WHOA That's Good Podcast - 'You Complete Me' Is an Unrealistic Expectation of Your Spouse | Brandon & Brittany Lake

Episode Date: February 14, 2024

Sadie and Christian are so happy to talk with Brandon and Brittany Lake in today's special episode. Brandon and Brittany share the lessons they've learned (and are still learning!) about being a good spouse, why going to God first and most is the MOST important thing, and both couples talk about how love language lessons can be applied to ANY relationship. Sadie and Christian talk about a recent argument they had on the way to a date night — and how differently they both wanted to deal with it. And as a singer-songwriter and preacher's kid, Brandon has spent a lot of time in church but you don't want to miss WHY he loves the local church so much.  https://helixsleep.com/sadie — Get 20% off all mattress orders AND 2 free pillows! Get 25% OFF your Abide premium subscription! But ONLY if you text Sadie to 22433. https://www.trymiracle.com/whoa — Get 40% off + 3 FREE towels with code WHOA at checkout! - Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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they know that we sent you there. What's up friends? Happy Wednesday everybody. Welcome back to the Wo Well That's Good podcast. I hope you're having a great week, but per usual, it's about to get so much better because this, y'all, I can't even, I'm so excited because y'all have asked so many times

to have Brandon Lake on the podcast, but we did one better. We got Brandon and Brittany Lake on the podcast, so welcome to the Lake House. What's up, House. Thank you. What's up, guys? Thank you for having us. Yeah, you got my better half.

This is a whole nother level. You're sweet. But welcome to the Lake House. We're coming live from our home and honored to be on. And yeah, stoked to dive in and talk about love. It's going to be so fun. And since you mentioned that, happy Valentine's Day everyone. If today's like the best day

and you love Valentine's Day, high five. If today's like the worst day and you hate Valentine's Day, let me just remind you that God is love and you are created by Him. And so you get to celebrate this day just as much as anyone else does. I truly always love Valentine's Day.

And I've mentioned this on the podcast. I have had great Valentine's days, like married Valentine's days. And whenever I was in high school, it was cheated on on Valentine's Day. And I still love it. I still love it, okay? So, look, God has got redemption

and you can celebrate no matter what stage of life you're in on this day because God's love. So I'm excited. So so honored y'all are on. Since we mentioned it's Valentine's Day. You have a I think a love song that is coming out or just came out at this point. Where are we out with that? Yeah, so I had a song on my record called Kodemini Colors. The song was called Nothing New. And I realized as I was working on it that if I tweaked a few lyrics that I could turn it into a love song.

And so I did that. And then I thought it'd be really special to release it on our anniversary, which is the week before Valentine's Day. So it actually came out February 5th, just in time to get it ready for Valentine's Day. And so, but the coolest part about the song, sweet to few lyrics, made it a wedding kind of version, or a love song version. And then I made the bold step of asking Brittany to sing on it with me.

And she doesn't, like she sings in the car. And I've always noticed like she can she can like carry it in. And I always say I'm not ruining it for my children, but I'm never gonna be a singer, but I didn't ruin it. No, no, she did not. And she she enhanced the track. It was awesome. So when you listen to the song, it's called Nothing New, I in Parentheses. And so we changed some of the words, she went into the studio without me, braved the studio for the first time, sang some BGVs on it. And now it's out there. And that's kind of been a theme with our relationship.

As as been, I did a record for Brit surprising, I surprised her with a whole record called Almond Eyes, wrote the shape of her eyes. And it was like five songs and it came out on her 10 year anniversary. So I'm just trying to one up myself year after year. But yeah, when you when you presented it to me with a whole marriage lesson in itself, because it did not go Okay, so some more She in the relationship is the worst gift receiver

She doesn't know how to be emotional in the moment. I if you give me a gift you are gonna feel like I mean The best person it could be like a crayon and he's like, oh my gosh, I wanted this color. Yeah, and literally give me anything. And I'm gonna at least fake it and make you feel like it was the best gift ever. She did not cry. I'm a processor, I'm a processor. And never surprise your wife right before you leave the country for the first time without your children

the day before. Yeah. Just like the prep going into that, I was an emotional, I was like in another space. And so, yeah, it was felt so bad. But. But I've learned. It was the best gift I've ever gotten, just took me time.

It's taken 13 years, taken 13 years to realize that really her love language is animals. And so, for her birthday, her birthday a few weeks ago, right after Christmas, I bought her a cow and she immediately cried. So the cow trumped me the record. She did not take her any time to process that gift.

She was immediately crying. Our cow's name is Baby Billy and she might let that cow more than me that is hilarious Baby Billy over all my eyes Maybe you could write a song about baby Billy Like a nursery it's in the work That's a for sure cue the tears if you write that song that's so funny I'm the same way though

I do not do well with emotion in the moment and I don't, I always that bothers me about myself because I feel like I'm such a processor too and I'm a thinker like when you do the Myers-Briggs you know it's like thinking and feeling. Christian was all feeling. He was like 21 out of 22 feeling which sounds like you Brandon. And I am the most emotional man ever. Right. Christian is sensitive too. And for me, I was split in the middle. I was like 11 and 11 thinking and feeling, which is so me.

Because I'm like, I'm feeling it, but I'm also processing it at the same time. And then I cry later, but not in the moment. And then sometimes in the moment, you know, it's perceived like I'm not caring or I'm not being emotional about it. But I'm like, no no I do, I'm just thinking about it. And so that's so funny because that is totally me. And I do remember whenever Almanize came out, I remember my friends, we all loved it. I still love it. I was

listening to it this morning knowing y'all are gonna be honest, so sweet. But I'm glad that you've learned. See, that was a really good point though, a good marriage point, that you learned what she See, that was a really good point though, a good marriage point that you learned what she loved and it was animals, so you shifted and you got her a cow. And you do have to learn people's love language. My grandparents tell us that all the time, what does Tubaubus say? Not just love others in the way that they would want,

he says, love your spouse in the way that they would want to be loved. Not in the way that you would want to be loved, not in the way that like, you would want to be loved always, because you might want to be loved in a different way than they do. And so if she likes animals and you don't, but you know she does, that is what you get her

instead of what you would want. So that's a good point. Although he tried to get a puppy the other day and I was like, absolutely not. There comes, yeah, there comes a point when there's too many animals. But I'll say, not only in the gift giving and learning what each other loves, but like also learning how each other,

like you said, process. I am super emotional. I also am somebody that wants to, if we have a tiff and we're frustrated with one another and I immediately want to resolve it. Whereas she is someone who has to process, you know, what happened, what's going on, what's the truth, what's the lie, I'm like, she she kind of goes to a place where it's almost not isolation. It's like healthy reflection before we were to come back together and resolve the conflict. Whereas I'm like, I'm a people pleaser. If anyone's like upset with me for any reason, I want to I want to get it over with now, like let's resolve it. And I've had to learn how to give her space and time

and go, okay, like, and it's honestly been healthy for me too, because sometimes I'll just try to fix it really quick and not really take the time to process, how do I actually change? How do I grow and make sure that this doesn't happen again or that we can have that conversation more in a healthy way. Yeah. That's so good.

I'm the same way. And we actually realized that the other night because we had already decided we were going on a date before we got into this argument, which you know, it's kind of funny when you have that happen where it's like you have the date night plan and then in the middle of like the planning and the date night, you get into this big argument and it's like, oh shoot, but at least we have a date tonight. So we were kind of like getting through it, and we did, and it was like, okay, I'm sorry,

but I'm still thinking about it. Like I'm still like thinking about, you know, again, I'm going there, I'm like, what's the lie? I'm believing, what's making me feel insecure about this? What, all the different things? And so on the way to the movie, I was like, okay, let me just say what happened earlier, and Christian just looked at me.

He was like, I was like, he just kind of gave me a face. And I said something along the lines that are, are you happy? Like one to 10, like where are you at? Like where are we at? And I just knew he was like not there. He's like, I just don't want to talk about this thing where I thought it was over. And it was kind of like earlier, I was just trying to put a band on it because I didn't have the time and space to think about it.

But then after I thought about it, I'm like, well, I just want to let this all out. And then I can like finally move on once we talk about it all. So it is so true, like different people process in different ways. And it seems like me and Brittany are very similar in the way that we kind of unpack the whole thing. And Brandon, I think we're just super similar.

I just can't sing. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's true. I would never be on a track, Brittany. I cannot keep it. I cannot keep it. They could do some amazing things. I actually could ruin it for my kids.

So we're opposite. So they have auto-tune. You'd probably be fine. They don't have auto muscles. So I can never be you I don't look like a look like a Greek god Oh my gosh, well, we always ask the same question on this podcast We always ask what's the best piece of advice you've ever been given? But today we'll shift it a little bit into what's the best

Relationship advice you've ever been given and it's great because we're about 10 minutes in you've already given a lot of great advice but what's something that maybe a mentor parents friends uh said to you guys that really impacted y'all's relationship. I've definitely talked a lot on this podcast about just the ebb and flow of using social media sometimes it can be an encouragement and just overflow. And then sometimes it can be really stressful, honestly. Sometimes our phone activity can be a distraction, but it can also be a blessing. If we're being intentional about the way that we use it. Abide is actually the number one Christian meditation app and its users

report lower stress, lower levels of anxiety and depression and better sleep. That definitely sounds like a blessing and something that we all should download right now. A buy offers meditations that start at just two minutes long so that you can fit them into even the busiest schedule and I am all about a two-minute vacation, not gonna lie. They feature topics like managing stress, addiction and recovery, finding forgiveness and more. Plus, for a limited time, our listeners will get 25% off a premium subscription when you text WHOAWHOA22433. Join the millions of people who

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to 22433 and you'll get additional stories and meditations, premium music, soothing sounds and more. Support this show and get 25% off by texting woe to 22433. Ladies first. Yeah, I think it was our first year of marriage and I was in like a worshiped wife's career and his boss Tara Banks who we love dearly. She just like was gathering us and just like pouring into us and I'll never forget in our first year of marriage she was like ladies are you guys praying daily for your husband like so elementary.

She was like, are you praying daily for your husband? Like so elementary. She was like, are you praying daily for your husband? And I was like, thought about it and she was like, if you're not praying daily for your husband, how is he ever, ever going to reach his full potential? If you're not the one on your knees praying for him daily, he'll never get where he's gonna go, what needs to go and never go further

unless you're the one on your knees praying for your husband every day. And I was just like, I don't know why it hit me so hard. And I was like, it's so simple, but it's so true. If it's not me, then who is it? Yeah. Yeah. And so I was so glad she said that like year one, because yeah, it's definitely motivated me to like, yeah, just spend time with God praying for great and every day. And I feel that and I feel like that's why I'm, you know, you know,

I've had so many prayer warriors in my life, but to know that my wife is my biggest champion and praying not only that I would succeed and ministry and loving people well and putting out music or that, but the fact that she's praying protection over me. And there's like specific things I can remember, you know, in our marriage, we've been married 13 years

and the beginning was challenging just because we've never lived together. We've never been married before. We've never done this. And of course, like two selfish people coming together and I can remember specifically being like, coming from me, like he's not gonna receive this, but I know if I prayed to God specifically for these things,

I watched over the years over and over him, that Braina would come to me. I'd be like, I literally was just praying for that. And he's like, listen, I know I've been selfish in this area. And it's just really cool to see how over 13 years, all those prayers not always were answered in the way that I thought. But just how Braina, the Holy Spirit would lead him

through my prayers to be a better husband, a better father, a better friend. I mean, we're only 13 years in, we got a long way to go, but that is like the number one thing that I feel like shifted our marriage. Year one was like a little bit for sure. Yeah. No, that's so good.

That's so good. It makes me think of in first y'all where it talks about like no one's seen God, but we see God through the way that we love one another. And I have experience that with Christian where it's so cool when you're praying for your spouse and then they come to you and say something that only you've said to God.

And it makes you like feel so crazy loved in one moment because you feel loved by God that he would speak that over your spouse and then feel about your husband that they would say that to you. And it just like, when you talk about God being first in a relationship or God being the foundation of a relationship,

that is a very tangible and practical way to actually see that and how the blessing of that, that God is finding for your marriage with you, that he's in your marriage with you that he's in your marriage with you, that he's speaking to him to help him love you and you get to see God do that. That's so cool. Yeah, you've been receiving for me has been a game changer. The best relationship advice I've ever received kind of came through a hard lesson. I had just gone out on my very first tour and I was with Bethel Music at the time. And a lot of mountain top experiences for me,

dreams come true, happened back to back within a span of a few weeks. I come home from tour and I had no idea psychologically, emotionally, mentally, physically, what that would do coming back home. And things were great at home, but I actually met the family in Disney World. For a lot of people in Disney World is heaven.

To me, it's hell on earth, especially with little kids. And it was just the worst way to come back home. Yeah, it was not a good idea. And your whole family was with us? The whole family's there. It was a horrible way to come back home. Yeah, it was not a good idea. And your whole family was with us? The whole family was there. It was a horrible way to transition. And that's actually what led me to do in a whole, that was the first panic attack I'd ever experienced

in my life, anxiety, I probably would have told you I thought anxiety was something made up just because I'd never tasted it, never experienced it. So I went through the season of gaining tools, like how do I overcome the lies and the way the enemy was attacking me every time I came home. But one thing in going to counseling, which I'll say this, man, go to counseling. I mean, if there's anything you hear me say, man, get a counselor, a God loving, fearing counselor that can, it's crazy what you'll discover

about your relationship and about each other, just having someone ask you questions. And it's like date night on steroids, as far as getting to know each other and, you know, and we try to do that every time we go on a date, is ask each other questions. And what are you dreaming about to do that every time we go on a date is ask each other questions. And what are you dreaming about?

What are you struggling with? All of that. But to get back to the best advice, what I was doing was trying to fill a void with a few different things. But primarily, I was trying to fill this void that I felt every time I came home with Brittany. And you can try to heal or fill up on a good thing. This marriage obviously is a great thing. This is my partner.

This is our ministry. This is my partner. This is our ministry. This is my first ministry. But I was even trying to fill a void with Brittany that only God can fill. And she does complete me in so many ways. But if I'm only ever going to Brittany to fill some need, it's always going to fall short. And so I was with my counselor and he said, Brandon, you have to learn how to go to God first and most.

And what I was doing is I was going to Brittany first and I was going to Brittany most to affirm me. And I, I, I just, I felt more insecure than I had ever felt. Just the enemy was attacking me left and right. Didn't recognize the thoughts that were going on in my head. Like this is not me. And I tried to fix it with Brittany. And I had to realize, man, I've been going to Brittany over God

and God has to be first and he's got to be who I go to most. And I still try to practice that before Brittany tries to fix something for me internally. I need to go see like what's God say about this? Who does he say I am? Why am I feeling insecure and go there first? And so make sure in your relationship, this is a beautiful thing. It's your first ministry, but it does not replace the fact that you got to go to God first and most that's number one. That's so good. That's such a good thing to point out to that. I think so many people

like you think about going to things that are bad to fill voids, and those are obvious. Those are like, oh yes, obviously I should not be doing that, I need to fix it. But it's the things that you're going to that are actually good, but it's not God, that are a little bit harder to call yourself out for, but the effects of it are still negative.

It's panic attacks, it's fear, it's the same insecurity because it's not gonna be able to fix those problems like only guy can. I can so relate to that. We've been actually talking about that a lot. Even just coming off of a really busy season and coming off of passion, it's always, that January is just always

a harder month for me mentally. It's just like coming off of a high of like the end of the year and be started the next one and then it's just kind of like getting into the next but not really recovering from maybe what we just experienced. And it's so interesting because I've had to like really like force myself into making sure God is first in those things for me too. Like, even right after I come off stage, I used to like go straight to Christian

because all the insecurities would rise and I would want him to affirm like how it was or what I said or how it came across and all this stuff. And I had to like, this year, whenever Christian was like, right after passing, do you want me to come down and meet you there? I was like, no, just stay, just stay up there. I'll get to you.

Cause I was like, I gotta go like get away by myself with the Lord first and just let him speak. And it was really cool because then by the time I got to Christian, I wasn't so... I didn't need him to affirm what God already affirmed in me. But still, even in doing that, that's a daily thing. That was one time right after the moment, it's still like coming off of that high. I've experienced more anxiety than I normally do and more I literally had a panic attack this week and I haven't had a panic attack in years Just for the sake of honesty right now of I get that

Yeah, fully that's such a real thing that I currently am going through so I'm really glad that you said that that Speaks to me a lot. That does. That is very helpful for the situation. Christian's like, thank you for saying that. This always happens to me on the podcast. I'm like, okay, I'm supposed to be hosting this podcast, but here we have a friend on and they're like speaking right to me. So then I'm like, all right, everyone, while y'all are learning,

I'm just going to admit I am too. And it's just real. We were talking the other day, we actually were talking about this yesterday, me and some friends, how like it's so easy to confess things that happened in the past. We said it's kind of like reality TV, because we had a reality TV show for a long time. And it's like you're playing out real moments that happen, but it's not happening in the moment. So it's easy to kind of, you playing out real moments that happen, but it's not happening in the moment. So it's easy to kind of, you know, recreate moments that have happened because you can kind of filter, you can kind of tailor it. It's a lot harder to confess things you're currently real

time struggling with. That's like, that's a whole other side of things. And I think like for me, it's a lot easier for me to not act like I'm struggling right now and then six months or now be like, oh yeah, back in January, I was having anxiety, but it's a lot easier for me to not act like I'm struggling right now and then six months or not be like, oh, yeah Back in January. I was having anxiety, but it's a lot harder to be like hey actually yesterday I was like really anxious and struggling because I'm coming off of this kind of mountaintop moment And they always say I mean Brad Jones literally said this at passion He said this every year and I've heard him say it every year It's never affected me till this year

But how more people you know die coming down the mountain and going up because people prepare for the the You know for going up. Yeah, people do not share going down and I think I Guess normally I do a better job at that, but this is the first year. We've done it with two kids This is the first year I've come back to being a mom of two and like things shifted. And so I guess, yeah, I'm like learning that real time. So just saying that for the sake of authenticity and honesty. Yeah.

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piece towel set for free and save over 40% off. Again, that's trymiracle.com slash woe to treat yourself. One thing I was actually watching y'all's video that you posted on YouTube a couple of years ago, which by the way, so helpful. So, so helpful if you haven't watched the video that they posted on YouTube. The real talks? Yeah, y'all's real talks. I'm like, oh my gosh, this is so good. That was so wonderful.

What's crazy is we did that video. Because of Almanaz. Because of Almanaz, but we jumped on live stream. We're like, let's just talk for 20 minutes, share a little bit about our story. Didn't plan on going into anything deep or whatever. 80 minutes later, like you post an 80 minute clip to Instagram, you know?

And it was actually the most responded to video at that time on my Instagram. It was absolutely insane, the number of people that reached out and just said it was so helpful. Thank you for being so honest. I mean, we talked about pornography, we talked about sex, we talked about expectations, wrong expectations. We talked about Britney's story of things that we've been through, the things we had to talk through, about things that I've gotten angry at God over.

And we were just like, we've actually thought about starting a podcast called Pillow Talk and literally doing it from bed and just being super honest because it's like, if we're not being honest and we're not sharing, God's given me this platform. And I think with that, I just feel a sense of responsibility to share the good, bad, the ugly and give as much a way that we can that's going to help younger couples because I don't want younger Brandens to be struggling the same way that I did if we can help it. Please start the podcast because it was so good. I was listening to it this morning and I called Christian.

I was like, you have got to go watch this later after we talked to them. This is the most real thing. And you're so right. People don't, you said it on the talk, but people don't talk about this enough. You talk about how people don't talk about purity enough. And people also don't care about purity as much as we should. But the way y'all talked about it was so just relatable. Everything I was saying, I was like, yep, been there, done that, so good.

This is great, talking about accountability. One thing y'all shared a lot about was expectations, going into marriage and how that was like the hardest thing y'all faced. I think that would be a really good thing to talk about, especially if we're gonna talk about relationships, we gotta talk about expectations and walking into marriage with it.

So what have y'all learned since the first year of marriage about setting right expectations for each other and everything? What have we learned about expectations? Well, I'll say this. Probably the biggest hurdle was was on me and and I feel for men in the world as I was exposed to pornography at a young age, even had a staff member who was no longer at that church, a youth pastor even tell me that it was okay. And that'll mess anybody up, but especially being a young boy.

I don't mess anybody up, but especially being a young boy. There's so much that happens psychologically, mentally, when you're getting a need met that way. And so having to overcome that, but man, it scarred me and it gave me an incorrect picture of what love is supposed to look like. What love is supposed to look like. What intimacy is supposed to look like. And so when we got married, here I have this expectation that every day I come home from work, my wife, I'm gonna walk through the front door and my wife's gonna want to jump my bones. She's

like, you know, not just in love with me but it's supposed to, you know, like, walk through the door. And I've been waiting for you, you know. And, and... In my apron. Yeah, in your apron. Yeah. And, and just being real, I mean, if we're going to be vulnerable and, and honest, like, it screwed up what I thought intimacy was supposed to look like. And here's the key.

I had more, I had more of a, what am I going to get out of this relationship than what am I giving? I remember my dad even told me at a young age, he said, do you know what like a kiss is? And like, I can't remember exactly what he said, but he basically said, you're, you don't kiss to, to, to get a kiss. He's like, you're giving a kiss. Like, and then this relationship, the moment I start to, to, to view Brittany as an ends of meeting my need. I've got it all wrong. Yes, I learned from you, I grow from you. Yes, you meet my needs. But this is like my perspective should be one of like, what can I how can I bring value to you? How can I empower you? How can I make you feel loved? And what are your needs and the way that you want them? And, and so

you want them and and so that was a really big hurdle. I will say I think, you know, we separate growing up watching movies that everyone watches, right? Like a popular movie going to movie theater, we learned really fast. When we had to address like both of our expectations, but something that was completely getting in the way of that was watching like mainstream movies, we learned really fast that they affected him. They did. Like I can handle it, but it was not worth us going and seeing certain movies. We just literally put a wall up with things that were a little too far and like we didn't, we had to be okay

with like, we don't go see this movie. They don't watch those shows because it literally would get between us because he would start it would start creeping back in the comparison. And we had really stuck I think probably for like the last 10 years we literally just don't watch so or if there's anything ever inappropriate it's a fast forward. Yeah. So I mean, we have stuck to that. And I feel like it has really helped. Do you agree? Yeah. I mean, I used to not, I was so insecure. I used to not even be able to watch shows where someone would get cheated on. Yeah. And so take the intimacy thing out of it, even just watching things that put you in a, in a mindset of fear and lies and insecurity, we would watch, I remember it like even just dating as a young boy and I watched Grey's Anatomy, which there was like crazy amount of like cheating. And I watched

how it affected me and it put me in a state of like expecting those things are going to happen. So then I'm insecure and I'm questioning and it just turned me into somebody I'm not. And so we had to go so far as to monitor and put boundaries up with what we're watching in. Yeah, that's helped tremendously. That is so good. It's really good. Now go ahead. That's so good.

You want to say, Brittany has a pretty good one liner that has really redefined my definition of intimacy. I said it on that. I heard it, yes. Yeah. Okay. Intimacy. Yeah, intimacy is not what, it's not sex.

It's not having passions. Like it's what leads to not sex. It's not having passions like this. What leads to great sex? Great sex. It's what we do and what we put in and how we Lay ourselves down for each other have fun. It's all the things that are leading to the good stuff Mm-hmm. I for you you think intimacy well, that's that's great sex with your spouse And it's like I remember when you said that I was like, oh my gosh, the times where, yeah, I mean, yes, that is intimacy, but what creates a powerful bond that can lead to a moment like that

is what you do that leads up to that. For us, it's like when we play tennis together or pickleball. I mean, we love to have fun as a couple in a family, like our ideal date night isn't actually a really nice dinner where we drop goodness. Nowadays, a 200 bucks. It's like, let's go to a hole in the wall restaurant. Just somewhere we can be ourselves in lounge.

And then let's go play football, tennis. Let's go on a bike ride together. I mean, one of our favorite things now is to walk around the farm or to get on the four-wheeler and go for a ride. And let me tell you, fellas, just you listen, whatever those small little things lead up and they're important. It might be taking out the trash for your spouse. I'm just saying that's what leads to intimacy and a great relationship is. And it's like elementary, but it's like,

date your spouse every day, you know? And I treasure those moments just as much as what happens in the bedroom. It's like, I really, I love what happens throughout the day and those two little moments and those ways we connect, that the world would not say is intimacy, but we know that that's what truly is. That's what it leads to. That's so good. I heard you say that on

that real chat. And I was like, that is so good. And so true. And that's something that we've had to learn. And such a good point to draw to like the movies you watch, it affects how you live and not just an intimacy, but that, you know, what you do now leads to maybe how you feel later. even last night Christian said do you want to watch the new Hunger Games movie with me and like I just mentioned I had an anxiety attack yesterday and I told Christian I said I can't handle that right now I was like I can't handle seriousness and we did a you know I was like can't even watch that

no I do want to see it I've heard it's great and I am going to watch it but I knew in this state I was in I was like I cannot't even watch that. No, I do want to see it. I've heard it's great. And I am going to watch it. But I knew in this state I was in. I was like, I cannot watch people killing people right now. I am too anxious. And we ended up watching Annie with our two-year-old. And it was perfect. And it was what I needed. And it was so sweet.

And so yes, you have to know your heart. You have to guard it. And there are certain things that are going to lead to other things. And sometimes, yes, intimacy is a great thing. Like to, to view it as that, whatever we watch, it can affect what happens later, whatever we're doing now, it can affect what leads to later. Same thing with fear, same thing with anything else.

It's like, if I watch this, I know in the state I'm in and I am already anxious, that is going to make me feel anxiety, which is going to lead to how I'm going to sleep tonight and potentially how I dream. And so you guard it, you guard your heart, you guard your mind. And that's such a practical way. Y'all, I just got back from a lot of trips with family and I had been on the go and we miss our mattress when we were on the go. I'm not going to lie because we love our Helix sleep mattress.

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Go to helixleap.com slash saty and use the code helixpartner20. I think sometimes we don't realize how much control we actually have over certain situations. Whether it is like movies or me and all my guys, we have a podcast where we talk about pornography all the time because they used to be a major struggle for me too. I think sometimes you don't realize how many safeguards that you can actually put up in your life. I think even before me and Sadie met, and it was one of the toughest things I'd ever had to tell Sadie, it was like when I was addicted to all these different things, I

never one time considered my wife. And as weird as that might sound, I think it's easy to go through high school, college, and you're so in the moment, you're so fixated on these things, and you're addicted to these things. Whether it's a youth pastor who tells you that it's not necessarily a bad thing, those things do mess with you. And in messing with you, it leads you to be blinded to what the future can be. And for me, it was never having any kind of regret in the moment for a potential,

well, my wife might think later. Those thoughts just never crossed my mind, which is as weird as it is. And I think that trying to encourage young people to think about your spouse, to pray for your spouse, to anticipate what that's going to be one day. But yeah, even just now in the moment, I think sometimes we just don't realize that we actually have a lot more say in things that we do than we actually have, whether it is watching a movie or looking at the parental guide

before you go to the theater, or if you're gonna fast forward it, if you're gonna fast forward it, don't just do.25, do the full thing before you go to where you still it, don't just do 0.25. Do the full thing. Where you don't. Where you still want to see little glimpses. Like there's, you know, like there's so many. It's so good.

There's so many things that you can do that I think sometimes we're just like, well, but no, you can, you know, you can have a screen limit on Instagram. You can have app blockers that block porn. Like there's so many things that we can do. And I think too, like to that point, I think whenever you're younger, and maybe not even younger, it doesn't really matter the age, it just kind of matters about the spiritual maturity and like the love you have for God. I think used to like whenever you heard things like, oh, you should delete this or you should fast

forward, you hear it as like, oh, I have to. And it's like a hard thing. But now in the place that we're in and like, just the love you have for God and the relationship you have for God and the way that you see whenever like the fruit of the spirit is in your life and you're, you know, being obedient to the Lord, you're walking in your conviction, all that stuff. It's like, no, I don't want, I don't want that. Like you genuinely don't want it. So it's not like, oh, I have to delete that. But it's like, get rid of all of it. Like, it's not like, oh, I don't want that. Like you genuinely don't want it. So it's not like, oh, I have to delete that. But it's like, get rid of all of it. Like, it's not like, oh, I can't watch Hunger Games.

I can. I probably will in a couple of weeks when I have a better state, hopefully. But like, I don't want to because I don't want to risk losing peace right now. I don't want to watch these things because I don't want it to make me potentially less. I don't want to do this because I don't want it to make me potentially lust. I don't want to do this because I don't want it to make me fearful that my spouse is going

to cheat when I know he is a man of God. You don't even want it. You don't even want to risk it. And it's like the Bible talks about not quenching the spirit. I don't want to quench the spirit. I want to have just that Psalms 1, 2, and three, like a tree planted by a stream of living water. Like I want fruit, I want leaves, I want plenty. So like I do not want to risk it.

And I think that that's just such a different way of thinking than thinking like I can't, oh I have to, I can't do this, I can't do that. It's like no, I don't even want to because it's so not worth it. And when you see like the abundant life God has for you, the abundance in relationship, the abundance in joy, peace, love, the abundance in the fruit of who he is,

man, you desire that. And so it's just a good shift, because I remember back in high school, same way watching Grey's Anatomy, watching all these things. And if I would have been like, oh, I can't watch that, it would have been hard to give up watching something that all my friends were watching. But now it's like, it's just not worth it.

It's not even worth it to me. It's so much cooler to be, I think, the kid or the young adult or whatever season of life you're in to be the one that's set apart and then goes against the grind. And sometimes you've got gotta just kind of convince yourself that, maybe lie until you see the freedom where the truth is, man. God really does have a better life for us all than when we choose him,

than if we choose what the world is screaming is gonna fill that void or satisfy you. And the way to kind of sum this whole thing up for me, I just been thinking about this thought as we've been talking. It's to constantly think about, let's see, I'm 33 now. What I've been thinking about lately is like, what is 50-year-old Brandon going to look back and think 33-year-old Brandon that I said yes to these things

and I said no to these things and I said no to these things. Yeah. And constantly thinking about, you know, my decisions now are going to, there's going to be consequences. And I don't even mean that in a just in a negative way, but you know, for those of you who are looking for a spouse or you're married and, you know, you're looking to the future, like, how am I taking care of my finances? Like, how am I stewarding that well? How are we stewarding date night now? Because if a few years go by and we're not doing that, there's going to be consequences. And your nose in what you commit to have been so honoring to Arcane League. I think you say no more than you say yes to things. Yeah. And that, you know, there are some things

obviously you say yes to because we're supposed to do those. But it's not like you're like, I got to go do this. I'm gonna he really sits and we evaluate is this yes or no? And he puts us first in all of his yeses. Yeah, you might be listening and thinking like, you know, we're just saying like, be careful of those bad things. You should obviously say no to those TV shows, pornography, whatever. But it's also like we were saying earlier, like good things can get in the way of what's most important. And it's, it's, we're still learning how to give God our best yes.

And sometimes that's saying no to good things to prioritize her. To prioritize my kids. And it's a hard lesson to learn when it's a good thing. Doesn't mean it's the right saying. Yeah, that's so true. But I'm thankful. That's so good. And I think like when it comes to like discernment on yes and no, you really have to ask yourself yourself, what do you value? What do you prioritize? And once you know what you value most, what you prioritize the most, what means the most to you,

it's so much easier than to discern what's a yes, what's a no. Because I feel like some people ask that question. People ask me that question actually all the time, how do you decide what you say yes to and what you say no to? And it's not like, somebody said, oh, Craig Gruchel, he was just on the podcast. It was so good.

It was talking about how to do that. And he was like, you pre-decide. And what he meant by that was like, pre-decide before you even get asked the question, before you even look at what the offer is, like pre-decide what your value is. And if you pre-decided it, okay, this year my value is that I'm home more or on every Friday I'm gonna have family day and that's something

that we do like Fridays are family day. And there are some exceptions and there sometimes our family comes with us on the road or whatever it is. But Fridays are gonna be family day and this is for the most part gonna be true. And then you look at the offer and if it's a Friday and it's not gonna work out, then you've already pre-decided. And so that helps you with your discernment of how to say yes and no. And I don't know if by this point Craig's podcast is up, but this will

be a tease to when it does come because there was so much good advice in making decision. I know Christian wanted to ask a question about getting started in worship and whatnot because whenever you were reading that earlier. Well, I thought it was so cool because me and Brandon bonded over This Is a Move, which is a song that really did change my life. We're back! I love that song. I listened to it the whole summer when me and Sadie got engaged.

I was living here for the summer. But I just thought it was so cool that all the things that you do, whether it's with Maverick City or Bethel or Elevation, like you, you really are everywhere doing all these different awesome things, but you're also super plugged in in your local church. And I know that, you know, you lead worship there. So I just thought it was just cool that like, you know, from the outsider, you know, all the cool things that you get to go do and traveling, but yet you're still plugged in locally and leading locally, probably a smaller group than what you get to go do globally traveling, but yet you're still plugged in locally and leading locally. Yeah, probably a smaller group than what you get to go do globally. So I just thought it was cool.

I was just going to ask, you know, how that dynamic works and how that kind of helps keep you grounded and all the things you get to do. So if you have kids running around the house, you know, it can be hard to keep up with toys and fun things that keep them engaged, but KiwiCo is here to help kids of all ages have a memorable experience through their fun hands-on projects. Each month, kids receive crates packed with activities designed to introduce them to science, technology, and art concepts. They'll discover super fun and interesting things like engineering robots or the science of ice cream.

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sadyrov. Moms, you will love this. That's, I mean, that's a, you said it. That's exactly why I've kept that. Well, a few things. One, I'm a lover of the local church. I believe that the church is the hope of the world. That's God's plan A. And I don't a lover of the local church. I believe that the church is the hope of the world. That's God's plan A. And I don't know that he has a backup. It's us. It's us filled with his spirit, carrying out the gospel. And it just gets me fired up to see, you know, conferences are amazing. We just experience one of the biggest ones that there is. But there's nothing that can biggest ones that there is, but there's nothing that can then can really change lives neighborhood to neighborhood to neighborhood like the local church and I

think even Sunday is just like the tip of the iceberg to what really the church is here for and that's day to day loving in a neighbor sharing the gospel sharing it's like an axe to write it says that they the believers form a community and they share in everything that, right? It says that they, the believers form a community and they share in everything that they have. And it says that daily that the Lord added to their number of those who are being saved. And like, that's what fires me up more than anything. It's not an award. It's not X amount of likes or streams on a song, even though that stuff is fun to celebrate because those are people that are loved. Some of them are lost and they're here in the gospel.

But man, it's like seeing my city, our community, transform. And just to be a small part of a big thing is really special. I grew up in the church, my dad's a pastor, and so I just grew up with such a love for the local church. And so, you know, and then my world blows up, I start traveling and that's when I really learned the value and the importance of being a tree that is planted by the water. I want to be an oak tree that is flourishing full of wisdom. And I want my family to be that as well.

And so they have kept me grounded. Y'all, that's been one of the best things for our marriage is having consistent friends, friends that are proud of you, but not impressed by you. Yeah. And I have needed friends that because you know, you know, traveling around, you can easily get to a place and I'm terrified of it. I don't want to ever get to that place.

You can feel people are meaning to put glory on you, but when you're being constantly affirmed and when you're out on the road and people are so excited because this might be the one time this year that you came to their city to sing these songs that have changed their life. It's all great. And I'm not saying that like you can get a big head so easily, but it can really affect you. It's like switching into an alternate reality. And when I come home, I need people that don't treat me like when I go to California. And it's like, Oh, this is a special guest, you know, I'm home. I don't treat me like when I go to California. And it's like, oh, this is a special guest, you know? I'm home, I don't get special treatment.

If I show up late to worship rehearsal, I get it talking to, you know, I get reprimanded, you know? And I will say, Sabrina's dad was like the campus pastor. He was in high school at Seacost, our church. And then we met and got married at Seacost.. And he's on brand and sub worship leader on staff, like one of the young guys. And so these people have been like in every part of your life when I came in. And so these, like you said, they are not impressed by you or me. But they love us. They truly love us. They're so proud and they're the ones that aren't afraid to ask the hard questions.

And we we've went through. We've been a part of a few small groups where we've watched couples fall apart and get divorced. And and it's like the more we experience that, the more our community is rallied together and put our foot down and said, we will not allow this to happen with this community. We're going to ask the hard questions. We're going to confront each other and love with truth and grace.

And that's the kind of team that we need around us. And if you're listening and you don't have those people, man, the local church is a great place to start. Y'all, I'll tell you this, it's going to be awkward. Small group and you don't know anybody, it's gonna be awkward. But you know what? It's worth finding some people that can hold your arms up when you're getting tired, that can call you out than it is going year after year without those people and something eventually falling apart when it could have been safe because sometimes you do need people around you to speak truth, to remind you of God's promises, to just even tell you, hey, you're gonna make it,

just keep doing these baby steps, you're gonna make it. Yeah, that's so true. Yeah. That's so good. That's so true. We are so thankful for that. We found that too. And that was one of the reasons we moved back home, or my, where I'm from, in Louisiana, because I was living in Nashville. We were gonna live in Nashville, love Nashville, no hate to Nashville, but because of that dynamic of going out and it, you know, getting that affirmation and all of the words and all of that,

and then coming home and it not necessarily slowing down like the pace is super busy and everyone's doing that and you know, going to get coffee and everyone's like, ah, whatever, you know, and it was just a crazy life and I just was like, we need to be in a place where we're just grounded, that same thing, like people are proud of you but not impressed by you. And we have such a great community and we've talked about our small group a lot on the podcast that we meet with and they're our best friends,

but it's just like so great for us because it's so normal and so grounding and I think that there is like a balance and being proud of you, but not impressed by you, but that proud thing is a really important part too because I think there have been people in my life before and we've talked about this. I always say like Andy Minio said it best. I love Andy Minio, which people did not believe me that I listened to Andy Minio all the time. Oh yeah, until I was in

his like top 0.1% fans on Spotify. I was like, I told y'all, I told y'all I love Andy Minio. But he says this line in one of his songs and he says like, I need you to stop trying to humble me. I have a tough enough time loving me. And I remember the first time I heard that and it just He says his line and one of his songs and he says like I need you to stop trying to humble me I have a tough enough time loving me and I Heard that and it just made me cry because I felt like That was kind of what I was experiencing with some people in this time of my life Where it was because other people were impressed by me It's like they took it upon themselves to try to humble me

But at the at the time like I really was, like that was not actually doing anything for me. I was having a tough enough time loving me in that season anyways. And so it's like a beautiful thing to have people in your life that are not impressed by you. They're not trying to hype you up, but they are proud of you and they are speaking truth to you and love.

And I feel like now we have that balance in our life where it's like the people around us truly do love us for who we are. They're speaking to our hearts. They're gonna be honest with us but it's in love and it's like and so that is such a gift to have and I love how you said it's gonna be awkward at first man. It is awkward at first and especially like if you've never been to church you have church heard or it's hard even my friend was telling me last night she was like I'm circling to church because I'm single and y'all are all married and so there are different

dynamics that make it awkward that make it hard but it is so worth it to just commit and stick to it because like you said the church is God's plan a it's a beautiful thing and it's such a good seriously thank y'all so much this has been so real like I said I'm first one that needed this conversation I'm so thankful that y'all are on the podcast. I hope you start your own podcast. People need y'all's voice in their life. Just people who genuinely love God and love people

and speak the truth in love. It's so needed. It's so important. We look out to y'all so much in a lot of ways from afar. And now, thankfully, a little bit more up close and grateful that you all are. So thank y'all so much. Yeah, we're so grateful to be on.

Love you guys, look up to y'all as well. And just everyone listening in, we just pray blessing over your relationship, whatever it looks like. You'd see God in and through it, know that he's able to do exceedingly abundantly more than anything you ask or imagine. According to the power that's at work within us,

man, choose purity, keep going after those mountain tops that got us as, but on your own individual heart, but also in your marriage and fight for each other, date each other and yeah. Sex each other. Yeah, everything. Yeah. Keep it spicy.

We love y'all. That's what I'm having a song. You are awesome. Thank you.