100% Eat - Burger King Ch'King Deluxe & Spicy Ch'King Deluxe

Episode Date: July 20, 2021

In this episode, Michael Jones and Jordan Cwierz eat and review Burger King Ch'King Deluxe & Spicy Ch'King Deluxe so you know if it's worth eating in their first ever live episode. They also talk about going 90 minutes, how bad burger king is, and a surprise Voodoo Ranger annoucement. Sponsored by DoorDash (download DoorDash app + FACEJAM2021) and Honey (http://joinhoney.com/facejam) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This is a Rooster Teeth production. Can you explain to me right now who that is? He's a workout guy who's got a ponytail. Oh! Is that his name? Yeah. This is the intro. We've got to wait for the music. Well, hang on. Jordan was telling you the Tony Little ones. You do the beginning of the show now.

Is that the dude that he was on the, like, the... Yeah, yeah. The gazelle. Ah! The gazelle! You can do it! Yeah. Hang on. I had an idea. Ready? Okay. Can you time me?

Yep. Okay, ready? Yep. How long was that? How long was that? That was about four seconds. And that, for four seconds, you experienced what life would be like without face jam. It's true. And it was soul crushing, wasn't it?

I was scared. Everyone was afraid. And it not starting yet, wasn't it? I was scared. Everyone was afraid. And it not starting yet doesn't count because now you have it and I just took it away from you and you were screaming and flailing in your, wherever, your cars or your seats. But don't worry, it was just a test. Face Jam is still here

and stronger than ever, I would say. So welcome to Face Jam. The show where we, Monkey included, try every new fast food creation to let you know if you need it. You probably do thanks to DoorDash and Honey and everyone watching live at RTX at Home for making this show possible. Where are they? All of you out there watching live, unless you're listening to the podcast version, then boo on you. I'm your host, Michael Jones, alongside my

co-host, Jordan Sweers. Jordan, how are ya? Feeling very overproduced for this show. Why? All I keep hearing is that I underproduced this stuff, and now it's overproduced? You didn't do anything. You had nothing to do with this. I'm just saying what he said, and that's what you

said. Notice that what I'm just saying is this is like, most jammers are gonna be like, say what he said and that's what you said. We didn't even mention him and he starts talking. Most jammers are going to be like, RTX what's that? I can't even begin to explain to you what is going on. Don't worry about it. It's a friend of ours. Yes, but this thing, that it is, has been going

on for like four weeks now I think. You didn't set this up. This set has got dust on it. It's been here for so long So don't start taking credit for over you like seems fine But you picked up a spec he went out like the aspect next to Nick right next to the voodoo rain Constructed the tables were sitting on set in with back breaking labor. Anyway, let's tell someone to do it So yes, we're doing this live at RTX. We've got some lovely, the jammer elites.

I would say if you subscribe to the Face Jam bug monarchy, they're like our royal guards. All watching now, live. If you're our subjects, yeah. Well, don't say that, though, because I'm trying to butter them up. The subjects are all the people listening to the audio podcast who are still fans and still listening, but, you know, have been subjugated. So, hence subjects.

So these are like the lords of the boats. Oh, absolutely. We lord over you, but you lord over them. Congratulations. Oh, I thought I spilled my drink, but I didn't. I flinched a little bit. That was close. Is that it? Are we done?

How long do we have on this? That's a good question. It's like a regular episode, but How long do we have on this? That's a good question. It's like a regular episode. But we never... What do you mean? It's always an hour. It's always an hour long. That's the last time we recorded an episode.

That's why I asked. It's an hour. You can't say an hour followed by like a regular episode. Like a regular episode. It's an hour. So an hour and a half. Here's the thing. We can push the hour.

We can get to the hour, though, because we were smart. Very smart. And we did the ads already. Yes. So the episode will still be, when it comes out, like an hour and 45 minutes. That's true. We'll add in the 45-minute ad story, the story arc. Yeah.

We've got to check in with those guys in the ad universe. Yeah. Anyway, today we're reviewing, and you possibly at home, because you should have been given this information prior to the podcast recording, what food we're eating today. We're reviewing the Burger King Chik-King Deluxe and Spicy Chik-King Deluxe. It's very weird. Not to be confused with the regular Chik-King and Spicy Chik-King. It's like chicken, but it wants you to know that it's from the king. I don't like saying it.

I don't like it either. Mostly because the king in question is not us. Wow. That's a different reason. It just sounded yucky to me, but you made it worse. Wow. I hadn't considered that. Oh, what?

Look at this. Oh, special occasion. Wow. Formal. He wore his formal jacket. I looked over and was wondering why he was still wearing the red one, and he kind of flapped it at me like he was going to flash me. He was like telling you, can I do it?

I'm very hot. Oh, yeah. I don't know why the guy in the monkey mask wearing the jacket says, I'll wear two jackets. That was his idea. Yep. Nick, Sauce Monkey Nick, he has a new formal jacket, which you'll see in the pictures and whatnot.

I took pictures. It looks great. But you didn't see it live if you're listening now. No. That's why you're subjugated. Yeah, it's true. Oh, also, before we get into all the festivities. Let's not get into the food.

We should. That would be terrible. We should say that these shirts that we're wearing right now. More monkey. More monkey. More monkey. This monkey. This guy's taking over the place. Yeah.

Monkey propaganda. What's it when it's propaganda but you love it? I think it's still propaganda. I think it's called movies. Oh, okay. Then it's called cinema. I love it. These shirts are on sale right now at store.roosterteeth.com.

You can use the code FIRST20. I call it CNN. Nice. Oh. Nice. You can use code FIRST20 to get 20% off and you get three times

loyalty points. So enjoy getting these new... Look at this. Look at this. He's dropping... That's how you keep the subjects happy. Loyalty points.

There's a blue, there's a yellow. Either way, it's Sauce Monkey Nick dropping the packets. What you may not be able to get is a hat. I'm pointing at it, and you just kind of glossed over it. I was told that that will be out on Thursday of next week. So if you're listening to this, not watching it live,

it'll be out this Thursday. Follow at FaceJamPod on Twitter, on Instagram. We'll have more information about that when that's actually happening so new grackle hat compliments grackle hat is there anything else we have that they can't buy

donkey muscle shirt also comes out when the compliments grackle hat this is information that I just got before right before the show started yeah

I felt like he just got it directly beamed into his brain right like you get a snap donkey muscle yeah hold on I'm getting

a transmission. I feel like I've seen it and I liked it and I forgot what it looks like. Yep. Wait until you see it again. You're going to love it. It's definitely got a donkey on it.

I remember that much. He's got muscles. Anything else you want to cram down their throats? No, I was going to get to the food. No, there's something, but is it at the end? Oh, no, that's on Friday.

We have snack attack on Friday. So, but if you... We got to come back and do this again. But if you're listening to this later then you missed it. Here's what I think. I'm going to draw a line in the sand right now. We got to stop talking to both people. We got to stop with the live.

Well, then who do we talk to? We talk to them. We talk to the Royal Guards. Oh, the jammer. The live jammer. Now they're employed by us. Just if you're listening to the royal guards. Oh, the jammer. Yeah, the live jammer. Now they're employed by us. Just if you're listening to the podcast, know you fucked up.

You missed out. And hey, thanks for listening. You know, rate five stars. But we're talking to the people here live, not you. I can't continue down this two universe bullshit. Okay, good. We're done now. We can't make everyone happy.

In fact, I don't want to make anyone happy. It's true. And I respect that. Yeah, good. We're done now. We can't make everyone happy. In fact, I don't want to make anyone happy. It's true. And I respect that. Yeah, smart. Speaking of five stars, apparently we went to the best Burger King in Austin. Right. Oh, that's right.

We cruised on over. Sans the monkey. Yeah, he did not come today. Yeah, he was on some other RTX thing that has a monkey. I don't know. There's another thing? I thought this was just the whole event. There are for some reason

a lot of Burger Kings in Austin. Good luck finding them. They're midway. I think it's some of the there's like a Burger King but you gotta go down an alley and you see like a red X and you know that like you go to the second door and then a guy will be like, you looking for the king?

I think a lot of it has to do with just the fact that I'm never looking for a Burger King. So I'm not paying attention to where they are. And apparently they're all over, but not in places I thought they'd be. No, and they're all,

not that most fast food places are well reviewed on like Google Maps or excuse me, whatever it is. But they were particularly dog shit yeah a lot of 1.5 we found the crown jewel it was a 3 nah and so we took and the quality really show very long a freeway service road construction there construction. There was a stray dog next to the newly constructed apartments that nobody lives in.

Boy. There were those fucking, like, huge poles in the ground that were blocking a... Concrete pillars so you couldn't get from one side of the parking lot to the other.

Yeah, they're like, no Burger King parking for you. Well, I'll tell you, it wasn't very far, but it took forever to the end. Yeah, they're like, no Burger King parking for you. Well, I'll tell you, it wasn't very far, but it took forever to get there. It did, it did. We got to said parking, or like apartment complex,

and Eric was asking Jordan to do research if he could drive in and out of the apartment to get off the road. He's like, look it up, look it up. If I turn in here, can I get out? And he's like, no, you can't get out. Fuck. I guess

we'll wait. And then we saw it. It's not like there's a curb and you can't hop the curb. It's just giant yellow pylons that are made of concrete. For some reason, that was easier, I guess, than like finishing the curb to close it in. Doesn't that brutalist architecture just sum up what a Burger King is?

It is like... They were probably like, it's a Burger King. No one cares. Exactly. No one's going to fucking eat here. We also got there and you went, do you want to go in? And we all went, no. I'm going in. So we just went through the drive-thru.

We went through the drive-thru. Michael kept going, we got plenty of time. We got plenty of time. Yeah. It took so long to get the stupid food and then to eat the food

and then my car smelled like Burger King the whole time. Yeah, that's never good. Which is like a Subway smell where you just go, ah, come on. It's like you know what it is right away and you're just like, I hate it. He was covering his nose. Oh, plugging his nose, yeah.

Pee-you. He didn't want to smell it. Monkey poo. What's a monkey sense of smell like? Is it heightened, I imagine? I would say good. Good. Yeah.

Okay. At least good. Mm-hmm. If you were to rate it, where would it be? Up, middle, up. Up, middle, up. From 1 to 10,000, though. Probably somewhere in, like, the 7,000 range.

Wow. Yeah. That is good. I think monkey smell. Just for reference, we're just human. 10,000 range. Wow. Yeah. That is good. I think monkey smell. Just for reference, we're just human. 10,000. Where's dogs then?

Oh no. He forgot about dogs. He forgot about dogs. I only thought about monkeys. So that's going, that's Burger King sucks. I mean, Burger King sucks.

Here's the thing. It's like bad weather out right now. It was a bad car. It was out right now. It was a bad car. It was a bad driver. It was a bad trip. It took forever to get there. It took forever to get the food. It was one of those you order too much so you park.

And he goes, I'll bring it out. And Eric kept going, and he's here. And he's here. And now. And he never came when he said that. He never appeared once. It took so long and He wasn't even there to like laugh no

There was no Right not a single ooh what probably the funniest thing was when we got there We went to order it and Eric said what do you want? And then you know we were like all right Let's take our time here and we started debating and then he just turned around and ordered What do you want that isn't the thing that we're getting? Like, what's the other stuff that you want? We were trying to figure out whether or not Michael wanted tomato on his. Well, he said, what do you guys want?

And there's the, I forgot what this turd was called. Just call it a chicken sandwich, please. The chicken. There it is. Nails on a chalkboard. And there's two of them on there on the board. And I go, oh, I want the one without tomatoes and Jordan goes

but we're getting the deluxe and I go oh I guess the deluxe has tomatoes and he's like yeah

and I go oh I guess I'll just pick them off and then he goes no look there's no pickles and I go yeah the pickles

are fine it's the tomatoes I don't want and then Eric ordered it so if that conversation was as great to you

as it was to me. It was. That was probably a 97% recreation. Yes. We almost got to the bottom of it. I probably missed a couple of breaths here and there. So I ordered like other stuff too. We're only rating the Chicken Deluxe and the Spicy Chicken Deluxe.

Can we rail into the other shit then? The French fries at Burger King are the worst french fries in fast food. Is Burger King okay? They haven't been okay for a long time. I guess not.

They rebranded to look more like Face Jam so you know that they're having a problem. They're like, they're trying to

glom onto our success. Yeah, we're a rocket ship. Check it out, baby. We're like that plane going to outer space just for a second and then coming ship. Take it off, baby. We're like that plane going to outer space just for a second and then coming back.

How was that? Billions of dollars. Give me $200,000. You see that? Geniuses. You like my rocket plane? Burger King, I think, hasn't been very good

for a very long time. I think it's just like, to me, it's like a really low-tier fast food place. Here's a question. When's the last time you had Burger King?

Oh, who's to say? Well, this is the first time we've had it, right? No, we ate there once before. And we'll learn more about that in the facts section. I guess we'll learn about that in the facts section. Maybe we should move on to the facts section. You don't have to. I'm just saying.

Well, first of all, you're skipping wetting our whistle. I thought that's what we were in the middle of. Oh, I felt like we were fully into wetting our whistle. We were talking about going to get the food I'm so wet Maybe I dipped in a little bit with the space plane And then you pulled me right back to Earth And I felt like you just took $250,000 out of my pocket

And I didn't get the experience Do you float around at all? No, no, you're strapped in There's no seconds of weightlessness You get to look out the window, did you see? No, I didn't see it. Jordan, you know how I ingest news. I look at the headline and then I assume.

I make it up in my own mind. You draw my own conclusions. Because then I'll never be wrong. Smart, right? I'm not reading other people's words. People say, do your own research. And I say, I make up my own research. I think you can have your own trip to space next time you're on a

Southwest flight and they're coming in for a landing. You can just unbuckle and jump. And like that little hang time that you get, that's the same thing as Richard Branson. Let me ask this. You look at me. You think there's ever going to be a time I'm coming in on a Southwest flight? Who does he look like to you?

There's jokes and then there's reality. I'm just saying that I don't think... Hey, sit anywhere! Is this my seat? Do you want it to be? What the fuck? What kind of chaos is this? The fucking Wild West?

Get the fuck away from me. I'll book a whole row. Stay away. Stay the fuck away from me. I was saying that because usually our accommodations are first class, but we won't want to unbuckle for that because we're too busy sipping our champagne and eating our caviar to notice when we're ascending or descending. The door doesn't open. What world is it first class, but we won't want to unbuckle for that because we're too busy sipping our champagne and eating our caviar to notice when we're ascending or descending.

The door doesn't open. What world is it first class? What are you talking about? Our van is the southwest of vans. Oh, no. I mean, southwest takes off, at least. The van takes off. Alright, it's like the Allegiant of vans. You get a seat. You're welcome, idiot. You want to breathe air? That'll be

20 bucks. Are the live viewers mad yet? Do we have reports? Yeah. Oh, monkey says yes. Yeah, a lot of pissed off people. He's getting a lot of mail somehow. Oh, monkey mail. Oh, no.

He's not looking at his phone at all. You're ruining the illusion. We're doing really good on time. Yeah? Only 15 minutes. Oh, fantastic. Can we maybe go like.8 speed on this? I think we're doing okay.

Yep. I mean, how else do you want to wet your whistle? I mean, I don't know. What do you got? What are you doing? I'm good with wetting. I'm ready to move on to Jordan's haiku. I'm going to read the haiku.

Don't cry. Oh, my God. He'll do it. He's writing it right now. Now they know you read it from your phone and you don't write it into the podcast from the ether. Oh, I just put on this like vision thing on my phone that I look into and it comes to me.

Oh. Yeah. Okay. They just look like words. It's like a forced meditation. Yeah. Got it. Burger King face jam haiku.

Fear not the false king whose crown is thin as paper. It's not a sandwich. Wow, Jesus. The Whopper. Yeah. Remember that? Yep. I couldn't think of a good last line for that one.

I was really expecting him to lean into the RTX thing. He didn't even touch it. He didn't even touch it. No. Why would I do that? That has nothing to do with the restaurant didn't even touch it. He didn't even touch it. No. Why would I do that? That has nothing to do with the restaurant. Well, because it's like, this is a special. So sometimes I talk about what we went through too much.

Sometimes I don't talk about the restaurant enough. There's no pleasing. We're trying to guide you to that sweet spot. And when you fight it, you're never going to get there. I'm working with 17 syllables. You're doing great. You just said you didn't know what to do with the last line.

You just could have said RTX 6. You want to write the next one? That was pretty good. But RTX 6, I don't know about that. We skipped that one. Oh, I know what I said. That sounds like the Zumanity of RTX. This is like the night

stream. That's the after dark stream. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. That's what I'm talking about. That's good. I like that. You should do that. Look at that guy running away with the sauce packets.

He's out of here. Did you buy them all yet? Yeah. Loyal Jamers? Look, it's a great shirt. But let me stress. Yes. You don't know how much trouble I'm going to be in if we don't sell enough of these shirts

please there's somebody off screen with a gun harsh and the thing about the live version is that can't even

get edited out Jordan Jordan flying off the handle can't be controlled later we get in the studio like this

and all of a sudden he's like I gotta be the entertainer jeez man do the podcast god well it's like 10 years of drawing those lines right I gotta be the entertainer. Jeez, man. Do the podcast, God.

Well, it's like 10 years of drawing those lines, right? Yep, yep. It's tough. Your brain turns into a squiggle. We will say that this live show with this shirt, awesome. This Friday, again, I'm only talking to the people watching this live right now. Excellent. This Friday with our snack attack, you're going to want to save your pocket change, hang on to it, scrimp and save in your own way.

Because what we're going to drop on you, you're not ready for. What are you going to drop on you? Yeah, I'm about to drop it on you, bro. Okay. Yeah, and you're going to love it. You're going to love it. It's going to be like a piano falling out an eight-story building, and you're going to be the accordion person in the aftermath,

just walking like this. Does anyone ever want that? They're going to. Well, when it's done, they'll be thankful that it happened. I don't think there's a want beforehand. So anyway, you should tune in to Snack Attack. I think his metaphor got a little lost. What do you mean?

He got a little lost in the weeds. Well, when he went, I'm going to drop it on you, you should tune in to Snack Attack. I think his metaphor got a little lost. What do you mean? He got a little lost in the weeds. Well, when he went, I'm going to drop it on you and you're going to love it, and then he went right to eight-story piano. Yeah. Historically, it's never been a good thing. No, it's like a Buster Keaton, sort of like it falls and it doesn't hurt you. But it's not good, it doesn't do anything for you,

though. The piano has a hole in it, so it falls all around you. At best, you survive. And now you're in accordion. And you were fine before the piano. Uh-huh. But now you're an accordion and awesome face and merchandise.

The piano is wet in our whistle. It wants you to squirt over your cash. I knew you had something in there. I got it in there. I knew you had something. I got it in there.

I just had to fucking pull teeth over here to get the piano. It's weird that it came after the haiku. Yes. But that lulled your defenses. It's a phrase, don't worry about it.

Anyway, should we do the facts now? Yeah, let's learn about Burger King. Our previous Burger King episode was released May 26, 2020, where we ate the Burger King spicy nuggets. It received an average score of 76. Do you remember eating those at all? Yeah.

Do you have anything to say about them after you remember them? They were hot. Hot as in? Spicy nuggets. They were spicy nuggets. I don't remember them being particularly spicy. Yeah, they weren't that spicy. Were they?

I remember that's where Spice Rat came from. Was it? Yeah. Wow. Why would Spice Rat come from that if they weren't spicy? Because we were talking about spicy food Like wow this nugget sure is spicy I think it was probably the conversation of Thought this would have been spicier

I'm a spice rat I want it to be spicier You're purely guessing though aren't you? You have no idea how the conversation Do you think he goes back and listens to the episode? No but I'm just like, he's pushing these to be spicier in a way that he doesn't know. Let's see. Let's see what he

thinks happened. And then Jordan said, you're like, what's something? What's an animal? Like, you love spice. Yeah, I was just saying that. You're like a little rat. Talking it out in my head, yep. You're like a little rat. I'm like a piano. You're like a spice rat. And then we all laughed because you went... Because I think Michael said, straight to rat. I'm like a piano. You're like a spice rat. And then we all laughed because you went, because I think Michael said

straight to rat. Like putting him down, like straight to rat. And I think that's where spice rat came from. I'm right. You're welcome. First fact in the bank. And there's no proof otherwise. Opening in 1954. Burger King's

original name was Insta Burger King. It also started Insta-Burger King. It also started out by selling hot dogs. Nothing at this restaurant makes sense. What's Insta? What doesn't? Is it like Instagram? Well, I mean, I guess like, I don't think it was in 1954. I think it meant it was fast.

I think Michael's right. But what if it was like Instagram? Yeah, what if they were really, really ahead of the curve? Blazing the trail there. Could have been. But selling hot dogs and calling yourself Burger King is like crazy. That's true. Calling yourself Insta-Burger King and going, come on down for my hot dogs.

They just wanted to mess with people. Yeah. What the fuck? It's like Taco Bell and they just have sandwiches. Was this before Ray Kroc stole the fast food restaurant idea from those McDonald's guys? 54? It would have been right around the same time, right? So how Insta could it have been, you know, if they weren't?

I mean, Insta's faster than fast, right? That's true. That's probably what he was banking on. Yeah. Smart. I would like one and then it's there, like in front of you. Well, because they dropped it because it was in front of you well because they dropped it because it was fucking stupid

that's why they dropped it I'm just saying that's probably why they dropped the hot dogs too alright how did you know what I was gonna say I wanted the hot dogs

next fact during mental health awareness month in 2019 Burger King launched the hashtag feel your way meal designed to push back at the happy meal

these included the DGAF meal the yass meal The pissed meal which is not what I thought it would be and my lawsuit is pending You sued them because it wasn't a piss meal It's called the piss meal. I get what I pay for. What was that supposed to be? Wow, this is going to be good.

We got a lot of time. When does it end? Someone just held up a sign that says it ends at 8 p.m. A hot dog. Oh, slow it down. We got 90 minutes. Oh, boy. This is going to be a very special episode.

Surprise. So the year was 1999. 90 minutes? Oh, boy. This is going to be a very special episode. Surprise! So the year was 1999. Y2K was in the air. It was December. I was nine years old. And I went on the internet for the first time. What a time. Because you thought it was about to end?

Gotta see what this is all about! I screamed. But I tried to log into AOL. It was full. No, my mom was on the phone. I was like, get off the phone! I'm trying to get on the World Wide Web. I have to see what this internet's all about.

When do you think we should get back to the facts? About 25 minutes from now? Well, I'm just starting. This is the beginning of the journey of how we got here. The beginning was when you were nine? Oh my god. And I got on the internet for the first time.

Okay. Anyway, fast forward like 20 odd years, here we are. Oh, that was quick. It's a lot shorter than I was anticipating. Yeah, it was a very specific moment in time that got the exposition. Yeah. And then nothing else.

And then now we're here. You know how it goes. Oh, no. You know the story. But what was the pissed meal? I don't even understand that. Yeah, what, like, angry? So they had a bunch.

Yeah, what is it? It was the feel your way thing where they're like, sometimes you don't feel happy. The Vin Diesel song? Yeah. Even family gets this. So they had these different meals.

We were actually going to do, we were going to go eat this for one of our first Face Jam things. I don't remember that. I don't remember that. He's making that shit up. He's making that up. He made up the spice wrap thing.

We were going to do it, and then it was like, oh, this is just like the Whopper meal, but it's just like, this is pissed. That's it. I don't feel happy. I feel don't give a fuck.

No, D-G-A-F. You don't know what it stands for. You're right. Can I get the don't good at fries meal? Because what happened? Don't good at fries. What happened, King? All right.

A big fan of the franchise, Ellen DeGeneres had a burger, fries, and a shake from Burger King on her first stage show. What do you think she'll eat on her last episode? And who will she throw it at? One lucky audience member. I think what should happen is she should eat it, put it down. She turns away. Someone from her staff comes out, whips it at someone.

She turns back around and goes, what happened? I didn't see it. I didn't see anything. I didn't see nothing. I didn't see anything. I didn't see nothing. I didn't know this was going on right under my nose. What? Can I have that back? You're gonna eat that?

And the final fact. In 2009, Burger King offered you a free burger if you unfriended 10 people on Facebook in a stunt titled Whopper Sacrifice. To our loyal jammers, you should check to see if your

grandson is still friends with you on Facebook. He may not have been getting your messages for the last 11 years. Wow. He could have been sending him messages and he's not even friends with you. He doesn't see them. Oh no. Yep. He comments on all your posts. That's what you think.

He really went for that last one, huh? I felt good about that. You shouldn't. The Ellen one should have been the last one. You think so? That should have been the topper? I felt like Whopper Sacrifice was strong and then the Facebook thing. It just fed into a lot of all that stuff.

I get it. The Whopper Sacr sacrifice and the the feel your way thing it's like they're always trying to do something that's just like they're so close what it's like so stupid what if they have a thing what if they have a campaign one year where they make good food i don't think i think they got that in them we're going crazy down here at burger king we're trying to add salt to our fries. We're going to try to make the Whopper so it doesn't finally taste like the Whopper anymore.

It's not going to smell like the way it smelled. We're working on getting that Whopper smell out of all of our clothes. I don't get the restaurant. I just don't understand. When you order food, what do you mean?

There's so many options at this point. Their price points aren't better than anyone else. Their food isn't better than anyone else. I think what it comes down to is, and we've experienced this in other episodes where we shit on Burger King. There are people out there who will defend for some reason. Brand loyalty, man. Burger King, that will be out there who will defend for some reason. Brand loyalty, man. Burger King, that will be the hill they die on.

I think what might have gone missed here, and maybe this will be in like a fact sheet if we do another one at some point, but perhaps there was just like a series

of times in the, it's true, in like the 70s or 80s where Burger King was out saving people from burning buildings or something, and they're like,

how can I ever repay you? And they go, go to Burger King was out saving people from burning buildings or something. And they're like, how can I ever repay you? And they go, go to Burger King. Like forever. See, that's a good marketing. No matter how bad it gets, no matter how much salt we don't use, please just don't go to the other places. Don't give up on us.

If someone talks about our shitty food, just fight them to the death. Please. Get the word out. Pass down through families and generations. The king was just standing on street corners chasing down purse snatchers. Hey! Hey, you!

And they're like, oh, thank you. You're welcome. Go to Burger King. Use that money to go buy a Whopper. Thank you. It really is like, it's not good. And I don't understand how they can keep getting away with being as bad as they are. Getting away with it.

It's crazy. Somehow they keep scraping by. Some things have to change. Stop getting, they keep getting away with it. I think we should all leave Texas and go to D.C. right now and stop this Burger King legislation from happening. Uh-huh. Okay? Uh-huh.

It's just, it's infringing on good fast food rights. Okay? They're out here flooding the market with shitty fast food and it's, I'll get arrested for it. Let's wait to see how you can tie that one in. Here, arrest me when I get back, but I'll say, the Whopper is dead. What's he doing? Oh, I'm doing my job. That's what I'm doing.

What I agreed to do when I signed up for Face Jam. You thought it was about the food reviewing and the rating? That was just a piece of it. It was more about the food protection. That's what we should do. Crusading. If Eric ever makes us, like, the week we're going to do an episode, he's like, hey, guys, the only thing we can do this week is Long John Silvers.

I'm taking, I'm buying tickets on Southwest, and I'm taking the monkey and Michael, and we're going to D.C. I'm jumping out of my seat on landing. And we're going to hide out in D.C. And not do that episode. You protest in D.C., you hide in Cancun. There's two very different things. Smart.

Depends what image we're trying to... I'll bring the Miller. Just kidding. The voodoo. Yeah. Hell yeah. Nice. I don't have one.

Can you hand me that one? You want this one? Or do you want Jordan's? I thought the one in front of Jordan was Jordan's. You can have this one and I'll crack this one open, sure. That's what he said. I didn't say that. I just asked for an unopened can and you're like,

that's Jordan's. I'm ready for Jordan to crush two of them. He has not come close to crushing one of them I like the very small Yeah right You're crazy We got an hour to go Yeah

Tuck in Start sipping Hey It's coming home Is the joke still going to be funny on Tuesday? I'm not worried about Tuesday! I'm worried about today! It's funny today!

Oh no! We'll get it. Your nondescript soda. It's not soda. Oh. Anyway, those are the... Those are the facts. Do you think that...

What's the next stunt? You got blindsided by 8 p.m.? Absolutely. I think we all did. Absolutely, I do. Yeah, but I think only one of us was happy about it. Nick. Thrilled.

He's going to take that mask off, and he's just going to be like... Did you go swimming? Well, it's a little too late for that. Yeah, uh-huh. Usually it's first thing in the morning. Yeah, usually it's right around 9, 9.30 a.m. Joke for no one.

It's for Wes. He'll hear it. Oh, man. Somebody tell him. Oh, boy. Where did he go? He's out of here. He's like, I'm going to take pictures of this shit.

Don't point wildly. Yeah, that's him. Don't look at me. I was looking at him. No, I thought you were looking at me. He was in the middle of pointing. Do you think Burger King's next thing, they just have to keep doing,

I know that they're trying to revamp their food, right? That's the point of like. Are they? That's the point of the. I don't feel like they're trying very hard. That's the point of this chicken sandwich or whatever, is they're trying to go like, yeah, and we're trying to redo our image

and try some different foods out. All right, then don't call it the Chick King. Right. Just make good food. And then also don't pick a fight with someone who does the thing better. Also pick a fight with someone who does the thing better and then doesn't look at you or respond to you ever. Hey, you, we're coming for you next. And then they don't turn around.

I feel like we've had this discussion before. Whenever Burger King tries to pick on McDonald's, and McDonald's is like, who are you? What? Oh, big time. It's like yelling at one of the boxers at, like, a million-dollar fight as they're getting in the ring from the audience.

That's what Burger King is. Burger King's like, yeah, we're here. Fight me next. We're here, too. I mean, I paid $30,000 for this team. But, hey, watch out. You're next. Yeah.

Coming for you. That truly is what Burger King is. They're just a fantasy. They're just trying to insert themselves into the discussion that everyone else is having and Burger King's like, us too? Hey guys. They're the number two.

They're the number two burger place in the U.S. And I think that's just, I know. That's sheer mass. It has to be. He's getting angry. It has to be by virtue. That's why we're over here. It has to be by virtue of them having 30 locations in every city.

None of them good. Yeah. Well, I'll just try this other one this time. We had five to choose from. Yep. I would never settle. For Burger King? Yeah.

No. Even if there's 100, you'd go another 50 feet, you're going to find something else. Yep. There was a Denny's right across the street. We could have gone there. Literally anywhere else.

Except Long John Silver's. Long John Silver's, I'm getting on that plane. Go to Denny's when the place gets a little empty. Say, hey, can I work as a server for the night? You guys get great tips. Is this the cashless Denny's? Uh-oh.

You've seen the video. I've seen the video I've seen the video I'd like a job We're getting a lot of that lately I heard you're hiring for all positions All jobs, all positions Oh man That video ruled

Denny's was awesome So awesome You think that ever happens at Burger King? that video ruled Denny's was awesome so awesome you think that ever happens at Burger King no was Burger King not as a tip Burger King

it was some just fast food place could have been any of them but was Burger King the one with the guy was taking a shower he was like taking a bath

in that big metal thing I remember that that was like 10 years ago or so it was some like employee was like, I'm taking a bath in something you make food with. Was that them?

I remember the foot lettuce thing. Oh, I don't remember foot lettuce. A guy like works at Burger King and like filmed a video of him like stepping on the lettuce. Like barefoot. And then what? I'm sure using it to make sandwiches.

Did he say like, got him? What was the point? Have it your way. That was, no, hang on. See, what happened was that was probably during the 2019 mental health awareness. That was the step on meal. And so he was just, he was trying to offer it up for the brand.

I mean, is it that far off from DGAF and YAS? No. Hey, can I get my meal and you spit in my face? That would fly pre-2020. Yeah. Thanks, Burger King. Yeah. Foot lettuce and spitting in your face.

Burger King sucks. Anyway, speaking of how much they suck. 53 minutes. We got to move on at some point. Where are we going to go? Let's see how long we can make this last. You want me to read it slow? Hey, do whatever you want.

All right, here's the Chaking Deluxe. Throwing up, just saying it. A 100% white meat chicken breast filet, hand-battered and breaded in a crispy coating and topped with savory sauce. That was supposed to be like the Chick-fil-A ripoff sauce. That was not. Yeah.

Monkey's doing air quotes. No. Barely a sauce. Fresh lettuce. Foot lettuce. I thought that said foot lettuce for a second. And tomato. Not on Michael's.

Not on mine. When it was there, I picked it off. All on a buttered toasted bun. That bun was neither buttered nor toasted. I'll say that now. It was wet. It was wet, and I don't think it's because of the butter. Wet.

It was soaked. All of our food. I don't know if it was soaked. All of our food. It was so wet. Did you see it melt through that bag? I did see that. You pulled it out.

It was like eating its way out. It was like citric acid. Half of that bag, I took a picture, half of that bag is gone. And it's soaking wet. I mean, it's not gone. It melded with the food that we ate. It's not gone. It's in here now. Get a load

of this one for the Spicy Chicken Deluxe. Yeah. A seasoned 100% white meat chicken. Yeah, they tried 100% white meat chicken Red is in a light and crispy coating Layered with a creamy savory sauce fresh lettuce and ripe tomato all on a toasted bun See see what they did they they just move some of the words around mm-hmm. It's the same fucking thing I Understand they also added the word

Creamy mmm. They also added the word ripe. It's true. Why are they trying to make this one sound more appealing? Old tomato. That's why you got to pick them up. If you get the spicy, you get a ripe tomato. Wow. A ripe tomato that you just pick right off. Oh, yeah.

You throw it right in the trash. I don't know that I tasted any tomato or anything in that sandwich. What did you taste? I think chicken. I think. It was like, that was whack. That was, I thought it would have. Yes.

Oh, he's pissed. I'm pissed. He's pissed meal. He's DGAS. It like, I really thought. Still here, didn't go anywhere. No.

I've been looking at it. Yeah. I really thought that with. Don't touch it, it's going to be sticky. Can't blame you. I thought that these were going to be like, you know, sometimes we get like the food, like sort of like PR stuff

and it's like a little funky. Yeah. I really assumed Burger King was going to do that because they're trying to rebrand to be like, hey, we're not what we were before. And it's like,

this is the most corporate shit. Are they? Yeah. Where are you getting this? They have a total revamping look. Do they keep telling you? Hey, we're rebranding. He did his own research.

They have a total, I saw a headline. Hey, why are you rebranding? What makes you think that? You need research. They have a total, I saw a headline. Hey, why are you rebranding? What makes you think that? You need to. I just assumed

you were because. Are you confusing them with Subway because I know Subway's doing that. Look around. Yeah, they're getting Jared back,

right? In like 10 to 15 years. No, no, no. I heard a couple consecutive life sentences. The thing that

Burger King's doing, they're changing their logo, they're changing their presentation. They're all going back to like that real 70s look of everything they're doing and then introducing what is supposed to be new food. And it's not. And it's like, there's no,

for trying to be like this, hey, we're different. There's like no personality to any of what they're doing. I don't get it. I'm sorry. Sorry you feel that way. I just don't understand it. Burger King,

look, they're like, hey, tell us our food is bad. Don't tell us we don't have personality. That hurts. Now you've crossed the line. Have you seen

the king? He's not putting out 360 games anymore. He's not doing shit. No. He's not doing shit. They killed him, right? Was he? Yeah, regicide.

If you look at what this monkey is doing, he's not just doing shooting. He's doing execution style. He's doing execution style. According to the sauce monkey, the king was put on his knees and shot in the back of the head, apparently. According to the monkey. The last words were, your reign is over. You heard a bang,

and then someone go, hail the king. What the fuck? There's blood on the crown. He picks it up and puts it on. It starts dripping down the front. Oh, man. Talking about Grimace?

Yeah. No, Grimace is with Whataburger now. Yeah, but they're not using it. They haven't used them once. Did they know the trade took place? Did they get the email? I've been emailing them every day. The trade was televised,

but it was covered by ESPN, so it was very bad. It sucked. The whole shot of the transaction You see how I take a sentence of information by ESPN, so it was very bad. It sucked. You couldn't tell what was going on. The whole shot of the transaction was... You see how I take a sentence of information and just pretend like I know what it means? You did great.

Okay? Someone out there agreed with me. I don't know what I'm talking about, but I know what happened. What else happened, though? And people were saying it. What else happened? Oh, I can't.

I don't even have time. Oh, wait. Yes, I do. I don't even have time. Oh, wait. Yes, I do. Our guest said it best. Our hand-breaded chicken sandwich is our greatest yet, said Ellie Doty, chief marketing officer, Burger King North America.

There's a North America? Yeah, we're in it. What is that? No, I mean Burger King North America. There's not just one for all of Burger King? Oh, no. That's worldwide, man. Mr. Worldwide. America? Yeah, we're in it. No, I mean Burger King, there's not just one for all of Burger King? That's worldwide, man. Mr. Worldwide. Even they get to have it their own way. We said

we would create a delicious hand-breaded chicken sandwich that was worth the wait. We waited. We just didn't anticipate that it would turn out quite this good. Wow. Way to admit that you had low expectations for yourself. Listen, when we set out the low expectations for a chicken sandwich we went oh we fucking suck damn it what are we gonna do but when I tasted this I

was like that's a 3.0 this thing ain't great but it's pretty good for us this is great this from the grocery store no it, it's from Burger King. Huh? That sucks. This is the best press material ever. Yeah. They really thought they saw it. They finally admitted it. Yep. But they also, they admitted it, but then also...

Like patted themselves on the back. It's like, it's good. It's good and it says right here, everyone likes it. I guess we'll see what happens. In North America, though. Yeah, that's true. We don't know. We can only take North America's word for it.

Yeah, word from Burger King East Asia yet. Yeah, we're hungry jacks. What you up to? You guys got chicken sandwich or what? Burger King Oceana. Yeah. Like, so they did this because everyone else did it, right? Like that's the point?

It's the new hotness. But it just feels out of place because everyone did it a year ago? Yeah. It was the first thing we reviewed on this show in 2019. That's true. Wow. Well, I'm not going to say that. They were busy doing their other campaign.

Well, that wasn't, I'll say that started it. That was the start of it. True. Right? Because Popeye's made that sandwich that people literally murdered each other for. Yeah, they died. They was the die for. People died for a sandwich.

We drove by that Popeye's on the way back and reminisced about the guy who tried to sell us one in the parking lot. Yeah, in the parking lot. And that, for then some reason, people were like, if people are getting stabbed over Popeye's chicken, let's get stabbed over Burger King chicken. We can get people killed in our parking lot. And that began what still to this day is referred to as the chicken wars. Yeah. I don't really, but there's not much conflict. No.

I feel like. Yeah, it's a very cold chicken war. It's just kind of every couple months. It is. It's like a war going on that no one talks about, but everyone just kind of goes, you know. Every four months, someone makes a new chicken sandwich and says, I volunteer for tribute.

And everyone else goes, okay, ours has been out. Well, it's our turn. Who wins the war? For some reason, McDonald's already had a chicken sandwich and made another one during all this. I think it was to get in on this. It was absolutely to get in on this. I think people are just like, they're hungry for chicken? Like, what is it?

It's just something new, but it's not new. It's because we keep reviewing chicken. That's it. It's us. It's us. It's always been us. It always comes back to us. It's always been us.

You know what I mean? We are the heroes, lest we forget. Did you see the advertisement for the airhead chicken sandwich? Yes. Yeah. I'm sorry? So it's like a 90 second video and it's just like

a chicken sandwich, but the buns are airheads. The buns made out of a bunch of airheads. No, you can't do that. You can't do that. They're very aware that it's stupid. And they just keep talking about how It's like the double down. They just keep talking about how they're the greatest chicken sandwich

even though they don't have a restaurant. Okay, hold on. I'm on board now. Oh yeah, and they're like, what makes you think that we are the best chicken sandwich when we've never even made chicken? Why not? That's basically their argument.

That's the whole Burger King wishes they were that big. And they're like, ever heard of food trucks? They make food without a restaurant. That's where we'll have our airhead chicken sandwich. And it's just them revealing it over and over again. And the guy just going like this over the sandwich. But airheads are like the chewiest candy ever. That can't be the bun.

Why? It is the bun, Jordan. What do you mean? It's going to get stuck in your teeth. So you take a bite of your airhead chicken sandwich. Rip it. And the whole bun will come off. Well, no.

All the airheads stick in your teeth, but all of the chicken also sticks in your teeth with all the airheads. And then you can't breathe, then you die. You asphyxiate. And then people start talking. People are dying over this. That's not even a murder.

Yeah. That's good. That's how you get a death without the murder charge. That's smart. Making airheads chicken sandwich. Yeah. People were tweeting at us a lot, like, hey, you should eat this.

And it's like, this isn't even purchasable. Yeah, right. I think it's a joke. Yeah, exactly. I'm glad you understand that, because a lot of people were like, hey, eat this idea. All right, we can't.

Well, we should eat the candles. You could produce it. Eat the candles. You want me to make an Airheads? I don't want you to make it, but maybe eat the candles. You could produce it. Eat the candles. You want me to make airheads? I don't want you to make it, but maybe you could find the person to make it. You made the- The person to make it? Like, have a person make it?

What are you thinking? It was in the commercial. It exists. Someone. Not you. Okay. Get it? Get in contact with that guy.

With airheads. Hey, what's up? We're Face Jam. Why are we doing his job for him? I don't know. Go to the gas station. Uh-huh. Pick up an Airhead.

Uh-huh. Go to the counter and say, who'd you buy this from? That's where you start. It's so easy. That's where you start. Where'd this come from? Give me a name.

Give me a name. Just keep shaking it and going, this goes all the way to the top. I want names and numbers. I think if I presented you with an Airheads chicken sandwich to eat, I don't think... Flying to D.C. Well, you might try it.

I would eat it. He would eat it. I'd take a bite. I do not agree with that. I would take a bite. You would take a bite. I don't get jealous. If it was good, which there's no way it could be,

I might take another bite. Only one way to find out? All right. That settles it. Derek's going to do it. All right. Thanks, bud. You got it.

I'll make an Airheads chicken sandwich. You're not making it! Why do you keep coming back to this? No one said you're going to make it. I'll go get a bunch of Airheads in a chicken sandwich and make an Airheads chicken sandwich. Can we do the ghost kitchen thing again, but summon something that doesn't exist

or never existed? A future ghost? Yeah. We're all future ghosts. I call them future listeners. Wow. Anyway, think about it. I am.

Not right now. We still got 40 minutes. I don't mean to slag off our ghostly audience, but I do think that the elderly demographic has more value because they can still buy our merch. Yes. You know what I mean? They can buy these monkey shirts.

The ghosts are listeners, but they're kind of like mooches. Yeah. We haven't figured out ghost currency yet. Right. It's called boo bucks. We need to start. He liked it. We got some gas

left in the tank. His windshield wipers are going back and forth. He's going nuts. Oh my god. Boo Bucks. What is it? Is it a shirt? Is it a hat? We'll find out. Is it a cryptocurrency? We'll find out. Is it a cryptocurrency? We'll figure it out.

Wow. Wow. All right. I guess we'll have to see how we can get an Airheads chicken sandwich and ghosts to buy our merchandise. Yeah, figure it out. I don't think we're going to get the ghosts. I was just sort of lamenting. I also don't think we're going to get the Airheads chicken sandwich.

Well, it sounds like you're not going to try. I'll try. It sounds like I bet you never even emailed Ariel to make sure she was okay. She did. Like we asked you to. She's probably bones at this point. It's been like a year. How long ago was that?

The maggots have her. She's a listener. She's like holding her phone in her... She's holding her phone in her dead hand. And a year later, a little ping from Eric. You okay? You up?

Hey, you want to go to Denny's with me? I work there now. Don't worry about bringing cash. Oh, man. Oh, man. I think we rate this turd. Yeah, let's do cash. Oh, man. Oh, man. I think we rate this turd. Yeah, let's do it. For 30 minutes.

Let's do it. Let's rate it. Can we get another food or something? Guys, I'm going to be honest. This is going to surprise you. This thing sucked. What? This thing sucked big time.

Sucked? Sucked major ass. Like you sucked it down like ass, which you love, because you always say, call me Jordan Assman Sweers. Is that what you're talking about? I know. No. This is why I said it's going to surprise you in a bad way. Oh, Assman, say it ain't so.

Sorry, y'all. That's just Ass Man has spoken. Man, if this takes off, I'm really in on this one. I don't know about this one. We're still trying to get the compliments grackle hat.

Let's not jump to the next thing yet. Ass Man is 2021 at least. 2022, it is 2021. Oh, no. What year is it? Okay, it is 2021. Oh, no. Geez. What year is it? Okay. It sucks.

It was wet. First bite. It was wet. First bite. What was wet? The bread was wet? The bun was wet? Was the chicken wet?

The bun got stuck to the roof of my mouth. Oh, no. Like an airhead. He's already eaten it. It's like, I know how it's going to go. Great, I don't have to do it now. I know how it's going to go. Great, I don't have to do it now. I know how it's going to go. This is great.

It's going to be just like that. Now I don't have to make that airhead chicken sandwich. An incredible lack of flavor is the other thing that comes to mind. Almost an impressive amount. Honestly, I don't know how you can make food and have it not taste like anything. It was shocking. We talked about this. I think you had stepped away.

I ran. It was so. We talked about this. I think you had stepped away. I ran. It was so, you went, ah! It's so wet. We were saying, it's so wet and then when you're eating it,

somehow also so dry that like forcing it down is such an issue. It's so hard to eat. God. Yeah. It was very tall, right? As a lot of chicken sandwiches are.

It's like a big old chicken filet or whatever. It was so dry. It was dry, but also the outside, it was beyond crunchy. Crunchy's good. It was like, fuck, this is, it was beyond crunchy. Crunchy's good. It was like, fuck, this is hard. It was hard. It's like if you were to eat rock candy and you were going, there's no way I can bite hard enough for this to actually crunch.

And then it does, and you go, whoa, where'd that come from? Are my teeth okay? Yes, that is how it felt. The other thing is, like, I guess I had tomato on it, but I don't remember tasting it the lettuce I remember being made of I remember it being like I'm comparing it kind of like to the Wendy's one because they just give you a big little fat leaf and like you bite it and but this one was like little like

shredded small foot lettuce you know just like tossed onto it it. It was like leftover from like the cafeteria. It was leftover from feet. There were little toe prints. And if we all went, are those fingerprints? Uh-uh. Oh, no. They're not. They look like weird fingerprints.

This is from toe? This little piggy went into my sandwich. I ate a couple bites of that one and was like, the spicy one's got to be better somehow, right? And it is. It actually has the flavor on the outside, and that's where all the spice is. It's all on the outside breading, and then on the inside it's the same fucking sandwich.

It's like a little crispier because of the seasoning, but it did have a little bit of spice. I think it's a little spicier than the Wendy's one, and I think the spicy nuggets were spicier too. But they weren't spicy. Yeah. Well, you guys said they weren't spicy. But now you're saying it's spicier.

You remember the chicken nuggets. How spicy were they? The spicy nuggets were spicier than the sandwich. But you said they weren't spicy before. So which is it? Yeah, which is it, Jordan? Are they spicy or not? Yeah, get them.

Well, it's a whole spectrum, you know? Hey, get me. I am. You're wrong, okay. It was just very unimpressive, and I just hate Burger King. They didn't anticipate it would turn out quite this good. I think they're so used to eating bad food that they tried this thing and was like, whoa. Oh, they don't have our power.

It's marginally better. Yeah. And that's why I would describe the spicy one in comparison to the regular one. Marginally better. Still very bad. And then I was like trying to get, I was like, I need reprieve or something. Like the fries. The fries are always there.

Oh, no. I screamed, no, stop. I was like, what? And it was too late. As my teeth came down on the what, I bit the fry. It was like, ah. Nothing. Never mind.

What is with those fries? How are they so bad? They taste like How is Burger King so bad at food? He's getting upset over it It's so He's like lamenting it Yeah

I wish I hadn't Given the conditional two Because I feel like this is Totally Wow In the two category The two category of two. Yeah.

The two spectrum between one and two. I would say between one and three. Right in the middle. Call that dead center. I think the spicy one saves it a little bit, and it comes out to a 12. Wow. Yeah.

Wow. Not great. Spicy should have been the default and then and then. Don't even bother with the and then what spicy. It's great that you say that Jordan. I didn't. I didn't even bite the other one. Really? I was just like I said look we've been down this road. Okay.

Not just with Burger King but we get the spicy we get the regular. Not once ever has the regular been better. Never. Not one single time ever. The spicy ranges from marginally better to much better. But it's always better. We just, I think we need to come, I think we need to do a little reality check

and just not order the regular. So we sat here today. That's true. I smelled the stink Of Burger King Sitting on the table All the way The whole way there It was at my feet

Just blasting me It smelled like feet And Burger King Which is very hard To distinguish I kept stepping on it too Those were my feet You saw

I kept stepping on it In the car You were the foot lettuce I took my shoes off too And I kept looking at Eric And winking He kept looking back And going

Hope you enjoy Your DGAF meal. I watched you pull it all out of the bag and yeah, you had that one melted bag. Eric was just yelling and I couldn't believe it. He was screaming about how wet it was and I just went, this is spot...

I'm just gonna fucking eat this. Fuck this. I ate it and you fucking eat this. Fuck this. I ate it. And you're not wrong. It was literally like a chore to eat it. It's too big for how dry and crunchy it is. If it were a smaller sandwich or like a smaller cut of chicken and you could fit it in like a normal human-sized mouth, I don't think it would have been as much of an issue. But usually these giant pieces of chicken,

they're super moist or like soft. And they rip right off and you can chew it like food. This didn't have that. And I thought while I was eating it, this is fucking dry. This sucks. This is awful. The flavor was okay.

The texture was okay. The texture was terrible. But I'm with Jordan. It was bad. The fries were bad. The texture was terrible. I'm with Jordan. It was bad. The fries were bad. I think Nick walked in and he went, do the fries still suck? And we were all like, yeah, they still suck. And then he says what he always says, not just about Burger King, but every restaurant. He's like, they used to be better.

This man just lives in like perpetual states like 1995 or something. We brought the food. You know what he did? Oh man, I'm not going to do what I always do. I'm not going to eat both of them. I'm not going to eat the whole thing. Fast forward. And what happened right after he said

that? He ate all of them both. Yes, you will. And he went, yes, I will. He ate both of them. He ate all both of them and just went, oh, man, I can't believe I did that. Oh, man, I shouldn't have eaten that. And then I just went, oh, bingo. I don't know if he was looking for where he announced to everyone, guys,

I'm not going to eat them both. And he was waiting for us to go, no, do it, and cheer him on. But I just went, what are you talking about? And he was like, oh, you're wrong. And then he just kept eating them. It was just like, shut up, you will. But it was bad.

12's harsh, but it was bad. Burger King gets what it deserves. He's not wrong. I'm taking this one out back in execution style. Dang. Spicy Cha-King. More like Spicy Cha-Dead. Very good.

That was very good. I don't know if we've ever had anything so clever on this show. Bump that Ellen fact and put that on there. I'm going to give it a, you know what? I was going to give it a 20. Doesn't even deserve that. 18. Wow.

18. Average score of 15. You. Nailed it. You have turned out better than we thought. The last thing we ate got a 76. Most. And those were the nuggets that tasted like cardboard.

Retroactively, what is up with that score? I thought they were really good. The nuggets? Yes. They were like... What did you like about them? Well, they were chicken, and they were nuggets, and they were soft, and they were spicy.

I think it was like eight for a dollar or something. They were very cheap. And I think that was the thing. They were very cheap. I think that was the thing. That leveraged a lot. Because I remember him being mad about you changing your scoring system or

something. Yeah, I'm mad. You should have just given it a 20. I don't know. Hey, we got 30 minutes still. This? Yeah. The nuggets. Yeah. So, you guys gave it the average score of 15. Uh-huh. But the Jammer Elite, who are watching this live right now.

Oh, they got to vote, right? They get to vote right now. Let's open that poll. Let's get... Call the number on your screen. What? The Royal, the Elite Guard. Yeah, the Elite Bugs get to...

They get to vote on what it is right now as I go run and grab the snack for our next segment. Yes. Snack time. See, now we just got to and grab the snack for our next segment. Snack time. See, now we just got to draw out the snack. 30 minutes of this. We got plenty of time. Whoa, we got three snacks.

Yep. Don't worry, we have plenty of time. 10 minutes for each of these. Hey, good thing because I was super worried. Bonanco? It's Bonanco. Please, Jordan. You're driving me Bonancos. I thoughto? It's Bonanko. Please, Jordan. You're driving me Bonankos.

I thought this said Bador for a second. What? Okay. Here's a paper towel. What's that for? Jesus. Well, as usual, you're not needed. Someone else already took care of it.

Yeah. I helped. He helped. Jordan kept saying, no, no, wipe this way. Nailed it. Hey, Face Jam dudes. This one is wipe this way. Nailed it. Hey, Face Jam dudes. This one is short and sweet. I like it.

I sent a few of my favorite snacks for you to rate. Flake chocolate barg? I think it's barg. That's a comma. That's the thickest comma I've ever seen. That's a big comma. He circled it like a full on G. Flake chocolate bar.

Eric Bedore single malt whiskey fudge and For the monkey Bonanco don't tell me that doesn't look like Eric's name So that's what that's what I would say like look at it on here. Do you make that? Oh, it does kind of look like my name explain this edge edge red door. No, that's not how it's pronounced What? What the hell? Let's start with Eric. What is this?

Is this a little taste? Holy crap. What is this? Is this a little taste of a little man? That's loud. Oh, it's actually quite soft. Yeah, it is. Is it? Yeah.

Oh wow. It's making me hard. It's got that whiskey taste. Oh yeah, it does. I don't like, I don't like whiskey. I don't like whiskey at all. Oh, yeah. I feel like in design, it's actually not bad, but you gotta like whiskey.

Yeah, you gotta. It seems very hard. It's not. It's actually quite soft. The texture's not bad. It's kind of chewy, but it tastes like shit. It tastes so bad. I mean, it tastes just like whiskey. I'm not

a fan of this texture. It's kind of chalky, chewy. I kind of like it. The texture's my favorite part. I kind of like it. I think that texture's awesome. Awful flavor. If this were in a not liquor flavor. If this was like chocolate with caramel in the middle,

literally anything else. Tequila. This sucks. Tastes like a margarita. I'm going to give it a 15. And that's just because of all the good things I said about it. The whiskey flavor sucks. Yep, I hate that.

I'll give it a 23. Now, should we keep plowing through or should we get back to the thing you threw out to the live jammers and then we just kind of glossed over it? Yeah, no, we had to give it time to tally votes. You said one minute. It's been like 10 already. That's great.

So now we can know what score they have given it. Right, so this is their chance to rate the food and see how their rating matches up with our rating. So the poll has been complete. That's right. And what are the results? And the results are... Who cares?

We decided this for you. Thank you. You don't get a vote. Your score doesn't matter. We're the heroes. Okay. We let you play your little game and click your little poll. I don't care where you rated it.

You need us. We don't need you. Thanks for watching, though. Appreciate it. Thanks for buying the tickets. Thanks for buying, yeah. Oh, yeah. Please buy the shirts.

But you don't get a number. I think that worked out very well. It worked out, Tom. The chat. I'm looking at the chat. They love it. I love it. They're going bananas for it. They'm looking at the chat. They love it. I love it. They're going bananas for it.

They're going for the... They're going banana. It's the face jam step on meal. This has been destroyed. Which one is that? Is that the flake? It's the flake. Very flake.

Boy, it's flakey. It's just a bag of powder, basically. This looks like it traveled here on a ship. So I'm pretty sure we've had this on another, a different snack attack. Okay. Look at this. I just fell apart.

I don't know if this is the same one, but this might have given you mud mouth. Oh my God. It's giving me mud mouth. It's very mud mouth. I think the reason it's giving you mud mouth is because it was the mud mouth snack. Let's see if it does it again. Yeah. I wouldn't get to eat anymore.

Uh-huh. But now it's it again. Yeah. I wouldn't get it anymore. Uh-huh. But now it's got history. And this show thrives, nay, only exists because of history. So what happens if that wasn't

the mud mouth candy? I won't have mud mouth. Oh, that's true. All right, let's find out. But it's sounding an awful lot like mud mouth It does, it does. It's good.

It's just so dry. Mm-hmm. It's like a Burger King chicken sandwich. No. It's not that bad. Yeah. It's not wet enough. He said it was good. It's just so dry. It's like a Burger King chicken sandwich. No. It's not that bad. It's not wet enough. He said it was good.

Uh-oh. The dry is becoming mud. You can hear it clogging my esophagus. All right, Mr. Plinkett. The mud's bad. It's better than my basement. Email my web zone if you want a pizza roll. This is muddy.

It's good, but man, Mud Mouth, watch out for Mud Mouth. Yeah, in moderation. It's a fucking mess. I would hate this in my house. I would scream. Right. Eat it in a protected environment. I think you and I are similar where I don't like getting messy when I eat at all. I hate it. Like literally

at all. I hate it. I can't stand it. I'm looking at this and it's like making me feel fucking sick. Did you eat the right thing? Dude, it's like all over. Oh, that's the last thing. It's like insane how messy that is. Are you already on your banana thing?

Oh no! Monkey, calm down, bro. That was crazy. You're getting ahead of it and they probably didn't even see it. All right, what do you guys rate the chocolate? You gotta telegraph it before you throw it. They're not gonna cut to you.

You're not the star. You're just on all the merch. The mascot. You're the commodity. Yeah. What do you rate the chocolate flakes, the Cadbury chocolate flakes? It's very, like,

you can tell it's, like, English chocolate. It's high-quality chocolate, which England does very well. Not the shit that we get here. Thank God, because they don't do football well. Oh, boy. I'm something. Listen, I don't know what I mean.

Oh, I know what I mean. Am I right? Is that right? Oh, my God. The banana smell. It's shaped like a banana. Okay. It's very rich. Yeah.

But it's good chocolate. I took two bites, and I think I'm done, though. You don't want to roll around in the mud like a hog? No, I didn't want to. Also, it's so flaky, and I know it's right there in the name, so I kind of respect it. So I'm going to give it a 55. 55. What do you think, give it a 55. 55. What do you think, Mudmouth?

45. 45. Pain in the ass. Average score, 50. Banana time. Okay, now it's time for Bananco, which the monkey hated. He threw it. He threw it again.

This is insane. Right away. What the hell? I hate the smell. It's soft. It's artificial banana. It's crunchy. Fuck.

And creamy. It's so many things. It It's crunchy. What the fuck? And creamy? It's so many things. It's chocolatey. What the fuck? It tastes like, you know, like banana runts. How do I get rid of this? But if they were covered in chocolate. It's that taste.

It's a run drop. What happened to runts? They used to be good. I don't think they were ever that good, but that's what Nick's going to say. I think we grew up. Oh, I hate this so much. I don't think they were ever that good, but that's what Nick's gonna say. I think we grew up. Oh, I hate this so much. I don't hate it. The little like crystals are like on their teeth.

Yeah, there's like a little crunchy to it. Chocolate on the outside. Good start. There's like a soft layer. Yeah, what is it? I threw mine, I don't know where it went. But then there's also like, I feel like a cream in the very middle or something.

And it tastes like banana. It's almost like a marshmallow. Yeah, but it's like a marshmallow texture, but a flavor. May contain hazelnuts and wheat gluten. I mean, sometimes the hazelnuts are running around the factory and they'll fall into the vat.

Idiots. They're like lepers. They can't promise that there aren't hazelnuts, but they're not one of the main ingredients. This is a product of Croatia. Whoa. I didn't know they had bananas there. I not one of the main ingredients. This is a product of Croatia. Whoa. I didn't know they had bananas there. I didn't know they had monkeys.

Bananko. I wish there was a description. I don't like it. I hate artificial banana foam. I don't hate it, man. I don't hate it. This guy eats bananas every day. They call it a chocolate foam bar.

I hate it. That's crazy. Is that a mistranslation? It's not bad. The monkey's having a time over here. It's taking you this long to figure out whether or not you like it. I don't think you like it. I disagree. I think you do. No, I'm trying to figure out what

I don't like about it and I'm not coming up with any answers. The flavor, the smell, the texture. I think I like those. Close your eyes though though, and tell me this isn't like a sweet piece of ass you're about to dive into. You know what I mean? Come on, ass man.

You're thinking like Jordan and not like ass man. That's the problem. What I didn't like about that is that the shape of it. Too far. I'm giving that one a five. Wow, really? Wow.

Did I stutter? You did not. Good, because sometimes I can't tell. By the way, this is from... Is that a first and last name or is that all one name? I don't, because he didn't capitalize on it. Whoa. Dev Nicholas?

Or Dev Nicholas? That makes sense. I don't know. Thanks. Thank you, though. Thanks, Devi. Don't say that. Can't go wrong with a nickname.

So, five. Mikey? Nikki? Not much I can do for you, sorry. No, it's fine. I don't need it. Thank you. I'm going can do for you, sorry. No, it's fine. I don't need it. Thank you. I'm going to do like 88.

Yeah. Yep. 88. Jesus Christ. Yeah, 46.5. Damn. Which is like, you know. That's a.

I think this might be the Wendy's Pub Pretzel Chicken Sandwich of Katie's. I mean, I don't know if we've ever had a bigger disparity of anything. That's pretty good. The whole thing. There's something about it being soft. There's something about monkey. I love that movie. There's something about it being soft,

but then also crunchy, but then also like a marshmallow, and then also chocolatey. Do you think if they did a There's something about Mary movie, but it was something about monkey, there'd be shit in her hair instead of jizz? There'd be monkey shit?

You're just pulling. Because he'd just thrown it. You know what I mean? He was in his room. Michael, we're not that desperate yet. Instead of jerking off, he was just throwing shit around his room. Oh, my God. And the other monkey went, is that hair gel?

Oh, boy. All right. Well. Sometimes I don't know how to play along. What do I do? You don't need to. Well. Sometimes I don't know how to play along. What do I do? You don't need to. Well, there you go. Those were our snacks from DevNocs.

From DevNicolas. Buy, sell, buy, sell. I want game snacks. Thank you, DevNicolas, from Sending Snacks. Lights going down, Boninco's going up. If you want to send snacks, you can. You send them to Face Jam Care of Eric Bedour, 1901 East 51st Street, Austin, Texas, 787- What about Mudmouth?

2-3. We have a snack attack this Friday. Fuck you. Oh, boy. I got to come back here? Yeah, baby, and eat snacks. We got a snack attack this Friday. Yeah, good luck.

If I'm breathing until Friday. Good luck. What's going to happen before that? I might be dead. Oh, no. Joke's on you. There you luck. What's going to happen before that? I might be dead. Oh, no. Joke's on you. There you go. It's getting lower now?

Are you shooting? He's on the space plane shooting me. He's pointing straight down. The monkey's got a sniper rifle. Oh, no. He's shooting us from the stratosphere. You can't shoot because of the air pressure. You'll get blown out into space.

It's tough. So we have a snack attack this Friday. If you want to send us snacks after that, you can. But we have a lot of snacks to get through on Friday. That's going to be a good one. That's going to be a good snack attack. Do we also have an hour and a half for that? How much time do we have on Friday?

It's not really a question of how much time do we have. They're hanging out. Are you going to tell us how much time we have before it starts? Yeah. Right? Uh-huh. I feel like that. Are you going to lie to us about how much time we have before it starts? Yeah. Right? Uh-huh. I feel like that. Are you going to lie to us about how much time we have?

I would never. See, I was under the impression it was going to be 90 minutes. And he went, no, no, no, no. No, no, never. It would never be that. It's an hour. It's a normal episode. Yeah, a regular episode.

So about 90 minutes. No. And then about six seconds in, Nicholas wrote, fuck you, die. On the board. Held it up. And I went, oh, he means it's going till eight. Yeah. It just said, get wrecked,

Eric. Okay, I got the ass man shirt. It's just an arrow pointing up and it says, I'm with ass man. Now you're thinking like Aspand. And then on the back, it has another arrow,

but it's pointing down. Imagine if you're at like a Walmart, you're wearing a shirt with it, and I'm pointing up, and it says, I'm with Aspand. shirt with an arrow pointing up This is the only way to ask me That's the only place You would see that shirt That's when you're walking out the door and you go

Oh my ass man It's here it's here I'm going to Walmart later I need to be wearing that It's your grandmother's birthday We need to go over. Dress nice. I'm always dressed nice. I put a blazer over.

What do you want? Oh, shit. Oh, my God. So you can follow Face Jam on Twitter, on Instagram, at Face Jam Pod to stay up to date on everything, all of our upcoming events, everything that's going on. We have some big announcements coming at the Snack Attack this Friday. That's going to be really cool. We have some new merch dropping then.

But until then. Yeah, I wish. Until then, go to store.roosterteeth.com, pick up the monkey hot sauce packet. I guess they're, yeah, they're hot sauces. Hot sauce packet. Sure, he's running, he's dropping them, but he's also having fun. See, that's, I mean, here's the problem with it. I love the design. Yeah. It's not realistic. He wouldn running. He's dropping them, but he's also having fun. See, that's, I mean, here's the problem with it. I love the design. Yeah.

It's not realistic. He wouldn't drop a single packet. Well, I mean, it's... He'd be crawling around on the ground. We're in the middle of the scene. He's going to be running, and then, like, the next shirt is him, like, turning around. He hasn't noticed. Oh, crap. That's what's happening. He's winking, so it's hard to see, but he's winking

on this because he's going, I've stolen all these sauce packets. What happens when he gets this far? Yeah. He keeps going and then he goes, these feel lighter. And then he looks back and there's a trail and he goes, oh no. My father-in-law. Time to reduce this monkey family by one primate.

Right to the top of the head. What is with these two and the guns today? I don't understand. I don't know if it's a good thing that the monkey and I are on the same wavelength. Yeah, really. It's something.

You're becoming more ape than man. Congratulations. I was once more ass than man. You can still do that. I mean, you can still be like animal ass. If nothing else from this episode, the ass man thing is so fucking great. I love that shit.

It's so funny. All we need is one more episode and the show keeps going. It's true. Okay? And we were smart. It's a safety net. And we said only two a month. Uh-huh.

So we need two proverbial ass mans a month. That's only 24 ass-mans a year, and this show gets to keep being made. Don't tell me it can't be done. Don't tell me we can't come up with one ass-man per show. We need one ass-man or one ghost, one monkey or something. One man, one piece of salt getting stuck in someone's throat.

Oh, man. Well, we did it. That's the episode. Jordan, Michael, anything to... What are you going to do for the next 11 minutes? Well, we're going to end the episode, and then we can hang out for the next 11 minutes and talk to the people, the elite jammers

who get some extra content. You mean you're going to talk at them? Yeah. Rude. Yeah, that's what I do. Well, rate and subscribe and tell a friend about this show where we eat food. Sometimes we eat Burger King. And rate the food.

Burger King's not food. And then that's the end of the episode. But we're still live. Nah, just kidding. We're still in the episode. Leave this part in. Welcome to the post-credits scene. You heard the music and you stuck around. You probably went to pause the episode because you didn't want the next one to play.

Here's the post-credits scene, Jordan. Now that we're back in studio, does this mean we have to move apart and stop being neighbors? Is that the dramatic twist? Like, oh no. In phase two, they're not neighbors anymore. That's true. We go through our low point. Oh man. In the next ad, watch out. Things are going to get heated.

Hey, we'll see you next time in the next episode of Phase Jam, which this still is. It hasn't ended yet. But it's ending right now. Or is it? Because we have more things to talk about. You're touching me with your foot. I can't stop touching Michael.

This ass is closed. Come on. Now that's an ending.