or if they fly it in I think they fly it in from where they're from yeah and I think like a shaman blesses it or something

or a guru one of those brown people but it's fucking amazing like you gotta go to this place you have to try it it's so good yeah my psoriasis went away after the dirt

there's something there's a line now because I think it has healing power it does have healing powers and everybody wants my favorite is they have no idea what part of the world that's a line now because I think it has healing power. It does have healing powers. And everybody wants it. My favorite is they have no idea where, what part of the world that's in. They're like, I think it's like Belgium or something.

I have no idea. Or like one of the stands. One of the stands. One of the stands. That's a good name for a restaurant. One of the stands. Welcome to one of the stands. Wait, but Hak Basaret.

Hak Basaret. Padaranalat. Padaranalat. These are all new restaurant chains. And then What is that? That means like go get lost. Like go fuck off.

Yeah. And I hear these all in my dad's voice. You're your dad. But he would never say Like what's fuck? Is there a fuck? I don what's fuck is there a fuck I don't know if there's a fuck not really

what's the worst word that you can say I don't know I mean those are pretty up there that's what I would hear I don't know if I would get anything more vulgar than that you probably wouldn't say that to a child you wouldn't say like get fucked to a child yeah you do out here buddy that's a child you wouldn't say like get fucked to a child yeah you do out here buddy

that's exactly how you reprimand a kid get fucked you little idiot dad can I have a Sega? get fucked love you yeah thanks dad it's worth trying get fucked

we're gonna open up a chain of restaurants they're gonna be all Afghan phrases if you like we're opening up our new brand We're going to open up a chain of restaurants that are going to be all Afghan phrases. Chak Basaret. Chak Basaret. If you like Chak Basaret, we're opening up our new brand called Padaranalat. Downtown. Right next to whose theater? The Alex Theater. The Alex Theater. Before coming to a show, go to Padaranalat.

And then catch a show at the Me Theater. I'm Alex. By the way, all these transitions are old. The star wipes. Yeah, the star wipes. Some star wipes so my favorite that's how i taught i taught myself on all that stuff on all those editing programs that were oh yeah and the only thing you knew how to do was like swipe or dissolve i grew up with video productions like i took those classes i've always been into this shit yeah so you know over the camera fucking news team five cameras that we would with vhs you know what i thought about the other day?

Remember how growing up they would have these news teams and they're like, first on the scene, Action 5, and they would have video of like the whole news team popping out of a van? Yeah. That doesn't exist anymore because everyone just pulled their phone out. Right. This is the news. Yeah.

This is the news. You have every, a news team, we're like Agent Smiths. We're like. I'm the news team. Like, oh, cool. And then straight to Twitter. You know what's so funny about that, though? I feel so bad

when they do do somebody that goes on the scene. Like, there was a woman at USC, and I barely watch the news unless it's left on because of Jeopardy. And it's a woman, and she's like talking about something prevalent to the college, to the world of college education. And then she's like talking about something prevalent to the college to the world of college education and then she's like live from usc it's gonna and you're like why did they make this fucking lady go to school go to the campus there was no need there was literally no need i never understood it my favorite one that sticks out of my brain is serene branson

shout out to serene branson one of my favorite news reporter segments i don't know if you've seen this but she had like not a stroke. They found out it wasn't a stroke. That's good. But on air, she was like had a mental lapse. I can't even remember what it was called, but she was like, we're going to go ahead and get to the pit. And she couldn't speak.

Have you never heard this before? No. Holy shit. I feel like the news team. And I'll play you the audio because it's like Serene Branson. Look at this. There you go. It's the first thing that comes up.

How annoying must that be for her? You type my name in. She's like as herself just thinking. That's like her worst moment. That's her legacy. Yeah. And she's out front of Staples Center, which also bothered me the most.

But she's, hold on. I have to play the, okay, here's the audio. The pages are blurry. And I could notice that my thoughts were not forming the way they normally do. Let's go ahead. Let's go ahead. To have the pit.

I love that there's a behind the music over this moment. Well, she's talking to another news reporter about. No, fuck that. She's talking to another news reporter about that moment, but it's just the craziest shit. What if when she's trying to explain what happened, it happens again? Like, how many times does he have to make a move? Well, she's explaining it.

She's trying to, like, set the record straight. She's like, how many times does he have to make a move? All right, here's the one. I want you to see it. Here it is. Here it is. Okay, this is the full one. This is crazy.

CBS2's Serene Branson is live at the Staples Center with highlights and backstage coverage we're seeing for the very first time. Serene. Well, a very, very heavy heavy rotation tonight. We had a very derisive fight. Let's go to Tara's for the pet.

Holy shit. To this day, it's still the most stunning. Here's the craziest part about it. That's fascinating, huh? It wasn't, they found out it wasn't a stroke. She just had like a migraine lapse. There was like a firing that misfired. They like did a whole diagnosis on her

and she's come out and publicly said it wasn't a stroke. They said it wasn't, it was just like a misfiring of the brain, maybe because of dehydration, low sugar. They like equated it to 10 different things, but couldn't literally figure out what it was. That's interesting, because she was kind of making words.

While you're watching that, you're like, she's saying words that I just don't know. Right. Terrorist stays in, cats head to the pit, red to pit. That maybe lasted three seconds or five seconds. In her mind? Or just in reality, but that must have been a lifetime

when it's coming out of her mouth. Yes. And she's trying to, why isn't this over? You're probably having all those thoughts meaning like, I'm dying. I just had a stroke. This is live TV.

Yeah, my life is over. This is live TV, my job. Like all these things are like, well, I guess my life is ending literally. Have you ever had a brain fart on stage where you're like, fuck, have I? Sometimes I've done shows

where I'm like, did I say this joke on this set or was it on the set before? Because they're doing, when I used to do six set weekends, when you do two Thursday, two Friday, two Saturday, sometimes one Sunday, I've done shows where I'm like did I say this joke on this set or was it on the set before because they're doing if you when I used to do six set weekends when you do two Thursday two Friday two Saturday sometimes one Sunday I've done seven and like by the fucking third night sixth show my brain is like did I already say this or was that two nights ago that's where you really start to lose your sense of reality when somebody's like well thank you Cleveland and they're like

this is Cincinnati and you're like honestly it on the like, this is Cincinnati. And you're like, honestly. I've been on the road. I've been there though where I'm like, God, where are we? Where the fuck are we? Because you're like, hotel, van, van, hotel, plane, plane, van, hotel. And your mind kind of goes numb.

And you're like, I don't even know what theater I'm at. Because you're there just for a few hours even. And you get the fuck out. So everyone else lives there. It's like,

of course you should know that you're in Cleveland. Right. But like, all you're seeing is plane, car, airport. Hotel. You don't even see Cleveland. Right. But like all you're seeing is plane, car, airport. Hotel. You don't even see Cleveland.

Right. In your visual anywhere. No, it doesn't even enact. So sometimes on stage I'll have those moments where I kind of get a little like, I'm watching myself say the words because it's coming out like pre-planned. But then I'm thinking like,

have I done this joke? You know what will happen sometimes when we were younger comics probably didn't handle it as well where you're trying to think what bit comes next, right? And just you're so panicky when you first start doing stand-up, just your bits

are life preservers, right? Because you can't swim between the islands yet. So you're kind of blanking and when you're on, it feels like an eternity. Yeah. But now we're at a point

where even if you forget, you can just stay in the pocket for a bit, maybe talk to a guy and you're calm enough to know like, oh, I'll catch it. It'll click back.

And even if you don't, you can do some crowd work to buy yourself some time until you catch another joke. It will level out. It will level out. You can be calm enough and it's almost like

how Marines train to be underwater and not have that feeling. Yes. So yeah, when you're a younger comic, you're just like... And then you would panic and then you couldn't think of your next bit and then that's the train wreck. Yes.

That's the equivalent. Equivalent of what Serene Branson had. By the way, those old Marine things doing those training upside down, I saw Miles Teller do a whole thing about Tom Cruise wanted them to train for a Top Gun in those kind of tanks and stuff in case an accident happened and stuff like that. He's like, you should know what that feels like.

And Miles Teller, I guess, went along with it, but at some point was also like, hey man, we're fucking actors. I'm not a fucking Marine. Yeah, I don't have to do the Tom Cruise thing. I'm not going to drown on accident for a role. But also, props to Tom Cruise. I gotta gotta say made me love him so much more i was like this is the last movie star like he's the last one of that generation of a star yeah because because honestly he wanted to do all the shit for real it felt so genuine and legit the knowledge was there the the you know the the vernacular sounded so official and real the only guy that

threw me off in the film i guess i shouldn't say ah people have seen it by now and if you don't you've seen the cast online but john ham uh he's so john ham to me that i can't get lost anymore with him you know how some characters some actors like it's hard to see them as anybody but who they but you know their name their real name yeah we're like tom cruise man i it i know it's hard to see them as anybody but who they but you know their name their real name yeah we're like tom cruise man i it i know it's tom cruise but it's not on the movie it's not you know what i mean i always do think that's such a bizarre human trait that we have where we like to see the same person be different people in theory if you're trying to depict a story or something in movies you would have an unknown actor

who is amazing to truly escape and tell the story. Because you wouldn't know who that is. Because we know Tom Cruise is not the guy from Magnolia, is not the guy born on the 4th of July, the guy from Top Gun,

and all these. We know that he's not this guy he's portraying. But we're like, let's see him pull it off this time. Let's see if he convinces me that he's this person, even though I know he's not this person. He's so good at it, though. Well, all great actors, well, movie stars,

it's just this human tendency. There's a certain star quality that we're like, all right, I want to see him be Sully Sullenberg now. Right. I want to see Castaway, I want to see Forrest Gump be Sully Sullenberg. He did it. I thought he was Sully Sullenberg. He did it. He really did. I thought he was Sully Sullenberg.

So did I. I bought it. I do think he's, but I think it's because guys like Tom Hanks are handsome enough, but also don't have such defining characteristics where you would get lost being like, Jesus Christ, that's all I can look at.

Like with The Rock, I'm like, he's fucking, that's The Rock. He'll never be able to escape. You're huge. You're this massive creature like you know what i mean you have to kind of be a little subtle you have to be like handsome but subtle because otherwise then i just know i just all i see is you brad pitt's probably the hottest guy that's so good at escaping to a role he's the where i still see the character instead of brad

pitt yeah he's the biggest movie star hottest character actor like the guy who rides that line between leading man and also excellent character actor capability um like what he did in oceans and stuff you're like how was he able to take a back seat to all those other actors and have most of his most of his scenes be about eating and he still was dope i think it's cool how how much he likes comedy and stand-up like he was at sagura's show. Remember that old video where he just loved Jackass and he went along with the prank of

they're at Pink's Hot Dog. Right. And they're like, is that Brad Pitt? He's like, hey, what's up guys? And the van pulls up. Kidnap him.

And they kid, he's like, get off me. So good. They just kidnapped Brad Pitt. This guy's on his flip phone, you know, and he's like,

hello, 901. They just, they kidnapped Brad Pitt. Where was he? At Pink's Hot Dog. Pink's Hot Dog. There's literally no chance. There's no chance. Imagine, imagine coming to Hollywood and being like, you, 901. They kidnapped Brad Pitt. Where was he? At Pink's Hot Dog. Pink's Hot Dog. I'll save you, Brad.

There's no chance. Imagine coming to Hollywood and being like, you won't believe it. Brad Pitt was at Pink's Hot Dog. But how cool to see that. Yeah, because most movie stars wouldn't want to. They're like, hey, I'm above it. Well, I think also the Jackass flip

was the advent of the internet getting hot as fuck too. So Jackass kind of introduced a new market of like celebrities wanting to be in the inside baseball. For years celebrities wanted to be hidden. Yeah. You know and now That's kryptonite. It's so crazy nowadays access is the new mystique. Now they're all on fucking Cameo

Yeah they're all doing podcasts too You can get anybody on Cameo. Yeah Yeah I know yeah the podcast thing is fucking leave this alone this is ours. Fuck off I love, I know. Yeah, the podcast thing is fucking leave this alone. This is ours. Fuck off. I love Tim Dillon's rant on the podcast. He was like, leave it alone. This is our thing.

It is our thing. We've been saying this for years. When people started to sneak into it, you're like, this is what we do. We're the ones that did this thing. I'm not saying they can't do it. I'm just saying don't do it. It's like a guy who's a model who's fucking threes. You're like, hey, leave these. That's ours.

Those are our snacks. That guy who's a model who fucks threes. Go away. Get out of here. Go to your Vogue party, okay? Yeah, we can't get into those things. Just leave me in the cracker barrel alone. This is where I clean up. This is my

thing, dude. Leave us alone. It is really our thing. Dylan's right, though. It is like, well, we've also been doing it for years. I mean, you know, like this has been a wealth of time we've put into these machines. Well, it's almost, it fits like a glove. It's this perfect companion to stand up because we've spent our lives writing bits and speaking to crowds and that's what we do yeah you know yeah and the podcast is just sort of a loose form of you have to be so refined on

stage with your thoughts the order construction and jokes that it's not as forgiving as a podcast but comedians doing podcasts is still more entertaining than say just like a guy who's like a banker or something because you have so much experience in comedic talking although my next guest is a banker he is but he rips he's fucking he's the king of wells fargo yeah speaking of which you know joe coy worked at a bank no for real yeah yeah he used to work at the bank that my wife used to go to and she was like yeah joe coy was like my teller for years back when she worked at uh sports club sports club sports club yeah on the west side she was like yeah joe coy was at a bank i don't even know remember which one i was i think it was wells fargo he used to steal money though that's uh and that's how he got rich people are like oh

he's selling out arenas like no dude he stole money and paid for all those people to be there when he tells his job that's why i got the job just to case the joint and do an inside job type deal. I don't think he told anybody. I shouldn't have mentioned Yeah, we shouldn't have said anything.

We'll edit it out, right? But it's not that big of a deal. No, no, it's already in. This is going out. It's already out. Oh, it's out? This is live. This show is live.

Okay. Sorry, Joe. I didn't know that it would go out. That's fine. Joe with no E. I guess someone else is going to have

to do your arenas. What if that's how it worked? They go, Joe, go. I got arrested. We need another comedian to fill these arenas. What if that's how it worked? They go, ah, Joe, go, I got arrested. We need another comedian

to fill these arenas. I'll do it. Just plop you in. Yeah, they don't even care about fandom or anything. Just another guy. Yeah,

he'll do it. He can do the job. Hey, what's up? Have you ever played a room that big? You ever played an arena? I did a few dates

with Hasan when he was touring. Yeah. I think he just shot his Netflix special, but it was in preparation of that. So he was touring around the country. I did Nokia out here in LA. That's big as shit. That was pretty big. That's like 7,000. I was going to say 7,500, I think. Yeah. I think that's the biggest that I've played. It's different. It's surreal. So many people. But you've done shit with Joe and those are arenas. Yeah, those are arenas. How many seats? I think the most

maybe we, and I'm wrong, I have no idea, but I think, and it's anywhere from 8 to 12. 8 would be probably the smallest we did and 12 probably the biggest. He might hear this, or he'll never hear this. He might say 15. Maybe that's where it is, but honestly, I think 12 is probably the number. In the round all the time? Not every time.

At San Diego State, we did the round for 420. But the other ones were like, it's on one side. What is that like? The round? Just when you do an arena with Joe. Like, how is it different than, say, doing the store? The arenas are tough because they're so far away, some people. And I can't imagine that they're, like, catching the rhythms of it.

Because in the small rooms, like they're with you. In those arenas, it's like the sound travels so differently and it bounces. You kind of have to wait and you can't be super quick. You can't be like,

you have to really pace it down a little bit, which is something you learn right away. Within the first couple of jokes, you're like, oh, okay, right. Do you just take, it's like your act, but just expand it a bit. You have to slow down. Slow it down. You definitely have to slow down. You can, you're like, oh, okay, right. Do you just take, it's like your act, but just expand it a bit?

You have to slow down. You definitely have to slow down. You can't do like, in a club, you can like hit him, hit him, and hit him, and hit him. You can't do that there. It just wouldn't work rhythmically. Because half of the crowd is like hearing you before the other half is. And it's daunting, and then you get up there, and you're like, it's the same as

in your mind, you're like, I'm going to deliver this the same as I would anywhere else. But your rhythm just has to slow down. The jokes are going to hit the same, typically. Yeah. But it's just you're like, I have to slow down. I think we've done enough rooms where you can audible, you know. Oh, yeah.

You know right away. Yeah. You know right away. Like we have that gear where you know whether you got to speed up or slow down. have that gear where you know whether you gotta speed up or slow down even like in the hat trick special doing the different rooms the or and the main and the belly are so different energy wise that you can kind of see the pacing and energy is different in all the rooms so that's like a baby version like i've never done an arena but it's close enough i mean but you still understand the scale is the same those change that idea of like the main room,

you can't really play jazz. You have to play rock. It's so like, here it is. It's presentational. You're not going to find a joke really in the main. Yeah. You can find it upstairs. You can find it upstairs.

The belly is jazz to me. It's jazz. And the OR is, it's like elevated jazz. It's like a, which room's your favorite? You know, oh, the OR. Same. Yeah. I've always loved it the most. It's just a... Which room's your favorite? You know, oh, the OR. Same. Yeah, I've always loved it the most. It's just like a perfect number of people. The main is a little bit sometimes too big and too much of a party.

Like, the OR is the OR is like, um, the OR is like a house party where people are like, actually listening to whatever record somebody put on and smoking a joint. There is people outside that are like doing their own thing. You know what I mean? And the main room is like a college house party where it's like, oh, fucking beer bongs.

And the belly is like a get together at a studio apartment where, you know, everyone's taking their own drug. Yeah, it's like a cool living room show or something. The belly. Like an elevated living room show. It's almost like, oh, Dylan's going to play a set in the living room. Like, really? It's like, we'll go check it out.

Yeah, we'll check it out. But it's okay if you're late. It doesn't matter. Yeah, it's that kind of vibe. But OR has always been my favorite and it will always be my favorite. I like that nothing gets lost in translation in the OR. Like, they'll pick up every subtlety. Oh, yeah.

Even if you have a little tag or a side that wouldn't get a laugh in the main, it's just so the perfect size that people from any part of the club can pick it up. Can pick it up. Well, yeah, because it's big enough that you can get rolling laughter, but it's tight enough

where they can hear your rhythm changes and your mood and your inflection and intonation. They can pick up on all of it versus the main. You can change a little bit of an inflection and they're never going to hear it. It's counterintuitive, though, because most people, when they buy

tickets for the store, they just think, oh, the big room is the best room. Main room, yeah. They shouldn't have called it the main room, though. The big room would sound better. Yeah, it's counterintuitive that the medium-sized room is the most, has the DNA of the store

that is the heart and soul of the comedy store totally and for those people that want to watch one of the best specials ever filmed at the comedy store

I can't take that compliment watch Dave Chappelle's oh okay yeah yeah Equimini and the what's it Equinemony and the Bird Theory or whatever the fuck it is

oh I love birds You do That's why I do love birds That's why I love Chappelle You're a bird boy Go watch The Hattrick right now It's available on YouTube

We'll put it in the description Down below Fahim I love you I love you too man Thank you We end the show the same way You look into that camera

And you say one word or one phrase That's gonna end the episode It's gonna be Cemented in history forever for this show. So make it count. I like birds. In here, we pour whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey. You're that creature in the ginger beard.

Sturdy and ginger. Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse. Gingers are beautiful. You owe me $5 for the whiskey and $75 for the horse. Gingers are hell no. This whiskey is excellent. Ginger. I like gingers.