Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - 390-Your Mom's House with Christina Pazsitzky and Tom Segura

Episode Date: April 5, 2017

Are there any Jean's in the house? How about uncircumcised ones? Well, this is the episode for you. We have a very helpful man that teaches you how to clean it (it involves a wash cloth). Speaking of wash clothes, those are for poor people, right?  T Bunz ran into Kane a few weeks ago at the airport - do you think he yelled his infamous call in public? You'll just have to listen, Jean.  Plus, Tommy once saw an older lady touching her stuff in public at a bar and Jean thinks it's a questionable story. How about 'chu? Can a man have dinner with a lady that's not his wife without wanting to fill her up?  We really hope you have the STANIMA for this episode. 

where's your water water champ where's your water water champ what where's your water water champ where's your water water champ where's your water retard what where's your what where's your water water where's your water where's your water where's your water water champ

where's your water water champ where's your water water champ where's your water where's your water retard where's your water what where's your water where's your water where's your water

where's your water where's your water Don't joke man where's your water where's your water of all the songs that came in that's the one a bunch came in this week

a fucking album's worth came in this week and that's the one you chose that was a funny one they're all funny why do you like that one the most that one's called where's your water jean it's called where's your water jean by sladov

very good thank you sladov there's so many songs this week I think we should play one during the show did idea were there any other ones that you excited you excited you oh my god

let's hear do you want to hear it right now yeah we're in the music mood okay this one is really good here check this one out just wiping the walls out between you and me it's a garth salad

wiping the walls so gay so it has the garth and the salad tossing the sign language lady together you toss salad it's really good you toss salad

think of it more as a conversation will you toss my salad let the conversation begin tuck your cheeks out and I really like that some tongue action there and I really like that you think Trish eats a garth's bubble

yeah and I really like that Trish eats everything she looks like oh my god and I really like that Jesus what nothing for the sister

she's a big girl Jesus no I'm supporting her way I think garth demands it I think what happens is when you know the show's end he's like this nice guy bullshit

he's fucking over he's entertained these fucking retard for the last hour these fucking retard yeah you think I like coming to Shreveport that's what he says pull on, I'm changing my diet

you put your mouth down he wears a diaper huh, interesting it's so cool it's all the things that you've always wanted to cut loose and let loose and just blow it's so hot

that you never thought you could do but actually it goes to this nice tender soft thing God and all of a sudden it's just gross yeah, that's sexy right there

I wish there was some way some way you could step inside and see he's so gross happy birthday to you happy birthday to you God, to G

narcissists just wiping the walls out between that is Garth Salad by Dylan Gelbach it's really good yeah very good you think he's aggressive with her sexually?

I don't think so I think he's more demanding than he puts on though he says, ah, shucks I'm just walking through life bullshit I don't think so he gets shit done yeah, I think he's like fucking stallin' behind closed doors

he's a star, yeah at that level you can't be a nice guy all the time yeah no way no way, you gotta be a little in charge what about this gem that came in? wasn't there a good song I wanted to play?

Tom Segura retarded comedian what I'm saying is let's revisit the game you know what I'm saying and see if a retarded comic I've been saying this for months

I know, you definitely have it's the game changer, man you feel me? you know what I'm saying? what do you think they would say? it's not so bad I respect a bitch who can hating the road for future comedians

I am retarded Tom Segura retarded comedian they go, can I have five dollars to go to the thing? you've been a big fan of this game I came up with this idea I'm going to comedy stall tonight

I'm not a fan, I'm an originator you know what I'm saying? anyways, we're back it's gonna be better we're gonna be so much better now it's a lot better to perform his jokes as a mentally challenged person

practice your retard you'll love it that's talking on target are you crying? I love the way this feels right now hey you guys make a shit there you go

you're like just count those exercises good for you horrible the mother of your baby with your retarded tits shooting retarded milk into him giving him retard juice every day time to feed my baby

this is a retarded mom of a normal kid Tom Segura retarded comedian by George great job George thank you George we have a lot to get into and excellence

I'm offended by that opening I'm offended I saw ink magazine released the 10 podcasts that make you smarter was ours on there we missed it I have a contact there we're at number 12

I think this is the podcast where you feel smarter listening you know that you're smarter after listening to it no, no, you just know you're smarter than us I'm smarter than those two that's the whole point for you to feel better about your intelligence

well, I don't know that I would agree with that after you see today's opening clip you might feel like maybe these two are pretty intelligent oh no, okay maybe these two are the two smartest podcasters in the game

and I'm going to be smarter at the end of this one okay so let's start the show okay fellas, listen up because this video is for y'all because some of y'all is nasty as hell this video is to teach y'all the proper way

to clean your dick and this video applies especially to you uncircumcised motherfuckers this shit is big time who is Randy? don't bring anyone loving to this you're burning the fucking stand

welcome welcome to your mom's house with Tom Segura with Tom Segura and Christina Pazitzin with Christina Pazitzin welcome to your mom's house nice

sounds good really? yeah that's weird what happened? it didn't record in like an equal stereo for the whole song

like sometimes it dropped out of different sizes that's weird that's very weird should we double check right now? no, I mean I can see it and now it's normal okay

but it wasn't normal last time that's weird oh, that reminds me of a topic we have to do okay I want to ask you some okay is cleaning your dick really

that complicated? I don't know I know that I've never done it so I don't know because you guys don't have any flaps or folds like we do well, that's not entirely true it's not entirely right

if you're uncircumcised yeah, if you don't have a subscription then you have more folds and there's a little more crevices and things to get into right I mean, I think every guy's been like well, she was kind of seedy

and then you run to the sink and you kind of you know, you try to you think everybody's done that or just you? I think most guys have been like well, that was stupid and then you get in like

you do like a power scrub scrub and you think it's gonna it's not gonna help it's not gonna help I remember was it the president of South Africa or somebody in South Africa

on the AIDS Commission was like, just shower no, the president you won't get AIDS Zumba yeah he said that he said

you just have to take a shower afterwards and you won't get AIDS yeah, that was smart that's not his name Zumba though what's his name? I don't know Jacob Zumba Zumba the class

yeah, right you want to take his Zumba class? oh, fuck it yeah, so he he said I mean, I think every guy's had that thought, right? well, it's the same thought

that tells you if you jump up and down after you have sex you won't get pregnant exactly it's the same logic it's the same smart thought but actually

when you think of it logically, like oh, I can see how people think that works yeah wash it off jump up and down makes sense but it doesn't

science science doesn't work that way I guess yeah what else does this guy have to say about dick washes? let's see, hold on did your dad teach you to wash yours?

okay, fellas, listen up because this video is for y'all because some of y'all is nasty as hell this video is to teach y'all the proper way to clean your dick and this video applies especially to you uncircumcised motherfuckers

y'all know which one motherfuckers we're talking about right now, right? sorry? we know you know who you're talking about you nasty motherfuckers nasty?

why you gotta be so nasty all the time? some of y'all nasty as hell when you take your dickwrap and you just wiping down dickwrap you not cleaning your dick, okay? when you just cleaning the head you not cleaning your dick

you gotta take that extra skin and pull it back pull it back and let your dick come all the way out take the dickwrap and clean up under that head oh my god I'm gonna throw up see, yeah

I don't use a rag do you use a... you don't use a rag fuck no I just use this hand rag was so... I just put some of my hand in touch with new parts

so do I I didn't know that people didn't just do that for so long in college I stayed at a friend's house and this was like one of... like spring break or something

and I went to a college roommate's place and he was like alright, here's a towel like, you know after you shower it was his parents house and then here's a wash rag

and I was like a what? you know a wash rag and I was like, yeah I don't know what would I do with that he was like to wash your body with and I was like

I don't know I didn't grow up poor I don't know what you're talking about right now so yeah we just put soap on our hands and just rub it on our body but I guess the logic being

you don't want to touch the dirty parts of your body with your bare hand is that what it is? like I understand a luffa because a luffa exfoliates the skin but then the wash rag

I'm assuming it's because you don't want to touch your dirty ass or your dirty dick with your hand really? but you're in the shower so you would just wash your hands yeah

there's soap on your hands and you just it doesn't bother me but maybe some people maybe I'm trying to think why people use wash cloth yeah, that's a lower class problem Europeans do it too though

did what? they use wash cloth not my kind of European I'm talking like the Western Europeans do I know like Norwegians my Norwegian friend does she always uses a wash cloth a wash cloth?

yeah it's so bizarre to me it's bizarre to me too but here's what I'm actually thinking that's more laundry to do you know I gotta wash the wash cloth well yeah but you put that in your hole

put that all up in your brown hole and then you gotta ball it up and then it's all cold and wet and slimy what about if you scrub your brown hole with that cloth and then you start you forget and you're doing like the rest of your body

good point your brown stuff or what if you rinse it out and then you hang it to dry and use it again and now it's got even more gross things on there you know maybe you and I just don't know the proper wash cloth etiquette

maybe yeah I mean I'm so it's so far removed from like the wash cloth I gave it back to that dude I was like I don't need that yeah

he thought I was crazy he was like don't use a wash cloth no because the people that do use wash cloth they think that were disgusting why they think we are the savages

because it's un it's not lady like to just put your hand on your butthole on your vagine dude that's how you really get in there that's what I think I'm hey I'm all for you

here is how you wash your butthole yeah you put soap all over your hand you put your hand in off inside your inside it yeah

you scrape like that and then pull your hand out you rinse your hand out in the water and then I also take a bar of soap and I'll put that up yeah yeah

rub it all along the crack put it in the hole yeah poop it out yeah rinse it off put it back down I ain't got a tootsie roll

now you got your friends can use it your friends can use it yeah yeah that's how it goes well how come this guy has to show I'm assuming there's a lot of uncircumstribed dudes out there

who are not pulling the skin back run your finger along your crack if you're ass you don't need to finger your hole you don't want to come back poop shit on your finger it never comes back it always makes me laugh

when I'm along the crack and then he pauses of your ass as opposed to the other cracks yeah like duh we know which crack you're talking about yeah

which crack your mouth crack dummy yeah god because you know what's under that head nasty ass neat cheese and it smell like it smell like cottage cheese dip in kerosene

or no bitch it smell like a pork chop when you put it in the goddamn uh in a tupperware you close the little pot and leave it in there for a week and you forget about it

that's what y'all did smell like oh these guys had a lot of dicks lots and lots to know about this so well of course he's the dick detective and I'm sorry

I didn't mean to call you a guy what's your pronoun so we're not sure I don't know what I don't want to assume anybody's gender identity all kinds of things

hey hi how are you what's your name what's your pronoun so anyways there's dick cheese

I mean that I've seen I've seen unsubscribed penises sure in videos

sure obviously I've never never liked one up close no you have probably I'm sure right no never

all those added together all all the dicks in my past first of all it's single digits let's be real

I'm not a double digit whore oh my god you sure act like one how many how many times you've been you've been burnt by a gonorrhea twice

I've never seen one no I've never handled one really but you've seen you've seen videos and stuff of course does that

a deterrent for you I don't I'm indifferent I think you know but then again I'm not the kind of girl that would just have indiscriminate sex with people

yeah I was having sex with the dude not the penis so I don't know maybe if I were a bigger whore I don't know what that's like it would be a deal breaker

for me what is that like that would be like a vagine having like a skin shoot and then you have to pull back the cheese the person

I don't I don't just let anybody I don't think like that yeah I think like whole you know that's how most guys think

yeah even now when you're as a married guy or has it changed at all for you since you've been married same thing not changed even a bit

yeah hadn't slowed you down yep yeah the roadbeave I don't know from what I understand women don't care

but then again we're more to begin with men are far more superficial and horrible I was thinking about that you're so right

you know I mean it really is yeah you guys only care about looks yeah and guys are so much less forgiving especially especially

unattractive guys yeah they're the most yeah I mean I remember like my one of the ugliest fattest most disgusting guys I know is like

has like a she's gross kind of policy like girls have to be like a 10 to talk to him I'm like you're the most repulsive human being I know but he's like

you know it's funny how many he'll find someone that is low self esteem enough to go out with him yeah that's how you do it right absolutely yeah

yeah it's gross I mean look at Bill O'Reilly right now sexually harassing dying always been doing it for a decade plus

it's so crazy yeah this old boss yeah Roger yeah yeah yeah that guy's a that's actually a better example

well even look at Trump look at what a troll trumpet look how gross he is and look at his hot ass wife Melania yeah yeah I mean come on

you think he you think he married a Dalmatian yeah for her intelligence she's a she's a total Maltese this is the

cute and you know dopey this is the founder former head of Fox News who's so weird oh yeah

this guy that fucking droopy dog he was sexually harassing women for decades the whole time he was running that place wow I mean

this pig this fucking animal yeah yeah look at his fucking fat layers on his face too yeah he's telling girls what's up huh

yeah unreal it's always like that what the fuck I will say you know who's good the equal the leaders I would say

are the gay men gay men because the gay men are very open superficial like it's all about like you better fucking look good

yeah like they were originating you get your Botox you work out you look cute even in your face I like when people are I guess it's more acceptable

when someone's straight up about it absolutely they're in the most superficial culture but it's out there it's like you want to fuck me

bitch look at you you're not a dime piece like they're very open about they're like why not to an alarming degree though

I mean it's like you know laser like Puerto Rican guys almost the Puerto Rican like it is nuts precision

they really looks yeah yeah and then you see you know in the gym gay dudes are like savages fierce they get like

calf implants and shit yeah or they're just like working out six hours wow and you say you don't like

Xivia look what it just did for you and that's the tagline that needs to be there Xivia check out these burps check out these burps

Xivia it's in the rips yeah I haven't burped this much since I was drinking Dr. Pepper you should see you definitely

someone pulled out their earbuds on that one and it's really gnarly I just want to thank everybody that they know Nancy and her mother was expecting us to want to

suck in shit and they don't have the nerve to ask us to suck this shit after the club you know damn well you've been sweating that dick cheese sweat been building up

that shit is nasty so listen I'm here to speak to all the women uh this is what we think and you gotta clean that dick preach yeah

see the gay dudes they're just straight up about it straight up I love it straight up and down you gotta clean your dick I had um

a stylist come to show me clothing options for my special for the taping and I don't know if you weren't there you're with LJ in the next room

and he's like you know he goes through all the clothing and I was like I hate that he's like he's disgusting and he just

didn't phase him yeah don't take it personal that's what I love I love gay dudes there's no emotion gay dudes are just like that yeah they keep it 100

like that almost like a braxton you know what I'm saying almost like a braxton almost like tamer tamer what is up with tamer you know

um I've been following her on insta she just turned 40 I believe yeah um I don't know

she was supposed to do a pilot with steve harvey I knew that you know by the way this just reminded me I got an email from Blueban

our producer yeah said he got an alarming number of emails from people who didn't know the shows on youtube you're kidding me

I mean how many times I don't know are you kidding me I guess we don't mention it a lot but I thought it was understood we have like a million

subscribers now minus 960,000 yeah yeah I actually had to stop and go oh I did the math before you said that

uh no but it is on there if you do want to ever watch the show on the youtubes on the youtubes and

you can see us and also the clips that we're playing are you know edited into the show so you can watch along with us

hi youtubes you you you anyways um this I wanted to bring to your attention

you're not going to believe this treat I have for you oh great finds ever of this show maybe it would be

if they were saying what are the top 10 discoveries ever on this show what did this show bring about there's so much there's a lot

there's so much but wouldn't you say in the top 3 would be his highness lord of farts asperger

I feel like we discovered we did discover him we gave a platform and he still to this day has

yeah he doesn't he doesn't ever reach out and he's doing this thing that is really I mean

it's such it's he's such a taunter he's so such a little tease he has been uploading videos and then

deletes them someone tweeted me about this too he just is like here's a video go on it's like a snapchat if you will

it's a snapchat of his life yeah he has put on some weight on the years ago um and we

we famously also introduced him to joe rogan on joe's show and joe flipped for it you can watch that online

joe's really excited to meet him joe was real excited about it but when we discovered this guy um

you know he did these fart compilation videos he also has another side to him he's not just about the farts

he's a glutton eating getting fatter burping but the food things like

big things always like about four of these about five of these and he eats them all but it's finally paid off because

he's much bigger really yeah I mean it's substantial he's been on the opposite plan that I've been on right

so yeah right so just to give you no just to give you can I

can we just revisit the first time you played king aster before me yeah we were in a we were in a car about two or three years

ago yeah and you pulled it up on your phone and you're like you gotta see this guy you were driving right or was I driving

no you were driving and I laughed so hard I had tears in my eyes we had to pull the car over and just stop and laugh

because it was such a special moment and it's a moment I haven't forgotten the moment I met king ass-ripper it was something man

okay so just to give you what it's here he is oh there he is the king yeah missing teeth too

really enhances he's in his tidy white he's in nothing else that's why he's so special but I'm trying to get this isn't

what whoa almost a full double climb there use this like so I'm trying to get you

to see his body even bigger I want you to see his body like where he's at in this old video so this was like

your old favorite position oh where he would lay on his side and his tidy white he's and socks and that's it

but I can tell you I can tell you as a man knowing kind of men's men's weight sorry I'm just flooded with

good feelings it's like Christmas and this was his handle on lively which is where we discovered him I fart in your face okay so

but right here I would say he's definitely under 200 pounds yeah yeah this is probably I mean

I don't know I would I would guess he's maybe in the somewhere between 175 and 195 in that range

sure that's what I would guess sure but you can kind of see here this is his there's his coy lay forward

right stomach down he's on his tummy and as if to say I'm farting or am I I don't know am I

I don't know and then this is the position he would do the leg lift yeah and then sometimes a thumbs up

or a double thumbs up if it was a really really crazy part I also like oh yeah and then pretend accidentally oopsie

the oopsie part what's on the wall there what is this just music posters okay band posters I fart in your face anyways

he by the way I just saw some some video posted on you or on Google when you search for him that said

what really happened oh I don't know what this is oh oh it's just oh it's just a joke anyways wow

so just to give you some background you know you know and I'm so astonished over the years that he's never once responded to our but he did

actually respond in a way because he posted a video yeah and the video said dedicated to your mom's house so he did give us a little bit

that was his way of being like I hear you I see you right I just can't answer you because I'm so busy making fart and burp videos it's like that

I mean it's I don't know it's like I feel like he's just one of those recluse authors you know who's like

here's my new book but I'm not doing I'm not doing any interviews about it right catcher in the ride guy what was his name like that guy

fuck it oh it's JD Salander yeah yeah yeah there's a woman you're absolutely looking out here I have a didn't JD Salander

also write Harry Potter there you go here's that woman you're looking for oh there she is Jerome David Salander but I think that you're

why are you why are you guessing her pronoun I mean maybe this is before non-binary maybe maybe JD identifies

as a she this lady right here you don't know okay you don't know anyways this man I don't know

you know this I must be thinking of J.K. Rowling that's exactly what you were thinking in there and you thought that J.K. Rowling

the author of Harry Potter also wrote catcher in the ride right well the J's are both misleading JDJK come on guys

not that far anyways are you ready to see King Assripper now I'm so excited this must be at least

I think five plus years from the video I just showed you five years plus oh get those motherfuckers oh my god he's so fat

three fucking beef and cheddar sandwiches sloped with fucking mayonnaise yeah mission accomplished awesome huh this is his goal by the way

he looks great yeah but I think he looks okay with the weight for some reason he's definitely fatter he's definitely been being gluttonous and it's paid off

I hate the eating videos honestly these are he's so quick he's going to Walmart Smash Walmart from three donuts

okay oh it's hard to watch and then he would make a mess on himself he was always big on that well that's part of the fetish oh shit oh he's gonna do that he's drinking a two liter of Coke

that means you know what's coming burps and farts yeah burps and farts but especially burps that told ya not a lot of girls in the videos fuckingly dissing the fucking spicy fucking mayonnaise

where do you go my friend where do you go yeah god damn yeah oh it's nasty nasty King-ass Rupa burping as he's eating

it's the third one it's the third roast beef and mayonnaise sandwich love this guy but still a talent and you know what I love about King the King is that he's always evolving he's always growing in talent

he's always expanding you think you know what this new hour's gonna be about no new direction and what's neat too is he's taking it to the streets now we see him in his natural habitat

he's out in his car he's eating in the car I mean he does that a lot I've never seen him in the car I think that's really exciting Jesus now on the breeze so he just had three

roast beef sandwiches I know and he's dipping a burrito in nacho cheese and eating it but does he do this just for the love because there's never a call for donation or you know I think it's it's fetish

but I'm saying the fetish people do it for you pay them so that they give you their treat I don't know you know I mean he's like he's not saying like donate or we're not getting this from a pay site

he's just doing this see this is but is this okay okay let's follow the logic yeah but what about those other hoes on Twitter who they give previews

or they give videos but that's my point I know and he doesn't have a direct URL yeah he's not like come to my site you can see me eat yeah that's what I'm saying he's just doing it

just for the love of the game all right I'm gonna one more I'm gonna one more I love him so much do a lot of dog name donuts I'm just gonna have something

just for dessert I just love him freaking that two liter he's a purist that was a big burp yeah that was great I just want to know him

burp burp burp burp burp burp burp I just want to know you girl

yeah why won't you let us know you ass ripper is it a Amulis Michigan that I was told he lives in I don't know I don't know we've done nothing but adore you

for years why why don't you answer something let us speak with you please I offered money we did we've offered him money

multiple times just Skype us please we must know your secrets I'll buy you all the burritos you want all the nuts is that not enough is that not enough where are you gonna be James

where are you gonna be oh okay we're doing that I am going to be at the brand improv April 13th through 15th come watch me guys

I am ramping up to shoot my hour a long last she's doing that April 28th and 29th Sacramento at the punch line only two nights so get your tickets May 4th and 5th Phoenix, Arizona

Fartnix I'm sorry I said that wrong stand up Rive and then May 19th and 20th in Jewdork titties at the Gotham Comedy Club and then June 1st through 3rd

Denver what's Denver Momver Denver no it's not dumb though Denver no but it's a

Denver we'll think of one Denver Comedy Works the downtown location June 16th and 17th man friend disco at the punch line comedy club get your tickets

at thousand ranch dot com and also listen to that steep bro thank you very much I love you this week I'm in Titsburg, Pennsylvania Carnegie music hall two shows Thursday

first one sold out second show has some tickets left Friday Juhaven, Connecticut the John Lyman Center for the performing arts one show still a few tickets left there

Saturday Burlington, Vermont I've never been to Vermont before I have two shows the late show is sold out 10 p.m. the early show has a few tickets left next week

San Jose is sold out Seattle has tickets left for the 1030 show that is Meat Rattle, Washington at the Moore Theater Portland, Oregon is all sold out but I added a show May 13th Fallis, Texas

the House of Blues on 420 the early show is sold out the late show has tickets that's 10 p.m. Dallas House of Blues then the rest of the week is at the Houston Houston improv

May 12th Eugene, Oregon it's not so heavy on the Jews okay, what do you want to call it? Poo Screams Poo Scream, Oregon Portland, I guess said May 13th I'm coming to Hampton Beach

July 27th where's that? I don't know Hampton Beach Casino Ballroom I don't know where New Hampshire is at and then I'm going to Mumb Australia in so fun

August I'm hitting Brisbane Sydney, Melbourne and Perth those are all on sale and Hergene and I are doing the podcast live one show only August 23rd

in Best Balls Beach, Florida at the Palm Beach improv I will tell you this if you are in Mumb Australia and it sounds really far out that I will not be adding shows in Sydney I will not add a show in Perth

so if you don't get your tickets and you wait until then and it's too late then you're f-ed out jumping your kangaroo pouch and crying the reason I say those there's a possibility if it goes sooner than later it's not there yet

that I would add one in Melbourne this is all like logistics related and that's that Adelaide, the whole reason I think I mentioned last week Adelaide that I didn't add it's all the promoter they put it together

I don't book it myself they book it and they bring it to you anyways don't sleep on those tickets it'll be too late especially that West Palm one West Harry Palm oh that's one and done

you're gonna love Mumb Australia I don't know if you know this I was on a show called Road Rules in the 90s and Brisbane lots of steak it's the cattle capital you know that the full charge is coming with me shut the front door

I'm taking him with me oh you're gonna have so much fun with him he's gonna love it you guys are gonna love it picking up chicks couple of dudes sexting each other fucking that down underbeave

it's got a new level of roadbeave right oh they're all blonde hair blue-eyed like you like them oh I don't like ah I don't have anything I don't have a thing for that at all

they're all they're all like me except blue-eyed big tits skinny yuck yeah you're gonna hate it too much fun

I don't like it sorry oh shit the Australians are mean too everything that would induce turbulence with its attendant drag must be reduced to a minimum god damn it

the use of a rivet whose head is flush with the surface being riveted eliminates the drag of the ordinary rivet head and thus aids in accomplishing our higher speeds what do you think that's pretty fucking boring the choice of method to be used in flush riveting is based on the thickness of the sheet

next to the manufactured head let's assume we're driving a rivet 1 eighth inch in diameter with a 100 degree countersunk head this is so boring probably the best production method involves sheets of 40,000 thickness or greater

you know what I keep thinking we start with the assembly of the sheets you know what I keep thinking what of like being in school and having to learn stuff like this because the test is coming up every time we watch a clip

I think could you imagine having a cram for the test you have to understand this shit and you realize now you realize that this shit is so boring that that's what led to them being like let's wrap something to teach these kids they try to make learning fun

they're like why don't you sing a rap about it oh it's the worst I hated that but I guess in a way it's better than the most boring shit ever did you say the Australians are mean? oh they're terrible what do you mean?

oh they're just so angry, mean people are you being serious? sour, depressed no they're like the oh I know they're the sweetest people I was like I've been there twice and I've never had anything like good fun the Australians are quite possibly

the sweetest, kindest nation besides Canada and you know they're just super kind they were great there's like at least when I was there there wasn't a mean person and I met a lot of people I did Sydney

so nice with Joe Rogan once yeah and then I did Melbourne Melbourne I love Melbourne I did a show I did I think 11 shows

and every show was Moshe Kasher, Hannah Bull and I that's fun the three of us took turns Melbourne now tell me how you like Brisbane because it was when I was there

pretty underdeveloped like it didn't have a ton of stuff yet it was like a surfing town and a dead cattle what if I don't tell you what if I get back and you're like how was it and I go I just don't feel like telling you

you probably would do something because you don't love me enough yeah because if I'll be like on a scale of one to ten how much do you love me right now it just depends on the moment though that the scale the scale is a floating scale

it's not binary it's like a gender fluid it just depends on how I feel that moment wow for those of you who don't understand what's happening Tom and I have decided to start using a love scale when we're fighting

to determine whether or not the fight has ended and it's actually been very effective for us because I'll go okay on a scale of one to ten how much do you love me right now yeah and if you're like I'm at like a seven

I'll be like okay why seven's pretty good no seven's pretty good no how do you not feel good about a seven it's got to be at a ten plus

not seven ten is ultimate optimum love mode which is how you should love me all the time on your spouse I love you like that but not all the time I don't love you all the time at a ten either

well then how can you take issue with me but you don't even ask see I'm the one that's like do you love me on a scale of one to ten I ask you sell them I ask you

you're not as concerned about losing my love as I'm concerned about losing your love I love you more that's right that's right yeah yeah where's your level right now for me

I always ten almost always ten yeah I'm at a ten I'm at a ten I'm at a ten I told you swear to God yes I love you I do I love you very much

the only time it goes lower yeah this morning you farted twice very loudly excuse me this morning something else happened what I got up and let you sleep in I know it was a miracle

for the first time in 15 months that doesn't make the level go higher for you 15 months is that how long he's been alive yeah 15 and a half months I haven't slept in since then that doesn't make it go higher for you

no no but you're at a ten right now massively at a ten what I made you a primal pizza last night I know it caused a lot of but problems you think you think that's why because of the cauliflower crust oh my god

hold on my I have to make my phone watch hold on super dirt here I gotta have silent apologies that was my activity reminder for the day um no but you fear you this morning

you tried to wake me up by farting loudly twice I didn't try to wake you up yeah you did that's what that's about no what do you think that's about I had big farts in me

and I actually tried to make it come out quiet oh stop I did and it came out so loud so loud yeah no that was on purpose though I didn't try no I didn't

a couple emails came in I really do love you a lot more than you love me no that's not true yeah why would you love me a lot more than you I just do I think I just love

I'm more capable of it and I love you more that's not true yeah um burp champ is Tommy Buns oh shit how many burps have you had on this episode 0.0

here's my concise argument for why t buns is the burp champ alright let me check my phone okay

my watch I mean what do you mean I'm just gonna tune out as you read this and I'm gonna check for the purpose of making this argument more effective I will leave the discussion of who is fart champ up to another observer while Christina may believe he is

she is the burp champ not your fucking pronoun because she has pitch and more frequency it is obvious from listening that t buns shows restraint when podcasting and does not necessarily let

his natural gassy talent show this restraint is exercised in both frequency and volume of burpage also t buns has clearly shown in the past that you can burp at will which is something the truest

burp champ should be able to do I can do that at will and I can do it too I suspect Christina cannot do watch keep it glassy I just did it duct tape

duct tape duct tape I can I just did it see thank you duct tape you didn't fucking learn that in elementary school

duct tape um yeah anyways I agree you're just looking at you pounding Xevia to get you those burps not helping knowing

getting excited about those burps um speaking of excitement check this out we got a new dad boner this is a b-52 bomber taking off oh my way oh bloody hell

look at his right over his rosa look at this this guy unbelievable oh fantastic look at that yay just right bloody hell's bells

wow oh beauty oh what a boner yeah that was great that's how you do it dad you got it pop

you gotta lose your shit on something dad and that's how you do it that was great that was really good that was great oh fantastic oh fantastic unbelievable

what a dork hey can we talk about that that was what that Mary yeah I was about to say that was our first I think non-American dad boner losing his fucking mind

we forget that dad boners are international they're everywhere yay just right can I tell you I wanted to read this to you oh god you lost Jesus fucking mind

Christ so on Twitter somebody sent me this and forgive me for not crediting you I'm sorry I just quickly saw it someone made a CD called dad's the band yeah

music by dad's for dad's and it it is for dad's yeah oh you mean it's for actual dad's yeah

the number four the Beatles here are the song titles on this CD that this person sent me yeah number one ask your mom yeah

golf in USA mm-hmm barbecue nights time time flies when you're building a deck yeah get a job just resting my eyes

not in my house turning this car around socks with sandals hi hungry I'm dad featuring pit bull stud find and stud and hands off that thermostat

that's a great list of songs yeah those are ultimate dad's songs yeah that's great that was pretty funny unbelievable yeah

that guy would buy that album of course yeah that guy wrote that thermostat hands off the thermostat because you and I have that war all the time see it's funny because it's true

all this dad stuff is true I always thought you know I heard that when I was a kid my uncle used to say I'm resting my eyes that was I didn't really understand that at the time you know now you understand

no no I understood it later but I'm saying like are you sleeping he's like I'm resting my eyes I don't know cause I would see him on the couch just like yeah

dad's deal dad's deal they're always passed they're always so tired they gotta work all day they gotta work all day and they gotta deal with the kids when they come home

oh yeah it's a lot shit shit blocker fuck um so we've been watching this the Great British Bake Off

right the Great British Baking Show that's all in America but it's the bake off it's really fun and the two main hosts I guess now it's changed

there's been this big controversy huge controversy but it was the two judges I should say were Mary Berry

yeah and Paul Hollywood Paul Hollywood yeah and they are well known you know cooking personalities in the UK

yeah and so they would challenge these very talented amateur bakers to whatever thing and then you know they would judge them on it and we were watching last night and it's just

first of all it's amazing Mary Berry looks great dude I think she's 82 or 83 it's a thousand years old it's a thousand years old fuck man you know and she's got

real loose bridge work you can tell on her teeth because she always takes the bite on the side of her bridge work yeah cause she's like I do the same thing

cause I got these I'm gonna bite into it so many wrecked teeth on that show oh fuck fuck man devastating I made true to the stereotype

on that one it is fucking horrendous can somebody explain to us why the teeth are so bad in England it's and it's seasons of it it's not like

yeah no this is not this is not a random sampling this is I give Paul sorry this is a random sampling we accept flour and we make it with the sugar

and there's rebalb on it as well oh my god yeah you retarded that's my British impression and Asian that's not Asian

that was terrible this rebalb crisps on it and the kids used to like it when I made it with licorice that's a good British impression oh my god

you know what I think that's good and Asian that's not Asian are you doing why is it Asian because you're covering like this that's British not the hell you do it

I didn't do it I did not do what you're doing you're doing the thing that you're doing Chinese eyes no I'm not you're doing Chinese eyes that's not Chinese eyes

yeah you're going ha ha ha I'm just you're making a face well you have to go like but they also do a down mouth so it's like ooh

yeah yeah like the kids ooh ooh ooh do you remember um this

cheese cake has the consistency I was looking for did you happen to catch season 2 the goofy guy with the ponytail the IT guy and he had like

crazy teeth yellow they've all been crazy I know I know their teeth are terrible yeah it's too much it's hard to

especially because it's like cooking and eating and they're trying you're like ugh yeah that's nasty well like that cute girl she's like the young baker

and her teeth are just buttery so yellow yeah yeah I don't know didn't somebody tell us something about like fluoride or something

fluoride in the water and no emphasis on dental care and then it's not covered by insurance there pay for that shit bro pay for we all do shit you know what I'm saying

or it's extra expensive I think it might be very costly dental work there y'all take a visa right you know what I'm saying yeah you know what I'm saying

there's wrecked mounds on the show anyway Mary Berry what's up Mary what's up Mary Mary

I gotta tell my big daddy Kane story okay but Mary Berry Mary Berry last night all of a sudden out of nowhere yeah I guess you know she is older

yeah she took a bite of somebody's dessert yeah and she goes she was like do you still remind me of a young black man's

penis I that is not that is not I was like oh my god I was taken aback by it can we show them who we're talking about

yeah if you're just listening you can hear the enthusiasm for cake from a rank all bakers we are testing them

on their meringue skills I love her they've got to make the French meringue and the Swiss meringue and be able to build this construction so it supports itself

I love her and looks elegant and beautifully decorated beautifully decorated oh yes let's see what sort of cut it is it's a good bake

crunches you put the nice through and then the lovely softness of the cream lovely I could have put this in my just a meringue fest

isn't it in it marshmallow in it with the from from from

you know what I love about Mary Berry's hair it's very rewarding I just hope that they've read the recipe it's very like cotton it's like spun cotton

yeah that old English lady hair yeah or maybe like like a cotton candy thing you know her hair is very big

so somebody made I guess a really beautiful meringue cake and she she took a bite and she goes it's it's quite lovely

but one question where's the come right and we were like what so they'll she kind of

I think I don't know if it's just the age but she'll just kind of go in and out of like these really sexual reviews yeah it's super weird

I mean it keeps the viewers coming back for more yeah because you don't know is this an episode where she's going to talk about come again right

this cake is just as juicy as wow that's a long time ago Mary yeah I could take a bite of a fart and enjoy it

she this breadstick reminds me of an old G.I. was in in France right and then you're like

oh because they are shaped like that I guess yeah just this baguette it reminds me of a nice thick French cock we're like

whoa Mary Mary but I think that's her appeal maybe that's why everyone loves her if that doesn't get so

or to watch to watch Netflix yeah why would they change the name for us from the Great British Bake Off to the Great British

Bake because we don't understand what a Bake Off is which is stupid of course we know what a Bake Off is make sure you put show

in the show title so that they'll watch it I know I kind of want like the reason I'm interested is because

I haven't had any zivia that's just happened with similarities yeah I want to see what they think

is good and there's cardamom in everything and I don't know what the fuck cardamom is do you no I still don't know what that is

and I've never had rhubarb in my life and they put fucking rhubarb and cardamom on everything yeah Mary

Bowie this tarte I could roll up I love it so much I could roll it up

and use it oh she says that almost every episode what do you think of this cheese cake and she goes do you like to fuck

Paul and he's like yes Mary right but he kind of plays it off all the time like cheese Mary

there she goes again there she goes with her sexual reviews yeah here she is right here from I remember this one it's one episode

focaccia bread reminds me of an Italian sausage that I sucked and then I fucked and I had a good time with it and he's like

Mary my goodness what yeah she's old she's like 80 something yeah she is

in my asshole huh cardamom cardamom I don't know what that is I don't know what it is

cardamom cardamom um dude alert dog alert by the way our dog FIFO who's been asexual

for how many years for ever in 2013 yeah humped bitsy's head on Saturday that's the first time he's

first time ever they're both spayed neutered yeah I was deeply surprised we've never had anything like that no I can understand

what got into him um so let me tell you there's so much to cover uh oh I should tell this right

the uh let me see if I can do this I need you oh okay I want you to talk about Atlanta

oh yeah that's coming up um here it is the uh and what I can't see

the second item oh yeah that's something I'm bringing up so everybody uh we asked you guys answered

and um we brought it out so here it is here it is Stanama the new shirt is Stanama

Stanama it says you gotta have Stanama and there it is by a landslide this shirt won in the polls on the Facebook

yeah we did a poll on the Facebook group this was like five to one yeah Stanama so uh as always

we thank you thanks for uh for supporting us Stanama for making it uh you know

you know what's great about this shirt too is that you don't have to be a fan of our podcast to understand the joke like if you see that shirt

you'll be like wait is that Stanama Stanama Stanama yeah it's pretty funny um

anyways so there's that so there's there's a couple things first I want to tell what happened with Detroit yes

yeah DeTwa DeTwa a few weeks ago I did a couple shows at Royal Oak great time next day fly to Chicago

for a couple nights in Chicago I'm at the airport who do I see I don't know eight fucking people in front of me

big daddy Kane that's bizarre I'm flying with Josh Elvis Weinstein Weinstein I always say it wrong is it Weinstein

it's Weinstein people say Weinstein it's the same spelling and that's why I say Weinstein but then and there's also the Weinstein company

but it's Weinstein with the same spelling he's German or some no I just you know that's just you know people have different

some potato potato Weinstein it's Weinstein so anyways it's funny because I'll bring him up on stage and I'll be like

why and as soon as like I get to that I'll have the double pause how I say this again such an easy thing to say that's what I told him

so Josh Elvis Weinstein and I and I go shit there's Kane and it's TSA and it's packed and I go should I yell it

and I'm like I have a total pause where it'd be funny if I yelled it but what if I don't know what if I can't get on this flight because I yelled it

because they're like sir yeah what are you doing excuse me so I wait a second I'm like and then by that time he's like gone through

the security I see him go through the you know I'm like I got a fucking nah so

I go through he's long gone at this point like what a fucking missed opportunity that is I start walking to the gate and now he's

maybe 30 yards from me coming out of a magazine store on the phone and I do it you did full volume he turns his head

and he's like is he like nah he lowers his head so he goes and then I walk up he goes Tom's a gorgeous

yelling sub cane at the airport so then we had a nice chat and we were on the same flight he was also going to Chicago now did you guys

hold hands and sit next to each other yeah it was a real intimate thing no but we we had a nice conversation what did you guys talk about

he was touring too he had just done Detroit the night before Chicago the next time same exact routing got a weird and the exact same

days same days same weekend agent look at Big Daddy Kane's calendar wherever he travels I want to do the same city

so no it was just one of those things and we talked life we talked about kids we both have boys

and his is a little bit older and we just had a nice chat and we just kind of bullshitted for a minute we got coffee

do you think he saw you before and was like I gotta pretend to be on my phone so this guy doesn't yell sub cane

at me no he definitely didn't see me you sure about that pretty sure because I probably would have oh I gotta get on my

phone and pretend this guy this fucking guy the canes I actually want to revive just because it's one of my most fun things

ever I want to revive the sub cane shirt but not with the old design with a whole new design

my idea is to do I want to do sub cane merchandise you should have him on his phone pretending to avoid you

and then you yell it yeah and you're like it's okay and he's like oh shit I gotta go anyways so that was cool though

very good I saw him and I got to yell at him and yell in person in a real world situation now it's too bad were there any fans

of your stand up or your mom's house there to witness minus josh no josh was there obviously with me Weinstein

well it's too bad that I was practicing stein stein Weinstein we used his recipe last night

we did we did the the pizza the paleo pizza with cauliflower it was a disaster the crust because I didn't get the wetness out

of the crust it was still pretty good it was still good the toppings were delightful you know yeah Stenema Stenema

for the for the thing took a lot of energy for sure Christina so you asked me to tell this story and it is

100% true well let me just say I've been waiting on this because we brought this up in real life you go yeah it was like in Atlanta this woman

and I was like I'm sorry what and then I thought you know what I'm gonna write down on my iPhone yeah let's do it on the show

so I haven't heard this you haven't heard this so I'm in I didn't even have a sip go ahead yeah I'm in

Atlanta show off years ago I'm in I'm doing what's the little 70 seat club there the laughing

the laughing skull it's attached to a bar I do two shows on a Friday and that's weak the lead up Fridays are it brings out the riffraff too

the late show Friday yeah yeah that's the wild crowd wild crowd as late as fuck I leave the

showroom I go into the bar area and I'm going kind of like back and forth you know you're talking to people you're just and it's kind of dead

in the bar area and I notice there's a lady sitting at the bar who's older and how old Mary Berry no not that old

but she might be 60 and she looks kind of weathered worn sure rough life

leathery got some droopy dogs on her you know mushies mushies purples and then

she's I kind of you know loose track of where she has come back I notice when I look back the second time she has her hand

up her own skirt and she is what appears to be fingering herself at the bar so I tell a guy go I think that lady's

masturbating at the bar like what an animal she was so hammered she was just beyond almost incapacitated what's wrong with people yeah somebody

I think a lady went up to her and was like honey you know you shouldn't be doing that she was so and it was your show that inspired her

I don't know if she was at my show I think she might have just been at that bar all night you know when I'm recalling correctly this club

wasn't it inside an arcade at one point or was that the other room that he owned this club over there oh no that's a different room right it was there was an arcade

and you could hear like ding ding ding ding tickets and fun yeah was that also in Atlanta yeah it was a laughing skull at one point the guy had it in there

this was the location that had that wasn't that one where people don't masturbate they masturbated this one yeah no I'm saying this wasn't the arcade location

this was just club location wow what a special treat now it's rare I think it's midtown Atlanta I want to say it's rare that a woman does that in public

yeah usually reserved for creepy dudes yeah yeah mostly homeless guys that's usually who I see doing that stuff

not not usually just women well so drunk though so drunk yeah that's not not an excuse is that really an excuse

I think so I think an excuse I mean it's not that it's like well there's no blame to go around it's the reason why I don't think sober she would have been fingering herself

I mean what would you say to a lady that's fingering herself I wouldn't say shit I would look if someone said could you please have her stop I would no I would do the New York subway

rule which is eyes fucking down eyes on your own paper like I wouldn't even address well what if somebody asks you can you please what would you say what's the thing a woman

says to another woman oh if I have to tell her you have to diffuse it I'm not telling her nothing I'm saying it's someone's asking for you not like you're doing it on your own

hey can you please help us how would you address a woman as a woman I go sweetie you got to get your hand out of your cooch dummy what are you doing what are you nuts

no that's not how you do it you can't call them nuts as they're doing it yes I can no that's kind of you're not you don't know how to diffuse the situation

clearly I don't know that's you're going to incite it you're going to get it worse oh so you don't want to go what are you fucking nuts you have to

you have to be more sympathetic oh sweetie is a good start sweetie I don't know if you want to be doing that right now yeah okay

hey hey hey you need to take a little it's like explaining it to like a retarded person I don't know it has to be retarded masturbating in public just you know

somebody that doesn't know what they're doing sweetie maybe not in the bar yeah sweetie right now I think you lost track of where you are for a second yeah you know what they

one time I was at Burke Williams yeah the day spa yeah and I asked the worker there has anybody ever done anything just wild here and she's like

oh yeah women masturbate on the the jets a lot and then jacuzzi and we have to put a stop to that wow I was like really like the

yeah I told you I was at that one where the guy was playing with his balls the whole time you know so weird yeah he kept playing with his balls

how would you do that so rude and it was like come on man well there was like a lady creeper I told you at the one I went to yeah

in the sauna she was like laying on her side just buck naked and like those tiny sauna rooms you know there's only two benches yeah like bitch

you really think I want to see you everything yeah cover yourself up man yeah they're looking for trouble you know yeah so did you ask that lady out

or you just let her finish no I was just like that is the best thing I've ever seen I got so like just ear to ear smiles with it how crazy that yeah

I was like this is the best how come I never heard this story you never told me and she had her hand up her skirt she was like how come you've saved this for so long I've told you before

I think this is a lie like the poop pile no because I've never heard this story I've mentioned it before for sure I've mentioned it before absolutely

no you haven't yes the lady masturbating in Atlanta at the bar I've never seen a woman doing that in public I've only ever seen dudes so that is a very rare sighting

to have a woman doing that there's another way you could diffuse it if you're more direct what's wrong with you yeah what's wrong with y'all

your niggas are crazy yeah now I bring that to your attention yeah because we have a new pastor manning video that is pastor manning he's famous for that drop

what's wrong with you what's wrong with you he's also famous for this mention and if you're drinking Starbucks watch out if you're a woman you might just get pregnant

by drinking Starbucks because they've got some pretty potent semen in that drink potent potent yeah podcast he he

accused Starbucks of putting semen in their cup right he knows a lot about human biology he knows a lot about a lot of things so this is a pastor manning

what's wrong with you talking about Kellyanne Conway who works in the White House we all know who's who and this is what a pastor manning thinks I'm meant to make this an analysis please forgive me for being so tardy in bringing forth this announcement

remember Kellyanne Conway on the sofa there in the Oval Office with 100 black men standing around her and she got in her moneymaking position make shake your moneymaker she got that money

that's a show of money shop Jesus look at that that's a money shop Kellyanne Conway in a money shop there you go there's the moneymaker you know I forgot to inform you

that the reason why she got into that money shop without being asked is that Kellyanne Conway has got jungle fever she couldn't stand herself jungle fever jungle fever jungle fever

jungle fever do-do-do-do-do-do-do do-do-do-do-do-do do-do-do-do jungle jungle jungle do-do-do-do-do do-do-do-do-do-do do-do-do-do-do-do

jungle jungle we got it jungle fever Kellyanne Conway there you go wow that's an interesting theory theory

that's the authority oh right do-do-do-do-do do-do-do-do-do-do-do well I saw those dudes they weren't so hot there was a hunter I don't know if he scoped every single one

well I had a jungle fever a lot of them look like dads they weren't like hot you know there were some older guys she's an older lady yeah

I mean you know she's not old but she's a she's getting it on my favorite on Instagram yeah I reposted it someone put a picture of Bevis

yeah and then her their profiles it's really funny it's mean identical it is it's true

yeah yeah it's true I don't care yeah she doesn't look doesn't look good actually she

in a way not exactly but kind of looks like that lady that was masturbating at the bar and then it doesn't work that'd be great if it were

Kellyanne Conway what if she releases a statement tonight years ago I attended Tom Segura's comedy show at a hole in the wall club I drank too much

and for that I expressed nothing but regret F-A-R-T I found myself in a compromising position as the alcohol which I have now quit drinking

made me do things I wouldn't normally do including masturbating at the bar in public what do you think her deal is in life you think she's a is she married

I don't even know she is married yeah she is married and she has many kids four or five kids holy shit good for her

yeah she I forget I think her husband I don't know they had the financial release forms and

they're well off they do well yeah I'm not sure what he does they have I think a bunch of property a bunch of cash good for them I mean I don't know

much about her before yeah I don't know much about her either honestly I don't know if she was masturbating at the bar it's so weird that she would do that

but that's before her public life that's right she wasn't that well off well known I should say at that point you know

so yeah how do you masturbate in a public bar you gotta be gone yeah just gone you're gone

oh my fucking cut oh shit my cut my cut like that you gotta be gone daddy gone to do that in public man

you do right wow that's that's a lot for a woman yeah especially for a woman I mean

really that is I feel like for a guy it's almost normal like hey I'm drunk why don't you masturbate I wanted to bring this up to you sure

so this this caught a lot of attention last week the vice president of the United States Mike Pence said that

he doesn't dinner uh-huh with a woman one on one if his wife isn't present he also won't drink alcohol

at a function if his wife isn't present why why is that well I didn't really expand on it but it it brought about a lot of

conversation people started you know discussing this and I think some people overreacted left and and right about it

like people were pretty extreme about it but it brought people were like you know that just shows you that you must think that every woman is just

uh like a a sex doll right if you can't handle a dinner right with somebody a professional one

even he's saying well yeah that's what he's saying oh god like even a business dinner well yeah I mean I don't think he's like you know I don't ask out women like

it's not like like a friend he doesn't have a female friend there's no friend and there's also I think the more important thing in his what if

you know if you're not taking a woman out to dinner professionally who might be able to get promoted because of you know

she's in the running right uh but you will go out with a guy oh right and have that dinner and maybe that guy gets the job alright well that's classic that still occurs

you know guys golf together women generally don't golf a lot of business deals get made women are kinda excluded from that definitely sure so that brought about the conversation

of what you know if you're if you're if you're excluding women from that dinner that that maybe will lead to employment you're kind of

leading to women getting in good jobs yeah of course um but I was thinking like well I would get I've been uncomfortable having dinner

professionally with women yeah absolutely why is that I just feel like feels weird without me there

yeah feels weird yeah I mean I kind of get it because I don't have dinners with dudes yeah even if they're long time friends unless you're present

okay it just is kind of a thing yeah yeah I mean and it's not a policy thing and there's nothing salacious it's a big word

going on it's a big word for you but like you know there's female managers that run clubs and you might come into town and there's like you do the show

oh you want to get dinner you're like okay and then and then they're masturbating on the table sometimes they are this is weird no it's been of course

a non it's never been it's a non issue yeah but I do sometimes they're like feels weird it does feel weird to socialize with the opposite

for some reason when you get once you get married yeah and you socialize with the opposite sex the dynamics totally change yeah

it's just it's inappropriate to hang out somewhat yeah like it feels like a real nerd policy to hear about yeah

but in a way I kind of you know I kind of get you know he's I think he's an extreme version I mean the alcohol things are real

the alcohol I don't know what's going on that's some super Christian thing to say is that a Christian thing I think to be like if my wife's not around I'm not even having a sip

oh so he doesn't trust what he's going to do oh that's that's different that's on him that sounds like homeboys had a few slip ups in the past

I'm saying this is this is not the policy from the beginning no boo boo this is the new policy yeah homeboys done some shit you remember 87

right it's like yeah and she asked her mind him all the time who are you going out with yeah are you going to be drinking remember what we said

no is his wife cute yeah let's take a look I have to pee do you mind if we yeah she's real cute let me see yeah you know it's

an unspoken I don't think you and I have a yeah oh god I look alike look at her faces it's him with a brown wig

so not cute is that the vote well you know let me see her outfit I think she could jazz it up a little with the outfit yeah look they look alike

they even have the same stupid mouth yeah stupid mouth gosh well I definitely you know she's not she's not horrible

she needs to she's definitely got an asexual vibe going yeah right conservative oh boy look at those dad jeans on him

yeah the real dad jeans here she's okay she's he's got like a psycho smile yeah in my opinion fake yeah he's crazy he does the

this thing a lot yeah the squint nod oh boy and then the the grimace the expression that says

like I really I really feel for you right now right empathy yeah mocking yeah the mimic

yeah yeah I mean look she's a nice looking yeah she's fine she's fine is this them yeah that is them oh wow

isn't that crazy to look at the before picture it's from 85 right before he started drinking at all those parties yeah he he fucked up a few times

yeah he done fucked up to have it is good looking here I will say to have it as a oh they're stunning I mean they're young and they're beautiful

to have it as a policy that you've had to talk about like I don't have dinner with other women unless you're there I don't have drinks

definitely yeah I think that's actually the biggest takeaway from it I pretty much live by the dinner one but not because

it's a setup it's unspoken yeah it's one of those things we're like why would I take a woman out to dinner right it's implied

you don't even want the semblance of impropriety right so you're like it's just not cool here's where I differ

from him if it was an agent if my agent or a woman same here if like I don't know

a producer was like I have this idea no question I wouldn't be like can my wife come that's stupid it's ridiculous

and they'd be like well this was like no I was just thinking we could just talk about I'd be like no she has to be there though

right I can't do where there'll be alcohol out there at the thing I can't mommy's gotta be there my mommy has to come

but this also is the topic the spouse doesn't allow any kind of fun yeah to be had there's also that dynamic of like

you're not drinking are you yeah you're not doing this are you the no fun the no fun spouse yeah yeah yeah those happen sometimes

it sucks it's a pee you got a pee please okay one second hindering my ability to think okay boom

we're back my main peach good job what are you talking about oh that nerd pence yeah yeah I don't know

that whole thing I don't drink what I'm out public with our don't real dad I think we have another

foreign dad boner oh kilometers a I finally found the last section to be paved okay

okay well here we are this is the trans Canada highway baby yeah and

we are standing in beautiful sunny British Columbia this guy this guy really sounds like a super dad

at the kilometer marker 7000 128 and this is where I believe with a 90% no make that 95%

chance that this is in fact the very place where the trans Canada paved its last section woo

oh yeah right here this is where the west meets the east oh my god let's go for a run on her shall we

this guy posted this Canada has an asphalt belt and this is the buckle woo I want to see if I can't I got to be careful here yeah it's the highway

don't do that oh my god oh my god maybe don't do that he's running down the highway he's out of his mind for paving for paving the highway

woo oh I'm windin oh the story that this road tells one more time down the middle oh it's a highway

he's running on the highway yeah oh oh this is a downhill section fortunately are you at your dad's funeral because this is what it sounds like

wow wow he's this jazzed about a highway huh yeah that's uh wow I can't imagine what the enthusiasm is about I mean it's a highway bro

it's really something it's really something he uh that's the most excited I've ever heard anybody about a road yeah I think ever maybe right

he goes there's an asphalt belt around Canada this is the buckle oh god right same guy when you're on your knees at your father's funeral

at his casket and you're saying goodbye to him and then you have nine orgasms right there but your whole family is standing behind you it's so gross me should never want to have another orgasm as long as you live

ladies and gentlemen your trans-Canada highway we got it this is yours Canada but we welcome guests to thank you hey

wow okay Jesus man you're a fucking you think he's touched I don't know something's definitely not right with him not at all

no he's touched it's a really cool highway same sound yeah it's the same guy he's gonna go to his dad's funeral on that highway same sound there you go so much fun

yeah that's the most disturbing dad boner of all yeah it was not even that it's a piece of asphalt dude what are you so excited about what is he so stoked over I even understand the airplanes I understand the chuchu trains

I understand fucking cool whales and stuff but asphalt highway bro beyond weird I have to say this just came in so I want to add this just came in breaking news breaking news these

cities officially go on sale Friday this week and this wasn't in my blah blah blah you know lineup before so here it is Tucson, Arizona

it's tuxin tuxin, Arizona June 9th Rialto Theater Virginia Beach, Virginia I love Virginia Beach that's where our son was conceived yeah, vagina beach, vagina

July 12th the funny bone he was doing a one nighter there and Charleston, South Carolina the Gaylord center, Guyard Gaylord Gaylord, Santa

Guyard or Gaylord sounds like Gaylord to me July 15th Charleston, South Carolina there's a few other dates that they're not letting me say that they're on sale yet that's how it goes they just tell you don't say anything

so I can't say anything yet but there are a few others coming up that will be on sale they'll all be at TomSegura.com Mike Will made it you know Mike Will? no he's a producer

you know what I'm saying? you feel me? made a lot of hot beats produced a lot of hit songs he was on I don't know if this is the breakfast club I'm not sure what this is here

let's see the breakfast club man, it's all about consistency man it's all about you know what I'm saying grinding hard not forgetting what got you in the door you know what I'm saying

one thing you gotta know is the thing that got you your first check is gonna get you you know what I'm saying pretty much every check you know what I'm saying? yeah

you gotta I look at it like not even just like I wouldn't even say a nine to five I look at it more like like a sport you know what I'm saying? like an athlete

would look at a sport you gotta put in them you know what I'm saying? extra hours in the gym you gotta go extra hard you know what I'm saying? you know what I'm saying? wake up early too

so you get the idea I know what you're saying he does a lot of I got a 2001 Chevrolet Suburban you know what I'm saying? you know what I'm saying? so this is

this was brought to our attention by a number of people that said that you know we haven't done the you know what I'm saying? in a while you know what I'm saying?

you know what I'm saying? and this guy apparently Mike Will did so many you know what I'm saying? on this one that

that you know we had to to bring it to people's attention it's really I guess it's really on the timing of how things come out he's wearing a purse

it's really not he's wearing a purse he's wearing a purse yes he is and it's like I might be I was actually in the studio with

with Katy Perry like mixing Gucci's album you know what I'm saying? you know what I'm saying? I was like you know what I'm saying? like with Gucci Mixing Race Shrooms

you know what I'm saying? that's a lot of you know what I'm saying? it's just killing it every time like every show every album

every song you know what I'm saying? it's just like it's crazy to watch you know what I'm saying? but it's like it's dope to see because it's just like

01:28:29,280 --> 01:28:30,280 I'm about to hate it it's just about the people that you know what I'm saying? saw it from the jump and then like people

whenever people catch on to it you know what I'm saying? I don't even look at it's out of control you know what I'm saying? it's so funny how respectful the other people are they're actually

listening to this nonsense like they're really paying attention I mean you know he's actually saying something between the you know what I'm saying? oh is he?

yeah I'm so distracted by you know what I'm saying? I'm having a hard time understanding the content of what he's saying I mean I know what he's saying you know what I'm saying?

yeah but it's still a lot it's all about volume when it comes you know what I'm saying? right you can still say something that is

you know of impact but you know what I'm saying? you know what I'm saying? I look at them it's like they just don't get it you know what I'm saying?

you can't expect everybody to like understand and like get your vision you know what I'm saying? because it's in your head so until you like you know what I'm saying?

bring it to life you know what I'm saying? somebody might not be able to get your vision so you know what I'm saying? yeah so I mean that makes sense to me what's his guy's name?

you know what I'm saying? Mike Will but now it's time I always look forward to these me too you know what I'm saying? super kind that's the best part

I'm sure he didn't have time to edit everyone into this but this is probably going to be a substantial substantial man it's all about consistency man

it's all about you know what I'm saying? you know what I'm saying? you know what I'm saying? you know what I'm saying? you got to you know what I'm saying oh my gosh

so I always just you know what I'm saying? I'm saying why? I'm always saying you know what I'm saying?

so its just you know what I'm saying? you know what I'm saying? you know what they start a lot of you know what I'm saying right now I don't know what you're saying

but what's it mean? he's got a nice watch yeah he's got a lot of nice things I'm sure yeah it's a nice watch he's very successful yeah good friend

I mean he's done real well for himself he seems like a pretty chill dude like a mellow sweet guy yeah I mean he's not he's not saying

talking crazy shit yeah he's just talking about his success you know what I'm saying right? Mike Will made it let's see what his discography is here he said he worked with Katie Perry

you know what I'm saying oh he's done crazy shit man you know what I'm saying he did let's see is this some of the big singles he's done

he did 23 featuring Miley Cyrus Wiz Khalifa in 2013 I guess that did it pretty well nothing is promised with Rihanna Black Barbies

Nicki Minaj it takes two Gucci Amma he's done some Gucci stuff Gucci Main he won hip hop best bt hip hop awards

Bugatti 2013 move that dope oh that's the sorry is that the nominate oh that's the song yeah move that dope banger of the year he won that

let's see Grammy Awards did he win he was nominated for Formation I guess he worked on that Beyonce's album and

Lemonade album of the year nominated yeah so he's he's done really well he's the real you know what I'm saying you know what I'm saying

he doesn't you know what I'm saying I'm like Georgia yeah Southern definitely is too you know what I'm saying first day at the Feds

yeah Gucci your big Gucci fan I love the Gucci Main all these things you listed I listened to all of it yeah I'm familiar with all of it

he was you know what I'm saying in the studio Katie you know what I'm saying you know what I'm saying you know what I'm saying Gucci shit yeah y'all

you know what I'm saying you know speaking of this is hilarious this dude is getting arrested yeah and

he brings up his mix tape to the news media oh cool he's gonna be arrested so why did you do it I ain't worried about none of this y'all need to go get that mix tape I only want one more you did

okay hey that's actually a really good plug of course it is this is on the evening news so why did you do it though man what was the other thing about man look at

look get the camera on take a picture yeah that way what else to say sir go get that mix tape if you on the wrong one

on the wrong one okay I'll give him a plug I'll give him he looks like a rapper too he looks like a musician yeah he's a good looking dude

oh this is a pretty serious arrest I guess good friend this is did some shit San Antonio Police Department made an arrest in the case of a deadly convenience store shooting aww

don't do that they arrested Savon, Kyle all his charge was don't do that for murder oh my life yeah oof

well you better get his life don't get his mix tape don't get that fool's mix tape well actually you know murder people not guilty so stop snitching Tom

stop it well just stop snitching well you just stop it alright I think that's anything else Jean? ummm somebody wrote

yeah but we'll save it for next week does Christinja talk stupid? yeah when you hear what they had to say oh shit man what is this crap

upon listening to the admittedly revolting episode 388 something outright disgusted and appalled me no it wasn't the lady talking about her smelly

howling beehole but rather when my mommies were discussing sugar binges Christina suggested a number of waffle topping options including Nutella which she pronounced

Nutella this Nutella this changes everything I pronounce Nutella because it's made of fucking nuts and Nutella obviously makes no sense

is Nutella the new FedEx FedEx what's going on who is the real pronunciation champion

Love and Farts Steven now that's a good point Yana I understand we're in America here but Europeans

I believe we say Nutella so I was raised saying Nutella and now I'm sure my parents said it wrong because they mispronounced a lot of English words but Nutella is not an English word it is a

what is Nutella from Germany let's see is there a fucking umlaut over the U if so then it's Nutella I'm gonna look that shit up

right now motherfucker okay yeah you know what I'm saying you're really putting it out there F-A-R-T yeah

F-A-R-T made by Ferrero and Italy so for in

okay it is Italian pronunciation now hold on maybe we can Nutella Nutella Nutella it's Italian

it is however you would say it in Italian is how you say it in Italian it says Nutella Italian pronunciation so I don't know

you know what I mean you know what I'm saying it doesn't have an audio button so I can't hmmm fuck hazelnut cocoa spread delicious

delicious now it's European okay yeah so this is not Nutella it's most likely Nutella because it's

European yeah okay okay fucking let's see yeah I'm telling you it's European man

let's see what they say oh guess what aha yeah go ahead it says well check this out

from the US Nutella website Nutella is pronounced new tell uh it's a tasty unique spread

made from the combination of roasted hazelnuts what and what who's right on this I gotta tell you and what there it is right there

from the google check okay alright some people pronounce Nutella as Nutella and people can't take it that's a whole article about it it's European bro

it's not American people are flipping out about the very thing we're talking about well motherfucker because it's not American man it's European

look it's right here new it's got nuts in it therefore it's pronounced Nutella negative we'll check this out it's Nutella

get your life motherfucker I knew that shit see that's what's up okay it's Nutella there's nuts not nuts in it that's what Misha said

because you guys are Americans and you only speak English yeah Nutella let's have that shit right now look how tasty that looks that looks fucking good

yes we were talking about presidential salaries last time god and I received a tweet yeah this is a berserk oh I'll be one cannoli

he wrote to us and he said in 1913 the presidential salary was $75,000 which is outrageous according to usinflationcalculator.com that would be

$1.8 million essentially so we were basically paying them to be tycoons that's an outrageous salary

that was for even bananas to be clear that would be the equivalent of that'd be equivalent of paying our presidents five times more

than they earn right now bananas for a public servant it's ridiculous yeah it's really nuts man you can buy a lot of Nutella with that

$75,000 in 1913 I'm just stoked that comes right about something for once me too because you're the wrong champion I am the wrong champion and now you're right

I'm consistently incorrect Nutella I'm always wrong about stuff alright god damn it just stoked to be right about one fucking thing that's um

far in far in that's really a far in god that really grew on us didn't it yeah far in she's great man

yeah real talent real strong performer she does one you know what I'm saying you know what I'm saying can I bring up one thing before we go

yeah sure I've noticed that you don't seem wow it sounds like this is gonna be serious you don't seem to like the way I use the trash in the house

that I'm doing something wrong with the trash can and I just wanted to bring it up how should I be using the trash can differently what are you talking about I feel like you don't like the way I'm

using the trash what do you mean using the trash well like the other day I put some items in there and you just eyeball me so hard because you're like push it down

oh my god you gotta push it down you're such because this is what like a pet peeve that like how can you not pick up on this it's been like this

for four moves like what you'll do is the trash can will be full yeah full yeah overflowing yeah

and you'll put trash on top of don't put trash on top of trash you put trash on trash on trash no man it's

so I'm at like at least push it down don't let it sit on top that's what you're talking about yeah yeah I mean it's outrageous that you wouldn't just do that on your own

you need to be explained that that's what you should do no I mean my gypsy method isn't I just put trash on top of trash so I can't do it anymore

yeah okay so I will say this just like the gays will probably in it's just like the gays it's gonna be a real busy month

I'll be traveling a lot just like the gays this is the tour kind of wrapping up I have a bunch of cities to go to but in May I'll be around

a bunch and I don't know I think what do you think maybe in May we try having a guest in here

we'll do a guest episode yeah it's time I mean we haven't done it because our studios have not been really conducive to having guests

and so but now we have yeah we got the little thing there we can do it now we have to get another camera etc etc yeah

but we should do it we'll figure that out alright I just wanted to tell you that Nutella alright Nutella you were right you were

you were right about one thing he loves his coffee so there we go thanks everybody for listening I love you this is

Stanama by DJ I date my mom a.k.a. just like the gays Larry that's a

that's a mouthful of a DJ name get your Stanama shirts and thanks guys we'll see you next week bye mommy bye Jean

it's not always the the physically strongest who is the better and it's not always the fastest

or the smartest sometimes it's the person with the most Stanama sometimes there's something winning about

part of it is to get your grass get your energy and your Stanama going before before you enter the ring

the ring called real life ρ it's the person with the most Stanama Stanama Stanama

Stanama Stanama Stanama it's the person with the most Stanama Stanama Stanama

Stanama Stanama Stanama it's the person with the most Stanama Stanama Stanama

it's the person with the most Stanama Stanama Stanama it's the person with the most Stanama

Stanama Stanama Stanama Stanama