WHOA That's Good Podcast - You Don't Have to Let Your Emotions Control You | Sadie Robertson Huff & Jennie Allen

Episode Date: February 21, 2024

God created us in His image and He is emotional, so WE have emotions! But what do we do with them? Do we let them run our lives, or can we air them out and talk about them with trusted friends and family and then deal with them in a productive and healing way? Sadie and Jennie Allen tackle all this and more as they discuss confession, parenting during highly emotional moments, and the example Jesus set for us in dealing with deep emotions. Jennie shares about her and her husband's "dark night of the soul" when she says she just went numb. And Sadie confesses a recent anxiety struggle and how she navigated it to a better place. Jennie's book, "Untangle Your Emotions" is available now! https://drinkag1.com/whoa — Get a FREE 1-year supply of Vitamin D3+K2 AND for a limited time you’ll get 10 free AG1 Travel Packs with your first purchase! https://www.prestonwood.org/chosen — Join me for CHOSEN on April 13th at Prestonwood Baptist Church in Plano, Texas! Get a 4-week trial, free postage, and a digital scale at https://www.stamps.com/whoa - Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What's up? Well, that's good fam. Happy Wednesday, everybody. I hope you're having a great week, but per usual, it is about to get so much better because we have one of my favorites and your favorites back on the podcast with a new book, Untangle Your Emotions. We have the one and only, Jenny Allen. Welcome to the podcast. I love it. Thanks friend. It's so good to be here. It is great for you to be here.

I was just doing a little Instagram Q&A and someone was asking advice on a particular subject and I'm quoting you, I'm quoting you. And then I'm like, all right, gotta go. I'm going to interview her actually. So we'll get more advice to come. But truly, you're a well of wisdom. Thanks, friend.

Yeah, well, I'm excited to talk about this book. Actually, this is launch day today. Today is book launch day. Today is launch day. Today is launch day. I don't know when this is airing, but today that we're recording it, it's launch day. So today is launch day and we're recording it.

This comes out next week right before If Gathering. So many good things happening in your life, which is and crazy and wild and busy. So how are you feeling on book launch day? Yeah, it has been such a good day and I'm so grateful and it is good that, you know, I feel like I had a good break and now it's go time and everything in my life is full steam ahead. But I love it all. I'm really grateful. I'm trying to just enjoy it all and celebrate a little.

Yeah, you should. So as you should. Well, it's been fun to watch. It's it's truly like when you got on and you said, I love you so much. I love you so much. And it is so fun to watch you thrive. Like I've gotten to hear some of the dreams in your heart and seeing them come to life is just so beautiful. And even from a far and social media, I've been listening to you on other people's podcasts and just like seeing you do all this incredible work is awesome. And this book is so needed.

So let's just dive in. Jenny, tell us about just the research. She's, you talk about how you research a lot, which is one of the things I love so much about you and it's why wisdom flows from you, but tell us about the research of emotions. Yeah. Well, it was such a ginormous subject. I was like, how do I even begin?

And it was fascinating. I mean, so many wise counselors have written beautiful books on our emotional life. And I found wonderful authors like Chip Dodd, who have just spelled out the heart, and it's just so helpful. And I'm grateful for people like Renee Brown, lots of, lots of authors, lots of secular, I read a lot of science and research that even in that book at some points, some of the books, it was, you know, I'm an atheist. They would

mention that, which blew my mind because everything I was reading was such evidence of a designer, such evidence of the Bible even. But at my core, I'm a theologian, I went to seminary for three years and was trained in that. So that's how I think that's what I do. But when I approach the science, it's always reinforcing of the theology that I have. And then what the Bible actually says. So it's just so fun to me. I love all of that part. And I learned pretty quickly that there's a vast amount of research that would say the same thing. And it would say, basically, let me summarize all the science. Mourn with those who mourn. That our healing is in places of connection. That our emotions are meant to bring us into deeper relationship. And what we know from the

Bible is into deeper relationship with God too. But what's interesting and why this felt like such an important project is I looked at the church and I thought, wow, not only have I judged my own emotions and possibly other peoples as well in my lifetime, I think the church has taught me that. And I think the world has taught me that. And I think it's all a reaction to what we know is out there as well, which is feelings are everything, our emotions are God. This is all that matters is pursuing happiness. So we see people that have just gone completely off a cliff with their lives and

their decisions because they have made emotions, their God. So that is certainly not what I'm saying. Yeah. But in a, we have overreacted to that way. And honestly, that way of life makes so much sense. I mean, if you don't believe in God, then even Paul and Corinthians says, if Christ is not raised from the dead,

eat and drink, cause tomorrow you die, go be happy. There's nothing else, like go do it. So even the Bible tells you, like if there's no God, like just go ahead and live it up because it goes to black. But if Christ is raised from the dead, it changes everything. And so as a Christian, my understanding is God is my God and He is emotional. And so emotions must be good. They must not even just be neutral.

They must be good. And they must be good gifts for purpose. And the purpose is clear throughout Scripture. And you see it best in David's life, but certainly in Jesus' life as well, that connection with God and connection with others is where our emotions are meant to lead us. And so as that happens, we all have experienced that. We've all experienced crying with a good friend and how afterwards for some reason you feel better, even though nothing changed about your circumstance, you just feel better. And the science would say, your brain actually is healing as you are mourning with someone mourning. And it's a

miracle, but it's the way God built us. Wow. Gosh, that's so good. There's like a million places I want to go after you just said that, but you said something in your book about how a lot of times you tend to, you're used to, you don't do this anymore, but you would tend to tell people about what you went through after the fact, like after you got yourself together. And I do that all the time. I actually just did this this past week.

So when I was reading this, I was like, man, that is so me. And like, I was going through some anxiety stuff last week. And it was pretty intense. And then I like got through it, you know, and then I tell everybody, Oh, yeah, last week I was having so much anxiety. And like, you feel like you're being vulnerable because you shared, but you didn't share when you were really going through it. And so that's hard. Like how do you get to that point? Oh, you know, I think that's the hardest part. Is it's awkward and it's scary

and it doesn't always go well. And you feel like you can't risk it in the midst of an emotional struggle because you're already kind of teetering on a breakdown and you don't want to make it worse. And so you're like, I don't want to share this and it go terribly wrong. So I just, I have so much compassion for that place because while this is the best and I can convince you of it and show you literally videos of people's brains healing because

Wow. of sharing struggles with people and finding connection. I can say it's just hard, oftentimes, to receive it. And so I would just say, first of all, I love you and I'm sorry for last week. And I would say if we could just pretend you know, thousands of people weren't listening that we would, we would walk through it together. And I would say, of course, you felt that way. I would say, I feel compassion and sadness that you felt alone in that week. And I would have loved to know to be there for you. I would say things like that.

And you would think that wouldn't make a big difference, but it actually does. And that's why I loved the research so much was because it was so comforting that, wow, we really can just be there for each other. Yeah. And it really helped. And Jesus was so good at this. I mean, he was so surprisingly great at this over and over again.

I mean, he would be there for people in their anger. He would let the disciples try to figure out where they were sitting next to him. He would let them be completely freaked out on the boat while he was sitting there and had complete control over the waves. You see him meeting the needs of the woman at the well and moving into her emotional life. You see him not being impatient with Martha when she's furious at him for not being there when Lazarus died.

You see him with the disciples and they're losing their mind and they're scared and they're Frustrated because the storm is crazy and he's sitting in the boat and he's just patient. You know, he's just patient and And I think we think God is judging our feelings because we're judging our feelings. Yeah, and because we're judging other people's feelings and there is a part of us that just learned to do that from a very young age. And even if you think you're someone that doesn't judge your emotions, which most of us, I think, are aware that we're doing it. When you think about crying in front of someone else, you'll know it. Everybody says the same thing. I'm sorry. Everybody feels guilty for crying with someone. And yet, the person receiving those tears feels like it's the greatest gift in the whole wide world. Like that person would share their heart with them and that sacred place of grief with them.

And so these emotions are gifts meant to connect us to God and meant to connect us deeper with each other but we're scared of them. We judge them. We push them down. We control them. We try. We cope with them. We conceal them. We don. We cope with them, we conceal them,

we don't want to share them, and that's what's meant to happen. And so whether you feel like you're emotionally unstable and you're just wildly emotional, or you're someone who's like, I'm not very emotional at all, all of us are emotional because we are made in the image of God who is emotional from creation to revelation.

You see it. And so he begins with delight over his creation. And then he's quickly disappointed and then he's quickly anger. Yeah. And you see, you see all of that just by Genesis four, you know, that's so true. There's, there's no doubt our God is emotional. So it can't be a sin to have emotions. Then the question becomes, well, when does it become a sin? Because obviously it feels like my anger would be a sin. And it's what do we decide to do with it?

And so what I did in the book was just build a super simple, helpful process with handles, like notice, name, feel, share, decide, choose. What are you going to do with it? And so it's so simple that you can remember it. You can do it in the car when you feel frustrated or anxious and you don't know why. And you can kind of go through the process. And what happens when you do, it's so cute. I've gotten so many messages from people.

What happens when you do is all of a sudden you're self-aware enough to navigate your relationships better. So instead of blowing up at someone you love, which is what we tend to do, we tend to act like we're not emotional, but then we're irritable all the time. And we don't count that. That's so true. And so we don't count that, but that's very much emotions

coming out sideways. And so what don't count that, but that's very much emotions coming out sideways. And so what about those? And what you do instead of being irritable is you be vulnerable and you say, you know, this is what I'm feeling right now. This is what, what I'm going through. And you're able to articulate that cause you took just a little bit of time to notice it and to name it in a feeling. time to notice it and to name it and to feel it. So as you probably know, if you've listened to our podcast, Christian is a very routine

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Yes, that's right. That's 10 travel packs with your first purchase at drinkag1.com slash woe. Again, that's drinkag1.com slash woe to check it out while this offer lasts. That brings me back to like so many conversations Christian and I have because we'll be acting a certain way and it's like, what's wrong with you? And you're like, nothing. And then finally, it's like, okay, do you really want to know what's wrong with me? And then it's typically a vulnerable conversation of what we are internally in battle and it has nothing to do with each other.

And yes, but it's like, we try to act like we're not being, you're just like, nothing's wrong. He's like, I know you and I love you and I see you every day and something's clearly wrong. And so then you're able to get to that vulnerable point. But you know, it's so interesting about you saying that, that, um, you know, we're trying to navigate these emotions, but not turning it into a sin because it can, I think I learned something so important last week, actually, through

going through just a little anxiety because I was going through this and I was really struggling with it. And I wasn't sharing it with anyone because when I used to struggle with anxiety years ago, whenever it was like 18, 19, I was living a more sinful life and I know that my anxiety was coming from a place of hiding a lot and really living more hypocritical and since I really turned my life around in a lot of ways that anxiety went away. And so here I am, I'm having like similar emotion, which is anxiety, but I'm in a completely different place. But I'm like, oh no, because in my mind, my anxiety is bad, but I wasn't having it because

of anything sinful. I wasn't having it because I was living, but it made me feel like, oh no, I don't want to tell anyone because I don't want people to think that I have something to hide when I don't. And so it's interesting because I was actually talking to Dr. Aiman about this because I talked to him every now and then when I, you know, I'm just having some anxiety stuff. And I'm like, I want to see what's in it. I want to get past it. So we have this conversation and he says to me, he's like, Sadie, you know you're not crazy and you know you have a sound mind and you know you're living a great life and doing great things.

And it was just so good because I'm like, I know that's true. Like I do have a sound mind. Like I know that I'm doing great things. I know I'm in a good place. So this emotion, all those same emotion as when I was going through sin, I'm not living there anymore. So it's nothing that I need to hide. Even when it was, I shouldn't have been hiding it, I should have been contesting it. But I think that that is true because I just group this thing, this anxiety in a

negative way and in a sinful way, like put that away when it's not always bad. And sometimes it's just like a natural feeling based off circumstances you're walking through that are a little scary. And it's okay to talk to people about that. And I don't know, that was like a good revelation for me because I do think sometimes it's like when it comes to anxiety, depression,

sometimes we can make it seem like those are always bad things that are out of sin, but it's not always. Sometimes it just happens. And you open up in the book about Zach walking through depression. Can you talk a little bit about just walking with someone you're married to through something like that? Yeah, I will. And first I want to say, oh, Sadie, like just even that, like what maturity it shows for you just to reflect on all that and be willing to not ignore that feeling. That's where emotional and health grows is when you ignore it all and you think it's

going to go away. And you think to yourself, oh, this isn't important. I'll feel differently next week. And sometimes you do, and that's okay. I'm not saying to pay attention to every little feeling that comes our way because sometimes it's just moods, right? It just it goes away pretty fast. But what you just did by taking that to someone for help and even telling your community, even though it was after the fact, it still was the letting them in that you're able to go and what you just

modeled for all of us is you're able to say, here's what I was feeling and here's what I know to be true and I may have this feeling again, here's what I was feeling, and here's what I know to be true, and I may have this feeling again, but here's what I'll know to be true, and I won't be so scared next time. Because that, and that is, like if there's one gift I hope this does for people is to give them a break.

Like just emotions don't play fair. They don't play fair. And you're exactly right. You can be completely spun up in anxiety because of your own decisions in sin. That is true. And I put that in the book, and I'm really clear about that.

And it is worth self-assessing if you feel like that may be you, because sin leads to sin and death. And following the spirit leads to life and peace. And that's Romans eight. So we know that there are two roads and one leads to death. And so of course we get anxious and depressed when we're on a road to death. So that is real.

And if you have been choosing things that are on that road, there is grace and there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus and there is forgiveness because of the blood of Jesus and the sacrifice that he made. So there's that and you can turn off that road because of the power of God inside of you anytime

if you believe in Jesus. So that's real. But then there's my husband and what you felt last week. My husband was a pastor and outside of just running his body into the ground and he would say not believing the theology of finiteness, that he can't just do everything, that he didn't rest well and all that.

He did not, you know, there was nothing, he dug deep. And he was like, is anything I'm doing the reason I'm depressed? Because it was pretty, that first one was the dark night of the soul. I was scared for his life. He was in a really bad place. He had just finished 10 years of pastoring

and had handed the church into great hands. He was still a pastor, but the church had merged with the bigger church. And it's like his body just broke and his mind broke. And he was gone. I mean, it was like I was living with a shell of a human. Like he was just gone. Hardest year of my life.

Of course, that wasn't the only, this was of course the year before If Gathering and the first year a book came out. So of course, there was probably some spiritual warfare going on around us at that time too, but looking back, everything was broken in our lives. And I really went numb at that point because I just,

I didn't know what else to do. My kids needed me. Cooper had just come home from Rwanda. We were surviving. Our church was merging at the time. And so people were disappointed. We were changing things on them. I mean, we didn't have our secure community we'd had.

It was just, I mean, like I get the EVGVs when I think back to that season and how insanely difficult it was. And because he was just gone, I mean, like I get the EVGVs when I think back to that season and how insanely difficult it was. And because he was just gone, I couldn't fall apart. Like I couldn't. I couldn't. Yeah.

And so how I processed that season was to go numb. And that's actually, like in the research, that's actually a gift at times. And I even wrote in the book from the research and knowing what this was like myself, you may get to this point in the book, you know, more than halfway and decide like, I can't do this next part because I'm not in a place to feel my feelings. I just can't, I can't do this part. I can do it later, but I can't do it now because that's a great feature got put in our brains to survive. Navy SEALs use it. Brain surgeons use it. People that just had a loved one die use it. So even that part we can be so compassionate for, like I'm so compassionate on my 30 something self

that was doing the best she could with four kids and a new adopted son and my husband gone basically, but in the house. And so, I think that's the point of all this is just that wherever you are, there's grace, there's compassion, there's a God that is saying, of course you feel that way, kid, of course you feel that way, baby girl, like, this is hard.

And when our emotions feel out of control, we've got to remember we're in a world that's very out of control. And so when you think back to your three-year-old self, or maybe you think of your three-year-old and you're throwing a fit in the, you know, grocery cart, and you didn't get what you wanted that day, you have to remember to that three-year-old, that ice cream was all there was to her day. Like there was no perspective. There was no you do other good things for me.

There was just you are not giving me what you want, what I want. And then we all know we get punished for that or we punish our kid for that, but they're confused. You know, I remember Kay used to say, you're hurting my feelings. I was like, I'm just being a good parent here, you know? But I know what she meant in her little mind,

in her little world, she was doing the best she could and letting me know how she felt. And so I do think we are afraid of these emotions, but I think God is way more patient with them than our parents were when we were three and they were pinching our leg, you know? Yeah. Quit acting this way. Yep.

That's so funny that you bring that up because that was going to be my next question, like having a two and a half year old and dealing with her emotions. Like how do I deal with them in a loving way, but also like helping shape and correct when I'm like, hey, they don't own you. They don't need to own you, but they also, you know.

Matter. But also, I care. It's so funny that you said that about Kate like, hey, they don't own you. They don't need to own you, but they also, you know, but also, the care is so funny. They said about Kate, cause honey, she always gives back to me what I give to her. So she's so smart. So the other, I always tell her like, honey, you need to learn, dot, dot, dot. So the other day I was telling her no for something

and she said, mommy, you need to learn how to say yes. I was like, you are, this is not going to get easier, Sadie. She's two and a half. She's only going to get smarter. Two and a half. She's like, Mommy, you need to learn how to say yes. I just started dying, Lavie. This is the result of two super

strong humans making a human. It's so true. She is so strong and she's so smart. But she's got some big emotions right now. I mean, we are in the tantrum. So precious. Her and Mary-Kate and Jean-Lynx daughter Ella, they're the same age.

And it was like at the same time, they hit this point where when they get upset, they both just hit the floor. It's just like arms out, legs out, can't handle it. And so with a kid, how do you like not shame them but also not let their emotions rule them and correct them in a loving way? Yeah, absolutely.

Friends, if you've been following along my family's life at all, then you know adoption is near to our hearts. Three of my siblings are actually adopted, and I cannot imagine my family without my siblings who are adopted. They are just as much fam as my other siblings who are biological and we love talking about the gift

that adoption has been in our family and the importance of foster care and adoption. So I'm so honored to be speaking at the Chosen Conference at Preston Wood Baptist Church in Plano, Texas on Saturday, April the 13th. This conference will focus on things like empowering churches to build their own foster care and adoption ministries, encouraging Christian families to get involved, and equipping families who are already involved in fostering or

adopting. This day-long conference will also feature dozens of breakout sessions to address tons of important issues affecting this conversation. My parents really took it to heart that verse James 127 to care for the orphans and provide a forever family for precious vulnerable children. I have seen the beauty of adoption in my own family, so this is the subject that's super close to my heart. Also my mom, Corey Robertson, will be a guest speaker at the conference too. Y'all are gonna love listening to her message in wisdom. I know God is gonna be moving this day and we want to invite you to be there, so make plans to join me for Chosen on April the

13th at Preston Wood Baptist Church in Plano, Texas. You can learn more at PrestonWood.org slash Chosen. That's Preston P-R-E-S-T-O-N Wood.org O-R-G slash Chosen. We'll see you there. So I like to say this and granted I'm a fixer at heart. All my life I've been fixing my kids problems instead of doing what I'm talking about. So I, you know, I can't say I've done this their whole lives. Now they ask me to do this. I remember once they were old enough, they would say, I just want you to listen to me. I just want you to not try to fix me mom. They would say things like that, but I literally, it was like, I could not stop. I wanted to

fix them. And my mouth, I mean, still to this day, even though I've done all this work and I've had two years of recovery from my fixer self, I still it's so hard not to just fix the problem. And I would just say this, I would say that honoring feelings while teaching them to be respectful is huge. So I was on the phone with the producer

of a very well-known morning show that I'm going on later this week. And it's a secular show. I doubt he's a Christian, he may be. And he's talking to me about his kid and he starts crying and he said, I got this book about a week ago. And my child is just really emotional.

And I haven't known what to do. And I've honestly just kept saying, don't act that way. You don't need to feel that. Don't rage about that. He said I've just been trying to correct his behavior all the time. But I read this book, and he is just literally weeping. And he said, I stopped and I just started pulling him

on my lap and I started saying, I'm so sorry that you feel so sad right now. And I love you and I'm here for you. And you be a brick wall when it comes to consequences. You be a brick wall when it comes to disrespect. Like, but you be a comforter for the fact that at three or two and a half, she's kind of doing the best she can with what she knows. And yet you're not going to be, like there's consequences.

And we're going to enforce them. So I'm a big fan of that. We are strict parents and I believe that is a necessary thing. But it's like if the consequences are clear, then you can let them be the bad guy and you can be the good guy. And you can say, man, I know I, I hate this with you that you lost this, like I hate it. But that's the consequence of what the decision you made. But man, I'm sad with you. You can't have that. So it. But that's the consequence of what the decision you made, but man, I'm sad with you that you can't have that. So it's empathizing with the feeling,

but not letting them be a brat. They're still gonna be punished. Well, I think that that's so good to establish at a young age because that essentially is kind of the problem we're seeing now with like Gen Z a lot of times because we are letting our feelings rule us and own us and the outcome is entitlement a lot of times. It's like, no, this is unhealthy. You have to be able to speak truth over yourself and say, yes, you can empathize with that.

You understand why you're there, but don't stay there. There's so much more. I think even with honey, we're trying to teach you these big things. One of the first scriptures we taught her was, God will never leave you or forsake you. He'll never leave you or forsake you. He's always with you. But then I've noticed, like when she gets in trouble and has to go to time out, she always says, don't leave me, don't leave me. And I tell her, I say, honey, I will never leave you. I'm never going to leave you because I'm upset with you. But you do have to sit here for a second and that because that was the rule. But if you do this,

you're going to have to be in time out for a minute. And so I think just establishing that like, I'm not leaving because you're upset. I'm not leaving because you're acting this way. I'll never leave you, but I am going to let you sit here for a second because there are consequences to just like you said, it's you said it's a leading to death. I'm not gonna let you walk that road, you know, I'm gonna help you. So I love what you shared and I actually just thought about this because I have not sent you this yet but at Liberty I was teaching at Liberty University last

week and I used you as an example because in this it was actually funny that we're talking about this and I totally forgot to even text you this, but I was talking about confession. And obviously you talk about confession a lot. But I was talking about like confessing what you feel convicted in. And I talk about how it was like the very first if gathering that it came to the one that I didn't know any of you all at. Yeah. And you like. So proud of you.

I know. So glad you came to that by the way. Me too. Wow, that was a game changer. Life changer for real. So I'm sitting there, and you're about to share something really big. And you're like, y'all have to confess something to everyone. And I remember you confess and shared that you had been doubting God. And I remember sitting there.

And honestly, I thought, well, like, I don't God, like, she feels so convicted by this. Like, I don't, I feel like I've doubted God, I haven't thought it's that big of a deal. And I remember thinking about your confession and like comparing my own conviction to it and thinking like, huh, like that was such a big thing. And why haven't I felt that? Well, I share this the other day at Liberty because I talk about how we can't like compare each other's Conviction look because if I were to say for instance Like sometimes like there are sin that sin and it's like don't do that But then there are other things that are like, okay

Well, you know for instance, I talked about watching this show that I was watching and I started feeling convicted by it. But I'm like, all my friends watch it. It's not that big of a deal. And so I'm like, I'm just going to keep watching it. But then I talk about how like, no, it says in James, if you know what is wrong and you continue to do it, then it's a sin for you. And so then I say, so it was a sin for me because I knew not to do it, but I'm comparing myself.

And then I said, but here's the thing. I am a speaker. I have a microphone in front of me all the time. So to me, watching shows that are putting in words in my head or thoughts in my head, it actually can be detrimental because from the heart, so the mouth shall speak. So I have to protect my heart. I have to protect my brain. And then I said, going back to what Jenny said, if Jenny had let that doubt fester, I said, I know what Jenny is doing nowadays. She has touched

millions and millions of people since that if gathering I went to because of her faith in God, because of the way her family has endured hard times and the things and I like just talked about all these things you've done. I'm like, and none of these books and none of these gatherings and none of these her family would not be aware of that if she would have let that doubt lead to death. Cause it says in James, you know, sin once conceived gives birth to death. So I'm like, she can't let that like,

she couldn't bring on that. So what I thought was a like smaller thing at the time was a huge thing and could have been detrimental. So you say, you know, it might be small to you, but it's a big thing to someone else. And we did this little analogy on like, I said, does anyone think it's a big deal to cheat in high school? Who cheated? Everyone raised their hand. Okay. And then I said, okay, teachers close your eyes. And I said, was it a big deal? I don't know. Heart wise, yes. Really was it? I don't know. I said, but if your brain surgeon

comes in to the operating table and says I cheated my whole way through school didn't you too all of a sudden it's a big deal I was like and now good what what his little conviction was matters when yours didn't matter And so anyways just talk about that and so I think like going back to the emotions like Even like doubting or fear, whatever it is. It's like, it might not be a big deal at the beginning, but it can grow to something really big and it can grow to something detrimental. I know what anxiety does for me. At first, it's small, but it leads to big attacks. And so like, I have to get it out until I have to confess. And you are the best teacher I know about the power of confession.

And I saw you, you put this in the book and I've heard you say on podcasts that actually, like in the brain, things begin to heal as you confess and communicate those things. Like that is just that's insane to me. That's so cool. If you haven't checked it out yet, LO has a new website. It looks amazing, same website I guess, but a new face to it. It looks so good, so pretty. And Samf.com actually helps you get all those pretty things

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plus free postage and a free digital scale. No long-term commitments or contracts. Just go to Samps.com, click the microphone at the top of the page and enter the code WOAH. If you're a business, you need this. at the top of the page and enter the code woe. If you're a business, you need this. Yeah, so you gotta realize trauma, you can go through one of the hardest things you would have ever imagined going through and not feel alone in it.

And those people end up okay. But if you go through something even small, little, little small trauma and you're alone in it, it will cause more damage. And so it truly is the circumstance that affects us the most is being alone. So what confession does and why God calls us to it, He calls us to it because He knows healing happens when not only between us and God, when we say it out loud to Him, but when we say it out loud to others, all of a sudden you just invited in healing

because people get to be the love of Jesus to you if they do it right. Right? I mean, sometimes it's done wrong and immature people can hurt you. But if you believe in the gospel, which is Romans 8, 1, there is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Jesus Christ,

then there is a safety in the church with people that love God that you can't find anywhere else. Where else is there no condemnation? Yeah, that's so true. Only in Christ Jesus. So it really is, this should be the Christian friendship and the church should be the safest place to say anything.

I call it the last 2%. And that last 2% is the thing that either has all the power or it is the thing that releases all the power. And you can hold it to yourself. And sometimes it's embarrassing. It's like, I just think it's even a private conversation you have. You and I have had that I will. I know. I started laughing. I started laughing.

But it was, it was that we both were telling each other things and we were laughing as we were saying them. Cause I'm like, gosh, we haven't told anybody this. And, and it wasn't big y'all. Like it wasn't like we were having some secret affair or pornography or something. It was just little, but it was, but it was, it was, y'all would find it little. And yet it was big to us because it, it was embarrassing. It was like, I don't want to say this out loud. And so that had its power, right? It wasn't that it was big, but it had big power.

Big power. And so when you say it, all of a sudden the power the enemy had, it goes away. And you feel free. So it really is, and that's what I hope in confession. Let me say this last thing. Confession is not just sin, okay? That's good. Confession is anxiety last week for you, Sadie.

Confession is to say what is true. To say what is true is to confess. So confession can be, I have been in a hard marriage for a long time. That's not sin necessarily. There might be some sin in there, but that statement isn't sin. But maybe you've never said that out loud, but that is true. And you need to say it out loud. What Jesus did with the woman at the well was so funny. I mean, he wanted her to say her problem. He wanted her to say her circumstances and her embarrassment. He wanted her to say what she felt,

why she was there in the middle of the day. And he gave her every chance to do it, and then she wouldn't do it. And then he said, well, here's your problem. And then he told on her. And why would he do that? That sounds mean because he knows that's her freedom. So he was determined for her to say it out loud.

And if she wouldn't say it, he'll say it. And not to judge her, but to set her free. So we say it to be set free. And we'll get found out out of the mercy of God if we don't. So go ahead and say it out to somebody. That is so true. Because it is his mercy. It is his mercy it out to somebody. That is so true. Because it is his mercy. It is his mercy that leads to repentance.

And if he has to publicly take us out, like, that's a mercy. It's a mercy. And so we confess privately. So he then, you know. That is so true. Literally, I love that you said that because my mom told us that when Doug Dynasty started. She said I'm gonna give you all some advice

They're gonna find out anything right everything So you might as well be the one to tell your stuff so that it could come from your own voice and It's so true and you take away that power that the enemy has over you making that 2% seem like a big deal Because I think so the 2% we were just talking about I love that you said because I started laughing when you said that because% seem like a big deal. Cause I think, so the 2%, you were just talking about, I love that you said that, cause I started laughing when you said that, cause I'm like, you know my 2%. Because I was like, so embarrassed to say this. And what's so cool about it though, is when I shared that and then you shared what you shared back to me,

it took away. Which was the exact same struggle. The exact same struggle. Which you didn't know I would say. Never, which maybe one day But not for today's bike everyone wants us to Your business people Ponder that one and maybe do an in-person

Interview I will say nothing. We are talking about is disqualifying Disqualifying nothing is this comment. It was hard to heart. It was hard to heart. Nothing disqualified. It's real. I love Jenny. She's the best leader, incredible person after even knowing the 2%. It was just real. But what I want to say too is that it seems so scary and embarrassing because even though it's not a big deal, I think some people put like, put small things as a bigger deal to other people. It's like, oh, well, you're this leader, you're this person and then you get scared because you're like, well, this isn't a big deal.

But if someone finds out or someone thinks that they're going to be like, what the heck? Like, you think that or you struggle with that? And so it's really hard. But when you confess, it's really not to shame you. It's really not to judge you. It really is to say, free. That conversation we had set me free, it really does. And now I have learned to love confession truly, like not in a weird way, but again,

just speaking what is true, because I'm like, if I get it out now, it's like nothing, you know, I mean, yes, it takes vulnerability. Yes, it takes bravery. Yes, it's still hard, but at the same time, I've seen the consequences of not, and that is so much harder. And so man, I love it. Well, this is so good. Last question, I'm teeing you up for a win because I love how you talk about this,

but tell me why you felt like Jesus wept. Why do you think he cried in that moment? You know, I mean, the story's fantastic. There was, one of his best friends dies and he knows it and he tells the people he's with. He's in a different town. Lazarus just fell asleep and I'm gonna to go wake him up in three days. And so he says that and so we know he knows he's going to heal him, right?

And so then they wait, they don't even go back yet. So now Lazarus has been dead three days. So he walks into the town of his best friends, Martha, Mary and Lazarus and Martha's ticked and lets him have it, like just yells at him. And he's patient with her. And then Mary comes and hears he's coming and runs out and falls out of his feet and is weeping.

And it says that Jesus was moved with compassion toward Mary and those that were crying nearby, like all the people crying. And then it says, take me to him. And then it says, the famous to him. And then it says, the famous two words, the shortest verse in the Bible, Jesus wept. Now, why this mattered so much to me is because I was a fixer. And I always thought that if I could fix my kids problem or fix my problem or fix my friends problem, that that would, that would help. I would be a helper and

that would solve it and they wouldn't be in pain anymore. And I wasn't comfortable with sadness and anger and fear. And I judged my own, so I judged other people's, which is what we do. And so, you know, as I studied all this, I was so convicted because I was like, God, like I hadn't ever realized,

like he already knew what he was gonna do. He knew he was about to heal him and he should have walked in and been like, don't be mad, don't be sad. Like I got this, I'll fix this. You're good, let's solve the problem. Watch this, you know? I wouldn't be like, that's how I'd roll.

I'd be like, watch this go down. I wouldn't weck and wait. I'd be like, watch the me at my power over death, you know? And I'd be preaching. I'd be like, God has got this, y'all. This is gonna be all of you one day. Like I would have had a great sermon. And it weeps.

And it just, it's the most, I mean, it makes me cry because I'm so bad at this. And I'm so convicted by it. But it's the most confounding thing until you understand how healing happens, until you see videos which I've seen of neuro pathways like finding each other again and healing like this is possible and and he knows that the problem in the room is not just that they're that the situation is bad because Lazarus will die again one day. They will all die again too.

Because Lazarus will die again one day. They will all die again too. He knows that the hardest part is what they feel in that moment. It's not that the circumstance is broken. He can fix that. It's that the weeping, the disappointment they feel toward him, the anger they feel toward him. Like he sits with all of it and he absorbs it and he feels it too. He had all perspective and knowledge. He knew where, right where heaven was and where

we would all go and how it would be okay one day. He knows, you know, but that's what we do. We tend to think we don't have enough faith and that's why we're sad. We don't have enough faith and that's why we're anxious. Or we don't have enough faith and that's why we're angry or we don't have enough faith and that's why we're angry but Jesus had all the faith like very clearly understood he didn't even need faith he didn't even need it he had seen heaven he knows like he knows and he's still wept over death so we don't serve a God who is not compassionate and if any part of your brain right now is feeling on the brink of just falling into a pit of despair, I would say you have a God that will be there in that pit with you.

And I pray you have people that will be there in that pit with you. But that pit is not the worst thing. That pit contains healing if you let it. If you actually reach for God in the pit, if you let other people help you in the pit, like the best relationships will come from it, your deepest moments with Jesus will come from it. It is not the worst thing to be sad. It is not the worst thing to be scared. Jesus was even scared in the garden to get so many. The Greek word is translated fear and anxiety. He felt fear and anxiety in the garden to the point of sweating what was like drops of blood. So our God is able to empathize and our weakness it says in Hebrews 4 that we

have a high priest that is able to empathize with our feelings, the feelings of our infirmities. That's what the King James says. Isn't that great? The feeling, he empathizes with the feelings of our weakness. So great. And then yet he didn't, he didn't sin. So he felt all of it, but he didn't sin.

And that's possible. It's really possible. And I think it's the way that we make it through this generation where emotions are running wild everywhere and it feels like they have all the control. God is in control. However, our emotions are a gift and we can hold that tension, especially if we bring them all to him and we confess them to the people that love us. Healing happens. And then there's times that we just need help

and I need to make this point too. Some of you would say the waves aren't hitting you, your ankles, you're not waist deep, you're all the way out of the ocean and you're sinking and you need help. And I would just say to you that are struggling with suicidal ideation, that are struggling with depression over months, months, possibly even years, you need help. Like that is real. And there are times we cannot rescue ourselves and we need, and God puts people in our lives to help us navigate

seasons like that. My husband needed medicine, my husband needed counseling, my husband needed help. And he got it and healed in that stronghold of depression no longer defines his life, although it has revisited a few times, no longer defines his life. And that is because he has felt what he feels, taken it to God and taking it to other people and allowed people to help him. And so our weakness is not the problem, it's are we isolated, are we scared to share it? And so I love that we talked about confession

in this podcast, because it really is, that's the first step. It is, wow, Jenny, this is, it's truly brilliant. It's so good. It's such a gift to the world that you wrote this book and did the research that you did, everything you've said. I've been leaning in, listening, taking my own advice and wisdom and looking at areas in my life

that I can apply these things. And as a mom, you know, apply these things to how I parent, honey, and Haven as a wife, how I apply these things to my marriage as just a human, how I apply these things to my own mind and emotions and truth. And it's just so good. I mean, sitting here, I'm like, truly of all 200 something plus podcasts, I've done top five right here.

I just, I've learned so much. I've learned so much. I love you. I'm grateful for you. And thank you. If you're listening to this, there's so much. I've learned so much. I love you. I'm grateful for you. And thank you. If you're listening to this, there's so much more in this book. I had notes to actually stop and read,

but then it just was fun to talk. So go get this book, read this book. It was out the day that we recorded it, so it's definitely out now. Denny, you're awesome. I love you, friend. Thank you for this. I love you.

It's great.