Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - 423-Your Mom's House with Christina P and Tom Segura

Episode Date: November 22, 2017

Jeans Within! Jeans Within!  Looks like College Football isn't immune to the Jeans within your heart. Nick Saban has the full commentary.  PLUS, we got more tracks for you: Machines and She's Retarded - all different styles that you, the listener submitted.  AND we have a transracial woman, well, she sure sounds like one. What do you think?  Charles Manson is dead! John Daly hates water! and "Do you 69 at 69"?? Get into it, Jeans.   

What the fuck are you doing man? Fucking come over on the side of the dumpster and take a shit. I got diarrhea. Fuck it man. Throw this stuff in the dumpster and we'll pick it up also. I got diarrhea. Yeah. That was really good.

I laughed the whole time. Oli's Zeezer. Oh, Oli's such a champ at these. He's really good at them man. I got diarrhea. I was in Houston yesterday and Machines Within has taken over Pustin. People love it. It's a smash hit song.

It is. I got some news about that coming up later. Oh my gosh. I can't wait. It's exciting. I'm coming into my home stretch. What a year of touring. Goodness.

Holy shit. Thank you everybody that came to all the shows this year. It really was a blast for me. Once in a lifetime experience to go on a tour like that. Theater tour. It's huge. It's pretty cool. Here's how it's winding down for me.

This comes out. It's Wednesday. I'm in Riverside tonight at the Fox. I think it's called the Fox Theater. And then they released 50 more tickets. Whoa. At the Wiltern. Man, that show.

It's sold out on Saturday the 25th. That's going to be such a crazy show. Everybody we know in LA has texted us. That is such a huge deal, Gene. I cannot wait for that. I'm excited for it. Big deal. Big deal, Gene.

You're kind of a big deal if you're playing the Wiltern. Well, I don't know about that, but I am excited to do it. And then... Don't be modest. Your genes are extra tight. Then in a couple weeks I go to Fartnix. I haven't been there in a while. Yeah.

Fartnix, Arizona. As opposed to... I'm going to do... The other Fartnix. Four shows at Stand Up Live. I think two are sold out already. Great venue. Great venue.

That is a great club. It's like... It's a club, but it's basically a small theater. But it's a small theater. So just Friday, Saturday. That's December, I think, 8th and 9th. That is it. Like I said, I think two are already sold out.

Amazing. And that's going to be in a few weeks. So they'll be gone. And then Hawaii. December 14th in Maui. And December 16th, the Hawaii Theater in Honolulu. Do you think you should call it Maui? Maui.

Maui. Maui. Maui. Maui. So yeah, December 14th and 16th. Hawaii. And then that's it. The God's not going on the road for a while.

The God. What you going to do, G.O.D. with all that time? I don't know. I'm going to do an L.A. show. Like a small show probably in January. Maybe February. A small show meaning like... Like to start off a new thing.

Yeah. A local thing. It's exciting because that's when you're special. I find out today my date. Yeah. A couple hours. Crazy. The release date.

Powerful. Of my disgraceful new special. What a great thing. Yeah. Yeah. It is. All right. Guys.

Pasadena Ice House. January 12th. I'll be headlining that show. Let me put some friends on there too. Make it a really fun night. Yeah. We'll see. February 2nd.

3rd. Chartlicks. Titty. In Putah. Putah. Wise guys. Get it? Wise guys.

Comedy Club. February 23rd. Colusa. At the Colusa Casino. I've been there. I've done that. Yeah. I've done Colusa.

Where is Col... It's somewhere like... Colusa. I want to say it's kind of close to Sacramento. Like in that area. The sack. The balls in the sack. Yeah.

Ball sack. February 31st. Portland, Oregon. Adherium Comedy Club. Very excited to go back there. Why do you say that? You know, I just have a pronunciation thing. Yeah.

Sometimes I can't say the words right, Tom. Okay. Anything else? No, but I lost where I was before. Well, the tickets go to Christina P. Online for any of those tickets. For mine, go to TomCigura.com and hit the tour page. Google the city. Go always to the artist page.

You know why? Because that's how you avoid the scalpers and the crick. People hit me up. I can't believe you're selling $150 ticket. I'm like, dude, that's somebody else trying to make money from you. Don't do it. Get the regular normal price tickets. They're like 30 bucks, 35 bucks or something, man.

They're not $125. Anyways, just thought I'd throw that out there. Anything else? Shop. Christmas is coming up. I hope you guys are doing your shopping on our stores, our merch stores. Oh, yeah. There's sweaters.

Yeah. There's a new, I guess I'll say it now. There's a new item. Oh. Just hit the store. It's pretty exciting. I thought I was going to do this for it, but here it is. Well, I'm sorry.

I didn't know you had a whole thing. Machines were thin. Yep. There's machines within shirt. Oh. Terminator gun. Yeah. Terminator gun.

I got the wrong volume on it. Machines were thin. Machines were thin. Yeah. So I'm very excited. Coming out here. Here we go. I'll sing it.

It's Machines Within. And also, this is also corresponding with a massive sale because we're doing Thanksgiving, Black Friday, whatever that is, sales. So if you go to the site, we have a huge sale going on starting, I think it's on Friday. So make sure you check it out. We have Santa Claus is black. Santa Claus is Latino. Santa Claus is Asian.

And a bunch of Christmas stuff. We have a Santa Claus wears jeans hat and sweater. 100% of the profits from the sweater, which is almost sold out, is all going to Children's Hospital of Los Angeles. Awesome. So yeah, it's very cool. That's the only thing, by the way, if you get Santa Claus wears jeans sweater, it won't be on sale because it's a charity item.

So the other things so we can give them more money. Yeah. The other things will all be on sale. So there's that. I think we should call it Brown Friday. Brown Friday. That's a really good point. But what if you ship blood?

Then it is kind of black Friday. Black and red Friday. Wait, black, brown and red. This reminds me. I also did Pete Holmes's podcast. Oh, the porn star. No. Pete Holmes, the comedian star of the HBO show, crashing.

Oh. He has, you made it weird podcast. I did it. It's out today. So if you are listening. Palm cast. Palm cast. Coming out.

And then he's really good at interviewing. Yeah. I want to, I want to listen to you. I never listened to you on other podcasts. Yeah. It's funny because afterwards you're like, oh, that person got me to open up. They just have like a really, I don't know. It's almost like a subtle way of, of this, you know, engaging you and getting you to be

more open. Yeah. Yeah. And did you guys, I mean, he's a really nice guy. Did you do a massage after? Did you guys? Yeah. Yeah.

No, we took a bath. Full release. We took a bath. Yeah. Yeah. I have some podcast news. I'm on Mark Maron's today. His Palm cast.

His Palm cast this week. His episode. And then Dr. Drew. I saw, by the way, a few messages from last week. Yeah. People writing in, they're like, did she just say specifically? And they're like, how did she say that so long? I love that.

I like when, yeah, when some people don't, they're not in on the jokes. I know. And you're like, guys, come on. People were lecturing. They're like, how is she saying, uh, specifically? Yeah. Hilar. All right.

All right. Go for it. It's time to get into this. So here we go, Gene. Here we go. I just wanted to know how we got here. Not to offend anybody out there, but I just walked by some jeans, wore out jeans, holes in them, all cut up.

This shit is big time. Who is Randy? Don't bring anyone loving to this. Your mom in the fucking stand. Welcome. Welcome to your mom's house with Tom Segura. Welcome to your mom's house. I'm offended at those jeans.

I just realized that you're wearing a gene, our gene hooded sweatshirt. Do we still have those? Are they still in the store? I don't know, but it is my favorite item. It's very comfortable. It's comfortable. It's the right thickness level. It's not too thick.

Yeah. It's soft. And I like it because it's like a YMH reference, but it's not. It's not like loud. Yeah. No one would know unless they know. That's what's cool. And it's hilarious when I wear it.

I like to wear it on airplanes because it's perfect. It's got pockets, a hood, and I know people eyeball it like gene. What's that all about? Like, is that your name? Right. Is your name Gene? But it kind of is. It is Gene.

Thanks to our electrician. It is Gene. Gene. That was the best day. Gene here. Gene, do you want me to put another outlet? Do you want me to take a shit in your bathroom, Gene? He's the one that took a shit.

No, that was the carpenter. Are you sure that's not that guy? Yes. No, that was the guy that modified this desk. Oh, shut up. He came back. He's the one that took a big shit. Yeah.

Yeah. The electrician didn't. Gene. Gene. I do have to say I tried on a pair of deliberately torn nice genes this last week, and I was kind of like, I can't pay a lot of money to have genes that have holes in them. It just felt counterintuitive. Yeah.

I agree with this guy that if you're going to wear your genes, they got to be high, they got to be tight, and they got to be intact. This is the head coach of the Alabama Crimson Tide. Roll Tide. Roll Tide. Nick Saban at his press conference, and a lot of people send this, like, did you see Nick Saban talking about genes? I just wanted to know how we got here, not to offend anybody out there, but I just wanted

to walk by some genes, wore out genes, holes in them. Oh, no. All cut up. I just remember when I was a kid in West Virginia, I just came to go to school because my genes were wore out. Right. Only because we didn't have any better. Now they buy them that way.

I just can't figure out how we get here. Wow. I don't know. That was a real dad laugh right there. Yeah, a real football dad laugh. Yeah. Well, that's what he's worried about right now in America, the state of the gene wearing. Genes.

That's what his beef is with the state of the union. That's it. We're all genes. There are other much more serious issues going on in our country right now. Black guys love to fuck and fuck good. If you're a hot black guy, if you want to fuck me at $23.95, if you want to move in, you can come move in, but you got to fuck me. See?

I need to be fucked a lot. Yeah. This guy needs help. Funny thing is, I could totally understand if Nick Saban made this video too, if he was like, oh, black guys, don't want to fuck me, fuck me. You got to play here at Alabama. You got to be willing to get out there when you got to fuck me, but I'll take it. If you can really play, if you can win me a national championship, fuck me.

Come here. Come here and fuck me. I'm not saying that's how bad he wants it, the win. To win? Absolutely. I think if you pulled some of these guys, some of the coaches, the big-time coaches aside, and you were like, we have to cut off your child's pinkies, and then you'll win a national championship.

They'd be like, cut it. Just do it quick. Yeah, I think you're right, because listening to them talk, I mean, they're out of their minds. Well, on the amount of sacrifice, look, I don't know much about sports. I only know what you watch until, and sometimes I'm interested, that Vince Lombardi documentary. He would have sold all of his children into slavery, prostitution, to win Super Bowls. Oh, they're psychos.

They become total psychos, especially the ones that win the most. They're just completely fucking out of their minds. Yeah. I imagine you have to be to be that devoted to the game. In that documentary, they're like, he was unbearable to be around when they lost. I'm sure Sabin is definitely the same way. Yeah. Well, he's worried about the jeans situation in America right now.

The jeans. He's like, fucking jeans. You just cut out completely. Pants are sagging. Oh, yours did? Yeah. Totally. Let me try for you plugging it in.

There you go. It came back. Yeah. Okay. Let's just loose. We had to check. You're a thug. You're a thug.

Yeah. Wow. So much going on. You just want to move in. You can move in, but you got to fuck the... Yeah. It gets lonely around the holiday. What I think that would happen is if somebody was like, we'll guarantee you, like, national

championships, that these homeless guys have to be able to fuck you. These guys would low key, like, if they're like, as long as someone finds out, yeah, these guys would fuck me. If it meant definite national championships, yeah. Yeah. I mean, I know some comedians that would do that. For like... Showbiz.

Yeah. Yeah. For sure. There are people that do that from parts and movies. Wait a minute. Are we in a scandal? Oh, that's right. We're in a scandal thing.

Did you see the latest one that was totally unexpected? Which one? Well, I mean, they're all kind of unexpected, but Jeffrey Tambor, he got, he is quitting Transparent, which is this award-winning show on Amazon, I think it's on, and he's won Emmys and I think been nominated for more, and the show is really highly celebrated. He plays a trans woman on the show, I guess is the star of the show, was accused of harassing, I guess, two people on the show, and he just was like, you know, I've never meant anything by what I did, and it was interpreted a certain way.

I can't see how I could return to the show. So I just quit the show, like the star of the show, I mean, this is a celebrated show. I guess it's almost like, yeah, I mean, I'm trying to think of like, it's like the star of, you know, Orange is the new black being like, I'm out, and they're like, where happens to the show, you know? Yeah, I haven't read specifically the charges against him, so I can't really comment. I mean, Al Franken got taken down too recently. Another, that actually has another accuser today.

No. Yeah, this one, well, his are like, you know, it's still harassment, but like the one that today is that in, at the state fair, during a photo, he did, you know, he's a state senator and would take his photos with all types of people, a woman said that he definitely grabbed her butt. Oh, geez. And then he was like, you know, I never intentionally grabbed anyone's butt, and she was like, no, it was not my back, it was not my hip, he definitely grabbed my butt.

Isn't it, I was just thinking today, on the drive home from LAX, isn't it absurd that in 2017, we have to tell men like, hey, guys, guys, don't pull your dicks out and masturbate in front of women. Oh yeah, don't rape, don't rape, don't grab. You're getting me fired up right now, you are. Oh yeah, I'm like, what the fuck are you doing now? That's inappropriate, how great. Sarah Silverman came out finally to speak on the Louis C.K. thing because the two of

them have been friends for 20 years, and she's got a show right now too about it. She does, yeah. She came out and was like, look, it's a very hard thing to be so close to somebody, you know, I'm heard and I'm torn, and I, you know, I get it. Her thing was actually pretty thoughtful and interesting, actually, I think unrelated to the specifics is actually an interesting concept in life because what she essentially said was can you love someone that has done terrible things. Right, like can you love Heidegger if you know he's a Nazi?

Yeah, I guess that would be a version of that. Can you love Charles Manson even though he's dead now, you're here, but let's not get on that yet. But it would be interesting, like, I always, you know what I think about when I bring up Manson is people who are really close, let's say, like the rest of us are like, that's a monster. But like, what if you're like cousin, sibling, you know, there's probably some party that's like, I actually like that guy.

Uncle Charlie. Yeah, uncle Charlie's actually, he was always nice. Well, that's that's not the best pudding, right? And he was always had a toy for me and was right. I mean, like some of them have to be like that. Well, I think it's not everybody, there are not everybody's all evil all the time. And that's something that, that you understand as you get older as a child, you process this person's all good or all evil.

You don't look at it as a spectrum. Yeah, you look at it as a complicated thing, but people are actually complicated. Oh, he totally. And so you do find sometimes that people can be good and have done bad things. And then you have to find some way to deal with that, you know, process that. Well, and also Pamela Adlin, who's show better things on FX. I am thoroughly obsessed with. I mean, yeah, you know, that show has ruined television shows for me because it's so funny

and so real and she's an amazing talent. Now Louie and her co-created that show and he co-wrote on some of the episodes. So now the debate is, do they pull the plug on that show? Right. Now there's this great time article that was like, why are you going to punish Pamela Adlin for something Louie CK did? I agree. Isn't that a feminist thing to let the woman have her show?

Yeah. Why are you taking her down because of that? Yeah, of course. So we'll see what happens. I hope she gets to keep that show because it's my favorite thing. They pulled the plug on the animated series that was coming. Yeah. I don't remember because that's a lot of people that are...

That's people who are going into the holidays that lost their jobs. Because of that. It's not, it's not fair. You know, it's interesting. So I saw Ryan Sickler and Jay Larson yesterday in Houston, the crab fees guys and Ryan and I were going back to the hotel. We're talking about Louie. We're talking about Cosby and he goes, you ever seen the video of Cosby coming out of

the courthouse? Have you ever heard of this? He comes, he's coming out just as he's cleared of some charges and he does the fucking thing. He does it like the fans that are outside the courthouse. If you want to Google it, try and find it. It's worth me vamping a minute so you can find it, which is just fascinating to me because you can always tell who's a real psychopath when they disregard what's happening in court or they mock or, you know what I'm saying?

If you're so disrespectful to the law, like if I was in court, I would not be doing, yes, this is it. You're going to die. Turn up, turn up the volume on this clip. Yeah. I mean, I don't know if you get, here he is, he's walking out of court, photographers. He just got, oh, he's got, oh no, it's during deliberations. He hasn't been cleared yet.

Oh, so he hasn't even been cleared. He's walking out of the courtroom. This guy started to laugh for sure that was with him. And there's policemen escorting him out of the building. I mean, you really have to be an aloof piece of sociopathic shit. Yeah. That's pretty great. Wow.

How are you not worried, dude? Like, he's not worried. He's doing the Fat Albert. You see this guy start to laugh? What? Watch his mouth. He starts to laugh. I mean, but how crazy, but my point being like, how much of a psychopath are you to

not feel afraid or feel the severity of what you're in? Or he's just trying to like, bring, like, lift some of the seriousness of what he's going. You know what I mean? He's dealing with it. Yeah. Of course. So you're like, everything is so serious around you that he's like, here's another

guy that I was with. I laughed so fucking hard. He created him. Well, God, I guess you're my best friend, means I invented you. Well, that's already a pretty. Here's your dad. There's a daddy Manson, uncle Charlie. Yeah.

Charlie passed away. How sad are you? I am not sad that Charles Manson. I'm, I'm surprised. I'm sure there's been a Twitter outpouring of love and support for you on this very tragic day. No. He's 83.

He's a really bad guy. 83 is not bad for prison life. I gotta tell you, that's pretty old for bad guy locked up for probably 40 some years. Yeah. He's 70s. A long time. Long time. And you think he would have gotten the swastika tattoo removed at some point?

It didn't age well. I'll say that because I saw a recent photo and it was like drooping, like one of the corners you started kind of started to melt away. It looks like it was like a, like a uncolored Rubik's cube was falling down on his nose. Right. I think it's, they started as X's, right? And then they later turned into swastikas from what I remember. No, he had a swastika.

Well, I read Helter Skelter in seventh grade and I think his whole thing was they gave them X's on their foreheads, his followers to be like their exed out of society. And then later it evolved into the pleasant swastika. Oh, okay. So I mean, hey, just a little, I didn't know if you knew that being that you're such a big fan. I knew that he was a big race war guy. So that's why I thought it was always a swastika.

Right. I think it started as just X's, the cult that he started. It's a nutty thing to say. What ensues will raise your eyebrows to a whole new level. What happens? Upon being asked if he himself is Jesus Christ, Manson explains that there are actually many Jesuses all over the world. There's all kinds of Jesuses, there's a black Jesus down in Florida, he's having a good

time. There's a Mexican Jesus in Mexico. Okay. It is believed by some that, that's a theory. God appears in many forms. What else? The ultimate assessment probably isn't what most people have in mind. It's a consciousness that lives in your mind.

Number nine, Charles Manson never killed anyone. It's true. Yeah. Charles Manson was convicted of this. You're right. There's an X on this guy's foot. Yeah, I see I know these things. Yeah, you're right.

Did you read Helter Skelter when you were like a teenager? Yeah. Okay. I was got, you know, I love the dark stuff. Yeah. You got to read Helter Skelter. Great read. You're dark-sided.

Great read. Real, just light toilet read. It's about this thick. About his, about the whole thing. Clam, the murders, what started it all. Yeah. It's really, really neat read. It's a green murder, but he did not directly kill even one of the victims for whom he went

to jail. Wow. Rather, he ordered members of his quote unquote family to carry out the Tate LaBianca murders. So when Manson told Heidi Shulman in 1987 that he quote, never killed anyone, there's arguably some accuracy to his words. Where do you go? What do you want to call me a murderer for? I've never killed anyone.

However, Manson's follow-up statement makes about as much sense as Helter Skelter. I don't need to kill anyone. I think it. Is Manson implying that he can kill people using his own mind? I think this is the interview where he told her she was overweight. He's like, you're going to lose some weight. And she was like, hmm. She had fat shame by Manson.

Yeah, by Charles Manson. Yeah. It's a bummer. It's like, you're a little plump. Not your type. Now, is he the one that, did he get married? You know how sometimes his ass holes? Yeah, he did.

He got married recently. Oh, oh, that's, oh, that's right. A much younger woman. Yeah. Was she hot? She's, she's hot. Look, a lot of people are hot for him. I mean, in other words, like compared to him.

So, yeah, on, on the Charles Manson scale. Yeah. What do you think's going on there in the women who choose a serial killer or just murder as a life partner? I mean, if you read Helter Skelter, then you're like, I got to meet this guy. I got to marry him. Sounds perfect. Yeah.

I don't know. Oh man. He's a world class fucking psycho. Yeah. He's top of the line POS. Oh man. Such a, he's a drifter. You know, he was just a, a worthless, just.

Well, I'll tell you what I remember of Helter Skelter. So he killed Sharon Tate and the lobby uncle, their celebrities, who's a famous gorgeous model. Yeah. That was Polanski's wife. Well, right, right, right. Right. That's right.

Rape the teenager. Yeah. What a neat family. Anyway, she was like seven months pregnant with their baby. Yeah. It's pretty horrific. He was a failed musician. Manson was a failed artist and he hated successful artists and successful people called them

pigs said that they, you know, they're sad that it's a big setup show business and Hollywood. So he, he took it out on Tate. Yeah. Pretty horrific stuff. And then the guy that created full house bought the Manson murder home. That's real crazy to buy the house that happened and be like, just do it here, build a house here. Yeah.

No, I don't think so. No way that he can get into other people's heads and influence them to commit murder. In any case, it's nothing short of bonkers. Spiritual world is where I live. I just places you never even dreamed of. Charles Manson. I'm pretty good. Yeah.

Thanks. Now, is he your favorite of the crazy killer? I mean, even though he technically is not a killer, right? But he. Yeah. Is he my favorite? Like, who's your fave of the, I don't have a fave. He's from jail homeless or your thug.

Do you like Ted Bundy? No, these are horrible people, Jean. Yeah, but you love me. I don't love them. Every night before I go to bed, I hear you watching the Unabomber, Ted Bundy, Jeffrey Dahmer. I watch, you know, stories. My stories.

I watch stories about, you know, bad people sometimes. Yeah. Who's your favorite? I don't have a favorite. There's no favorite. I just like watching stories about crime. Okay. There is no favorite.

All right. Hey, no, no need to get so angry. Okay. Crazy guys. Like there's no favorite. All right. I liked Ted Bundy. I thought he was the handsomest of them all.

You shouldn't like him. I don't like him. I'm saying if I had to choose one that I prefer to learn about, he was a smart guy. He was married too. Was he married? Yeah. He got married in court. Bundy was?

Yeah. How do you know so much? I saw in the world last night about it. Cause there's a bit, I do a bit now about the wives of the Weinstein's and the Cosbys of the world. Yeah. And then Manson came up and she came up to me and she goes, yeah, Ted Bundy got married in court.

He did it himself in court because he represented himself. He did represent himself. Yeah. Yeah. His story's real fucked up and it's pretty bad. Yeah. Yeah. He's, he was super deceptive and really articulate for a lot of these guys are really uneducated

and, you know, like drifter types like Manson. Yeah. But Bundy was. Drifter. Higher IQ. Yeah. Yeah. Smart dude.

Yeah. Did he graduate law school? He may have. He was college. Yeah. For sure. I don't remember. Yeah.

He was fucked up and really fucked up. It's all about mommy. These guys get abused by their mommies and then they end up hating all the women. Yeah. Fuck. Yeah. Yeah. And it'd be nice to your sons.

Yeah. And like, why you bitches and people is mad just because I say I'm black and Ancestry.com say I'm black. What? I don't know. Okay. Ancestry.com says this woman's black. I mean, for people listening, what does she look like to you?

Latina. She looks Latina to you? Yeah. I don't know. She's just like a pretty Burnett girl, like with blondie highlights. Like a white girl. Come on. She's like a white girl.

Yeah. Like, you know, tan white girl. I guess. Yeah. Her eyelashes are a lot. At the end of the day, what is a race anyways? You feel me? Because like, we are one.

We are here on this world. It's supposed to be equal. It's just in the past, people was messed up and stuff. She really has that voice down, man. If I close my eyes, I mean, if you're just listening to this podcast, I bet you swear that's just a black lady. Miss. Pat was in here.

She was like, Tom. Yeah. Remember when she thought you were doing her voice? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That was hilarious.

Miss. Pat was like, you're impression. I'm like, I'm not doing impression. That's a real clip. Yeah. What did I play for her? That girl's really good at the black lady voice. Yeah.

That's pretty incredible. Jeez. It was, um, it was the Farton clip. That's what it was. Fart. I played this. You know what I'm saying? Yeah.

She goes, Tom. You're impression of black people. Fart. Yeah. Yeah. Now, weren't you talking to me about being trans? Transracial? Transracial.

That's what this looks like. That's what this girl looks like. She's transracial. Yeah. But she says that her ancestry.com thing makes her black. Yeah. Maybe she sees where they go like in your 7% sub-Saharan, she was like, see, I'm African. Yeah.

Isn't everybody like point something? Yeah. Pretty much. Well, not me. My bloodline's impeccable. This girl is, I guess she goes by, I'm Woe Vicki and she's been getting a lot, a lot of hate. Um, yeah, I don't, I don't think that that ancestry is going to give you a lot of clearance

there. You know? But like now, like we, we should all be one. We shouldn't be looked at by race, old, they this color, old, they that. We should be looked at as one. It shouldn't even be what ancestry.com said or what, or what they look like or what they hell look like. I want to know so much more about her though.

I know. Like what's her home life like? What's her school life been like? Yeah. Her whole upbringing. When did she completely appropriate somebody else's vernacular and culture? Yeah. What's going on?

Yeah. It's a lot. It's a lot of questions I got about you. You know what I'm saying? When did those eyelashes happen? Yeah. She's got like five layers of eyelashes. She's got nice teeth.

Great teeth. Yeah. She's got really nice teeth. Eyelashes are too many. Too many. Those eyelashes are crazy. Yeah. Yeah.

That's a lot. I mean, I know it's cool to fill them in right now. Women are getting the fakies. Yeah. But I think that's like one layer or five layers. Too many. Maybe for the night out, you could do something, but this is just, she's just on the house, on the couch.

She's just making videos. Yeah. It should just be, oh, they're human too. You feel me? Like she didn't even be like that, but people want to make you like that and shit. I don't understand. Well, you're... Yeah.

I get that you don't understand. Every nail is a different color on her hand. Did you see that? She went for it. Yeah. She went for it. What is that? Now, ladies are doing one nail a different flavor.

I like the second to last. What's this one called? The ring finger. Ring finger. I've been seeing that one. They'll do like glitter. But to have every one of them different. Well, that's kind of punk.

Yeah. I guess. I feel like a lot of work, right? You got to change. Man, that's a part-time job getting those nails done all the time. Yeah. Failed getting them, you know, glitterized and shit. That's a fucking lot of things.

A lot of time. Yeah. It's a lot. It's a lot. Would you do that? Would I? Get fake nails. Yeah.

I guess. If you were a lady? Sure. Why not? I would do it. I like the look, but I don't like the utility of that. Yeah. There's no utility.

You can't even pick your nose. How do you wipe your ass with long nails like that? You see people like, they're touching their phone and their hand has to go. Yeah. Yeah, it's stupid. They can use their phone. It just disrupts everything. Yeah.

I like them short and clean. Utility. So where's this guy? Unless I can pick my nose better with no nail. The guy that sent in the machines within, his name is Jordy. Yeah. He said he played it for the crowd. Yeah.

You see that? Yes. See, he sent it to my Twitter. Yeah. This was, he's in China. Look at that. Look how many people are there. One that you know, I just played machines within.

That's an arena. It's an arena. That's nuts. So he must have, is he the one that sent in the club mix? That's what I'm guessing. Okay. Because we got a few, a few weeks ago. And if all the haters, haters, if all the haters went kind of nuts.

Let me see if I can find this here. Well, while you're looking for that. Yeah. I will, I'm going to read this email about dick tattoos. Yeah. Dick tattoos was a topic of conversation. And we kind of wanted to get into how that, how somebody gets their dick tattoo. Yeah.

Right. We were talking about it a few weeks ago. Right. Because it seems very difficult and doesn't have to be erect. Right. Well, also because what led to it is that some people have asshole tattoos and some people have vagina tattoos and then dick tattoos also exist. And we thought about, well, how did that artwork get there?

And, you know, is it hard? How do you do it? So we had an artist actually wrote in, right? Yeah. He writes, so he's, he, he qualifies it by saying, hey, he's not an expert, but he's been tattooing for almost four years. He writes, it turns out you do not have to be erect to receive the procedure. Christina was on the right track and thinking of the stretching of the skin.

That is the important part. I personally have never tattooed a dick. I've seen the procedure and have asked other artists that have their dick tattooed tattooing. Both flaccid and erect dicks have complications. For example, if you receive a tattoo on an erected penis at that time, it may only take up a specific area, but as the penis would become more flaccid, the image would shrink dramatically. Try blowing up a balloon and draw on it, then deflate it and look at the image.

How I've heard they do it in prisons is to stretch it around a soda can. Yeah, we heard, I also saw a tennis ball. Oh, that would make sense. Yeah, that way they have the stability underneath. Tattooing scrotums are another problem entirely. You have to either, you have to have either the client or another artist help stretch the skin between two hands in the old bad wing style, bad wing style to create flat tissue to work on, help this answers your questions.

Shets definitely push the farts. Right, Uriah. Thank you, Uriah. Thanks for that. Shets definitely push the farts. Yeah. Yeah, that's really good. So you do have to stretch it.

Tennis ball is interesting. That is interesting. Yeah. Did you find the source? Well, so, okay, let's see. I was thinking of machines with it. Haters. Haters.

Haters. No, I was thinking of, I must have been thinking of the She's Retarded song. That's what I was thinking. Oh. You know, that's the song. Yeah, this is silly. People were really into this song. Everybody thought this was a banger.

A banger. Yeah. That's what Miley Cyrus calls it. The guy that sent us to us is Jordy at Jordy. Yeah. On Twitter. Yeah, he did. So he said he played it, but I was just wondering did he play a version that he made?

You know, like that's the part that I was trying to figure out. Yeah. Cause this, let's see, does this say Jordy on it? I'm not a beat down for you. This is Michael. Okay, here we go, here we go. So silly. It's so funny.

This guy Jordy at Jordy, G-U-Z on Twitter, he writes in his bio. Yeah. He's like tweets ending in slash J are from Jordy. All the other ones are too. You know how Studio G does it too? Yeah. Like that. Stupid garth.

Yeah. No, I just, I don't see Jordy as one of the. One of the producers on one of these. I don't know which one he played. I'm trying to see my song. Yeah. Okay. Here we go.

I'm not a beat down for you. Just my song, just my introduction to my song. I'm not sure. Here we go. I'll sing it. That's so stupid. I'm changing to our theme. Got it, got it.

Yeah, I'm coming around. So that's from a few weeks ago. More machines within came in. We got one here by. It's called fresh as fuck machines within by Ben. Okay. More of a chill approach to it. Right.

It's like a sexy. I feel like this is at a trendy hotel lobby. Yes. You know what I mean? Yes. Nailed it. 100 a night. There's a pool in the lobby.

Nailed it. People are swimming around. Mermaid swimming around you. Yeah. Got it. Then this is a machines within by Dave. See what this one is. Just scratch your nuts.

Just like my crotch area. Machines within. So many different interpretations. Machines within. Machines within. It's like really heartfelt. Yeah. Machines within.

Wow. Half fall behind you later. Very nice, Dave. Well, that's what's great about the song and the concept is that it's so high concept. It lends itself to constant unfolding, constant interpretation. Here's one by Daniel Thomas music. I'm not a beat down for you. Coming at you.

Here we go. Terminaries, matrix, go. Terminaries, matrix, go. Oh, wow. Burr, burr, burr, go, go. Machines, structure. Machines, structure. I like it.

It's dark. Destruction, machines. Here we go. Here we go. T-16. T-16. T-16. 100%.

100%. 10. What's real. What's fake. What's fake. Destruction. What's real. What's real.

It's kind of scary. It's kind of scary. And then here's machines within funk. Machines within, machines within. Got a gun, got a ton ready to gun. Machines within, machines within. Got a gun, got a ton ready to gun. T-16.

Yeah. T-16. F all the haters, F all the haters. F all the haters, all the haters. It's good stuff. Machines within, machines within. Got a gun, got a ton ready to gun. Machines within, machines within.

Got a gun, got a ton ready to gun. There you go, Andrew. So a lot of machines within. Pretty impressive, man. I'm very impressed, actually. I'm proud of myself. I'm proud of myself. What's his name?

I thought I saw an email or a tweet from Obi-Wan saying that he had sent one in. The Obi-Wan cannoli? Obi-Wan cannoli, yeah. Oh, here we go. He wrote... He did a She's Retarded song. Obi-Wan did.

Let's see. She's retarded. It's really good. Yeah, it's a good job. Yeah. It's so talented. It's good, I like this. Damn, that's a hit.

That's impressive, man. So good. Obi-Wan cannoli is one of the original creators of music. Yeah. Oh, okay. Now I see that his thing is in my folder. Okay. I searched an email for it, but it's actually...

Oh, the Obi-Wan? Yeah, it's in the She's Retarded, because I was looking for it as a Machines Within song. So it says She's Retarded song, obviously. Very good. Jason from Sacramento also sent a She's Retarded song in. Obi's was really good. He's always outstanding, though.

He did that crazy Peter Cain song. Oh, my God, so good. Oh, my God. Wow. There is a reason why she has to act this way. It's because she's retarded, and she's so retarded. Oh, my God.

Please, sir, oh, officer, don't throw my girl to the ground. It's not her fault that she drools all around. I love it. It's so good. It's like a beautiful... It's because she's retarded,

and she's so retarded. This song could be like an iTunes hit. Oh, yeah. Like, he could put this up, like, what? What's he saying? Jason from Sacramento. That's really good.

That's really good. That is so funny, because it's so low-key. You could be hearing this in, like, Nordstrom, or in a mall somewhere. No, it's Starbucks. Wait, is he saying she's retarded? That's why she drools everywhere. I would love it so much.

If anybody could play that at their place of business, if you work at, like, a Starbucks or, like, a retail store, if you could... People doing their own... Just like, being like, what? Because when I used to work in retail, I worked at a place called the May Company. It doesn't exist anymore.

It's basically Macy's now. And Shawna, my best friend, and I used to play golf music when we worked in the young adult section. And it was the most fun to play, like, Bauhaus inside of, essentially, a Macy's. And my boss would be like, could you guys change the music in here?

This is kind of weird. We're like, what? It is? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You have to act like that. You're like, yeah, I don't know what this is. That's the most fun to play, like, Joy Division in the junior's department. There's one more.

So here's a girlfriend's retarded by Tom. He hit himself. Look at her. It's like a... Peppy. Yeah. A green date. You know, it's very good, Tom.

I mean, there's a lot of, like I said, a lot of talented people out there, a lot of interpretations of machines within, and she's retarded, you know? A lot of different interpretations. Free rent, at least, in a case. Fuck. We're really drawn to that guy.

That guy, yeah. That and the guy who shit. We can't say who, but is our special guest coming in next week? Yeah, they are. That's going to be exciting. See, we're going to play that for them. Right.

Yes. We can't announce yet. Well, don't, because you never know what's going on. Yeah, I know, I know. But it's planned and it'll be really fun. Really fun. We got a big one. Yeah, okay.

Well, let's not get too hype about it. Okay. You know what would be good to do? I just had an idea. There's a great bow house song called She's in Parties. If anyone out there can make it, She's Retarded. Yeah.

From She's in Parties, that would be great. She's retarded. Look, this is a sub-shittler's. Oh, okay. I actually have my dick tattooed. I thought it would be a great idea to get drunk in this tattoo studio one night and get born to fuck tattooed on my shaft by my boy.

No, I did not have to get hard for it. And the idea of being hard for a dick tattoo sounds cruel and unusual. Mommy Jean's was correct in her assumption that the dick needed to be pulled and stretched high and tight to get the crust off. The pain was normal compared to any other tattoo I've ever received.

And all in all was a hilarious and positive experience. Also, it makes for a good icebreaker. Every time I 69 with a new bra, I try it out after haters and most importantly, wash yo nuts. Jeff from filler up Delphia. He has born to fuck on his dick. I mean, do you think you would be like,

you would laugh or do you think you'd be a, this is a real red flag? It's a red flag. Totally. It's a red, but it makes me laugh. And I'd be friends with him, but I don't know if that's marriage for me. Not maybe not.

But if you were like about to hook up and you're like, whoa, you see born to fuck. Born to fuck on someone's dick. I don't know, man. I'd be like, this guy's like, he's too crazy for me. He's too crazy. He's too wild for me. But he's funny to go with that.

Yeah. But I feel like that guy's got way more life experience than me. I feel like I'd be so boring for him. But I'd be knowing you because I know you pretty well. I feel like your brain would go to like, hold on. If this guy's got born to fuck tattoo on his dick, he definitely is a card carrying disease. Yeah.

Yeah, I would think that. That's what I think you would think. Well, yeah, because I'd be like, well, he's clearly had more partners than me because he's got his dick. Like I'd assume that he's kind of slutty. No, I think, yeah, slutty. And you might think like this dude has AIDS for sure. Like that's what I think you think.

Yeah. Yeah. I think it because it might look dirty to me. Yeah. And then I'd be like, oh yeah, this guy's got AIDS. Yeah. I would actually, would you think the girl had AIDS? If you said born to fuck on her plus.

I would, you know, I would laugh. Hard. If I saw that. And then I'd be like, yeah, why don't we double bag this one? Probably. Yeah. Born to fuck. Yeah.

Puss is intense. Well, it's, it's, it's a little more cray-cray on a woman. Definitely. Definitely. Yeah. I mean, the dude is nuts, but you also kind of go like, this is probably party guy. Like this is the fun guy.

Yeah. He had a few like, like the email. Like, yeah, yeah. And that's what I would just like. If I got, if I met a guy that had to be like, this dude's a fun time. Like he likes to, to get a laugh. So. Right.

But party guy gets hammered and puts it anywhere. Exactly. That's the problem. That's the problem. Yeah. They have a chick. Now I know a chick. Uh, she was, I forget what city didn't show us, but other people were like, oh yeah,

she's got a butthole tattoo. And I was like, I was really intrigued by that. I was like, you know, a butthole tattoo. And she was like, yeah. What's it? Do you know what it was? I forget. I'd have to look it up.

I mean, you know, like search for it. Cause it was also like trending somewhere. A butthole tattoo. Yeah. I mean, why not? Who? No one sees it. I forget.

I forget the details, but I definitely met someone. They got their butthole tattoo. Yeah. I mean that again, like she was probably, she's probably party girl. Right. Now I got to ask this question. Yeah. How do you do eyelids?

I've seen those tattoos. I mean, don't you pull it out, but then don't they have to rest the skin on something much like the penis tattoo? You have to rest it on a bar. Easy. Like the, the zoinks square footage here. It's small. They can pull it.

Pull and work on an area on the next area. Yeah. Make it tight. Taught. Remember when some casino company gambling place was paying people to tattoo their foreheads? Well, people were like looking for how they could make, they're like, we'll give you $100,000. And they're like, yeah, tattoo like, you know, fights.com or something stupid. What is it?

It was like, like casino Royale or something like gambling empire.com or something on your fucking forehead. I think it was less than a hundred thousand gene. I want to say it was like 10 or 20,000. Jesus. I'm serious. Impressing. Hey, tattoo this on your fucking face.

Dude. No, your forehead. Yeah. I'm saying that's your face. Damn son. Yeah. Damn. I'm terrified of that.

We have a response here. I didn't see this to the response to machines within contradiction. Oh. I have a theory about the lyrical genius of machines. And the lyric F the haters, F all the haters. Is it possible that we have just assumed that the F stands for fuck and proposing that he may be saying, forgive the haters, forgive all the haters. This adds to the credence to the line.

This adds credence to the line. Much love, no hate. Oh. Maybe he's a moose soup loving redneck that just loves rapping about nonsense or maybe he's the second coming of Jesus who happens to be working on his flow. I was thinking about while I was tripping on 10 to 12 Benadryl, I got a bad, bad bite Ben from Illinois. That's a really interesting analysis.

Yeah. F the haters, forgive all the haters. Could be. I mean, juggalos are about peace and love and unity. So he is a juggalo, right? Yeah. Yeah. That's a really great theory, very thought provoking.

He has another, I mean, that is very thought provoking that he's forgiving the haters. Could be. That really is Jesus. It could be. It could be. She's with Inga has another submission. No. Yeah.

My introduction, my song I just made on Facebook, it's called Crazy Isn't It? Well, who would I go? I'll drop that verse for you. Crazy isn't it? Crazy isn't it? Drop that verse. Drop that verse. Got the knife.

Crazy isn't it? Got the knife. Crazy isn't it? Crazy isn't it? Yes, yes, yes. He has such a specific style. You know, it's one of the things I would get to is like, it's very hard to get into the rap game and have a style that's unique to yours.

Like it takes me back to like when I first got into hip hop and like people would sound like each other and then somebody would come on. You're like, wow, that sounds so different. I remember like, like Tretch from Naughty by Nature, Busta Rhymes comes to mind. Guys that had such a unique approach to writing, like to lyricism. Their cadence and the flow. And this guy, I wish I knew his name. Also, I mean, who else sounds like this?

Crazy isn't it? Crazy isn't it? Drop that verse. Drop that verse. I'm the one that was forgotten. Crazy isn't it? Crazy isn't it? Crazy isn't it?

Crazy isn't it? Yeah. Again. He likes simple. And here's the genius to it. Okay. At first I was a little blown away, but then you look at it. Okay.

Look at the marketing on this. He's got the bloody, for those of you not watching, he's wearing, is this a hockey mask? Yeah. It's almost like that Jason mask. Right on 13th. Yeah. I mean, yeah. He's got the eyes cut out and then there's like, like four slots.

Hannibal Lecter. Yeah. Melfing. Yeah. And then he's got like a bloody tarp on and he's clearly holding a knife and he's taping it in his apartment. Cause you can see the smoke detector behind him, which is always a key component of these videos.

You gotta do it in your shitty apartment, but I have to say for this audience, not ours, meaning a particular audience, this is kind of right on the money here. Crazy. Like the theme, crazy isn't it? Crazy isn't it? On the forgotten one. Like it's again, kind of brilliant. Now, does he have the, he needs the right producer.

We've said this before. We tried to hook him up with people and still working on it. Right. I'm raw. I hate to say it, but I'm, this could be another hit just because this, the simplicity. I reached out to Pete rock. I've reached out to just blaze. I've reached out to Swiss beats.

I have a message out to Dr. Dre. I'm just trying to like what, I don't know if he's West Coast. I'm just trying to get the right guy. Timbaland got an email. I know we're trying to get him in the right hands because we realize what we have, what we have here is other level. I'm being serious. Like I think I sense you're joking.

This could be a big song. Like for the people who like music like Guar or, you know, whatever that late, the insane clown party, people like that, that like that music. Yeah. This is, this falls right in line with that stuff. Crazy, isn't it? Not bad. First, how crazy isn't it?

Innocent, innocent, crazy, innocent, isn't it? Incident, innocent, incident, isn't it? Incident, incident, isn't it? Innocence, victims, victims, crazy, isn't it? Crazy, isn't it? Innocent, incidents. I'm kind of brilliant, bro. I mean, this is a whole genre of like rock, metal.

What, I don't know what it's called, but what's it called? The like horror metal or something? Like what is Guar or whatever that is? There's a nice light fixture he has though. Oh, that's a light. I thought it was a smoke detector. Crazy, isn't it? Yeah.

Innocence, innocent, innocent, incident, incident, incident. Innocent, crazy, isn't it? Good lyrics. Crazy, isn't it? No, the lyrics are good. I get the feeling that it's all on the spot off the cuff too. I don't think he writes anything down. Like Jay-Z.

Just like Jay-Z. That's exactly who I'm thinking of. Gets in the studio and just goes, this is what I'm going to talk about today. Oh, oh, turn on my headphones. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Crazy, isn't it? Crazy, isn't it?

He's good at repetition too. Drop that verse, drop that verse, psychopath, psychopath, crazy, isn't it? Crazy, isn't it? Much love, no hate, no hate, no hate, no hate, much love, no hate, much love, no hate, much love, no hate, so it's cool in this place, so drop that verse, crazy, isn't it? Not bad. Really good. I'm impressed.

I'm impressed. Crazy, isn't it? Crazy, isn't it? Oh, it's Nick. Sorry. His name is Nixie. I dropped a verse from Cutter the Killer Clowns YouTube. Okay.

That's his name. Oh, so this guy registered to 140 BPM, added a simple drum loop and nothing else in my mind was blown. So this guy actually took what we heard and just kind of messed with it a little bit. Just kind of tweaked it like you said, basically got with a good producer. He said the perfect cadence with the entire, this guy's really, really working on his flow, no bullshit. He might be the realist rapper in the game today.

Just from Nixie. Let's see what he made here with this. My introduction, my song, oh, crazy, isn't it? Well, here I go. I'll drop that verse for you. Crazy, isn't it? Crazy, isn't it? Drop that verse.

Drop that verse. Got that night. Crazy, isn't it? Got that night. Crazy, isn't it? It's not quite there, but it's getting there. Yes, yes, yes. Crazy, isn't it?

Crazy, isn't it? It's a first try. It's the first pass. Drop that verse. Drop that verse. I'm the one that was forgotten. Crazy, isn't it? Yeah, he just needs a little more.

Yeah, a little more love on that beat. It's going in the right direction though. I like where this is going. It's a good point. I mean, it really is interesting. Wow. A cultural Brown question. Do you feel shit to shower as a cultural cornerstone for Hungarians, since both Tina and Adam Corolla

engaged in the backwards ritual? Furthermore, do different nationalities have their own unique brown time rituals, such as Italians, like myself, being notorious back to front wipers? What? Thanks a bunch, Jeans. John. I didn't know Italians were like that. I didn't know that either.

Maybe I should ask Sebastian. Yeah, ask Sebastian. Maybe the spokesman for Italians. I will say my Indian stepfather, when he came to America in the 70s, did not know that you could sit on our Western style toilets. He stood on it. And he squatted on our toilets until his roommate walked in on him shitting one day like that, and was like, bro, you don't have to do that.

You sit on it. You sit on it. So that's a different way, I would say. That's crazy. He stood on the seat. He stood and squatted, because that's how you do it in the old country, you know? There's just a hole in the ground. You ever shit in the Eastern world?

Never. Yeah, I haven't shit that way of pee, though. I don't want to experience it. No. You know what? Sometimes people go, you want to experience this new thing, and you go, no, I'm all good on experiences. I'm all good.

But here's the good part about squatting is that it does give you a cleaner break. Yeah. I've heard that the cleanup is far less. It's more natural. Oh, it is. And it's the whole concept behind that, the squatty potty. Yeah. It's the whole concept is like we're made to shit that way.

So I understand that. Yeah. Because what happens is like the further, like if you stand up and squat down, that is how your body is designed to release shit. Sure. You know, your knees go up, your asshole hangs down low, and it's just like a perfect escape valve for. Escape, I think.

Yeah. For your vowels. Yeah. And that whole thing is that like on the squatty potty is that you're sitting down and your feet are elevated. So it's pushing, you know, it's making you kind of, you're seated, but you're in that position more. Right.

Like childbirth, they push your knees up to your chest to get that position. I'd rather do that though than go for the full experience. You don't need it. I don't need it. I don't really like it. I don't need the thigh. You know what I mean? Like it's got, it's not relaxing to me to have to squat like that.

I don't want to do it. I want to chill when I'm on the toilet. Yeah. How am I supposed to order my groceries and stuff online, do my shopping. I'm just squatting. Squatting. No. No.

Come on. I don't know how to do it. So. Oh, I forgot. You got a good one? Well, we were talking the other day. Yeah. About your dad, my most favorite person on the planet.

And we were, you were doing your top dog impression for me the other day and I just, I don't know. Would you be, can I talk to top dog a little bit? You're trying to role play with me? Yeah. Okay. Sure. Top dog.

Cause we're talking about a time when you would be single. Like what would happen if your wife passed away before you? Meet people, date. Okay. I probably wouldn't marry again, but I would go on dates, I'd have my fun, you know, blondes. I like blondes. I like big tits and I like blondes and it's probably, you know, I would have my fun, but I probably wouldn't, I probably wouldn't marry again.

Yeah. If you're going to take a woman out on a date, what would you do with her? I like movies. Okay. I like movies. I like dinner. All right. So I'll probably go see a movie or something like that.

I'll probably say, would you like to come and come inside after her? Top dog. Are you a good public speaker? Very natural. Yeah. I'm very good at it. Some people just have it. I'm always, I get people, I, you know, I'm very thoughtful.

And I just know, I know how to make people laugh and I know how to engage people and entertain. This is very good. I'm very natural. That is exactly how he is. To tell his answer, a hundred percent his answer. I'm actually repeating an answer. Okay.

It's like, that's him, he's being funny. He just called multiple choice. You sound. Are you okay? So funny. I can't believe I'm laughing at that. That's him just in the glory of his own. Remember the blonde jokes era that we were doing all the blonde jokes with him?

He just loved those. He loved it. Yeah. Okay. Oh my God. So speaking of like dad, parents, we got so excited last week, the potential of this about how when my dad turned 70, I kept saying at, at that get together with my parents. Like I'm asking my mom if she's going to 69 my dad before we turn 70.

The last night of being 69. Yeah. I was like 69. She was like, what? She had no idea, no idea. So we asked you guys to ask your folks if they would like ask your mom if she's going to 69 hurt your dad on the 70th or right before his 70th. And some of you really came through.

Thank you for that. Hold is done. 52. Are you going to, you think you'll be with him when he's 70? No. You think that's a possibility? Yeah. Could be why.

What's going to happen when he's 70? Do you think the night that he turned 70, you guys are going to 69? I'm asking for, I'm asking for a thing. What are you doing? I'm not going to answer these questions cause they're stupid. She's so mad. That's exactly what I wanted. She's so upset.

She leaves. You don't have to leave the house. I have to leave the house. I have to leave the house. Oh, that was great. That was fantastic. She just, she shut down. She got.

Justin, thank you. So quiet. Oh my God. That was so funny. Please keep doing this. Ask your mom if she's going to 69. Here's an audio one that came in. Do you have a deal with dad when he turned 69 that you give him a 69 on that day?

Oh no. That's gross. That is a sky from Michigan. Good work. And then you sent me one. Is this a different one? I'm assuming that. Yes.

Yes. This one just got sent in today. Where did, did you forward it to my, me? Yeah. Where is that? Oh, okay. I see it. I see it.

All right. Oh, here we go. If I can open this. I love how upset it makes moms. Of course. I'm Samantha. I think it's so funny and so silly that your son would ask you something so crazy. Yeah.

Why is this? It'd be from your mom's podcast at gmail.com. I forward it to you. I see it. I see it. I'm trying to get it to open here. If all the haters. Oh God.

It's so funny. I wish my mother were alive so I could ask her that because I don't even think she knew what 69 was. 69? What is 69? Yeah. My mom definitely didn't know. Let's see.

What? Oh, is this what you're bringing out? My 30th and my 40th and so forth. Yeah. And I said I remember 40. I don't remember 50th at all. But this was my 40th. Oh, gosh.

Speaking of milestone birthdays. That's a, that's a don't. Yeah. Don't. 18? No. Your most recent one was 70, right? My most recent birthday.

Milestone. Oh, milestone. Yeah. 70? Yeah. Mom. Yeah. For dad's 70th birthday, did you guys like 69 to celebrate?

You're going? Did I? What? Did you guys 69 for dad's 70th birthday to celebrate? Jesus. What? 69. Did you guys 69 to celebrate?

Let's do that. Do you know what I'm talking about? Yeah. I'm going to take, I'm going to take those silences. Yes. Oh, my God. That was great. The whole family there.

That was perfect. That was perfect. That says we celebrated. And this is the email. We celebrated my boyfriend's 30th birthday. And then he asked his mom and dad about that. That came from Samantha. That was unreal.

The dad got it. The dad started laughing. He was loving it. Yeah. The mom was like, what? That was amazing. Did she say that she knew what it was? Yeah.

She was like, I think I know. I can't believe you're asking that. That was really great. So yeah, 69. Ask your mom if she's 69. 70. It's so stupid. I think that's why I like it so much.

It's so stupid. God damn. Oh, God. Here's another silly question. Oh, God. Six-fingered questions. Let me get into it. Some people have six fingers on each hand.

How do they decide which finger is the middle finger? Oh, my God. Are they better at guitar and saxophone and fingering butts? Numerically, yes they are. But sometimes you can have too much of a good thing. I think all three of us know how good fingering can be too. How do they count to 10? Is their base 10 system of counting based on 12s?

Do they say give me 24 minutes instead of give me 20 minutes when they're late? Obviously, you're the machines. I trust you with these issues. Then and forever, someone with only 10 fingers. Oh, wow. Yeah, I have seen it. Have you ever met a six-finger person? I've only seen it in that movie.

My name is Inigo Montoya. I've seen it a few times. Shut up. I swear. Who? I've met people with them. I've met people with six toes also. Yeah.

Yeah, they have like a little extra digit on the side there. Wow. Apparently, I've actually saw something about, you know, evolution wise that one day we won't have pinky toes. I've heard this. They said that there's no, you know, you, you eventually will not have them because there's not really, you don't get a lot from it. I feel like you get balance from them, obviously.

I would think so. Extra balance. Yeah. And they say your pinkies are kind of arbitrary as well. However, no, don't you need them to play piano or the flute? Yeah, but I mean, how many? I don't know. I don't know if I can do anything productive.

I don't know. But yeah, anyways, that's a really good question. If any six-fingered people are out there or no of six-fingered people, will you ask them if they will just refer to things in 12s? Or what if they have six and five? Do they use 11s? Oh, man. It's gotta be 11.

It's a loaded question, right? I need to get my water. Okay. There's water behind you. I think it's a really interesting question. Here we go. Super. What is this?

Okay. This says from Blue Band here. He says this guy, what does this guy do? He's a professional. He filled himself up, sealed himself shut. God, what? Christina, have you ever had any close calls like this on television or on stage? Like early on in your career.

So let's see what he does. Hold on. I know what the title is. Oh, no, but he doesn't do anything. He's nervous. He doesn't do anything. No, but he's not going to. I'm not looking.

It's over. It's over. It's over. It's over. But all he does, I'll tell you what he does. He just goes, like that. Okay. Okay.

He almost throws up. I don't like it. I don't like it. He's got really nervous. I don't like it. Next clip. Can you watch it? No.

He doesn't throw up. I don't want to watch it. I don't like it. He doesn't throw up. I don't like it. You know, I don't like it. I'm not going to watch. You're not going to get me.

You think I'm stupid that I'm going to watch the clip with Puk in the title? No. No. Okay. Come on. I'm not putting it on my headphones because I know you're going to play the audio. Do you want to see this? No, I'm not.

Don't lie to me. I'm not. He says, I have a new folder. So this guy is kind of the Burt of the golf world. His name is John Dailey. I don't know if you've ever heard of him. He's pretty famous. Check out what he goes through in a day.

Nope. No, no, no. He goes through you've got to listen. It's over. I promise. I promise. Look, I'll fucking ... You calculated this.

You've calculated that you smoke up to 18,000 cigarettes a year. Is that Donald Ross? Yeah, I don't know if you're still smoking that much. How long have you smoked that much for? I started smoking when I was 19, smoked for almost 29 years. I smoke about the same as the book, two packs, two, two and a half packs a day. Any desire to stop? I ... no.

He looks good. I mean ... Yeah. So this guy is like legendary for being like the party engulfer. He actually won some major events many years ago. He had a lot of alcohol problems. Sure. I mean, you can tell by the bloated face, the bad under eye bags, the red complexion.

The white hair is really a nice touch to red skin. I mean, he looks like a walking bag of shit, so that's what I would expect. And then he drapes himself in the American flag jacket like a total lunatic. I mean, this guy looks so bad. Jesus Christ. How do you even consume that much soda in a day? I used to drink anywhere from 12 to 20 diet cokes a day. How?

I went to McDonald's three or four times a day. To me, they always had the best fountain diet coke. They do. I don't know, because I don't drink water. I hate water. Okay. I cannot stand to drink water. You don't drink water at all?

No, Rich Beam and some of the guys that call me camel, because I don't drink water. I never drink water on tour. That even means on those hot days when they're out on the golf course, walking a golf course is 95 degrees out, takes fucking three and a half hours. He's just like, hey, do you hand me a diet coke? Dude, his piss has to be brown. Oh, his insides just have to be a fucking ashtray. I'm sure, man.

All of it. How old is he? 40. How old is he? McDonald's. Quite a bit. I like McDonald's. Burger King, McDonald's, Taco Bell, all of them.

What's quite a bit? I used to be able to eat like two Big Macs, two or three cheeseburgers, chocolate shake or regular coke back then, before I started drinking diet coke. Diet Coke's very healthy. And it's sitting pretty easily. In a sitting. In a sitting. Damn, homie.

He said two Big Mac couple cheeseburgers, milkshake and a Coke. How's he so skinny from that? He's not that skinny. He's a little deceptive right now, the angle. He looks terrible. When you won the British Open. I don't think it was that bad. I think when I won the British, I was only like 225.

What do you mean? I bet you were eating like the whole British Open, you were downing like multiple facts of M&Ms and chocolate cookies and chocolate muffins and. Oh yeah. What's wrong with that? But I only weighed like 225 when I won the British. But see, I wasn't drinking, you know. Oh yeah.

This guy's a golfer. Yeah. This just goes to show like how little athleticism is involved in golf. Yeah. Well, they're really skilled. Be a piece of shit. Like a. Right.

Like baseball too. Can't you be kind of a slug? You can be. If you could do that one thing. Bowling. Yeah. Didn't you have that joke? Yeah.

Bowling, darts. Bowling, poker and darts. I think the Triple Crown of Lazy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Let's see. Yeah.

I mean, this guy's just got a death wish. You got to see this guy. You really. But I get it. I like McDonald's. I really do. I like that shit too. Yeah.

This is him. Yeah. He's a mess man. But he's like a, he's a known mess. I mean, look at that. That's a hushy. Big hushy belly. Yeah.

Oh my God. Real, real drink. And the hair doesn't help, you know, he, what he was known for was just like crushing a ball too. You do it. 350 yard drives. That's a. That's a fuck.

He is the Bert of the golfing world. Oh, he totally is. I wish Bert smoked. I really do. This guy is just a walking turd. He even got, he even got like Bert played golf shirtless a few times. Hmm. I mean, that's a good look.

It's not a good look. No. No. Yeah. He's the party guy. You know, the party guy. You know, I mean, and that is a cute thing until you're this guy's age and then it's not cute.

Then you're just suicidal, you know, right? Well, Bert's trying to, you know, change him. He ran, he ran a fucking half marathon. I heard. I really was hoping he'd get hurt, but he did finish. He finished. Yeah. He finished in like a decent time too.

It's amazing. I know. I've never run anything like that. Half marathon. I would never do it. It couldn't pay me. I mean, let's be honest. Half marathon ain't shit.

Okay. How many miles is it? 13.1. That's a lot. No, it's not. It's a marathon. Marathons are what's up. You're running a half marathon.

Okay. Okay. Okay. I mean, I don't, I've never run 13 miles consecutively in a day. Do you? Hey, man. Let's play some half court basketball. Why?

There's a full court here. Okay. Maybe we're doing halfs now. Sounds like you're throwing down the gauntlet. I'm just saying that ain't shit. That's all I wanted to say. That's it. Let's see what else you ask him.

Damn. And Coach Slick took over. He says, you're going to lose at least 60, 70 pounds before you play for this golf team. And I weighed like one, I weighed like 230, maybe 235. Well, and then in addition to that, you hated cigarettes at the time, but didn't he start smoking cigarettes? Yeah.

He used to smoke marble lights and he said, just start smoking here and have a cigarette. A coach told him, a coach told him to start smoking. His eyes are so puffy, like, you know what I mean? They look so much bulgier and it's just from toxins. Oh yeah. Man, this guy's really been like the puffiness is really the bloat. I mean, the guy is so bloated. I'm five, almost five, 11.

I'm supposed to weigh 184 pounds in my height. I just don't see it. I'm big boned. You know, I'm not a skinny bone. I have somewhat big arms, big legs. It'd be hard for me to feel healthy at 184 pounds. Yeah. I've heard that before.

I like how he cuts his bangs too. It's like what your mother used to put a bowl on your head and then cut around the bowl. Didn't you get a bowl cut? Of course. Did she go with an actual bowl? My mother, no, my mother was a hairdresser. Oh, she was? Oh yeah.

Before, I think in Canada, she was cutting here and in the U.S. So she knew she went to cosmetology school. You've got to see this. You're going to die. So this guy is outside a club and he sees alleged pieces of shit are Kelly. And this guy's got some mental problems, but he's like a big fan. It's conundrum. So he's got, he's, he, you know, he's, he's touched autistic, artistic, well, it's funny

that you're... I can't sing anything, man. Okay. I believe I could fly. I believe I could touch the sky. I think about it every night and day. So. He's a better singer than I am.

Well, yeah. And, and here's the thing with the big reveal is that better wings and fly away. He's singing that to our Kelly. Oh my God. I believe that you're touching the sky. Oh my God. Smoky. Smoky.

Smoky. Smoky. Smoky. Smoky. Smoky. Smoky. Smoky. Oh my God.

I believe that you're touching the sky. Oh my God. Oh shit. So, I guess he posted this. Blackler. People were really mad because that fan. What that was just singing there is autistic. Yeah.

And so people got really upset that he was basically. Mocking them saying that he's high. So then. Okay. Now people want to say I'm making fun of people with autism. He's totally not true. Artism. Artism.

I don't think he was making. I think he was laughing with. Have fun. Well, yeah. He was clowning the kid but in a, in a positive way. I don't see that being me. All these scandals. If you want, I don't have time to go into the full depth of it.

Yeah. I really want to feel like somebody is allegedly a repugnant piece of shit. Yeah. You should read in depth about our Kelly. Yeah. The case made for him being a horrific. Yeah. Human being is pretty substantial.

Yeah. Yeah. Like we're talking. Borderline or actually just go ahead and call it allegedly. I have to keep saying that. Sure. Kidnapping. Yes.

I've heard these stories. They've been taking phones away from people, giving them orders of when they can bathe, go to the bathroom, set like, and that was, and there's like, it's not like once, like as if that's, you know, not a lot, but like many, many cases. Oh, it's been over the years from what I've heard of and, and into, he's into the 15 year old stuff. Yeah. Yeah.

A whole bunch. These are, uh, this is not like an underground thing. These are published things, but I've never seen nothing really, I mean, he did have a, obviously that serious case that he beat, but then what I'm talking about is even since then, and it's documented in newspapers. Maybe he's, maybe he's throwing some cash at it. I don't know. I'm sure he's throwing some cash at it.

So I was throwing some cash at those rings. I was just going to say, can I ask you something? Since I feel like you're more familiar with this culture than I am. What's the deal with black dudes wearing two diamond earrings? Do you understand? Like I thought one was cool, but I thought two meant you're gay. Like that's gay. Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

Black culture. No, no, no, no. Or in any culture. No, no. It's all, it's all about doubling up on it. It's been that way for a while. But I feel like, um, so like what kind of black guy wears the two earrings versus the one?

Do you know what I'm saying? Well, I mean, the one thing I feel like hasn't been a thing in 25 years. Oh, really? So it's been, it's been to, and I just haven't noticed. Yeah. And then like the bigger, the diamonds are like the, you know, just dudes are just straight up stunting on people right now. Like those are big at, look at the size of those.

Gorgeous. Yeah. Gorgeous. And like some dudes, um, will buy the fake ones just because like, who knows? We were talking about this the other day, you're like, the guy in the mall isn't wearing like real jewels. No, no. I didn't know that.

I didn't know that. Like if you go out and you see like people, usually a crazy jewelry, there's a 99% chance of it's fake, you know? Yeah. But then if you're R Kelly and you have R Kelly money, there's a possibility, there's a possibility of two things. One that he has the real thing, but like keeps it in a safe and use it when he feels like this is a special event and then he'll use the fake or that it's just always real.

You know, I bet it's always real. This guy's got so much money. He's got a shitload of money. He's very talented. Yeah. He is very talented. Yeah.

But like the double earrings thing. And I think especially his teeth are nice in the last 10 years, in the last 10 years, the, the fusion, the coming together of hip hop and pro sports has been about like, and like when being flashy has become like more celebrated, maybe last 15 years. You see a lot more. You see double massive diamond earrings on, you see rappers, you know, hip hop, you know, you see on producers, you see it on pro athletes. Now the athletes, they don't wear it during the games, do they?

There's been guys that wear, usually you see necklaces during the game, like gold change, you know, and usually it'll pop out, you know, like in, in football, they'll, after a play, you can see sometimes the necklace falls out and then they tuck it back in. Earrings usually, no, that's a definite no, but like then there's this football player, Julio Jones, who, I guess he went, he was wearing his crazy diamond earrings when he was out on a boat and lost him. And then like told people, like if you can get him for me, I'll give you this much money, you know, to return them.

There were a hundred thousand dollar earings, a hundred grand on earrings. So I don't know what, you know, how many carrots that is, but that feels like too much to spend on earrings personally. I mean, I don't know. It seems a little too much personally. It seems excessive. His teeth are so nice. I was coming from a club the other night and, you know, I was tipsy and everybody else was

tipsy. It was about four, well, two o'clock in the morning, that's what time the club closed. And it was a guy coming up to me like a fan, you know, it didn't seem like he had autism to me at all. He wasn't, he couldn't tell he was an artist at all. I didn't think he had autism. Was it dressing all creatively? Like an artistic guy?

Artistic guys, I have all kinds of backgrounds. And I apologize to him if he did, but he was pure drunk to me and he was singing my songs and, you know, the security had to get him up off of me a couple of times because he was coming a little bit too close, but it was all good. You know, I welcomed the guy, I played with the guy, joked with him, I had to do everybody. That's what I saw. I actually saw it being in the spirit of him having fun with the kid. I believe that you have.

Yeah. He didn't have to like play with that guy. He was being fun. Yeah. That was cool. I thought it was cool as shit. I put God $100 on the streets and the next morning they say I gave him $3. You know, it's just too much guys, you know, let me do my work and it's obviously people

trying to black bar me and destroy my career. I understand that, but you know. But then just like our favorite lyricist. I got this one thing I say, I don't tell God about my problems. I tell my problems about my God. Okay. I love my fans. I thank y'all for supporting Kale's continue to, if you want to, to all the haters, I love

you because you inspire me. Hmm. After haters, all the haters use their as fuel and inspiration or forgive all the haters to give all the haters. Oh my God. I got to make that call. Okay. I got to make that call.

Gene, make that call. Make that call. Make that call. Make that call. All right. We got to close out this show. Don't forget huge sale in the merch store, machines within Santa Claus stuff, Santa Claus wears jeans, hats, sweaters, a bunch of stuff out.

If you haven't seen mother and fear yet on Netflix, check it out. Christina P or very first Netflix, one hour special. And yeah, we'll see it. The live shows. Anything else, Gene? No. Thanks. Thanks for listening.

Thanks for listening, guys. We'll see you next week. Bye, Gene. 01:27:10,160 --> 01:27:21,240 I always be glassy, jeans stay high and tight cause I never be sagging, all white lamb when I went through the traffic. One more soup, yep. Thank you for asking.

Terminated gun ain't shit. You can tell me. I always do it big like birthrights and felons. That father haters don't fuck up my pronouns. These are zen, but I ask for a ghost down. Before it goes down, you already know that my farce got the cream, buried my mom got the force in a week. Shout out to Ellison.

Shout out to FIFA. Shout out to Bristol for ranking my shits. I'm back. I hardly decide. I'm probably a black. Up in your mom's house in a car without a hat.