Why Won't You Date Me? with Nicole Byer - Gay Bar Sidewalk Sale (w/ Mano Agapion)

Episode Date: March 23, 2018

Mano Agapion (UCB, Horny for Horror) joins Nicole to have a great discussion on race and gender identity, body dysmorphia, and a crazy Grindr threesome story. Be sure to rate Why Won't You Date Me 5-stars on Apple Podcasts. Leave a dirty comment for a chance have it read on-air. Follow Nicole Byer: Tour Dates: nicolebyerwastaken.com/tourdates Twitter: @nicolebyer Instagram: @nicolebyer Facebook: www.facebook.com/nicolebyercomedy

Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me? Please tell me why! Oh boy! I'm Nicole Byer and welcome to Oh I Want You to Date Me. It's a podcast where we're exploring how I'm still single even though I'm on Tinder and even though I'm pretty easy. You don't even have to buy me dinner.

My guest today is a dear friend. He's very, very funny. He is Greek. is a dear friend. He's very, very funny. He is Greek, and on stage once I said, what are you, some kind of Latino? Which is so awful on so many levels. I love it. But we were hosting a diversity showcase. Mm-hmm.

My friend, Mano, and I cannot say your last name. Never say it. Agapian. Agapian. Yeah. It's okay. I think I've said your last name out loud maybe a total of two times. Sure.

That being one time and then some other time after you've said it to me. Don't sweat it. A Gapian. A Gapian. Don't sweat it. Because I look at it. There's an A. There's a P.

There's a G. There's another A. There's an I. There's an A. There might be an R. I don't know. An R, a Q, a Z. So I'll look at it and be like, a-ba-ka-ba-ka-bin.

A-ba-ka-ba-ka-bin. It could go a Q, a Z. So I'll look at it and be like, abacabacabin. It's... It could go a few ways because you could start up high. You could start at the beginning high. You could start at the end low. Agapada. Oh, God. Mano is so funny and I'm so happy you're here. You're so sweet.

I love you. I love you so much. Thank you. I love you. Okay. So let's just much. Thank you. I love you. Okay. Yeah. Where do we start? Let's get right into it.

Yeah. You are dating someone. I am. Very sweet boy who's just adorable, funny, cute, wonderful. I feel like I tricked him. I have a joke that he's like a two-year-long prostitute, and I'm going to get a bill any day now. And it's going to be too much money.

Too much? Oh, no. You'll have to sell all your things. But I'm so lucky. He's very cool. And I will say I met him after one of the worst nights of my life at a gay bar. Yes. So, okay, before we talk about how you met him.

Did you ever online date? Have you ever done Tinder, Grindr? Yes, girl. What did you do? I used to document it. I used to do Grindr a lot. Yes, yes, yes. And I did a whole thing where I documented it on Instagram. It's still up there. I haven't updated it

because you can't have Grindr when you have a happy boyfriend. But it's still up there, Grindr Diary. I just documented the insane conversations I would have on the app. I there Grindr diary I just documented the insane conversations I would have on the app I did Grindr the most I think that's the one I did the most

there was like a couple other gay ones like Jacked or Adam for Adam Scruff yeah Scruff Growler oh Growler

was for bears yeah Growler's a little too bearish even for me. Bear culture's really intense. It's wild. It's wild.

And if you're not big enough, they'll be like, you're not a real bear. Yeah, I do like them. I have nothing but love and respect for that community because it's one of the few gay communities where I feel very comfortable. And whether it's me projecting it or it's a reality, most gay vibes make me feel like a weird little middle schooler. Sure, because it feels, I don't know, this is truly just me inferring and projecting because I'm not a gay man. Sure. Are you sure though?

It feels like a lot of, I don't know, I've been talking this whole time. I do feel like a lot of gay culture is a hierarchy that stems from maybe high school. Where you wanted to be the popular girl, but you weren't. You were a nice little gay man that maybe didn't have the status that you wanted. So you grow up. Now you're hot. You work out all the time. And now you get to hold the status.

So you get to just make this strange hierarchy. Yeah, and all shade, all tea, there is still a lot of racism in the gay community. A lot. Yeah, I mean, you kind of see it on Drag Race. You'll have black queens where people will talk so meanly and poorly about them. But I'm like, well, what is the difference between this black queen and this white queen who are evenly leveled? Yeah.

And like because whiteness is still the major pop culture experience. Yes. So everyone is comparing pop culture against whiteness because whiteness is the default. So everything else kind of has a backseat. Yes. culture against whiteness because whiteness is the default so everything else kind of has a backseat yes um and it's true in the gay community because like the gay men put on a pedestal are white they just are and white little twinks white adonises and everything else is compared against that and it's like and like even if you are a arabic h, it's like, wow, how did you do that? You know what? He's hot because he reminds me of this white hunk.

It's wild. It's interesting in the gay community, everything is like sectioned. Like there's rice queens or like you like chocolate men or like whatever. Like everything is sectioned off. It's so weird. It's very interesting. It's like gay men trying to emulate the way that like straightness is. Yeah, the way that like heterosexuals have gendered and boxed everybody in.

It's weird. Yeah, it's very, very strange. It's very strange. It's everyone just trying. And I mean, honestly, it's very, very strange. It's very strange. It's everyone just trying, and I mean, honestly, it's bigger than we can even measure. Oh, yeah. But it's definitely like

trying to find some form of validation in a thing that is generally seen as other or weird or bad. And just like for years, me even growing up, I was like, well, I'm gay, but I'm not so gay. Like, I used to be like, I'm gay, but I'll never do drag.

Because I was trying to seek a little bit of validation from majority culture. Yeah, that's like, my friend Mateo talks about his gay voice and he's like, I tried to hide my gay voice, but I can't. It's just the way my voice comes out. And it's such an interesting thing to like, because it's very interesting that like a gay man can hide. You can be in a closet, but like for being ethnic or being a different, anything other than white. Yeah.

Mostly you can't hide. And if you can hide, it's just called white passing they won't even say that you're like that you are hiding it it's like oh i'm just passing it's still there but i'm passing yeah it's a race and gender identity and sexuality is such an interesting complex thing when like it shouldn't be no it shouldn't you should be able to just like wake up and go i want to wear heels and have a beard and do whatever I want. Yeah. And even like because there was also a part of me, tell me if you ever had this thing.

When you were younger and you were so obsessed with your ethnic identity that you let it obstruct your true self. I guess what I'll say is when I was younger, I was like, I'm Greek. I am so Greek baklava I was like pushing it so hard like me of our Dallas I was pushing it so hard because like I don't know like

I needed people to see me as special yes so I couldn't just be like yeah I am that thing and it's interesting I had to push it I didn't have to push my blackness, specifically because I grew up in a white suburb where black, I was not, I had never been called the N-word until I left Jersey.

Wow. I went to Mississippi, and that's the first time I heard it being thrown at me directly, and I was like, okay, I want to go back up north north they seem a little bit more civilized but they're not it's just as bad but uh I was an other but I was a cool other so like Eminem was popular like hip-hop was popular FUBU was a thing that everybody wanted like Tommy Hilfiger like hip-hop was had such a huge uh pull on like white suburbs or at least the white suburb that i grew up in so like nobody ever made fun of me in my face uh people liked me

and i don't know if it was just because i was black but i was also very loud and i would lean into blackness that i didn't really know like like getting my like. I didn't grow up with my mom having her nails like acrylic nails, like long nails or anything. But I'd seen other black women with it and I was like, I want that. I want to wear weaves. I want to be like a little hood. I would try to be a little bit more hood

than I was sometimes. But that's normal. But yeah, that is normal trying to like do something you you're familiar with the whole code switching my mother code switched yeah so my mom her name was lily to like white people and then to my black family her name was bonnie because that was just her nickname and a lot of black kids will have nicknames that are completely you'll be like i'm sammy but everyone calls me boo boo and And you're like, where did Boo Boo come from? Well, one time I fell down and I said, uh-oh, Boo Boo, and it stuck.

I love that. And I don't know why my mom, oh, my mom's name is Bonnie because my grandmother's friend name was Bonnie, and then she was on her, it was like whatever. But my mom would speak to my white friend's parents differently than she spoke to any black person I've ever met. And I'd be like, huh. So not only is her name different to white people,

she speaks differently to them. And then my mom, since we grew up in such a white place, whenever she saw another black person on the street, she would nod at them. So I just thought my mother knew every black person. But it was just like, I acknowledge that you're here. I acknowledge that you are here. And it's just like an understanding

that's just like, we're alone in this. Hello. So now whenever I see a black person in Los Feliz, or Los Feliz, however you want to say it, I like smile

and they always smile back because it's like, we're alone here. I love that. It's interesting. It's an interesting thing. I still do it. I do it with the brownish people.

When everyone has a different-ish name, I'm like, don't worry, I got your back. I won't let anyone come for you in your name. I got your back, Anish. And it's also wild that white, I won't say all white people, but some white people just can't wrap their heads around

a different name. Oh my god. It's truly the most un... Yes. It's crazy. Unbelievable. I tell them to their face. I literally just said it today. I was like, check your cultural relativity. I've learned your words. Greg, Barry,

Annie. That's just as weird to me. But we're living in your world, or so you think. And it's also, like, crazy, like, Sashir has, like, people cannot say Sashir's name. Uh-huh. But then it's, like, you can say, like, Oslakovich. Yeah. Like, you can say all these, like, crazy, like, Russian or Jewish names.

Totally. But it's, like, you refuse to learn, like, Zahid or, like, Hezekiah or something like that. It's wild. Uzo was talking about this, right? Uzo Aduba? Oh, yes, because she has a name that I'm sure has been butchered a hundred times. A million times, but she fucking kept her name. She's Uzo.

I do love that she kept her name, Uzo Aduba. And like now I kind of wish that I had a more interesting name because I was specifically, my sister and I were named Catherine and Nicole. We do not have nicknames. My mother said that we could use slang, but never on the phone. Or never if you're going for a job interview or something. My mother literally raised us to be white on paper. And then when you got to a job interview, they could go, oh, you're Nicole.

And then you wow like got to a job interview, they could go, oh, you're Nicole. Yeah. And then you like wow them with your manners and you wow them with the way you speak. And it's like, so I was literally raised in defense or like offensive. Yeah. Or, I don't know. I was raised like life is a game and you just got to be white to win. Totally. My mom did that too.

Because I grew up around foreign crazy people like people who had jumped off of a boat who who just barely made it made a living here by selling gyros and hummus and like around her people around her crazy foreign friends just being like let's kill the goat and yes let's stay up till 3 a.m. drinking coffee. And like craziness. And then when we're at school being like, yes. Yes. Sure.

I would love that. Thank you. PTA meeting. That was where my mom really couldn't even fake it. She was too foreign for the PTA. That's so funny. She got, anyway. Anyway. Okay. Back to funny. Anyway, I feel like

sidebar-ing. That was a very big sidebar. Big sidebar. But grindering, dating. I've been around all of it. I used to be a hoe. I was a filth. And yeah, until

I just truly got over it. The thrill of popping a weird dick in my mouth went away. Did you? I mean, it's fading for me. I'm like, I just want one dick that I know. Yes. That's not weird. One pretty dick.

Yes, one beautiful dick. And like when his pants drop, I go, that's my dick. I get to ride that and nobody else gets to. And you know the smell and you like the smell you're like yes and I'm like oh these balls are good yeah cause I've sucked dicks and I'm like this tastes like poison I always talk about like a dick that

looks like it's been chewed on yes I've seen those I hate that where you're like ugh I once I didn't date him we fucked a couple times. This hot Australian named Tom. And the first time I sucked his dick, I was like, his dick is dirty. Ew.

This is a dirty dick. And I was like, I guess he was out all day. Because later he was like, yeah, I was out all day. And I was like, I mean, you couldn't take a baby wife to that thing? Something. Couldn't fucking something for anybody and then like I rewarded bad behavior and kept sleeping with him did you ever do the thing like let's shower no the second time it was great I was like okay you washed your body you fucking washed your stupid the third time I went to his place and I was like you have a blanket nailed

to your wall this is not art yeah. Yeah. This is not okay. That's never been acceptable. No. I hate when people do that. I just want a grown up. Yeah. I know. A grown man with nice furniture and just nice things.

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it is the lottery though. It is. Because I don't have any, because I'm in a relationship now, but there is no, there's nothing I did to deserve it. Well, you're a wonderful person. Well, I love you, thank you. It is funny and beautiful and caring. I love you.

And nice. I think you deserve it. Thank you. We do both deserve it. Thank you. I'm just waiting for mine. We do both deserve it. Thank you.

I'm just waiting for my... So when you were hoeing it up on Grindr and Tinder and whatever, did you make a point to be like, I'm going to stop doing this? I think so. I think you just hit a wall, right? Or you have bad experiences. It's rarely all that fun, honestly. I'll tell you something. LA is filled with beautiful people, but they're not on Tinder.

No. And they're not online dating. No. Have you heard of this new one? What? Raya? Fuck. Raya won't let me on.

Oh, is this? I think I heard this from Drew or something. Raya is. Yes. I'm sure Drew is on it, but Raya is a dating app for famous people or like people who work in the industry. How the hell can you not be on it? I think I'm too fat and black. Get out of here.

I don't mean it in like a woe is me type of way. I just mean if you're going to curate a look, I'm not the look. And I know I'm not the look. And I'm not the look, and I know I'm not the look. Sure. And I'm, not happily, I just like, I humbly accept that I'm not the norm, and that like, sure, you would like want, you know, Dane Cook to match with an Instagram model. Like, Dane Cook's not going to swipe right on me. I also don't know if Dane Cook is on this.

He's just the person I could think of who is awful enough to be like, yeah, yeah, I just want to date an Instagram model oh yeah I fucking hate Dane Cook oh fuck him and I'll go on the record to say that

go on the record fuck him he sucks I'll tell you a quick little anecdote about Dane Cook so I was at the comedy store I was trying to do

trying to tape a late night set like a five minute fucking set I was supposed to go up before Dane the host comes and he goes hey nicole uh we're gonna put you after dane i said how long is dane doing dane is doing 20 minutes i said is this a real 20 or dane 20 because i've been there when he's blown through

that light and it's done like 40 minutes he goes no it's gonna be 20 but then in his set he hits like 30 minutes and i was like how much longer is he's doing and he was like i'm so sorry the light guy told him he could do however much he wanted and i said so he's gonna do what an hour and i'm gonna come out and do my little five minutes that doesn't that's not how comedy works they've adjusted to this man's material for an hour it's gonna be hard a hard reset for five fucking minutes. So then he was like, I'm so sorry. And I was like, well, can someone light him?

So then they lit him. And then he did an hour and 20 minutes. That's insane. He never apologized. He never said anything to the effect of I respect your time. And that was disrespectful. I literally watched the host go out and then try to get the crowd back up to be like, there's one more person, she's not gonna do that much time,

like apologizing for me before I got on stage. And I watched Dane Cook walk out the back of the comedy store, kiss his fucking girlfriend with fake tits, which there's nothing wrong with that. Nothing wrong with that, you're just mad. She's just pretty and I hate her. And he literally kicked the door open with his foot and rode her off into the night. And I was like, you've got to be kidding.

That was like the most Dane Cook thing you could have done. Rode her? Yeah, she was like in front of him. And he was just like, I can't. It's a podcast. You'll never know what I'm doing. He was like behind her, like holding her and like wiggled out. Oh, okay.

Just like, here we go, you property. It was one of the best sets I had though, because I was so angry. You did great. They loved it. Yeah, but then I didn't record it. Shit. Shit. Okay, well, a couple things I need to say.

Yes. He sucks. Yes. I one time hooked up with a guy who had birds in his house. Yes. And I had to leave. I lied and I was like, I have to get something from my car.

And I just left. That is very funny. What kind of birds? I don't know. They were like in covered cages. And he was like, it's okay. It's okay.

Don't mind them. And they just smelled like bird shit. And it was insane. That is disgusting. And thirdly, yeah, I know what you mean. I don't feel like I'm a part of the poster child of what is ideal, but that's cool.

I do like looking different. Yeah, you will find someone beautiful and cool who is just like, I like that. There is somebody who is already obsessed with you. I know, I'm sorry. I mean, obviously, you're a star and you're beautiful. I'm not a star. And you have this energy that brings people to you. Thank you.

You shouldn't be worried. Growing up, I didn't want to be white. I just wanted to look like everybody else, which sounds like it's like I wanted to be white. I just wanted to look the way I looked. Me too. But have people look at me and see what they wanted to see. Do you know what I'm saying? Oh, 100%.

Yeah. I never, even now I know that I look different than other people. Yeah. But I've really just like leaned into it. I like looking different. I walk around with like four pairs of eyelashes on. I wear, I contour my face. I add hair on almost every day.

I've just been like, this is what I like to look. I am wearing a bedazzled shirt right now and leopard print. I look borderline insane, but like I love it. No, that's just, I'm a full believer in your, what you put on is your drag. Yes. So that doesn't mean you're, you are a drag queen. It just means this is how you express yourself. And that's fucking cool.

I'm not a drag queen because I'm not a man. Correction. Not a man. But I do know what you mean. And I feel very affected by it because I grew up feeling like my body should be one thing. And a lot of like what is considered hot is a very limited white. It's such a very weird limited thing it's like if you're white tall have abs full head of hair yeah that is what's sexy for a man yeah for a woman you have

long hair you got big old titties tiny waist a little bit of hips now butts are huge people love finally but it like very short time ago god my mother growing up would be like tuck your butt you don't want to look like a you don't want to look like a question mark like an upside down question mark oh my god yup

and now now it's just like everyone wants a butt and then lips my mom taught me how to draw the liner on my lips to make them look smaller

are you serious yes we spent a lot of time trying to look like what Eurocentric or whatever yeah I hate that

okay please before we keep talking yes we have to take a commercial break okay To look like, what, Eurocentric or whatever? Yeah. I hate that. Okay, please. Before we keep talking, we have to take a commercial break. Okay. All right. We'll be back. And we're back. What a dream. Hi.

Hi. What a dream of a break. That was a good break. We stretched. We kissed. Yes, a break. That was a good break. We stretched. We kissed. Yes, we did. We kissed a little bit. I wanted to continue yelling about racism.

Yes. I mean, it is wild. And my friend Emily, I mean, I had heard it, but Emily brought it to my attention that black women and Asian men are the lowest. Nobody wants them. Which is insane. My boyfriend is Asian and he's smoking hot. He Nobody wants them. Which is insane. My boyfriend is Asian and he's smoking hot. He's so hot.

He's so hot. I'm terrified of dating a man who's this hot. You guys look so great together. Thank you. I love him. But literally the first thought I had walking up to him, not a joke, was this is a long shot. But fuck it. Because I was drunk and high.

And I was just that sparkly confident. And I was like, I'm going to do this. Wait, before we get into how you met him. This is the second time I've done this. No, no, I'm sorry. Can you tell me another terrible Tinder story? Oh, yeah. We could go for a while.

Yeah. Oh, God. There's been a lot where I just like, oh, oh, my God. Yes, this is the best one. There was one time on Grindr I went to go meet a couple. Okay. Oh, I think I've heard this story. You know this.

Did I tell you this story? Yes. I went to go meet a couple. They were very nice. And I was like, oh, that's a bit much. But like, whatever. It could be fun. And, you know, they were very nice.

They were like, here's what you can do. You can have a glass of wine. And if at the end of the glass of wine you don't want to stay fully welcome to leave and i was like that's classy and i took him up on it had a i showed up at uh their apartment had a glass of wine you know just like many gay couples they you know had that thing where like they kind of like you know had a look where like they both look where they both were brown and had similar hair. And we're just like a gay twin couple. And so we're hanging out and drinking wine. Of course, one glass of wine is more.

And of course, that becomes two glasses. And they're flanking me and literally touching on me. And it's like an awesome feeling uh-huh it's an awesome feeling and so then i noticed so like as they're like touching me at one point like one of their hands grazes the other the other boyfriend's hand and uh flinches back hard like flinches back hard was like iinches back hard. I was like, okay, maybe this is like a power play. Maybe they're, I don't know what's going on, but at first I didn't think of much of it,

but it happened again, where one of them grazed the other one's hand with me in the middle, flinch back. And I was just like a bit casually like, oh, what's happening? Just let me know. Like, if this is the thing where you're not touching each other, just like let me know so I can adjust. My brain can understand what's going to happen tonight.

And they were like, okay, look, don't leave, which is the best way to get someone to leave. I really want to though. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Best way to get someone to leave. I really want to though. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So they were like, we're not boyfriends. We're brothers.

We're brothers. And we just wanted to see what it would be like to hook up with a guy together. And we just wanted to know if you wanted to do this. And of course, I'm drunk as a skunk and I'm a little freaking out and I'm like, why did you guys lie to me? What's happening? And they're like, it's just a thing we wanted to try. It's not weird.

It's super weird, specifically because it's like, so you as brothers want to hook up with someone but you don't want to touch each other? Like, do you just want to watch each other with someone? It's weird on so many levels. Because it's like, okay, incest, strange. Strange.

It's strange to want to fuck a sibling. I could never fuck my sister. A, it would be boring. No. B, it's not good. No, it's not good. It's not good it's just not good but i'll admit that like oh god so ask me if i stayed did you i stayed like i stayed because i was drunk there were two naked guys near me no okay no no no but there was a lot of stuff happening to me and... Did they keep flinching or did they just

learn not to touch? No, they like leaned in. They, there was some more touching, but it was, here's what I'll say. After things ended, after things had finished, was the quietest, longest, 45

seconds of my life. I am. Putting my pants back on. And then having those brothers being like, what have we done? Yeah. Yeah. It was very that. It was very just like, okay. We can't talk about this at Thanksgiving.

We have to pretend it's not a thing. And I was like, cool. I get to leave now. Yeah. You guys have to be brothers. Deal with this. For a little bit longer. Oh, how weird.

I love that you stayed I'm filth I'm filth it's amazing that you stayed and it was one of those things

where it was such a dirty thing that like I didn't need sex for like another two weeks that thing where you like where you're just like

that was wild that was wild and I need to now read some bedtime stories like you're just like excited to watch Disney movies. Nasty sex where I'm like, I don't. He really dug around in my butt.

I don't think I need anything for a while. No, your butt. Here, look at my Tinder. Okay. And what do I do? So one, if you're listening to this, well, not if. You are listening to this. But if you want to see what Mano's looking at,

you can go to my Facebook page. It's Nicole Byer backslash comedy or something, or like it's Nicole Byer comedy on Facebook. And there is a photo album labeled Tinder, and it's got my Tinder and my Bumble. So Mano, I just want you to describe what you're seeing. Okay, so I see a gorgeous picture of you. Thank you. Gorgeous curly hair. Yes. You're see a gorgeous picture of you. Thank you.

Gorgeous curly hair. Yes. You're wearing like a t-shirt that's like a chain chomp. A chain chomp? It looks like a chain chomp from Mario, but it's probably not.

Oh, maybe it is. It's like a monster. It's like a little monster face. And you are holding one of the biggest dildos I've ever seen. This looks like maybe a 16-inch cock with big balls and a crazy width. Yes.

A crazy width. It's very big. Yeah, it's a pretty gorgeous picture. Thank you. Yeah, do we need to keep describing? No, you can just swipe through and describe what you see. And if you think that I should change a picture or if you think a picture is misleading, you can just swipe through and describe what you see. And if you think that I should change a picture or if you think a picture's misleading,

you can let me know. Oh, and how do I swipe through your other pictures? Do I go down? I think you just swipe left or right. Okay, now I see it. Okay, okay. Okay, now there's you at Christmas with a gorgeous big Christmas tree. Very big. I love this.

You look cute. That's a really nice picture. That's a really nice compliment with the first picture. Okay. Because the first picture, I will admit, is like a little, it could be intimidating. Okay. Because is it saying, I need this big of a cock? But here's the thing.

That dildo is so big. That you're saying it's clearly a joke. Yes, it has to be a joke. Yeah. was so big that if anyone were to look at it yes it has to be a joke yeah if anyone was to look at that and go oh boy i don't add up to that is insane yes and i've had a couple guys go well i'm white so like i definitely don't have a dick like that i'm like nobody does if they do they're an elephant or they're not well right they're sick uh It's a part of a problem. It's not a good thing for them. Yes.

And it for sure. Okay. Yeah. Okay. So cute Christmas tree. Really great follow up because then that reinforces that you're like,

you're delightful. I just like big things. You just like big things. Unless someone sees the tree. And they're like, I don't have a tree like that. My tree is much smaller. She can never come to Christmas at my house.

My dad's dick is way smaller. Okay. Okay. So then there's a gorgeous picture of you in sort of a trailer. Yes. Business. The business. Yes.

No, but you just look gorgeous. But only other actors realize it's a trailer. That's true. It's really funny. It just looks like a cute little apartment room or something. You look beautiful. This is a very gorgeous and not like tawdry look. Thank you.

You could be tawdry if you wanted to, though. Tawdry. This is a good word. What does it mean? Like, you know, like sexy. Ooh, tawdry. Wow. There's a stunning picture of now you in a bodysuit.

Yum. And your ass is featured. Yes, let them know, let them see, let them know. Your ass is bringing it to the runway. Runway. Yes, bitch. Run, run, run, runway. Gorgeous, I like that bodysuit.

Don't be jealous of my booty. Don't be jealous of my booty. You can say that you're not. Okay, and now a gorgeous picture of you and a heart. Oh, it's like a fun little, this is fun. You're being fun. You're making a goofy face. You're saying, I'm beautiful, but I don't have to look beautiful all the time.

Oh, thank you. You do look beautiful. Oh, and then you and dog, Charlie Todd. No, that's Clyde. Clyde. I mix them up. It's fine. I got two of them.

Cute dog. Nice. Okay. Those are all of them. Cute dog. Nice. Okay. Those are all of them. You think they're good? I think they're really good. Okay. I really think this is awesome.

I think because I think it's a good representation of how playful you are. It says I'm sexy. I'm not afraid to be sexy. But it also says I have a sense of humor. And also I just like having like celebrating simple joy is like a fucking Christmas tree you know you know me I'll scream for less I'll see a penny on the floor and be like guess what I'm a penny richer and the first line is I got a fat ass so if you're not into it bye I love this oh thank you down to figure skate okay yeah

this is really good I mean yeah this is awesome one of your interests is your TV show I don't know how to change it don't change it don't change it

I mean if you're not interested in it who who would be who would be gotta be interested in it you gotta love love what you're given I'm trying

I love this. So what is your question? Is this a good representation? Yes. Do you think it's a good representation of me? Do you think I should change anything? Yeah. What are your overall thoughts?

I have to say, at very first, my gut was like, should this be the first picture? Okay. That's what my gut said. But then I saw the collection. You know what I mean? It was like after, at first I was like, that's a weird smock to start with.

But then once I saw that there was a culotte that matched it, and then there was a fun print with the same, like a bolero jacket with the same print as the culotte and the smock. The outfit you are creating is everything. So so to me it's a smocked baby doll i'm wearing culottes and i'm wearing a bolero is there a hat you know there's a hat it's a it's a tiny fedora i love it so much um yeah so as together the whole collection is pretty sickening okay thank you thank you. Shantae. Shantae, I stay.

Shantae, you stay. No, I really, I love it. I mean, I love you. This says you're fun and it shows how, it shows you're like not afraid to be confident and fun and sexy. Thank you. You're such a fucking catch. What do you think right now is something you're like looking for something you're not looking for well i think are you looking for a friend or a lover i i keep going

back and forth with it i think i want a boyfriend but then i'm like oh maybe i just want a lover but then i'm like maybe i want a boyfriend And I was like, what does that even fucking mean? I think what I would like is, I think it's nice that a boyfriend would mean I have someone to always hang out with. If he's not free, he's not free, but for the most part he's free because he wants to be with me. It would be nice to not have to be like,

ugh, all right, it's Friday. I guess I call people, or maybe I just sleep because I'm tired. I don't know. So yeah, that would be nice. And then eventually I would like to like share my life with someone. I mean, I just like I just moved into a house where it's very specifically me. Yeah.

And it were like I don't hate to like have to like get rid of it to like move into something that's like more his speed. No. So it's like it's a I don't know. I don't think I'm like ready to adjust my life for a relationship. No, you shouldn't have to be because you need someone who's just as self-sufficient as you are. Yes. Because you don't need to be picking anyone up and vice versa. You don't need anyone picking you up.

Yeah. No, that would feel awful. No, you don't want that. You need to both have your lives, and then you enjoy the moments where you get to bring them together. Oh, I like that. Yeah. Mano, let me ask you a question. Please.

Would you ever date me? Yes. You would? I know. I'm sorry I'm so fucking gay. I'm ridiculous. Okay, so if you weren't gay, or if I was a man, would you date me? Yes.

You would? Yes. Okay. I think, it's funny because even Nicole a couple years ago was like, I was like, I used to think you were so wild. I was. You were. I was pretty wild. Yeah, so a couple years ago I would be like, I don't know, that Nicole is fast.

That Nicole is pretty fast. I don't know if I can. But today, Nicole, yeah, I feel like, yeah, you're such, you've come into your own, not like I'm an adult, I'm so not an adult, but you've just, you're steadily adulting at such a nice rate. I feel like we've all grown so much. Yeah, yeah. I think it's nice, and I think that's a nice thing to notice. Because I have been trying to be responsible and not be as,

I mean, not not be as slutty but like to just like make better choices with men and like understand that like you don't have to fuck dudes if you don't like them and you don't have to stay out all night and you can just go home yeah so i'm just like it's like a whole learning experience and i feel like all of our friends are kind of like yeah like booing up and like settling down and like not being cray cray yeah which is like nice get over it can I ask you a maybe personal question absolutely so you know I'm a person who identifies as like having body dysmorphia sure yeah and and you know if nothing else I'm just like very aware of body image stuff and it's gotten so much better in in just recent years and honestly it's gotten better having a boyfriend i can express that too like this is the first boyfriend i've

had who i can been like i can just be like i have body dysmorphia and he's like i get that and it's just like oh wow like the pressure is like gone gone do you consider yourself someone who struggles with body image or is fully over it? I used to have a lot of body image issues. Especially growing up, I was always fatter than everybody, browner than everybody. My hair wouldn't grow as long as everybody else's. So growing up, I would harbor things. But I would say, I don't know.

When I got to college, I very much didn't give very many fucks, but I still had hangups. Like I wouldn't wear sleeveless things. I was like, God forbid someone saw my whole arm, which to me today is the most insane thought I've ever had. Because arms are arms, bodies are bodies. And I would say like in the last two, three years, I've been like, fuck it. Who cares? I don't care. I'm gonna wear whatever I want.

I'm gonna show that body, yaddy, yaddy. I don't care anymore. But in the same breath, if I choose to lose weight, then that's a choice I've made. And it has nothing to do with outside influences. I've become very happy with this body that if you don't like it, then honestly, whatever. do with outside influences. Yeah. Like I've become very happy with this body.

Yeah. That if you don't like it, then like honestly, whatever. Yeah. And then it's like if people have rude things to say about it, then like that means I'm fucking powerful. Yeah. That means this body is so grotesque and so upsetting that they had to stop their life to go, I gotta tell her. Because it's like.

I've heard you talk about this before and I love how how you say, I have eye-controlled your day. Yes, yeah. I fucked your day up so much just by living that you had to say something to me, or you had to just stare at me. And I feel like more people should just say to, like, if you're differently abled or you, like, look different than the norm, that if someone stares at you, you should just whisper, you like what you see and like wink. Because that throws people off and they go, no, I don't. And then you go, then why are you looking? Because you look like a fucking freak and you can't stop thinking about it.

Like, and it's true. It's true. And it's not like me being like, here's a snappy comeback for you. It's like you're literally just spitting the truth back at them. Yeah. like here's a snappy comeback for you it's like you're literally just spitting the truth back at them yeah so yeah i mean i would say if you talk to me five years ago i would go oh i probably have to lose some weight before i find love yeah but me today i'm like no you'll love me like this or you don't love me at all that's it that's fine it's fine not everyone's everyone's gonna love this package that they'd be open sure but the person you deserve is already into it. Oh, wait.

So I said we would talk about how you met your boyfriend later. It's now later. Later. Gentlemen and ladies. Ladies and gentlemen. We've come to the portion. We've come to the portion of the show where Manu will talk about a bad

night at a gay bar on the east side of LA. Which is the better part of LA to be gay, frankly. I think so. But I was at Akbar. Okay, the bad night. I was at Akbar and I was, you know, whatever, hanging out, being a slut.

And someone, and this is fully, it's so stupid. Because it's like, this goes back to my bad body tendencies. So when someone would praise me for just my body, I'm like, you have my attention. A guy slid his hand down my pants. Front or back? Back. And squeezed my ass, my bare ass and I immediately was like, hello

boyfriend. I was just like, you deserve my attention. And he was just being super flirty and he was like, hey, blah blah blah, we're talking. And I was like, let me get you a drink. I go to get a drink from the bar. Break him back a drink. He's already talking to another gentleman.

And I was like, oh cool. I give him the drink. He's already talking to another gentleman. And I was like, oh, cool. I give him the drink. It's immediately weird. I immediately feel like a weird little sister when you're like, uh-oh, the energy's changed. Something happened. So I literally try to leave. I'm like, okay, enjoy your drink.

I'll see you around the bar. And he's like, wait, where are you going? And I was like, oh, I was just going to walk. I'm like trying to give him. I'm just going to walk away and let you talk to this dude that you're not talking to. Yeah, I don't want to stay here being like the weird third wheel. And he's like, no, it's not like that. We used to live together.

It is not like that. And I'm like, okay. So I stay because I don't want to be rude. And I'm still the weird little sister third wheel hanging out between them who are actually flirting and I uh keep talking we keep hanging out I guess it gets a little better and I finally was like well it was like getting late in the night and so I was like you know maybe today is not the day I get to know him, but maybe I'll ask for his number and get to know him in a different, like just like a more appropriate get to know someone situation. And so I asked him, I was like, Hey, like,

can I get your number? And he says to me, no. And I'm already shaking to my core. and I'm already shaking to my core and I was like okay and he's like I just don't see it happening

it's not it's nothing it's nothing between me and him it's just I just don't see it happening it's you and I was like

okay and he was like but I gotta get out of here anyways so I gotta run I'm sorry I'll see you around soon and I was like

okay and that was already hard enough. But then like 10 or 15 minutes later, I see him making out with the guy who he said it wasn't a thing with, which is totally his prerogative. He's allowed to do that. But it fucked me up. Well, him, he, maybe he thought he was like well no i think he was trying to keep his options open yes keeping you around yes and then when he was like oh there's nothing with this guy he like didn't want to hurt your feelings right he was being super selfish if i

were him i would have been like oh sorry when you went to buy me a drink like a nice gentleman i was an asshole and i started talking to this other guy that i'm more interested in yeah sorry i know it's a fucking battlefield out yeah people are like assholes and they're just so shitty yeah and because there isn't gender norms there's no like you can't speak this way to a woman no it's just like we're all men we're all pigs uh find your slop because i'm gonna get get mine. Wait, and then your boyfriend, when did that come in? Okay, so that was a bad night. I literally went to Garage Pizza, ordered all the pizza in the world.

Our dear, wonderful friend, Drew Tarver, like literally and figuratively scooped me up off the sidewalk. He's the best. He's awesome and was like, you're going to be fine. Don't be, calm down. But I went back the next night because I have such a deep-seated fear of becoming an old, bitter queen who's just like, has Grindr on his phone

and has accepted there's no such thing as meaningful relationships and just invites fuckboys over to pump his hole. I was just like, that's a fear of mine. So I was like, I'm gonna go back to the scene of the crime and shake off that bad memory. And I hung out for a long time. I got drunk. I got high.

And after the bar closed at like 2.05 a.m. at a time commonly referred to as sidewalk sale. When all the gay men are on. You guys are just on the sidewalk and you're like, I guess this is it. And I'll bring one of these people home. That is incredible. I've never heard that before. I am severely discounted right now. All mono must go. And I just

happened upon Gene and walked up to him, thought the thought, this is a long shot, but fuck it. It's 2.05 a.m. Started talking to him, hung out for a second, weirdly kissed, like, at that, like, little kitchen corner where the kitchen is. And then just that was it. Did you hook up that night? Yeah. And you've been together

ever since? I know. Fun fact, I tried to go home and he was like pushed me to come home with him. Oh. And I love rubbing that in his face. You did this. You made this happen. You did this And I love rubbing that in his face. You did this. You made this happen. You did this.

I love it. It's been really awesome. I feel like it's a little easier to be at a gay bar to pick up somebody than it is just a bar. There's more eyes on the prize. Yes.

I don't know if I've ever been to like a traditionally straight bar or whatever where I'm like, I walk in and I'm like, there's men here who are looking. I, it's hard. I don't, I don't know when men are looking for women.

Yeah. I don't understand. I don't, I can't read signs. It's all very confusing to me. But also like, I don't go to bars anymore yeah if i'm in a bar it's because i'm doing a show yeah i don't make a point to like go out to it or i'm

at fucking birds i'm not gonna find love at birds no or franklin and company or poop out do you is it god this is too deep of a question but but like, please, do you see yourself dating a person of color? Any person? For a very long time, I did not want to date black men because my experience with black men had been them questioning my blackness. Like them being like, do you speak the way you speak because you think you're better than me?

Oh, you're just an Oreo. Like I was called an oreo by a pretty well-known black comic uh during a like round table show where we were talking about dating and he i said something about how i love patrick swayze because if patrick patrick swayze is my ultimate man i know he's dead but like i love him. He was so snatched. So snatched, so sexy. All sinew and muscle. He seemed like a good guy.

I just loved him. He had a pretty dick, I bet. And I think it's specifically Patrick Swayze was the person that I was like, this is for me, is that scene in Ghost where Whoopi allows Dem demi to be in his body and at the end or no in the beginning you see like oh wait maybe that's demi's hands i don't fucking know whatever you're gay those black hands and white hands i guess uh i'm i'm remembering it wrong whatever i just love patrick swayze so i was talking about that and he's like oh you're just an oreo and i was like excuse me he's like yeah you're black on the outside but you're definitely white on the inside and i was like and i just was quiet

because i didn't i was like this is just it's gonna keep happening it's gonna happen for the rest of my life also i was wearing a jacket that was too small so like my arms are kind of raised yes and i was like i'm uncomfortable on literally every level you can be uncomfortable in front of a studio audience there's cameras on me a man's calling me an oreo this jacket doesn't fit if i lower my arms it's gonna snap and then i'm not a fat oreo i'm double stuffed like the whiteness is trying to explode out of me it was and it just like kept happening so i was like i guess i don't want to date black men because i don't i don't want my i don't want my blackness to be questioned because I'm black and I can't

rub it off. So you questioning it makes it, it just hurts even more. It's like, aren't we in this together? Like, why do you have to make comments like that? And it got to a point where I was like,

I'd rather a dude be, call me exotic than question my blackness. Like whether a white guy be like, man, you're so exotic. Can I touch your hair? It was just like easier to go like, fine question my blackness. Whether a white guy would be like, man, you're so exotic. Can I touch your hair? It was just easier to go like, fine, great, great. This never happens again, as opposed to someone who's going to keep bringing it up.

Because I dated a black guy for a little bit who he would always bring it up. He was from Brooklyn. He was from Bed-Stuy, born and raised. And we just were from different worlds. And he would just say things where I was just like, fuck, man, this makes me feel bad. I don't want to be with you, because I'm afraid you're going to hurt my feelings.

And I was with this dude on and off. You know him. He's a bad egg, but he would always comment on my body. He'd be like, I love your body. Your body feels good. This is great. And I'd be like,

oh, these positive affirmations right feel so good uh and this was like four years ago at this point where i was still trying to accept my body and who i am and it was just like him being like i love it i'd be like well he loves it so right i guess it's okay so that's like to go back to your bio dysmorphia talk earlier totally and you're like well if this is validation then this is what I deserve and even though outside of the bedroom he was a piece of shit

and not nice it was like but like in those moments he said he loved my fat little ass he like loved my rolls oh he called me his little sweet fat he said I his little sweet fat. He said I was a sweet little fatty and he couldn't get enough of it. And then he put some kibble in his hand and I fucking ate it out of it.

I mean, honestly, five years ago, if a dude said he loved my body, he could feed me dogs. I, um, well, I'm very proud of you for you for just like living it, understanding it, growing from it. And I wonder I could see it going so many ways. You could date someone who is white and accepts that they don't get it. I would love that. You know what I mean? I don't get it. Because I've dated dudes who I have said things where they're like, no, you're wrong.

Yeah. I'm like, well, don't tell me I'm wrong about my experience. It's literally my thoughts on it. And I have dated dudes who are like, I don't really want to talk about it. I'm like, okay, cool. Yeah. I have a loved dated dude who's just like, wow, sure, I don't get it. Yeah.

I'm like, great. You can get different parts of it. Like, my boyfriend is also Asian, so we both have fun yelling about bad white people. But we have different experiences with it. We also have different experiences with like venues in which we get to pass. Venues in which we don't get to pass. Because that's a reality for some people too. Yeah.

Yeah. For me, I feel like in white room or the white world, I'm like, definitely you're black. You're black. Obviously you're black. But then when I like go with black people, they're like, oh, you're different. You're not black enough. And I'm like, but where do I belong? It's very weird. It's very weird it's very weird you don't have to fit anywhere yeah man be your own kind of weird I'm just in my own little box

yes wow we've really really talked and we could talk for forever I could talk to you forever but we gotta wrap this up

oh shoot is there anything you wanna plug? um you can just find me online yes at monoagapian. Yes.

You can listen to my podcast that I do with... Horny for Horror. Woo! We got to have you on. With Betsy, Betsy Todaro, and Adam McCabe. Yes. Who are two very funny people. They're really sweet and awesome.

You got to listen to that podcast. Would you come on and do it? I would absolutely love to. We'll talk about what you're gonna talk about. It could even be, we'll figure out what scary thing you wanna talk about, but we can't wait to have you on. Okay, what a treat. Also, Mano performs at UCB Franklin every Friday night with his team called Winslow.

It is at 9.30. Yeah, girl, you're better at plugging me than you than me. Well, because I want people to see you because you are so fucking funny. You're so genuine. You're so real. I love playing with you. I think you're such a beautiful, wonderful person.

And the world needs to see you. And the world. Thank you. I love you. I love that we get to have these powwows. I love that. Because it's not often that we get these safe spaces to kind of say things. I love you. I love that we get to have these powwows. I love that. Because it's not often that we get like these safe spaces to kind of like say things. No, to just talk about things.

Yeah. And I love that you talk about your body dysmorphia because I feel like men do not talk about the pressures that they have. It's usually like women get told this. It's like, well, have you ever picked up a men's health? Yeah. Have you ever picked up like a GQ? Like these men are all ripped and

whatever oh anyway if you liked what you were listening to please subscribe to this podcast and rate it five stars on itunes or wherever you can listen to podcasts and if you comment something where you're hitting on me in the comments i will read it when i record my podcast if you say something like i would love to sink my dick into your hole, that's great. You're going to find a gym. If you say, I'll take out my dentures and gum your pussy to death. To death. That's a lot of gnawing.

Usually I read ones, but I haven't gotten any good ones. They're all just sitting on my face or whatever. And it's just like be creative be creative you pervert yeah you dummy okay thank you bye bye bye This has been a Team Cocoa production.