Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - 396-The REAL Water Champ, Martin Riese-Your Mom's House with Christina Pazsitzky and Tom Segura

Episode Date: May 17, 2017

This one is particularly Amaze, Jean.  Nothing like the police scaring you as you literally swim with sharks. Hear the REAL audio and decide if you'll ever swim again.  Plus, does anyone deserve a beating the way people who WISH they were disabled do? Can we start a fundraiser to get them their wish? We have a Horrible or Hilarious that is not, well, hilarious. So, just listen.  AND, has Tommy finally crossed the line with Tina and his grossness?  To make things even better we have our first guest in ages in studio. This guy is the REAL WATER CHAMP. It's water sommelier, Martin Riese. Get ready to get educated in everything H20. 

Oh one thing I forgot to mention during the show a lot of people have asked me where they can get completely normal now that it's not on Netflix. The reason it's not on Netflix is because the license expired. It had like a five-year license or something like that. Anyways I got I had it restocked so it's in my store I signed a bunch of them. If anybody wants one it's there along with a whole bunch of other merch that we have. You can go through my site TomSegura.com go to the store or you can go directly to merchmethod.com slash TomSegura. All right thanks guys yeah we got it you got that in there hell yeah

JewdorkTitties it's coming up right that's right Tom I'm so excited to do the Gotham Comedy Club in JewdorkTitties this weekend May 19th and 20th and then June 1st through 3rd Denver Colorado the Denver Come On Ya works in the downtown location June 16th and 17th Manfriend Disco at the punchline and then June 22nd Flaipers Comedy Club I run my hour for the last time before I shoot it and I'm about to reveal very soon when do you reveal let's see it should it should be soon okay and that's it those are my dates guys wonderful thousand ranch.com that's right here's where I'm going next Tucson Arizona the

Rialto theater then Reno Nevada then the Pachanga casino in Temecula and then I am in Dirty Down South I'm in Prickman Virginia I'm in vagina beach Virginia good good good I'm in Jeansboro North Carolina Asheville North Carolina and Charles has come South Carolina those are are my southern dates I added Montreal I'm doing just for laughs one show only at Olympia on July 26th then I had to Hampton Beach Wilmington Delaware Baltimore balls and whores and then I'm off to Australia the first week in June I will also announce my fall dates and it's a lot of cities that I haven't hit this year many of the cities that people

hit me up about I'm probably coming to your city and I'll announce that in a few weeks we are doing the podcast live right now we are signed up for two in Irvine we're gonna do July 9th and October 8th we had to find dates that we weren't touring and everything and those are two of them so those are also on sale and also August 23rd in West Palm Beach Florida at the Improv come see your mom's house live it's really fun to see a live version of it and that's all at tomcigura.com slash tour so there you go great go Jean guys if you do your shopping on Amazon please remember to shop through our website go to your mom's

house podcast.com click on the banner at the bottom of the homepage do your shopping as you normally would and now we have the UK Canada and United States of America so do your shopping there this is a really awesome show today we have we have some regular show stuff and then we have our first guest in studio ever in this studio and for that matter in a long time and it's probably not the guest you expected but I guarantee you're going to enjoy it we got the real waterchamp here yo oh maybe diva's champion oh enjoy all right Jean we're back oh we're recording now we're recording yeah it's exciting yeah like

you're sure you're very fancy today yeah well you you usually dress like a slob and so I'm dressed like a slob hoping that you be dressed like a slob why do you say that I don't dress like a slob but you've got a nice shirt on and now I feel like I look like a dick and you look all nice I feel like you always look like a dick me yeah really but that's only because I'm trying to match your low level of attire that's that do I really dress that poor yeah mm-hmm I was just remembering one time you did we did this episode and you were wearing your underwear and we were recording video yeah but you couldn't see it bother you

yeah but I could see it I bet anchors do that you know on TV I think they do I think I've seen something where guys stood up and it was like denim wearing shorts or something yeah yeah no shoes no shoes yeah farts they don't care it's a desk show here at the desk cares are we gonna do dates at the top we already did them babe oh we did yeah sorry yeah I like when you get mad at me like good it's stupid no it's a stupid question wait when I hear you we already did it babe like you I feel like you're gonna hit me or God how much do you hate me in my fantasies how much do you hate me when I fucking fantasies when I get

something wrong like that what does it do to you it upsets me on a fucking just at my core yeah yeah yeah why it's such a dumb question because it was it was a silly question ask dumb dumb yeah stupid and then in your head do you are you like so stupid bitch yeah or is that just my no that's your internal you always kind of make up insults that are I do I always assume when I upset you that you're like stupid fucking dumb yeah and I never say that and you always say that but what do you say it you it has to be some variant of that like guys so she's so stupid it's not I was single wish I was on Tinder like do you go does

it go there no it's not it's not that it's not that it's just you know I wonder how much longer she'll live stuff like that yeah like do you fantasize about the second wife or just being single second third yeah all of them would you remarry no no why go through this again I don't want to do this again would you have a second family that's the craziest part when people do that yeah I would you have more babies with another woman I mean another state so they don't like run into each other yeah and then when you're on you're like I'm you tell one of them right do you tell her you tell no one because you're like I have no

idea right I'm going to Denver again yeah we have us oh yeah you have to open up that second company in Denver and you're always in Denver every other week every other weekend or maybe you become a truck driver that's kind of the easiest way to do a truck driver yeah until that trucking companies like you got a new route you got to go every week to San Francisco and you're like oh then you start a third family I guess yeah you gotta be real tight with money oh my gosh two families to support or and then if you get up to three that's bananas yeah that's too hard I don't like that and they're always like damn

you're out you travel a lot and I know yeah yeah that's how it goes I know well let's start this show okay let's do it man let's go ready yeah and jinx attention in the water attention in the water this is the Arch Kenny Sheriff's Department be advised state parks is asking us to make an announcement to let you know you have paddleboarding next to approximately 15 great white sharks they're advising that you exit the water in a calm manner sure the sharks are as close as the surf line thank you for your cooperation who was Randy don't bring anyone loving to this welcome welcome to your mom's

house with Don Segura Christina Pajit you're turning into such an angry dad so funny like this morning Ellis was splashing water outside the sink because he plays in the sink and then he likes to do this thing where he splashes outside because then we get mad and then we pull him out like it's a game we all play now yeah and he spilled water like he does every time and you're like god damn it Ellis god damn it would I tell you about the water I was like oh that's such a dad mode like you went to full dad mode on him well yeah I mean he was spilling a lot of

water come on god damn it I have a feeling I'm gonna be a lot of god damn it's all the kids gonna hear that all the time yeah yeah that's what dads do though they just show their rage gonna be angry someone where do you get a lot of pent-up anger and then it comes out yeah it's little things like this huh right I guess it's all like for you but then it comes out to other things I figured I figured like you don't want to we don't want to confront whatever annoys you in the moment and then it stores up and stores up and stores up and then you get mad at the kids filling water right yeah like Christina

forgot that we did the dates already oh so angry yeah yeah this is terrifying we saw this clip and I I've swam in those waters I think I learned to serve waters yeah and crazy the orange county department oh my god imagine you're paddleboarding out there no they fly over well first you notice them hovering I don't know what they're hovering maybe somebody's in trouble out here and then they go hey you don't be alarmed there's calm down yeah great white sharks yeah calmly take yourself to the to the shore how did that guy even contain his emotions enough to be that calm the guy saying yeah kind of laughed I thought at

one point he's like I hear a little there's a little pitch change where he says call me and it sounds like he's almost laughing because he knows oh my god look at the fucking size of that fifteen of them dude attention in the water attention in the water this is the archcadish sheriff's department we advise state parks is asking us to make an announcement to let you know you are paddleboarding next to approximately 15 great white sharks holy fuck they're advising that you exit the water right here listen in a calm manner in a he's reading at all sharks are as close as the surf line oh thank you for your

cooperation man if I heard that shit and I was in the water yeah I have to be paddling fast as well I know that this area is heavily populated great white sharks some of which which are in the surf line please do not enter the water how about you guys drop a line down and pluck that person out of the water look you're in the fucking they do that that's how they rescue people drowning or far out you they just drop a line down and then the lifeguard jumps out and gets you out I don't know I'd say let's do that instead of the announcement over

and over well let's take a little more complicated decisive action no I when I was on road no no no I trained with the Coast Guard when I trained I trained with the Australian Coast Guard I did on Bondi Beach and they taught us how to do that that was one of the missions how you you get lowered by the rope and then you pluck the person out so what's your theory on why they didn't do that I don't know laziness you think they're just being lazy yeah I think they wanted a cool video to submit to YouTube get those hits those views I don't know you know that's not true I know who knows you know it's not true it's not yeah that'll be

terrifying though oh my god great yikes yikes whites right there too yeah fuck man fuck it's nuts there's a lot of them go ahead that's there's got to be nothing fucking scarier I mean I think if I heard that announcement like as soon as he fucking started that announcement the first moment attention in the water in the water this is the Archbishop's department what the state parks is asking us to make an announcement to let you know you have paddle boarding next to approximately 15 great white sharks great white sharks are there advising that you exit the water in a calm manner and then just pools of diarrhea come out the back of my shorts no do you think that would attract

the sharks to you or repel repel the sharks the shit there'd be a new it's just a new taste new smell to them they don't fucking right yeah plus what you eat it's all ground up in an out burger and what whatever trash you've been eating on the road I'm not eating trash although I did have horrible meals in Eugene yeah I heard that's what I'm saying yeah sickle cell and I went up to Eugene and back to porkland Oregon this weekend yeah and uh Portland shows were really fun man we could not get a good meal it's so weird I hate that we went to Eugene we went I don't want to trash the places you know because it's like it's they weren't like egregiously trying to ruin our time yeah it just wasn't good we went to a place for lunch really this is

fucking dog shit what did you order well he had he had a shrimp cocktail oh and there was salad shrimp oh the ones that are not eat I would say one quarter of one inch you know those yeah yeah and then he ordered some oysters for us look like loogies hey where did you guys go was I don't want to say place no it was a nice it was there they're like it's a good restaurant it was fucking terrible then we went to I forget another place after show it was all right and then we had breakfast the next morning the hotel fighting indigestion it was terrible now fucking up breakfast is hard it sucks yeah then we went to porkland and we did have something good you you know you can always get something good in Portland Oregon Portland's a maze for eating yeah

where do we go we got so it was meat rattle yeah such good food and meat rattle too yeah we were like this is our first good meal was important that's terrible there's nothing worse than bad road food because then with the road food comes the road shits oh so then your asshole hurts everything's hungry your miserable tired but um but thanks everybody that came out that's crazy ended up doing four shows at revolution hall that's great yeah it's amazing thank you everybody out there lots of jeans there um I wanted to point out that um you and Ryan are both in a special category now yeah you're both no longer buying regular people shoes no I since I had a child my backs messed up my feet messed up I have sciatica and I started to wear orthopedic shoes

yeah now not all of them look good there's a brand called vionic that I've been into and they make really good looking orthopedic shoes yeah and this is an unpaid sponsor yeah yeah I'm serious it is yeah it's a real thing because if you if you have sciatica you have like spinal misalignments or whatever I have one leg shorter than the other it's been that way my whole life but for some reasons that I had a kid my hips got all messed up and everything so it's gotten bad here's what uh yeah that's sickle cell war these I have the same ones but slip on the official dad shoes the single dad yeah our support sevens those are good new balance he said they come in four colors only yeah it's like these all maroon yeah I think beige and one other

but he said they completely changed the way his his back and yeah you have to because I'll women's shoes are horribly unsupportive if not damaging to our feet the ballet flats I can't even do it new balances by the way yeah I have those I have those exact except slip on for when I was preggers yeah it's terrible I put these I'm gonna send this to him so these are my new ones yeah those look worth it too some people really like them and some people fucking hated them I couldn't believe how many people everyone's an asshole are those for bicycling no no they're not for bicycling they're not are they for running or a specific sport no no they're just total like uh what do they call you know social shoes like they're just walk around shoes they're not for

street wear okay yeah but I'm in they got a lot of people like uh look at this to to to terrible this them shits his doodoo someone called these dad shoes these are like yeah this super exclusive undefeated uh collab with adidas and they're like dad shoes well can I tell you there's a fine line between cool sneakers and then too much going on yeah to make them look supportive and then that's where it goes into a dad sneaker yeah so I think that what why they're saying that this is just my theory yeah is when you got a lot of different hooks and yeah things and sure it when it starts to look like a hiking shoe I see what you're saying a bicycle shoe yeah that's when I see it that way it loses it's cool yeah see I still think they're I think these are a bunch of nerds on my fucking

instagram yeah I have no style whatsoever I don't know I kind of agree with I'm sorry I think those are a little dad support yeah really yeah I don't know I think yeah I think there's a bunch of tools I'm going to put a picture of my shoes my new orthopedics and we'll see who like who they like better I'm clearly the shoe champ you did send in you did send in those uh send back those terrible ones right well because I ordered them and I got four pairs and I try them on for you because look let's keep it real you're the one that looks at me all the time I want to look decent yeah so you okayed two of them and then two you were like no yeah did I shut down two I thought I shut down sorry you shut down one pair the other one didn't they're too big yeah uh they were hot pink

slip on sneaks yeah with like a strap like a mary jane strap on top and you did not like that look what what about that shoe were you not interested I wish we had a photo of them so I could really break it down you can google it vionic slip-ons hot pink let's see v i o n i c vionic slip-on women's sneaker pink hot pink try that one okay now they also make um cool ass slip-ons I got a gray pair like suede looking those are dope and then I'm wearing yeah those are them yeah those are them that's it see I just don't feel like they were that bad these are so wack these are like what the you know that you know what this reminds me of huh um uh I'm somewhere in Europe yeah and then some uh 78 year old uh American woman is on uh was with a tour group and she's like I haven't

been back here in 50 years and she walks around the corner wearing these I'm like oh that's nice old lady sneakers you got on yeah because she's like if I didn't have them I'd just collapse to the ground in pain is she wearing khaki koolots yeah yeah no these are terrible I thought those were cute now try the blue color do you like the blue ones better is it not a color thing oh it's not a color it's the style yeah black as fuck old lady style yeah but I need sneakers that are have art that have arch support okay we just gotta keep hunting but right now I have I have the new balance ones the I'm they're identical to what sickle cell wears I'm not even joking those are terrible you should see them when he had jeans on who we got to get him some bionics I know I'm telling you

it's it's all about that arch support yeah because my feet will hurt if I just wear regular flats yeah can't do it yeah forget it it's crazy it's part of aging you know I know so your feet will hurt my feet will hurt my back my back sciatica it all flares up it's really bad yeah it's the fun of being 40 yeah so we also went on a mommy's night out a tmn total mom night yeah we spent the night in a hotel like we do once a month yep and we ate a lot of bad food don't tell our trainer no don't tell her and we also relax in bed we watched a shitty movie didn't we watch things stupid yeah it was it started that um what's that great actor he was on Breaking Bad the young kid on yeah I like that I don't know his name I don't know Blake something Blake lively Blake lively the guy from

Breaking Bad and he it was a cool premise but it just went to shit so many movies just go to shit yeah they just shit the fucking bed and um this one did too the premise was that his girl friend just disappeared like they were together for four years and then one day she disappears so what happens to her and then he starts looking for her and you're not gonna like all the answers you get that kind of thing so you start you get involved you get invested yeah but the reveals are are just stupid yeah the end was kind of lame super lame yeah super lame I also you know what it's disappointing this is not I mean you can say that this is a sexist I guess but I don't buy her being what they said she was in other words it's not that I don't believe any woman could do that

I don't believe that actress is that yeah you understand what I'm saying and understand what you're saying like she's not it's not believe she wasn't tough enough in a weird she wasn't come on she was just like a cute blonde she wasn't like a tough tough blonde I mean yeah it's completely unbelievable what about a what about a lady doctor do you buy that it depends yeah where's she from right what about like a lady scientist is that totally ridiculous too yeah like a not attractive one sure like a Grey's Anatomy with what's her name the blonde actress I don't know Heigl Catherine Heigl like do you buy as a scientist that she was a doctor no of course not no no what should she be 225 to 240 what large is that you're saying no what should she be occupation wise what

Catherine Heigl that you would believe that she what she does for a living in a movie I'm saying calm drinker yes oh no that's disgusting real estate real estate yeah secretary secretary yeah that's not for hot chicks anymore oh it's not from the 50s flight attendant um yeah but yeah maybe gate agent gate agent at the airport no what could she be I mean I'm I'm of the school of thought that she could be a scientist a doctor a lawyer no too attractive okay yeah okay so your theory is that attractive people don't go into professions either gender really that's not true we have attractive people that we professionally deal with don't get us into trouble now okay no we don't okay we have really good-looking professionals that we deal with no come on no okay you know that's not true

I mean I'm not saying there's not any out there but that's and for the most part you know uglier people have to strive to make a name for themselves they have to work in life so I feel like you usually see uglier looking people let's move on let's go on to other topics but I'm totally right about that I don't know now I do know it's not like a it's not like you don't see supermodels at the hospital no you don't see many supermodel doctors that's true now watch we're going to get a bunch of emails from people who are like I was a model of no I'm a scientist yeah but let's make sure to send pictures okay right okay I bet you're a borderline model walk well marginally attractive or a plus size model pig yeah yeah with your big old dirty fucking dits hanging down donkey tits well oh

speaking of movies yeah um so we also we're trying to keep the family tradition going in our our night away of ordering an adult film right well let's just to say it it's a tradition that started we didn't start the fire but it started on us and the Dominican Republic when we stayed at a resort that played hardcore pornography on our television and it was like wow does everybody get this in their room no no because we asked it was just us and we watched a lot of hardcore stuff that we can dr yeah and then it got us to kind of getting used to that now it's hard to go back it's true it's like eating at a five-star restaurant and then you know you can't go in mcdonald's every day after that so now when we stay in a hotel or go on a vacation we like to

order it on tv that dr place it was around the clock non-stop i was in a hotel in europe point where it was like that too in spain somewhere where it was like 24 7 you get hardcore pornography yeah and in this place it was obviously you order a movie right or you can order like the the four-hour package and all that stuff four hours it's so fine it's a one thing about with dr is that like your kid could just turn the channel and find that it wasn't on restricted times you know it was channel 69 right right all right which is kind of cool because then you can explain two things your kid at once sure there's 69 in there and this is hardcore porn but this was a this is how babies are made yeah we uh

we look through the titles that was not one of them yeah i know but we were trying to figure out like wow powerful snore cheese yeah we're trying to figure out what's the uh what's the one we want to watch what's the theme for the night gonna be yeah and they get a lot to choose from there's a lot of milk stuff is very popular it's very popular but we also found that a new genre not new but a genre yeah has become they had multiple films prevalent and that was harry um yeah harry you start seeing four or five titles in a hotel right it's a trend yeah it's picked up it was like my harry teen and my wife's harry bush and harry girls yeah yeah yeah it's interesting on my theory on the harry stuff uh is that that place probably

accommodates what's popular by the client for the clientele yeah so either it's like maybe they have a lot of asian businessmen who are into harry stuff maybe it's europeans who come over and like harry stuff why those two why do you categorize those two well i know that the asians are very uh they're into specific kinky stuff yeah they like you know there are vending machines that sell dirty panties in japan the schoolgirl thing i know yeah so they have particular kinks nationally i'm sure we do too i just don't know them i don't know like what are we like i think we're obsessed with mothers milfs milfs is really popular which is just code for over 30 like it's not it doesn't necessarily world right it doesn't mean you're a mom it just means you're

over you're not a teen yeah it's either teen or milf it's super weird so i'm i'm gonna go with asian because the asians are because they are generally hair less or or less harry than white people so i'm thinking they that might be the new kink i don't know what do you what's your who's who's buying the harry stuff i see i think it's less specific to them specifically as much as it is just that's where the trend is period across the world really i think so yeah so you're saying that that's just the genre all over the world so people i mean maybe not all over the world but i'm saying that overall i think that genre is probably just popular at the moment sure wow that's exciting news for me yeah are you thirsty you know just pop huh i want a breast

Jesus christ this guy here on these big nests so crazy right how you suck me dry god damn look here look here all for you oh come on if you're thirsty come on if you're thirsty okay would you rather yeah and prompt you proof would you rather feast on this guy's big nips oh oh or you're doing pop play with your new friends it's not sexual you're just wearing the costumes i think i'd have to wear a costume really yeah i made my eyes water well part of that wouldn't be like pleasant for you oh i don't like him talking about it all the time oh my god and i remember his big hang like thick yeah like what it like body dysmorphic nipples yeah they're not you know yeah he clearly played with them a lot or stretched him like he fucked him up

yeah so he could make videos like this what a noble cause to destroy your nipples so that you can make videos for other perverts to look at oh god yeah so okay so we had the titles there was harry but then there was yeah the one that really caught our attention it really caught our attention i'm really disappointed we didn't watch it though can i say can i tell them this title sure it was fuck my triple d slut wife yeah right i was like hey this is perfect silly i got one right here got one next to me yeah well i thought you were doing movies behind my back yeah well you know of course you know what i really like about that is that it incorporates two genres there's the big boobs yeah and also the cuckolding thing of like humiliate me by fucking my wife and like

what a triple d slut she's another popular genre yeah that's a big one yeah yeah well i just googled that um that title and i found some other ones i found i let him fuck my slut wife please bang my wife jeez triple d fuck me yeah my friend fucks my wife and comes in her oh my god what i like about these titles is there's no mystery there's no metaphor no there's no veiling what what's happening here yeah it's kind of nice i know what you're buying that's just nothing man is it maybe bang my i might might might be bang my triple d slut wife really yeah okay f might be too harsh it can i please turn the air up i'm freezing no it's fine it's distracting my legs are freezing my white wife is used by three black clouds no no what are you doing man i'm so cold you

have a sweatshirt on but my i have my i don't have socks on oh come on man i was freezing you're ruining everything you ruin everything what are you raising it to what'd you put it on 75 maybe we have heat lamps in here man cold i can't even think i'm so distracted please you seriously ruined this how did i ruin you just did right now it's fine you don't even feel it when i'm gonna lower it if it gets too hot we'll just turn the air on that's all god damn it you need your balls milked you're so aggressive so anyways we didn't order that film it kind of also brought me back to the time we went on a cruise with my parents yeah my whole family actually and we decided we want to order a movie then and we did and on this

cruise you could order a film yeah and it was a softcore film yeah i was so disappointed i've never seen that before like you'd pay to watch softcore so dumb so after we fast forwarded through it and realized what it was i called uh guest relations and the filipino guy was like yes i said i ordered this movie and and there's there's no penetration and he goes wow i said i wanted hardcore i want to see it going in and out and he was uh so he checked he had to check with his manager and he was like okay we refunded no we checked it we asked him are there any hardcore ones i don't want to see softcore it's a waste of my time and money yeah so then he he put it's on hold and he asked his manager if there are any hardcore films

bang my triple d slut pig wife i have such a soft spot for that lady yeah because you know she's like let's you know what we're here to do just go yeah she was like come on i gotta pick my kid up from school three quits abating god that should do bro yeah i mean come on yeah you could tell that she's just like you know it's horrible let's pick up the pace a little bit it's horrible you know i'm back to your thing about attractive people i was thinking about it you're right that a lot of them become like trainers personal trainers i've seen about this it's a it's an exercise in their own vanity oh yeah yeah there is a trainer my friend mary lin showed me a picture of on instagram and i was like this guy's like perfect like you ever see somebody who's so

attractive just perfect that you're i can't even look at your it makes me uncomfortable instagram is a place to find them by the way they have found their uh their place in this social media world yeah like this instagram you just like if you open your explore page sometimes they're just beautiful people and you go there and it's like it's not anyone of like any known field or talent they're just like i'm incredibly good looking yeah and i'm sharing it with all of you yeah it's amazing that's their whole that's their forum do they get paid do you think i think i have followers if you build up enough followers you definitely can get paid just for being good looking well it's just like that cameron dallas boy that we watch the netflix show about yeah all

those boys by the way i love their instagram feeds because they're all really cute and that's all they do and then they do meet and greets and they make a ton of money but here's the best part on instagram you see what they're spending their money on oh and right now it's like here's my new Lamborghini with the with the doors that come up or whatever like delorean type here's my this place i'm renting right now in the hollywood hills and you're like dude you're renting like buy a house like they're renting these really expensive houses they're getting ridiculous cars they're going on ridiculous vacations i'm like you're just burning through but if i got that kind of money at 16 yeah i mean what are you gonna do yeah so stupid you feel like i'm gonna get this forever you don't think

that that would ever slow down no i know what are they gonna do when they turn 30 it's like 30 or how about when they turn 20 it's gonna go away i know they're not gonna be cute little kids anymore oh my goodness they're gonna be doing i don't know stuff like this probably oh there's six hundred dollars remember those meet and greets you used to make six hundred thousand in a week Jesus Christ can you imagine how painful that is i thought it's such a that's also a very daunting clip because it's like is he liking it or not it's right down the middle yeah there's moments of both

feelings yeah yeah um here's something that's horribly upsetting yeah uh god damn it this is like this pisses me off that this even exists this is real choice yeah so there's a whole group of fucking assholes out there yeah then if you're like wait what do they want largest number want some form of amputation want um either normal two legs or one or two arms um a number want to be paralyzed okay and they have a very specific point at which they want their body to be paralyzed i mean okay and i and here we just beat the fuck out of them right and i i know and we're supposed here's the thing is that we're supposed to be super tolerant of everybody's needs and emotional states but at what point can we just be like you know

what you're fucking mentally ill yeah okay you got problems yeah and you need to go to see a shrink because your head's fucked up yeah you are you're you're fucking weird why why can't we just call people weird anymore or abnormal hey guess what your psychology it's abnormal you're not normal it was a it's a push back dammit on people saying that too much for everything like in other words people were told you're not normal if you're gay right you know right right right feelings so then the pushback is that anything and anything you want is embraced you want to you want to amputate your arms to feel special and different yeah go ahead you're a fucking asshole man total asshole you know i mean i really it enrages me that somebody is going to sign up

for that like fuck you know how lucky you are well if you're going to amputate your arm then donate it to a vet who just had his fucking arms blown off by an ied and have you understand one person we have spoken to wants to become blind wants to become blind i don't know i like how empathetic this guy is to me the removal of his penis go for it good please so you don't reproduce we need to move away from pathologizing people uh huh appreciating the the very real distress they experience okay no we don't they are not pretending they are not faking they are but get over it playing at it it isn't one that they want a leg removed oh my god yeah but we shouldn't help them no and we shouldn't feel badly for them no i think we should go back to repathologizing

these people you need to call them fucking weirdos and and abnormals take them into a room get a couple of fucking baseball bats there you go and give them a real fucking beating and then afterwards be like you still want to lose those limbs that's what you should do and see if they feel the same way yeah yeah you know what i think the problem is is that we don't institutionalize people anymore i think reagan de institutionalized a lot of the mentally ill in the 80s and since then the thought of putting somebody in a mental hospital is considered very taboo but i think you should i think there are people who need to be locked up i mean what does this guy want to do celebrate them yeah yeah he wants to give them rights hey there's a whole group of dumb people

out there they want to do some dumb shit to themselves and we should all be there to help supporting talking about why we have to support every stupid thing that exists so fucking some shit you don't have to support some stuff is this is wrong i mean imagine the person listening to this who was of who went to fight for our country and had his yeah her arms legs blown off and is sitting and listening to this fucking exactly that's that's what i'm saying is like people have been in accidents and wars stupid and they're like yeah it's been a real thrill that this happened and you want this to happen yeah fuck you fuck you and your stupid arm and your dick people have interviewed have very very carefully considered the options

and you know at present you know for a number of amputation is the only way forward yeah all i'm hearing though is that they want to do it he hasn't said that like and then they did it you realize that good if we want doctors going to voluntarily no i want them to do it in their fucking backyards like i want to hear the story of that you know what that's a great idea is if you're going to do it you got to do it you got to get like a wooden yeah what is that just like a cutoff tree a stump in the backyard and the axe and if you can do it it's yours yeah you get to do it no and we i want to make youtube videos though like i want to yeah yeah you got to have to have a horrible or hilarious segment see if we laugh it's all hilarious as far as i'm concerned for

these assholes most people would rather not have these feelings can't they just stay feelings though they do and they don't go away can't we just you know the society needs to appreciate that however strange it sounds yeah yeah yeah it isn't beyond the pale to you know allow people to align their body with how they feel now can i say also the other problem with today's society is that just because you feel something yeah doesn't mean you have a legitimate right to act on every fucking impulse and feeling there's a lot of feelings out there yeah yeah he's like these people really feel i feel a lot of ways too i didn't you just fucking sit on those feelings right are you sublimate those feelings through healthier outlets right so maybe okay i want to be an amputee

well maybe how about not cut my arm off but maybe i do artwork about amputees or i work with people with you know why don't you uh sign up for a jujitsu school and see if they'll break your fucking arm like just stay bad at it and then yeah it'll happen ask for the best guy every week and just be like arm bar me bro just see if he can just keep cracking that shit yeah maybe that'll feel good go to a few clan rallies yeah um yeah go to the clan rally well i'm just saying like an la and get the shit beaten out of you or just wear like a trump shirt in the la in la you know what i mean do something stupid okay yeah speaking of raging it is horrible or hilarious this is one that came in poof i don't know if i can even handle this two one

come on what just happened what just happened what was that what was that what was that what was that what is that what is that what i'm not looking i'm not i don't know oh my nuts my nut came out his nut came out my nut came out oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh god oh god if you even like that i can't even look back i don't want this is not a good one it's not hilarious i don't understand what happened i don't know i don't want to see it he tied a rope to his balls and then jumped i don't know what is that what it was i don't know what he did everything's i'm upset i don't like it oh my god oh my god oh my god no dude i don't

want to watch this anymore oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god i don't want to watch this oh my god guys dude dude dude dude his nut came out dude this is like i'm leaving oh my god look at that guy he's like i'm leaving dude that's not cool we have an incident uh at the heritage park in Broadway Virginia my friend he he tied a rope he tied a rope to himself and then he took off running off a tree it was just like a he was just like fooling around and like a bunch of guys were around we were just goofing off and and uh he ended up ripping his like his test skull uh okay well that's a horrible one it's a horrible one

okay let's take it let's take a breather let's take a pause that's so bad well uh that was a full fucking uh stoppage you actually changed clothes you were so traumatized a blue band is here he's adjusting the lighting because we're having a guest come in soon that's the thing that we wanted to announce that um we're actually having a a guest in studio for the first time in well first time here and also the first time in i don't know it's got to be like two years or something yeah because once we moved from the from uh redondo to house and then we were recording the show next to our son's nursery so we didn't really want to have guests coming in and out of baby's room essentially so it's been a while it's been a while but here we are and we're um

you know you know we're uh we're set up for for a guest but listen it turns out that guy because i didn't want to look again yeah he tied that rope to his ball bag yeah i was stupid and then jumped with the other end tied to a tree so stupid and then oh my god what happened yeah yeah yeah yeah i thought i saw the rope and i was like dude he did not just well the verdict is in horrible or hilarious that was fucking horrible horrible wait so you didn't even find that i thought it was funny in the beginning because i was like oh that's just a dumb kid and then now what what made it not funny for you oh dude any ball related trauma is not funny to me i can't i can't do it just because it's a guy a guy hurting his nuts i can't do it i just can't you you have empathy is that what you're

saying in those situations yes you're able to put yourself in somebody else's shoes yes and feel that pain can i tie a rope around your balls no just for fun no you're not into that just a little tug tug tug traumatic yeah yeah um but hold on can i can i bring up another topic before we move along sure i really want to get this in it's super important the other day you were calling me from horrigan and you were on i was on the phone here at home you were on the phone in horrigan and i was talking to you and i had to fess up and tell you the truth that i was actually sitting on the toilet making you brown yeah and i go i'm sorry but i got to go i'm taking a shit and i realized i i couldn't shit with you on the phone it didn't feel honest yeah and then you said

i said you're never gonna believe this i'm browning too we were both browning at the same time it's synergy right it was synergy yeah and i hit the mute button so that you didn't hear where like when you would start talking i would hit mute and then push really yeah that was my problem with browning with you is that i would have i was afraid you were gonna hear my sounds too yeah but that was really thoughtful of me you agreed on that yeah i was really nice and i wish i had thought of that strategy of muting i didn't even think of it it was crazy to me because i thought i'd snuck in there why did you did i did too we both did and then you're like i gotta tell you i'm brown i was like oh my mouth dropped i couldn't believe it you were so excited you know

you seldom show emotion or excitement yeah i mean even when i told you i was pregnant you're like stop it yeah somebody sent this email speaking of brown is it gross to brown at a strip club no i need the cigar to settle right the situation happened i believe only top dog and buns oh me and my dad can provide a balanced perspective on this on friday my bus friend and i went to a sleazy strip club to enjoy adult entertainment my friend dan had a couple beers and he said where is the pisser in this joint i motioned to the hallway next to the dj booth i turned my attention back to the ladies grinding and they're moving their clothes 25 minutes later dan came out of the bathroom apparently dan decided to take a shit in the bathroom at a strip club the

savage animal will shit anywhere i feel like shitting in a circle is never allowed this is the most foul and horrid place to relieve oneself here's the question is it reasonable to make brown i think it's reasonable i think so and here's why strip clubs are disgusting places to begin with yeah because that sounds like that's his logic for why not to do it and i think that's that's odd i think it's weird where people shit out at night at bars and stuff though i think that's not you're at a bar and you're taking a shit that's different i think it's weird that you got a shit at that hour you know i had a friend that every time we go night clubbing and high school and college the minute we get to the club she'd have to shit really every time is that nerve zone was that nerve

zone nerves and so she would be like oh i have to go five to go fucking shit at this club i mean it's just uncomfortable yeah to shit at a nightclub yeah people are waiting in line i think anywhere where there's a long line of people and it's not really now i do get by the way i guess he's saying you know there's so many gross dudes and they don't obviously don't care for the facilities but i mean most bathrooms are pretty gross that's what i'm saying at the strip club like guys are obviously pissing and probably jerking off all over those bathrooms but i mean you know the shit you have to shit yeah this guy's got to take a dump but i think anywhere well here's an ideal place to shit when there's lots of stalls like a you know a dodger game that's fine yeah airports

ideal for shitting because there's a lot of traffic in and out it's quick people make quick trips you know yeah i got a message here that says 395 audio trouble there's trouble in 395 really let me see this uh-oh there's an audio problem the episode when tom plays an audio clip of sarah burns voicemail there's a constant howling in my ear i know a lot of barking sleeping stupid actually every voicemail from his friends that's like a pack of dogs let me know if this issue can be resolved thanks chris wow terrible now i know what he means i know what he means speaking of dogs bitzy is in love with blueban yeah i don't know what you eat before you come over here but this dog can't stop licking him

yeah i had his jew flavor she loves wow jew flavors what are you eating gefelta fish at your hands covered in locks before you come over why does she love you so she just loves it just for reference uh here let me see here is why is this not working why is this not working can i talk about my experiment when you're looking for that then um did you find it so our son it turns out is lactose intolerant and you and i did that 23 in me genetic testing a while back and it revealed that i was lactose intolerant that's true which really makes sense because i fucking hate milk and every time i would have ice cream my stomach would just be wrecked i would get gas bubbles like really painful yeah i can eat cheese pretty much

is fine but milk liquid is destroys me so my son has it now we stopped feeding him regular milk he drinks lactose free milk and i thought yeah he's totally fine now and i thought to myself what if i just tried drinking some milk and just to see if i'm really just to see if the thing that i know that's true is really right sometimes you have to verify it yeah and so i drank some milk and sure enough i shit like three times after and it was really painful and so guess what i'm lactose intolerant but just for milk yeah and you've already knew this and i knew this but i wanted to retest theory here is uh just to be clear um i pulled up burn's voicemail stop it and then let's see it's so stupid she's gorgeous i know here's marylin

voicemail yeah i can see what he meant marylin rice cub also a star of 24 your friend shawnee called fantastically good-looking shawnaf uh i don't want to say her last name um and then yeah i mean it's just very good-looking too all my friends are very attractive and there you are talking yeah i don't know what they i mean it sounds like that was the issue but i mean it it's i don't know i guess we you're saying my friends are the dog pound what what kind of lookers do you think you have in your bunch who's in your corner bird your friends are the fattest working comedian out there yeah who's who's your hot friend collection blue band you june motherfucker you blue band yeah come on who else do you have no your friends are lovely this is you know we're no your friends are

dogs okay okay oh man that was fun that was good time you're you're where the dude's at guy yeah oh yeah yeah no no stunner they're all they're all unattractive your friends are lovely they are they are lovely they are they're good-looking which one of them would you marry i they're they're all marriage material they are yeah yeah yeah they've all been married or are married yeah they're all marriage material okay no i would i would put it in all of them stop it what i didn't say put it in i said marry no i would i would finish in all of them stop it what the problem with my friends they all got hungry tits and you like sloppers oh no that doesn't matter it doesn't matter really no of course not i thought you were into big slops i like tits period i don't

care what size they are yeah yeah but you like them hanging and mushy purple or they can be hungry and and starving doesn't matter i don't care okay put them in put them put them everywhere leave them out i like them but you like blondes but still i mean none of them are blind hey is she is there grass on the field stupid it's dumb huh so dumb what's that is because you can is all think on the inside god that is so stupid here's a dad boner this one's pretty fucking great this dad boner decides to go fishing with a drone it's like his own little experiment today we're going to be doing something that's another internet first and totally outrageous we're going to go fishing i love these yeah but we're not using worms

and we're not in a little pond we are on lake champlain and we are going to be trolling with a jitterbug let's see how this goes the jitterbug so then the drone look watch that it's flying oh my gosh a fish did you just see the fish just i got a fish oh my gosh oh my gosh he gets oh my gosh holy crab apples crab apples wait he that that's just starting oh my gosh marion oh my gosh marion oh my gosh that's crazy that that drone caught that though right marion i wish you get this excited for me like when you yell for me to come marion i love that look at what i caught with the drone it's a huge freaking bass marion tell me the numbers on my gopro rolling look at the size of this get your camera please quickly no val val you got to hurry

up i gotta put this marion's like i have sideways sideways shoot sideways quick quick quick turn the side where the phone sideways marion's got a newborn in her arm two other little ones and this asshole's excited about his fish oh she i know she's like nothing is important that you're doing she's like could you just fucking help me with these babies right now marion yeah he's stoked about it oh my gosh yeah i'd be so mad at him i like his dad boner style i do too it's pretty good i do wish you get holy crab apples crab apple i wish you would get excited about anything like that i do get excited about what though different things nothing in life is that exciting nothing no come on i've never seen you get that uh geeked on anything that's not true never not

excitement excitement's not your thing like personality champs get excited about god damn it you're just not not very excitable or fun or i'm pretty excitable no never you can't think of one time you never like jump up and down and like oh yeah it's so rad yeah watching sports sometimes i get excited you do yeah okay i'll take that back football football you like that it's exciting murder you've seen me jump and scream and clap you motherfucker yeah you're angry it's like anger excitement but sometimes you get really excited you do yeah at that football there you go that's a good one okay come on don't be non-binary i want to amputate one of my arms that's fucking assholes man you've got to respect people tom they're no you don't everybody has a right to

have their feelings everyone has a right to act on their irrational feelings no um the other day you're in the kitchen and you pulled your legs up you're in your box of shorts you pulled your legs up to your ears and then you farted at me yeah and i feel like this might be a turning point for us in which way just like in the way of like is this it like are we are we brother and sister now like is that do you like do you even think of me as a woman yeah i do of course uh like somebody that you have sex with or you know that you see me as like an opposite sex person yeah you totally are yeah i totally see you as that and so if we were courting 12 years ago like we just started dating would you pull your legs up and fart at me at the table then or that's just 12 years in the

game and you feel like that's in the game we're in the game i mean i actually have i recorded your response when i farted there i hit i hit it on my phone here you are i'm a big dog i like that there i am i'm a brussels babe yeah i'm a brussels bark so i'm a small dog yeah i thought little brussels feelings it's true yeah yeah that's me so that's how i would bargain you i don't think we're over the line you think we're crossed that was yeah i think i think we may have overstepped seriously we may have entered in a territory like officially in it for life the double the double leg back pool yeah in the underwear yeah i thought that was that may have may have put us into weird territory we should

get the house phone it's a smart idea to know when can you run in there you mind it's it's on the counter um do you think that that may have may have affected us i feel like i can't unsee it that's the problem like there's a reason you and i don't shit in front of each other yeah because i feel like that would put that would put us in a territory of like no going back we're brother and sister now yeah i agree we don't do that we shouldn't shit in front of each other i mean i don't know if this has been the the line crossing somebody sent in this evidence that you you are the fart champ says i am let's see though let's see what it says let's see i don't know i like those dog works i love dogs evidence that tina i am is the fart champ

2013 episode 145 2013 i'm with you and you have this horrible gas problem you just let them rip all day and i'm like i love her what am i supposed to do and then you say you fart a lot more than me i think and i say no and you say who do you think farts more and i say you so it's kind of it's weird in this instance we're actually roll you're declaring declining that you are right i'm insisting that you are this is 2013 yeah wow my things have changed since then yeah so you you insisted that i was the fart champion back this person says that huh in episodes one to 394 yeah there is clear irrefutable evidence episodes one that tom sagura is the personality champ negative yeah begs on his countless hours

he's more charming no more likeable overall has a better personality wrong dylan you know how many people i meet when i do my shows that come up to me and they're like you're the personality champ you're the best and then i just get tweets all day long it's like i can't even look at my twitter feed and tell me how much personality i have i don't think so i'm with you and you have this uh horrible gas problems yeah you just let them rip all day oh yeah me and i'm like i love her what am i supposed to do here you go you fart a lot more than me i think no who do you think farts more you little shit you no way you let out a couple monster ones uh last night and or this morning this morning yeah well we ate a lot of prosciutto and cheese last night for dinner

yeah you were insisting that i was right and you were saying that you weren't you were saying if you weren't you know what sometimes we're not always ready for greatness yeah it's like you you become great over time you're not always ready to accept the titles well that's what this is all about palm cast this palm cast is about uh discovering oneself yeah self discovery and you're kind of at that point it's the farts of that's deep bro like where that's deep bro is for yourself this is for farts yeah discovering yeah it's uh it's pretty pretty wild that that we've gotten to this point where you're really finding out who's who and what's what you know yeah bang my triple d slut wife whoa blue band doesn't know about that

you know about that one you'll hear it that's we kept saying that title over and over to ourselves over and over so stupid bang my triple d slut wife bring my triple d slut wife yeah that's what it sounds like yeah bang my triple d slut wife yeah bang my triple d slut wife so any moment we should be joined by somebody it's going to be i think we should leave it as a surprise yeah until it gets here just be sure yeah that yeah of course and it's not what you expect it's not a comic um no an entertainer but it is a field that is of great interest to both to me to both of us well i'm more of an aficionado i don't think so as usual you're ruining a great moment but um i think you guys will probably find this as interesting as contempt eye rolling those are all signs of divorce what

about them contempt for your spouse that that's the predictor of divorce and eye rolling is a huge predictor and well a lot of both in this family but what about it you constantly have contempt in eye rolling for it i don't constantly have contempt for it no i don't know i'm on a cum strike where is he she's here somewhere i've come all over my face somebody tweeted uh was it shawn spicer to see if he had heard about the cum strike whether the white house had comment on it yeah what is this administration think of the cum strike that's going on the what far in far in cum strike now i masturbated to everybody in my family it's so nuts dude nuts she's so fucking crazy i can't even imagine hey so our fucking stupid dogs

ran away last week i don't relive that that was terrible it was terrifying it was terrible so i was in here recording that's deep bro and i it was dinner time yeah so i open that i usually keep them in here to record and then i let them into the house for dinner time thinking that you know everybody would be there and i should have checked to make sure that the the kitty door was shut we had like a child proof fence yeah and i for some reason i looked and i was like oh that's fine i didn't even like double check i'm come back in here to record you come in here like is it are the dogs in here are the dogs in here i'm like no i didn't say are the dogs in here i said it's thief and thief because i had bits so what's happened was i was upstairs i was on my

computer the phone rings there's somebody outside and he goes is your dog bitsy oh my god like yeah he's like i have her outside so i run outside he's just standing there's dude who i would not have guessed would be the type of guy to do this so he did not look like oh like kind of homeless no he just looked kind of um i don't know just kind of dirty yeah he's kind of like a perv or something yeah yeah so i take bitsy in and then i'm in by the way on i go downstairs the front door is open just the front door to our house is open goodness and then i grab her i'm terrified and i'm looking all around for i thought it fiefs with you and then when he isn't like oh shit and we just go outside and we start looking for them or looking for thief

because bits is back here man we drove all over this neighborhood i was yelling out the window asking anyone to see walking around oh my god my favorite by the way is when we we found there was one guy and i was like have you seen a dog a small blonde dog and he goes yeah no no i haven't seen it because you you should find it before the sun goes down all those coyotes come out and i go thanks dude yeah i got help thank you i was like of course we're gonna we're not gonna stop looking for him like i guess the sun's down we're gonna stop looking for the dog that we've loved for the last six years ridiculous asshole of course we're gonna do so anyway we finally i get a phone call actually uh we saw the woman walking away from our house but she left

me a voicemail that didn't come through yeah one of the neighbors found fiefo in her yard got three houses down four houses down and called the sack there we had we mean we walked Jesus to that area too but he he was you know he's only what a few inches off the ground so he missed him it's such an asshole it's scary though it was really scary i was the whole time i kept thinking i won't be able to sleep tonight if we don't find fiefo i would i would just be beside myself with grief yeah it was my first born son i know you know how many hours in labor i spent with that guy anyways i bought a dog gps for both of them they're both chipped but that you know that microchip shit doesn't work unless somebody turns them into a vet or turns them into the shelter

yeah so the chip is not gps it's not the same thing yeah and um so i got them gps and i'm charging them now and then you put it on the collar and you can see it on your cell phone where they are can't wait and there's an electric fence thing so that if they go out out of bounds it'll notify you we got this email from a listener uh writing in hopes to shed some light on this dick farting phenomenon so we can all know thank you what's going on here i was glassing over your recent podcast and i thought this could be a fantastic learning experience for all involved Crohn's is a chronic inflammatory condition with that inflammation something called fistula conform fistula is basically a little tube that connects two hollow organs these can form between your

bowel and blood vessels your skin and even yes your bladder and the last sort of fistula forms called an entero vascular fistula air and water waste products can travel from the bow into the bladder this causes amazing dick farting phenomenon that we have grown to love today i'm actually graduating from medical school in a week so i know what i'm saying know what i'm saying put some respect on my loud on my name i love you signed the dick farting expert really all right there's a dick fart that is a dick fart do the dick farts yeah do the dick farts smell like farts that you know no one touched on that no one touched on that i mean it's air so it could stink well he says it comes from the bowel good so i'm assuming that those dick farts smell like

real farts man this tube was pissing and his farts were coming out of his dick okay would you rather do you think this our guest is going to know what the topics are before he gets here we can try man would you rather tie a string around your balls and jump off nope a thing a bench or have dick farts for the rest of your life hundred thousand dick farts a day i'd rather just every time i take it out just farts a song okay would you rather dick farts for the rest of your life yep or one drink from that guy's nipples uh and you have to be like i'm super thirsty oh and then he's like oh you're thirsty and you're like i'm so thirsty i'm so thirsty daddy that's what you have to say daddy give me the milk i'm so thirsty god damn it i don't know where he

is oh he's here let's say in german are you thirsty i want to breastfeed you here on this big this big map watch how you suck me dry i think i take i think i would take one of those over a lifetime of dick farts yeah yeah because dick farts they would be really bad though to do this this would be really bad he doesn't have milk in his breast first of all i might fucking vomit as it's going on now do men have milk ducts i think they do i think you could can you uh lactate oh man i wonder can men listen maybe i don't know our nipples are different so i don't i don't know but you do you have milk it's so gross it's so disgusting uh medical doctor guy can men lactate can men produce milk i know that they must have similar equipment look

in utero that's why men have it stop it with the fucking barf dude you know i don't like it don't laugh lubean this is legitimate phobia i have i fucking hate it dude yeah well it's not yeah it's real it's a fucking real mental problem i have i see a fucking shrink for it please you know that's how it is here that's how it is here for you i love doing that to you i know you do that's what that's what happens on this okay you know content um no so let's uh let's break and hopefully in a few moments a few minutes we'll return with a guest that we're very excited about show me how those dick farts smell okay we'll be right back um all right so we're back and uh you don't know that before you got here this show had a lot of different topics most of them

were between r and t17 and triple x and now it's a total change of pace and we're very happy to welcome by the way you are our first guest i'm not exaggerating here in a couple years oh my god we used to have guests all the time martin did it i feel i feel honored we have the foremost water sommelier in the united states and actually in the world yeah even in the world now sometimes scary for me you have to get closer to that sorry sometimes it's scary for me that i'm that famous already and you are it's martin reese correct yeah reese actually it's like posh posh oh right reese reese does it annoy you how many people say porsche wrong they should say porsche right i'm i'm i'm brave you're brave german yeah you deal with it we live with the snow that i want to

give people yeah the background to this so what happened was i actually saw a different one of your competitors uh water sommelier on cnn there was a uh like a piece on him and he was in asia shanghai i will meet him in june who is this guy do you like him do you hate him well we don't know yeah i i love everybody who drinks water well you like me so not tom i don't like your hat by the way it's bullshit tom i saw i'm wearing a water champ hat for those of you listening right i saw this piece and i thought oh this is fascinating but then i saw it's in shanghai and i go well i guess that'll never happen then i'm on instagram and i see this uh 60 second piece on you and i'm watching it i'm like oh cool another water sommelier and then i see

in la immediately i go to your website it's martin hyphen reese dot com and i email about a class you do like privates or a group class and you hit me back and you said like you're the water champ how about that's not actually accurate martin that is actually that you you have no idea he did not write back to you and say you're the water it's exactly what he said i'll show you the email yes now now here's the thing just to give people like most people know the word sommelier and that that always is you know high-end restaurant they have a sommelier to tell you about wines and their origin and how do you come about becoming a water sommelier so i have to say it started when i was a child so on vacation time with my parents

i tasted the different tap waters all around the world when i was on vacation and my parents always thought like hey what's wrong with our son was like running to the tap when we're in the new city or something it's like what's what's up with him and for me it was like hey mother's like dude what do you think about the taste of the tap water and she's like what it's like what's up it's like no and for me as a child it was fascinating that everybody said yeah it's tap water and i thought like but there are so many different nuances in tap water even isn't it funny though that this is something that basically we all i feel like everybody senses that but you acted on it in other words we all try tap waters as a kid especially and you're like that but i feel

like you're the one who was talking about it i think the thing is with kids and i see it right now in my water tasting classes as well kids love that because kids taste pets are still like super fresh they are not like completely ruined already because they didn't have too much spicy food or drink or alcohol or something like this what we have so they can really detect a lot of stuff in water so you say that that can actually dull your palate is having spicy foods or drinking sure recording you get exposed to so many different like taste profiles and water is very subtle in taste we're not talking about wine we're like different colors different grapes different vintages different barrel fermentations by water it's hopefully all comes from nature

and it's all about the mental content so as a child i realized water has taste and then in 2005 i worked in a restaurant in germany at the restaurant first floor and a customer came up to me and said hey martin you have so many different wines but you're just serving one brand of water and i don't like this particular brand do you have something else for me and i was like looking at him and i thought like do you know what he's absolutely right in the restaurant business it's all about options you have different liquors you have different beers on tap you have different wines on the menu but when it comes to water the server will ask you sparkling flutter tap right what are you right sparkling or bottled never tap so i thought hey

let's change it and i wanted to give options to my guests so i created a water menu in 2005 so a lot of people are always saying like oh only in la there's a water sommelier yeah actually i'm doing this since over 10 years now so now this is so cool man and like all our water competitions aside we are big fans of water like water in general like we we all it started because you know we we were both drinking water and and had this banter back and forth about like who drinks more but the truth is i do love trying out different waters and i feel like i don't know i can't speak for the rest of the world but it's always a thing here in united states that that argument about you know if you go and you and you buy this water

it's just that's just uh someone took their their their hose in the back and filled this thing up right and trust me how many comments i had on my social media pages about this come on martin you just have a big hole somewhere in your backyard and you're putting all the different different water shapes and then you're putting all this water in there you think yeah right but there really is serious differences i mean i think the inexperienced person knows that that you know different waters taste differently but in its easiest form to explain the difference really comes down to mineral content right correct so you can measure by tds totally the soft salt okay one question though because i grew up in la and never drank the tap water i mean i'm

convinced it's just poison running through and so it's also like what do you buy as the what is the average person buy to have in their home so that's another thing i would ask you because we did sparklets for a while and that was fine but now we have a water filtration system built into our house and that's i don't know is it better so that too i would like to know from you so the thing is when it comes to water and i think the biggest important thing is that people need to understand where their water is coming from and it is kind of sad that here in america a lot of purified water companies are like the new hip thing and everybody thinks water should be pure i'm always saying water should not be pure because when it's completely pure you don't want to drink it because

your body needs minerals all the time like magnesium calcium potassium silica all these different minerals what your body cannot produce by himself so your body needs constantly minerals that's the reason you're hungry yeah that's the reason you're thirsty because your body wants minerals so to have a water kind of like say a tap water filled at everything out of there and then it's like super pure water pure with zero tds it's actually extremely harmful for your body because you have no minerals no minerals so your body drinks that mother nature doesn't know the concept of completely pure water it doesn't exist in mother nature right so you're drinking that water the body thinks like what the hell is that it's like i don't even know what this element is not

what i just drunk i need to put minerals in it to process it to get rid of it so you're actually dehydrating by drinking distilled water i knew it i knew it can i tell you because when i did drink tap water like on the emergency days when we'd run out of sparklets i swear i would feel thirstier after drinking tap water it never but the fun thing is water and i don't want to break your mind now um LA tap water is actually way more minerals than all the purified water companies really so when you want to stick to mineral content drink LA tap what so i think even when i would choose a bottle of like a purified water and you can see it on the label purified water here what i brought it's all spring waters and that's the only thing i always

promote you have waters i've never never heard of this is what i'm so excited about i mean there's definitely i would say amongst i will call us the the regular civilians who are not in your your league of knowledge everybody kind of kind of thinks that fiji is the you know between avian and fiji they're like those are that's high-end water usually you pay more for those two in a convenience store you know 711 and i i've in my own palette i do feel like i taste fiji as different than other bottled waters that are around in other words the the whatever yellow spring i forget there's a florida springs one and there's a disani which i i don't like this i think it's terrible is purified it's purified purified so my dog actually in this per sourced water

filtering everything out of there they're adding back some very small amount of minerals like that amount yeah and then selling it for high price in my in my opinion the biggest scam on planet earth is disani yes in general purified water companies yeah that's for me something what i what drives me crazy and i came to the states in 2011 and i wanted to create a water menu right away and it was so hard to find real spring waters in america yeah because mostly here the waters are purified waters and let's face it hey they are all buying big companies and the big companies wants to make money it's coca cola danone nestle and pepsi are the four biggest water producers in the world and they all want to make money with this yeah so therefore it's easier to use just tap water

filtering everything out of there adding back some minerals just for taste profile that's like the water is kind of okay and selling it for a price yeah so therefore i'm sticking always to spring water and this is what i always recommend when you're going to a grocery store just check the labels look for spring glacier or natural sourced mineral water and do not buy purified water don't buy purified water correct so you're essentially doing harm to yourself with i don't want to say harm but but yeah you harm yourself definitely by distilled water when you're buying the big gallons of my mother used to buy that shit distilled water is created for like auto batteries it's for your iron it's not for consumption right and in germany there are big

labels on these bottles what you can buy as one the grocery store do not drink not for human consumption really wow in america they're like yeah whatever distilled water that's so cool so pure so marketing plays a big role in the bottled water companies and i see still people at the gym with a gallon of distilled water tracking that down and then they're wondering why they're suddenly like feeling not really good and why they always have headaches yeah dehydrating the whole time yeah you're yeah that's what i drank during that water cut when i was doing a weight loss contest you're trying to cut water the last few days the fighters they told me that the way you do it is you drink distilled water to flush your system because they're flushing everything exactly so but over a longer time oh

yeah no world health organization even saying it can be very harmful for your body this on a long time wait what about avion is that a good one i feel like it tastes to me it just tastes so pure and good so that one's a good one and it's so funny avion had a has a love and hate relationship to guests it's so funny some people saying i love avion some people saying i hate avion and that is the reason why i have a water menu in the restaurant it's so cool it's actually so simple when you think about it it's actually a very simple concept can we tell the people what restaurant patina restaurant at the world district concert hall and that is downtown los angeles i went to interview for a job there like 10 plus years ago no way yeah my sister used to work for the patina group

that is fun and so she set me up and i went in for an interview and i didn't get the job was it a big job fair or what was it no no like she like set me up for a i forget if it was hosting okay or i don't know something like that i had zero restaurant experience but i went in and like i had on a suit and i it's so funny kind of try to i have to say i love people who have zero experience because then i can actually form them yeah that's way better for me i like people who are saying do you know what martin i never worked in the restroom before but i really are eager to do it and i'm a hardworking guy that's for me thousand times better than people who are coming to me and saying like yeah i'm worked in all these fancy places and i know way more than you do right

that's true right yeah right or this will be trouble already that's true i applied to work at larry steakhouse downtown but then i failed the drug test because i smoked pot the night before you did the night before true story not smart to relax for the time now i'm excited to jump in and try some waters god another thing we did because we were talking about this even before you got here i definitely want to do this i have a glass of our filtered system water can i give you a yeah sure don't do it i'm nervous i mean i put too much in it but i want to i just want to see what uh really interesting do you snip it so the first the first thing what i'm doing and this is already when people are saying like what the hell is martin doing why is he looking at a glass

of water yeah and i can already see something like if there's any mineral content if i can see something on the tds levels but there's like it looks pretty pure to me in this way there's some we really do right here but that might be the glass of polish and wreck so let's see smelling there's no chlorine smell so that's only a good sign because your filtration system is obviously in a good shape because sometimes the problem with filtration systems as well that people buying themselves a filtration system but never think about maybe changing the filters oh i'm on top of it because it has a light that tells me when okay when it turns yellow i buy the filter again a lot of people have their filtration systems in their fridges yeah and they think like oh i got

my great water from the fridge and they're like putting this for many many years out of the fridge never change their filter what that means the filters backed up one at one point with all this stuff what you don't want to have in your water and then it's actually harmful because the filter is so filled up that it actually poisons the water what's going in there yeah so please guys when you have a filtration system at home change your filter make sure to change your filters all the time sure all the time cheers cheers cheers cheers cheers i'm gonna see what we're doing here oh so the mineral content is very low you can take this right away fuck um it's a it's a pleasant water i think to drink that's definitely but the mineral content

is low and that is not good system normal this is totally normal i think if i have a filtration system at home as well so don't worry about it okay i'm using it like for showering for cooking for all this kind of stuff yeah but when it comes to just regular drinking on the daily basis i'm sticking to bottled water because i want to have i want to have a little variety as well and all of these that we're looking at here these all are different to the palette every single one of these oh yeah definitely and price wise like when we when we talk about um for instance wines right wines people who don't buy wines a lot they just go that's really expensive um it must be amazing and don't realize that a lot of the times what the price is indicative of is the

exclusivity of it in other words they make less of these therefore the price is much higher it's exactly the same with water so there's is the more expensive ones are just less uh mass produced for example i brought several waters here and is skilled is a good example for a wine is killed is way more expensive than maybe and if you're what you can buy at the grocery store both great but is skilled it produces a million bottles per year this is in the industry like nothing pelagina would laugh about that number i see they're pumping out a million bottles per week okay so for them it's just like what do they want is skilled is a very small spring has been discovered by a retirement couple in 2003 before they wanted to build a small little vacation house

in danmark in a natural reservoir and the danish government was saying yeah you can build your house there but you cannot bring a water pipeline through our natural reservoir and they thought like okay back to the nature it's nice but like no water is a little bit too much for us back to the nature so they found a spring send it over to a lab and the lab said like wait a minute what's up with your water there's something very unique about it and they thought like oh shit like maybe it's not good the water or something when the lab is doing this whole fuss about it they found the most unique water ever been found and the spring is super super small and therefore i've been to the spring for six years ago it's like the spring house is the size of this building here it's like

super small and when you think about this and like you see these two people they are smiling at you and like yeah we found this cool water and we've we wanted to share it with the world and now their bottling is skilleder means actually ice spring in the danish language i love this kind of stories yeah i love this very cool and and every water has a little story to it and i think this is really cool to discover and then yeah sure you're paying like i think you can find it at arrow one now for three or four dollars oh it's a little bit more expensive but it's cool it's a nice story to it and this is nothing what i would drink on a daily basis because hey i i need to watch my money as well like everybody else yeah so therefore i have big gallons of arrowhead at my place as well what

i'm drinking on a daily basis or what i'm going to a grocery store like fiji that's my go-to water fiji or arrowhead is what you're saying spring when i'm going to a grocery store because i love fiji water it has a very high silica content and silica makes water extremely smooth that's what it is there see and i can i tell you something before this is confirmed i thought i was crazy when i would think about the idea that fiji tasted smooth to me yes because that's it that would be the first word that i would describe it as and i you know i didn't i didn't know any of this but it does to the palette and you're like this why does this taste like silky smooth i knew that already but i'm a champ and this is the reason because this water has one of the highest silica

content whatever been found in silicon really silica silica and that's a mineral it's a natural kind mineral i love it cheers cheers how do you say that in german again cheers prost prost how do i do that thing you're doing so when i when i compared to your filtration system they're both on room temperature but it feels that features more refreshing yes because it has more mineral content 100 so the mineral content gives you that that feeling quenched feeling think about a soup without salt right right no minerals it's like very bland right and you want a little salt to kick off the soup it's the same with water no water with no mineral content it's like in your palette flat and it makes you thirstier yeah like you just drank our house

swill that was our house swill yeah sorry i feel like apologizing for our shitty water feels totally different so you can measure you can measure the mineral content by tds total soft solids and this water has a tds level of 222 uh alley tap a lot of people will surprise now between 200 and 400 tds purified water companies maximum of 40 tds already see like whoops like one of the waters uh people think they're getting very smart when they're drinking that water um back by jennif hannison um it's actually owned by coca cola yes people don't know that a lot of people drink that water but don't know it but they're putting on their labels added electrolytes and everybody's like yeah cool electrolytes so important i want electrolytes yeah alley tap has

has 10 times more electrolytes than wait smart the smart water so that the smart water yep that's nonsense you buy it the trader joes yeah yeah so they add electrolytes to smart water they're adding electrolytes but in very small amounts and that is always the cool thing that people don't understand like oh they added electrolytes but they don't tell you how many so fritchy water has way more electrolytes than smart water wow way more i mean europe uh there's lots of natural springs everywhere i feel like that's a very euro thing like i know my family we go to a place called haves which is like on the border where is it um is it austrian hungary some natural like europeans love their natural swimming it you drink it you bathe it's a very euro i think this has

something to do with the culture in europe because like what you just said bathing in it so spy areas are very famous all over europe so people went to the spy areas back in the days as one still doing it for health benefits and they want to make sure yes right that they want to treat themselves on water in bathing or even by drinking therefore they understood the concept that water is extremely important that is actually the invention of bottled water the first invention was the first bottled water came from spy areas as medication because medication was not invented right people went to the spy areas to get health again or like to have a health product because the waters has a lot of minerals in it like calcium magnesium all this kind of minerals what is extremely good

for you when the people were too sick to it the spa people started to bottle their waters and send them over to the sick people wow so medication was invented bottled water was invented wow amazing now these days a lot of bottled water is more like hydration just hydration right but back in the days the history of bottled water is actually medication do you have a number that you try to hit uh as far as consumption per day do you try to um it really depends what you're doing it depends what kind of exercise you're doing so for me as a restaurant person who walks around the restaurant all the time i did the yesterday 25 000 steps jesus um on mother's day always sleeping yeah so what is that equal 27 miles or something like this yeah yeah we were slightly busy um i drink a lot

of water but i'm trying and this is the key as well drink the whole time and not just think or i drink a gallon in the morning i drink a gallon in the evening that's pretty much it that doesn't work you need to hydrate yourself over the whole day i know and that is the key about bottled water and drinking water do not think you can hydrate yourself things i know the water shamp is in the room as well and he was able to drink two gallons in six hours yeah it's pretty crazy and i wanted to tell you a little story what it's kind of like a sad story yeah what happened here in california somebody had a big game in a radio show how much water you can drink in one hour oh dear and that didn't work out well no someone died right yeah so this person

were able to drink i think 12 bottles of of liters so 12 liters of water in one hour and the whole was the whole game was like hey try to drink so much water in this hour and then i think they don't pee and win a we there was a we nintendo back in the days right yeah three hours later she died wow because you consume too much water into your body your cells were like literally like over swamped of it blowing up and she completely drowned from inside that's and that is very sad so please guys no it's it's i know don't overthink it don't drink too much water as well there's really possibilities to obviously not drink enough water well that's definitely my problem and the other way around as well now i actually went to a urologist a few years ago and i asked him uh because i was

like how much water should i be drinking and he goes however much you feel if you feel thirsty drink i love i love that's what he's saying and i was like oh i thought there's this rule that i have to have eight ounces every two hour whatever bullshit because that was a thing i feel like a few years ago they try to tell you to drink so much you have to have like three liters per day or something like that yeah it really depends when you're sitting in an office and it's dark you don't need so much water than people obviously working on the street right so it really depends what you're doing people who are exercising extremely having like jobs like somewhere where they like move the whole time it's way more water yeah than people who's sitting the whole day

it's totally normal but the key is drink water that's the most important thing do not start to drink sodas even when you think a sodas is made 90% of water but let's face it all the calories here the one i really have good question now that brings us to our soda question lecroy lecroy lecroy i don't know how you pronounce uh what's is that water or is that soda my husband seems to think it's more water than soda there are some waters like vitamin water as far they even claiming them so that this is water let's face it vitamin water is a soda sugar it's sugar yeah yeah no but these what about the zero calorie zero at like xivia like are those water i mean they're obviously there's there's there's a carbonation and would you like me to get one so they might be adding

carbonation to it yes so this can happen this is totally normal some bottled water companies are doing this for example mountain valley springs are very good water from america i love that water it's a stills it's a still spring and they're adding carbonation to it the same actually with san peregrino san peregrino is a still water oh it is originally i didn't know that and they're adding them and they're adding the carbonation to it you will not find a san peregrino as a still version on this planet because they're marking themselves as a sparkly water but they're adding actually sear to it wow wow so that actually is you're drinking water i mean that water water sure it's water and geocalories yeah but i talked a little bit about it yes i think we should

oh please this was so exciting the next one yeah and i said the cool story and maybe you can hear it right when i'm open the bottle it's still yeah it's a still water but still something happened right there now i may not use the same glass as i drank my fijian because that would be contaminating with water flavors is that right well the minerals right they could be mineral residue that's right look at that obviously mix it but suddenly you will see something is happening already what and when you look at this glass now versus the fiji glass before by the way this conversation i'd be like throw this shit out this is bad there's already there's already something going on here yeah and there's bubbles there are little tiny bubbles but it's still water so let's

see what's happening when i'm shake this bottle because it's a still water and i'm not just the only water so many in america i'm actually the uh david copperfield of waters i can do some magic with this as well okay so i can turn in this into milk let's see looks clear to you yeah everything is good here we go right wow that's a mineral bath dude now i feel like i have seen that's crazy that is this is insane and then you see like very slowly right here yeah it disappears wow it's actually not the minerals what is it it's not carbonaceous not minerals what do you think guys come a little here that's um think about a little bit what can it be no bubbles air co2 it's carcin oxygen that's oxygen it's oxygen this water has a higher oxygen content than all

waters ever been found in danmark that's the reason the lab was so off our this and said like what the hell is going on here um and they found out is guilty what i said it's a ice spring in the danish language they found out that this is a very very old spring water around seven thousand five years old what we have in this glass right now and the cool thing about this is that cold water holds more oxygen than warm water does that's the reason sometimes new york in the winter time when you open the tap water it's sometimes cloudy as well and then that's what i'm thinking i've stayed in hotels where that type of thing happens and i go not drinking this shit no it's the oxygen right but that's my first because pipes are exposed to extremely cold

temperatures outside yeah and that's the reason this water turns into this very cloudy cloudy object like a brand uh taste wise any heads up on what we're going to experience as opposed to the i always say as sommelier would be a bad sommelier when i would tell you right away right what you think what the taste would be okay so i think you should discover if you see something and be honest maybe you see like some people have a hard time to just divine fichi versus a skill so cheers cheers oh my god no totally different totally different especially the aftertaste the aftertaste is very distinct it smells like europe it reminds me of of going to like a thermal bath or mineral bath whatever

with my parents that fiji still has a much more like when i do it right after especially a much the smoothness is still stands out as very different it does have like a tinny or whatever i don't know how to describe it aftertaste right you're like oh that's a there's a minerals yes definitely the sodium content is way higher the tds is now 400 so it's almost a double of the mineral content of fiji and interesting what i think especially about the aftertaste of iskilde has like the slightly earthy notes to it like think about a mushroom or something like this that's for me the stinkest taste of iskilde i've been in china last year and a big water tasting competition and i had to taste 80 different waters blind like they they gave me just the

glasses like this and then drink it and then i had to quote like what i think about the water they gave me a skilled and i knew right away it's a skill no you did yeah i had 100 right away i gave 100 or 100 points to iskilde as well because for me it's one of the best waters i ever tasted really wow i for me it's just like there's so much characteristic in it i love the idea about the oxygen level as well that this water turns into like the slightly milkyness to it it's just mind-blowing water that's a man and then to be clear did you say this all right that one you can get it three or four dollars yeah arrow arrow on you said wow let's get that that is fun it's pretty cool i mean that's a really cool thing i think it's a very accessible price point for an experience

in other words somebody wants to try this like it's three or four bucks so we can definitely do it we're not talking about like yeah i had waters for over 75 dollars already what the most expensive water i ever drunk is hundred thousand dollars come on i did this with a diplo and two chains what you can oh with diplo and two chains yes you can see it for gg magazine the most expensive shit on who's dig did that come out why is it a hundred grand you can see it almost eight million clicks already what it's hilarious are there where is it from yeah and actually it's from california yeah dog so it's kind of should we do around here man it's what it's beveley hills 90 h2o with 650 white diamonds on the cap oh that's really so expensive right silly the water itself is

very good as well um but obviously this is more like a funny cool idea yes create a very crazy price like diamond water i don't know if you watch that reality show the shawls of sunset yeah like can you can you infuse does it matter if you infuse water with diamonds or floats your boat yeah when you believe in something that's a very diplomatic answer from martin leasty me i'm like it's all about minerals for me it's for me the middle the scientific fact that water has minerals dissolved yes because it comes from the this is rounds water's terror fascinating um what's up with hilden what's what's that's our next one yeah our next one so we need to save some glasses so i will see a little is guilty okay how do you say water champion in german

the wasser champion the wasser champion yeah so hilden is a sparkling water and this is the official water of the queen so she drinks this water all the time this is the queen's water the queen's water and is it where is it from from england as well it is from england okay and you have to be a little careful because when you're drinking too much hilden water your arms haven't even do like this or like this i do see a more a distinct there's no bubbles and they're bigger they look like they're big bubbles this is some of them this bubbles and again like in the beginning everybody watched me looking at the glass and now you guys doing this as well because you can already see okay obviously we're talking here about a carbonated water

and the pelage what i would say to it right now it's pretty big interesting fact about this water is that the carbonation level is actually very low but it's just like some big bubbles insolved in that water but it's not like this progressive like maybe a garyl standard from germany or some pelagina what has like tons of bubbles yeah i hate tons of bubbles this is like gently spot yeah well she's the queen man cheers cheers i love it see and to me this is so european too american bottled waters i mean the sparkling waters never taste this subtle yeah and the cool thing about this is as well they're telling you right away as well what's actually in here and this is kind of sad that mostly the purified water companies especially

again they don't tell you at all what they're adding right here it says right away magnesium content 1.7 calcium 97 sodium 7.7 chloride 16 fluoride 8 to 12 degrees is 0.02 so it's super low what it should be in water because flood is not really something what you want to want to drink the whole time and total soft solids 312 so they're adding this right away on see i think the biggest eye opener at least for me and i think i imagine for people listening is the idea that reading that there's things in your water doesn't equal automatically or in any way necessarily bad thing because i think every one of us probably who doesn't know that's bad you want the minerals i want minerals now this whole pure concept is crazy it's silliness i i would drink a lot

more sparkling water if it weren't for the saltiness the sodium content i find that a lot of them are very salty yeah i mean you can feel thirsty after it will be tough for you guys okay because those are salty waters oh yeah so would you consider so is this a nice option if you're going to go for sparkling water would you say i think he'll be amazing yeah that tastes i love filled with the sodium content is very low it's not that salty the bubbles are very tiny i like it's not like this progressive in your palette a spike can easily shove down this bottle and it's not like that you're like yeah yeah feeling like blowing up right away now can i ask you how you have a water menu that you offer yeah i feel like we go to a lot of nice restaurants and travel a lot

and still even in high-end restaurants i get the question tap still are sparkling in other words there's no other is the option thing going to be developing more you think in restaurants i really hope so and i think the first concept is that people need to understand that they should drink more water and finally in america uh bottled water is the most consumed product now and so they're not anymore so this is already amazing since 2016 bottled water is a number one consumed product wow and i love this i love to hear this so obviously the americans understand that sodas might be not the best choice to drink and hydrate yourself on it yeah well now the next step is to understand that water is not just water yeah and that their big quality are differences and again

some waters are coming from municipal source that's actually nothing out the new tap water so just drink tap and save the money yeah or other waters coming from the different regions of the world and therefore they taste differently wow that's all in my mind yeah this is blowing my mind um so let's see this is is this a sparkling water you're about that's a sparkling water vishi catalan uh vishi catalan is like the arrowhead of spain this is the number one consumed sparkling water in spain uh i've been on kona brine as well for two and a half years ago on the show i did a water tasting with him and he spit out that water really yep it was like what the hell is going on here it's like he didn't believe me that this is coming from nature wow seriously i added

something did he really yeah he thought i put like an aspirin in there and this is um this is uh produced in spain in other words it's a hundred miles up north from basalona it's a spring located so it's a spring it's a spring water a hundred percent spring water natural occurring comes rises up 140 degrees fahrenheit what it's a super hot spring what rise up the water so we had a very cold spring is skilled versus now a very hot spring vishi catalan okay so you see the bubbles already yeah a way more progressive than in the hilden are they look at hilden right now they are almost no bubbles anymore right it's like there's really something going on okay oh my goodness dude that is like an explosion of saltiness oh yeah it's very bitter at the end

very salty i also by the way what quality is it because now i can i can it takes me back now that i've had still water in traveling that has some of that taste is that is that the sodium then that's the sodium so the sodium is the first thing you can you can get registered yeah because sodium is a salt really strong and this is right away we're talking about over a thousand milligrams so salty yeah it's crazy the tds level is mind-blowing 3050 what it has more electrolytes than a gatorade what's going on with the spanish man what are they doing what's wrong with that that's the reason they're so hydrated maybe maybe let's face it the spanish people that's the reason they love this water it's super hot outside in spain like here in la yeah um so you're sweating all

the time yeah and when you're sweating you're losing minerals yeah that's pretty much because that's the reason you're sweating salty so when you compare a vishi catalan and drink this all the time you're getting all your minerals back yeah wow the thing is what you cannot do and a lot of people are always saying like oh just bottled water and then you'll be fine that doesn't work as well because we all know around two days it takes you to dehydrate and then you will die after two or three days and after two or three weeks you will die because you didn't have any food so your body the most minerals what your body needs comes from food because and food there's way more minerals actually than bottled water right but bottled water is a cool thing because

the minerals are already dissolved as water so it's very easy to access this for your body the minerals because you don't need really to process it and let's think about alkaline water everybody talks about alkaline right so important alkaline that's a very it's also very trendy right now it's very trendy yeah it needs to be balanced and some people saying alkaline water you can balance out your body with this because your body is acidic because you're eating so much acidic food and with an alkaline water you can balance out your your body pH and then you're healthy completely bullshit guys really do not believe in that literally crap because when you drink water what we just did it goes into your stomach so your stomach is up with fluid with the stomach

fluid and the stomach fluid is extremely acidic yeah so water will turn like this acidic oh gosh so the whole idea about or you can balance out something with a pH level is completely nuts it's nonsense because your body your body is highly acidic your stomach is has a breakdown that food wow it's amazing so therefore this whole idea about alkaline water do not believe in this whole claims by the way i can't believe how we haven't put this together yet with martin here uh do you know this clip it's a german man and he also is thirsty but he's providing he's thirsty thirsty in a different way i would say i wanted you to know what kind of show you were on i feel like we've misled you

yeah i've been on playboy radio okay and when the bunnies had this water in their mouth they're also like oh it tastes like beep yeah oh really like okay yeah oh is that what it is not just 10 times worse than that really we're going there we're going there oh yeah we have to have water come i'm so excited don't even think this is here the okay crazy one oh okay that blew my mind this is now the start of a little taste okay wow let's go wait can i ask you one question before we move on so your palate i mean you have to keep it so sensitive how do you maintain your palate flavor do you you're i don't drink any hard liquor no hard liquor no cocktails i cannot stand cocktails there's too much going for my palate that's the reason i don't like cocktails

yeah i don't drink hard liquor at all i love wine and sparkling wines this is like what i'm drinking when i'm like to booze up yeah how about coffee no coffee what is that for your palette for i don't like the taste it's too bitter for me every every coffee i tasted so far it's always just bitter and i think my palate is just like involved over so many years now to drink so much water that my palate is extremely sensitive i want to ask something will you grab from the fridge a zivia and a laqua thank you the cool thing as well is about drinking water and i had this with zagat i had a video also on youtube as well with a girl from zagat and we're tasting different waters and she never drinks so much water and you see in the end of the video she's she feels like

wasted she didn't have any alcohol but she feels like she starts to tickling and like he and and it's like are you drunk and she's like i don't know but i feel like a little tipsy up here tipsy and i think it was like she might be as a person who doesn't drink so much water all the time then i exposed her to so much water and to extremely high metal content water that her body was like really reacting to it it feel like she was like on a star that's bizarre so crazy and as you can see it on youtube it's kind of it's kind of funny and she really says like in the camera thing i feel really drunk yeah yeah and water has an impact on your body absolutely it's crazy it's cool um i we brought these in because this is christina made a good point like what what is going on with

these um i know that la qua exists i have to say i never had it before it's so funny i know they are big it's sodium free yeah and the zivio one there the one that he just put on that table um it has it's the contents on it as well so the funny thing is here they don't tell you where this water is actually coming from that's always a red flag always for me okay because ingredients carbonic water well the la qua natural brand is in wisconsin and i assume that they they make and bottle it and everything there sure are you sure it's from wisconsin yeah that's why that's the whole argument for why it's called the croix warren michigan is here this distribution distribution right but they don't tell you where the spring is located all let's see so we don't

know if this is a spring water or a purified water almost so we have no clue gosh now we like this beverage it's an alternative to soda we don't drink sugar soda obviously this is not extremely chilled and the problem is when you're when you're chilling something down i know it's like refreshing but you cannot really taste anything anymore because when you're chilling down a beverage in general like even wines extremely the taste aromas are like disappearing a little bit yeah so let's see we should bring this on a little temperature too so there's definitely a smell right away yeah it's like it has like a blueberry fruity smell to it yeah it tastes extremely sweet extremely sweet though it has very tiny bubbles

you cannot taste water from this right because it's just like there's there's an artificial and this is for me artificial flavors yeah you can see it as well huh it's like it's clear so it's water but obviously they are adding some artificial flavors and let's face it this is highly processed food what nothing else this is nothing else when highly processed food oh my god so this is stuff what you're like when you like the big mac from mcdonald's that's might be the water to go oh my god oh and look look at their look at their their website where does the water originate american brand using water source from the usa it's crap purified purified when there's when they're saying this that means it's actually tap water look at this i don't know look so i don't want to say it

but it's using a triple filtration system here we go yep yep it's crap yeah that's stripped of any mineral content what i thought yeah now try the zivia because my husband's convinced that he's drinking water when he's drinking zivia now it's going to be even sweeter what if he thinks there's all like no artificial sweetness okay so there's no artificial sweetener no sugar yeah no artificial sweetness but no artificial flavors that didn't that doesn't say that that doesn't say that yeah oh my god um now i mean le qua was sweet to him oh no very sweet this is another world i'm curious to see what happens see look at all that great oxygen it looks like a soda already that looks like a soda when you're pouring this now yeah it's naturally flavor it's like there's a soap in it right now

it makes you stronger and you're gonna feel better it smells like dr pepper yeah that's like the smell it's like dark cherry i think yeah it's yeah black cherry yeah like cherry but it's natural it's all natural it's like oh they're saying natural flavored so obviously no artificial stuff it is right i apologize for saying this on camera and radio but oh Jesus it's a good it's a good review so far he said oh Jesus yeah i agree i agree dog she loves it we'll give you a case on the way out dog so would you say ah you know what pepsi crystal that was a thing yeah 15 years ago it's like i need like some you're gonna clean your palate with something else yeah wish on pain my husband

considers this drinking water do you know that when he drinks this he goes it's like drinking water this has nothing to do with water guys what is it what is it moated i mean i know you don't love it let's face it's the same what i think pepsi crystal was yeah pepsi crystal was a coke with no color this looks like a soda with no color for me that's pretty much what it is here's why people are um it's it's that it's the there's no artificial added sweeteners no sugar so people are drinking that's because become a popular beverage because it's like you're having a soda experience but you're not getting that glucose spike no i got it i got it it's disgusting though i don't like them i don't drink them but obviously there's like artificial sweet no artificial sweeteners

but obviously they need to do something with something to to put some i think it's religious like jesus blesses it or something and it has a thing that whatever it's in there but i know okay it's disgusting let's move it along um he spit that out that was hilarious so i feel it's like we should kind of learn it's like a beautiful mountain yeah with no to it no i know and then so far there's one two three four five bottles that i'd never even heard of and that's which is so cool and there's two more that we haven't yet so we have roi as the next one from from slovenia slovenia it's my cousin slovenia from slovenia are these by the way available at patina are these or some of them um visis available hilden is available fiji is available

and his skill is available okay um roi you guys are the only people in the whole united states who have a bottle access right now what what so nobody else has roi oh my god this is so exciting the only guy who has access to this i know the the the owner very well here on the hotel in slovenia and they found off this the spring is extremely old i have to be a little careful actually as well you should see it because it looks like all okay when i'm open this there's really like something going on oh yeah and there's salt collected at the bottom you can see and here now this thing stays like this wow so this is like and this is how it's naturally this is natural it's wonderful you can actually see the flakes the minerals at the bottom and it looks like a

soda as well when i'm pouring it yeah whoa it's cool look at that you can see like this salt residue snow right down here what it's not harmful so don't worry guys it's all good it's all natural just like zivia just like zivia you can see like here the bottle like what's happening here it's crazy yeah what is going on crazy now is it that the mineral level is so high that that's what the flakes are yes but it's still safe to drink yeah it's totally fine it's from a spring it's just nice cheers cheers cheers post here we go agashe agadre oh love it just as beautiful as german oh my god oh my goodness i love this you know when i go to hungary i feel like this is the kind of stuff that when you ask for sparkling this is what you get yeah you get this actually you

it does it is like distinctly the the high sodium feels to me european yeah but there's something else in that water yeah it's not just the sodium there's a very metallic taste to it and this water has the highest i love it mechanism content whatever been found in a spring water wow what do you think the tds level is of this i mean let's recap a little bit fiji 222 tds yeah is gilder was 400 tds hillan we went back to 312 wishe 3050 30 what is roy oh that's 5000 yeah 5000 the price is right here what are you yeah i would go even higher seven because of i mean look how active that water is the european one huh yeah hey now hey that's mind-blowing yeah that's crazy but this is again now not for hydration anymore so roy is a water and they even marking like this it's not like a water

you would drink on a daily basis because it's so loaded with minerals and this is so heavy in your palate as well it's like you cannot drink really a lot of this i was gonna say when at this point doesn't it don't these levels affect how you're tasting food in other words like everything yeah when you're drinking a roy and you try to taste like food right next to it forget it yeah the food will be tasteless suddenly because this water has so much overwhelms you yeah it's overwhelming cool thing about roy is just put a little drops into our oyster and like the oyster is really amazing in taste suddenly really it's totally changed an oyster feeling so that's pretty cool that's amazing but this is a water like for a dietary restriction that's like we calling it in europe healthy waters

yeah they're in germany they would have a medication label on it they would yes easily it's considered to be a health water well we have different regulations in germany and this is i think where the american market really needs to step up their game a little bit when it comes to bottled water the regulations are very strict when it comes to bottled water in germany and the labeling as well even in the government is saying like by some waters uh there's a brand from kura kura it's called bon aqua and bon aqua is spelled in a regular based aqua a q u a aqua and they said like the german government no wait a minute that's like purified water bon aqua means good water you cannot label this wow it's purified so they misspelled aqua a q a on purpose that they

can label bon aqua wow the regulations are very strict now but i think it's good i want to for the person listening or watching this how can they this is like an obviously intriguing topic learn more like is it should they go to your site like what do you recommend yeah you can go to my site you can you can come to patina obviously yeah so what it tells what happens at patina on a daily basis and we have this beautiful water menu what i brought as well and move it over here so this is the patina water menu we have 20 different millen waters and every water has like two pages and you can literally like see wow a little taste profile of that water a story of the water the tds content then actually what's in there and then a price so and this goes like to 20 different millen

waters what we're offering right now this is incredible um dynala is coming up in july we will have a water tasting based on our based on our dynala menu as well so three different waters paired to your dishes wait how much is the roy the slovanian yeah this is the tricky part so roy you cannot access in america but retail would be around 25 dollars okay that's amazing what is this last one here that we see what is this uh from hungry looks like it that's my favorite so is there like hatred and contempt but how do they put that in a bottle that would be amazing and we should we should all get a new glass yeah okay okay this is this is a special one guys something very special again thank you so much thank you sir i like the roy i really like this roy is actually pretty cool

and i have the sometimes in water tastings as well what i do and people always stick to roy yes they're always like that's a really cool water i think it's so unique it's so unique yes that they're saying like i really love that water it's uh it's very i also like the level of the bubbliness i like the sodium content i feel like i don't know it's got a lot of pizzazz yeah the queen likes a dollar uh sparkling water interesting she's british come on you know let's see the hungarian this is a still water again okay again so we're going but it has uh it has a little little middle content here okay it's called mira from hungaria and let's let's yeah just let's taste this i guess you get the issues let's talk about it then post again cheers guys okay let's see

mm-hmm that is whoa horrible that is yes terrible what is going on i even think that as well that is that is a water salt water dick it's not that is garbage what is that terrible a lot of sulfur don't you want some zevia sulfur yes you want to be again says 7500 milligrams of sulfur let me see that can i see the bottle where is their bottled water that's right guys tds level before you see the bottle oh tds level tds level of the high yeah in the thousand it's got a what 8 000 8 000 higher 10 i'll go 16 16 000 tds it's but but in hungary we have they have a lot of springs so you walk into a convenience store you're like i want to get a bottle of water like you're just visiting you grab that off the shelf no and then you're getting

a heart attack yeah fuck so that's the reason again guys water is not just water water has taste and even here i know a lot of purified waters again filling everything out of there they're creating charming boys that everybody thinks oh it's all tastes the same yeah they all taste the same when you see now here they're swapping what i brought suddenly realize holy shit yeah water has taste i've never seen this one on the shelf that looks fucking disgusting this is such upsetting water it's terrible i mean and when i go when i'm in budapest i always order ashvan visa which is sparkling water and they definitely don't bring that shit they bring their they bring stuff similar to i would say the spanish one but i wouldn't like that's a hungary like

to recap one of the things to like to basic like advance yourself in this nasty ask for spring water glacier water or what correct mineral water mineral water it will say it's on the bottle and it's this this is really the key guys always when you go into the grocery store and do it with your kids do it with your family it's kind of fun yeah yeah like buy several bottles of water but make sure they are all coming from a natural resource yeah because then they will taste differently and have them side by side do not show them down have them side by side in different glasses and really taste them through and then suddenly you will realize holy shit water has taste yeah it does it's from earth i mean you think about it it's from the earth we should be thankful that

we can drink all this kind of cool different waters that we have access to clean water we're going to get blue bands some of that and let's face it as well there are millions of people who don't have access to clean water this is a big topic for me as well as a water sommelier because everybody knows i have like so many different cool waters and some people say i'm the most hydrated person on the planet number two but there's billions of people or millions of people who don't have access and i think we should all honor it that we have access to clean water and we should help people who don't have access so water.org for example i'm supporting the Matt Damon foundation and i'm trying to raise money all the time to to help other countries

is that is that his water.org yes that's the Matt Damon thing yeah because he's big on that right like and i think it's a great thing what he's doing there and i'm supporting them even on my homepage there's a link that you can spend some money and and i think it's a good thing to do this is super cool this was the most mind-blowing thing i you know you think about you don't think about water no i mean i mean i don't i just consume it you just consume it yeah this was outstanding in california we had for the last five years a big drought finally we are out of the drought right but i think that doesn't mean we can waste water again right so this is the point as well what i like to do with my water menu i want to give water a value that people understand

hey there's a little bit more than than just water yeah and maybe i could start to rethink my use of water as well yeah and maybe when i'm washing my teeth don't have the tap open the whole time just close it even california is not in a drought right now yeah but still we need to save water because the summer is coming trust me in two years we are back on throughout this very big drought problem again we have to save water for the future generations and therefore let's all drink enough water that's the key guys do not drink sodas drink enough water but please be considerate as well what you're doing with water yeah very good um martin risi risa risa are you a giant person in the german language it's kind of really i don't know r i e s e is it that

way r i e s e yeah i know i study german and the website is uh martin hyphen risa right mhm dot com you can go to patina uh in downtown los angeles and actually see martin in the flesh and uh experience the water menu and um actually you know i think this is really cool try out different waters and and and see if you guys can experience what we did here today it's it's a very very eye opening thing because you can take a class from martin he can that's what i'm saying you can take class patina yeah call me up shoot me an email i'm always happy to hydrate people oh my gosh thank you so much thank you so much for coming oh no no that was cool very cool uh this is uh h2 flow signing off and uh i got a i got a song for us so let me see what he's saying not the water jamie

in kainer was the trauma it's not the water shampion it's not not the not the water shampion nine that's not dasis thanks for listening guys we'll see you on the next one all right here we go first time going over the new bridge oh look at that here we go here we go uh me look at the river