100% Eat - Jamsgiving 2024
Episode Date: March 2, 2024The season returns, Jamsgiving is here for all once again. Join Our Heroes as they get a full curated menu from Graysie and Nick. Good tidings to all and especially to us because we get and you give. ...Special Guests? Special Meals? Special Monkey? Anything can happen on Jamsgiving. Special thanks to Katos Koffee for sponsoring Jamsgiving. Visit http://katoskoffee.com and use code FACEJAM10 at checkout. They are the reason this was free for you to watch. Also their coffee & teas are very good. Thanks Katos. Support us directly at facejampod.com/first and sign up to see everyone put their hands in a Dune popcorn bucket. Ew. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Transcript
Discussion (0)
Welcome to Jamsgiving!
Jamsgiving is here again.
Our heroes in the middle of the table.
Everyone clap for our heroes.
We decided it was time again for Jamsgiving.
It's February 23rd.
What, two and a half years?
Was it a year and a half ago?
Two and a half years ago?
Two and a half years ago.
We said it wouldn't be every year at the same time.
We were very clear that it was only when we felt like it was Jamsgiving.
And it feels like Jamsgiving.
I felt like, I told Eric, I felt like it four months ago.
Yeah, it's true.
So I don't know what took so long.
Maybe we tried a couple times.
Here's what happened.
Kato's Coffee heard about Jamsgiving,
heard there was a Jamsgiving brewing,
and they said, let us sponsor the Jamsgiving.
They wanted to give.
They wanted to give so that way we get.
And you can go to katoscoffee.com.
That's spelled with K's.
K-A-T-O-S-K-O-F-F-E-E.com.
And at checkout, it's right down there.
Use code JAMSGIVING.
You act now.
You can get a bandana for you or your furry friend.
You can order coffee, too.
You can, which you should do.
Just get the bandana and freeze, I think, is what you're saying.
And they've supplied us with coffee and their new tees also.
Tees?
So we have, I'm wearing the
hoodie. I think this hoodie rules. The
shirts are hung up next to some shorts
and we have some Kato's
coffee. Camera on me. Here we go.
Kato's coffee mugs.
It's got the dog on it. That's
cool. The dog is on the
mug. That's Kato.
Yeah. But we're going to make some
coffee. We're going to make some tea.
But most importantly, you're going to get.
Yay!
I feel like already we have gotten got.
Because we let these two knuckleheads
play in the menu.
I'm okay with the knucklehead menu.
It looks pretty good.
It's going to be all nice and cold.
Gracie pulled up and we started
taking stuff out
and I saw
I saw the Cece's pizza
and said you guys
went to the wrong pizza place.
Nope.
No we did not.
That's what we did not.
So he helped
decide what we're eating here?
Yeah.
We had a meeting about it.
I'm just saying
as the food arrived
he screamed
and opened every box.
Not every.
Like he didn't know
already what was in it.
Oh no he knew.
We had a meeting.
He acted very surprised.
Yeah. He just needed to confirm and then in it. He acted very surprised.
He just needed to confirm and then be excited.
I love the enthusiasm. Nani all gave it.
Exactly. Thank you, Grayson.
Eric, what if someone doesn't know what Jamsgiving is?
Jamsgiving is the
holiday where you give
and we get.
That's really what's important.
It also happens
whenever you guys decide. This is the second one, I think. get. And that's really what's important. It also happens whenever
you guys decide. This is the second one, I think.
Yeah, this is the second one.
Not even second annual because that will be
established in a while.
Who knows when the next one will be?
And the thing that happens on Jamsgiving
is we have
the Jamsgiving feast.
And Gracie was in charge of the Jamsgiving feast.
Enlisted Nick. Look at the shot of the Jamsgiving feastast. Right. And Gracie was in charge of the Jamsgiving Feast. Enlisted Nick. You're welcome.
Look at the shot of the Jamsgiving Feast.
Look at that. Oh, Jambulance.
Oh, Jambulance.
And Nick's sauce bag is right
there. That's his real bag.
He doesn't even like
swap out the bag every now and then.
Get a new bag.
It's so worn out. It's not expensive.
It's not, dude.
And you don't even have the zipper.
Get the zipper.
It's gross.
And he just loaded up on a bunch of Taco Bell sauces, too.
Just in time.
Right on time, guys.
Guys, welcome Devin.
Social media, right on time.
Not a minute or four minutes too late.
He did it and
you can watch James giving right now because we're live we're not going like
we are like what you're seeing right now is happening on the internet right on
time okay is this yeah can you believe it?
He said it's real cheese.
Cameron already made fun of him.
So what are we digging into first?
Was he listening?
I know, I saw that.
Do we have to pick one or can we just do it all?
Yeah, we have to put something in our mouth first.
We can't eat it all simultaneously.
The pretzel is already on the plate.
Then should we start there?
So let's start here.
Our pretzels are plated.
Pretzels are plated.
And I gotta say,
the plating is immaculate.
It's nice.
Okay.
It's a plate
and it's got a pretzel on it.
We have to start somewhere.
Oh, I guess we'll do pretzels?
All right, cool.
Your enthusiasm
for buying the food
was unmatched.
Your enthusiasm
for the food
not being here
is low.
Pretzel is dated.
Oh. It's is dated. Oh.
It's salty like seawater.
It's very salty.
Like seawater.
Also, we're talking like we're reviewing the food.
We're not reviewing the food.
Uh-uh.
But it is hard and salty.
Yeah.
It is.
I like it.
It's like we showed up late to the James Giving Feast.
This is one of their not better pretzels.
We had another one to go to. The cheese carries it. It does. It's like we showed up late to the James Giving Feast. This is one of their not better pretzels.
The cheese carries it. It does.
It's so... Sonic pretzels are
usually better than this. Yeah. It's just subpar.
This is when someone made this in the morning.
Ugh. Ooh. Shane, is that Waterboy?
Shane's not even here.
Where'd he go? He left. Probably at the barbecue.
Oh.
I'm not joking. Nope. Me either.
It's there. I don't know. We have a kettle. We're going to be making joking. It's there.
We have a kettle. We're going to be making coffee. What's up with this cheese, though?
It's weird. It's very weird.
It's weird-ass cheese.
Yeah!
What is it? Shane just said
it's ready. It's a kettle.
How's it looking?
It sounded like two separate conversations.
It totally did.
I'm going to burn my hand.
Thank you. Is this a proper? Can I use this? just... How's it looking? I thought it was good. It sounded like two separate conversations, but it was not. It totally did. I'm going to burn my hand. Just set it down.
Thank you. Yo, this cheese is not good. Is this a prop, or can I use this? Can you explain
what's going on in the cheese? I bet it's not a prop.
Those look real to me, Gracie. Are they metal?
I think they're not. No.
Go on. Keep talking. They're not
metal?
I'm talking to you.
Well, I think they're still real.
I know you can't see that I'm looking at you.
I am talking to you, Nick.
Oh, okay.
Yeah.
This is a mess already.
What's going on over here?
But it's got like vinegar in it.
Yeah.
Not you, dude.
Not you.
Him.
I'm making coffee.
Oh.
Yeah.
For all of us?
Oh, you brought it.
Yeah, you want some?
Yeah.
He does not need coffee.
I bring coffee at home.
Oh.
Yeah, this is whole bean.
Usually when you pull out bags like that, they're white.
Typically.
But this one's...
I see.
You're making coffee.
This is a different product of Mexico.
This is the coffee.
I see.
Every time we go back from Mexico, you have your two bags.
I'm a baker.
I'm a baker.
You have your whites and your colors.
You never mix them together.
Uh-oh.
So...
Talking about laundry.
Nip that in the bud.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, skated right through on that one.
One wheeled right through.
Jordan, can I interest you in a cup of coffee?
I'd love a cup of coffee.
Why don't you hand me your mug and then I'll make one for you first.
Thank you.
My straw broke.
What are we working with here?
Your straw broke?
Also, what a contraption.
I'm going to find a way.
Use the spoon.
Look at it.
This is my V60.
You cracked it.
Can you explain what that means?
Gracie cracked her straw.
Gracie.
She can't big gulp now.
Luckily, you don't need straws when you're making coffee.
Oh, wait.
Yeah, I'll use my spoon.
Yeah.
I just said that.
Jesus Christ.
You guys speak at a different frequency.
Yeah.
A V60 is just a method of pour over.
So I'm just wetting the grounds. I don't know what you're saying. So I'm just wetting the grounds.
I don't know what you're saying right now.
He's wetting the grounds.
I'm making you a cup of the Mexico, but we also have Cinnabon and hazelnut if you're not like a big coffee guy.
Yeah, I want one of those ones.
That's what I figured.
And Gracie also grabbed some
really different
creamers.
And I think
it's important to note, you start
somewhere with coffee. I put a lot of creamer
in coffee when I first got started.
And if you want to start with high quality coffee, go with
Kato's. And then put a bunch
of zero sugar Cinnabon.
Like, it's fine.
Zero sugar is good for you.
Did you get any just creamer?
No.
Okay.
It's good for you.
No, like milk?
Nope.
Okay.
We just have this stuff.
Yep.
All right, great.
Eric, which one do you want?
Do you want the cookie dough?
I'm going to be making.
Are you going to put the cookie dough creamer in your coffee?
I'm going to make a cup of the Ethiopia probably, which is what I had for breakfast.
What else am I eating? Give me something to eat. What do you want? Eric. These are fries. I'm going to eat these cup of the Ethiopia probably, which is what I had for breakfast. What else am I eating?
Give me something to eat.
What do you want?
Eric.
These are fries.
I'm going to eat these.
They go in this.
They go in my mouth.
You dip it, though.
Okay.
It better not be like that rank cheese you just had me eat.
I don't know, dude.
They're green chili queso fries from Hopdoddy.
So what they are, they're fries, though.
And then you dip them in that.
None of the things that she said.
They're just French fries.
Oh. I guess there's some shit in it. You got to it yourself. There's like a little bit of shit in it.
Thank you. A little bit of green shit. You want some green shit? Yeah, I'll take some of the green shit.
That looks good. Is that? Why did you say huh? Don't slap my hand.
We got it. Jesus Christ.
Nick looked at food on the table and went, is that for us too?
What do you mean?
I meant like, is that for that?
He means, you know, nothing.
Thank you.
That's a Gracie size.
Yeah.
Helping.
Accidentally poured.
I fucked up at Madam Web.
Do you fuck up every time ever?
You fuck up every time you open your mouth.
Speaking of Madam Web.
Yeah.
Oh, we should talk about it now.
We should talk about Madam Web, which we saw. As you Madame Web. Yeah, we should talk about it now. We should talk about Madame Web,
which we saw. As you do over
a Jamsgiving piece.
Is this Web's giving now?
Oh my God.
We Web's got.
I would say we got
got during that movie. It's hot.
I'm letting you know.
I see what you're saying. Overall
review of Madame Web. You've heard
everything online already. You already know what people think. It's right. Everything see what you're saying. Overall review of Madam Web. You've heard everything online already.
You already know what people think. It's right. Everything you've
heard is true. It is
a movie
that in the first quarter
of it, I think I leaned over to Jordan
and said, it must be
hard to make a movie.
Because this movie felt like it
was insurmountable.
It is so difficult to make a feature film,
and they proved that every step of the way.
It really makes you appreciate good movies more.
It makes me appreciate bad movies.
The middle of the road movies.
Even if a movie is just like, okay, that's an achievement.
Dude, Morbius was a better film.
That's a fact.
I think you're right.
It's a fact.
I'm telling you.
I think you're right.
It's a fact, man.
What do you mean?
He's doing his impression of the villain.
It was so all over the place.
It was immediately, I think every line.
What is going on?
I'm just, I'm moving coffees around.
Every line of that action dialogue
was 80-yard.
Why was the bad guy
80-yard the whole time?
They must have...
The script must have been so bad
that they had to change
every line.
But it's not like
they made his lines better.
No, no, no.
But like...
80-yard, by the way,
means when you gotta
record him later.
Gotta add lines later
because it sucked or something.
But they showed his mouth move.
I know.
And the lines were being set.
That's step number one.
That's a big no-no.
They didn't rewrite anything.
You don't change the lines when you can see their mouth.
But they couldn't just be like, well, we can't ever show his face.
Every line is 80 yards.
They have to show him eventually.
And then just hope that he lip syncs a little bit.
Oh, this is mine.
Nick's has pushed me up.
But they did not do a good job of it.
Why did Dakota Johnson make the movie?
What happened?
Was she tricked?
Dude, I don't think she was the one that was tricked.
She got paid.
That's true.
You know what I mean?
I think Sydney Sweeney got tricked.
I will say, Sydney Sweeney cannot keep getting away with this.
This was it for you, Sydney.
No more.
No more.
I don't even know who that is. Like, I know who it is in the movie. Yeah. Never heard of more. I don't even know who that is.
I know who it is in the movie.
Never heard of her before.
I don't know who that is.
She was on Euphoria, and everyone's like, what a breakout star.
I haven't watched that.
Oh, my God.
She's horrible in this film.
Terrible.
Just horrible.
There's maybe two good actors in this, and I'm not sure if Adam Scott's one of them.
He is sometimes.
He is sometimes.
Sometimes he's also not.
It's like something was on the set.
There was like a poison they were inhaling or something.
He's also great in everything.
And even some of his scenes, I was like,
God, I've never watched a single thing with him in it
and thought, oof,
it's the first time it's ever happened.
And some of it was him.
I think it must have been something in the coffee.
They weren't drinking Kato's coffee.
Now we're talking.
Where's mine?
I'll make you one.
Where is it?
Where is it?
He didn't have good chemistry with Dakota.
Why?
I couldn't remember her name.
We talked about it later.
Emma Roberts is in the movie.
Oh, yeah.
We don't know why Emma Roberts is in the movie.
We think that's Spider-Man's mom.
Here's what's weird.
This is a period piece film.
It takes place in 2003.
Featuring all the musical hits
of 1996.
Toxic by Britney Spears? Watch out.
It's going to be a hit.
What the fuck was that?
That was awful.
Also, a lot of Pepsi.
A lot of Pepsi. A lot of Pepsi.
Pepsi saves the day. Pepsi is a murderer.
The pee kills the bad guys.
Dude, you don't put the Pepsi
on top of the firework factory.
Oh, Chekhov's firework factory?
They go to the firework factory
earlier in the movie and then come back to it.
And then also, remember when she starts
throwing flares in the firework factory
and it doesn't blow up in one second?
Yeah.
Like 12 minutes go by and it's like pew.
And they're still going pew.
Remember the one that blew a hole in the brick wall?
It blew up a man of one size hole in a brick wall.
Yeah.
And then they killed that helicopter pilot.
She's like, I'll get us out of here.
Watch me kill this poor man.
Yep.
Didn't see that one coming.
Did Mike?
She didn't. Did Mike Epps
need to be in that movie?
Did Mike Epps need to die?
He definitely didn't need to die.
I thought that was going to be the first thing that she changed.
And instead they saved it for
a pigeon.
Mike Epps died.
He died horrifically.
And here's the other thing too.
He was like EMS firefighter. Didn't even kill him in a fire. He died inifically. And here's the other thing, too. He was like EMS firefighter.
Didn't even kill him in a fire.
He died in a car accident.
He drove an ambulance and immediately got in a fire.
Immediately.
Insane.
And she already had her powers at that point.
It was like, oh, weird.
Anyway, later, let me save this pigeon.
Oh, my God.
I can change that.
And she never thought about it once.
She didn't go, oh, my God, I could have saved Mike Epps.
It didn't even enter her mind that she could have saved that man.
She didn't feel any ounce of guilt?
No.
Like, oh, she's just not heartless.
That's something she remembered.
She forgot.
It's not like they ever were like, oh, I got to do this for dead Mike Epps.
They literally mentioned macaroni and cheese pizza.
It doesn't look great on camera, but in person you can see the macaroni.
It looks like a black olive. Yeah, it still looks like cheese pizza. Tracy,'t look great on camera, but in person you can see the macaroni.
Yeah, it still looks like Caesar.
Tracy, take a picture.
What are you talking about?
It's mac and cheese.
Right, but mac and cheese has a great...
I'm covering me up.
It has a quality of it.
Well, we put him in the middle.
Of course.
Well, we wanted to have Madame Web seating.
You take one?
Yeah, that's true.
The most confusing seating we could do.
I'll wait on that for...
He whispered, I told you I would get you to eat this.
Did you hear what she said about you, though?
I just, I said I'll wait to eat this, and Gracie went, hmm, odd.
And then she fought with, I won't.
Here.
Jesus Christ.
I sat in the CC for so long waiting on this.
It wasn't already on the buffet line.
I had it pre-ordered.
Michael, you want a cup of coffee?
Yeah.
Give me that white mug in front of you there.
Thank you.
You want the Cinnabon?
What's the other one?
Cinnabon hazelnut.
No, let me do, yeah.
Oh, wait, is that one thing?
No, no, Cinnabon or hazelnut.
Oh, give me hazelnut. You want hazelnut? Yeah. Hazelnut sounds No, let me do, yeah. Oh, wait, is that one thing? No, no, Cinnabon or hazelnut. Oh, give me hazelnut.
You want hazelnut?
Yeah.
Hazelnut sounds good.
This Mexico I'm enjoying.
Yeah, it's not bad.
And also, if you're not really a coffee guy, they have a lot of flavored stuff.
That's why I grabbed the flavored stuff.
And they got teas.
Also, if you're not a coffee guy, buy some anyway.
We also have cheese bread.
It's face jam.
That actually looks pretty good.
I'll eat a cheese bread.
It is really good.
There's cinnamon buns, too.
I know you think that already.
Rolls.
Jesus Christ.
My people.
My people.
Okay, stop saying it.
I like it better than when Nick says we're his children.
No, you're not.
It's okay.
It's coming back to you.
It's coming home.
If Nick ever lets go of it.
I'm really excited about what's in this one.
Here you go.
I'm really impressed by the number of people that showed up to work this thing today.
And then I realized we're going to have so much leftover food.
They're just, they're scrambling for it.
You're welcome.
Justin's fucking punk.
We usually use like two cameras.
There's like 47.
I was like, I don't think we need all the, yes, we do.
We don't need the street cam off.
No, no, no.
You got it.
Between this and barbecue today.
Dude, going in, people are taking leftovers home for the weekend. It's going to be a day. came off. No, no, no. You got it. Between this and barbecue today? Mm-hmm.
Dude, going in.
People are taking leftovers home for the weekend. It's going to be a day.
It's a coaching day, baby.
Mm-hmm.
Nick's digging through his bag of tricks.
At least do it on camera.
What is that?
He's digging through.
I don't even know what he's looking for.
I'm looking for marinara.
All right, Michael, I'm making you the hazelnut.
Okay, what are we eating next?
These burgers are wasting away.
Let's do it.
Let's get the burgers.
Are those in and outs?
They look like it.
Damn. Oh, my God. Let's give them the burpees. Are those in and outs? They look like it. Damn.
Oh my god, they're heavy.
Hey, I think the thing about Madam Web
is that they don't become
the spider people. Pass them down.
No, they don't. Hint at it.
Well, they told you they will become the spider people
in the movies that are never going to get made.
They will kill me.
Do you want this or not? No, but he has a syrup.
Yeah, give me one. Pass it.
What are you saying? He has syrup?
That he does?
Dude, what? Doubles?
Yeah, we had to get the big one, I guess.
What do you mean you guessed? Didn't you specifically ask for it?
Yeah, I heard what you said.
Me?
You think I asked for this?
I passed it off to Gracie
because I knew it was going to be
exactly what we got.
So you approved the double?
No, no.
Oh, my God.
Mine has a hair in it.
What?
Mine has a hair in it.
Is it your hair?
No, it's in the onion.
Oh, no.
No.
Yum.
No marinara.
Now you're not going to eat it, right?
Well, I'm going to inspect it first.
Now you're not going to eat it, right?
Make sure there's none.
Right, Gracie? Hang on, hang on. She's going to check it, right? Make sure there's none. Right, Gracie?
Hang on, hang on.
She's going to check for more hair first.
Okay, and if there is, she'll pull that one out too before she eats it.
I think we're okay with up to three hairs.
There's so much food here.
You're not going to eat it, right?
You're just going to eat something else.
You don't even want it.
Mine looks hairless.
Like those cats.
I mean, I'm making the joke.
I know you're going to eat it.
Gracie, just do it. I'm going to. Yeah, we cats. I'm making the joke. I know you're going to eat it. Just do it.
I'm going to.
We know.
I don't want this.
I would.
Trust me.
I would not throw that away.
Oh, you would eat it too?
Absolutely, I would.
Then what's with all the hassle?
It's not normal, Gracie.
And you've got to point these things out.
You're going to do it.
I'm not normal.
He's Michael.
Yeah.
He's the one who...
I don't know how this just started.
I looked at him and went,
what's up with this guy?
And then we started a show.
And now that you're years of knowing me,
you're like, what the hell is up with this guy?
Yeah.
I was like, I thought I knew Michael,
but holy cow.
That hair was straight, though,
so it's like, I think it's fine.
What?
There's nothing curly about that hair. Oh, Jesus Christ
Now you're making me not want to eat it
Now you're doing that it might have been curly
Making her feel weird for eating hair burgers. You're right. I'm sorry. I would do that's on me. Don't attack us
weird for eating hair burgers. You're right.
I'm sorry. I would do it too. That's on me.
Don't attack us.
I'll take a bite out of it in solidarity.
Don't attack us. I know you would.
Oh my God. You might have not even pulled it out.
How dare you, sir? Pass this hot cup down to
Michael. Michael, your coffee's ready. It's warm.
And then... Is it ice cold
for me to drink? No, no, it's hot.
Oh my God. If you want to pull it down, there's two
different creamers. No, I don't.
I went over that already.
Nick, you want Cinnabons?
No, standard.
Whatever you have.
Chocolate?
Cookie dough?
I don't want cookie dough creamer.
I think you do.
Why would I want that?
Why not?
Because it looks good.
Well, because I want to taste the coffee
and see what it tastes like.
There you go.
Honestly.
Take a sip first and then add it.
Okay, Jesus Christ.
She's pissed.
She's pissed.
She's mad at you. I went all the way and then add it. Okay. Jesus Christ. She's pissed. She's pissed. She's mad at you.
I went all the way there and got it.
Okay.
And they sponsored the whole goddamn stream.
Be a team player for Kato's coffee.
Don't ruin their coffee with shitty creamer.
Fuck them.
Put it in there.
No, look.
Put it in there.
Here's the thing.
And I was talking to Gracie about this, but she's like, I'm going to do creamer.
And I said, that's fine. because when I first started drinking coffee,
I used a lot of creamer and then weaned myself off of it
and then eventually got to like, oh, good, this is nice tasting coffee.
Not everyone's going to get right into black coffee.
You've got to start somewhere.
So start with Kato's and then put weird-ass creamer in it.
Everything you just said makes sense with regular creamer, though.
You could just get stuff that's called creamer.
Or milk.
I thought it would be an option. I thought you could have all
your weird, crazy shit and then one normal one.
Nick's about to go crazy.
Okay, here's our first
chicken nuggets. Here's our first concoction
of GM's giving.
Oh my god, I want to do it too.
Okay. Oh, I was hurt.
I thought it was monkey see-mong.
Here, I haven't just made more. Okay. Oh, I was heard. I thought it was monkey see, monkey do. Just pour it.
Here, I haven't just poured it.
Not monkey do, Gracie do.
It's, yep.
We've described what it is on this show now,
which is Nick is a gremlin man,
and then Gracie is also a gremlin,
but has become a weird little sister
that is going, oh, yeah, I also want that.
And it's really, but is also more articulate than him.
Oh my god.
We did a photo shoot where
they pinned that hat to the monkey head and he
went, and that's my look now.
It's good. It is. It looks good.
I have nothing against it. My other one has earmuffs.
Wait, is this the prime? Is this
mask prime? This is monkey prime.
Isn't your secondary one in better condition?
No.
No?
Are they the same?
That's why we attach stuff to it.
Ear?
Yes.
Ear?
No.
Oh, yeah.
You're like fraying a little bit in the face.
Got that face fray.
Michael, you want some room temperature McNuggets?
I have some.
Oh, okay.
Cool.
That's good.
I actually want one.
Oh, okay.
Here.
Here.
Yeah.
Are they nice and soft?
Probably.
Yeah.
A little bit.
A little bit.
These were the second last thing I picked up.
Never mind.
Yeah, I do.
Good news.
They felt crispier.
You got sweet and sour on there?
Over there.
I want to see if Nick's had it.
That was a good bounce. Let me tell you, it went in the goddamn cup of coffee
and bounced out of it.
That was...
It straight up went in the cup.
He doesn't have one.
Why?
There's an SD card in here.
Yeah, but why don't you have...
Why do you have an SD card in the sauce bag?
I don't know.
Dude, if he plugs it into a computer, it says, get more sauce, quick.
It's just a text file.
If this is open, you're out.
You're at the bottom.
If you're reading this, you fucked up.
You don't have sweet and sour sauce.
All right.
Nick said that there are wings from Popeyes.
Uh-huh.
The good ones?
Yeah.
Why the hell have they been sitting there collecting dust?
I have been craving these.
They're the best food.
I've been craving these since we got them.
That's a good point.
Honey barbecue, signature hot, roasted garlic.
Is that for grounds only, or can I dump some of this stuff in?
No, put your trash in there, please.
Are you just holding it?
I mean
What else is there?
I want the hot
What are you holding?
Are there napkins?
There were some over here
Scattered amongst
Scattered amongst
I've used about a hundred so far
I don't like being sticky
No me neither No kidding Let's wing it up Napkin? Scattered Amongst. I've used about 100 so far. Yeah, me too. I don't like being sticky. Scattered Amongst.
No, me neither.
Well, you should get some napkins.
Yeah, no kidding.
Let's wing it up.
We didn't get these last time.
Hang on.
Before you get into that.
No, don't let anyone see what they look like.
Thank you.
Wait, open them to yourself.
Thank you.
Don't show anyone or any of the cameras.
Oh, my God.
Wow.
These are amazing.
Which one's that?
They do look good, dude.
I got a garlic parmesan. Oh, yeah. Let. These are amazing. Which one's that? They do look good, dude. I got a garlic parmesan.
Oh yeah, let me jump on that.
I've been, I've almost bought these like three times now.
These are good.
I love this.
Still need to go to Arby's.
It's good again.
You don't need to go to Arby's.
What, my Arby's?
Oh, he's got like a free cheese token or something.
I know he does, He keeps talking about it.
Do you have one or are you borrowing it?
You own one.
Borrowing it?
Oh, he gave it to you.
I guess I knew it came from Tony.
I don't know if it was a loaner or not.
If you haven't been to Popeye's to get their new wings,
you're missing out.
They're so fucking good.
Yo.
They're sauced so well, and then you keep eating it,
and it tastes like Popeye's chicken.
It's fucking incredible.
It's real good.
I think this is genuinely one of the best things we've ever eaten on Face Jam.
It wasn't even on Face Jam?
Uh-uh.
It was on Spitting Silly.
Yeah.
Goddamn.
Maybe we'll have to eat it again and review it.
Uh-uh.
Not now, but again.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Jordan, what do you think of that garlic
parmesan one? Dude, that bone's clean.
You went nuts. Remember when
Madame Webb stole the taxi?
Yeah. And then it was just like
her car. Yeah. Hey, she took the license
plate off. Don't mind the taxi number
on the roof of the car.
She drove down to Peru
in a taxi cab. She went to Peru
for so long
The shot ends with her
She drives off
I'm going to Peru
She drives off in the taxi
It cuts to Peru
And it's just like
She drove the taxi to Peru
Jordan leaned over
And straight to the spot in the jungle
She drove to Peru
That's what the sequence of shots told me
They didn't even have
They didn't even get stock footage of a plane.
Nope.
No.
They did the Indiana Jones thing where it was like moving a map.
But like, I'm here.
He does that though.
So that makes sense.
She doesn't do that.
He goes to lots of places and flies in planes and you see a lot of it.
So when you don't see it, you believe it.
This was like, this was
similar to the scene when
Evil Not Spider-Man was chasing him
and then the cut ended with him
doing this and then they cut
because it was just like they saved on a
special effect. He didn't actually have to fly.
He didn't even jump. He just went
I'm going to go, and then they cut. That saved him half a special effect. He didn't actually have to fly. He didn't even jump. He just went, I'm going to go,
and then they cut.
That saved him
half a million dollars
by doing that.
I know we saw that
at the same time.
I know we did.
You said something
and I'm over here going,
because it was so obvious.
It was like,
again,
you couldn't even like
just cut around that
or just cut it out.
Yeah.
Because the next shot
isn't him.
It was weird.
It was weird. It was weird.
There's no web slinging or swinging.
He doesn't do anything except crawl slowly.
Yes.
Very slowly.
Most of the time, he's walking and getting hit by cars.
Yeah, dude.
He gets hit by cars a lot.
He gets hit by that cab.
Dakota Johnson makes this guy get hit by cars so much.
That's her superpower.
Speaking of the cat.
But if Pepsi letter falls on him, he's done for.
Oh, yeah.
Like a bug.
Like a bug.
Classic.
When I put a can of Pepsi on a bug, I go, this is like Madam Web.
Yeah.
I've been telling my wife that I'm Madam Webbing her.
What does that mean? Which is just, we'll have've been telling my wife that I'm Madam Webbing her. Uh-huh, what does that mean?
Which is just, we'll have a conversation and then I'll say
the same conversation again.
She's like, we just talked about this and I went, you got Madam Web.
And she doesn't know what it means.
It's been really working for me. I don't think she knows.
No, no. I don't think she wants to know.
You gotta come home, there's gonna be a note that says, be right back, went to Peru.
Stay right here in the woods.
When she comes back from Peru, she pulls up
to Ben Parker's house.
In the cab she stole
a week ago.
She still has it. The plates are not on it.
It's 2003. They can't catch you.
That's right after 9-11. She can fly
wherever she wants. Everything's off the grid, dude.
While she's a wanted person.
She was one of the most wanted people in New York
City for four minutes and then went, I must go to Peru.
I'm going to Peru.
So did 9-11 happen in this universe or not?
Doesn't seem like it.
I don't know, man.
Maybe, I don't know.
I don't know, dude.
We got to ask Sony.
In association with.
Yeah.
The way you keep saying, I don't know.
Because I keep trying to come to a conclusion
and I'm mad and webbing every option.
This is different from Doctor Strange because her body
floats out or something.
Well, yeah.
When you unlock your full potential
you can move people
around a little bit.
You can comfort them while they're stuck on a girder.
And then get knocked off.
The most obvious is, she's standing
there,
Madam Webbing, and like
these ghostly apparitions come over to
the girl. One of them isn't
even in danger, she's just kind of stuck.
She's just hanging out.
It's like at the end of Harry Potter.
It's like at the end of Harry Potter when you're like,
and you have the stone that's the ghost. You don't do
anything. They're just like, we'll walk with you. We'll just stand here, I guess have the stone that's he goes. They don't do anything? They're just like,
we'll walk with you.
We'll just stand here,
I guess.
Also, that's when you find out
that Remus died
and you're like,
I guess you're dead?
Shit.
What are you doing here?
I thought you were fighting.
Shit, you were alive
like an hour ago.
This is bad news for me.
That's no good.
Pretty good.
That's good.
And then,
while she's doing that, her apparitions
and her webbing,
her physical body is just standing there.
She's making this
kind of face.
The distance between her and not Spider-Man
is me to Gracie
maybe.
He just kind of hits her.
He keeps throwing punches instead of just pushing them off
and the damn thing just standing on.
She's going like this.
And he's going like this.
And that happens for a long time.
A long time.
Also, when she's looking at the Pepsi S
that's going to fall,
she's crawling backwards
and she knows the future.
And he's walking towards her
and she looks at it about 150 times.
And I'm going, sir, do you have no awareness?
You don't think you go, maybe I should look at what she's looking at.
She seems awfully distracted as I'm about to murder her with my Spider-Man punching powers.
Oh, also, I have Venom's hand.
All right.
I forgot.
I told you, you poisoned. All right. I forgot.
They casually mention that once or twice,
and it really does nothing.
He poisons that woman,
and then that woman that let him go on his insane rants, and it didn't surprise her at all,
and then he sort of poisoned Madam Web,
but it didn't work.
She worked for the NSA.
She worked for the NSA.
She had her key card.
She slept over at this guy's house,
and it was a one-night stand.
She slept over. There was a sleepover.
He's got a big spider in the middle
of his room and she has an NSA
key card. That's it.
She keeps with her.
And the code.
She gave the code and then he
had a monologue after that and I went,
you would have forgotten that code when you were monologuing.
It was like K3, B9, just some nonsense.
We're talking about that.
He gets access to, I guess, facial recognition technology.
They say it's NSA stuff.
It's new NSA technology.
And then Shoshana from Girls is a hacker.
That's who that is!
Is some sort of hacker who's watching all these screens and CCTV and stuff on screens that are, they're good for 2024.
Yeah.
Never mind 2003.
Like, they're like thin monitors.
And she's got like a whole, like eight of them.
She's like just like looking at everything, like running facial recognition for.
All over the damn city. Yeah.
And evil Spider-Man is so
mean to her the whole time.
Lots of money. He's so...
I've paid you much money.
Oh, okay.
And he just keeps being mean to her.
I'll be him. Yeah. I have given
you much... Yeah, just go to Jordan.
Just close up on Jordan. Alright, this is what Madame Web is like. Ready? I have given you much. Yeah, just go to Jordan. Just close up on Jordan. Alright, this is what Madam Web is like.
Ready? I have given you much money.
You must find the girls.
They are the ones who will kill me. I have seen
it in a vision. It is the destiny
that I am trying to escape. I have been
cursed. I've killed this woman
years ago
in the jungles of Peru.
Dude.
Madam Web!
Whoa. That. Madam Web. Very good.
Bravo.
Whoa.
That was pretty good.
He has a monologue at the beginning of the movie
when he's killing Madam Web's mom.
Mm-hmm.
Mom-um-web.
Mama-web.
Mama-web.
Mom-a-log.
And he's talking about how
in my village we were poor
and I didn't have a choice.
Oh, my God.
Dude.
Like, this is backstory. He gave a six-second backstory. Just, like, have a choice. So, like, this is backstory.
You gave a six-second backstory.
Just, like, pointing a gun at her is like, you know,
I was in a village and we didn't have any choices.
Now give me that spider, you pregnant lady.
Yeah. No!
Bang, you pregnant lady.
But then, like, that has nothing to do with the rest
of his character. His whole motivation is
to just kill the teenage girls who he sees
killing him. That's even it, too.
He doesn't even have a plan. He's like,
I guess he's a bad guy.
This has nothing to do with his
bad guy. Whatever his original
motivation for becoming fake Spider-Man
was, he has nothing to do.
He just has a vision that one day these girls
will kill him, so I must kill them now.
And we don't know why they're killing him
in the vision.
Yep.
Why?
I don't know why.
He does.
Well, he doesn't wear socks or shoes.
Oh, yeah.
That's another thing.
This man is barefoot the whole time.
You forget because there's not a lot of wide shots of him.
But when there is, they make a point to show his feet.
This guy's walking down an alley without any shoes on.
Full suit.
And you'd think...
He drives a car shoeless.
You'd think it's like, you know, not Spiderman thing.
Like, he's got to cling to walls.
But then he's in, like, his not Spiderman suit later, and he's got shoes on.
The only time he has shoes on is when he's not Spiderman.
When he's in the full costume.
When he's fake Spiderman.
Fake bad Spiderman, he's got shoes on.
So, like, he can clearly still climb when he's wearing shoes.
So why when he wears a full, when you say suit, you mean a suit, not like a costume.
Yeah, not a costume.
He's wearing like an actual suit and tie, all done up, no socks or shoes.
And they never explain it.
Nope.
It doesn't make any sense at all.
He's quirky.
He's just like, let him breathe, dude.
Let him breathe. I don't. Athlete's foot. It's the guy from the subway. Let him breathe, dude. Let him breathe.
I don't.
Athlete's foot.
It's the guy from the subway.
Remember?
Oh, yeah.
So Madam Web sees the guy without the suit on.
Uh-huh.
The teenage girls do not.
Uh-huh.
Don't they see his face maybe?
No.
No, not at all?
Because when he's attacking them, he's in the suit.
Well, don't they see?
He's on the train first. Right, but I don't think they
know to be afraid of him. No, no, no.
They get off the train and he's on
the train looking out of the window.
But I don't think they're all looking at him.
I think it's only Madam Webb.
That could be true. There's a clear shot where
it cuts to her looking
and then sees him.
They're like, what's going on? You're kidnapping us.
Even though they clearly just got off the train very easily.
She's like, we have to go now.
She had to steal a skateboard to get them off.
And then she kept going.
Which is why she's wanted it.
I'm trying to get it back.
Trying to get the skateboard back.
Gracie, I'm going to do this for your benefit.
I'm going to try the Chobani coffee creamer
with real cream. If that's Chobani coffee creamer with real cream.
If that's Chobani, does it have probiotics in it?
I hope so.
I think he does.
You can have it.
You can have it.
What are you guys whispering about?
He's whispering if the creamer is going home with her or not.
And she's like, no.
Do you want it?
No, no, no.
He's like, no, no.
I don't want it.
He's taking it home?
We're in the middle
of the show.
Yeah, and we need to know
where the creamer's
going afterward.
What?
Where's it going?
Why, do you want it?
No, no, no.
I'm just wondering.
I'm just wondering
if the creamer's
going to have a home or not.
I cannot believe
the creamer's being taken.
You can have that one.
No, I don't want it.
I just want to know
if you want it.
I had a vision where he threw it in the trash.
You had a vision where it came home with you
and you're trying to make sure that happens.
I have to kill Gracie to get this creamer.
I'm trying to stop this vision from happening.
It's getting hot.
I want to open more food.
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Drinking it isn't working with them. I keep telling you that. Every morning you brew it and you go, I love working with Kato's Coffee. I have their coffee. Drinking it isn't working with them.
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I love working with them.
No, that's how I work with them.
They're not working with me.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's how I work with them.
They're working with me.
What a team you guys make.
Yeah, it's great.
Kato's Coffee has sponsored Face Jam for a while now.
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They have new merch.
Check that stuff out.
But go grab some coffee.
If you're not a coffee guy, this is how you learn to be a coffee guy.
You grab something.
You try it.
You go, oh, I want the one that's like flavored.
You got to get your V36.
This is a V60.
You don't have to brew this way.
This is how I've been doing it.
This is my this is not my everyday pour over.
This just was a very easy way to do this.
This isn't your everyday pour over.
No.
Usually it's better than that.
It can be. Yeah.
I like it. I usually do a regular
chemist. Can you just chew up the beans and eat them directly?
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Go get a bandana for you or your own sauce monkey who looks like he's about to eat.
Do you have to buy the bandana or you get it for free with an order?
You get it when you go.
You just keep saying go get a bandana. Go get a bandana. It makes me sound like. Do you have to buy the bandana? You get it for free with an order. You get it when you go fake.
You just keep saying, go get a bandana.
Go get a bandana!
It makes me sound like you're telling me to buy it.
Oh, God.
He just took such a bite.
I know.
And did you? It's so good with the coffee.
It smells too much.
It's too sweet.
Okay.
It probably is good with coffee.
Can I get some?
Again, I just want to point out I'm being polite to Gracie
and putting some creamer.
Thank you.
That's a first.
Yeah, but that's being rude to me because that's going home with me.
Yeah, stop using the creamer that he didn't want.
I went.
He's mad about that.
I assume you don't want that.
I'm good.
It seems like it's going to be sticky.
It's sticky and it smells like diabetes.
I'm so sticky.
That's why I used the fork.
I didn't. That's why I used the fork. I didn't.
That's why we're both like this now.
We have our talons up.
I hate it.
Dude, my cat scratched my finger the other day.
Oh, no.
It just makes everything stink.
Everything stinks.
I just ignore her.
I just ignore her.
She's being mean.
I know, dude.
She gets it from you.
Not from me.
She gets it from you.
I didn't do anything.
You're influencing her bad influence.
I'm the nice one.
I'm the nice one.
We all have a role on the show, and I'm the nice one.
That's how that works.
No?
I don't feel confident in that.
What do you mean?
Huh?
So you guys making you coffee.
You're welcome.
Gracie, what's been your favorite food so far?
Oh.
Is it something terrible?
I really liked dipping the In-N-Out burger into the Hop Daddy queso.
Yeah.
After I nicked it, that was a great one.
This is what makes James giving great is because we get.
Yeah.
He didn't know.
No.
You guys had a meeting.
You fraud.
I didn't know Hop Daddy was on the list.
You fraud. Eric, I have a meeting. You fraud. I didn't know Hop thought he was on the list. You fraud.
Eric, I have a qualm with you.
Get in line.
This is what's also great about Jamsgiving.
Get in line.
Jamsgiving.
The airing of grievances.
Air the grievances.
No, that's a different.
We're at the family dinner table.
It's time to play our cards on the table.
Okay, what's your qualm with me?
Everyone on this table has coffee but me.
Oh.
Do you want coffee?
All right, that was a don't fucking push it. Don't be honest. Do you want... Don't fucking push it.
Don't push your shit,
you son of a bitch.
Mr. Nice Guy
firing off at you.
What was the nice one?
I'm the nice one.
I'm the nice one.
I'm the nice one, you piece of shit.
That is a shot and camera move that they use ad nauseum in Madam White, by the way.
There are so many just like, ready?
Just talking and punch zooming.
So much.
For no reason.
Do you want coffee or do you want tea?
Oh, I guess since no one's had tea, I'll do tea.
You want tea?
All right.
Why not?
Let's see what tea we have.
I'll tell you some tea.
How about peach paradox?
No, he's not.
Now that he's gone, let's hammer this piece of shit.
Come on.
I just let him come because he pays for it.
That's why I let him come to the tent.
He kind of arranged the whole thing, so it's like, do him a favor.
We don't really need him anymore.
I have a card.
Yeah, but we kind of need him in the long run.
You don't need him in the short term.
But I think if he goes away, then her card goes away kind of deal.
I don't think that's true short term. But, like, I think if he goes away, then her card goes away kind of deal. Like, I don't think that's true.
Yeah, like, Gracie's card would be like, I don't feel so good.
This is Gracie.
And then he'd disappear with Eric.
She gets two cards.
What are you saying?
Oh, you're saying she inherits his card.
What are you doing?
Star Wars?
That was fucking crazy.
That was a little more loony, dude.
Wow.
That's all fun.
Peach Paradise?
Sure.
Let's get some Peach Paradise.
Give me the mug.
There should be a white mug.
We got the inferior mugs down here.
You can blame the monkey.
I'm blaming all of you.
Not Jordan, but you two.
Sorry, I was drinking my coffee.
Jordan, you can never be blamed because I know how much you are involved in this,
and it's the same level I am, which is nothing.
Zero?
Hey, I showed up.
I don't know where to fire.
Well, I mean something going awry.
Oh, sure, yeah.
We bear no responsibility for any poor planning.
But we do get all the credit when it goes well.
Which is great.
That's just how it works.
That's showbiz, baby.
How do you like that, prick?
Michael's the nice one now.
Yeah, he's so nice.
I know how to combat his niceness.
Prick is a good one.
That's something.
All right, let's get into this.
Kato's Coffee Tea.
He's sniffing your tea.
Do you like that?
Not really.
Get your nostrils out of there.
Maybe it was his hair. That's some good tea. Maybe it was his hair. He planted it. His hair is going to sniffing your tea. Do you like that? Not really. Get your nostrils out of there. Maybe it was his hair. That's some good tea.
Maybe it was his hair. He planted it.
His hair's going to be in your teeth.
Alright, shut the fuck up.
Actually, it was white.
It really is. Every time Michael
takes a picture and it's like
a part of my head I don't typically see.
The top or the back. It happens
so fast. Getting whiter.
It's not going backwards.
And then I tell people,
you know,
that's also what happened
to the bad guy in Madam Web.
Well, yeah.
In some scenes,
his hair was just white.
Yeah.
True.
I mean,
that was to show the passage of time,
I assume.
Why, though?
I don't know.
Hard to know.
I thought he was going to be,
like, dying.
Yeah.
Like,
I thought,
like,
oh,
or,
like,
a tangled situation.
Yeah.
Like, I need this thing to keep getting my juices. Right. Like, I thought, like, oh, or, like, a tangled situation. Yeah. Like, I need this thing
to keep getting my juices. Right.
Like, he needed the other spider, and he kept getting,
like, bit by it. Is that what they did?
And they didn't tell us that in the film?
I don't know. We never saw him get bit, right? They had two hours
to tell it to us. Did we see him get bit?
No. I don't know. He just took it.
He stole the spider, and then we... Yeah, but he must have got
bit it. He must have. Yeah.
Then he can climb off. And also, that spider seemed to just be cool living there.
Oh, also, yeah.
I thought the spider would have something to do with the plot.
Nope.
It never goes missing.
Like, they stole my spider.
And like a fool, I thought later in the film, we're going to see that.
Oh, that's years from now.
And the movie's never made.
Once she's wheelchair bound.
Oh, yeah.
For some reason.
For some reason.
Why is she in a wheelchair?
Because she goes blind? She just all of a sudden. She gets hit in the head. She's like in the Oh, yeah. For some reason. For some reason. Why is she in a wheelchair? Because she goes blind?
She gets hit in the head.
In the face, too.
And a very high-tech wheelchair
for 2003.
That's a great point.
That was a robot.
Another anachronism
is she's talking
about going to watch Idol.
That made Jordan so mad.
I leaned over to Eric.
He's like, nobody was calling it Idol.
They're going to watch Idol, dude.
Yeah.
I'm voting for Sanjaya.
Remember that?
I do remember Sanjaya.
That was after this movie.
Yeah, that was like 2007.
Yeah, yeah.
You were voting for Kelly Clarkson in 2003.
No, I'm a Justin guy.
With Guarini? Yeah, I'm a Justin guy. With Guarini?
Yeah, I'm a Justin Guarini guy.
Season one? A little sweet?
Season one?
Wow. Honestly?
Remember that movie they made?
Yeah, from Justin and Kelly.
She's never seen it.
I thought you were just talking about Justin and Kelly,
not the Justin and Kelly movie.
No, Justin and Kelly.
Gracie's going crazy on that. Those were the Justin and Kelly movie from Justin and Kelly. Oh.
Gracie's going crazy on that, Brad.
Those were the two finalists in the first season of American Idol.
I know who Kelly Clarkson is.
Right.
But you don't know the other guy.
No, I don't know the other guy.
But who's Justin Guari?
He lost.
I was five years old.
Right.
So you were there.
What's your excuse?
Brian Dunkelman.
Brian Dunkelman.
K-L-E-M-A-N.
Yeah, it's different.
We haven't cracked any of those tacos open.
Oh, I did.
What'd you get?
I got a regular taco.
It seems like it's a regular.
It's like a cool party taco pack.
Go ahead.
Grab me the box.
Half of them should be Doritos and half a regular.
What?
I got a regular.
You're dumb.
Doritos.
He didn't know.
That's what you get for going out of work. Nice guys finish last, idiot.
No.
Nice guys finish last, prick.
You gotta mix it up.
They use the prick on this. I don't know.
How do I know what's good?
Yeah, I don't know. Gracie said look harder last time.
There's fucking so many. What'd you get, like 20?
That looks orange. You got like 20.
How many did you think we were gonna eat?
They're soft already.
Is it Dorito or not?
No, this is Dorito.
It says it right here.
They are soggy.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well.
Yum, yum.
Why?
What's with the Dr. Pepper?
Oh.
We don't have Dr. Pepper.
The Kool-Aid.
Sorry, the Dr. CBO.
Oh, are we doing Dr. Pepper Kool-Aid?
Yeah.
I was joking.
No, I actually went and got it.
And I went and got applesauce, but then
Chili's fucked up the steaks.
It sucks, Jordan. You missed that story
about what happened to the Chili's. You missed
that. Chili's didn't have the steak.
Do you want to tell it now? I love everyone
missing the story. I mean, it wasn't that important, but we just don't have steaks.
I mean, tell the audience what he's saying.
They weren't here when you told the
story.
Okay.
I ordered steaks for us to try.
The steak dipped in applesauce.
Has that come out yet? I ordered it, like, on Monday.
Okay.
Just been telling you.
Place the pickup for Friday.
I get the email.
It says Friday.
All is well.
Yesterday, Thursday, they texted me.
Your curbside order's ready.
And I was like, oh, that's odd.
Today's not Friday.
So I called them.
And I'm like, hey, I need this tomorrow.
No worries. We'll replace the order.
See you tomorrow. Okay.
I'm sitting in the Chili's parking lot.
At what time?
This is approximately 11.13
a.m. today. Okay.
Approximately?
How do you know what approximately means? That's awesome.
I'm sitting in the parking lot.
I call them.
Specifically 11.13. I was like. I'm sitting in the parking lot. I call them. Specifically 1113 AM.
Okay, fine.
Specifically 1113.
Call them.
I was like, I'm here to pick up my two six-ounce sirloins.
They were like, we don't have those.
And I was like, we don't have those.
So I just drove away.
Whoa, you didn't even- And there we go.
Boom.
I did not have time.
Boom, the end.
I did not have time to sit there and wait for them to cook this.
Y'all saw me pulling up at 1235.
Did we get our money back?
We never paid.
I was supposed to pay there.
It ended like evil Spiderman got hit with another car.
It's true.
All right.
I might just start dancing on this table.
I'm feeling so good.
Hell yeah.
While everyone else in the diner doesn't look at me.
You're right.
What is happening?
You were overlooked for a drink.
Here you go.
Thank you.
You were overlooked by him. Oh, it's warm. Even though he mentioned several times he was making a drink. I'll go. Thank you. You were overlooked by him.
Oh, it's warm.
Even though he mentioned several times he was making a drink.
It's peach paradise.
It shouldn't be too, too hot.
It feels rather warm.
I mean, it is warm.
I'm going to give it a sec.
It sounds very loud, too.
Well, when you have claws and rings, it's...
Now we're doing ASMR.
Is that ASMR?
Wait, sorry.
You what?
Can they hear that?
Can they hear that?
Why is he whispering? Why is he whispering?
Why is he whispering to you?
But he's also talking about the movie.
He's talking about.
He wants to keep talking.
He said, I ordered too much at the theater.
Okay.
It was last week.
Earlier this week.
It was earlier this week.
No, that was Friday.
It was a week ago.
What are you talking about?
Why are you still talking about that?
Yeah.
I didn't get a pretzel.
I remember.
Oh, my God. I remember getting a pretzel.
I fucked up.
It was a good pretzel. I got a pizza.
I was still a little hungry, so I got another snack.
I wrote down, as you
do at the Alamo Draft House, you write down on a piece
of paper, you put it in a little
railing at the end of your table,
and they come and pick it up. That's what I do.
I place it, and then Nick starts going,
saying something.
I was like, is there something happening in the movie?
What, are you trying to tell me something?
And he starts going, he's pointing.
And he goes, oh, you want to know what I wrote?
He was about to take it and read it.
Because he wanted something.
I was justifying.
Well, a similar thing happened, where when he was looking to take it and read it. Because he wanted something. I was justifying. Well, a similar thing happened where when he was looking to order something,
Al Madravo doesn't change their menus ever.
And if they have a special thing, it's a separate thing.
Oh, yeah.
He's looking at the menu five minutes.
Oh, yeah.
Five minutes, ten minutes.
And this is after he's ordered something.
It was analysis paralysis.
I know it's like second rounds or whatever.
It's not him deciding what to order.
It's like, what else do I want?
So long that I look at Gracie, and I'm just like, he's been looking at the menu for like ten minutes.
Now she's locked in.
It's at least another five minutes.
And I'm like, there's only like four fucking pages, dude.
And he's just looking, and he's looking, and he's looking forever.
And then he finally
orders something
and I think I said,
I don't know if we just noticed
or I went,
oh, he finally ordered.
Gracie goes,
what do you get?
What is it?
And then I'm like,
what'd you get?
And he goes,
a beer.
I was like,
you spent so long.
I thought you seemed like,
oh, I got a piece
of cheese
on top.
I was debating
about a cocktail
or a beer.
Right.
Why did you have to
keep looking at every page of the menu?
I was like, I shouldn't.
I put it back.
I pulled it out.
Eh, maybe.
So he ended up getting a beer.
But that's not all he did.
Because later they come around and they go like, hey, last call.
Like, last call, last call.
Menu out.
He ordered chips and queso.
I've never heard crunching that loud that deep into
a movie. Yeah, you heard it at the end.
It was a fucking
chain reaction, too,
because he orders it right before they do Last Call.
They come out. They do Last Call.
Then after
Last Call, which you're not supposed to order anything.
They're closing it out. His fucking chips get
delivered. They literally hit the table
and Gracie pulls out the menu.
And he's like, tell me she's not going to order something after last call because Nick got something.
She really was like, the same menu that's been there the whole movie.
Shit isn't getting added on at the end of the film.
If you wait an hour in, the next page reveals its secrets to you.
The secret post last call page.
I just had to see.
I had to make sure I wasn't missing anything.
Usually, Gracie, she got FOMOlife call page. I just had to see. I had to make sure I wasn't missing anything. Usually.
Gracie, she got FOMO.
That also, I remember the movie ended.
The movie ended.
We were sitting there for like more than one second.
Yeah.
And I just got up to leave
and I heard someone say, post-credit scene.
Uh-huh.
Who fucking gives a shit?
I don't want to see more of that movie ever.
I would love to have known what a post-credits scene would be.
They couldn't have made one, right?
When Nick was eating his chips and queso,
and there were 14 minutes left in the movie,
you're used to eating.
You hear the shuffling and the eating,
and it's through the previews and through the first act,
and that's how it feels at Alamo.
Yeah.
And then when the movie's at its highest
tension point. When it is
silence
and you just hear
Also,
there was one part where he blew up.
Yeah.
There was some sort of sound.
So the mechanic in the movie for like
her like getting
the visions of the future or something at first were loud noises.
And then it would skip back a little bit.
And then for whatever reason, she's in Peru.
She's looking around.
And I don't even remember what happened in the movie because I wasn't really paying attention.
No.
But there's a loud noise.
And Nick is reaching.
He's got his drink.
And then the loud noise happens.
Oh, no.
It was in his mouth.
It was in his mouth. He's taking a drink. and then a loud noise happens. Oh no, it was in his mouth.
He was taking a drink and then a loud noise happens and he goes...
It was so
extreme, I immediately
leaned over and went, was that on purpose?
Was that a joke?
Because that's what I would have done.
Oh God! It was reminding me of
when we watched Uncharted.
I was like, no, it scared me.
He went
in his seat. It was
insane.
It was like
someone rolled a grenade under
his seat.
He went boom!
I feel like we were about halfway through the
movie, maybe a little bit deeper
and Michael realized
how Gracie was watching the movie, maybe a little bit deeper, and Michael realized how Gracie was watching the movie,
which was in a ball.
She had her knees up to her chest and her entire sweatshirt over it.
Again, like little sister.
You're just sitting there.
He was telling me about it.
I assume.
But sweatshirt over her knees.
My head was kind of like this.
And she goes, I'm cold.
Like, fucking hell.
I thought you had fallen asleep.
No, I was just cold.
You thought I could fall asleep during that chaos?
Yeah.
The movie?
Well, I mean, she was on the edge of her seat.
She's saying chaos.
What the fuck?
Okay, yes, please.
She's saying chaos like there's so much action in this movie.
It's chaos like how the fuck did they make this?
Have we ever talked about this movie in a recording yet?
I don't know.
Okay, I just can't remember.
We've talked about it a lot.
We're going to talk about it in an episode,
the one that comes out next week.
We'll talk about it a little bit.
But I do want to talk about the person behind us because that was...
There was only one person behind us
and two people in front of us.
That's it. That's the whole thing.
And that's the Friday it opened.
Yes.
That was the Friday it came out.
Daytime.
It was late afternoon.
I'll let Avengers know that it's cool
when they don't pull it in.
Dude, eight people saw this movie.
Well, it was 345.
Fair point.
I mean, it was brutal.
But it was a stormy day.
People should have been in the theater.
It was a stormy day.
It was a dark and stormy day.
So there's one person sitting behind us.
Right, and we get to the part.
This line is in the trailer.
So we all know it's coming, but it's the line where she's talking, they're in the jungle hiding.
They're not in the jungle.
They're in the forest.
They're in the woods.
They're in the woods hiding.
That's next to the road.
They're in by the diner.
They're literally going like, which way is it?
As cars are driving by.
They're in New York City, not state.
They're in the city of New York.
At that point, they probably drove to Yonkers and pulled over in the city of New York.
At that point, they probably drove to Yonkers and pulled over to the side of the road or something.
But, yeah, they're in the woods.
And it's the line where she goes, I can kind of see the future maybe or something like that.
And even when you know it's in the trailer, it's so out of left field in the movie, in the context of the movie.
She says the line, and the person behind us goes, what the fuck?
And we all knew at that moment, it was like, okay, no one gives a shit. I started talking a little bit louder after that.
Oh, yeah.
I thought it was a free-for-all.
Yeah.
It got a little more loose at the Alamo route.
Yeah.
And they'll do, Alamo will do rowdy screenings.
They did it for cats, which was a great way to watch cats.
They got to do it for Madam Well.
I would go see it again.
Wait, elaborate on a rowdy screening.
You're allowed to like scream and talking.
It's like, don't scream.
Yeah.
The cats!
The cats! The cats!
Evil Spiderman!
Why is he
crawling? He's climbing right at you.
Why is he hitting everyone else but the
women that are going to kill him? Here I am
to fight you. I'll punch this cop, and I'll punch this cop,
and I'll punch this guy, and I'll punch this guy,
and you'll sort of walk away, and I guess
I can't catch you. The movie, like,
I get what you're saying about the rowdy screening
because talking during it
would be fun or whatever.
It's not bad enough
to be a good, bad movie.
It's nothing.
It was only good
because the five of us were there.
It's a great movie to heckle.
Yes.
But not by yourself.
No.
It's not so bad it's good.
No.
It's terrible.
Like, Master Pancake would be, that's, I think that's a fun one. That's Master Pancake. Because it feels not so bad, it's good. No, it's terrible. Like Master Pancake would be, I think that's a fun one.
That's Master Pancake.
Because it feels like they can, like, the dialogue feels like it's written by,
everyone's like, oh, everything's AI.
That feels like it's written by AI.
No person writes what that is.
I feel like AI would do a better job than that.
I feel like that is a person, actually.
You know, like, it wouldn't spit that out.
That's just a person being bad.
Yeah.
Oh, we should get to to this because I do want to
alright get to it dude
Gracie
Gracie in a
upcoming
food court
said that
maybe the mixture of
oh
Dr. Pepper
and Kool-Aid
which somebody
we don't have Dr. Pepper
laid out for us
we have Dr. Zevia
do we not have it
or we have it
but it's cold
it's not cold
it's hot
so we do have it it's hot well I put's not cold? It's hot. It's hot.
I put it in the microwave.
I put the tan in the microwave for about 35 seconds.
I left it in Eric's car.
And dumped it all over
the front. And the back.
Thank you so much.
Please don't throw a can of soda
at me.
Can I get a pour over?
Throw it.
What the fuck?
To the Zevia. Why it. What the fuck? What happened?
Yeah, it's just getting his shit.
To the Zevia.
She probably dropped it.
I did not do that.
Why did you take that one?
What the fuck?
It's unique.
It's the only other.
There were two.
Okay.
That's why these are Coke.
It's unique?
It's unique like you.
Yeah.
Nice guy.
It's a nice can.
Do we have, we need cups.
Oh, I was going to go right in the can.
Hang on. Hang on. Before, before cups. Oh, I was gonna go right in the can. Hang on, hang on.
Before, before, hang on.
And then step two is what?
Drink?
This.
Yeah, a little, a little.
Step two is this.
All right.
You wanna hand me a cup?
Hey, fucker.
Use that, yeah. You wanna put me out of my misery and hand me a cup? Hey, fucker.
Use that.
You want to put me out of my misery?
Why is it clear?
What?
No.
It's because it's not raw sugar.
That's not good.
Does it taste like Dr. Pepper? No, it smells nothing like it.
All of Zevia's soda is, yeah, it's clear.
Oh, it is?
Your face.
It's like she's drinking poison.
It's nothing like Dr. Pepper.
Do you think it's going to be better with the Kool-Aid?
Should we get a warm one?
Oh, no.
Actually, this is going to be good in this.
It's just Dr. Onyx.
Because it tastes more fruity than it does like soda.
We're not trying to make Dr. Xevia taste better.
What are you doing?
We're trying to make all of it.
She's just going.
Just get Dr. Pepper.
What are you doing?
They've got to be cold by now.
The one's in the fridge.
No one put them in the fridge.
Why?
Why did no one put them in the fridge?
Jordan found them.
Time has passed.
This is not my fault.
They would have been cold by now.
That was 90 minutes ago.
Wait, why is it foaming up so fast?
What do you mean why?
It's a carbonated drink.
What do you mean?
What do you mean? What do you mean?
This doesn't happen with coin and wine.
Just put it in the can.
No, it does not smell good.
Hold on.
Oh, my God.
Pour some of this filth in there.
Here goes nothing. I bet ours over here is going to be nice and flat.
You want more?
No.
I think all you got was foam.
All right.
Give me liquid then.
Oh my god.
I'm trying.
Let me filter it out.
Oh my god.
She's filtering.
Is this how you make coffee, Eric?
Look at this filtration system going on here.
It's like a barter.
It's a pour over.
If you don't have that, no, don't ruin the coffee.
No, don't ruin it.
You don't have the pour over
for Kato's coffee,
use a plastic fork
that looks like a metal fork,
but it's not.
Cheers.
Cheers.
To not at all
what we were supposed
to be trying.
It's something.
Oh my God,
it smells so weird.
I got a Kool-Aid packet
for you.
I'm putting more Zev in it.
Here you go.
What the hell?
All right, yeah,
just give me a little.
You went, ooh!
You looked like you were going to vomit
and then said, ooh, at the end.
I need more liquid.
I only have powder.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, shit.
All right, I'm stirring mine up.
This is Kool-Aid unsweetened drink mix.
Something to think about is that we've just poured
unsweetened drink mix into the zero.
It spilled it all over itself.
It spilled it all over itself.
My pants!
Just because you can't see, does that make
you flail your arm like a wild
maniac because you can't see?
Did you see me in the movie? No, dude.
I tried to look at you.
That was a loud noise. This is of your own doing.
Alright, Gracie, what do you think?
God.
This was sent in by a jammer.
You can email us.
No, this was not.
What we're drinking wasn't.
This isn't fair to hold against them.
This isn't Dr. Pepper.
Okay.
It's not even what they sent.
All right.
It's a simulacrum.
It's Kool-Aid.
There's nothing else to it.
Well, yeah, because this is like a...
Yeah.
It's a zero sugar soda.
Can we get a room sugar soda weird drink.
Go for it.
Do we have more Kool-Aid?
Do we use all of it?
I have...
I may have dumped the rest in there.
Jordan, where were they?
They're in the little cabinet right next to the...
There's probably enough Kool-Aid for one.
One of the 80 cabinets in the kitchen?
Yeah, one of the 80 cabinets.
It's next to the water thing
whose name I...
Pure.
Yes.
Okay.
She's the nice one.
BRB. No, she's B. She's the nice one. BRB.
No, she's B.
Wait, one or two?
Yeah.
That doesn't fucking help. Do you think this red will come out of my pants?
I don't know, dude.
Do you think this is what
James Giving is all about? Yeah.
Where's Griff? We got this.
Oh, yeah. I told Griff that we were here. I told Kat, too.
So we'll see. They're at the barbecue, I'm sure. Oh, yeah. I told Griff that we were here. I told Kat, too. So we'll see.
They're at the barbecue, I'm sure.
Oh, that's true.
Double booked.
It made your lips red.
Okay.
It went to him, though.
It tastes like...
It tastes like shit.
This fucking soda is terrible.
My pants.
Dude, he's got a bunch of cheese and crumbs and shit in his lap.
Pass that down to Gracie.
Jordan, look at the mess.
Stop looking at my cup.
There's enough for like one.
Wow.
So that can be.
No, I have one.
Okay.
Oh, man.
Hold on.
Let me do it again.
Wow.
I need a new cup.
Okay.
I'm just going to do this.
Oh, good point. I'm not going to do this. Oh, good point.
I'm not going to do that.
Yeah.
Is this me?
Yeah.
There you go.
It's brownish orange now.
Is this closer to what they emailed in?
By the way, that coffee was good.
I just drank it flat.
Yeah, that coffee was good.
I didn't want this shit in there.
Go on.
And you had me.
And it has the other shit in there.
Yeah, they all do.
But I wasn't going to be like them.
You had the hazelnut coffee.
I was right about to pour this shit into this cup,
and she just dumped it in.
Well, you had the hazelnut coffee, so that's, you know.
I need a haircut.
It's too shitty without the hat.
It doesn't look good with the hat.
I'm putting hair in Gracie's food.
It was you. It was me, but it was Eric's hair. Why was it straight, then? All right in Gracie's food. It was you.
It was me, but it was Eric's hair.
Why was it straight, then?
Why was it not gray?
Not all of them. Look at me. I'm just a kid.
You need a little propeller on your cap.
I have one of those. That's worse.
No, it's better. No, it's not.
I can't tell because it's still in there.
It still doesn't do much. It's fucking terrible is what it is.
It sucks ass.
It's like candy soda.
It's ruined both Dr. Pepper and Kool-Aid.
I thought you were going to say it ruined Dr. Zevia for you.
Oh, no.
He was never good.
Oh, my God.
I think they did it on their own.
I used to love that.
I didn't like Dr. Zevia.
Okay.
Ew.
Zevia?
What now? It's so opaque. I didn't like Dr. Zevia. Okay. Ew. Zevia? What now?
It's so opaque.
Ew.
Look at it.
This was emailed in, just so everyone knows,
because the episode of Spit and Silly hasn't come out yet.
It's like Nick said yes and then went, oh, never mind.
Nick said yes and went back and forth several times.
He's a nice guy.
This is from Robert W.
I'm the right guy.
Honorable Judge Kings and Eric,
this is what his friend Peter has begun to put Kool-Aid mix into Dr. Pepper
When questioned, he justified his odd
And disturbing behavior by saying
It just made sense
I mean, you put flavored syrups
In soda to make it taste better
Right?
And, quote, at least I'm not putting it
In coffee
Upon trying his cursory creation
His first response was
not bad. It definitely tastes better than
the soda tastes. He hates Dr.
Pepper, which his wife bought
one two liter of
and he went, well, I have to drink
it. It's a whole two liter.
If I don't start drinking this, it's going to be here for
months. If I don't start drinking this, my
wife's going to get it all.
And I got to make it taste good.
Put this in their coffee? No.
You can put it in your tea?
Alright, put it in my coffee. Yeah!
I'll do some in my tea, too.
I like to hear that it says it's natural.
It's like putting syrup. It's just the blood.
It just went right to blood.
Oh my god, it really did.
Ugh.
You can just yell it at me. You can just yell it at me.
She can just yell it at me.
It's just coffee.
Cool.
That's fine.
Go back to Justin's shot.
There we go.
That's cool.
Don't worry about it.
Fantastic.
There were some shots at the beginning of Madam Web when they cut to her as the paramedic and shit.
Some of those shots when they're driving and stuff at the beginning reminded me a little too much of Ambulance.
I had the same thought.
And I was getting a little worried that we were in the wrong movie.
It's a little Ambulance-y.
Don't put the Kool-Aid in the tea.
Don't put it in the coffee. Don't put it in the coffee. Don't put it in the coffeey. Don't put the Kool-Aid in the tea. Don't put it in the coffee.
Don't put it in the coffee.
Don't put it in the coffee.
Don't put it in the coffee.
Maybe just don't use Kool-Aid.
Don't put it in the coffee.
There you go, and I think that's the rule.
That thing was good.
It turned it into harmful.
Michael, your teeth are falling out.
I mean, I'm not just saying the flavors don't mix.
It made a new...
You got to taste this.
You're a coffee guy.
That's just coffee and a tiny bit of Kool-Aid. Justin, it really just looks like blood. I'm just saying the flavors don't mix. It made a new... You got to taste this. You're a coffee guy. That's just coffee and a tiny bit of Kool-Aid.
Justin, it really just looks like blood.
I'm serious.
It's going to blow your mind what that tastes like.
Hang on, wait.
If I get low, then you shoot down on it.
Look at that.
It doesn't taste like the two things combined.
All right.
It's not going to...
Wait, get his face.
Ooh!
Do you smell it?
He smelled it.
Oh, the smell is so...
Drink it.
Smell it. Drink it. Drink it. I'm telling you. Oh, I want to sniff when it gets back
Man cut to him so you can drink this. Come on nice guy finish first dude. You're gonna hate it finish it
He's gone no, it's not even like a bad flavor. Why does he always turn into a T-Rex?
No, but it made poison, right?
It made poison.
If you...
Yeah.
Yeah.
If you...
It's not exaggerating.
It's terrible.
If nobody told you what that was and you tried it,
you would think that you drank.
It tastes like what I think antifreeze might taste like. No, antifreeze tastes good.
Yeah, it's sweet.
I'm serious.
Trust the peanuts.
That's why people die all the time.
Have Gracie smell it.
Antifreeze is sweet.
You can put it in people's coffee.
Apparently you can't put Kool-Aid in.
Oh, my God.
Take a sip.
You don't care.
Take a sip.
You don't care.
No, I got gotta try it.
She's gonna cry.
Holy fuck.
It's so bad.
It's so bad.
Never mix these two.
Oh my god.
Oh shit.
We're all like drinking from the death cup
Are you doing it?
I'm making my own
Welcome to the fold brother
I can't be the only one who doesn't try it
You got it alright give it a shot Jordan
I'm in so many places at once
Okay
Oh no Oh Christ Okay. Oh, no.
Oh, Christ.
Oh, what?
Oh!
Oh!
Right?
Why does it taste like that?
What the fuck?
Why does it taste like something that goes in a car all of a sudden?
Yeah.
It's two drinkable things.
And it's, like, stuck to my tongue.
Yeah, it's really bad.
It's really bad.
It's like when, it's like accidentally
making mustard gas.
Yes.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
What have I done?
We've all done it.
What have I done?
Kato's does not support.
Not at all.
Polish mustard, yes.
Yeah.
I keep reaching for this
and drinking it by accident
and going like,
oh, it's a little sick.
Dr. Pepper, Dr. Zevia, and Kool-Aid.
Where's fucking terrible?
Where's my goddamn steam?
It's the only thing safe. It's the only thing safe.
It's the only thing safe.
Can we get a new batch of Kato's going or something?
I think it's time to wrap this up.
I feel good.
I don't.
There's a barbecue.
We got more Kato's.
I know the crew wants to eat a bunch of this leftover food.
Go right for the Popeye's, trust me.
It's the most foodable food here.
The Popeye's are so good. Go for the Kool-Aid me. It's the most foodable food here. It is. The Popeyes are so good.
Go for the Kool-Aid coffee.
Oh, God.
Hey.
God, Kool-Aid coffee.
Hey, we just want to let you know, Justin, go up to this thing.
This thing goes on sale on the 15th.
He was there the whole time.
He is.
He was hidden.
The Squish Monkey goes on sale on the 15th.
We already sold him out.
He's gone.
The Squish Monkey goes on sale on the 15th. He's my biggest out. He's gone. The Squish Monkey... But he could have a brother.
...goes on sale on the 15th.
He's my biggest fan.
He's awesome.
He's squishing big.
Dude, it's Squish.
I had a vision.
I had a vision.
I had a vision.
They were here to kill me.
He has one little...
If you saw a vision of your murder,
would you not also try to stop whoever did it?
He's making the Squish Monkey do Madam Web.
I could tell.
I could tell from the voice.
That's going on sale on the 15th, I think.
Tony knows.
Of what?
Yeah, he knows.
Tony said yeah, and he states his reputation on it.
So on the 15th.
And not Eric's.
Don't worry about it.
That'll go on sale.
Guys, we have a lot of cool stuff coming up for Face Jam,
but we want to thank Kato's Coffee for sponsoring this.
At this point, for the next few minutes,
you can definitely go to katoscoffee.com and use code JAMSGIVING, point, for the next few minutes, you can definitely go to Kato'sCoffee.com
and use code JAMSGIVING, but only
for the next few minutes because
it goes away, and then I think you just have to use Face Jam.
Yeah, when we don't get anymore, you can't get.
That's true. This is like some,
you're like getting from drafting.
You're catching gets.
We're getting so much
so fast that not everything we
get is going to us. We can't hold it all.
It's all in the slipstream.
You put your arms out, and you can get occasional.
Hurry up, though.
It's just turbulent giving.
That's what it is.
Wow.
Yes.
That's cool.
I like that.
Thank you, Kato.
It's awesome.
We got the shirt.
We got the mugs.
We got the hoodies.
That was like when that guy's wallet got sucked out of the plane.
He was
giving that to somebody.
No. Guys,
what a jamsgiving this was. Gracie,
way to go. Good job, everybody.
A great meal.
A smorgasbord.
Gracie produced this whole thing. Did a really, really great job.
And this has
been fantastic. Go check out the job. And this has been fantastic.
Go check out the podcast.
I helped.
Nick helped.
Yeah.
Don't worry.
He had a meeting.
We did.
It was 10 minutes.
Go listen to the podcast.
Check out Spit and Silly.
You go to facejampod.com slash first to sign up to get all these extra bonus videos that
we've been shooting around the office and kind of fucking around.
But we have more on our YouTube channel and a lot more coming up soon, Boysenberry Fest.
So we'll see you guys soon.
Yeah, right.
It sounded like you said
Boysenberry.
Yeah, Boysenberry.
Staking your reputation on it?
And I staked my reputation on it.
We can talk about that
as soon as this is over.
Is Snoopy going to be there?
What?
Nick?
Huh?
Snoopy?
Snoopy?
Will Snoopy be there?
Find out.
Bye.
Bye.
Probably not.
Did you get that?