Whiskey Ginger with Andrew Santino - Paul Virzi

Episode Date: August 12, 2022

Santino sits down with one of NYC’s finest Paul Virzi to discuss family life in Westchester, living next door to Yannis Pappas, and boy oh boy does he love that secret sauce. Check out his new special Nocturnal Admissions on Netflix! #paulvirzi #whiskeyginger #andrewsantino #podcast  COME SEE ME ON TOUR!!! https://www.andrewsantino.com ORDER SOME MERCH!!! https://www.andrewsantinostore.com Join our Patreon : https://www.patreon.com/whiskeygingerpodcast ============================================================================== SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS! ROMAN Get your T up dudes and $15 off your first month and FREE SHIPPING https://getroman.com/whiskey SIMPLISAFE Get that house secured  20% off entire system and first month FREE https://simplisafe.com/whiskey MINT MOBILE Plans Starting at $15 a month! https://mintmobile.com/whiskey Follow Santino on Insta and Twitter: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino/ https://twitter.com/CheetoSantino Whiskey Ginger Insta and Twitter: https://www.instagram.com/whiskeygingerpodcast/ & https://twitter.com/whiskeyginger_ Whiskey Ginger Clips: http://www.youtube.com/c/WhiskeyGingerPodcastClips Produced and edited by Joe Faria IG: @itsjoefaria Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What up, Whiskey Ginger fans? Welcome back to the show. We got a good one for you today, like my man Steve Harvey done say. It is Paul Verzi. This dude is so funny, so cool, so quick. He's got a special out right now, Nocturnal Admissions. Such a funny dude.

Go see him on tour as well. He's got some dates pumping around. And your boy, your boy is happy to finally announce I am taping my special in Denver, Colorado. Denver, Colorado. Denver, Colorado. Come on out September 24th. We got two shows. I think it's 7 and 9.30.

I'm filming at the Paramount Theater. Paramount Theater, baby. I cannot wait to be in Denver filming my special. I'm so excited. September 24th. In the meantime, I'm going to be in Salt Lake City September 9 and 10, working out some stuff. I'll be in New York the week before,

just bouncing around. But September 9 and 10, I'll be in Salt Lake uh, September 13th. I'm in Brea improv. Let's go Southern California. Come out and see me work the hour. And then finally, uh, one show, uh, in Minneapolis and one show in Madison, Wisconsin, I'm doing the, uh, Fillmore and Barry Moore respectively. Uh, go to Andrew Santino.com for all those tickets, Andrew Santino.com plus go to that website. If you want to see the those tickets, andrewsantino.com plus. Go to that website if you want to see the new merch. A lot of you guys love to see me in Italy jumping around with Gisato. And a nice big warm plate of Gisato. We worked with this merch company that we got now, and they've hooked it up with these great shirts,

these Gisato shirts. So if you want to get a taste of a Gisato, go to andrewsantino.com. You can see the store will be right there, easily available in one of the tabs to click on, or it's in the description down below. But go get yourself a Gisato shirt from Italy, and go to androsantino.com for everything. Go get the tickets, man. Come see me live before I'm done until summer of next year, I think. Enough rambling from me. Let's go to the episode.

In here, we pour whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey. You're that creature in the ginger beard. Sturdy and ginger. Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse. Gingers are beautiful. You owe me $5 for the whiskey and $75 for the horse. Gingers are hell no. This whiskey is excellent.

Ginger. I like gingers. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to Whiskey Ginger. My guest today is one of my favorite people on earth. I say that for all my guests, but I mean it once again today. It is the incomparable, incomprehensible, inconclusive, injectable, interstitial, intermediate. I'm just making up bullshit right now. Paul Verzi, thank you for coming to the show.

Thanks for coming, dude. Thanks for having me, man. Cheers. Cheers to you, man. Look me in the eyes. There we go, just in case. You didn't poison it. We're drinking a little bit of special sauce.

It's none of your business what we're having, but it starts with a B and ends in lanterns. Ooh. Wow. Good, huh? Oh, my God. A little bit of good jazz.

Dude. And we got these new glasses sent to me. I feel like it's going to fuck up. It's not. I'm going to spill all over your table. I promise it's not. That is unreal. It's kind of wild.

Also, this table was free. This was from a garage sale. Someone in my neighborhood was throwing it away. Actually, that's funny. I couldn't find a literal table that would be good for the podcast. And years ago, I found this in my fucking neighborhood. It was all broken and cracked. But you know what isn't found like on the you found it like on the street like yeah nice isn't broken and cracked stuff kind of the best shit on earth you can find

shit that you're like somebody's putting that away throwing that out this was not it was in fine condition but i think the guy was getting a divorce i think he was going through some tough times yeah and she's like yeah she's like sell Yeah, get that shit out of here. And give me half. Ugh, God. You're married. I am. You? Yeah, I am.

No kids, though. Kids? Yeah, 13 and 10. Holy shit. Yeah, dude. What's going on? The whole fucking thing, dude. Two kids, 13, 10, dog, cats.

What are you doing? Cats? Everything. I just, I don't say no, dude. I don't say no. Really? I'm one of those. Yeah, I'm one of those.

Will you have sex with me right now on camera? No. There you go. Liar. Guy doesn't say no. I should have meant to my kids. Yeah, yeah, okay. Yeah, no, we, you know, I'm like, my wife's opposite.

My wife's very like, you know, planned, you know, like make sure we do this right. Like you're getting, doesn't like, my wife doesn't like spontaneous. I do. What do you mean? Like if you're like out on vacation and you're like, let's go to this other place. She's like, no, no,

we have reservations at 630. Right, no, I just walked in my son's room the other day, five o'clock, and we're like an hour north and I was like,

buddy, you want to go to the stadium? I'm going to go to the Residence Town. Nice. And my wife's like, what do you, it's dinners in an hour. I go,

we're going to the stadium. I'm getting tickets. So then she opens up to it, but I drive her nuts because she's not like that. She just is, she wants, she's like, no, it's Tuesday, it's dinner. Yeah, but I drive her nuts because she's not like that. She just is. She wants, she's like, no, it's Tuesday, it's dinner. Yeah, but I mean, so what?

Yeah, I know. Hey. We have so many dinners left. We have, yeah. We have so many dinners left to go. We have so much, yes. Yeah, it's just one of those things. My son was like, fucking.

Let's go. Oh, dude, he was like, second button on the jersey was done. Who's his favorite player? Because he's 13? He's 13. I would have to say Judge. It's got to be Judge. What do you mean?

It's got to be Judge. In that age range for kids, that's like a... That was my Mattingly. Right, right, right. Walked in, you saw... And the Yankees sucked then. Didn't matter.

Didn't matter. Still the Yankees. Donnie Baseball. Yeah, you grew up so spoiled, man, you fucking Yankee fans. I'm so sick of it. I'm a Cubs kid, so like, you don't know pain.

You guys don't know pain. Yeah, because my pain was in the 80s. I was too young for the pain. Right. Because by the pain. Yeah, because my pain was in the 80s. I was too young for the pain. Right. Because by the time the pain was over, I was in the age of like 16, where it just hit the sweet spot. I lived in the middle of it.

And our stars were like Mark Grace and Sandberg, who were phenomenal, but it was also like, that's all I had as a kid. But you had something that we didn't have. And Dawson, but I mean, you know. Dawson was great too. Do you like Sandberg, Dawson, who was the first baseman? Mark Grace. Mark Grace, yeah.

Grace, Sandberg, Dawson. Look, we had a good crew, but it was also like, the pain was just, it was just different as a kid because we were always losers. Did you cry when they won or no? Yeah, I took my dad.

Oh, okay. Of course I cried. Yeah, yeah. I don't cry when people die. I cry when we win World Series. I know, I know. But would you have cried? Would you have cried

if your dad wasn't there, though? If it was just like you and a buddy? Would you think that it was the moment with your dad though? If it was just you and a buddy? Or do you think that it was the moment with your dad? Yeah, to be honest with you, it was because I would have never brought a friend. The moment I knew we were going, I said to my old lady, I was like, I have to buy me and my dad tickets.

I don't care how much I cost. And she was like, get on the computer. It was a no-brainer. She was like, you have to. This will never happen again. And it will never happen again. Did you grow up in New York? Yeah, I grew up, well see, I was in first grade,

all that was on TV was the Mets, because I was 86. So I didn't even know there were two teams. So I was like this first grader going to school, Mets are playing the Astros and the NLCS, because the Astros were the NL at the time. Right, and switched. Yeah, and then that amazing run.

And then my mother's like, we've got to take Paul to a baseball game. And they said to my mom, if you take him to a baseball game, you take him to Yankee Stadium. Yeah.

You're not going. You're not going to the other side. You're not taking the kid to fucking Queens. Queens? Yeah, you're not going to Queens. I don't even know how to get there. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And she was like, and they were like the history. So then I walked into Yankee Stadium. And that was not like now, like these cookie cutters where you see everything right when you walk. No, that was like you had to go through the narrow thing, and then it opened up. And dude, Andrew, I saw fucking Donnie Baseball over. Changed your life. Over.

23, green grass, the whole thing, fucking over. Got the yearbook, like looked at his kids, his wife's name. Yeah, his wife's name. I remember, I think his wife's name was Kimberly. Shout out to Kimberly, by the way. Yeah, shout out to, like I remember seeing the whole thing. That was it for me, man. We had Mel Hall, who I think went to jail for rape, which is a bummer.

God bless. But yeah. Good luck, goodbye. Jesse Barfield, this guy in right field had a cannon. By the way, Barfield? Jesse Barfield. Get a better name. Barfield.

Roberto Kelly. He ended up, he was on the Reds. Yeah, so all those names. They stuck out in your brain as a cannon. By the way, Barfield? Jesse Barfield. Get a better name. Barfield. Roberto Kelly. He ended up, he was on the Reds. Yeah, so all those names. They stuck out in your brain as a kid. They stuck out in my brain as a kid. But we did lose, though. Like, the Yankees sucked for that for my probably first, second grade until, actually, until 96. Oh, no, but there was a strike in 94 we were going to do good.

Baseball was off. Baseball was off when the Yankees started to make the run. And then, yeah. And then Giants and Knicks, and I really don't care about hockey. I can't. I try. I can't. Who are you?

The Rangers? Are you hockey? Yeah, but I mean— Big or no? No, no. No, you're a Chicago kid. I mean, no, we like the Blackhawks and all that stuff. I like them.

I think they're great. But I just grew up in a different world of sports. I never grew up on ice. You had to grow up on ice to like hockey, you know? I think the same in New York. Yeah, you had to kind of grow up on ice. I had to grow up on ice to like hockey. I think the same in New York. You had to kind of grow up on ice. I had cousins that played and that were really good. But no, I didn't.

What neighborhood did you grow up in New York? Did you grow up upstate or in the city? I was born in Yonkers, which is right outside the Bronx. But then always Westchester. And now I'm about an hour north in the country. Because you were like, I've got to get the fuck out of the city. Matter of fact, Giannis would visit with his wife. Yeah.

And then he lives six houses down on the same side of the street. So we're like- Wait, now you guys live that close? Yeah, yeah. Holy shit. I go in my backyard and he'll go in his backyard. We just start yelling and we echo. And his dog and my dog are like best friends.

So him and Brittany would come and visit. And I never thought they would leave because she's from Long Island. Long Island people don't leave. Right. They stay. They stay. Long Island might as well be another fucking- Long Island people are like, and she just fell in love with it up there. Long Island people don't leave. Right. They stay. They stay. Long Island might as well be another fucking, Long Island people are like,

and she just fell in love with it up there, so now they live up there. Wild. So we're like an hour and 10 out of the city, hour five. Isn't it funny to see like all of the New York comics slowly starting to spread away from the city as time has gone on?

I've seen more guys. The city's a shithole. The city's fucking over. It's just tough. It's fucking horrible. Well, also look, if you're 23, yeah, you want to live in the fucking center of it all. You want to lose your mind in Manhattan.

But I think as you get older, I've seen that with all of my friends as we progressed in comedy. You know, I've started to see guys slowly bounce out and go their own way. And it's just kind of wild to watch because you're like, when we were young and we all met, it was like everyone was just, everyone needed to be in the mix. And now it's just spider veins. What I found, I don't know if you found this out here. It was like everyone was just, everyone needed to be in the mix, and now it's just spider veins. What I found, I don't know if you found this out here, I don't know if it's that much different out here,

but it's what you thought was important is so fucking ridiculous. Oh, yeah, man. Dude, I used to leave my family on a Tuesday to go fucking run into a $25 spot thinking it fucking, you know, in this hamster wheel. And now, you know, I'm running, I'm running. Yeah, I'll see you at the 10, 15. It was so fucking dumb. And my kids are like, where is he?

Why is he? But I'll say this. Maybe you needed it at the time. There's a piece of me that like goes, maybe at the time it was right. Yes. And it stopped when it needed to stop. Yeah, and maybe even if it went a little longer

just because of the pandemic made you realize, all right, listen, but like, yeah, you can't be on that hamster wheel. And it's also, you got to like work hard. We work hard, we all work hard. But you gotta make it smart too. Yeah, because you wanna die, you wanna die with it being a culmination. You don't wanna die working so hard

that you forget to like enjoy any of it. It's funny you said that because these nurses, they did like, they asked all these nurses across the world. Are you dying and you're about to tell me that you're dying? No, no, no. It's funny that you said that. Is it funny you say that because these nurses, they did like a, they asked all these nurses across the world. Are you dying and you're about to tell me that you're dying? No, no, no. It's funny that you said that. Is it funny you say that? I'm a terminal cancer. I'm dying. I'm working so hard. I'm dying. I'm so Italian. Like God forbid, I can't even, uh, no. As you said, I was a guy who was at the side of the cross for real. Yeah. No. Um, these nurses from all over the world said

that, um, when people are on their deathbed, their last words are I should have taken more time on my family life. That's the thing. I don't like when comics do this. I said this somewhere else before, but I don't like when comics do where they're like, yeah, I miss my kid's thing. Well, fucking don't.

Tell your agent, book me next week because it's my daughter's dance recital or it's the daddy-daughter dance. Right. You know, because one day, you know, you're going to be on your deathbed thinking that little girl was crying. I missed her dance recital. You'll never get that back. Make some fucking assholes in Ohio laugh.

It's fucking ridiculous. Like, she's going to therapy scarred for fucking life. But you did the deal at the Funny Bone. You had to be at Go Bananas. It was 75% door deal. I couldn't say no. How do i walk no you're right i think that's another thing the pandemic and age has both proved to me

how much i care about uh other things i love stand-up and i love comedy so much yeah but it made me appreciate it in a different way where i was like oh i just have to pick and choose the way i do this now a little bit a little bit more honed in, you know? Right. Like before when you're younger, you're just shooting the gun everywhere. Now you're a sniper. Now you're, now you snipe it out. That's exactly what it is. And, and I do the same thing. I'm like, sometimes I still have the mentality of, am I doing enough? Am I doing enough? Do I need, and my wife, like my wife will actually hone it in and be like, dude, you're, you know, put the special out. And I was so worried because when the special came the special came out um on netflix in june on june 23rd and my next week i was in san diego and i had to do a new hour and luckily i did i did i got to i got to over 60 minutes and it was everything i wanted

but the stress of that like it was like being back in the hotel like actually like you know when you're you know like now we go on the road, how long you been doing it? 17 years. Okay, yeah, yeah, very similar. We go on the road and now you go into the hotel, you check, you eat, you do everything and then in your mind you're like, all right, this is the set because this is the set you're working on. Maybe I'll throw this in there, maybe I'll do that. But when the Netflix thing came out, I had people hit me up going, hey man, should we watch your special

or come to the show? And I'm like, no, no, no, come, it's going to be, but that's when you're in the room going like, oh shit, like, let me make sure, like, all right, this one, shit, I think I can get to 45, you know, and then it ended up being great, but like, that's the, that's, it's nerve-wracking. Did you play the comedy store in La Jolla or would you play down in San Diego? No, I played American Comedy Company. Okay, okay, yeah. Great room. Well, now there's 90 rooms down there. It's a different world. And speaking of which, go watch the special on Netflix. That's a good transition. If you haven't seen the special yet, please go watch the special. It's available

on Netflix. You have Netflix. I know you didn't cancel it just because of the Chappelle stuff. And if you did, just reinstate it just to watch a special. Then cancel it again if you're mad about dating. Yeah, it's called Paul Verzi, Nocturnal Admissions. It's doing well. Nocturnal Admissions is a great, Nocturnal Admissions is a great title.

Yeah, thank you. It's phenomenal. We were thinking of like, because I said that I'm a nocturnal admissions is a great, nocturnal admissions. Nocturnal admissions. Is a great title. Yeah, thank you, thank you. It's phenomenal. We were thinking of like, because I said that I'm a nocturnal, I've always, since I'm little, my mom, dude, it was weird. It was weird, like my mother's friends would come over when I was a baby, and she would be like, dude, you ate at like 10, and then you went to bed till 5, and people were like, dude, is your baby sick? Like I always, and then at night, I was up. So I was always this nocturnal, so I talk about that, and then we ended up coming up with the play on words, but. Did you you pick it or did someone else say it? No, I did. I picked it.

Okay, good. I picked it, but here's the thing. I picked it five years ago for another one. And somebody's like, I don't know. And it was always in the back. And then when I said nocturnal in the special, I was like, nocturnal. And Berlino was like, dude, yeah, you should go with nocturnal emissions. I go, right?

And we did. That's money. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's great, man. Well, please go watch it. If you're watching right now, pause the podcast. Go watch it. Come back.

It'll change your perspective on him. Fuck, that's a plug. Yeah. No, but you know what? You're in deep with those guys. You had mentioned someone that runs, a gentleman that runs Bill Burr's company. I know you and Bill are really tight. You guys knew each other from back when he was in Boston or in New York?

Yeah, so I would open for Bill on some of his East Coast runs. We became friends. He saw me in 05, liked me, and referred me to a room. And then in 07, I started to open for him here and there, and we became super. Bill's my son's godfather. He's like family to me now. But yeah, so we just started working together. He's an East Coast, Boston guy.

I'm a New York guy. We talk shit about the Yankees and the Red Sox and the Patriots and the Giants. So yeah, we met. And then when he started a company with, actually, I think R.S. Shafir was part of that too. Well, it was Burr and Al Madrigal. Burr, yeah, Burr, Al Madrigal.

Now Mike Berlino, who runs all these great guys. Burr, yeah. Burr, Al Madrigal, now Mike Berlino who runs a, all these great guys. So they, yeah, they were the producers of the special. Of the special, yeah. Yeah, and I gotta shout out

my dear friend Pete Davidson directed it. Oh, he did? Oh, yeah. Oh, no shit. I didn't know he directed that. Yeah, Pete's my guy. That was the first thing

he ever directed because he, Pete saw me when I was like 16 and like I became one of his favorite comics and then in 18 he did my podcast Aversity Effect. We just hit it off, man.

Dude, he is so fucking cool, man. Yeah, he's a good egg. Oh, dude, he's the best. He's so down to earth and the best. Known him for a long time, yeah. Dude, he would fucking, like I would call him on a Saturday night, and he would answer like, hello. I'd go, hey, what's going on?

And he'd be like, nothing. And all of a sudden, he'd be like, I'm at work. He'd be on SNL, dude. He'd be like 11.45, and he'd be in the thing, and he'd be like, oh all of a sudden he'd be like i'm at work it'd be he'd be not snl dude he'd be he'd be like it'd be like 11 45 and he'd be in the thing and he'd be like i'm just making sure you're good you know and like that i tell that story a lot because that's the dude that he is and he's so misunderstood it's it pisses me off kind of yeah but i mean dude it's so hard it's i know nobody's gonna understand us anyway i know you you're you're you are an item to them in a way that you can't explain. This is fucking. This is delicious.

I mean, dude, this is. To the gods. Cheers to the gods. Cheers, dude. Cheers to you giving me this because this is. Oh, come on. Dude, this is like. It's a little bit of secret sauce.

The audience doesn't know. We got a little secret sauce going on. I'm going like, yeah, I'll do a little sip. Now I'm like, dude, get that fucking thing out of here, dude. I'll just. We'll see. Yeah. I'm calling your wife.

He's passed out at the studio. He's thrown up everywhere. I know we don't know you. He missed his flight. I'll take the kids to soccer. I promise. Now that it's summertime with the kids back home, is it kind of nuts or do you ship them off to camp?

My kids are just let's go, let's do things. Oh, so it's not annoying around the house. It's like we're gone. We're doing shit all the time. Yeah, so my son is really good at basketball. He's at John Wallace. You know John Wallace? Do you remember John Wallace? Mm-mm. John Wallace went to the Final Four for Sy the time. Yeah, like, so my son is really good at basketball. He's at John Wallace. You know John Wallace? Do you remember John Wallace?

Mm-mm. John Wallace went to the Final Four for Syracuse. Oh, yeah. Yeah, so he coaches my son's... Oh, he does? Yeah. Is he on AAU or whatever? Yeah, well, yeah, so...

Whatever it's called. And my son is, like, point guard for the junior high. My son is... He's nasty, huh? Nasty. He's nice with it. My son dropped 36 in the last game. He hit eight threes.

36 points? I'm on a fucking airplane, and coaches are texting me going, dude, your son is lighting the gym up. And Stacey was like, this is amazing. And I was like, well, can you fucking send video? Yeah. She's like, I know. I was just so into it.

I'm kind of his dad. 36 is disgusting. He hit like eight threes. I think that's what I dropped my whole high school career. His shot is, he's had NBA players and college players go do it. But here's the thing, though. I'm 5'8". His mother is 5'1". I was just going to say.

And neither of you is black, huh? No. Yeah. Well, I'm Sicilian, so you don't know. Same. Are you Sicilian? Yeah, Santino. I know.

Yeah, I just got back from Sicily, actually. Really? Yeah, I've been there a few times. Tried to go to the homeland. Yeah. I was such a fucking asshole. I was going to book the family Sicily, Greece, because that's what I am. My mother's Greek.

My father's Sicilian. I was going to book the family. Hey, you're double dirty, bro. That's dirty people. Yeah, yeah. I'm Mediterranean, dude, through and through. You fish-eating greaseball, bro. Dude, I see white leather.

I start sweating. I get so happy. Look at that couch. Oh, dude, you give me white marble, anything white. It's just, I'm drawn into it. It's on you. Oh, dude, I love it. I love it.

Brett Ernst got me into cologne on another level. It's all coming out. The chain's got to come. Something's happening to me. Dude, something has happened. Like the old Italian man in me is starting to morph out. Sure. It's transforming, man.

But I'm such a dick because when Putin goes into Ukraine, it was right when we were going to book the tickets. And I'm going like, I know it's not going to be, but then you're like, if there's a World War III. And then I'm like, I don't want to be in Europe with my young children and something happens. And then now I see people taking selfies in the Coliseum. I'm like, fuck, we should have done it. We'll go next year. But I feel like I did the right thing at the moment.

Well, the timing was everything. I had booked a Europe trip and then literally COVID hit. I mean, it was creepy. It was like we finally said yes and then I was like, we're going. We were going to go in May. And then March of 2020 was like shut down the fucking world. So we

had to cancel everything. No kids. No kids. No, just us two. You're going for kids or no? Yeah. Yeah. If we get one, we'll grab one. You want me to loan yours? I'll take yours for three more years. I'll take the 15-year-old. I'll take the three-year stint. Well, here's the thing.

You're a Sicilian kid, and we need more. Yeah, you got to produce. We need more, yeah. I know. Yeah, we're rare. Although, my dad, I don't even, my dad has probably 30 kids. I don't know how many kids my dad has. He's got kids all over the world.

My dad is such an over-the-top character. They got divorced when I was five and my older brother was ten. I was one. And bitter. My bitter. Bitter. I hated it. The first time they were under the same roof after that was my wedding. They never spoke again for 30 years, your parents? No, never. My father, he

wouldn't. He wouldn't. It was brutal. He'd be like, you know, with Sicilian, he would literally say this. He would be like, it's better than. It's just better than, and like, no explanation. Like, what do you mean? Like, it's better than Italian. It's Sicilian, the best people in the world. Like, you know, he was like that.

It's like a level up to him. Yeah. Oh, dude. Well, they got nothing in common. When you go to mainland, you go down there, they're really different people. It's like, it's too complete. It's just like Northern California, Southern California. It's the same thing.

It'd be like saying a New Yorker and a kid from Philly. And you'd be like, these are totally different people. You know what I mean? It's the same idea, but very different cultures. And it's so close. Yeah. Where did the red hair come from? I'm Irish, too.

My mother's a leprechaun, man. My mom is a tiny little Irish lady. So they're all Irish. And then the other side's all Sicilian. It's all Italian and Irish people. Awful people, bro. Awful people. And thank God for the Sicilians, because I just went to Ireland,

and some of the ugliest people I've ever seen in my life. Really? Shout out to Ireland. I'm joking. I love you. Relax. All the fucking Irish people get all mad. Yeah, no, dude, it was just, you know.

Look, there's not a lot of supermodels coming out of Ireland. Prove me wrong, all right? Yeah. Say I'm wrong. Is your Sicilian side like real sicilian as far as like oh yeah yeah it's disgusting it's crazy right yeah it gets ridiculous i don't trust anybody no but it's also like they're just old school my grandfather was just very very old school was a hustler was a street guy you know so and all the money he made was uh street hustles he used to sell floor mats out of the trunk of his car.

I mean, he would go down to the textile factories. He knew a guy who would cut rubber. He'd cut rubber. He'd walk into a kitchen at a fucking restaurant. And he'd go, you could slip and break your neck on these things. And people were like, get the fuck out of here. He's like, give me the manager. And he would literally, he would be, dude, he would convince the manager to take the mats out, put his mats in.

He would just forcibly put them in. No, that's a hustle. And go 250. 250 or 200. And definitely had friends that did illegal shit. Who knows where he cut the rubber from. Yeah, they were friends. Yeah, they had friends. They had friends all over.

They always knew. But that was his whole thing. I mean, never a day, my lady used to laugh. There wasn't a day I saw my grandfather for lunch. We'd go see him. There wasn't a day that he didn't have gifts in the car. So we'd go out to his truck and he'd be like, you know, I got coats. I'll have he got he'd always have candles he'd have coats

winter gloves winter's coming he always had stuff because you know if you have friends they find their way off the thing into the thing and he was a street hustler my whole life yeah no but that's all i knew was hustle no with my sicilian side it was always like you know i'm talking about this in the new hour. My dad would just judge people. You need a new watch. You need a nice car. You need to be dressed.

I wouldn't trust anybody. He wouldn't trust anybody. And when people loved somebody, he was always—my father worked on Martin Luther King Day, purposely. Why? Why? He was like— He worked purposely. He'd be like, yeah, everybody's—you know, nobody takes off a Martin Luther King Day.

He goes, I don't know if he was a good guy. He goes, I don't know if he's a good guy. He goes, I don't know if he was a good guy. What is he, a pervert? Fuck that. I don't know that fucking guy. I'm working. I got money to make. Dude, I'm like little.

I didn't know MLK. Show me his resume. He goes, anybody can say everybody's equal. I don't know that man. I'm working. I got money to make. Dude, my dad called up. Dude, this is a story I just found out.

I got to make this a joke. But I don't know how to. He goes, he called my brother's principal when my brother was young. My dad called up, dude, this is a story I just found out. I got to make this a joke. But I don't know how to. He goes, he called my brother's principal when my brother was young. And he goes, dude, this is 100% real. He goes, yeah, I got a question. He goes, my son, Christian, my older brother, he's five years older. He goes, my son came home.

He fucking knitted me. He goes, he fucking knitted me something. So I'm like, all right. And then he goes, and then the next day, he came home with a fucking cupcake. And he goes, what the fuck's going on down there? And the guy goes, oh, it's home economics. We do things like that. He goes, you gonna send them over here in a fucking dress? He goes, let me tell you something. Take them out

of the class or I'm pulling them out of the school. My dad was like, my dad, dude. I said in the special that's on Netflix now, if my dad was a comic today, canceled 90 seconds. First joke. They would have pulled the cord and go, what did he say? No, he's on Netflix now, if my dad was a comic today, canceled. Canceled. Canceled 90 seconds. First joke. They would have pulled the cord and go, what did he say?

No, he's got, like, he's just. You're turning him into some kind of moe? What are you doing sending him home? He goes, cupcake. Cupcake. Is that what you want my son to be, a cupcake? Don't get me wrong, it was delicious. Yeah, that's it.

Yeah, yeah. Don't get me wrong. Who doesn't like a cupcake? Well, did you eat it? Yeah, of course I ate it. It was a fucking cupcake. I mean, it was chocolate. It was delicious. Not insane, but you know. No, but he, like, my dad was definitely, of course I ate it. It was a fucking cupcake. I mean, it was chocolate. It was delicious.

Not insane, but you know. No, but my dad was definitely one of those. And you know what's funny is they got divorced when I was five and my brother's ten. At first, you're a kid. You don't know why. But then when you see them in life, you see how different. Well, when you grow up, you understand why they didn't belong together maybe. You kind of just see like it's just totally different.

Like my father was big on status. Like my father would get a fur coat, get my mother a matching one, watches and stuff, but he was like, we're going to get a boat, we're going to get a bigger house. He was moving up in AIG. And she was like, I just want a fucking, you know. An easy life. I just want an easy life.

I don't care about that. I don't care about that. So you could see how them as a couple wouldn't work. In here, we pour whiskey. Hey, man to man, I care about you guys, okay? I've spoke about Roman on this show before, but I want you to feel confident. I want you to feel like the Whiz Chinch.

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In and out of jail when I was a kid. But he got his life together later. You know, much later he, like, got it all together. Was he a gambler or no? He was in everything, dude. Yeah. He was an addict. I mean, he loved everything. I i mean he gambler for sure i mean you know going to the track and going to the boat the boat in chicago you know we have to have our

casinos on water in the midwest okay yeah it's a bullshit loophole so they put a boat it's docked forever but it's on water you know what i mean that was like an old that was like an old thing still like no no no that was years ago Now I think the rules have all changed because Rivers Casino, I think certain casinos can't do certain games on certain, you know what I mean? Yes, yes. But they go down to the boat and you know, he would always say, I'm going to spend a couple of bucks at the boat. And I got used to hearing stuff like that. I didn't know any better, but I, that was always hustling. It's a couple of bucks at the boat. It's a Tuesday night. Cause to my dad, it was like, if he wasn't using,

the boat was the best alternative, which is true. Not drinking and doing drugs. He would just go gamble because what's the other vice? At some point, that's one of those things where when I would go to those, what are they called? Al-Anon? Yeah, Al-Anon, right? No, what's that?

Al-Anon? Isn't it Al-Anon? I'm drawing such a weird blank. When I was a kid, I have to look it up because I'm freaking out. You know when your brain stops working? You're like, oh yeah, it's for family. Al-Anon. I'm right. Al-Anon is like for family members of addicts, you know? If you're like a son of an addict or a daughter.

Oh, okay. It's a support system type thing. Got it. And those things always would say, there was always supplementation of addiction. My joke always was like, yeah, there was always supplementation of addiction, right? Like, you know, my joke always was like, yeah, it's like, yeah, you gave up booze, but you picked up cigarettes and coffee, and it's the same. It's like, you'll drink nine cups of coffee and smoke two packs.

Dude, you ever perform for, like, NA? Yeah. Dude, it's the line for coffee. It's like getting in for, like, coffee is fucking everything. Right, right. So you're like, is there gold? Are they giving away gold?

They're like, no, this is the only thing that can catch me, you know, can make me feel a type of way. Like, just shift your brain a little bit. So then I learned that it was like, you're going to supplement an addiction, but if it's throwing a couple of bucks at cards, I understood it. I got it.

I was like, right. You know, they say you have to be careful in leading to other stuff, and I'm certainly not an expert on addiction, but I did understand. I started to understand why you would supplement. Like, you got any vices um no like i was i was i was the type of guy i just never wanted the party to end but i didn't have i wasn't like i wouldn't like when

the party ended i wouldn't like go sneak shot like i've been around alcoholics yeah where all of a sudden there's just like a it's like a little family day and then all of a sudden the guy comes back and he smells a little different like oh he like, oh, he's doing shots in his shower. That's fucking nuts. Tough. Yeah, that's tough. I was just a type of, if me and you, we had a party here, we're watching a game. I'd be like, Andrew, let's pour another one.

Dude, let's get some cigars. We'll get another bottle. And my wife is like, dude, it's five in the morning. It's over. But is it over? You know what's funny that you said that? Giannis. So Giannis just comes up to the house,

we'd watch a doc, so we'd smoke a cigar, we'd always say, you wanna watch a doc? Let's watch a doc, we'd put it on, and he'd have one like me and you, just now. Yeah, a little snifter. And then he would, you know, then at like 1.30 in the morning, I'd see him get real tired,

and he would see me just take a bottle of Lagavulin and just pour another two inches, and he would go like, what the fuck are you doing? Like it's, no one's here. It's a good night, it's a little good night. Yeah, I would always beat myself up a little extra

but not, but not a pro, so I guess my vice is just a good time trying to fucking. You're a guy that likes a good time. I'm a guy that likes a good time. As long as he doesn't interrupt

your family time. You know, if it's getting in the way of being a dad or a husband. Yeah, and I'm glad that I didn't get into, I'm not a psychedelic guy.

I can't fuck it. Have you ever done them? No, fuck that. Really? I mean, years and years ago, I spit it out, dude, and I still got a little remnants of it. They were like, oh, it's acid. It's called a white pearl. And I put it on my tongue, and I sat there for a second, and then I was just like, what am I doing?

And I took it out, and what it did was it kept me, I ended up seeing streaks, and it kept me up late. But I don't want to ever question why I exist, dude. I have anxiety. Like, I can't. You know, you know those guys who, like, figure shit out? I got friends that are like, dude, I took mushrooms and everything got figured out. I'm like, I can't.

I don't want that shit, dude. Yeah, I understand what you're saying. Are you, are you, uh? You know, look, I was a pothead for 15 years of my life. I smoked pot all the, I loved smoking pot. Yeah. And then I just all but almost quit. I like to have a joint every once in a while with a friend at the house in the backyard.

If someone comes over and we're having friends over. Is this about being home? Huh? Something about doing it at home. Well, yeah, I'm at my house. I like being at my house. I want to be at home. If something happens, you're on your couch.

Yeah, I'm going to my room. Yeah. So I like to, at home, once in a while, we'll have friends over. We'll be on the back throwing bags or, you know, talking shit and hanging. Yeah, I might smoke a joint, but I just, in the more recent years, have just kind of curbed it a little bit for some reason. I put it all, but I just never, ever do it. And then with psychedelics, I did it a lot when I was young in high school,

college a little bit. And then now more recently, I've tried a few more times, and I've got to tell you, I love it. I really do love it. But here's why. Yeah. It's so much. When I was young, dude, we were just, it was like, it was so hard to get drugs. I mean, it was easy, but it was also like such a big deal. Now with the freedom of this fucking state, I can go get mushrooms now. We can leave here. We can go get them now. It's just too easy. But the good news was by the simplicity of it, I'm not inclined to take as much as I can find. When I was a kid, dude, we were like, how many can we eat? I mean, let's eat as many as we can

because we'll never get mushrooms for another couple of months or who knows, maybe next year, we won't get them for another summer. But now as an adult, I can regulate it. It's so much more like down to the science of it that I do enjoy it, I'm not gonna lie. It does make the brain feel good. I've had some, yeah, I've definitely had those, I feel like if I was an addict, I'd be a pill guy. You know, Vicodin, you know, Xanax.

I like to just, I like to be mellow but me. When it goes to another world, I had a couple of bad ones. I remember one thing that really, I think, scarred me with this is me and my buddies, we skipped school. We did a ditch date. We got in my buddy's car, and we went to Manhattan. I remember we're drinking, pumping Wu-Tang. I remember we're going to that can. 36 Chambers is going.

Everything around me, yes. Dude, we picked up a hitchhiker. We picked up a guy. What are you doing? We picked up a guy. We. And, dude, we picked up a hitchhiker. We picked up a guy. What are you doing? We picked up a, yeah, we were like, yeah, get him. Fuck. Like, I had no clue. See what he has to offer.

We thought it would be cool. We're like in 11th and 12th grade. Pick, you know, it was like in Dumb and Dumber. Pick him up. So he gets in and he's like, hey, man, I appreciate you. God, look at it. And he gives us a bag of weed when he leaves. We don't know what's in it.

This guy's off the fucking street. Right. We go back to my buddy's house, and we roll it, dude, and we smoke this thing. And I remember staring at the pattern of the kitchen floor. And I don't know if it was for five minutes or four hours. And I just looked at my buddy's face, and the pattern was on his face, and I had a meltdown, dude. You lost it. Yeah, dude, everything.

Like, yeah, dude. And I'm just like, what the fuck was in that? And I was on his face, and I had a meltdown, dude. You lost it. Yeah, dude, everything. Like, yeah, dude, and I'm just like, I'm like, what the fuck was in that? And I was on the couch, and I feel like I'm having a heart attack. So, like, I, and I'm also, like, a thinker too much. Right. It'll go bad. It's always, like, because I suffer from shit like anxiety. Depression.

Depression, OCD. So things that, like, kind of bothered me young and any insecurities, that starts to creep in. But if I take, like, a little bit of an edible, and I insecurities that starts to creep in but if i take like a little bit of an edible and i'm just chill i'm happy uh yeah so but it's the thing like going like you know i've talked to friends that are like oh take my you know ari shafir was like well he loves my back room he goes in my backyard he goes dude we got to go to versi's and just go in his backyard take mushrooms and look at the sky and i'm like yeah dude i'll fucking have a full-fledged

panic attack like i can't i think what you But I think that thing that scared you into it, there's something good about having a little bit of a pop because you kind of know you're always gonna be okay. Do you know what I mean? Yes. Once you come back, you know, oh, I'm always gonna come back. I'm never not gonna come back.

So the good news about psychedelics, edibles, weed or THC, my whole thing was, I always knew, if you kept it in your brainstem, you're like, I'm gonna come back. This is a temporary thing. Which is, by the way, not to sound like a stony dude, but it's kind of a metaphor for life.

There's a lot of bullshit you're gonna face in your life. You're gonna have some really tough times. And you're like, I'm going to be back. You're going to come back. I have to focus on I'm going to make it back to whatever is my centering point when you have some trouble in life and someone gets sick or something really tragic happens. It's like, you got to know you're going to come back. And psychedelics does kind of the same thing.

It puts you to an edge where you're like, I'm pretty deep, man. Like, I'm out. My brain is out. But you're like, I will come back to a sense of balance. You know, it's funny you said that because- I'm like a fucking man. I'm out. My brain is out. But you're like, I will come back to a sense of balance. You know, it's funny you said that. I'm like a fucking guru. No, no. It's funny you said that because when I talked to Rogan, he goes, I like the danger and being uncomfortable.

And that's where I teeter. That's where I'm like, because you're like, oh, I'm coming back. Me, I'm like, I'm kind of here now. I want to stay. I don't want to go on the journey and come back. I'd rather just chill out. Yeah, but like this, dude, I have a couple of these and we're shooting the shit, talking sports. I want to stay. I don't want to go on the journey and come back. I'd rather just chill out. You're comfortable. Yeah, but like this, dude, I have a couple of these and we're

shooting the shit, talking sports. I'm good. Maybe sometimes when I get a little hammered, I'm like, give me that weed and I'll start smoking weed and doing that. But the acid and the mushroom thing, I don't know, maybe you know. How about this? Burr told me he did it. Burr told me he did mushrooms and it changed his life. And he said it changed his life

because he said he let him know something about himself that he was kind of looking for and then now he's better and it, you know, and he talked about it and I was just like, all right, man,

like, so I don't know, maybe one day, I mean, I don't know. Are you around for, what are you, you leave tomorrow back to New York? I leave tonight.

I'm on a red-eye tonight. Okay, so I'm coming to New York in a month. Are you? Okay. I'm bringing you a gift, okay? Okay.

Okay? I'm bringing you a gift and you can do it. If you don't want it, you can give it to somebody else. But there are these little gummy mushrooms at this lady, Carol. Gummy mushrooms? Yeah. Carol from Oregon. Why can't I remember her name? Man, I'm a dummy. She gave, she's so sweet, but I did a Seattle or a Seattle in Portland. She gave them to me and they're pre-measured out. They're like perfect, you know, so it's like, exactly what you're getting into and therefore taking micro doses of. So you take one little small of these things. You're good.

You might not feel much, to be honest. Okay. So it's kind of nice. So you start there, see if you like it. Yeah. I'm bringing it to New York. No, I appreciate it. I'm doing it.

One of our sponsors is Diet Smoke. Have you ever? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I did like 10 milligrams of that, and I was just like, oh, this is like, I like that, like, I like to feel chill and calm. But just let it come in a little, get a couple of, oh, that's nice.

I mean, I like a Xanax and booze, but they said you could die. And I didn't know, dude. Yeah, they did say that. They said, yeah, I go on, I went to like, I went on an airline, and I was just like, and the lady's like, how you doing? I go, I'm doing great.

And I was like, yeah, man, you know, I feel good. And I said, I don't know why. I was like, yeah, no, I just took a Xanax, I feel good. And then I was like, can I get a vodka soda? And she was like, I don't, you know, I feel good. And I said, I don't know why. I was like, yeah, no, I just took a Xani. I feel good. And then I was like, can I get a vodka soda? And she was like, I don't really know if I can do that. And I didn't know why she meant that, but she meant like I can kill you. Yeah. You have enough of these, man, and you're on Xanax?

That's how people end up not coming back. Is that right? I mean, look, dude, it's typically a lot of drugs in your system. If you take a couple of Xani bars and you have a ton of booze, you might not wake up. Oh, fuck yeah. It's not a good, I think if you had one Xanax and a drink or two,

I don't think I'd see, I'm not promoting it, I'm just saying, I don't know if that's gonna get ya, but a lot of times people take two or three or whatever, how many their system can take. No, I would only take one little Xanax

and have a beer and feel good. It's nice, isn't it? Oh, let me ask you this. Dude, when I broke my back, I had some fun pills. You broke your back? Well, I fractured, I me ask you this. Dude, when I broke my back, I had some fun pills. You broke your back? Well, I fractured. I should be more clear.

Which disc? I fractured L4, L5. Oh, mine was herniated. Really? My L4, L5 was herniated. So then you had a sciatica too or no? Oh my God, shooting down my leg, but I did everything I could. Welcome back to 65 and older.

Back problems. No, dude, I'm saying shit that's old. Yeah. I'm saying shit that's old. Dude, I walked back. Me and Giannis were walking and I just out of nowhere, I was just like, dude, I'm saying shit that's old. I'm saying shit that's old. Me and Giannis were walking, and I just out of nowhere, I was just like, dude, that guy's roof. He's got five years on that thing. I was like, dude, if it rains, dude, he's getting rain in the house.

You knock on his door, you're like, I just want to tell you we were walking by. This thing's a little bit off, and I want to check it. Can I get up there and check it out? Dude, those shingles, dude, you got five years. It's funny getting older, but I want to ask you this, because I know and Bertolina told me, a bunch of people told me because we're talking about coming out here golfing, and I know that you're a nasty golfer.

I'm all right. Are you the type of guy that, will you go out and have a couple pops and a cigar, or are you so focused on the score? Because me, I play well, and if I drink, it'll fuck it up because I'm so mental with it. If I get a birdie, a couple pars,

and I'm in the round, I'm like, a beer will fuck it up. Are you? Beer doesn't bother me at all. I like a good cigar when I'm walking. I love to have a good cigar. The old ladies ask me to do a little bit less because you do get to a point where I'll have one every time I play because somebody wants one. It's so

easy to find someone to smoke a cigar with you when you're playing golf because there's one guy in the group that for sure will go, I'll have a cigar with you. Yeah, and then there's a guy go, I got a bunch of them. Anybody want? Right. You got cats.

It just gets- Fucking nine in the morning. Yeah, dude, see, that's what happens too. And then you're like, should we get a beer? I don't, I've tried to not drink when I golf because I golf often.

If I'm not shooting and I'm not working, I golf early, early in the morning, knock it out, and then I have the rest of the day. And like I've just – when I first started – when I first joined a golf club, I just want – you know, you drink every time because somebody wanted to buy you a drink. And then now I've settled into being like I don't really like drinking that much when I golf because it's so easy to keep drinking. And then the rest of the day is beat, because the sun and the booze. So I like to have a couple of pops. I'll have one or two with friends.

It depends on the day. And then call it. And guys are like, that fucking shot! I said this to my wife the other day. Stop. This is on TikTok. Yeah, it was on TikTok.

And it was like, this girl was recording her boyfriend, and she was like, every time he goes golfing with the boys TikTok and it was like, this girl was recording her boyfriend and she was like, every time he goes golfing with the boys and he was in space. I mean, he was nothing in his, no one was home. And she's like, she's like, what were you doing?

He's like, I only had three beers. And she's like, three beers? Like, I'm so ahead. And you could tell, you know what I mean? You're like, this guy was in space. But I looked at it and I was like, stop normalizing blacking out on golf courses

because I got to tell you, there's nothing worse to me than when I go out and play a course and dudes are annihilated and they're not even playing golf. I don't mind if you're

having fun with friends, but dude, those guys are so blacked out they can't even keep it going. Yeah, yeah. I got a friend who just like,

he like, you think me and you never want the party to stop. He wants to drink because I think he's got a problem I got a friend who just like, he like, you think me and you never want the party to stop. He wants to drink because I think he's got a problem. So he'll just be like, dude, you guys would have four.

You guys would have four together after a round. He'd be like, no, he needs another one. I'm like, no, dude. No, no. And it's like, dude, yeah. Yeah, he keeps going.

He keeps going. Yeah, see, I don't like that. I think having a couple of pops is fine, but the other thing is like, guys don't realize when you're in the sun all day, dude, it's hitting you way harder than you think. By the end of the round, they're four or five drinks deep. They can't walk straight.

No. They're just, they're caked. And I'm like, dude, your lady's going to kill you when you get to the house. It's over because you're going to be like, you got shit-faced all day. Yeah, and the worst is when you're like a little buzzed. You don't have kids, but when you're a little buzzed and then you got to like- Got to go be a dad. Yeah, and you don't want to get them in the car. You're just like, yeah, no, well, you don't have kids, but when you're a little buzzed and like, then you got like, you gotta like, gotta go be a dad. Yeah.

And like, you don't want to get him in the car. You're just like, yeah, no, hold on a sec, you know, let me blow in the, I gotta talk to your mother.

I'm like puking in the fucking, yeah, like I gotta be a dad now. Why is daddy sick all the time from golf? Golf makes daddy sick. Daddy golfs and then he feels ill.

Oh, my kids know too. They're like, dad, you golfing aren't, so it'll be 5 o'clock because it's hard to not go get a sandwich

afterwards going to have a drink afterwards get something to eat and also having a couple during is fine I just am not a fan of when I play with guys

and they're looking to get annihilated it makes me feel like they're weekend warrior guys where you're like you've been saving up all week for this spread it out

ease it out you know what I mean take it easy it's not... Also, there's guys I put with, I'm also like, you're 56. You're blacking out? In here, we pour whiskey. You got a cell phone, don't you?

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I like gingers. Yeah. You're 56, dude. How old are you? I'm 38. Okay. I'll be 39. So I hit my 40s. How old are you? I'm 38. Okay. I'll be 39 in a month. So I hit my 40s.

Here's the thing. It took me 40 years to learn how to eat and drink the right way, like a gentleman. Sure. You have a couple of these. Right. When you're eating chicken parm and pasta, right, and you're halfway done, you're full. Yeah, you're full. But, you know, it's-

You're never going to stop. You're never going to stop. Right, yeah. Until you fuck, you're never gonna stop until you fuck it and I learned now to go to balance it out what's your fat guy food I'll never stop eating and I know it's bad for me it's gotta be pizza

dude that's my vice man if you don't like pizza one person told me they didn't like pizza and I don't like them I don't trust people pizza is incredible. Yeah. Yeah.

Even bad pizza, you're like, it's fine. And it's simple. Yeah. The best things are simple. I was at a restaurant last night in Beverly Hills, and the guy was fishing, and it was just simple. Like, lemon sauce, capers on this white fish. You don't have to do too much. No.

You could put lipstick on a fucking pig. When shit is good, dude, pizza's fuck. Yeah, pizza's good. I'm telling you, even shitty pizza. Sometimes you'll have a shitty piece of pizza somewhere. Like, you know, in New York, sometimes you'll have those bars that'll give you a little personal pizza with a beer or whatever. And even those, you're like, it's okay.

I fantasized about just going crazy at pizza one day. Just like- That was your wet dream? Just to fucking, like the gross, you know it's gross. So you know after a pie, it's going to be disgusting. But just the, there was something about like the dough. The dirtiness of it. Yeah.

You're a fat bad boy. The dirty. You're a fat little bad boy. I'm a bad boy. You call pizza, like I'm a fat little dirty boy. What do you want? I'm coming for the breadsticks and the whole, yeah, no. I want all of it.

No, you're right. I get it. Pizza's, trust me, pizza is one of my fat guy foods. It's one of my, like, I'll never give it up. One thing that I went away from, though, Andrew, like, almost really repulsed by is McDonald's. I was never huge. I fuck with their fries. Like, I like, you know what I mean?

Their fries are hard. Yeah, fries are just delicious. Sometimes we'll get fries on the way somewhere and we're like, you know, I need something and it's in the stomach. I'll stop and get fries. I was never like, well, I never liked their burgers ever, ever. I thought they were shit. Yeah, yeah. But like there was nothing much to get.

The only thing I will do on a road trip or like on a, you know, if we're out and about like airport hopping, I'll do breakfast. I'll get their breakfast. Yeah. I'll get a McDonald's. You get like a bacon and cheese burger. The sausage, egg, and cheese, bro, and I'll put the hash brown in there. I'll fuck one of those up.

Oh, you put the hash brown in? Yeah, yeah. Don't leave it out. Let him join the party. Because I got the Sicilian gene now where I really get excited for certain meals. You get excited? Holy shit, yeah.

Oh, dude, my father makes noises, dude. My father, dude, my father. He's like, ah. No, yeah. My father, he goes, my father goes, uh, uh. And I'm just like, like he's pissing,

you know when an old guy pisses? Ah, ah, yeah. Dude, that's funny, the other day, it's one of those moments

where you like, no matter how old you get, it's always gonna make you laugh. Yeah. But I was in the bathroom and this older guy walked in, you know, he's kind of walking

real slow limping and then he, he pushes the door open real hard off the thing slams it closed and I hear him throw down his pants

and he just I mean like slams on the seat you know what I mean and he gets down there and he just lets it fly and he goes oh yes

yes yes I couldn't help but laugh I'm pissing in the air and I'm cracking up but he knows he's at an age where he's like I don't care but laugh. I'm pissing in the air and I'm cracking up. He knows he's at an age where he's like, I don't care who knows. I had to shit so bad at this bagel shop.

I'm letting it fly. Oh, yes, yes. Do you have your shit on a plane or no? Oh, yeah. You know what the problem is, though? I'm tall and my legs are long, so it's so hard. I've done it one time successfully. I've sat down to poop. I did it twice, two long, so it's so hard. I've done it one time successfully.

I've sat down to poop. I did it twice, two times ever. It's so hard. And I'm only 5'8", but it's still small. I'm so cramped, dude. Yeah, I did it two times. If you have to, you have to. I do everything I can to not because it's just—

and then the other thing is the worst is when you hear the— Dude, I had to shit so bad I was in a supermarket, dude. I was— That's bad. I've never shit in a grocery store. I didn't even know grocery stores have bathrooms. It's like behind the butcher. Yeah, it would be.

That's exactly where it would be. I'm at Stop and Shop, and I have to. It's to the point where it's like I can't get home. I'm not shitting myself. I got to go. So I go in there, dude, and I'm sitting there. And you know you see the cracks on the sides. And a guy comes in.

I swear to God, a guy comes in. He goes, ooh, ooh, gosh. I swear to God, a guy comes in and he goes, ooh, ooh, gosh. And I'm going and he's going and I'm going and I was trying to like not look and he's going, oh, and it was only one. Dude, he put his eye in the thing and he's looking up and down. It was like a horror movie.

You're like, come on, man, what are you doing? It was like the creepiest thing and then he's just going, and then I go, oh, man, I'm almost done and he's just going, oh, dude, it was fucking horrible, man. Like, I didn't get the wipe I wanted because I just, I wanted to, dude, he put his eye in like a horror movie, dude. By the way, that is such a funny, that's like, yeah, that's his, here's Johnny. You know, he's staring through the fucking crack.

That's the first time ever that I've saw somebody in, like, have literally lose respect for what's going on because he had to go so bad like his eye like went up and down he was right there dude and it was never had a grocery store never i've never had an emergency at a grocery store i've had a few at like restaurants and places where you're like i can't you know my my lady took me to fogo to chow one time you know the brazilian steakhouse do you remember there yes they don't stop giving you meat no yeah yeah we're like no more yeah so we were broke and we were young and we had no money and she had saved up. So we're like, we're eating as much meat as we can. I'm not kidding.

In the middle of the meal, I had to go shit. My stomach was like, what the fuck are you doing? You can't have lamb, veal, chicken. You can't have like nine kinds of protein. I literally had to shit at the restaurant and that was one of the worst. And I felt so bad. I was embarrassed. It was like my birthday. She took me out and I had had to shit at the restaurant and that was one of the worst and I felt so bad. I was embarrassed. It was like my birthday.

She took me out and I had to come back to the table and she's like, should we go? I'm like, we should go. I had a buddy

go to a Brazilian steakhouse like 40 minutes before his set and he just had a full on meat sweat thing. He was just fucking, he was walking slow.

My eyes started shaking. There was so much. When you eat too much meat, I can feel it in my body. It's like, what are you doing? We're not saving up for the winter.. When you eat too much meat, I can feel it in my body. It's like, what are you doing? We're not saving up for the winter. Why did you eat so much fucking meat?

But yeah, that was one of the worst I had to go in a public sphere. But you know what? Also, fucking, that is another thing. You reach another age. I couldn't care less about so many things. There's so many things I don't care about anymore. I feel like you used to be embarrassed by a lot of stuff. Yeah.

And now you're like, who's going to judge me at this point? It's fine, whatever. You can know. I don't always need to be, I don't need to always be doing the cool thing. I'm fine looking like a goof sometimes. Like, I'm okay with it. I just don't care anymore. I remember, dude, I was a long time ago.

I was young. I was like right out of high school or something. I dated a girl whose mother would purposely fart in public to embarrass her fuck off I swear to god her mom would be out with you guys

her mom her mom her mom nice like nice woman like young and like be online at Target and just fucking

and just make everybody just fucking light a butt trumpet up yeah it was wild good for her though it was wild just to embarrass her kid yeah just to embarrass her daughter Just light a butt trumpet up. Yeah, it was wild. Good for her, though. It was wild. Just to embarrass her kid. Yeah, just to embarrass her daughter.

That's a cool mom, though. I mean, is it? Yeah. I mean, I don't want it. That's your mom. I mean, yeah. Funny story. Don't want it to be my mom.

No, that would be brutal if that was your mom. No, no, thank you. Are your parents both still alive? Yes. That good? Yes. Yeah, nice.

Yes. That's nice. And you got a good thing with them? Like, you see them all the time with the kids? Yeah, my dad is, you know, my dad is a different dude. He was like, it was visitation. Courts in the 80s gave him, like, eight hours on Sunday with us and, like, dinner on Wednesday.

Wow. And, like, no, like. It's like out of a movie back then. And, like, no abuse, no cheating. Just, like, the courts were for the women. Yeah. And it's just what it was. Were?

Yeah, it still is. But then it was like. That's chaos. Then they just looked at the male. You piece of shit, go to your mother. It was really, really tough. But no, I'm cool with both of them. My mom had stage four cancer, and she was in a test study for 100 people,

Sloan Kettering, I give my stepfather a lot of credit. When my mom was in really bad shape with cancer, he was doing research, and Sloan Kettering in boston i'm sorry sloan kettering is in new york city uh dana farber the dana farber institute in boston had a test drug for people with leukemia my mom didn't have leukemia she had a different one but it was working on her type of cancer so they did a test study of 100 people out of the 100 it worked on 26 and then it started to come back but out of the 26 it stayed good with 10 my mother was in the 10 and now it's 25 27 years later my mother's still it's still dormant that's what she got to see

yeah man so the pills though beat her up you know sure the pill like her immune system she'll get sick she's a little more yeah it drives you down but like listen man my mother's in her 70s still kicking hard in her 70s gets to kicking hard. In her 70s, gets to see, you know, got to see everything. Got to see weddings, grandkids, and all that stuff. That's awesome, man. So, yeah. So, you know, I get to see them all the time. My mother is, like, closer geographically.

But, yeah, man, I talk to them all the time. My dad is just a different dude, man. My dad is just, you know, like, he'll just start talking about politics. My father's just so unapologetically conservative. And nobody could talk bad about the country. You guys butt heads and all that stuff at all? Everybody's a communist. Right, everyone is a communist.

Everybody's a communist. My dad. He'll watch this and think I'm a communist. He's not. It's Geraldo Rivera fuck. You know, it's communist fuck. And then all of a sudden he'll just talk about something. Anybody that says anything bad.

Even if he was watching Fox News, if somebody on Fox News agrees he's turning this fuck they got him they're flipping him yeah they're flipping it's all money

yeah he's just like but he's no no we don't I just I'm just so like I see the craziness on the far right and the far left

and I'm just like such a yeah I'm just like you know we're comics so we make fun of everybody and all this well we see how dumb everybody is

we see how dumb everybody is everybody's chaotic why are you choosing sides like it's a fucking army it's like the weirdest thing to be like to be like emboldened by another group

of chaotic people you're like you want to be a part I would rather be on my own island of thought of where I think this seems reasonable that seems unreasonable

I like to pick and choose I don't know where this idea came from of only having two parties in this country and not to get too deep because no you're right though it just gets so annoying. You're like, what the fuck? What am I? I'm just this, this like solar, this singular, uh, line of thought kind of person

where like, I couldn't even deviate just because. Yeah. You take sides like it's a team and anything the other way, God forbid you even see somebody else in the, on the other side and agree with them. And that's, that's what it's become, dude. I can't. I said this thing the other day where I was like, dude, when Trump says he's going to run again, because I love, I don't get political, so I love watching adult tech like children. Dude, I'm not joking, dude. When he says he's going to run, because he's going to say he's going to run in 24. He'll never run again.

You don't think? I don't think so. I heard different, dude. I know, but I just feel like there's no chance. For some reason, there's something inside of me that's like, this is him just talking shit, calling people out. Yeah, I'm trying to see that too, but if he does. If he does.

I'm getting two hot dogs and a Diet Coke, and I'm going to go to Central Park, and I'm going to watch adults drop to their knees and scream at the sky. And it's going to be everything. I fuck it, because that's what will happen in New York. Yeah, it goes chaos. Oh, dude. What about here?

Look at here. Here in New York, it's like. It's nuts. The weirdest thing about Trump is, though, I get somebody not liking him and saying he's a narcissistic asshole and I would never vote for that dickhead. Yeah. But the visceral fucking hate, what he does to people,

I haven't seen. Have you? Not in my life. I've never seen. Listen, we've seen. I'm sure you and I have both seen politicians you don't like. Sure. You say, man, fuck that guy.

I'm never voting for that guy. Let's take it this far. That guy's a piece of shit. Fuck that guy. That guy's a selfish piece. Okay. What he brings out of people, I've never, I've never seen anything. Well, it tears apart what the wildest shit was.

I know people that didn't talk to friends or family ever again. Dude, people going, people going, I can't believe, I mean, I can't believe I don't have a relation with my mother anymore. That's nuts. You're going, your mother? Yeah, it's your mom. It's your fucking mother. I, that, that, that throws me, that's a new generation thing going your mother? Yeah, it's your mom. It's your fucking mother. That throws me,

that's a new generation thing. What do you think, what was that? I think it's just because that's, because, you know, I don't know.

Because he's not a politician and he's not. Because it's so polarizing how, how un, how unapologetic he is that they can't believe that someone

that they were supposed to look up to or trust as these political figures would be so brazen dude that guy's fucking he doesn't give a shit i'm never standing like he doesn't get so that's what i mean it was so different than anything anybody's ever seen yes so yeah and by the way in 20 years we'll laugh at how tame trump is because whoever's coming in the next 20, 30 years will be, do you know what I'm saying? Like every, I think every decade

we will be polarized by the next chaotic creature that we elect in these bullshit things. Do you think it's going to turn into a celebrity? Do you think The Rock is going to run? 100% it's going to be a celebrity match, yes. It already has been in a secret way, right? Like, first of all, fucking, some of our presidents were social celebrities

or socialites prior to, I mean, Reagan was a fucking actor. Yeah, he was. Who was a socialite, dude. The guy was like a social political figure and it's already happened. It's already happened with Schwarzenegger out here. Like this is, but now on a level of,

they didn't need, now they don't need to be actors and actresses and they don't need to be famous on Instagrames and they don't need to be famous on Instagram. Now they can be other kind of famous personalities and they can grow that brand in a political world. You know what I mean? Like they could be a political comedian. Like if Jon Stewart wanted, he could run and get real far, real fucking far. I think if Jon Stewart ran in the Democratic ticket, I think he's going far.

He's going far. I think Jon Stewart. He's going far. You think if Jon Stewart ran the Democratic ticket, I think he's going far. He's going far. He's going far. You see what I mean? He built up something else and he could use that. But he's also very reasonable. He's also like a super intelligent guy. He's a super intelligent guy. I think what he did to help the people 9-11, that's going to... People go, wow, this guy gives a fuck about people

that he's not even related to because he's so disgusted with how they were treated. That's going to take him far. Yeah. He's just, dude, I think it's going to be a famous person race again. It's always been a famous person race again,

but now it'll be like, it will be. It'll be The Rock versus Kevin Hart. It'll be fucking... I want to see Will Smith, Chris Rock. Dude, everybody,

somebody asked me that today. One of the, a buddy was like, he's like, I was a comedian. You know, he's like, what do you, like, how do you feel about that? I'm like, wait till you see their sex tape, you know, in the Will Smith. I was like, it's closer than you think. He's like, what?

Are you serious? I was like, oh, yeah. Well, Will Smith, you know, he made a big statement. I saw. Saying that his career is going to come back. Of course it is. Of course it's going to. Yeah, what?

They weren't going to fucking stop. That guy's a money machine. Dude, they don't, they only cut off the source of finances for a short period of time, but so many people are eating off of his plate. When you're making other people millions and millions of dollars, they're going to let you come back to work. Dude, Mel Gibson.

I can't remember. You know what I'm saying? That dude. He came back from that. Come on. He's got like 20 movies in production. The guy, it's like he didn't skip a beat. I mean, you know,

although I did read an article today about Kevin Spacey, man, and they keep fucking unearthing that guy. They're going to keep burying him to the end of time. I mean, he's, although I did read an article today about Kevin Spacey, man, and they keep fucking unearthing that guy. They're going to keep burying him to the end of time. I mean, he's— He's not coming back. Never. Never in a million years, man. He's not coming back.

They just had some other guy who was a PA on House of Cards. I think the judge made him pay $32 million in restitution. $32 million. Wow. Yeah. No, but I think he's a dunzo, dunzo. It's, yeah. But, I mean, you know, but, dude, America loves a comeback. So that's why I think that's a dunzo, dunzo. It's, yeah. But I mean, you know, but dude, America loves a comeback.

So that's why I think that Will Smith loves a comeback. We love a comeback, dude. Look at fucking, dude, look at. Yeah, but a pedophile comeback's tough. No, no, but, no, no, yes. No, I'm saying with Will Smith, yeah. Fucking Kevin Spacey can fuck off. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

No, but with Will Smith, it's like America loves that kind of comeback. Imagine Spacey came out. You guys want a comeback, right? Come on, dude. Come on, dude. Come on, dude. House of Cards season eight? Dude, one time. I fucked up one time.

Yeah, right. They were like, really? Fucking a Rolodex. No, but with Will Smith, it's like his crimes are so minimal. America loves that shit. You know, dude,

fucking, I used to talk about it on stage. Robert Downey Jr. Yeah. Dude, that guy, he was caught with like a hooker and he had physically abused in a motel. And the cops were like, he had been blunt about what happened. He's like, she pushed me, I pushed her back. Dude, that guy's Iron Man.

He's Disney. Yeah. So get the fuck, they love that shit. They love a turnaround. There is a, and I think a turnaround, I think a big thing was Johnny Depp as far as a turnaround, because Johnny, That shit was wild.

Dude, Johnny Depp, like, made women, that was the first time I actually, I mean, I think it was because she was so blatantly fucked up, but like,

that was the first time I saw women going, fuck her. Yeah, it was wild. Fuck her. Yeah. And like, all over the country,

like, good for him, I'm happy for him, and what I respect about him is he was like, look, I'm a lot of things, and I'm gonna probably let people know now that I did coke, and that I drink a lot, and that I'm happy for him. And, and what I respect about him is he was like, look, I'm a lot of things and I'm going to probably let people know now that I'm a, I did Coke and that I drink a lot and that I'm a little fucked up, but I'm going to let all that air out because what you're doing is wrong and not right. And I'm not having my kids think I did that. That was fucking

boring. Well, it would need what really showed me truthfully though, the best viewpoint that I had, I was like, these people are fucking crazy. Both of these people are crazy, toxic, insane humans. Like there's no relationship you've ever been a part of where it got that absurd. The moment it got even a glitch of that, you'd be like, I'm leaving. This is nuts. What the fuck? They were like, uh, what is that called? They were enabling one another to be more fucked up. He had to have seen early, early signs. Yeah, dude. But you know what made me think, like really know she was crazy? It was after all this when she said that Edward Scissorhands thing. Do you saw that? Yeah, she was like, here's a guy. She goes, oh, you mean the guy who's

like the lawyer of the guy who convinced the world he had scissors for hands and like actually said it. I was like, oh my God. I saw that clip. Yeah, it was wild. She said that with like real, like she was like. Genuine. Earnest. Yeah, dude. I was just like, he was with that? Side note, that's such a banger movie, it's nuts,

like I've re-watched Edward Scissorhands, I gotta watch that again, it's so good, is it? Dude, Tim Burton made so many fucking bangers back in the day,

yeah, that dude made, he was a hit machine, they had a museum here called LACMA, and they had a Tim Burton exhibition there, exhibit or whatever,

and I, we went thinking like, yeah, I know some of the, every movie I loved, I was like, this is all. And I, we went thinking like, yeah, I know some of the, every movie I loved, I was like, this is all burnt. I mean,

Batman 1, one of fucking, probably my favorite Batman. I know people are fucking like, Dark Knight. I think Batman the original was so fucking good. Was so good with Michael Keaton.

Wait, wait, wait. Oh, Michael Keaton and Jack Nicholson. Yeah, that was Tim Burton did that. That was Tim Burton? Yeah, that was fucking Tim Burton. Did you mind if I could just get a little splash?

Come on. Dude, just a little splash. Say no more. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dude, this is like, this is arguably one of the fucking greatest, this thing is. Yeah, it's a little special sauce. Yeah. I'm hiding it.

Nobody can see what it is. Because it's not for you guys. It's for us. It's a little, I told them what it was. But it's a special, it's a special barrel. You want to know what it is? You want to know the economy? To interrupt?

It's like, you're a Sicilian, that's perfect. You're a Sicilian kid, you know? You got class. A little bit of class. It's in there. No, but it's in there by birth. You had no control of like you're a Sicilian. That's perfect. You're a Sicilian kid. You got class. A little bit of class. It's in there. No, but it's in there by birth. You had no control of it because you got Sicilian. Right.

That's right. I mean, there's definitely criminal in there. Yes. I mean, you're- But a classy criminal. Me and you- We don't hurt anybody, but we're going to take stuff. Me and you hanging out a couple of drinks and we're down on our luck.

We're like comedy and podcasts go down. We're robbing. We're taking something down. Yeah, I'm going to rob people. We would talk something but I wouldn't hurt anybody while I was doing it that's the thing

is I would have like the decency thing I'd be like no one gets hurt the nice guy robber yeah the nice guy we're gonna go in

and we're gonna take fuck nobody touch anybody nobody touch anybody Mike those are women and children what are you doing Paul help him out come on

what are you doing those are women ladies I apologize we do need your fucking jewelry you'd be so nice you'd stop in the middle. Guy, we fucked up. We didn't think this through.

Everybody go back to your... Let's go. Let's go back to one. We start this robbery over again. Like I'm doing a take on a robbery. We talked about that. We talked about that on another podcast. I talked about how I said we were talking about how people rob.

Robbing banks is a thing of the past. Robbing a bank these days like good luck you're fucked there's 90 different security measures always a fantasy of mine oh me too that's what we said oh yeah dude I was like are you serious oh I would love to rob a bank but I said that I said I really don't want someone to get hurt and I was like you can't communicate that because when

you're like nobody gets hurt somebody's like he's gonna hurt us they automatically assume you're gonna do something bad but you're like no I just want to steal from a corporate machine I just want to thieve the big dogs i don't want to fuck anybody in the bank nothing gave me nothing gave me more pleasure and excitement than when val kilmer was coming out with the hockey bag and heat and he's walking and he smiles here's the beautiful thing about heat when he's walking out with the hockey bag and he's smiling, and then in one drop his eyes go up and he sees the cop,

and it went from a smile to bag down machine gun. Yeah, man. Dude, I just got the chills. Michael Mann, dude, favorite bank robbery movie of all time? Oh, it's almost impossible. I mean, my first thing that came to my mind in this may be just the whiskey, but I think Dog Day Afternoon is one of the best films of all time. Okay, yeah, yeah.

No, that's dope, mean... No, dude. But it's based around a bank robbery, which is one of the craziest shitty bank robberies. Right, because they're in there like talking, and it gets like... It turns into a fucking...

It turns into a shit show. But it turns into like... If anybody's not seen Dog Day Afternoon, it's one of the greatest movies of all time. But it turns into like a twisted love story. You're like,

this is a bank robbery movie. I think it's the most intricate, but I think maybe like, ooh, this is really tough. I think, hmm. You know, for me, I don't know if this is specifically bank robbery,

but the town was fucking phenomenal. The town was layers. Brother, brother, brother. My next one was the town. The thing about heat for me was having de niro and pacino in the diner two for one and he just goes he goes you know he goes i like you you know he goes but if i if brother you're going down and then he goes when he goes into nero goes there's a flip side to that coin yeah remember that he's like there's a flip side because because if i'm coming down i won't

hesitate that was just having those two legends in there yeah and the way michael mann showed la Yeah, dude. Remember that? He's like, there's a flip side because if I'm coming down, I won't hesitate. That was just having those two legends in there. And the way Michael Mann showed L.A. He's the man, dude. Like when I come to L.A. and I drive up there and I see it, I remember that scene where De Niro is with the woman that he was with overlooking L.A. at night like that. And you see all the helicopters and the planes. Oh, dude, I'm getting the chills, dude.

I want to rob a fucking bank. Let's go rob a fucking bank. I'll rob a fucking bank. Give me two I know. I want to rob a fucking bank. Let's go rob a fucking bank. I'll rob a fucking bank. Give me two more of these. I'll rob a fucking bank. Change your flight. Let's rob a bank tonight. Yeah, Paul, how was the show last night?

No, he's in jail. His career is over. He went on Santino's podcast. He fucked with a guy. I got to call Bernalino. I'm like, dude, we got to get some money to get to the Bailout Verzi. It's bad. We rob a place where there's no cash in it, though.

Right, right. They were like, why did he go there? It's empty. They're like, guys, there's like $1,000 here. You're like, well, we'll take it because we need it. We talked about it. No. Michael Mann, I got to tell you, Michael Mann.

The town was fucking, the town, I got to tell you something. Lights out. Such a good fucking movie. Here's my problem. What? Ben Affleck and I have an issue. You guys have beef. Well, he doesn't know.

Wait, wait, I need to know. Yeah, yeah. I'm going to look this up real fast to make sure that this is, because I'm not supposed to, I can talk about it. Okay, good. Okay. I'll tell you a real note quick. On the Bennett before Ben Affleck,

a good friend of mine just told me that Michael Mann is doing something that he's a part of. Whoa. He's producing, and I think direct and shooting, the Enzo Ferrari story, Ferrari. Nice. Speaking of Italiano. And I think Adam Driver is playing Ferrari.

I don't know if I'm supposed to say that, but whatever. But he told me he's gonna do it and he was like hey I think I can get us set up for F1 it's in Austin this year

around my birthday and he's like I think I can get you in the Ferrari Paddocks and I was like ooh Adam Driver looks like a guy that was like a caddy

that just fucking they loved and they were like dude can you watch the movies but he's actually he's really talented he's great in everything dude he's very talented dude he's awesome but he looks like a regular dude do movies? Yeah. But he's actually... He's really talented. He's great in everything.

Dude, he's very talented. Dude, he's awesome, but he looks like a regular dude. And I don't know if he's Italian, but he has the schnoz of an Italian, so he can play Enzo Ferrari. Yeah, yeah, he could. All right, give me your Ben Affleck beef.

Okay, so here's the Ben Affleck. Listen up, Affleck. Here's the thing with Affleck, and I know I'm right. I know what happened. So I'm in the city, and I'm at a club. I'm at a comedy club, and I got a Yankee hat on, and I'm not really dressed to part,

and I get a text message from Burr. And Burr said, hey, man, I just hit up DeRosa, and I'm hitting you up. He goes, we're at an after party, the movie The Heat, with Melissa McCarthy. There's going to be an after party. Why don't you come through? And I go, dude, I'm not dressed right.

I got a Yankee hat, a sweatshirt. He goes, it doesn't matter. He goes, you know, he's like, the director is going to be there. Everyone's going to be there. Why don't you come out and hang out, right? So I get there, and we're hanging out. And, dude, this is fucking. I'm standing there.

I'm having a good time. I'm talking to the producers of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. They're great. Like, oh, dude, a fan love stand-up, blah, blah, blah. They knew me, and it was really cool. Having a good time. And I see Ben Affleck was sitting, blah, blah, blah. They knew me and it was really cool having a good time and I see Ben Affleck was sitting over there

with some people and this was right when it was announced, like week it was announced that he was the new Batman and dude, this dude walks up to me and just boom,

like that. Hard, hard, hard in the shoulder and I go like this and I go, whoa, and he did it and just kept walking straight.

Now, I said, I said, I go, okay, all right, you know, I go, I know what he did it and just kept walking straight. Now, I said, I go, okay, all right. I go, I know what he did. I go, it's because I have a Yankee hat on. He didn't like the Yankees. He didn't like the Yankees. So people are like, are you out of your fucking, are you out of your mind? I go, dude, I had a Yankee hat on.

I'm standing there. I look New York. Look at me. Look at me. You do. You do. I look like, yeah. Somebody goes, draw New York as a guy.

It's you. Yeah. So he bumps you like that. Come to find out later on, somebody said Ben Affleck was on set of a movie. Shut it down, fucking started screaming. There was a Yankee hat in the background. He goes, get that fucking thing the fuck out. And I go, I told you, mother. I fucking told you.

I knew. Guy's anti-Yankee, man. And I think when I saw him there, I think this was at the time where he might have been boozing. Saw stuff? Yeah, because this is before he got, I think he's clean now, right? Is he clean now?

No idea. I don't know, but I know back then it was kind of when he did that, dude, and he did it because I had the hat, and then I started finding out, and then I read something like, he's like, yeah, dude. Lose the Yankees. Yeah, and I wanted to watch a basketball movie, but I couldn't.

Oh, yeah, that's right. Al's in that fucking movie. Al's in it. I couldn't watch it. Yeah, you couldn't watch it. I'm the Yankees. Yeah. And I wanted to watch a basketball movie, but I couldn't. Oh, yeah, that's right. Al's in that fucking movie. Al's in it. I couldn't watch it. Yeah, you couldn't watch it. I said, I'm not watching it until an apology. What can bring you back? Yeah, he has to apologize?

If he ever either... Here's the deal, Affleck. If you apologize to my boy, he'll start watching your shit again. Ben, Ben, watch Nocturnal Admissions. Tell me it wasn't good. You know, I think you'll like it. And then we have a laugh.

Yeah. And then you know what I would love if he goes, dude, I was probably drunk. I stole the Yankee hat. My bad. Yeah. Then I'll get his whole catalog. Most respect. Oh, then I'll a laugh. Yeah. And they go, and you know what I would love if he goes, dude, I was probably drunk. I saw the Yankee hat. My bad. Yeah. Then I'll get his whole catalog. Most respect.

Oh, then I'll watch everything. Yeah. Because the town brought me back. The town's so good, man. The town is good. And that was all him. You can watch that.

Can you watch that now because that was pre-the-bump? Yes. Yeah, pre-bump. Pre-bump I can. Pre-bump films you can do. It's like I could kind of listen to like pre-Michael Jackson.

Like before the, you know what I mean? Like, was Thriller before the kids? Yeah, I think it was all around the same time. I think it never stopped or started. I think it was just kind of going on. Yeah, I could listen to Jackson 5. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Go back. Go way back. Go way, way back. Go back when Joe was hitting him or whatever. Yeah, when a kid had a nose, I could watch it. Yeah, dude, but I get that. I know what you're saying. It's hard. You know what?

Because sometimes you see things that other people don't see, and you go, you know what? And someone goes, you're overreacting. And you're like, no, no, no. It's a vibe that I felt that you guys were. Because everyone's doing this. And they're looking, and they go, what do you mean? And when a man hits you, they know, and you know.

Dude, when a man bumps you, you grew up a certain way. A When a man bumps you. Come on. You grew up a certain way. A man bumps you, you know. Because otherwise he would turn and go, oh, sorry about that, man. Right. Or even he'd go like this and go, oh, like this. Yeah. You don't even need to say sorry. You need to go like this.

My bad. Just give me a little like, oh. Or like a little like, my bad. You know, something like that. Shit, sorry. And then everybody's right. Give me an indication we both know what happened. Yeah.

And then we move on. He did the thing and then almost not even just a straight walk like a, I knew. Yeah, I knew. Yeah, I knew. Yeah, a fucking night check. I knew. Did he know that the movie was going to be terrible, that Batman was going to be awful? Is that why you think? I saw him alone afterwards by the elevators, like on his phone.

And I, you know, what am I going to do? Fucking start wrestling with Ben Affleck. Amazing though if you did. I should have been like, listen, it's Christian Bale. That's it. You know the truth. You grew up with, think of somebody you grew up around that you just didn't like in high school. You and him had an issue, right? Do you have the truth you grew up think of somebody you grew up around

that you just didn't like in high school you and him had an issue right do you have the name yeah you have the name right yeah I see it

you never your wife says I want to name our kid that it's never happening 100% no it can't happen never in a million years and even if it's a beautiful name

with Santino doesn't matter like even if it goes like this Santino's beautiful doesn't matter I can't do it yeah

you can't do it because that kid was such a fuck that kid did something to you so much that you can't look at the love of your life and associate. It embedded in your scripts in your mind that you're like, this will be that kind of person. Also, anybody I meet that has those same names, you go, fuck this guy. Someone's like, no, he's a good guy. You're like, no, I don't think so. Right, like if the kid's name, I'm just saying, was Anthony and you named your kid Anthony, like he's up at the plate.

You're like, come on, Anthony. All of a sudden it goes to that no yeah you can't loop it you have a name do you know someone that has this name that logs in your head

there's a guy from your childhood I mean I wouldn't say like it's not like deep deep hate but I just just because of the dude I just couldn't name him my kid Matt

you can't no it's so that's so interesting why we because also like we found out one of my friends my friends

they're having a baby and last night we went to dinner with them and then she was like, you know, I know you're not supposed to ask if it's a boy or a girl or whatever the fuck now.

I don't, dude, there's all these rules. You're not supposed to ask the name. Right. Apparently. My wife was like, you don't do that.

Women don't, I was like, who cares? They can just say we're not telling him and I would go, fine, I'd move on.

But they're cool as shit and I said, do you want to share that? And she goes telling him. And I would go, fine. I'd move on. But they're cool as shit. And I said, do you want to share that? And she goes, yeah. And she shared the name. But there's always a moment when you go, I have to make sure I always react positively. Because if it's a name that I think is shit, I got to turn on my acting skills and go, that's great. Because you can't go, oh, oh. What are you going to name him?

We're thinking Pinocchio. You're like, oh, no. What are you going to name her? We're thinking Pinocchio. You're like, oh, no. Oh, yes. Oh, no way. That's such a good name. Yeah. You have to learn how to flip the switch. And, of course, their daughter's name is beautiful.

And I was like, oh, it's such a good fucking name. But I did have a moment where I'm like, I realize you're like, oh, you have to turn on the, that's great. You have to. No matter what. You have to. Because if you go, oh, yeah, it'll stick with them.

Oh, yeah. Your relationship with the wife's, yeah, yeah. It's over. We're fucked. What about this? Sweetheart girl in high school, the opposite of the bully,

sweetheart, but just sucked everyone's dick. She's just a whore. And your wife loves the name. It's like, you can't, how do you tell the wife? You're like, listen. Listen to this shit. She blew the it's like you can't how do you tell the wife you're like listen you're like listen dude

this chick was fucking she blew the whole squad you can't sweetheart of a girl yeah you just can't name her Michaela that's gonna fucking

come back to us somehow baby I'm picking that out of the air no but it is true that for some reason high school names more than anything

stuck out to me as people I associate with because that's what stuck with you when you were probably at your most insecure or you were at your most like you're growing up

it was the most formative years right like you're growing like you're developing and then this person is giving you shit and then the love of your life has to be completely disassociated

well yeah cause there was a dickhead in the neighborhood who was like a bully to the younger kids at the bus stop and I fucking hated this guy I fucking

he was such a fucking dickhead and he kind of he would rarely say shit to me just because people are kind of always scared of redheads because they think we might be murderers like this guy's nuts like you always kind of see a redheaded guy and you're like he might be a psychopath like he might be a straight cold killer and you look at Burr he's a murderer he's absolutely his killer there's no doubt in my mind he's like slit throats you know what's funny I don't remember Bill's hair ever red because it was always like— Really?

Not like—now, do you have siblings? Yes. Red hair? No, fuck no. No, I'm the only—fuck up. So wait, your siblings are dark hair? Well, I'm the only one of one from my mom and dad. My mom—

I have half. I have half. Me too. Yeah, I have half. My mom remarried. I have a brother and sister. Right, okay. I have half.

So from my lineage, no. But like from my mom's family, of all the cousins, there might be two of the girls had kind of reddish hair. One or two of the boys have reddish, you know what I mean? Like Auburn. But I'm the only one that's got the fucking- Your mom? No red hair?

No, dude. My mom, no chance. No. Irish black hair. All of them have dark hair. All of them. All of them. All of them.

All of them. Well, them. All of them. Well, most of the people you meet in Ireland are blue-eyed, dark-haired people. They're pale skinned. I look more British or Scottish. I look more like those guys. When you go to Ireland, man, all I see is fucking blue eyes and dark hair. Although there was a higher concentration of, shout out to all my gingers in Ireland. I did see a lot more redheads and I felt a little bit more at home.

It was nice to see some more gingers running around. That's the motherland of the redheads, right? They're running around there somewhere. Is it Scottish too? It's Scottish too, right? I think it's more of a dominant Scottish and English trait than it is Irish. I think there's more redheads in there

than there is over on the island. But we fled Potato Island because we had to get out of there. You had to get out, yeah. Right, 1847. Can you believe that? A million fucking people left because we couldn't grow food anymore. A million.

Wow. They averaged a million fucking people. That's how bad we needed to work. And then we all became your local firefighters. So be nice to the— Is your mom from, like, the Dublin side of the island? They're from what's called County Cork. Oh, okay.

I heard of that. Yeah, that's where both of my grandparents are from. Yeah. Nice. Dude oh okay I heard of that yeah that's where my that's where both of my grandparents are from have you been? yeah nice dude I went all over

that fucking place in Ireland you can get around if you spend a couple of days you can do the whole fucking island easy money I'm actually performing for the first

going to the first time and performing the first time in London oh you where are you going? because my Giants are playing the Packers in London

oh dude I always wanted to go to a fucking football game overseas so I hit up my agent and I go dude I go the G-ants are playing the Packers in London. Oh, dude, I always wanted to go to a fucking football game overseas. So I hit up my agent. I go, dude, the G-men are playing the Packers October 9th. And he goes, oh, that's Sunday? I go, yeah. So I'm doing 21 Soho on the Friday.

And then I'm going with my family. And then we're going to go to France for like four days. Dude, that's amazing. Yeah, dude, why not? By the way, watching an American football game over there, I've heard, is so fun. They get wild. Yeah, because they never get to see it. They never get them.

They get them once a year there. What's the other? Sometimes they play Mexico City or something. They did the Mexico City once with the Raiders, and I don't know how that went. By the way, this sounds like a meeting at a corporate NFL level, and they're like, how was it? We don't know how it went. I don't know if we want to talk about it. I'll tell you, though.

Yesterday morning, was it yesterday morning? Yesterday morning I did Rich Eisen. Eisen? Yeah. Dude. He's the man. The fucking. Love him.

The best. Yeah, I've golfed with him. He's the fucking man. Dude, he's a good golfer. Dude, he did stand-up for three years. Did you know that? Mm-mm. Yeah.

Somebody goes, Rich Eisen did stand-up, so I go in there yesterday. He couldn't have been nicer to me. We had such a great time. He's the fucking man. And I go, I heard you did stand-up.

And he goes, yeah. He goes, I actually you did stand up and he goes yeah he goes I actually he goes yeah three years like out of college or something like that and he's like dude he goes I loved it but couldn't have been cooler couldn't have been nicer

just talking stories then I go hey man I'm gonna take my family to the line and he goes I might call that game but how great is that guy might call the game how cool is that no he's the fucking man

and you can tell he might have been a stand up. How cool is that? No, he's the fucking man. And you can tell he might have been a stand-up or in our field a little bit because he's quick. He's so fucking fast. Dude, he did it. His brain works real fast. He did a callback, and I couldn't believe it.

And it's a simple callback, but I said the story on his show, but I got to tell you. I'll tell you real quick. Yeah. Strahan is... It's so funny. I've been doing so many fucking podcasts,

but when I enjoy it, I'm like, fuck, I'm going to just tell the story. Tell it, yeah. Michael Strahan's at the stand funny I've been doing so many fucking podcasts but when I enjoy it I'm like fuck I'm gonna just tell the story tell it yeah Michael Strahan's at the stand like right next to me and I'm having I'm having a good time

and he we're outside and somebody goes yeah don't ask Strahan for anything I'm a Giants fan don't ask Strahan for anything he was here Strahan wanted

actually I never told this part of the story really Strahan wanted a friend of his to get stage time at the stand no way so he goes I'm gonna come in come with my friend you put my friend on stage I'm gonna sit at the stand. No way. So he goes, I'm going to come in. Come with my friend.

You put my friend on stage. I'm going to sit in the crowd and watch. But then he stayed for comics. Did you know the guy that he put on or no? You never heard of the guy? I never heard of the guy. Okay. I never heard of the guy that he put on.

Guy goes up, whatever. You know, it seemed fine. And then they were like, you know, Paul, you going up? And he's there. So I go up. I'm having a good set. I remember hearing him. Remember, I shit on, I don't like Brooklyn at all.

So I shit on it hard. And he laughed hard. I just fucking shit on it. I remember hearing him. Remember, I shit on, I don't like Brooklyn at all, so I shit on it hard. And he laughed hard. I just fucking shit on it. I made Eisen laugh really hard about Brooklyn. He goes, well, you know, but you know, because I'm a Knicks fan, diehard Knicks fan,

you know, it's New York. And he goes, well, you got the Nets. And I go, it's not New York. It's not New York. No, that's New Jersey. It's all, yeah. It's New Jersey. So, don't ask Michael Strahan

for any pictures outside. He came to see his friend, let him leave, you know. It was the day the woman showed up to his fucking hotel door. No. That day. Holy shit. That day.

And he fucking went out to probably get some laughs. And he comes out. He just walks right up to me. Dude. Like that. And I go, hey, man. Thank you. Huge Giants fan, everything.

So we were talking. We're having a nice time. Yeah, dude. Let's take a picture. It was completely fine. Dude, I said the dumbest fucking. As I. Yeah, dude, let's take a picture. It was like completely fine. Dude, I said the dumbest fuck. As I put my arm around him and we take a picture, and it was like right before the snap,

I just go, I just go, oh, dude, 07 changed my life. What? I got kids. 07. I'm a grown man. Changed my life. 07 changed my life.

07 changed my life. But I like whispered it. Dude, it was fucking. And he was like, that is so sad. Right. And so I tell that story on Eyes in the other day. And here's a cool new story. We're done.

Me and Rich had a great time. Paul is so great. We're talking about going to London. It was just the greatest thing. And he's like, guys, dude, you know, we need a picture. And he puts his arm around me and he goes, that appearance just changed my life. Oh, that's so good. And dude, it was so fucking great. So good.

And I was like, the way he remembered it and the way he did it, and it let me know. I was like, oh, this is another dude. This isn't just a dude that does that job. And I said to him, you know, it's always in me to like really tell somebody like what they did. I really admire it. Yeah. And my dad would do that. My dad would go, let me tell you something about you.

You're fucking good. The way like when you poured that, I go, you know, Andrew, I go to podcasts. Nobody fucking pours that. You got fucking class. We have to do it. So I said to Eisen, I go, like he didn't know, I go, you started this. You fucking started the NFL Network. And then I started insulting people.

I go, everybody else just does your job. You fucking. Maybe I'll stop talking. You're just taking shots at guys. Yeah, all the sports dummies do that. You fucking started an empire. But no, he was, we had a really like,

I could like, the way he just shook your hand and looked you in the eyes, you're like, oh, this guy is a fucking great man. He's a great dude. Good golfer? He's good, yeah.

He's fun to play with. Though I never get to play with him because he's always working. This guy, he's a workaholic. I mean, he's like, his schedule's insane. But when he does get, when I do get to play with him,

he's a fucking great dude. Great dude and a great golfer. Shout out Rich Eisen. Let's stop complimenting him. He stinks. He stinks. We give him so much love. No, he's the fucking, he is the fucking man.

Isn't it funny how comics just can't give love? It's just. Nah, at some degree we're like, yeah, but also, you know, go fuck yourself, Rich. You know, I do love him so much. He's always been such a nice, sweet dude to me. And I met him a few times through other different connections, and then met him again golfing, which is just so wild how we wrap around.

But I want to say this. I know you're exhausted from a long day. I appreciate you coming on the show a lot. This means a lot because I know you're a busy man. And also, here's my deal. I'm doing the same thing you did. I'm doing a special with Netflix. Congratulations. And I don't know when it's coming out. I'm doing the same thing you did. I'm doing a special with Netflix. Congratulations.

And I don't know when it's coming out. I'm shooting it in a month. Okay. What is it now? Yeah. But this is the new way, the thing that we're doing, the way that we're doing it is kind of like we'll put it out. We'll talk about it.

We're going to push it around. We'll make the most waves without going through all of these like super traditional channels. That's why I think if you're listening to the show right now and you're a big fan of comedy, you have to go watch a special on Netflix because please keep supporting it because this helps us continue to do things like this and be more comedically free and not have to suck the chains of Mickey Mouse anymore. You know what I mean?

We're trying. And Netflix was really great like with the editing. But yeah, it's called Nocturnal Admissions. It's doing fantastic. I really appreciate you. Yeah, man. Dude, can I plug a couple dates? Fans got to do it.

Yeah, please. Plug, plug, plug. This comes out a week from... This comes out on the 12th. On Friday the 12th. August 12th. Okay, great. So I will be...

Yes, I will be... I'll be at Soul Joe's Comedy Dome September 17th, and I believe it's in Pottsville, Pennsylvania. If you are in London, if you're in the U.K., listen, guys. I've got some British fans on this show. Yeah, I'm going to do something. I'll be at 21 Soho, one show only, 21 Soho, October the 7th. Then I'm going to see my G-Men on the 9th.

I'm doing a one-nighter DC improv October 19th. And then the next night, October 20th, I'm doing one-night Philly Punchline. So you could check out, yeah, man, check out all those dates. What is it, paulverzi.com? paulverzi.com, V-I-R-Z-I. The special is Nocturnal Admissions on Netflix right now. I do two podcasts, one The Verzi Effect, which is myself and sometimes a guest. I also co-host one

called Anything Better with Bill Burr. Both are on the All Things Comedy Network. ATC. ATC. Yeah, dude, and I gotta be honest with you, man.

Doing it on the Netflix thing, the way it spreads and people watch it, and you're a comic who's doing it for fucking a long time, and it's great, and you're gonna get

positive reviews, so it's great. This is the move, man. This is the future. Watch his podcast. Watch and or listen. Definitely watch the special. Please do that and go see him live if you can. We'll put the links in the description down below

to go buy some of those tickets because I'm sure they're going to sell out. My Londoners, Pip Pip Cheerio. Go see your boy and go support him. If you see him at the football game, sorry, the American football game. Gotta be careful over there. Football is their footy soccer. Oh yeah, they get a little. American football game. Gotta be careful over there. Football is their footy soccer. Oh yeah, they get a little... American football game. Give them a shout out.

We end the episode the same way. You look in your camera right there. You say one word or one phrase. I used to be a phrase years ago and then people were like, I mean, it used to be a word and now I'm like, if you have a phrase that you want to say to end the episode, look in that camera and say it. It's going to end this episode and it'll be embedded in history forever. Any phrase? One word or one phrase that you want to say to end the episode, look in that camera and say it. It's going to end this episode and it'll be embedded in history forever.

So any phrase? One word or one phrase that you want to end this episode to close it off. When you're ready, look in that camera and say it. Undeniable. In here, we pour whisk, whisk, whisk, whisk, whisk.

You're that creature in the ginger beard. Sturdy and ginger. Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse. Gingers are beautiful. You owe me $5 for the whiskey and $75 for the horse. Gingers are hell no. This whiskey is excellent. Ginger.

I like gingers.