Whiskey Ginger with Andrew Santino - Hasan Minhaj
Episode Date: April 29, 2022Santino sits down with Hasan Minhaj to chat about his new special "The King's Jester," the NBA playoffs and his love for his hometown of Sacramento as well as a new movie that he wrote, produced and i...s going to star in. COME SEE ME ON TOUR!!! https://www.andrewsantino.com ORDER SOME MERCH!!! https://www.andrewsantinostore.com Join our Patreon : https://www.patreon.com/whiskeygingerpodcast SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS! SQUARE SPACE Get that site up and running now! 10% off your order https://squarespace.com/whiskey ROTHY'S Get the most comfortable 100% recycled material shoes EVER Use code WHISKEY for $20 off! https://rothys.com/whiskey BETTER HELP Get professional counseling done securely online 10% off your first month https://betterhelp.com/whiskey HELLO FRESH Get fresh meals sent to your house and save money on trips to the grocery store https://hellofresh.com/whiskey16 For up to 16 FREE meals!!! Follow Santino on Insta and Twitter: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino/ https://twitter.com/CheetoSantino Whiskey Ginger Insta and Twitter: https://www.instagram.com/whiskeygingerpodcast/ & https://twitter.com/whiskeyginger_ Whiskey Ginger Clips: http://www.youtube.com/c/WhiskeyGingerPodcastClips Produced and edited by Joe Faria #whiskeyginger #hasanminhaj #andrewsantino #podcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Transcript
Discussion (0)
What up, Whiskey Ginger fans? Welcome back to the show.
Man, we got a good one for you today, like my man Steve Harvey Dunn say.
It's my boy, Hasan. As I say it, Hasan Minhaj.
As he says it, Hasan, which is the proper way, but I don't care.
I'm gonna say how I want it. Ha!
He's an amazing comedian. He's on tour right now.
Go see him, the King's Jester.
Go pick up some ticks and see him. See your boy.
See the Cheeto. i got only a few dates
left okay i'm in los angeles la you better come out on may 7th otherwise i'm never playing this
city ever again all right may 7th i'm in los angeles i'm also doing vancouver lake tahoe
montclair new jay-z and also niagara falls has a couple of shows i think we're doing two shows up
there so come see me uh please, please come see your boy
AndrewSantino.com
AndrewSantino.com
for the tickets.
I want to thank everybody
for your patronage,
for listening,
for subscribing,
for liking,
and for commenting below
for the Algo Rhythm.
It spreads the word
around to the West Ginge.
I appreciate it
because more people
know about it
and more people get to hear
about the Whiskey Ginger Show.
It means a lot to me.
I want to thank you guys very much for the continued support,
and enough rambling from the the ginger gene is a curse.
Gingers are beautiful.
You owe me $5 for the whiskey and $75 for the horse.
Gingers are hell no.
This whiskey is excellent.
Ginger.
I like gingers.
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to Whiskey Ginger.
My guest today is one of my favorite people on earth.
I say that for all my guests, but I mean it once again today.
Man, that was a good one.
That was fast today. It's Hasan Minan minaj give it up for the man
what's up baby my man dude it's been a long time almost a decade almost a decade since i've seen
you you ran away from us yes you left for people that don't know who you are which is almost
impossible yes uh you left us to go do the daily show yeah we were proud to see our little baby
bird fly away yeah the wings spread the wings were spread and after the daily show you took
off once again did your own show started touring the world is yours yeah and what else that's it
you're killing it it's over man you're done now yeah i i i'm in the touring business and trucking
business now we're talking
off camera about this yeah yeah well we're gonna start owning trucks yeah big money in amazon
shipping until they start doing the everyone everyone's gonna be a drone it'll be droned
out to your house over yeah um hassan what's up we met maybe 12 years ago. Probably 09, 10. Yeah. Yeah.
And when you were a part of a little sketch group with a bunch of our buddies.
Goatface.
One of them who is on Saturday Night Live right now.
Do you ever see him, by the way?
I see him in New York, yeah.
It's so funny because we know him as Aristotle Atheris,
but on SNL he's Aristotle...
Atari.
Atari.
Whenever he says it, dude,
because I watch him because I want to watch for him. And it's so. Whenever he says it, dude, because I watch him
because I want to watch for him.
And it's so funny
whenever he says it,
I always want to like correct it.
Dude, I had a whole thing with him.
I'm like, really?
Yeah, I know.
Like I've really known you.
He clapped him.
He was mad that I got on him about it.
He did the thing that he does
where he's like, dude,
just leave me alone.
Hey, dude, don't.
Don't. Dude. Yeah, he'll do it. alone. Hey, dude, don't. Don't.
Dude.
Yeah, he'll do it.
Yes.
Aristotle is on SNL if you haven't seen.
He's incredible.
He has a character that's on there.
What's it called?
What's the name?
How do you say it?
He has one Laffintosh 3000.
Laffintosh is great.
It was great.
He does that singer, and I can't remember the name now.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
The world's most renowned singer.
How do you say it?
How do you say it?
Say it for me.
Say it for me.
He's killing it.
But he was in the group with Asif Ali and, of course, my arch nemesis Fahim Anwar,
who I've talked about on this show how much I hate him so much.
You know what's so funny, though?
We hate each other.
You and Fahim?
Oh, my God.
He hasn't done the show yet?
Endless beef.
No, he's done the show, and we got into a fight after the show.
Just a knockdown, drag out fist fight.
And he won, which is fine.
Wow.
Yeah, I chipped my front tooth.
That's what I got. Holy shit. Yeah, he out, fist fight. And he won, which is fine. Wow. Yeah, I chipped my front too. That's what I got.
Holy shit.
Yeah, he murked me hard.
And what's crazy is probably because, you know,
he looks a certain way because he's an engineer,
but the dude is nimble.
Tough.
He's tough.
Super nimble.
He was really quick on his feet.
And, you know, he had a lot of ground game.
His ground game was really good.
It's probably because of the dancing and stuff, right?
Exactly.
Yeah.
He's so limber that once he got me on the ground,
he had my arm behind my head, and he had pulled my wiener into my butt he had just tucked it into my own butt
oh no yeah so he lost it and he just got it yeah well it's always fine i can't get hard anymore he
just he literally pulled it tucked it pushed it in my tush and walked away and he lit up a cigarette
holy he doesn't even smoke doesn't even smoke it was so weird he just lit up a cigarette and was
like see you next time and we haven't seen each other since wow but look up for him very funny guy sadly he just beat my
ass but since you left us you've departed our little stinky world yes and i haven't i said this
well i haven't said this off camera to you but i know the word proud is condescending
but i don't do you know what i mean i mean it with heart oh thanks proud i'm happy for you
that's what i should say i'm happy for you. That's what I should say. I'm happy for you.
Oh, thanks.
It's like when anybody gets success that you know worked hard and is talented, it's nice
to see it work.
So many times you see people get success and you're like, okay, fine.
Or you're fine with it.
I'm not, I'm not, not hating on it, but it's like, oh, okay.
But with you, I was like, oh, this is good.
This is the machine works.
Sometimes it works.
Yeah.
And sometimes it can be really cruel.
Dude, I'm just glad I'm at that age now where I see just my friends and colleagues being able to pay the bills.
That's not, well, that's been for a long time.
No, like there was a thing where I was like, hey, man, I just pray that all of us don't have to have GoFundMes.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
Where there's the thing for the comics where they're like, hey, there's a GoFundMe.
My buddy needs a little bit of help.
Yeah.
Have you donated to somebody's GoFundMe?
Yeah. Yeah, I've done it a few times. Yeah. Have you donated to somebody's GoFundMe? Yeah.
Yeah, I've done it a few times.
Yeah.
Do you do anonymous or do you put your name on it?
I do anonymous.
Me too.
You can't put your name on it.
What are you doing, man?
Because when somebody sees your name, it's either, well, first of all, it's not altruistic.
Now you want them to know you did it.
Yeah.
And then you want people to see how much you gave.
Right.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Get your name off of it.
Yeah, 500 for a liver transplant.
Andrew Santino, 500.
And then everyone knows.
Then there's a comment underneath.
Right.
Get better soon, bud.
And you're like, you feel a certain way.
I'm like, I'm only going to give him 200.
200 bucks?
What are we doing?
And then sometimes if I, I've donated to enough of those things now where if it's 50 bucks
or whatever, and it's something like help someone I've never met.
I don't know who they are
I'll just see it
and I'm like
oh that's a nice
yeah
you know whatever
and then I donate $50
it does work by the way
of course
like you're on Twitter
and like a friend is like
hey help
help Ryan out
sure
am I gonna knock it
alright
fine I'll throw 50
100 bucks to things
that people I've never met before
yeah
but then sometimes
you scroll down
and you see someone
that's given like
three four grand
and you're like
who is this
now I need to it's almost like you should be able to pay to see who it is yeah there's like another
like twenty dollars yes dude that's a great that's a great feature like you pay another extra
hundred dollars to see who would the anonymous and that goes to the fund 100 yeah oh see that's
that's smart i got a little i got a couple tricks a little santina with some ux ui i'm a businessman
i'm a businessman i'm looking for growth potential ratios uh have you ever heard this guy named grant
cardone yeah of course yeah do you watch his videos oh dude i'm all in the rabbit hole that's
i mean people make fun of me all the time about this so people that don't know my dad didn't hug
me enough and so i'll go down these kind of alpha motivational you can do it just like you're the
man can't take if you're not if you're not owning real estate right now what are you doing about passive
income you know what i mean the richest people how much money how much money is in your savings
yeah how much you have if you have any at all you're an idiot are you renting your time right
now right nobody gets rich renting i've watched a grant cardone i've watched so much of his stuff
though a piece of me goes, this guy's a good
scam artist. Yeah. Do you know what I mean?
Where it's like a lot of it's legit but then I go
he's like, what's his name?
Tai Lopez? We could go on and on.
No, no, no. What's the one that cusses a lot? Why can't I think
of his name right now? Dude, fucking
if you're fucking. You're talking about Gary Vaynerchuk?
Oh, Gary V.
Dude, if you need to fucking sell your fucking
shoes, sell your fucking shoes sell your fucking shoes
I get down a place where you
end up getting mad at these guys
and all they're trying to do is preach
but the algorithm is sending it to you
which means I'm looking for it
what did I do?
are you on TikTok or no?
I have it on another phone
so my digital guy uploads on it
so I'm on it because I sit on the shitter and I love thumbing through videos.
That's the new.
Mindless.
By the way, that's the new channel surfing.
I realize.
Oh, TikTok is just.
Yeah, I don't watch TV like we used to anymore.
I watch TV when there's a show I want to watch.
I watch it and then I'm done.
What about playoffs?
Well, you know I'm watching the playoffs.
Yeah.
And God bless, bless up.
I hope that Alex Cruz, my boy AC, he's in concussion protocol.
Please get better. Please get better.
Please get better.
The Bulls, we talked for a second before this.
Look, dude, I'm a diehard Chicago fan for all the sports.
My biggest pain, though, is we got Pat Will back.
We got people that were healthy again.
And then Zach Levine, oh, can't hit a free throw.
We just, it's like DeMar DeRozan can't do everything.
So what happened why like
what's going on with de rosen in this series oh dude this is tough i mean look you're in my opinion
i think you have a lot of good position players on our team yeah but the problem is you look at
a guy like giannis who is undoubtedly the biggest agile guy we've ever seen in a, in, I mean, Shaq, Shaq,
all hail Shaq for sure.
Yeah.
But also Shaq couldn't shift like Gianna shifts.
It's,
it's crazy.
But Shaq is our era of center.
A hundred percent.
We grew up in the nineties.
It was bully ball.
And I don't think people realize how good the centers were.
Oh,
I mean,
dude,
David Robinson,
David Robinson,
Hakeem,
Shaq,
Hakeem was stupid.
Alonzo Mourning.
Ugh.
Um,
and Shaq. Yeah. Shaq was, Shaq was theakeem was stupid. Alonzo Mourning. Ugh. And Shaq.
Yeah, Shaq was the pinnacle, though.
There was nobody as dominatory as that guy,
but Giannis is a new level of athlete.
It's like size with athleticism that is,
he can cross people over.
Shaq couldn't cross people over.
You know what I mean?
Again, much praise to Shaq.
Don't come kill me.
So even the big guys, even just Joker,
even he can cross people up. Yeah, and he Don't come kill me. So even like the big guys, even just like Joker, even he can like cross people up.
And he shouldn't be able to.
Yeah.
But I think that the Bulls are in a position where they're playing one of the toughest
teams in the East.
And fucking the Bucs are good.
They have so many weapons.
And we do too.
I also think these guys have gone through so much injury in and out, in and out, in
and out that now that we're all back.
Did you think you're like, we're a first and out, that now that we're all back.
Did you think you're like, we're a first-round team, unfortunately,
because you're playing in the bottom? I can't say.
Really?
A little bit.
I feel bad saying it, but a little bit.
Well, who do you root for now?
Dude, I grew up in Sacramento.
Let's not even get.
You don't even.
Dude, I'm a Kings fan.
But you can't touch New York.
You can't touch.
No, no, no.
I go to Knick games.
I go to Brooklyn games. I go to Knick games. I go to Brooklyn games.
I go to Knick games because they...
Brooklyn has a team?
Yeah, apparently.
I heard.
It's like, you know.
Who's over there?
A couple of fellas?
I don't know.
A couple of boys?
A couple of boys?
Some of them, a couple.
So you still are a Kings guy, huh?
Unfortunately, yes.
Don't say unfortunately.
It's all right.
It's okay.
Dude, I don't know if you feel this way.
Dude, we have a time. We have a time. You had a time? Yeah. You had a time? I don't know if it's all right. It's okay. Dude, I don't know if you feel this way. Dude, we have a time.
We have a time.
You had a time?
Yeah.
You had a time?
I don't know if it's coming again.
For me, it's civic pride.
That's why I really love that all my friends that are from Chicago or from a city rep that city.
When they come here and people are Laker fans or Clipper fans, I'm like, bro, I have zero respect for you.
Also, hard to root for one of the most winningest franchises of all time because to me it's like if i move to a city with a dog shit sporting with his dog shit sports yes i might root for them just because
they're so trash yes that you're like they need the love yes this city needs none of the fucking
love dude we want a fucking world series and an nba fucking play i don't know if you go to and a
fucking super bowl do you go to laker games if you've been to any laker games yeah i've been to
a few i'll go i'll go with people they're? If you've been to any Laker games. Yeah, I've been to a few. I'll go. I'll go with people.
They're very quiet, man.
Oh, it's not a, yeah.
They're great for podcasting, a breakup.
Dude, I'm dead serious.
Yeah, it's a good date spot.
Dude, I remember.
Because you can talk to each other.
Yeah, I remember Bina, my wife, got me tickets to go see Kings Lakers years ago.
It was actually before we like left and moved to New York.
And I remember in the fourth quarter, it was kind of a close game.
So I was on my feet.
And people behind me were like,
hey, can you sit down, please?
Take a seat. I'm like, dude, I'm done.
This is over.
What is this?
There's no hype.
Is this a film screening?
What are we doing?
What are we living for?
They're late to a film screening.
That's the thing about LA sports.
You know people are going there
before they have something.
They're like,
I have to go to a thing this afternoon.
But what I love about Nick games
is that they're just as dysfunctional and it really is like a it really
is a familial relationship the way they booed the owner the way they the way they get mad at the
players is it james dolan still owns that team yeah yeah it is but it's a level and and by the
way the arena's packed oh yeah it's sold out so like it's sold out the team's not great they'll
yell at rj barrett they'll yell at everybody it's great out. So like it's sold out. The team's not great. They'll yell at RJ Barrett. They'll yell at everybody.
It's great.
I do like that.
Well, because rich city teams are always going to be mean even to their own players.
Yeah.
Like I saw the other day, Otani was going to pitch a perfect game.
And then whoever they were playing went to lay down a bunt.
Yeah.
And they booed him.
It was their team.
And they booed him because they didn't want to break up the perfect game.
Oh, wow.
I was like, damn, they booed their own dude?
Damn.
I can't say his first name.
Shohei?
Shohei Otani?
I can't.
Otani?
Yeah.
I don't know.
So what is it about Lakers and Clippers?
Lakers specifically is very different, but everybody tells me Dodgers is real LA.
It is.
But what's the difference?
Price point, what is it?
The big difference is culturally, right?
You had a team that moved into a neighborhood
in Chavez Ravine in the east side of Los Angeles
that was all, predominantly if not all,
Latinx, whatever they want to say today.
But all, mostly Mexican residents who, look,
I think there was a lot of hatred for the way that that team moved
into that neighborhood and kind of boosted people out.
But also at the same time was so much joy and pride that a team was there.
So it's dominant from a culture of Los Angeles
that kind of goes un-repped a little bit.
I don't know how to explain that.
But you go to a fucking Laker game, it's a lot of rich white people.
Yeah, people have told me that about Dodger games.
You go to Dodger Stadium.
It's pretty egalitarian, like $10 tickets.
Yes, it's affordable.
It's economical for the longest time it was.
But also it's dominated by a lot of old school LA Mexican roots, which I think-
That's dope.
It just has a culture to it.
Yeah.
Whereas, you know, the Rams, I couldn't even tell you what that is.
If somebody was like, what's the kind of guy that's a Rams fan?
I'd be like, I have no fucking idea.
I wouldn't even know.
But like you could say for Dodgers, it's mostly a working class.
It's just got that old baseball vibe to it.
Sure.
Do you know, I have another theory.
Yeah.
From what people have told me, it's a LA team, not a Hollywood team.
Ah,
that's a really good description.
The Lakers are absolutely.
Whereas like the bottom,
that whole set,
the 100 section of staples is a Hollywood.
Yeah.
Very seen in BC.
And you gotta be rich.
Yeah.
Those lower bowl seats now.
Totally.
Like a person that's working a regular good job.
Yeah.
They're not paying five 50 for a ticket.
They're like,
get the fuck out of here. I mean, look look some dodgers tickets are expensive as shit too but there's still
affordability right that exists there that i think probably will go away because sports have gotten
absurd but i went to dude i went to sofi yeah four or five times i've been out there beautiful
stadium the stadium is it is gorgeous. But also,
the tickets to those games are getting,
it's absurd to go watch live football.
It's just going to be the way that it goes.
That sucks.
Yeah.
I love going to see live sports.
To me, it's the last vestige of civic pride.
Of like getting together with people you don't know.
This is my city.
And like,
and dude,
candidly, man,
it's like,
it's one of the few times I've been able to see people,
you know, we fly everywhere. You can straight up get into an argument with somebody about your i could be like yeah the bulls this the lakers this and then if the the argument gets heated enough
as soon as we like let me get you a drink yeah yeah well because you have passion for it yeah
right that is it's also that comes with age when you're young you know like when you're young
you're there's well i, at any age really,
but the guys that want to fist fight over sports,
like you always see a fight at a game.
I mean, at Wrigley Field.
Really?
There was a fight like just a week ago.
Yeah, you're going to get those guys that get liquored up.
Oh, interesting.
They get all mush mouthed and boozed out,
so they just are ready to swing.
But on who though?
I thought everybody at the Cubs game is like.
Sometimes their own people.
Just, dude, sometimes it's, sometimes the Cubs game sometimes their own people I just dude sometimes it's
sometimes
sometimes the Cubs
are playing so poorly
we'll fight our own
it's just the culture
it's just people love
to get drunk and talk shit
and if someone's talking
the wrong shit
they'll get on you
what's the difference
between being a Cubs fan
or a Sox fan?
like why did you
why did you pick
there's a bunch
there's comedy answers to this
and there's
give me the comedy
and then give me the real one
well if you're a Cubs fan you're a North Sider There's comedy answers to this. Give me the comedy and then give me the real one.
Well, if you're a Cubs fan, you're a Northsider.
And if you're a Sox fan, you're a scumbag.
Or a Southsider.
No.
I love them.
No, I love them. No, it's literally divided by the city.
It's you're a Northsider or a Southsider.
Wow.
Which I think kind of probably was the way for the Yankees and the Mets a little bit
for a long time.
But now I don't think that applies.
But for us, we're still pretty divided.
If you're a Northside kid, you're a Cubs fan.
If you're a Southside kid,
high likelihood you're a White Sox fan.
So in the 90s, what was your childhood defined by?
Born and raised a Northside kid.
So I was a Cubs fan my whole life.
Really?
Even during those like Frank Wyatt, like the-
Dude, I was-
Frank Thomas, sorry.
Frank Thomas was the GOAT.
I loved watching him and tim the rock
reigns i mean dude they had bangers down and then sosa kind of became big in the late 90s he was
our guy i mean he after ryan sandberg i grew up ryan sandberg kid him and mark grace were just
unreal yeah but then you got into this era where you you reach an age where i'd go to socks games
with friends that were socks fans and love it Yeah. But you're supposed to have this like, fuck you pride.
But you get old enough where you don't give a shit.
Right.
Where you're like, whatever, man.
What do I, I don't.
What was the memory?
What was the thing that brought you into it?
Did you like, did your dad get you like Bulls tickets?
Did you have a, did you get to see Michael Jordan play?
Oh yeah.
Yeah.
We was going to see.
Yeah.
Jordan.
You know what's so funny?
Multiple times?
Yeah.
A few times.
Yeah.
Fuck.
But Rodman, my mom took me.
Yeah.
And I, you know how hard it is to dye red hair it's impossible red's gonna come through but i spray paint i got a can of green spray paint
and i spray painted my hair green uh as much as i could and it's it's like two cans of it yeah
still my hair is orange you can't this color yeah no you couldn't tell it was sad but
i thought it was gonna look cool it just looked dirt i look dirty i look like my woman brought
a little dirty boy to the game so like your beard is like but you don't have beard at the time no
i was just like boy yeah just bright green red hair right i look like the i look like an orphan
joker it was like a really shitty orphan joker right but that was the era for me that was i mean
you know that was like did you know you were like living through history or no no no idea how could you you're inside of it yeah
it's the same i i relate that to like when someone says something questionable about
why are they so religious or why are they so xyz you're like because they live inside of it
you don't know when you don't live inside of it you don't want somebody questions like a mormon
you're like how could you possibly like what do you mean you live inside of it well you know it's like saying you're you're born in the u.s you don't know what it's it like a Mormon. You're like, how could you possibly? You're like, what do you mean? You live inside of it.
What do you know?
It's like saying you're born in the U.S.
You don't know what it's like to be born in any other country in the world.
You don't know how those, your reaction is only from your viewpoint.
Did you go to the championship parades?
No, no, never.
And I really kind of wish I did at least once.
But my parents were always like, it's a chaos down there.
You can't go down there. It's World War Z.
Yeah, you'll get robbed. You'll get hurt. That was always get hurt that was always a big love seeing the aerial shots and being like holy
shit i mean i mean a massive party like like those kind of things i wish i was old enough to go to
but i was too young at the time for my parents to let me go down did you cry when michael jordan
retired the first one 93 did you cry i had a couple buddies that lived in chicago see i don't
know if i cry but i remember Feeling like it was all over
Like they stole it from us
Like it was like taken too early
And it was like oh I guess that's it
We don't get it anymore
It's done and then of course
We got it again
It was wild
It was crazy
And growing up a kid in that era
I paid zero and I mean zero, attention to the Bears.
I mean, the Cubs a little bit.
We still were Cubs fans.
Yeah.
But I don't think I even thought about other sports other than, I mean, I played basketball
my whole life anyway.
So for me, it was like basketball was the only thing that mattered.
Was that your first sport?
Like the one that you loved?
The only one I loved.
The only one I loved.
I played other ones because you're like supposed to.
Yeah.
Like I played baseball.
I played a little bit of football.
I just didn't give a shit.
Are you still nice?
Are you still like pretty good at basketball?
I'm not even going to pretend.
Really?
I can shoot.
For like 24 hour fitness, slapstick.
Oh yeah.
I can go fuck around.
Like weekend warrior basketball.
100%.
But I just can't.
My legs are not.
I'm almost 40.
Dude, it's crazy.
You go play a 19 year old.
They'll kill you.
Dude, I play in the Chelsea Piers League with like,
and they do it by divisions.
And I'm like, put me in Division C.
I'm not even, and dude, people go down, bro.
Yeah, I don't want to do that anymore.
Knees back, like every week someone is going down.
Is there other like entertainers in it? Yeah, so it'll be like the Tonight Show,
it was the Daily Show for some time.
But then I joined just, I like met up with other guys
and be like, hey, let me join your team.
Who can hoop from the Daily Show? There was a couple people that were like in the production
staff that were like pretty nice they were nice that were like pretty good yeah who now could be
on costa would be good size wise costa costa would probably be pretty good but like him up
roy wood could bang down low bill bellamy bill bellamy's really good at basketball there's a
couple guys yeah sadiki fuller's good at basketball oh that i know sadiki he played in the league out here for a long time andrew schultz is good at basketball like Is he really? Yeah. Siddiqui Fuller's good at basketball. Oh, that I know. Siddiqui, he played in the league out here for a long time.
Andrew Schultz is good at basketball.
I don't want to give him any credit.
He's got too much going on.
I'm not going to give him basketball.
A few years ago, I saw him dunk on Instagram, and I'm like, bro, this is better than doing
the White House Correspondents' Dinner.
You'd rather do that.
I'm not kidding.
Yeah, bro.
37, have bounce, and like-
That is kind of nuts.
Not dunk a tennis ball.
Remember how there was two camps? Dudes who who could dunk tennis balls and then dudes who could actually
i used to be able to yoke when i was in college and then shortly after are you serious yeah i
have photos i put it up on the internet in game yeah oh yeah how i met one of my college good
best friends was holy shit he put it off the window for me and i dunked it your boy was all
right back in the day the most i could do was the grab and hang yeah
but that's legit i hey man it felt fucking great yeah yeah that's because you're showing off you're
like i can do it i have a little bit of a wombat just like hanging there you know what i mean it
looked it looked awesome like in what you know what i mean in warm-ups the indian wombat is a
great name yeah you know everyone's doing the wipe shoe thing and everyone's trying to flex a little
bit yeah yeah yeah yeah here, we pour whiskey.
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that was that was how i know you that you had a you went to a school that had a little bit of
money when they have the floor stickies where you can wipe your shoes off and they had chalk for
your hands and stuff sure yeah you played at a tough school yeah you had to share a locker room
with the other teams.
Sure.
It was real like...
Yeah, you knew it was real
if they had like a Wilson jet.
You're like,
oh, we're not fucking around.
And these are all the same color?
Yeah.
That's how you know
you go to a good school
if all the basketballs
are the same color.
They weren't from different years.
Yeah, totally.
And fixed, like patched.
Sometimes you see balls
where they look like
they just fixed it.
You're like,
oh man,
they can't afford a new ball.
Yeah.
Those are the days, man.
Yeah.
Growing up in Sacramento, which, by the way,
I have a little bit of love in my heart for Sacramento.
Yeah, only because it gets shit on for nobody.
People don't understand it.
But I went up there to shoot a commercial.
I shot a DraftKings commercial for Super Bowl two years ago.
And I stayed in Sacramento.
Be honest.
No, we loved it, dude.
You loved it.
Yeah, I liked it i
just it was like it feels like a big small town yes where you're like oh this is nice yeah midtown
and downtown and you know what's crazy man i used to i used we used to make fun of it when people
think of california they talk about la they talk about the bay nobody actually thinks about north
and south like yeah sac is pretty cool but also a hidden gem man is san diego people don't really talk
about san diego in california it's an amazing city they don't want us to talk about it well
san diego people because they don't want any of us going down there they're like no dude it sucks
don't come down san diego like three four nights i was fucking amazing beautiful beautiful man yeah
it's i love san diego they just don't want us down there they don't want to bring our la culture
down yeah because they're like all of san diego even inland it's all beach even if you're not on the beach you're still a beach guy yeah we're here
unless you live on the fucking ocean nobody in la is a beach guy yeah it's and it was weird i was
just the morning i always do i don't know if you do this when you're on the road you'll do the
morning kind of coffee and the walk 100 so i wanted you to come to the show it's always you
know what i mean you have that i know because it's the it's the pre like hey let's get coffee or let's go let's like walk and talk and then the post like that little walk
and talk but anyways i was like went to go get coffee and then did this walk on the beach and
i was like it's not dirty no there's no i'm alone it was wild it's beautiful down there like when
you go to venice you go to other parts of la now you're like when somebody says they want to move
to the beach up here i'm like what's going on what are you talking what for are you starting a homeless shelter for other people like are you cleaning up
right our beaches are you're like oh you're in philanthropy oh that's cool oh you're trying to
give back you're a giving person that's that and that's what matters yeah no but now you know so
sack you're saying you had a yeah but but sack i had a great time because I felt like whenever I visited Northern California,
of any fashion up there, I'm overwhelmed with San Francisco because it's too much.
I like it.
It's fun.
But I'm always like, this is- The city's changed a lot.
It's too much.
Yeah.
And then when I go a little bit south of there, like Carmel or Half Moon Bay or any of that
kind of stuff, it's great.
It's beautiful.
It's also sleepy old people town.
Totally. or Half Moon Bay or any of that kind of stuff. It's great. It's beautiful. It's also sleepy old people town.
But Sacramento had a vibe that was like,
I could get a nice mom and pop meal at a little cool restaurant in a hip little area.
Midtown, yeah.
Yeah.
That's right.
That's what it's called.
Midtown.
And then also, it's got a little bit of a vibe,
a culture, so to speak,
that's like they're not the Bay,
but they're not Central California.
Right. It's kind of like its own little nook. And's old school i like how old the houses are down like the old
downtown over in midtown yeah it's like really all those old sacramento and stuff so i liked it
they're i don't know it's one of those i think it gets i think like anything else it things get a
name because of either the violence or the you know like if or it just becomes a punchline right
if it's not thriving, they're like,
that place stinks.
Yeah.
And then you go and you're like,
this isn't bad.
But because of housing prices,
man,
a lot of people from the Bay
got pushed out.
They live there now.
They have to live there,
right?
Yeah.
And they really did a good job
revitalizing downtown.
The team's not doing great,
but that new arena's great.
Just downtown's a very fun
place to hang out now.
Are you going to get a key
to the city?
Let's call them up.
Dude,
I was actually considering,
this is crazy,
I was considering trying
to join the ownership group.
Why not?
I'm like,
are you fucking crazy? Then I looked into it and I'm like, this is insane.
But is it though?
I was actually talking to the team to be like,
hey, I'd like to be an extreme minority owner.
We were talking about it.
A minority minority owner.
Yeah, super minority minority.
You got to double.
But then I was like, wait a second, if anything goes wrong,
I'm just going to open up my phone.
Everyone's going to be like, what the fuck?
How could you pass on so-and-so?
Yeah, then it becomes you.
Because I'm that guy.
Because I'm that guy that's like, how could we pass on Luca?
What the fuck is going on?
Well, you have a nice face, so you're easy to get mad at.
Correct.
Right.
So if you're an ugly guy, it's kind of tough.
Correct.
An ugly owner, they're like, ah, he's figuring it out.
But I've been trying to like, I'm trying to get former Sacramento
alumni to come to the game.
Like Tom Hanks is a Sac State alumni.
Really? Yeah. People don't know this game. Like Tom Hanks is a Sac State alumni. Really?
Yeah.
People don't know this.
Hanks?
Hanks.
Wow.
An American icon
is a Sacramento product.
Where is he from?
He's from...
He went to college
in Sacramento.
He went to Sac State.
But he's from...
Is he from California?
I don't know where
he's from originally.
Tom, where are you from, bud?
Tom, where are you from?
Follow us in.
Let us know.
Yeah, leave a comment.
Leave a comment down below,
Tom Hanks,
because he does watch every week.
Yeah, and he is a YouTube commenter.
You didn't know that, right?
Big time.
Yeah.
What else is he up to?
Sure.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
He went to Sac State.
Why don't you be a part owner of the team?
I mean, why not?
I think it's the-
You got a little bit of bread in your pocket.
You might as well spend it on something you like.
But it's that part of it.
It's like the-
It's a lot of money.
It's a lot of money, but not just that, but it's also the...
It's the carrying water for bad decisions thing.
And right now, management is just constantly under pressure.
Well, and you already do that as a performer.
Yeah.
As a comic, you're like,
I already have a lot of weight on my shoulders
for what I put out to the world.
And what I say and what I do.
Like, I don't want that.
Rob McElhaney from Always Sunny, you know him?
Uh-huh.
Yeah, he's a good egg. I golfElhaney from Always Sunny. You know him? Uh-huh. Yeah.
He's a good egg.
I golf with him.
He's a buddy.
There's also, by the way, no clout in it.
Like, I looked it up.
I was like, maybe other comedians have done this.
And like, Bill Maher was like a part owner of the minority for the Mets.
I think he still is.
I don't know if he still is.
But even he was saying, I remember on his show or something, he's like, it's a headache.
It's not worth it.
You got to pay attention. You got to pay not worth it. You got to pay attention.
You got to pay all these fees.
You got to pay all this attention.
There's all this tax and stuff.
It's not a money-making move.
It's not any of those things.
I wanted to-
It's got to be passionate.
It's got to be passionate.
Look, my intention is I just want to bring civic pride back to the city.
I want to be able to be one of those people.
We want to up the name of SAC.
Yeah, man.
Well, I know the-
And I know people in the comments are going to shit on it.
No.
They do. They do. They're like, bro, seriously. Show some S I know people in the comments are gonna shit on it no they do
they do
they're like bro
show some sack love
down in the comments below
let's see how much
I love my sack
you know what's
let's see
I love my sack
we all love our sack
hashtag I love my sack
I love my sack
by the way
that's a great promo for the city
I love my sack
that's great
and you know
because it's cute enough
and funny enough
where people aren't gonna get mad at it
and you do love your sack
yeah
you know what I realized too, man?
As I got older, I was like, this city is really like any town in America.
So sack isn't just a blue, there's a lot of red.
It's kind of like a purple city.
My mom still works at the VA, so she's been there for several decades.
Really?
Yeah, over at Mather Air Force Base right off of Zinfandel.
So anyone from Sacramento, you know where that VA is. My mom's been there for several decades. Really? Yeah. Over at the Mather Air Force Space right off of Zinfandel. So anyone from Sacramento, you know where that VA is. My mom's worked there two plus decades. My dad was a state employee. So he worked in downtown
as a chemist for the Cal EPA. So long story short, I grew up, you know, Sacramento is a
very interesting place because it's agriculture too. So you'll grow up with people that like
love guns, evangelical, whatever, that are just about maybe more libertarian so i got to grow up around a lot of different like right perspective and you don't
see it as like an inherently evil thing you're like nah man people's life experience shapes who
they are so it helped me connect with people in dallas and san antonio you know what i mean
sack is like any the majority of other cities in- It's like a Midwest town.
Yeah.
Because that's what we grew up with.
It was kind of like-
It's any town in America.
Chicago's different.
So there's like five dope cities in America.
Chicago's one of them.
What are the five?
DC, New York, LA, SF, Chicago, maybe like-
You're going to skip Boston?
I'm making a six.
They're going to get mad.
Oh, make six.
I'll say Boston.
Make seven.
Philly?
Do you like Philly?
Yeah. Oh, it's not going to get mad. Oh, make six. I'll say Boston. Make seven. Philly. Do you like Philly? Yeah.
Oh, it's not going to get the top 10.
We're going to go 10.
Let's do Philly.
Here's another gem that's very unique.
New Orleans.
Love.
New Orleans is a real city.
Love.
That's different.
Here's my hate to Philly.
Philly.
Yo, when you're in Philly, it's not like, am I in Philly? Okay. You see what I'm saying? Okay. When you're in Chicago, when you're in Philly It's not like Am I in Philly?
Okay
You see what I'm saying?
Okay
When you're in Chicago
When you're in downtown Chicago
You're in Chicago
I'm in Chicago
Yeah it's not mistakable
You know what I mean?
Yeah right
When you're in New
By the way
Oh I didn't even say New York
Did I say New York?
Yeah you said New York
New York's three
When you're in Manhattan
You're like yeah I'm in
Yeah this is New York City
Well New York is kind of
The pinnacle city
It's hard for me to say that
As a Chicago kid
But it really is
Even Chicago people know
New York is this Dude when you go to chicago yeah it does feel even though i'm from there it does feel
like you're like oh man yeah chicago but when you go to new york you're like this is magic i know
it's crazy so then it feels fake so then when people like try to talk shit on me and they're
like bro i'm from dallas i'm like bro you're from sacramento dallas is sacramento yeah yeah yeah no i'm from
that i'm bro you live in plano you live in the suburbs right outside of fort worth mighty eyes
yeah come on bro i know it is true new york is but sack is anytime sack is rosemont illinois
sack is love elmhurst let's go you know let's get out there arlington heights yeah it's just like
it's just like strip mall jambaamba Juice, borders, movie theater, track housing, rinse, wash, repeat.
But that allowed me to be like, yeah, I know the majority of what kind of America.
Well, what it helps is you.
It helps you to not speak down to people, to speak with people.
Instead of being like, I know my perspective is the right one.
And I know better than you.
It's like, well, you haven't lived any of these other lives.
You know what i mean that's why i always say again when people get like
when people get weirded out by the way people live like they're very religious or whatever i'm always
like you don't know what that's exactly you didn't you didn't have that structure yeah it's not wrong
it's just not you yes it's not what you fucking like yeah i've started to talk about this on stage
about how little i give a fuck about what other people are up to. And I mean that.
Like, it's like, I hope people are just doing their thing and happy.
Sure.
After the pandemic, I'm surprised everyone isn't just like, great, man.
Leave everyone alone.
I just need to figure out my own shit.
Yeah.
It's like, dude, fix your vision board.
Whatever the fuck you got going on, stop concerning yourself with what other people are up to.
Totally.
You know, I think, and I want to know, by the way, I didn't get to do your show.
He's on tour right now. Please go see him. Yeah, man, please. You're probably all sold out, by the way i didn't get to do uh your show uh he's on tour
right now please go see him you're probably all sold out by the way i think you're all sold out
most cities yes but but we've added like third four shows please come please come if you can
no no i would love for you to see the show and uh because your first show was so well received
what's the what's the good terminology here It was so well done and well put together
when you did this second show, right?
Because traditionally you're more of a storyteller show.
You are a standup.
You've always been a standup.
That's how we met.
But what you do is a little bit more unique
than what's going on in the road right now.
Instead of the dick jokes, I'm farting out for an hour.
You're giving a piece of your,
it's like a live memoir as well. Like you're giving a piece of your it's like a live memoir as well like you're giving a piece of your
history yeah and then you're also intertwining current shit and jokes and yeah is this was this
was doing king's jester this king's jester yeah was doing king's jester daunting after what homecoming
king did for you no man i think it's been like five years yeah for me there's just so much that's
happened in my life sure that i want to talk about that first special really was and you know this
like your first hour that first hour that you did in chicago that's your life it's a bunch of shit
it's just a bunch of shit it's and it's basically a culmination of everything that we've been working
on like our entire career yeah from like you know your best bits from when you first started to now
this new special so much had happened in my life, marriage, kids,
all the stuff that I've gone through with all the dictators and autocrats
and all the bullshit that I went through.
All that stuff has now, like, shaped my worldview.
So in an interesting way, I just wanted to kind of continue to show that evolution.
And yeah, man, I mean, we're getting older.
So one of the things I'm realizing and and i you know i never
got a chance to tell you this but i like i respect this so much about you is i'm seeing my friends
i'm seeing all their talents really shine through people don't know i mean i'm sure people have
told you this but bro you're an incredible dramatic actor oh thank you bro i think you're
like truly fucking incredible thank you and what's crazy is i was listening to the podcast you're
like i didn't even like train i didn't even try just faking it i didn't yeah i'm like this fucking asshole i didn't
go to school bro i'm like i'm i'm not kidding where i'm like i think legitimately in the cards
there's you could you could be in like an academy award-winning film i'm not joking it would your
ability to drop into the pocket yeah i've done you know i was on the morning show with reese
witherspoon and jen aniston. Fucking Mark Duplass.
That cast is so stacked.
But I remember shooting scenes and being like,
yeah, Santino's as good as all these people.
That's really nice to say.
I'm not fucking with you, bro.
I appreciate it.
I think your gift is actually, candidly,
and it's a weakness that I think a lot of us comics have.
We have such ironic detachment that we always got to be cool.
Your ability to just
be present to fall in it yeah in here we pour whiskey hey people don't always realize that
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Well, you know what's funny is I've been the heel of a lot of the stuff lately that I've been doing, so it feels... Like you're so good in Dave, man.
Thanks, man.
You're so good in it.
Well, they've made me, you know, I have started to fall into this little world in the acting thing of like the loser a little bit.
Like you feel bad for this guy a little bit.
Like I did a few things that's going to out yeah where i'm kind of the fucking the loser where you're you root for
me a little bit but you're also like this guy's a fucking loser oh you're like a burnout like
watch just like just like he just can't get right like you know it can't get right like a few of the
characters i'm i'm doing are like what's going on with you man yeah so that a lot of that stuff stems from i think when you do
one role pretty well or whatever they see that and they take that and that's where typecasting
or whatever to america comes from they go leader plays the same thing it's like yeah because the
business sees that you did something well and they they're like i would love to see that in
this thing more of that yeah it's hard for people to wrap their fucking heads around it but you're like yes it makes a pretty good amount of sense but you know i'm trying to branch i just i find myself getting
attracted to the same thing dude whatever you're doing is great i don't even i don't do this show
with ali wong right now beef right yeah beef and i can't wait to see i play a real piece of shit
like just a fucking loser like a a guy there me and this guy uh rec city uh we're
we're doing we're just we're like the a modern version of the wet bandits okay you know what
i mean like these two fucking fallout dipshit losers that like they think they both have the
answers to everything but it's the the blind leading the blind yeah so it's kind of fun to
be an idiot it's fun to be a dipshit but i do want to get back into the
dramatic stuff i would love to snake back into more dramatic stuff it was fun i tell you it
was pressure which i like and there were scenes that you had even in the showtime series that
you did where i was like bro andrew is fucking amazing thanks man well they beat the shit out
of me on that show that show was like you mean they beat the shit it was just emotionally i was
just bullied the whole like it was depressed i was I was the guy on the show that couldn't, I was like in last place for all the things
that I wanted to be in first for character wise.
And my dad was a piece of shit and my girlfriend was cheating on me.
It was like, they beat me up on purpose so I could get more dark on the show.
Because I was, you kind of become annoyed.
You play enough of an annoying character,
you become a...
That's why when method actors,
they're like,
yeah, he lived in character.
It's like, that's dangerous.
You get scary.
Yeah.
Because you're already being beat up
for 12 hours in a character.
Right.
And there's a transference.
I won't mention who.
I shouldn't because it's not my business,
but a good friend of mine
was on an extremely popular show.
Okay.
And on the show, he... Tell me an extremely popular show okay and on the show he told me off camera yeah and on the show he was the old boyfriend of this main character and her
new boyfriend hates him on the show and in real life he felt a little bit of that while they were
filming oh shit and he was like what the fuck man that's a t what that's character stuff yeah but
because those two
characters had bonded the new boyfriend and girlfriend right he had transferred some of that
fuck your ex to the real guy oh wow yeah and it happened i think it happens in film all the time
it's why a lot of people end up hooking up on camera right and they or they fall in love and
they fucking have a family when the show is done because you you kind of become a little bit of
this you soak into that world right it's a you you kind of become a little bit of this you
soak into that world right it's a little strange man it's a little strange what's it like shooting
something for several months like is it exhausting really oh my god dude it's a it's like especially
if you're doing long days if you're doing a single camera how is it fulfilling different so tell me
how it's fulfilling to do that versus fulfilling to do this or touring
how's how does it well this i get to speak with people that i love and respect and i want to learn
more about and or just catch up and say what's up and bring them to my little audience yeah uh
and then with that it's like there's so much pressure the same pressure from stand-up is the
same pressure i get from acting in terms of like you better deliver yeah but with acting it's this is such an annoying word but it's laborious it's
like endless amounts of like work it's it's exhausting so you do a scene you gotta do a
scene fucking seven eight times right you know or sometimes setups and then yeah it's exhausting
yeah and then you do it right one time but somebody else doesn't click there they what they're doing doesn't really work as well so then you have to redo it again but you're like
but i already did it really good yeah so now it's going to be worse and now this might be the take
that you end up using so your goal has to be to be as good every single take right you get lazy on
the take then that's what's going to show right then they're going to pick the one like anything
else right you know when you do a taping for anything and you're like why did they fucking do that i like the other yeah so that it
gets it gets tiring you know but like the pressure is the same like for you in the show yeah you know
do you feel like the king's jester is where you will need it to be yeah i mean like it's money
we're two months out from filming the special and uh yeah man like i'm i'm pretty
i'm pretty dialed in yeah it's dialed in but i'm very you know even these shows right now these
four shows that we have right now in california a couple friends are coming out taking a look at it
and like we're just like cut this snip this like i'm already thinking about the edit that's smart
yeah man like for me i i i'm the touring career that i have i'm i'm extremely grateful for
it's incredible and the thing that i don't want to do is i've seen comics get to a certain level
and they have an abusive relationship with the audience what i mean by that is like they'll be
on stage and they'll be like hey man what do you do for a living like 250 tickets and they're just
doing 40 minutes of crowd work i'm like bro, bro, we're in Radio City Music Hall.
Or we're in, you know what I mean?
You're at Carnegie Hall and you're like, you're riffing like it's the Irvine Improv.
For me, I'm like, no, I want to put on a show.
So we have the stage design, the lighting design, the video, all that sort of stuff.
I want people to feel.
And I've sat in the cheap seats to go see Bill Burr.
I know what the fourth proscenium looks like.
You're this big.
And so for me, I'm like, no, I want to put on a show and make sure they go like yo
when he comes back i'm fucking there oh that's huge i'm coming back how long do you do is it
oh is the show is an hour right now 70 78 minutes about 80 minutes i'll do about 80 minutes wow yeah
hours and you have people that open and people that open yeah but that's just to get them in a
vibe just get to get people in a vibe take someone usually all the time or no?
Dude, I've been rotating.
Like if there's somebody local, I'll reach out to somebody local.
Like, hey, come on out.
Right.
Brian Simpson's opening.
Love.
Because he's in LA.
I'm like, yo, come out.
Asif Ali opened.
He's from Phoenix.
I'm like, come to Phoenix.
Chicago.
Megan Gailey's from Chicago.
Come out.
Hannibal comes out.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
Radio City.
Just whoever's there. I'm like, ronnie chen came in you know chris rock pop you know popped he didn't do time
but he was like just i always try to get people from this from that city to come out that's huge
man yeah give an opportunity and it's a little bit of love it's local yeah and anytime i'm in a city
i'll be like hey who's who's a like a great comic that's coming up in dc i'll be like oh this is the
person and i'm like yeah no that's great do you know what i mean no i think that's huge because it
doesn't take away anything away from me or the show no why would it you know what i mean like
also you're doing something so unique right that it's like it's a nice change it's it's almost like
totally why sinatra loved comedians because he was like go do some comedy and then i want to do
some music and do my thing yeah because they're doing a different style of comedy. You come out and you're playing music, baby.
You're playing music, dude.
If comedy was an instrument, which one would you play?
Oh, man.
Like if your comedy sounded like an instrument,
what would it be?
Which instrument has the most amount of dynamic range?
For real, because I'm like-
The harpsichord, I have no idea.
You're the-
No, because there's parts that are just like more poignant
and a little bit more like just sincere
and it's more story
and then there's just
hard jokes
so you'd probably be like
a
it seemed like
it'd be some kind of a string
you'd be strings
maybe violin
sure
because you can get
very aggressive
and violins can be like
loud and heavy
and overwhelming
and then they can also be
extremely soft
and careful and quiet
oh wow
that's you
you give them both
that's great
I'm drums cause it's chaos and it doesn't make any. That's you. You give them both. That's great.
I'm drums because it's chaos and it doesn't make any sense.
What's your hour like?
What is your hour like?
Dog shit.
It's just a bunch.
It's me.
It's me.
It's not dog shit.
Shut up.
No, no, it's fun right now.
I mean, right now it's going through a weird transition
because I had some stuff that was before the pandemic
and then now it's after
and now I'm like,
do I want to include any of that?
So it's weird.
I mean, I have like an hour and 25 or an hour and 30.
When you go out, how much time do you do?
At Chicago Theater, how much time did you do?
I did an hour and 10, I think.
Okay.
And that felt about right.
Yeah, but I also did a cohesive.
Same thing, like when I did Town Hall in New York,
I did an exact 64 minutes of like this exact thing that I wanted to do.
That's perfect.
And I wanted people to see that exact thing.
And then now once I've done it enough,
I'm changing a lot of stuff in the act.
But that's gotten weird just because in the meantime,
so much stuff has happened.
So now I'm kind of confused over what I'm going to put out
if I'm going to put out anything.
I don't know if I'm going to.
Netflix was going to maybe do this thing with me
and now I'm kind of like, I don't know, we'll see.
Really?
Yeah, I just don't know. It's see. Really? I don't. Yeah.
I just don't know.
It's because about how you feel about it right now.
A hundred percent.
Yeah.
Oh,
great.
Yeah.
Cause I'm like,
well,
we'll see.
Maybe I will,
maybe not.
Maybe a piece of me will,
um,
trickle it out on my own.
Yeah.
Comedy to me now,
I've said this on this show too many times,
but comedy is like,
it's such a live art for me.
Yeah.
That I'm like,
just come see me live. Yeah. I know people like, I want to watch your stuff online. I i'm like just come see me live i know people like i want to watch your stuff online i'm like just come see me when i get to
your city wow i'll tour i wanted you know yeah because leno i read this article leno talked about
that they were like how come you don't do a special he's like because i want you to come
see me live you're also man you're a great presence what i mean by that is that like
you know there's some there's some type of comedy that translates great on video.
Yeah, dude.
When you transcribe it, it translates perfectly.
Jim Gaffigan.
Totally.
Then you know there's other comics that eviscerate the room.
You've got to see them live.
You have no idea what this looks like.
I feel like I'm a live guy.
Yeah.
I'm afraid of video a little bit because video of comedy to me just takes away a little bit from the moment in time
it's so interesting man
but like
but I'll tell you man
whatever film does
you on film
it like
it so translates
well thank you
you know what I'm saying
it's such an interesting thing
anyways all that is to say
is as I
I'm quitting the business
you are
yeah this is it
no no no
and it's time to get out
I actually think this is
this is really it
this is an intervention yeah I was gonna say I needed you here to tell me to stop yeah you're
not doing a show tonight are you no i'm doing a show tomorrow thousand oaks thousand oaks yeah
where's thousand oaks am i stupid it's like it's 40 minutes it's here yeah it's right in the valley
yeah why there i had done all the but you don't want to do anything in la la la i already did
microsoft theater we did that like at the beginning of this tour.
Wow.
Yeah.
How many fucking seats is that?
7,000.
Oh my God.
Yeah, it was wild, man.
Be honest and don't be humble.
Okay.
Are you taking private jets over here?
No.
Are you taking private jets?
No, bro.
Are you taking private jets over here?
No private jets.
I actually want to say this on the record.
I ask every comic now that's successful.
Yeah, because I'm always like, are you taking private jets?
Yeah, yeah.
Ask them what the last four digits of their bank is four two six eight sure because i do know
yeah but i'm jealous i see guys doing it i'm always like ah that looks cool really yeah it
looks cool no it's a waste of money i don't i don't i said southwest back of the plane right
can i tell you if we're going to talk about money i remember that when i was leaving la and you
pulled up an audi i was like my god santino's doing it now what did you see outside what am i driving now he's a motorcycle and bro this is fucked up to say
because you're a chicago fan and we just like kind of dapped up and embraced but there was part of
the moment i i see motorcycles now i'm like i don't don't j williams oh my god i know it's
fucked up but it's like terrible but we're we're that age you know i'm like no santino don't please
no this is a step below motorcycle though this is not this is it's more scooter right it's a scoot It's like- Terrible. But we're that age. You know what I mean? I'm like, no, Santino, don't, please.
No, this is a step below motorcycle though.
This is not- It's more scooter, right?
It's a scoot.
It's like a scoot.
It's like a high end.
It's like a fast scooter.
Yeah.
But I only ride it on the freeway.
Yeah.
And on the sidewalk.
No, I stay in the hood.
I don't take it that far.
I'm too scared because LA driving. Dude, this morning on the sidewalk no i stay in the i stay in the hood i don't take it that far i'm too scared because la driving dude this morning on the freeway i just saw a guy on a bike almost get
clipped holy shit like because a car moved in and i was like oh that's it for that guy that's it
though right if it's a car it's a little bing ding fuck we got to pull over to yeah that guy
he's what got you to do it midlife crisis yeah they got it yeah sure honestly
a friend had one
yeah yeah
got on it
and I was like
this is so fun
that's hilarious
I felt like a kid
look there's like
there's five moves
of guys our age
yeah
I'll have a friend
that's doing the watch thing
oh did you see
the thing
yes
the Hodinkee article
oh cool
oh yeah
it's a 1972
really
who was president in 1972
they couldn't tell you
there's the watch people then there's like the
I've seen the car thing
automotive in general
but I actually kind of get that because I remember when we were kids
and we were like I want a Lamborghini Countach
I remember that
I have motorcycle friends
golf friends that's now a thing
I've been golf
you've been golf
why is golf having a resurgence right now with young men what's what's caused that you think
well i will say i'm happy about it because it's it's it's keeping the sport alive but i think the
pandemic really did it people were bored they didn't know what to do and you could play a sport
outside if you lived in a good weather city it was like well why not yeah what else do we do we can't
go to bars you can't go to restaurants it was a great way to go drink with a friend outside is it
a good social hang the best oh man i mean dude i've been on golf for so long now really it's weird to
watch everyone kind of come around to it yeah which is funny because i'm like it answered all
of the questions that you why would i like why when somebody says why would i play golf like
brendan said to me neil said to me one time why would i play golf i said you get to hang out with
someone you really enjoy you get to pick who you hang out with. It's not like-
You get to be outside.
Outside.
Yeah.
If you were a drinker, which a lot of people that like to golf like to have a couple of
drinks.
Yeah.
You get to drink with friends.
So you're already doing an activity.
Much like if you went to a bar and played darts or pool.
Sure.
And if it's going poorly, nobody cares.
And if it's going great, it feels awesome yeah i mean it's like it's like
you know what it's like to me is like you go to the park and you're shooting jump shots and when
you're on and you feel like you're on you're wet it doesn't feel crispy oh splash golf is the same
thing it's like when you're killing it in golf but when you're bad at golf it doesn't matter
because you know how hard the sport is right so it doesn't fucking matter really i don't like when
is there a thing when you play with somebody
who's just not good though?
Oh yeah.
So that's a painful thing.
You gotta find the right-
Yeah, you don't play
with those people.
Got it.
Those people typically don't-
You learn pretty quickly
who you're gonna play with.
Gotcha.
There's a range, right?
There's like a spectrum of-
Yeah, totally.
I play with guys
that are 25 handicap,
which means they usually
shoot 25 over par.
Yeah.
And then I play with guys
that are scratcher pluses, which means they're fucking unreal good par yeah and then i play with guys that are scratcher pluses which means they're fucking unreal good yeah and if you're within
that range yeah you're fine wow you most people are fine if you're someone that literally can't
make contact with the ball probably not gonna play with you chances are we're not gonna play
like the charles barkley swing you're like we're not doing we're never gonna play yeah yeah if
you're if you're if you're smacking the hosel and the ball's going that way there's no chance we're
gonna play ever again yeah but one if you ever if you ever in la the hosel and the ball's going that way, there's no chance we're going to play ever again.
Yeah.
But if you ever, if you're ever in L.A. and you want to go,
Really?
Come on, dude, I'd love to take you.
Dude, I used to play in high school,
but my sister was the one who played golf in high school,
and she would, like, wipe the floor.
Oh, so she's the shit.
Aisha's the shit.
Where is she now?
What does your sister do now?
She works for Google.
She's in the legal team.
Yeah, she lives in New York.
Not a smart person, though.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you've got the brains. Yeah, brains yeah yeah my buddy worked for google and i took the bikes around one
time and you can just feel how dumb you are in comparison to most of those people totally i had
i got for i got a coffee but i didn't know how to work the coffee machine at one of those things
yeah yeah and someone was like yeah here you go i think i was like well what uh the walk
huh uh do you have the mongolian walk? No. Get the fucking noodles, bro.
I didn't.
We didn't go eat.
I just got a coffee and rode bikes around.
I was afraid to be near those smart people.
Dude.
I didn't want them to feel scared of my stupidity.
People see me on campus.
They're like, what are you doing?
Are you speaking here?
I'm like, no, I'm just visiting my sister.
And they're like, sure.
You're speaking here.
I'm like, no, man.
Just double check in, please.
What does she do for Google?
She works on their legal team.
So she's like, you know.
Jesus.
Yeah, which is a pretty major thing. Wow. Yo, yo she's killing it who are your parents more proud of her
easy i put them through a lot and everyone's like oh you mean that pejoratively i'm like no no i put
them through a lot man you did yeah man you weren't a bad kid i wasn't a bad kid but you know my my
dad is like you're so capable that's the problem so he's like if you were an idiot yeah i would
have let i would have cut bait a long time ago.
The problem is you're 30 years old
and you don't have a job.
You don't have health insurance.
This is a problem.
See what I'm saying?
I kind of got on late.
Look at you now.
Sure.
So did they say anything now?
Yeah, Simba and Mufasa are cool now.
We came around now.
Right.
Where's Scar in the mix?
Scar is my uncle.
We don't talk to him anymore.
He's a fucking asshole.
He's out of the picture.
He's out of the picture.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That is interesting to think that now they're proud, but it just took, well, you say it
took a long time, but it didn't take as long as, look, we live in this world of like-
It's not an unreasonable thing.
Here's the question.
You know, let's say you have kids.
Would you want them to do this i don't wish this
career upon my no if they wanted to do it i would understand it but also i i think what's tough is
okay if you have a kid in la yeah they're so close to it they feel it they see it they smell it they
can touch it so it's easier for them to want to be involved in this thing right but where i think
for us we grew up away from it i grew up in chicago you grew up in sac it wasn't all over you yeah so for me to even want
to go get the stink that's why my parents were supportive they were like go ahead and try because
that's insane yeah but if it was wild all my friends from chicago say when you go from chicago
to la it's a big deal it's nuts i'm like really it's a three-hour flight but they're like you
don't get it the other side of the world to us. Yes. Culturally, it's remarkably different.
But then for me, I guess what I'm saying is like, if I raised kids here and they wanted
it, I would be a little turned off and try to get them to not because it's just, you
were so close.
Yeah.
If they wanted to chase something else, I don't know.
I don't know.
Here's what I fear for my kids, man.
It's like, if they were like, I got to do it, I would just ask them, why are you doing a thing
that's entirely determined on whether or not people like you?
It's nuts.
Isn't that an insane thing?
Yeah, it's silly.
Like, I was driving around here just to get here,
and I'm just like, I'm in a fucking city where
my worth is determined by whether or not people like me.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
That's insane.
Lucky people like you, though.
Yeah, whereas, like,ren buffett and charlie
munger could give a fuck if you like them or not right right could give a rat's ass yeah their
opinion of them is irrelevant do you know what i'm saying it's true well what's it what's that
old phrase though um what other people say about me is none of my business yeah but that's how you
have to like you have to just become that anyway you just have to be like i don't really give a
shit i'm just gonna work hard at something I think is good,
and I'm going to deliver it to the people.
And hopefully they like it.
And the tough part is that you could potentially lose yourself along the way.
Do you know what I mean?
Sure.
So I'd ask my son or my daughter, I'd be like, let's start with this.
What do you want to say?
Right.
Because when we first started coming up, it was like, hey, what can I get?
Let me get on.
Right.
Can I get a Tonight Show?
Can I get a Conan?
But why? What are you trying to say? Well, i just need to be on there because you get that's how
you get to the next level what will you say on it though well i don't even fucking know but i just
need to be on it see what i mean that becomes yeah you're right that becomes that like yeah
so i would inquire there and they're like well i think i'm an expressive person okay cool what
do you express it then it'd be like maybe there's another creative outlet for it. That's not as intimately tied.
I hope both of your kids become amazing actors.
I know.
Well,
they should do,
you know,
they should do.
What's that?
Bollywood.
Hell yeah.
So much money.
Fuck yeah.
So much work.
Let's do it.
Let's get back.
Let's get back to the original.
Yeah.
Let's go back to the OG.
OG,
the original.
Nepotism.
You can make one phone call,
dude.
Right.
One phone call.
Make it happen. And make it, and yeah, you get some auditions at the very least you know for sure you think i would do well
in bollywood i think you do great you think there's always like an american is there like
one white guy that's yeah there's like one white guy that's like they check into a hotel and they're
like you can't stay here there's like some like you know you know what i mean you know there's
reverse racism or whatever it is it's just like Mr. Shaw your table's ready
and it's always like
thank you
yeah yeah yeah
I'm visiting
but it's always like
it's not like an American guy
it's like a Scandinavian guy
they got to like
do the lines
yeah yeah
they don't want an American
yeah yeah
so you're just like
this is a little off
you want one French guy
yeah
it would be great though
you'd be great in that
I would love to do a Bollywood movie
dude it would be great
I want to do Bollywood
any Bollywood producers
Bollywood producers
Andrew Santino can you please call me up I do really I would really like to a Bollywood movie. Dude, it would be great. I want to do Bollywood. Any Bollywood producers watching this. Andrew Santino.
Can you please call me up?
I do really, I would really like to.
What's the one thing in the strange world that we work in?
What's the thing that you haven't done that you do want to do?
I think doing a great Bollywood movie would be fucking awesome.
Truly, yeah.
And I think what would be really fun,
cinema and filmmaking has gotten so global in in a good way it would be really cool
to like do a series or do something and have an actor an actress crossover and just do the series
with me oh that's cool and not even you know what i mean yeah kind of like when parasite happened
you were just like oh shit i didn't know international film could be this way but if
they were you know what i mean in an english-speaking
genre or if you were in there like to me that's that's the exciting time that we live in now like
rules are just kind of well it's a lot more stuff as possible kind of bending and things are just
more fluid it's just it's it's cool when you're done with the special yeah do you have a thing
that you want to do next or you can take some time i'm in pre-production on a movie yeah that i that i wrote and yeah yeah yeah and i'm excited about you say it or no
yeah i mean we announced it but yeah yeah sure what's in it what is it um it's gonna be a comedy
it's really funny i mean i'm i'm really proud of it we'll see how it goes again i don't know a lot
about the movie making business you're starring in it starring in it it's gonna be it's gonna be
an am we're working on all that it's gonna going to be at Amazon. I'm really excited. Is it a love story?
What is it?
Can you say what it is?
Oh, come on, bro.
We'll talk.
Give me.
Give me what it is.
It's like, it's like, it's like.
It's your pretty woman.
No, it's not my pretty woman.
Can I be the prostitute?
Yeah, for sure.
I would be so good.
I pull up in like a Porsche and I'm just like, Andrew?
You know what I mean?
I'm like, Hasan, it's been a long time yeah you're right i'm different now okay do you want
to get a cup of coffee let's do that then it takes off where yeah i get it i get the movie i love the
movie i'm sold do you get it yeah go see it now it's in theater soon right is it amazon is that
what you said yeah it's amazon yeah yeah can yeah it's amazon yeah i'm gonna write a
movie really uh we were we do you want to we wrote one legit and i loved it yeah we were in production
and then it just went away right money pre-production this thing we ran out of money oh you guys were in
pre-production the whole thing we were ready to go man wow and the investors were like i don't think
we can do this this is what i'm talking about so So that's the thing. I'm always like, I'm always very- Weary of the truth?
I'm just weary of like, hey, don't touchdown dance at the deadline article.
Like, let it make air.
And then-
Right.
That's like when people celebrate before they get in the end zone and the ball gets stripped.
Yeah.
You're just like, come on, bro.
You're in the red zone.
Or you're going like this.
And then it's right here.
You're like the Rams at the Super Bowl.
That Super Bowl.
Well, now they got one. Now they got one.
Good for those guys too.
Get paid.
Get paid.
Get paper.
Go on.
Have fun.
What do you feel about all these massive contracts now?
Do you think it's affecting the-
I think somebody once said-
Now you're friends with NBA players, so that's kind of cool.
A couple of guys.
A couple of NFL players.
It's cool.
I mean, I wouldn't say I'm friends.
They know me and we're cool. They your comedy how did they find you yeah it's either
that or it's dave or the podcast world or yeah which is so nice that you can be found multiple
ways now instead of just being like i know you from the one thing i know you from yeah um but
a lot of those guys here's what i feel about it like i was watching blake griffin the other day
yeah shout out blake yeah he's playing great right now, right?
He is, dude. He's turning up.
He's working as hard as he fucking can for a guy that's been through the ringer.
Yeah.
And then I was watching, I was looking, I just wanted to look up his lifetime contract
earnings, you know?
You can just Google that.
Yeah.
Isn't that fucking crazy?
It's available, dude.
Salary, it's available.
Well, but I was looking-
You're just like 118 million, huh?
I think it said he earned upwards of a quarter billion.
That's crazy, man.
Deserves it, bro.
He went to Detroit for a while.
Didn't want to be out there.
Yeah.
Meanwhile, I love Detroit.
That's what that 20 million was for?
They're just like, hey, just to live here.
Please, come.
Yeah.
But I think that these big contracts, whenever somebody's like,
God, they're giving these athletes too much money.
My initial reaction is always, if they can pay him that,
what do you think they're making? The owners are making. Yeah, what the fuck are you talking about? I love when they go, they can pay him that yeah what do you think they're the owners are
making yeah what the fuck are you talking about yeah i love when they go they're paying him too
much it's like too much in comparison to what right right the people that are fucking puppeteering
the machine are making way more money than the guys below yeah you think they would allow that
you think they would just willingly be like all right well i'll give you 50 of what i make it's
like no chance yeah chris rock had that great joke where he was like
i'm he's like i'm rich i am so rich and so famous at my job yeah i i live in a neighborhood where
my neighbor is a fucking dentist dentist it's crazy he's like that's how that so in our in the
world of wealth and money distribution he's like do you know what i'd have to do in entertainment
to make to be like that's yeah i'd have to do in entertainment to make, to be like. That's, yeah.
I'd have to invent teeth.
It was so fucking great.
It's such a good bit.
Yeah.
But there's so much truth.
If you're mad at what the players are getting paid, you should be mad at what the owners
are making or what the fucking, what the companies that surround them are making.
There is misappropriated anger in sports about the idea of overpaying.
Also, by the way, fucking go watch a pro athlete once
and tell me how unbelievably rare their talent is.
It's crazy.
Well, why wouldn't they get that money?
I don't understand.
You want a gladiator to blow you away.
And then when they do,
you don't want to reward them?
I don't understand.
What would be the middle ground?
If they're earning that for the company...
So these are the two complaints.
You know, so funny, man. This is how I know where we're at in comedy. The dream would be the middle ground? If they're earning that for the company. So these are the two complaints. You know what's so funny, man?
This is how I know where we're at in comedy.
The dream would be like in comedy, me and you, we text LeBron.
Yeah.
You're BFFs with Caruso.
I'm BFFs with JJ Redick.
Okay.
JJ's my boy.
Okay, dope.
It's just like.
Both whiteys.
A couple of whiteys.
Yeah, just like role playing.
By the way, long career guys. For sure. They have a couple of whiteys yeah just like role-playing long by the way long career yeah guys for sure they have a ton of insight but i told jj this shout out to jj and shout out to
his podcast with tommy alter but i told jj i go listen i'm just saying this is i know how mad you
guys get at us yeah us fucking weekend warrior wannabe hoopers i get it we're the internet
comment commentators to comedy we're the percent i get it. I get it. We're the internet commentators to comedy.
100%.
I get it.
I totally get it.
But I was like, you've got to answer me these two things.
The two things I do not understand is I don't understand this Ben Simmons Game 4 situation.
It's stuff like that that I don't fucking get.
What else are you going to do?
Right.
If not this, what?
Because I'll apply it to comedy.
There's no way I'm going to go to Just for Laughs or whatever and not perform.
Yeah, it's crazy.
Are you kidding me?
That's crazy.
Are you fucking kidding me?
Why'd you get on the plane?
Yeah, yeah.
If, hypothetically, Bill Burr, one of the best, whatever, working comedians right now,
called me and was like, hey, will you open for me at the Garden?
I'm like, ah, back strain.
By the way, you know what I mean?
I lost my voice
yeah if you lost your voice
I'd find a new one
dude I would
I'd go buy a new one
I'd go to the doctor
you know how they have
the cortisone shots
I'd be like put it
get it in my throat
right here
yeah no you're right
do you understand
he calls
Jokoy calls you
I am doing the forum
hey can you do 10
yeah I'll do 4
ah dude
I'm on my way
what are you talking about
I'm there now
I'm in the dressing room
do you know what I'm saying
yeah
so it's just like
this is not even my criticism of money. I'm like, do you enjoy
playing basketball? See, I don't think he does. Yeah. I think a lot of guys, I think a lot of
athletes. So that was the first one. Yeah. And JJ told, and like, they kind of were like,
everybody doesn't love this. Yeah. I was like, what? I know a few pro athletes that have been
quite candid to me about the idea that they know they love it, but they're a little, maybe they're
tired or they're over it or they're kind of exhausted or they're ready to kind of be
done, which I know that people are, that sounds crazy, but you have to remember different from
our career. Those guys have been bred to be who they are since they were children. So that's crazy
to think, you know, you have AAU ball and traveling ball and they're 12 and 13 and people are scouting you people are talking to your mom and dad bro i'm
gonna i'm gonna hold the line i'm a pretty agreeable person i'm gonna hold the line
you have no fucking because i had no money until 30 yeah i want to tell them something
i've done the loser thing i've been a loser yeah we did a pretty good part i'm still doing it to not having a job and
not knowing what the fuck i'm doing on a tuesday bro you don't want to be 34 and be like tuesday
when they're all like i'm just gonna spend some time with my kids i'm like i'm telling you
i know what you're saying drop off is pretty whack after two weeks
you love your kids i love my kids but also come I love my kids, but I'm a good parent.
Come on, man.
I don't want to pick these guys up.
Are you kidding me?
Dude,
when I go pick up my kids,
they're just like,
Hassan's here.
Like,
they know it's a treat.
And I'm like,
I know.
The teachers,
her teachers are like,
this is a treat.
I know it's a treat.
Yeah.
But I gotta,
there's other things
I also have to do.
I'm in my,
I got lead in my pencil,
bro.
I'm only 36.
You're ready to write.
Ready to go. I gotta do something. Sure. But again, we didn't do a physical, I got lead in my pencil, bro. I'm only 36. You're ready to write. Ready to go.
I got to do something.
Sure.
But again,
we didn't do a physical thing
for a long time.
Sure, maybe.
I wasn't pushed my whole life
to be a physical specimen.
And I get it.
We don't have to go to the gym.
I get it if the knee's in the back
and all that stuff.
When your body starts to hurt,
I do think it probably
fucks with your mental.
Yes.
And I understand
in a basketball perspective,
less so than a football player.
Whenever football players,
I'm like,
those guys, after two years in the league, I'd be like, I gotta quit.
That I understand.
Baseball, you can't even complain. It's not real. Baseball's not real. And I'm a huge baseball fan.
Well, it's not real. I mean, in a sense.
So that's the first thing.
How could you get hurt?
Wait, so tell me the second thing. And like, and I know there's people that are like,
shut up. But I really do feel this. Remember that series? I think it was 99 or 2000 where it was the...
Remember the Heat Knicks series when we were kids?
Miami Heat, Alonzo Mourning.
Alonzo, yeah.
And then it was like the LJ, Larry Johnson, Alan Houston.
Grandma.
Remember?
And then they would get into fucking fist fights.
Yeah, they would beat the shit out of...
Yeah.
And you remember, you've seen that photo of Jeff Van Gundy hanging onto Alonzo Mourning's
leg?
Alonzo Mourning's just... Dragging him. Yes, just dragging him like a that photo of Jeff Van Gundy hanging onto Alonzo Mourning's leg. Alonzo Mourning's just-
Dragging him.
Yes, just dragging him like a-
Didn't Jeff Van Gundy look like the critic?
Remember the critic?
John Lovitz is the critic.
He looked exactly like him.
Yeah.
Yeah, dragging him like he was-
Yeah, yeah.
I'm just like this,
this sort of I bounce teams every year.
We all go banana boating with each other.
This is the arena.
Let's go.
I know what you're saying.
You know what I'm saying?
You miss the days where you were committed to a city a little bit more so than...
I'll explain it with comedy.
I'll do the comedy equivalent, right?
It's like we're buddies, right?
But if we get asked to do roast battle...
Yeah, we got to do it.
Let's fucking go.
What are we doing?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, you're right.
Everyone is so chummy chummy. And it's like a little bit of like the trading
jerseys things does that bother you every game i just want a little like i miss the scrappiness of
it like i do love how like joel mb the other night was like talking to drake and was like
i'm coming for the fucking sweep yeah and he was just like kind of barking at drake i was like yeah
fuck yeah yeah i know i like that i like it like i miss that i guess what i miss and maybe this is tangled up in the money argument that we just talked about
i miss the idea that kevin garnett played in minnesota for a decade you know because he
committed to the team and that was the thing to do yeah i do understand that like i do miss
a guy um a name being synonymous with a city i do think there was something cool about that
there was something cool that i that when i say david robinson you can say the team that he played for it without a doubt right yes there was something cool about that. There was something cool that when I say David Robinson, you can say the team that he played for without a doubt.
Right.
There was something beautiful about that.
Go get that champion replica jersey, 40 bucks.
Come on.
And now when somebody goes, LeBron James, what do you say?
You're like, well, Cavs, but also, oh yeah, but Miami.
And back on the Cavs.
Oh yeah, but also.
So that is.
And then you become a fan of the player.
And again, it takes away from that thing we were talking about earlier.
That's the thing that we were talking about.
You become such a fan of the player. Yeah team is almost just a shell yeah so i do miss that i
know we sound like old men like that like i sound like my dad but that is the one thing i do miss
where i can associate a player with a team i don't like going he plays for boston now right because
i do that a lot actually though we're conceding so this is i actually think this is a great like position get your money yeah get paid but i want you to scrap like i want to see
yes the two best players like head to head being like no fight it out yeah and also i think well
i think salary should be based on performance too oh look well like look at it like this
if you and i right my my performance is not good, I'm going to start selling less and less tickets
if I start giving less and less effort.
People aren't just going to keep showing up.
Oh, you're talking about guarantees.
This is like guarantees.
Yeah, well, guarantees is kind of crazy to me
that it's like, well, no, why?
If you're not, and I'm not saying
there should be like a statistical number,
like you have to hit this many,
because then you're playing for numbers.
Yeah, yeah.
But if it's obvious that you are mailing it in
and you're not kind of... Yeah.
You're not going... You're not really pushing.
Yeah.
Or I'm only going to play X amount of games.
Yeah.
You know, like they were criticizing Kyrie Irving the other night, you know?
It was like, this guy hasn't played more than 60 games.
60 games, and yeah.
And you're like, well, what the fuck?
That is a piece of me that goes, well, then we kind of chip away a little bit of your money.
Right.
I think we chip away a little bit of your money because there's other guys that are playing every fucking game.
Right. And they're dying out there for a team and they're getting smoked yeah
they're getting smacked through those teams are getting pushed around and they're still showing
up and putting on the fucking game yeah so to me there is a little thing of that that i agree with
about the money where you're like make sure that they're make sure that they're they give a fuck
about it anymore right because if i just gave you 100 million on the table and i said and i said hey man you still got to do um the 50 cities
on tour you'd be like why do i have to do all 50 let's do 38 yeah for sure i would be like no no
i'm like no no dude but you don't get the money then and you go well i'll do the 50 and it's like
yeah but you got to do it otherwise we won't pay you yeah because otherwise if i just go hey man
you can do as many cities as you kind of want on this tour totally yeah that's kind of the thing yeah athletes are listening to us be like you guys
don't know shit they don't you don't know anything about anything yeah and i'm trying i'm trying to
poke holes in it i'm like wow no no listen you deserve to get paid at the end of the day they
sacrifice their body they deserve the money and we're never gonna i don't know how to create the
incentive structure though to get like one of my favorite videos of all time is that thing of like
it's michael jordan and xavier mcdaniel and they have their foreheads against each other or like there's
this video of just like reggie miller and jordan going at it and then fucking they choke each other
i'm like i love that they hated each other yeah i miss that yeah you're not gonna get that anymore
do you know what i mean you're you're not gonna get that anymore because people and this isn't
the player's fault by the way to way, to wrap this idea up.
It's more the idea that teams want these men as chess pieces more to fill in a position that they need.
Because the positions have changed, right?
Right.
The ideas of what a shooting guard and a point guard and a three and a swing, all that stuff has changed anyway.
Completely, yeah.
So I think it's more that the system is so different and the teams need guys for certain things anymore versus you're a pacer you're a bull you're a nick you know what
i mean that it that had a vibe to it yeah where now it's kind of like yeah that culture i need
you as a guy for the squad well look at brooklyn if you want to make fun of anybody look at brooklyn
yeah brooklyn was brooklyn was you know brook Brooklyn's like going to Trader Joe's and you're picking out,
I want that frozen dish.
I want that.
This is pre-cooked.
I want, like, all the things are done for you.
It's already pre-made.
The team was, all you had to do was go pay for it.
Sure.
And they did.
Yeah.
And it didn't work out.
It's not really working.
I love that.
I love it too.
I kind of love it when it doesn't work.
Oh, I love it when they make it and it fails.
I think it's great.
What Hollywood does
Where they're like
The biggest names
The biggest stars
And the movie is bad
And you're like
This is fucking awesome
They stack it
Remember there was
That movie
New Year's Eve
The cast was like
28
Oh my god
There was so many
Famous people
Meryl Streep
The ghost of
Marlon Brando
Didn't do anything
Yeah
I love that
Yeah it's nice
You know what I mean
Because you want the underdog
Yeah
You want the low team.
Totally.
You want the thin thing to win.
Totally.
I respect Giannis because of that.
He's like, yeah, I could have gone anywhere.
And he's trying to draw people to Milwaukee.
He's like, I can do it in Milwaukee.
Yeah.
And I'm like, fuck yeah.
That's what they're doing out in Salt Lake City too.
I appreciate that as well.
Yeah.
All right, look, I love you.
I know you got a jet.
You have so much on your plate.
Go see this young gentleman.
Thank you, man.
Please see me.
Hasanmanajj comedy.com
Hasan Minhaj
just Hasan Minhaj.com
just the website
alright
and I know over the years
I've always said Hasan
and you say Hasan
yeah
but I'm gonna keep saying it my way
say it your way
because I've said it since we've met
yeah
you kept it consistent
and I get corrected constantly
by Fahim
why
don't worry about it
and Fahim by the way
when you're ready for round two
for the fight
come see me bud
come see Andrew
come see me and guess who'll be the ref Asif Asif yeah way, when you're ready for round two for the fight, come see me, bud. Come see Andrew. Come see me.
And guess who will be the ref?
Asif Ali.
Asif.
Yeah, Asif will.
You knew we both went there at the same time.
We end the show the same way.
Beyond the fact that you need to go see this gentleman on tour
if he's in your city,
if the tickets aren't sold out,
which they probably are.
You look in that camera right there on your solo
and you give us one word or one phrase to end the episode.
This is going to be cemented in history.
Wow.
So one word or a phrase.
Some people, the word shakes them.
But if you've got a phrase, deliver it when you're ready.
I can just say what the word of the day is?
You can say your word or your phrase, but we're going to end on that.
So look in that camera and give them what you need.
Emphatic.
In here, we pour whisk, whisk, whisk, whisk, whisk.
You're that creature in the ginger beard.
Sturdy and ginger.
Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse.
Gingers are beautiful.
You owe me $5 for the whiskey and $75 for the horse.
Gingers are hell no.
This whiskey is excellent.
Ginger. I like gingers.