100% Eat - Domino’s New York Style Pizza

Episode Date: April 23, 2024

In this episode, Michael Jones and Jordan Cwierz eat and review Domino's New York Style Pizza so you know if it’s worth eating. They also give an update on Brett’s class trip to Disney and talk ab...out Brooklyn Style Pizza, Charles Bronson, mobile ordering, boroughs, and more. Follow @facejampod. We'll have news soon on what's to come. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 Stopwatch, start, startwatch. Face Jam, start. Welcome to Face Jam, the show where we try every new fast food creation to let you know if you need it. You probably do. I'm your host, Michael Jones, alongside my co-host, Jordan Sweers. Jordan, how are you today? I'm all hyped up. Whoa!
Starting point is 00:00:23 On New York style pizza and I'm ready to punch some strangers. I'm yawning like cinnamon. Yeah, we discovered cinnamon yawns like a human. She made a very human noise in that video you showed us, Gracie. I wouldn't say it's a human yawn, though. No, but it's a noise that comes out that sounds human. It almost sounds like a Minecraft villager. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 00:00:50 Remember Minecraft? I don't think I've ever played it. Me and Nick were talking about this yesterday. I've never played... I don't think I've ever played Minecraft. You've never played one block of Minecraft? I don't think so. You've never mined? You are missing out. You should try playing it every day for like five years.
Starting point is 00:01:08 Regardless of if I want to or not? Five years? I wish. More! That's all over now, though. More! What the fuck? Oh, thank you for the emergency water.
Starting point is 00:01:22 What's going on? I'm worried. It's an emergency. Yeah. Gracie has opened a can of emergency water. What's going on? I'm worried. It's an emergency. Yeah. Gracie has opened a can of emergency water. What's with your face? What are you doing? What are you doing?
Starting point is 00:01:30 No, it does fit. He shut the door and then kind of tiptoed over there for some reason. Can't be heard or seen and was looking suspiciously over at something. Oh, yeah. He's being suspicious of Gracie. Why? Because she has blue can? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:01:45 I have my big old emergency. The emergency is that they still exist. It's the biggest can I've ever seen of anything. Hey, can we get- It's not just tall. Before we jump into the food, which is so important and definitely going to be the focus of this whole episode. Can we get an update on your pluffle? What's the pluffle situation like?
Starting point is 00:02:03 How's that been going? How's the pluffle at home? I would say I've spent more time in it than I've spent out of it. Oh, okay. I also want to just... That's crazy. You said upgrade for a second instead of update? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:02:15 That's the pluffle plus. Yeah. It's now a double-decker pluffle in my room. Like bunk beds. They're working on it. They're working on it. So you've been spending a lot of time in your human dog bed. Sure.
Starting point is 00:02:26 Has your dog been spending a lot of time in the dog human bed? Occasionally. Cinnamon knows that it's for people. Yeah, she does. That's what she knows. Cinnamon gets very stressed out being on furniture because her little legs can't get her down. So when I bring her in there with me, she knows she can't get out without my help. So it fre get her down. So when I bring her in there with me, she knows she can't get out without my help, so it freaks her out. So I have
Starting point is 00:02:46 her in there for about seven to nine minutes before she gets really anxious. So specific. She's timing it. Does she start pacing around the pluffle? She does a room. She starts really heavily panting and then looking over the edge as if she's going to jump. Now, when you say the
Starting point is 00:03:01 edge, is the pluffle on a couch? Yeah. Oh. The pluffle is on my couch so that I can be level with my TV. It's called to jump. Now, when you say the edge, is the pluffle on a couch? Yeah. Oh. The pluffle is on my couch so that I can be level with my TV. It's called extra comfort. Yeah. Because I don't want to lay on the floor and have to look up at my TV. That would be an animal. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:03:14 Like a human animal. I'm trying to think of what kind of animal that would be. Like a dog, I suppose. Yeah, no, but this is for humans. Dogs aren't watching TV. On the couch. That's what you think. I think dogs watch TV.
Starting point is 00:03:23 You're just not watching shit They want to see On the couch Yeah you have cats Jordan You wouldn't know if dogs watch TV I put on bird TV sometimes Do your cats watch bird TV? Yeah they love bird TV Like look
Starting point is 00:03:33 It's on top of my couch That's weird Who took that picture I took that That's not me That's a dude That's weird Oh okay sorry
Starting point is 00:03:41 Who took that picture of you? I just assumed you were in it Who took that picture of you? And why do you look so different? And when did you get a haircut and grow all your hair back? That blanket is pulled up so high there's no beard to be seen. That's very cozy gentleman.
Starting point is 00:03:56 That's very cool. If you sent the pluffle, thank you. Yeah, I still want to know who did that. If you didn't send it, fuck you. Why didn't you send it? Nick wants one too. And Jordan. Yeah, we all need one for our one too. Thank you, Nick. And Jordan. Yeah, we all need one for our new show. Puzzles and pluffles. Exactly.
Starting point is 00:04:10 I also want to provide an update that we just got. Or an upgrade. Or an upgrade. This might be an upgrade. We upgraded for others. This is from Brett Omura, who we helped when the fires were happening in Hawaii. Oh, shit. And we had jammers activate and help his class.
Starting point is 00:04:30 Yeah, we said, hey, you little pieces of shit. This might get you some karma so you won't burn so hot in hell when you get there. So there was a GoFundMe, Gracie, that we were. I think I was here for it. Yeah. And so we helped this class, eighth grade class, go to Florida to Disney. And he sent us some photos of the kids enjoying their time at Disney. And they were all really thankful.
Starting point is 00:04:57 Why aren't they wearing Face Jam shirts? That's a great question. We should have accompanied them with a shirt that said Face Jam. We sent them all in a uniform. Here's a video of them on Main Street. Brett gave a, we're not going to post this video. This is just for us, whatever. But these kids are on the last day of their trip at the end.
Starting point is 00:05:16 And he's like, please excuse, please don't think that they're, them being tired is their lack of enthusiasm for you. You having helped us. Oh, God. tired is their lack of enthusiasm for you you having helped us they are they're so they're exhausted because they had such a good trip even if they had just gotten there it would sound like that because that's just how eighth graders
Starting point is 00:05:43 emote yeah he said that they are zombies at this point. There's no energy, but I wanted to give everyone an update that these kids got to go on their trip that they thought they were going to miss because of the fires. I'd like to say for anyone in this
Starting point is 00:05:59 room, don't feel too good because we didn't do anything. No. We did nothing. We were just the platform. Yes, exactly. We just said, give them money. And then people did. Well, the jammers, that's why we give an update. The jammers did this.
Starting point is 00:06:12 You did that. If you're listening and you feel good, hold on to that. Yeah, if you feel good in this room, stop. Yeah, Nick. Stop feeling good about yourself. You didn't do shit. Good. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 00:06:23 So what are we eating? Oh, we got that out of the way. Today, we're reviewing Domino's New York style pizza. The super new thing that they haven't had for years. This is brand new. Very different than the Brooklyn style pizza.
Starting point is 00:06:37 I literally don't know what that is. I don't know. I've never seen it. What it is is they made a thinner style pizza. Not thin crust, but thinner. Right. Like Brooklyn style. This is totally different. Did they take the Brooklyn pizza off their menu and put this on?
Starting point is 00:06:55 They didn't. I wish we had gotten a Brooklyn style to compare. You said this, Eric. You were like, did you do New York style? I went, they've had that. And you went, no, they don't. I'm like, I had it two days ago. Nope. That's different. I had it two days ago. Nope.
Starting point is 00:07:06 That's different. I literally don't know what Brooklyn is. And neither does Pasta Pete. That makes two of you. He still never listed Brooklyn as a borough. He never listed Brooklyn. Ever. He said Bronx twice. He said Bronx, Manhattan.
Starting point is 00:07:22 Bronx. Wait, did I say that right? And then he said Queens. He asked about New Jersey. Yes. Oh, that's right. He said, is. He said Bronx, Manhattan, Bronx. Wait, did I say that right? And then he said Queens. He asked about New Jersey. Yes. Oh, that's right. He said, is New Jersey up? And then trailed off.
Starting point is 00:07:30 And I said, that's a state. And then Michael was like, not happy. And then he said Queens, and we said, yeah. And then he went, oh, Kings? Yeah. Jacks? All right. Missed opportunity.
Starting point is 00:07:40 Missed opportunity, New York. Yeah, come on, guys. Speaking of word association. Okay, we, New York. Yeah, come on, guys. Speaking of word association. Okay, we're not playing crossword or whatever. No, we're not. I already did today's connections, but if you want to bust it out, go for it. Connect this. It was an easy one.
Starting point is 00:07:55 So the New York style pizza, the brand new pizza, never been done before. Not even in New York. No, this is where they- Why were you looking around? I was thinking... He was looking around like someone was going to attack him. Where can you get New York style pizza? Brooklyn?
Starting point is 00:08:11 No. No. Kings? Kings. You can get it from Kings or New Jersey. What's a burro? That's how this all started. We let Pots to Pete
Starting point is 00:08:26 Try some pizza First of all He walked in the room And he went He was screaming What's your favorite burro I think I said Now what burro does it taste like
Starting point is 00:08:39 And he went what is that He went burro We filmed all this in a video We'll put it up. But it is. God, it was so good. I mean, he walked over because they had finished up a different podcast, which we will not promote. Yeah, legally we can't promote it.
Starting point is 00:08:57 Competitors. And I wouldn't either. Yeah, exactly. It's not just that we can't, but we won't. I'm filled with New York style rage. So was he after a little bit. He did get mad. He took one bite and he just got set off.
Starting point is 00:09:09 He walked over and he could not believe that there was pizza and that we were offering it to him. And he kept going, you mean it? But you're not going to eat it? But there's so much and you're not going to? And it was like, everyone else from that fucking show came over. Nobody else took it. We've given him food 10, and you're not going to. And it was like, everyone else from that fucking show came over. You want the fucking food or not? Nobody else took it. We've given him food 10,000 times.
Starting point is 00:09:29 So many times. Why is this a surprise to him? I think it's an object permanence issue. You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I have a feeling it's that. But he was thrilled. He took a bite and then gave it a rating.
Starting point is 00:09:41 The one bite review, Dave Portnoy style. So that was pretty cool. Except he took a second bite right before he gave a rating. The one-bite review, Dave Portnoy style. So that was pretty cool. Except he took a second bite right before he gave the rating. My one-bite review took me two bites. Yeah, absolutely. Well, that's Chris, you know.
Starting point is 00:09:53 I'm sorry, Pasta Pete. Yeah. Who's Chris? I literally know him. Have you ever had authentic New York-style pizza from New York-style city? Yes.
Starting point is 00:10:02 I have never. I hope to one day. I've had pizza in New York. Have you never really? I've never. I hope to one day. I've had pizza in New York. Have you never really? I've never even been to New York. That's surprising. Yeah. You're a pizza guy. It's surprising to me too. It's really easy to get there.
Starting point is 00:10:16 What if we get a GoFundMe to send Jordan? Just me. And then we can all feel really good about it. That's where we're going on vacation. I'll film a video on the last day. Thank you, Facebook. Here's the beauty of it. You get there, and then you go anywhere.
Starting point is 00:10:33 Let's all go. That's what it, like, you go anywhere. I would love to just walk down the street and stop at every pizza place and get a slice. You won't be able to. There's like 50 million. Well, until I'm full. And then I'll be down half a block. You know what's even better, though?
Starting point is 00:10:45 In between walking into the pizza buildings, you get some street dogs. Oh, yeah. Or a street pretzel. Oh, the old hot dog water? Dirty water dog. City. Just as good as the pizzas. Years ago, this never went anywhere, but there was an opportunity for me and my friend Gus,
Starting point is 00:11:13 But there was an opportunity for me and my friend Gus or Gustavo, as some people know him, to do a show where we go to New York and walk down the street eating pizza with iced tea. What? Yes. This was an idea that got pitched to us. And Gus told me about it. And I was like, I'm in. It didn't go any further than that. With the man, not the drink.
Starting point is 00:11:25 I see. Honestly, man, not the drink. I see. Honestly, it could work both ways. He was probably also squeezing in some walk-in talks for Law & Order at the same time. You're talking about Odafin Tutuola? Uh-huh. Lipton? And he could have walked up. You could have been on the show. You could have been moving boxes. Right, yeah. I don't know.
Starting point is 00:11:41 Said something about going to the knife store. Jordan, I think if you were a character on Law and Order, I think you would be a high school teacher who's too busy. You're erasing a board. Yeah, you have your glasses on. You're erasing a board and you're like
Starting point is 00:11:58 I really gotta get ready for my next class. Gentlemen, if you'll excuse me, I have another class coming and then I think that would be the way that you get in and out of it. And then that's the next scene. Also, you did it. And, I have another class coming. And then I think that would be the way that you get in and out of it. Yeah. And then that's the next scene. Also, you did it. And we fucking know you did it.
Starting point is 00:12:09 Yeah, but guess what? I got away with it. No! No! Because that's how the justice system works sometimes. The criminals walk. Or sometimes they call it skate. You know how those episodes work where halfway through they got a good promising lead and they arrest someone?
Starting point is 00:12:24 And you're like, there's no way this guy did it. There's half a show left. Yeah, absolutely. Well, you got it. You got to remember though the back end though just because there's the law part.
Starting point is 00:12:32 Yeah, yeah, yeah. I always, I get so invested in the law I forget about the order. Right. Yeah. You get so invested too when you see the guy
Starting point is 00:12:39 doing like the investment commercials. Yeah. Sam Waterstone. Uh-huh. TD Ameritree. I watch that commercial and I go, I'm guilty. Yes. the investment commercials. Sam Waterstone. TD Ameritrade. I watch that commercial and I go, guilty! Of a great deal.
Starting point is 00:12:54 What are your guys' domino opinions? My dompinions? No, no, domino opinions. It's on the sheet. I've had some dompinions over the years. That's not your best work then, if that's what you write. Domino opinions, it makes sense. Domino, domino opinions. work, then, if that's what you wrote. Dominopinions. It makes sense. Domino.
Starting point is 00:13:06 Dominopinions. I don't like it. Okay, all right. Now I feel like I'm on your side. I feel like you're saying you have no opinions at that point. What are your dominopinions? Yeah. Okay, you have any enopinions?
Starting point is 00:13:17 Oh, I love enos. Enos is great. Everyone should call it that. Everyone should resist it at first and then accidentally call it that. We were talking to Gracie about best, like, big chain pizza. Of, like, what is sort of, like, the tier system of what they are. It has been for a long time. Yeah. Ever since they came out with their new recipe, like, 15 years ago.
Starting point is 00:13:38 Probably 20, I would say. 20 years they've been at the top. You disagree? Guilty! You're wrong. Go to Sam Waterstone and Ice-T Throw the book at them They changed their recipe
Starting point is 00:13:48 Sauce, cheese, dough, what? All of it They changed their recipe and then you were born And now you live in a world where this is how pizza is I was born into the new recipe You probably were Domino's used to suck It was
Starting point is 00:14:04 Would you say it was probably the bottom tier of the Really it was only Pizza Hut and Domino's used to suck. Oh, yeah. It was... I mean, would you say it was probably like the bottom tier of the... I mean, really, it was only Pizza Hut and Domino's. At that point, it was just them fighting it out. I remember when new Papa John's came out. Oh, when Papa John's was a new thing? It was fucking crazy. This young gun? It happened in 2010, according to the internet.
Starting point is 00:14:20 Oh, okay. So, yeah. So, yeah, we were right. Yeah, when you were born. Just learning to walk. The, like Papa John's being brand new shifted a bunch of stuff. And then Little Caesars just went, it's $5.
Starting point is 00:14:36 That's it. Little Caesars could not be bothered to innovate, so they were like, how do we get our foot in the door? When did Papa John's come out? When did that come out? Why don't you type that out? I bet that that was a mid-90s thing, and then it went like everywhere late 90s, early 2000s. I would say like 98.
Starting point is 00:14:54 It feels like you— 1984. Wow. Beware the savage lore. It was doing nothing for a long time. Yes. Yeah. Because it was not popping when I was a kid.
Starting point is 00:15:06 Wasn't popping John? No. No. I think. He's the sweaty one, right? Yes. There's other ways to describe him too.
Starting point is 00:15:12 He's the deflated Jimmy John. I think Papa John's came out. They were rolling around in the muck. Yeah. Doing whatever it is they were doing. They started getting big.
Starting point is 00:15:23 Domino's always second tier to Pizza Hut. And maybe they were fine with it. It's a Coke-Pepsi situation. Papa John's came out and then Domino's was like, we gotta stop fucking around. We can't be under this piece of shit. We can't be fucking third.
Starting point is 00:15:40 And boom, straight to the top. They surpassed Pizza Hut and they've been up there forever. That's why I'm against... They surpassed Pizza Hut and they've been up there forever. This is why I'm against pizza monopolies because when there's so many people involved competing in the marketplace, it breeds innovation
Starting point is 00:15:55 and then you get good recipe changes like Domino's. Yeah, and you get $5 pizza like Little Caesars. Yeah. When will they change? But they don't always work because sometimes you get this. What do you mean? Oh, a New York style slice. Mamma mia.
Starting point is 00:16:10 I don't want to spoil it, but I was underwhelmed. He sucked. That might be a spoiler, guys. Who cares? Yeah. These were whack. Also, no one was on board
Starting point is 00:16:24 with doing this for the episode. It did not feel like anyone was into it. It certainly wasn't Michael. How so? Michael was just fighting it because it was like, this isn't new. Michael was screaming about how he never once was not on board for it not being the episode. I was not on board with saying this is a new thing. It's a new thing.
Starting point is 00:16:40 It's not. It's not Brooklyn. It was on Shoe Boom. It said it's new. When did the Brooklyn-style crust come out? Gracie is now our... She always has been. I've never asked her to do anything.
Starting point is 00:16:52 She just does it. She's just sitting here looking up pluffles and fucking crusts. 2006. I'm sorry? Domino's introduced one back in 2006, but dubbed it Brooklyn-style pizza, which was on the menu until as recently as a few months ago. They just
Starting point is 00:17:07 this was posted three days ago. They took it off I guess a few months ago and then brought this in. They sure didn't because I got it like last week. Oh you can take that up with allrecipes.com. I have the goddamn receipt that I keep showing Eric. He keeps showing it to my fucking face. It says Brooklyn? Yes it says Brooklyn on it. Absolutely there's no way it was
Starting point is 00:17:24 2000. Maybe they came out and then they took it away and brought it back. They tend to do that kind of stuff. Yeah. Right. Let me see if I can find when they removed it. Let's see if we can get to the bottom of this. I don't care who's at the top. We're about to take them down.
Starting point is 00:17:36 I think it's Eno. I think so too. New York style pizza and Michael's been screaming, it's Brooklyn. We already did this. And then everyone else going, I don't think this is going to be a good one. I don't even. And then it was. Oh, Gracie's making a face.
Starting point is 00:17:51 Oh, sorry. Gracie, stop making faces. I just found a stupid article from the New York Times saying, Brooklyn style pizza meets the real deal. Talking about this bullshit? Really? Like, is that really what we're talking about? This is the real deal.
Starting point is 00:18:06 And you know she can read it because she's subscribed. Oh, yeah, definitely. Hell yeah. Well, she's got to play the games. Got to play my games. Yeah. Do you have to subscribe for that? New York Times is now a game company.
Starting point is 00:18:15 I pay about, what is it, $9.99 a month? You pay $10 a month? Best $10 I've ever spent. For what? To stimulate my brain and grow my knowledge. You can get games only for like $6.50, but you know. Wait. You might as well spend the extra $3 and also read some oftentimes biased articles.
Starting point is 00:18:37 Gracie, how often are you reading the articles? Right now, and that's about it. Like maybe it would have been helpful back in school, but I don't know. Gracie, have you ever paid for a game before? Like, a game subscription or something? When I was a child. What does that mean? That is hard to tell how long ago that was.
Starting point is 00:18:54 Yeah, what does that mean? Oh, I'm sorry. Okay, let me pinpoint. Maybe fifth grade. What did you pay for? It was this game called Moshi Monsters. I love this. It was similar to like a webcam situation like you had your monster and you like could just do whatever with it listen i've paid
Starting point is 00:19:10 like i don't really remember the details but i know guys i paid a lot of money i i paid money for poke coins on pokemon go we all have our vices is moshi monsters still around oh yeah it is um i asked for it for christmas like a membership and and I think it was like at least $100 something. They're cute. That one's a tomato. Oh, my God. They are very cute. Jesus Christ.
Starting point is 00:19:32 Not as cute as Pokemon. Yeah, well, we're learning. And not as penguin as Club Penguin. That's true. Oh, I liked Club Penguin as well. These are them. Wait, so it was on the Nintendo DS, but also you could subscribe for it? It was on the internet, yeah. It was on computer. I saw Nintendo DS. You had to was on the Nintendo DS, but also you could subscribe for it? It was on the internet, yeah.
Starting point is 00:19:47 It was on computer. I saw Nintendo DS. You had to go on the website. Well, it might be now. When I played it, it was on the internet. Grace is being a hipster about it. I love it. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:19:57 Oh, you played it on the Nintendo? She's on Moshi Monsters like so early. I don't know if I ever paid for another. I mean, does it count like when I was like buying ds games as a kid yeah that's fine i mean you're paying ten dollars a month for wordle or whatever so i was just curious right but that's ten dollars once a month to play it for the rest of my life versus what was the ds game like 20 two payments and you had to buy all the games individually it's one game how much could it cost i was just curious um anywho you had to buy all the games individually. It's one game. How much could it cost? $20?
Starting point is 00:20:26 I was just curious. Anywho. You don't even own the rights when you buy a game. Let me know after this episode when you log into Moshi Monsters if your monster's still there. I did check. I'm sure he's dead. The app now, and they have replaced Brooklyn Style with Brooklyn Style. No way.
Starting point is 00:20:43 This is seriously just a swap. This is This is seriously Just a swap This is crazy The same exact thing We ate Brooklyn style pizza And they just called it New York Let me see the day I ordered it
Starting point is 00:20:52 Okay so What we need to do Is we need to get to the bottom of this Because we have to learn About Domino's And then see And all these facts Are going to be wrong
Starting point is 00:20:59 Because we don't We don't know What we don't know We don't know What we don't know Did it taste the exact same to you? April 11th. Yes.
Starting point is 00:21:05 Oh, wow. One week ago. What? And it tasted identical? Guys, you got this new New York style pizza that ain't never been done before. Guys, we got fucking duped. You got duped. We got bamboozled.
Starting point is 00:21:19 But here's the thing. We got duped by Domino's. Here's the thing. We have to get the word out for the jammers. Yeah. Let me see, too. So with the Brooklyn style, you could only order large or extra large. Okay.
Starting point is 00:21:29 You can't get small or medium. I mean, that's the same thing. We got a large New York. Oh, you can order medium. That's the difference. You can get a medium New York style. How fucking small would that be, dude? You should not be.
Starting point is 00:21:40 It would be like this big. The one we got was large and exactly the same thing. The formerly Brooklyn style pizza also was small. Like a large hand-tossed is much bigger than a large Brooklyn-style slash New York-style. It's supposed to be huge slices and a big pie. And it was six slices. Well, they definitely gave us six slices. It's six big slices.
Starting point is 00:22:07 They weren't big. Something. Allrecipes.com. Like it's Brooklyn style pizza, Domino's new New York style pizza is a thin crust pizza with tomato sauce and a blend of melty mozzarella and provolone. It's also cut into six extra large foldable slices
Starting point is 00:22:23 instead of the traditional eight like the Brooklyn style and the Big New Yorker. So is there even a difference? It just keeps saying like the Brooklyn. No shit, because it's the same thing. We got to get the New York Times on this. They got to do an expose. They didn't even like bring something
Starting point is 00:22:39 back or they just took a thing they had and changed its name. Well, we got fucking bamboozled. No, and we fell for it. No, no, we didn't fall for it. We have to. We're putting our bodies on the line for the jammers
Starting point is 00:22:56 so they know not to get fucking tricked by this, but we need to learn about dominoes and see really where they stand on so much of this. Can I read my haiku first? Hang on, hang on, hang on. Do you think maybe we could go with the show format? Hang on. I'll allow it, yes.
Starting point is 00:23:10 Thanks for thinking so hard about it. The haiku's above the facts on this episode. That's strange. Yeah, we're mixing things up. Yeah. Like Domino's. There was one guy who- We're going to do something a little differently this time.
Starting point is 00:23:22 We're not doing Jordan's haiku anymore. We're doing a 5-7-5. By Jordan. And it goes like this. Thin dough and big slices. Folded for sidewalk eating. Hey, I'm walking here. I love it.
Starting point is 00:23:46 I've never been, so I don't know. That was pretty good. That was classic New York. Hold on. Before we dive into the facts, you're talking about crowdfunding a trip for me to go to New York. Yeah. I would kill to just go to the fucking Boysenberry Festival for once in my goddamn life. Yeah, pretty much. Eric got to go. Can we just go and be fucking Boysenberry Festival for once in my goddamn life. Yeah, pretty much.
Starting point is 00:24:06 Eric got to go. Can we just go and be let down already? Eric went. Oh, it's Eric got to go. I think it's already over. I haven't even gone. I mean, it's every year. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Well, maybe after a vacation. Yeah. Don't point at me like that. So if we do, maybe after her vacation.
Starting point is 00:24:23 I'm filled with Brooklyn rage right now, okay? Brooklyn rage. Yeah, Brooklyn rage. There's a thing where it's like, oh, you point one finger, five point it back at you, and I've just been pointing like this. Yeah, that's how I point. I do like a wizard.
Starting point is 00:24:34 Yeah. Lightning. Yeah. All right, let's learn about Domino's. Our previous Domino's episode was released September 15th, 2020, where we ate the Domino's chicken taco pizza and cheeseburger pizza. It received an average score of 23. Is that not crazy?
Starting point is 00:24:49 Four years? Isn't that fucking nuts? That's crazy. Gracie was just learning how to talk. Yeah. I was just logging on to Moshi Monsters for the first time. Moshi Monsters. Gracie's down to two more guesses in Wordle.
Starting point is 00:25:02 Dude, I remember when Digimon came out and it was like, what a knockoff. That's so high on the list now. Yo, did you play Goobler Pals? Oh, that was goobling it up. Check it out, Neopets.
Starting point is 00:25:18 Domino's, two-time world's fastest pizza maker, Zagros Jaff, can make three large pizzas in just 70 seconds. Fact taken from Domino's one-on-one fun fact sheet. Although I think they're using
Starting point is 00:25:34 that term loosely. The fact is sad, not fun. Zagros Jaffe, Boba Fett, and Dengar are on the lookout for Han Solo. Dengar, that mummy fuck. That mummy fuck. Earlier this year, that's 2024, four plaintiffs filed a class action lawsuit against Domino's Pizza and Converse Now Technologies,
Starting point is 00:26:07 alleging that Domino's recorded the phone orders of customers without their consent. The recordings violate the Biometric Information Privacy Act and is sort of like the most boring version of corporate deception. If you're going to steal anything from these people, take their credit card information. They're ordering Domino's. They don't care where their money goes. New York style pizza? You've got to be a moron to actually get that. This is
Starting point is 00:26:35 similar to stealing your drive-thru voice. That's my biometric data privacy act. They were saying that... uh no they weren't but with the better not have with their biometric data stuff and and all of the they do it through ai so like you call dominoes and it's ai ordering over the phone or whatever and they were saying that it led to like 17 increase in upsells and like 21% increase in like...
Starting point is 00:27:06 This is exactly what Jimmy Chimes did. Who's using a phone? Who's calling? Certainly not us. Nope. Savages. Unless they got pretzels we need information on. Unless I need to get angry Brooklyn style.
Starting point is 00:27:18 Yeah, I'm using the app. Because your skin is slowly turning into like solidified scabs. Yeah. In April of this year, again, it's still 2024, a Rhode Island man, which is Rhode Island, not a borough. A Rhode Island man claims
Starting point is 00:27:36 he was denied pizza delivery from Domino's after speaking with a worker who claimed the area the man lived in was, quote, unsafe and referenced an incident that occurred with a driver. Who the area the man lived in was, quote, unsafe and referenced an incident that occurred with a driver. Who is calling Domino's? What is going on?
Starting point is 00:27:51 Does this guy want his biometric data stolen? Anyway, Eno's might be racist. You started talking about who calls, and I went, wait for the next one. Who's calling? Calling Domino's. Who is picking up the phone and going, gotta order that pizza over the phone.
Starting point is 00:28:10 The whole thing that they do is like, yeah, just do it online. There's a tracker. It comes to you. You don't gots to talk to nobody. And it's usually cheaper. That's where they got all the deals and shit. Yep. They have forever coupons on there.
Starting point is 00:28:24 So like the bio... You have to fight your way to not get a deal on the app. I got a deal. She got a deal! Sorry, Brooklyn Rage. To call and have his biometric data stolen just like that and
Starting point is 00:28:39 they wouldn't even deliver him a pizza. They were fucking racist to him. The only time I'm Collins is... You gotta usually call Papa John's to get that. My insurance for five months to get medication. And just like that, the thing that I'm covered for shows up. Uh-huh. Only took me from late December to April.
Starting point is 00:28:57 Yeah, it's about, yeah. Just like that. Almost May. Yeah, that's right. Just like that. Do it again next year. It's the great American healthcare system. Yep.
Starting point is 00:29:03 And we love it. Thank God I have insurance. I never said. Man, I can't. I honestly can't wait till it runs out. It's going to be so much easier. Oh, for during your vacation. Yeah, I don't have insurance.
Starting point is 00:29:14 Oh, that's fine. $5. Yeah, that's fine. Yeah. Oh, you do have insurance? That'll be $47,000, please. But call them. Click.
Starting point is 00:29:20 Yep. Yeah. And also wait five months. Yeah. But don't worry. Insurance won't pay for it. So then it's just, oh, it's great. So it's on you. That's. But don't worry, insurance won't pay for it. So then it's just, it's great. So it's on you.
Starting point is 00:29:26 That's fine. Don't worry. I got a copay assistance card from the company that my insurance then approved. Thanks, insurance. Thanks for being there every step of the way to be in the fucking way. Anyway, final fact. In Houston a week ago, a Domino's delivery. All of these things have happened so recently.
Starting point is 00:29:43 Because Domino's is out there. They're living, okay? They are America. They're living, okay? They are America. In Houston a week ago, this year, 2024, a Domino's delivery driver was tricked into delivering a pizza to an abandoned house, then carjacked by two men. Just four days prior to that,
Starting point is 00:29:59 a Papa John's delivery driver was pistol whipped and robbed at gunpoint in a nearby neighborhood. We at Pizza Hut are warning all Pizza Hut drivers in Houston to not go in that area unless you have a film crew with you and want to do a Charles Bronson Death Witch style revenge plot where you stand up for pizza guys and take back the streets. If that's the case, can the monkey be in it? He's looking for work with Michael's big vacation coming up. The Gracie definitely does not know who Charles Bronson or Deathwish is.
Starting point is 00:30:29 No, no, she knows Deathwish, but it's just the Bruce Willis one. She only knows Deathwish 4 and 7. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. But not any of the other ones. I think his wife got killed six times. She killed my new wife! His daughter's kidnapped or something, and then the second one, it's yeah It's like families like killed and then are you looking up death wish? It's old. What do you she looked up Charles Bronson in the villains wiki?
Starting point is 00:30:54 What the fuck is the villain? I don't think that's it. Why didn't you just show me the picture? No, that's him. No, that's Tom Hardy. That's Charles Bronson. Well, why does that come up as Charles Bronson? Because he's in a movie called Bronson where he plays a notorious convict in the UK named Charles Bronson Deathwish. Yes.
Starting point is 00:31:17 And you'll see an old man. With hair and a big old mustache. Yeah. And that's Charles Bronson Deathwish. He'll kill you dead. Interesting. How about Tom Hardy look like Bane? He does in Bronson.
Starting point is 00:31:31 He looks like fucking Bane. He's so big. I used to do crystal meth. Isn't that crazy? I believe anything. Yeah. You lie to me. I don't give a shit.
Starting point is 00:31:40 Stop. If I read it on the internet, I believe it. A hundred percent. Absolutely. Whoa. You look up Charles. You got a perfect connections. Great. If I read it on the internet, I believe it. 100%. Absolutely. Gracie got perfect connections. Great. You look up Charles Bronson and you see a picture of Tom Hardy. Yeah, that's bait.
Starting point is 00:31:52 That's bait. That's from the internet. That's bait. Those are the facts. Do you think that the monkey would do good in a Charles Bronson Death Wish type scenario? I don't think he'd get killed. He'd be
Starting point is 00:32:07 shoot out and he's fucking running around. You killed my monkey! He was a man, damn it! He's got the gun! Brooklyn Rage. Yeah. So what was the best thing you ate at the Boysenberry Festival?
Starting point is 00:32:22 Did you have any Boysenberry? I did. I had some what big shrug right into the microphone you needed the stimulation yeah he's not paying $9.99 a month boysenberry cheesecake was good
Starting point is 00:32:43 boysenberry chicken tikka masala was weird. I bet, but, you know, some of the stuff there seems so weird, I want to try it. Like, I want the good snacks, like the boysenberry cheesecake. Michael's microphone's taking off again. It's ascending. But also, like, I love the weird stuff that they do where they just kind of shoehorn it in. And I'm like, I'll try boysenberry tikka masala they had boysenberry
Starting point is 00:33:07 barbacoa mac and cheese so it had so it had like the barbacoa with like a boysenberry kind of like sauce glazed I was going to say where does the boysenberry come into that like besides putting boysenberry in it that's fine that's why you're that's why you're there
Starting point is 00:33:23 I am adamantly against putting shit in mac and cheese I hate it so it's fine. That's why you're there. I am adamantly against putting shit in mac and cheese. Me too. I hate it. It's always like, we got bits of this shit and there's some meat and shit. Lobster mac and cheese. Just give me the goddamn mac and cheese. I don't want this shit. They'll throw chicken in there. I don't want this shit in there. Do you want to up it? No, I don't.
Starting point is 00:33:39 That sucks. Same thing with queso. You want to make it fluffy? You want to put a fucking cow in it? No. Stuff in queso. I'm already eating the meat. You like stuff in queso, but you'll do it with a fucking cow in it? No. Stuff in queso. I'm already eating the meat. You like stuff in queso, but you want to do it with mac and cheese? Get that shit out of there.
Starting point is 00:33:48 Correct. Weird. What do you do with the queso? What do you put in the queso? More emergency water, please. Like guac and ground beef. Okay, well, guac is fine. I don't eat it,
Starting point is 00:33:56 but that makes sense. Ground beef, I don't. I want cheese, god damn it. The queso that they give you at Matt's El Rancho that has a little dollop of guac and beef in it and you mix it all together? Delish. Do you do that? You don't just
Starting point is 00:34:07 scoop part of it with the cheese? You like mix it all up? Yeah, you have to. I don't think you have to. Yeah, Nick makes it. What about an artichoke dip? I hate guac. I hate it, but I'm fine. You have to. You mix it. If there's shit in there, you mix it. I want to even bite every time.
Starting point is 00:34:23 I think you just kind of scoop and then you go like, oh, this one doesn't have... Well, then just get them separately. No, because then you're getting so much queso that doesn't have it in it. Right. Because you're going to eat that first. It's at the top. Or you're getting all guac with like... Exactly.
Starting point is 00:34:31 See, this is why... This goes back to the artichoke dip food court. Do you remember that? Do you remember that food court? Of course not. Really? It was a... They were like on a date.
Starting point is 00:34:41 Was it like a husband and wife? I'm pissed that you assumed I would. Yeah. And it was like... One was pro-mixing. And the other one was against husband and wife? I'm pissed that you assumed I would. Yeah. And it was like- One was pro-mixing. And the other one was against it. Well, I'm pro-mix. Regardless of what I said at the time,
Starting point is 00:34:51 I'm pro-mix. Yeah. I mean, give me more examples. Regardless of going to Papa John's. Don't go back and use my words against me. I'm telling you what I hear. Do go back and try. Fuck you.
Starting point is 00:35:01 Brooklyn style. Yeah, but you said this. Yeah, fuck you. How about that? I said that too. You know what that is? Growth. Think about it.
Starting point is 00:35:10 You're welcome. Think about it. But I think it varies by the dip. I can see a good argument for the Matt's El Rancho queso needing to be mixed. Yes. I wouldn't. Yes. Here's the thing.
Starting point is 00:35:27 If somebody else mixed it, I wouldn't care if someone else mixed the thing. I'd be like, whatever. But I'm not the one who's gonna... I'm not the one who mixes. I'm the one who knocks. I'm the one who writes into a podcast. I approve that they don't mix it
Starting point is 00:35:44 when I forget to not order it. Because then I take one chip, scoop it all out, and I throw it away. Oh, that's right. Goodbye, guac. Yeah. My wife really likes the guac in queso. It's good. She's all about it.
Starting point is 00:35:56 And you have to have the beef. Yeah. I don't think. Is that an option? I like the chorizo. Torchies? Torchies does the chorizo, I think. Oh, okay.
Starting point is 00:36:04 Okay. I like that. Theirs has guac in it,izo, I think. Oh, okay. Mm-hmm. I like that. Theirs has guac in it, right? I think so, yeah. And cilantro. Yeah. They put so much cilantro in everything at Torchies. Not when I order, they don't.
Starting point is 00:36:15 Through the app. Through the app. Never call. So do you do that? When you go to Torchies, I don't know how often you go to Torchies now, probably not a lot. I just order up at the counter.
Starting point is 00:36:22 So do I. Here's the thing. But I don't get it to go ever. If I go to Torchies and there's a line, I just order up at the counter. So do I. Here's the thing. But I don't get it to go ever. If I go to Torchy's and there's a line, I order it on my phone in the goddamn line. And then it's ready.
Starting point is 00:36:31 Well, not even it's ready. I walk up and I just, I'm just like, I got, I got this. Give me a drink, please. Give me a cup of water. Because some schmuck
Starting point is 00:36:39 I'm going with is still going to order it. I'm waiting in line with plebs. And I'm like, and I'm like, no, it plebs. Don't talk about Larry. No, it's fine. He's a gremlin.
Starting point is 00:36:48 Never go with him. He wishes. And then we're sitting there, oh, my food's done eight minutes before yours. Yeah, because I ordered it when there was 12 people in line. Do you specify no cilantro when you order? Yeah. Oh, that's an option.
Starting point is 00:37:04 Yes. Crazy as it may seem. But here's an option? Yes. Oh, okay. Crazy as it may seem. But here's the thing. There's a little box. Maya check no cilantro. Like how their rice has cilantro, you can't select no. Well, they add that shit later. I think they make the whole thing with the cilantro.
Starting point is 00:37:16 No, because one time I was there, and they do have plain rice underneath the thing that if you request cilantro, they'll pull up. I saw it. They told me I was wrong, but I saw it. What the hell is he talking about at this point? I'm just talking about the... Like the big... What is that?
Starting point is 00:37:29 I'm talking about queso. You're talking about rice. I don't know why. I don't know why. We're all talking about cilantro at the end of the day. I'm just saying queso is just queso
Starting point is 00:37:36 at the end of the day. At the end of the day, it's all cilantro. Here's what you get. It's the queso, it's Diablo sauce, cilantro, and guac. And I get no cilantro,
Starting point is 00:37:44 no guac, and I just get my delicious Diablo. No, that's good. Delicious Diablo. It's no queso, it's Diablo sauce, cilantro, and guac. And I get no cilantro, no guac, and I just get my delicious Diablo. No, that's good. Delicious Diablo. It's no queso, and I get nothing. You're probably the biggest proponent of app ordering that I know. Yeah. Because it's efficient. I'll do it most places.
Starting point is 00:37:59 And it's a great way to communicate exactly what you want without the risk of someone behind the counter mishearing you that's my favorite part when you say no cilantro to the person at the counter then it turns into now they have questions about other things they say allergy or preference it doesn't matter to you
Starting point is 00:38:18 it's also amazing when someone else is picking up the food instead of going here's what I want you drive I'll order it from my bed Someone else is picking up the food. Uh-huh. Instead of going, here's what I want. You drive, I'll order it from my bed. Yeah. You give a name or you give some stupid code. McDonald's, only dumb place that gives you a secret code.
Starting point is 00:38:35 Yes. Why? Are you going to use the mobile order? Yes. What's your code? Five. Seven. Eight. You can't tell them that.
Starting point is 00:38:43 I'm sorry. You don't want someone else to take your McDonald's bagel. Every other place ever, here's my name. Oh yeah, here's your food. Not McDonald's. They don't fuck around. Speaking of that today, Gracie refused to go into the pizza restaurant.
Starting point is 00:38:59 Yeah, I did. She had a good reason. She does have a good reason. She's been having bad luck lately with pizza restaurants. We've seen what's happened any time I've stepped foot in she had a good reason. She does have a good reason. She's been having bad luck lately with pizza restaurants. We've seen what's happened any time I've set foot in one of these pizza places. Well, we've heard. She's been screaming about it. Well, y'all saw the first incident. Yeah, we were in the car for it.
Starting point is 00:39:14 Yeah. Or I guess those were maybe two incidents because we had to go to a couple. Incidents taking place. She was like, I did this for curbside because Jordan was going to drive and she went, no, I think it's attached to my car. I did it for curbside. It's attached to my car. And also, imagine you show up and they go, I did this for curbside. Because Jordan was going to drive and she went, no, I think it's attached to my car. I did it for curbside. It's attached to my car.
Starting point is 00:39:27 And also, imagine you show up and they go, I'm sorry, this is the wrong car. You have the name, the receipt, everything. That's definitely you. They pull out a gun because they know it's a trick. This is not the car that you said you were going to get down. That was us tricking you. Who are you? You tricked a dog.
Starting point is 00:39:41 Who are you? Get out of the fucking car. Robbing him at gunpoint. Sting operation style. I thought the weirdest thing was that they made you put your hazards on. Yeah. Why did they do that? I'm not sure.
Starting point is 00:39:54 I was just requested to do so. Yeah. Just to fuck with you. I think it's some sort of social experiment. It's just fun to make people do things for no reason. Yeah. I wouldn't know. No.
Starting point is 00:40:04 But then I texted her and said, woohoo, your food's ready or whatever. And then it said if it wasn't going to be out in two minutes, we got free pizza.
Starting point is 00:40:10 But they were out seconds. And as soon as she said that, they showed up. She started bragging about it. Oh, yeah. They also had something. And here it is.
Starting point is 00:40:17 It's a very small storefront. Yeah. And I assume also inside very tiny. But they had a pickup window where you don't have to walk in. You just go up to the window and hit the buzzer and the window slides open drive-thru style. Maybe this is like anecdotal.
Starting point is 00:40:33 But also in addition to Domino's being so superior, like in the food to Pizza Hut, they're so much faster. They are. I mean like obviously it depends on like you say you say you're getting delivered, like, where you live, but I have a Domino's and a Pizza Hut damn near right next to each other. They're, like, a block away from each other. You make them race each other sometimes. I don't because I never order Pizza Hut. Pizza Hut would lose.
Starting point is 00:40:55 It is consistently, if it's not, like, some insane, like, Super Bowl weekend or whatever, Right. 25 minutes for delivery for Domino's, which to me is nuts. Pizza Hut, dude, like sometimes I'll look knowing I'm not going to order it, but just to see because it'll give you the estimate.
Starting point is 00:41:11 It'd be like 80 minutes. Jesus Christ. And I'm like, yeah, maybe people are still dum-dum in their brains and there's just more orders at Pizza Hut, but I can't imagine it's that much busier. I think they just fucking suck.
Starting point is 00:41:23 Yeah. I don't know what their system is, but it sucks ass. Pizza Hut is the blue dog of pizzas. Domino's, I've said this before, consistently, I'll get Domino's, and even if it's late, it's not a, where's my goddamn pizza? It's me going, oh, it doesn't usually take this long. And that's 35 minutes, 40 minutes maybe. Totally acceptable, right?
Starting point is 00:41:45 And it's not like cold, like it was sitting around. Maybe they were just backed up or whatever. Fucking half the time that happens or more, unprovoked. I don't call anybody. I don't do anything. I get an email. It's like, hey, man, I'm so sorry we fucked that up. Here's a free pizza.
Starting point is 00:41:57 Because they took 37 minutes and it was supposed to be 25. Domino's has their shit together, man. They're quick. And then Gracie wanted free pizza so desperately. They might send you one anyway. You should email them and say, your service is great. Can I have a free pizza? Here's two. Domino's is the
Starting point is 00:42:13 only... Can I get the Brooklyn one, though? Domino's is the only food app and let alone almost the only app anyway I have on my phone that I have notifications turned on. You gotta know. Because I respect them. Well, you have to know when the Brooklyn pizza is coming back. You know what?
Starting point is 00:42:28 There's just a level of respect where, you know what, Domino's? You're there for me. I'll let this slide. You can send me a little message. 99% of the time, it's fucking garbage I don't care about. But still, every time I see it, I think, should I turn off notifications? No. No.
Starting point is 00:42:44 No. Respect. Mm-hmm. No. Respect. Very nice. Let's learn about New York style pizza. Let's see how they explain this one. Okay. Domino's New York style pizza is made with fresh, never frozen dough that is stretched thin by hand.
Starting point is 00:42:58 Calm down, Gracie. Close. It is topped with a melty blend of cheese Made with 100% real mozzarella and provolone And cut into six big foldable slices Big No it isn't Did you feel like any of those slices were big? No
Starting point is 00:43:13 No They weren't Again I don't There's a difference between I guess a big slice And a big slice of pizza The thing is too They were bigger slices Like
Starting point is 00:43:22 It's The diameter is different too Because You could even, you get a large pizza, whatever, hand-tossed, it's eight slices. You could expect, well, maybe it's the same size large pizza, it's just cut into six slices, so the slices are a little bit bigger. It's the same pizza size overall, but the slices are bigger because there's less. But not, it's a smaller pizza. Yeah, but it's not a big slice of pizza. But like the big slice, one of six,
Starting point is 00:43:49 is damn near the same size as the one of eight. Yeah, it's some sort of trick. It's not. I think this whole thing's a trick. It's like shrink-flipping. Well, no shit. It's not even new.
Starting point is 00:44:00 And friend of the show, Jess, was talking about the different style of like the hand-tossed pan or whatever. Which is just called pan. Exactly. But she was saying like the thicker that like Pete like that is more she trusts that. And then like the thinner it goes less trustworthy.
Starting point is 00:44:19 Less pizza, less trust. Smart. So this is almost the least trustworthy. I mean, you could not almost get, like, unless you're eating just the cardboard, you can't get thinner. That's it. We shouldn't trust them. We're getting tricked. We are. But let's see
Starting point is 00:44:36 what the CEO has to say. Eno's CEO. I'm sure he'll clear everything up. Eno's prides itself on offering a variety of pizza crusts for all different tastes, said Russell Wiener, Domino's CEO. Oh. Dunk, dunk, dunk, dunk, dunk. Our pizza chefs created this new pizza crust to allow the deliciousness of our ingredients to shine through.
Starting point is 00:44:57 It has the perfect balance of crust, sauce, cheese, and toppings in every bite, making a pizza. Making it the star of the show. New York style pizza may become our customer's new favorite crust. You can say anything. You can just fucking lie. You can just fucking lie. In what world is somebody eating that and going, Dude, that might be my favorite pizza from Domino's. Furthermore, who would eat that and go,
Starting point is 00:45:28 this crust really shines through. What the fuck? There's less of it! The only shining that it did was the pool of fucking grease in the middle. That's the one thing they got right. I'll say that. You pull it up and it's pouring grease out. Fuck. Classic. Classic New York.
Starting point is 00:45:45 Oh, let me get a good slice. There it goes. I mean, just what a lie. This might be people's favorites. What the fuck? I can't wait for the next press release. Russell Wiener steps down as CEO after debacle. I could argue that's not really a lie. That's just delusion.
Starting point is 00:46:06 The lie is that it's not new! And it's not New York style. It's Brooklyn! Which is a borough. That's, well, I'll ask Chris. Pasta Pete. What he thinks.
Starting point is 00:46:21 Not on the list. Kings on the list. New Jersey on the list kings on the list jersey on the list he said manhattan he said bronx and then i said there's more than three but there's less than told him to keep listing without telling him how many he has to live it's so good he was befuddled oh i no idea. Did not know what a borough was. He did not know about the system at all. Kept asking what a borough was. You know what?
Starting point is 00:46:50 And he's been there. And I haven't. Think about it. Don't you guys have like weird counties or something in Jersey? Don't you call them like townships or something? Sure do. Weird. Townships.
Starting point is 00:46:58 Yeah. Is a township different than a county though? Because counties are still a thing, right? Name all the townships. Yes. New Jersey. Yes, it is different. county, though? Because counties are still a thing, right? Name all the townships. Yes. New Jersey. It is different. Yeah, we also have counties.
Starting point is 00:47:09 It doesn't make sense, dude. But that, to me, is a New England thing. My city that I grew up in, or town that I grew up in, Woodbridge, was in Woodbridge Township. Oh. What county is that in, though? Middlesex. Hell yeah. Hell yeah.
Starting point is 00:47:24 Yep. Wow. How weird. What county is that in, though? Middlesex. Hell yeah. Hell yeah. Yep. Wow. Now, is there a lot of overlap where Middlesex County doesn't have all of Woodbridge Township as well? Like, that's part of Woodbridge Township? Isn't other counties? No, I think it's all in there. It's all self-contained? It's all in there.
Starting point is 00:47:38 Okay. You're saying maybe there are townships that are like half wood in one county. I don't think so. I don't think so. Also, the state's not that big. Yeah, no. bunch of different maps. I don't think so. Also, the state's not that big. Yeah, no. So I don't really understand it. And isn't it like a lot of forest?
Starting point is 00:47:51 Yeah, there's some trees. I think it's got a lot of protective woodlands. Yeah. It's Pine Barrens where Polly goes. That's where the Jersey Devil lives. He's running around in the Pine Barrens. Is that that Russian guy? I thought he lived in the turnpike. He drops change in.
Starting point is 00:48:09 He scurries on through. I've been to the Newark airport. Not New York, Newark. Very confusing to people, by the way. Very confusing. One of the worst airports I've ever been to. That sounds right. Well, Gracie knows.
Starting point is 00:48:24 I've been there. They all suck, by the to. That sounds right. Well, Gracie knows. I've been there. They all suck, by the way. Newark sucks. Actually, yeah. JFK sucks ass. Oh, yeah? They're also far away from where you want to be. You like a LaGuardia guy or what? LaGuardia's like the least shitty, but it's also like the least convenient usually
Starting point is 00:48:40 to go to. Any Teterboro fans? What? No opinion. Teterboro? That's the No opinion. Teterboro? That's the one that in the movie Sully they said he could have landed at. Oh, cool. And he said, fuck you, I'm going in the river. I'm good on you. I'm a hero.
Starting point is 00:48:57 Sully, there's nothing wrong with the plane. I'm going into the Hudson. Why? Stop. Get a load of this. Welcome to Face Jam. We're doing Sully stuff in 2024. I love it.
Starting point is 00:49:10 I mean, at least until vacation. Chris, did you know who Sully is? Yeah. The movie? All right. Get this. Based on a true event. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:49:18 Based on a human man. That was real. Oh. Did you know that? No, I don't think I knew it was real. That rocks. Would that movie be interesting enough to exist? Why do they offer that movie on planes is my question.
Starting point is 00:49:28 Because everything works out. The plane doesn't blow up. I'll say this. Two minutes into the movie. It is comforting. Two minutes into the movie, the plane crashes into the New York skyline and it's a dream. Yeah. Cool.
Starting point is 00:49:44 So I think they cut that part out for airplanes. Really? They better. Someone's going to be freaking out. Well, great. Now I have no idea what the time is. We're good. What's the.
Starting point is 00:49:55 I think we need to stretch this one out. Sorry, I turned into Chris looking at pizza. I don't think we do. So what do you guys think about New York style pizza from Domino's? I've been lied to. Uh-huh. Short sold. Okay. Bamboozled.
Starting point is 00:50:08 Hoodwinked. Tell you what, that's the New York experience. Oh, fuck. Well, maybe. Hey, maybe this is an authentic New York style slice. Maybe my rating just went up. But no, it's about 100 times the cost of an actual New York slice of pizza. There you go.
Starting point is 00:50:23 That's still dirt cheap somehow. They didn't do anything different. It's just Domino's ingredients on a slightly thinner dough, which if you get toppings, it gets thicker. The cheese was way thinner than the pepperoni one. And they take the seasonings of the crust that's so good on their hand-tossed one. They take that off of the New York one, so you're getting fewer good ingredients, and it kind of makes the pizza a little worse.
Starting point is 00:50:54 So I'm disappointed in our golden child here. I'm giving this one a 33. Oh, wow. Yeah, he really hates it. Sheer disappointment. Wow. Here's the thing. Everything he said is wow. Yeah, he really hates it. Sheer disappointment. Wow. Here's the thing. Everything he said is true.
Starting point is 00:51:07 Yeah. But also, man. If it was Brooklyn style, that chicken taco pizza cheeseburger pizza. Remember that? That got a 23.
Starting point is 00:51:18 That one was pretty bad. And that was a fucking rotting piece of shit. But they didn't deceive us. Well, in a way they did in that it wasn't edible. I think we knew exactly what we were getting at. I'm just saying, look, this is a letdown. This is a lie.
Starting point is 00:51:34 There's so many things to be said. But it's still Eno's. I gotta give it a 55. 55? That's an average score of 44. I can live with that. Okay. I can live with that.
Starting point is 00:51:47 Yeah, I'm not super against it. I think that, I think if, I've talked about this a lot on the show, where the way that I look at this stuff is, if you're a divorced dad and your kids are coming to your house for the weekend and they want to eat, you know, what's the fun thing and you want to be cool dad? New York style pizza from Domino's. And this is the thing that they wanted and you got it for them and would they want to hang out with you all weekend or do they want to go back to mom's?
Starting point is 00:52:14 And don't get this for your children. Yeah, but maybe mom is getting Papa John's though. Yeah, but just for like, because politically she aligns. Big news max. Mom, turn off OAN. Why are they always yelling at us?
Starting point is 00:52:35 It's just that. It's like, I don't know that this is, if you're going to get this style of pizza, just get a pizza from like your local place that does a thin crust. I grew up by a place that does a thin crust. I grew up by a place called New York giant pizza and it was great. It was huge slices, super thin. I mean, they were huge.
Starting point is 00:52:52 When I was a kid, it's two 50 for this giant slice and a soda. Oh, and we just ate it all the time. That's great. And it was like, that was fucking awesome. When we opened this and they look, it looked like a medium pizza.
Starting point is 00:53:03 It was so disappointing. It was so disappointing. It was so small. Again, having had it for years because it's the same thing, I wasn't surprised at all, but it was fun watching your reaction. I couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe it either. I could not believe it. There's a reason I looked solid.
Starting point is 00:53:18 You just continued one-wheeling around. I was just circling. I honestly could have not eaten it and given the exact same review I had just had one slice this week where that's closer
Starting point is 00:53:30 to being authentic New York style and it's big slices thin crust and I then I saw this and I was like oh boy
Starting point is 00:53:38 but if you're gonna eat it you know you should get the cheddar bacon loaded oh my god Gracie we didn't even talk about this Gracie got this cheese bread that was stuffed with cheese.
Starting point is 00:53:46 No, the tots. That was... Eric, the goddamn tots. Stop talking about things that aren't tots. Shut up. This is why Nick has to test for screaming. Give me that gun. Give me that gun.
Starting point is 00:53:59 Gracie got this cheese bread that was stuffed with cheese and these loaded tots that were bacon and ranch and like cheese. I was wondering what the sauce was. It's smoky bacon, mozzarella, cheddar, and garlic Parmesan sauce. I think I had two. I think we all had a couple. I had three because they were stuck together.
Starting point is 00:54:20 Gracie sat down with a fork and said, I think twice, does anyone want any more? And then. Because y'all always get mad when I finish things and don't offer. So I had to make sure. And then right at the end. Anyone want any more? And then they were gone. One thing Gracie didn't notice was that she walked away with.
Starting point is 00:54:40 She went to go get paper towels. A good amount left. And Erica ate it. Oh, no, I saw it, but there was no tots left in that. You just got the bacon and cheese bits. You just got scraps. There wasn't a tot left,
Starting point is 00:54:50 because I did observe that. Listen, you piece of shit. You thought you pulled one over? You thought she didn't know? She left what she didn't want. She's Domino's, and you just ate it. Erica, the tots!
Starting point is 00:55:01 She walked away with a smirk and was like, dumb fuck. This'll get him. He's getting tots. the hot trap set because i left it there on purpose because there wasn't a tot i was gonna blame it on nick you just got death that's what was funny that's what was funny is like you did that and i was like grace is gonna mad. And then you said, I'll just blame it on Nick. And Nick's like, don't do that. I didn't even get to eat it. He wasn't even against it.
Starting point is 00:55:30 It was just, I didn't get any. Was his reason? I'll take the heat if I did it. If I get something out of it. As long as I eat it. Yeah. Oh, man.
Starting point is 00:55:39 All right, let's get into this snack. This is from Jason. I know the plan was to go to Knott's Berry Farm Boysenberry Festival, but I wanted to give you a couple of boysenberry snacks. I haven't tried these myself, but you try them out. It's fucking Jesus Christ. Here's this first thing.
Starting point is 00:55:54 We'll talk about that someday. Yeah, in about a month. On Face Jam Plus. He said that he's including Freddy's jalapeno fry sauce. If you haven't been to Freddy's, it's a national burger chain. There's one close to my place in San Diego County. Steakburgers, right? I guess so.
Starting point is 00:56:12 Where? What's the address? Where's this place? Where do you live? I like this sauce. Tell us what you know. I love their fries. So even a spice mouse should be good with it.
Starting point is 00:56:22 It's technically all for you, but if the sauce monkey calls dibs, I hope he at least shares. This is Jason. What's up? He's never been to Freddy's. What's the other frozen custard place? I've never been to Freddy's. What?
Starting point is 00:56:32 Oh my God. I'm not from here. That guy's insane. What I've said too. I don't think, he's in Escondido, and that means it's in South Orange County or fucking Riverside.
Starting point is 00:56:44 Every time I see Freddy's because it's especially the F is like that I think of Friendly's. It does look like that. Friendly's-esque. Have you been to Freddy's, Michael? No. Nick? Of course he has. Little monster. Little freak. I knew we would be aligned. What's that
Starting point is 00:56:59 frozen custard place that's red as well? It's not Andy's. I think there's another one. If it is Freddy's. So there's a frozen custard place that's red as well. It's not Andy's. I think there's another one. If it is Freddy's. So there's a Freddy's. They should make a frozen custard place called Must Cust. Oh, nice. Why don't we do that? Like, we got enough on our plate right now.
Starting point is 00:57:17 There's a... We got sauce and nothing to eat it with. They opened... That's right. What are we going to... What are we lurking at it? We're on our third tangent here. So they opened a Freddy's't we get this off? That's what I said. What are we going to look at? What are we lurking at it? Third tangent here. So they opened a Freddy's up north where this guy up by Escondido, which in high school
Starting point is 00:57:29 we called Escondildo. Don't worry about it. Perfect. No, it's great actually. On Nordahl, which is next to Sayulita's, which is like one of my favorite. Can I just say Brooklyn style for whatever reason, what you were saying that we're still going. I really wanted to just slap that phone right out of your hand.
Starting point is 00:57:44 Okay. You were sitting there talking and the urge was overwhelming. You ready? I'm going that we're still going, I really wanted to just slap that phone right out of your hand. Okay. You were sitting there talking, and the urge was overwhelming. You ready? Just slap it. Yeah, I guess. You ready for boysenberry treats? Sure. This is from Jason.
Starting point is 00:57:52 Here we go. Ooh, popcorn. Boysenberry popcorn. Okay. And boysenberry licorice. Yeah, those are mine. I'll be having all of those. Open that. I'll open this this we'll try them both How interesting
Starting point is 00:58:10 Wow I can smell them already What the hell I don't think my smell ever came back after COVID Well if you have it now it's okay Are you sure Remember the mezcal situation At Applebee's It says boysenberry popcorn They're Cracker Jacks Now it's okay
Starting point is 00:58:31 It says boysenberry popcorn the cracker jacks yeah, it's a cracker jack There's a boysenberry cracker jack and then when you finish that aftertaste is boysenberry It's good that it may be too good for me to like Gracie's munch on but like it's there These are all stuck together what you doing dude, I'm trying to get a liquor you're failing Filling oh, okay, it does what pop cart filling interesting Nick Just give me a piece Like I want like one of that man Interesting. Nick. Just give me a piece. I don't want a whole fucking piece. I'm just subtle enough.
Starting point is 00:59:06 I want like one tenth of that, man. Oh, man. I got some. Well, they look like Twizzlers. They're so sticky. Oh, they're so sticky. They are very sticky. Why?
Starting point is 00:59:16 I hate it even more now. You never really rip that. You- Dude, he's trying. There you go. You got it. You got it! Alright, this is a fat Twizzler.
Starting point is 00:59:25 Hmm. Uhhh! Oh, dude, he is sticky. You dude he's trying you got it got it all right. There's a fat Twizzler hmm He is sticky Like cinnamon yawning yeah Yeah, I think it's good one thing I like about it is that with the popcorn and this it's not overpowering with boysenberry flavor. This is less poisoned than the popcorn. I like the popcorn better. But this is something It's pretty good. This is one of those snacks that like it's just sweet enough and it's just like chewy enough. Way too sticky though. Twizzlers aren't
Starting point is 00:59:54 that sticky. Why is it so goddamn sticky? Twizzlers are not sticky at all. Sticky is the main problem. Oh no! You're a reptile now. Have you ever tried climbing a wall? How would you know that you could climb a wall if you've never tried? Whatever you do, first take your shoes off. I had a friend. You've got to be barefoot all the time.
Starting point is 01:00:09 I had a friend watch Madame Web over the weekend. She texted me. Why are you bringing that up? I don't understand. What's the correlation here? The scene where she tries to stick to the wall is my favorite part. So shoehorned in and so weird. I like this a lot, though.
Starting point is 01:00:22 I could eat a lot of these. Pretty good snacks. I would definitely need to wash my hands afterwards. Dude, the way he's now holding his phone to not stickify his phone. I'm in hell. Yeah, I know. I'm really glad that, like, and not only did you touch it, but you ripped one off for me. Do you need some emergency water? Throw it in his face.
Starting point is 01:00:38 Throw it in his face. You son of a bitch. Just taking a swig. Also, thanks for the fry sauce. Yeah. It's over there. We'll try the fry sauce sometime with fries, I guess. We should try it with the boys and fish. We'll do the fry sauce two face jams from now. Yeah. I think I've been to Freddy's, but I didn't get anything to eat.
Starting point is 01:00:54 I got some frozen custard. Yeah. Their food is good, too. Okay. So, ranking these together, like, what score? Pretty good. 75. Hold on.
Starting point is 01:01:03 I'm still munching. 80. Wow. 78.5. 75. Hold on, I'm still munching. 80. Wow, 78.5, nice. That's a good snack, Jason. Thank you. That's a good snack. This is the closest I'm getting to the Boysenberry Festival. Goddamn right.
Starting point is 01:01:17 If you want to send us a snack, you can't. Yeah, you can't read it. It's still on there. No, it's crossed out. It says, crossed out. Send out snacks if you want your snack rated. Send it to Face Jam percentage
Starting point is 01:01:29 Eric Berdour. 1901 East 51st Street, Austin, Texas. 78723. If you send it now, still accepting snacks. It'll get here just in time for now and forever.
Starting point is 01:01:40 Now and forever. No one can get it. What's next? Follow at Face Jam pod to stay up to date with everything. We have a Spittin' What's next? Follow at Face Jam Pod to stay up to date with everything. We have a Spittin' Silly next week.
Starting point is 01:01:48 Would you say this was 100% eat? Well, yeah, we ate it all. Yeah. Yeah. No. No bones. No crumbs.
Starting point is 01:01:56 Just 100% eat. We ate. Yeah. Just 100% eat. Why do you keep saying that? What do you mean? 100% eat. See, now you got it.
Starting point is 01:02:04 I got you saying it. Well, I'm the one that said it, so. Yeah, I'm the one who said it. I think that's 100%. Gracie, in a very, like, outrageous way, was like, who said that? A fan said that? She had no idea. I wasn't born yet.
Starting point is 01:02:17 She doesn't listen to the show. I was still Moshi Monstering. Well, I think that's 100% neat. I remember I said, I said, it was episode two, three, I said 100% eat. And then I went, my work is done here. And that was five years ago. Well, that was just like the little push down the hill. And then we've been going ever since.
Starting point is 01:02:39 And I went at one point down the hill when Nick was rolling, a monkey mask rolled onto his head. And I will say- Not really done. 100% eat, really paying dividends. Really- That's good. 100% dividends. That actually hasn't paid me shit. Not yet.
Starting point is 01:02:54 No matter what, whatever we do next, we have to keep it going for at least a year so that we can go to the Boysenberry Festival. Oh, yeah. I think after that, well, if it's really good, we should keep going so that we can go again the boysenberry festival oh yeah i think after that well if it's really good we should keep going so that we can go again next year let's plan the end of the thing that we haven't started to end at boysenberry regardless of how well it's going well that's i think maybe we'll just start another one after that then 101 percent heat what the fuck you can't do that. We can call the podcast The Boys and Berries. Whoa!
Starting point is 01:03:28 And Gracie. Girls and Berry. Girls and Berry. Alright, let's end this fucking episode. Rate and subscribe, tell a friend about the show where we eat food and rate the food. And send Eric snacks! And more pluffles! Send him some wet paps.
Starting point is 01:03:46 He needs his hands dried. Yeah Yeah there's a piece of paper to Wipe your hands Wipe yourself off You're sticky I'm rolling my ass out of here Bye

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