Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - 388-Your Mom's House with Christina Pazsitzky and Tom Segura

Episode Date: March 22, 2017

Some people are just gross and then there's THIS lady. Whoa. And coming from us that's pretty special. She puts her finger, well, just listen.  Plus, if you had to say one of us is a better burper who would you choose, Gene or Jean?  There are some epic Dad Boners in this one and an absolute gift of a Hey Mommy order. And thankfully there's a nasal alien that breaks that down for us too. 

Your burps are just violent rips. Yeah, yeah, yeah. How angry would your mom get growing up when you were on my back? Let it, let it grow both. Rips. Rips. Rips. I like your burps the best, because I feel like they always tell a story.

Please. Rips. Rips. Rips. It's not a sound to me. Get my point. It's not a sound to me. Put it in that fucking person's other side.

Son of a bitch. Yeah. Rips. Rips. Rips. Taking my language. Rips. Let it grow.

Stop. My stomach hurts. Rips. I can't listen to it. I'm dying. Let it grow. In the last episode, I had a really bad bite. I got a bad bite.

Rips. Rips. Rips. Rips. Rips. Rips. Rips. Rips.

It's good stuff. Rips. Rips. Rips. Rips. Rips. I feel like he made a real song here. It was really good.

Who is this? Wes. It says Wes. It was really funny. I was laughing really hard. The song is called Burp. The artist is called Wes. And you muffle the second half.

Yeah. Where did you pick that technique up? I don't know. I haven't been in the game for so long. I have so many different skills. You're kind of an innovator, if you will. How long have you been using that burp technique? Years. Many years. I have a wide range of abilities when it comes to burping.

You definitely conceded that I am the burp. I did not. You said that? You said you're definitely the better burper. I didn't say the phrase burp champion. Yeah, but you said it without saying it. That was probably from an episode like 200 back. That's before I...

First of all... Pregnancy changed my burp game. Violent rips. I like the rips, yeah. I agree with that statement. This is taken from our show. Yeah, like 200 episodes ago. That's pretty reasonable.

This one. That's me, though. That's you. That's me. That's me. I'm doing the loud one. I like your burps the best. Yeah, I do. Because I feel like they always tell a story.

Yeah, I'm the burp champ. But I didn't say you're the burp champion. I didn't use that. You don't have to say it. It's what it is. It's not implicit. All I said is I like yours the best because they have different sounds, pitches.

They do tell a story. I like when you go half into the... Sometimes you... Why don't you burp like that? Why don't you try it? Because it's your technique. I can't... Oh, you can try it.

No, it's not mine. Mine's different. I like to go aggressive. You heard what I was capable of in that song. I like surprises. That's a good one. Can I have some of your Dr. Zevia? Did you get my own burps going?

All right. You always have to... Why? Your whole thing is like, I want some of yours. That's what you told me. Because yours is better than mine. I don't know why you do that.

It's really ridiculous. It just tastes better. Tastes gooder. Tastes gooder than a bitch. Gooder than a bitch. But your burps consistently make me laugh. Probably that's probably why one of the main reasons I married you.

Yeah. Your burps and your farts. One of the main reasons? Right. I mean, there's other stuff like, are you a good person? Are you not addicted to things? Do you call...

Do what you say you're going to do. Keep your word. Are you moral? But above all that is, can you burp? Wow. I didn't realize it was that high on the list. Well, yeah, because I've actually... Are you addicted to things?

That's a little important. But I dated guys in the past who don't like... They didn't like my burps or my farts. And I got a lot of heat for being who I was. Really? So when I found you, I was like, oh, wow. They really got upset? Oh, yeah.

I have upset. What would you say? Every ex-boyfriend did not appreciate my burping or farting skills. Wow. Fart. Yeah. Fart. Fart.

Yeah. Fart. Yeah. I got a lot of heat for my burps. Like, the last boyfriend I had before you? Yeah. He actually would be like, stop farting. Stop it.

Like, he would get really mad at me. Yeah. He didn't appreciate it. Oh, that's why I can't hear it. That thing is down. That's why. Oh, is that... Fart, yeah.

There she is. Fart, yeah. Fart, yeah. Fart, yeah. Yeah. I like that burp that I did on the show that made the teaser. Yeah. That was pretty...

I mean, I wish you'd give me some credit. I feel like you just wanted to have glory and I don't get. You can, yeah. What about my farts? Remember, you came home and I farted a lot yesterday? It was very cool. In the kitchen. I farted a bunch.

Yep. And there's no shortage of farts from you. I mean, if that's what this is about, then... Well, who's a better... Okay. Let's decide then. Who's a better fatter? Who's a better burper?

You really want to have that discussion right now? You really think so? Well, why not? Why can't we just have the discussion? It doesn't have to lead anywhere. Let's just open up a topic, you know? Yeah. Okay.

You know the answer. What's the answer? Yeah. I'm definitely the king supreme of both of those categories. Not true. Please. Here's why. Yana.

Yana. Yeah. Might I present the case of my farts being very smelly and hot? God. Because I eat a lot of... I've eaten dried apricots in the past. Yeah. I tend to have smellier, hotter farts than you.

You think so? Yeah. Mine smell way worse than yours. Sometimes they do. Most of the time they do. I think we're going to vomit during this episode. There's so much gross stuff in this episode. Really?

Yeah. This conversation is one of them. Yeah. It has to happen. I'm definitely the burp champ. I can't believe you wouldn't concede that. I don't know. I feel like that's up for debate.

I feel like... I just feel like we need to open it up and let's kind of see where it sits. I'm not ready to call that yet. Okay. I feel like it's warm in here. It's not warm in here. You're always hot. We'll take off your fucking sweatshirt.

Well, no, because it's comfortable. But I mean, the other day... No. Take off the sweatshirt and then you're not hot anymore. No, it's comfortable to wear the sweatshirt. It's comfortable. Then you're not hot anymore. It's comfortable to wear it, though.

Oh my God. That's what I'm saying. But here's how ridiculous you are. That's pretty good. This is how ridiculous you are. Do you look at it? You just looked at it to see how it registered. I did.

And how did it register? Pretty hot. Pretty hot. How is yours in comparison? I can't go back to it. No, it's scrolling. You didn't look when yours... Yeah.

You did like a real theatrical burp right then, though, who really forced it to sell it. So what you're saying is that you're good with a variety. I might be good with sound. Yeah. See, I like that right there because it had different sounds and then you incorporate it at the end. My favorite burp we hear is when you used to go in the mouth and then you blow it out. Yeah.

I mean, you're talking about all these different burps right now. Those are cool. That one's cool. No, but you're like, that one's cool. That one's cool. But then you go... But I mean, who says you're the best? Well, who does all those different burps?

It's me. I'm obviously the best. But we haven't decided what criterion is the best. Okay. And in my opinion, yeah, variety is important, but so is pitch, frequency, volume, very important. Yeah. So I think I have the volume. I have the force.

I want to talk about how ridiculous you are. Oh, that lights off, by the way. Oh, shit. Fuck. Hold on. Oh yeah, she's got real light dad denim on. But I'll tell you why, because these are Lucky Brand and they're like a 90s jean that I specifically order online.

They're pretty nerdy colored. Yeah, but the cut is cool. See, look. I'll let you guys check it out. But it looks kind of cool though. Cool. Because they're like a 90s cut. Yeah, dad.

Where are the white sneaks? I'm not wearing white. Is that better? Yeah. I should close the store too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Definitely, definitely. It's raining.

I know. Another, another day of rain here in the heat. Yeah. No. I'm going to turn the air on. No, no, please. It's so cold. Why?

Why? Why are you doing this? Why are you doing this? You're miserable. No, dad. You're the worst. How cold are you going to make it in here? Jean.

You have such unreasonable expectations for this. The other day, I was in bed and I go, is it warm in here? It's not warm in here. No. I go, it feels warm. And I kind of just like, I let your illogical mind step in for a second. And then I go, wait, this doesn't feel right. And I get up and I work, walk over the thermostat and it's 80.

It's good. It feels good. I go, it's 80 and you're like, I like it. It feels good. Yeah, but here's a problem with what you do. Why I don't like your methods is because it'll be hot as fuck outside. I don't feel it kicking on. I just did.

Hats, you don't feel it. Okay. Jesus. Oh my God. Oh my God. So listen, my problem with your AC consumption is that it'll be hot as fuck outside and then you'll decide to put it down to like 60. Never, never once.

Not even once. 63 is your desire. You said you want it to be 63. Never done it. Never. How low do you put that thermostat? Because of you. It feels like 63.

I should say that. Because of you, I always put it at 72, 73. Oh, so low like that. Please. So anyways, the problem is you turn it too low and then it feels like- I keep it in the low 70s, not even down to 70s. But it feels like I have a fever. I don't like it.

Why do you feel like you have a fever? It makes me feel feverish and sick when you make the AC so cold and it's been hot all day. So my body's all super hot. But whenever I see you- And then you overcompensate with the cold. Whenever I see you being feverish and sick, I feel so happy. And I feel so good with myself, you know?

Okay, I'm smoring your soda. Where's your water, water champ? Oh, interesting. Yet another episode where you have no water in front of you. You have two beverages with you. I have coffee and I have water. I dehydrate, but then I rehydrate. That's my system.

The whole thing that I do is I don't dehydrate ever. You also don't drink water. Yeah, I do. The thing is water champion, not beverage champion. I drink gallons of water. Where? I don't drink this show. I don't know how you go with that.

I don't either right now because I drank so much before. Oh, oh, really? Yeah. Okay. That's your story? Plus this is water. Soda. Water.

Naturally flavored. No sugar. No artificial sweeteners. No caffeine. No fun at all. Water. No. Whatever.

I always thought the clear stuff that comes from the tap is water. You're claiming the black cherry Zevia soda is the same as water. It is. Uh-huh. It's exactly the same. Molecularly. Well, it has some carbonation in it. Okay.

And some flavorings that make it not taste like water. No artificial sweeteners. Why don't you just drink water if you like water or something? I do. I drink it all day. I drink gallons every day. I haven't seen you drink any water today. You're a liar.

But you live in a lie. What's a lie? Okay. Now you're forcing it. You're forcing it. You're the lie champ. That'll do. You're the lie champ.

You're the liar champ. You're the liar champ. Let's open this show properly. You're the cold champion. You like it cold. Like your heart. Ready? Let's do this shit.

I've been a very, very dirty girl lately. For some reason, I've been going two, three days without showering. Oh, no. I know. It's pretty bad. It is. But it's not all bad because since I'm not showering as often as I probably should, that means that my asshole probably has a nice stinky scent to it.

This shit is big time. Who is Randy? Don't bring anyone loving to this. Your mom in the fucking stand. Welcome. Welcome to your mom's house. Good job. Wet on Segura.

Top Segura. And Christina Pajitse. Christina Pajitse. Welcome to your mom's house. Welcome to your mom's house. Oh, you nasty. You're a nasty girl. She hasn't showered in three days.

But that means on the good side, she's got a real stinky bee hole. That is the good side. The positive side. I thought you were going to say she's not wasting water. That too. That too. What's the longest you've gone without showering? Definitely a couple of days.

Two. But I mean, not often, man. I mean, I... Yeah. I'm trying to think of sickness when I've been really sick. Really sick. You stay in bed and it hurts to stand. That kind of stuff.

Yeah. Couple of days. Maybe into the third day. Or some crazy outdoorsy trip that I took. I don't know. I don't even do that. I'm the indoor champ, period. I haven't done it in a long time.

I hate camp. I never camped in my life. I got so much flack from that. What? One episode, I don't know, hundreds of episodes ago where we're like fuck camping. People are like, you're wrong. I don't want to go, dude. And they're like, but you're missing out.

No, I'm not. I've been before. I don't want to go. It doesn't mean I don't like it outside. I like being outside. Yeah. I just don't want to sleep out there. I like the mountains.

I like lakes. Yeah. I like stuff. No, I like going outdoors. I just don't want to... I don't see the need to sleep out there for days on end. But that's what... It's funny to me.

Shit out there and stuff. When somebody argues against someone's preferences. Right, right. It's like someone arguing about your food preferences. If you're like, I'm eating this soup and they're like, I hate soup. You should try this. But I like it. Right.

What do you share? You should like what I like. Yeah. Like what I like only. Why don't you like my stuff? I don't know. I don't know, man. I like stinky buttholes, though.

And this lady's got one. So, she set it up well. Now I know what's going to happen, I think. Oh, I don't know. I'm lost. So, today, I thought I would play with my asshole. Oh, no. Stick my finger really deep far inside my asshole.

Wait a minute. She's going to get shit on her finger, though. Yeah. Get all up in there. Maybe she's training. Take it out and inhale my ass fumes. Ass fumes. God.

I don't know. Why is she doing this, babe? I don't know. Maybe she's trying to train. I'll burn what your ass smells like. What your cock and balls smell like. Yeah. That is one of my favorite clips.

Learn what your cock and balls will learn. Run your finger along your crack. If you're ass, you don't need to finger your hole. You don't want to come back with shit on your finger. But, here's somebody that wants to take that advice to task. Maybe and say, I don't think so, sir. You're not the only one that knows how to run your finger along your asshole. Right.

And just talk about what sense I'm getting. Oh. What kind of smells are living in my asshole right now. Yeah. But, trust me, there's probably a lot of smells going on in my asshole right now. This shit talks like you. I mean, I was going to say one of my sisters, but yeah. Well, she's a girl.

This woman might be related to you. Seriously. Seriously. Oh, my God. Seriously. She sounds like you. And then she's like, there's a lot of smells. There's a lot of smells.

Here is like a tribal tattoo. That's neat. Let's see. Here is my sister. Oh, my God. Seriously. And then here's this lady. Seriously.

Seriously. Oh, my God. Seriously. Seriously. Yeah. Oh, my God. Seriously. Oh, man.

So. It's like you think she's got some real smells. You know, I'm not so worried about the smells. I'm worried about that tribal tat that she has around her arm. That kind of barbed wire. Oh. 90s. Really too.

My own included. Yeah. And if you're watching those, you probably love ass smell too. Oh, so this is an ass smell video. Like that's. Yeah. What did you think she wanted to know? I thought maybe she was just somebody who has, you know, sexual videos up.

I didn't know it was like specific. She goes, if you're watching this, you'd like ass smells me. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Pulled from an ass smell. Yes. Yeah. I think so.

This is a very specific genre. I can't. Oh, my God. Seriously. I can't imagine this is a generalized. It's all about ass smells. Right. It's oh, my God.

You guys are so disgusting. Jane, by the way, people sometimes don't know who is doing. Which sister is doing the voices? Right. You know, what they're hearing. Yeah. That's Jane. Yeah.

Maria. I don't know. Can we find a Maria thing to do the difference? Fucking pudgy fingers. Put the bomb back on. Like blow myself up. Because I'm basically on that path. But with a lifestyle, I leave.

Which is a very fucking healthy lifestyle. If you ask me. They can understand the first half of that. Yeah. That's Maria. Yeah. It's different. It's a faster cadence.

Much faster. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So let's get back to this stinky asshole of this lady's here. Real curious. Something about it. Something raunchy.

Yeah. Something intoxicating. Hmm. Seriously. Someone can sit on my face all day with their ass. And I would in mind sitting on someone else's face smothering them with my dirty, smelly asshole. She kind of talks like you. Kind of has, well, this is kind of vocal fryish though, right?

Yeah. I mean. Hmm. Do you think she talks like me? Yeah. Like I feel like you two could be a nice pair. In a weird way. I mean, she's nasty.

She's nasty as fuck. But you're open to nasty like that. Yeah. You know. I don't know if I would be. Be farting or what are you doing? Just adjusting myself. I don't know if I would necessarily be into the ass smell aspect of a relationship with

her. She was like, I didn't shower in days. You want to smell? Right. But she's inside of my asshole. But she's definitely not kind of a Karen vibe to her. Yeah. I mean, she's a nasty bitch for sure.

Yeah. She's a crystal or a shandy or she's gnarly as fuck. Trish. She's kind of a Trish. Yeah. I'd say Trish. More Trish than Karen. Yeah.

Karen's broken, but she's not this damaged. Right. This girl's a Trish. You think this is Trish? Trish is a little more sophisticated than Karen though. Oh, I'm sorry. I thought Trish was trashier in my mind. No.

Trish thinks she has a shot, remember? No. Karen thinks she has a shot. Trish is trashier than Karen. No. I don't think so. Have I messed up with my alter egos? I think so.

Yeah. Oh boy. Yeah. Yeah. That's not it. Okay. Well. All right.

Let's see what this. Yeah. It's so cold in here. I feel sick. No, you don't. See, this is what I'm talking about because I'm warm under my sweatshirt and then the sweatshirt is freezing. It's freezing.

It's not freezing. You've been in studios. There's cold air around me. They keep studios in the 60s always. Do you know why I wore this sweatshirt today? Why? It's because I knew it was cold out and I knew you would still turn on the AC. It's not cold.

And that's why I wore this because I put my hood up. You have lights that generate heat in here. It's not. It's not hot. Smell my asshole. Why don't we sniff them? No. Please don't.

What's going on? My dirty stinky panties. You want me to smother my panties all over your face, all over your nose? Have you inhaled? It's got to be real stinky in here. How do you know if she's telling the truth? I don't. I wondered that same thing.

Yeah, she's lying. The two-to-three-day thing? Yeah, she's lying. Could be. I don't think she really is into it the way she pretends to be. Oh, Jesus. Are we done with this yet? Not yet.

What makes hurting from watching this? It smells stronger than I thought it would smell. Wow. It's like an accommodation of a raunchy ass and sweet shit smell, but in a good way, you know? Not dirty shit. Oh, my God. You guys are so disgusting.

Let's see what's going on. Okay, I'm linting. This is blurred. My finger into my asshole. No. Get it in there to get all the natural smells of my asshole. I mean, she's really doing it. Yeah, I know.

I get it. It's going to take a little coarsing because my finger is dry, but I want to get all the real smells in my asshole. That's the important thing, the real smells. Oh, okay. Oh, she's sniffing her fingers. Oh, Jesus. Fuck.

Oh, no. You know what? She's authentic. That's what I respect. Sweet nasty smell. I can't. We can't fake this level dirty ass. Yeah.

So if you're one of her followers, you're like, that's my girl. That's your jam. Yeah. She's not. That's my jam. That's Christina's jam. All that combined. She's authentic.

I believe her now. I wasn't convinced when she showed us her, she spread them and then I wasn't convinced when she was sniffing her panties. I do feel like in order to be the kind of girl, you put your finger in your butt and that smell and then describe the smell. You're committed. You're in it. You're in it.

You're in it. You're real. She's real. She's real. Oh, wow. No, thanks. Smell my dirty fucking asshole. Yeah, she's...

I haven't showered in three days. That was a crazy laugh. She's a crazy lady. Crazy. She's crazy. What do you think it's like to date her? Right, right, right. Nobody dates her.

No one. No one dates her. People start to date her. You start and then... Yeah, they do. How long before you realize how crazy she is? But it smells so fucking good. It's just raunchy ass and shit smell.

I mean, that's basically what it is and I fucking love it and I don't care. And I know you love it too. Yeah. I'm gonna throw up too. She's really... She's really... ...about that life. Yeah.

Yeah, she's getting that. L.Y.F.E. Ashtank. What do you think it... How long before... She's so crazy. Yeah, how long do you think... It's raunchy ass and shit smell.

Do you think she leads with this? Is this... No. She has to meet people on fetish sites. I don't know if she leads with this, but she doesn't completely mask it either. I think she's the kind of person who you're having dinner, talking about this and that, and then she might be like, I like stinky stuff. You like smelly cheeses.

She might lead you into... Or she'll say something like, I didn't put on deodorant today. Right. Oh, that's okay. Oh, is it? Right. Do you like that? Right.

Like what? There's a Dwayne Reed across the street if you want to go there, and then she's like, I don't want to buy any. I'm saying, do you like the way that smells, and you're like, oh, I don't think so. And then she's like, I like the way my fucking asshole smells, and you're like, we should probably get the check. I got to go. Yeah.

Yeah. It does go down like that. Yeah. You think she drops it on the first date, though? Yeah. Yeah. This real? Yeah.

You got to let people know. She's not playing games. No. She's real. You got to let people know. There's probably a lot of smells going on in my asshole right now. See, you see that too. There's probably a lot of smells going on in my asshole.

But for different reasons. Yeah. Not for sexual. I don't say... I don't then go, and I want to smell each one of them on my finger. No. You say that when you have to shower. You're like, oh, my stinky asshole.

I thought she was going to... I thought her finger would have brown on it. It didn't. It didn't. No. Thank God. That was an interesting observation. It did not.

Well, yeah. Because that was another level of gnarly that I thought was coming, you know? Wait. She didn't get shit on her fingers, and she fingered her butthole. So the pop play guy's kind of off, don't you think? Yeah. But maybe... I don't know.

Maybe she just has like a cleaner butthole. She's a girl. She is a girl. Dudes are way gnarlier. Yeah. She could have even, you know, tried to remove some inner brown. Who knows? Well, speaking of dudes being gnarly.

Yeah. A while ago, we gave some advice to a young gentleman about what to do about beehole shaves. He writes in, I wrote you a couple of weeks ago asking if I should do some maintenance down under. After listening to your words of wisdom, I made the decision to bick my beehole. I didn't go with the waxing because I didn't know if I was committing to a good thing. Well, it was a game changer, just like you had said.

My cleanup game is pretty fucking tight right now. Just a few wipes and done. There is the sweat issue that you mentioned, but that's a welcome trade off. I was surprised to notice how my farts smell different now too. Kind of sloppy sounding like a fat guy fart. I also changed my diet as you suggested by removing most of the carbs and almost all the sugar. That's made a huge difference in my life in many ways.

I feel like a new man and I can't thank you enough. Fuck Dan Pena. My life coach is the one and only undisputed water champion, Tommy Bonds. Thanks. I bow and thank you for your thanks. Well, it's neat on this show and we can help people. It is. It is cool.

It was easy to give that advice. I thought that it was the idea was one that I would go for and I think that the diet change is modest. It's not too crazy to do that. Diet change is key to farts. Yeah. They probably, he said they feel different or they smell different or sound different. They sound like a fat guy fart.

They sound different. That's right. Why is that you think? The hair is gone. So it's just really going against skin. It's in the air and the skin is... So it's what girl farts sound like. Yeah.

Girl farts sound different. Yeah. For sure. So I'm very proud of them though for doing it and I encourage people to at least take that hair removal for a spin, see if it's something that feels right to you, is fun to you. Well, there's lots of benefits. You get a cleaner wipe.

Yeah. It is sweaty like he said, but you know, trade off. I'd say the cleanup thing is massive. The cleanups the whole point. Everything else is, you know, has, is, you know, whatever effect of it, but it's not, it's not, it's all about the cleanup chain and chain because when you're hairy, man, that is... I can't imagine the suffering.

I can't imagine. I can't imagine. Shitting into the top of your head. Seriously. And then just wiping the shit off of that and you're like, how long is it going to take? I don't know. 45 minutes. Speaking of, speaking of that, an email we got bringing water to poop.

It's called Christina is wrong. Here's the email. Salome, get this straight. Kristina is freaking out about DJ dad mouth, bringing a water bottle into the stall, but her jam is to wash shit off of her. How do you say wreck them in the shower? I guess there is some risk of airborne brown particles attaching to the small surface area exposed on a water end after the bottle cap is removed, but that's only a short amount

of time and the risk of contamination is negligible. And any non juggalo person would ditch that water bottle after bringing it into the shitter. Obviously chugging most of the water before bringing it into the hydrate. Water champ is a lifestyle. He probably struts out saying it doesn't smell, doesn't burn, it and greasy. I mean, step on my balls, but brown should not be washed off onto a surface. You routinely walk barefoot in a puddle of water unless you are bleaching your shower every day, but get your life only using duff body wash.

So main mommy Tina was suspiciously shocked and couldn't barely recognize buns after hearing this pro level move. I'm no professional, but sounds like a subconscious retaliation effort from a personality of lesser character. I mean, it's basically F, A, R, T level hypocrisy. Wow. If you swap out poo particles for curse words for, for curse words for analysis. You feel me?

Smart and final mark. Smart and final. I remember that. Yeah. Well, first of all, Mark. Listen. Tell me to clarify my position on Tom's usage of the water bottle to clean off your asshole. He is right by the way, and that you don't take a, I'm not taking a full bottle of water

and cracking it to do this. What are you doing? This is like, let's say an airport. You have, you buy your bottle of water, you're drinking it. Let's say you're probably two thirds of the way through it. I got to take a dump, I bring that in there and it helps me clean up. Yeah. You're using like the maple syrup top, you know, the kind that's like the power squirter.

Is that what you're doing? And you're kind of squirting your asshole or you're wetting the toilet paper. No, you wet toilet paper. Well, my only thing, you just go like this, you pour water in, so now you have wet toilet paper to wash the top of your head off that you shit on. My only, my, my issue with it was that I was worried about the shame of carrying in a bottle of water into the shitter. I just think it's odd when people carry zero shame food items or edible things into the

stall. I would not bring a sandwich in there. No. Like I see you like, oh, you've got your McDonald's, you've got your apple pie. There is a good idea to, though, to eat that on the shitter. So nasty. And it's nasty. And secondly, I don't do shit to shower anymore because of the total washlet.

But we're talking about outside of the house. We're talking about, oh, I haven't, I haven't shit to shower in a while. But we're talking about, you know, you're, you're, you're at the airport. What do you do? Right. And so that's what I'm saying. It's, it's not an, I don't bring a bottle of water into our home. I'm saying when you're, when you're in public.

I guess I'm thinking about the office worker, the person who has to be, I don't think it's that weird. Who has to go. The bottle of water is capped. I know, but it just seems weird. Like I'm going to go to take a shit and then you, you're carrying your bottle of water into the stall with you. You don't think people kind of know.

I wouldn't think twice. Cause I used to get weird, just like weird about bringing my iPhone in to take a shit. Like, oh, everybody knows that I'm looking at my iPhone when I'm taking a dump, which I would hide it kind of in my clothes so that people didn't see. I still do. I would carry that water right in. No problem. Well, I know, but you're, you're an animal.

You don't care about anything. That's true. I wanted to bring this to your attention as long as we're still on this topic. Yeah. Our good friend Eric, it was his birthday. We bought him a squatty potty using our Amazon banner. Go to your mom's house podcast.com, click on the banner bottom of the homepage you're shopping is normally would and I got him a squatty potty, right?

And in Kansas, he lives. Yes. Now, here's the interesting part is that we've had so many people tell us to use a squatty potty and I've been reluctant because look, I take healthy browns. I don't need the assistance of anything. Interesting review came in. I'm going to read what he wrote verbatim because I find it that interesting. Hold on.

One moment. Yeah. One moment. I don't have it prepped for the show or anything and breathe into the mic because that's, they're definitely loving that. I can't find. Jesus. Basically, he said, our here.

Basically he said, well, he said that it's good that it comes out faster when you're doing it. Yeah. You take a faster shit because your knees are up to your chest basically, right? The problem is it doesn't leave much time for reading, for texting, for catching up on, you know, Instagram, Twitter, whatever. That's the problem. So part of the fun of shitting is really catching up on emails, texting people back, texting

your friends you're taking a shit right now and that kind of stuff. But here's the thing is that it becomes a necessity because it takes a while. So it really does make sense in that you. I'm sorry. What becomes a necessity? The iPhone? Yeah, because you're like, this isn't going to come out in half a second. I'm going to sit here for a second and then get the engine going.

But if you're doing that, maybe you're happier that you have more time. You know, in other words, you feel like it's going to take some time. That's why you bring your iPhone. Yeah. Well, I like to take my time. I like to catch up. It's a real dilemma though. I understand.

Right. Because on the one hand, I like the efficiency of the squatty potty. I like the idea of that. Yeah. But then again, I kind of enjoy my, you know, relaxed BMS. I like, I like texting everybody that I'm shitting. I think you already made your decision. I don't think you're going to do it.

No, I should tell this. Wait, are you out on the squatty potty too then? Yeah, I don't know. I like the way I should. So do I. Yeah. But that was just chips on the bowl right there. I know.

Sorry. Sorry. The big announcement is chips in a bowl. I'm coming to mom's Strelia. Oh, good day. Good day, mates. That's pretty exciting, Jean. I haven't been here in quite some time.

I'm coming in August. I'm hitting four cities. Brisbane, Sydney, Melbourne and Perth. Tickets are on sale. Better scoop them shits up. It's August. I believe the first show is August 9th. And then there's one the 10th, I think 12th and 14th.

Go to TomCigarette.com. Click on the tour page. Coming down under, man. Really excited about it. It's been a few years since I've been to mom's Strelia. Also coming up next week, I'm going to Titsburg, Pennsylvania. We added a late show on Thursday, the first one sold out. So that is on sale now.

I will also be in New Haven, Cumnetic Hunt and Burlington, Vermont. I'm going to do that one on Saturday, I think. So those tickets are on Sizzale and then Meat Rattles, Seattle, Washington. I'm doing a second show on the 14th. Get your tickets for that. Meat Rattles. I like Meat Rattles. So silly.

Portland, Oregon. I had to add a show in May because of the way that the weekend worked out with what's it called? With Easter. I'll be coming back and I'm doing Eugene, Oregon as well. Oh, I like that. Yeah. I love Oregon.

Dallas and Houston. I love the Northwest. That's definitely happening. Fallis, Texas and Houston, Texas are definitely in April, so get your tickets. All right, Gene. I like all those places. Can I make my big announcement too? I feel like after a million years in stand-up comedy, I'm finally taping my first hour of

stand-up comedy. Boo-boo-boo-boo. Wow. Finally happening. It was like in the works for years and then now it's finally happening and it's happening. I'm very happy for Eugene. I'm proud of myself. I'm proud of you too.

So help me ramp up for this taping. Yeah. This is all the get-down. Last looks. Final touches. Yeah. April 13th through 15th, Brea Improv, April 28th through 29th, Punchline and Sacramento. What is it?

Sacramento. Ballsack Town. Ballsacks Mentos, May 4th through 5th, Fartnix, Arizona, Stand-Up Rive, May 19th through 20th, Jewdork Titties, Gotham Common, Come In Your Face Club, June 1st through 3rd, Denver, Momver, Momver Comedy Works, The Downtown Location, June 16th through 17th, Manfran Disco at the Punchline and then my Smurf Day on the 18th and then I taped June 20th for it. Yeah.

So very exciting. Very exciting. That's exciting. I don't know if I'll announce where yet. I'm going to hold that though. Wait on it. It's not in LA. I'll tell you that.

Yeah. I think it'll be very exciting to have the mommies come out for this one. They'll come out big time. It'll be great. Very exciting. Thank you for this fresh Latin heat. Oh, is that right? I thought you just called it that.

I like that. No. I was like, why are you turning into a DJ? It's Eddie Bojangles. It's called Fresh Latin Heat. You're very handsome. Thank you. You're my Fresh Latin Heat.

Whoa. Thanks, Gene. You do look good today. What's going on? What's going on? Yeah. Oh, because you made fitness this morning? No, I've been having cucumbers.

What? Yeah, cucumbers. Where? You know that? Yeah. Cucumbers. Yeah. Cucumbers, and then it makes me look better.

Double browns. Cucumber. Vitamins, minerals, very high number, silica, here are nails get longer, other vitamins make your bones stronger, anti-wrinkle make you look younger, 95% water, kidney cleanser, great hydrata, detox fiber, good regulator, hear body good things, don't be a traitor, get the cucumber. Cut it in a slice, put it in a jug of water overnight, you know what you get for a fraction of the price?

Energy drink full of electrolyte, roaring salad is one of the uses as a base for your vegetable juice. Another surprise, put a slice on your eyes, take away the dryness, revitalize, oh yes. One thing I have left, cucumber can also help with bad breath, wash away the bacteria that cause the odor. Cucumber water instead of soda, and maka be a medical Monday. Cucumber. I don't think he's pronouncing it right, cucumber.

That's how they say it in Jamaica. Welcome to Makabe's Medical Monday, today it's all about this, the cucumber. Yeah, see he knows how to say it right? Cucumber. Oh, there I am. There you go. He talks American and then he talks all funny after that, goddammit I gotta eat. Who is this guy?

Let's see. This is one of you guys. I like his voice though. I like that accent a lot. All time greatest reggae artist. What is it? Makabe. I like how it says here decides to rap about how awesome cucumbers are, but in hero decides

to rape about how awesome cucumbers are. Yeah, he didn't rape anything, but it was good. That was really good. Yeah. I like that guy's accent a lot. You do? Yeah, I do. I like that a lot.

It's fun. Everything they say sounds real fun when they talk that way. Yeah. When the English people talk, they just sound super smart, no matter what they say, and then when like Jamaican dudes talk, it just sounds like it's a party. It sounds like fun. Yeah. They make cucumbers fun.

Yeah, they make everything fun. Yeah. Yeah. It sounds like a good time. He's talking about fucking vegetables. It sounds like a real party. Making vegetables fun. Well, that's too much fun.

Oh, shit. Hi, this is Dr. McClellan. I want to tell you about our new product from Mented Broccoli Sprouts and the store of Irving. Now, my staff prepared this short animation to help you better understand how combining a special form of organic broccoli and fermented broccoli sprouts can help us deliver the active sulfur compound in broccoli, sulfur, Irving. Hold on.

Show business number one. Try not to match your jacket with the background. Yeah, that's kind of funny. You think maybe a... Looks like he's popping out of the wall. Just those eyeballs and a white collar or weirdo. Yeah, come on, creep salad. And secondly, pick somebody a little more camera ready than this fool.

What are you trying to say? It's definitely not for television, this face. No. It's got a face for podcasting. What about the eyes? The eyes are bugged out. The bulbous eyes, the ears that come out. Let's hear more about sulfur effect.

No, please. Oh, God. It's got a high level of the compound, glucoraphanin, and glucoraphanin itself is not an active biomolecule. However, it can be converted into sulfur, which is active. And sulfurophane has the important preventive benefits and its effects have been well documented. You might have even read about it on my site. I probably haven't read about it.

Are we done? No. Oh, my God. Please. It can be converted to sulfurophane. Okay. We're crying out. Wow.

Do you feel like guys like this fuck like they talk? Yes. Definitely. You think he says like, well, right now the vaginal juices are making it. This is a lubricant. It's a natural lubricant. He's telling you about it as you do it. Yes, he does.

I believe it. I believe it. Do you know, I had a listener from that seat, bro, and she listens to the show. She's like a biochemist, super genius. She wrote in. She's like, I actually understood one of your boring videos. Of course. Somebody every week understands a boring video or two.

Yeah. Like topsoil. That's my jam. Yeah. I love it. I love sinkholes or dry, dry sockets or whatever the fuck. Oh my God. I had an awesome brunch.

You did. God, I haven't had brunch in forever. I forgot about brunch. Tell me about brunch. Brunch is the best. Well, because our baby jeans is up at six in the morning and then he's down by the first nap by nine. It's not really, there's no brunch window.

I mean, I guess we could do it when he wakes up from that. I did it in Chicago. Yeah. What did you have? Well, first of all, I'll tell you the whole weekend was bananas. Chicago is a banana city. No, but I mean, I did it started in Green Bay and then I went to the toa and then I was the toa.

My, my former, I had a great time. I was at the adjacent place, Royal Oak music venue and crowds were amazing. So cold in here. Hot beverage. Please. Yeah. That was a blast. But then on Sunday, I was with J. Elvis Weinstein came with me and, and then Louis Lee who lives

in Minneapolis came down and we had brunch at this place called Shaw's and it was just delightful. There's nothing like a killer brunch, man. What did you have? I had everything. I was off, off the points, fucked the points. Yeah. You did it.

Yeah. Sunday morning. I'm like, I'm Sunday fun day, man. I do it to shit. Here's the thing. Ever since I've been a more moderate and focused eater, even off the rails, isn't that far off the rails? Yeah.

I agree. Because you know, like, A, it's not going to feel that great. That's the, yeah. The whole thing is like, I don't want to like hurt myself. Right. So I remember when I was on our way there, I told Josh, I go, that's it, dude. I'm going deep in this shit today. Yeah.

I'm going for you. Exactly. Going deep. Just, uh, I'm going to have some sugar and I'm going to have some carbs. I'm not going to be like, what is, what is that? I'm just going to eat it. But specifically, what are the items that you will order off the menu? Well, I love, you know, I'm a breakfast maniac.

So this is a, the, the brunch is like a brunch buffet with tons at this place. It was phenomenal. So I just wanted to get like a waffle, waffle state to the cool thing is they did many ones there. Many's are the best. The thing I learned is that it's not even about having a crazy amount. It's like getting that taste again. The taste.

I just want to mix up the taste. I just want to taste. Well, here's what, here's what I would do with the mini waffles is get as many of those on your plate as you can and then change up the situations on all of them, dude. Yeah. You do like chocolate and whipped cream on one and then you do your fruits on another. You know what I'm saying? You got some Nutella.

Here's the thing. Another one. We're there. I go, I have that. Some scramps. They had crab legs. I have a lot of seats. I see food.

You love crab legs. But I mean, you know, they give you a, you know, a moderate portion. Yeah. I had my little mini waffle. Some breakfast sausage. Yeah. I don't know. A couple others.

Like I said, scrimps, a couple egg things. And you're just like, oh, I'm totally good. So you feel like you had, you went off the rails, but it wasn't that crazy. Well, and what I've learned too is that if I go off the rails early in the day, I'm straight. It's better. And then I don't eat a lot at night. And I have this stuff I take after I eat that. Does that work?

I mean, it's supposed to work. And then I exercise after two. Wow. So you're good. So you balance. Yeah. And then I do, you know, I don't fuck around the rest of the week. Well, that's the thing.

Yeah. You take one day to go off the rails and then you clean it up. You get back in the game. Otherwise you're going to have problems, you know? You know what I found too is that it's not as fun to do the things I used to do. Yeah. It's not as fun because then you're like, I'm just going to get fucking fat. Yeah.

Is it worth it to get fat and shitty again? Just because I like eating. I like drinking a lot of wine. Yeah. I've had to like really curb all that, you know, late night eating. You start looking at sugar and things and blows your mind. If you start, if you start being sugar conscious, it really blows your mind just because we were trying to make these, uh, these keto pancakes, um, the keto friendly ones.

Yeah. And of course one of the components, you have to get a sugar free syrup, but it also has to not have, like not only can it be, it has to be sugar free. It can't have the sweeteners that affect you the way sugar does. So it's a very specific brand. So I was in whole farts and I asked if they had it and they go, no, we don't have it. And just out of curiosity, I picked up a regular maple syrup and looked at the sugar grams. You know how many sugar grams are in one serving?

Don't get your life. I can't even imagine. 53 grams. What dude? Yeah. That's like, uh, more than a candy bar. It's more like a Snickers bar, right? And it's, and then how many bananas stick to a serving?

I know. First of all, whatever makes the servings is fucking bullshit on any product ever. Who just eats eight potato chips or who has a teaspoon of anything. If they didn't, if they didn't tell you that, then the back of every label would terrify people. So that's why they do that. They make it a half a serving is what that shit is. And sugar is the one that only, you know, I think next year it changes for the first

time. We're next to the grams. It doesn't show you the, the percentage of the daily value. In other words, if you see sodium fat, you know, protein, it shows you the grams and then a percentage 15%, 25% of your daily mama sugar, it'll say 53 grams. No percentage. And that's because of the sugar lobby, but they're getting fucked next year. That's neat when the business can fuck with your health like that.

Oh, yeah. A little bit. Just, just a tiny little bit. Yeah. And if you don't watch your sugar. But it's fat. That's right. That's like Bert.

Or you get the sugar. The betas. Yeah. The betas. The betas. Um, are you thinking of maybe changing who you are? It's so good to know that my friends have my back through anything. It's just always good to have that friend reassurance and especially for me, because

I don't talk to too many people outside of my group. That's going on here. Especially is one of my favorite. Especially vocal fried. Did you see what his, um, his lower third was where they called the Chiron? Yeah. Vinny and it says nasal alien. Right.

Right. So Vinny to know that my friends have my back through anything. It's just always good to have that friend reassurance and especially for me, because I don't talk to too many people outside of my group. Do you order espresso? Of course not. You know, I don't do that. Me and me and him order espresso.

I order, I, uh, I always give an extra stare to the person that says it like, oh my God, me too. I judge them so harshly. We went to that hotel and the lady's like, this is your espresso machine. She checked us. And then I said, where's the machine? The espresso machine? Yes.

The betas. I love when somebody has poor grammar in front of one of us and then we egg them on to keep saying it. Keep saying it. What can you make with this? Just expresses. Okay. Um, but anyways, back to Vinny.

Vinny's doing some interesting things with the look. The makeup is really intense. It looks like, uh, yeah, maybe midway through a performance of cats, the musical, it's like there's a costume change because there's very detailed and, and, um, very profound levels of black eye makeup, but it's not just black and like, uh, um, it's, it's kind of artistically applied so that it looks like the eyes wrap further back up along the temple. Well, I don't know if you have another clip, but maybe he, oh, there's a, there's a lot going on.

Yeah. I don't want to be that like that woman and I don't want to be that muscular man. I just want to be this alien. I want to be able to like charm people's heads. I want you to be terrified of me, but I also want you to think I'm beautiful because that's what I'm attracted to when people that what's, Hmm. See, this, this is interesting.

Why? It seems pretty common to me. Just your everyday kind of guy that it's not a guy, space alien, babes. I'm sorry. I forgot your pronoun. You're space alien. This is, yeah. Well, what's your pronoun?

Yeah. Well, there's, there's a lot going on. There's a lot. I want to terrify people though. Yeah. It almost makes me feel like this person wants attention, but I wouldn't, I wouldn't stoop so low as to what are you doing? Wait, are you saying that this person, hold on, let me get this straight.

You're saying that this person isn't right in the head and they just want attention, even if it's negative attention. What's your pronoun? Uh, wait, is that, is that what you're implying that this isn't, we shouldn't support this young person and, and becoming a nasal alien, a nasal alien. How dare you? No. You're anal, you're anal, you're alien phobic right now.

I know. And I should be open to aliens. You should be open to everything in this era. How dare you? Tell me what the gender of an alien person would be like. That's a good question from a friend. Would you change that? Like, I'm a friend.

Zim's friend has a point. So the reason why I call myself alien is because alien is never associated with sex. It's like genderless. It's sexless. Yeah. And that's why I started saying alien. I like that. You do?

I don't know. I don't know if you like what you're about to hear next though, because this next part it's not a lot to like. I went in also to see if actually I can just remove everything. Yeah. Yeah. That was one of the first things. Literally be genderless.

Really just have like a nub and just not have any sex for the rest of my life. Wait a minute. A nub. Like you can't even see it. It's like, it's like there's nothing there. Like a mannequin. Just be like, hey, um, hi, how, how are you? What's your name?

What's your pronoun? Hey, will you remove everything and leave a nub? Maybe, maybe just some mental health counseling would help. Well, it sounds like someone's got a problem with their peepee. Something happened. There's, there's some, something's wrong and someone needs to see a shrink before he removes his. Wait, not that.

Wait till after. Do it after. I do hope they have to go through some kind of counseling. Yeah. Cut my dick and balls off. I want it. I want my nub. I want to be a space alien.

So I, I want to terrify people, but then have them be like, wow, it's pretty attractive too. It's a very complicated one. I think you say that to most trained psychologists and they'd be like, we're going to keep you here overnight and we're going to start this again in the morning. Yeah, it's a lot. This bitch right here is about to change the world. Yeah.

Right. That means a lot coming from you. My friends are these creatures that I've handpicked and found in different places and times in my life. They're probably the realest people I know out of everyone I met, which speaks of volumes. What show is this? I'm not sure. It's on E.

It's on E. I think it's like botched, it's plastic surgery dudes. I don't know. He was on that show. Sorry. I don't know. Somehow I came down. Oh yeah. Botched.

That is what it is. It's on my mom's house Facebook group page where this originated from and then I went down this rabbit hole of this guy's videos and it turns out he's been transitioning into an alien since he was like 16. I like that. He's always hated himself and the way he looks and he really, really, really wants to be and he looks even crazier now. Be an alien.

Be a nasal alien. Yeah, he blacks out his eyes so that they're all black. It's fucking terrifying, dude. Do you hear the similarities though between Zim and Garth? Yeah. I like that. I like that. I like that.

I like that. That's the pink hair lady. I know. I know. It's funny. I like that. I like that. I really like that.

So, I've been following Garth on Instagram and... Who, G? G, sorry. Yeah. And they've been teaching him. He's been doing those videos that are only up for like the day. What are they called? The Snapchats.

Yeah. Basically on Instagram. Oh, right. And they taught... Your story or what are they called? Yeah. And they've taught him Lincoln bio or swipe up. So, now he'll be like, first it's the fake, yeah, it's the fake smile like, hey, I'm here

right now. I'm myself wet. Swap up. Swap up. Like, he's so bad at it. It's so great. I was watching him today just like cringing. He's so bad at it.

Yeah. It's just not his thing. You know, he's a successful singer. I get that. He entertains millions of people, but the social media, he needs like a coach. He needs someone to help him be more natural with that stuff. Yeah, he does. Because it's all about authenticity on that medium, you know, it's like...

Also I wanted to point out that every week now after we do the podcast, if you go to our Facebook page, it's facebook.com slash your mom's house podcast. We are doing a live video. A studio M. It's studio M. And we, you know, we talk to you guys. We answer questions. Cause it's all about you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you,

you all did it. Y'all did it. Y'all did it. Y'all did it. Y'all did it. Y'all did it. Y'all did it. Y'all did it.

Y'all did it. Even the dog says, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. There she goes. Thank you, that's old. So, yeah. Hi, baby. So they're teaching him to be like a real... Yeah, they're, they're doing a makeover, I think, of his social media.

Yeah. And the Instagram's getting a little better. Like he started to do more frequent posts, but the snap chats, the, the your story parts, they're, they're, they need work. Let's just put it that way. Cause he, every time... They're teaching the ultimate dad boner. Yeah.

Cause nothing, there's no better environment for a dad boner than technology, you know? They're all thumbs. So... And excitable and stuff. Yeah. And the thing is too is like, you can tell somebody's like, look at the lighting guy. Oh God. But you can tell someone's like, okay, Garth, and...

Right. Go. Cause then there's always a pause before he starts his thing. Yeah. Hey guys. He's always real excited. He's like, hey. Yeah.

And waves. Yeah. Hey guys. I don't want to say what's up to both my Montana, great times weekend. Going to Bozer City. Excited about that. Going to Shreveport, Louisiana. Excited about that.

And they're like, you're not excited about going to Shreveport. Shut up. He has the crap and energy. He has the awesome, awesome energy. Okay. Dad. How about this fucking dad right here? Okay.

I'm going to show you one that's made out of bamboo. Look at this thing. This has a really nice sound too. This one is made by drying out the bamboo, poking holes through all the dividing sections that normally close that up. Poking holes through all those, putting the beans in, and then the beans go from one section to the next. No kidding.

Draping down and making a beautiful sound. Right. We get it. Yeah. You see the thing I like about this, it's boring, but he's also excited. Right. So it's a dad boner slash boring. Wow.

I get that a lot. It crosses. It crosses. Two worlds came together. Boring and dad-like. Hold on. Hold on to your pants. Are you going to come in your jeans, sir?

Right. Wow. Wow. We hear it. Look at this face. Pretty nice. Pretty nice, huh? Either way.

Well, the other way now. He showed it to you like it was two tits, like, what do you think of these? Yeah. He was super stoked about it. Got a pile of bucks if she'll go in the next room with you. Thank you, sir. He has to explain to me how the rain stick works. I mean, look, if you've been in a mall since 1990, you've fucking seen these.

Yeah. You have to be a real idiot not to know how the rain stick fucking works. Yeah. You could keep it going indefinitely if you use the turning motion that I explained earlier. And levering back and forth. No shit. Watch. Okay.

Now you can turn it the other way. Wait a minute. You mean it to me? Those beads will. When the beans go down that way. Oh, shit. You got to be kidding me. He's like, yeah, you just keep doing that for days and it won't stop making that noise.

Dead's been smoking dope. You think so? Yeah. He's high. Is it dope, dad? Definitely. Look at him. We go on for days like that.

Oh, wow. You don't have to worry. You won't drive your neighbors crazy with this instrument. I thought he put an instrument. Is it really an instrument? I mean, who plays as a rain stick? That fucking guy does. Yippee.

You don't think he plays that? He's having his hacky sack lifestyle, the fucking guy. I can't stop thinking about that space alien because it's terrifying, but I was so attracted. Okay, okay. Mission complete. Would you rather, would you rather take a cruise, you're sharing a room with the anal finger stinky butthole lady or the space alien kid, you're in a fucking cruise ship room for a week.

You got to have meals together. You do your shuffleboard, your bingo activities together. You guys are together. You're a couple for a week on a cruise ship. I think space alien is probably easier to hang out with. I don't think so. You don't think so? I think he is a vortex of emotional need.

Yeah, that's true. He's going to really, she's just nasty. She's like living with a frat guy, but the alien guy, he's going to drain you emotionally. She's like, come over and sit on your fucking face right now and he's like an emo 13 year old girl. Yeah, I guess you're right. But I'm just thinking like, what if the whole time she's just like, smell my finger, smell it.

Yeah, but you've been to college. Isn't that what that is when dudes hang out? I guess. Isn't that what you and your slap dick friends did all the time? Yeah. Smelling fingers, lighting farts. I guess so. You guys do, I thought.

I don't know. I just feel like it's more pervasive with her. I think it's going to be, there's no joke in it. She's like, doesn't it fucking smell like shit? You're like, yes, Karen. It smells like shit. It's not my panties. It's not something like fresh shit.

Yeah, it does. You're saying that you think she's relentless with it. I do. She can't go to another topic. I don't think so. And then, and then as the week progresses, she's like, stay forward, no shower, no, nasty. And you're like, yeah. And you guys are on a cruise ship and it's like the Caribbean cruise.

So it's real sweaty. Real sweaty. And the room's small. Yeah. I like that. We got the inside room. There's no balcony. No window.

Now, the alien guy, the problem is you're going to have to walk around with him a lot and people are going to be like, what's up with those two and you're going to have a lot of eyeballs on you and he's going to make a big spectacle of himself every time you go eat somewhere. Oh my God. Why is everybody staring at me? And then he's going to do that thing of like, God, there's some annoying God, don't assume my pronoun.

Some old person's death. Yeah. Is that a man or a woman? And he'll be like, I'm neither. God. God, is it so hard to ask my pronoun? Bitch, I'm a fucking nasal alien. He's going to have a shirt made up that says that.

Yeah, of course. Bitch, I'm a nasal alien. And then he's going to, it's going to be really embarrassing. Whereas the asshole girl. Yeah. She's not embarrassing on, on paper. In public. In public, yeah.

She'll be, she'll be annoying in the cabin, but not in front of everybody else. Yeah. In public, people will walk by and go, Oh, what is it? Smell it. Oh. Hassle stinks. Horrible. Oh.

I guess she would make me laugh more. I think she would make me laugh more. Because she kind of reminds you of your sisters already. Yeah. So it's like. So maybe I would. Yeah. But then again, do I want to cruise with my sisters for a week?

Maybe, maybe can we make it a three day cruise? Well, let's say if you had to choose between two occupations. One being you're the nasal alien and you have to go through life, trans transitioning into an alien or your job is to not shower and do those asshole fetish videos. God damn. It's pretty good. You're all, this is your skill. Thank you.

My best skill. Am I the, would you rather champ? Would you say? Yes. Thank you. Yeah. It's your job and you can still do comedy, but these jobs might interfere. I would definitely do asshole videos, finger my asshole videos and smell them over becoming

a nasal alien. Of course. Well, I feel like the nasal alien, you just have to wipe the makeup off. No. I'm saying I'm transitioning to be a nasal alien. That's going to occupy more of my time than you think. That is such a full time gig. Of course.

That's why he was like, we have to give this guy a fucking show. They really should actually. I'd watch that guy show. It exists. Obviously. Oh, just on. I thought it was an episode of Bob. Oh, I think you're right.

Okay. Yeah. No, this was a segment to a different show, but that kid needs his own reality show. I'd love to watch what's going on mentally there. Your nasal alien. Dr. Drew needs to intervene. Yeah. That guy's fucking life.

Unreal. Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. Wait a minute. Wait. What did you, you decided on being the asshole person?

I'm doing asshole bits. Wait, aren't you? Yeah. It ruined my life, but both will ruin your life. I'm trying to do a dental update and I totally realized that you didn't explain. What do you mean? It's going to ruin your life. Both will.

Why would your asshole vids row in your life? You know what's another one? Both. Where people say L. Or in like idea. Both. Idea. Yeah.

Yeah. People say idea. God's fucking terrible. Um, it'll ruin your life to do these asshole vids. Why? Well, because I heard an interview with Tara Patrick and she made a great point. She's like, if you want to do porn, be prepared for everybody in your life to know your pastor, your stepdad, your kids you went to first grade with, everyone's going to find out.

So. Why does it ruin your life though? That wouldn't ruin your life. Your mother knowing that you smell your asshole in front of you. She'd be like, you've always been nasty. What's the big deal? You don't think your, you think your son wants to know that his dad does asshole smelling videos?

I think it's fine. I think it's not a big deal. You don't think that's going to mess up his school life and, and I mean, I'd look the alien thing is way worse or two. You know, I think it's fine. Asshole. It's just an asshole. You're just, you're just being nasty.

I wouldn't say it's quite like porn. I mean, It is. There was the one blurred out video where she's clearly fingering her asshole. So putting that out there would be a little uncomfortable. Wait a minute. But what about our marriage? Like I'm going to have to smell your asshole.

Why does it smell it? Because I live with you. I sleep next to you, not showering for days and days. Oh yeah. I mean, you'll get used to it though. I don't want to get used to it. I know it's not desirable, but we signed up for this. This is our life now.

This is what we're doing. I guess it's all better than being an alien. Yeah. I take the asshole stuff over alien too. It's not that weird. It's just like the gay. It's just like the gays. The gays do the same thing.

You know? God damn, dude. All right. So I was trying to read these dental updates we got. Oh, I have one too. You do? Yeah, of course. All right.

Put you back in the mood. All right, just wanted to give you a dental update. I recently went to the dentist after not seeing one in almost 15 years. Holy fuck. The last time I went was when I was 12. Oh my God. And I had to get a baby tooth pulled. The dentist forgot to give me Nova came before it started pulling and told me to stop whining

when I told him how bad it hurt. Oh my God. Since then, I've been terrified of the dentist. After listening to your show for several years, I finally pulled my jeans up, got my life and went to a dentist. Besides my teeth being all buttery and needing a thorough cleaning, I had no cavities. All right. Thank you for your constant dental shaming.

It's just as effective as fat shaming just like the gays, Matt. Yeah. We have another one, but go ahead. Go ahead. Well, big update for me. I'm getting my new crown this Thursday. That's huge. Yeah.

Today is Tuesday and it's been misery for the last two weeks because I've had the chew on the left side of my mouth, which is what they fucking tell you to do. All right. And now what happened was I got a piece of meat stuck behind the temp crown. Oh God. And they tell you not to floss. What do you do? But it was hurting.

It was really hurting. And so you know what? I said, fuck it. And I thought I flossed and it didn't pop up just an hour or two. I was like trying to get it out with my fingers and then I just flossed and it didn't pop off. So I've been flossing and I have an idea. Yeah.

Go ahead. What about doing a video like the asshole video lady about your teeth and how you don't floss and you make a video like that. You go like, oh, I'm not going to fly. I haven't flossed in days. Yeah. I bet it smells real bad. I don't like this idea at all.

I'm going to throw up. You just run your teeth. Yeah. I got it. Thank you. Your finger around your teeth. Got it. Thanks.

No, thank you. No, thank you. Why don't you like that? I don't want to do that. It's disgusting. I first of all, I can't go a day without flossing. I think that's revolting. I don't want to do that.

You think it's gross? Yeah. Why? Okay. What would you rather do? The flossing video or the dirty asshole video? Of course, the flossing video. Seriously?

You would rather do the asshole video because I would rather have a dirty asshole than a dirty mouth. Just a finger it and smell it. My asshole is pretty clean, dude. Are you hearing the nonsense that you're spewing right now? My butthole because it's hairless and because I bidet wash it every day. It's fine, dude. I could skip three shower days because I bidet so much.

Goddamn. I didn't realize you were fucking out of your goddamn mind. And my bowel movements are pretty clean. They pinch right off. There's not a lot of remnants right now. I've smelled just some air that comes out of there and it's not real sweet like she was saying. It's really, really bad.

I think the idea that you're trying to sell that you would do that over a dental video is crazy. Because my mouth, I can taste all the time and when I haven't floss, I just feel dirty. You would finger your asshole and then smell it for a while on video. Yes. No, you wouldn't. Then do the flossing. You're lying.

Why would I lie? The flossing one to me is so disgusting. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Just say that you shouldn't shit on people for their preferences. I don't like to go camping. This is the same thing. No.

You're trying to convince me. Because this one's dumb. Tom, you're being hurtful now. I think you should not be hurtful. I think the smelling dirty floss is grosser than smelling a shit. Please. No one believes that. What's not to believe in my mind?

Fingering your asshole. I don't like dirty food over dirty plaque in your mouth over your bowel. I'm just going to jump over the next one because this is so dumb. I'm not even done with my dental update. So I'm going to get a new crown and then as a treat, I've decided to have my teeth whitened at the dentist's office after my crown. So when I come home next, oh no, sorry, Thursday, I'm going to brand new crown. Are you going to do it zoomed or what?

Yeah, they're going to do it there. Because I've realized that the one flaw in the gel whitening when you do it yourself is that you can't gauge how white it's going to be. It sucks. It takes too long. I'm going to try it this way and see if I like it. Good. Are you doing it the same when we went to the same dentist?

Yeah. I like that guy. Yeah, I like him too. We'll see. Dr. Farts, he's good. It's not. Here's another email. What's up, mommies?

I had to send a dental update after mommy Tina talked about replacing her badly fit crown. It's the worst. I am a twice a week flosser thanks to the show. Twice a week. Pump it up to once a day and then we'll talk. I put off getting a crown over a root canal for over six years. Every cleaning my dentist would ask if I wanted to spend 1,500 on a crown and I would ask if it was necessary.

The answer was always, you know, course, whenever you have the money. I never knew this was code for fucking immediately. I recently went to a new dentist chain called Modern Dentistry and it was the shit. I tried to put off the crown again and they said the tooth was developing micro fractures I said I was in a hurry and they convinced me to stay with 20% off. Great. I promised a two hour crown. Oh, oh, it sounds great.

They numb me up, ground the tooth down and scan the shape with a 3D scanner the size of a toothbrush. The design, the crown and the computer and oh, they designed the crown and the computer and they machine it in under 30 minutes. I don't know what that means. Oh, wow. They even did the general cleaning while I waited on the crown. Oh my God.

They're installing it. They show you an x-ray of how well it went. I'm telling you, this shit is big time. Jean Ziske, I know you probably trust Steve Harvey's dentist to keep your shit on fleek when you're squishing nasty molding goo into your chompers and waiting two weeks for a final crown. I hate it. Remember that you can get your life too.

Not sure when, but you called out a listener for standing up while wiping like a four year old and I stand with them. Many parents give up on teaching technique at four. We are so lucky to have you and top dog to give higher, tighter wiping education to those less fortunate. Keeping it in greasy and mumber. Thanks for that Steve, bro. Cheers, Kyle.

Well, Kyle, I wasn't even aware that they could do a crown instantly. Modern dentistry. I know. I thought we were going to somebody modern and I'm upset now that there was such a thing that I could have done. I would have gladly, I hate waiting two weeks for the temp. It's misery. Terrible.

It's misery. Absolutely terrible. I had my veneers that I had done really, really nice took about two weeks as well and it was well worth it because the guy like handcrafted my teeth. You know what I mean? Sure. I don't know. I don't fucking know.

I don't fucking know. It's been a minute. So what do you say we revisit some new submissions of high mommy things? Oh, I'm so excited. These are my favorites. These are a lot of fun. Here we go. Hi, what's coming up for you today?

Hey, hey, where are you doing? How are you? I'm just glassing. Thank you. Pretty good. How are you? I'm sorry? I'm just glassing.

Thanks for asking. You're welcome. What can I get for you today? I think I'm going to go double pipe classic and get a media mocha. A media mocha? Yeah. Would you please copy on that? Yeah.

You know, my teeth are in a plus like Tom's, but I could do that. I was a plus. Yeah, I could do that. You want me to copy? Yes, please. Can I get you anything else? Do you want anything else? Yeah, I got a thing later with a bunch of guys just hanging out.

Totally non-sexual. Could I get a small French vanilla? So a media mocha and a small French vanilla? That's it. That'll be $4.60 at the window, please. Thank you. Thank you. Wow.

Thanks, Gene. Really, really good. You know what I really liked about this one is his calm demeanor. It's key to what I think. He really was... He really ups the value. Yeah. Stay calm.

He was like, hey, Hitler. And she was like, hi, how's it going? Yeah. Really good calmness about that one. And that makes it sound like it's normal, natural conversation. I think this whole experiment really has taught us how little other people listen, usually. Because very rarely do you get like, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. What was that? A lot of times it's just like response. Automated response. Automated. So that's Ian. Thanks, Ian.

Yeah. The one time we got pushed back is when that girl went straight to the window and was like, hey, I'm just wondering, would you ever date your mom? And he was like, excuse me? He leaned out of the window. He was like, what are you saying to me? Yeah. What are you saying to me?

Yeah. What's up, Kay? How you doing tonight? What are you? Honestly, I've been a little bit of a nuisance. I am starving, so I'm ready for you to give me the grease here. Just lesson the menu real quick. Sorry.

Take your time. You guys have so many options here. It's like multiple choice. Wow. Wow. God. Wow. Come on, jokes.

Okay. I'm going to start with a McDonald's. Okay. I'm going to start with a McDouble pipe classic. Can I get that with just tongue gum and mustard? Oh my God. Is that only mustard? Yes.

Can I match anything else? And then, I'm not seeing it on the menu here. Do you guys still make the fuck my stoma? Wow. Which one? I'm sorry. The McChicken Deluxe. I love the misdirect.

Okay. Can I get one of those? Okay. And then, can I get that with a side of a thousand ranch? Yes. And then, let's see. I don't know why I'm having so much trouble with the menu. Where are the dudes at?

Oh my God. I'm sorry. What was that? Where are the dudes at? Like Coke, Pepsi. We have Coke products. Okay. You have root beer, right?

What do you do? Is it bike's root beer? Or what kind? It's just... Jesus. Yeah, it works. You know what? I actually have a long road trip ahead, so I need something to give me a little stand-in

moment. I'm going to do a large diet Coke. Jesus. This guy is just... Are you managing anything else? He's got all of them. I mean... Yeah, I need the large diet.

I need something that's going to help me keep my eye on the road. No, I think I'm all finished and I'm all done. Oh my God. Oh my God. Yeah, can you go ahead and give me my reward? The screen's all kind of dirty and disgusting. I can't really read it. Unreal.

Oh my gosh. Can you give me the total? Oh, amazed. Thanks, James. Oh my God. This was a... Oh my God. Masterclass.

Yeah. In how to do this. I cannot believe what I just witnessed. That was varsity level. I mean, there's people listening now that must have missed some of these references because... He did so many and he went deep in the vault. Deep in the vault. We're talking, I wrote some of them down just to reference them.

His name is Landon. Thank you. Oh, I, I, I, I on the road? That's in the first 40. Classics. First 40. That's not, not autistic. What do they call it?

Tourette's camp. Tourette's camp. Yeah. So that guy had trance. Johnny Davidson. Yeah. That's right, Johnny Davidson. Well, stamina.

Standama. You know that one? Where the dude's at? That is... That is really, really, really old, man. So where are the dudes at? That's where the dude's at. That's it.

That was our very first call from Monkey Todd. Yeah. Where are the dudes at? Yeah. And he called in the TMZ. Yeah. He spoke to, to, what's his name? Harvey?

Yeah. Harvey Kytel. Yeah. Not Harvey Kytel. Harvey Levin. I don't know what the fuck that guy's name is, but yeah. Where are the dudes at? And he called in TMZ and asked where the dudes at.

Yeah. And where the, where the dudes at is from a story from your, when your college friends at a bar, some guy came up to him and was like, Hey man, where are the dudes at? That's right. And he got super mad. So that's that story. Dog dick afternoon. I mean...

That was a pitch I had for a show that never got picked up. Really? Where you masturbate different dogs. Right. And just to see how they come different. What happened to that pitch? Got shut down. I don't know what happened, but...

You know what? I thought Vice was going to make it for a second. Right. And now that you, you've gotten more well known, you're very famous comedian. Bring it back. Page it to Netflix. I feel like, well, yeah, maybe, I mean, it might be more of a HBO property. Right.

They think they really go outside the box. They're like really original stuff. Got you. Yeah. Fuck my stoma is old school reference. Yeah. I don't even know. I don't know what that was.

I think that was someone that was having sex with somebody that had a stoma. I think you were talking about, if I want to, I want to remember, I'm not entirely sure, but I want to say, we were talking about what happens with people with those. Oh. And that you said, you know, fuck my, whatever. Fuck my stoma. And then that became a drop. Yeah.

It's always nice. Yeah. And people catch you saying dumb shit. Yeah. And it becomes a nice little sound drop. Yeah. I mean, here's a, of course. Stanima.

Ugh. And that's fucked up how I say that word forever now. Stanima. I can't stop. I don't say it right. I have to uncross the letters. Stanima. Stanima.

Stanima. I mean that, this one may be one of the all time most well crafted. Yeah. Hey mom. Fuck my stoma. There it is. There it is. It's old school.

You can even hear the audio different. Yeah. I mean, he did. Our old mics. Yeah. You're right. Our first mics. Fuck my stoma.

You hear that? Yeah. Yeah. Hi. Hi. My guy. The cardioid dynamic range. Oh my God.

That was the first boring video. Yeah. You know what we should do? That guy killed it. But we should do as, because we're, oh well, almost there. But we should do an episode where we just go through the early sound boards and explain maybe some of the drops. Yeah.

Sure. From the early years. Yeah. I see people asking about references sometimes. Yeah. Or just maybe take a little bit of time. Yeah. Wow.

What a talent. Thank you. What a talent. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. There's one more here. You want to see this one?

Yeah. Yeah. Half and feet. Come here. I was like, suck it! His head whipped around. He was like, you tell her. Welcome McDonald's.

Can I take your order? Hi, mommy. Just a second. I'm just glassing the menu here, you know? Yeah, I have all right. I can't really see what's this high in type on the corner there, you know? F-A-R-T. Never mind.

You know, I got a coupon here for a double pipe classic. Could you repeat that? I got a coupon for the two quarter pounder meal. Okay. So, I'll get that, please. And do you want to put those? Oh, you know, I don't want to be fat like burnt. So, you know, I'll get just a diet coke, you know?

Anything else? Oh, and that's for the first one. Hey, Hitler, what do you want? A mushy purple, please. Is this all in the same bill? It is, yeah. And for the second drink, you know, we were just down in Boston to see DJ DadMouth, you know, and they had mushy purples down there.

Do you guys have that to drink? No. No? Okay, they must have like a non-binary menu, you know? So, for the other one, you know, I'll just have probably a root beer to drink, please, you know? Okay. All right, thanks, Jeans.

Thank you. Wow, I love the... That was Kayla and Michael. Great job. I love the incorporation of A, your act in the very beginning. That's funny. And then B, I like the, you know, I mean, we haven't had somebody put in a, you know what I mean?

You know what I mean? Yeah. You know what I mean? I also like that he said I don't want to be fat like burnt. Burnt. He didn't say like burnt. Right. It's really good work.

I like the use of the coupon. Very earnest and very... F-A-R-T. Very vulnerable. Yeah. To incorporate the use of a coupon. Very sweet. Touch.

Super, super impressed. Yeah. Good stuff as always, guys. You're just killing it with these. It's a lot of fun. F-A-R-T. A reminder that the super soft hoodie, Jean, J-E-A-N, everyone asked for hoodies for a long time. It's on sale.

Please go to my site, TomCigura.com, click on the store, and you can see the new hoodie, the Jean hoodie, in addition to the other shirts that we have. Thank you for your support on that, and Jean's, congratulations again. You have a special coming, and more details will be announced for that. It's going to be coming up pretty soon. I can't fucking wait, man. You can see her on the road, getting ready for it. Thanks, Jean.

Thanks, Jean. Yeah, it'd be great. By the way, can we mention that on this episode, Tom and I got dressed today without seeing each other prior. Yeah. I came home after you, so I didn't even know what you're wearing, and we both ended up wearing identical outfits today. Black hooded sweatshirts.

You're wearing that Chola LA one. Yeah. I'm wearing the young Jamie Powerful. Powerful. Powerful sweatshirt, which I bought, by the way. Nice support. Yeah, a support. Yeah, and we're wearing, you're wearing dad-colored jeans, though.

Let me, again, justify these jeans. Yeah, they need a little bit of justification. These, I normally don't do light denim, but these are a specific 90s cut that I buy from the Lucky Brand online. They don't sell them in stores. They're called the Little Maggies. Your Honor, I think that these jeans speak for themselves, and this attempt to make them seem like they're acceptable should be dismissed.

I'll let you decide. You know what? I'm not, dudes can't wear light denim. I think girls can rock light denim. Boys, it's not even cute. It's not even cute, bro. The state rests, Your Honor. We believe that the evidence shown.

Your Honor, let the record show. That's brown lock. We would do brown lock where we would uncover mysteries behind dudes. Brown mysteries. Wait, can we talk about, first of all, I'm surprised we didn't even get there today. You took two shits today. Let's go through them. Yeah.

Well, wait a minute. How do you know about two? Because this morning we were... We didn't take a dump. Are you sure about that? Well, I did. I did. I did, but it was on the way, sorry, because it was right before the shower, and I got

dressed and everything. Yeah, we were talking. In the middle of a discussion, like a business discussion, and I love, this is my favorite thing you do. It's a pretty serious discussion, and then you just turn around and you walk away and you walk on. I was like, hello? Yeah.

Are we not discussing? You're like, I got a shit. I got a shit. Well, can you tell me you have to shit before you turn around and walk away? Okay. Yeah. But then we were eating lunch, and I'm still eating, and you're like, I got a shit. Oh, I really got a shit.

Well, the first one was like... Like, the second one, by the way, to say I got to eat alone, you had finished everything on the plane. No. Yes, you did. I was getting a second round of food. You saw the second round, Sterak? No.

Yeah, but it was just, I mean, come on, it was a follow-up, like a little treat. It wasn't like, this is what I'm eating right now. Anyway, I always want to make the point that the second one was a lot sloppier and messier. Why is that? Let's talk about it. Travel. Travel. I made fitness.

Fitness does work. It was clean food, you know, it was healthy food, there was kale, there was some chicken. Full farts. Yeah. Fart, yeah. I always felt the farts coming. That's my new favorite. Yeah.

Fart, and... Fart, and... So I like how she says that, I was fart, and fart. You know what I'm saying? That might be the best one of those, too. You know what I'm saying? That's a real drawn-out one. I like it.

You know what I'm saying? You know who I keep thinking about is the cum lady. The cum lady? Yeah, I can't get her out of my mind. He loves his cum. Yeah, for some reason she's been stuck in my mind. Really? Yeah.

I have cum all over my face. Yeah. I think that her issue with men not wanting to touch their cum in... Yeah, that it's not an issue? Is that what you're trying to say? No, it was like when I thought she was just like a lay person, and then I find out she's a professional sex worker, and it's like, well, yeah, guys, you know, are going to be weird to you.

Yeah. About their cum and everything like that. It's not a big deal, right? What? What's not the big deal? That guys don't really want to be that close to it. Yeah, I don't, but then, but the problem is they expect her to be into the cum, I think is her gripe.

The same guy will never even touch his own cum or taste his own cum. He doesn't want to. It just happens so many times in times. Did you hear her part of that where she said, or even taste his own? Even. Yeah. Even, when do you meet, when is any sensible, reasonable guy be like, I mean, yeah, I'll taste it.

No one does that. No. But also, and here's my thing with it. It's like, well, if you're a sex worker, it's part of the gig that someone asks you, hey, will you swallow? I'm assuming you negotiate ahead of a time, I guess, with a sex worker like, hey, will you swallow my cum? Yeah, sure.

So you can't really complain about it. Yeah. You shouldn't be, you know what I'm saying? Like it's a business transaction. You can always just. If he doesn't want to eat his cum, he doesn't have to eat his cum. Yeah, he'll just, you know, go on strike. So here's the thing, I think we should go on strike against cum, a cum strike.

There you go. Bold stance. But you know what I mean? Like you can't, you can't fault the guy for not wanting to taste his own cum if he's paying for your services. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like that's his right to not want to eat the cum because he's paying for you to do whatever.

It's like. I'm kind of making a leap on that because I did see something that said escort for her. We don't 100%. Okay. So let's say, let's assume she is. Let's assume. Yeah. We're making the assumption.

This discussion. Yeah. I don't, you know, who knows what the real story is. But if she is, it's like, okay. Well, it's not your place to judge the guys who don't want to eat their cum. Most guys don't want to eat their own cum. Most guys don't. Right.

I've never known a guy who's been like, I love it. I love the taste. Have you known anybody who's like, I love it. Not openly. I mean, I'm sure. I know it exists. We know it exists. Somebody's eating their cum right now.

As they're listening. They're like, I'm going to write an email at least, too. Delicious. Right. Yeah. I don't know a lot. I mean, obviously I'm sure there's a lot of people that are, I'm sure, into it. Yeah.

But into their own cum is probably a smaller percentage, into your own jizz. Interesting. You think that that's lesser than the guy that's into other guys' cum. Of course. Why is that? That's not that. I mean, there's definitely guys and girls that are into cum. Yeah.

Tasting it, swallowing it. Cooking with it. That's not that crazy. No. To be into your own, I think, is a bit more of a stretch. Yeah. Because your own fluid and usually the thrill would be that it's a belonging to a sexual partner.

I guess so. But I'm a non-sexual person and I'm into things like pop playing. That's where you're supposed to get familiar with your own things. Yeah. And it's non-sexual. It's not sexual. That's a good point. It's just science.

You could always just do fucking cum run. But no matter how many times you do the cum run, it never seems to get any less humiliating the cum run. In other words, one big fucking bull-lake that you'll have to do and don't fucking want to do. Yeah, of course. And I also know you're about to dip your fucking dick back inside me where I've still got the remains of your cum and then expect me to fucking suck it off, mate.

So I just think, finish up, let me do the cum run, let me have a shower, you jump in the shower, fuck me in the shower, clean each other in the shower, done. Logical. I love her. You know what? I do love these lower class English girls. How dare you? You know what I mean?

No, I don't know what you mean. I really don't. Our white trash is far less charming. Our white trash girls are just not as charming as the English ones. I know. The accent, maybe it's the accent. It is, yeah. I mean, I am assuming she's a bit trashy.

Do you think so? I'm assuming a class distinction here. But I do love these chaps or whatever the fuck they're doing. You don't think this was filmed in Oxford? She's a Cambridge fellow. Fuck me in the shower. Yeah, she's talking about her tutorials or whatever the fuck. All right.

I'm going to run as always. Thank you guys for listening to our show, please. A lot of heavy adding topics today. That was huge. Farts and burps and bowel movements. I didn't even know this, but the we're lucky in that super mature DJ Boy Butter was one of my favorites doing songs right now. Me.

He is killing it. The hottest, the hottest guy in the game. Well, he's the one that did the Just Like the Gay song that I can't stop playing. I mean, I play it on my phone all the time. It's so good. You know that song, right? How does it go? I think here, I'm so into that song that I have it, I'm memorizing the episode it was

in. This is his. You're my son. Yeah, this is amazing. I'm your mom. Yeah. You're my son. I'm your mom.

I'm your mom. Ask them will you. Ask, ask, ask them will you. Your mom. It's really good. Yes, I would. You're my son. I'm your mom.

It's just like the game. So that's his really good. He submitted another song. Okay. Featuring. This is DJ Boy Butter featuring Mac SF. Wow. Now, that's a vaults kind of guy.

That's real deep. In the vaults. Wow. Here's a guy's Google Mac SF. M-A-C-K-S-F before, pause the show now and Google that before you listen to this song. Here's a little taste if you don't have time to Google. Anyways, this song is What's Your Pronoun Featuring Mac SF by DJ Boy Butter. Wow.

I can't wait to hear it. And then we are going to go Facebook live right now. Quick debate. That sound drop. Oh. Is that pleasure or pain? That's somebody in the midst of both. Yeah.

Both. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Both. All right, let's go live on this bitch. Here we go. I'm pulling it up right now. Eat my apple treats.

Okay. It's just like the gaze. All right. It's just like the gaze. Thanks again for listening. And here is that song. We'll see you next week by Gene. Yeah, what's this I heard you didn't talk shit about me at the bar last night.

Seek your cure. Seize him, sir. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Ah, there's so many options. Fuck me man. Man. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They throw them in the dungeon and they're butt, butt, butt fucking being ramed and you're like I'm fucking man, I'm fucking. Tell me what that is. Hey, hi, how are you? What's your name?

What's your pronoun? Hey, just wanted to confirm. What's your pronoun? What's your pronoun? Seek your cure. Seize him, sir. What's your pronoun? What's your pronoun?

Yes, sir. Fuck me. Yes, sir. Fuck me. Yes, sir. That is a man getting fucked in the ass by another man. All right, let's fuck right now. Yes, sir.

Ah, yes, sir. Fuck me. Yes, sir. Fuck me. Yes, sir. Fuck me. Yes, sir. Oh.

Oh. Thank you for your pleasure, sir.