Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - 368-Your Mom's House with Christina Pazsitzky and Tom Segura

Episode Date: November 2, 2016

NO Loose jeans allowed here. We find the ultimate dad boner who relights the fire that only Garth can put out. Plus, Tommy AKA Tomaso speaks eh, de Espanish on TV, we have Would You Rather, Perfect Smiles and MORE!

I thought we were just having fun, hanging out. This is Woke by Sounds Made the Beat. We've played his stuff before. It's good. It is good. I'm in Crawlin' Me, North Carolina this weekend. Just Friday and Saturday. That's a good name for it, Crawlin' Me.

Crawlin' Me, also known as Raleigh. Following weekend, Loose and Herville, Kentucky. Loose and Her, yeah, yeah, yeah. So if you're in the, in the, in the vill, some people from there called it that. Yeah, but I like Louisville. It's nice. I do too.

That's Top Dog's hometown. Yeah, that's right. So Louisville. Louisville, from Louisville, buddy. I'm drawing big tits on you. Yeah, thanks, babe. Oh, wow. That looks funny.

They're huge tits. Those are huge. So Crawlin' Me, Loose Herville, and then Fill Her Up Delphia. It's finally coming up. Four big shows at the Trocadero Theater and Fill Her Up Delphia. There's only one show that has tickets left.

So if you, if you want it, don't wait. They will not be there by the time that, that rolls around the third week in November. I'm drawing tiny little titties on me, like Pert ones. Doesn't make sense. You got big old, big old cans. I do.

West Her Balls Beach, Florida, the Improv, first week in December. Good one. Um, and the New Year's Eve in Orlando. I'll tell you this. New Year's Eve? New Year's Eve in Momlando. After the New Year, I go on a crazy tour.

I'm not going to list all the dates, but they're at TomSegura.com. I will tell you just that we've added a show in Minneapolis and we're adding a show in Boston at the Wilbur tickets for that second show going on sale Friday, this Friday. Jeans, what do you got? Not as much as you.

I'm going to close out my year. I'm doing the DC Improv December 9th and 10th. Quick, quick one out and then back. And I'm working on another string of one-nighters for 2017. It's being worked on, so I can't announce anything yet. But it's so much fun doing the Maine Mother Goddess tour that I think it's, I think I got to go back now. What you're building is going to be very cool though.

Oh, it's so fun. Yeah. I love doing this model. This is the way, dude, bro. All right. I love your gold chain. You know, it's the memory of J Master J. You were in the Adidas.

Yeah. I got the dookie rope on. Is that what it's called? I did not call it dookie rope. Yeah, it is. Seriously? Yeah. Dookie rope, damn.

Yeah. Rest in peace, J Master J. No, I love them. I feel like, you know, I inspired him in so many ways to be a great DJ. He did say that before he passed. I remember that. He's like, you know what I'm saying?

You know what I'm saying? You know, cold, cold, cold crew, you know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? Yeah. You know, I'm like, you know what I'm saying? Let's get into this. You ready to go?

I feel like we haven't done this show in weeks. Why does it feel like that? I think because we did tape. Well, we did. Didn't we do two one day or something? We did. We got ahead of ourselves because of our travel. That's right.

So it has been like, it's been a while. Man, it's fun. You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? Do it. I love this so much. Yeah. We're going to get into it in a second here.

It's just so great. Oh, my God. Don't bring anyone loving to this. Don't bring anyone loving to this. Don't bring anyone loving to this. Welcome. Welcome to your mom's house. With Tom Segura.

Tom Segura. Christina Pajitsi. Christina Pajitsi. Welcome to your mom's house. Who's here? Amazing. Good job. Can I be sincere for a moment?

Yeah. So these past three weeks of shows have just been outrageously fun for me. Great. I'm going to say thanks to the people who have come out. Charlotte. Fans. You know what I'm saying? Yeah.

Charlotte, Manfred Disco, and Judoor Titties have been just killer fun for me, man. It's the best. We have the best fans that run that I just did of one nighters. It was like bananas fun. Everybody I met after the shows was a huge, your mom's house. You're right about that. And not only are we just saying that, you don't understand how often like on these all the but even these last three weeks where the shows have been like packed and that the staff

and management goes, you bring out the best. They say that to me too. Yeah. Your fans are the best. The best. They're like, they're polite. Yeah. Intelligent.

Yeah. They're drinking. They're tipping people. They're civilized people. They just can't believe it. So I just want to say thanks because it is really fun to be able to go out, do your shows that you do but have just great crowds supporting you. So thanks everybody.

Yeah. I have some updates on Indy and Sensey but after we get into this, first of all. Oh, we can do these first. We'll get into this in a little bit. Okay. You know what I love is that Feef just had a kissy attack. Like sometimes he just goes, okay, love me. Yeah.

And then he demands that I pick him up and now he's resting his chin on my arm. He's such a sweet boy. I want to clone him too before he dies. I know. I know. Let's not say that. It's 25 grand. Is that all?

Yeah. To clone your favorite dog. Yeah. Kind of worth it when you think about it. Yeah. I think when you, but the thing is their personality won't be the same. Are you sure that's what they said? Well, I mean, how could it be?

If it's a clone. Because he doesn't have the same experiences though. He doesn't have the same trauma. Right. It's like people. So what we could do is get the clone and then just send him, like give him to a real bad family for a few years. Send him to a kill shelter.

We'll give you another 25 grand. To be shitting for this dog. To be shitting him for a few years and then we'll get him. So then we'll be 50,000 in and then like we'll get him like I'll skid it back. All right. This is the whole beef experience again. The total beef experience and he has to get sick with like four viruses. Oh God.

The minute we get him. Don't even remind him. Remember how they lied to us at the kill shelter? Yeah. And they go, he just has the doggy whooping cough where the fuck that's called. And we took him home and he had about four viruses. It was terrible. Terrible.

Terrible. We took the dog to the pet hospital and they had a sign. I do not resuscitate. Come on man. Let's not redo it. No, but listen. But the bright thing at the end of the tunnel is that he's the best dog and he's happy and healthy and none of that mattered because he's the best.

Now to plant a Nito. No, no, no. No, you don't want to go there? Not yet. Not yet. Okay. I was in judo or titties. I was with full charge.

Love full charge. So Thursday we do our Thursday show. No, wait. Is he still doing his podcast, the full charge power hour? As far, you know, it's funny. You asked because he is on the road right now doing a bunch of road gigs. So you should check him out online, follow him on Twitter or whatever. If you haven't, I know he's got a bunch of gigs coming up.

We're doing Raleigh together this week. What did you call it? Raleigh. Crawling me. Yeah. So, but we did our Thursday show and afterwards we had dinner with Aerie Schaefer. How's Aerie? Aerie's great.

How's his butt hole? I think it's fine. He's shooting a special in a couple of weeks. Again? Jeez. Yeah. Really ambitious idea too. What's the idea?

It's like a, almost like half and half, like he has like 40 minutes on one subject and he drops a sheet or something, changes shirts and has 40 minutes on another subject. Cool. Let's see that. That'll be interesting. That's what I'm saying. It's an ambitious idea. Where is it going to go?

Do we know? I don't know. I think it's going to Comedy Central. Okay. I mean, he's part of that network, you know, because he has this. Oh, right. Right, right, right. So he's going to be there, I think.

That's exciting. Yeah. I'm really happy for him. I mean, Austin, I don't know if there's still tickets available, but if you, if you can get them, he'll be at cap city doing the special. So I did a podcast with him too, but on Thursday we just, we did, Matt and I did the show. We go meet airy Schaefer for dinner. We have dinner.

Then he's got a spot at the seller. So Matt and I were like, we'll go ahead, you know, we're, we're, we're just, we were having you, whatever, post dinner, drink or something, you know? So, and he texts me, he goes, come over to you because we're, you're not far from us. So just walk over. It's a nice walk. So we're like, all right, we'll walk over. So we're walking down Bleecker street, heading towards the seller and the most amazing, wonderful

thing happens. The door to a bar opens and a fight, two guys spill out on the street. Isn't that magic? Something so exciting about fights, you know, and you know, I don't like, I don't want to see brutal violence. Like I don't want to see someone's head kicked open and see them have a seizure, but just a fight, a battle. Like a bar drunk fight.

Yeah. We're like, you know, a good shot, a good punch, punch, you know, I guess I don't want to see devastation, but a fight is exciting because it's something primal about rare and special and makes you feel alive. I'm like, you're probably something. You get a little adrenaline rush. Yeah. Fighting myself.

Right. But I like other people fighting. Well, it's like, you know, any fight, like, you know, if you, if you drive by and there's a fight, you stop, if there's a fight somewhere, remember when we were driving like down the street in Beverly Hills and there was a fist fight in the middle, the middle of the day or something. Yeah. We were like, wait, who's fighting?

And then a member as we cross the light lights behind us, we're like, they don't do that in most neighborhoods. We're like, there was a fight for 30 seconds and then police were there in Beverly Hills. It's going on here. It's kind of like that, you know, whole thing that people talk about. Well, you know, how about, why don't you respond like this in bad neighborhoods and it's like, well. Well, in Rampart, we also heard a lot of fighting and cops never showed up for those fights.

They, they, they, they shown their helicopter lights in our room, but not, yeah. And then they never actually showed up physically. Anyways, these two guys are fighting and you know, it's, it's sloppy fighting. Yeah. It's sloppy. Shut up. As a white guys or, you know, you got to do the demographics. Yeah.

I mean, I think I would say one guy was like 25 thin, you know, clean cut, real, real slender build. The other guy was Huskier, bigger, stronger build and it seemed like the Huskier guy was really actually composed and clearly the other guy was drunk and it seemed to be the type of thing of you got to get out of here for whatever you just did in there. The skinny guy did something bad. The skinny guy did something bad. Okay.

Cause usually guys, you guys are very primal and we put together that the skinny guy's name is Ivan. Okay. Okay. But men are very primal. Like you've told me that you'll walk into a room and even unconsciously size up other people's. Guys do it all the time.

Sizing. But women don't, we don't walk into a room and we do it on beauty. In social settings, yes, in social settings, women to figure out where they are on the beauty scale. Right. And men figure out where they are on the physical strength, who's the strongest in here? Yeah. Even without going into it, like, Hey, right, right.

It's unconscious. You just gauge it. Yeah. So it seemed like Ivan was being like dude and he was being really hard restrained and he was fighting back really hard. Not like really throwing punches, but it was a lot of shoving. He tore part of the other guy's shirt and it was, it was very aggressive. It's fun.

As that happened, three or four other guys come out. One's an old guy who's probably, I would say, when I say old, I mean well over 60, okay, a white hair and you know, he's formally dressed. And then two other guys, including one black guy. And as we're walking, I think I'm on the phone with you. Right. I heard this stuff. Yeah.

I heard it from here. So, or you called as was half forget. So yeah. You do call it a moment. I think I was coming back from the coffee store and I just wanted to say hi. So you hadn't talked, you hadn't called just yet. So as we're walking though, Matt goes, Hey, do you know who that black guy is? And I go, who?

Keep in mind, we're 20 to 35 feet away. I go, he goes, Hey, that's, that's Cuba Gooden, Jr. And I go, yeah, like, I, I giggle. Cause I heard you say that and then I too went, okay, right. Anyways, so what else did you guys do tonight? Yeah, yeah. Well, you, but I'm saying you heard it after. Right.

It's not at the time. So at the time, Oh, right, right, right. I haven't, I'm not talking to you yet. So I go, yeah. And I thought he was just making like, you know, like if there's an Asian guy and you go, Hey, that's Mr. Miyagi. Right.

Okay. Like I thought he was making like a bad racial joke. Yeah. Like just a throwaway. And then he turns around and it's Cuba Gooden, Jr. And I was like, Holy shit. And he is really in the mix of this thing, splitting this up, dude, Ivan went in and out multiple times.

They finally dragged him halfway down the street. I see the old guy as he's trying to restrain him, hit the pavement, which was terrible. I think I'm like seeing an old person fall. It's just terrible. And then I see Cuba come. Cuba's his name. Such a weird name. Cuba.

Cuba comes back and he goes, Cuba. I'll tell you, he's not a boxer. He goes, can't keep that chin down, man. And then he goes back inside. Wow. It comes out like three times. Then you call, like as the second time he's walked out and I go, we just saw Cuba Gooden, Jr. break up a fight and you're like, okay, the same way I did.

And then I had to give the phone to Matt. So I was like, I'm serious. And then you talked to Matt and he was like, no, it's really true. Yeah. Cuba Gooden, Jr. is breaking up fights on the streets of the Lower East Village here. It's so crazy. Yeah. Yeah.

It's really, really weird. That's so crazy. It's so New York. You know what I mean? It's so weird. Walking down the street. It's actually more LA. Like to have a huge celebrity be in a weird place like that.

I don't know. I feel like it's a very New York thing, too. The fighting is definitely New York because I heard it in the background. But celebrities are all over New York. Oh, that's true. They just walk around over there, too. I had my first paparazzi experience. You did?

Yeah. Did they take a picture of your jeans? No. The video guys, like the TMZ video guys. Oh, those douchebags? Yeah. But it happened in the best possible way. It happened without a doubt, well, with them not wanting to get me.

What happened was this. I get out of a car, like a car service car, and as the driver gives me my bags, I'm walking to my hotel, a guy in a car opens the door, like a parked car, and he goes, Tom Segura. And I go, what's up, man? He goes, dude, I love your stuff. And I go, thanks, man. And then the two paparazzi guys looked at each other, and they popped their camera. And I go, what's up?

You guys are here for me, right? And they're like, yeah. And I go, nobody more famous is coming. And they go, mm-mm. That was it. And that was your interview with TMZ? I mean, I just walked in the hotel. I wasn't going to stay there and talk to guys that I knew are not there to video.

But they were waiting. There was some musician or something at the hotel. Wow. I think it was like a pop star. So they were all camped out. Interesting. Yeah. Wow.

Well, it sounds like you had a star studded East Coast adventure. I know. I saw a celebrity, too, in Indianapolis, in Indianapolis, Indianapolis, where who somebody famous to our show, a little Yoshi. Oh, he is very famous. Uh, Yoshi Obeishi is very famous in your mom's house circles. And he was in Indianapolis of all weird things. And he did a guest set on my show.

The reason I like jerking off while licking my, having a girl licking my balls from my angle while she's licking my balls, I'm punching her fucking stupid face. Yeah. And we went for lunch after the next day with like two normal friends of his, like a married couple. Weird, right? It was super weird. I just think the Jews are great.

Right. And it was just weird to see Yoshi having functionally like good relationships with these people. And they were the nicest. And we had a lovely meal. Yeah. And he's doing stand up and just traveling around a lot. And he says that, uh, your mom's house fans give him the most love of all the podcasts that he's done when he, when, when, when he came up on my show, bananas, they went bananas

for him. He is legendary status. Legend. If he did it now, when we move and we are equipped for guests, really, we got to have him on again. Yeah. I told him we would once the studio, the new one set of this is too small in here. It's too crazy in here.

It sucks. Yeah, it does. Um, but yeah. He's doing great and it was such a trip to see him. Yeah. And I went back to Cincinnati and I tried building another fart. I went to skyline chili. I ate at Applebee's, but I don't think anything can compare to that fateful day.

No, you can't. You can't. It's less than a lifetime. Recreate magic. No, it's like a double pipe. Yeah. Yeah. Interesting.

So, you know, yeah, we both have celebrity sightings, both are famous. Cuba, big deal. Okay. And Yoshi. Yeah. Such original names too. Cuba. How old is Cuba now?

I don't know. I got, he's got to be what? He's old. What's 50? No. Late 40s. What? Nothing.

He's old. What? I'm not going to say it. I don't know what you're going to say. Every time. You know what I'm going to say. 48. No.

Yeah. I don't know. It's an old joke. Oh, it's an old joke. Um, all right. And it's a plant. Yeah, plant any does. Um, first of all, may I preface this by saying you've done many things in showbiz.

You've done late night spots. You've done Conan. Yeah. What else have you done in late the late night? John run. I did the late, late show. Late, late show. I've done Conan twice.

Um, you've actually, you've done Conan as a stand-up and then you came back and you sat on the couch. I did panel. Yeah. And both times, or how many times you've done this stuff, you've just been like, oh yeah, I'm doing Conan tonight. No biggie. When I announced to you that I was pregnant, you were like, that's neat.

No, no biggie. Um, you going on this show, you were ear to ear. Look, look at you now. This is, this is like you watching Henry Porto of a serial killer happy. Babe. You were so stoked to go on this show and you were so thrilled the day of and so thrilled days after. I've never seen you this happy.

I know. You know the only bummer was, I tell you this now, they cut out so much stuff because, uh, he told me, he's like, oh, there's no rules to whatever. They, in the cuts that I've seen, I've got bleeped and they cut out like half. I know bad words more than anything. Like most people who learn a second language and so it was cursing a lot in Spanish. Do they just straight up cut out some of it? Maybe they didn't think you were as much of a dirt bag as you are.

I think that's the, the, the thing is like normal people, no boundaries. Yeah. Like he was saying things like, it's like they go, how were you at sports? And he goes, Oh, I had like two left feet, you know, and they laughed. And then I was like, I said, in Spanish, I said, fuck, I was the fucking best. Right. And then they cut out the way. Yeah.

They go beep and then they cut the rest of it out. Cool. Yeah. Um, we were afraid of our Guatemalan nanny's mom. Yeah. I know. She loves plantanito and we're, I was, we're worried that she's going to quit. You do English and Spanish, by the way, on the show, what happens is normally if you're

like me, they want you to speak English the whole time. Sure. Because the game kind of for them is that there's an English speaker on. Right. They kind of make funny you and stuff. Well, they, they, people wear earpieces and they translate and it makes it like a clash of cultures. Right.

I do speak English and spent, but I'll, you'll see, he's a Spanish actor for Mexico. No, man. No way. Two beeps already right out of the game. I didn't understand you. You went, I said, no, mami's way, which is like, you got to be like, like, don't fuck with me. Like you got to be kidding me.

No mami's way. No mami's way. And then I said, and they put that, put that. Excellent. Yeah. So they bleak mami's and then they bleep put that. But why put that? Excellent.

I'm going to write that together. Put that is like a, they say, yeah, it's whore, but in, in Peru, it's said as a word of like emphasis, like a kind of vulgar word, but it's like, it's like, you said, how good were you at sports in high school? I went, fuck, awesome. Okay. It's like that. So I'm saying like, fuck, excellent.

I don't know how great that a clown is interviewing. He's like looking over to his producer, like, yeah, look at this guy, this guy's the best. This guy is ear to ear smiles the whole time. He's all energy because that's Latin, uh, show up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Big expressions. Big. Yeah. Sabado Higate. There's a picture on my Instagram of when I'm on this and there, there, I'll show him in the background. It's, it's somebody wrote like, I've never been that happy as that guy is this guy. Oh yeah.

He's ecstatic. Yeah. He's ecstatic. But Latins are very big. Big. Yeah. Show emotion. Yeah.

But how much do you love? Your mother, if you eat something of hers and you, and she goes, how is it? And you go, it's good. It's good. It's good. Yeah. You don't love it. But I go, yeah, no, I love it.

But do you love it? Love it. But I love it. He wants to know if you love it. I love you. I love you. Love you. Here's the next class.

Okay. Okay. When I was, when I was a kid, I'll tell you this part in English. When I was a kid, I would go spend my summers in Lima, right? So I would go to class and the teacher would see me without papers, without books, without pen because I was just visiting. So one day in class, he goes, uh, like, aluno, párate. Like really mad, right?

Whoa. Why don't you have your books? Oh. He makes me face the class and he tells them, ask this kid why he doesn't have his books. So I say, it's because I'm from Green, Hollandia and I don't have my books. Green, Hollandia. And he said, now you can ask him whatever you want. So this kid goes, uh, to make fun of me, to bully me, he goes, uh, ¿cuántas veces

al día te más? What? How many times did he master it? And I said, ¿Depienes si pienso de tu madre como seis, siete veces? I heard your mother. I heard your madre, that's all you got to say. So basically the kid, this is a true story. They put me in front of the class, it was like really shocking.

You know? I never heard this story. Yeah. So it was like the, one of the, my first summer going to class and I would, basically I was in an all boys Catholic school you wore, I wore the uniform and everything, but I didn't, I was a visitor and they just stuck me in classes and they were just like, just sitting in the back. So I didn't have papers and stuff on my desk.

And most of the time nobody noticed, but one time a teacher looked at my desk and was like, what are you doing? Like, you don't have, like, who are you? You know, they address you like that. It's more old school, you know, and you mean they don't, um, worry about your pronouns or if you're on a vegan gluten diet, microaggressions, they go for extra aggressions over aggression. Yeah. So he pulled me in front of the class, imagine that and being a foreigner.

Oh, it's terrifying. I was like, like heart racing. And then I started to tell him, and someone jumped in and they're like, he's, he's an American student. He's not even enrolled here. And then he was like, oh, he's like, well, ask away kids, ask, ask him whatever you want. And the first kid goes, how many times a day do you masturbate? And the teacher didn't correct that.

Nothing. I think he was, he wanted to see like what you're made of. Good. I love this. But I answered the kid. I said, it depends if I think of your mother like six or seven times. And then I said, I mean, they said, which means they call me a dead hand because I'm, I jerk off so much.

Got it. Yeah. And anyways, it killed in the class. And then there was a little bit of fucking around and I went back to my seat. See, but I do like that old school academia stuff, like they're not respecting your pronouns and not worried about you being ashamed. Shame is a wonderful, powerful tool and it kind of, but didn't make you a tougher, more resilient human.

Absolutely. Of course. Honed your comedy skills, fear, shame, all wonderful motivators, anxiety, they all motivate me. They cut out the thing. You know, they cut out parts. Well, it's all beef. But they don't subtitle.

It's not like put the content nothing. That'd be great if they still wrote it out in Spanish. I know. I know. I love the shot. We should do it every week. But here's the gold. So here's the game.

They bring out this chick. She has objects inside her tight gold suit. So in this tight gold zip up suit, like just things like a coffee mug, a phone, and the whole idea is you're supposed to touch her with your blindfold and also they have headphones of music playing on you. Secret touching games. Secret touching games and you touch her and then you go, but it's supposed to be enticing because you're touching a beautiful girl.

That's a little bit as you're just, you know what I love about Latin TV? It's so pervy. Yeah. I don't understand what's going on, but sometimes I just watch the Latin channel and it's all lecherous. It's like Benny Hill. It's all Benny Hill shit. The best part too is that for the setup, which you don't see here, they bring us out and

they're like, they're like, Hey, like when you see her, go ahead and react. Yeah. Yeah. I see your big reaction there. You're like, this is Tom's big reaction. And act. Yeah. Wow.

No, but like I did it. I did it super Latin where I walked over and I went like, oh, like a big gesture and I was like, Hola, mucho gusto. And I'm supposed, you're supposed to like just really ogler, you know, so they're like, all right fellas. And then they tell us like, you're going to get to touch her everywhere. Yeah. It's super pervy.

This is sexual harassment. It totally is. Yeah. This is very on PC. Yeah. Yeah. So here's the. Here's thevol.

Open that has to activists and los audífonos así que no están escuchando totalmente nada estás oyendo Tom eres muy guapo, Tom no no. You know, no It's a keyboard. This is a, it feels like a melon. It's a good bit, it's a good bit. It's a good bit. It's really funny.

That's really funny. Yeah. What a fun show. It is fun. And they also, what do they do? Let me show you this. I like your reaction. You did the, you really sold the, I sold that, right?

You did the, wow, what the fuck, guys? Did you say, ay, qué lastima? I was like, guys, I'm not gay. I did that, you know. Did you go, qué horror? We learned that in Spain. Dime lo que es. Dime lo que es.

Un talpo, qué es esto? Pequeñas. They can, they can beat me again. I got bleep there. One of my answers, not only do they bleep completely, I'll show you at the board. Un talpo. Y tiempo. Se acabó, señores.

His face is great. ¿Qué pasó? Hubo sorpresa. Hubo sorpresa. So then they go through the count here of who guessed it, right? Vamos a ver quién fue el ganador de este desafío. En el traje, ahí sale el primer objeto. Un menor.

Muy bien. The scheme is so silly. Ahí está. Ahí tenemos una vuelta de Tom. Okay, can you tell something about my board that looks different? Zero. No, he's holding the board, the guy next to me. Oh, what's all bleeped out?

They blurred out my answers too, because that's how vulgar I was. Hilarious. Oh, no. One of them, they blurred out a word. One of them, they blurred out completely my answer. I mean, what did you say, dildos? No, I said, okay, so the first one was, I knew it was a dude, okay. Right.

So I was touching and I go, ah, un culazo excelente, which is like a great ass. And he said like in the room, like, because you don't, you wear headphones. He was like, dude, that killed. Right. But, oh, because you can't even hear yourself talking. You can't hear anything. So how is he, then how do you know when he's like, what do you feel? Because they just tell you to keep guessing.

So before you go. You're just talking, always talking. Yeah, you're just like, yeah. So I was like, un culazo excelente. And then you could hear, laugh, like kind of through over the music. Oh, okay. You move on. So they bleep that out or they, they didn't even put it on the board.

Your answers. Well, yeah. I was way too vulgar. He told you to go for it, but that's in like TV, go for it, maybe. I guess so. I guess I was way too vulgar. Why vulgar? And then they, they blurred out that that's too.

Again. That does nothing. It's like titties. I said he's got small titties this night. Yeah. You can totally tell it was a dude anyways, right? If they didn't hip you to it, the joke beforehand kind of thing. You can tell.

You can tell it's a bro. It's such a silly game. I'll tell you it's a racket. Ah, una raqueta pues no, nos la tiene. That kind of do it work but that's a good one. No, no, no. The Keyboard, computer keyboard. Muy bien, dos aciertos para Tom Segura.

Muy bien. I'll fucking then blur it out. He's taking his top off. Mira, también había unos cacetines. Ah, una taza de café. I should have grabbed that coffee mug. It'd been like a huge cock, you know, like in his pants. But see, look.

They blurred out your answers even. I will say Plantanito has got a good look for a clown. He's been doing it for 40 years. It looks really cool, actually. Like his coloring he chooses. I like the purple. I like the glitter. Ya está.

New game. Eligen una, la que sea al azar. Ahí está y las volteamos al mismo tiempo a la una. I don't understand this game. I don't think people will understand. Okay, so what they do is we're sitting at a table, three of us. Lalo, the actor, the host, Plantanito and me. And there's domino's on the table, huge ones.

With the digits, the numbers face down. And they spin the table around and then you turn over. You randomly pick and you flip it over at all at the same time. So look, Lalo has the highest. And then me, I have the lowest. That means I lose. Okay, so it's just a silly game. It's like Go Fish.

And the loser, they pour a mug of beer down your pants. Oh, that's fun. So right now, I just found out that I lost. Oh, no! Let the clown out! La veganza dulce de Plantanito! Uh-oh. Now the clown's going to put it down your pants.

Comanito, Tom, you can get it. Scary. He loves the shirt, man. I love the shirt. Okay, okay, okay. Got it, got it. Oh, no. Is it cold?

Yeah. Castallelito, le está saliendo el señor. Did you feel it on your knees? Of course. Oh, no! He's getting the beer! He's getting the beer! This is like you pee your pants there.

Yeah. Does your dick and balls hurt when something cold? Do you get brain freeze on your dick and balls, is what I'm saying? Cold just, I don't know... I mean, if you're talking about freezing cold, everything just kind of, you know, everything just shrinks more, it really does.

You just get tight and you shrink. I love how they shamed you and then they showed the floor. Like you make pee pee everywhere? No, they're showing that the beer ran through my pants. It's a pee pee. I got one more thing in here. I've already lost one to you. ¿Ahora si? ¿Tomamos la ficha?

¿Ahí está la ficha? ¿Qué pasó? Ya se está... Tom! Tom! Tom! Tom, ¿sabes qué? Le tozó la bola rica. ¿Qué pasó Tom? Ya tengo la cosa bien pequeña. So, that's another dirty joke.

I said, I already have my thing so small. Oh, you're tiny little pajaritos. Yeah, so I don't know what we're going to put this. Hello. Now, keep your eye on the assistant guy. So wait, they're funneling more beer in your pants. In my ass crackdown. In your butt hole.

Okay. Now, you get real hot. She's like... Open your eyes, Tom, so you can see what they're going to do. Oh, God. Cold! You're going to shimmy.

Oh, little boy. When you're mine. I love it. They love it. They love it. I love it. I need to start watching this show. Pantenitos.

Yeah, I'm a huge fan already. Watch it. It's so silly. I wish we had shows like that in English. Yesterday at TV. It's really good. They put half in English. I'm going to start watching.

Yeah. They do fun bits. They do silly, silly bits. The ones are very happy and big. Yeah. Yeah. You want to see the biggest dad boner ever? Yeah.

Like, takes it to another level. Yeah, of course. Okay. He's a hunter. Okay. Okay. Shit. Down right there.

No way. Yes! Have you ever seen a moose go down that quick? Holy cow. Holy cow is right. That is awesome. Such a nerd. That guy's definitely Canadian.

That accent. No. Yeah. Holy cow. I really like that. I think he's related to Garth. Yeah. He's such a boner.

And he's got out here. Oh, here? Early boarding. Look at the meadow. Look at the meadow. This is why. This is why we came up here. We've been slipping along.

He's Canadian. This big, huge meadow. Yeah. Big, long, tall meadow. We've been slipping along here. Just glassing. Just glassing. Glassing.

And all of a sudden, literally, I didn't even have... Dude, he's plunked. I'm like, ah, we're just glassing these big, huge meadows. This guy's super geeked. Oh, man. I wish I got excited about anything. Cool stuff. Slick stuff.

Neat stuff. Dude, that's how excited I was for plucking. I know. That's how super excited you were. I was really excited. Nothing excited do you like being... And I mean that. I'm not just saying that for a jokie joke.

You've done a lot of really cool things in your career. You have never been excited. You're not an excitement dude, but that show, you were like, what am I going to wear? And you don't care. You've done specials. We were like, I don't know. We're just...

I don't care. You've done late night. We've done stuff. Don't care. And you were like, I have to look good. I have to, you know, prepare. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's cute.

Why do you think Plantanito held a special place in your heart? Honestly, I think it was because I've always wanted to do something Spanish, Latin based. It's your roots. It's roots. And, you know, I wanted, like I want to be on Narcos. I want to... Oh, that'll be cool. Yeah, yeah.

So the idea of being even in that kind of world a little bit, I don't know. It just, it felt like... It changed your heritage. Yeah. I felt like it was like, oh, maybe, I don't know. It was like hanging out with cousins or something. Right. I have the exact opposite.

I want nothing to do with the Eastern Blot clutch. I want nothing to do with it. Yeah. I still can't believe how much they believe me. Yeah. Especially because they gave me the green light. They're like, go for it. They even said curse as much as you want.

That's odd then. That's odd that... Yeah. Well, maybe they didn't think you'd go for it that hard. Well, they tell me to curse in English. They're like, say whatever you want. They go, there's no rules here. Oh, I guess there were.

This guy's rad though. He's so excited. Do you think he doesn't, he doesn't have sex though, right? We got out here early morning. Look at the, look at the meadow. This is why, this is why we came up here. We've been slipping along this big, huge meadow. Big, long, tall meadow.

We've been slipping along here. Just glassing. Just glassing. Just glassing. And all of a sudden, literally, I didn't even have, I didn't even put my head down. I'm like, ah, we're just glassing these big, huge meadows. I love it.

What's glassing? No fucking clue. That guy's not Canadian, by the way. Of course he is. No, he's not. Master of accents. I think you're wrong. That's definitely Canadian.

Canadian listeners, Canadian listeners, verify that man is Canadian. Absolutely. Hostel, the glassing along. He talks like a total canuck. Glassing. Glassing along. He's just glassing.

Hosers. Okay. Let's see. It says there's a bunch of stuff here. Glassing techniques. Glass along. And tips for spotting deer. Top 10 glassing tips.

I guess it's a stalking thing. By the best binoculars you can afford, the depth and field and clarity will be a huge difference. July and August are the best times to glass as a deer. Start each glassing session cleaning your glass. I guess it has to do with just looking. Oh, glassing, meaning looking through the binoculars. Glassing is looking at them.

Now, you realize how stoked this guy is off of killing deer? That's what he's stoked about, is murdering a deer. A moose, yeah. A moose? Moose, yeah. That's what this guy is so fired about, killing. Just like you. Yeah.

You share something special with him, your love of killing. I'm surprised you don't like to kill animals. Why don't you go? Will Joe Rogan ever invite you? He's asked me. He's invited me. I feel like you might find your true calling as a hunter. Really?

And your thirst for blood needs to develop a little. Oh, maybe. I think you'll get that violence out of you, the anger and the rage that's secretly. Why? I don't want to kill animals. I went in the clip of Bill Burr and Burke Christchurch calling you a psycho. Yeah.

On the Burr cast. Yeah. Bill Burr was like, Tom's the biggest psycho. I think Bill's the biggest psycho. No, I think he's right. I think you are. Bullshit. You're clearly more than Bill.

Bill's out of his mind. Bill's not a psycho. Bill's such a psycho. Bill's such a psycho. Bill's a little cautious about things, but you're definitely more of a bloodlust sort of guy. I agree. Respectfully disagree.

I respectfully. I'm not into hunting at all. Why would you even suggest that? Because I think that I'm not saying you can't believe you would put me ahead of him on the cycle. I think you need to explore hunting to tap into the side of you that likes to kill this thirst. What side of me that likes to kill that laughs at Henry portrait of a serial killer, the

rageful beast that lurks inside needs the release and get out of here. I don't like to kill animals yet. Maybe you can get excited about it as this guy is. Maybe if I were to eat them like Joe does, he puts it to use. I would do something if you could hunt for your family. I don't know, man. I don't know. I'm really not into the idea.

It does not. It does not entice me at all. Not the blood or the stabbing. Maybe I'm going back to I can't believe you're putting me ahead of Bill on the cycle list. He's so clearly a psycho. Why is paranoid? Psycho. We think of the paranoia makes him more.

I just have a conversation. He's so much more fired up. He's like an angry rancher, but I don't think he laughs at murder. If you don't laugh, yeah, yeah. If you don't laugh at other people, other people's harm or killing, like show. If we showed Bill this, that clip of Henry portrait of a serial killer where the hooker gets her neck twisted and broken. And if he doesn't laugh the way you did, I'd say that you're, you're more.

I didn't laugh at him killing her. I laughed at the guy's reaction to him. What about the video of the guy's legs getting smushed by the car? I laughed at his reaction to getting smushed by a car. The cries of pain. Yes. Because they were comical and a lot of people agree that it was a funny reaction. Okay.

But you're trying to paint me as a more of a psycho than that redheaded freak. Are you kidding me? Yes. The best answer for glassing, looking at it through magnification, either binoculars, rifle scope, usually when the term is said, it means looking through binoculars. I'm not a bigger psycho. I'm so offended by that. Fucking ridiculous.

You're a ridiculous person. Let's just keep going. Let's glass. Let's glass. Let's glass. I'm glassing. I'm like, holy smokes. I got a moose.

So Canadian. I got a moose. And I'm like, oh man. It's a bull. It's a bull. And I'm like, no. It's a cow. We got a cow right there.

It's a moose. It's a cow. It's a cow right there. It's so fine. They're hunting moose. They let the conversation begin. He's got such garth like blood in him. Yeah.

Garth. Dad boner blood. It's cool stuff. Slick stuff. Neat stuff. Here's the supercut of Dad Boner, Dad Boner the Hunter. We've been slipping along here. Just glassing.

Just glassing. Glass. We're just glassing. Let's glass. Let's glass. I'm glassing. I'm like. I'm glassing.

Just glassing. Glassing. Glassing. We're just glassing. Let's glass. Let's glass. Let's glass. I'm glassing.

I'm like. Dude. He just came in his pants. Remember that Dad Boner we saw today before we had lunch? Dude, we saw a guy walking down the street wearing light denim, like light, light, light, blue denim, practically white denim, tight as fuck, high up, brown braided belt, and then sandals with socks. Right Jeans?

Yeah. Yeah. That's like the wackest dad look ever. It is super wack dude. I don't want to be that. Like I'm really trying not to be that. That's the noise that guy made I think when he found out that either that he spotted a moose or that a glass went down.

Such a great guy. Yeah. You know, I like the guy and the guy that got bitten by the snake and the cave a few weeks back. Yeah. Yeah. I've got a big bite. I've got a bad bite.

Bad bite. I've got a bad bite. I've got a bad, bad, bad, bad bite. I've got a bad bad bite, bad bite, bad bite, bad bite. I've got a bad bite. Oh, it's just glassing, just glassing, just glassing, keeping it glassy, glassing a lot. I don't know where that is. I remember that guy was, I got a bad bite.

That guy? Yeah. The bad bite guy. I don't remember where he is. Look at the bad bite. Oh, the guano. Yeah. There's guano blood everywhere.

Guano. I'm knee deep in guano and back guano. I don't see that at all. These hunting guys, these outdoorsy types, what a nightmare. I'm knee deep in back guano. What happens to men when they turn into boners? Do you think he's always been a boner and then becoming a dad just makes you lame or is it becoming a dad that just makes you a lame person?

Maybe. Maybe it's just when you stop chasing puss. I think so. Your energy needs to go somewhere else. Yeah. Dude's like, maybe it coincides with testosterone dropping. So it's like. That's what it is.

So you're like, what am I going to put my drive into at a time? Show me what that got. See, that goes away. Right. And then you go, I need something else to do. Right. You know? It's glassing.

You get all stoked about stuff like that. Stenema. You got to have stenema to do other things. It's like how women shut it down after they have kids too. They stop being a lady and they get their hair cut real bad. Yep. And they shut down the vagina too. Shut it down, man.

You got to shut it down because you stop being sexual. It's the same thing with women. Yeah. You got to fight. You got to fight the fight, man, to stay as sexual being after you have kids. Where is, what was that? What episode was back when? I don't remember.

I don't remember. Because that was excellent, man. That was so good. Is it in here? Maybe it's so funny, man. Here's I'm a bike. I remember that. I'm a bike.

Remember that, lady? No. You don't remember that? She sat on the front of a bus, a city bus, and she goes, I'm a bike. And she made them try to get them to take her because like this is for bikes and she goes, I'm a bike. Okay. Yelling at the thing, I don't know where it is.

It's okay. It's not okay. We can move on. I don't want to. Okay. You'd rather have dead air. It's not dead air. The clip.

It's not dead air. Well, I'll fill the air while you look for something. I was very upset on this tour that I went on, the Maine Mother Goddess tour because all the toilets that I took shits in were regular toilets. And I felt what it was like to have life before the total washlet. And we've had the washlet in our lives since March, since we moved into this rental home. And it really has changed me into a civilized human being. I no longer shit to shower because I no longer have to with the total washlet.

But I found myself going back to my old ways on the road, Tom. How so? Well, I would take a dump in the hotel and I would wipe and wipe and wipe and the wipes just kept on coming. So I had to go straight to shower. And now? Well, now I'm back home, but it was really gross. It just felt gross, like mashing all that shit into my butthole all the time.

That's what normal people do that don't have washlets. Yeah. So disgusting. And with you and your hair, that must be even gross. After when you're on the road. I have a I got as soon as I got to New York this week, I had a big old nasty travel day dump. And it was nice because the hotel bathroom was so tight to the sink.

So at least you could go, I'm sorry, to the sink. Yeah. So like you sat next to a sink, so you could soak toilet paper. You know what I mean? Hmm. That's even nastier to me. I'd rather just get in the shower. How is that not grosser than just getting up and going to shower?

So you'd wet, you'd wet the toilet paper and then smoosh it and smoosh it and smoosh it that way. Yeah. Hmm. How many times did you have to do that? Hmm. I don't know. I don't remember.

Probably five or six. It's a lot. See, to me, that's more work. Like maybe just go and take a shower, you know. Yeah. I'm on this new diet because I started seeing a fitness trainer. Yeah. I'm on what's called a primal diet and I eat a lot of oils and fats, like good fats.

And the thing is, in the morning, I drink coffee with coconut oil and organic butter in it. It's like a shake and it's supposed to keep you full longer and it does, but it also makes you have to shit. Shit bad. Dude. Oh my God. I drank my coffee this morning.

I was getting Ellis up, changing him. And as I was changing his diaper, I had the need to fill mine. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. I did like fucking run downstairs. I threw him into like his play area and just took a really fierce shit today. How bad was it? It was intense.

It was like so much too, like so much poo comes out of you and you realize how much there is inside of you. That's, I live for those shits. Were you just surprised? Mm-hmm. I know me too. Mm-hmm. I was surprised myself.

That's when I feel like those types of shits are the ones that make you go, I'm never going to not try to shit this big, you know? Right. They inspire you to do bigger, better dumps. Yeah. Exactly. Did you find the clip? He sees me.

Man, I got a bad bite. I got a bad bite. I got a bad bite. I got a bad bite. I got a bad back. I got a bad bite. Man, I got a bad bite to the leg. I got a bad bite.

And I got a really bad bite. I've got a really bad bite. Man, my leg is killing me. I've got a really bad... I've got to get over. I've got a really bad bite. Oh, I've got a bad bite. I love how much he talks about it.

Oh! What do you got there? Yeah. He doesn't do anything. Yeah. He just talks about it. Mm-hmm. It's so bad.

Waste deep. Bad guano. Kept saying it. Got a big open wound and all this, all this bad guano. Oh. I'm dying. There's the tail. He's planning something.

Yes. Something is going on. I don't like that. He's planning something. He's squeezing it very tightly. It is terrifying. I don't know what's terrifying. Go, dude.

Oh! Dude, leave. Damn, that was terrible. Yeah. All right. Well, I couldn't leave it alone. Sorry. Mm-hmm.

Made me happy. I'm a psycho, remember? Yeah. Can't believe you said that. So offensive to me. Seriously. How could you think that? Mm-hmm.

Mm. How could you think that? Because I live with you. I know you. I've known you for years. So full of shit. I've known you for years. What does that mean?

I think Bill's point was that it's secretly lurking. Like, one thing could set you off. I see that happening, like, over the years. Maybe, like, the thing will set you off and then who knows? That's why I think hunting might be good for you. Like a release valve for all that rage, secret rage inside of you. I think I'd rather, you know, hurt a person than an animal, though. That's what I'm saying.

There you go. But maybe we can channel that person-hating into the animals, you know? Maybe make it, like, a healthier aggression thing. I really like that. I know you do. Speaking of dad boners and garth, we have an older... Oh, FIFO's twitching. Dad boner.

Oh, yeah. Dreaming. So cute. A little older garth interview. Oh, I love garth. Like the origins of dad boner. Okay. With me, I gotta pull every trick I know out of the hat because I want these people to

crawl out of this place. I want them to be exhausted and I want them to feel what I'm feeling. What are you feeling? Hell, I haven't found a better word for it, so please excuse me for what I'm about to say. This is so super. It's sex. Now, you go, okay, but listen to how he describes his sex. He's dead behind the eyes.

I think he's a real sociable. It's just a thousand miles an hour. It's the wildest thing. And then in the flip of a heart, it goes to this nice, tender, soft thing. And you find everybody leaning in. Now, all of a sudden, it's just... There you go. There's some garth sex for you.

Look at Baba. Baba, Baba, just like... He knows how to put out, though, right? I don't know. I don't know. I think garth really, really consumes you when you're his sexual partner. He's annoying. Yeah.

Yeah, he's the guy that's going to light the hundred candles and the bath. He's going to make intense eye contact. Lots of intense eye contact. Lots of eye contact. Oh, God. And lots of... Probably shows you the tongue a lot before. Do you like that?

Do you really like that? I don't want to throw up. I wish there was some way, some way you could step inside and see what it is you see. Oh, my God. There are times actually when I swear to God to you that you could just fly. It's so cool. It's all the things that you've always wanted to cut loose and let loose and just fly that you never thought you could do, but it actually happens.

Oh, my God. Oh, man. So, he's been this boner for a long time. This is real. This is an old interview. This has got to be 20 years old. He really believes his own bullshit, this one. He drinks his own Kool-Aid.

Oh, yeah. It's like you're flying. Can I tell you? I don't buy it. I don't buy it. I just think that he's... I think he's a little contrived and I feel like he's a bit of a sociopath. I don't buy it.

It's so cool. It's so cool. It's so cool. Yeah. Yeah. I don't buy it. He's a weird... Something's going on there.

You think so? I do. And I mean, look, the guy's talented. I'm not saying that he's not a talented person, but I don't believe this nonsense. It's sex. It's a verbal welder. Now, all of a sudden, it's just bam, bam, bam. Yeah.

It's pretty cool. I can see why you describe it as sex. Oh, it is wonderful. It's very addictive, too. Okay. Would you rather... Oh, boy. Would you rather have sex with Garth Brooks or the vegan vagina guy?

Oh, 100% Garth Brooks. Why? He's not even close. Why? That dude is unbearable. The vegan vagina guy? Oh, my... And he's disgusting.

He's disgusting. John soccer. This guy's fooled himself. He's a megalomaniac superstar. Yeah. But that dude is gross. He's gross and full of himself, you know. And he's missing teeth.

Garth has...at least you're going to have a nice situation to do it in. A nice situation. Yeah, he has a nice house. You know, we forgot our perfect smiles. I know. They're in the next room. You vamp for a minute. I'll go grab them.

Well, we wore those perfect smiles on Instagram, and people really enjoyed them. Yeah. They're in the bed, right? I don't know. I have no idea where they are. I have no idea. None. Where the perfect smiles are, please don't ask me.

But, you know, it's an unpaid sponsorship. Nobody asked us to promote the perfect smile. Nobody paid us to promote the perfect smile. We just got perfect smiles on our own, and we wore them, and we showed them to everybody on Instagram, and I don't think it could be any better, man. I felt so much more confident. I feel like I'm going to get that date. I'm going to go get that interview.

I'm going to get that job. Now that my teeth are perfect. So, we have perfect smiles now. Oh, that's dead air. You want to talk about dead air? That's the ultimate dead air move. What? Did you put these in and just look at the camera?

Just for YouTube. No, I know, but I'm saying we're both dead air. Well, you're supposed to talk. That was the point. I told you to vamp. All right. I did talk. I'm talking about that you gave me the perfect smile.

I'll put it in. Anne, are you still more confident? I just told them how much more confident I felt. Yep. Just getting it. Total smile confidence? Mm-hmm. These are the worst things.

I've seen better teeth at the Halloween store. They kind of look like Halloween teeth. They look way worse than them. I kind of showed you how to put them in for pictures. Right. So the problem is, is I was actually trying to put them in like they were veneers. Right. But you put them in your lips and then they'll actually, you actually look like you have old,

old Eastern Bloc teeth when you wear them like that. Yeah. Right now they just look like, oh wow, she had her teeth fixed in the early 70s in the Ukraine or something. Right. That's what it looks like. And hungry. Mine look like dog teeth.

I look like a dog smile. I look like the dogs that smile in denture commercials. That's the perfect smile. Now here's the crazy part with the perfect smile. And you, is that these are shaped almost exactly like your real teeth? Mm-hmm. The gums are too bloody and red, but the shape of them is identical to what you got. Do you think if you were on a date with somebody though and they had these in, you'd be able

to tell? What is up with their teeth? Or no. Of course. Right away? Because they wouldn't be in their lips, they would be in their mouth. You know what I mean? People wear them who have, the problem with this also is that it sits on your other teeth.

So somebody who has like, let's say, too bad teeth here. Right. You put this in and it's still sitting over your other, not bad teeth. Yeah. It's too chunky. The design flaw, there's a few design flaws. Number one, these are for women. So men and women have different shapes of teeth.

And these are too small for most men and the gums are bloody and that's too thick and chunky. If you were to melt, first of all, I would not trust this shit. Sticking that to your teeth? Oh, fuck no. To melt this plastic and they don't melt it, do you? You're supposed to put it in hot water and it loosens the glue and then you pop it on and then they adhere to your real teeth, which helps. I feel so much more confident now.

It's the perfect smell. Confident. Toto smell, confidence. Toto smell, confidence. You know this guy, John wrote to us. Yes, I met him. He reviewed his denim. Oh, you did?

I did. I met him in person. He came to one of the shows in Texas, I believe. Did his denim come up there? Yeah. He goes, I'm the one that sent you the picture. We've had multiple pictures sent in though. There was this guy in particular.

Oh, it was? Yeah. And then he got them tailored. Much better. Yeah. Much better. That's all we're talking about. Good job.

Much better. Yeah, it just looks better. It looks so much better. Good job. You know how to wear your jeans now. Total jean confidence. Yeah. Total jeans, confidence.

Nice job, sir. John, is it? Good job. We allow you to wear your jeans. Good for you. Good for you. Yay. Did you wonder about making dog food since you ate some a while ago?

I'm Lisa Hedici. I'm the founder of Your Pet Chef. And we make personalized dog food and treats here in Chicago. Ready? We use all human-grade ingredients. Oh. There you go. That we puree up into bars.

This looks really cool. Bars. Yeah. Into bars. You need that. So by eating whole foods or a more natural diet, a wild diet, it really helps them to have a longer, better quality of life. Wow.

You know, before dogs were domesticated, they ate what they killed and they ate raw. So we prepare food raw. We do light baking or freeze-dried. So we really take a lot of those history lessons and include that in the food. I kind of want to get some of her dog treats. Yeah. I kind of feel like there's something I need to ask for so that I can eat these treats. You know what I mean?

I wasn't thinking like that. I was thinking we should buy them for the dogs. No, I'm thinking that. I've been eyeballing this necklace that I wanted to get. And I'd eat some of these treats if you'd buy me that necklace. By the way, when I was on the road. I feel like you want this food. Of course.

When I was in, I think it was sincey, this girl goes, Hey, is that the ring you got for eating dog food? And I go, Yeah. Actually, it is. Oh, yeah. She noticed from the, the stage. So there's a necklace I want that matches this ring. Babe.

I would totally eat this dog food if you'd get me the necklace. I mean, if, but it seems like you really are enjoying dog food. But you're always bringing that up as something to get treats with. Well, I don't, then it doesn't have to be dog food. Is there something else you want me to do? Lucy got treats for breathing. And I just kept eating her and feeding her. So we put her on the Lucy diet.

She got, you know, a little more pumpkin, a little more green beans and a little more whole foods. I love it. And she was able to lose 22 pounds. Wow. Six months. And that was a pivotal point for me in creating your pet shop. Wow.

That looks delicious. That sounds pretty cool. No maggots though. I'd like my maggots. How about this? This came up afterwards. So they have this menu for my dog, right? That's Serena Williams.

This chip left his food. Can you imagine? Serena Williams, the greatest female tennis player of all time. Yeah. Chip is three years old and he's been traveling for three years. The little guy leaves his food at home. He doesn't pack food. So this hotel has a doggy menu.

Chip's not supposed to pack his own food. You are. That's very true. But look at that menu. That's a doggy menu. I've seen that before. Really? I'm served in certain hotels.

And I promise you, I was like, that looks so good. It was like fresh greens and boiled chicken and beef. And it was seared. It was seared tenderly and it was just perfection. And I was like, that looks like the best food. It looks better than my food, right? So today I'm like, I might want to taste his food. So I ordered him the salmon and rice because I thought I'd salmon.

So I ordered the salmon rice. Before you judge me, look at it. Look, that's the salmon and rice. It looks good. It's kind of all mixed together, right? Yeah. It looks good. I'm like, what the heck?

I'm going to try a piece. It looks good. So I ate a spoonful. Don't judge me. I ate a spoonful. Don't judge me. Let's fast forward to two hours. I just ran to the toilet.

I thought I was going to pass out. Really? I mean, it did taste weird. I force swallowed it. Whoa. Sounds like what you did. Yeah, but I don't know. It also sounds like it affected her dumps.

I did. But she didn't say it smelled like dog food. Remember, it didn't smell like dog shit, I mean. Yeah, that's interesting. But we learned the reason why. It's their anal glands that make the dog smell like dog shit. She would have been like, yo, it didn't smell like dog shit. It smelled like my shit.

Yeah. Like it tastes a little bit like a house cleaner kind of thing. I don't know what's interesting is dog food. But chip liked it and it looked good. But I don't think it's consumable for humans. And they should have wrote that. The only thing that would have made this better would be at the end of she was like, Tom, you got to buy me some jewelry.

I have an eyeball in this ring. I ate that food. And today I paid 15 euros for that stuff that's making me go to the bathroom. I mean, she's doing number two. I need a life. She was right. You need to get your life. I really do need to get my life.

Oh my gosh, she's listening to our show. She's listening. You know, the dog food. You better get your life. Get your life. I didn't get sick when I ate beef's food. But they must have given them, I mean, dog's stomachs are way stronger than ours. She said it tasted like cleaning agent.

Maybe it was just out of the dumpster. And she had a one bite and it made her shit like that. That's crazy. And then again, her system might be so strictly clean. Yeah, because she's a pro athlete. Just like me, babe. Just like me. Just like you.

I mean, any little variation maybe makes Brown happen. I guess, yeah. That's really weird though. That's a lot of fancy shit for dogs, huh? Mm-hmm. It's a nice, nice joint. Dude, where's she staying? Yeah, well, you mean, those are the prices for dogs.

I can't imagine what the people prices are. Dude, 15 Euro for a plate of shitty dog food. It's like close to 30 bucks. That's crazy, yeah. Is it almost two to one? What is the Euro to dollar now? Yeah, like a dollar and a half. It was last time we went there, but I'm sure it's worse.

That's been a while. Why worse for now? Dude, dude, dude. Who knows what the Brexit. Euro to dollar. Oh, it's closer now. To what? One to one?

Yeah. So 15 bucks is $16. Oh, wow. It's much closer. It's a weaker Euro. Oh, that Euro. Maybe since Brexit. The Brexit.

We want our country back. It's for Brits only. If you're not from here, get out. Wait a while. You got a foreigner's. That African state of the jobs. And the pollocks. There's so many pollocks.

Last time we went, the whole labor force was Polish people. And when I lived there in the late nineties, it wasn't like that for sure. It looks like 2014, mid 2014 was the height of the value. Really? What was it? It was just a chart. It was up to 1.4 times. What are you eating, stupid?

Just over 1.4 times the value. So almost one and a half times. And then 2015 saw the biggest dip to almost equal, which is basically where it's at now. It's almost equal. It's time to go to England, man. Yeah. Well, no, because they're out of the Euro market now. The Euro.

Let's see what dollar to pound is. The pound, the British pound. Oh, the pound is weaker than the dollar. You're right. The British pound. When we went, it was definitely stronger. It was kicking our ass. And when I was there in the nineties, it was kicking our ass too.

Yeah. Brexit is doing things. Wow. Interesting. It's rough, rough seas over there right now. I know. Yeah, it is a good time for a trip there. I know.

Maybe we have this kid. Leave him. Or just fly for like 10 hours. Kids love being on planes, small babies. They love it. Yeah. It's so horrible. We could do that.

You want to take him? I would do it. And then fuck up his sleeve schedule. Oh my God. Could you imagine? I would do it next summer. And he's older. Yeah.

I think a year and a half, you could still get him to sit in your lap. I think he needs his own, even at this stage, his own. Dude, he's all over the place. When I took him to the eye doctor today, like he'll sit on your lap for like 10 minutes. And then he's like, he just wants to crawl around and investigate. Yeah. He doesn't want any kind of lap business for that long. No lap business.

Too adventurous, dude. Yeah. You know, he ain't doing it. Yeah, but at this age, it would suck to travel with him. Even though I met that guy who was like, oh yeah, we went to Paris with our five-month-old. I was like, what? Yeah. You went to Paris with him?

You know, I guess those people have a much stronger constitution than you and I. Yeah. Because I, the thought of it is it sounds like a nightmare to me. I think those people just... We're not built for that. We're not. I think you can just be like, yeah, it's going to suck and I'm going to do it anyway. We're the type of people that need like a perfect smile, but not to be like, you know,

dressed out on a plane. You cannot eat with that on your date. There's no way you can eat. I didn't eat. I went on a date with this. By the way, the date went great. I think she really liked me and I just didn't eat, you know, and she was like, aren't you going to order something?

And I was like, all right, I had a late lunch. I had a late lunch, so I don't have much of an appetite. Right. I got the job with my perfect smile. And she goes, what about... She goes, can I get a kiss good night? I go, I'm not one to rush to do that. Maybe on a second date and I'll take it out and give her a kiss good night.

I got the job with my perfect smile. You got the job? How was the interview? It was a piece of cake. That's good. Now I got a word of regret. Yeah. You look like somebody I would hire.

As soon as I saw that, I was like, it's kind of a nice smile. I think I can hire her. A nice smile. Or a perfect smile. Perfect. That girl's got a perfect smile. Who do you want to work? Who do you want to represent in your company?

Is it this guy? Wait. You know, it's so creepy. Is that the whites of your eyes match the whiteness of those teeth, but it makes you look dead. Kind of like the Dennis, what's his name, that runs the bunny ranch? Oh, yeah. Dennis Hoff. That's what happens when your teeth are like fake, fake, fake looking white and then they

match the whites of your eyes. It makes you look like the crypt keeper. Yeah. You look dead. He looks really pretty. He looks terrible. Him and then you posted, did you post a picture of that team owner that you liked with the haircut?

Oh, Mark Davis, yeah. There he is, that dirty pimp. His teeth are all. He's such a scum fuck. Those teeth are too white now, you know. Yeah. It looks terrible. Yeah.

He looks dead too. Yeah. You can't be. Oh man. Don't look good. Old ass pimp. Yeah. He's gross.

He really is an old pimp. He's so gross. Look how he's holding that chick's neck. Yeah. It's weird. Yeah. He's creeper. He was creepy on that show.

He was. Yeah. I got my perfect smile. We were so excited when this showed up. Perfect smile. Wow. It's only $15.99 and then $15.99 for shipping and handling. Such scumbags.

Yeah. Because if you're broke enough that you need the perfect smile, you can't afford $15 in shipping. I think this is back when he had his teeth. See. It looks better. So much better. So much better.

Because then that matches the oldness of his face. Yeah. They're even like a little, you know. Yeah. Old jaggedy. It's fine. Yeah. Oh, you're talking about Mark Davis.

Mark Davis. Yeah. He looks good too. His teeth. Let's see if he's smiling. Hmm. Oof. Yeah.

Hmm. He looks so crazy. Oh. Yeah. He had a real. Oh, well, here he is kind of, but I like to. Remember how it said he drives 500 miles to get this haircut? Yeah.

He does. Yeah. Those teeth aren't good. Yeah. Those are weird teeth. He's got a lot of money. God. 500 million.

He's got 500 million dollars. Just spend a few of those dollars on teeth, bro. And a haircut. Cool haircut. And a cool haircut. Somebody said, I think I said it back then that if he's the kind of guy that if people stop talking about his haircut, he would change it. All right.

Because people are like, that guy's cut your hair. He's like, nope. Like that's his thing. Yeah. His personality thing is. Yeah. You tell me to do it. I'm not going to do it.

Well, that. I think you're maybe hurting yourself on that one though. Yeah. That and it makes you more interesting. That's your, your hook. Yeah. It's like the guy that has the exotic pet. Who's that guy?

It looks like he's retarded because of the haircut. Yeah. He's an interesting guy. His name is Mark. Right. Let's go talk to him. Right. It's like the guy that walks down Venice Beach with a snake around his neck.

Yeah. And he does it because people go. Bird or something. Or you pair it. Yeah. Well, it's just my thing. I got a lizard on it. Yeah.

I keep it around my neck. Right. You can pet it. It's cool. Yeah. I love that. I got an iguana, a pet iguana around my neck. Seems unusual.

Well, I'm kind of an unusual guy. I'm kind of weird like that. Okay. Just a little misdirected energy. A little bit. A little, little bit. Let's see. Somebody.

There's some emails here. Which YMH song should these mommies train their kid to? Someone said, I'm about to become a mommy myself. My friend Carl's Jr. is due March 2nd. That's not right around the corner. My friend recently recommended to me to begin a song, to sing a song every day to baby jeans. And then when baby jeans is born, it will recognize the song and go to sleep. She said it worked for her.

So why not give it a try? My husband and I have been trying to figure out which your mom's house song would best suit this instance. And we were hoping to have some insight from the main mommies. Husband is leaning towards red, red wine. I tend to lean towards Miami fart machine. But worry, it might be too energetic for Carl's Jr. to go to sleep too. Thoughts, suggestions. Thank you, Katie and Ryan.

Like a lullaby. Yeah. Well, something that auto, you know, they hear it and they're like, ah. Right. I mean, conga, the fart conga. But she's right. That's pretty high energy. High energy.

Go on to sleep. Come on. I agree. I like Theo's jam. Yeah. It's ten times ten with the S on the N. I'm from the hundreds block. Yeah.

Vodka, gin. Mm-hmm. That's a good one. Or, ah, my fucking con. My con, my con, my con. That might be a lot for a little, you don't think it's a lot for a little child? Oh, my fucking con. No?

That seems really aggressive for a kid, I think. Yeah. Okay. I love you, mommy. Hi, mommy. Hi, mommy. Hi, mommy. Hi, mommy.

Oh, mommy. Hi, mommy. What about that fart song? Oh, my gosh. That's a good night song. You wanna sleep, too? Oh, my gosh. That is a good one, yeah.

That's a great song. Oh, my gosh. Held of the no. That's good. That's kind of... That's kind of it. I think you got it. Good.

Which is clearly modified sample of what's that Marvin Gaye song. All right. You know what I'm talking about? They all sound like that Marvin Gaye song. Yeah, but that's definitely whatever. I can't think of anything else. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. Whatever. I can't think of the name of the song. I know. Do you know what I'm talking about or no? I do, but I don't know the titles to any Marvin Gaye songs, really. Okay.

Anyways, it's making me crazy. Yeah. I think my cunt's really... I think Held of the no is great because it's a positive message for a child to establish healthy boundaries. Sexual healing. When I get that feeling. Right.

Oh, that's right. It's a good song to teach somebody boundaries. Hell no. You teach that baby. Yeah. You want to go with strangers? No. Held of the no.

Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. All right, baby. You got your bath. You got a book. You got your bottle.

Drink your bottle and then thank God for the blood warming of my veins. Feels good. I think it's great. It's a good song. I'm on board. I think it's a great song. I think it really is. I'm trying to think if there's any...

Do you want to have an old guy show you where his bathing suit covers? Hell no. You teach the kid. Hell no. Held of the no. No. No. Right.

Do you want to do drugs? Hell no. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. It might be a bit much, right? It's a lot. I'm stuck in that dick.

No, maybe not dick-jacking for the baby. Yeah. I'm going to do it. Yeah. Right now. I'm stuck in that dick. Yeah. I'm going to do it.

Yeah. Right now. I'm stuck in that dick. Yeah. Yeah. Hmm. No. What the fuck is this?

Oh, diabetes. Diabetes. Yeah. Diabetes. It's a good one. It's good. Cushionary tail. Cushionary tail.

I don't know if it's a bit much for going to sleep. Diabetes. See? Yeah. It's a little sub-dude. No. I think hell to the gnaw. Yeah.

Hmm. Well, here's what you at first suggested. Oh, my fucking god. It's patriotic. Yeah. Can't we cut? We can't. Yeah.

Oh, my fucking god. Yeah. Can't we cut? For a baby to go to sleep to. Can't we cut? They don't know the words yet. Wow. But they're crying too.

They cry along with the song. Can't we cut? We can't. Can't we cut? We can't. Yeah. Can't we cut? We can't.

Oh, you're both crying. Yeah. Different reasons. We can't. Can't we cut? We can't. It's such a great song. It's so good, right?

Oh, my fucking god. I like when the beat kicks in. Ready? Let's go. Ready, two, three and four. Can't we cut? Can't we cut? We can't.

We can't. We can't. We can't. We can't. We can't. We can't. We can't. We can't.

We can't. We can't. We can't. We can't. We can't. We can't. We can't. We can't.

We can't. We can't. We can't. We can't. We can't. We can't. We can't. We can't.

We can't. It's sexy. Fox. It's sexy. We've had hundreds of songs submitted now and that's still in the top, genes in my card top five, the top five easy. That's I think that's Max Newman. Emily's got the hits, the ghost crews got the hits.

Max too. Max has done a few. Max has got the hits. Oh, yeah. I mean, these are all heavy hitters of the YMH crew. Yeah. Of course. This is it.

Jeans, jeans. You know, you've got to pull them up high. Mummies with bleachy smiles that light up the sky. Jeans, connection. I'm wiping down. I'm wiping down. I'm wiping down. Because that's what's up.

Can I tell you something? Yeah. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. Can I tell you something?

Yeah. I think that's a good wake up in the mornings. That's a fun song. Yeah. That's how you start your day. So I held to the nozzle all night and then city connection is the good morning. Good morning. I think so.

Yeah. Unless you want it to be... Oh, this is another timeless classic. Oh my gosh. I absolutely love this one. Just musically. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh.

And they still haven't dropped at the farts or the instruments yet. Oh my gosh. Incredible about this one. That's so good. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Incredible. Oh my gosh.

Oh my gosh. So good. Incredible. You want to hear Peter Stain? Yeah. I feel like this could be a club hit. Like a legit. Yeah.

Oh my gosh. Can I tell you what I would love to do is if I have... Hold on. Press pause for a minute. I have a good thought. Yeah. Is that if I had a radio station hookup, I would give them, oh my gosh. Yeah.

And be like, just start playing. This is the new Lady Gaga song. Yeah. It's like a YMH song. And I think that song is good enough and clubby enough that people will be like, yeah, this is a fucking jam. Dude, you get that? Oh my gosh.

Yeah. They're that new instrument. No one even knows what it is. It's fucking dope. Okay. I love Peter Stain too. Yeah. This is hilarious.

Yeah. We fucking played the horns in a while. Yeah. Not one. I'm Peter Stain. I also make some art, dead baby elephant. I can say, whatever I fucking want, I'm Peter Stain. The biggest pussy.

I love Theo Hogsdorff. I'm Peter Stain. I also make some art, dead baby elephant. I can say whatever I fucking want, I'm Peter Stain. The biggest pussy. I love Theo Hogsdorff. I shit on myself. It's disgusting.

It's gross. I don't want to wear diapers. My brown, say hello. I'm Sam, my fucking head. Can't control my aggression. I ripped a woman's arm off. Refers me as eccentric. You don't like art.

Man, what a dick. What the fuck does it matter with you, dude? Like, I give a fucking shit. I love being a racist. Fucking redneck intellectuals. Fuck outta here. I don't really care what your opinion is. Christina said mean stuff.

Like, really mean stuff. I'm getting all emotional. Man, what the fuck? Oh my god. Jesus Christ. Sorry. Okay. Fuck down.

Oh! What emotions do you have? I love smoking crack. I'm gonna see Swiggin. And I love the mom's house, hot cares. Don't you get it? Don't you get it? It's so good.

You think I give a fucking shit? That's Peter Stain. That's Obi-Wan. Um, Peter Stain. Obi-Wan, man. Yeah. He made that one, man. Killing the game.

Yeah. The cannoli. Did great, man. These songs, man. They're so good. Yeah. Really talented people. I mean, you're a land of airport.

Right. You're a land of airport. You're a land of airport. You're a land of airport. You know, the best of the top draw ones is the trance, I think. I think this is the one. Yeah. Matthew Miller.

Yeah. Yeah, this is amazing. Come on, come on. The bad guys are waiting. This is an out of body experience, okay? Okay. This is an out of body experience, okay? Okay.

That's what we do. This is an out of body experience, okay? Okay. It's good. Absolutely exciting, you know. It's incredible. Yeah. These dogs got to eat their dinner.

Yeah, I know. And it's all standing there, like, hello. I'm going to let them out real quick. Oh, you are? Okay. Go ahead. Let them out. Let them out.

Let them out. Let those dogs out. Two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two. Let's see. Hi, mommies. What? All right. Do you like how she just...

Oh, by the way, you know what an Irish lady said to me? An Irish lady said to me after one of the shows in New York. What's that? She goes, I don't mean to be two ends of a cunt, but do you mind if I take a picture? Oh, that's good. Two ends of a cunt. I've never heard that. I've never heard that either.

Dantania would love that. Yeah. Yeah. That's a special one. Two ends of a cunt. That's funny. I couldn't believe it. Too much, mommies.

A lot. The sun's going down. That means the trick or treaters are going to start coming soon. Oh, shit, yeah. We got to get our candies ready. We're... Yeah. I got good candy, by the way.

I didn't get fucking bullshit. I got Reese's Cups and Snickers. Those are two high value treats. That's true. That's true. Nothing worse than shitty candy, right? Drank the top layer. Such a farmer.

Mommies, itchy assholes. It's time to play real sexual predator. It's time to play chunky. It's time to play with naughty, billed toilet paper. The Uranus from Two Dirty Homeless Men. Quite my butt with your mucus. I've been sexed with your sister. Take it in the face.

Then understrikes. The grandmother walks in on you masturbating. Never have another orgasm. It's time to play. It's time to lose. It's time to play. It's time to play. Would you rather lose?

Rather lose. Rather lose. Rather lose. Rather lose. Uh, Jeans, would you rather lose your voice and only be able to speak through soundboard drops in the podcast for a month? Yep.

Or have to talk like Top Dog for a year? Uh, what's wrong with Top Dog's talking? Well, that's the dilemma, I guess. If you want to talk like Top Dog for a year, buddy. Or just sound drops. But that's for a month. Every communicate everything with a soundboard. I know.

It's like, oh, my fucking cut. I guess I do Top Dog just because you can still talk like a person. I mean, people would be like, why are you talking like an older white guy? Yeah. I'm almost there. So I feel like it's really easy for me to...

You're really close, yeah. Yeah, to Top Dog. People keep telling me too. They're like, oh, you sound a lot like your dad. Yeah. But you're sounding more like him. Yeah. Becoming a dad makes you your dad.

Yeah. Yeah, I know. It's kind of depressing though, right? A little bit, yeah. Once you start to process it, you're like, oh, shit. Dude, totally. You're zoning like him a little bit too. Check out.

What's that? What's that, buddy? Yeah. That was nothing. Yeah. Yeah, totally. Yeah. That was an easy one.

Yeah. What do you pick? No, definitely. Just talking like my dad for a year. He's already like him. A month of fucking answering questions from a sound like you imagine trying to express yourself all day like that. That would be horrible, man.

Get to search for the drive. I left a wallet there. You know? Right. That's really... God damn it. You're just talking like that? It's just weird.

Oh. Oh, my God. It's hard to talk like that. Yeah. Today. Big words. That's a lot. It's hard.

Yeah. How do you communicate? You couldn't ask for anything. No, you'd have to build words. You'd have to build new sentences with the words you had. It would take forever. Would you rather have to start every conversation talking retarded? Yeah.

Or start every conversation talking in a baby talk? That's tough. Where you're like... Like you would talk to bits of your FIFA. Like that. Yeah. Or talking retarded. I don't know what that means.

Does that mean... And talking retarded. Like Stevie's girlfriend. Well, the thing is, I think people would really look at you so much crazier if you just started talking retarded as opposed to baby. They'd be like, this is eccentric. Yeah. If you talk retarded, if you were like, I want to go there,

then people would be like, whoa, dude. I think people would just walk away from you. Well, what I would do is... Or they think you're mocking them more. Yeah, I would carry a dog with me at all times. Yeah, you have two. You could have one of them. One for each hand.

Yeah. And then I could just be like... And then think I'm just talking to the dog. Yeah. Because talking retarded, that's a hard segue. Yeah, it is. It sure is. I mean, you still haven't incorporated that into your act,

which I feel like would increase the value. That's the retarded, the biggest retarded. You want to move tickets? Yeah. Yeah. Talk to your agent. Just see what he thinks. Let's see what Andrew thinks about this idea.

I like the idea. Andrew. Thinking about doing a whole retarded act. I can't see him not thinking it would go well. So I would take the baby talk, by the way. Hey, buddy. Yeah. Hi.

Hi. I'm home. Yeah. Hi, boobies. Hi, schnitzel. Hi, bedzels. So I started walking. Hi, everybody.

Hi. See, they would just think like, oh, he's like a sweet. Looking nice. Yeah. Dopey guy. If you go, hi, everybody. That's kind of fun here. See, I feel like I liked it.

It was funnier when you did it retarded. They would also look at you like, why are you doing that? You know? Right. More so, I think. It says start every conversation. It's very specific, would you rather? Which is good.

It's good to be specific. What should we have for dinner? Dinner. And then they go, I'll have chicken. And then you go, yeah, I'll have chicken too. And they're like, wait, what was that? See, I think from a comedic perspective, I would choose retarded. But from a life perspective, the baby talk.

Okay. Would you rather, ooh, it's already starts off good. Would you rather have to wear wet socks all day? I hate it. I hate it. That you can't take off for bedtime. God damn it. Ooh, that is terrible.

Or would you rather have all your meals by chew, be chewed by each other and fed like a baby bird for a week? I'll take that one. So wet socks are your fed food. Like I chew it up. I know. I got it. I understand what baby birding is.

Do you know that some famous, you know, who was doing that? I would chew it up and then I would chew it up and then I would chew it up and then I would put it in your mouth. I think there was. After chewing it up. The girl that did Clarissa explains it all, that show. I think she was pre-chewing. No, no.

It was the hot girl from the nineties in that Aerosmith, the clueless girl. Alicia Silverstone. She was baby birding her child, premastication, where she would chew the food and then put it in her kid's mouth and she was an advocate of that. Disgusting. I think it's so gross though. So gross that I would actually take the wet socks. So would I.

I would vomit if you're chewing the food. I would vomit. And I think, and you're supposed to do it for a week. I mean, I just, you know what? The wet socks is horrible, but it's like anything you kind of adapt after. You just wouldn't, you get, and you wouldn't sleep the first night and you'd be so tired by the second night that your body would just shut down and get used to it. But it is the worst.

Especially when you put on fresh ones and you're ready to leave and you step in a spot. God damn it. You have to change. Yeah. No, it's misery. It's one of the small humongous inconveniences. I mean, I know people are talking about this whole Syrian situation, but I feel like wet socks is even more.

The biggest problem. Yeah. Your dad talks about that in Vietnam. Um, when he would have, you have wet socks in your boots. That's right. Like trench foot or something. Yeah. You dry your socks out.

Yeah. Feet would get all fungusy. That's like the, that's one of the biggest problems they had. So you get dad feet. My dad's got the feet. Definitely. Definitely. It looks like he's spent years and now I'm with those.

All yellow and nasty. All right. We got a run. You got me so nasty, Tom. So nasty. Thank you guys for listening to the show. Please visit the new store. You can get through to it.

You can go to tomcigura.com, click on the store, your mom's house podcast.com, click on the store. We're now part of merch method. We have the new DJ dad mouth shirt up and we restocked a bunch of shirts bikes has been restocked. Yeah. That was just a, okay. Cool.

Well, that was a couple other. Yeah. It's fine. Couple other ones. We restocked. I think it was a high and tight, maybe a FIFA one. So those are ready to go. Please check out the store and thank you to all the Patreon subscribers, patreon.com

slash mom. A few bucks gets you extra episode of your mom's house every month. So thank you everybody for listening to that. We got to go. We got to go celebrate hallow jeans hallow jeans is here. This is a DJ stana mom also known as guy with a bite the end of your dad's dick off. Here we go. I love it.

Thank you guys for listening. Here goes. Well, once you bite the end of your dad's dick off, bite the end of your dad's dick off. Bite the end of your dad's dick off, bite the end of your dad's dick off, bite the end of your dad's dick off. Bite the end of your dad's dick off, bite the end of your dad's dick off, bite the end of your dad's dick off, bite the end of your dad's dick off.

Bite the end of your dad's dick off, bite the end of your dad's dick off. Bite the end of your dad's dick off.