Whiskey Ginger with Andrew Santino - Stavros Halkias

Episode Date: May 27, 2022

Santino sits down with Stavros Halkias to chat about his new special, how much he hates podcasting, how wack strip clubs are, how much he hates rich geniuses and how he's outsourced his social media accounts and much much more COME SEE ME ON TOUR!!! https://www.andrewsantino.com ORDER SOME MERCH!!! https://www.andrewsantinostore.com Join our Patreon : https://www.patreon.com/whiskeygingerpodcast SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS! SONY The BEST new wireless noise canceling headphones now https://bit.ly/3lMEQpg INSIDE TRACKER Find out what your lacking and what your excelling in with Inside Tracker go to https://www.insidetracker.com/whiskey for 20% OFF the ENTIRE store! ROMAN Get your T up dudes and $15 off your first month and FREE SHIPPING https://getroman.com/whiskey BETTER HELP Get the help you need from a licensed professional 10% off your fist month https://betterhelp.com/whiskey Follow Santino on Insta and Twitter: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino/ https://twitter.com/CheetoSantino Whiskey Ginger Insta and Twitter: https://www.instagram.com/whiskeygingerpodcast/ & https://twitter.com/whiskeyginger_ Whiskey Ginger Clips: http://www.youtube.com/c/WhiskeyGingerPodcastClips Produced and edited by Joe Faria #podcast #whiskeyginger #stavroshalkias #andrewsantino #comedyspecial Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What up, Whiskey Ginger fans? Welcome back to the show. Man, we got a good one for you today. This guy is a beautiful beast, a sex symbol of the comedy world. He's probably the most beautiful man I've seen in our game in many, many moons. My guest, Stavros Halkias. I have to say it with some kind of accent for some reason. I don't know why I have to do that.

But Stavros is the man. So funny. Such a great comic. Go see him on the road. His special drops June. In June. 6-5. On a Sunday, I believe.

So watch him. Go see him. Come see me live. I've only got a couple of dates left, you guys. And then I'm taking a big break. We talk about it pretty heavily on the podcast. I'm taking a big break. This weekend. Right now, I'm in Vancouver at JFL. Tomorrow, I'm at Lake

Tahoe. If you're around Lake Tahoe, banging around the lake with the boys, with the boat, put away the champagne and come see your boy tomorrow night in Lake Tahoe. But tonight, I'm in Vancouver in Canada. And then I've only got a couple of dates left. The only dates I'm going to do so far on the calendar are going to be Niagara Falls and Montclair, New Jersey. New Jersey, dirty jurors, show up and do the thing. I also want to take time to say thank you guys so much for watching the show. I appreciate the fans. I really, really do.

Every week, if you guys are here week to week, it means a lot. I'll keep putting it out week to week every single Friday. We haven't missed in many, many, many years, and I'm going to keep doing it for you. So come see me live, andrewsantino.com, andrewsantino.com. Leave a comment for the Algo rhythm. Like and subscribe it. Pass it around to some friends and let them know about the whisk gin so we can keep making

this show for you. I'm done rambling. Let's go to the episode. In here, we pour whisk, whisk, whisk, whisk, whisk. You're that creature in the ginger beard. Sturdy and ginger. Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse. Gingers are pugilist.

You owe me $5 for the whiskey and $75 for the horse. Gingers are hell no. This whiskey is excellent. Ginger. I like gingers. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to Whiskey Ginger. My guest today is one of my favorite people on Earth. I say that for all my guests, but I mean it once again.

Today, it is the sexy, the sultry, the seductive, the salacious. It's the delicious. I love it. The delectable. I love it. The dude banging. Well, you know. Hog slanging.

I'm open to it, but not yet. Yeah, you're open now. Stavros Halkios. Hog slaying. I'm open to it, but not yet. Yeah, you're open now. Yeah. Stavros Halkios. That's right. I like, you put a little- Halkios. A little stank on it. Well, because you're Spanish, right?

Yeah, yeah. You're Spanish. Portuguese. Portuguese. We're going to have a little bit of Whistlepig. Small batch. Ten year. Age, ten years.

Is it, though? Do you ever believe that shit when they tell you? I've never in my life, do. You know when they always say, like, oh, it's barreled age and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, and you're always like yeah is it yeah cheers to the boys oh that's good does it stink good smells nice oh that is pretty good that is good shit um are you a big drinker you're not you're not really a big drinker are you i'm a tequila guy but no i'm not a big i'm more of a weed guy the older i I'm more of a weed guy. The older I get, the more of a weed guy I have become.

I put it away. I just talked to someone about this. The more, I just can't get, if I get high, I get too high anymore. I miss when we used to get regular high. I know what you mean. And also there's like when you're old and you have actual problems. Yeah. Like you got to have, you got to take care of everything to get high.

Yes. You know what I mean? Yes. Your day has to be done. Completely done. You can't have anything like within the next get high. Yes. You know what I mean? Yes. Your day has to be done. Completely done. You can't have anything, like, within the next 12 hours. Fuck.

Like, that's what I like about an edible is, like, when I'm just like, let's just get fucking high as fuck. Let's watch four movies. I have nothing to do. I just want to be a piece of shit, you know? My favorite drug feeling is, like, this has to be what, like,

an opium dem feels like to other people my shit is like 80 milligrams and like a like a fucked up or like a 60 seamless order just for me like we're talking i want to try one bite of something like a chinese food order i 70 dollars yeah i have one bite of this like a like a sultan the way a sultan would eat yeah and then a full pint of ben and jerry's and just that like sugar crash plus fucking edible. Yeah. Food coma does feel so good. It feels so awesome.

I imagine that is close to what opioids do. It's got to be close, man. Because I would take synthetic opioids. I've taken painkillers for stuff. Sure, sure, sure. But not the real jazz. And one day I do want to have the real shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Because I do. Everybody wants to know. Yeah. In movies the glorification is probably the wrong word but movies do such a good job of showing that drug that what like how it deteriorates you but when they show what you feel like when it's hidden like when what travolta looks like in pulp fiction oh yeah when he's fucking when he's living on it yeah you're like that looks amazing yeah yeah because i know we've come close to being so fucked up on drugs where you're like i know kind of what i think that feels like but

that looks like there's one notch above it yeah there's something we're missing yes there's something that just it's not like like if somebody's like heroin like the harder it is to do a drug and the more people do it it's just like that's got to be so sick it's got you got to fucking you have to put needles. Put it in your body. Yeah. You're in like that. You have to stab yourself with it.

You'll do it just like in a fucking vacant house. Cool. Like fucking, this is the best I've ever felt. Yeah, this feels better than having a child. Right. I feel like, I guarantee you, heroin, chemically, whatever elation you feel, if you have like a fucking, like you get a big promotion, you get the first time you're on fucking, you know, late night,

whatever it is, your wedding day probably feels half as good as just doing heroin after you've been sodomized to get the heroin. You know what I mean? If I had to guess. Because I've had those moments. I've had those moments where I'm so out of it, on shit, and it's almost like there's the perfect moment where you go, I'm so awesome. And heroin must be that.

You know what my friend did recently? He won't stop talking about it. He's a little bit of a strange guy, but he's not like, like, like I, I, I'm, I'm shocked at how serious he is. He's not like some totally out there weirdo. Yeah. He went to Hawaii and he fucking did like frog venom, like toad venom with like a shamaness. Oh, right, right, right.

And he, he's like, he's like, I want my mother to do this. He's like, this is the best thing that's ever happened to me. It's therapy. Yeah, he was like, I felt like at peace. I felt like I died and I wasn't even mad. He was like, I can't. He's like, I'm not even scared of death. That's what he said.

That's what a lot of people have said after ayahuasca. A lot of people have said to me they do ayahuasca and they're like, I don't feel like I'm scared of dying anymore. Yeah, which is so fucking wild. That's wild. Which is like, you understand that is, that's tricking your brain. Yes. Like, that exists, like, that thing exists, like, any, like, that frog's poison exists to make you feel fucked up until the frog can go away because you were thinking about

eating it. Right. Like, it's supposed to completely fry a fucking, like, a wolf's brain or whatever. And it's like, it's a trick. It's not real. You know what I mean? But it stays with us. It's like, yeah, it's like people that think that's a real breakthrough are people that think strippers. It's not real, you know what I mean? But it stays with us. Yeah, it's like people that think that's a real breakthrough

are people that think strippers are in love with them. You know what I mean? It's like, the drug is just at work. The drug is doing its job, you know what I mean? It's like, it's not a fucking real thing that exists. For some reason, those guys always go back thinking that a new stripper falls in love with them at a new place. They go back and lick the frog again.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm in for both. I know, I am too, actually. I'm in for both. I know. I am too, actually. I've been, I've all but stopped going to strip clubs. Just because, like, it's always with a group of friends. Yeah. You know, and it's always like, oh, we should go.

And you, oh, yeah, and then you do it. And you're always kind of let down in the weird way. Of course. And you're like, is this even, am I, do I, have I ever even liked this? Yeah, no, not at all. You know what I mean? It's one of the most, like, we have to pretend to enjoy this. Like, I guess I'm.

Otherwise you're gay, bro. Yeah, yeah. I guess it's like, because when I, when, like, life was bad, I didn't have any money. Yeah. And I wasn't getting any pussy. So I'm spending money to almost, like, to. To not get pussy. To not get pussy.

It's like, yeah. It's like if I went to a restaurant, like the most expensive restaurant, you chewed the steak and they made you spit it out. You know, you just got one chew and they're like, come on, give it up. You don't get to fucking. But do I? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Come on.

Yeah, yeah. But what if I pay extra? They're like. Two chews, but that's it. Yeah. Put it halfway down your throat, then you got to spit it out. Yeah. And then we're putting our fucking fingers down your throat and getting it out the hard

way. That is what it always felt like. It always felt desperate and sad and weird, and I never really liked it. I never did. I was always, even when I went with someone who was like a baller, if I went with a dude that spent a bunch of money,

because I never did. I never liked spending money there. I was always like, I'm not giving this person money for no reason. Even if I went with someone with a lot of money, it's fun for genuinely five minutes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you could go for five minutes and leave, I do that if that was it you checked in you threw money

you're like chug a drink and walked out perfect experience i think i would i think i'm almost at the point in my life where it's like when because it's that those needs are taken care of where it's like i get the fuck i have enough money yeah where it's like i could see maybe now hitting some kind of zen level with it where it's like the money's gone. I'm not getting pussy. I'm just in the moment on some like the money doesn't matter to me. The fact that these women are leading me on

is not, you know, that I'm not going to fuck them is not going to ruin the next three days of my life. Like now that that's taken care of, I could maybe see going up and just if I have something to celebrate, just spending thousands of dollars. You know what I mean?

Like I could see that level, but that's the only way I think I have something to celebrate, just spending thousands of dollars. You know what I mean? Really? I could see that level, but that's the only way I think I ever want to return to one. Well, I think you see these guys at some point, you know, like especially professional athletes, they get so rich that they start to gamble such high amounts because there's no payoff anymore. Right, like if they win 10 grand, it doesn't do anything.

Yeah, they need to bet a half million dollars. But that's the deal. I think they like losing it. Yeah, of course. I think winning for doesn't do anything. Yeah, they need to bet a half million dollars. But that's the deal. I think they like losing it. Yeah, of course. I think winning for those guys is mediocre. Yeah. I think they like to lose like 80 grand. Because they don't get that feeling.

Yeah. They just have to feel something. Yes. You know? That's why like pushing when you're playing blackjack or any cards or whatever, a push is the worst. Yeah. Because you feel nothing.

Yeah. Make me lose. Yeah. At least take my fucking money. Make me feel like shit. Spit in my fucking mouth. Call me a fucking slut. slut you know what i mean it's like that's the equivalent casino every time you lose fucking bitch take your money away you fucking little slut yeah little bitch it'd become a it'd become a bdsm thing absolutely tie you up and hit you instead

of the girl that comes around with like drinks and cigarettes she's like you want to be whipped you're like yeah hit the fuck out of me yeah yeah while i lose this hand i'm why are you hitting on 19 just let me fucking do it tell me my dad's not proud of me yeah that would be a great casino by the way that would make so much fucking money so much money nobody wins caters to subs only like you're there it's like the casino wins on the hand or you win at the fucking tipping the fucking girls in leather. Just beating the shit out of you. Just beating the fuck out of you. I do like that idea because casinos have lost all their love for me too.

I go play a bunch of casinos now. Yeah. Like at the end of this tour I'm doing, I'm doing five more casinos to like end it. How are those shows? You know, dude, honestly, some of them have, some are fun. Yeah. Some are really fun. Yeah.

But then some are like, I'm in a middle of nowhere place where you're like, does anybody know that this exists? Yeah. And it's fine. But I like gambling. Mm-hmm. And it's- It's a fun time at least for me.

I just like, I like sitting with a buddy, you know, ripping a dart. Yeah. And playing a couple of cards for a couple hours because it's just another way to have conversation and fuck off and kill time. Totally. That was the thing. It's like I was never, weirdly my relationship to gambling is because I'm, you know, I grew up in Baltimore.

I grew up around fucking tons of just like illegal, like all the like coffee houses in Greektown in Baltimore. It's like illegal card games. Yeah. Like everyone's sports betting. It's like, so I- OTB all day, right? Yeah.

I mean, they were, yeah. I mean, no, this is just like bookies. Oh, shit. You know what I mean? Like they're, like it's that like, you know, day yeah i mean they they were yeah i mean no this is just like bookies like you know what i mean like they're like it's that like you know ethnic fuck like these guys are just into whatever they just want to spend their money just like trashy you know like like true gamblers and uh and so i actually my relationship to gambling is like i kind of kicked my gambling habit at 17 because it it was like, starting in middle school, we just had one friend named Fat Bill who was basically our bookie.

And he would just take bets. And I was like, I bet on football. When you were how old? I was like, I'm like 14. Holy shit. I'm betting like a couple. Where are you getting the money? Are you stealing it from your old man?

You know, whatever. I had like high school jobs. But it's not like, you know, it's not a ton of money. It's like 50, 100 bucks. But when you're 14. That's a lot of money when you're 14 yeah yeah yeah so it's like and and like and and i was just like and i am not i do not feel the thing from losing right like i'm not one of these bdsm like a girl beats the shit out of me i am not coming i'm sad you know what i mean i'm like could you believe i just wanted to see your tits i didn't i didn't realize that you have to hit me in the face. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And so I was just like, this sucks. I didn't have any money either. Right. And so I was just like over gambling. And then I went back to... I played Wise Guys in Vegas. And then I did a short where I was supposed to play like a fucking degenerate gambler,

which I know I completely look like. You know, they're like, we need a guy who's completely repulsive that a woman is going to fuck and then question all her life choices. And they're like we need a guy who's completely repulsive that a woman is gonna fuck and then question all her life choices and they're like and we just thought you'd be perfect and it's not only that but it's like when i got there they were like looking at wardrobe they're like could you just dress exactly how you're dressed right now it's like you have completely taken that vibe that we want yeah but anyway so i found myself there with like time to kill and i had to like

you know learn how to play blackjack so it looked fucking convincing or whatever and I loved it I was like ooh I felt it that's the one

you're talking about where it's like yeah just chill with a friend I was there with my buddy you can smoke and hang out and talk and have a couple of drinks

and if you know how to play which is if you know the basic rules you can just sit and play for a long time exactly you can just kind of sit and fuck around and win lose win win lose lose win, lose, lose, lose, win.

If you continue to play, the chances are you're probably going to break even if you're not being a bozo. Exactly. If you're not doing dumb shit like hitting on 19 or when someone's near you and they're, you know. And there's the rules. Should I split these? And you're like, oh, God, no, you shouldn't. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Exactly. It's just like it just exactly you'll lose like 50 bucks max and it's like you're probably everyone

knows all those rules now where it's like there's those apps that tell you how to play so it's like it's really just for the camaraderie and shit and then it was like all right i can because like i do have a bit of an addictive personality like i have my vices for sure but when they're not like gambling it's like it's never gonna get like that for me the way like drugs even it's like i like drugs but i'm never i could quit anything cool i could quit like fucking booze is so easy like weed is a lot harder for me it's it's weed food and trying to get my little dick suck those are the three things that i'm just in that order no no i think it would go food pussy weed and pussy weed Food, pussy, weed. Food is the destroyer for me, dude. Food is way bigger than pussy for you.

Absolutely. But food and pussy together? Has that been a thing? Nothing better than getting fucking sucked off. She's in the Uber. There's a fucking half a cheesesteak waiting for me, brother. And I got a fucking ice cream cone in the fridge that got special, you know? That's all you're really thinking about.

It's like the moment I bust, that's all i'm thinking about it's like it's like the second the evil the poison is out of my body i'm thinking let's put a different kind of poison in one goes out one goes in yeah and like yeah it's brilliant though that you but you know you know that they're both the same kind of controlling mechanism it's it got to be, they have to have that same thing in your brain. I know like the release of like endorphins and all that shit, but what triggers you wanting that stuff has to be the exact same chemical. Truly, because it's like, and then it's like, because it's like, if I get pussy, it's like a celebratory cheesesteak.

And then if I go out and I don't get pussy, it's like, I can't believe I didn't get pussy. I need a little cheesesteak. I guess I need to eat this cheesesteak. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm fucked either way. And it's like, it really is the same shit. I'm just like, it's just like a multiplier.

Because when you're off that high, it's like, let's add the other one. Let's add the other one. And that's why the road is killing me. That's why it's like, I have to stay off it. Well, I mean, like, look, dude, it's not being single on the road helps me not go out every night party and lose my mind no i need a girlfriend not to die yeah you would yeah i would die because now it's like now i have like i've started to bring some buddies along i got my boy eldest my i have my i have a fuck i have a personal albanian valet he's my best friend we grew up together and i just hired him to

like do like video stuff and like you know know, just hang, also just hang out. Be a friend with you. Be a friend. It's awesome. And then it's like, sometimes I bring my other buddy, Ben, who's like does video stuff. Like, and then it's like, I want to bring friends of mine to open. And then it's like, I like think about, we just get a big Airbnb and it's the boys and we get like fucking some groceries.

And then it's like, but then it's like, I was like, I really want, and then I'm looking at the cities. I'm like, well, I really want to fuck that'm looking at the cities I'm like well I really want to fuck that girl there I'm not going to fuck her with roommates you know what I mean so it's like

I got to get the hotel you know what I mean you got to get them the Airbnb yeah yeah yeah they stay in the Airbnb and it's like and I'm just like

I need someone I love because it's also it keeps you just like grounded sane sane yeah it's just like

I need it I'm like wow I get why people when they grow up it's just like... Grounded. Just completely sane. Sane. Yeah. It's just like, I need it for... I'm like, wow, I get why people, when they grow up, it's just like... Because it's like... It's hilarious. I'm 33 and this is the year where I'm like, oh, I guess there's no when I grow up. I am... I'm up. It's over.

You know what I mean? It's over. There's no more... You're grown. I'm grown. This is... It's starting... The decline is...

It's not very steep, but it's begun. It's starting, yeah. You know what I mean? It's like... If you didn't know any better, you you'd think it was flat you bring out that protractor you're like oh no holy shit yeah that is slanted more than i thought yeah that's what everyone does oh fuck look at that i guess it's from this angle it's obviously going down i never knew yeah are you fine are you when you do go on the road and you're city to city are you are you talking to people on apps is that how you do it i'll go and you're city to city, are you talking to people on

apps? Is that how you do it? I'll go apps. I'll go Instagram is the big, you know, it's probably the biggest one. Because you know Chris O'Connor comes with me. You know O'Connor. I love Chris. And Connie, you know, when he's single, he'll get on the apps, but inevitably he says the

same thing to me where he's like, I get an app in a city to try to chat up a girl. And he's like, it always is a letdown because you're like, hey, I'm a comic. Do you want to come out and have a drink or hang out with us? We're in town. He's like, no.

And they're already ahead of the game. They're like, no, you're leaving tomorrow. Yeah. He's like, well, yeah, but I mean, we can pretend that I'm not leaving tomorrow.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's interesting because honestly, when I was younger and I was open, I was open for Bobby, Bobby Kelly, I was open for Tom Papa.

The moment I hit any city, I'm fucking on Tinder. Just like every swipe possible. And it actually worked a lot. It worked for me back then. Because it was just like, I would put, I think I would just be, I'm like, only here for whatever. So it's like, I'm only here this weekend. I'm going, you hit me up if you want to come to a company. Just something like that.

Or instantly within matching, I'd be like, hey, I'm only here, whatever. And I'd be like, want to a show you know what I mean and I'm like that would be they knew it was up they knew it was up they were coming to hang out for the night they knew you were gone tomorrow but also when I wasn't headlining and I was like the opener it was like that's when it was a lot more getting I felt I felt like I earned pussy

way more back then you had to work hard I had to work hard dude I was like the fucking polar bear on the melting ice cap you know what I mean I didn't have I was, yeah, I was like the fucking polar bear on the melting ice cap. You know what I mean? Like, I didn't have the resources I have now. I was like, if one little seal shows any weakness, I have to pounce. Or I'm not eating for weeks.

You know what I mean? Whereas, like, and I would go, I would hang out. And I don't have to do any fucking meet and greets. It's over. I'm just scanning for any woman. Once you're done, you're done. Once I'm done, I'm done. What's your flavor of chick?

What was your flavor of woman? You got a type? I don't really Papa don't got no type I don't I'm in I think I have Historically I've really liked Curly hair big titties Which is barely a type

That is a kind of person But it's like I also just like to, I mean, I'll fuck with it. I like, there's a fucking beauty in every type and size of titty. You sound like your father is coming through your face. Yeah, dude. It's just like. That's such an immigrant mentality. It's like, there's beauty in every big titty.

Every big titty whore you throw at me. Small titties is what it is too. Little titties. I love a little titty. In here, we pour whiskey. Hey, boys. This one's for the boys. You might know that testosterone affects a lot of aspects of men's fitness and your health,

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So get the help that you need with BetterHelp. That's BetterHelp. Better, B-E-T-T-E-R, Help, H-E-L-P, dot com, slash whiskey. Ginger. I like gingers. Yeah, I've gotten, I've opened up my horizon sexually. I was definitely like, starting out, it was like little shorter, thick girls with big titties, big ass. Just like, you know.

But I'm a fucking con. I'll fuck any. I mean, I'll fuck pretty much. If you're cool, I'm attracted to almost every type of. If you're cool, I'm attracted. You're attracted to. If the vibes are right. And also, what we're talking about here is I'll fuck any kind of hot girl.

You know what I mean? It's like, that's not really like i'm not i'm no freedom fighter like it was so funny i saw fucking people were like uh shitting on jordan peterson because he posted that there's like a hot you know sports illustrated will put like girls who were just like hot as shit but like a little chubby yeah on like it's the fucking what's her name ashley um yeah it was the beginning of all this right yeah um uh and Sports Illustrated posted this girl who's like hot as shit absolutely anyone would love stunning huh you know just like a really good face it's like she was chubby she's like thick and it was like and not and it's also like the first wave of like body positivity was thick girls who just had like cartoonishly gigantic tits and like completely round asses who were just like more shaped like cartoon characters this is a thick girl who just had cartoonishly gigantic tits and completely round asses, who were just more shaped like cartoon characters.

This is a thick girl who's like, yeah, her tits are big, but they're not crazy big. And you see a little fucking side pudge, like a little thigh pudge, which is fucking sick. Boy, I know. Let me get a fucking bite of that. You know what I'm saying? I want to see a chafe in the middle.

Yes, yes. I don't want the thighs to not touch. That's crazy. Let me get you some baby powder at the end of the day. Let me powder you up. But yeah, and he was talking about how she wasn't beautiful. And it's like, come on, man. We all know it.

Like, that's the crazy. It's like we all, everyone likes to fuck. Like, that girl is so hot. Stop pretending that somebody else is skinny. Well, he does that kind of stuff for baits. This is my problem with what the internet's done now. These guys are baiting everybody. He fucking doesn't believe that.

I mean, I don't know. I don't know the guy, but my instinct with that kind of stuff is always like, that guy's looking for a fucking war online. It's so stinky that you go, like, I can just tell now the internet has become

such a breeding ground, particularly like Twitter and shit like that, for people to put out a little bit of sugar and they're like, does anybody want to eat this? And to be fair, in terms of trolling targets, fat ladies on the internet,

it's just like, they're going at you. You know what I mean? They're going to come get you. They got a whole SWAT team with the fucking lights. They're like, say something. Say something now. Those guys know what they're doing. Jordan Peterson,'s so funny they love that shit

and afterwards he was like I think I'm leaving Twitter he was like just the insults it's like you screenshotted this bitch out of the blue and said she was ugly

yeah what the fuck did you think was gonna happen you fucking idiot yeah and also I also like that because I get to feel like a hero about being like

you know even though this guy says that I would love for this beautiful woman to suck my dick in balls, and I'd love to just cream all over her thick thighs and feed her a little bacon. I'd like to fry her up some bacon, feed it to her, and we'll fucking lady in the tramp a hoagie afterwards if she wants.

I get to be like a hero for just being like, I would love to fuck. Hashtag fuck Jordan Peterson. Yeah, yeah, yeah. As long as you throw that in, you can say anything before. Yeah. I love feeling like a hero

for wanting to fuck hot women. It's sick. Yeah, he gave you an easy opportunity. It's almost like, you know, anybody with any sort of conscious understands that like Roe v. Wade coming back is just garbage dog shit. Yeah, it's insane.

And so it's an easy way for you to be like, oh, so I just get to agree with what's obviously logical and then i get to be a hero as well yeah yeah yeah of course you can do whatever you want why would i fucking care yeah women are like thank you for championing us you're like of course this is an easy fight it is really funny how low the bar is to be a good like guy yeah with that kind of stuff you deserve basic human rights yes you deserve you deserve uh uh control over your body yeah and they kind of stuff you deserve basic human rights yes you deserve you deserve uh uh control over your body yeah and they're like thank you for being an ally and he's an ally and you're like i guess so it's so easy the worse society gets the easier it is to be like a good

guy basically and we are we're getting there well you're well and you've told me uh off the record all the time you're you're so against it you're pro-abortion. You think everyone should get one. Everyone should get one. I think you should have to, if you're pregnant, even if you want the gift, you should have to flip a coin. And if it's tails, it's gone.

Sorry. We gotta keep, you know, it's like... I just think we don't have enough resources, you know? Parking's kind of crowded in 20 years. All these kids are gonna have cars. No thanks. We're pregnant. It's like, hold on.

Yeah, let's see what the Uncle Sam coin has All these kids are going to have cars. No thanks. We're pregnant. It's like, hold on. Yeah, let's see what the Uncle Sam coin has to say. You're no longer pregnant. Sorry. Sorry, Jeff Bezos needs these stem cells. Warren Buffett actually needs the blood of your embryo. That's what's actually in Warren Buffett's Coke that he gets every morning is baby stem cells. That guy's up to some fucked up stuff. I have a Coke every single morning.

You're like, okay, with baby blood strewn on top. Yeah 100%. That gets rewarded culturally. His whole I have an egg McMuffin for breakfast and if the market's up

I have sausage if the market's down I have a regular you've heard this fucking thing before and they're like he still lives in the same house in

Lincoln, Nebraska and I was like that's psycho shit. That's not whoa how cool and humble that's like socially manip Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's not, whoa, how cool and humble. That's like socially manipulative for some reason. 100%. Because he makes you go, I'm the everyday guy.

And I also don't believe it. I don't buy it for a fucking second. And I think Tim Dillon has actually made this point a lot, where he's like, he still lives in Omaha or wherever the fuck he lives. Omaha, that's right, yeah. He's fucking kids. And I want to cite Tim, but that's one of the best points.

Yeah. Anytime, because it's also like, he's kind of this halfway thing between these billionaires. Like, there's nothing to be more pathetic than a billionaire

that wants to be famous. Yes. Because it's like, dog, you did it. It's over. The real cool billionaire, like, Elon Musk wants to be

the coolest billionaire and it's like, it's honestly pathetic the way he like, just like tries to be like funny and do memes and whatever because it's like, it's like just be the coolest billionaire. And it's, like, it's honestly pathetic the way he, like, just, like, tries to be, like, funny and do memes and whatever. Because it's, like, it's, like, just the coolest billionaire in the world is somewhere on the, like, the pedophile island that they sacrificed Jeffrey Epstein to keep secret. That's, like, it's, like, it's a guy you've never heard of. His great-great-grandfather was an Italian count or whatever.

It's always the way these people get rich is so funny. His great-great-grandfather was an Italian count. Right. It's always the way these people get rich is so funny. It's like 500 years ago, his grandfather had a boat, and all the fucking donkeys died, and the only way to get grain from one village to another was with his boat. His boat.

And then it's like somehow that is compounded, and they're like, they own a Disney. You know what I mean? It's like, or they own like fucking the biggest airline you've ever heard of. It's like, these guys that you'll never, you've never heard about, those are the only cool billionaires.

Secret billionaires are the only ones that are legit. Yeah. And by the way, there's so many of these people. Of course. You'll never know their names. You'll never see from them. And they're doing unspeakable things.

Well, that's what I said. They're doing horrific things. When I first moved to LA and I saw Beverly Hills, I had never seen it live. I'd never been to California when I was a kid. And then when I came here, my initial thought was like, all these people have all this money, right?

And you don't know any of these names, right? Like this is so many houses that are worth multiple. And they couldn't have all invented something, right? I mean, they're not all like, yeah, it's your great grandfather was Jonas Salk. You know what I mean? Like that's not all coming from, this is all crazy weird. Like my, a kid said to

oh i don't can't remember who told me but somebody goes when they went to us they went to usc and he came from like a blue collar family and he was asking one of his friends like oh what does your dad do and the guy was like he's in plastics he's like oh right he's in a field yeah a massive like such a blank open say yeah he's in yeah he's Yeah, yeah, yeah. A massive, like, such a blank open space. Yeah, he's into fabrics. He's into textiles. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What does he do?

You know nylon? Yeah. That's my grandfather invented nylon. We're nylon. We're nylon, yeah. Have you ever used a zipper? My grandfather figured out the teeth on the zipper. We're YKK.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's my whole fucking family. That's the kind of stuff that creeps me out that I never saw. As a kid in Chicago, look, it's so funny to come out here and you meet the more people I meet, the more you're like, that's your fucking family? Totally. And then it makes me feel like,

how come I have no one in my family who's such shit? Nobody did anything? Believe me, bro. I joke with my mom my my grandmother just died and my grandfather had good riddance away yeah i was gonna do it you because you hated her you guys you guys were always in a fight it was just her vibes were always off especially at the end it's like we get it you're milking it we know she always did say she goes how's that fat greek cunt i was like no no that's enough yeah no but when she died, I talked to my mother about how it's like they grew up, poor is like a, is a subjective word because everyone's got their version of poor.

Sure. They didn't, they grew up with 10 kids on a firefighter salary. Sounds poor to me. Pretty poor, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So like in her world, she was like, we just didn't come from anything before that. So you didn't ever think about having anything after that. Right, right, right.

And with my parents, the whole conversation was spend all your money yeah i don't want any of your whatever's going to be left over when you're dead yeah i hope it's gone yeah yeah i don't want to be fucking left with a couple of bucks like that's nuts if you're not going to leave me a fucking empire yes yes die broke please 100 so like when i meet people out here now that's the first time i've learned about money when i moved out here that i was like holy shit when your grandfather dies you you're that's it you're yeah the rest of your life is fine you're just kind of waiting yeah it's not it's wild yeah you never have to think about you're just the creative director of a magazine that'll never print an issue until he dies you know it's like these fake rich kid jobs are like right i'm a producer it's like never done anything you know

what i mean like do hangs out do you produce you just need to have I have an IB that's what Succession did well that show did well yes they really did they showed what these kids

are actually like yeah there's no jobs yeah their jobs were trying to fix drama within the family yeah they were like

they were basically like TMZ producers internally for their own family yeah totally that show did that I'm like were your parents both immigrants

immigrants yeah I was born here they came in 82 I was born in 99 so it's like for their own family. Yeah, totally. That show did that. I'm like, were your parents both immigrants? Immigrants, yeah. I was born here. They came in 82. I was born in 99. So it's like, you know, real. I mean, I have the same shit.

New York is the same. New York sometimes is even worse because it's like, yeah, it's like that far backwards. Like, you'll meet someone and it's like, yeah, they fucking, they're literally like Rockefellers or something.

Right. You know what i mean or like well east coast has it way more than east coast wealth is different like from the 1600s yes some of these people and um but yeah we were fucking poor shit baltimore i mean you know poor shit whatever same thing but it's like baltimore city like not the fucking suburbs like grew up grew up there it was like my dad was a carpenter who was a great carpenter but a horrific businessman just constantly in debt was basically an indentured servant to a rich greek guy he literally had to his own kind of people like yeah like sad we had yeah like some guy my dad like was in debt or something and the guy was like all right i'll pay it off but you just have to work you have to do

whatever i want for like four years that Which is literal indentured servitude. But like, dude, we'll fucking woodwork whatever you want. He'll make the fucking best version of it. Do they have a house in Baltimore? A real piece of shit house. Did he build it? No, no, no. Yeah, just like a dilapidated ass fucking house. And I bought

a house there the first time I made any money. And it's not, and I'm saying this not to say I'm rich, but to show how little the house is. It's like, the first time I got any money and it's not and i'm saying this not to say i'm rich but to show how little the house is it's like the first time i got any money i was like wait what do houses cost here like a house in the house i bought you couldn't get it would take three of the full price to put a down payment on a house in new york well new york is new york's like out here it's it's it's bullshit it's crazy crazy. But still, it's like nothing, right? Three of those houses would be just the down payment. Just the down payment.

The full house. Yeah. Like, my brother just lives there. I don't even bother charging him rent. Well, why? What would it do for you? Yeah, it's like... Can you Venmo me that 40 bucks you owe me for rent?

Yeah, I want to get Chipotle with guac. So could you give me rent this month? It's like one deluxe burrito. How old's your brother? He's old. I mean, he's 31. He's younger than me's like one deluxe burrito. How old's your brother? He's old. I mean, he's 31. He's younger than me, but he's my little brother,

but he's great. I mean, he's an artist, and he's like, you know, he's a fucking, he's really talented, but my family's got a little bit of that, like, you know, that art, like, fucking unstable type shit

where it's like, you know, like, I barely got it together, and it's like... You got it together now. I got it together now, yeah, but years I wasn't doing shit, you know, but, no, my brother's doing good, and then my other it's like you got it together now i got together now yeah but i years i wasn't doing shit you know but no my brother's doing good and then my other brother's like uh uh they're both like one of them just got married which is fucking crazy i was like my little but he's so young he's a 31 year old man he's a grown to me he's my little brother but i'm like he's 31 my sister's

30 and i'm like she's my kid sister yeah yeah she's a grown-up yeah and i was like he's doing it so young it's like it's kind of actually you could argue it's a little late yeah it's like it's not that early he's like right in there we're late our generation is late

totally which is funny because I look at that and you think for our parents for at least like my parents to not be married

by the time that you're in your late 20s was odd for us we're now pushing it to like 30 mid 30s to get married i wonder if

our kids it's going to regress and go back to like them all wanting to get married when they're like 19 20 you know what i mean i do think i do think this shit is like super super cyclical and just like i mean you see it with every trend it just kind of like comes back i do think there's like a little bit of like there's a possibility people will be a little burned out with like because it's like whatever's cool for the older generation is like always lame it's always whack for them like i think there could be a generation where it's like getting pussy and being old like like and we are teetering towards like like i feel it too where i'm like i don't know how much longer i can live like a child right because it's like i'm 33 yeah and it's like and

then you see especially in comedy you get those guys who are like 40 and they date like 20 year olds and you're like what's going on come on man it's like i'm in love yeah oh really yeah yeah yeah it's like like come on dude it's and it's like so i don't know everything kind of feels like it's trending towards having to grow up and it's it's hitting me later but i definitely think the the more like pop more more people delay that i think you're absolutely right that like 24 year olds are going to look at that as being the ultimate loser or the loser generation yeah we are the loser generation we like we got unlucky where it's like you know fucking 9-11 housing crisis fucking you know already dude iraq afghanistan corona it's just like

that we've had our shit that's truly and we also everything changed so much in between we're the last generation that like won't didn't have phones didn't have the internet from from the jump that was that is wild so we're really we're fun we suck like it's like our shit sucks dick dude and i do think there will be kind of a reset and i hope i also hope it like i think it might swing back just in those kinds of values but i think it also will swing back in terms of like i hope like maybe technology like i could see like a young generation being like luddites being like fucking back to the fucking woods i hope so anyway maybe not maybe like technology companies have their hooks in us so bad. But I do think there might be a generation that's like, maybe our kids shouldn't have a fucking iPad from the moment they're born.

They're out of the pussy. They slide out with an iPad. They slide out fucking. Big eyes. All of them have huge fucking eyes. They're born with blue light sensors already. They got the blue light goggles on. They've been watching Paw Patrol in your wife's pussy.

I think, but I think this scary shit, I talked about this just yesterday, was like, these Boston Dynamics guys and all these fucking geniuses, they're putting feelings in robots. I mean, they're doing it. It's happening. It's not like this futuristic, apocalyptic joke world.

Like, it's a movie. It's not a movie anymore. They're fucking making these things recognize emotion and feeling they're reacting to emotion and feeling everything sucks it's creepy as fuck it's like everything that's happening is like it's like as much as we're the transition it's also like it the fact that our lives the transition is if you speed it up what it is is the montage at the beginning of terminator or the montage in the beginning of any futuristic like movie where it's like like you know i was born in 89 it's like the 80s were like you know

they weren't great or whatever but it was like you have like through that it's like you the america was done with like vietnam they were done with like all the fucking bullshit economy in the 70s and it's like through the prosperity of like the clinton years like until and then 9 11 happens and then it's all just been one thing after another. It's that slanted thing that we're looking at. Yeah, yeah, the fuck, it went from this to fucking... Yeah, but it's starting to go like that. In here, we pour whiskey.

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so you can only hear what you want to hear. Ginger. I like gingers. Plus, Goldwine, plus these robots, plus it's like, yeah, Roe v. Wade's getting taken. I mean, it's hard to be like, shit's going good. It's hard to be like, the world is not a complete pile of dog shit. Unless you're Elon Musk, who doesn't believe that anything's going bad.

I know. He's like, everything is fine. I just bought the internet. Yeah, yeah. I think he did fine. I just bought the internet. Yeah, yeah. I think he did think to himself he bought the internet. The way he talks about it, he's like, yeah, we'll just start to control the voices and let it all be free. You're like, no, no, no.

This is what a crazy person says before they lose their shit. And then they open up a can of worms that will never cease. I think him owning it. I'm not one of these people who's anti him owning it because of political purposes. That seems to be the narrative now. Elon's a bad guy. He wants Trump back on there. I don't like him owning it

just because I'm like, this guy doesn't fucking know what he's doing either. I do think everyone sucks him off way too much. Way too much. Everyone talks about what a fucking genius too much way too it's like it's like like you know everyone talks about like what a fucking genius he is but it's like the tunnel no one wants to talk about how the tunnels are the dumbest thing i've ever seen in my life this is supposed to alleviate traffic a one lane tunnel underground that you could put

a train like that's the other thing it's, every tech guy's idea just exists. It's already there. It's like, self-driving car is a bus. It's like, get on a bus. You don't have to drive it. You know what I mean? That is a self-driving car. And it's like, oh, fuck it. It's just like, I don't...

And even, like, all this going to the fucking... Going to space shit. It's like, why don't you just, like, fucking make this world better? Like, why are we trying to make a different planet? Like, it's just like, it's so fucking crazy. crazy because geniuses like that weirdo geniuses like him they want to escape roots all the time like they want to be the first too it's like it's like it's more about it's like the succession thing we talked about earlier it's like and those geniuses like rich people are the closest thing to like the way royalty used to behave yeah where it's like

people don't matter we don't fucking matter no it's all proxies for like who gets to fucking it used to be like owning land like literal land but now it's more like who is just thought of you know what i mean like yeah who is thought of better it's like who makes the most money and who has the most like cachet and it's like that's what they're after and it's like fuck us right and they want and you're right though being first is so it's funny they do want to set these standards or precedents, even though that's not the, that shouldn't be any sort of priority. Yeah. Like I watched this, I watched this clip about, um, this woman does a voiceover about these

old houses in San Francisco and she goes all, all over like Pacific Heights and stuff and talks about like the history of the house and when it was built and how many families lived there before. And every one of these families was a rich east coast family that moved out here and inevitably every single one of them did something fucking atrocious to earn all their money exactly and now they're great great great grandkids are beneficiaries of all this stuff but they don't have to acknowledge any of that stuff of course they're like and what did he bring over rice and also slaves you know i mean it was like every single family story was like and it took a

weird turn every time she goes and it took a very unfortunate turn when we learned that he was the leader of the uh san francisco-based nazi party every time it's like every time you're like so to all these rich people i know dude from this historical standpoint they built these companies but really was on the backs of something super shady and fucked up and scary. Yeah. So now the billionaires are like, well, I have to be the first to think so they don't look at all the fucking shady, weird shit I did. But it's crazy because it's like they're doing, like, we say that and it was like, oh, that

was weird. It's like they're doing that exact same shit right now. 100%. It's like, it's like, it's just like. Amazon is like legalized slavery. My brother worked there. So my brother, the host I'm in who lives baltimore is like he got a job there just because there's a plant that opened in baltimore and he was like holidays like it's like pretty good pay whatever i'll do it's

seasonal he was like there's like he was like going in there was disorienting because it's like they don't have a they don't care about it's not a uniform thing you could people were in there like pajama pants they just have to wear like the vest and they get tracked so they don't care about it's not a uniform thing you could people were in there like pajama pants they just have to wear like the vest and they get tracked so they don't care how you look so all you have is like these like hundreds of people just not looking the same not just like working not being able to piss just like miserable just like fucking in a fever dream having to be like uh a fitbit uh you know put it in the fucking package 30 seconds you know like whatever it is it's like oh this is a tupperware i have to get that i have 30 seconds, you know, like whatever it is. It's like, oh, Tupperware, I have to get that. I have to get socks.

And it's like, they're just running around. They wouldn't tell him it was Christmas. They wouldn't tell him his schedule because he was like, oh, should I see my family Christmas Eve the day after? Am I working Christmas Day? They didn't tell him until like two days before. They don't care about people at all.

Christmas doesn't exist. Yeah, he was like, hey, like, I'm having a panic attack because of the way like you guys fucking do this i'm gonna use one of my like personal days or whatever and they're like do you have a doctor's note and it's like when would i get a doctor's note yeah like you wouldn't let me leave yeah yeah well then that's your problem and he just like stop he just just stopped going and it's like it's this churn of just like juicing people oh dude to the fucking you know i drove by i did we i was we were like shooting out in um simi valley which is like way way northwest in the valley and i got off the exit and they had built a new amazon warehouse

and there was another one right across the street that was going under construction and dude just driving by it gave me the creeps and i feel like that says everything yeah yeah if i drive by a fucking building right here that houses insurance and finance and all that fucking bullshit i wouldn't think twice you drive by those amazon factories you inherently feel something's wrong yeah they look there's a fucked up energy yes and they try to like paint it their amazon colors to be like amazon right! Right? The smile, yeah. But you're like, hmm, isn't this feels like something's afoot. Yeah.

It kind of, the same way that like when Apple built that big circular fucking thing, you know what I mean? Like, this is evil. I don't even know why but I know it's fucking evil. Totally. It feels evil. It's like, it's the classic like everything's great facade type shit. What's going on in there? Or it's like just their commercials where they everything's great facade yeah shit what's going on in there

or it's like just the their their commercials where they're just like we actually love it it's not it's not bad to work here we love it yeah yeah no one has ever been sad when we work here it's it feels so obvious that they hate it in any like company that's like it's like we're a family here we love our employees no you can't unionize no no don't talk about it don't talk to each other about how much you make we'll fire you yeah it's like immediately it's like that's like they can't talk about it uh-uh they can't just say how much why what's going on here because they've been bullied just like we talked about before the show we've been bullied too in the entertainment industry for until now until the podcast world yeah none

of us talked about money right comics never knew about what you were making. What did you get paid in St. Louis? What did you get paid in fucking Baltimore? We were so scared because the business did the same thing. It would be like, don't talk. You'll lose your shit. No, you'll never get booked again. And you're like, I just want to know what others are making so I don't feel like I'm getting fucked.

And they're like, no, you shut the fuck up. You take what we give you and you go home. And now finally, the business is on their heels a little Exactly. And they're like, no, you shut the fuck up. No. You take what we give you and you go home. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And now finally, the business is on their heels a little bit more because they're like, oh, these guys are making their own money

and they're learning that we were robbing them for fucking 20 years. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dude, they were robbing. They were literally robbing us. And I said that to people's faces which has earned me

a couple of fucking nicks on my social status with like agents or managers because I've said out loud, I'm like dude i learned that you guys were fucking clipping us 100 and putting us below other people yeah or being like well he doesn't he'll just i'll just double the gig and you can give stav can do it for fucking only five yeah yeah yeah you learned you were like oh you guys were fucking us 100 somebody said

yesterday the other day uh uh johnny carson's old business manager who I was golfing with and he goes Larry goes he goes you know how you say you give an agent 10% you know what an agent says I have to give this asshole 90% and I was like that's exactly how they feel about us you know I gotta give this piece of shit

90% of this check for what go on and talk about how little his dick is for an hour I do the work that is exactly how they fucking feel about us. But you know what?

Making your own, making your own version of it has been the most satisfying. We talked before the show about you putting out more stuff online and I was saying, I was,

well, we had talked before. I had said, I love that you're putting out more stuff because I'm jealous. I want to start doing it. And now,

you're included. Easy transition. Love it. You're putting out your special. I'm putting out my special want to start doing it, and now, you're included, easy transition, you're putting out your special. I'm putting out my special on YouTube, and it was the kind of thing where I had to think about, do we pursue some streamer stuff? What did you think about, Amazon and all that stuff? Or Netflix?

Yeah, trying to see if, and to be clear, there were no real serious discussions, more just seeing if it worked out, what would the price range be kind of stuff and it's it's exactly like i was just like well i want people to see me do comp like what i want more than anything is people to see this and it's not about the money to me like i'm very lucky that the podcast i make money off the podcast i make money on the road and i just want people to see it and it's like the way to get people to see it is youtube so i'm just putting it out I'm putting it on my YouTube channel

you paid for the whole thing paid for the whole thing yeah how much was it can you say it was a lot it wasn't crazy I mean for

I wanted to look really good and I also spent it was like I think when it's all said and done it might be a little over like 30k that's good yeah that's good

that's good that's really good it's not crazy yeah no it's not crazy I think most guys can get it done for that and then you learn

you're like how much did they shoot you know so and so is special for and they're like That's good. That's really good. It's not crazy. Yeah, yeah. No, it's not crazy. I think most guys can get it done for that. And then you learn. You're like, how much did they shoot, you know, so-and-so's special for? And they're like, I think that cost a half a million. You're like, what? What? Yeah. Where did the money go? Well, you really learn that it's like, like, like to put like a fucking weird, like a cool swooping shot.

Yeah, like a jib. That would have been like $80,000. Right. And it's like, you know what? I don't need it. I don't need this movie shot. Now, don't get me wrong. We did it for cheap.

So it looks as good as it can for what it did. And a lot of the money, the actual production was probably around $20,000. And then it's like a lot of the stuff I had to do was like paying some, like I had a kind of fucking, like the post-production was kind of a nightmare. So like I brought a buddy of mine who I trusted because I didn't really, you're just kind of fucking like the post production that was kind of a nightmare so like I brought

a buddy of mine who I trusted because I didn't really you're just kind of cobbling these people together when you're shooting it for that you're like we get a sick crew

like camera crew and then it's like and then my friends who were editors were all busy so I was like alright find me an editor whatever

and it's like they kind of you like to work with someone you really know well and then you try that knows your sensibility exactly so I had to like kind of basically

it was like whatever and then I'll probably spend more money on like advertising like pushing it out there because like I said I just want people to fucking see it and I'm proud of it too and it does look good where'd you shoot it? I shot it at the Lodge Room here in Highland Park it's called Live at the Lodge Room it's coming out June 5th

on my YouTube channel I think 5, 5 West Coast, 8 o'clock Eastern. I'm going to do it like Sunday night. June 5th. June 5th. June 5th. It's a Sunday. So in a couple of weeks, you got to watch that.

June 5th. Live at the Loud Room. Yeah, I'm real proud of it. And it's cool, too, because I've put out a lot of crowd work stuff. Because you don't want to burn your material. And even people have been like, does this fucking guy even have jokes? And it's like, it's like,

it's so funny to me that that's how people, because like, before I started putting that stuff out, people were like, this guy's just a podcaster. It's like, I hate podcasting. This is not my,

this is not my talent. This is a bullshit thing I do that has paid me hundreds of thousands of dollars for some reason. Right. And if it didn't make, if it made no money, I would never do a podcast. Like, like I hate them. They're fucking stupid this is what like i like going on my friends podcast because it's like fun to shoot doing your own is is uh labor intensive doing your own it's just like it's like that's not what i i wanted to do i'm a performer like it's a comedy live

live comedy yes um but it's like before people thought it was a podcast and then i put in these like these clips on and people are like oh he's good but he's and i and even people who like it are like this is fun he's got a really good talent at this but is there even really stand-up or is it something else and then it's like and now i'm really excited to be like yo this is these are this is 55 minutes of there's maybe four minutes of crowd work in here it's like all jokes it's just it's just fucking and so i'm excited to put that out there too um and to shove it back in their fucking to shove it to fucking yeah yeah was it your podcast where chris was talking about i saw that clip that was so funny how much and i will say at least he didn't cry on mine he went

and cried on bert's i had to text him i was like don't fucking cry on my podcast this is a fun one dude no you know what he chris i think chris got so attached to the idea of what people were saying and that's kind of what podcast does do to people that they're like what do they say what do they say what do they say about the episode what do they say about what we said yeah yeah yeah at some point you know you have to learn to just blow it away into the fucking wind it doesn't mean anything and i told him i said dude you can interact with fans about the podcast because this world is a little bit more uh you know it's a little bit more like familial and we're with them in some way sure sure i go do with a special just put it out and fuck off i was like that's a different thing it's

it's over it's it is creation. This is live and improv and it's different. Totally. He got it in his head that they're one and the same. That it's like, well, you want to appease the fans the same way you do in that world.

You're like, that's not the same thing. No, and I think the best thing I've ever done is like, like, you know, Comptown has been like funny. It's like a complete mistake that got big as hell.

And the one cool thing that I take away from it is like never give a fuck what anyone has to say yeah it's a fucking it's like we had it's not real most of the other annoying thing is like most of the fans are great and there's five percent who are the worst people on earth who are the most vocal and it's like just ignore all of it it's like it's just like and so they were fucking they there were times where they were like went after whatever they would like go after you or whatever and now i and like or they would say stuff about you it's like now dude i am so out of it where i don't even fucking handle my

social media anymore it's like my buddy another guy that's like this now i know i'm meeting a lot of guys that are like i don't i don't do it and is a there's this artist david cho do you know david cho yeah yeah he's a cool dude mean, outside of the fact that he's Korean, which you know about those people. But no, he's a great dude, but he was telling me how he just gave up. He relinquished all his stuff for social media. He was like, as an addict,

he was like, I didn't want access to something that I was so addicted to. Totally. He's like, drugs and alcohol and all that stuff. He's like, women, drugs, alcohol. Paled in comparison to what I felt like with the internet. Yeah. He's like, I was fuckinged in comparison to what i felt like with the internet yeah he's like i was fucking upset it was disgusting yeah he's like i lose myself in interactive technology totally to a point where he's like i used to dream in messages yeah i was

like that's tough that's crazy no that's crazy he's like i gave it to somebody else and i had to fucking just piss it away he was like that's not mine yeah he goes i don't even have the pat he doesn't have the password yeah i'm still a little like where i don't run it and it's like i will check in every once in a while but like i'm kind of like i've been on the road basically dude like this last nine months have been non-stop like i've been on the road non-stop nine months nine months dude it's been fucked it's been crazy and like the most i've had is like a week here and there off right and uh and some of it i was on the West Coast for 10 weeks in a row. Like, I didn't go home for big chunks, and it's been too much.

And then, like, it's all kind of, like, I wanted to finish the special in the first half, and then the second half, I'm working on the next hour. So it's like, I'm going to take a big break in the summer, but I have the skeleton of the next hour, because there's nothing worse than releasing a special and then having to figure it out while you're doing it. So doing it so i have a you know i'm pretty happy with it it's completely if you come see me live it's completely different than uh the hour it still

obviously needs to be tightened up and that's sure that's next year's tour um but everything has been such a sprint and i want to be a little involved with the like online stuff just to kind of get it going but it's like special comes out six five and then my last and then i'm at um i have two week one weekend i had to make up because i got covid so i have a weekend in providence and then i have a weekend in philly after that helium and once those are done bro i am i'm losing the passwords i am like being like i'm out i'm not doing stand-up for two months. I'm going to take that level of like, don't even fuck. I don't want to hear about it.

I'm doing the same thing, dude. It's so funny you say that. I'm done. I started this thing back at the end of last year and I was in and out, in and out because I was shooting. And then I've got four dates left. And the moment I'm done,

I take off three months is what I'm trying to do. And then I shoot this third season of this show, Dave, that I do. Love that show. Hilarious. Thanks, man. And I'm going to shoot that literally all fall into the winter. So it's giving me an excuse to be like, that's it. That's awesome.

I don't have to fucking do the thing right now. Just because, dude, it's... I think what people forget is we were making up for lost time because of the pandemic. And we were also kind of scrambling to, do we want to use any of those jokes we had before? Exactly. Or the ones that we had before? Exactly. Or the ones that we did during? Yeah. I think people aren't really knowing that that's what happened to us,

that it kind of cracked some of that old code. Completely. Where you're like, fuck, is that, do I even like that at all? I'm not doing that, am I? And also, I think what it did, for me anyway, I was one of these guys that I wouldn't take four days off stand-up. Yeah, why? I was one of those guys where I was like, I can't stop.

Yeah, I have to do it. I'll fucking lose. I'll lose it. And then the pandemic forces you to take four days off stand-up. Yeah, why? Like, I was one of those guys where I was like, I can't stop. I'll fucking lose. I'll lose it. And then the pandemic forces you to take a year off, and you do it, and you're like, oh, I'm just as good, if not better, actually. Nothing changed, yeah. Like, it's like this, what I lost in, like, technical ability, I can get back in a month.

But I also gained a little different perspective that's useful when it comes to stand-up. So I think it was those two things where it's like, you you hit it on the head and i think if it sounds like we're both going through the same stuff independently where it's like we wanted to make up for lost time we wanted to see what you know like in my case i was going to shoot something in may of 2020 and it was like obviously you can't do that and then i was like well i need it was a half hour and i was like well let me just do those jokes plus some of the like let me just do an hour fuck it well it's been two years i'm not but like this has to happen now right so i the second shit opened up i hit it hard as fuck and then did the special recorded in

december and then i was like well i need to like let me finish hitting every market because i'm gonna take when i'm done i'm done for a while and even that was a little too long i think where i just i really overestimated what i was capable of and like now i'm like for a while and even that was a little too long i think where i just i really overestimated what i was capable of and like now i'm like my the check engine light on my body has been on for four months where i'm like you know when you're like an old civic huh yeah i'm gonna take it in after philly so hopefully we make it until philly but it's like when the check engine lights on you're on the highway and you have to like press pedal to the metal and it's rumbling and you're going 45 miles an hour and one wheel is going that's me right now dude it's like it's like you

know i need to fuck i'm literally gonna go just fucking fuck my brother's my other brother is a one's an artist one's a like strength and conditioning coach actually holy shit he's like in so good at his job too jacked like runs Like runs a, like, um, helps run a, a gym and he trains like sports teams. He trains like high school, like high level high school and college athletes. And I'm just going to go back home and just like for two weeks, just like, like,

can you make my body acceptable? You're trying to do the action Bronson thing? No, no, I'm not. Yeah. I don't, I don't think I can go full action Bronson.

Yeah. He's completely gone to this new way of super healthy living, eating only what his body needs, working out every day. I've seen him. He looks awesome. It's crazy. Yeah, yeah. I mean, it's awesome, but you're like, holy fuck.

That is a level of discipline I am crazy jealous of. Yeah, yeah. Honestly, dude, the end of the – right before touring, actually, I kind of was on that tip. And I was doing great. I lost 50 pounds and I was working out every day. Yeah, it was all back. Got it. It all came back in San Francisco, Seattle, Portland.

Just the tour, it's come back. But I actually was working out. I was working on other projects, still getting my needs fulfilled creatively. I like writing more i was doing like an advice show which i actually really enjoy doing i might i might actually bring that back when i have a little time um and i was like and we couldn't do stand-up so it was like that anxiety of like am i falling behind was gone because there was no there was no business nothing to catch up to and i truly was the happiest i've ever been in my life oh man that made me so sad

and it's like and then it was like and I was like do I even want to do comedy like stand up anyway right like cause I I was healthy

I was feeling good and I had like a I was sleeping that's the other thing we that's one thing we don't talk about enough is like our sleep is so fucked so fucked

it's like I can't go to bed after I did a fucking hour. How? What kind of crazy person could lay their head down and go to bed? Yeah, it's like, and so the only times I'm ever, if that works is if I take, if I get fucked up. If I'm like taking some Xanny's, some fucking edibles,

and I'm just done in an hour. But that's not, that's not how it's supposed to go. I can't be drinking this and eating potato chips till fucking four in the morning every single city I go to. Because that is, I'll find myself winding down to the hotel lobby to go to their little snack shop. Yeah, oh, dude, the money I've spent in that snack shop. Fuck me, dude.

And they know you're a comic. The funniest part is, like, they know performers or whatever because every time when you come down, they're like, hey, like they were waiting for you. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You're like, could I just get a couple of Cokes and a bag of chips and candy bars? And then, do you guys have any microwavable food for you. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You're like, could I just get a couple of Cokes and a bag of chips and candy bars? And then, do you guys have any microwavable food?

Yeah. And like, we do. Do you have a microwave back there? You can use the one in the kitchen. I've done that so many times where I'm like, be healthy. Don't eat bullshit. Don't do the thing. And then it doesn't matter.

Then I fuck it off anyway. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then I feel so guilty the next day that I'm like, what if I skip breakfast? Yeah. There's no winning, bro. No, I mean, but I need breakfast yeah there's no winning no i mean but i need it there's no i want a gallon of coffee and of course i'm gonna have breakfast yeah yeah but you know what dude honestly uh i got off the phone with a comic before this i was talking about

needing to kind of take some distance you know and he was like he's going on like one of those retreats where he's like you know it's a mental health retreat where you're out there doing something exactly that you want like building something in the woods or fucking going on a surf expedition. He's like, you need one of these little baby things. So I think you and I will both take it. We should text each other while we're doing it to find out where we're at. Absolutely. But no social media stuff, none of that other bullshit.

I'm even thinking about getting like a fucking, while I'm out there, I think I'm going to get like a fucking flip phone. Yeah, a buddy of mine just did that too. Yeah. No no because he didn't want to be able to access apps no apps he's like a phone call is fine he's like but no apps even a short text yeah he that's what he said it's like phone calls are for like his wife and his parents yeah and his kids he's like but i don't other than that he's like i just don't want to be able to see a fucking little square dude exactly i'm clicking you click on those things without even thinking about it. A hundred percent.

And then your brain just keeps wanting to do it over and over again. But no, dude, I'm definitely going on that little retreat. That's why it's like, you know. So I'm excited for people to just, I'm trying to put this special out there. Watch the fucking special, June 5th. June 5th. Don't fuck around. Watch the goddamn special.

See me live in these last few dates and then. Well, this comes out next Friday. So what do you got? Do you know what you got left yeah I got I'll be Providence at the Comedy Connection I'm in Philly Helium

so Philly Helium go see the boy this comes out on the 27th so go see the boy in Philly go see him in Providence okay do the right thing the special is the main thing

check out my YouTube in general Stavros Agus I post a clip every day and Comptown is still going don't listen to Comptown please if you subscribe unsubscribe unsubscribe to Comptown right now day. And Comptown is still going. Don't listen to Comptown. If you subscribe, unsubscribe. Unsubscribe to Comptown right now. Actually, there is a request form at the bottom

to get your money back. If you click on the request form to get your money back, they will refund all of it. That's not true. The money's gone. You're never getting that back. In fact, stop listening, but keep your credit card. On file.

Switch to a yearly subscription if you can. Yeah. And just let us milk that for a while. But it's liable to end at any moment. It just depends on which one of us feels like quitting first. And so, yeah. Did anybody get financially irresponsible from the show because it made a bunch of money? I don't think so.

I mean, like. You bought a house, which is actually super reasonable. Dude, I still have that fucking immigrant, like, broke shit. i have a roommate now like i still have a roommate yeah yeah well that's also because you're he's single i'm sure he's one of my best friends and he all you know but it's still like i can afford my fucking own place but i like i had my i had i had and i had i had multiple roommates i shared a bathroom with someone two years ago like i had that many roommates just two years ago. Wild. I bought a house in Baltimore. I would

like to buy a house or an apartment in New York, but it's so fucking crazy. Where do you live in New York now? I live in Queens. I live in Astoria. I like it a lot. You're by Gillis and Connie. Yeah, we're close. Those guys all still live together? Yeah, that's true. Shane lives upstairs now. Yeah, that's a big move.

Big move for the big guy to go upstairs. But the kids are still downstairs. Pope and Connie still live downstairs. No, I love those guys. That's the one annoying thing about being on the road this much, because like I said, nine months. You don't see anybody. Where it's like, I haven't seen my friends.

And it's like the one week I'm there, I'll text. And it's like inevitably they're all gone. Or like it's just like you have such a window. And then you feel like an asshole And it's like, inevitably, they're all gone. Or like, it's just like, you have such a window. And then you feel like an asshole where you're like, hey, want to hang out Wednesday from 1 to 2.30? It's like, no, okay, see you in four months. But that's the truth of this whole thing. And then also I'm burnt out when I come home.

Even then I don't want to see friends because I want to just lamp around the house. I don't want to do anything. Exactly. I don't want to go anywhere. Exactly. Like when people are like, oh, can you go out? And I'm like, I have a show tomorrow night.

But honestly, until then, I'm not. Yeah. No, even yesterday where it's like you were hanging out and I was like, I wanted to go so bad, but I was like, I slept three hours. Yeah, you all. To catch a flight. And then it's like, and then it's like,

and then it's even like, well, then what the fuck did I come to LA for? I don't even get to like hang out with friends. It's like, I can only do podcasts, but it's like, that's what it is. Cause what the fuck did I come to LA for I don't even get to like hang out with friends it's like I can only do podcasts but it's like that's what it is because it was like I was so tired from

fucking all the shows I was in DC eight shows fucking two a night what venue was it the DC Improv oh yeah I've never played

the DC Improv and everyone says they love it I will like I started I came up there like DC Baltimore that club

back then as an open mic-er it was fucking Valhalla. And I was like, and now, and I'd opened, I'd featured for people there

as recently as like maybe, you know, three years ago or whatever, four years ago. And it was good then and like now that I've been on a fucking headlining tour, I was like,

I wonder if it's, if it was just like, you know, local bias or whatever. Right. Still incredible. Like an insanely great club. Because I only played, I played the Arlington Draft House. I? Like an insanely great club. Because I only played,

I played the Arlington Draft House. I'm sure you know what that is. I love, like that, that was one of the places, that was one of my favorite places. The first place I ever featured has a place in my heart.

They used to have a great open mic in the front room that doesn't exist anymore. Now it's a taco place. Truly important for me and I love, but it's a fucking movie theater. You know what I mean?

It's huge. It's definitely a movie theater. And they're sitting in movie theater chairs. They're sitting in, not even, no, they're sitting in office chairs.

Computer chairs. Yeah, yeah, they're computer chairs. That's right. They roll in fucking gaming chairs. And it's as good a club as is possible

given those circumstances. I always actually had a good time. It was always fun but it's like the one thing they taught us because it was like if it was your first time

hosting there and you're already like a new comic the like OGs of the scene would be like, you're going to feel like you're bombing. All the laughs go up in a way. You are not bombing. Just do your jokes.

Yeah, you're probably doing great. You're probably doing really good. And it was just like, if you have to get that speech before you play somewhere, it's probably not, you know. it's not going to feel like, like, you know, we all do those shows where we're like, I'm actually the best comedian that's ever lived. You know, where you're just like, there's everyone's crush,

and you're like, this is insane. I'm the fucking greatest. Is this being taped, I hope? Yeah. This is absurd. Those don't happen at the draft house. You never feel like that. No.

But they're all always good shows. But it was fun. When I did it, it was really fun. I did it for a couple years they're all but it was fun when i did it it was really fun i did it for a couple years and i thought it was a it was a cool gig and they part of that group of people that like you know giving you shots earlier of course they were great about which i always loved which was like those things are a dying breed now i don't think a lot of people are getting shots no at spots i think in the same way that hollywood used to let you star in a co star in a movie andstar in a movie and you were a fucking literal nobody yeah yeah yeah now you've got it they used to put ugly people in movies yeah what happened what happened to regular looking fucking people yeah yeah it was crazy

well i because i talked uh the other night uh to my wife that raising arizona is unequivocally one of my favorite movies so good i think think easily written, the story is brilliant. It's shot incredible because it was Coen Brothers. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It had all those elements that I loved

and you look at it, Nicolas Cage looked like a fucking disheveled nightmare. Yeah. Wasn't a hot guy. No. Like even in his latter years was like a fine looking

normal man. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He was never a sex symbol. He was pretty hot in Moonstruck where he plays the, where he plays the like, you know. He was fuckable but he's different. There was something, there was an energy It was never a sex symbol. He was pretty hot in Moonstruck, where he plays the, like, you know. He was fuckable, but it's different.

There was something. There was an energy. There was a sexual energy to him. He's fuckable. He's got that vibe. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're fuckable as shit, too. Yeah, thank you. Same thing.

I appreciate that. Like, you have a fuckable energy the way that he does, where it's like, this isn't a guy that in a magazine you'd go, that's the traditional hot guy. Right, right, right. But you're like, that's a guy that a lot of people want to suck their dick yeah it's just a vibe there's a vibe yeah yeah yeah he had that but it's like holly hunter wasn't some mega babe she was cute yeah and i was talking about how much that movie was like an amalgamation typical coen brothers of kind of wonky looking normal human beings who are dynamic characters yeah dead dead Dead. Now everyone's a fucking...

Now everyone's a 12 and there has to be 7 movie stars to get one movie made. And I think it's a mark of a great filmmaker where you see their films and it's like regular motherfuckers. Regular as fuck. The movie we were literally just talking about. Raising Arizona. Coen Brothers do that a lot.

They book a lot. Some of their favorites are normal-looking motherfuckers, right? Like, Frances McDormand, you know, in Blood Simple, she's hot. But it's like, you know, one of them married her. It's like, she's not movie star hot. You know what I mean? Fucking Buscemi, right? It's a great example.

But they made him fuckable in Boardwalk Empire. That's true. He was very fuckable. That whole thingwalk Empire. That's true. Yeah, he had. He was very fuckable as, like, that whole thing was wild. That energy, the power. Yes. And same thing, like, Michael Mann movies I love, because it's like so many, there's so many random motherfuckers.

And actually, you know, like, in a newer generation of filmmakers, the Safdies do that. Safdies do that, yeah. They do that a lot, where it's like, and they have, like, Uncut Gems was fucking just. So dope. They hired so many right like actual real from people from new york it's cool but they have but they have to sneak those in now they do you have to be a powerful genius in the business for them to go all right we'll let the sanfys do what they want because they are fucking legit yeah but everyone else they're like is anybody super hot

in this yeah we're not gonna make this fucking movie yeah they put the rock in it or something you know what i mean like they need to have that. That guy is their fallback always. How about we, let's get The Rock to play MLK. This is MLK with pecs. The Rock, how dark can you get? Can you go on vacation right before we film? Tremana.

Have you ever seen fucking, have you ever seen Will Sasso does this impression of him and he talks about his tremana with a tequila or whatever? No. Tremana.

It's like in everything he says. That's so sick. I was hanging out with my buddies and we just broke out some tremana. Everyone has a fucking tequila or whiskey. Yeah, everybody. Although, you know what? Shout out to fucking Clooney. I do like Casamigos.

Casamigos is great. That's great. It's not his anymore. He sold that shit off. Get out of here. A billion dollars. He needed it. Clooney stays winning. Clooney stays winning.

Clooney stays winning. Him and the mall needed it. Yeah, they were struggling, dude. Those houses in fucking Lake Cuomo don't buy themselves, dude. All right, baby boy, I love you. Thank you for doing this. Thanks for having me, bro. I appreciate you.

June 5th. June 5th. June 5th is the date of the fucking come up for the king. That's right. It is called Live at the Lodge Room. At the Lodge Room. Shot here in the one and only Los Angeles. Highland Park, baby.

Highland Park. Neighborhood of Highland Park. Yep. A gentrified, beautiful neighborhood. And now much safer. In a Masonic Lodge that something fucked up happened there. Oh, dude. Masonic Lodges are so creepy.

Yeah. Are so creepy. Did you get. But it looks sick. Because it has that vibe. Was it a place that had already been shot a lot of stuff in

or no not really and you know what pissed me off after the editing process took longer I wanted to put this out in like March or something editing process took longer

than I wanted Comedy Central fucking did some like five minute sets there mine looks better mine looks sick

like I obviously the production value is higher I gave more fuck about it but it still is annoying because no one had shot anything there. And I was like, hell yeah, dude. I fucking found a little gem. Like, maybe, I think maybe Tim Heidecker had shot, like, something, like, smaller.

But, like, nothing. No special, right? And then it's like, this still isn't special. It's still, like, Comedy Central's doing those shorter things mostly for, like, TikTok, basically. Right, it's online. But still, no one has really shot one there. And I love that venue. It's fucking, it's online but but still no one had really shot one there and i love that venue it's fucking it's really cool it's got it's got great vibes so shout out to the motherfucking masonic temple that's right people that did some evil shady

shit so so long dude and thank god for doing it because you made beautiful buildings out of that whole thing look in that camera right there and we end the show the same way one word or one phrase that's going to end the episode embedded in history forever. Whenever you're ready. Jism. In here, we pour whiskey. Whiskey. Whiskey. Whiskey. Whiskey.

You're that creature in the ginger beard. Sturdy and ginger. Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse. Gingers are beautiful. You owe me $5 for the whiskey and $75 for the horse. Gingers are hell no. This whiskey is excellent. Ginger.

I like gingers.