100% Eat - Graysie Saved You Some Pretzel %% Kerbey Lane Texas Twist Pretzel Platter

Episode Date: January 14, 2025

Our Heroes found out that local diner chain Kerbey Lane is doing a pretzel so they called in local pretzel expert Graysie to get to the bottom of this. This once 24 hour diner has expanded and cut hours but their seasonal menu usually comes up with some surprising inclusions. Is this pretzel worth your time? What's with the meats? Did you want the last bite? Too slow, idiot. We think Graysie ate most of the pretzel. #sponsored Control Body Odor ANYWHERE mandopodcast.com and use code EAT to get $5 off your Starter Pack (that’s 40% off) #mandopod And grab a Cinnamon Lives shirt over at https://100percenteat.store/ Support us directly https://www.patreon.com/100percenteat where you can join the discord with other 100 Percenters, stay up to date on everything, and get The Michael, Jordan Podcast every Friday. Follow us on IG & Twitter: @100percenteat Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This winter, take a trip to Tampa on Porter Airlines. Enjoy the warm Tampa Bay temperatures and warm Porter hospitality on your way there. All Porter Fairs include beer, wine and snacks and free fast-streaming Wi-Fi on planes with no middle seats. And your Tampa Bay vacation includes good times, relaxation and great Gulf Coast weather. Visit flyporter.com and actually enjoy economy. Welcome to 100% Eat, the show where we try every fast food restaurant to let you know if you need it, you probably do. I'm your host, Michael Jones.

The music stopped alongside my co-host Jordan Swears. Jordan, watch this. No! Oh, doing it right at the top. Yeah, mix it up. I thought I'd mix it up. You got to keep him guessing. Stop alongside my co-host Jordan swears Jordan watch this Yeah mix it up That was good. I know I'm helping It's already a grace I mean it's a gracey Grace easy, but like he stopped playing the music right? Yeah early. Yeah. Yeah, that was weird

Well, he says it yeah, like he always does it and go is weird right? Yeah I was just why'd you do it while I'm talking and then I just started talking He just turned it off. Okay. I didn't think about how this episode would be now that we have a monitor that Gracie can see What I mean it might actually distract her a little bit She might silently just be looking at herself. That's what's happening. I'm surprised before. I can see me. Before the episode started, she put this on the ground.

Like she wasn't going to have it on the table the whole time. No, she just wanted to put it on the ground so it was inconveniently somewhere else so she could rifle through it. A wafer. A rifle. A rifle. A wafer.

It's like in the hall. You're already chewing. Good. Hey, hey, keep chewing. Oh Keep chewing um so she got the blues on Yeah, she got blues on show it show everyone what you got for Christmas, okay? 100% Christmas I got four dollars for yeah That's halfway to that upgraded and then And then I got three bags of Bluzots. Uh huh. I got... Madlis.

Which we'll probably play on the Michael Jordan podcast. For sure. We'll do every single one. These are verbal games. We'll do all the verbal games. And then I got the... Actually. Fidget number one toys pack.

24 premium quality Premium hey anybody watching listening though that means she still needs number two. Yeah, that's that's number one fidget pack right? Yeah, what's the number two? I have as much metal as I would have liked yeah Hey the bucket itself is a fidget toy That's awesome. Very cool. Look, she knows how to do influencer hands. Well, I'm influenced.

It's a squishy in a neck. I chewed on it. She admitted it. She, before we recorded, she was going through all of them again. It literally looks like candy and I had to just like. And she had to bite it. And she was, she put it in the bug and she's like don't touch that one I put it in my mouth because you know you were about to rifle through the bug you were like oh my god

I was just about to chew it myself. It looks like candy right before I chewed it. He was rifling so I needed to preface Yeah, cuz my hand was going right in there gonna grab the one that she was chewing on How are you? Yeah? Your answers on on the page, I guess I'm okay It's a Gracie episode. It's a Gracie episode with a box of fidget. Yeah But I think the box is really gonna work. I'm gonna telling you though. The TV is gonna help Uh-huh. She keeps getting distracted and she's like, is this what I look like Grace like it's like when you take a kid to the fucking grocery store

and they're like, whoa! And they walk in, they're like, oh, I'm on the TV! This is crazy, even though working in production for how many years. It's like when your ass self-checkout at Target and I just look at myself. Oh yeah, you get it. Oh, I do that.

You get a glimpse and then you go, oh, sorry. But for someone who works in production. It's like a TV anchor being like, whoa. Can you see this? It's pretty special. It's kind of like we built our own thinkery here. So that way she had something to think into. Yeah, oh yeah.

Thinking hard. That was two months ago. Yeah, something like that, yeah. You know what it was then? First thing she said when she came in. Yeah, a month and a half? Oh, at least a month, maybe a month and a half. To be fair, last time I was all crazy,

hadn't thought about it in weeks. Walks in and she goes, how was the thangery? It's like it's been the first thing she said. I have to know. It's great. You know, it was cool. What'd you do in there? What kind of things go on?

I thunk. I sent tons of pictures and video, and I know you saw them, to him and he showed you. Well, she's not in it. No, you didn't. Yes, I sent them to him. But he didn't show me. And then I know he did.

I sent you the picture because he said Gracie's loving it. Yeah, Gracie's freaking out. I texted it to you, I think him to him, but he didn't show me I know he did I said he said he's loving it Yeah, Gracie's freaking out. I texted it to you. I think oh no. I think you lot Eric wouldn't lie about that It's fine. There was things there was science. There was lights. There was water The thinkery stuff thinker you sent me this oh my god. Yeah, that was for every. Oh those are gone Yeah, right that was It was definitely I don't have anything to read content keep going keep going Keep going. Well, there's a there's a rock high racks. This is way before the thing

No, no, that's not right. Dang, dude. No, I don't think that's right. I didn't get anything I mean I had to be fair assumed you just showed her cuz you guys were at the convenience store thing or something, right? Oh, that's exactly what happened. We were where you didn't say you you guys were at the convenience store thing or something right? Oh, that's exactly what happened We were where? You didn't send it to her. You guys were all at the same place and he just showed you He's located down the street. Get him. Yeah, you guys are talking about something. I left. Oh wait. I went to the think-read. Yeah I still don't remember being shown at the Sonic though TV is broken. TV is broken. TV is broken. Well, broken. TV is broken. TV is broken. TV is broken. TV is broken. TV is broken. TV is broken. TV is broken. TV is broken. TV is broken. TV is broken. TV is broken. TV is broken. TV is broken. TV is broken. TV is broken. TV is broken. TV is broken. TV is broken. TV is broken. TV is broken. TV is broken. TV is broken. TV is broken. TV is broken. TV is broken. TV is broken. TV is broken. TV is broken. TV is broken. TV is broken. TV is broken. TV is broken. TV is broken. TV is broken. TV is broken. TV is broken. TV is broken. TV is broken. TV is broken. TV is broken. TV is broken. TV is broken. TV is broken. TV is broken. TV is broken. TV is broken. TV is broken. TV is broken. TV is broken. TV is broken. TV is broken. TV is broken. TV is broken. TV is broken. TV is broken. TV is broken. TV is broken. TV is broken. TV is broken. TV is broken. TV is broken. TV is broken. TV is broken. TV is broken. TV is broken. TV is broken. TV is broken. TV is broken. TV is broken. TV is broken. TV is broken. TV is broken. TV is broken. TV is broken. TV is broken. TV is broken. TV is broken. TV is broken. TV is broken. TV is broken. TV is broken. TV is broken. TV is broken. TV is broken. TV is broken. TV is broken. TV is broken. TV is broken. TV is broken. TV is broken. TV is broken. TV is broken. TV is broken. TV is broken. TV is broken. TV is broken. TV is broken. TV is broken. TV is broken. TV is broken. TV is broken. TV is broken. TV is broken. TV is broken. TV is broken. TV is broken. TV is broken. TV is broken. TV is broken. Fix it, please. How do we fix it? What does that mean that oh no, no the cameras not the camera?

Yeah, the cameras fine. Oh, it should be hey, we're the episode over. No, please. No. Are you sure please? Let's talk about where we where we well, okay, Jordan. That's a great point that you brought up now today We're reviewing Kirby Lane, Texas twist pretzel platter of course it has something to do with pretzels Yeah, otherwise, why would Gracie be here for a free meal? Was pretzel time yeah, are you a frequent Curb-E-Laner uh a frequent, but I do go there. I haven't been in a while. It's been a while for me I feel like I go once every like four months

Okay, that's pretty frequent really Really? Yeah. Quarterly? I don't go out for like morning breakfast that much. And there's a place near my house I go to. I've never been like, I'm gonna go out of my way to go to Kirby Lane. But then if I'm not near my house, I go to Snooze. Kirby Lane. Which is like my new like, damn, they got good food.

Snooze is the best. They got great Bennies. Yeah, the eggs Benedict. They're very good. At Snooze is how I got into Eggs Benedict. I'm sorry, the Zots are raking my mouth water. No, the eggs Benedict. They're very good snooze is how I got into I had a sense Benedict I'm sorry does not take my mouth water. That's fine. I had a pancake there like that's really good But this this isn't about snooze. This is about Kirby lane. Oh right right. I was just talking about how I don't go here It's fine. It's I mean it's a very lane is okay when somebody comes to town

Yeah, or somebody's in town and wants to meet up You go to curvy lane. I think it just doesn't like serve the purpose that it used to I don't dislike it But I do know kind of like in a torch you style. I know some people are like I hate curvy lane Yeah, really wait why is that I hate torches yeah, some people are super anti torches But also it's because also people are too pro torches exactly Like I like them I like them, but I'm not but also a very key part there Which I always say is they're good white people tacos Mmm, sometimes people don't like them in general sometimes people don't like them because they're like I want taco tacos

Yeah, right like I want like authentic like not a chicken tender and that's not torches Yeah, so if you sell it as that I understand but if you're're like hey want some good white people tacos that are pretty expensive But also they're really good. It's text. Go on go eat some text. Yeah, I know what I'm getting I know what I signed up for and I really like that yeah, some people are super I love that place too much best case in Austin or I fucking hate that place. I'll kill you if you go there It's not to that extent, but I know some people you gotta live here a while to get sick of it Yeah, I think is the thing and I broke again. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's it's fine. What how do we fix this in the future? Not right now. We need to spend $400 on a new capture card. Let's fucking do it. Fire it off. Yep

Yeah, we just said that we're millionaires. That's what we said honestly, I exaggerated a number out the ass still wasn't that What? Oh, she's a millionaire. Oh, yeah that from I don't either I made up a number out the ass still wasn't that right? Yeah, what? Oh, she's the millionaire Oh, yeah, I don't either I made up a number and I said 400,000 which is well under 1 million It's actually not even halfway there 400,000 right that's not half of a million. I Exaggerated some number off the top my head. Oh, yeah billionaire We I mean we could be millionaires though cuz we did go to the killer Kirby lane we'd yeah Yeah, it's strangely like the nicest Kirby lane. That's the nicest Kirby lane beautiful a lot of them are

So here to my eye. Yeah, are so kind of like dinery You know but that one is like upscale restaurant it is and I like still kind of diner It is but I think it's also devoid of most personality of like any Kirby lane that you guys know. Did you hear by the way that we walked in, the hostess, host, whoever was up there, it was a human. They were like five or they asked or you said five and like cool and then the waitress came over, looked at us and went, six?

And I was just like, you can't count or you think we're hiding something? Michael leaned over into my ear and went, they can't count or you think we're hiding some Michael leaned over into my ear and went You looked saw everyone there went six the first thing that happened I just made me laugh for some reason we walked up and there was a sign of a door that said the doors heavy today We're sorry today. We're sorry for the inconvenience. I go. Why is it heavy today? I don't know and also Gracie stopped to show us and then we got done looking at it on and then wouldn't open the door What I didn't know y'all weren't done. I thought y'all were still looking

Opened it went That's true, that's because I was expecting to really have to put all my might into it, uh-huh I didn't there was a guy on his phone. He just put a little bit of his mind into it. There's a guy who didn't give a fuck that we walked in. Yeah, a guy on his phone and he looked at me and he go, Whoa, people! What, yeah, oh, 100%.

Cause somebody behind him came out of like, from the back and was like, oh, hey, at the same time. Yeah, probably, I would assume the guy at the front is the guy that works there. And the guy that walked in behind him was his manager. Like that was, huh, huh, huh. And he didn't do shit. People at the Kirby Lane?

Yeah. What? And the other guy went five, and then a waitress went six, and then we went, no? But not super crowded for like a, you know, Tuesday afternoon, but also more people than I thought would be inside of a Kirby Lane in Mueller. Yeah, people go into, I guess, lunch, having lunch meetings.

I feel like that there was more people than there is because of where it was. Yeah. Yeah. Although it is cold as shit today, but other than that, it is like a walkabout. There's also like a billion apartments over there. There are a lot of apartments. That's where people live, that's where people work. Yeah.

And a vegan cheese shop. I'm upset about it being vegan, but I'll still try it. It's the disdain in her voice for vegan cheese. Well, because I want cheese, I want cheese. I went with Gus. I liked it. It was good. Is Gus vegan?

Yeah. Oh. Most of the time. Most of the time. Yeah, he'll eat, I think like on the weekends, he's like, whatever. Like the weekdays, he's like, I was trying to stay vegan. You'd be surprised how good they could make that vegan cheese.

I mean, I'll go. Yep. Okay. All right. We'll go. Stop twisting your arm! We'll go next time. They don't. Michael, enough!

They have pretzels? They have pretzel buns, but they don't have pretzels. That's good enough. It's a different shape of a pretzel. Different shape, same idea. Yeah. I mean, I don't know where you- Jordan will go, he'll save you some,

but only for a limited time. How long do you get before he eats the stuff that he said is for you? There won't be much time. That's the thing, like, if I offer Gracie a pretzel, it's gone by the time I say this is for you. Correct. She may have eaten most of it. Might have. Who's to say?

Who can say? I think we can all say. Yeah! I think you said- And did we not have fun doing it? We all had fun. You're welcome. I started a chant. And Eric was like, great, seizing the pretzel, pretzel time, here we go.

The whole restaurant stopped. They started dancing and singing along. It was like a big Broadway number. It was like eight crazy nights. Everyone starts dancing. It was like a big bar weight number. It was like eight crazy nights. Everyone starts dancing. It was very special. Pretzel time, never need a reason, never need a rhyme. Pretzel time.

We went specifically to this for the pretzel. Which is their new, I guess like seasonal menu item. It's a weird platter. I didn't even think about that, it's gonna leave. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's mostly what happens on the show. You better go back.

You better go back. Yeah, so it's the Texas twist pretzel platter. Yes. Interesting assortment of things that come with the pretzel. Insane assortment of things that come with it. Very strange. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Very strange. Like you kind of understand what they're going for, and I don't know if they achieve it, but it's trying to be like a grazing plate. They do achieve platter and they do achieve unique assortment. Yeah. If that's what their goal was, they nailed it.

I would never seek out these things individually, I guess. I was really more surprised that you couldn't get the pretzel by itself. I think you could. I bet you could just ask. For the pretzel by itself? I don't want any of the weird stuff. But then the problem-

I don't want the weird stuff. But then the problem would be that he would have to go back and ask his manager how to like put it in and we wouldn't see him for 45 more minutes. It's not like we saw him before. She kept telling me too when she maybe ate most of the pretzel and then save me a piece that didn't get saved. She kept going, we can get another one.

You can get another one. You can get another one. We can get another one. We can get another one. We can get another one. You can get another one. You can get another one. We can get another one. I can get another one. You can get another one. And I went, cause you're not going to eat it. She's like, well, I'll eat it if it's here.

Yeah, exactly. Do you want to get, are you going to get another one? Uh huh. You should get another one. And then she kept going, we can get it. I can get it. You can get it. And then you went, Eric can get it. Eric, we're using the company card.

Eric will get it. Yeah. Eric will get you another one. Yeah. And Eric kept yelling, free food for me. Or I said, Eric. Then it was her. Then it was her. How did the table go? Oh, crazy. We should have done it. And I Eric will get you another one. Yeah, and Eric kept yelling free food for me. Yeah, I said Eric And I was trying to explain about he's owns just as much of this company and it's for the Michael Jordan And get another making plans. Yeah, that's fine. She can uh, it's when these drop them off the thinkery

Yeah, that'll teach me and then you go home to your kids later, you go, guess where I went? The bakery! They would be pissed, I bet if you went without them. Yeah, you know what they would be? They're small children and I'm going to a children's science museum and I went without them and then came home and told them I went. Yeah, they'd be pissed. If I was a kid and my dad came home and he's like, guess where I went? The zoo! I went to the zoo and I hated it.

I hated it. I just went to spite you. To do what? Are you supposed to take me to the zoo? I'll be like, thank Gracie. And they'll be like, oh, I saw her in public the other day. She pretended not to know me. They're making, they're now making plans to go other places.

Second podcast. They're doing their own podcasts. Don't worry about it. We're talking about ice cream. Yeah, no, I know. We can hear you. You going to Lake? I've never been, I said I'd go.

It's right next to the Thinkery. Oh, great. It is. How fortuitous. You go to the Thinkery, you can play around in the park for a little bit. It's also next to Nando's. Yep. It is next to Nando's. Is next to the thinkery. Oh great. It is how fortunate you go to the thing really can play around the park for a little bit It's also next to Nando's. Yeah, it is Something tells me that in the thinkery there's like fidget things, right? I mean there's things to touch

I don't know if there's a fidget thing per se. It's a lot of fidgeting for sure Yeah, I guess I guess cuz he didn't show you the things I sent. No, I have no there's this one there's this one thing it's like it's like a Didn't show you the things I sent. No, I have no idea what you did in there. There's this one thing, it's like a bicycle wheel with like the metal spokes and you spin it and there's like metal chimes that it hits and clinks. And I went, look, I'm Gracie on the podcast.

It goes dang dang dang dang dang dang dang dang dang dang. But your kids probably didn't get a joke. I was like, weeeee. No, I pushed them in the corner. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They stood in the corner silently. I was just filming this for you. Like you and him.

Just thinking. I was filming this for you and then he kept it for you. He was gatekeeping. Can I see it? Yes, I knew you were gonna ask him while you're looking it up. What? We have the same phone case. Oh, it from you. He was gatekeeping. Yes, I knew you were going to ask him already looking it up. What? We have the same phone case. It's close, yeah.

Twins! It's the same. He didn't even look up. It's literally the same. Because I've seen it. I've seen it all day. Been around for hours. Hours? She was showing us the phone and she was typing like this very strangely.

She was like, let me look up another news. Very weird thing to do. Funny enough, I saw a case I very weird thing to do. I saw her Enough I saw I knew a similar mind and I didn't feel the need to bring it. I didn't even notice I did that You opened your phone tried to look up snooze and then went I don't know I don't know I'm doing a broad search Broad search that's to be fair because because so we're like oh here it is okay going on you can see it but I do like it. So, now, so Eric was right. You were loving it.

Yes. Yeah. I would love the Thinkery, I'm sure. Special episode. This one's great. This one's great. And then we go to like. This one's good too, Gracie. Gracie would love this place, do this. Gracie would love this place. What is that?

I don't really know how this is working. You should do this the whole podcast. What? I wasn't listening. Who's that? What? I didn't hear you. I Like it I sent all these for you and he didn't I didn't Anti-clang no you didn't I did I clank when I was beating on the table anyway. Yeah, there's a lot of clanking Yeah, there were so much pretty frustrated with Gracie my favorite part of Being at the restaurant was when you you two Nick and Gracie convinced each other to stop Oh, you both came out of like we're doing dry January by the end of a conversation. You were like starting January

It was like what you both convinced each other that like put it off right well the games coming up Yeah, dry January well, I'm just gonna go on the game, which is about this Then we have to push dry January Yeah, oh yeah February Shortest month 28 days well You can drink on February 30th. That's true Oh well. Yeah. Oh yeah. Dry February. Dry February. Short month. The shortest month. 28 days. Wow.

You can drink on February 30th. That's true. Is it leap year next year? No, it was last year. Okay. How are those bluesots treating you? Great. Hey, how are they treating you?

Not bad. Okay. I'm being conscious of it. Thank you. For now. For now, in this moment. Watch the Michael Jordan podcast if you want to get Gris-E'd using fidget toys right into the microphone. Oh, Michael Jordan podcast is this one. Look, I don't know how time works on this anymore. I agree with you. I thought you were predicting what is absolutely going to happen.

I didn't know you mixed it up. I was like yeah, no Yeah, yeah, we do give her the presence on the ride along. Yeah when we get back four dollars It was like we have the blues like four dollars It's like four dollars, he's like yeah yeah. You handed her whatever was sitting on that like little thing. And it was like four dollars, the Pops popcorn card that was in hand. I didn't hand her that, I left that.

No, no, you handed her that. Oh, did I? Yeah, it was part of it. Yeah, and the dirty napkin. That napkin was clean. But then also, Eric specifically told you the napkin's not part of it, but you refused to accept that and started opening it and looking at it.

You did. You started. I thought there might have been a letter. I know. I know you did. I'm wondering why when he told you it's just a napkin. Just a napkin. Quiet little guy. Yeah. I'm trying. Which he was so excited about, by the way. Quiet little constable.

Yeah, probably got us demonetized. Little constable. She made a constable joke that led to this that and let you being short and then Like before we were recording was saying it and then said it in the recording and then said two seconds Oh, no, I can't say it in the recording. So then we restarted and then he said it again Well, he waited seven seconds this time. Also that's definitely not that's like when you go like you can actually use 14 seconds of copywritten music and it's legal. Yeah you can. That's made up. I heard that on the internet. I'm pretty sure someone on

Reddit told me. That's you saw the same story. That happened all the time at Rooster Teeth where people were like you can use like 15 seconds and the people go like I think It's like seven and then I'll be like, oh, no, you're like 14 and those that none of that's real My uncle works for DMCA Can't use the other uncle works at Nintendo. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah between the two of them I know everything but they feud he told you to push the truck and you get me you I know everything but they feud he told you to push the truck and you get me you He's looking at that piece of art. Oh, yeah

Yeah, you're on thing you're in the art where you're up there the girl that's me. Yeah, that's not a girl I don't think I want to just gonna keep insulting. I can't see it from that far But they're for style yeah, let's get to the bottom of this This is very cool, so that one's me uh-huh no The crow poster yeah the crow The Gordon snake yeah Pointing at something and not saying anything, but also not showing us. I know I'm sorry Technically I think it's the sorry snake yeah

The garden snake well there there there you have it the cheez-its look so nice. Yeah, they do gorgeous You should try to take a bite Maybe don't touch that Don't touch that cheese. That's so cool. It is cool. Yeah Go look hang it up. I'll try to put it back. Yeah, welcome to it. Baby already 22 minutes time for the time Really doesn't fly Time really doesn't fly when Gracie's here. Time flies, we're having fun. Do you guys want to learn about Kirby Line? Not really.

Do you think we should just like, fax the paper? Just stop throwing out the format! Throw it out, dude! It's a new year, dude! New year! Where'd it go? It went into the other room. It's back there with the big keys. Dude new year Back there with the big here we can share Like Gracie doesn't want to read the fact like we don't want to learn

When you're so I get to the emojis when your school doesn't have enough books and you need to share with with the kid Yeah, I'm reading. Yeah, great. Well popcorn Michael. Let's learn To learn about curvy like he froze he is smoking something I was blowing it all up at Gracie because I was sitting behind her in the car, and I was watching go She was playing in all of the vape Yeah, I could have done like that. She was like doing tricks frozen pina colada. Can you do a trick? No? Oh? No, well I give me give me Ten twenty years I get cancer. Yeah Tornado watch watch a man with no cancer get cancer

Every year people are always trying to outdo each other And for my next trick. That's dark. Yeah. Oh man. I don't want that trick. Are you embarrassed? Uh. Every year, people are always trying to outdo each other with the most thoughtful and deep New Year's resolutions. But this year, my resolution is to not stink. And with Mando, I've already met my New Year's resolution. So box checked. If you're also looking to smell great this year, check out Mando's Whole Body Deodorant,

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All right, Kirby Lane facts as according to Eric, we first opened our doors to the Austin community on May 5th, 1980, serving made from scratch comfort food out of a small 1930s bungalow in central Austin on Kirby Lane Fact taken from Kirby Lane website is the only real fact this is a fact for sure yeah, I get This is how the fact should be that's what they are. That's that's a fact. Yeah, okay Learned about it. Yeah, now. It's continuous Lawsuits do you think in order like monkey is gonna get to the bottom of this, are we gonna find? There's... now let's...

Okay. Let's wait and get to it. Okay. Yeah, you've been to like the original location, yeah? Yeah, the one on Kirby Lane. Yeah. It's uh... The one out of the small 1930s bungalow?

It is still out of a 19... It's pretty small. Yeah. They've like added onto it and created this like kind of hodgepodge of like rooms and stuff. Yeah. I think it's got some unique characters to it. Unlike the one we went to in Mueller. Yeah.

Which is very nice But yeah, not like the opposite of what the original Kirby Lane is like the opposite Apple store of Kirby Lane's it did That's a great That's a great scripture for what it is especially because the genius kept coming up to us. Can I help you with anything? Yeah Fucking genius We got calling waiters. Yeah, here comes this genius. Thanks, genius.

Refill my coffee. They're called menu geniuses. Let's learn. All right, go ahead. Although it's an Austin institution, Kirby Lane has 10 locations, including down in San Antonio and all the way up in Round Rock.

Great to see a brand built on, quote, "'Is this place open? "'I'm too drunk to drive,' "'being able to well now if you want something middle if you want some middling pancakes after a 45 minute wait you have options It's Kirby Lane is a breakfast place that like other breakfast places. I will not wait for I'll put my name on a list before I go or whatever, but when it's like oh, yeah, it's like a 45 minute wait It's like I'll just I'll go anywhere else I've waited one time and that was just to eat at the original one. Yeah, right just to check it out always has a way

Yeah, yeah, that one's always because it's so small. There's people and it's on a street with other houses It's uh, it's on a street with other houses and so people are just hanging out in the street in the sidewalk Yeah, and other people's yards the heart I think the hardest part with the one that we went to is when they have that farmers market. Oh yeah. Dude, you just don't even, don't even bother going to that.

Don't bother going to the farmers market either. No. It's so crowded. Yeah. It's like they should expand or have a second farmers market somewhere else in Austin. They used to have it, they moved it over there to that park.

All the way up in Round Rock? They moved it over there to that park. All the way up in Round Rock? They moved it over there to that park in Mueller when they had it all like built out in this like exposition space before. And then they moved it and made it like way smaller. They have one at Barton Creek Mall. Barton Creek Mall. Oh, that one's, that's really small.

If you go all the way, like on the other side of the mall, there's a back parking lot area that has people, where people like set up tents and there's, I don't know if I'd call it a farmer's market. It looks kind of like a swap meet. It sounds like a good place to get a tattoo. It's very weird. That's cool.

It's very weird. Tattoos, big Lebowski bowling. Hey. Now that's a day. Don't forget the Thinkery. Does anyone have a tattoo here? Yeah. I mean, I think three out of the five of us.

Yeah, I have like three. I have one. I'm gonna get my first one soon. You don't have one right now? Why don't listen to him when he says- You see what I'm talking about? They're fucking with you. You have one.

No, he has them he's got like the rat he's got a grackle he's had a way to do he does he doesn't have a grackle that's what I think I do first of all that yeah also none of look this is a real good fact okay also none of locations are 24 hours anymore so they want you to drunk drive Wow all right give Nick the keys They call him the sauce monkey for a reason he can will his body to blow a point zero seven bus legally making the cops powerless and defeated Because it's wet January. Because it's wet January.

Yes, it is. I always stay a little moist. Moist January. You had some- Just a little flushed. You went mimosa. I had a pineapple mimosa and then he made me a second one. Yeah.

Yeah, he asked if you wanted another one and you said, if you insist. He told him if you insist. Genius. And he didn't do anything but just go and get it. That's fine. He didn get it fine. There was no Nothing. Yeah, no, I think I think everyone knew that he was happy to go I was at the liquor store the other day and I needed to I was buying vodka tonics Is that's how I say so thin and thank you, and I needed more

And I'm like, where's the lime juice and like oh, it's the last I like on the end cap I'm like, okay And they went over there and I couldn't find it and and it was more than like she's like it's right over There was like got it and then like 10 seconds passed by so I knew she was like he's not finding it And I just started going help Help I can't fight it. I can't fight it. Wait. Wait. Here it is found it and I was like, oh no That's lemon juice. Wait. Hang on. Here it is is grab the lime juice and then knocked over another bottle by accident anyway. I went oh no Oh, and I turn the corner and I went hey just you know, there's some guy back there knocking

I don't you might want to do something about it, but it wasn't me But I don't know if you heard him he was going nuts And she's like, okay Just like I could not help just doing Hey, just so you know, I was like I could not help just doing Hey, just so you know I Was gonna stop him, but I didn't you know I didn't want to get into it Oh, man, and then I was I was leaving I was leaving Lindsay and I were walking out and I went it was me I was the guy

And then you guys left and she was like that was the weirdest person I've ever seen Yes, I was drunk already back there was like, that was the weirdest person I've ever seen. What the fuck? You think I was drunk already? She went back there and was like, where is this guy? There's no one here, huh? On March 19th, 2020, Kirby Lane fired 700 employees, which was everyone except management, via email, linking them to the Texas Workforce Commission website for unemployment. This was a COVID measure, so everyone could file for unemployment ASAP, but it's pretty cool that you can take stuff out of context

to really put it in a negative light, huh? That's what the monkey has been saying about Matt Gaetz anyway. We don't agree. Why not? See, I didn't even have to. Why don't we agree? Who knows, dude?

He's got a cool new face though. She's new face. No, does he have a new face again? He got another, he got a new face. He was like, oh no. He got re-upped? He got another you got a new face. You look. Oh, no He got reupped. He got reupt Gracie what were you whispering to me? It wasn't that much of a whisper I'm sorry. We're in a meeting. Yeah, well I offline

Let's say this. I'll see the back. Yeah For my 699 other employees. There were that many people over there. This is about curvy line. Oh, we're learning about curvy line. That's the restaurant. You may have missed it while you were. It says you had your sheet still. No may have missed it while you were whispering. What it says, you had your sheets still. So is that what you were whispering to me about? Were you like, that happened to me?

Jordan was it good? Was it worth it? He's laughing because it wasn't good. She pointed at the Texas Workforce Commission and said, I do that. T.W.C. I dropped my paper. Oh, here, you can have mine.

No, you're sharing it, Gracie. Hey, the final pseudo-fact shot up in May of 2016, an Austin couple sued. Wow, Kirby Lane, after a server gave them a to-go coffee with no lid and their son spilled it on himself causing second-degree burns Yeah, I bet that he was a short bitch The parents of the boy sued for 1 million dollars So if things went to plan we did the same thing with the sauce monkey today Which is why he's not on this episode

Please send your well wishes to him in the burn ward while we swim around in our monkey Scrooge McDuck in our money Scrooge McDuck style yes He can swim around in the money, but not with us his skin is gonna come off like tissue paper And we don't want to touch it you So they work I guess we didn't get the to-go coffee. Didn't even offer us to-go coffee. Oh, she's swimming in that. That's why Gracie was calling us poppets!

You got poppets! That's why she was calling us millionaires. Because she was in on the plans, but it didn't happen. Why did you throw it on her? No one gave us the to-go cup! That's what we needed to have the to-go cup. Also, their coffee was not hot enough to do that today. It was like, it was like,

they don't make it hot enough on purpose now. They gave us safe coffee. That's like hot, but drinkable. Yeah. I took a sip and I went, yeah. And then just keep going. I can still taste. Yeah. Outrageous. Yeah. Ooh, ooh, safe coffee.

Also Gracie laughed really hard after that first part. She really did. She really did. What do you think? Kids got burned like shit. Ah! Ah! No, I have this really bad.

I think a lot of people actually have this, but when kids fall or something like that happens. Falling is not second degree burns. I'm not falling. You know what I mean? Everyone laughs at someone falling over. Oh, that's funny. We were talking.

My hand was severed. I don't know how. It's gonna sound bad no matter how I say it, so I should just stop. Well, because's funny. We were talking. My hand was severed. It's going to sound bad no matter how I say it. Well, because it's a bad thing you're saying. There's like so many TikToks of like kids having like bad things happen, but it's like funny. I mean, I'm agreeing with you in general. Yeah, kids falling can be funny.

But it's the severity you're talking about. Yeah, kids getting second degree burns are not as funny. I mean, it's funny. Not as funny. I mean, it's funny, but it just takes a brave soul to admit it. And just laugh out loud at this child. And nobody's braver than Gracie. Absolutely. I'm sorry.

Well, we were talking earlier about Gracie. That's what she wanted to offline about. Watching people laugh at some poor kids. Watching people's pets and stuff. And then Gracie was like, I'll watch your kids. No, I did not. I offered it and she was like, absolutely not. Oh, you offered it and she was like,

I will not watch your kids. I will not. But then implied like everyone else that I would bring them to her house. I've never babysat in my life. Because you were just like, it was a round of like watch my pet, which generally you go to the person's house

to watch the pet. Not always. Generally, not always, generally. Some people bring you a cat. But you implied every time, you will bring it to me, and even then, you were like, I'm not gonna watch your kids. Well, I'll give you my address,

but not my apartment number. No, you said- And they'll just wander around. You said, I bet you'd give me your address. And you were like, uh, yeah. But I wouldn't give you my unit number. I said, I could text you five minutes from now, give me your address for XYZ, and you'd give it to me,

and then go, aw, shit. You'll probably have it anyway. And then immediately, two minutes later. You are telling us where your brother lived No, it's just you just you alert people to people's locations That's not helpful No, but it's also not necessary. Well, I was just telling a story. A Doxer story? Yes. Now I know where this guy is.

I know where Nick lives. Crazy super villain named Dr. Doxer. That's the doctors the fortune cookies we're talking about! Oh, that's the kind of doctor you're gonna be. I just wrote you a prescription For someone showing up Don't cross me anyway, I'll send two more you guys learn a lot from Kirby lane nope what the fuck I learned about grace. We were talking about Richard Her fucking people there

Not anymore. Certainly not anymore. I keep wanting to just post a picture on Twitter that's me in my office setup that says why I'm leaving Rooster Teeth but do it now. Do it.

Some people won't know. Oh yeah, absolutely. They'll be like, dude. That's how they'll find out you're stepping down from CEO. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I love watching you in something you're not in. Right. You reference some show that you're not a part of. Oh man, I used to love Minecraft. Okay. Sure. You're always my favorite on the spot. Ba-ba-ba-da! It's Eric Badour.

Man, Eric's stepping down from Breeze Your Teeth. I remember that debate with the Cheddar Bay Biscuits versus Olive Garden Brerics. Eric was so right. I wasn't, I didn't work there yet. Just before my time. Do you think the pose that I should do should be like contemplative or should it be like looking off to the side slightly? You should be like that picture of Kevin Smith where he was crying. Where he's crying, his fucking big red eyes. Your eyes are super red.

He's the next one in his team. Oh, that's pretty good, Nick. This is almost like giving Grazie her laptop back. Yeah, uh-huh. Oh yeah, definitely. What are you typing with two fingers? I'm taking notes. Alright, I'm gonna go giving Grazie her laptop back. Oh yeah definitely. What are you typing with two fingers? I'm taking notes. Can you mark that time? I'm taking minutes. That's awesome. I love that.

I don't like that noise. No it's super cool. Keep doing it. Don't listen to him. Can you hear it in that? No. He can't hear it. He's exaggerating. Let's read this stuff. Here, I don't know about the food and get onto the stuff Here's the curvy lane, Texas twist pretzel platter. Mm-hmm. The perfect bite is always within reach with our all-day grazing platter What am I a cow? What are my livestock? Yes?

Pretzel bacon emoji this new menu addition comes with a warm salted pretzel prosciutto This new menu addition comes with a warm salted pretzel, prosciutto, candied bacon, jalapeno sausage, our famous queso, and tangy green tomato chow chow for dipping. Where was that? It was right next to the queso. You did not recognize it in your fervor for pretzel and cheese. I think it was like Westworld style. She's like, what chow chow?

Doesn't look like anything to me. Yeah, Yeah. Yeah. I don't even remember. It was, it was right next to the cheese in the same size cup. And you were like, you looked at it for a moment and I think registered. It wasn't cheese. I don't know. I have no idea. It was something I didn't want. It was chopped up green tomato. Some vegetables. It was green tomato and something else. It was definitely, but also it wasn't even like like a pickled It's like it's not even a dip no no yeah

What pico what are you gonna? Do put it on top bigger calling that for put on top of the bacon for dipping makes no sense no It's definitely not for dipping you have a bunch of shit chopped up I would say you'd get it with a spoon, but it's too big. She's like I lost my fidget spinner No, I can't stop down The ramekin is like too small to get like a spoon in there So you have to like just kind of try for it It's I just it didn't make any sense

But the the star of the show besides the pretzel is the candy bacon yum yum man We couldn't get enough of going. What is it doing here? We couldn't get enough of eating it and going, what the fuck? What the fuck? Yeah. What is this idea? Could not stop. I know it was inhaling the weirdest flavor where it was like burned, but charred, but sweet. It wasn't bar. It wasn't burned. Yeah. It was charred bacon, but then they candied it. Yeah, but then it was- It was like beef jerky, dude.

And they jerkified it. It was like it was dried out. If you gave me that and said, what is this? I would say beef jerky. Yes, I would never say beef jerky. It definitely resembled beef jerky in like every way. And then you bit into it and go, oh, I guess it's sweet beef jerky?

Yeah, it was like charred and peppered, but then also bit into ego. Oh, I guess it's sweet. Yeah. Yeah, it was like Like charred and peppered but then also sweet. Yeah, it's very strange, but it was good It wasn't as chewy. It was somewhere between full-on jerky and bacon The insane thing wasn't it being good or not. It was pretty good It was like what this is such a crazy thing that no one else has served It's at curby Lane and it comes with a pretzel What is it that with a pretzel. What the fuck? Yeah, it's like, what is it doing here? With prosciutto? Yeah, I was gonna say, if you wanna take a platter,

it's very strange. You wanna take a very firm candy bacon, have some slices of prosciutto. It was odd. And a couple cut up pieces of sausage. Which were also good. They were really good. It's just like, what's going on here?

But they were the size that you would feed a child. Like if you were to cut up a sausage for a kid. Little hot dogs. It was really weird. Well, I mean, you were eating it with your fingers, so. Yeah, hot dog style. You were like, this is crazy. Well, I was saving the last piece for you,

but then you were so fucking slow. I know. And I just ate it. You got me. You think you could graze on that all day? Yeah. That platter? Gracie was ready to graze on another one.

I'd graze on it for about an hour. Hey, I could get another one. I would go back right now. The pretzel had salt or didn't have salt. It did a little bit. I think the dough was salty so it didn't need salt. There was salt, it didn't see salt, but it tasted like it had salt.

It did, it tasted really buttery. It was buttery, it was sheen. A little like, yeah. That was like one of my favorite restaurant pretzels. That was a, it was way better than what I was expecting from a place that isn't Easy Tiger. You know what I mean? Or, or Coco's. Yeah, right?

Like Easy Tiger, Easy Tiger is like here, like the home of a big pretzel. And to have it at Kirby, I thought it was really, I mean, interesting, just strange. And then also no, to not have it with like cheeses or little veggies or something else. There's chow chow and queso and they go, that's, eat your meats dipshit.

It's very weird. It's a very strange charcuterie board. It is. It was, yeah. It's like instead of crackers, you got the pretzel. Yeah. And it wasn't like cheese you had queso Cross the bacon and then put a pretzel on top of it and then grab the handful prosciutto and And the chao chao you didn't see it was on top of those block there were two things there Yeah, very weird there is press material. So maybe okay

I bet it's about them opening like a location ten years ago Go ahead. Why? quote It's been exciting. Sorry, Gracie. It's been exciting to see our hometown get a major league sports team Mason Ayre He's been excited to see our hometown get a major league sports team. Mason air, Kirby lanes, chief executive officer and owner said in a statement, we are inspired by the energy and passion of supporters and the club's commitment to our community. We knew we wanted to be part of the Austin FC family and bringing our fan favorite case at a Q2 stadium made

perfect sense. Where can you get Kirby lanes case up at Q2 state on the backside by? you know where we would get the pretzels the Yeah, like On that on that on that side over there on the field side what crunch does Zot? Yes, oh, I thought maybe you took a bite out of like the fidget spinner. I didn't know She had him confused she was fidgeting with the Zot What don't touch it. Fluffy bunny thing. So is it a Kirby lane? A little stand stand. Yeah. Is that all you can get? Or you can get pancakes and stuff. I would be able to get some pancakes at an Austin. I'd be kind of good.

I'd be crushing on Micolob Ultra and just eating pancakes. That sounds good Get a little mini pancakes get a dosage these lime and salt and just a piece of french toast a margarita and pancakes Good now you're talking his dry January But on certain days no you're not Drinking on the 10th and the 20th. Dry January except for these two days. Well, we only have one locked in yet.

Potentially two. It's self-imposed dry January, but also like if I really want it I'll just do it. You two were going back and forth like figuring it out and Michael was like these fucking self-imposed Where they're going like they're trying to get around the rules The rules that like is so like constructed by themselves. Yeah, right and therefore whenever we want Yeah, very easy to just change them go ahead

That's pretty cool. Let's go. Did you know it did that? Yep Did you know he had that? No First I got this next I'm getting my first tattoo. Well, all right, we're on a you review Did that? Yep. Did you know he had that? Nope. First I got this, next I'm getting my first tattoo. All right, we're on to You Review. Well, we have our review of the food we ate, but we need to hear from you in a segment we call You Review. Ba-doo-doo-doo.

Are you ready to role play? We have one for like two episodes. What do you think the theme song should sound like for You Review? A short jingle, what do you think that would be? sound like? For you review, a short jingle, what do you think that would be? Or you could just do lyrics in a tune and we'll put music under it.

We'll get our friend Andrew Douglas to play guitar under it. Like, you review. I kinda like it. It's pretty good, all right, cool. Yeah. All right, good. What kind of spin would you use?

Thank you everyone Someone said I'll be here all night Don't want to be This right we will someone's someone set that to a tune we'll use that that'll be our you review fine That'll be how I'm like raising to the first one because she always does like the short ones Yeah, I want to see your stretcher act all right. Oh my god. I can be a Lissa. Yeah, exactly my roommate The short ones. Yeah, I want to see your stretcher act. All right. Oh my god. I can be Alyssa. Yeah Maybe she wrote this she's not an M Alias a pseudo initial I

Waited for 11 minutes to order a water and was only able to because I flagged someone down feeling invisible I'm 20 minutes. I still don't know who my waiter is. Supposedly Chris. Then you do know. I'll hold my breath. Update! I tracked him down to ask for my check once I finished my meal. That was the first time we exchanged words. He talked a little smack to me after discovering I didn't leave him a tip. He said he didn't know I was at his table. Unlikely, my problem.

Overall, great experience. What?! Wait, what? Unlikely my problem overall great experience No sense at any turn the ending is crazy. How did you order food without a waiter? What are you talking about? He talks? How many people wrote this review right the fact fact that they started writing it and then was like update. Right, so they're writing it at the table. First of all, just come on dude.

Jesus Christ. I sit down and immediately take out my yelp and I'm like, I'm knocking stars off. So, the battle begins. Overall, great experience. Overall, fucking crazy But also again ignore all that Say it was a great experience, why didn't you tip?

I'll hold my breath Update Please keep holding your breath Hold your breath until there's no more kind of Hold that breath Is that for that location? Yes, these are all for the Kirby and Mueller That is wild What was was gonna start looking at our waiters I have no idea oh it was John Chris we

were talking about Ben yeah yeah we're also talking about Cole he lives in Japan oh yes for any are gonna go visit yeah maybe someday hmm Yeah. Maybe someday. Oh yeah, we gotta get him the Baja Blast. It's short, you do it. Alex, you, wow, just waited two hours for the worst takeout experience ever. Our quesadillas look like vomit. Zero quality in this order. Huge disappointment. Why are you to going Curvy Lane? That's exactly crazy. huge disappointment Why are you to going curvy? They look like vomit I mean look dude I had I had a fucking gray omelet at IHOP and I was angry about that

As we're talking about curvy lane is okay,'d kill for Kerby Lane over an IHOP. Oh my god, yeah. IHOP is shit. Compared to what we had there. Yeah. Eww, Denny's is gross too. Yes it is. Yes it is. Yeah.

But the way they like, the way you can tip it Denny's, I like more. No. I don't agree with you. Eric keeps saying, let's go to Denny's and give tips. No way.

Let's go to Denny's and give tips. And I'm like, you mean you want to work there and get a tip? Yeah, I keep feeling generous Tip the waitstaff you guys don't want to go and it's like there's bound to be some limited food It was bad, I can't say it on the mic. What was the word? I also can't hear you Y'all said that right and I I started saying it along because I didn't know what it meant and then y'all were like wait no no

We have a good time over there. I honestly don't know what's going on You don't know You are lifeline. I think I think Gracie is having a memory that I don't remember really I'm excited to find out what the memory is it was one time I think we were talking about the Denny's video and y'all used a word that I think means to give a, you know. A tip at Denny's. Yeah, to give a tip at Denny's and I didn't know what it meant at the time so I started

using it in another context and y'all were like, wait, no. That sounds right and awesome. It sounds right but I don't remember it. I do. It's on camera. I don't know how it can be a Word I think it sure Randy Isn't no yes, and that's what's confusing because I thought it meant rando like no we like a random definitely didn't say that

Yes, I Could literally find it online. Oh, then that's what y'all were saying. I didn't know that it meant that Online oh, then that's what y'all were saying. I didn't know that it meant that Find it Right now you do find it while she can she can she should and I'll read Look it up on your pop it. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. It's just coming up green. I'll find it, don't you worry. I'll have one Randy, please. No.

No, Michael, that's not how you use that. I had no idea what it meant. Carly T. I tried to go a little after opening time, 7 10 a.m. and all of the staff were stuck waiting outside because the manager was running late. It didn't really sound like a personal emergency type of thing. It put staff in an uncomfortable position. She's listening to an episode now.

And it made a bad impression. I was unable to stay because of my schedule I Had picked this cafe due to its opening time location and the fact that a family member had recommended it though I'm pretty sure he was referring to the other location I don't know if I'll try Kirby Lane again because I need something reliable It's very close to where I'm working this week, but I'll I'm afraid to take the risk. I was late Okay, I got it. What are you? What is this entire? It has shook her to her core one star I didn't eat here also. That's like that's that's an easy like oh, they're not open and you leave

Yeah, I mean that's not even like I was waiting forever to she got She was like what's going on? Got told and then left is it a family emergency because I might come some stuff for that Are you talking about one of the workers went no, and it's not a personal emergency either and She was like oh, oh, I'll get my phone out. I guess that's why a family member recommended the other location recommended the other location like very strange one star I went there and then they weren't open because something was going on uh-huh I need that's it I better I better run to Yelp and I will everyone I will never go back here this

is a this happens all the time that one time I went 710 and 10 seconds after they opened someone was running late and so they weren't open I need something reliable they're betting a thousand for fucking me over well oh man that's what you had to say but we have our own review the food what did you guys think of this food before I get it what's that I loved it This food before I get it. What's that? I loved it Well, let's let Gracie yeah, yeah, what did you think of the food Gracie? Why is my fit you kicked me? Yeah, I'm sorry one of my but you were also kicking me at the restaurant

I only kicked you once you kicked me three times. I didn't kick you And then, Gracie, you stopped kicking me for about 30 minutes and then said, I was kicking someone earlier. I go, yeah, that was me. It's called self-awareness. Yeah. It's called accountability. Try it, try it on, buddy.

Yeah, give it a try, dipshit. Yeah. You short bitch. Yeah, I was gonna say it. Short me. And I didn't, I'm really glad you did. Short me. Shorty. Go ahead.

Yeah, so what did you think of the food? Like, what, high light, low light, what did you think? You're talking to me. Yeah, you still get to go. Okay, I didn't care about anything else on the plate other than the pretzel and the cheese. The rest of it was dumb and irrelevant. But the pretzel itself

delicious, soft, buttery, and like perfectly browned on the outside, soft on the inside. I will say, it's pretty low IQ food. And the cheese, phenomenal. It's their queso. Yes, which I ordered extra of. Yeah, she ordered other queso.

Yeah, she got chips and queso. It was so- Curby queso with guacamole. Also, it turned into peer permission for Gracie because she wanted to, and then you went, yeah, do it. And then she, she started looking back and forth like a cartoon. But she was waiting for someone to tell her to go.

I was waiting for someone else to order it. And it didn't happen. No one else cared about it. Michael cared. Michael cared. No, I didn't. Yes, I did. No, I didn't.

No, I did, because verbatim, you said we should get queso, and I said it comes with- I said chips and queso. You said chips and queso, and I said it comes with the pretzels. And then you looked, and did. No, I didn't know I did cuz verbatim you said we should get queso and I said it comes I said chips and I said it comes with the pretzels and then you looked you're like but no chips and I went hey No chips. No, you said get chips. Well, yeah, cuz you wanted it. I said get chips You're going I think I ate a chip you love it This is my review she's doing my review for me and you clanked This is my review doing my review for me. Yeah, and you clanked I didn't like it much. I think I can she didn't well

By clanking as you someone wouldn't save me any pretzel much of the pretzel. Yeah, why didn't you? She was trying to be nice to you he wanted to order one Fucking I thought everyone was gonna like get food No, we were there for reasons Sick and twisted like you dumb asshole What a pretzel half is I just tried to not say that I mean he's waiting for it You've been demoted from short king to short bitch

Damn dude Downsized We love a short bitch Careful while jaywalking they won't know Yeah, oh not when she has a typhus in Downside we love a short bitch I'll kill you you're my son anyway, please do your review Jordan, okay? So I mean the eggs Benedict was pretty good not as good as snoozes But if we're just talking about this platter, what a unique it was very unique and very strange Yeah, but I mean for as weird as it was and almost like seemingly not cohesive All of the individual things were tasty

It was not only weird, but everything was weird to go together And it was weird that Kirby Lane is the place yes. Yes the bacon is the only one that made sense But not even in the can't like you go to like soured but like for something like that It was like why is Kirby Lane so yeah, but why is strange? Yeah? I so I was there the reason we found it is I was there I took my mother in town there. I had a family in town and Went to Kirby and then saw that was gonna order it and I went we have to do it for the show like yeah I think you sent us a picture immediately. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Look Gracie. Yeah, it doesn't make any sense Then she was uh, she's locked in right now

She's not my name, but what are you talking about? nothing It's nothing Just shut that down Treat What I Almost I'm almost there. I almost found it. Okay, cool. Oh, she's close. Yeah, definitely I found it. Okay, turn it up

We're gonna construction site just sitting around He was very Randy, okay Like how where were you running in the rain? It's a door like how where were you running in the rain? She didn't get what I said now Randy is he was horny and wanted to suck a dick Now we told you what it meant, right? How did you miss construe that I think I heard he was horny. I thought you were saying as in rando She thought that did you use that in?

Contact somewhere no Which doesn't even make sense. It sounds like you were talking to a guy named Randy. Oh, no, I've never used it. Good, continue not. I won't use it, I don't know. Well, Gracie, we gotta hand it to you. You were right.

I have no memory. Well, she was sort of right. I don't, I didn't remember saying it, I didn't say it, but it's not what she said it was. It is! I don't I didn't remember saying I didn't say it but it's not what she said it was Literally said he said I can say horny comma Want to suck a dick? Yeah, I do a horny Randy's horny. Yes. He did a run-on sentence Yes, and now I understand what Gracie was saying. Yeah, it's the first time it's explained. It makes sense. Yeah. Mm-hmm Well She's typing they said I was right

What what a day like a half right? Yeah today. I was right They apologize. Oh Yeah, you were running around and they're going to get me another pretzel Jesus Christ Jesus Christ. Next stage. Wait, hold on. Bing. I thought Randy meant rando,

but Randy means suck a dick. No, neither. Doesn't mean either of those things. Guys. He literally said it. What are we doing? Where are we? Was I reviewing the food?

You have to review the food. You're waiting on you. The pretzel was very good. I only got one. Did it make you Randy? I got one. Did it make you Randy What if it was only half of that

I won't tell what yeah happening Man um but yeah Angry email I type with purpose Gracie only allowed me one bite Fake offer like I did it's true. I got in there And then she Eating off of Nick and Eric we got the pretzels pretty big, but it's like you know We're sharing it the first pea she took was like this long. It was like a fifth of the president She's like well take one straight Geez didn't dip it port My own little empire.

So I saved you. Well it doesn't matter if you're double dipping if none of us get the pretzel anyway. It's so true. I should have just done it. Dip away dude. You should have just took the whole pretzel. You took the long straight part of the pretzel,

you put it on your plate, and then you looked up and you had such a big smile on your face. You like, you set it down and went... She also did not stop. The second eight is more and then eight and then more. Yeah, I wasn't taking a break. She was like bounce dancing in her chair and then eating pretzel and like going, oh, she's like in heaven. Best day ever and I had a diet coke, it was so good.

Please God rate it. While every, every individual item was good. It does lack some sort of cohesive vision Uh-huh, so I think I'll dock it for that okay, but it's still good. I it's a 70. I'd go back Yeah, it was good Everything on there was good The pretzel was a very good pretzel. I heard that can yeah, yeah, I think I had two bites I think the third was offered and then rescinded I managed to get Michael lied

And she's like man this pretzels going that's so weird the last bites for you. I went. Oh, thank you Was gone I'm sorry not really though I had a really good time. That candied bacon was actually really good. I would eat that again. Yeah, it was an interesting platter. The sausage was good. Austin's got a good sausage. Yeah. That's true, yeah. Every barbecue place is good. I'm less concerned with the plating. It didn't make any sense to have it. But I'm happy to have it. The pros happy to have it been swapped out with anything sure yeah sure did anyone like the prosciutto um

It's a lot left. Yeah, it's not like it was bad. No it wasn't the thing I want it was also just like we're there for the pretzel. What's up with this candied bacon? Yeah? The prosciutto is just like you know get to that But it was good. I would like actually a really good platter, a very strange platter, but I'd give it an 80. Mmm. Nice. It's worth it for the pretzel, easily. And then there's some shit. Average score of 75. It was pretty good. Don't need the tangy green tomato chow chow. No, it's also not for dipping. It's just a bunch of chunks. I don't know how you

Spoon it on and also what are you using it for the pretzel? Yeah, cuz you can't dip can't dip But then we're gonna put it on it's gonna fall off the goddamn pretzel That makes sense at all put the prosciutto in your hand Sausage I really don't know I mean it would have been better if it was like a like a stonger and mustard like a heavy mustard Yeah, you know for like and that goes with a pretzel. Yeah. Yeah, but that's why it wasn't there I mean it would have been better if it was like a like a stonger and mustard like a heavy mustard You know for like and that goes with the pretzel. Yeah. Yeah, but that's why it wasn't there Yeah, it would have made sense. Yeah. I mean the whole thing was very She fidgeted to range But boy that pretzel was good. Yeah, that was a like I mean like took a bite and stuffed it went whoa

Yeah, like it was really good because they even like Did unique things to the pretzel they didn't like drench it in like crystal salt and all that stuff Yeah, just like it felt like it was baked in in an artisan. It was a pretty gourmet pretzel Sometimes big pretzels big and shitty Yeah, it big like ready in Make me feel like a thousand pounds when I was no it was Expanded my stomach no it was it wasn't super it wasn't super dense right it was a pretty like to you should have to Should have had to go back. What would you rate the whole plate not just the pretzel just she doesn't care I don't know she doesn't have the capability to rate the thing Like a 92 wow, I mean it was really what's an Alamo pretzel that's a 92 I

Haven't had that in a long time, so I don't remember That's my favorite fucking pretzel yeah, 99 is just keeps whispering just keeps whispering, let's go see a movie by the way. I think it's- They have that at Moody's, anyway. We can see Coco's. I know, yeah. Yeah, that's the one. You can get it pretty good.

We go see Den of Thieves 2. I'm not gonna play that game. Stop talking about- There's not a game, it's a movie! It sounds like Gerard Butler in Ice Cube's Child. It sounds like a video game. They're stealing money. Yeah.

I read the synopsis. It makes, the sequel makes no sense. I read it and I was like, whoa, I didn't know there was a video game. They're stealing money. Yeah. I read the synopsis. It is, it makes, the sequel makes no sense. I didn't know there was a first one. I don't know what this is. Never heard of it. The first one, fun, like dad action movie where you go like, oh yeah, this is like, this guy's double crossing that guy.

So do I need to play Den of Thieves one? Yeah. To get the story? Black Cooper, Den of Thieves. It really, like this second one just looks so fucking great. Gerard Butler is like a Los Angeles County Sheriff in the first one. I'm a County sheriff or whatever and he's going to England to like steal diamonds. It's just a diamond. It's a victimless crime. Yeah, very weird. It's like, you know, he teams up with the pink panther. Do you think the constables got the pretzel? I say What do you think the constables got? Donuts. Donuts.

Yeah. Check out 100% Eat Tots store starts. Check out the Michael Jordan podcast this week. We'll be playing a verbal game at patreon.com slash 100% eat. You can follow us at 100% eat, Twitter, Instagram, and Blue Sky. Stay up to date with everything. And you can send us stuff to the PO box like Gracie's gifts.

Four dollars. Gracie's gifts. My new keyboard. That's the song. My candies. Pretty good. Gracie's gifts.! $4. My new keyboard. That's the song for Gracie's Gifts. My candies. Pretty good. Gracie's Gifts!

You can send that stuff to P.O. Box 14-32-41 Austin, Texas 78714. It's P.O. Box 14-3-2-4-1. Austin, Texas 78714. He hit my leg. Oh no. My leg! Yeah, just a little bit up. My leg! It's a good one. He hit my leg. Oh, no It's a good one and the chocolate episode is pretty good

SpongeBob you mean Ariana Grande's boyfriend We love Bach the Destroyer or whatever fuck his name is she calls him the hog yeah He's got a great personality I bet subscribe to the show we're eat food and rate the food thank you for being here Gracie thank you for pretzels yep thank you for pretzels. Oh, absolutely. Yeah. Bye bye. Oh man. I hit the TV. I hit Nick on the TV. Fix it. Fix the TV. Fix it. Bye.