WHOA That's Good Podcast - Anxiety Almost Broke Up Our Relationship | Sadie & Christian | Madison Prewett Troutt & Grant Troutt
Episode Date: January 29, 2024Sadie and Christian are so happy to be joined by Madison Prewett Troutt and her husband, Grant, for this at-home conversation. The two couples share their own second date nightmare stories and the bi...g role anxiety played in both couples almost breaking up in their early dating days. Your anxiety doesn't mean you're a victim! Sadie shares how she's observed the power of full confession in her own life and what is confession without action to change? https://www.cadenlane.com/whoa — Get 20% off your first order when you use promo code WHOA! https://www.drinklmnt.com/whoa — Get 8 single serving packets FREE with any LMNT order! https://www.trymiracle.com/whoa — Get 40% off + 3 FREE towels with code WHOA at checkout! - Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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What's up, sisters and friends? Happy Monday, everybody.
Y'all, I am truly so pumped for this podcast.
First of all, I got my hubby beside me.
We are in our house, so things are very chill.
And we have two of our great friends here with us
at our house.
We've had already the best weekend.
And now we get to do a podcast together.
We have Maddie and Grant Trout in the house.
Let's go.
Let's go, y'all.
Let's go.
I love it.
We've been waiting for this.
We actually really have.
Meeting's happening.
This feels right.
This whole scene feels right. The time is now. Not only have we been waiting for this, but I feel like all of you've been waiting for this. We actually really have. This feels right. This whole scene feels right.
Not only have we been waiting for this,
but I feel like all of you have been waiting.
Waiting.
How did they know?
Oh, they were like, did we?
They didn't even know it, but now they know it.
They didn't know it, but this is what you didn't even know.
You needed it, and now it's here.
And we're pumped.
Truly, it was actually really funny
because since y'all came in, we were like,
oh yeah, and we'll talk about what we're gonna talk about
in the podcast.
And then we never did.
Not once.
Guys, we have no clue.
We have no clue.
This is the realest, most organic, unplanned podcast.
And it's good.
And it's just like, here's the heart.
It's the overflow.
Yeah.
It's the overflow.
So it's really cool just how,
I guess our relationship has formed. We were just talking about how God's timing is so cool because when Maddie and I met, well, we met at Passion very briefly.
It was before you on the show.
And then at that same time, Christian and I had just got married and we moved to Auburn, Alabama.
War Eagle.
War Eagle.
Let's go.
Grant's not there yet.
I'm not there.
I'm here. He's a War Eagle and what did you say the other day?
He goes, am I officially a War Eagle fan? Is that what you said?
I think. They're Tiger and the Eagle. War Eagle?
He gets very confused by the two masks.
We had it anyways. That's a whole other argument about this.
It doesn't make sense to me.
I know.
Emphasis.
Well, where's the Tiger on campus?
Should I say what I said that I think you're so bad?
I think you have to.
I'm sure.
I said LSU is the most known for the Tigers for sure.
I think so.
Auburn is not.
You think it's an eagle.
If you don't go to Auburn, you're like, oh, it's the Eagles.
Yeah.
And LSU Tigers and Christian was like, no.
No.
Guys.
No.
LSU was not the most known Tiger.
Auburn Tigers.
Are you kidding me?
We are the Auburn Tigers, but we say we're Eagle.
We're Eagles just our war cry.
Thank you.
Yeah, I didn't get that, but I will say,
and I was pregnant in this moment,
so it could have been because I was pregnant,
but I'm such a war Eagle fan now
that when the Eagle was circling the field, I cried.
Same, same.
I had chills and I cried.
That makes me so happy.
Went to my first game last, when was that?
First football game.
First football game is the Iron Bowl.
Well, and it was a really, it was really sad and pink.
This year.
This past year.
Did you watch it when they almost won?
It was on our anniversary.
Oh man.
I'm still mad about it.
It ruined our anniversary.
It was not.
It was not.
It was not.
So I'm about to like post it.
I'm like, we won.
Like I'm fired up.
Okay, there's two minutes left in the game.
And he's about to like talk trash and be like, we won my first Iron Bowl and we come in, we won. Like I'm fired up. Okay, there's two minutes left in the game and he's about to like talk trash and be like,
we won my first iron bowl and we come in and we.
I thought it was me.
I was like, I have the favor of God on my life.
And I was like, have you not learned?
We can't post it until the game's over.
Like, don't you know how Alabama is?
Like they always,
they got something up their sleeve the very end every time.
So I'm like, we have to wait and see how it ends.
And thankfully he didn't post it.
And then we ended up losing.
They mowed the plant.
It was so sad.
Game over.
It was very sad.
That was our anniversary.
It was also the first anniversary
we've had that I wasn't throwing up
because of either pregnancy or actually getting the stomach
bugs.
I was so excited for this anniversary.
You're playing the lower cast.
Oh, no.
It was going great.
And then Auburn was about to win.
I was like, this is going to be our best anniversary ever.
And then it was like, did Auburn football not know it was our anniversary and they had to win?
It was a good game.
It was.
We were proud.
We were proud.
All that to say, he is now an Auburn fan.
I love that.
I love that.
It was a good game.
And when the Eagles scored, yes.
I didn't cry, but it was like, this is a good one.
Again, this feels right.
This feels right.
This is iconic. This feels right. Yeah. was like, this is iconic.
This feels right.
Yeah.
It was, it's powerful.
It is.
So if you're not an Auburn fan, don't, don't get lost.
The reason we're talking about this is because I lived in Auburn with Christian when we got
married and Maddie was actually back home in Auburn at the same time.
And so we got to know each other there, which was so special.
God's timing is so good because she was going through something that I actually could somewhat
understand. And so we got to be friends to each other in that. God's timing is so good because she was going through something that I actually could somewhat understand
And so we got to be friends to each other in that and then I've got to watch you do so many great things with the influence
God put on your life
Which we just had a great conversation about and then meet the man of your dreams mr. Grant trout right here y'all
Start a relationship getting married y'all are doing ministry together
And and separately but together because we're married we've had great conversations about that as well.
And now we're here.
And so these people are truly so special to us.
And I want y'all to get to know them more.
There's so much we can learn from you guys
and we have over the past 24 hours.
So let's just start with y'all's relationship.
How y'all met?
Because how y'all met is very, very cute.
He tells it better than I do.
No, I'll start.
But sometimes, yeah, I'll chime in because he'll better than I do. No, I'll start.
But sometimes, yeah, I'll chime in
because he'll leave out some details.
Wasn't looking for a woman.
He's already painting the picture.
If you're watching the video version right now,
he's painting.
In the valley of Branson, Missouri.
And I'm just doing Menace there.
Working for Kanaka Air.
Working for Kanaka Camps, Linky,
not looking for a woman, content,
but it's kind of the first rumblings of like, I could use, like I would love to come home to a wife and just
partner with the wife and I'm start praying.
I'm just like, Lord, if that's soon, like I just, I feel like I'm ready.
And I know it's like, I was like single and miserable.
I was like, God, don't you love me?
She's like, fast things.
She's like, come on.
I am ready.
Like I've been ready and I come home to Dallas and
My friend meets me by a fire pit and we're having this deep talk and all of a sudden he kind of like stops me
He's like Grant have something serious to tell you and I was like I lean forward
He goes I've set you up on a blind date and you're gonna go
And I was like what I was like I'm not going on a fine day. Like no, and he goes, Grant, who would you be
if you didn't go?
And kind of just like MJ, like you miss 100%
of the shots you don't take.
And I was like, who would I be?
And so I call Maddie out of the blue.
And I just said, hey, my friend said, you are amazing.
I would love to take you out.
Do you want to go out?
Well, and rewind.
So I had gone on this podcast and the friend that he's referring to was interviewing me
on this podcast and he's like, I want to set you up on a date.
Kind of same reaction.
I'm like, I don't do blind dates.
Like I want to stalk him.
I want to see his profile.
I want to see what he's about.
And I couldn't.
And so I was kind of like, okay,
but I'm asking all these questions.
I'm like, get me into his personality,
like get me into his passions, like his gift set,
like his style, you know, I'm like asking all the questions.
And I was like, yay!
And he's like, no, you're gonna love him.
Like he's everything you've like described
that you've been praying for and waiting for.
And I'm like, okay,, I'm gonna go for it.
So anyways.
We both say yes, kind of nervous, and we show up,
and it was just this moment where I was like,
I've never met, so I told you all this morning,
I've never met someone as passionate
and in love with God as this woman.
And I could just hear it in her heart
as we're talking, our waiter would like,
he didn't know how to come in and ask us what we wanted,
because we were like so,
just like in it, and truly that night,
I feel like we both kind of knew.
It was so weird, we weren't looking for each other,
but it was like God was like, boom.
And we drove around Dallas that night,
just listening to music and laughing, and it was really-
Now you gotta say what you're listening to.
Oh no!
Well, the Lord has sanctified our hearts
since then it was the clean version of Drake.
And so.
It was Jersey Drake.
Here was Jersey Drake.
But we did.
But it's sweet because of what you prayed.
We did, we pulled over on that,
he pulled over on the side of the road
and we prayed for Drake.
We did pray for Drake.
So Jersey, if you're watching this, like.
I hope that Jesus draws near to him
and that his soul is healed.
No, you prayed for a man.
Before that.
Oh, before that.
I did, I prayed for Drake as well.
But that is cool that y'all prayed for Drake as well. She's like, that's cool. We did pray for a real Drake. But you prayed that you would for a man. Before that. Before that. I did, I prayed all the time. But that is cool that y'all prayed for Drake as well.
She's like, that's cool.
We did pray for a real Drake.
But you prayed that you would find a man,
she was just telling us that she would find a man
who like, one, they can have deep conversations
and truth and all that stuff,
but then they can also have fun and like listen to Drake.
And like you prayed that, so then Grant's here
like throwing out all these deep conversations,
having all this truth, wow, God is so good.
And they get in their car and they're like,
and he goes, do you wanna listen to Drake?
And Maddie's like, oh my gosh, you're my husband.
I literally, I think a tear like fell down my cheek.
And I was like, this is the moment like that I realized
that I'm gonna marry this man.
Yeah, which I'm not recommending.
Don't write down on your list of requirements
that he's gotta love Drake, you know.
No, it was such a sweet, like the best day, night, ever.
And truly, I called my mom and I was like,
I'm gonna marry that man.
We just, we knew pretty instantly.
But it was like.
Can we talk about the next day though?
Is that fair to talk about?
Because I think this is very real.
Yeah, we need to talk about the next day.
And really.
Christian, Christian, don't do this to me.
Christian, let's go there.
Let's go there.
Let's go there.
Yeah.
Okay, okay.
So yeah, so first date goes incredible. And at the time I had been
really struggling with anxiety. And it would really just like shut me down completely.
And so the first date was so amazing. And we weren't going to hang out the next two days.
I was going to fly back to Branson. But I was like, Hey, do you want to do want to hang
out tomorrow? And she's like, Yeah, and so we go to the MAFs game. At the MAFs game,
I kind of just I start feeling really anxious. And I we go to the MAFs game at the MAFs game.
I kind of just, I start feeling really anxious
and I really get in my head and I just, I just shut down.
And we went to dinner afterwards and I'm like, not.
He's not talking.
Yeah.
And he like got up and went to the bathroom like three times
and would stay in there for like 10 minutes.
And I'm like, he's miserable.
He doesn't like me.
What happened?
It was going so perfect yesterday.
So I was very confused.
And I'm like so in my head and I don't know if anybody struggles with anxiety,
but it's like it can be crippling. And I remember going home that night and just
being like, man, it's over. Like she wouldn't want someone like that.
And I remember being up at like 2 a.m. talking to my friend and I was just like,
man, she saw something tonight that she probably obviously didn't like.
And so in order for me to protect my own heart,
I was like, I'm just going to text her and be like, hey,
I don't think this is it.
Because I didn't want her to end it with me.
So I was like, I'm just going to start it and be like, hey,
we had a great night, but I just don't think this is it.
And as I woke up the next morning, I was praying.
And for some reason, it wasn't time to go home.
So I canceled my flight.
And I texted her.
And I just said, hey, can wasn't time to go home. So I canceled my flight and I texted her and I just said,
hey, can I come see you and explain last night?
And I walk into your door and I just said,
hey, I really struggled with anxiety.
And what happened last night is that it hit me
and I got really, really anxious and I got insecure
and I got in my head and this is me.
And I don't want to stay here,
but this is what I'm going through right now.
And I had never seen anything like that before.
I was like, this dude just really put his heart out there
and he's know me for one day.
I was like, he's really going there
and he's being so honest.
And to me, it just painted such a new picture
of what godly strength looked like
of just like, hey, I don't have it all together.
I'm confessing to you that this is something
that I struggle with.
I'm not standing in agreement with it,
but this is like something I'm battling with right now.
And to me, I was like, whoa, I've never seen a dude do that
before.
Like I had only ever seen a guy be like, no, I'm cool.
Like this is on you.
You feel that way.
This isn't my struggle.
Like you're interpreting it this way.
And I was like, here's this guy who's just being so honest and vulnerable
about what he's facing and what he's struggling with and going through.
And it just honestly made me respect him so much more.
And, and then I just was,
I was excited to really be like, let's talk through this, like get me into more
of what that looks like. Um, and so I think that that really just, I don't know,
set us up from the very beginning to really like it laid down the foundation of like,
hey, we're going to be real and honest with each other.
Like the freedom that led to, I was telling Christian today, it led to so much freedom
because I now didn't have to mask when I was around. I didn't have to be great around
her. I was my weakest around her and I told her and she was like,
okay, we can work with that. And I think there's a lot of fear, especially in
guys where it's like, I can't show any of that. And to show her that on the
second date freed me up to just be like, this is great. I'm broken and I'm fragile
and there's weak parts of me that the Lord is redeeming and working on. And
that really set us up for like success of just like, I don't have to always be so on around you.
Totally.
Y'all, the stage we're in with parenting is so much fun.
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Wow, I think it's when you told that story today at breakfast, I was like, wow.
But even telling it again, it like makes me teary because when I know how hard the battle
of anxiety is and you feel so crazy for the feelings that you have and it's so hard to
admit whenever it's anxiety because you feel like, especially as a
Christian, you're like, I should be able to overcome this. Like I should be able to
like be strong in this but the reality is like it is a stronghold. It's hard to
overcome. It's very real and you can't always predict when it's gonna
happen, when it's gonna come, when you're gonna get those anxiety attacks and the
fact that you were able to be honest.
But I love how you just share that there is a point
where you're like, I'm just gonna end it.
Because then it can be on my terms
and then I can just say it's over
and I would have led that.
And like you're protecting your heart from any of that.
You, you know, getting broken up with
or your pride or whatever.
But then you're like, nope, actually I'm going to go
and I'm gonna be honest. And that's something like, nope, actually, I'm going to go and I'm going to be honest.
And that's something that not a lot of people are able to do.
They're just like, OK, I'm going to send a text and do the easy thing.
But the easy thing would have ended
all the relationship there.
And doing the hard thing got you off here.
Yeah, which is amazing.
That story sounds familiar.
Yeah, we have a similar story.
Unpack it because we didn't get to it this morning.
So yeah, day one was really great. Well, actually, no. I'm packing because we didn't get to it this morning. So yeah, day one was really great.
Well, actually, no.
I'm talking about the, the, the, you can tell us.
I was talking about the time when you called me.
Well, I was going to break up with you.
Yeah, bro. She was going to dump me, bro.
No. On the phone. Yes.
Yeah. Like we were long distance.
It wasn't. But here's the sad thing.
I didn't know. He didn't know.
Any idea. So I didn't know for like months later. I was like telling the story. I was going to I didn't know. He didn't know. Any idea. He actually didn't know for like months later.
I was like telling the story.
I was going to break him.
You were breaking up with me then?
No.
Well, obviously I pivoted,
but that wasn't what I was saying though.
Yes, that's Cabo.
You really are.
You got to.
I'm like, you were up on the ceiling like,
Cabo, how did you?
You got something to say?
You guys have Cabos and Crazy Zara.
Every scene, Cabboy is a cat.
Cowboy, get down.
Get down.
Okay, cowboy is everywhere.
I'm not a cat person, but cowboy is the closest I'll get to a cat because she's just like a cat.
All right.
Okay, so here's what happened, and we actually haven't really shared, I don't know if we've
ever shared this part about our first date story because we're always like, it went so
great, and it did.
It did.
No, we, I, you, the first day was awesome.
To me, the second day was just as great as the first,
but apparently.
Apparently not.
Sometimes.
Apparently.
I'll tell you what happened.
And this is what happened.
We were having a great time.
Everything was great as Maddie said earlier.
First day, fire.
It was perfect.
I'm like, this is great.
Yes, like everything was just going great.
I thought second day was fire. And then this is what happened. No, it was still the first
day because we spent the whole day together. We went like shopping together. We walked
around Nashville together. We just had like fun. And then that night we had dinner plans
and this was like leading up to our big like dinner date. It was our first dinner date.
And this was like so wrong of them, but my sister and his brother decided
to crash our date, which was our first date. Okay. So we had a great day. Everything was
great. Chemistry is there. And then we show up to the restaurant in Nashville for our
date and then Chance and Bella show up too. Oh my God. Yes. And that's...
Well, hold on. So...
Okay. And the first thing which he had said to me was pretty funny. Well, I was just gonna build,
so my brother was playing baseball in Nashville
and your sister was there because your whole family
was there for the concert we were gonna go to.
So they happened to be near us and they were like,
hey, we wanna come to dinner.
And I of course don't want them to come
because I'm like, it's their first date.
But I was like, maybe that would be offensive
if I told them to like, no, don't come.
So I was trying to be inclusive of like,
hey, like I don't want you to think I'm being rude
for like not, but she did not want them to come at all.
But I didn't like, we didn't know each other like that.
I couldn't really like know.
Because I also hadn't met his brother
and then he thought it would be sweet to show me
that he wanted my sister to be there.
But I was like, no, I don't want my sister to be here.
Some miscommunication right here.
So Christian's like, I guess, tells him to come.
So we had had this great day
and Christian had bought me this like orange bandana
when we were shopping and I tied it around my jeans.
I thought it was cute.
And then Chance, first thing he says,
he's like, hey, I'm Chance.
He's like, what is that fashion?
So first thing he says to me, which I love Chance,
he's one of like, Chance of our two of our closest friends, but he hit me with like, what is that fashion. So first thing he says to me, which I love, chance he is one of like, chance of our two of our closest friends.
But he hit me with like, what is that fashion?
And I was like, your brother bought it for me.
Actually, thank you.
And yes, it is.
Um, period.
So then so I was already kind of like a sassy start.
And it's like, not perfect, but it's fine.
So then we go and we have dinner and it just went so south.
Christian and Chance argued the whole time
about everything.
Well, so at this point, my life had been changed
and Chance was like,
Chance was coming there.
He was like, he was a freshman.
He was still figuring a bunch of things out
and our waitress or waiter would ever
brought us like a drink and I didn't order a drink.
Right, it was a margarita, but we didn't order that.
But we didn't order it and but he couldn't take it back.
So then Chance was like, I'll take it.
Yeah!
Chance was 18, and I was like, no, you're not taking this.
And he's like, what? Why not? Why can't I take it?
And this is all our first date.
Yeah, and then Chris was like, because you're not.
And then he was like, Jude, why are you acting like this?
So then I was like, is he not being real?
Or like, are you trying to do this for me?
And it was so weird.
So like, me and Bella probably said a total of,
in words, the whole dinner.
We were just watching Christian and Chan,
so like, have all these brother dynamics.
They watched sports, so TV was on.
I was like, yeah, it was so bad.
And so, it wasn't even sports.
It was like a four wheeler race thing happening.
And so, I was sitting here like, this went south. And so,'m sitting here like this went south.
And so them so can, and Chris is like hanging out
with his brother and I'm like, I don't even like know y'all.
And so anyways, yeah, and this is our first date.
Like we don't even talk.
He talks to a chance.
So anyways, I get back to that apartment.
My mom's there, my grandma's there, they were in town
that weekend, all my friends are there.
I had to go and like, well, like all day was so fun. And then dinner was
terrible. Like they fought the whole time. They brought this margarita. They had to argue
about it. We watched like four wheeling races. Like it was just so bad. And so then I was
like, I just don't know anywhere. Like I'm genuinely confused. And so then the next day I was kind of like not,
I don't know, I was like, okay,
I'm just gonna show up again.
We had breakfast together.
And then-
Was it the second day we did Topguff?
We did pottery, remember?
And then this, no, but this is when things changed for me.
We did Topguff the first day though.
Yeah.
Again, everything was going great the first day.
Then the second day we had breakfast
and we're walking past the pottery place.
And I'm like, you just wanna go do this pottery just we can sit and talk
and I really don't know what I'm feeling at this point I'm just like okay
just gonna like do this since I was like painting. Just do some pottery.
I cleaned you as my wife 10 years ago.
For those who don't know, we're having different inner dialogues.
That's so amazing.
I was like, this is her.
Anyways, then he started talking to me
and I think this was one of our real,
I was like, okay, this is who you are.
Like you start sharing about the,
just like your family and your love for your family.
And we talked more about our faith and just life,
what we want to do, our passions.
Like we just, because we were painting, you know,
so we just had like uninterrupted time to talk.
And then I think you were like,
hey, do you want to go,
I don't even know like how,
when we went and read our Bible at the horse place.
And I don't know how,
cause that doesn't seem like a natural organ thing to do,
but it was, it just, we just did.
Which then I was like, okay, this is like who he is,
this is what he loves. And I think I really was worried was worried the night before like are you faking it for me?
Or are you really this person because of that dynamic?
I wasn't sure if if chance was asking you why you had to do this because you're not normally like this and I had
Experience that where people will try to be a certain way around me because they think that's what I want and expect
But if that's not who you are, then that's okay, but this is not going to work.
But I realized the next day, this is who you are.
And that had been who you've always shown me to be.
Two months of phone call conversations, of pursuing me, of everything leading up to that
point, showed me that this was who you were, but it just made me question in doubt.
But it was just really sweet because that day was awesome.
And then I remember the next night back on the couch, which we called the pit at the
time we were on the pit and it's like, oh, my friends, my mom, like, it was awesome.
I think I'm in love with it.
Like, I don't think it's going to work out to like, I think I'm going to be in love
with this guy.
Like it went so great.
So it did turn dramatically.
But then I got in my head because I struggled with anxiety and I was about to go on a tour
and I was thinking like, this is not going to work.
Like how is this going to work logistically?
Like I got way over my head and then I was like, I'm not even going to be a good girlfriend
because I'm not going to, when am I going to be able to like meet his friends?
When am I going to go to Auburn?
I don't like think this is fair to him to date me.
Like and then I like totally just started throwing myself in the dumps
and was like, I'm not even gonna be a good girlfriend.
I'm too busy.
I don't wanna make him feel like dot, dot, dot, or whatever.
And so that's when I went to break up with him.
Not because of him, but because I didn't want him
to have to date me.
Which isn't that a sad way of looking at it?
Yeah.
Which I didn't know that in the moment,
nor six months post that. He's like, actually I found out last week. You didn't need to know that. You didn't know that in the moment, nor six months post that.
He's like, actually, I found out last week. You didn't need to know that.
Okay.
That was an inner dialogue right there.
That was just, yeah.
Obviously, it didn't work out.
It was some of the worst.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, let's be real.
Whenever we were younger, you know, we're playing all these sports and all this stuff,
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We gotta say hydration, but to be honest, I'm not playing those sports anymore,
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It takes a lot to be hydrated even now,
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And I think that's gonna be so encouraging for people
that start to feel anxious and you're
like you're gripping for control at that point.
And I feel like a lot of relationships probably, I'm just now thinking about it, have ended
because of that.
And you put it on someone else, but it was like you were struggling with anxiety.
So you're like, control and look at what's on the other side of that.
Like that's so true.
And actually we were telling y'all last night about me going to Dr. Aiman.
What Dr. Aiman's been on the podcast a couple of times,
but he really helped me through my anxiety.
And we did that two months into our marriage
because I was like, I know I have to get my anxiety
under control for our relationship
because anxiety, you think it's just an individual battle
and it is something that you're going through internally,
but it affects everyone around you and it really affects your relationships.
And so don't let it be just an individual internal struggle.
Like share it with the people around you.
Like you share it with Maddie like, Hey, I struggled with this and this is what it looks
like and this is how it plays itself out.
And I have to tell Christian, okay, this is what this looks like.
This is how you could help me.
This is how you can be there for me in it
And then he went with me to dr. Amen and like learned all the things that I needed to help with and how my brain
Think so that he could truly be like a partner to me in that struggle
And it's just so cool because I was telling you all this last night
You know four years in and that is not a defining part of my life
The anxiety does not define my life at all.
It doesn't define our relationship.
It is not something that causes us to struggle.
That doesn't mean it so it doesn't come up every now and then,
but we have just gotten in such a better place with it.
But you have to go through the work.
Like you have to be intentional about it.
You got to share with friends.
You got to get the help that you need
because it is a real deal.
It is, it is. Yeah, and we had need because it is a real deal. It is.
It is.
Yeah.
And we had to have a hard conversation early on.
Really hard.
And I will say I didn't have, that wasn't part of my story and I personally had not seen
someone struggle with it, a close and personal someone that I really cared about.
And with him, like early on, I felt like he was my husband.
And so it was hurting me seeing him hurt, um, and that it would take him out.
Like when he was feeling anxious, like he would completely shut down and it would
affect the rest of the day.
It would take him out.
Um, and it was just like, it was hurting.
Like you said, it, it impacts more than just that person.
It was impacting our relationship. And I finally looked at him and I was just like,
there's such a calling on your life and I don't want to see you just stand in
agreement with anxiety. And so I, I,
as much as I'm not just saying it's going to go away, like at the snap of a
finger, we're going to have to put in work.
Let's at least like tackle it spiritually and like be in prayer and not
just like give the enemy a foothold in this area of your life because I had seen him take,
you know, I think just that mindset of like, I'm a victim.
This is what it is.
Yeah.
And I just was like, you're stronger than you think you are because of the Holy Spirit
inside of you.
And I really challenged him in that.
And I think that was so helpful.
But I, but also I think as I learned more and more, um, like you said, just being able
to have the conversations about it, I was able to learn like, okay, this is how I can
continue to challenge you in it, but also just like be there and listen and encourage
and love. And sometimes that meant just like literally being present.
Yeah. That's such a good point. I think in our generation, something that is a problem
is that we have become so comfortable as a culture,
like identifying with our problems
and anxiety is one of those things
that it's just totally okay to be like,
oh yeah, I have anxiety.
And then it's like becomes something that's a part of you.
And for me, I used to think it was like my personality.
Like that's my personality.
I'm just an anxious person.
But then I was like, no, that actually is not
who God created me to be.
And if that is my identity, and I claim that as my identity,
that I have anxiety, I am anxiety,
I'm always gonna be anxious, I'm always gonna,
and that I can, that can drive the ship of my life,
then I would not be doing what I'm doing.
I would not ever be speaking on stages.
I would not be doing a podcast
because I would hate to hold a microphone.
I would have shied away from definitely being
in the public eye because anxiety says run from that.
Especially speaking, that's one of the main ways God uses me.
So you cannot like identifying with your weakness
as far as like letting that become who you are is such a big
problem because it keeps you from all that God has for you and I love how like
you know what does Paul say it like I boast in my weakness because it's like
through my weakness that the Holy Spirit actually uses to become my strength and
so it's not saying like it's okay to say I struggle with it it's okay to say that
that is a part of my struggle but that's not who you are and that doesn't define what you do because if it is who you are, it starts to define
what you do. But if it's not who you are, and it's just a weakness of yours, then you allow God to
work in that and allow it to become a strength and another way. I think there's so much power in
confession, like bringing things into the light. Like it talks about when we confess our God is
faithful and just and he will purify us from all unrighteousness. So I truly believe that confession and bringing into the light and
letting people, James 5 16 says, when we confess and have people pray for us, that's where we find
healing. And so I have seen him be like lead with so much vulnerability and bring it into the light
and how that has brought healing. Like he has grown so much since the time we met because of like continuing to bring it
into the light and not just letting it like fester in secrecy and in isolation, which
is where Satan can get to us the most when we're like, Oh, I just got to battle this
by myself because if I tell someone this or if I really tell them, you know, what I'm
facing or feeling like they won't think of me the same.
And he's been so good with that. But I think it is really powerful to really note the difference
between confession and identifying with it,
letting it become your identity is totally different.
Because yeah, I mean, it says in scripture,
like God does not give us a spirit of fear.
And so coming in agreement with that spirit of fear
is coming against like God's word and God's design
of how He's created us.
And last thing, I feel like this is anxiety.
I know, we didn't play over this.
Your words have such power.
Yeah.
Proverbs 18, 21, you talked about that with your daughter last night.
Like death and life are in the power of the tongue.
I have anxiety.
I struggle with anxiety.
I don't think we realize that when we speak,
like there's so much power in that.
And you're claiming things that the Lord is like,
hold on, hold on.
You are walking through it, you're encountering it,
but the I am is very powerful.
And the world has taken these manifestations of,
I am rich, I am healed.
But when you incorporate scripture to it, I am more
than a conqueror, I am set free, even in weakness, his power is made perfect and
you read scripture, that's your identity in Christ. And so you're gonna, I don't
think there's ever this arrival of like no more anxiety. Yeah. But it's like when
I encounter it now, word of God, words have power. Yeah, like I've seen him, like
anxiety come on him and he's just like Jesus, Jesus. Yeah, like I've seen him, like anxiety come on him
and he's just like, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus.
Like he'll just start speaking the name of Jesus
and then we'll just, he'll be like,
hey, will you pray really quick?
And like, we'll just pray together.
And I've seen how that's just totally changed
versus in the past, like I was saying at the beginning
when it would happen and it was just like a shutdown
and it was just letting that anxiety
become like your master.
It was you were just like letting it rule your life.
Whereas now you've learned to master it
and submit it to your spirit and say like anxiety,
I feel you, I see you, but I will not let you rule me.
And because of Jesus and the Holy Spirit
that lives inside of me,
and I've just seen you like overcome that
and it's been so cool to witness.
That's so cool.
That's amazing.
That's so good.
Gosh, this is gonna help so many people because That's so cool. That's amazing. That's so good. Gosh, this is going to help so many people because that's so real. Man, I feel like there's so many places we could
go from here, but just what he mentioned about talking to Honey about that last night, we're
talking about just learning from a young age that your words do matter and that they have
power. Speaking that over yourself, what you say over yourself, it impacts the way that
you're going to live, it impacts the way that you're gonna see yourself and see people around you.
And Honey has gotten into this phase
where it's just funny, but it's not funny
because I'm trying to teach her it matters.
So she'll be like, I want this.
And then you give it to her, I don't want this.
And then you're like, I want this.
And it becomes this thing and it's like just dramatic
and it's a tantrum.
And I looked at her last night and I said, Honey, look at me.
I said, your words have power and the words you choose to say matter and they dictate what's a tantrum. And I looked at her last night and I said, honey, look at me. I said, your words have power
and the words you choose to say matter
and they dictate what's gonna happen next.
I said, so let your yes be your yes
and your no be your no.
If you say yes, you're getting it.
If you say no, I'm taking it away,
I'm not gonna do this again.
And like you have to have those serious conversations
and I think sometimes people, when you grow up,
you don't always have a mom to look you in the eyes
or a friend to say, hey, that's not who you are.
Your words hold power.
And so let this serve as a moment for you guys who are listening, who struggle with that
anxiety.
Your words hold power.
Your words literally carry the power of life and death.
So speak to your heart.
Speak to that anxiety.
I love how you said anxiety acknowledged you.
I feel you, but you're not going to that anxiety. I love how you said anxiety acknowledged you, I feel you, but you're not gonna rule me.
And I love how last night we talked about it
in such a way too that anxiety,
I don't think it's always a bad thing.
I think a lot of times what it does
when I feel anxiety, like before I speak,
people say, do you get nervous?
Yes, I get nervous.
Of course I get nervous.
I hope I always get nervous
because that's not a small thing to carry the weight
of preaching a message to a generation about the love of God. And even if I'm not speaking on something so deep,
and I'm just talking in front of like friend, you know, 20 people in a house and I still get
nervous just because anxiety is like that. What sometimes anxiety does though, in a good sense,
is it makes you dependent on God, you know, it makes me go, I can't do this in my own strength,
I need you Lord. And so that's why I say, I don't wanna not feel nervous
because I wanna feel dependent on the Lord.
So I don't wanna live in anxiety.
I wanna say like, yeah, I'm gonna be crippled by it,
but I'm okay to feel it because it makes,
it reminds me I'm human and I need God
and I'm always gonna be dependent on Him.
Totally.
Yeah.
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And I think we see, like even in scripture, the way Jesus responds when the enemy came
and tempted us, him and the wilderness, you know, with the different lies and the deceptions.
And so whether it's anxiety or something else, like the enemy comes to steal, kill and destroy,
and we see the way that Jesus responded was with the truth, was with the power of God's
word.
And so it's like whatever that lie or that struggle is for you,
if it's anxiety, if it's body shame, if it's whatever it is,
it's like when that lie comes, like taking God's word and like he said,
like biblical affirmations, like don't just take the worldly, you know,
making yourself a God in a way of like, I am powerful. I, it's like, no,
actually I'm weak, but he's strong. Yeah. Actually, no, like I am, I am dead inside, but because of the cross of Jesus Christ,
he has made me alive in Christ.
Yeah.
And so it's continuing to speak, not just like power over yourself, but power with what
God has given you that we don't deserve.
But speaking that biblical affirmation, I think has been so helpful for me when I have
moments of insecurity or fear
or shame or guilt or whatever it is
that I'm carrying or dealing with is truly prayer
but biblical truth and affirmation,
that's the only way we're gonna be able
to overcome the lies of the enemy.
And there are moments where you may not be strong enough
in that moment to go to the Bible and go,
this is true and that's where community comes in.
And dude, the amount of times I've just texted people and gone, who am I?
Yeah.
Trusted biblical community that goes, you are this in Christ.
You are this, you are called, you are chosen.
Because there are moments, y'all know where you're like, I can't even open up my Bible right now.
Like you will be that week.
And what we saw last night and y'all, we talked about today, y'all have have such a beautiful community here and that is so important for people is you don't do this alone.
Even with the spouse like that's not always your community. Totally.
You need girls, she needs girls and we need guys that will speak into
I'm feeling this, I'm believing this and they'll go no that's not who you are.
That's community right there.
That's so true. Maddie and I were talking about that in the car.
I mean we were having like such a real like realist of the real conversation. That's not who you are. That's so true. That's community right there. That's so true. Maddie and I were talking about that in the car in Manega.
We were having like such a real,
like realist of the real conversation.
Like borderline team.
Yeah, I know.
My husband's are calling us like, are y'all good?
They're getting barbecue.
Like, they're like crying on the phone.
I'm like, we're late.
Talk about whatever, working out.
And we're like balling our eyes.
But it makes me think of what you just said
with community and confession, community confession.
It is so important.
I mean, the Bible talks about it so much.
And I don't even think until recently, well, I know.
Until recently, I did not understand the true power of that.
I think I would have said I'm a person that confesses,
but I didn't, you know?
Like we've talked about this recently,
Matt Chandler's quote about like,
if you're 99% known, but there's 1% of that's not known,
then you're not known.
Then you're, cause that 1% is still making you feel shame and unknown.
And I think there was always that 1% that I was just like, but that,
I will not tell anyone, you know? And this year I've really been like, okay,
what does it look like to confess like to God, but to people around me.
And man, the freedom that has come from it and I love
When you confess your anxiety to her and you said it was a new kind of confidence that I'd never seen before
It's that confidence in the Lord not saying I am strong and I have it all together
But I am weak but he is strong in me and this is how I'm working it out that that is strength
you know that is strength in the Lord and And I was telling Matty just the reality of our
human insecurity when it comes to who am I. And I was just sharing it. I'll just share
with y'all because this is a side of me that you don't see and probably a side of most
people that you don't admit. But just how comments and feedback from people can really
get to your head, good and bad. And Matty and I were talking about the good you can lean towards pride and the bad you can lean towards insecurity. And so
you really don't need that much feedback from so many people that don't know you, but the
just the way social media is, you're just going to get it. And so I came up this high of passion
conference and there's so much feedback and there's so many things coming at me that are good.
And so I'm like, okay, this is going good, you know?
And then I, someone like announces that I'm going to speak at their conference or
something and it wasn't met with like that much excitement or whatever, but
someone made a rude comment about like cringe, like this girl's coming.
And I told Christian, I was like, I know it's so dumb, but like literally it,
it actually made me really sad because someone
was like cringe and I felt like, oh, am I cringing out?
Am I irrelevant?
Did this like...
And that person is like, she'll never see that.
I know, doesn't think I would care.
Yeah.
Never care.
And then I'm like...
This was like a two day...
Yeah.
And I told Christian, I'm like, this is so crazy because I come off of this high of preaching
this message that got such a good response.
And then this next conference is like a couple days to come
or it was posted in a couple of days
and the response and what I was met with
made me feel like I'm totally irrelevant.
And on college campuses, am I cringy now?
Am I irrelevant?
And I'm like, that is so crazy that our human nature
we're just so like broken and weak
that that just made
me feel so insecure.
And I'm like, I know that's not who I am, but it immediately made me feel that way.
And so it was so important though that I share that with Christians so that I don't sit here
and wallow in the cringe comment and I'm irrelevant.
And now they don't care.
And then that, because I told Matty what that was doing is I was already preparing my message
for that conference and it was a very serious message. And then I was like,
oh, well, if they think I'm cringe, is this cringy and this is so serious, then I'm not,
I'm going to be even more relevant. Then you want to like, you want to, and then I'm like,
and so that's why I told Maddie I said, then I stopped myself. I'm like, I do not do things
for the applause of man. I do things to be obedient to the Lord. I'm not doing this to respond to them.
I don't need to do it for them to be excited for me to show up.
I'm doing it because the Lord opened this door
and told me to preach this message and I'm obeying him.
And we're just talking about having to speak that truth
to yourself because it is so hard to not live
for the approval of man, even if you tell yourself
and you have to get before the Lord daily,
and like, humble yourself before Him
to stay in a place of just, in a posture of,
this is all for you and all for your glory.
And I told Matty, all day long, I could tell you that truth.
All day long, I would say 100% I'm doing it for the Lord.
100% pure heart in it, 100%, but also I'm human.
And a cringe comment hurts, know and it's it's
you know you think it's nothing when you comment it but to no matter who it is and no matter how
big you think that they are and how it wouldn't affect them I think it affects everyone. It does
it does. Yeah man. I uh Christian I've been talking about that like just hurtful comments um
and it's like it's so interesting because so interesting because like when we went live on social media, that was something that was really hard for you.
And that was something I had already been battling with for over a year. And honestly,
had to go to like therapy for and got on social media for a while. I like really affected me
just the opinions of so many people. And I mean, I ended up like losing like 20 pounds and just like
was having a hard time sleeping at night and just the weight of the opinions
of people and like how it was really affecting me.
And so I had encouraged him and like, Hey, when we do post and
announce like our relationship on social media, don't read any comments.
And he didn't listen.
And so he read any comments. And he didn't listen. And so he read comments.
So hard.
So hard.
He read the comments.
I'm like, what they saying, man?
What we got?
And he said, so hard.
You know, like there were a lot that weren't very kind.
I'm like in tears, literally that night.
And I was like, I told you.
I was like, you last night, it was like, Grant,
you look like a bleep, bleep, bleep, bleep thumb.
And I'm like, huh, like, you know, I can see it.
But like, but it's mean, man.
It's mean.
It's mean.
And it's like, but you, you, why did I start doing this?
Cause God called me and like, I'm going to keep doing it.
Cause God called me and like we constantly wrestle
how to handle social media and calling as you all do too.
You're like, what would Jesus do in 2024?
Paul, I feel like Paul would have it,
but he would do it well.
And it's like, is it fast often from it?
Is it have other boundaries?
It's like, that's a whole nother podcast,
but like how do you do that well?
Because Peter and Paul, like we gotta go.
They gotta hear.
We gotta share the gospel.
And there it is.
We were talking about that.
That was in my passion message at the end.
I said, can you imagine what Paul would say?
He was walking by foot to all these places, going boat ride,
snake bit and ship wreck, prison, all these things,
just for the sake of getting the word out.
So I'm like, yeah, he would use the utilize.
Because if you could by the click of a button posted that many people
to get the good news of the gospel out,
I absolutely believe they would be using it.
So criticism is going to come, that's a part of it.
Just like they faced, they faced a lot worse.
They faced imprisonment and stone.
We're facing like, you know, which also I will say though, because it's easy to be like,
it's just criticism, it's just canceling. It's just, yes it's not being stoned, but that is hard.
You know, it is emotionally hard for people to go through.
And so not being unempathetic to that, but at the same time, if that's what the Lord's
asked us to do and that's the day that we're in and it's going to come with that, then
I think you say, I don't think you say yes to that, you know, and you endure that.
You pick up your cross and you go And I think you know, I had a friend recently who she just kind of starting into like full-on ministry and doing
Incredible things and she called me crying the other night and she said I just got my first form of criticism
She's I never faced Kristen before and she said have you ever dealt with this and Christian was on the phone
And she said every day
I'm like but I I mean I had tears their, because it was like, that's so hard.
Like I am not gonna lie to you and say like, it gets easier.
There are aspects of it that do because you know who you are,
you know, and you have people around you who know who you are
and you do care less.
And there are seasons that I really don't care.
And there are seasons I'm doing great and my head's in the right place, my heart's in the right place. But
then I was telling Maddie it was coming off of a high. I'm tired. We have two kids who
don't sleep at night. I'm already tired. I'm about to travel again. And then I met with
this like me and Comet and in my weakness I go, I'm irrelevant. You know, so you got
it. Even if you think you ever overcome it just like anxiety, doesn't
mean it's gonna go away.
All have fallen short of the glory of God.
Amen.
And we'll continue to.
But it's just important to not cave to that, but continue to confess, continue to keep
your community around you and be real and tell those people that 1% that you don't want
to tell other people because it's embarrassing and you think you should be better than that.
And like the moment you get influenced
You're like who can I tell this stuff to that?
I'm wrestling with and like that's the lie of like either pastors or people with influences like they won't get it
They won't get what I'm going through and like that's such a lie
And what's so cool is like you just choose your group of five
We're in a life group in Waco and And it's like, it doesn't matter.
Like we don't get something they're going through.
And it's like, you just have to be able to confess.
And I think if you're a pastor, a preacher, influencer,
whatever you do, you can get put on this pedestal
that you're like, well, I can't trust anybody.
And that's the life that enemy.
And even if you're not, like I would say truly,
like even another couple in our life group,
like admitted to us, like, yeah, the enemy comes at us
with like no one would ever understand our story.
No one would ever understand, you know,
our day-to-day battles and struggles.
And I just think that's a lie
that the enemy breathes into our mind every day is like,
oh, if you confess this,
you're gonna be met with judgment, misunderstanding.
And man, it's just like such a lie,
the enemy to try and keep us in secrecy and isolation.
Just like when you confessed to her,
it wasn't that with like so much more respect for you
and so much more strength because every single person
has that thing they're struggling with.
And when you open up the door for that,
it's like, man, thank you that I can breathe.
And now I can feel like you're a human and I'm a human
and we can be honest because people do.
I mean, I think people would look at me and be like,
she doesn't care.
Like, you know, she doesn't care someone calling her
and she just spoke there, she's doing fine.
But then it's like in your weakness, you know,
it's just real.
You've been a great partner to me in all of this.
I appreciate it, you've been a great partner to me.
That's the same thing I've been the same for you.
You have been.
You've been a great partner to me.
Yeah, you too, man.
Come on, guys.
Christian, you've been a great partner to me.
You've been a great partner to me too.
I'm mad at you.
Yeah, hey, you need your sisters, you need your brothers,
you need to have all the things.
Truly.
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Moms, you will love this.
Well, it's true.
Even what you just talked about, you all need, there has to be a kind of like, you know, what you just talked about, like you all need,
like there has to be accountability for, for, for everything in life.
You know, like there, there are gonna be people that you confess your things with and
there's gonna be people that, you know, you just need to help keep you accountable.
Like whether it's, you know, a life, or whether it's one friend or five friends,
or a spouse, or a brother, or whatever.
You have to have somebody that can keep you accountable
in a way that you don't feel shame for.
Because I think oftentimes it's easy to,
I think sometimes we can be reluctant to confess things,
or to wanna share things,
because it can be met with
like, you know, you feel shamed or you feel stupid or you feel weak.
But you know, we were talking about this morning, I mean, you were talking about it, like sometimes
it can be harder to confess things to people.
To a person.
To a person than to God.
Yeah.
You're more worried.
You're more worried than that.
Because you're more worried than that. Because you're more worried than that. How off is God. Yeah. You're more worried. Yeah. You're more worried about what they're going to think.
How off is that?
Yeah.
We were talking like I was more afraid to tell my accountability
partner about my sin than like come to God about it.
Yeah, same.
And it's like I sinned against you.
Yeah.
Like David said, I've sinned against you and you alone.
And that's the danger of account,
like not the danger of accountability,
but that's where it can get unhealthy.
Yeah.
Is when you feel fear from that person.
Yeah.
If you mess up. It's like, no, unhealthy is when you feel fear from that person.
If you mess up, it's like, no, first off, you're sitting against God.
Yeah.
I think that the beauty in it is that we see God for who he is, that he is so loving and
we're what he's done for us and we are forgiven.
So we can come in because we know, like, God, I have fallen short before you and here's
my repentance.
Here's my confession.
And you know, because you know the character of him,
that he's gonna love you.
The scary thing with confessing to a person is
they might not, they might judge you, they might leave.
And there's like this book I read, it was Brene Brown,
and it's like a photographic memory of this page,
because I remember thinking this is so important.
And she said, vulnerability is so important,
so powerful, but being vulnerable with someone
that doesn't meet you back with empathy
is the doorway to shame.
Like if you are vulnerable someone
and they are not empathetic back to you,
you immediately feel shame and go, shouldn't share that.
Then you feel worse about what you shared.
And for instance, like sharing this with y'all
is a very vulnerable thing.
When I shared it with Maddie,
one of the reasons I shared it with her
is because I know Maddie goes through similar things
because she breaches places and she has social media
and I was like, you might be able to relate to this.
I want to confess this to you just
because I don't really have anyone else
that necessarily goes through this.
So there are people that sometimes you know,
you are going through the same thing, we might can relate.
But there's other times that you do need to share it
just with a group of people,
but you do need to be wise who you share things with. That is a
huge part of it. Because if someone's not gonna meet you back with that empathy,
it's harder. If Maddie was like, why would you think like that? Are you kidding me?
Then I would be like, oh that was dumb of me. But she was like, I get it. It's hard.
That's a real struggle. I've been there. And so meeting people with that is so, so,
so important. So confession is so, so, so important.
So confession is something that we're called to
and something good, but it's also something to be wise about
with who, confess the guy, confess to the right people,
bring community in.
Man, I didn't know where we were gonna go
at this point, but it turned deep.
And I will say, because one thing that I will say
is I have seen though, that this younger generation
really fears getting pushback,
and I even include myself in this,
but really fears getting pushback
and being told something that they don't wanna hear.
And so I think at the same time, expecting empathy
and having people meet you with grace, while also-
Truth. Truth. Yes. Because the Bible says like
the truth is loving and that is true love. It's not just with words but in action and in truth.
Yeah, I think being willing to like confess knowing that maybe that's met with like,
hey, you're better than that. And like, here's what God's word says. And I'm not condemning you.
I'm not judging you. I hear you and you're not alone in that sin. than that. And like, here's what God's word says, and I'm not condemning you, I'm not judging you,
I hear you and you're not alone in that sin.
But I also know like, you're not a victim to it either.
And you have the same spirit
that rose Jesus Christ from the dead in you.
And so like, let's fight this together.
Like I'm gonna hold you accountable.
And so I think also being aware
that when you have an accountability partner,
if they're a real and a wise
and a godly spirit-filled friend,
like they should be telling you some things
that might be harder to hear sometimes,
but hopefully it's to make you better.
Like you said earlier, like iron sharpening iron,
like I pray that we are friends that sharpen each other,
which means sometimes Sadie may tell me something
that I'm like, darn, that wasn't like the easiest thing to hear,
but in the long run, it's going to make me a better person and it's going to make me
a better follower of Christ.
And so it's both and it's like when she confessed that to me in that moment, like if this had
been a pattern in her life, then I'd be like, okay, Sadie, like this is the eighth time
you've confessed this to me.
Let's set up some boundaries.
Like let's really do something about this.
This was the first moment that I had heard this from her and it was coming from a very
real, honest, vulnerable place.
I was like, hey, I so get that.
I struggled with that three days ago.
We're just able to relate to each other and show grace to each other.
But I do think that there are calls for moments to really challenge and speak the truth as
well.
That's so true. No, that's so good.
Because it's like, like you said, there are so many factors
to it, right?
Because you have, it can be met with shame,
but then it can also be met with, like, let's almost like,
sulking, that kind of thing.
Like, so my freshman year college,
we tell the story often.
Like, we had a Bible study group,
and it was like, every week we would meet,
we would always just talk about our struggles
with pornography. And it was always just like,
almost like a wallow in it.
Like, yeah, I messed up again,
but it was never like,
there was never like an action playing behind it.
There was never like, it was always like, me too, me too,
me too, it's like, well, let's pray for it.
Okay, then next week rolls around,
it's the same exact thing.
And then finally, it was like months in,
one of us was just like, as a group, we're just
like, are we ever going to actually like beat this?
Like we're just like, we confess it every week, which is, it's, there's power in confessing
it, but there's also, you know, there's more power in like taking action to fight against
it.
So good.
Delete the app, you know, set up a safeguard, like do something to where, you know, you had
completely just prohibit you from, you know, you had completely just prohibit you from,
you know, going down that road.
And I think that was, that was the thing we struggled with.
It was like, we're supposed to be confessing things, but it, that was all it
was. It was just, it was just that confession.
There was no like, no fruit from it. There was no change from it.
And I think sometimes that can be the temptation too, is like, I'll get this off
my chest just to get it off my chest.
Cause that's what I'm supposed to do. But there's nothing that happens from it. So true.
Jesus and Matthew, he's like, cut your right arm off, cut your, or got your right eye out. And like,
we're not doing that. And I remember like, I remember being so in bondage. And my friend,
I had one friend that finally checked me and he goes, man, I thought
you actually like, I thought we were pursuing the Lord. And I was like, man, I am and, and
he has had a talk with me and out of that talk, I got through my Xbox out. He moved
in, took everything off my phone except calling and texting. And he's like, are you ready
to fight? And there's levels to I'm struggling's like, are you ready to fight?
And there's levels to I'm struggling or like I'm just I'm given into it.
And it's like, if you want to actually fight, like what are you willing to do?
And so many people working at like a local church, hey man, I'm just, it's the same.
It's literally the same thing.
It's like, I'm just, I'm struggling and it's, I don't know if I can.
And JP at Harris Creek has taught me so much.
It's like, oh wait, are you actually struggling
or is there just everything on your phone right there?
And like pursuing holiness is sacrificial.
What are you willing to give up to be holy?
And it's much better to go into heaven
without a right hand than to be thrown into hell.
Like Jesus said with all.
And so I don't know, it's just like that's such a word
that we've got to pursue holiness. How much are you really struggling that you're willing to actually do what it takes to get rid of it and to get free?
Um, it's so funny because I was telling her that, and that's such a good point that if it was the eighth time I said it, and the reason why I did tell her, and I told her like two other friends yesterday that I was struggling with that is because I'm like, I don't typically struggle with this, but it's, I feel this coming up in me and I just want to get
this out before it actually takes root because in James it talks about how like when sin it's
like conceived and then it gives birth to death and I know the process of pregnancy is a process
but it is, you're gonna give birth, you know, it's a process and so I'm like, nope, I'm not giving
birth to death. Like I'm not, this is not living in me.
This is not, I'm not going to host this.
I'm not going to breathe life to this.
Like we're getting rid of it.
And so you got to get quick on those things.
Like don't just let it live in you.
Don't let it, don't breathe life into it, especially don't speak to it.
Don't like, no, this is out.
This is not going to breathe in my life.
And so I'm like, I'm caring too much about man's opinion.
I am feeling irrelevant.
I am caring what people say about me, what people think.
And I'm not living for the approval of man and living for the approval of God.
So you do have to get serious, but it's really funny because I'll show you all this.
I told Christian the day before this, I said, I'm going to do
it on social media because I just don't need to have people's opinions.
And so that I was like, I know.
So I'm like, I'm just gonna leave it.
And then I didn't do it.
And then the next day, no joke y'all.
My Instagram just broke.
It's now been 48 hours.
That is so good.
And it like, it like really just does,
it does not work at all.
I have to show y'all.
So it's like glitching totally.
It's saying that I'm on Honey and Haven's page now,
but up until this point, it wouldn't even show this.
It showed nothing and it says page cannot load.
And it was so funny because Christian, it's still doing this.
And Christian was like, don't fix it.
Just don't fix it.
That was the Lord doing it.
Yeah, that's the kindest of the Lord.
So sometimes you really do have to take initiative,
but then sometimes the Lord's like,
I'll do it for you, broken.
It's done, it's out, you know?
And so anyways, man, this turned into such a great conversation.
And maybe you don't have friends in your life like this yet,
but hopefully we can be friends from afar
to encourage you in this.
And hopefully you can be that friend of other people
and start this in your own community.
Like I said, it really wasn't until this year,
this past year in my life,
that I started confessing things to people. I confessing
to God because that was easier for me, but not to people because that's so much
scarier because they can walk away. And then I have found like the true power in
that because now I don't fight these battles in my mind all the time. I'm not
fighting these battles internally. I'm fighting them with friends who love me
and care about me. They're going to speak truth to me. We're going to hold me accountable.
We're going to pray with me in it.
And we've all done the same thing for each other and the friends that are in our
life. We're so grateful for that. So this turned out to be an incredible podcast.
Thank you to Julie up till I made this in the car.
It is like such a gift to watch what God's doing in y'all's life from afar.
So encouraging to see other people truly 100% living for the gospel.
As I said, y'all aren't just influencers, y'all are followers of Jesus,
and that's influencing the world.
And we're grateful.
We couldn't show y'all more for all the things that God's doing.
And I love that y'all are plugged into y'all's local ministry and learning
so much and growing.
And I can't wait to see all that God does in your life and to be
else friend through it all.
We love y'all so much.
I really feel like we really should, if we have time,
just like say a quick prayer over people listening
that maybe are enslaved to the opinions of people
or struggling with anxiety or even bound in sexual sin.
So I don't know, I feel like that could be really-
Absolutely, love to do that.
And guys, it's been an amazing weekend.
This has been so great. It's been so awesome. It's been Friday. Can we do it? Yeah love to do that and guys it's been an amazing weekend
Yeah, thanks for having us though I feel like we've like we've even prayed over friendships and just like encouraging friendships of like people and so
It's just crazy that you reached out and we're here and even you and I two hour workout this morning by the way
Christian don't play romance.
And it's just like, it was two hours.
He's like, it's our 20 hours.
Our 20 or seven 30.
I tell him that all the time I'm like, your work goes to longer than you think.
Long.
No, but Christian, I think even like something like, I feel like we developed
a really cool friendship this week.
And I'm thankful for you and your life and your special man.
You are too.
We already cried together earlier.
We did too.
Our mom was in for prayers.
It was too late.
It was, do y'all wanna pray?
Who was spray?
Absolutely.
Grant, you got it?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Father, we pray for every single soul right now in this room
and Lord, everybody watching wherever they're at,
Lord, we pray right now that your spirit of peace would rest on them and God I pray that
if there's anybody listening right now that is struggling with something that
no one knows about would you show them that there is freedom on the other side
of confession but Father would you give them the wisdom on who to confess to
would you give them a a person or people that will meet them with truth and love, God,
with so much love and so much grace.
And Lord, I do pray freedom for a generation
from anxiety and suicide and cutting.
And Lord, everything that the enemy is coming at, Lord,
we just declare victory in the name of Jesus.
And so Lord, I do pray for the people
that are anxious right now
and that feel like there's no way out.
I pray that you would show them
that your power is made perfect in their weakness.
And Father, that the enemy,
his number one goal is to have them hold it in the dark.
And so I pray that you give them the boldness
to speak it out.
Lord, I pray that we would go first.
I pray that Matty, Christian, Sadie, and I would,
we would lead in that, Father,
to boast in our weakness
and say we are fragile, but Jesus is our strength.
And so Lord, would you be everybody's strength
listening right now?
We praise your name.
You are where true life is found.
Nothing else.
We praise your name in Jesus' name.
Amen.
Amen.
Having children?
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