100% Eat - Jimmy Johns Caprese Salami Pesto Sandwich
Episode Date: April 9, 2024In this episode, Michael Jones and Jordan Cwierz eat and review the Jimmy Johns Caprese Salami Pesto Sandwich so you know if it’s worth eating. They also talk about Cornucopia, Hulk demolishing the ...store, Jimmy being a bad guy, Graysie’s surprise gift, and more. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Transcript
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Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! do the intro and also we try every new fast food creation to let you know if you need it you probably do i'm your host michael jones standing alongside my seated co-host jordan sweers jordan how are you down there uh who knows who knows anymore this thing's got a fucking battery
it's on we don't know what time it is the microphones are floating in the sky
the microphone we just we just had the lunar eclipse.
We got the solar eclipse coming up.
I have lunar eclipse charged water in my house right now.
I'll have you know.
It's a little jar of water.
Well, it's a sample water from a larger jar that was left outside during the lunar eclipse,
and it's now been charged.
It's very co-starred.
Eric's looking at me.
What's up, buddy?
I went to open my stopwatch.
I forgot to stop it.
Oh my god!
504 hours.
Guys, this is a long episode.
504 hours, 14 minutes.
Here we go!
Let's do this
piece of shit. Oh man. Okay, stop.
Reset. Start. There we go.
Add two minutes. shit. Oh man. Okay, stop. Reset. Start. There we go.
Add two minutes.
Now.
Got it.
You didn't.
Can you add time?
He can't multitask on that thing.
He can't single task.
What the hell?
Whoa, hang on.
Which way is north?
Let us know.
It's a fucking compass.
It's that way.
Jordan, answer the question.
What was the question?
How you doing down there?
I thought I did.
You know, who knows?
Hey, today we're doing something.
Reviewing Jimmy John's Caprese Salami Pesto Sandwich.
Yeah.
With all the things going wrong, it's no wonder this company's going under.
You think it's because of this?
It's the microphone.
No, the microphone.
The microphone, technology. Nick's starting The microphone, technology Nick starting the wrong intro
He's sulking around
Is it sulking or skulking?
Skulking is when he's upset
Skulking is in being devious and maybe something perverted
Oh he's doing a whole
Yeah I assume when you're skulking in the bushes
Your penis is exposed
Only nefarious things happen when you're skulking
Jordan took his glasses off.
He got young.
I'm not doing the crossword.
How's your
new crossword podcast going?
Have you already
connected today? I have connected today.
Very upsetting
categories.
I can make a bullet with my brain.
Undoable, honestly.
Don't do it right now. We're make a bullet with my brain. Undoable, honestly. Don't do it right now!
We're doing a podcast!
No! This is bullshit.
Also, we should definitely talk about
the new
UI on the
app because it's awful.
It's so bad. Which app?
New York Times Games.
Oh.
The Rooster Teeth app. Yeah, it's so bad. Which app? New York Times Games. Oh.
The Rooster Teeth app.
Yeah, it's just updated.
We're rolling out a brand new app next week.
Yeah.
Tap on it. Just in time.
It's just a tombstone.
But one of those real shitty ones.
Oh, my God.
Gracie was talking about how she would like to be in a very nice urn when she dies.
But do you want to be cremated or just stuffed in?
That was really out of context.
What the fuck?
Oh, you're talking about tombstones.
I figured this was just a natural cycle.
Whenever we were in the kitchen and there was the tequila bottle and somebody said,
oh, that looks like an urn.
I said that I would like to be placed in one of those bottles when I...
A tequila bottle?
What I'm asking is, do you want a giant sized one
where you're not cremated and just stuffed in?
Oh, like my corpse.
Yeah.
I feel like she's a corpse.
Like she's being loaded
like an old gun.
Yeah.
That's how I'd imagine it.
You'd have to somehow
lodge me in there.
What do I want you to do with me?
Put me in a cannon?
No, no, no.
I think I would like to be cremated.
It would be like a ship in a bottle.
How do they get her in there?
They would dismember you.
And then you have to take the little tweezers and squeeze you in.
Limb by limb and reassemble you.
That's awesome.
I'm down for that idea.
What pose am I just going to be like? You know. reassemble you. That's awesome. Okay. Oh, I'm down for that idea. Oh, all right. But like what pose,
like am I just going to be like
kicking this?
Oh, you know, probably.
Yeah, it's, I mean,
it's different.
You know.
Yeah, you all have to
pose my eyelids.
If they're anything like
this microphone arm,
they will not stay shut.
It learned its lesson.
Yeah.
Yeah, how'd you do that?
I don't know.
Nick didn't even come over
to fix it.
He turned off lights.
He was skulking elsewhere.
He said,
I fixed it. Who's cooking lights. He was skulking elsewhere. Whose cookie is it?
Why only one?
Let's get right into it.
Why?
Eric, answer the question.
Five people, one cookie. Explain yourself.
What the fuck happened?
What was going on with these two?
What always goes on with them.
He was instigating.
He was fucking instigating
I sat down
I walked off and sat down
Michael watched it happen
He went
Nope
I said I'm sitting over here
And then there was a guy in there
Just walking in circles
With bags of chips
Yep
Just over and over
And over and over again
What the fuck was he doing
I thought he was
Taking his chips and leaving
But I guess he was waiting
For his sandwich
But he could not
Fucking sit still
Nope
Gracie has the first category.
I do. Jesus Christ.
This sucks.
We go to Jimmy John's.
I've never been to Jimmy John's before.
This is a local thing?
Jimmy John's? No.
How big of a chain is it?
Nation wide. Whole country?
Yeah. Maybe even international.
Wow, really?
It probably popped up around the same time.
Oh, maybe it's just not that old.
Yeah. Okay. It is relatively
recent. Oh, that's why. That could be it.
Maybe we'll learn more about it in the back section.
So much shit. 1983 is when it was
made. Okay, never mind. Just popped up.
Just popped up four years before
I was born. Easy. I never
heard of Jersey Mike's until I moved here
Yeah, there you go
And you're Jersey Mike
I know
Jersey Michael or Jersey Mikey
Yeah
No, no, I know you, Jersey Mike
Hey, what's up, Mike?
Unless you're going, hey, Mike, how you doing?
Yeah
Then you don't call me Mike
Unless you're that one guy that we like on Instagram and TikTok
The guy who wears the umpire vests under his shirt.
Unless you're the guy. It just comes across different
when said in that accent. Yeah. And that's what I grew up
with. Unless you're that
guy doing an impression of Michael's
uncle. His grandpa.
Yeah, dude.
My grandfather
fathered that uncle.
Wild. It was nuts when I found out.
That would be even crazier
if he didn't.
The other side of the thing.
Yeah.
Yeah.
He couldn't be,
you know,
he's just,
he's not a stepdad.
He's the dad who stepped up.
Whoa.
Good guy.
She gave an earnest whoa.
She's like,
whoa, deep.
She's only half way through.
She's doing connections.
She cannot get the second one.
Well, look,
I think people should get more credit
for stepping down, right? stepping down It's not for me
I'm stepping down
We're doing an audio podcast
I don't care
They're trying to promote their new podcast
It's the podcast
We're buzz marketing within this podcast
It's the only time we can get together
You can put it on the feed
Or you can just put it in the podcast
That's even better
It's efficient we can get together to do it. You can put it on the feed or you can just put it in the podcast. That's even better.
It's efficient is what it is. Exactly. Sometimes we slack about it.
Popcorn store.
We're getting there.
He couldn't even let it come up. He had to be like, talk about me.
We didn't even
talk about the fucking cookies
and he's talking about the popcorn store.
I realized my mistake right after
it happened too. You can turn them on but you can't turn them off. I was instigating him. I realized my mistake right after it happened, too.
You can turn them on, but you can't turn them off.
I went directly to Eric to get them going.
But what I should have done was whisper to Nick.
That's absolutely, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Because then Nick would get the brunt of it.
And I would just be watching.
So we drove over to the Jimmy John's.
We had to park way on the other side of the parking lot.
Way!
I was not even going to try. No, don't even bother. So we had to walk by like six or seven shops on the way John's. We had to park way on the other side of the parking lot. Way! I was not even going to try. No, don't even bother.
So we had to walk by like six or seven shops on the way over there.
A little strip mall.
And it was like driving with my mom, where it was just that.
Look at this!
But not just looking as we walk, stopping.
Unbelievable.
Unbelievable.
Dude, on the way out,
it was like
Gracie had her face
on the glass looking at puppies.
But it was popcorn flavor.
That's exactly how it was.
That was the Red Ryder BB gun in the window.
They started when we were walking up,
continued in the store.
Cookies happened.
Left the store. It just happened. Left the store.
It just kept escalating.
Walking back, Eric and I just kept walking.
No stopping.
And I just kept saying, they're still there.
They're still there.
I could hear your voices getting further away,
and I couldn't believe you hadn't disengaged from the storefront yet.
All they kept saying was, ooh, avocado lime.
Ooh, hang on, chocolate?
White cheddar, garlic, and herb.
Cheddar popcorn?
You ever heard of that before?
White cheddar.
Eric, it's white cheddar.
Jalapeno cheddar.
Jalapeno.
Can you imagine?
Does anyone ever put jalapeno flavoring on anything, let alone a popcorn?
They just stopped, and we're looking at popcorn flavors, and we're trying to leave.
Right, but then they got to the car, and they were like, okay, so popcorn.
We got to try this popcorn.
Oh, Gracie's like putting it together for spit and silly.
She's like, okay, so we'll do like the four part partition.
We're going to do the partition.
You're bringing back memories because I do the thing where I'm listening and then I just
repeat where I looked at you and just said, you got to have the partition.
You got to keep them separated.
Unbelievable.
So they're like. That's just outside
of the restaurant.
All of that's outside of just looking at
Nick going, ooh, smoke shop.
They smoked the competition.
Even before we got
to the Jimmy John's.
Nick was shopping days before.
He was looking at the
menu. Insane. I believe he said,
oh, good thing you told me. I almost got
this today. Michael couldn't
believe, yeah, wow. Yeah, thank God.
Great, great. Can you imagine what
would have happened if you ate it? He would have eaten it
again. Oh, man. Nuts.
Whoa! Oh,
stop the presses. I almost
ate this.
And based on how quickly he ate it,
would he have even tasted it? It was fast.
I handed him a sandwich.
I turned to talk to Michael.
I turned back and it was gone.
He crumbled it up.
It was interesting because his was gone.
And I mean gone.
Gone.
Totally gone.
Gracie, who I know was eating it
because she was talking about the food
she was pointing things out about the sandwich
but I look over full sandwich
and I just stared and I went
what have you been eating
it was an optical illusion
she turned it and she was like nibbling down the side
of it like fucking corn
like a corn husk
there was just too much
liquid and ooze happening
on the other...
In the pesto.
And apparently that's too much.
But she was making it worse.
It had like piled up at the end.
It was a sensory thing.
But then the way she was eating it
was forcing it all the way.
Making the situation worse.
I'll say this to Gracie's point.
Like, it's already the worst it's going to be when you don't want to eat it.
So, like, just fuck it.
Exactly.
Just keep making it.
Put it all in the corner.
Fix it.
Yeah.
No.
Eat around it.
Eat around it.
No, because I opened the sandwich.
It was like that whole inner crevice of where the bread wasn't cut. That was just like a river. You got to swish it around with the bread. It was like that whole inner crevice of where the bread wasn't cut.
That was just like a river.
You got to squish it around with the bread.
It was like a river of pesto and balsamic.
And you squish it around to even it out.
You do what Gracie did, which was hold it upside down.
Hold it up and drip it out and work it all the way down.
Balsamic doesn't really drip like grease from pizza.
No.
It comes out like someone needs blood thinner,
but they're not getting it.
Yeah.
We said it looks like
it looks like the Baron.
Yeah.
It just looks like Dune
and Dune part two.
Not Dune two.
Not Dune two.
This guy over here
calling it Dune two.
It's not Dune two.
I'm more of a
God Emperor of Dune type guy.
If you're going into the future
to watch Dune 2,
why don't you make a stop in the past and save this podcast, okay?
While you're bouncing around watching movies that don't exist yet.
I can only go forward, sorry.
Okay.
So we get to Jimmy John's, walk in.
Gracie immediately going, it's hot in here.
Yeah, they're baking everything.
It's very small. Maybe they didn't have the AC on. And it wasn't that small. Yeah, they're baking everything. It's very small.
Maybe they didn't have the AC on. And it wasn't that small. I've been in
way smaller Jimmy John's. Turn the fucking AC on,
Gracie said as she walked in.
Hey, what the fuck? I'm gonna start kicking.
So we're waiting. Unfriendly.
We're waiting behind the guy. She kicked me on the way into the
building. Oh, she was kicking everyone.
She kicked me on the way to the car. No, I know.
It was a coming back. I said, I gotta kick.
It was not malicious, but it was the back of my back.
I turned around and she was like, it was a friendly kick.
Dude, she's wearing her like, I know it just turned spring, but she's wearing her summer
shorts.
It's kicking season.
Oh, it's kicking season.
They're pajamas, actually.
Okay, but they're still shorts.
I didn't go beyond that.
Going to Jimmy John's in pajamas.
Yeah.
Normal.
True college lifestyle. Absolutely. She's Going to Jimmy John's in pajamas. Yeah. Normal. True college lifestyle.
Absolutely.
She's going to go to Walmart after this.
We waited in line behind the guy in flip flops.
And as we're waiting, I hear Jordan start to instigate the situation.
It's because he had already pointed out, he pointed out a brownie on the menu and Gracie
was like, ew.
And then Nick was like, what about this?
And it was a lemon blueberry
cobbler cookie.
Read it right.
Lemon berry cobbler cookie.
And Gracie was
immediately on board.
And so I saw it on the menu and I
was like, hey, what about that
lemon cobbler cookie?
And then it, that's exactly, couldn't just let it.
I said it to you.
Nick is to my left.
And Nick goes, yeah, what about the lemon cobbler cookie?
Before I sat down.
My final act before I sat down is like before I resigned as the CEO of some company,
I looked at Eric and went, just get the fucking cookies.
Just get them.
I'm going to sit down.
I was already getting the cookies.
It was just like, Jesus Christ.
So.
They're whispering something else.
They're doing connections.
She needs a hint.
We're playing games.
Okay, so one of them is.
Shut the fuck up.
They're playing a game.
You're supposed to be the nice guy. You're interrupting. One of them is- Hey, can you shut the fuck up? They're playing a game. You're supposed to be the nice guy.
You're interrupting.
One of them is sea animals.
And the other one is going to be a blank.
A blank thing.
Oh, I hate those.
I know.
Hate it.
What the fuck?
None of these are an animal.
Come on!
So you ordered the food and said cookies.
And, you know, I'm assuming supply or they were in the back or whatever.
They're in a package.
They are not freshly baked.
They're individually wrapped.
Well, you don't know that.
Well, we do know that because they were fresh.
He might have sealed them right then and there.
You think they're sealing them at Jimmy John's?
They're not, Gracie.
Well, yeah, the sealing machine is so hot.
They're making it hot inside the Jimmy John's.
Exactly.
They're printing the graphics, too, inside the store. That's what's making it so hot. They're making it hot inside the Jimmy John's. They're printing the graphics too inside the store.
The guy at the counter
when I ordered them, I'm like, five of the sandwiches,
five of the cookies, that's it. He's like, alright, cool.
And also, I couldn't believe you ordered
five. I thought you'd get like two or three.
No, no, no. I don't want
to hear more of it.
Too bad you heard it anyway.
Gracie lost. Yay!
What the fuck? You tried and failed. Y'all are all preying Gracie lost. Yay. What the fuck?
So.
You tried and failed.
Y'all are all preying on my downfall.
Yes.
We.
They only handed us.
We were expecting.
Two cookies.
And the guy at the register said, hey, when I give you the sandwiches, just remind me.
I owe you three cookies.
I said, I got you, man.
Right on.
I didn't hear that part.
So I.
I know.
But you know what?
I also saw him with two cookies and I assumed
if there was an issue,
immediately he would have said, they only have
two cookies. You didn't say that, so I
thought nothing was amiss. I assumed he only
got them for Nick and I after our oohs and ahs.
Which also, even then,
why would that outrage them?
Because the cookies were placed
on the table that Michael had
retreated to. You walked They weren't presented to me as, okay, these are for you.
You walked away for a nanosecond.
And I just kept going, why only two?
Why only two?
Why only two?
Why only two?
And I just kept going, five of us.
Five of us.
Five of us.
Why only two?
Why only two?
Something about the entire experience in there felt very reminiscent of the subway experience.
I don't know why.
Not at all.
Not at all.
To me, It felt similar.
You felt the same maybe.
Like me worrying about
the pretzels and me
worrying about the cookies.
It was like
you walked into our
stage and I was like
can I order this food?
And the guy said
yeah no problem.
And Gracie's going
who do I need to call?
Who do I get?
I'm gonna get three cookies.
Two cookies.
Five people.
Two cookies.
Five people.
Is there another Jimmy Jones
we can get three cookies at?
I was either worried
about not getting my pretzels
and then I was worried
about not getting cookies.
So I set down two cookies
and she just goes, only two cookies?
And in a Nick-like manner, not to you,
not saying, Eric, there's only two.
Just out loud going, only two?
I mean, in a way that Base Jam operates
where that signifies, yeah, get them.
It was very much a, here we go.
Yep.
And nobody went because there's going to give me three fucking more.
And Jordan just went, yeah, why aren't we eating inside?
It all, oh my God.
I was sitting at the table and I just kept saying, five sandwiches, five sandwiches, five sandwiches, five sandwiches.
Two cookies, five sandwiches.
Fucking crazy.
That Jimmy Jones was also weird.
What was going on in the corner?
I took a picture of it.
Okay.
I was talking to Gracie because I was like,
I've never been to one of these before.
I was like, are they all like this?
And Gracie's like, no.
Not the ones I've been in.
Yeah, and I was like, so they don't all have weird fridge?
It looked like walls that had been taken down.
Industrial fridge parts?
Yeah, I think the Hulk came through and just started doing demolition.
It was fucked.
Like stainless steel walls?
And they just kept them on display for fun.
Yeah, well, the Hulk was here.
If the Hulk comes in and fucks your place up, you're going to leave it.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, Hulk was here.
Hulk eats here.
It felt very under construction construction but only part of it
but that also made the whole thing feel under construction
it just felt weird
and there were also like the guys who
I'm going to say they were welders
hanging out
hanging out in the corner taking up
three benches yeah they were having a good time
they were hanging out
talking about the trade
they were getting ready to leave in their truck
and then pull over and throw up somewhere.
Man, we're really jumping all over.
So we got all this stuff.
We didn't do a ride-along.
Jesus Christ.
So much drama.
We got all the food
and we left the restaurant.
Well, we left the restaurant and Gracie and Nick
hung out in front of the popcorn shop for 10 or 15 15 minutes and then eventually we all got back in the car and left and jordan made fun
of me because it said that his back seat said that i was a baby oh yeah big hand board it was
like giving the car seat notification gracie noticed it was like is is this a saying nick's
a baby and i looked at it go saying eric's a saying Nick's a baby? And I looked at it and go, it's saying Eric's a baby.
That's very fitting.
I should have assumed.
What the fuck?
What the fuck?
And then we watched a man throw up in our parking lot.
Yeah.
So it seems like they specifically pulled over to throw up in our parking lot because
then they left.
Yeah.
And they had their hazards on as they were leaving.
Well, I think they, I think they recognized that the sauce monkey was near.
The anxiety was too overwhelming for that boy.
I don't even think they knew what was going on.
It was just like a reaction that causes.
I think it was a couple of construction guys,
and he got a little ahead of himself.
He was too hopped up on monsters.
I think his wife was driving him.
It was a woman.
Oh, really?
Did anyone get it?
I mean, how closely did y'all look?
I got a very good look.
Not really at all
At the situation
I was a baby in the back
so I couldn't really see
You couldn't see from your car
Well he was
I mean
no one else is gonna be able
to see this
He must have really
had to throw up
because he was going like this
She's
putting her fingers
in her mouth
over and over
and over
He was like
basically trying to
rip out his uvula
Well maybe if you watch the video version, you can see that.
Don't forget we're recording video.
I don't think I could be seen.
She's out of range.
There's no Bluetooth signal.
At this point, Jimmy John's is fucking weird.
But we should get to the haiku and learn about this place because most of us don't know shit about it.
I certainly don't. I know they
only have one cheese.
What? They only have
usually like one type of
cheese. Was it the cheese on my sandwich?
No. We had mozzarella today and they surely
have cheddar. Well, I think
it's like specialties.
That's the one cheese. It's provolone.
Like standard. They don't have
American there. Anyway, that's what I remember. I'm pulling up the menu. That's why I was excited It's provolone. Like standard. They don't have American there.
Anyway, that's what I remember.
I'm pulling up the menu.
This is why I was excited that there was mozzarella on it.
I was like, whoa, another cheese?
They got a new cheese.
New cheese just dropped.
Yep.
I remember the first time I went to Jimmy John's after moving from New Jersey,
and the only selection was provolone.
I went, you're a goddamn sandwich shop.
She's just right.
That's what I said.
Whispering it into the microphone. That's what I said. Whispering it into the microphone.
That's what I said.
Thank you.
Why?
Provolone.
Thank you.
This guy's going, no, they have tons of other.
Maybe for specialty.
What's the point?
Thank you.
What's the point?
This is why I went there and went, fuck off.
And then I never, the other thing was, I remember people at Jimmy's, because they're open late.
They're open until like 2 a.m. some places because of like near campus
and people are like,
and I went provolone,
one cheese,
I think not.
Weakest cheese.
It is the weakest cheese.
It sucks.
It's always in caps too.
If you look on their menu,
whatever you see,
provolone,
provolone.
Right.
She's saying it like
she's a Marvel versus Capcom 2 character.
Optic blast,
provolone.
It's one of her moves.
That's a stupid rule. I had to get that out
I had to get that out
I don't know if it's a rule
But I had to get that out
Stupid business choice
It's a fun fact
You should have at least
American Provolone
Pepper Jack
Yeah
Dude Pepper Jack
Pepper Jack
Come on
Get your head out of your head
Pepper Jack is
One of the best
Damn dude
This guy was just
Defending him
And now he's throwing shit
Whoa Jimmy one of the best damn dude this guy was just defending him and now he's throwing shit whoa
let's hear this haiku
does it talk about one cheese
is it gonna fucking freak him out or what
I know I knew even less
about Jimmy John's and i'm starting to
think i know nothing yeah um okay here it is cowboys nascar champ jimmy johnson that's jimmy
johnson it's a different guy what those those are three guys that's the haiku that's pretty good
way to go man bravo That was really nice Oh fuck
More guys than Jesus
Yep
It's true
Yeah
More Jimmy John
Sons
Than Jesus
My wife
That's for her
Because she always
If a Jimmy John's commercial
Comes on
She's like
Is that the
Cowboys guy
Awesome
Is that the race car guy
I go
Jimmy John's is something
Completely different It's a different thing It's sandwiches But I like that She does it every time Yeah like, is that the Cowboys guy? Awesome. Is that the race car guy? I go, Jimmy Jones is something completely different.
It's a different thing. It's sandwiches.
But I like that she does it every time.
There's no effort to learn and retain.
Now I will say,
it sounds like Holly.
Alright, Eric, do the facts. Let's do it.
Hit me with it. You read them. Go for it. I wrote them, you read them.
You're not going to want to claim these.
Go for it. Whoa! Originally envisioned you read them. You're not going to want to claim these. Go for it. Whoa! Originally envisioned
as a hot dog stand,
Jimmy
John, how do you pronounce that
name? Leotard.
Yeah, I think so.
Pivoted to a sandwich concept
after seeing how affordable it was to
make and sell sandwiches rather
than getting involved in the competitive
Chicago hot dog market.
Yep, it started in Illinois and it was like he wanted to do that.
Nothing but hot dogs here, yeah.
And he's like, I'm doing dogs, I'm doing dogs.
And then he found out, he's like, oh sandwiches, man. Oh, sandwiches cheap.
Yeah.
It's only affordable because they have one cheese.
That's right.
Wow.
And he's not doing it for the love of the food.
No.
If he was doing hot dogs-
He's doing it for profit?
Being a cheapo.
Piece of shit.
If he was doing hot dogs, would he only it for a profit? He's being a cheapo. Piece of shit. If he was doing hot dogs,
would he only have provolone
on his hot dogs?
Ew.
That'd be fucked up.
That'd be sick.
Provolone hot dog sounds crazy.
I want to eat a provolone hot dog.
Well,
this guy says why.
I bet you could make it happen
rather easily.
Why would you do that?
Here's the thing.
I just said it out loud.
Like,
I want to eat a provolone hot dog.
If we had hot dogs and they had provolone on them.
He'd be shitting his pants.
No fucking hesitation.
He's just wolfing them down.
He wouldn't even be like, oh, what cheese is this?
He'd be like, oh, a hot dog.
What?
Cartoon style.
Yes.
Shows the whole thing in his mouth.
God damn.
Also.
We know you.
Jimmy John Leotard's father promised to give him $25,000 to start a business,
and it was too expensive to start the hot dog business,
so he saw a guy selling sandwiches and beer out of a cooler
and said he wanted to do that instead.
Such an entrepreneur.
That's basically the same fact.
That is how he came about it.
Where they present it, they present it like,
Wow, he started this sandwich shop and it was profitable in two years.
Isn't that incredible? And then you read more about it and he went, hot dogs was too expensive,
but I saw a guy selling stuff out of a cooler. So I went, I'll just take my dad's money and do that.
You fucking moron. Why would you fucking moron why would you admit that why would you admit that also
you make something up yeah also just see a guy at a hot dog stand selling hot dogs out of a hot dog
uh like bin whoa hold on that's a good idea yeah i'm thinking about uh thinking about stealing that
the same thing yeah your dad giving you twenty five thousand000 in the 80s to start a business and you go, hot dogs too hard.
Sandwiches.
Fuck you.
So many more ingredients in sandwich than hot dog.
But again, you're limited to one cheese.
That's really where the, I'm sure he did some business analysis or saw some guy say provolone is the only cheese you need.
In 2015, It was discovered
That Jimmy John was a big game
Wildlife hunter
Traveling to Africa to shoot evil
Elephants, leopards, and more
I added the word evil
After finding out
Widespread boycotts of Jimmy John's took place
And Jimmy said quote
I don't hunt big African game anymore
End quote Jimmy is the most dangerous game place and Jimmy said quote I don't hunt big African game anymore end quote
Jimmy is the most dangerous game
and the sauce monkey is ready to
pull the trigger hell yeah
jinx
have you looked
up the pictures of that
the last fact
it's a long one.
But don't worry about that.
But yeah, look up Jimmy John Big Game.
Gracie, you're going to see a bunch of dead animals.
Oh, wait.
What do you think Big Game hunting is, Gracie?
Oh, my God.
What did you think this fact was about?
He was going to Africa to shoot animals with kisses.
I was going to hug an elephant until it died. I thought maybe
it would be at least blurred out or something.
No. No. No. He's proudly
holding up a dead leopard.
Oh, yeah.
Yes. I don't know why you're still looking at it.
He's grimacing. He's also kneeling
next to a downed elephant. Well, that's
an elephant he killed. Maybe it tripped.
Why? What makes you want to do that?
That's fucked up. Well, what happens is you see-
Are you fucking kidding?
This is the guy behind it?
Yes.
Uh-huh.
Yeah, that's Jimmy John.
Uh-huh.
Wait.
He looks kind of like-
That guy won three Super Bowls.
Am I allowed to call him a main name?
He kind of looks like Papa John, doesn't he?
That guy won seven NASCAR championships.
Like Papa John?
Jordan, he looks like Papa John a little bit.
He does.
Yeah, he-
He looks like a kind of inflated Papa John.
Now, I will say he is-
Stop looking at the dead animals he shot and killed in Africa
Look at the dead animals he killed in America
I had to stop at the giraffe
He used to go to the zoo
It's okay I'm Jimmy John
Here's some provolone
I hate Jimmy John I'm down for the boycott
Bring it back
Nine years later I'm outraged again
Now I'm on board
I'm willing to bet. Now I'm on board.
I'm willing to bet he says he stopped doing it.
He stopped posting pictures.
That's exactly how I feel.
Just what he did.
I'm sure he definitely stopped. What do you do with them?
What do you mean?
In that case?
Or you get them stuffed or whatever?
You take a picture, and then they probably cut up parts of it,
and then you take it home because you're a dumb asshole.
The tusk or whatever.
People take parts, make shoes.
I still think the sauce monkey should hunt Jimmy John.
Then we hunt the sauce monkey.
In that order.
If he becomes the apex predator, he must be taken down.
Prior to 2014, if you were hired at Jimmy John's,
you had to sign a two-year non-compete clause stating
that you would not go to work
for any of Jimmy John's rivals.
We're not sure exactly who his rivals
are. We assume Subway and Quiznos,
but now we're starting to think maybe
it's African wildlife.
Would you work for Lion better than
working for a cheetah, folks?
Folks.
I thought the exact same thing. And he working for a cheetah, folks. Folks.
I thought the exact same thing.
And he's something over there.
Provolone was the tip of the iceberg.
Okay, true.
Yeah.
It really is.
Also, just as like, just to throw in the clause,
you can't work for any hot dog places either.
Because I'm thinking about stealing that idea.
I mean, like, what?
It got thrown out.
They had to take, because it went to court, and then they're like,
Yeah, fucking trade secrets of Jimmy John's?
What the fuck are you talking about?
All you do is make a sandwich with provolone.
Like, what are you doing?
That's our secret.
Yeah, that's right.
You can't work for McDonald's for two years.
What the fuck are you talking about?
This guy's an idiot.
I'm going to go work for the Detroit Lions.
Nuh-uh. No, no, that's what you're saying.
That's a big game animal.
Last fact. In 2023,
a class action lawsuit
was leveled against Jimmy
John's, stating they were
unlawfully collecting, storing,
and using customer voice prints
without consent. According
to the lawsuit, Jimmy John's secretly
uses technology
at certain drive-thru locations
to record customers' voices
as they order food.
The technology then extracts
an individual's voiceprint biometrics,
quote,
to determine unique features
of their voice,
such as pitch, volume, and duration,
end quote.
So the company can, quote,
provide future targeted upselling
and increases in drive-thru operation efficiency,
end quote, the complaint says.
So next time you're ordering sandwich,
use a weird voice to really fuck up the system.
Here's a prompt.
What would it sound like if Groot was ordering a sandwich?
Have fun.
That's a lot of work for nothing.
What are you using that for?
Isn't that fucking crazy? Why would you
want to record the voices of the people
ordering Jimmy John's? It really shows the extent
that companies will go to
for what they consider like
data. Yes. And like
it is such a small gain
of like, oh, then we can identify that
people with this pitch could be upsold in some way.
Here's the thing, though.
I hate to, like, give him credit or kind of agree with him.
It wouldn't make sense to me any other way, except any time something exciting happening, Nick goes, ooh.
And so if they hear that coming through, they might be like, oh, yeah.
He's got to get the cookies.
He wants the cookies. He wants those cookies. He wants the cookies.
Five cookies. Woo!
Wait, wait, wait. First, only give him two.
Yeah. I feel about the sandwich
with Chip Provolone. Oh, he didn't make the noise.
How about the cookies? Woo!
The data's
off the charts. We got something here. I just don't
get, like, why you would want to record people going,
oh, yeah,
can I get, oh,
let me get that. Think about that. record people going, Hi, welcome to Jimmy John's. Oh, yeah, can I get... Let me get that.
Think about that.
Can I get...
Thinking about...
Talking about...
Can I get provolone?
Do you have anything but provolone?
Extra balsamic.
Why just provolone, though?
I don't understand.
It must be a cheapo thing at this point.
I'm agreeing with Gracie.
This guy's a cheap state.
Because now you're kind of...
Overall, I think he's a bad guy.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
He's the dead animals and the cheese.
Dead animals, a lack of cheese.
Stealing others' ideas.
Stealing our voices.
Just looks like a weirdo in general.
He, yeah.
I don't like-
Sorry, Jimmy.
Bad look about him.
Sorry, not really.
I'm judging this book by its cover.
Boom, baby.
And all the things that he's done.
Yeah.
That stuff doesn't bother me.
I opened the book and read the book.
I'm actually okay with everything else.
I'm okay with that. The blood is on my hands.
That's fine. Well the blood's on
his hands. It's leopard blood.
I'm okay with that. Okay cool. But look at this guy.
Inflated Papa John.
What the fuck? He does look like inflated Papa John.
Big time.
I've never seen Papa John.
He looks like that but deflated a little bit.
Why was that so surprising?
What's Papa John shooting?
He does look like Papa John.
Look at Papa John sweaty.
It's already up there.
Was that it?
If you type Papa John, you get Papa John sweaty.
Gross.
Why is he so sweaty? This is like her looking at the dead animals. Yeah. Yeah. Gross. But also, she can't look away.
Well, this is like her looking at the dead animals.
We're like, don't do it.
And she's like, ah!
Like, I can't stop!
Ew.
Why is he dripping in an interview?
I bet Jimmy John would go to Africa.
Because the reckoning is coming.
Yeah, I bet Jimmy John would go to Africa to hunt cinnamon.
Yeah.
Are you fucked up, Michael?
No, Jimmy John is.
Don't let him
find out that cinnamon's gonna be in town
for a month. Well, don't fucking tell him!
Oh, no!
Jimmy, she's the most dangerous game.
You know what? Hang on.
I hope Jimmy John doesn't listen to this podcast.
That was fucked up, Michael.
She's here now.
She'll never forgive you for this.
No, I won't.
What's he going to do?
I know exactly what he's going to do.
He's going to do it now?
Yeah, he's going to do it now.
Why is he going to do it now?
Wait, what's he doing?
Don't you know?
Don't you want to know?
Am I being betrayed?
You have such a big smile.
Am I being betrayed?
Oh, boy. I've always wanted to be betrayed.
You should explain that to her.
In my head, he's going to walk in with Cinnamon.
I know that's fucking impossible.
Or is it?
Well, it is impossible because my mom is bringing her to me tomorrow.
Yeah, he's walking in with your mom.
Holding Cinnamon.
No, he's empty-handed.
I saw him.
Oh.
Or at least not Cinnamon.
No, he's not.
Okay.
So.
He's empty-handed.
As good a time as any.
So, you know know Cinnamon will be here
For a month
Wait what?
Well we all know that now
And Jimmy John
Jimmy John stay out of my fucking way
You left
And she said with the utmost glee and excitement
Am I getting betrayed?
She was like oh is it happening now?
Everyone knows
It is a kind betrayal
Shut up what's happening?
It's a kind of betrayal Is what he meant He is the nice guy He is a kind betrayal. Shut up. What's happening? It's a kind of betrayal.
Is what he meant. He is the nice guy.
He is a... Guess what?
Are you kidding? Guess what
we all got for you.
You guys, I'm about to start
crying. Who the... Wait, how did this
happen? Someone sent it. No, they didn't. Are you
going to say it? Never mind. Take it away. I know they didn't.
What's happening? I don't know who sent it.
It's a fucking pluffle.
Shut up.
It's a pluffle.
It legitimately came.
Wait.
It's Gracie.
She'd be so upset when she opens it and finds it's just packing peanuts and we're just tricking
her.
I'm not saying it's fun.
Winnie in the hang?
Winnie in the hang?
Wait.
I'm about to start crying.
Good, cry in the camera.
Wait, they can't hear me.
Guys, I'm about to start crying.
Winnie, is that who sent it, actually?
I don't know.
Someone named Winnie?
I don't know.
I don't know.
Do you know how packages work?
If it was Winnie, thank you.
Wait, guys, my heart is racing.
Someone sent the goddamn pluffle.
It was an Amazon order.
Now you can sleep like a dog.
Guys, this is the best day of my entire life.
Wow, we did it.
It is an Amazon order.
I don't know who it came from.
Hang on, I have to go dig through the Reddit
because someone one time posted about a pluffle
and asked me what color I would get.
And I responded.
I'm like, I wonder if that's them.
What did you say?
What color did you say?
Pink.
Let's fucking open it.
Come open it, Nick. This is the
actually the best day of my entire
fucking life. That's great, because this is your severance!
What do you mean, vacation
pay? Oh my god.
If it's pink, then it's that person.
The label says Winnie, so thank you,
Winnie. I'm so happy that Face Jam could
be the provider of
We didn't get it, but in a way we did.
We let her beg for one week after
week after week.
And someone was susceptible.
I'm going to lay in it right now.
I'm going to lay in it right now.
I'm responsible for Gracie's best day and worst day.
I bet it has to inflate.
Oh my god. Can y'all even imagine when
Cinema's here and we're in it together?
That's why I wanted to bring it up now.
Alright, Nick is getting it open.
This is the world reveal
The first dog bit for humans
This is so big
Oh my god
Oh Gracie
It's pink
Is there a note in it that says anything?
A note
Throw this part out
Throw this part away
Okay got it
You can probably undo the pluffle at home
No undo it here
There's a pluffle
No undo it here You got a big car undo it here. You got a big car, undo it here.
That's not a big car.
What?
Mic in the mic. Mic in the mic.
She can fit it in her car?
I don't think there is a car.
Okay.
Well, no, it's not gonna be inside the pluffle bag, Gracie.
Amazon doesn't open it up and put shit inside the product.
Wait, guys. There's no way this really happened.
Okay, well, we can, again, we can take it away.
No, no. If you don't want it.
I will fight tooth and nail for this thing.
She'll start kicking.
Cinnamon's going to be so comfortable
in the human dog bag. Wait, this was up in the mail room?
Are you really? Of course I am. You're opening it.
Let's do it. I'm done. He does things
now. I made the pack.
He does the things now.
This is the
spitting silly segment where we just open the things now. This is the
spitting silly segment where we
just open the pluffle.
You're not prepared for it.
The grunting?
Yeah.
She can't stop. Gracie and Michael are trying to get it there.
It's out of the package. It's pretty heavy, right?
Yeah, it is.
Is Cinnamon going to be allowed to sleep on this?
Because it's not for dogs.
This is for people.
Yeah, but it's for people.
Gracie and Cinnamon are going to sleep in
the pluffle together.
I really want to know who sent this.
If you sent it in, can you tweet at us?
Can you let us know?
I love you dearly, whoever sent this.
Gracie, you're also not going to find out for about 10 days.
Yeah, this is coming out pretty early. I forgot. Well, by then I will have slept not gonna find out for about ten days. Yeah
Well by then I will have slept in this thing every fucking night, okay
You haven't even like opened it all the way and it's like Gracie, Gracie's like clawing at it.
Five cookies!
Dog bed! Here we go!
So we have to slide those into the thing?
Ugh, why doesn't it come pre-assembled?
I know right? Just ship it this big!
Put it in a giant box so that Gracie can sleep on it immediately. I don't even understand how this big. Put it in a giant box so that Gracie can sleep on it immediately.
I don't even understand how this works.
This guy is like the little...
Those are like what go around.
That's what spoons you.
So these are after the fact?
I think it goes in there.
Where's the instructions?
Dude, this waffle's gonna stink like D&D.
It's true.
Nick, unfortunately, you're gonna have to edit around a lot of this.
I'm sorry.
This is crazy.
I'm going to dip the base of taste at both ends.
I'm done now.
Yeah.
We can just move on to the next part while Gracie does this.
All right, Gracie.
My goal is giving up, and we are going to continue the podcast.
She needs to learn. It's her pluffle.
I won't be there for her in the future.
I'll be on vacation.
So if you want to send me a
pluffle for my vacation,
I like blue.
Oh my god.
It's puffed.
It's pretty puffed.
What the fuck is going to happen?
Who cares?
Tell us about the sandwich.
It just went, wah!
The Caprese Salami Pesto Sandwich.
Just in time for spring, this bold new sandwich is piled high with time-honored Italian ingredientes
like slow-roasted tomatoes,, all natural Genoa salami,
basil pesto, balsamic
glaze, olive oil, oregano, onion,
mayonnaise, and then topped
with award winning fresh mozzarella.
One bite will take you away to
Italy and make you say, that's amore.
No it won't. Is that how you felt
when you bit into it? Is that where you
like, oh, mamma mia. I went, that's a sandwich.
Oh, I bit into it and I went,
ooh, all glaze. First bite.
Nothing but glaze. Everyone had their own little
thing with their
sandwich. Mine was, I kept getting onions.
Yeah, dude. Pulling onions
out of the sandwich. Jordan was just like
onion rich. Dude, that shit was
fucked. Gracie has looked at the pluffle and then
looked back at the instructions 47
times without moving a muscle. It's just, it's pluffle and then looked back at the instructions 47 times without moving a muscle.
It's just, it's pluffle, picture.
Pluffle, picture. If you're
watching, if you're watching the video
version, you can see all of this pluffle
stuff. It's happening on the table.
Yeah, but we have to learn more.
It looks like Ikea
style instructions.
Start feeding. Jordan, go
ahead.
Alright, we got a lot of quotes here. Quote, style instructions. Start feeding. Jordan, go ahead. She'll just be feeding.
Alright, we got a lot of quotes here.
We set out to develop a sandwich that
was full of delicious Italian flavors,
said Dustin Helinski,
Director of Culinary Innovation at Jimmy John's.
But we also wanted to make
it unique to Jimmy John's, which starts
with hand-sliced salami, because we've
always hand-sliced our meats,
as that makes all the difference.
And then layer other ingredients
atop our iconic freshly
baked bread to create
the most satisfying sandwich. The freshly
baked bread that Gracie was doing ASMR
nail stuff with. Right, because it was so hard.
It was like, it wasn't
like rock-hard bread.
The outside crust was like plastic. It was smooth. It was so weird. It was like it wasn't like rock hard bread the outside crust was like plastic
It was it was so weird. It was like a Ken doll. Yeah, it was like a Ken doll. Yeah
It was very weird. Also this person just described a
Sandwich. What it is. Yeah. Yeah
Can you get your fucking ginger ale away from the bowl?
Sorry I'm in the way
But don't worry there there's more quotes.
I might be next.
Tuck the ends in.
Oh my God.
It's really hard to read while she's like talking to the instructions.
Again, it's like another Nick.
I think we're just going like this.
All right, we're just going like this.
I never got to build something.
We are so excited to bring back the Caprese salami pesto sandwich this spring and introduce the new caprese salami salami pesto wrap.
Wait, was I supposed to put this?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Following your lead, Gracie, you got the instructions.
I mean, I'm here to help.
No, I wasn't.
No, no, she wasn't.
That goes in.
Okay.
Yeah, that goes in after.
Jordan, why do you keep stopping?
Go ahead, Jordan.
Said Kate Carpenter,
Vice President of Integrated
Marketing Communications at Jimmy John's.
You gotta have a Vice President of Integrated
Marketing Communications.
We
saw how beloved the Caprese
Salami Pesto Sandwich was
last year and knew our customers would love
more ways to explore these Italian-inspired flavors.
What better way to introduce the Caprese Salami Pesto Wrap than with a playful nod to Italian fashion with a, I knew about this, Caprese-inspired silk scarf that can be used as a wrap for your wrap.
The scarf is $75 that is
insane what who do they think is going to buy a silk scarf with Jimmy Jimmy
she just said I think I might have to crawl in and I thought it smelled bad on outside. This is the worst episode we've
ever done. This is the best, dude.
This is insane. Did you
locate the blue ribbon zipper? Yeah, I'm
in the blue ribbon zipper. Okay.
You're doing it wrong!
Eric's messing it up!
It doesn't go like that. So what I really liked
about the sandwich, when we bit into it,
I feel like I got all the flavors.
You have to feed the bolsters into the case through the opening of the blue ribbon zipper.
I didn't taste any bolsters when I tasted the sandwich.
And then you pull the bolster on the other side.
But on the right side, there definitely was more pesto.
Yeah.
It's thick like the mozzarella.
Whoa, this kind of does look like the sandwich.
Where is it?
This is the salami.
Uh-huh.
This is the mozzarella.
Where's the pesto?
It's everywhere.
It's everywhere.
We're going to add that later.
The balsamic glaze.
The Baron's dune bath.
Welcome.
Welcome to the best nap of your life
Dude you're gonna need a nap
After like the physical labor
Involved
She's gonna have to put this in her car
She's gonna get to put it in her car
Yeah it'll fit
It's fine dude
The squish monkey will be the cinnamon stand
Yeah the squish monkey gets kicked out
They're not even Eric
Make them even, dude!
God damn it, I knew you'd muck this up.
Just like the sandwiches and the cookies.
Whoa, get him, Nick.
You're actually helping, you know?
You have way more on your side. He needs more.
Pull the goddamn bolsters, Eric!
Alright, that's even. That's even.
Alright, now I'm getting worried. This is starting to look like a hotdog
Nick what if you were at a ball game turn talking hotdogs? How would you say hotdogs to get?
All right now my circle style make them circle style. I'd buy hotdogs from you Nick
Dude he's... Everybody practices.
Listen to me. Tuck bolsters and in,
then re-zip the blue...
Only the blue ribbon zipper.
That's not...
Make sure it's the blue ribbon zipper.
I'm pulling the blue ribbon zipper. Okay.
God.
It's like building an Ikea thing.
Yes, then you feed the pad into the opening
Below the base fabric of the case
Push from one side, pull from the other side
Gracie doesn't say anything about crawling inside of it
So I don't think you have to do that
No, not at all
How did you get them to touch?
They're more than touching
They're pillows, Gracie How'd you get them to not? They're pillows, Gracie.
They squish.
Just squish them.
It's yours, Jordan.
And then I zipped it.
Okay.
I don't want to make a big thing.
Too late!
My style would be much more like,
if you don't mind, I have a hot dog to give you.
So I'd just be like, hot dog!
Hot dog's over here!
That's the blue ribbon zipper everyone's been talking about. I have a hot dog to give you, so I'd just be like, Hot dog! Hot dog's over here!
Oh, that's pretty good.
The way you are angrily and insanely yanking this zipper.
Gracie's gonna need a nap after this.
She's like working really hard.
I'm starting to sweat.
Good thing I wore shorts today.
Jesus. They're pajamas.
She's ready for bed.
Here we go. We're puffling now!
Alright, what do you got?
No, Jimmy John! He'll come for us all!
Get your hot dogs, kiddos, friend-alls for a hot dog!
Come on down, get a hot dog, five dollars!
Come on down, get a hot dog, five dollars!
Come on down, get a hot dog, five dollars!
Come on down, get a hot dog, five dollars!
You got it.
You got it.
He's like having a crisis. That's how I would do it. Yeah! He's like having a crisis.
That's how I would do it.
That's how I would do it.
Just this part.
Which side, which side though?
No, no.
I meant, okay, white side up.
This is what I mean when I say we're just your typical American family of five.
Yeah, really. I mean this is...
There's nothing to look at here.
Yeah, I'm not sure what she's just really scared of.
What is she confused about?
Now you shove in the pad.
That's it.
This is like a giant pad.
She's giggling the whole time.
It's like a giant female pad is what this looks like.
It is, yeah.
Jesus Christ, you're right.
Like, I didn't think this would actually happen for me.
All right.
Well, for us.
We're all going to share it.
We're going to lose it because we've talked about these for over a year. Well, for us. We're all gonna share it.
We're gonna lose it, because we've talked about these for over a year.
What? We have.
You did what?!
You didn't touch the zipper? You're only supposed to touch the blue ribbon zipper, you son of a bitch!
When it's finally, God rest her soul, cinnamon's time, you can bury her in the pluffle.
You can put her inside the pluffle.
You can put her on the pluffle and like like
It stresses me out watching her yank these zippers trying to break them other yeah because you're freaking out almost almost oh my god it's almost done oh my god oh my god yeah this is not that boring bullshit. Puzzles and pluffles is work. Puzzles and pluffles!
And there is a pluffle!
That's the name!
That's the name, and we have the pluffle done.
Yes!
Bagel.
It's literally a big dog bed.
Show us, show us, show us.
Oh my god, Gracie, what the fuck?
It's got a handle.
It's got a handle. It's got a handle.
Dude, you could, like, go on the river.
You could go float on the river.
I don't know.
There might not be room for cinnamon.
She's so happy.
Oh, man.
Dude, good thing you wore your pajamas today.
She knew.
Jump out of your pluffle.
All right, there it is.
The official face jam pluffle.
Do I leave it here or do I want to move?
Leave it.
It's fine.
Yeah, it's good for the shot.
So happy.
It looks like a little boat.
Yeah.
Oh, big time.
Hey, so what did you guys think about Jimmy John's?
I mean, the sandwich was pretty good, actually.
Yeah?
I liked it.
It's not something I would get, which made it hard to judge Jimmy John's as a whole although I can definitely judge Jimmy
John no she has a piece she doesn't know what to do with oh there's always extra
there's always extra pieces right we're no no no no point it towards the pluffle
yeah right Gracie we're at work right now and we're doing the show.
This was the show.
Y'all gave me a gift
and you expect me
not to react this way?
What do you want her
to have, self-control?
Yeah, yeah.
Can't believe I did that.
Really?
I was just trying to kill her.
Oh, don't worry.
It comes with a coloring book.
We did it.
Nice.
Jordan, what do you think?
It's not something
I would ever get
and I think their bread's weird but also it was, again, so oddly distributed.
Like too many ingredients, too many onions for me.
I did not finish it.
I'm going to give it a, for Jimmy Johnson himself, 48.
48?
That's too high for him.
Damn.
Not for Jimmy John.
I'm talking about Jimmy with an IE from El Cajon, California.
That's right, he is.
He's an ass car racer.
It's fine.
That's fine then.
What do you think?
This is something I would totally order.
It's the salami, right?
And it was, dude, salami's never a thing.
You never get, we have yet, I think, in the history of this show,
had it's a salami thing.
Yeah.
That's crazy.
But salami isn't really a thing anyway.
No, of course it is.
It's just a cold cut.
It's a often forgotten cold cut.
That's my favorite cold cut.
It is.
It's one of like seven that you get in like the Italian sandwich.
It's not tasty to me.
It's very tasty.
It's not something.
It's all fat.
It's all flavor.
See the way his fingers went?
It's all flavor.
Did you see this?
Michael, you're so lucky that you're not in Jersey right now.
I know.
Because you would be, your shot would be up to here, baby.
It's great because you just have a resting spot for your hands at all times.
It's like your own pluffle under your shirt.
It's where your coffee goes.
This is, Tony Soprano stands in front of his refrigerator eating gabagool.
I still to this day stand in front of my refrigerator and eat slices of salami and American cheese.
I peel them and I
shove them in my mouth. He says he likes the shalami.
I like the shalami.
I like the shalami.
Let me tell you, Jordan, I stand in front of the fridge, I get some salami,
I get some cheese, American cheese.
You wanted everything?
You wanted everything bagel we got?
So what? No fucking ziti?
You get four cookies.
You get four cookies with this.
I'm not a huge balsamic person.
I wouldn't put balsamic on it.
It was there, so I got those tomatoes right the fuck out of there.
Yeah, Michael picked all the tomatoes off.
I don't like fresh tomatoes.
I understand.
Any other type of tomato, I'll suck them down.
I just had a mozzarella salad, which is just like penne, tomatoes, mozzarella, and then a bunch of like lemon vinegar or whatever.
Amazing.
There's about 12 tomatoes left in it.
And I went, I don't need these.
Get them out of here.
This sandwich was good, and I liked that it wasn't provolone.
I would give it an 85.
85?
Maybe the biggest gap Jordan and I have had In a while Without me fucking around
Yeah, in a long time
Well, because you actually do like it
I love salami
My kid eats it because I've trained her
That's what she has for school every day
Salami and cheese
66.5
I just don't like it
I don't like it
Yeah
I don't like the pesto and the balsamic
Jimmy, go to Africa and shoot whatever you want
No
Pull the trigger
Hey, this is from Jacob Long time fan Shoot any wildlife animal Jimmy, go to Africa and shoot whatever you want. No. Pull the trigger.
Hey, this is from Jacob, longtime fan.
Shoot any wildlife animal.
First time, maybe last time snack sender.
Thanks, man.
These are from my hometown of Finley, Ohio.
Sent us stuff based on each of us, but because of the Puffle, we only have time for one snack.
That's fair.
No, that's fair.
And we're going to have, because- Can we make a video of the other shit?
Yeah, yeah, we'll do that later. That's fair. No, that's fair. And we're going to have, because- Can we make a video of the other shit? Yeah, yeah,
we'll do that later.
This one,
we're going to get into,
just so you know,
chocolate-covered marshmallows
for Michael.
For Gracie.
Buckeyes for Jordan.
Hell yeah.
S'mores clusters for Eric.
Peanut butter banana truffles
for the monkey.
What did I get?
Since Gracie does not like chocolate,
I threw in some,
quote,
unbearably hot gummy bears,
but I don't know
how hot they are.
And then also some milk chocolate covered pretzels.
Yeah, I'm going to ignore Nick, but say what he was saying.
Let's see the gummy bears.
Yeah.
Because I want to see if she can taste hot.
But, um.
Are they, what's it, like, chamoy?
We don't know, dude.
Not sure.
Good job on, like, picking stuff for us.
I know.
The Buckeyes are spot on for me.
Wait, those are awesome.
Give me mine too actually
Oh and they're all from
Like the same little shop
What is it called
Dutch Brothers
Figure it out dude
You can be sitting in your pluffle
Sucking these down
Getting shit all over it
Making it all dirty
Should I get back in
Dude what a pain in the ass
This thing's gonna be to wash
These are Buckeyes
I'm gonna be so honest
I'm probably not gonna wash
I can tell you
You are never gonna wash
You think I'm doing that process
A ever again?
You don't care.
Yeah, Nick, Febreze.
Just Febreze it.
Or like that wrinkle refresh stuff.
Oh, there's cinnamon.
Wow, this really is perfect for Grayson.
Did he pick cinnamon because of my dog?
Mine had marshmallow.
Which ones are those?
Oh, Deech. It's are those? Deech brothers. Oh, Deech. I thought it was a Dutch.
It is Dutch. That's Deech. It's an I, not a U.
How do they smell? Good?
Holy moly. Your cinnamon?
I can't tell. These all look the same.
Mmm, I love cinnamon flavored chocolate.
Probably not that one.
Mmm.
Jordan's looking at the pluffle. I love this beer!
Alright, special guest.
Jordan, Gracie got a pluffle.
I got a gift.
Jordan, someone sent-
It's a human dog bed.
It's a human dog bed.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Would you like an unbearably hot cinnamon gummy bear?
Really?
Yeah.
I would say-
They're not unbearable at all.
It's not unbearably hot at all.
At all.
Delicious.
It's very bearable.
It's very bearable.
It's very bearable. It's very bearable. It's very bearable Really? Yeah. I would say it's not unbearably hot at all.
At all.
It's very bearable.
It's very bearable.
Right?
Rating 1 to 100.
In the heat?
No, just what do you think?
I think that's a pretty exceptional gummy bear.
Okay.
I would give that a...
Give that like an 85.
Yeah, they're good.
They're good.
They're good.
Yeah.
They're bearable, but they're really good.
What did you...
Oh, those are the marshmallows?
Right.
Look at this.
In the same color as the football.
Dude, I'm going to have myself a heyday when I get home.
Thanks for...
Yeah.
Thank you.
These are good.
These are...
Dude, Michael's is so good. I know you just said we'll do them later. I started eating mine. These are fucking. These are, dude. Dude, Michael's is so good.
I know you just said we'll do them later.
I started eating mine.
These are fucking bangers.
This is like a 98, dude.
Who said these?
In the fucking trash can.
Jacob.
Jacob, thanks.
These are good.
You ready?
You ready?
Oh, come on.
Whoa.
Almost made it.
Landed in his lap.
Suck it down, buddy.
Yo, these are amazing.
That is so good. That's like a 99.
Let me snag one.
Thank you.
That's like such a good chocolate treat.
Yeah, this is killer.
I could eat all of these right now.
Michael wins.
Oh my god.
Let's do a video.
Oh, we got double thumbs up from Jordan!
Hell yeah!
Does that mean we're not shutting down?
Uh...
Probably.
No more vacation.
You heard it, man. She said vacation. You heard what she said.
You heard it.
Those are fucking good.
These are real good, dude.
These have to be expensive as shit.
Oh, yeah.
They're really good.
The Buckeye is good, but it does not have the complexity and flavor that is going on in the marshmallow.
That's doing it well, dude.
Michael wins.
Cool bag and a little resealable thing.
Very cute. They have so many options. a little resealable thing. Very cute.
They have so many options.
I'm on the website now.
Deitch Brothers?
Deitch Brothers?
Deitch Brothers.
They've been open since Jimmy John's, 1937.
D-I-E-T-S-C-H.
Oh, Deitch.
They have so many options.
Look at these milk chocolate basketballs.
She already forgot about her puffle.
She didn't give a shit.
No, I did not.
No, I did not. I would love to crawl back to her. Thank you. This her puffle. She didn't give a shit. No, I did not. No, I did not.
I would love to crawl back.
Thank you.
This is one of the best snacks
anyone's ever sent.
Yeah, this is great.
This gummy bear is even remotely hot.
Yeah, the gummy bears
are probably the worst part.
It's not even as hot
as Big Red Gum.
Yeah, they're good.
Or Hot Tamales.
No, not even.
It's like a cooler hot tamale.
But you can taste some quality there.
We gotta wrap this up
so that way we can wrap this up.
But if you want to send us food,
please don't yet
because we have to wait.
But follow us
at Face Jam Pod
to stay up to date
with everything.
Who knows what's next
for Michael,
comma, Jordan.
Do you?
Isn't that your job?
Yeah.
I mean, in like
the next two weeks,
I'll definitely let you know,
but I don't know
about letting everyone know.
We gotta wait.
Why does that keep getting
more of these
chocolate marshmallow things?
So stay up to date.
Spittin' Silly's out next week.
There's a lot going on.
Hell of an episode.
This guy gave me mud mouth.
Oh!
Jordan got mud mouth!
Jordan usually isn't the guy with mud mouth.
I got it.
Okay.
Well, Jordan, you wanna take us out?
Sure.
Mud mouth with Canada dry?
Not a good combo.
Ew.
And I don't even have any left.
Rate and subscribe.
Tell a friend about this show where we
eat food and rate the food.
By the way, how was the cookie? We didn't even talk about it.
Oh, yeah. It was like really sweet.
I liked it. I didn't even open mine.
It was like real, like, just like
berry shit in the middle. You're saying
that? He went, it was good.
And his eyeballs were fucking popping
out of his head.
It was fine.
Any closing thoughts, Eric?
See you next time.
Thanks, Jacob.
Thanks to whoever
sent the pluffle.
Thank you very much
to whoever sent me
my new dream.
Let's burn it.
Yep.
I swear to God.
Trash can, let's go. you