100% Eat - Face Jam Pilot

Episode Date: November 12, 2019

In their pilot episode, Michael and Jordan break down their Pizza Portal Experience and learn Mike Illitch Facts while rating the new Little Caesars Quattro Pizza. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

That's the sound of unaged whiskey transforming into Jack Daniel's Tennessee whiskey in Lynchburg, Tennessee. Around 1860, Nearest Green taught Jack Daniel how to filter whiskey through charcoal for a smoother taste, one drop at a time. This is one of many sounds in Tennessee with a story to tell. To hear them in person, plan your trip at tnvacation.com. Tennessee sounds perfect. Welcome to the Michael Jordan podcast, the show where we try every new fast food creation to let you know if you need it, you probably do. I'm your host, Michael Jones. Joining me is Jordan Sweers. Jordan, how are you today? I'm hot and ready. Oh boy.

For our Little Caesars adventure. Yes. So this is the inaugural episode. It's going to go right in the trash can. But I'll tell you what you shouldn't put in the trash can. The brand new Little Caesars Quattro Pizza. We should note that we're not We don't have to treat this like some sort of sponsored deal And really like The end of this

The end of the show will be whether or not we decide to throw this in the trash can I have a pretty good idea Let's not jump the gun So we went and we experienced it We went to a local Little Caesars Got to drink in the restaurant The connections There was uh to a local Little Caesars. Got to drink in the restaurant. The connections.

There was... Eric's making me lose it. Let's be serious here. This is a serious topic about serious pizza. It was bustling. People need to know. It was bustling. There were several people in there waiting to get their Little Caesars.

Yeah, I saw two or three. It was, you know, I mean... When we walked in, it doubled. People were waiting, you know. So, we tried the new Quattro Pizza. Not even officially out yet. I'm not even sure how we got our hands on it. Yeah, apparently we're in a test market.

Yeah. And I've never been in one of those, so... Well, congratulations. I feel pretty honored. So... Keep Austin weird with this pizza. Oh, for sure. The Little Caesars Quattro Pizza is a pizza split into four quadrants.

Bold, right there. Pepperoni. Most pizzas are cut into some sort of quadrants. They're going to four. I mean, it's still eight slices. They're basically saying, yeah, we sliced it. Yeah, they did. There's four distinct quadrants.

It's a wild adventure from one slice to the next. Unless you get the two next to each other. Right, well you've got to take every other slice. Not everyone will have two people eating them. But let's see, we've got pepperoni, Italian sausage, and bruschetta. Italian sausage and pepperoni.

Very different. And cheese. I'm not sure how I split that up into four. Well, the bruschetta and sausage is one thing. Pepperoni, Italian sausage and bruschetta. Italian sausage and pepperoni

and cheese. Now, you put more of a pause in that than you did in the name of the show. I was going to say, we had a discussion about respecting commas before the show. Yeah, but this isn't just a comma. What's that called? Semicolon.

It's a semicolon, right? That means full stop, you know, pump the brakes. These are four different menu items. But not to confuse you, cheese being last by itself. There was cheese on every single slice. Yeah, they didn't really like... And there was also sausage. Why sausage on two of them?

Yeah. That's my question. Listen. It's bruschetta and, you know, that's not enough. Wait, what can we do? What are we working with? I don't know if you know this, but Little Caesars only has sausage, pepperoni, and cheese. So they have very little to work with.

You know what I just figured out? Those two were next to each other on the quattro itself. Right. So do you think that's some sort of damage control thing where it's like, well, if the sausage spills over into the bruschetta, you can control that by just saying this one's sausage and bruschetta. Yeah, but it's worth noting that you did have a little spillage on one of your slices.

I'm not sure. Was it the cheese? One stray sausage did make it onto the cheese. Yeah. That's something to consider. Yeah. We'll get into that later. We consumed this pizza just before starting this recording. We wanted to really

get a taste for it and immediately discuss our reactions, but not eat on the episode. Because nobody likes that. Some people like it. It's called muck banging. But that's not what we're about. We've got a quote here printed out by our producer, Eric, from the... It's a quote, but also Little Caesars rationale behind this idea.

This is from Jeff Klein, Senior Vice President of Global Marketing at Little Caesars. I love that title. Senior Vice President of Global Marketing at Little Caesars. I love that title. Said Little Caesars is taking a fresh approach to one of the world's favorite foods with its new Quattro Pizza. A classic pizza is always a good choice, but sometimes

you have to spice things up. The Quattro Pizza is a fun way to try something new or to be sure that there's something for everyone to enjoy at the next pizza night. As long as that something is pepperoni, sausage, or cheese. If you like sausage, you're into it.

You're done, dude. If you just like cheese, you better hurry the fuck up because there's only two slices. So don't miss out on that. I love that his title is Senior Vice President of Global Marketing at Little Caesars.

Right. And he comes up with this fucking banger of an idea. Hey, what if four pizzas on one? He wants to try somethingars. Right. And he comes up with this fucking banger of an idea. Hey, what if four pizzas on one? He wanted to try something new. Yeah. What if four pizzas on one? They're drastically different, too.

Here's my question. What's the president up to? He's the senior vice president. Did he pass this down to Jeff Klein? Is there a junior vice president? Not yet. Are you asking? Are you looking? You looking?

I got an idea for a pizza with eight different toppings. Oh, my God. I'm coming for you, Jeff. Damn, dude. What is your, so Little Caesars, as we know. Pizza, pizza. Yes, we all know the little Julius Caesar character running around yelling pizza over and over again. Just twice.

Yeah, over and over again. Just twice. Yeah, over and over again. Okay. Don't exaggerate. I will say growing up and into my adult life, Little Caesars was not really part of my go-tos on the list of pizza places. When is the last time you ate at a Little Caesars? Like five minutes ago. Before today, Michael Jones. Oh, shoot. like five minutes ago before today michael jones um oh shoot for sure probably about

20 something years ago i may have had some uh i may have eaten it during some blackouts in my early 20s those don't count but i can't remember yeah i certainly wouldn't say i woke up one day and i decided today is the day i get little caesars you know what i got a long time that's probably the 90s some of that pizza pizza yeah so it was an experience today yeah uh i went last before before today the last time i ate little caesars was at this one uh that we went to uh about two years ago uh against my will uh with my one miles luna who really would when miles gets excited about something he really he really goes for it and boy boy was he in the mood for some little caesars or as he probably called it some of that little seas that day let's not bring the other people into this this is our own thing right first time pizza fans you can listening to this

i don't know who that guy is, right? A friend of mine, maybe we say his name. Don't assume. Because that's off-putting to new listeners. I don't know who this Miles Luna is. I'm turning this off right now. The pizza I got last time from Little Caesars was probably the greasiest thing I've ever eaten. Pizza-wise or ever?

Probably ever. That box was like getting fucking like ate through like it was wise or ever probably ever that box was like getting getting fucking like ate through like it was acid like this this fucking grease was like making its way downtown what kind of pizza was it it was the one that has the little cheese balls on the crust in place of the crust yeah somebody was in the mood for that i'll be honest pizza across the board uh not just Little Caesars. I never really understood that. There's plenty of cheese in a pizza.

Pizza's probably my favorite food. And I'm really excited we're doing pizza on the first episode because that gets me in the door. It did, too. Yeah, here I am. It's really hard to mess up. Wouldn't let us take your car there, though. That was shot down immediately. I got shit in the back.

Yeah, we were like, hey, can we use your car? And he went, no. And then you guys were already in Eric's car about to leave. He was about to jump out his window to get into your car. And you just said no. Yeah, I knew that would make Eric upset. Okay, what else can we say about Little Caesars? Oh, we got some Little Caesars

facts here. I feel like we should save our review till the end. Yeah. That's what everyone's here for. If they can always just skip ahead to find out what they really came for. We should put it in a different place every episode. They'll never find it. Damn, dude. Sometimes we open with it. Yeah.

And then we end. Yeah, listen, we got it. They downloaded it, right? Is that how money works, Eric, on podcasts? Absolutely not. No, that's fine. What is... Okay, I'm doing this for the love of food and pizza, not for money.

That's true. I'm doing it because... Fuck. I just... I guess I never really thought about it I am not really looking forward to any of this I have high standards of what I put in my body you're weird and have high standards I'll do anything of food restaurants in general yeah pretty picky this Jordan yeah um I some high food today and I got free pizza yeah So that's what I'm in for.

Michael couldn't wait to put this fucking monstrosity in his mouth. I'd also like to point out, Michael ate every slice of his pizza, while Jordan just kind of ate most of it. I mean, you've had, like, you eat a pepperoni pizza, you've had them all, you know? Well, then why would anyone even listen to this? Hey, let's go to some Little Caesars facts. Mike Illich, the founder, owns the Detroit Tigers

and used to play minor league baseball for them. He also owns the Detroit Red Wings. Big Detroit fan. I wonder if he's from there. Maybe. I don't know. It's not on here. So wait.

He is. Okay, confirmation. So he owns the team now. Yeah. He owns the Red Wings. I believe so. And wait. He is. Okay. So he owns the team now. Yeah. He owns the Red Wings. I believe so. And Little Caesars. Correct.

And the Tigers. What? Did he buy the Tigers because he was like, I never fucking made it to the team. I'm going to show them. He bought the Tigers. Michael, you go to the third fact. The third fact is Illich is worth upward of $4 billion. That's why he bought the Tigers.

Is that from the Little Caesars money? Obviously so. Or is that the Detroit Red Wings money? That's his little empire. What's talking here? But it's not so little, is it? I guess not. Did you know that Little Caesars sold spaghetti in a bucket

and French fry crust pizza in 1993? Bring them back. Hold on. Now I feel like we're putting some pizza in 1993. Bring them back. Hold on. Now I feel like we're putting some opinion in this fact sheet. Eric, how do you feel about the spaghetti in a bucket? Bring them back. Hold on. How big a bucket are we talking here?

I'll take one Little Caesars chum bucket, please. Can I get a shovel with that? Are we talking like a KFC style bucket? You're not ready for it. He's going to show us a picture. Oh my god. It's a large

bucket. Wait, one of the pictures says a little bucket, and then the other one says big, big bucket. Of spaghetti. It's in like a pail It says a little bucket, and then the other one says big, big bucket. Of spaghetti. Of spaghetti. It's like a pail that you take to the beach to dig a sandcastle. That's exactly what it looks like. That's a pail. One more fact.

He's earned this fact. Little Caesars established a charity where it uses a mobile pizza truck to feed the hungry. They fed over two million people and most of them have kept it down. That's the That's the It was a zinger. I joke. I ate all the pizza.

Little Caesars. Little Caesars cares about the Hey, tell your friends. The little man a lot. Because they're all about that hot Do we know how tall Mike Illich is? Is he a shorter guy? He's only worth $4 billion because

he probably gives all his money away. I don't know that anyone searched Mike Illich height. I don't know that anyone ever searched Mike Illich. I don't see his height listed. We'll just have to assume he's 5'3". That's why he never made it to the majors. You know, I really only have one final note.

He's dead. Well, that doesn't tell me... Why isn't that on the fact sheet? I didn't know he was dead. Wait, so who owns the Tigers then? Oh my god. Somebody control these teams. They're free agents.

This is why the Red Wings haven't won a Stanley Cup in, Nick, how long? Okay. It's probably been very recent. I learned of something else, Little Caesars. I feel revolutionized. I've never heard of it before. Yeah, they're really burgeoning technology in not just like pizza, but like pizza acquirement. Right.

Like how you get your pizza. Pizza delivery. They're always pushing the envelope with the quattro. Maybe that's what the senior marketing guy was up to. He's the pizza portal guy. He's the pizza portal guy. In and out of the box, they're revolutionizing. Oh, yeah.

So Eric placed an online order, which I don't think has ever been done before. Probably not the Little Caesars we went to. They seemed very confused. They had their menu split across three monitors. They were only using two of them, and it was cut right in the middle. It was wild. There was three monitors. The left one had nothing on it.

It was completely blank. And then there was a picture that was split between the other two, but then there was still tons of black bars on the left and right sides of the remaining monitors. And I noted also on their menu, they hid the pizza. Normally you go to a pizza place and they show you the pizza. It was like 5% of the pizza. It was like a, yeah, it was a waning gibbous, you know?

Oh, wow. It was not a lot of pizza visible. They're going to use that as a promotional material. The Michael Jordan podcast calls Little Caesars a waning gibbous of pizza. So the order was placed. Supposed to be ready at 4.15. We showed up at 4.17. Two minutes late.

But hey, that's what the pizza portal is for. What is the pizza portal? It's essentially a heated pizza locker where they insert the pizza portal is for. What is the pizza portal? It's essentially a heated pizza locker where they insert the pizza in if you've ordered it and it's ready but you're not there yet to pick it up. They're not just going to let your pizza go cold. Dead Mike Illich wouldn't let that happen.

So when you order the pizza... The ghost of Mike Illich haunts the walls of Little Caesars HQ. A unique, one-of-a-kind pizza portal code that only you can use to unlock your pizza of choice. They're numbered. They have a little screen with your name on it. You walk in. Boom.

Eric, number three. That's where I punch in the code for my pizza. I got it through the pizza portal email. Very exciting. Do not share your code with anyone. If Little Caesars contacts you via phone or email, they will never ask for your pizza portal code. That's a scammer trying to get it from you if they say that.

Do not share it. Keep it secret. Keep it safe. So we go in. Pizza's not ready yet. That's fine. We take in the atmosphere, the

engagement. As Eric said, there were old friends, there was hugging going on, there was just a whirlwind of interaction. Somebody else was getting their pizza before us, so we patiently waited our turn We waited

A somewhat zombified man Approached from the back Took our name He asked if we'd been helped yet Eric said I got an order for Eric B And he looks for a second And goes oh It's not ready yet.

And then kind of disappeared. Sort of made a backwards retreat that was a bit suspicious. I think to go make the pizza, retreated back to the innards of the Little Caesars or find one that had already been made. We certainly stood there and watched them make our pizzas that we had ordered an hour prior to that. The 17-year-old girl making the pizza got a phone

call halfway through and she answered it and kept making our pizza. She would not be stopped. I suspect they assumed the online order was a prank. So they just didn't make it. I got the feeling that they just figured out

how to make whatever sound chimes when an online order the feeling that they just figured out how to make whatever sound chimes when an online order is made. They just figured out how to turn that off two minutes before we walked up because they did not seem prepared or they knew that you could place orders online. But I do have to remind everyone, this pizza's not even out yet.

So there could have been some quick management training involved like i've never built the quattro before you can't just put pepperoni on a pizza okay yeah i'm thinking like whatever like madness this pizza is like it takes something special to do and they need to make sure they're doing it right which i kind of appreciate it in the moment like if we're going to order this thing let's's get it right. And they sure took their time. Yeah. So we received our pizza 17 minutes after the estimated pickup time of 4.15. It was 4.32.

I clocked it. And I would say the most disappointing part of the experience, as the man returns from whence he came in the kitchen with the pizzas up front, he approached the pizza portal having access to the back end. Almost as if by muscle memory. Yeah. He approached the pizza portal. He didn't even ask. He knew

that these pizzas were for Eric yet he still approached the pizza portal. He entered his name. We saw it appear. We were all very excited. We're going to use it. We're going to use the pizza portal. He sort of paused for a moment and then cleared the name and then reached around the pizza portal to hand us the

pizza. Now at this moment, Eric said, this is kind of dumb, but can we use the pizza portal? I got the code. We're here. We want to use the pizza portal. He sort of just shook his head in silence. He responded, uh, and then we knew our dream was dead.

That was your cue to say, oh, you already cleared it. Oh, you fucked us. And he went, yeah, next time. Yeah. Real helpful, this guy. I went, oh, yeah, next time. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Sure. I'll see you in 25 years. I'll see you next time I'm writing a Camp Camp episode. Shameless plug. So we returned with the pizzas, consumed them, and now here we are. Everyone's caught up. So I opened the box. I didn't know what to expect.

I was hoping pizza. I was hoping that we had the wrong order. Yeah. I told you not to check the pizzas on the way home. It was tempting. So I was expecting something, you know, worthy of the name Quattro Pizza. Why? Why were you expecting that?

I just thought it was going to be something special. I opened it, and it was just a pizza that they cut, and it was a regular pizza, and some of them were different. It seemed like it was missing some fanfare. Some presentation. See, I'm not I can't disagree with you on what the pizza is, but I'm almost confused as your lack of

understanding of what it would be. You knew exactly what you were going to get. Did you not hear what Jeff Klein said? His name's Jeff, please. I'm reading it now. It says Jeff, yes. Yeah, but you didn't read that before you saw the pizza. Classic pizza is always a good choice. But I wanted to spice it up.

There was bruschetta! Was there balsamic? I don't think so. I didn't taste balsamic. There's nothing after the semi-cold. No, wait. It says balsamic vinegar. It features the flavors

I stopped reading. Groma tomatoes, garlic basil, olive oil, and balsamic vinegar. That could be anywhere. Yeah, I don't know. They specifically mentioned what all four were, and then they kind of just threw all that on the end. Also, it had crust. Yeah.

But not french fry crust. Or spaghetti. My bucket of spaghetti. Why it back. Bring it back. My bucket of spaghetti. Why do you think they stopped with the bucket of spaghetti? You saw the picture. All right. Shall we get into the review?

Yeah. Okay. So we ate the bruschetta first, correct? We dug into the bruschetta first. It seemed like the most wacky, I guess. The most unique. Very, very unique. Yeah. It was tomato pizza with some sausage next to it.

That's what I got. What was your take on it? My take was, it's tomato pizza with sausage next to it? I loved it. The cheese, very cheesy. Very gooey. Very hot. You know, 17 minutes late upon delivery,

but it was a piping hot pizza that they definitely started making after we got there. But the freshness was surely intact. I quite thoroughly enjoyed it. Good crispy crust. No complaints with the bruschetta. Well, to each their own. Yeah, that's what this show's about. We don't have to agree.

We move on to the pepperoni. I think I like this one the best. Shocking. Yeah. It was a good pepperoni pizza. They put something special. I don't know what kind of, like, maybe pepper or something they put on there.

Special, huh? Their pepperonis were good and crispy, and I liked eating them alongside all the bland pizza underneath it. See, I have to disagree with you. I didn't like the pepperoni. On the pepperoni pizza, it was a little too cooked. I felt it was almost burnt.

Maybe that's why you liked it. There was a blackened taste to the pepperoni that actually, it unsettled me to my core. Did you get that on the pepperoni and sausage at all? I did not get it. That pepperoni was delicious. That's somehow even more confusing. Yes, I was expecting it, but was intrigued to find that the pepperoni on the pepperoni and Italian sausage slice was very juicy and moist and not at all burned.

So I'm not sure what was going on in the kitchen. Maybe she made the pepperoni and the bruschetta and then got the phone call, and the second pepperoni was kind of ignored a little bit and it cooked too long. I'm not sure. I doubt that they cooked these four. We don't know how it's done. This has never been done before.

You don't know the process. Judging by the end product. You didn't cook it, did you? I think. I'm only dealing with what we got, not assuming how it was made. I think the sausage ins by the end product. You didn't cook it, did you? I think. I'm only dealing with what we got, not assuming how it was made. I think the sausage insulates the pepperoni

and therefore protects it. That could be it. I'm not a scientist. So it got a little less cooked. I enjoyed it. I appreciated the little more cooked, the little more done pepperoni. I think it adds a nice texture. That's interesting because I'm almost done with you. Well, hey, we're probably going to make a lot more episodes after this.

We need to build up this tension now so people come back for episode two. And then there was just cheese. Yeah, that one tasted just like cheese. Then I got to the sausage, and then it tasted like cheese with that sausage texture. Couldn't really taste the sausage. This is where my spirits dipped a little bit. Yes. The first slice, you almost ate all the way through. The second one, you kind of almost

finished. I started being like, yeah, I got it. The third one, you ate half, and went, I'm done with this. Yeah. Just, I believe you said something along the lines of, you just wanted it to end. It's all a blur to me. Yeah. I wanted it to end.

It's all a blur to me. Yeah. The cheese by itself was actually different than, you know, the cheese on the other ones because they put some of that basil and stuff into it to make it a little more interesting. But, you know. Well, that's what Jeff Klein's talking about. You can't really polish a turd, as they say. You can eat it, though. Boy, did we. I sucked it down.

So if you had to rank the four, what would your order be? It'd be pepperoni, and then the rest were like pizza. He's not even trying. Here's the thing. By the time I got to pepperoni and sausage, I'd made up my mind because it tasted like the other four. There was nothing unique about every topping of the Quattro. If I'm getting the Quattro, I want a different experience with each different

slice. And by the time I got to the fourth one, I was like, I've eaten the same thing four times. Well, yeah, it's all pizza, man. I'm going to rank mine, the bruschetta, I think was the best. I enjoyed the sausage and bruschetta. Next, the sausage and pepperoni, then the cheese then

the very overcooked pepperoni but now here's the kicker let's remember sorry let me get a drink of water all this pizza's catching up to me well i have no water left here have some of mine so oh thank you that's the nicest thing you've done well there's none left in here either i feel like we've approached every fact that we had. We talked extensively. There's no other way to dissect this. We've done everything we could. The final note we should mention is

$7. This blew my mind. Yes. I feel like it brought you back a little bit after the consumption. It did. At the value of the pizza. You get it hot and ready, and one of these... Well, not always ready, but it was hot.

It was 17 minutes late. We stood there looking at a pizza heater that was branded hot and ready with food sitting inside of it that was not our food. Could you imagine? And we almost discussed eating that while waiting for the other pizza.

Yeah, I did suggest we get a hot and ready while we wait for our food. And we almost discussed eating that while waiting for the other pizza. Yeah, I did suggest we get a hot and ready while we wait for our pizza. But we held true to our morals and waited for the quattro. And thus this podcast now exists. Yeah. It's not a bad value.

The value is insane. If you want pizza with a myriad of toppings ranging from pepperoni to sausage to cheese, and that's it, you can get the Quattro for $7. You just have to wait 17 minutes to get it. I will not. And time is money, though,

so you got to take that into account. If you're going to Little Caesars, you don't have money. So I hope you have time. I will not incorporate value into my rating scale. Wow, bold. That does nothing for it. Oh, my God.

I'm incorporating the entire experience. I'm here fully for quality of product. If I was rating you, I'd give you a less score because you wouldn't let us take your car. You would have lost points for that. But you're lucky you're not in the rating block today. But also on your scale, I'd probably lose.001, and I'm still at 99.99%.

You don't even know my rating scale. I think I do. No one's even heard it yet. I think I do. So why don't we just get to the rating of the pizza? Okay. Let's break down how our rating scale works. It's a scale of 1 to 100.

Standard scale. Yeah. And, you know, we each, since we both value different things in the food that we eat, you mainly, how much can I shit out later in a horrible way? I don't know what he's talking about. I think it's the conversation that started this podcast. It's possible, but that's another time.

Mine is more like, you know, how does it taste? How well is it made? How does it make me feel? The value that it brings to society, community aspect to it, stuff like that. We both have the different rating systems, but we have to use the same scale basically so based on everything i've said about those how this pizza just kind of sucks overall uh i'm giving it a 63 that's actually higher than i

thought you'd give it 63 yeah is that is that a passing grade? Barely. It's like a D minus. Yes is all we need to hear. You heard it. Jordan Sweers says, go get the Little Caesars Quattro pizza. It's a D minus. Passes the test. Passes on a curve.

I enjoyed the pizza as a whole. The sausage was a bit of a, or the pepperoni. On the pepperoni was a bit of a letdown, but the sausage pepperoni just brought it right back up. I was very excited about the pizza portal, and then it was ripped away from me right as he was putting it in. I feel like he knew. He heard our remarks while we were standing in the store.

Are you putting that into the equation? All of it, yes. Total experience? Total experience. From the time I got into putting that into the equation? All of it, yes. Total experience? Total experience. From the time I got into Eric's car, I'm not going to rate that. To the time that you didn't get into my car. Yep, that for sure. To the time that I put the pizza in my mouth.

It's all part of a complicated system. Wait, wait, wait. A complicated system in which eating the pizza is not part of it? Oh, I mean it ends with it putting it in my mouth. That's the end of it. I've eaten it. It ends on your last bite. Yeah. There you go. It ends on my last bite. Not my first bite. Please. I put it in. I'm done. I thought it was

the moment it comes up to your mouth. I can give you two ratings if you want and one won't involve the pizza at all. No, just one. Yeah, we really don't need that. We don't need any of this. No one needs this. I agree. Nobody needs this pizza. Don't eat it. Everything considered,

the hopes and dreams raised, crushed, I give it a 94. Four different kinds of pizzas for $7. Friendly. Okay, hang on. Okay, so Eric is showing me your 63, my 94.

For the episode of the Michael Jordan podcast, the Little Caesars Quattro Pizza, we as a collective have given it a 78.5. That's way too fucking high. 78.5. God damn it. Your name is on that. My name is on that.

I wished it was a little bit higher, but I understand this is a democracy, so I'm willing to accept that. Can you tell me the factors that contributed to losing those six points? I feel like I made that abundantly clear. The pizza oven. But the weight of it. The weight of it. I need to know.

How many? And how much did the food play into that? The food was almost 10%. What does that mean? You're asking questions that I'm answering and still you want more from me, okay?

The biggest disappointment and the loss of, I would say almost all of the points were the pizza portal. Honestly. We had a code, it was emailed to us, it was very high tech. It was very futuristic. We saw it. How many? 5.8. 5.8.

This is a sham. I'll be honest. I lied. I said it wouldn't factor in. The other point too is not using your car. I said I wouldn't factor it in, but I just attribute it to the pizza. So if everything had gone smoothly. The bruschetta cheese really brought it back up. So what you're saying is, if everything had gone smoothly. The bruschetta cheese really brought it back up. So what you're saying is, if everything had gone smoothly, getting the pizza.

With the pizza bowl. I'd pull up as you guys are leaving. Also, we had not discussed me coming with you guys. No, we discussed it. I said I'd go and you ignored us. Yeah. I was like, okay, Michael wants to go. We saw Jordan coming in and went, hey, want to come with us?

And you're like, okay. I said, okay. It was reluctant. Yeah, because I was thinking, hey, want to come with us? And you're like, okay. I said, okay. It was reluctant. Yeah, because I was thinking, like, do I want to cloud the experience? Like, should it all be Michael's experience? Both of our names are in the show. Why would you put this on me? There's one name in the show, sir.

There's a comma. So if everything had gone smoothly And you get the pizza We bring it back You eat it It's a hundred Probably like a 99.5 Cause some things you just don't know Unless you taste it

But you tasted it Yeah but like But it wasn't a hundred Why isn't it Because I didn't eat a 100 I'll know a 100 when I have it Also introducing Introducing.5 into

the equation, that makes our scale on a scale of a thousand. Listen, I wanted to rate it 1 through 10, and you were upset by my points early, so we moved it to 100, and then I just took it back. This whole podcast is a farce.

Can this pizza be improved? I don't know how yeah Domino's can make it not for $7 they can't not for $7 Domino's and Pizza Hut throwing Papa John's very expensive pizza

one of those is also very racist pizza pizza's not racist pizza's a food Papa John's the food is also a very racist pizza. Pizza's not racist. Pizza's a food. Papa John's. The food is not a sentient creature. The animals are before they slaughter them. The hands that make it, you know.

He doesn't make any fucking pizza, Jordan. I'm talking the whole thing. He doesn't make any pizza. I'm talking the whole thing. You know, guess what? I eat Chick-fil-A too. I sleep fine at night. All right?

I went to Chick-fil-A once, and I was wearing a jacket. One time. I was wearing a jacket from H&M, and the cashier asked where I got it, and I told him H&M, and he goes, oh, that's too bad. I don't like sporting companies that exploit labor and stuff like that. I go, oh, but you work here. Did you say that? I was sure thinking it.

He sure did throw me for a loop. That's what I thought. Could you say that? I was sure thinking it. He sure did throw me for a loop. That's what I thought. Could you improve it? I mean, what do you want to do? Make it cheaper? They're going to lose money on every pie. $7. What is the profit margin on this already?

A dollar? Do you think the $2 for hot and ready is $5? Uh-huh. The two added dollars, do you think that's all from the pizza portal? Like, are they passing the cost on to the consumer? It's possible. I mean, you know. Technology has a cost. They gotta pay for the pizza portal somehow. Although, to be honest, we don't know that it

works. Maybe it doesn't work at all and that's why I didn't put it in. There was one pizza in there that nobody picked up, so we didn't really get to see it work at all. Well, that's like, you know, when you go to a convenience store or something and there's already a dollar in the tip jar, but they put it in there in the morning to inspire other people to see it work at all. Well, that's like, you know, when you go to a convenience store or something, and there's already a dollar in the tip jar, but they put it in there in the morning to inspire other people to do it. So what you're saying is... That could have been a pizza that's like,

look, it works! What you're saying is Miriam E is the girl that works in the back. Don't say her name! We don't know! She's the girl who works in the back. Why do you have to say everyone's full name around here? I don't understand it. Yeah, E's her last name. She made her own pizza and put it

in the pizza oven for safekeeping. I think it's probably more likely that it's just a name they made up. I don't think she works there. I don't know. It was spelled weird. Let me tell you exactly how it was spelled. Once you ask Miles Luna how it was spelled, bring him in here. He can sit down and be our guest and he can talk about his experiences.

Eric, have we gone over time? We've gone so far over time. Yeah, but you did it, so let's go home with it. Okay. Who's going home with this second pizza? Oh, that's a good question. Do you want it? No. Oh.

Well, we'll see if people in the office want it. I had four slices. I have a question. It's a lot. How do you foresee this pizza working its way out? I think it'll be just fine. Yeah? I'm having a rough time already.

Already? I went to Chili's. How does your digestive system work? I'll tell you how. It doesn't eat bullshit most of the day. That doesn't really answer the question. It takes a while. It's not used to the Little Caesars.

It's sitting in your stomach right now doing nothing. No, it's working. It's way downtown. It's walking fast. Face is past. I'm homebound. Bye. Look at this guy.

He knows a song. Great. Well, thanks for joining us on the Michael Jordan podcast. First episode, Little Caesars, Quattro Pizza. What was the rating again? 78.5. 78.5. It's a very, very well-deserved rating.

I need to start lowering my scores. There needs to be a Michael factor. Good luck. Thanks for listening. Thanks for listening, even to those who didn't. Good luck. Thanks for listening. Thanks for listening. Even to those who didn't. Why? Why didn't you? Go get yourself some hot and not ready Quattro Pizza at Little Caesars.

Just walk in. Don't order it. It's bullshit.