WHOA That's Good Podcast - An Honest Conversation About Body Image | Sadie Robertson Huff
Episode Date: February 24, 2024Being comfortable in our own skin and loving our bodies isn't always an easy thing to do, but Sadie, Bella and their friends, Lydia and Grace, are here to share their own journeys, from overeating in ...secret to obsessively working out to letting the negativity of others seep into our thoughts. Hear how they were each able to change the way they thought about themselves and their bodies, and you'll probably hear some of your own story in their confessions. And Grace challenges us to shift our perspective and be grateful for everything our bodies CAN do, rather than what they cannot. http://www.dreamlandbabyco.com — Get 20% off sitewide and free shipping when you enter my code WHOA at checkout! http://www.a2platinum.com/whoa — Get 25% off your first purchase when you order online! https://give.cru.org/good or text GOOD to 71326 — Get a free copy of Sadie and Christian's new book "How to Put Love First" with your monthly gift! - Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Transcript
Discussion (0)
But it's like your winter skin shows every level of the war.
Your winter skin.
This is a good start.
Your winter skin.
Oh my god. That's true.
I've never heard winter skin.
Your winter skin is different than your summer skin.
I can believe it.
I'm talking about confidence. I'm a whole different person in my summer skin.
Me too.
I feel way more confident.
I'm way more confident in my summer skin too for sure. Winter skin is different because it's dry. Yeah
and like see-through. Like mom just said that I literally look like a fish.
Okay so ironically we're just talking about feeling a lot more confident in the summer than we do in the winter when Bella noticed that all of our legs are just looking pasty
but
It's kind of funny
We were just saying that because this whole conversation is gonna be on body image
And let me just go ahead and preface this whole talk by just where we're coming from with this
So the other night we were
at dinner for our friend's birthday and our friend Freddie who y'all know if you listen to this
podcast she was just about to have her baby which at this point she's had the baby but at dinner
she was literally going in what we didn't know but like two days later and she was just kind of
talking about asking us about postpartum and body image and talking
about her struggles with just her body changing so much.
And we just had the best conversation.
And during that conversation, I said, not to be this person, but we should do a podcast
about this just because I was like, if I was in this season a couple years ago and didn't have friends like this
to talk through some of these things, man, I would just so love to listen into that conversation
and just know that I'm not alone.
And I'm so thankful to have the friends that I have and so thankful to have the conversations
we've had.
And even, y'all know Lainey, we've had these conversations.
I've had people in my life to talk about this with, but if you haven't had a friend who's
like, hey, here's the real struggle of it, but also here's the truth in it too,
then hopefully we can be those friends for you today. One thing that we already did say too is
whenever you came on here and you saw Body Image, you probably thought, oh, I know where they're
going to go, because if you've heard me on this podcast, you've heard me preach, I'm always preaching
truth to the fact that we should be confident and who we were originally created to be.
And while that is so true,
and there are so many scriptures to back up
the truth of that.
I talk about being formed in your mother's womb
and knit together and beautiful and wonderful
and all that is true.
So hear me say that, that's true.
Sometimes we have a hard time believing that,
that that's true.
And so today we're not gonna come here and tell you all the things that you should believe
is true because that is true and you should, you know, believe that.
But what we're gonna do is we're just gonna share the reality of what some of our struggles
are when it comes to body image.
And so this isn't gonna be a podcast as much of like, hey, here's truth bomb after truth
bomb of like, why you should be confident. It's more like sisters saying, Hey, we're in it with you.
We've experienced you. We get it. We are still in it. We are all the things. But one thing we
did say at our dinner was like, man, this is so cool because we all used to struggle a lot with
our body image. And we're all at a place now where we really are confident in who we are.
That doesn't mean that some days we don't struggle.
That doesn't mean that we don't go through that ebb and flow of struggling with our body,
or even sometimes we get insecure about a little thing.
Like, right before we started this, I saw myself on the big screen and go,
oh, my postpartum hairs.
So there's still the things that we're going to, you know, kind of struggle with, but we're
all anchored in that truth that I said we know.
So we're just going to share.
Um, I'm going to start, we're all going to take some time to talk.
So before y'all start commenting about letting my friends talk, I'm going to let
our friends talk.
We are all going to get a chance to share, um, just our story with it.
But I'm going to start at how we started the conversation the other day, because Freddie was like talking about pregnancy and your body changing.
And she's like, what was it like for you all on postpartum and just kind of
what to expect.
And I think her question was, when did you feel like yourself again?
And I remember telling her that it was such a journey,
like right after having the baby, I went through so many different experiences of
like highs and lows with my body image. And I'll first say like I am so against the bounce back
culture. I just do not like that, that people are all like, how fast did you bounce back or people
sharing on Instagram? Like, you know, their full body right after they had the baby, whatever,
it's like super ripped and look at what I did.
Cause I'm just like, man, I just think that that time of your life, especially
right after you have your baby is not to be focusing on what you look like and
how you can bounce your body back.
It's really for you to bond with your baby and your body is supplying your
baby's needs.
And there's so much that goes into that.
And it's so much bigger than just the way your body looks. So not very for the bounce back
culture but what I experienced was as soon as I had both babies I felt so
confident like day of the hospital you know you lose like so much weight all
the sudden and it just feels amazing because you know honey was nine five so
there's nine pounds out and then all the fluid and all the things.
And I remember looking in the mirror and being like, I bounce back now, granted,
I looked probably five months pregnant, but in my mind, I did not.
I was like, I am crushing it. I'll never forget.
It was like rose colored glasses.
I was like delusional because I thought I looked so great.
I opened the door and I said, Christian, look at me.
This is amazing.
I'm like wearing a diaper.
I just think I'm like crushing it.
He's like, wow, babe, you look amazing.
I was so kind.
But I just really, it was like, I felt so confident.
And I think that was because it was so much more
than what I looked like.
I just birthed a child.
I was like, my body is awesome.
How did it do that?
This is nuts.
This is crazy.
Like I was just amazed by the process.
And then on the car ride back from the hospital with honey,
I talked about it the whole time.
I was like, oh my gosh, my body is just like, this is crazy.
I just like kept talking about it.
And I remember telling him, I never
want to forget the way I feel right now.
I never want to forget how confident I am in my skin.
And it's cool that I actually still remember that because, you know, right after you have
a baby, I was on pain medicine.
I was like, I thought, even at the time, I thought this might be because of the medicine
like this is my, I might be a little delusional, but I really think that was me in my right
mind.
Like that was me in my right head space to be confident in so much more than just an image.
Well, then of course, you know, time goes on and I remember like two weeks went by and
I'm thinking, oh yeah, time to go put my rings back on.
No, my ring went to like right here, not even my knuckle and it was like denied.
So I was like, okay, there's that.
And then I remember like three weeks, I was like, oh, I'm gonna put my jeans on.
Nope, denied.
Access denied for rings and jeans.
And I was like, okay, all right.
And then I'm starting to feel like, well,
should I be back to my jeans or my rings or whatever?
And whatever, don't even think about that right now.
And then it's like three months go by.
And then you're like, okay, when is it going to start changing? And then you're starting to notice that your
body is not the same as before in all the different things. And I remember, you know,
you can start to feel a little bit insecure in that space whenever you feel like it should
be different than it is, or you're starting to come to the reality that your body is different
than it was. And it's not necessarily going to go back.
Like, I don't even know, I guess if you bounce back, it might go back, but it's still different.
It's not going to be the same.
And I remember having like all of these, more than just the image and what I looked like,
I just had so many different problems than I had before, like hormonal things, like hair
loss that was crazy.
And I had, I broke out and all these bumps, they were like red bumps all over my legs and all
over my arms.
Then I thought I had celiac disease.
I had to go through like a scope.
And then when I got the scope, they didn't claim the thing right.
And I had like a fire infection down my throat for weeks.
My tongue was like completely broken out.
And I just felt like, okay, what is happening to my body?
Like this is not my body.
And just really uncomfortable in my skin.
And I went to the doctor and she said,
you know, I really think that you're just gonna have
to give it a full nine months.
She said, it took you nine months to grow the baby.
It's gonna take you nine months to kind of get back
to feeling like yourself again.
And I was like, man, that feels like a long time, you
know, but it was true actually, whenever I got to nine months postpartum, everything
did just kind of fall back and not again, not back to the old normal, but to a new normal.
And I really felt like myself, but I felt like myself in my new skin. And I felt so
much more confident than even myself and my old
skin and we were talking about this the other day at dinner because I said I think you used
to and a lot of you guys know my past struggles with like eating and body dysmorphia and all
those different things.
I had this like standard of perfection in my mind for what I wanted my body to look like
and I pushed myself to get there.
But after I had a baby, you know, there's stretch marks where there used
to not be stretch marks and things just look a little different and things
changed and all of a sudden, like the image of perfection that I had was like
gone.
So I wasn't holding myself to a standard.
My new standard was like healthy.
My new standard was being confident in my skin, being the best I can for honey.
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she said, what's your goals?
And I said, to effortlessly put the Duna in the car
when I need gains weight because she was a big baby
and I had to lift that Duna and put it in the car
over and over and over again.
And like my goal was, I want to be able to like,
confidently put her in the car seat without needing Christian to help me whenever, over and over and over again. And like my goal was I want to be able to like confidently
put her in the car seat without needing Christian to help me whenever, even whenever she's
like getting bigger and bigger and bigger. And so my goals just shifted the way I looked
at my body just shifted the expectation I put on my body shifted. And I was so much
more confident and I truly now even I've had a C section. So now I have a big scar and
my body definitely changed from that. And the stretch marks from both kids and the
postpartum hairs and everything's just different but I love my body so much more
now than I used to and I look back at pictures and I'm like why did I think
like why was insecure in that season? Why did I think that? You know you look back
and you have hindsight 2020 you have such such better vision. But even now, I'm just like, man, I just love it so much
more because I appreciate it for what it's done so much more. I appreciate it for what
it's done for my kids. I appreciate it was done for myself. I'm just like, man, it's
just so much bigger than what I always thought that it was. And I don't want to go back to
that headspace. Now that doesn't mean that there still aren't days that I struggle. I
still have all the scars from the bumps that I had.
And, you know, I try all the different lotions
to help fix that and all the things.
But I'm like confident enough to know,
to not be insecure about it.
And I'll finish my little story with this
because I thought this was really, really cool.
Last night I went to like women of faith thing locally.
It was called Champions of Faith, I cool. Last night I went to women of faith thing locally. It was called
Champions of Faith, I think. Yeah. And it was women who had been through really hard things
telling their story. And there was this woman and she had COVID. And when she had COVID,
she was one of the first patients in our area of COVID. And she was in the hospital for over
240 days with COVID. Yes. She almost died several times,
like that her family told her by all the stuff.
Well, she was telling her story and like,
she carried a lot of bitterness and hate in her heart
from something that had happened in the past
with her ex-husband.
And basically like in the hospital,
she kept feeling like the Lord said to forgive him.
And she was just like, are you kidding me?
Like it had been like 20 years.
And she's like, she didn't really realize that that was what was making her such a miserable
person. And so she was just like, I can't forgive him, but she just kept feeling it. So one day
she called her ex-husband and he didn't answer. And she just left the voice memo like, I'm so sorry,
like I forgive you for everything that you did and all this stuff. And I'm like letting it go.
I'm releasing it. He never called back.
He never got back to her.
But she said, literally in that moment, it freed her of the hate and the bitterness
in her heart.
And she said, like, I know that sounds unbelievable.
It was unbelievable to me, but it was in that moment.
I did not hate him anymore.
I did not have bitterness.
I let that go.
Well, she ends up saying that in the days to come, as she was in the hospital,
she didn't realize that as she stopped thinking about herself so much,
she was able to see the people around her and she started praying for the other
nurses and she started talking to the other nurses.
And then like eventually she said, yes, God physically healed me,
but the most important thing was that he spiritually healed me.
And she was like, when I stopped focusing on myself, I realized the blessing
it could be to other people.
And I think in the same way when I thought about that last night and knowing
we were having this conversation today, it's the same way with body image.
When you're able to stop thinking about yourself so much, you are able to see the
people around you.
And I think about what I thought about back in the day when I struggled with body
image and most of my thoughts were consumed with me and what
people thought about me when no one cared. Like no one cared what my body
looked like. No one cared how my body was changing. No one was thinking about the
few extra pounds or the few smaller pounds, but it was consuming my mind and
I wasn't able to see the people around me. And so now I'm like, man, my thoughts
are just free of that. Like I'm not thinking about that. I'm not dwelling on that. It's not like
what I'm thinking about when I walk into a room, I'm not able to see people. I'm able
to, you know, see my husband, see my kids, see my friends for where they're at. And so
I think like the importance of getting free of this is like when you're miserable, sometimes it bleeds
into the way that you act with other people.
So it's just so important that you free your mind so that you can be the friend that you
are, the mom that you are to other peoples in their life.
And that's what I've been able to experience through gaining more confidence.
So again, struggle, but on the other side of it.
So there's me. where y'all at?
Um, I guess I can start.
I don't really have like a way the story all goes,
but I guess my story is kind of like,
around the time of my wedding, I got like super in shape.
And I think that at the time looking back,
it wasn't that I, you know,
was so self-conscious during that time.
It was almost that I was like confident in my body
to the point where I got confused in my mind
that like my body was who I was, you know?
And it was like, I put myself in my fitness and my body on
a pedestal to the point where it was like, that was all I cared about, you know? And
like, that was who I was. And like, if I gained weight or anything, then I wasn't myself anymore.
And I think that I've gotten to points in my life where it's like, I think in my head, like, that's my normal.
And like, if I'm getting a little bit of weight,
then like, I'm not my normal self.
Like, this isn't me, that's me.
And I'm gonna get back to that one day
because that is me, you know?
And I feel like that's where I've struggled
is just like feeling like my,
what I look like is who I am
and not like focusing on who I actually am on
the inside, which is kind of what I talked to you all about the other night.
It was actually funny, I was on a bachelor trip when we were watching
Mama Mia and we were watching Mama Mia and it's Mama Mia 2, which have you all
seen Mama Mia 2? Yeah. Well in Mama Mia 2, Meryl Streep is not in it anymore and
she's the mom but her younger self is played by
Lily James and it's a different person of course, so it doesn't actually work.
But like in the movie, it's flipping between her young self and her old self.
And I was thinking the whole time I was like, this is so crazy how fast life goes.
Like, I was just thinking about the fact that like right now what I look like when I look
in the mirror, I think like that's me.
And then in 30 years, I'm going to look at pictures and be like, who is that?
Like, this is me.
And then I'm going to look in the mirror and be like, this is me.
But like really and truly what we look like is not who we are.
Yeah.
You know, and I feel like that's kind of the place I've been at lately is just like, wow, like what I look like is so changing and fleeting and is different every day.
And so I can't rely or put my confidence in something that changes so fast.
And like it made me think too about like, like Jacob, he, his hair is always different.
He has a different hairstyle and haircut.
His long hair, his short hair, he has all this, but he always says like, well,
I'm going to give my hair like my normal haircut.
I'm like, what's your normal haircut?
You have a different haircut all the time.
He's like, no, but you know, like my normal haircut.
I'm like, I really don't know what your normal haircut is.
You always have a different haircut.
And he's like, you know, like, whatever,
I fade with like a little bit longer on the top.
And I'm like, but that's not like your normal haircut
because you never have that.
He's like, but I used to have that.
That's how I used to always have my hair.
And it's like, I think sometimes I'm like, that's my normal.
And that's what I should be back to
because that's who I am.
And like, that's my normal.
But really, like there's not a normal, you know know it's just like yeah we change all the time and so
right now what's normal for me right now is my normal and if you know if I get
back to where I used to be okay fine but that's not neither one is who I'm
supposed to be or should be you know so that So I guess that's kind of where I am.
I don't know.
That's what answering the question.
Oh, that answers the question perfectly.
And again, it's like sharing where you're at.
And I think that like this has been a struggle for me
in the past.
I think this has probably been a struggle for all of us.
It's like, I feel like, used to what it was rooted in a lot
was, I feel like I had to do something to become like,
okay, if I'm gonna be this and I need to do X, Y, and Z
to get there, it's like I have to do something
to achieve that.
So it's like, oh, I gotta get back to my normal,
or I gotta do this amount of work out,
or this program, or this thing, or this trend, or that,
and then I'll feel confident.
That's such a scheme of the enemy and such a lie,
and that's just outside of body image and everything.
If you think you have to get something else to be happy besides Jesus, you're going to
be searching for a long time.
And so if you don't just find it right where you're at and the season you're at and speaking
of life changing, you really realize that when you have kids, because like, honey, when
I get a flashback from a year ago, I'm like, she was a baby and now she's like fully talking
and it's just crazy.
But I'm like, man, I'm so glad.
Like I would never look at one season of her life to the other and say like, one was better.
Like it's all so sweet.
So yes, you don't want to believe this lie that in another season or in another thing
or with another product that you could be more confident than where you can be now by
just rooting yourself and angering yourself
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Yeah, and I think too, it's just like during that time
where I was like fitness was my
everything.
I was like, in my head, I was thinking like health is my, you know, everything, you know,
and like, I was thinking like, I'm not anything if I'm not a healthy person, you know, and
I think now I'm just learning the complexity of health and like at the time I was so healthy physically
but like emotionally and mentally I was all over the place. Yeah. And I think that now you know I
may not be as like physically healthy but I'm so much more mentally stable and emotionally healthy
and everything and so I feel like there's just such different definitions
of health and at the time I was confusing health and fitness.
And I think like now I'm looking back and I'm like,
I like idolized fitness at the time, you know?
And like fitness was like everything to me.
And I named it as health to like feel better
about myself.
So like, oh, well, I'm healthy.
Like that's what we're supposed to be.
We're supposed to be healthy.
Like we have to be healthy.
That's like, you know, why, you know, that's how we live,
you know, if we're healthy.
And I think that at the time I was just like trying
to make it feel better to me by saying it was,
it was, it was health, but really it was,
it was like an idolization of fitness.
I just preach about this, about you have to be careful when you're good at making things
sound spiritual.
And I think we all know the good thing and the right thing, and without even meaning
to with a good intention, you can be like, oh no, this is good.
It's healthy, you know?
But it really does take like that, listening
to your own conviction to go, okay, I'm just making this sound better than it is. My mind
is not healthy, so it's not healthy.
Yep.
All right, girls, who's next?
I feel like I relate to a lot of what Bella's saying, and we have talked about that. I don't
know if I'm probably going to be all over the place right now, because I'm kind of like
you. I feel like there's like, my whole life has been, you know,
leading up to this time where I'm at now,
where I really have found so much freedom.
But I mean, I started struggling with body image
when I was way too young to even be recognizing
that like that was a thing, you know?
And I feel like that's a lot of our story.
But I remember in middle school, I mean,
I would like at lunch, I would just eat like the meat off of my sandwich and like nothing else.
And I'd be like, well, that's all I'm gonna eat for today.
And then I'd go home and like, I wouldn't want to like overeat in front of people.
And so then I would just, you know, I'd eat a little bit and then, you know, move on.
And then my problem was I would always like eat and hiding.
And so then I would like in front of everyone, I wanted to put on like a good face, I guess,
and like not overeat, but then in hiding,
I would be like, okay, I'm gonna go get the candy bar
out of the pantry and I'm gonna take it back to my room
and I'm gonna like, and no one knows.
And then I would hate myself after that.
You know, like then I'm like, dang it,
like I did so good all day.
And then now like I just messed up,
I ruined all the, I did, I ruined all of what I did all day.
And so I struggled with like that lifestyle for,
I mean, I would still say I struggled with it to an extent,
but I'll get there in a minute.
But that's where it really started.
And then in high school,
something that I really also struggled with
was following influencers on Instagram, fitness influencers.
And like, and it was like, I would put them on this pedestal
of this is my goal, you know?
And I was like, and I would look at them and I'd be like,
oh, they're so beautiful.
Oh, I was in ninth grade, and you were saying earlier,
there was this woman who, she had four babies,
and she was tiny.
And I was like, I've never looked like that,
and I'm 14.
Like, well, you know?
And I would like, and at that time,
I was just looking at them and just thinking, well,
that's my goal.
And so I enjoyed, I wasn't like, at that time,
I wasn't realizing it was such like a damaging thing to me.
And then even to the point where like,
I had boyfriends who were following these influencers
and then I was like, well, I need to follow them too.
Do you like compare myself?
Cause I'm like, that's what they are looking at.
Like that's what-
I went through that too. Yeah.
And I was like, and even at those times, I was okay with it.
You know, like I didn't make a deal out of it.
I was like, well, if that's what he's looking at, like this is my goal.
And so when I'm in the gym with him, like I'm working towards that, like I'm working
towards looking like her.
And so again, that whole like the whole binge problem that I had, it was just carried on
and all of this, like in front of people, I was like, I'm not going to eat that much. And then I had, it was just carried on in all of this.
In front of people, I was like, I'm not going to eat that much.
And then I would just overeat.
And then, so then it was just, I mean, that's just so unhealthy.
And then adding on the exercise into that, I was barely eating during the day, overworking
myself, over eating at night, and then repeat.
That was my daily life pretty much for so many years.
And so, I think that that was very damaging
to me. And it was just a way of life though, because like I said, it started when I was
like in sixth grade. I was just a little kid. Like I shouldn't have been already having
like those thoughts, but it started so young that it was just normal. And then I guess
it's really just been the past few years that I've really started to like find freedom
from that. And I think it was letting people in on those problems and those struggles that really
with Reeves, my husband, I mean, I've literally had to tell him, hey, this is a problem I have.
I struggle with this. I will try to overeat. And so I need you to hold me accountable with this.
Because it is, I mean, that is a problem. And so he's aware of that. And he has the
opposite problem. He's the total opposite. that, and he has the opposite problem. Like he's like the total opposite.
But like letting him in has helped me to like, you know, and to know like he loves me just
the way I am.
But okay, I'm trying to think of it.
That's so good.
I think bringing people in, especially your spouse if you're married, and to the boyfriend
thing and the spouse thing. Like one thing for Christian that I'm so thankful for is he does not follow.
Like he doesn't follow girls.
He doesn't know he doesn't follow like influencers like in the past in high
school where you see that and then you're insecure because you're like comparing
yourself to them because you're like they're seeing them.
And I feel like as a spouse, you should help guard your spouse's heart, whether
guy or girl, both.
You don't need to be following people that you don't know, that you're idolizing and
whatever, protect both of your hearts by doing that, because that makes me feel really
loved by Christian that I know he's not looking at other places.
So he's not comparing me to all these other people, and I don't even think he is.
I can just be fully me, and that helps you be a lot more confident because that is really hard.
Yeah.
Which I'll say too, like especially in high school, it's for me, it wasn't even
like fitness influencers.
It's like girls at school and stuff who like play sports and do cheer and do
all this stuff.
Like they are working out all day.
They're working out every single day.
Whereas I didn't do that.
So I wasn't doing that as much.
So my body didn't look like theirs.
And I remembered thinking like, how do I look like this?
And like, everybody looks like this.
Like all of my friends look like this.
And why do I not?
And it was like, oh, well, they're working out.
Well, I need to start working out.
Which no hate to working out.
Working out is like great.
But at the time, it was like like I couldn't figure out why everyone
else looked so perfect and I didn't, you know, and I think that it wasn't even like going out and
finding it online. It was like right in front of me all the girls around me were, you know, more fit.
Yeah, and I think it made me think when you were talking just a minute ago too, because I was just
like you too, where when I looked my healthiest in my life is when I was the most unhealthy, like mentally and spiritually.
And so from the outside, I looked like I was healthy,
but I was not.
And with the working out thing,
it makes me think of the saying too much of a good thing
can become a bad thing, you know?
Because working out is so good.
And like, I still, I work out, I want to work out.
I wanna take care of my body.
But when that becomes like more important to me
than my relationship with Christ,
then you're on a really slippery slope
that's gonna lead you downward way faster
than you want to get there, you know?
Because like, if that's your main priority is like,
like you were saying, like if self is my main priority,
we're gonna be let down every single time
because we're humans and we're flawed
and only Christ is perfect,
like only he can achieve that perfection that we're seeking after.
And so when we find ourselves on that slippery slope of, well, this is a good thing.
I want this to be like, this is, this is helping my body.
Like this is, this is bettering me.
Like it's true, but there's a slippery, like there's a balance of it, like of knowing this
is healthy.
This is good for me.
But like Christ has to be my priority.
And what he says about me has to be like,
what is at the forefront of my heart and my mind.
And I think that's where I have found a lot of freedom
is something we talked about the like life
of being so fleeting.
Like I have found so much freedom in that.
And like I'm reading through Ecclesiastes right now
and that whole book is about just the fleeting,
like how life here on earth is so fleeting.
And I think that that can be a scary thing to some people,
you know, of like how temporary here life on earth is.
But to me, I'm just like, thank goodness,
like there's so much freedom in that.
I'm like, I'm 23 years old right now.
And like, my body is what it is.
And it's not what it used to look like.
And it's not what it's gonna look like
in two years from now
And like and that doesn't matter like in the grand scheme of things because I have a healthy body
I get up and I walk every day
I get up and I move and I smile and I laugh and like I have conversations with my friends and and like
That's healthy like yeah, and I'm the hell like healthy as mentally that I've ever been yet because of that like it's not in what I
Look like and because it's not in what I look like.
And because it's not about what I look like,
I am okay with what I look like.
You know, it's just crazy how it just kind of,
it's a balance of the good and just finding freedom
and knowing it really, it's not the end of the world.
Like if I gained a few pounds or if I lost a few pounds,
there's so much more to life than that.
or if I lost a few pounds, like, there's so much more to life than that. Now God's Word is such a game changer.
Whenever I'm in the Word, I definitely notice the difference in just the way that I speak,
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Yeah, and it's like that confidence is like, it's so different.
And I think about, we're talking about like being able to relate to people and how like
so many people, you know, deal with things differently.
And I feel like a lot of people I know and like my friends
and like y'all have even said this earlier.
It's like, you know, you look back at pictures
and you're like, why did I think that, you know,
and I have always been kind of like,
I've always been a person who does not like to be like
negative about myself ever.
Like I just don't do that naturally.
And like I have friends who are and I'm like,
why are you saying that about yourself? Like I just, I just don't do that naturally. And like I have friends who are and I'm like, why are you saying that about yourself?
Like I just I just don't do that as much.
And back when I was super fit, I remember thinking all the time, like
it wasn't that I ever thought I looked bad in pictures.
It was when I looked at pictures, I was like, OK, I look perfect.
Like I'm not changing anything.
I have to stay right here.
You know, it's like I idealized that.
And then when I wasn't, then I was like,
wait, what happened?
Like I messed it up.
Like I went off the track, like I was perfect.
And like I couldn't get off that like,
this is perfect, don't move, don't do anything differently,
you know, kind of a thing.
And so it was like that, all my confidence was in like
staying exactly the same and not changing.
And then slowly my heart started changing,
my mind started changing as that changed.
Then I was letting my body relax and be different.
And I think which this is a personal thing
which I've talked about.
I talked about one time on Instagram
just because I felt like it needed to be said but like I started taking birth control and it changed my body so much and
like literally like made me feel sick all the time. I like was just like so sick and like crampy
and all the stuff and during that time was when I struggled the most with my body because my body
was changing and it wasn't my own choice.
It was like, I literally feel horrible because of this,
you know?
And I was the healthiest I'd ever been physically,
but I started to change because I literally didn't want
to get out of bed every day because I was cramping so bad.
So I feel like there's things in your life that like,
at the time it was so hard, but it really changed my heart because I was like, okay, this isn't like,
it's like you can just chill. You know, like at this moment,
like there's nothing that you can do is going to make me feel better,
but to just like rest. You know?
Yeah. So I think that's similar with postpartum of like, okay,
there's nothing I can do right now. Like you have to sit in it.
You have to just rest and like I was telling Freddie that the other day, I was like, she didn there's nothing I can do right now. Like you have to sit in it, you have to just rest.
And like I was telling Freddie that the other day,
I was like, she didn't want to take a nap.
She's like, I don't want to take a nap during the day
because I want to do stuff.
I'm like, Freddie, you had a baby five days ago.
You have to take a nap.
You know, like, I would think we just were so like,
go, go, go, go, go.
And sometimes you just have to say,
give yourself grace, give yourself a gift.
Like take a nap, rest, it's okay.
And sometimes like it's your circumstances
that just like make you do it.
You know, like I don't think at that time
I would have been able to just like walk away
from being at the gym every day,
but because I like literally felt like
I could not make it there, you know?
It was, I stopped, you know?
And for so many of you listening,
your circumstances, you might've gotten sick,
you might've had an injury, you might've,
like you might be going through something that requires all your
time and attention and there is no time to go to the gym.
And that's okay.
Like it's seasonal things.
I mean, since I had Haven, I have not gone to the gym one time because I'm like,
when am I going to do that?
I'm not waking up at five.
I just can't do it right now.
So like, you know, it's just seasonal, but I love what you kept saying about the
word freedom, Lydia, because I think that's the thing. You can find balance, but even
more than balance, I feel like you can find freedom when it comes to your body image and
your confidence level and your mind when you mentally think about who you are and what
you do. And I have to say, like, when we talk about all the different features that are
going to change and age and life and who we were and who we're gonna be. I've like never feared getting older.
And I feel like even earlier you were talking about
a tech talk and this girl was like 27
and her sister's like, you're basically 30.
She's like, I'm not 30.
I'm not 30, I'm not 30.
And I've never been afraid of turning 30.
I'm like, I am excited for 30 because,
and I've said this before, but I remember two mamas said,
she thinks women are the most beautiful in their 30s.
And I've always been like, well, I cannot wait to see
what I look like at 30.
But I think it's two because mom and two mama and mama
and mama and joe, like I'm so grateful.
I've seen a legacy of like beauty in women and just
memo joe at 92.
I think she's just beautiful.
Like truly, I think she's so beautiful.
The way she styles herself and her hair,
the way she styles her hair, I love her wrinkles.
Like I played with her wrinkly hands at church all growing up
and I just love that.
And then two mom, I like so beautiful, so stunning
and my mom.
And so I'm like, I look forward to the process of aging
because one, it's gonna happen.
You can't stop it.
You can't avoid it.
So you might as well lean into it.
But then I also am like, I love the things about my grandma and my great grandma and
my mom that they might not love, but I do.
And I appreciate.
And so just trying to remember that, you know, what people see about you and appreciate about you,
that you, they might even appreciate the things that you don't love.
Like this might be a little TMI, but this is clearly, if guys are still listening to this podcast,
then that's awesome. High five. But I'm about to share something that's kind of funny,
but my C-section scar, it's like not pretty, you know, it's, it's very red and it is there.
And it's kind of big. Honey loves it.
Literally every time she sees it, she says,
she says, that's where Haven came out of.
And I'm like, yes, that's where Haven came out of.
And just like reminding me that like that part of my body is a reminder that that's where Haven came out of.
And she, Honey loves it.
So it's the things that you might even be insecure about that people appreciate so much about you, you know?
Okay, Grace.
Okay, so.
The finale.
I will share.
I would say this is kind of maybe a little bit different
than, I don't know, I'll just share
and take from it what you will.
But in high school, I felt like
we've kind of talked about this a little bit.
You always said that people would be like,
oh, I just forgot to eat.
I just forgot to.
And that was never me.
I never forgot to eat.
I was hungry.
I'm like, how do you forget to eat?
I don't know, that was not me.
And so my kind of shift that started
when I started to just think about stuff like that
was when people would say stuff like that
and I wouldn't be thinking that way. And then I'd be like, man, should I be thinking that way? Like,
am I eating too much? Like, them, my friends and just people around me talking about it in high
school is what made me start to question, be like, oh, is there something wrong with me because I'm
not thinking that way because I'm not. And so it almost started from just like influence of the
people around me.
Just being like, okay, like, well, I don't know. I don't ever forget to eat like, am I eating too much?
I don't ever, you know, they're eating these small portions.
I'm not, you know, all the things
that led my mind to in high school.
So my struggle in high school was really more just with
the people around me influencing me to be like,
to think, to question my own self, even though I was skinny,
I was healthy, like I played sports, I looked fine. When I look back at pictures, I'm like, I looked great,
I looked better than I look now by the world standards,
you know, but the people I was surrounding myself with
made me question like, oh, like, well, maybe I am eating too much, maybe.
And then that kind of started where I wouldn't,
I didn't stop eating.
I'm gonna be honest with you all, I didn't stop eating.
But every time I did, I would think about it,
and then I'd feel guilty.
And then I'd be like, well, maybe I shouldn't have been
eating so much or whatever.
So it started this spiral of like, for me,
it was way more of a mental battle
than not necessarily it's physical.
I didn't stop the eating but mentally I would
like guilt trip myself afterwards but like oh well I shouldn't have eaten that like because
other people aren't or because I don't like this way or whatever and so
it was so mental for me in high school and then same thing I got on birth control right after
I got married and then I gained a ton of weight from that that I had never had. And that was so hard because like you said,
one, I had never looked that way before
and I didn't wanna be active
because I didn't feel good mentally.
It messed with me a lot.
I was super anxious.
I struggled with depression when I was on birth control
just like totally messed with all of my hormones
in a lot of different ways.
So I didn't feel like myself.
I didn't look like myself.
And then because mentally I wasn't in a good spot, I wasn't able to rationalize
what was happening to me either. I remember telling Brian a couple of times, I just,
I don't feel like myself. Like I just don't feel normal. And in a lot of ways, my hormones
were off. And I probably, you know, that was probably a very valid thing to say. And once
I got off of birth control, a lot, a lot of that changed so much for the better.
That was another little season of my life where I struggled.
For me, it was like these seasons.
Now, right now, currently, I'm in one again with being postpartum.
I'm five months postpartum right now, and we were talking about how I'm pretty much
just now starting to feel like myself. Obviously, that's such like a, I don't know, such a vague picture of who you really are,
the way you look really. And that is what I feel like I've learned most in this season,
is that I feel like there's so much more depth to my life now because I have something bigger
to live for, not obviously the Lord and my relationship with him,
but like once you have a child,
your perspective in so many areas of your life just shifts
and it gives you something else to live for,
not even saying that I'm living for her,
but like in the day to day,
like she's my alarm clock,
she's, I'm thinking about what she needs to eat
when she needs to wear for the day
and if she needs a diaper change,
and like I'm not focused on myself, I'm no longer looking inward because I don't have the time to. I'm not
able to. I have a different priority and so that has helped a ton to just shift my perspective off
of what I look and also like all of my stretch marks and all of my loose skin and all the things
that look different than they did before are a part of her story.
That's part of what brought her here.
So that brings me comfort just looking at it in a way of like, it's not only part of
who she is, but it's also part of who I am now and it's part of what brought her here.
Those tell the story of her life and all the growing that my body did physically to carry
her, but also mentally and emotionally.
And I think I'm probably a better mom for having stretch marks and not looking perfect
because one, I'm able to relate with other moms and probably share with them better and
comfort them better, other people going through that season, but also just able to understand
that it's just not about us.
It's not about the way we look,
it's not about the way we look.
And I don't know, it's so hard when you're in the thick of it,
I will say I still have days that I feel just like,
ugh, I don't feel like myself,
I don't look like myself,
like sometimes I look in the mirror and I'm like,
I don't know, I just don't feel like that looks like me,
you know, and that's like exactly what you were talking
about that mentality of like, we get so used to what we look like,
especially like, for me, I feel like
I haven't changed a whole lot over the years.
So I got so used to seeing myself in the mirror
that then when that changes, you're like,
whoa, that's different.
Like that's not me, but it is me,
but it doesn't look like I used to look.
And so just like that mental hurdle of like,
this is still me and I'm okay with that.
Like it's, you just have to get used to it almost.
Like I feel like it's just a gradual diving into like,
this is me and like I'm okay with that.
And I'm more beautiful for the ways that my mind has changed
and my body has grown and all of those things
than I would have ever been before because that me was way more shallow and cared way more about what she looks like
and probably a lot less about the people around her and like how do you make that shift and
I think a lot of it is just time. Give yourself time and just sit with it. Don't be afraid
to look at yourself in the mirror and be like, no, this is me and that's okay.
Look at yourself in the mirror and say, these are the things that are beautiful about me.
And also the things that are beautiful about me that have nothing to do with my body.
The fact that I love people well, the fact that I'm a good friend, and even I'll say
too, being a nurse, I think about so often who like physically, maybe they're physically handicapped,
maybe they're bound to a wheelchair or a bed
or they don't have legs.
And that gives me so much perspective
and so much gratitude for my body,
for the things that it does for me.
Like you said, you have gratitude for the things
your body does for you,
the fact that it brought life into the world
and all of those things because I can walk
and I can run and I can
play with my baby and some people don't even have that.
And so just like having gratitude for where you are and where your body is taking you
and all the, anything about like every single hard day that your body's carried you through,
every single good day that your body's carried you through, like every single thing, good
or bad, up until this point in your life, your body has carried you through. Like every single thing, good or bad, up until this point in your life,
your body has carried you through it.
And so just having gratitude for that,
that's what changed my perspective.
It was just having gratitude for every day, good or bad.
It's great.
My body got me to that point.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
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That's so great. I am glad you said that because it reminds me I used to do that when I would go through seasons and I still do that. If I'm ever struggling with insecurity, I literally
start thanking each body part for what it does. And so like that's maybe a practical
takeaway from this conversation like Bella said like, don't be negative about yourself, stop doing it.
If you're talking about about yourself, correct yourself.
If you say something negative about yourself today
to someone else say, I'm so sorry I said that.
That's not true or that was shallow
or that's not what I need to say
or if you say it to yourself even,
be like, nope, actually that's not true.
If you look at your legs and think,
man, they need to be smaller,
I actually say thank you, legs, that you are getting me where I need to go today.
And you're walking and you're capable of running.
Or if your arms, you're like, aw, man, they look weird or whatever.
I wish they were shaped.
You're more toned.
Say, these arms pick up my kids.
Or these arms cook me dinner.
These arms hug the people that I love.
If it's your wrinkles, man, I'm so glad I've smiled so much in my life that I got wrinkles. Thank you, God. Like, just start thanking your body for what it's
done and what it's capable of. And I think if you can even remind yourself and say the
things about what makes you you that are so much more than your body, just be confident
in that. It's going to help sustain who you are in the long run too. I was
thinking about how we said you really can find freedom and just a practical example when you're
talking about other girls talking about forgetting to eat and whatnot. And I used to worry about
that too and what other people would order and I'd make sure I order what everyone else. Like you
said the portions and whatnot. But this is so funny and this is something that I would have used to
really insecure about. But now I think it's, I just think it's funny because it doesn't make me insecure, but am
I with my in-law?
So my father-in-law, mother-in-law, and then Chance and Maya, and when we go out to dinner,
it's just hilarious because every time Maya and Cherie order the salad, and that's what
they like.
And I used to would have gone, I'm gonna get the salad because they ordered the salad
and I'm not gonna be the one.
It never fails, we didn't even talk about it.
I accidentally ordered the same thing as Chandler
every single time, my father-in-law.
And we always laugh because Shari and I
are gonna get the salad and me and Chandler
are gonna order something that sounds really amazing.
And like used to I would have been like,
oh man, why not do that? It's so embarrassing, I should change my order. But I'm like, I to I would have been like, oh man, why did I do that?
It's so embarrassing. I should change my order. But I'm like, I don't want the salad.
I just, I just don't want it. You know, I'm like, get what I want.
And they can get salad because that's what they actually like and what they want.
And I actually come to realize they like the salad.
See, that would be just a cop out for me. I just be doing that to look good.
I'm not getting the salad because I want it.
And so I'm like, I appreciate that you like that.
I like this and that's okay.
And that doesn't make me less healthy.
That doesn't make me, but you're not thinking
about what I'm ordering.
You're not thinking that I'm whatever.
Like I don't even go there.
I'm like, man, I'm gonna enjoy this meal.
And so just that's what I mean by you really can't find
freedom even those small little things.
I was just gonna say too, like,
like, don't be afraid to like correct your friends
if they're like being negative in your life.
And like, I have, you know,
and even you don't have to be serious
or it doesn't have to be like a big sit down conversation,
but just be like, hey, like your negativity is like,
making me feel bad about myself.
And like for me, I've never been like a super negative person about myself,
especially it's like when other people do, like Grace said, it makes you think about
it like Grace said when like her friends would say like, what was it?
Oh yeah, I forget to eat.
It's like, then it makes you think that, but it's like, I don't think that.
It's like, I never think about it.
It never leaves my mind.
Like I don't typically just like, you know about it. It never leaves my mind.
I don't typically just put on an outfit and think,
oh, I look so fat or anything like that.
But when I have friends around me who are saying that,
it makes me think that.
So I'm just not afraid to say to a friend,
hey, I don't need that negativity.
And it doesn't have to be serious.
It's just like, I don't need the negativity. You can And it doesn't have to be serious.
I don't need the negativity.
You can even joke about, hey, get that negativity out of my life.
Don't you be saying that in my presence?
Yes.
Just being able to know what you need and express that, especially to your close friends,
your close friends should be able to understand and not get upset you know sad with you if you have to like be like
look not good for me you know. Oh yeah it's not good for them. Yeah. It's a loving thing to do. I know and it's like
even if you are not ready to have that conversation with your friend and be like
you know you need to be negative about yourself just say your negative is
making me negative so like don't rub that off on me. Yeah. Get that corn out of my face.
I was just thinking about it.
Get that corn out of my face.
I was thinking about it too.
Except for you can give us a corn.
Corn is a healthy option.
But get that negativity out of my face.
I was going to say too.
Being willing to take a compliment, I feel like that's something so true.
People struggle with and I did for a long time too.
Like people compliment me and I would just feel awkward
because I'm like, oh, like thank you,
but I don't feel that way.
I don't know, it just made me feel awkward.
But like if someone compliments you, just say,
wow, like thank you.
Like, and then take that to heart.
Like people mean it.
If they go out of their way to tell you
you look beautiful or your hair looks good today,
they like your outfit, whatever, like,
they mean it for the most part.
And also just like, I feel like realizing another thing that
helped me was realizing for all the negative thoughts I've ever had
about myself and my own body.
I've never once thought about that about my friends.
Yeah, there were ones thought about that, about the people I loved
or someone random person I saw on the beach in a bikini.
Never once like, so we're on worst critics and just realizing that people
don't see that when they see you, but you see that.
And that's okay, that's a struggle, it's real,
we've all been there, but nobody else is seeing that.
So you have your self-grace.
And I think realizing too, a lot of times it is
like a mental battle like we talked about.
And for me, I say I've never been someone
to be super negative, but the truth is maybe, I would never say it, you know, but I may be negative in my mind
Yes, but I would never say that out loud kind of like you're like I didn't want to eat in front of people
But I was in that private it's like I would never like in front of people be like
Negative about myself, but I may think it in my mind, you know
I have a mental battle in your mind
Yes, you have to correct your thoughts
You're just much to correct your words.
You have to say, because whenever I,
when I was getting out of that eating thing
that I was going through, I would literally have to like,
in my mind while I'm eating, be like,
I'm so thankful for what this food is doing for me.
It's fueling me.
Even if it was just like, not even good for me.
I would just, just like mentally be like,
you know what, this is good.
It's gonna give me energy. It's gonna assist. Like, and it's not, I'm not gonna speak
anything bad or even think anything bad while I'm eating this. And throughout
the process of doing that, now I don't have to do that. It's just natural, you
know? So you do have to correct your thoughts. I don't want anyone to think that.
I'm saying like, I never think that. Yeah, because it's not that I don't think it. It's just that I don't say it.
You don't say it. I'm just not gonna say that. Yeah. And I think that something we talked about before we got started, I don't think it, it's just that I don't, I'm just not gonna say that. And I think that something we talked about
before we got started,
I don't know if we have mentioned it while doing it,
but it's also like our body image and how we view ourselves,
it changes through the seasons, you know,
what you've talked about.
And I think that that's another thing that I had to learn to,
was to give myself grace to when I did slip back
into a negative mind.
Or like, because, and I think it's like a comparison
to like sin in the same sense of like,
when you start walking with Christ,
if you expect to immediately be perfect,
you're gonna fail.
And then if you let that failure,
like just let you slip back into it,
then you messed up.
Like you can't let that failure stop you
from the progress you've already made.
Like you have to keep walking.
And eventually, like the sins you struggle with,
they're not gonna be the same anymore.
But I think it's like similar with body image
in the sense of if you expect like today,
if you're listening to this and you struggle
with body image and you expect like,
well, I listened to it and I'm about to stop.
Like I'm never gonna say another negative thought.
Like I'm never gonna over read again. I'm never about to stop. Like I'm never going to say another negative thought. Like I'm never going to, I'm never going to over read again.
I'm never going to under read again.
I'm never going to do this again.
That's probably not the reality of what your life is going to look like.
Like it's actually a process of life, of growing and learning and messing up and
getting back up and trying again the next day.
And I think that was huge for me was like, I used to like, I would mess up and I'd
hate myself and it'd be like, ruined it and so and then the next day
I would just do the whole cycle again and it had to come to a point where I was like
No, like each day is its own day and each thought is its own thought and and like we're saying when those thoughts come in your mind
Like correct yourself, but give yourself grace and knowing like that doesn't define
You and you haven't ruined the progress you've already made.
That is so true.
It is so seasonal and it is a journey
and you're gonna have to have people in your life
that help keep you accountable.
Yes.
And also you can trust and you can go to
and they're not gonna shame you when you go back
to the way that you used to think.
And it's so awesome, like we talked about sharing
with your spouse, like Christian knows so much
about what I struggle with, I know what he struggles with.
Yeah. And especially when it comes to body image
and working out and overeating, under eating,
all the things, we have to just be really honest
with each other and especially because Christian
is literally a fitness person
and that is what he does for his job
and he is very fit and always on a new program.
And Christian will say things like,
oh, I'm gonna do this because I'm gonna either bulk or I'm gonna cut or I'm gonna do this. And sometimes I tell him will say things like, oh, I'm going to do this because I'm going to, I'm going to either bulk or I'm going to cut or I'm going to this.
And sometimes I tell him, I'm like, okay, I'm so proud of you.
I love that you're doing that.
But don't talk like that because you look amazing right now.
And when you say you need to do something different,
it makes me feel like I need to do something different.
Even though you're not saying that, like he's,
he is the most encouraging person of who I am
and what I look like.
Never had anyone speak more life and truth
and never anything shameful.
But sometimes when you're comparing yourself
to someone else, like we've said,
just like when they say, oh, I'm gonna, you know,
I forgot to eat or I do this,
when they talk about it in their way.
So it's so important, like you don't compare
your journey to someone else's,
but that you do invite people into your journey
so that they can help you and you can help them.
And I think Christian needs me to say too, you look awesome.
Like you're amazing, you know?
Guys need it just as much as girls.
And that's been something that I've been surprised
by in marriage is guys struggle with this just as much.
So if you are a guy listening to this,
I know you need it too,
because Christian and I have these conversations all the time and ultimately I think more than anything
physically like we said it is mental and that can be the same struggle for no
matter who you are, no matter what age you are, but you know God talks so much in
the Bible about how we really can take those thoughts captive, we really can
transform our mind to be in accordance with his will for your life.
And so there is so much truth in the Bible on this topic.
And we wanna encourage you to dive into that,
dive into there.
But like I said in this podcast,
we really just wanted you to be able to maybe hear
your story and our story and know that there is freedom
to be found when it comes to body image,
when it comes to eating image, when it comes to
eating disorders, binge eating, anorexia, whatever your struggle is, there's
freedom even in the midst of postpartum. Whether you're dealing postpartum or
birth control problems or you're sick or an injury, wherever it is, like no matter
what season of life you are in, there is freedom to be found when it comes to body
image, mentally and physically. And I love what that girl with COVID said.
Yes, God healed me physically and I'm so thankful for that.
But she said, most importantly, He healed me spiritually.
And so today, yes, start the journey of the physical healing, but I actually pray that
today you get spiritually healed.
And in your mind, it becomes more clear to you what truth is, who you are, so that you
can live your life that God has for you. And this whole thing that we do, LO, is live original. Live confident in who you
were originally created to be and friend that is possible no matter what your journeys look like.
So we love you and more conversations to come. As always, comment, let us know what you want
us to talk about next. This is these are just conversations we're naturally having at dinner,
but we want to know what y'all want us to talk about.
So love you guys and I hope you go out there
and start truly living this message out. Yeah