Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - 429-Josh Wolf-Your Mom's House with Christina P and Tom Segura

Episode Date: January 3, 2018

Ya'll know what it is. If you gotta brown you might as well go to where the brown ends up anyway, right? One man already figured that out and is talking to us from a gutter!  Plus, how cool is being a virgin? How cool is it to RECLAIM your virginity? Hold up, we are bundling ourselves in blankets from how cool the previous two questions are.  No more than 2 people should wear white if three people are hanging out together. That is an Australian rule that we explore. AND hilarious comic, podcaster and all around great guy, Josh Wolf joins us on the podcast today.  Pull your jeans up and enjoy this one. 

Hi, mommies! Quick announcement, some new information that we did not have at the time of recording this program. My January 12th Ice House show, the 8 o'clock show, is sold out, so we've added a 10 o'clock show. January 12th, 10 p.m. Ice House, Pasadena, California. Tickets are at Christina P. Online. Get them now, Jeans! I like it. Yeah. This is damn produced by Mike Calico. Damn. It's almost there, guys. My big new Netflix special. Oh. January 12th. It's coming up. Put it in your calendars. As I always say, please share. Please tell your friends, family. Try it out. Put it on. Try it out. Have a couple black eyes over and, you know, try it out

with them. It's called Disgraceful. Worldwide, on Netflix January 12th, I have some dates we're lining up to announce, but I won't be announcing them until January, sometime in January, for some 2018 shows. Until then, I'm just going to be in town here in Los Angeles doing shows around town. Jean, what do you got? I have live dates. January 12th, the Ice House in Pasadena. Come see me there. One show. February 2nd and 3rd, Short Lake Shitties, Utah, Wise Guys Comedy Club. February 23rd, Calusa Casino, One Night, One Show Only, and Calusa, California, and then March 30th and 31st in Portland, Oregon, at the Hiram Comedy Club. Check it out. Christina

P. Online. Try it out. Buy tickets. Try it out. Check it out. Try it out. Try it out. Check it out. Try it out. There it is. There you go, Jean. Happy New Year to all of you. We have a great guest, Josh Wolfen Studio, today. Hope you enjoy it, and we will see you next week. Bye, Jean. Bye. Machines within. Practice on the ride. Practice on the flow. G16100. Machines within. Machines within. If all the haters much love no hate, I don't know what's really what's fake. I don't give enough. Walking down the street. Hatchet crew singing Happy Halloween. Working on my ride. Working on my song. I got a gun. Got a terminated gun. Machines within. Machines within.

Yeah, you have it, Jean. What do you think? I think it keeps giving. Yeah. We didn't know. How are we to know that that song would just keep growing? We wouldn't know. No. That was by Kenzie from Albuquerque. Oh, thank you. The country version. The country version. Can we talk about the thing we haven't talked about yet that just happened at our house? When? Right now. We made breakfast. The nanny was here taking care of Ellis. You were cooking eggs. She was feeding him. And I think you forgot that she was here is what I'm hoping is what happened. That is what happened. And you've ripped a huge fart. Oh my gosh. I did. But you also did the dad thing where you looked at me and you made your, like you bit your lip face as if to really

punch it to me like look what I'm doing. So clearly you forgot. I know. I did. I totally did. You know why? Because I was cooking. You're frying bacon. Yeah. So whenever that happens, I don't know. My mind just goes. Yeah. And I was, I was making a momlet, making sure the sides are, you know, cleaning on it, going around your thing. I felt that I was like, oh, here's a big fart coming. Yeah. That's crazy. And then you looked at me and you were like, she's right there. She was right there. Yeah. She didn't, obviously she didn't say anything. No, but she heard that one right. She heard it. She, everyone heard it. The whole house heard it. Dogs, kid. Well, she hears our son fart all the time.

Right. Mr. Tom, I heard your farting. She was nice. Tom, it was very nice. You are the fart champion. You have a nice pitch and a nice bass. She would never say that. I liked your Mr. Fart sound. She would never, ever say that. But she has three, she has three sons. She has three sons. Yeah. So she's heard this all. Yeah. Anyways. Well, I feel terrible. She's heard us do stuff. If she hasn't figured it out by now that we're animals. She's going to find out. Yeah. She knows. We're disgusting. There's a lot to get into Jean. So we open the show right and then do it. You know what I mean? Get into some topics. Here we have a great guest coming. Got a gun. Got a terminator gun. All right. Here we go.

With jeans within. Your mom's house for the new year. This is 2018. And what a great way to start 2018, you guys. Here we go. Here we go. Come on, ready? Virginity is cool. Come on. Come on. Virginity is cool. What up? Virginity is cool. He's got it. He's virginity is cool. Come on. Come on. Virginity is cool. What up? Virginity is cool. Come on. Come on. This shit is big time. Who is Randy? Don't bring anyone loving to this. You're burning the fucking stand. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome to your mom's house with Tom Segura, Tom Segura and Christina Pajitse. Welcome to your mom's house. I did a little camera adjustment. So this is kind of, you know, every year you can't do the same thing you did the last year. So part of what we've committed to for 2018 for the show moving forward

is kind of taking on a little more of a Christian angle and sharing it with our listeners. I think we just lost about 80% of our subscribers here. Don't care because I know he'll provide. Hey, hey, I have two bless to be stressed. You know what I'm saying? Comedy works. Yes, it does. You have to say and prayer. And prayer, my friend. Yeah. You know that guy too, he was like the older guy leading it. Yeah. He had learned like expressions and phrases from within hip hop. So he said, what up? What up? Come on. Come on. Like he was trying to be like a real hype man. Turn my headphones up. He was listening to a lot of hip hop music and I'll say, come on, come on. What up? What up?

It sounds so absurd. Come on, come on. It sounds so ridiculous. What about the punching? Because if you're not, if you're watching this on YouTube, it's he punches low, middle, high. Come on, come on. And you can see the kids. Like, you know, you can't make teenagers think something's cool. You can't. You can't either. They think it's cool or it's not cool. They really reluctantly get into it. They're like, virginity is cool. And they're all nerds. And the only thing is they just haven't had their nuts busted yet, you know? Right. Because once you do, you're like, no, no, virginity is not cool. Busted nuts is cool. Exactly. That's all I want to do. Of course. Well, that I never thought virginity was nobody thinks. And I had a lot of religious influence.

And I was like, this shit sucks jerking off feels great. I can't wait to stick. Of course. And also, if you have to tell people it's cool, yeah, it's probably not. Well, yeah, you're just trying to keep them virgins. And for what? For God, dummy, to save it for marriage. So you can procreate in a marriage dummy. God doesn't want you to have fun. I remember when we were really curious young, you know, I mean, I tell a story about my dad talking to me about masturbation on stage. So I'll leave that there. But I remember my aunt, we were like, what's masturbating? And she's like, well, masturbation is when you have the impure acts with yourself. Oh my God. And we were like, okay, so like, should we do that? And she was like,

no. Because if you do that, then it takes away from the love and feeling you have for your partner. We're like, whoa. She's right. We're like eight years old. We're like, okay, I guess I'll never masturbate. What are you going to tell our son? Dude, do it all the time. Do it everywhere. Right out. Come to my shows. Do my green room. Do it when you meet people. And also, I mean, it was such a silly, I went to a Catholic school and it was such a, it's such a herculean effort to keep children virgins. You know what I mean? It's such like an uphill battle. Why not just be like, look, you guys are fucking, here's condoms. We had polar opposite though, explanations. Like my parents were basically like, virginity is cool. And your parents, come on,

come on. Feel it. Feel it. Your parents were like, you need to shave your vagina so it looks nice. Like it's real crazy. Well, my parents were, you know, euros. So the whole thing was like, if you were going to have sex, you let me know. I take you to the doctor to get you pills. And of course I was like, I'm never telling you anything. I'll go on my own. You do, you know, but yeah, the message was you're going to do it. Don't be stupid. You know, just be safe. So, they didn't bring it up. Then they talked about marriage. Then they talked about like, you know, I remember when I was dating a girl in high school and my mom one time, I was driving her somewhere and she just goes out of nowhere. She goes, I hope you are treating her

with respect. Oh dear. And I was like, I'm sorry. I didn't know what she was getting to. Oh dear. She's like your girlfriend. Oh dear. I hope you are treating her with respect. Like I'm only coming on her tits, mom. I'm like, yeah, mom. Of course I treat her with respect. And she's like, this is a, you are too young to be disrespectful. Oh, disrespectful. Yeah. I was like, what do you want to eat right now? Disrespectful is the word for, for a virginity is cool. Come on. Come on. Come on. Do the lead up Tom. Come on. Come on. Feel it. Feel it. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. All right. Thank you. He's got them doing kind of a Hitler youth thing happening with this, you

know, proper credit for this. This is from everythingisterrible.com. Yeah. This is a great site that we found a few treasures on here over the years. Yeah. But that you pulled, you found this one. It was tweeted to me by one of the mommies. Well, it got me down the rabbit hole of, of people who think virginity, like just Google virginity is cool. And you'll see a bunch of like totally brainwashed Christian boys being like, Jesus wants you to save it for the boss marriage. That way is special between husband and wife. Like they have no idea. Like they're 15 years old. If anything, I wish I could go back and lose my virginity much younger and, and really exploit some of the women around me at that age. Yeah. I agree because I think you

and I both had that. Like we're both actually, I think serial monogamists in our core. Like I was, I was never able to be promiscuous. Yeah. And part of me is like, I wish I could have just turned off that button of like shame or conscience or whatever. Yeah. And just be kind of a slut. Do you want to take time out of the marriage and do that? And then we come back or something? Is that what you're saying? 100%? Are you serious right now? I love this idea. I have the confidence now to do it. So do I. Yeah. So how much time are we going to? I don't know. What about Ellis and stuff? What about him? It's your kid. It's your kid. Your kid. No, your kid. You got to raise him. Just take him with you. Do what my parents did. Take him to club men with you. I need to explore.

You won't eat my scrum. Let somebody else do it. Scrum. What the scrum? Yeah. Stupid. Come on. Virginia. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. I mean, in our Catholic school, it was encouraged to stay a virgin. Like abstinence was the big message, which is so dumb. It's never going to happen. Need little slides or not, virgins. Of course not. God. And your little Catholic schoolgirl outfits. You've really got to be super brainwashed to go down that route of total app. You've got to be terrified of sex, honestly. Terrified. Terrified of sex or terrified of your parents or terrified of God. God. Yeah. Some scary parents. I'm sure who like the kids are like, Oh my God, you know, like they're really in fear. Like mom and dad are going to, they're

going to come in and they're going to smell my pussy at night. No, no, that's probably not like Jessica Simpson's dad. Remember when she gave him a, she gave her a wedding ring? Jessica Simpson was married to her dad before she got married to someone else. No, that's a common practice. You know that? Oh my God. In the Christian community, a father gives a daughter like a wedding ring, essentially it's an abstinence ring. Oh my God. And she gets to wear it until she gets married. Yeah. Thank God we had a boy. We have a boy. Yeah, but he can knock up some dumb bitch. I know we really got to, we're going to fucking work on that. I want to give him birth. I want male birth control to exist and I'll just sneak it in a serial. We got to scare him,

scare that. Hell yeah. You don't want no babies? No. And I'll drive, I'll drive in the neighbor, like bad neighborhoods and be like, this is where you'll have to live if you have a kid. Yeah. The high school diploma. You won't be able to support no kids. You got no kids? No. That's terrible. That's why we have to tell them Virginia is cool. Mahalo is back, we're back from Hawaii. Mahalo. You know, by the way, I don't, I feel like nobody who actually lives in Hawaii does the aloha, mahalo thing. That's for tourists. Yeah. Like when you're staying at a hotel, they're like, aloha, mahalo. No, you're not. And like the fifth guy that walks by you in the hallway, you know, like a maintenance guy or something, he'll be like, aloha. You're

like, all right, I got it. It's not. Good morning. Yeah. Hi. Yeah. Or even I remember in Jamaica, they don't say everything is I read like nobody. That's a, that's a white person. Yeah. They go, come on, come on. Virginia is cool. Everything is I read. We had a great time on vacation. That was great. It was really great to recharge the batteries, take time off. We needed it, man. We needed it. And we've got so relaxed. We, we, we got a rental car. We went to the island of Maui. That is hilarious. We got a rental car only because we're staying there like a week, I think eight days. And one day, like third day, and I'm like, well, we got to see this place at some point. It's a beautiful island, you know? So I go down the front desk and I said,

I want to be able to rent a car one day and explore. They're like, oh yeah, we, we can set it up for you. It's great. How about in a few more days? So it's like, do it on day six. And they're like, okay. So day six comes around. I'm like, really like chilling at the hotel. We haven't really left the hotel. No, which is a great thing, but that's how we do it. It's a nice hotel. You lay on the beach, chill out. So it's like they, you know, I go down, they go, they go, your car's ready. You know, give us your driver's license, blah, blah, blah. And then they say, you know, leave from here. They give us a map. Do you want to explore this place? And I go, she goes, everyone goes here. I think it's the road to Han. I go, okay,

how far, she's got to be like a six hour, like a full day thing. I'm like, no, no. Then it's like the next thing. She's like, this one's pretty cool when you can check out this restaurant, blah, blah, blah. And I go, how long is that? She's like, I mean, it's not bad. That's like a 45 minute drive. And I go, all right. And she goes, so when you're done, you bring the car back here to the hotel and make sure you come back to us and tell us to close it out. Otherwise you'll be charged for overnight parking fees. They'll assume you're keeping the car. I said, okay, I get in the car with you. I'm not really saying anything. I'm like, I'm like, all right, so we're going to go this place. I checked it out. Here's the map. You know, and you go, well, why don't we stop and get a

coffee first? I know you want a coffee for the road. Well, you've been really hitting the Starbucks hard. You've been hitting a certain beverage order, a venti iced coffee, extra ice with just a splash of whole milk. And I know this because if I don't get it right for you, I have hell to pay. So you've really been hitting these. And you hooked me up for Christmas. You made me a barista. I did. You got me like my own coffee grinds and a little French press. It's nice. Thank you. You're going to work a Starbucks now like I did. Okay. So cheers. There it is. That's your French press. Try it out. Try it out. So we, uh, we found the one Starbucks nearby our hotel and what happened? So we pulled out, we drive maybe a mile down the street. We park, we get a coffee and we sit down. We just sit down

outside of the place and sit in there with you. It's a rocking chair. I'm sitting in these rocking chairs and I go, uh, hey, I got to tell you, um, I don't really want to drive to this place right now. And you go, yeah, I don't want to do it either. And I go, so what do we do? And you're like, well, let's hang out here for a minute. So it looks like we're gone for a while. So we do, we just walk around. There's a few shops. It's like their mall. Yeah. We found the mall on Maui basically the mall. So like we've basically replicated our home life in Maui. I'm still making an effort to try to do something. So I go into Starbucks and obviously the people working there are local people. So first they insult my coffee order and then I say, hey,

by the way, um, I wanted to check out something, but I don't want to drive too far because I'm still trying to make something happen. I still want to do the 45 minutes. I go, is there something around here? Like 15, you know, five minutes, like a waterfall, five minutes away. Is there anything like semi-close? I said, and they go, well, and the lady mentioned some beach. She goes, there's that beach. I go, oh, okay. Thankfully the other lady goes, that's not 15 minutes. And I go, it's not. And she goes, no, that's about 30 minutes each way. Nothing around here that I could drive to and see. And the lady goes, I know what you could do. And I go, what? She goes, you can just walk down to the beach here. That's how we feel. And I go, yeah, I could. Yeah. And

she's like, yeah, it's beautiful. And I go, I'm staying here. Like I stay for, I'm staying on this beach. Nothing I can go explore. She's like, no, I go, okay. So we walk around. We hit a couple shops. I don't know. We probably spent 30 minutes. I did have one of those delightful shaved ice things. Oh yeah. Those are real popular. I really like that. That was like the highlight of my week there. And then getting the car. Just so people understand what we did. We found the mall and we hung out at the mall. Yeah. On Maui. It's shameful. Like we went, we did the same shit we do at home, except in Hawaii. Yeah, but not really planned. It just kind of, you know, it's just kind of how that's kind of trashed people we are. Yeah. Like I went to the gap,

bought some underwear. But you needed underwear. I did. I didn't pack enough. Anyways, we, we didn't make, we didn't spend a whole day there. We just spent like, you know, enough time to convince the hotel people that we drove somewhere. I don't know. Then I drive back, the same guy that had given me the keys outside was like, oh, hey, I go, hey, and he's like, you've been eating it? And I go, no, no, no, we're done with it. And he was like, you're done? Done. And he just goes, okay. Walk back in. I go to the same lady at the front desk. And I go, hey, you can close this out. And she was like, oh, you don't want it later? And I go, no, no, no. You could tell she wanted to say something, but she was too polite.

You lazy fucking howlies. Yeah. But the thing was we were enjoying our vacation. Our way. That's the thing. So no, you can't force it. That was pretty fun though. It was a lot of fun. Yeah. I'm glad we went there. I'm glad we saw that beautiful mall. Yeah, it's a really nice mall. No, but seriously, the beach was beautiful. No, everything was amazed. Everything was amazed. I flew in Oahu and did a show. Oahu, Oahu, Hawaii. And I did a show Honolulu, Honolulu. That was really fun. We kept saying that song. That song was playing everywhere for Christmas. Maka, laka, laka, laka, laka, laka.

Apparently, I also found out that in Hawaii, in those islands, Joe Koi is like fucking Justin Bieber. It's fucking crazy. Yeah, he outsold you too. There's bananas, dude. What? So bananas. They're like, yeah, he sold more tickets than you. So bananas. Hey, before we have our guests coming, can we play this clip from Dr. Drew's appearance? Oh, sure. We have a guest on the way, but you know, I've been dying since Drew came in here. Here it is. I know. And we can't stop talking about the show. Well, because we had this debate between us. We also had this debate and had listeners weigh in for years. Hey, it's been a lifelong thing in my family

for decades. Long time. And to have a medical doctor weigh in on such an important issue on such a, you know, something in issue close to our hearts. It's a big deal. I'm reeling. And when sometimes I'd complain about the farts, she would say that you should be grateful for the farts because farts push the shit out. Now, is that true that farts push the shit out? It's not true. Shits push the farts out. Farts and shit are a center sort of disconnected phenomena. What? Yeah. Yeah, they're sort of. You blew in my mind. I'm in my whole life. I'm raised to believe a little connected, but obviously there's some connection there, but they, they're independent. They're not like just don't push the farts out. They, a shit will, a fart will come

out with the shit, but the shit. So yeah. And she said the farts push the right. And it's a little different. Yeah. And the farts just come out. They just, they're just, they're just, they're not, there's no causal relationship. Not really. I mean, is this going to be the decisive word on the issue? Pretty much. Yeah. I mean, it's the first medical person. We could have a gastroenterologist for many or if you want and see if. You know what I love is how serious Dr. Drew took the question. Oh yeah. He really handled it with like, yeah. Farts and shit are a center sort of disconnected phenomenon. I can't believe it. I cannot believe it. I know. And this is one of those things that in our relationship, this is one of the first things you told me about farts.

I took it as gospel because your mom told you, I'm like, oh, your mom knows. She must know. Yeah. But I feel like she was a listener who proposed the opposite that shit's pushed. And I was like, Oh my God, that makes sense. Yeah. Never thought they were completely disconnected. I would never push the farts out. You, what you said that like, sound is not real. I did. I know. Obviously, there's some connection there, but they're independent. Do you think that Dr. Drew, when he started his medical career, like a million years ago, thought that he would be answering that question? I don't think so. What? Yeah. That was the level of disbelief. What? Yeah. Yeah. He's like, yes. You idiots. God.

I don't know. Don't push the farts out. It's just, to me, it's just so counterintuitive. I know. It's just, my whole world is blown. We had my folks here. I'm sorry that we didn't get them to weigh in or see that, you know, they could have weighed in on it. You know, you know what your dad said to me? We were watching Home Alone and he goes, oh, is that, is that Joe Pesky? And I just said, yeah. What is going on, man? And then you said, he said Gerald Kushner. He goes, you know, I was not in the news much lately. I go, who? He goes, Gerald Kushner. I go, who? He goes, Gerald Kushner. And I go, Jared Kushner. Yeah. And he's like, yeah. I'm like, why don't you know the name?

Well, you talked to him about it this time. Yeah. Because I'm trying to figure it out. Because I remember I talked to somebody once, he was like, oh, he's just a neurologist. Like his brain's, you know, I don't think it's that serious. No, it's not that serious. But it's also, I was like, oh, no, it's not because it's also, he's been doing it for 35 years. Like he's been saying everything incorrectly. So I was like, so that X is out brain. Then it's ear, like hearing. Maybe. And then the other thing is like, are you just not paying attention? And I think that might be ding, ding, ding. The last one. Because he also, if you go like Gerald Kushner and you give me Jared, he goes, yeah, you know, Jared. Like, so he's like,

I don't really care. I was just saying something similar to it. He, he, he hears the details he wants to hear. Exactly. Selective here. I'm kind of fascinated by it, honestly. Yeah. Well, yeah, because I'm like, well, I don't understand why you don't pay attention more. I don't understand either. And I also don't understand why he makes so many noises to get up, like from the couch when he was kind of, he leans back and then he makes all these sounds just to lean forward. Like, why so many noises just to go from here to here? Like, I don't. Big effort. Yeah. He got a clean bill of health. I was like, okay. I went and had my physical, I told my doctor about it and he was like, neurologist. And I was like, no dude, because

he's not, he's, it's, it's, it's ongoing. It's nothing new. It's consistent. Yeah. It's not a, it's not getting worse. And then I realized the time that I figured out that my dad doesn't actually read things that I, that I think he reads. Yeah. So that also told me about paying attention. In other words, I remember one time I was like, read this article in Newsweek and I was like, oh man, it's fascinating. So I go, you got to read this. And he's like, oh, give it to me. Because he was just sitting around in the house. I gave it to him. I came back, you know, 20, 30 minutes later, he's like, yeah, it's, it's really something. And I go, and then, you know, to think that he'd kill her, he's like, he killed her. And I go, didn't you read the article?

He said, I, I must have missed that. And I go, I don't understand how someone could say I just read the article and you missed the climax, like the detail of that. Well, the Jews died in World War II. And I go, what happened? I go, dad, I just asked you if you read the article and you said, yeah, well, I just, I just came through it. And I go, is this how you always read by chance? Yeah. And he was like, yeah. And I go, yeah. Now, you know, when you have like dots connect in your head about something, one of your parents, and I go, I was always wondering like how you could read fast. And I was always wondering, like, so, and then another time I read a book. And I was on a vacation with him. And it was right after the oh eight, like financial collapse. And I read this

fucking 400 page book. So he works in that world. I go, I brought this book. I just finished it. It's amazing. I give it to him. And like the next day, he was like, that was a really good book. And I go, you read that book. And he was like, yeah. And I go, it's 400 pages. Yeah, yeah. No, I knew a lot of the stuff in it. And I go, so do you like get to things and then skip over that part and then read the thing and then skip over that part? He's like, yeah. And I'm like, okay, so now I'm putting together how you collect. You know what I mean? He does. He has selective data collection. Yes. And the same when he listens to either of us speak. Yeah. He's not really listening to,

he just gleams what he thinks is vital. And then it's not the whole story. And then, and then that's why it's like Gerald Kushner. Interesting. It's like, you know, he's saying like, I've got the right idea, you know, like. But the thing is though, those are like, you've never heard it, Joe Pesky. You've only ever heard Joe Pesky. So in order to make that adjustment, you have to disregard all the common ways. And Jared Kushner's name is so popular. Right. Everybody knows. You went to Jared. It's been said in the news a million times. I think I have to shit. Really? You know, we got that squatty potty. You like it? I don't think so.

Really? I gotta be honestly, because I shit on my tippy toes anyways. I always naturally put my tippy toes up. Yeah. So I feel like it's almost too severe of an angle for me. Are you into it? I kind of like it. Yeah. You mentioned that you like the severity of it. Well, I like that it like, it definitely affects your cold, you know, that whole digestive track gets it in the, that, you know, equates kind of squatting. Yeah. Spreads your cheeks a little more too. I feel like I don't need that because I actually spread them when I sit down a little. I gotta go. I gotta shit. Okay. This is a nice time to take a pause and see if our guest arrives here momentarily. Okay. Sorry. Yeah. We just were, we're just been joined by our guest, Josh Wolfe.

Very young, very handsome, father of eight. Father of eight. Is that right? Father of three. However, I have grandkids. And how many you have? Oh my life. So I really want to admit this. Yeah. Why not? I have four grandkids. Isn't that crazy? When you look? I have four grandkids. Yeah. You, I mean, it's so banana. And, you know, I tried to, so when my son was, when he told me he was pregnant for the first time, right? And he goes, you get to pick your grandfather name. All right. Right. So I was really excited about being able to pick my grandfather name because there's a zero chance I'm going with grandpa or papa or whatever. Okay. So my wife went with baby, which I, which I like. Okay. Yeah. So I, I told him I wanted to be called LeBron

because I thought it'd be really funny if they were like, where are you going? We're going to baby in the bronze house. I'm like, that sounds like a, like a good place to be. Yeah. And plus, it would be, it's not grandpa. Yeah. And so my son says, he said, no. And I go, what do you mean? No. You said I could pick it. And he was like, does everything have to be a joke? I'm like, yeah, are you, are you new? Yeah, this is the way it goes. But I settled on Jojo. Jojo. So it's BB and Jojo. That's pretty cute. That's good. Can I tell you, this is a great segue because my parents were just here and their grandparents and our son is too, you know, he's saying a lot of words now and starting to identify people. And so my mom, but they don't see him that often. That's

the thing is that they see him, you know, because they live in Florida. So my mom is Peruvian. We called her mother Noni and my sister's kids call her Yaya. And I'm like, so what are you, you know, what's it going to be? She's like, who am I? Am I Noni? And I go, what do you, what do you want me to call you? And she's like, how about Nana? And I go, okay, sure. And then I'm like, my dad, who's American. I'm like, dad, what about you? He goes, I prefer grandfather. I'm like, are you fucking serious? You want him to spit out grandfather? At two? And also how fucking formal is that? He's like, that's what I want it to be. Does he live in the 1890s? Pretty much. On a plantation.

Grandfather? Grandfather. That sounds like something from like, you know, like a 1940s movie. We're like, grandfather, read us a story. I think in Juleps, he actually dreams of moving to those times into the 1940s. Yeah. And I'm like, all right. I mean, you know, he dresses super formal on the most relaxed day. We talk about it. Now he's like, like khakis, loafers, a belt, a tucked in button down shirt. I'm like, why don't you wear something comfortable? I'll go, I am comfortable. I used to say the same thing to my grandfather, who would never leave the house without a button down shirt, his fedora, a jacket. And I was like, you know, we're just going to get somebody to eat. He was like, yeah, this is what I wear to get some meat. And I was like, you're

wearing a fedora and a jacket and a button down. And he would look at me and he was like, yeah, but you look like you're fucking wearing pajamas. So yeah, look at all three of us now. I know. And we're on the internet. The world is watching us and we're like, I don't care. That's crazy to think, isn't it? Because our grandparents would have never thought of leaving the house dressed like this, much less to be seen in front of whoever met the people. I tend to agree with him, you know, halfway there on certain things. Like for flying, you know, he goes, you know, he's like, you should see the ways people are fucking dressed on these planes. He's like, you know, when I was a kid, you wore a coat and a tie to fly because I was

considered like a special, a special thing to do. You put on a coat and a tie to get on a plane. And I'm like, that's a little dramatic. But when I see guys bored in tank tops and like nasty, see their armpits, I'm out. And I'm like, and you know, flip flops and you're like, come on, man, like flip flop on the plane is it. And then the foot comes up on the shout out CC passenger, shaming guys. Yeah, I had somebody cut their toenails. No, bro. Across the aisle. No, cut there. He was cutting their toenails. And I leaned over. So I was in the window. The guy, there was a guy in the aisle next to me and then guy in the aisle next to him. That's low key way of saying I was in first class. But anyways, so window cutting in first class.

So he's cutting this. And I, and I said to the guy next to me, I go, I meant, I go, you got to say something to him. He goes, well, what am I going to say? I go, watch. And I go, I lean. I tell, I got to lean back. I go, Hey, you can't do that. And he goes, I paid for this seat. And I was like, yeah, I paid for this one too. And he was like, what? I'm just doing it over here. And I was like, listen, anybody who cuts their toenails, no, you don't know where they're going. They're shooting. And they're like fireworks. They're shooting all over the place. Right. He's like, it's right over here. I'm like, no, it's not. It's there everywhere. I said, and plus it's gross, man. So it's like the dude at the Trader Joe's near my house,

who had a baby possum in a baby Bjorn facing outwards. No. And I said to him, I go, I go, Hey, what's that? He goes, it's a possum. I go, I go, well, you, you can't, and it was in the produce section. I go, you can't have a possum in the produce section. He goes, well, I don't think there's any rule. I go, I think there is. And he goes, well, I'm not leaving until somebody tells me to. I was like, wait, right here. I'll be right back. Someone's about to come back and tell you to get the fuck out of here with your baby possum. Yeah. Like what is, what are people? It's totally, yeah. People are too comfortable in public. It's too informal. It's too informal. There's, there's too much a lack. It's, you know, it's like the clothing thing sounds like it's

unrelated. It's all kind of relates to each other. Like if you're wearing a tank top and you're fucking PJs and your house slippers on a plane, you're just, it's, that bleeds into every part of your, then you're like, I'll bring a possum to the fuck. I think it boils down to, I think the the beginning of social media and this whole thing where we have to accept what everybody's doing all the time. And if we're not accepting them, we're shaming them. So the guy is like, I'm the possum guy. You should be happy for me. I'm an individual. Yeah. And I think there's something. Yeah. I think there's something in the, the, the anti-shaming culture. Well, I think it's starting. Shame is good. Shame is good. Shame can be good, by the way. Yeah.

The guy shouldn't be having a fucking possum. It's embarrassing. Yeah. A hundred percent. Not right. And not only that, what, what is people's fascination guys worse than reptile guy? Way worse. Reptile guy is normal compared to that guy. What's the fascination with people domesticating wild animals? I don't know. It's a fucking, it's like when someone's like, well, I got a pet raccoon. Why? You need a raccoon? That's a lack of an identity. And they go, that's my, you know, it's like people get so, I think we're all trying to figure out who we are and all this in, in life. And I think sometimes people lock into like one thing. It's like when someone's identity is weed or something. And you're like, you know, every post is like,

I'm rolling a blunt, I'm smoking a joint. We, I got, and you're like, all right, like, is there any other aspect to your life and who you are than weed? It's like, becomes their only thing is just my whole life is weed. I got it. And I think animal people are like that too. I'm the animal guy. Forget it. You're trying to like say something. You're trying to figure out who you are and you found this one thing that you like. So then you're just like, I'm going all in on the identity. You got to go all in on possum? That seems like a really, that's fucking crazy. Well, there's a lady at Michael's arts and crafts here. It's the purple lady. And everything she wears is a different shade of purple. And she's always there. So that's

her thing. Like I'm the purple lady. I wear purple when I was in high schools reminds me of one of my friends. They found the driving and their animal lovers and they found a dead possum on the side of the road and a baby possum next to it. So the mother had been killed. So they took in the baby possum, brought it home, started nursing it, you know, putting a little bottle, milk feeding it that way and come over and little baby possum sitting on her shoulder. I'm like, you just found this fucking possum. And they're like, yeah, but it's wonderful. And I forget that a name for it. Fucking Sharon or whatever. And you can't give it a human name. And they, you know, all this. And then I remember it's like the next month I come over and I'm like,

where's the possum? They're like, we had to get rid of it. Why? And they're like, fucking clawed open the mom's face. It was like, he just scratched, you know, why fucking face open? It's a wild animal. Yeah. You know what you, you said something funny about like being the purple lady and wearing clothes. I have to ask you because I did this and I've never asked another comic if they did when you started doing comedy. Did you have an idea going in like these are the clothes I'm going to wear as a comedian? Yeah. What was your, what was your, mine is the most embarrassing? No, it's not. There's no way. Yours is more embarrassing. What did you decide your clothing was going to be? Oh my fuck. So I was touring with this girl

and it was hard for us to get. I know you're talking about. Yeah. So there's, she's still a headliner and it was hard for two women to get booked and it still is on any club week. So we came up with this. We already got one. We had one last month. That's what it is. Yeah. I was told once was here in the first quarter of the year. No, I remember as she did that joke. I remember her. I was told one time at the Kansas city, Stanford and sons. He goes, I already booked two women this year. I can't book you. So anyway, we had to come up with a stupid gimmick to get bookings and I was her feed track. So we decided to be naughty and sort of nice. I remember this tour. You do? I know exactly. So fucking embarrassing. And she dressed up as like a devil.

You do in screen grabs and like shining photos to your friends. Like we do of certain people's Instagram. I do know who. I'll just say I do know who you're talking about. So embarrassing. So she dressed up like a devil and I wore a white dress and I remember at the time I asked my then boyfriend, fiance, I go, Tommy, is this bad? Is this embarrassing? And he didn't fucking tell me how bad it was. I honestly, I'm being totally honest, but it was that bad. I have to tell you at the time, come on, people were doing that. I didn't think we had to. I don't think it's as like, it's not the, it's not like, oh, this is the coolest thing ever. It's not as shameful as you

think it is. I agree. Like when you showed it to me, no, it really isn't. It was like, I understood that it was like a marketing thing and you guys weren't over the top of it. She's wearing red, you're wearing white. And it was like, it was so embarrassing. It was gimmicky. It's not like you're a whole act. I took a picture with a halo. I have to tell you, I agree with Tom, not that wait till you hear what I decided. Did you have one? No, I never had one. I do remember that picture. Oh no. I'm so excited. I remember thinking that, so I'm like, I'm just getting in to stand up and also like, who am I going to be? And I thought that like the sloppier and like the less I put into especially stage, the better. So I was wearing like t-shirts,

but then like, if that t-shirt had a hole in it, I'd be like, that's, that's my comedy hole. Yeah. And then I remember one of my friends was like, Hey, you know, you really, you really look like shit on stage. And I was like, yeah, like I'm kind of, kind of trying to, that's what I'm going for. And he was like, you know, it's not appealing. And I was like, yeah, but I'm like, I'm not that guy. I'm not like the, the clean cut guy. He goes, I know, but from an audience perspective, I want to see at least something just pleasant to look like somebody put together somewhat. That makes sense that you don't have to look like this, like a slob. They don't want you to look dirty. I was trying to look, yeah. I'm going to have to know Josh's now because he

brought it up. It's got to be good. I'm going to find you. So what happened was I remember Google it or no? Oh, it's right here. Are you the Wolfster? Like, did you have like a wolf? Do you wear a wolf costume? Worse. I remember thinking. I remember thinking to myself. I got the picture right here. Seattle. Okay. So I remember thinking to myself. All right. How am I to stick out? What is it going to make? What is going to make Josh Wolf stick out when they look at these guys and I thought the first thing I thought was, you know, the Josh Wolf's going to wear vests. So that's my first headshot. Okay. I have a polka dot of vests underneath. That's the hat I always wore on stage and I had a ponytail and a long and see that and a leather jacket. Wow.

You know, you look like the guy in Windy City Heat. Perry? That might be. Look at the hair, dude. The ponytail. It's like a long, I think I have a better shot. What year is this? That's got to be. Did you do porn? I wish there'd been a better excuse for that. This is beautiful. Yeah. This is pretty great. I'll send you the picture if you want to. Yeah, we want to post that. Absolutely. I could pull it up and show it to people. Yeah. Oh, email to him right now. Yeah. I'll pull it up on screen. Okay. Do you want that one or do you want to look at? See now there's a couple. That's bad, Josh. That was bad. I don't know. I think I feel like mine is worse now. But it also feels, you know, like I tell you this, is it worse than

that? Oh my God. No, that's like the total comedy headshot. Send me that one. That was great. It's the worst. Yeah. Because that's a combination of every comedy. It's the worst headshot of all time. But I was like, here's the thing. I have terrible. That was really good. I have terrible, terrible, terrible Jew hair, right? Wait, you're a Jew? 100%. Oh man, we've got to change the whole. I know. We've got to change the whole podcast. I mean. I had to enter through a different door. You know what normally? Yeah, you know, I got it right there. Yeah. So I was like, you know, I, in order to get to get my hair, I have to go to the black salons to get the product to really. What? Yeah. Because the Jew fro hair is the worst. So in order to get it to look like that,

I had to get it wet. I had to put the product in it and keep it in a ponytail into like five seconds before the picture. And then I let it down. You Jew, motherfucker, you. Yeah. Yeah. I said, there you go. That's for you. It was, um, but the vest, I think was a bad decision. But I feel like, okay, the vest was kind of a 90s R&B. It was within the time. Color me bad. Yeah. It was kind of hip, right? I guess so. You know, I remember because I started with, with Joey Diaz and Brody and so crazy. We had long talks about this, but Josh and I did a few oddball dates. Remember a couple of years ago, we did all of them. And I was just like, tell me Diaz stories. Well, you know, Joey used to. So crazy. Joe used to go on stage in a three-piece

suit. I could see that at 220 pounds max. Yeah. Look at that, buddy. Looking good. Now, first of all, I bought that shirt with my very first structure credit card. Did you not have a structure credit card? I fucking loved your hat. I mean, right? Yes. Because structure for those of us back then who didn't have any money, it made me feel fancy. Yeah. And also I was like, this is like we're dudes with style. It was right next to the express store. And you would, the guy going the structure, the girl would go in the express. So is this a structure thing? Oh yeah. That's a structure thing. How did they fall out? I feel like they had like a good kind of cornered thing of like, it was, you know, it wasn't cheap, but it wasn't like step above

chest king. Yeah. Right? A step above chest king. Yeah. But not quite like it. It's fucking crazy that like the structure clothes. That hair is amazing. You know what I wish? I wish you still had this look now because if you did this now, you would stand out. People would be like, who's the 90s guy? I would definitely lock up jewelry around this guy. Oh, would you? I think so. Where would you? That guy is the one thing that I'm looking. He is missing a chain. Yeah. He need, don't you think he needs a chain? Jewelry. Jewelry. I'm going to call this 95 or six. And how long are you doing stand up at this point? Maybe two, you know, the first time I ever,

not the first. Well, actually the first time I ever got on stage, I was 15. Really? 15. And the fourth time I ever got on stage, luckily or unluckily, I had to open for Sam Kenneson. Oh my God. It was the time. Was it ever? Okay. I'm in San Antonio. 19 years old, I think, maybe 20, 1920. And I did a comedy competition contest, not competition, at a bar. And there were five of us. And I had done comedy maybe two or three times before when I was in high school. And it's been a while since you've done it. Yeah. But I mean, even at that age, you know, I was basically the first time I ever got on stage. I asked the guy who put on the show, what should I talk about? He said, talk about what you know. And what I really knew is that

my parents fart all the time. So I did five minutes about them. Like our son, if he didn't stand up. Yeah. I closed and it was so funny because my mom didn't know what I was going to talk about. And so when I walked on stage, I could hear her. She was in the front row with one of those cameras, you know, Z Z. Yeah. And then I started to talk about her farting and it got slower like Z Z. But I closed with a story about how we were driving down the mass pike. Yeah. When I was a kid and my mom was farting like crazy in the car, we were in the back of the station wagon with our head out that, you know, the back window. Yeah. And my dad pulls over on the freeway and he goes to my mom, Ellen, you got to get out. And she was like, what? And he goes,

you're killing, you're really killing the car. You got to get out. She goes, what do you want me to do? He goes, I don't know, walk it off something. So she walked up and down the side of the highway for like five minutes, farting, just letting it air out. You know, she's like a walk farter. Oh man. So those are the jokes I had done. Yeah. That's good. That's solid. I go to San Antonio. I do my stand up. Especially for like, by the way, a third or fourth time. Third or fourth time, right? Yeah. So I go, I win because the bar was packed full of my friends. Yeah. Sam Kinnison's coming to town, his opener, Carl LeBeau, you know, Carl. Yes. Yes. So Carl's dad at the time. And I think I hope I'm not having messing this up. But I think that's his dad had

died of AIDS. I think is what he had died as dad, but he died for something on the way to San Antonio. They needed to open her for Sam Kinnison. So they go, Hey, who won that comedy competition? Oh my God. And so I get a phone call in my dorm room. Oh my life. Hey, do you want to open for Sam Kinnison? And I believe the name of the club in San Antonio was sneakers. And wait, to be clear at this time, is he a huge megastar at this time? Huge megastar. Okay. So it's not like, Oh, that's the kind of, yeah, he's working. No, he's Sam Kinnison. Okay. He's Sam Kinnison. And he's Sam Kinnison to the point where he's at the point of his career where he's told everybody he's sober. Oh, right. Right. He's not sober. He's not. Yeah. But it was the 90s. You didn't have the internet.

All you had to do is say, I'm sober and people are like, he's sober. And that's the end of that. So here's talk about fashion, by the way. Here's how confused I am when I show up. I am wearing black cowboy boots with the silver thing at the tip. I have basically white acid washed pretty baggy jeans. I'm wearing I'm confused because I don't know what to wear. I'm wearing a blue button down shirt, not tucked. No, I'm sorry, tucked in with one of those thin black belts. I have my hair, that hair in a ponytail. And I'm wearing that black leather jacket I showed you in the first over, over my blue button down shirt tucked into my acid wash jeans. You look like such a dick. The biggest dick in the world. And I'm standing in front of a crowd.

You know, as comedians, when people are there to see their guy and it's Kinnison. And it's not at a comedy club. It's at a rock club to tell me I have so much anxiety. Like, do you do okay? I'm so scared. So you know how much material you have fourth time on stage? Oh, man, should you be standing in front of a rock crowd like that? Sold out, sold out energy through the roof because he's he's the first rock and roll comedian. Oh, yeah. Do you know what I mean? So it's people are not sitting down either. It's the first time, especially I had ever seen anything like that. And it's the fourth time on stage. I don't know what I'm doing. Oh my God. No MC. No. No MC. Just voice of God. No. To bring out you. And to go up cold is like death.

And like they, it would have been Carl probably doing slinging jokes for like 25 minutes just. Well, that was my time 25 minutes. Oh, no. Do you know how much material I had? That farting bit. Yeah, I had like three and a half. If I stretched it a little bit, you know what I mean? I'm sweating right now. Okay. So Tom, I walk on stage and and this is how poorly it went. By it by and I have, I'm supposed to do 25 minutes. This is how poorly it went. By minute four, maybe five, they had already stopped heckling me and they were just talking to each other. Oh, boy. They had stopped. I was doing so poorly. Oh boy. They had just, they just turned and just started talking to each other. That's good. So for the next 20 minutes,

you stayed up there that long, stayed up there the whole time. I even repeated because I only had five minutes of material. I opened with five, that five closed with the same five because I even said I was like, Hey, for those of you who came in late, who might have missed the first five minutes of the set because I knew I had five minutes left and I didn't know what the fuck else to talk about. How are you? How do they time sets? Then I had a little clock. One of those. Yeah. Okay. Two show night. No, no. Does anyone show you mercy? Like, are you pulled off stage and not only am I not shown mercy? Bill, his brother and manager, yeah, clearly didn't watch my set. And after, how's it going, man? After Sam set and Sam was visibly fucked up the first show. Yeah. So they were like, Oh,

man, how's he gonna, he was like, listen, man, for this second show, we're gonna, we're gonna try to get Sam straightened out. So we may need you to stretch a little bit. No. I was like, I almost felt like saying, did you not watch the first show? I was hoping instead of this, we would do some of this. Yeah. You know, we could shorten it instead of lengthen it. So he was like, look over to me at about 20 minutes. And if I start to do this, you're gonna stretch it out of it. That's terrible. They don't know they're working, working with like, I was gonna stand up four times at 18 minutes. Yeah. Because I know at 20, I got to look over to them. I literally start to flop sweat because I'm thinking if I have to do a minute more than I did

in the early show, I don't know. I'm a second crowd worse. They're drunker. Oh, yeah. It's late. It's a kinesis crowd. It's kinesis crowd. They've been the show. Second show started late. They've been waiting outside for 45 minutes, like caged animals. And they finally got let loose on me. It was a shit show. I ended up doing 30 of the second show. Oh my God. But I will tell you something. And it was maybe the worst, two worst sets I've ever had in my life for a bunch of reasons. But you know what it did very early on? It just showed me I can, whatever happens, it's never gonna get worse than that. Yeah, you can handle it. It's never gonna, because the same thing happened, that second show. They just stopped paying attention to that. I was even there. Do you remember

getting paid? I didn't get paid. It was just like a, it was, do you want to open for the same kinesis? That was it. Zero dollars. Do you remember what you were saying up there? Oh yeah. Yeah, I do. It was not, it was not great. Hey, did you do crowd work? Like, did you try to? I did one joke about how I had just read about how there was a guy who died and his wife still wanted to have, this is a true news story, his wife still wanted to have babies with the, with the guy. And after he died, told the doctor, how do I still have babies for this guy? And the joke was, I mean, that's terrible. Can you imagine being that doctor just like, all right. Right. So it was a fake, it was a joke, what a doctor jerking off a dead guy. Not a bad joke,

actually. Not terrible. No, that's good. And I, I'm messing up a little bit of the setup. You're fucking fourth time. But that was the closer. Right. So what you're talking about, which I agree with you, not bad for the fourth time. Not terrible, but not a closer. And you must have had some, some people had some chuckles in that crowd, right? A few. I don't think so. No, I think I had some, I think, I think, how big was that venue? Well, I think, you know, looking back on things, they grow in scope sometimes. And I'm, it's been however many years, I was more than 20 years, but had to be rock club in San Antonio, 500 people seems about right. But I was, and I will say that is probably one of the tougher

crowds to do because you're, that guy was a rock star. So you've got that rowdy energy. You've got people high as fuck, drunk as fuck. Kenison and Kenison was a screamer and high energy. So that's your audience. That's terrifying. And I find they're not chill at all. I'm intimidated a little bit by comedy audiences who are standing. I hate it. I would hate to be the audience. They were all standing. I just did a, I did one venue this year where they said, you know, it's a 300 seats, but we can get in another 150 standing, which means you'll make this much more. And I go, I'll take the less money. Yeah. I go, I don't have no standing. I wouldn't do that to people either. I don't like it. I don't like to show. It's not fun for you. Right. And for

them, they're uncomfortable. Yeah. At standing for an, they're also much more inclined to not watch what's in front of them. If you're standing, you're like, Hey, what's up? You're shifting a lot. Yeah. It's like, it's so stupid. At what point did the two of you start, because you said I'm doing that because it's not fun for me. Yeah. Right. At what point did you start doing that in your career? Where you were like, you know what? It's important that this is also fun for me. A few years ago. Has it changed everything for you? Yeah. And it's also like, it's also an ongoing thing. Like in other words, with like, with this past year, I learned things that I'll apply to next year. Like what? I really don't enjoy going out more than two weekends a month.

Me neither. I really don't. It's not fun. I, I, it starts to just, it puts stress on my life, on my home. I don't enjoy it. The fun is not as there. And then also the shows become less fun because it's too many shows. You start getting burned out from like, it's not fun to say that bit anymore. Cause I said it 30 times, you know? You know what I find that happens to me when I go out too much? This is, I don't know. Oh, and no, I'm, I did it this year a few times. No, under any circumstances, three shows, Saturdays. No, I won't do that either. No. And they always get you on the like, you'll get the door and I don't care. I don't care. I don't want to do it. You don't even remember what jokes you told. Yeah. And by the way, that's the whole thing. Like I know it's

my job, but I also want it to be enjoyable. Totally. Cause if it's enjoyable for you, it's enjoyable for them. That's right. They read, they read you having fun. A hundred percent. And I've found the more I go on the road in particular, which is why I'm making a concerted effort to get on town, go get on stage more in town. I don't know if this is going to come across, right? And if I'll articulate it correctly, but I think the more I'm on the road, the worse I, of a comic I have. Yeah, absolutely. Does that make sense? Yeah. Cause you pick up bad road habits. Bad road habits. I've done that. And I start to be some shows, not that they're not getting a good shows, but artistically, I'm on autopilot. Yeah. And so I'm not discovering and I'm not,

I'm not when I'm, what in board is in the right word either, but when I'm on autopilot, I'm not taking chances. Yeah. Oh, totally. Do you guys find the same thing? Well, when I first became a headliner, and especially as a woman, I felt that pressure of like, I got to fucking kill it, dude. Like I'm headlining the improv's. I'm one of maybe four women. Yeah. Let do that. So I better kill this shit. And I found myself like just working on killing more than being creative and coming up with those bits that are going to make your career. I did that the whole, this whole past year, I did that exact thing. And I didn't honestly, it was a conversation with Rogan last night at the comedy store last night, last night, he said something

to me and it just was like a, I was like, Oh my God, that's why he always does that. Yeah. That's, that's fucking why. What was it? Yeah. Well, actually he mentioned something that you said. Oh, he was like, he said, he said, Tommy talked about, you know, don't do those dance moves on stage. Oh yeah. Yeah. And the dance moves are things that I do on the road because I know, look, I don't, and when I say dance moves, I don't want people to think that they're getting cheated. No, they're still, they're enjoying the dance moves. Yeah. A lot. Of course. They really are. Dance moves kill. They kill. It's your go to though. But that's the thing. When you, it's, it's more, it's less about cheating the audience. I'm not cheating them. They're having a good time.

It's more about cheating myself. Yeah. Right. Because I'm relying on something that I know is going to work, but I'm not challenging. You have a bad feeling about it. Yeah. Exactly. You can say it. Yeah. I'm dirty. Your eyes are down. Yeah. You know, there's like, there's a part in one story that I know. If I make this face with this move. Yeah. But I'd rather just the words. But sometimes I'm like, but the face and the move, they love the face and the move. I heard, I think Jim Norton used the expression, muscling a joke. Yeah. Like when you can get a laugh because of the way you, you know, there's a certain way you can say it or make a move, basically aggressively get the laugh, but it's not, it's not funny standalone. Like you just saying it, like there's certain bits,

you know, like certain lines, say it and it's like, boom. Yeah. But here's the thing. Is there anything wrong with enhancing the bit? Because I brought this up with my shrink once because I was like, I feel like a fraud. If I'm doing something a little, you know, and she's like, yeah, but you're, you're doing your job, but it feels hacky to you. Maybe it feels cheaper to you, but that's not a job. No, there's nothing wrong with it. And here's the thing. It's all about how you feel about any of those things. See, and it doesn't matter if the highest level comedian tells you, it's okay to feel this way. You should feel this way. If you feel a certain way about a line or an expression or something in your act and you just, it doesn't sit well with you,

that's the only instinct you should trust. Do you know what I found? And after talking to Joe last night, and because I did not sleep a lot last night, just thinking, oh dude, because I found myself as I analyzed my last year on the road, trapped between what I know that I do well on stage and who I want to be on stage. Yeah. Very interesting. Does that make sense? Okay. So here's what I know I do well on stage. I'm, look, I tell people at the beginning of every one of my shows, man, I hope you didn't come here to learn anything. Like this is, that's not the show. Just turn your brain off. Like we're not talking politics. I tell stupid stories. Like that's how it goes. Yeah. But part of me, when I watch Rogan and Burr, I'm like, oh, that's how I want to

deliver it. But you know, you mentioned something about, there's been something I've always wanted to do on stage, but just because we have such a tiny community about how you're judged, I've just never done it. But my live shows have exploded. It's not the right word, but it's been a great thing for my live shows. I love and have always loved what I loved about Sandra. I love those stupid fucking songs he's saying because they were fun. They're a lot of fun. And so my thing in the last couple of years on stage has always been like, hey, you're not going to learn anything. This show is just about having fun. Like I want you to leave here. Like you had a good time and that's my concern. But it's okay being that guy. It took me up until two years ago to feel that

because I was so concerned. You know, you want, you want respect from your peers. I worry about that too. You want respect from your peers. You know, 100% with you. I'm 100% with you because also the comics that are celebrated and talked about the most is because they provide like some insight. Yeah. Right. But those are the ones that the press celebrates and the press publicizes all the insight from, you know, like Louis was very insightful. Right. You know, I say was because he died, but yeah. But you know what I mean? Like that level is like that higher, that high level. But then I started because I would have the same insecurity. Like, oh, you know, like I have shows and I have fun at the show and I feel like the audience is laughing, but like I'll never be

regarded as high level because I don't provide. I don't have like some great intellectual insight where they go, I never thought of it that way. And like the way you do like here at a new like a burr bit where you're like, oh my God, the way he breaks that thing down. So I would feel like really shitty about that. But then I would think about, okay, so he's like that, like patents like that. I'm like, all those guys are just, you know, that's another level. They're just so much better and so much smarter. But then I started to think about other comics who were really highly celebrated who it was just, they're just so funny. And then like the first one who I fell in love with would stand out to me, which was Eddie Murphy. Nobody talked about how Eddie Murphy viewed this thing

from such a crazy, insightful angle. They were just like, he's the funniest fucking guy. And I'm not saying like, yeah, so he'd be Eddie Murphy, but my thing was that I would feel better about myself thinking that like that dude's show was just about being funny. Kevin Hart's another one. There couldn't, there can't be a bigger, more famous comedian on the planet. It's not because he's just extrapolating this one idea. It's because he's himself. He has a lot of fun up there and he's just a naturally funny dude. You know, so I would always think about those dudes when I would feel badly about not being the other guy. And like, and I, it's, it sucks if you, because you start comparing your, it's natural. You go like, well, but I'm not these five guys, you know, but then

you realize that like, you don't have to be those five guys. Those guys are who they are. That's, that's what they bring to stand up. But there's great examples of people who are just funny, having fun, who are essentially saying, don't come here to learn shit. Dude, I, you know, I toured with cable guy for four years. Yeah. No one's learned shit at that show. No, no, but I will tell you something. Having a lot of fun. So my brothers, you know, we're all Northeastern Jews. My brothers are all like, well, I'm not going to laugh at that show. I'm like, come to the show. Yeah. He, do you know, and it used to kill me when people would badmouth him. Do you know I love them actually. And such a nice guy. And do you know, we counted one night,

372 punchlines in his act. Yeah. Yeah. It's crazy. Bang, bang, bang. 372. It's just joke, joke, joke, joke. And it's an hour and a half. And so my brother was like, I'm not going to laugh. I go, let me tell you something. You may not laugh at a hundred. There's 272 other punchlines. Yeah. Yeah. It's everybody laughs at something. Sure. And then when I was wrestling with the whole guitar thing, cause I have fun, he's the one who finally was like, Hey man, you've seen my act. And I go, yeah, he goes, what do I do at the end of the act? I go, you bring out the guitar. He goes, how many tickets do I sell? And I was like, and he said, your job, your only job is to entertain the people sitting in front of you. You can't entertain Bill Burr's crowd

or Joe Rogan's crowd. That's not your crowd. Right. Don't worry about their crowd. Worry about your crowd. And that was the thing where I was like, and my crowd loves lighthearted. I'm not saying they don't, and I don't work at my craft. I work very hard on my craft, but, and that's the thing that I think I get caught at where I felt like, well, maybe I'm not providing the same amount of entertainment because they're not learning anything or they're not, which is not true, which is not true. It's not true because Mike Myers, Adam Sandler, those movies, I mean, it's not Schindler's list, which was not that funny, but right. But I think it's the, it's the shoulds, but it's the shoulds where you go like, I should

be this guy. Yeah. I should want to be like the people I admired. But do you feel the same thing? Yeah. Yeah. For years, you go, I should be more like this person. I should be. And that's the shoulds that get you in trouble creatively until you just relax and go like, yeah, but who am I? What do I like? I said nothing. Oh, I like this. I like, you know what I like? I like farts, but I also like to talk about X, Y, and Z. I like this and that. And then fuck all the rest. You know, you're good at a couple of things, but only a couple of things. There's two things. You're good at identifying and staying true to like, you're like, but I, you know, you're lame, but that's because I've done so many other mistakes, like wearing a white dress and doing naughty and

sorta nice. That literally was so far out of my lane for so many years learning to feature and having to dance like a monkey and just get rebooked because I wanted to be a comedian so badly that I made all the mistakes. I was a hack. I was a fucking racist. I was a, you know what I mean? Like telling the jokes in my mind. I cringe looking back at the, the stuff I did just to survive. Yeah. What's your most cringe worthy joke you can remember? I mean, I can't even do it on deck. You know, do you have anything that you can think of? You were like, oh, I can't believe I used to tell this joke. I think my husband's balls or something stupid like that. It's so embarrassing to, people don't realize this, but like most comics, you think about like the first thing you

put out. I'm like, I'm not, I, I'm not totally ashamed of it, but like, I'm not, I'm not into those jokes. That's why it like it's, it's upsetting to me. Like I put out my first album in 2010, which means it was basically what had been built for 10 years up to then. And it was definitely what I was touring with all of 2009 and most of eight. And it's like, you know, I, when those things come on, I'm like, oh God, like turn that, somebody's got to turn that off. But then like my dad will be like, you know what I love? And he loves that first album. And he'll mention, I'm like, dude, I don't, I don't know how to tell you this. I'm not proud of that. Like I don't want to, I don't want to talk about it. If you had to rewrite those jokes, would they be completely

different? If you went back in with your, with, with the, with like jokes from five years ago for you, if you're rewriting them, would you go back in and would they be completely different? Yeah. I think, I think without a doubt they would. I mean, I've never even really considered that idea, but I think without a doubt because I thought it would be always fascinating for somebody who's super accomplished, who's put out five or six or seven albums or however many hours to go back to that first hour as a comedian and go, okay, if I was going to rework this album, yeah. What would I do? Because I, because, because your, your point of view has got to be completely different now. It totally was. It's totally different point of view.

It's also a totally different approach to stand up. See, some people, I think the reason my dad and people like him would like that first album is it's basically a feature acts, you know, I mean, I'm headlining for a couple of years at that point, but it's all the bits you develop. It's like your whole, my whole goal was to kill and like there are a lot of laughs, but it's not, I'm not being myself on the album. I'm like just a joke writer. You know what I mean? Like I'm just like going for it. But that takes time to meld who you are because you also are younger as a person. And then there's a process between then and now, right? Like now I'm much more, but the, the version of who I am on stage is so much truer to who I am now. Then back then it was

like, that's a writer performer who's just, I'll talk about, I'll say this joke because I know I can get a laugh out of that. You know what I mean? Like it's not, there's like, there's very little me. Yeah. You know what's interesting? You both have mentioned getting on stage or performing just to kill. Yeah. And so I just filmed a special in Boise, right? Congratulations. Thank you. What's it called? Northeastern Jew boy? That's what I was going for, but they're not for whatever reason. That's stupid. Yeah. I tried kike central in South Carolina once, but I got off stage once and meet and greet line and some dude was like, Hey man, and he thought he was being funny. He was like, I don't normally think you people are funny. And I was like,

and I go, you people? And this is exactly what he said. He goes, you know, and he winks, kites. And I go, kites with a T. Like, is that what? Yeah. It was in South Carolina and Myrtle Beach at the comedy club on the boardwalk there. And by the way, I love that he doesn't see any irony. And I don't think you people, probably the most prolific stand up comedians of all time. Yeah. And Jews, not a lot of kite flyers. Like we're not out in the parks flying. And you're not that Jewish. I would never have pegged you as. Thank you. I'm gonna take that as a compliment. Yeah. It's kind of a backhanded compliment. It really is. It is. Well, he's not as Jewish as Ari. Like no, Ari is like, yeah. He's what I'm saying. He's offensively Jewish. Yeah.

Ari, like Avi Lieberman. I can understand somebody not liking Jewish people if they meet you. Yeah. I did not mean it by that. And he has a, like, if you drew a cartoon Jew, yeah, that's what Ari, that you'd look like Ari. Yeah. Yeah. He's an exemplary Jew. Yeah, I don't like those people. No, why would you? There's nothing. It's not. That's what Christina was saying. Yeah. Yeah, guys, come on. Totally get that. As in general, Jews are just. Well, yeah. I had somebody online. I'm having such a good time. Anti-Semites are so funny to mess with online. I love trolling the trolls. Yeah. But this one dude was just going in on me about how Jews aren't white. And I was like, I don't know. I was like, but Jew, it's not a. Are Jews? Jews

are what? Well, it's a religion. Yeah. It's a religion. Yeah. It's not an ethnicity or something. Oh, here's what I did want to ask you about. So special, the killing part, right? Yeah. Yeah. So this hour of material, this special, I tried to do something different. I start with one story and I end with the same story. It's basically one long story. Jesus. Now, I go in and out with some tangents, but it's a story about how my son challenged me to a fight and that how in every young man's life, right? And how every young man's life, you know, you look at your dad at least one time and you think, oh, I could beat the shit out of this dude. Yeah. Right. At least one time. Really? Oh, you think about it. You may not do it,

but you fantasize about beating the fuck out of your dad at least once, right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. There's definitely a moment in there where you're like, and I remember, yeah, I can remember being like, I think I'm stronger than this. Yeah. I think I could take him. I think that's a Freudian phase. It's normal. It really is. But so this hour, it's interesting. If you were said, hey, give me your, your funniest hour of material, that's not what this special would be. Right. But I think this is my best special, but it's great. It's interesting that you say that because I think people listening or who like, you know, follow stamps or go, go, wait a minute, like, you don't want to kill. Isn't that like the whole purpose? And it's like, it can still

kill and still be really funny when you're not, sounds weird to say, when you're not going for killing. In other words, that can be some of the funniest shit. But when it's, when it's funny and it's true to who you are, I don't know, it's, it's funnier. It's better. I wanted, I want, first I wanted to do something because I love telling stories. That's my, right. And I love telling long stories. And I used to be really scared of the silence. Of course. And then until somebody said, Hey, that means they're listening, dude. Yeah. That means they're listening. They're really listening. They're listening. But so this special for me is super scary because it's incredibly personal. Yeah. It's incredibly personal. And so I've gone back and like, recently, I'm going

back and forth with the editor and I'm like, are those first 12 minutes funny enough? And he keeps, he's like, isn't they're not as funny as the last 48, but he keeps saying, you're telling a story. This is one long story. Think of it as a script. The first act has to set up the story. 60 minute story. It's crazy. It goes in and out, right? Right. Right. To, to, to justify some things that I do and that he does. But yeah, it's, it's, I love that man. I mean, that's very cool. Do we have a name for it yet? Well, it's one of two. It's either Joshua father of the year or Joshua family first. And I can't decide which one I wanted family matters. But I understand there was a TV show. I understand that they, that was not open. But yeah. And I shot it myself, paid for it myself.

Wow. Nice. Find a home for it yet? Are you shopping it? I'm gonna be shopping at the beginning of January. Good for you, man. I don't know. Like that's a part of the business that I don't know anything about. And I don't, I don't know if there's a bad place for it to live, but I'm excited for people to see it. That's great. I really am excited to see it. That's very exciting. Yeah. Another thing I was going to say that you're really good at, I'm so excited to talk about me again. Yeah. I talked about you is, you know, you're really good at sharing the personal and making it funny. Oh, thanks. So you take like real, the real things that are really going on. And I see you home and craft and workout. So like your special is fantastic. Yeah. Thanks. And no, no, but like,

see, I, I'll feel insecurities about that. So like, because I'll go like, I don't do, I don't have the same approach. Yeah. So then I'll feel like, oh, that, that, like the same thing we were talking about, like, oh, that sucks. I'm not doing, and I have to, I have to get my, my headspace out of like, don't try to, don't try to do what Josh is doing. Don't try to do what Christina is doing. Don't get distracted by, let them do what they do well. And, and I have to tell myself, like, just try to do what you do and try to do that well. What do you feel like you would say for both of you is your biggest strength as a comic and your biggest weakness? Dude, I know my, I feel like my biggest weakness is, is, is the theatrics of it.

Like I, because I, I, when I'm not confident, I get a little, instead of going back to my craft, I just, I get bigger and I think it's a complete wrong way. I get bigger as a performer. I get bigger as a performer and I'm ruining my own, I'm taking away the work part of it and I go for the easy instead. And by the way, I don't think there's a problem with getting bigger, but as long as you've already done your work, right? Cause it can enhance the joke, but not making it the joke. And my weakness is to, sometimes I take the easy and I go for that. I go way too easy. And I think that you, like you said, it's from the road. Yeah. But sometimes easy for, what's easy sometimes is your first

inclination, but for the viewers, it's not theirs. It feels easy to you because that's your point of view actually, but 99% of the population won't go to that thought cause your brain's fucked up cause you're a comedian. And it often the jokes that have an easy joke and it's not because often the easiest jokes I've had, people are like, you're so fucked up that you think that way. I'm like, really? Cause it feels really normal to me. And that, those are the most celebrated sometimes things that just feel natural. Throwaway line. Yeah. You weren't going to say it. And then they're like, that's the signature. Yeah. Joe Rogan saw one of my bits where I tell people they're not worth it. And it's in my trailer. And I almost didn't put it in my special until he, I love that line.

And I, that was just a throwaway. I thought everybody thought that way. That's crazy. Isn't that crazy? You just kind of under your breath, something on stage one night. And it's like 100%. Because that's the real you. That's the real. And that's what resonates out. I think is the real thought, not the, not the ego societal filtered. That's why Kenison was so great. Cause he would, he would say what's in the, the id, right? The unfiltered societal, that fucking bitch. I fucking hate her. And people were like, yeah, I hate my wife too. Fucking bitch. It's that primal. It's what I love about, you know, I started, like I said, I started with Joey Diaz, right? Yeah. And Joey used to bomb, bomb heavily bomb. Okay. He's so celebrated, particularly by

our circle of like fans and friends. And like, he's so naturally funny. What? And, you know, I see him go on stage and like the craziest thing about, he's one of these, if you give him 20 minutes, you better back away from like, be like, do like, when I did a show with him one time, he was like, how do you want it to go? I was like, you're going last. Yeah. He was like, yeah, I was like, dude, no, like I have, I want no part of this. No. So let me go up there, stand still like I do, kind of slow burn my way through my set. And then you go up through with your flamethrower and do whatever you want to do. And he was like, all right. Like, it's so great. But like, so that's where he is now. What, like, what was his, like,

what was he talking about? What was his act like? Okay. Well, first I've agreed with you 100%. I've always said, I would rather follow an hour of Joey Diaz than 15 minutes of Joey Diaz. Because if he's firing on all cylinders, that 15 minutes, it's problematic over, but you go back. I was going to say his anger is what few, like that kind of something people relate when he dips into that. Yeah. Especially if he's anger, angry about something trivial, these fucking peanuts. Yeah. Yeah. You got to find, nobody can eat peanuts anymore. Yeah. He goes crazy. I'm like, yeah. So he used to go on stage and just tell jokes. I mean, jokes. He, he closed his set. He would kill me if I told anybody this, but he used to close a set on a street joke about, you know,

something about a French guy jizzing on some curtains, something like that. Sounds good. Yeah. But he would bomb until three or four minutes into his act when nobody was laughing and he would get mad and then he would crush. That was him. Then he, his jokes were terrible. But he would be so fired up. But as soon as he turned on this one night, it was so funny. And you know what's crazy about him? If he on paper, if you looked at him, you're like, this dude, how is everybody gets offended, right? Yeah. Nobody. Nobody. I've said that all the time. He says crazy stuff. Nobody. And it's fantastic. Nobody. Cause he's Uncle Joey. Yeah. And it's his truth. I think that goes back to what you said. People accept it. And it's not

hateful too. No, no, no. There's no malice. It's like when he talks about racial stuff and it's like it's coming out of him. They know that's how this guy talks. They know it's not like, like he actually would be like a defense that somebody else can't use. Like that's how I talk. They be like, that's fucked up that you say that. Like for him, without explaining it, they go, oh, that's just how, like they buy into, that's his vernacular. That's his, just throw on the couch or something, babe. I heard him one night. There was two Asian women right up front. Yeah. And we're just, we're here. It might have been at the ha ha. And he was, how are you folks doing? Oh, look at Gina. He goes, Gina, and he goes, look at you two. You're

hot. You make me want to go home and play karate kid with myself. It doesn't even make any sense. But you know what I mean? But it does. But it does. And they're laughing. Yeah. I mean, it's in, I've never understood. Nobody gets offended by Joe Diaz. Somebody also pointed out, and I believe this is true too, that like audiences sense intent. Yes. You don't have to go like, I mean it to be taken this way. Yeah. Like they know when you are hateful. Yeah. Or when you're like just, you know, you're just mean it like in a friendly way. That's why the Twitter jokes don't work because you can't tell tone. But on stage, I've always said that is that at the end of the day, it's not the word, it's intent. Yeah. It's the intent with the word that really bothers

people. That's why I fucking hate Twitter. I just, I don't, I don't, because you're missing so much context and then people jump all over you. It's a big fucking dog shit pile. It's just an excuse for people to be hateful. It's not even fun. No, it used to be fun. I don't know. It used to be kind of fun and now it's like no fun at all because you can't even tell a joke without somebody just to PC. Everyone's fired up about Trump and it's all misdirected. This is time for a dental update, Josh. Well, first of all, you have a beautiful smile. Thank you. All noticed. Do you take care of your teeth? I tried to. Yeah. I have to admit that I am not the most regular flosser, but I try to remember. Okay. I did chip four of my lower teeth two weeks

ago. Oh my goodness. We have one of those four. So we have one of those arrowhead things, water things. Yeah. And I was maybe a little high. Yeah. And I was like, it was like I couldn't get the empty one off. Yeah. So I pulled super hard and I just hit myself in the face. Really? And then I could feel the powder, the teeth powder in my mouth and I was like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. You ever chipped a tooth? Yes. So you know the first thing you're dreading is that mirror because you're like, how bad am I going to look? Like because a chip tooth can dramatically change who you are. Yeah. For years. A chip tooth, like one bad chip tooth, you're like, yeah, that it goes from, oh, that this dude is like a successful. My favorite people are the ones who let a chip tooth just go

are missing to life. They're just like, I chipped this tooth when I was 11 and you're like, you're 48. $500. Have you not been to a dentist since you were 11? Yeah. I mean, that seems like a weird thing not to fix. 100 percent, man. That's how this segment basically started. It was just telling people to fucking put off an iPhone, put off a trip to Orlando, just get your fucking tooth fixed, change your whole face, bro. Yeah, it changes everything. It's like you said, you look at someone, you're like, that guy's got it together. You see that missing tooth and you're like, that guy's got all kinds of stuff. Or the brown tooth. One brown dead tooth. By the way, like, yeah, just, how about you just, you don't need unlimited debt

over this month. I mean, just go get a tooth. And here's the thing. It is, there's some things in life. It is worth, worth getting some debt on. It's like someone's like, oh, you know, I try not to live debt free. Take a, take a, take a couple grand in debt to have all this and like, just pay your, pay your shit to get focused, put it on plastic, dude. Credit, care credit, dental credit. They have programs, bro. Yeah. Cause there's other things that you're just going to open up your whole, your whole world to things like apples. Yeah. Celery. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like a tough garlic bread, you know, something like that. You have to chew on a little bit. Crackers, man. Anything where you're like, my dad, so my dad's teeth are fucked. But they've

always been fucked. My dad's got dad breath. Yeah, my dad too. But that's cause his teeth, they're like fucked. But you always, you can tell he chooses gum right up front because he can't chew them on the side. No, I hate why I'm like, I hate watching you chew gum, dude, because it's like, you know what I mean? You choose them in his front teeth. I've never seen someone chew them. Because it's all up front because the back molars and stuff, they are painful. I'm like, let me just help you out, man. Go, go, go, go. Let's go get, yeah. The front tooth chew gum guy is not, you can't do that. That's a baby. Our next charity will be to take someone like that. We did a charity toy thing this, this holiday. Yeah. And we, you know, we sold some, uh,

merch and, uh, raised a bunch of money and then we went shopping, bought tons of toys, and donated to Children's Hospital of Los Angeles. That's awesome. Yeah, that was great. And there's a vlog of it. If I mentioned it before, but if you go to our, our YouTube, um, page, uh, your mom's house podcast, YouTube page was just past a hundred thousand subscribers. Congratulations. Thank you. Um, there is a vlog of us, you know, buying and donating those toys. But now I feel like we should maybe do a tooth one. Yeah, we can, uh, pick people in the audience. Can I throw some, and now we do the same thing. We, uh, we went down to a church in Southgate, and this dude took over this church in this little area that's, it's like a little pocket

that is luckily free from gangs because the Mongol bicycle, not bicycle, motorcycle. Yeah. Gang probably shouldn't come. They, they have like a motorcycle shop on that street, so the gangs don't come in there. But this dude, we went down and donated this mother of five daughters, single mama, hadn't had a working refrigerator in six months. Oh, geez. Oh no. She told me that she kept a refrigerator in the backyard because it kept the food cooler in the backyard than it did in the house. Oh, Jesus. So we provided like some shit, but they have a little, this church next door, they'll have a property. They have this great property. And the guy was like, we want this to be boys and girls clubs for this area, but for the arts.

Because the schools down there don't have an arts program. So he's trying to make that place next to the church be like boys and girls club, but instead of geared towards sports, geared towards the arts. Yeah. And it's, that's our next thing. We really, I think so because he was like in these neighborhoods, especially the hood, I just realized, uh, we have our thing. We're going to do it for your dad. Yeah. Yeah. Where's your dad live? Well, go to Maine. Us and Bob Marley will do a benefit for, uh, dude, this is be a fucking awesome, awesome video. It kind of would be a good video. If we do a pre-show one where we're like, do you want to do this? And he's like, no, my dad, he raised all his money. Yeah. He'd be like, yeah, I don't, I don't, I'm pretty good the way it is.

If they pass you, you'll be passed out. We'll give you from gas and then you just wake up with no pain. No, that's not, I like chewing gum. Well, cause you do get, you adapt to whatever wackiness is happening in your mouth. Like I had a bad, um, a bad root canal or whatever a cap. So for years, I would just chew on the other side or chew around it like 10 years that way until I finally changed it. I'm like, oh, I didn't need to live like that. But Tommy, you're a dental update. I wanted you to talk about in Hawaii, you said that you floss if we don't have dental floss with business cards. Yeah. Yeah. It's one of the reasons I take business cards or, um, you know, when you park and you park in a, a lot and

they have like a ticket comes out, I'll keep those in my wallet. And what happens is if you're, if you're somewhere, let's say you're at dinner and you, you're in a restaurant and you're like, shit, like, and it's like bothering you. You have something, you don't have floss on you. Usually steak. I get steak out there. I'll go to the bathroom, pull out my wallet, right? And I'll be like, okay, I'll just go through my wallet. Here you go. And then that thing that's here, I just stick it right through. So it's clearly not a germophobe at all. No. Okay. Yeah. Because that dude literally could have wiped his ass and been like, Oh, I forgot to give Tom a business card. No, I got it. I'll take

his shit in my mouth. So anybody who is going to give Tom a business card in the future, just know the practical jokes. Yeah. Wipe your balls. It's going in my mouth. But it really works. And I'm telling you, when you're in that, you know, sometimes it's a little thing and it just makes you freaked. Like it's, it's making you crazy. And I'm like, I can't get this out of it from between my teeth. We're, I don't know. You're, like I said, you're at a restaurant and I just got to do something. Can I offer an idea that may sound crazy straws, but isn't it just as easy to carry a little floss? But like, how many times do I forget? I'll forget. In other words, like it's not,

you're right. I could put a floss thing in there. And the other thing you can do is flatten a straw. Like if you take a strike, fighting it, fighting it, fighting it. So it starts to come together and you can shove that between your teeth sometimes. That's dangerous. My gums. Yeah, I was going to say you have. Oh yeah. Now another thing I've done in a pinch is if I'm wearing tube socks, I'll pull a string out of the tube sock. What? Yeah, that'll often work. That is advanced shit right there. You got it. That, cause that's got some elasticity to it too. It works. It works. I mean, only in a pinch though. I don't do it every day. It's ingenious. It really is. It's pretty smart. Pretty smart. But you have good teeth, man. I appreciate it, man. We really do

talk about teeth a lot. Your son has good teeth. Yeah, he does. We're very lucky. How old is he? Two. He just turned two. Now have you hit, cause I, my kids are obviously old. Have you hit that point? What point, what age was he when you looked at him and you were like, I don't know what I'm doing. Oh, all, all times when he came out of me. All the times, right? Where you're like, I don't have any idea. I have anxiety and I can't do this all the time. I'm like, I don't, he hates me. The first time I thought I didn't know what I was doing, he was a baby. He was in the back seat. He was in his car seat and I got out of the minivan and I walked him back and I looked at him and I was like, do you got shit on your neck, buddy?

Like, why do you have shit on your neck? And then, you know, when they poop up, yeah, and I call my mom, I'm like, they poop up. She was like, yeah, it's really weird. I'm like, yeah, but he was sitting up straight in the poop shot up his back. And she was like, yeah, she was like, yeah, the bed, she said, just so you know, like, I go, I don't know how that happens. She goes, it's not going to be the first time you're confused. Just let it, just let it go. There's some long days where I'm like, whoa, you know what I mean? Like, there's been days where Christina's gone, she's out of town doing a gig, nanny's day off, and we'll start off. And it's like, especially because, you know, people don't realize it with adults, but with kids, it's so

evident about the beginning of the day mood. Like, he can wake up and you're like, this is a fucking angel. Like, he's just like, like giggling. It's just all fun. But a kid wakes up in a bad mood at that age, like at 18 months. And like, when, when, when there's whining and crying, and you're like, well, maybe you're hungry. Oh, you're not. Maybe you want to be changed. Oh, you don't. Maybe you want this toy or something. You don't. And then like, nothing satisfies the wine. Dude, that, you know, six hours into that, I'm like, I don't fucking know what to do. Yeah, it's, it's so. Can you please take a nap? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, and that nap time comes around. It's victory.

Can't last long enough. Nap time is so good. You know what the most fresh or anything is, you're like, why don't you take a nap? And then you're like, well, shit, I got to go out to the store and you put them in the car and they fall asleep for the 10 minutes in the car ride. And you're like, why couldn't you fall asleep at the house? No, of course not. They just fall, they wait and they fall asleep in the car. We did an hour drive to a hotel to, uh, and we were trying to figure out when should we leave. It's like, well, it's going to have breakfast. It's going to have this morning time. You know, check in the hotel's like three. Should we wait? Should we put him down for his nap at

one, get up and then be down there at like five or six. And like everybody we knew, all our friends were like, dude, leave during that time. He'll nap. He'll sleep in the car. He'll sleep on the way down. It's perfect. Yeah. We were like, all right, we don't, we just don't normally do, we don't do that. Yeah. Okay. He fucking cried from the second until the second and it was like a 90 minute traffic. And like, like one of those scream cries, screaming for 90 minutes straight. And we just pulled up and we're like, is the room ready? And they're like, ah, I think so. Like,

is there a crib in there? We can get one. I'm like, do it fucking now. And I mean, like that first day was us unwinding. It's a mental beating that's screaming in your ear is such a mental. It is a mental beat. It really does break. You used to be able to, uh, you could hold him and go, you do a louder shush into his ear and he would, it would sue them. So like baby is here. Yeah. He's crying. You go shh and like that sound would soothe him. But there was times when it wouldn't do it and I would catch myself just going.

He's like looking at me like he's fucking psycho. I would lose. I would just like fucking. Slipping in a motherfucker. Yeah. Yeah. I think the crying for me is the hardest. I don't give a shit about poopy diapers or any of that. That stuff doesn't wear me down as much as the hard crying. Crying because it makes you feel bad. It makes me feel like, yeah, like I'm doing something wrong. I've done something wrong. Why is he crying or just the sound of it? I don't like the shrill.

You're like, I've done something wrong. Yeah. I talk about it in therapy a lot. It's an issue with me and my shrink, but I know I'm working on it, but, um, but I go to, I get panicky because I'm, I get afraid that it's never going to end. What if I can't figure out what's wrong? Like even though rationally, I know, I know the, the checks, the boxes, just like I'm afraid of things getting out of control for some reason. You know what's funny is, and I think only because of circumstance,

I honestly never felt that because when my kids were young, I was single and there was three of them. And so things worrying about things like that, I, there was too many. Do you know what I mean? Yes. That was a, that was not that I wouldn't have. If I, I just didn't have the time it wasn't even in there to think about why is that me? That makes sense though. There was no time that that there wasn't time for that instinct, which I'm sure would have kicked

in to kick in because when he was crying, there were two other kids. So I couldn't let that. It's what do you do when there's two other and one, and then how do you decide who gets what attention? Like my thing is like, if we have another kid, like, what if they're both crying at the same time? Like, well, who, what do you, who do you deal with first or what do you do? What you learn is that there's crying and then there's crying. Yeah. We know that one. All right. So. And your crying is not significant.

The fake cries. Yeah. Right. Like, so I know that cry. Yeah. That cry can be cured with a caprisum. Right. Right. So I am not going to address that crying. This crying here, which seems to involve blood. I'm going to go ahead and look at this cry.

Because we pick up on that. Yeah. We know the fake cries. We're like, that's not real. He's like, yeah. When they cry and then look at you out of the side of their eye, like, is this working? Then you're like, nah, dude, I'm not falling for that shit. And also what I found is that sometimes the cry, when they cry it out themselves, what I found, like, if they were crying, if they cried because they were scared or they

were hurt a little bit, sometimes, and I felt at first, I would feel like a bad parent. But I was like, I got, by the time I got to them, the crying was done. I found the next time their cries were shorter because they were like, oh, I figured my way through this last time. So I know at the end of this, I'm actually going to be okay. So it was an accidental good lesson for me, but it was accidental because I just was not, I didn't have enough man hours to focus on all three of them. And look, for sure, I put too much responsibility on my oldest son sometimes.

I think about what I asked a seven-year-old to do. Yeah. This, and I need you to watch your brother. But he's six months old. Yeah, but here's what I need you to do. You know what I mean? Like, but you don't, when you're in it, you don't. You don't, you were in it, man.

You don't think about it at all. It's so bizarre. Now, looking back, I'm like, I can't believe I asked him to do that shit. Survival. Oh my God. But I do think if we have a second child, like, and this is so stupid when people like in dogs to children because it's just not even the same league. But I will say, when we had the first dog, Fifo, when he was sick and it was, he almost died.

And then the second dog came, Bitsy, as a puppy, and it was way easier. Because I was like, Oh, this dog's barfing. I don't give a shit. If he's not barfing more than five times, there's no need for the vet. And you're right. If you have a second kid with another guy, I think you'll totally have a different approach. Who do you think I'll have? I don't know.

We should make a list. We should write a list and see what we think, who we think would be the best. I have to get to know him because he'll have some, you know, relationship with my son. Would you, would you want him to be an athletic man? Or I would love for him to be. Is that what you're looking for? Like a tall kind of track athlete or like a ball player? Yeah.

Something like that? Something with a good build and speed. You can't, you can't keep speed. That's the thing. Or size. Yeah. Size and speed. You got to be born with.

So we, maybe we should hold some auditions. Eyeball that for sure. Okay. I'll keep my eyes peeled. Here's a clip from Josh's new specialty site in Boise. Oh no. That's exciting. Let's see.

What the fuck are you doing in there? Who is that? Who are you? I'm just, man. You in the fucking gutter, man. I know. What the fuck is down there? Huh?

What the fuck are you looking for? My cat. Your cat. Wait a second. This is a guy from the street into a gutter. My cat. My cat. It doesn't sound like me.

Wait, is that, is that real? This is real. Yeah, yeah. Do you think that there are drugs and or mental? Illness involved. For sure. I was about to say he didn't drop his cat. He dropped a bag of something and he was like, well, I'm going.

This is our trauma segment. That is like a bad real life scene from it. Yeah. Do you know the opening of no, I haven't seen it. I haven't seen it. Too scared. Great. Great.

I'm going to also send you a video. Okay. That is one of my favorite. Now there's one video I do want to show you guys that you can't just show all willy nilly. But I'm going to show you. This is my favorite. This is my favorite video that I've seen in a long time.

You're going to message it to me? I'm sending it to you. Okay. Okay. There's a guy in the sewer right now. Now, how did he get in there? I don't know. Let's let's watch more.

How do you get in? What is that? He's singing amazing grace. He sounds like he's taking a shit though. Doesn't he? In the sewage system. That's meta. Yeah.

But that's a good place to shit. It is a good place. Here's, let's see what the guy says. Ask him. How'd you get down there? How'd you get down there? You can't ride your bike in a fucking thing. Where?

And he also said I rode my bike. He's shitting. He's shitting, right? Why don't you go down to the gutter to shit? Yeah. I mean, it's nice. I mean, he's saving water. I like that.

I appreciate you. He's an environmentalist. He's an environmentalist, everybody. Hold the level. You know what I hate? You're going the wrong way, man. What the fuck are you doing? I'm going the wrong way.

I hope that's Al Gore down there. Oh my God. What is happening? I hate when people go, huh? You know what's being asked. I'm asking you why you're in the gutter right now. What? By the way, even if you didn't hear the question,

you know the only question I'm asking you. Yeah. Why are you in the gutter? I'm asking you what the time it is. I'm asking you what the fuck is going on. Yeah. I'm fucking stuck. What are you on?

I'm stuck. That's what you're on. You're on something, man. You are in the fucking gutter, man. I'm coming out from... No, you're not. Oh, fuck. He's trying to...

Wait, I think that grunting is actually... Him trying to get out of pipes. Trying to get through a space, yeah. That's why he's like, I'm trying to get out. So do you think he got... And you know how in some streets, they have that little opening where the water drains? So you think he slides in one of those?

Well, he rode his bike. I don't know if you heard him. Oh, yeah. Sorry. Well, no wonder he's stuck. It's hard to ride a bike down there. He went into that huge opening on a bike path. And then now he's like,

I forgot which way that is. I got to get out. So many drugs. I've never seen no shit like this before in my entire life, man. What the fuck are you doing? Where is he? I mean, it sounds like there's some work being done down there. Really?

Yeah. Is he going to have to cut his arm off to get out? Is this James Franco 127 hours kind of situation? I'm stuck in the shit. But this is a terrible... Like this is a terrible... How... Well, we had...

I was just thinking we had Dr. Drew here last week. Yeah. And we showed him a bunch of our classic clips. And he voted on whether there's drugs or trauma involved. And we would be laughing like this. Or mental illness. And he'd be like, yeah, this is just very sad. So I'm already thinking like, we got to play this for him.

And he'll be like, yeah, no, this is not good. It's the difference between a doctor and a comic. There's so much trauma here. So much. We were like... Their trauma is our healing. Yeah, exactly. That's so true.

Okay, one more. What is that? God, dude. He's singing again? He's high as fuck. Yeah. He's just high. No.

The video I sent you is my favorite non-dirty video that I've been sent in a long time. Okay. Because now most of the videos I get are like... Dude, by the way, why that song? Like, what is it? Does he think he's dying? No, that says I'm so fucked up right now

I got to focus on something else. I need the Lord. You ever done that where you sing? Like, you have a song to get through a bad time. Like, it takes you to your happy place? Yeah, yeah. Like, during Pap Smith's, I sing Oklahoma. It just gets me.

Oh, man. I'm not going to lie to you. If you were like, I'm going to give you 10 tries and write out a two-sentence description of what a Pap smear is. I'd be like, I don't know that I could do that. It's just the worst. Could you do...

If I said right now, what's a Pap smear? Could you tell me what it is? Are you scraping the pussy out? Oh, my God. Josh, do not encourage this pussy time. He's always like, are you going to the pussy doctor today? Do you scrape the pussy out? That's what it is.

Is that what it is? You don't scrape a pussy out, dummy. What do you do? Okay, they insert a speculum into the vagina. Well, I knew that part. They open it up. They holler in there. And then they put their tongue in there.

And then they take a swab of your cervical mucus, and they put that into a Petri dish, and they culture it, and that's a Pap smear. Scrape the pussy out. I had it right. Yeah. I mean, it's, it's a, he's right. It's horrendous.

Yeah. I'm surprised they haven't figured out how to do it with like lasers or something. So I don't have to feel that. It really doesn't sound... Hey, I have this movie. Oh, it's the worst. This video queued up.

I don't, I don't know what it is. Should I just play it? Yeah, it's funny. It, just so you know, it's a, it's a dude trying to pronounce three words. Okay. Okay. Hold on.

It's, and there's a lot of great nuance to the, just, yeah, it's one of my favorites. Okay. Here we go. Here we go. All right. N-S-C-C-1, phase one. In the beninging.

In the, in the binae, in the binae g-ing. Yeah, in the, yeah. Yeah, that's my favorite. In the, in the, in the binae g-ing. Yeah, in, in, in the binae g-ing. In the binae g-ing. In the, in the, in the binae g-ing. In the, in the binae g-ing.

In the binae g-ing. Poor guy. Oh my god. I mean, he can't. He can't do it. My favorite thing about that is, who wrote the speech form? Like, didn't they run one word? Hey, listen here.

And didn't he look and be like, I can't say that word. Which word? The one right at the beginning. Yeah, that's a tough word. The binae, the in the binae, in the, in the binae g-ing. Yeah. Eat the poo poo. Poor dude.

Remember the poo poo guy? Oh yeah. One of the thing they do is called anal g-ing. Where a man's anus is licked like this by the other person. Like ice cream. Like ice cream. And then what happens, even poo poo comes out. The other poo poo's out, and then they eat the poo poo.

That is a, that is a creature in Africa. Forget which country. Maybe Uganda or something. And he was talking about homosexuality. And he was saying that gays eat each other's shit. Yeah. I don't think that's right. Is it?

No. I don't think that's right. But that was the information that. That's his pitch. Yeah. As to why you shouldn't be gay. In the binae. In the binae g-ing.

Dude, he tried so many times. Oh, I know. That's a valiant effort. That's the part that makes me kind of sad though. Is that he didn't just go, you get it. And then like next set. My favorite part is that he turns to the people behind him to help.

And they're just like. Beginning. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that's it. Yeah, look at that. This is one, this one. And he goes, yeah.

Like he was giving up. In the binae g-ing. The binae g-ing. Yeah. In the, in the binae, in the binae g-ing. Yeah. Yeah, look at her. She's like, yeah, she's not helping at all.

You're talking about, bro. Yeah. Just like in the beginning. In the binae g-ing. Beginning. Skip it. In the binae g-ing. Not that important, the first.

The dance. Yeah. In the binae g-ing. Yeah. He's like, help me. Yeah. In the binae g-ing. Help me, you asshole.

He looked to the side of the stage like. Yeah, dude. That's really funny though. That poor guy. In the binae g-ing. In the binae g-ing. In the binae g-ing. In.

And one point he points at the crowd like he's going to say it confidently. In the binae g-ing. In the binae g-ing. In the binae g-ing. Just to start saying that. When things start to go bad, I'm just going to start going.

Nothing. I rode my bike. I rode my bike. I, listen, I do think that people don't ride their bike enough nowadays though. So I am. That's very true. I'm happy to see somebody out

getting their exercise. Did you see this, this Australian news team? So like there's an Australian news show and one of the anchors is like, they're about to go live like in a couple minutes. And she notes that the three people who are about to appear on camera wearing white and she's livid and she's like tells the other,

one of the women like, I already fucking told you that I was wearing white. But it's like this is all stuff that wasn't supposed to air but it was captured and then released. I love it. Julie to put a jacket on because we're all in white. I asked, I asked her before we came on. Julie, you need to put a jacket on.

Slide out. I haven't had time. Just someone, come on. I told you, I told you two hours ago, we know I'm in chat room. This is not, I'm sorry. I've been flat out. Well, I'll call wardrobe and we'll get something.

No, if you give me a second, if we can ask, I'm not sure who your lineup is today. If there's just a jacket floating around out there, ask her. Unless you want to run down and see if there's a jacket. No, you're all right. No, you're all right. Because you told me it's fine, Sandy,

but there can't be three of us. And I made this clear two and a half hours ago. And but if it's an issue, I can get on out of here. It is an issue. You go and grab a jacket. Jenny, someone, someone able to grab me a jacket, please. It does look pretty good. I wasn't saying it for no reason.

The wardrobe girls would be furious downstairs. I'm wearing blue for one amber. I don't want to be having this. It doesn't look like it. Someone, Jenny, get someone, a producer. I told her there's two and a half, there's one hanging up outside the control room. Just get it on.

There's a black one hanging up. There's a black one hanging up on the back of my one. If there's an issue, I can just head on out and get back to work because I'm flat chat. I genuinely forgot. I know it's not your issue, but I did ask Julie two and a half hours ago. This is like, the girl on the other end doesn't care?

She's glad to wear hers because she already cleared it. Go for there. Time now to head into the chat room and joining me today. Psychologist Sandy Ray in Melbourne and 9th Julie Snook in Sydney. A big welcome to both of you. Thank you for joining us. Good afternoon.

And this is a psychologist, which is my favorite part. So as somebody who's propping, she has to have some, I don't know, sense of... Yeah. But if anyone, the middle girl should wear the jacket to break off the white, white, white. I agree. Like she should be the one wearing a jacket.

But she told the other girl, I'm wearing white. Two and a half hours ago. Two and a half hours ago, as Josh was noting. Jesus Christ. She mentioned 18 times. Yeah, she did say, she did mention. Did I fucking tell you what I was wearing? That's what she wanted to say.

Yeah, exactly. What she wanted to say was, I made it pretty fucking clear. I'm wearing white. Two and a half hours ago. So this ship is not getting out. Yeah, she was not. I don't know why women care. Like women are like...

It seems really trivial. Like if that was three dudes, they'd be like, Hey, we're all wearing white. Yeah, make a joke about it. We look like the fucking temptations. Let's do this. Here we go. Backstreet Boys segment.

Right. It's a five minute segment. But women always care. Like I went to the party and she was wearing the same thing. I was like, who fucking, I don't know. No, I will listen. I hope nobody's wearing what I wear. Because I... Well, you were wearing some cool stuff.

I, you know, I've got structure. I got a structure shirt. Oh, structure card. I got my own structure card. And I remember that's where people knew. I just saw this. Was this lady getting a pap smear? Oh, my fucking cut.

Oh, shit. My cut, my cut, my cut. That's what it, that's what it feels like. That's what it feels like. When do you get your pussy scraped out? Yeah. You get your pussy scraped. You get your pussy scraped and...

Hey, I want to go back to one of Josh. The things he mentioned. Greatest strength and weakness as a company. Okay, go ahead. What do you think it is? Yours? No, or yours? Your greatest strength.

I mean, you fart powerfully. God damn it. I think you're so confident in your bits. Like you really stick with them. I can make mediocre shit sound okay. No, that's not what I mean. Oh, that's what I mean. I can sell some bullshit.

Because by the way, okay is also mediocre. There you go. Yeah. So you really... But no, I think you, I watch you and I could never deliver things the way you do. You know how you mentioned, the way you said you just kind of your stillness?

Yeah. Can you move, man? But dude, that is powerful to hold that many people for that long in that being that still. Yeah, I'd say that, like your deliberateness. It's really, because that's one of the things that makes young comic scared. Right.

Is to be definitely. Right? Yes. Scared of any moment of stillness or something. Well, you see Chris Rock and he paces nervously like a panther and that's nervous energy, I believe. I've always felt that that was energy, that is. Oh fuck, I better, if I'm not moving, I'm not gonna listen.

It also keeps an audience engaged. Exactly. That's what I'm saying. When he's afraid of planting it and being still, because that's a different muscle. That's a totally different mindset of how to engage the audience. I've always looked at his comedy as that stalking the stage fits his material. It does.

It's the energy keeper. It's a great mix for him. I think it really fits his energy. It fits his material. It fits how he attacks. It's the pacing. Yeah, I can't, like if I work, I can physically walk like that. I wouldn't, like my material would feel weird coming out, you know?

Like it would not, it wouldn't work for me. Yeah. I would, I would, it would feel like two things that just don't align. What do you think your biggest weakness is? Man, that's interesting. That's a scary one, you know, when you start thinking about your biggest weakness. I don't know, man. Is it as a performer or a writer, do you think?

Do you think your strength lies on stage or in front of the computer? You know what I mean? Like some people are better. I think it's probably the weakness is probably that in writing, because I don't write physically. Like I used to write a lot and I've done the last three hours with basically no writing, just on stage. Oh, writing on stage.

Writing on stage, which my only, like myself, you know, analysis and diagnosis I would give myself is that it's good to be able to do the writing on stage, but I should add more of the writing offstage to enhance it. Because the few times that I've been like, hey, what's that bit? And actually written something down, it got better. So it's like a laziness where I go like, yeah, but it's good enough. Like it's working without me doing that. Yeah, but if it works, why is it a bad thing if it works?

It works, but I do think it can work better. In other words, you feel like you're not doing enough on that. I do, I do. And like, I mean, it's hard. It's hard. Like I admit it. I don't like to admit it. I know it's, it's, it's like, like if you're talking about like working out,

you're like, yeah, I love weights. And they're like, do you ever do cardio? And you're like, nah, but I mean, I'm still strong. You know what I mean? Like you're just like, I know it can get better. And it's laziness. So like a reluctance to do the more work. I do the same thing.

That's what I think. I do the same thing. You write on stage more than you do. Way more on stage. I write on stage. I don't do that. I know you write a lot on stage. Deliver it.

You write in front of a computer. Now let me ask you something because I can't do it on stage. When I write in front of a computer, sometimes I get so worried about the exact words that my naturalness goes away because I'm thinking about the exact words that I wrote. I totally get that. Do you, did that with you? But that's when you let go of the written.

Like I know what the punch is, but I know that that part is going to be worked out on stage because I'll find my flavors up there. I just know that that's the writing and then that's the performing. You'll find your, you'll find your cadence and shit up there. I don't know. That's what I think. But that's, so for you, you write,

but the punchlines you write, you write, you write, right? Yeah. Yeah. I wish I could do more of that. I feel like I'm better grabbing the idea of a story. For me, when I tell a story, a new story, like I'm working on a story right now, that is like 16 minutes long. And I would love to get it down to 12 or 13.

Is it a feels like it should be? Is it a recent thing that happened? Yeah. I have to be sorry. But it's, I'll be right back. I, the way I go with my stories is that I tell them exactly how they happened. Yeah. The first five or six times.

Yeah. I don't add any jokes. Yeah. I don't try to be funny because to me, the funny, if the more truth I can take with me, the better. Do you do, is that how you do it also? Totally. I tell, I tell exactly how it happened.

And then I kind of, by like the 10th time, I'll be like, all right, like it has already some, some good laughs in it. So I know, like I, I like this story. I'm going to stick to this story, but then I'll start to be like, something about this section is just, it's a lull boring. Yeah. And so I'll either try to cut something out of it or add something to it. You know, like add some jokes to it, add an enhancement to the boring part.

That's my question then. So when you enhance, I found for me, there's two ways you enhance, right? You can either enhance through heightened reality or enhanced just through punch lines. Yeah. Right? How, what, what generally, what do you do? The heightened reality or do you go a punchline route? Do you take it?

My inclination will be the heightened reality. Mine too. And then I say like six months into telling that story. And I'm almost like, I, I know the parts that I really like, but it still has bland parts. I'll start to add a punchline or two to certain sections because I feel like, oh, that's really what it needs to be a completed story. Like it needs a few jokes.

That's interesting. I, I do almost see exact same thing because for me, like say I have a story about, well, there was a story that I tell in the special and the reality of the story. I was telling a story about how my dad, do I want to ruin the joke right now? No. Yeah. That's, yeah, yeah. But anyways, but there's a, there's a way to where you're like, okay, this is what really

happened and say it was something physical that happened. You're like, okay, that physical isn't funny enough. I still like the story, but what, what part of being physical can make it funnier? You know, what's the funniest physical thing? Kick in the nuts. Okay. Well, it's kicking the nuts funnier than slapping the face, which is funnier than pushing the chest.

Do you know what I mean? Yes. Do you do the same way where you amplify the reality like that? Of course. Of course. Yeah. Of course. Yeah.

And so for me, it helps. Or like, it'll be something I'll be like, you know, I don't know, some, some action happens and like in reality, the guy that I set up in the story, let's say, didn't say anything. Yeah. But I'll give him a line because it's funny and it kind of, and it helped, and the move, this, the story is still moving along, you know, but like it gets, it gets a big laugh. So it's makes the story more engaging, you know, so, but like the guy really didn't say but it doesn't exact thing.

He also, what you're having him say, doesn't take away from the truth of the story. No. Right. Right. Yeah. It's just like, I mean, it's like seasoning, you know, it's like, I call a little salt and pepper. Yeah.

Like you're just, you're just adding a little bit to the thing to make it taste better. Yeah. So it's like, yeah, but I'm not like, I'm not saying like, and then he pulled out a gun and you know what I mean? Like it's not this whole made up thing. Right. It's just, it's an, it's an enhancement. It makes me laugh when people are like, is that story true?

I'm like, did you laugh? Yeah. Yeah, I laughed. Then who fucking cares if it's true? The weird ones are like when I got, there's stories where I've told like verbatim and then people are like, I can't believe you can make something like that out. I'm like, this is a hundred percent, 100% story on my YouTube page about my favorite practical joke ever.

Yeah. Which is, but it's true and I left the most outrageous parts out because I'm like, there's no way anyone's going to believe this shit. That story above all, people are like, that's not true. Yeah. And I'm like, no, that, that, that story is actually true. Yeah. I mean, like, I know the, the Mike Tyson story that I told in my special and then I

told part of it on Conan, on Conan to him. People were like, did you, did you ever, have you ever really met him? Is he mad that you made up the story about that? I'm like, what? You think I came up with an elaborate. Mike Tyson. Mike Tyson story. Yeah.

And then like, and then just scripted 50 lines to one another. And they're just like, isn't that what you guys do? Like, I mean, people have their own imagination. Sure. I'm like, dude, I'm just telling you exactly how I met this guy on a plane. Like, isn't that amazing when the exact story, you don't even have to like, it's almost stealing. You're like, so I can just tell the story beginning to end.

Yeah. Yeah. No jokes. I don't have to add any jokes and I'm a genius. And then people are like, yeah, that's a crazy, you know, story. I'm like, I just tell you about how I met a dude. You'll find when the kid will just start to supply endless hours of material. I'm waiting for it, man.

Yeah, they get why I had them. You know, I want that. Oh, it is coming. I can't wait for that stuff of like, and then I said, go fuck yourself. And I'm like, you can't say that. Wait till my son stole one of my edibles. Oh my God. Oh no.

How old was he? He was probably 16 at the time, 15 or 16. No, not like kid, kid, but he stole one of my edibles and. Cheap at you. 02:07:05,360 --> 02:07:05,360 02:07:05,360 --> 02:07:06,560 Stole the Cheap at you. Dacadose.

Yep. Yeah. That's what's in my drawer. That's a lot. 175 milligrams. That's strong. And I went back, I went down into his room and he was fucked up. He's out of his mind.

He's out of his mind. But I was just trying to play with him a little bit. You did? Oh yeah, man. Listen, anybody who doesn't, once your kids have pubes, did you do your thing? You're allowed to fuck with them. Yeah, you're fine.

You're out of the woods. Yeah. Because it seems to me my inclination would be to not act like you know. That you, right? So I go down and he was literally, he was laying on his bed doing this with his fingers. Yeah. And I go down into his room and right when I walked in, I'm like, no, he's fucked up. Like there's no teenage boy laying on his bed, just fiddling with his fingers.

Happing his fingers on his chest. So, and I said to him, I go, what are you doing? He goes, just trying to figure something out. And I was like, oh boy. And I said, what are you trying to figure out? He goes, I don't think you'd understand. And I was like, all right. And I said, can you stop doing that for a second?

And he was like, I don't think so. And I go, just do his stuff for a second, man. And he looked up at me and he had this huge grin on his face. And I'm like, oh boy. He's clearly. Yeah. And his. You're like the DEA is here right now.

Oh, I love fucking. I'm like, hey, you know, I don't even know this, but people actually can't OD from we. Oh my God. Oh my God. I love, listen, when your kids get to be a certain age, my kids fuck with me too. Like they have videos of, I scare easily. So they have videos of them scaring me, but we have scaring contests. Like all that stuff, we go back to fun, right?

Yeah. We got to have some fun. Yeah. Practical jokes are a lot of fun. I took all the underwear out of my son's drawer one. One week and I replaced it with panties that had the days of the week on it. Oh, that's great. And he just screamed from his bedroom.

These aren't my underwear. I'm not wearing these. And I was like, just put your Mondays on. Let me see what they look like. But you know, but they grow up with a sense of humor. Of course. My parents are the opposite. Like they never would let me play with them.

But the humor came from the suffering. I think like the misery. Yeah. Like I've been doing my mom a lot with you where you're like, uh, will you pass the remote control? You passed the fucking remote control. Like everything was a confrontational. Yeah.

Is your mom. Compatitive. I think you need to add a syllable. Um, no. Compative. Compatitive. There it is.

02:09:36,160 --> 02:09:38,160 Yeah. My parents were the opposite of playful, but I think that made me want to be more playful. Definitely. 02:09:42,960 --> 02:09:45,040 It made me salier because I'm like, oh, come on. By the way, greatest strength for you. Oh, God.

Is it tits? I don't want to answer this. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Big mushy purples. You're always saying that. Purples?

What? They're purple. I got purple nips since I had a my kid and they just haven't changed back. They're not totally purple. Like, like a Farny or less purple. No, they're purple. Like skin, like purple, man. They're less purple.

They're less purple than they were. They never, I used to have nice pinkers. And I have meaty nipples. Do you? But the nipples themselves aren't meaty, but the areola is, is me. I have a meaty areola. It's hot.

What do you? God, I'm so self-loathing. Don't ask me. Well, then what's your, what's your weakness? What's your weakness? All of it. Just everything sucks.

02:10:27,440 --> 02:10:28,240 There you go. That's, that's that could be your strength too. I'd say my weakness is I bail too quickly on premises I want to go for. Like I won't stick to it and I'll just bail because I'm not getting a laugh. That's definitely one of mine too. What do you mean? What do you mean? What do you mean?

What do you mean? Really? Yeah. Like you go like, I want to talk about this. Yeah. And I'll pick, I'll pick an angle. I'll pick a line. You know, I'll pick like, this is how I'll say it and I'll do it.

And it's like, and I'm like, and I'll go to like another show, kind of try it there. And then I'm just like, well, fuck that. I just want to do it. But the, the concept, the premise is still in my mind. Yeah. For years too. You're like, I should talk about that.

But then you're like, yeah, but I did try to talk about it. Didn't work. Yeah. You know, you kind of just throw in the towel early. Yes. I'll bail on. I'll bail on stuff I know in my heart. I want to do.

I just don't know how yet. And I'll be like, I've got to get a laugh right now. There's too much silence. I got to go to laughs. Do you ever use this podcast to work on your premises? Yeah. One time I took a, yeah. I think yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah. That's what I mean. Yeah. Yeah. Not trying bits, but like. Yeah. Inadvertently dude. Yeah.

That my, my new special comes out January 12th on Netflix. Congratulations. What's the name? It's called disgraceful. And there are people who listen to this podcast will recognize entire, like almost entire bits that the origin was like talking about something here or finding something here and then talking about a clip. Yeah.

You know, and yeah, that's now like, you know, a bit in my, in my act. Yeah. How many specials have you put out? This is number, this is the third special, but like the fifth, because I did two albums before. So, but the third special. But five hours of stand up. Yeah. Stand up.

That's pretty fucking great. Very profilic. Competitive. Very prophylactic. I'm a combative writer. You're a combative dude. I say combative up until like a year ago. Do you think this will be?

Combative. Yeah. I don't know why. Yeah. Yeah. And I, my mother said it that way. And she's always like, I read, you don't. I do not.

I do not say I read, you don't. You mean combative and she was like, it's combative. And I was like, I could see that she was serious. And I'm like, oh, this is so great that you don't know. Yeah. You don't know this word. And then she was like, all right, I'm a little over here. Okay.

One for Tammy. Hello. I do have foreign parents. And so I grew up hearing words incorrectly my whole life. See, that's the difference. She has two foreign parents. I have one foreign parent. So I always had the one to be like, don't listen to what she says.

I had to figure that shit out on my own, bro. I read so much. You're nice though. You correct her. I think it's funny when my wife messes things up. And I'll have, I'll, I'll lead her into saying it in public. Like she used to say that point is mook. Oh my God.

So I used to try to lead her down the path. So she would say it in front of the people. We always, yeah, that is. That's fun. It's just funny for me. Is it mook or slang term? I think it's moot. Yeah.

Mook is not. Yeah. No, mook is a bad word. Yeah. I don't know of it. But I know we, we always celebrate, you know, missing words, but also expressions, you know. And like even that's something in, in, in her act, but like we've always celebrated it. And one that I actually thought, I actually thought that, that it was this way for a while

was I thought it was ahead of the curb. Like, like, like the curb on the, on the road. I didn't, I didn't think about it. Like that Edward Norton movie where he curb stomped that. Yeah. So I thought when someone was like, oh, you're ahead of the curb. I was like, I was like, they park well or something like, I don't know. But that would make kind of sense.

I just accepted it. I was like, yeah, you're ahead of the curb. Oh, I thought you said ahead on the curb. No, no, no. I was like, oh, what kind of saying is that? Well, you're ahead on the curb. You're ahead on the curb, man. No, no, I, but like it took me, I mean, I've known now the correct version for years,

but I'm saying for many years I did not. I thought Eminence front was living in a trunk. I'm sorry. What? Because we're living in a trunk. We're living in a trunk. Come on. You thought that was Eminence front, which is a Pete Townsend song because of Eminence front.

I don't know this song. You thought it was living in a trunk. Living in a trunk. It's not songs. You can really get wrong. Oh yeah. Yeah. Sayings are embarrassing songs, singing at the top of your lungs.

Embarrassing. Do you think this will be Josh at his eldest son's graduation or his 16th? Your son's graduation coming up. That is so. Oh, shit. Oh, I didn't get it. That was good. That was good.

Aww. Aww, dude. All right. Christopher Van Leer Ripley. That was hysterical. I got it all on video, and I was videoing me. I did. Oh, yeah.

You saw it. Oh, man. I'm sorry. When I had the best, this is the best. This is the best. He's a real dad. That is so embarrassing for us. Why?

I know. Such a bummer, and he missed the moment. I know. But then he had like a really good laugh about it. Yeah. Yeah. See, I would have been more pissed about it. I'd be like, oh, fuck.

That would be so mad. By the way, as you should have been, it's the one time that happens. This guy's like, it's not looking you. Oh, I'll get it next week. No, that's it. Yep. Like, there's no more of those. Yeah, he's like.

He's celebrating it. I'm more upset with that cheer. Yeah. That was a terrible. That's a dad. Woo. It was a bad, it was weak, it was thin. It was like, I don't like that one.

It's girlish. Oh, man. I, my kids graduation, all three of them graduated from high school already. You know, my youngest son is 20. Wait, I thought, OK, I'm sorry. Yeah, my youngest son is 20. Your youngest son is 20? Yeah.

What are you, 68? Pretty much. Your youngest son? My youngest son is 20. And then 24 and 25. My daughter's engaged. She lives with a dude. And you have four grandchildren.

And my oldest son is in the army. And I got four grandchildren. Just so crazy. You're like our age. It is younger than me. It's insanity. It's insanity. Like sometimes you're definitely, I mean,

unless something horrific happens to you, going to be a great grandfather. I know. That's crazy. I've thought of that before because when I think of great grand parent, yeah, I think of somebody who's like one step in the grave, the grave, right? How old is your eldest grandchild?

He's five years old. I'm going to be six. OK. I mean, theoretically, if he has one in his early to mid 20s, that's 20 years from now. I mean, like that's not that crazy. Well, let's put the math together. So if he has one at the same age that my son had it,

which is at 20, that's 14 years, 15 years. There is a chance that if his kid has a kid early, I could be a great, great grandparent. That's wild. I did a picture of that as being like, you have to be 104. Something like that, right? Yeah. I've got a question.

And you're going to be like 71. Yeah, I'm going to be 52. It's really bananas. Yeah. But I will tell you, you always hear about the difference between being a parent and a grandparent. It's so much easier to be a grandparent. It has to be.

You just walk the fuck out. Yeah. They were crying and I didn't want to hear him crying anymore. I turned to my son, I go, I'm going back to the hotel. Yeah. He's like, you're not going to stick around. I'm like, call me when they're done crying. Like I did that.

I'm going to go back to the hotel where it's quiet. Exactly. But that's what you've earned at that point. I believe I have earned that right to walk out of the house. You have. I left him $40 for lunch. I'm like, grab some lunch. Yeah.

Call me later. See, you're a good guy. Yeah. We got to get to this right before we wrap up here. So we've been on this thing where, so my father turned 70 over the summer. And at dinner, one night, we had a family reunion. And my mom, I guess it was foreign. I said, mom, dad, this is the last night, 69.

Are you going to 69 him tonight before he turns 70? She was like, what? And then everybody laughed. And then for the remainder of the week, we would always make just these very juvenile 69 jokes. We've since told our audience every week, they have been sending in clips where they videotape asking their parents, are you going to 69 when they turn 70?

And it's been, it's very silly. And we get the full range of reactions. People are like, you know what? We are. Or like they take it seriously. Or sometimes they're like, what are you doing? And like they get really upset. The moms get real mad.

Yeah. Some of the moms get really upset. Moms are really not happy with this. Because, and then some of them are like, you know, this is so juvenile, which makes me laugh the most. So I got some new ones this week. Here is the first one asking, are you going to 69 before you turn 70? How old are you?

Me? 60. No, how old are you? You are not 60. Just saying. Terry. You're 59. Terry, how old are you?

I'm 69. So you're 69? Yeah. So on the last night of being 69, will the two of you 69? No. No. And look, she's slicking that face. Not happy.

Not fat, happy. Yeah. What did this guy, I didn't hear what the, what dad, dad has a little dog vest on. You see that? He's got a little dog in that. Oh, it's cute. Is that a possum?

It could be a possum. It might be a chihuahua or even a brussel. 69. Petite peppercorn. See, he's game, you hear him? What do you think? The dads are always like, like they're always like, yeah,

the dads always want the 69. It's the moms who say no. Because it sounds like a good time. Yeah. This is by Jay. Looks like there are some people who have now figured out to not share their full name. Yeah. No, they're submitting it.

They're like, I'm Jay. Otherwise, their name gets read. Here's Canadian Christmas by Eric. When you turn 70, on the last night, are you and Kim gonna 69? Look at the people's looks. Oh, no. That one's for the mommies.

That was fantastic. Well played. I love that. That was good job, Eric. That was very good. That was shocking awe. Yeah. That was no response.

A lot of people in the room was kind of looking around at each other. Here's one by Dee. Mom. Mom. Dad died before he turned 70, right? Yeah. Were you guys planning on his 70s birthday?

The last night of him beating 69. Were you guys gonna 69? Were you gonna 69 dad on his 70th birthday, mom? No. Okay, so it's official. You guys were gonna 69 on dad's 70th birthday. Yeah. Okay.

Love you, mom. Merry Christmas. She's just walking. Yeah. I love the ones where they're just like, I'm not doing this. Well, has anyone asked about the supposed 69 for the dead man?

Is that a new one? That's a new one. Yeah. That's a new angle. He's like, dad died. And she's like, yeah. 02:22:16,880 --> 02:22:18,000 Were you gonna 69?

All right. I feel like that adds a different layer of like, yeah. Point to be creative on that one. Here's one by Brooke. Do you think that you and Mark will be together when you turn 69? Why do you ask, do I think we'll be together? Why are you asking me that? Well, because on like your last night of being 69,

are you gonna 69? I haven't done the 69 in forever. That was the best one. Finally, a mom that was funny. And by the way, the dads always. Yeah. The dads are always into it. But you know what it sound,

the way she said that it made it sound like, you know, like popping a wheelie on your bike. Yeah. Like it was like a trick she hadn't done. Haven't done those since I was a kid. Do you remember though, how we were talking about how like when you're a kid, you think that that will be the mountaintop of greatness.

And then you do it and you're like, this is a total, this is not fun. No, it's not a good one. And like, you're sitting on my face. Yeah. I can't really enjoy what's feeling good to me because I'm busy over here. It's just work.

Yeah. And it's really, and it also has to be, sometimes when the bodies don't match up. Yeah. It's a real difficult when there's a height difference. Yeah. It really makes it difficult for one of the people. Yeah.

Because you really got to, you know. Yeah. You got to, there's some effort involved. It's a real novelty act. A couple more here. Here's Jamie. Mum, you know how dad just turned 70? Yeah.

On his 69th, well, when he was 69 on the last day, did you 69? Did you? Did you? Mum. Just on his birthday. Mum. You know when I don't like the question, I don't answer.

That's a good mum answer. And those are some of my favorites is when they're like, I'm not even going to get home. Yeah. Yeah. It's just cleaning. I like the cleaning. We've gotten a bunch of those when they're like,

why would you ask me to say that? I do. I like the kids' art on the refrigerator. That adds a little nice and hominess to it. She just goes back to cleaning. I like this. She's like, when I don't like the question, I don't answer. And here's the last one for today.

Mum. That's my favorite, Lee. Yeah. Mum. And we are, by the way, asking, this is what 10-year-olds ask. Like, you know what I mean? Like, when you're 10, you're like, do you? Do you 69?

So juvenile. But that's why it's so much fun. It's so stupid. That's great. All right. Here's the last one by Adrian. This dude, 69s. So this is obviously a big milestone on...

Oh, no. To hit 60, right? So... Look at those jeans. She's struggling to get it out here. You know, on the night of your 69th birthday, before you turn 70, are you guys going to 69? I don't know.

Again? That's the playful mum. Yeah, that's the playful mum. I do like how high that dude's jeans were. So do I. Did you see that? Good observation. High and tight.

Those were high. And look at that. Ooh, those are good jeans. Look at that clearance right there. Yes. And look how tight right here. I'm saying there's a lot of real estate from the crotch up to where that waist is.

That's the buckle. Now, he's definitely a listener. He for once did the mum reaction. He was offended on this one. He was like, come on. Grow up. Shoes like again. So immature.

I really feel like that's going to be a gift that keeps on giving for you guys. Oh yeah. These go on forever. You'll be getting those forever. Oh my God. We get, we have to cut down the ones we show because we can't just show them for an hour.

But yeah, they have not stopped. First of all, oh, where can people see you? Where can people hear you? What working people? Okay. At Josh Wolf comedy is basically all my social media. ComedianJoshWolf.com for tour dates. My special, which I'm either going to call.

Wolf with four Fs. How about it? It's Josh Wolf with eight Fs and two E's. It was a German spelling. So, you know, no E, one F. And I have a podcast that I do at Freddie Prince Jr. called Prince and the Wolf. Look at Freddie Prince Jr.

Nice. He is such a good guy. Wow. And has the best. He's got stories, right? Is he 69 you? That's going to be my next question. The best stories and the greatest stories about his dad.

Legendary dad. Legendary stories, but plus great stories. You know, he had a, had a, has had a great career. His wife, you know, Sarah, great career. So he, great stories, dude. Very, and very funny. So what's the, what's the podcast called? It's called Prince and the Wolf.

Prince and the Wolf. Is it a weekly show? A weekly show on iTunes. And, uh, yeah, that's it. I'm, I get, uh, What's your website? ComedianJoshWolf.com for tour dates. All right.

Thanks first of all for coming over. Thank you, John. Thank you very much for having me. I really appreciate it. It's a lot of fun. You're a lot of fun. Thank you. Um, our, let's see, our, we have a lot of, uh,

songs made by our listeners. And the one we're going out on today is called Identity, Identical Dicks. And it's, uh, produced, uh, oh, it's a young Patreon, Identical Dicks produced by Taylor King. So we'll leave you with that. Uh, thanks for listening. We'll see you guys next week.

Uh, thanks again, Josh. Thank you. Thanks, mommy. Came out. I got to work on making those tours into the bathroom. Now I know I'm not bugging. I said, oh my God, I'm not gonna make it. On my drive home and my billy's bubbling.

Ain't no, gotta work on my turns. I wanna get in the house, finish this, slip out. No, I can really use a hug. Cause you know I'm trying to bust a nut. Talk about the need for sex. Time is up. I'm from Los Angeles. For me.

Can you imagine how numb I'm stuck? Cause Hillary Clinton just ate my butt. Now I know what you think about it in dicker. Fuck with her. All my hands look on. Look at the river. Look at the river. Look at the river.

Look at the river. Functional bras, I'm not a fan. Never do my face. I like to peep the nipples. I'm a lace man. I'm a lace man. Okay. Me and my twin got identical dicks.

I hop straight in the shower after I take a shit. Yeah. Then I run. Then I run. Then I run. Then I run. OMG, you guys are too great. That's it about that day.

Shit I did the other day. Oh. God. It's just a way of breathing. Fuck. Deep, deep, deep boobs. Fuck. Your patron.

Fuck. Don't always run a lace guy. Fuck. Does it smell that bad? Fuck. I'd go the retardate. Fuck. She's within.

She's within. And I found a hitter's wedding. Fuck you, man. She's supposed to find time. Moosoo, beat your heart out. Moosoo. Burst two fits around a marathon. Log on a drunk fan.

Burst a cum. Catch me at the high. On your studio. With the brass blown out of my white lambo. Me and my twin got identical tics. I'll have strength to shower after I take a shit. Then I run. Then I run.

Then I run. Then I run. OMG, you guys are too great. You guys are too great.