WHOA That's Good Podcast - My First Experience with Pornography | Sadie Robertson Huff & Jeanine Amapola Ward

Episode Date: May 22, 2024

Sadie and Jeanine Amapola have a lot of shared experiences, but one big one is they have both been called hypocrites by a trusted, loving person in their lives. That's never an easy thing to hear, of course, but in both cases ... it was dead-on! Jeanine says her lack of a strong identity set her on a course of toxic relationships, insecurity, and self-doubt, but when she finally surrendered to God and spent good, pure time with Him and in His Word, her confidence in who she is in Christ blossomed! And Sadie and Jeanine candidly share about their first exposures to pornography and how they were able to break free from any hold it had on their lives. Plus, Jeanine shares why she encourages anyone to not wait until you're "ready" to start over with God. Start now, start today — you won't regret it! Get your copy of Jeanine's book, "Becoming Happy & Healthy." This Episode of WHOA That's Good is Sponsored by: https://helixsleep.com/sadie — Get up to 30% off all mattress orders AND 2 free pillows! https://www.trymiracle.com/whoa — Get 40% off + 3 FREE towels with code WHOA at checkout! https://www.covenanteyes.com/sadie — Try Covenant Eyes FREE for 30 days with promo code WHOA. - Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Alright, well that's good fam. I have some super exciting news. We are nominated for another K-Love Fan Award, which is just absolutely incredible. It is a huge honor to even be nominated amongst so many amazing podcasters. So guys, we need to see the support. You guys already support us in so many ways by listening to this podcast, sharing on social media, even just listening means the world. But if you would go to klovefanawards.com and vote for the Well That's Good Podcast to win this award, it would mean so much to me. I'm just so grateful for you as a listener. And also, huge news too, my family's movie, The Blind, is nominated for Movie of the Year.

So we are just celebrating this, that we get to even go to the Klove Awards together. I'm hosting this year, already just a huge honor. But if you would do that and vote for Boy Let's Go Podcast and also The Blind, it would mean so much to our family. Thank you guys so much. Y'all are the absolute best.

We all know that marriage can bring up some unique challenges and hey, if you're not sleeping, that makes everything worse for sure. That's why Christian and I are super thankful for our Helix mattress. Having little ones definitely means that we don't get a lot of rest. And when we do, we want it to be good and Helix mattress. Having little ones definitely means that we don't get a lot of rest. And when we do, we want it to be good

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So how do you know that they're gonna get it just right for you? Well, let me tell you know that they're gonna get it just right for you? Well, let me tell you. Just go to helixsleep.com slash Sadie and take their two minute sleep quiz. They even have a quiz for couples. Helix will match you with a customized mattress that's made to give you the best night's sleep

of your life, people. Helix is offering up to 30% off all mattress orders and two free pillows for our listeners. So go to helixsleep.com slash Sadie, and is their best offer yet and it's not going to last long. With Helix, better sleep starts now. Go to helixsleep.com slash Sadie. What's up? Well, that's good fam. I hope everybody is having a great Wednesday and a great week and if you're not per usual it's about to get so much better. Y'all I am so excited to introduce you to this guest that you probably already know

because she's written an incredible book, has an incredible podcast, an amazing YouTube, an awesome social media presence. We have Janine Empella Ward and I'm so excited with the book Becoming Happy and Healthy. Janine,apela Ward, and I'm so excited with the book, Becoming Happy and Healthy. Janine, teach us how to become happy and healthy. Welcome to the podcast. Thank you, Sadie, for having me. Man, just hyping me up over here. I appreciate it.

It's an honor to be here, and I am stoked to be chatting with your listeners. And girl, becoming happy and healthy is a journey. And so I talk about that in the book. It is not a finish line. So there's days where I am not happy and healthy and that's okay. Hey, that's real. That it's so hard. Like I feel like when you write a book, you're so challenged with the best accountability ever by your own message. It's like, okay, I said it, I put it out there. Now I got to live it. But there's so much grace in that too to know that, Hey, I'm saying this and it's not

because I'm perfect, it's that I'm trying to become that. This is who I am in Christ. This is who I am through prayer and through God giving me the strength to be, and who I even want to be, but maybe not where I'm at every day. So grace for that journey. Absolutely. That was like the whole goal of the book was just letting people know we're not perfect. We all struggle, but here are the tools to help you overcome and fight the

good fight. And here's some practical biblical things you can apply today to help you because trust me, I know this life is not easy. We all know by now. And so if I could help in any shape or form, that was really my goal. That's great. Well, you did a great job, fantastic job on writing a book. Huge congratulations to you. And I have to say, it's so fun whenever I know the guests that are on the podcast a little bit more like in real life.

And we don't know each other super well, but one thing I know about you is that you can break it down on a dance floor. I forgot about that. I have to bring it up. I'm like... is that you can break it down on a dance floor. Oh my gosh. I forgot about that. I have to bring it up. I have to bring it up because you were at a Ella's Sister ambassador retreat and we had like this dance party.

And I mean, it's low key and you know, there's a lot of white girls there. We're just kind of like bobbing. And then Janine gets in the middle and she's like, watch me go. It was so epic. I am like so embarrassed, but also honored that you brought that up because I remember being there and being like, Oh my gosh, I don't think I'm supposed to do this. Like

I think I stand out like a fish out of water. I should not be doing this. And Maddie was like, Jay, cool yourself down. Like you're literally at a camp or treat. So I had to like bring it back down. But that is hilarious. I love to dance. So I think we've learned a new fun fact about me. Oh no, it was absolutely epic. And you were supposed to be doing that. The only reason other people weren't doing that is because they can't do that.

And I remember being like, what the world? And I think Maddie was like, yeah, she was a cheerleader. And Maddie was trying to calm it down, but there's no calming down It was awesome. So anyways, I wish one day everyone listening can be in a dance circle with Janine Which by the way, cuz you just got married not too long ago. How was the dance party at your wedding? Oh my gosh, it was like one of those moments. I wish I could relive over and over and over I'm not sure if you felt that way about your wedding, but it was hype the entire night. I mean, people literally were coming up to us after our wedding and they were like, we've

never experienced a dance floor like that before. And I'm like, really? Like even my mom, she got on the stage, she was dancing like a go-go dancer on the stage. I had to drag her off the stage and be like mom calm down So I think that's probably where I got it from. I love it so much Well, it's just so funny We were the same way our wedding and it's so fun because Christian and I were actually just on a date the other night And now we've been married almost five years

We have two kids but still in the car on our date night a song came on that we both remember dancing to at the reception. And we're like, oh, like it brings you right back. And it's just, it's so special. So I love that. Okay. Before we get too carried away talking about dancing, I have to ask you the question that I ask everyone who comes on the Will That's Good podcast. I hope you're prepped for it, but Jenny, what is the best piece of advice you've ever been given? Oh, Sadie. Okay. So I watched the podcast and I was like, I knew this question was coming. I've tried to prepare myself. It took me a couple of hours to really, really sit and think. And the one memory that was unlocked was honestly of my dad. And so my dad is probably one of the hardest working men that I know. He still works to this day.

He's almost 75. And I remember just watching him do that growing up. And I'd always wonder like, how does my dad do what he does? And the one piece of advice he always told us growing up was whatever you do, work really hard for the Lord and do it with full integrity. And my six older siblings and I, we carried that through all of life. Anything we did, we're going to do with full integrity. You were going to be honest about how many hours you worked. You weren't going to steal. You

weren't going to show up late. You weren't going to make excuses. So I really carried that in my business even today of if something feels morally wrong, if something feels just wrong in my spirit, or if God is asking me, don't do that, that's going to get you in trouble. It's truly protected me from so many mistakes. I'm really thankful that my dad gave me that message because it has really protected my business, my life, and so many other aspects of my life. I really encourage everyone to take that to heart.

I love that. I love that so much. And I thank you for actually thinking about the question. And it's so funny. You can tell the people who were prepared and those who weren't, like I've had people on the podcast, I say the question, they go, oh my gosh. They're like, how am I going to think of this so fast?

So I love that you thought about it. And it's such a good piece of advice. And honestly, I love that you said that about like, if it feels morally wrong, don't do it. And it's so crazy because you would think that that would be almost common sense for people. You would think, you know, but that it's so not. I think so often in industries and in business things

and even ministry, sadly, there can be sometimes a way that everyone does things. And then people get so used to the fact that that's just the way everyone does things. And it's okay because everyone does it, but it's actually not okay. And that's, I think, one thing that's really helped me a lot too, is kind of the same advice that your parents gave you, similar advice that my parents gave me. And I think even just living where I live,

we live in such a like removed place from the industry, a removed place from the way that everyone does it. And I feel like I've just been able to go about it in a pure way that feels authentic. And I think that there's this lie that you have to overcome that the enemy says, oh, well, if you do it that way, then it's not going to be as successful, or it's not going to be as big, or it's not gonna be as big, or it's not gonna have it, whatever. But man, it's the total opposite. If you do it with integrity and pure heart,

truth stands, truth lasts. When you do things in an honorable way, the longevity of something is just so much more beautiful. It might take a little bit more time to grow, but man, when it does grow, you have something solid that you built. And so I love that you shared that. And you know, I mentioned this, we try to prepare very well for anyone we have on the

podcast. So I know a little bit more about your story than maybe I should, because you haven't shared it with me. But I do know that both of your parents were from different countries. So speak a little bit about just your upbringing and how you feel like maybe your parents' background brought your dad to even give you that advice. Yeah. Oh my gosh. Such a great question. So yeah, I'm actually one of seven kids. I'm first gen American. And so my dad is born and raised in Germany. My mom is from Guatemala. They have actually like one of the coolest stories and I hope to share

it one day because they're just like the coolest slash weirdest people ever. I love them, but they're so not American that it's hilarious. But they met and got married after six months of meeting, which I usually don't recommend, but God has so worked in their relationship. It's really true why the relationship has worked and lasted. They've almost been married for 45 years. And so they raised us in Dallas. So I'm still in Dallas now and I was homeschooled. So I grew up extremely, extremely sheltered. And I would say with a very strong lack of identity. And say with a very strong lack of identity. And it's not just like the classic like, Oh, who am I? It was truly wondering even which culture do I belong in? Like, am I American? Am I Guatemalan? Am I German? I didn't really know which bucket I fit in. And I think that even

caused more confusion all growing up because I didn't really feel like I fit anywhere. I wasn't American enough to hang out with my American friends. And then I wasn't German enough to be, I didn't look German and I didn't speak German. And then I didn't also speak fully fluent Spanish, but I looked Spanish. And so it was just a ton of kind of confusion around that. And you know, certain racial slurs that were said to me growing up. And so it honestly caused me to get this massive disdain for myself where I was like, God, why did you make me like this?

People don't accept me. I'm always the outcast. I'm the girl that's left out. I don't look like my peers in my neighborhood, in my church, in my school. And so it really made me change myself to do whatever I needed to do to fit in. And so that looked like dyed my hair differently, wearing color contacts, disliking my tan, beautiful skin that God gave me.

I mean, really changing almost every facet of myself. I didn't even like, you know, having an accent because I had a minor one growing up. We would say certain words differently. And I remember my friends being like, why are you talking like that? Or they'd be like, that's not how you pronounce that word. And I'd be like, yes, it is. And so I was like, oh my gosh, I need to adapt as quickly as possible to fit in with my peers. Pretty much all of y'all know that we have two kids in the house, we have a dog in the house, and having little ones and a dog means you pretty much gotta accept that germs and bacteria are inevitable.

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me throughout most of my life. I got into high school, that just bred insecurity all there and then into college, I would say is when it absolutely spiraled in probably to one of the worst seasons of my life. I ended up transferring to University of Texas. While I am a diehard Longhorn, hook them horns, I love it so much. You add in money and sororities and degrees and all these labels that people place on you of, oh, what degree are you in? Okay, if you're a comm major, they look down upon you. If you're a business major, they see you in a certain way. If you have certain Greek letters

on your shirt, they immediately label you as something. And I wasn't the girl that was in a sorority. I wasn't in a certain financial status. I went on loans. I couldn't even afford college. And so I just remember being like, looking in the mirror one day and saying, God, why did you make me like this? Why am I the way that I am? Just so angry at God. And it made me run away from the Lord. It made me run away from everything about Him. Even my own siblings, my two sisters went to UT with me and it just caused me to be like, I'm going to do whatever it takes to fit in. And so that looked like trying to join a sorority and still not fitting and joining the cheer team and informing to whatever they told me to do that was going out every

single weekend and that was drinking and that was boys and just trying to find identity and worth in all of that. And then to be the cherry on top of that, I was doing social media at the time. And so I was doing YouTube at this moment. And so then my channel began to take off my junior and senior year of college. So now you're adding in followers, you're adding in fame, you're adding in opportunities and finances. And it was pretty much a recipe for disaster, you're adding opportunities and finances. And it was pretty much a recipe for disaster, you could say. And then my senior year of college, when I think I was at my utmost rock

bottom of low self-esteem, low self-worth and being extremely isolated, I made very poor decisions with an ex relationship that led to one of the worst heartbreaks of my life and a very toxic relationship that my family ended up having to basically rescue me from being like, this is not God's best for you. So amidst all of that, I ended up finally being like, I need God, like I need something because clearly what I'm doing is it's not working. I need to change something about this. And so when I moved to California, that was my attempt to escape. Basically, I thought if I escaped, I was like, yeah, I just got to book a plane ticket, move away.

That'll solve all my problems if I'm at the beach. And unfortunately here to tell you that your problems will follow you because there's still you know a part of your past and something you haven't healed from and so they did carry me there and it was until I hit that Rock bottom of finally reaching out to a mentor at my church and we can get into this later, but she She finally just called me out. She was like you are a called me out. She was like, you are a hypocrite. Wow. And it was like, tell me about it. It was a bold statement and it hurt. I remember being like, okay, like you don't, the audacity to say that, like, you don't know me. And I mean, it struck such a chord because it was true and she spoke the truth and love and it was exactly what I needed to hear that day.

And that phrase that God gave her was the start of a fresh new beginning with the Lord and myself. And it was a moment I will never forget. I'll pause from there and let you say whatever. Gosh. Okay. Your story already is just, I have so many things I want to say. And I already love where this conversation is going so much, and just thank you for being so honest about different parts of your story from the get-go. I will say it's so interesting, because whenever I kind of changed my life,

I'll say started to change my life, no one said that to me, but that's what I knew was true. I remember feeling like I am a hypocrite, and I hated that about myself, you know? And I was like, and actually, someone kinda said it. Someone lovingly texted me, actually, and she was like, hey, I don't think the way you represent yourself on social media

is probably the way that you wanna be portrayed. And it just kinda hit me like, hey, I don't think the way you represent yourself on social media is probably the way that you want to be portrayed. And it just kind of hit me like, you're right. Like I actually like what I'm saying I want and what I'm sharing I want and what I'm presenting that I want is not the same thing. And it's not actually going to get me to what I want. And so I think like, when she said that it was almost like, oh, someone else sees it too. Like someone else sees this internal wrestle that I'm having that I feel like I'm a hypocrite and I'm actually, I actually am. Like I'm posting things that does not really represent what I've said that I care about and desire and value.

And so, it's so interesting, man, the truth, it hurts, but it's the best thing that you can do for someone, it's the greatest gift you can give someone. Christian has a similar moment in his story where no one preached to him and that's what made his life change. Someone called him out. Someone called him out on the fact that he said

that he was gonna be a dry pledge and he was literally shotgunning beers on a balcony. And someone walked up to him and was like, I thought you didn't drink. And wasn't even trying to be preachy about it. Wasn't even trying to, I don't even know if he really meant to call him out in the way that he did.

But Christian realized in that moment, I'm being a hypocrite. And so someone, the power of calling someone out and the power of being able to receive it when they do is such a life-changing moment. That's what started Christian's life changing. That's what started my life changing. That's what started yours. And so. That's what started my life changing. So it started yours.

And so friend, if today you need to look yourself in the mirror and come to terms with the honest grittiness of your life, now's the best time to do that. Don't wait for someone to say it to you if you let this be your confirmation to what maybe you're feeling. But I love that you've already went there. What I thought was so fascinating in your story

is that when you started to say that your social media is taking off, you're having all these followers, a hint of fame, and all of this different stuff. You said it's a recipe for disaster. Now, this is so interesting, because you're in college, you're partying it up, you're having a good, quote unquote, time drinking, making friends, joining sorority, hitting fame, your YouTube's all of a sudden

becoming successful. And yet it's a recipe for disaster where a lot of people would say, that's not a disaster. That's what I'm hoping for. That's what I'm going for. Speak into that a little bit. Were you, and you can be completely honest if you were, were you ever happy in that setting or did you always like deep down know this isn't really it?

I would definitely say there were moments of happiness because it was, you know, me chasing my dreams, accomplishing things I'd always dreamt of as a kid, but it's just like everything else. It ran out. And so I get the next, you know, a thousand or five hundred thousand views I'd get the next brand deal the next opportunity the next magazine Whatever commercial and I'd be like this is so exciting and then the high dies down and then you're right back where you started And then you're like well now what and so just like everything else. It doesn't fully satisfy

You're always looking for more. You're always looking for the next thing, the next high, the next new thing to try to fulfill. And that's exactly what I found. I mean, throughout this whole career, I'm very thankful for all the opportunities I've gotten. I really, really am. But if I look back and I'm like, what, what was it all for?

If all along the outside looking in, everyone's like, wow, what was it all for if all along the outside looking and everyone's like, wow, she is living her best life. And then the whole time I was actually creating a life of regret because online I was portraying, you know, I'm traveling, I'm having so much fun, but behind the scenes and when the cameras were off, I was making bad choices. I was making poor decisions that I would wake up the next day and be like, what were you thinking? What, what got into you? And all along the Lord so graciously was just that gentle tap. You know, the one you just, you can't get rid of. He's that gentle little nudge where he's like, Hey, come back to me, come back

to me, come back to me. I would just brush off like, no, no, no, I'm not ready. I'm not ready yet. I'm not ready yet. And I think that is my, one of my regrets in life or something that I'd actually just recommend to people listening is like, don't wait for tomorrow to start over. Don't wait till you're ready. Just start now. There's no better time than to get right with God. Now don't waste the waiting. Don't waste the time because each day could be that one new step further of gaining that intimacy, knowing Jesus more, building your confidence in Him. I waited until I felt ready and there really wasn't ever the right time to be ready. And so I think God knew he's like, she's never going to choose this. So

I'm going to have to smack her across the face with somebody to tell her the honest truth. But I do think at that point I had gotten so in that rock bottom where I was like, I'm, I'm ready. Like the soil is ready for her to speak the truth and love and for me to actually receive it and then actually implement it. Cause you know, there's the difference between hearing something and just going in one year at the other, cause you're not ready to hear it yet and actually implement it. I was actually ready to implement it then I was like, okay, I'm ready to make a change. I'm ready to quit this double life because living a double life is quite

exhausting. You never fully get the benefits of either one because you're doing 50% here, 50% there. Like you might as well go all in with one. And I hope it's Jesus because that's truly the only thing that's going to fully satisfy at the end of the day. And so that's what I would probably say. That's so good.

My mom actually says that to us all the time. She said that to us, especially when we were young, whenever our family was starting to rise a little bit to fame with our TV show. And she would say, hey, pick a way and go 100% either 100% in with Jesus or 100% in with the world if that's the direction you're going to go. Because to try to play the middle ground, if you're trying, because especially with like fame, because when you have like a large following, I think so many people, especially on social media these days, it's like, oh, I don't want to be like too Christian because

then I'll lose like the followers who don't like that. And then I don't want to be like too Christian because then I'll lose like the followers who don't like that. And then I don't want to be like too worldly because then I'll lose like the Christian eyes. And you want to play this middle man. And my mom was like, you're never going to make everyone happy. Like don't, you're not doing it for man. Like if you're living for God, live for God.

And don't be ashamed of that, you know? And I think that's helped me so much be as bold as I am because I'm 100% in, you know? And my platform isn't to gain more of a following through people liking necessarily what I'm saying or my stance. It's not even about that. It's just, I love God and I love people.

And so while I love people, it's gonna be, you know, from my love from God. And so that's just gonna come as an overflow moment. And so it's so cool to see like you being so bold, but I know like you can't like muster up boldness. It comes from a true relationship that you have. And I think it's really cool. I think it's super honorable what you've done

with your life. And you know, I know people have like mixed feelings about the Enneagram, but one thing I feel like is very cool about the Enneagram is that it shows you that in these numbers, right, whatever you feel you identify as this number, you can have a healthy version of that number or you can have a very unhealthy version of that number. So you can be a six and you can be a very healthy six and it looks completely different than an unhealthy six and it looks completely different in your own life,

whatever side you swing. And I think it's a good representation of most everything in life, that there is a way to do things healthy, and there is a way to do things unhealthy. And I think that fame is a good example of, fame is not bad. Fame is not bad.

I love Mr. Rogers says it. Fame is a four-letter word like tape or zoom or face or pain. It ultimately matters what you do with it. I love that you can do it well. You can do it beautifully. You can steward it well. It can be a huge asset and a huge blessing, but you can also use it to destroy you and others. You can also do it so toxically. And so what I love is that you're still doing YouTube, you're still doing the fame thing, but in a completely different way. And so in like, you know, continuing to do YouTube,

did you ever take a break in that shift, or did you just kind of roll into who you were becoming? in that shift or did you just kind of roll into who you were becoming? I don't know about where you live but in Louisiana it has been a rainy spring around here. One of the best things about a rainy day is curling up in our Helix Sleep Mattress for some cuddles and princess movies and all the things that we're loving these days. Helix is a premium mattress brand that provides a tailored sleep experience based off of your unique preferences and sleep habits. The Helix lineup includes 20 unique mattresses including the Lux and Elite collections and even kids mattresses too. Everyone is unique and that includes

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So go to helixsleep.com slash Sadie. Oh my gosh. Yeah, I was just about to talk about this because it was exactly what you were saying. The whole fame aspect of like, God blessing your platform or God using you. And I remember during the pandemic is when I hit such a low because I remember chasing followers so badly. I remember losing thousands of followers

and I was like, what's wrong with me? No one likes me. They're canceling me. I'm not likable anymore. And it took such a toll on my identity. And I think also I was putting so much emphasis on that and I was chasing the wrong thing. I was trying to find fulfillment in that. And I was also doing it for the wrong motive. You know, I think anytime you do anything for the wrong motive, God exposes it and you're also going to not be fully satisfied. It was until I finally took a step back and I was like, I've got to focus on me. I have got to know God for myself. I remember taking several breaks of social media during that time. I lived alone. I would spend hours just soaking up God's word. It was the first time that I had fully read the Bible. And

so out of that love and knowledge of God, that's where I began to share on my platform again. I began to share scripture and teach it, but I had to first get right with God. I didn't want to share it out of a means to be like, I'm going to use this to get followers and fame. I shared it out of an abundance of, I need everybody to know how good this is. You are missing out. And so I think when you say that God can bless you and bless your platform, bless whatever, but I think it has to come from a pure place first. And for me, it wasn't originally and it is now. And I think having those moments offline, the secret place, the

quiet time with God in this public platform, or honestly any job that you're doing, it's not just about social media or fame or whatever is so crucial. And I talk about this in chapter three of my book because that quiet place, that God solitude with the Lord is what prepared me for those public moments, prepared me for platforms, for stages, because let me tell you, and I'm sure you know this, Sadie, you get up there and there's all these alluring things and people telling you, do this, try this, act this way. Do you want this opportunity? And it is so easy to compromise or to say, you know, maybe I should do it. But those private moments with the Lord, when I got

offline, I said, God, who am I? My identity is not my social media. It's not my followers. It's not my likes. It's not numbers. It is simply, I am a child of God. I'm a daughter of the King. That first and foremost is important. And then everything flows from there. And so godly solitude versus like worldly isolation, huge, huge difference in one draws you closer to God and one pulls you away. Preach, that's so good, that's so good. I had a very similar experience when, it was actually three months before I preached

my very first sermon and I could not have known what God was gonna do around the corner. But I got asked to speak and at this church it was actually Louie, gig Louie, the first time I really talked to Louie and he saw me at a Winter Jam thing. I was doing a 10 minutes of like encouragement during Winter Jam while they were moving the stage behind me.

This was before I ever like spoke at a church. And he said, hey, you should come speak at Passion College Night. We have these like weekly college nights and you should come. And I was like, I've never preached before. I think, I don't know if you understand, like I don't even know how to do that.

He's like, no, you should come. Like you have a voice that generation needs to hear, be really powerful. And I'm like, okay, okay, yes, because I can't say no, but what in the world? So from the time he asked me, that was around like March and I had until the end of May. And I knew I needed to do like a lot of work in my heart before I could prepare for

something like that. So I took a couple months off social media and I deleted social media. I think it was actually maybe February because I remember having a few more months and just that. And I took all that time off social media and I read the book Anonymous which is an incredible book. I highly recommend it to anyone who hasn't read that book. And anyways, in the book, it was talking about that solitude and just being with God. And before you do anything for Him, being with Him. And it was talking about when Jesus was baptized.

And God speaks, the dove descends, and the Lord speaks. This is my son whom I love and whom I will please. And I just love that it says, he said that over him, that he loves him, that he's pleased with him before Jesus went and did anything in ministry publicly. And it was really emphasizing, like, you have to know that you love God and God loves you privately before you go do things publicly, talking about the love of God. And then how Jesus repeats that same thing with Peter

in John 21, after Jesus comes back and they're having breakfast and Jesus asks Peter, do you love me? He says, yes. And he says, feed my sheep. Do you love me? Yes, Lord, feed my lambs. And Jesus asks him again, do you love me?

And Peter's frustrated. You know I love you. And then he says, okay, well, because you're about to go do all these things for me, but before we do any of that, and of course, I'm paraphrasing, we're establishing that we're in relationship that you love me. And I just remember reading that at such a crucial time in my life and reading stories like that and being like, okay, before I go into like ministry and whatever ministry looks like, like the first and foremost fundamental thing is that do I love God and do I know that God loves me? And then knowing more the love of God, that's when it becomes that

pure place and you're right, you're not doing it to gain, you're doing it from overflow. And then if you lose followers, you lose followers. It's not the goal, that's not the job. The job is to love people and love them well. And then if you lose followers, you lose followers. It's not the goal. That's not the job. The job is to love people and love them well. And so it's so cool. My story is really similar and I've found so much freedom in that. I want to talk a little bit more about some things in your book that are really specific and I think really powerful, especially to our listeners who definitely are in that stage where I think 20s, I mean, we have listeners of all ages, so I just want to shout out everyone of all ages, but I want to speak specifically a little bit to the

20s right now, because I think the 20s are such an interesting time where you can be 25 and your life looks absolutely completely different to the other 25-year-old, you know? You can be 21 and the same thing is true. In their 20s, some people are in college, some people are moving for the first time, finding their first job, some people are married, some people have kids, all the things. And you talk about in your book, how to, I guess, stay in a place of contentment when your friends are maybe a little bit further along than you are that you wish you were at. Can you speak a little bit to that struggle?

Yeah. Oh my gosh, It's such a real struggle. I think that is one of the worst or maybe not the worst, but the biggest struggle that most young adults have is comparison of wondering why do I not have what she has or why am I not where she is or why did she get married before me or why doesn't my body look like that or I thought I would be successful or have more followers at this point in my life. And this was such a struggle for me. I remember being 28 and a half and I had just gone through a year, a year long relationship that had ended. Meanwhile, my best friend, her boyfriend at the time, this was Grant, actually Grant comes to me and he's like, Hey, Jay, I just want to let you know, I'm about to propose to Maddie and I'm like, Oh, and I just got dumped.

And it was the hardest time of my life. And I had to really dig deep into my heart and my soul and say, are you going to be the friend that you're looking for? Are you going to be a good friend that's going to champion Maddie? And also I had two other friends getting married within six months of that same day after her. So I was like, three of my best friends are getting married within six months of each other. I want to be the friend that champions and celebrates my girls just as they would for

me. And I think the problem here is that a lot of us are looking outwards. And normally I'm telling people, look outwards. You don't want to be someone super self-seeking and selfish and only thinking about yourself. But I think when it comes to timelines in comparison, you've got to look inward and you've got to look upward because it's truly about just you and God. Your timeline is between you and God and no one else. Because when you compare your timeline, your story to someone else, you'll either feel

greater than or less in them, which could lead to feeling more superior or inferior to them, which neither are God glorifying. God does not want us being boastful or also feeling insecure. He wants us just to run alongside people, regardless of where we're at and champion them and celebrate them. And so you just have to know and trust that God works in the waiting. He doesn't waste the waiting. Everyone's timelines are different and it's also kind of exciting.

Cause I feel like if we all had the same timeline life would be pretty boring. It's like, okay, we all got married at the same time. We all have babies at the same time. We all go, like, I think it's kind of exciting knowing, oh, your timeline's different than my timeline. Like we don't have the same copy and paste life. God wrote you a unique, different story. And I think that's what's so cool because God is in the business of always using your story for his glory. So

while maybe your best friend or your friend in your circle can't necessarily relate to you in your season, someone else can. Like God is using that season for someone else, for someone else to be blessed by that story, maybe five years later down the road when you've already accomplished it or overcome it. And so it was a tough reminder of looking inward and looking up to God and being like, this stinks. It's okay to lament and be like, this is not where I thought I would be. This is not what I thought my story would be and greeting that, but also waiting expectantly

and hopefully with your hand open and saying, God, I'll surrender it, but I trust you with my story. You know, the timing way, way, way better than I will ever comprehend or imagine. And that gave me freedom. And then the Lord, when I surrendered and really gave him my timeline, my heart, is when I met my husband shortly after that, which was very crazy and I'm very thankful for that. So it may not always happen like that to you.

Maybe God has you wait longer, but I promise you, he's in the waiting, he's always working. He knows the future better than you do and praise God that he does. You know, to be honest, I've always kind of been someone who leaned into hard conversations. Even though they're hard, I've always found that you come out so much better on the other side. Trust me fam, I know it can be difficult to have honest and necessary conversations. And these days, we all need to take an honest look at our digital habits. And this is where Covenant Eyes comes in. Covenant

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Now, Christian is someone who talks about this often. If you ever listen to his For It Men podcast, he talks about his struggles in the past with porn and different things on his phone. And I'm so proud of him for not only overcoming that, but I know he needed accountability to overcome that. And I'm proud of him for also opening up that conversation for many others to get help.

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and you can try it for free for 30 days. Again, that Visit covenanteyes.com slash Sadie and you can try it for free for 30 days. Again, that's covenanteyes.com slash Sadie to try it for free for 30 days. It's so true. It really is. And Lainey and I, my bestie, we had a very similar situation where we were always like talking and like praying that we would meet our husbands at the same time. And I had just gotten out of a relationship and I was like, I am done dating. Put me on camera saying it. Hold me accountable to it. Well then, of course, right after I said that, the next day, I met Christian on the beach

and I was like, forget what I said. Holy moly, he is so cute. I just knew. It was like, I don't know if I want to be cheesy enough to say hello at first sight, but literally when I first saw him, I was like, forget that I said I wasn't dating anyone because if he is an option, then I'm taking it. But it-

Yeah, you're like delete the video. I never said it. I was like delete it, but thankfully we didn't delete it and I still have it and it's so cute. Cause it's like dated the day before we met. But anyways, I meet Christian and of course, you know, we start dating and we tried, I actually tried not to. I tried to like actually honor what I said.

And so for a couple of months, we just talked on the phone every day until finally he came and took me on a date and stuff. But Lainey was mad. Like she was so frustrated with me because she was just like, you said you weren't gonna date anyone. But I think like underlying,

underneath the holding me accountable was definitely a little bit of her own, like I wanna be dating someone. But what was so crazy is on our first date, like it was like a weekend thing, cause he came to Nashville and all of our friends went to the Luke Bryan concert and Lainey came with us and she was like,

I'm gonna go scout out my options. She was just like being funny. And first guy she sees, no joke, she's like, he's cute. That is now her husband. And so she met her husband on our first date. But it was just crazy how it all worked out. But I remember even after finding Clayton and stuff for Elainey, she still kind of held on to that a little bit.

I don't know, just very unsure about me and Christian. And I think a lot of it was her own stuff. Well, I don't think I know because a couple months later, there's just been so much tension between her and I and she's my best friends. I'm like, what's going on? And so anyways, one day I'm like cleaning out the closet and she's in there on the bed and it just like all comes out.

And it's just like, we just like share everything, the hard stuff though, everything that was, had just been going on between us. And she just shared that she was afraid, you know, deep down there was this fear that me being in a relationship, me and her were maybe not going to be as close as we were and was she going to find someone and all the things. It was just like the most honest moment. And then it was really funny, because we were upstairs and Christian and our other friends were all downstairs playing like this card game.

And Lainey was like, I think I owe him an apology because I was pretty rude to him for a while. I was like, yeah, you were. And so we literally go down together and she's like, so I just finally admitted that I've not been very nice and I don't wanna be that way anymore. And it was just like such a powerful thing. One, in our friendship, we got made us so much closer.

Two, in their relationship, you know, and even just like the future, like now, you know, it's just amazing because we did both get engaged two weeks apart, we got married two weeks apart, we had our first baby four months apart. We both have two weeks apart. We had our first baby four months apart. We both have two girls now. Our life has tracked in the sweetest way and I'm so, so grateful for that.

But I don't know that we would still be as close as we are now had we not had those just honest, gritty conversations. And so I love that when Grant said that to you, you're just honest enough to say, that was hard. you know? Like, you're excited for your friend, but it's hard, you know? And so, I love that you were so open and honest with that in the book. And just for the girls listening, again, her book, I'm telling you, it is so cool because it is the most like, practical, godly advice.

Just how you talk, you're so, you overflow so much wisdom, so much truth. And that is what her book is from start to finish. It's what her podcast is. This is why I'm wrapping the shirt right now. There's so much great advice from a sister and a friend. That's what we're all about here. So I love that you share that. Now I gotta ask you about high school

because I loved hearing in your testimony video just how you kind of started a very authentic relationship with the Lord. Can you talk a little bit about the camp experience? Absolutely. Oh my gosh. So yeah, I think in high school is when God really truly helped me encounter him. That was the moment when I remember being like, I can't deny this because I think at some point in all of our lives you have to come to the conclusion of yourself is is God real and is God the Lord of my life? And growing

up Christian, my parents always instilled the value in me. So I'm super thankful. I've always had that as a foundation in my life, but it took me getting absolutely smacked in the face again. God's in the business of smacking people in the face, specifically me, smacking me in the face with conviction and also me confessing. And I'm not sure how transparent I can be here on this podcast. Please be as transparent as you want. And you know what, Jenni, this is why I want to talk about this. When I heard your testimony video, I was so grateful that you shared this

part of your story. And I asked you before the podcast, if I was allowed to ask you about your story. And you said, yes, you said I'll be as open as a book as you want me to be and I said I really appreciate that and I was really hoping we'd get to this part because this is something that so many people shy away from because it's awkward or it's hard to talk about but the truth is there are so many people who are listening to this podcast right now

who need to hear someone like you say this was a struggle of yours and that you overcame it. So 100% be honest. Okay. Let's go there because truly I do believe that our stories have so much power to bring someone else freedom and I truly want nothing to have power over me to have a hold over me. I want to be able to speak everything freely and it just fall wayward and it has no root,

no hold, no power over my life. And so in high school, I was actually exposed to pornography at a very young age. It was not something I sought out. I was at a hotel with my childhood best friend and my two sisters and we're just casually flipping through the channels and full on pornography was on the TV. And I remember just like, Oh my gosh, like I didn't even know what to do. I was like, do I look, do I not? And it was like the scariest moment in my life because my parents actually never fully gave me the birds and the bees conversation.

So I didn't know what was going on. And the Lord, I'm sorry, the devil actually, God did not do this. The devil took this one, literally was like a five second moment and use this as a seed in my life of lust and opening doors to this. And so I began to be addicted to pornography and I also struggled with masturbation. And so these were two things that I kept in the darkness for so many years. And I remember feeling just like a weight, like it was literally these chains just dragging behind me everywhere I went. It prevented me from looking people fully in the eyes because you know, when you carry sin and shame, it causes you to hide and to feel, to feel ashamed, just like Adam and Eve. And so I didn't even want to look people in the eyes. I was like, they know, they for sure know, they know what I'm doing. And of course they didn't, but I felt like it was just like a written on my forehead.

Like I'm addicted to pornography and masturbation. And so I go to this youth for this camp called Youth for the Nations, that Christ for the Nations, an amazing spiritual church. And I didn't even want to go, to be quite frank. My brother started going to this church and he's like, Hey, the young adult pastor wants me to bring you and our sisters to this camp. And I was like, you cannot pay me to go. I was like, I'm not going. And I was like, I don't have money.

I made up every excuse in the book. I was like, I have plans. I want to hang out with my friends. I can't afford it. And the pastor was like, well, what if I paid for you to go? And then I was like, well, shoot, I really have no excuse then. Okay. Um, and so I was like, let's go. And I remember Jesus culture is there. It's Kim Walker singing on stage. Amazing singer. It was so powerful. She's singing

that song, Oh, how Jesus loves us. And I mean, I am encountering the Holy Spirit for the first time in my life. I mean, my heart is racing. I'm sweating, snot bubbles. You name it. I was experiencing it and I just, my hands are lifted. And so at one point in the service, someone comes up on stage and they say, Hey, I just feel really compelled to do this. I feel compelled to do an altar call. And he said, I feel like there's people in here that have been carrying a secret for far too long. And it's something that you need to release and you're gonna break free of that tonight.

He's like, if that's you, I want you to come forward and no longer like, no longer hide, bring it into the light. And it's that moment when your heart starts pounding and your palms are sweaty. And it's that moment when your heart starts pounding and your palms are sweaty. And it's like, Oh shoot, I, I know I'm supposed to go. And I'm looking around and I'm like, is anyone going to go? Is anyone going to go? And I, all of a sudden people just start going. And I was like, I'm just going to do it. So I just break through, break

free out of the chairs. I like start pushing past all these people. I run down to the front. It is not a short hallway. Let me tell you. And I run down to the front. It is not a short hallway, let me tell you. And I get down to the front and I just like fall. I'm just like, I have to confess this. And there's people up there, I tell her, and I think it's like the scariest thing I've ever done. She doesn't even blink. She doesn't even react.

She doesn't even, she's not even like, how dare you? Like you think that they're gonna say, she's like, amazing, thank you for telling me, you know what? God's going to set you free tonight. And she begins to pray this powerful prayer over me. I confessed it and I literally said pornography and masturbation, you have no hold over me. And I said it over and over and over. And I kid you not from that day, the desire left. I mean, by the grace of God, it left me and it never came back. And specifically pornography, I would say. And so I've never went back and I just praise God for that moment of giving me the ability to confess that sin.

And something I am so bold and powerful in my book to say is that in confession, you find freedom when you are vulnerable, you are honest, you have accountability, consistency, confession. Those are five ways you will stay free. And so that moment marked my life forever. It's a moment where I'm like, I could never deny God because I know he's so real from that moment. So a lot of you guys have seen my dad. You might know of my dad, but there is so much more to my dad than what you saw on TV.

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first purchase. Gosh, that's so great. And I just, I love that the person who you confessed it to was just like you said, didn't even bat an eye. It was just so important. Like I loved at Passion a few years ago when Jenny Allen was leading and she, you know, how Jenny does in typical Jenny fashion, gets everyone to confess their deepest darkest thing, which is so powerful to the person beside them.

But then the most important thing I think was that she said, and whoever you are, no matter what they say, you respond to them with, there's therefore no condemnation for those who are found in Christ Jesus. And see, that is so important because I think so many times the fear of confession is that you're going to be met with a lack of empathy, with judgment, with more shame than you already feel. And that is a really scary thing. It's a very vulnerable thing because if you do confess and you aren't met with that love

and the no condemnation, then it can cause a deeper hole. And so I love that you showed that. And why I wanted you to share that too is because I've never actually shared this part of my story in this detail. But when I heard your story, I thought that is so relatable to me because you were in high school and you're like, I didn't even know like what this was, I didn't even mean to see it. I wasn't seeking this out.

And the same thing actually happened to me. I was on Twitter one day, which this is so interesting because I heard you talk about this and how like the songs you were listening to in high school were toxic, and you didn't really realize how, over time, listening to such sexual things led to sexual thoughts, led to sexual desire. And so you'd already not even meaning to

awoken that with songs you listened to. And when I think back, I think about Snapchat. And back in the day, I don't know how Snapchat is anywhere, because I have not had it in years, but back in the day, I don't know how Snapchat is anymore because I have not had it in years, but back in the day, I remember that it was like all these articles that were very sexualized, and it would be like, 10 sex positions and this and that, and like cause of apology, and like you would just have to see that when you click on the app, whether you were looking for it or not. And I remember being like intrigued by these things because it would be super intriguing magazine

covers or words that I would be interested in because I didn't know those things. No one talked to me about those things, taught me those things. So every now and then I would just kind of see it and I'd try not to look and it was probably not something I should be looking at, but I would sometimes look at them. Well then, one thing leads to another, and I'm on Twitter one day, not seeking this out at all, never didn't type in anything, it was straight up a porn ad, and it was extremely graphic and intense,

and instead of continuing to scroll, I clicked on it. And it was kind of a toxic cycle in just a day. And what's crazy is like, I didn't even know what the word like masturbation meant. Literally, I remember being at a camp in middle school, that was like middle school and high school. And I remember hearing that and people like coming and getting forgiveness of that.

And I didn't even know what that was. So here I am in high school, like accidentally stumbling upon something and doing something I don't't even know what that was. So here I am in high school, like accidentally stumbling upon something and doing something I don't even really know what it is, and then just feeling like an incredible wave of shame from that moment on and knowing like I cannot tell anybody about this kind of thing. And thankfully, like I was able to stop that.

I did not become addicted to it, but even not becoming addicted, I live with like so much shame from even just that experience and hid it for so long. And I remember telling Christian about that at one point, whenever we were married, and just feeling so much freedom because he was so honest with his story always.

And he helped so many people through that. And finally, when I shared, and I continue to do these things, if I share it to Christian, he helped so many people through that. And finally, when I shared, and I continue to do these things, like if I shared to Christian, it's so crazy, because like, I was so scared what his reaction was going to be. And he was like, man, I feel like I can relate to you so much more now to know that like, you're human too. You know, like, not that he didn't know that before, obviously, because I mess up in a million other ways, but just in a way that we could actually relate. And that was a part of our past sin, but something that we'd been free of from the blood of Jesus.

But I just remember that being such a secret of fame because I thought if anyone knows that, then they'll think I'm gross or that that's so bad and that girls don't do this or whatever. And I've just found out now because that was such a naive thought, because actually a ton of girls struggle with this and a ton of girls have accidentally, maybe accidentally just like, wait, I was like, oops, or maybe intentionally, and that's okay too.

Again, there's no condemnation, I'm not saying that to shame you if you search that and that's how you got addicted. What I'm saying is like, hey, there's freedom. There's freedom for you, for you, and there's freedom from that on freedom for you. From, for you, there's freedom from that on the other side of confession and accountability and having people and things help you come out of that.

And you do not have to stay in that forever, friend. Don't stay in that forever. It's not a way to live a happy and healthy life. It's not a way to live a full life. It's not a way to live a life of freedom. And so today I just, I have all of these lights around here, lighting up the podcast and I just wanna shine like a massive light on just that being in hiding

over your life. And I pray that there are two people sharing their story that you will feel the freedom to share your story with someone and get the help that you need. And so, Jenny, thank you for sharing your story. You encouraged me to share in a way that I never have either. And I have to say what I found so powerful, because this book, Becoming Happy and Healthy, is amazing.

You're an incredible writer. You're an incredible speaker. But I think sometimes, like, I even knew you. And I'm like, you're so beautiful. You're so, like, you know, enthusiastic. You're easy to talk to. You're so friendly. You got it all going on. It's easy to look at someone like you and be like, well, yeah, she's happy and healthy. Like she's got it all going on. But what I love about you is you're so honest about the things in life that you haven't had it all

going on and the things in life that you struggled through and the things in life that you continue to. And so thank you for your vulnerability. And I love, you know, as we read this book and we take the advice, we know that it's coming from someone who really gets it and really understands the struggle. And so I just want to honor you for living a life as vulnerable as you've lived because it's changing people, including myself. Thank you, Sadie. I really appreciate that. I think that is always my goal is that people never think like, oh, she has a platform, so she must think she's on a pedestal or better

than us. And I'm like, I'm here to tell you, I am only, you know, the way I am by the grace of God, this is nothing that I did. You'll read the book as you're saying and you'll be like, Oh, this girl was sloppy. Like she had some things she had to work and work through and still to this day. But truly my goal was to help people not go back to that, to not be, you know, lukewarm and lackluster in their faith, to help you overcome these challenges because I get it. And so I still face so many things today. I always try to share it because I never want someone to think, oh, just because I am this happy and healthy message that I am forever happy and healthy. I have so many hard days. I have struggles. I feel insecure. I want all these different things. But truly the difference with

how I was then versus how I am now is I back then went to the world and went to myself and now I go to God. And so those things back then they would just, oh my gosh, they would linger. They would bring me down and I would just feel like the worst human being. And nowadays I'm like, no God, I know who you say I am. This does not matter that much. I'm not going to give this more weight. And so that's truly the goal of the book and my platform and just helping people know like there's no perfect people out there, just safe people, people transformed by the grace of God and people that, you know, God has chosen. And so thank you God for choosing us because, oh man, I could not do this life without him.

There's just no way. So good. Well, I love it. Janine, thank you so much for being on the Well That's Good podcast. You have a million Well That's Good moments as you continue to share just so much good advice. And so, I'm looking forward to the more things that you put out and looking forward to hearing more podcasts from you, hopefully more books in the future

and all the things that you and your husband continue to do together. So thanks again for taking the time to be on. Thank you, Sadie, for having me. It's just such a blessing and you're an incredible podcast. So I love championing you and thank you for what you're doing for this generation as well. Aw, thank you. you