100% Eat - Little Caesars Pretzel Crust Pizza

Episode Date: April 11, 2023

In this episode, Michael Jones and Jordan Cwierz eat and review Little Caesars Pretzel Crust Pizza so you know if it's worth eating. They also talk about calzony experience, By-The-Bucket, Jordan's steps for the Detroit Tigers, and so much more. FACE JAM MAFIA TRACK SUIT on sale 4/20. Sponsored by DoorDash Download the DoorDash app + code Jammers and Sunday http://getsunday.com/facejam Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This is a Rooster Teeth production. Welcome to Face Jam, the show where we try every new fast food creation so that you know if you need it, you probably do. I'm your host, Michael Jones, alongside my co-host, Jordan Sweers. Jordan, how are you? Eric's here too. Rolling over here and rolling here. Also, when he

played here and rolling here. We were like way into the song. Yeah, that was a couple seconds. It was deep into the song. A lot of rolling and then a lot of where to go. Not go, yeah.

And a lot of us sitting go. A lot of questions. And a lot of us sitting here being like, are we going? Did we start? You read the intro. I read it. Did we record that? If we recorded it, we're moving on. Are we rolling? Okay.

We are rolling over here. Today, we're reviewing longtime fan favorite, Little Caesars pretzel crust pizza. I was saying Little Caesars is the fan favorite. Right, right. I'm surprised you read it from the sheet where it is and not at the top like you usually do because it says something else. Oh, shit. It does say KFC double down format. I was confused.

Oh, what? How? Why? Do you think they could double down on pizza? Has this been happening more than we've noticed? I'm just like, is this the first slip in a while? I mean, because I didn't notice. How many have just gone by?

I assume there's one in every shoe. Well, I hide it. I hide it like a highlights magazine to see if you guys can find it. Can you find the mistype? Can you find the shoe? I've hidden a mouse. I'm looking. Keep looking.

I want to go back to, can you double down a pizza? What would that look like? Is it two pieces of pizza with- Two crusts? And then you put pizza in? Well, that's a sandwich. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I'm not saying you put the crust-

So it's bread on the outside and you put the crust on either side. Imagine a crust at the end of a pizza slice. Now imagine another crust on top of it. Why did he ooh that? You just doubled down. Because he would have fucking oohed anything. Right, watch this. Imagine a crust at the end of a pizza.

Now imagine. He already oohed you. He didn't even have to get anywhere. I was literally going to say, now imagine nothing else. It's just crust. Oh, good. He was there with you. He closed his eyes and he saw it.

I think it'd be difficult. Yeah. I figured that it would be what's on the, like, you'd have to do like a cheese and a pepperoni outside and then like a you know what i mean like no i don't what do you mean like the outside like with a double down it's a it's taking what's inside of a sandwich right but it's taking what's inside the sandwich and making using that the bun right so for pizza it would be like would be using cheese and toppings as the crust and then it would go it would go cheese and toppings and then it would be like would be using cheese and toppings as the crust and then it would go it would go

cheese and toppings and then it would be here's what i do in the middle big pepperonis i guess turn your pizza upside down uh-huh that's there you go oh yeah it just doubled down here's the thing it it wasn't good with kfc and that's a much better version of it. I don't even think we try with pizza. No, I just don't know how you can do it. Based on the trajectory of this creation, it's probably

their next experiment. Honestly, it makes me understand how the papadilla came to be. Because they just went, well, what can be our double down? And they went like this far, and I went, fold it in half, who gives a shit? they went oh yeah and now you're the vice president of marketing international the culinary creations i mean a pizza one-on-one you can't have cheese on cheese you can't yeah you can't have cheese touch anything that's why they give you little tables.

That's true. So it's got to be facing the other way. And then what are you going to have? Upside down cheese? Yeah. Cheese is going to fuck it all up. But I guess you could fry the cheese. So it's like,

you know, like when you get like cheese on a griddle, kind of like in a pizza. Not what you want. I guess it's not. Hey, leave double downs. Leave pizza alone.

Haven't you taken enough? If you can figure this out, keep it to your, keep it to downs. Leave pizza alone. Haven't you taken enough? If you can figure this out, keep it to yourself. Leave them alone. Don't tell the guy at Culinary Creations. We don't need to go through the rounds of all the pizza places making your horrific double downs. But if you do know how to do it,

if you do know how to do it, tweet it FaceJamPod and simply say, I know how to do it. We had that Lou Malnati's sausage crust thing. Yeah. And I think that was far enough. Oh, that's probably the closest that you're going to get to a double. That's far enough.

It was good, but I can't fathom eating that regularly. Oh, boy. Like, hey, let's go get a classic slice of the sausage bottom. This guy's over here. He's making all kinds of noises. You know he would. And it was good, but it's a real like oh i've never had this let me try it cool regular pizza now please yes but like don't you feel

like that's the double down i guess like to me the double down is a thing where you go i'll try it then you eat it you go nick how many double downs have you had since it came back two i'm sorry okay jordan how many double downs have you had, including the one we ate here? One. Okay, Nick held up two fingers and then said, including this one, right. That's too many. Well, I mean, it's two instead of three, right?

So you've only had it twice. Now, when did you have the second double down? A week later. Okay. It was still on his mind. I was just curious who he was going to say that night. That was really the only reason. I went home and I told my wife,

as long as the Double Down is back. As long as it wasn't that night, it's pretty acceptable, I think. I just think the Double Down is a thing that I would never go and get again. No, I mean, I guess there are those people, right? But apparently this thing. I mean, it's true. This thing with just the pretzel crust, which of itself seems like a

creation that maybe we shouldn't have thought about, but here it is. The guy hates pretzels. It's a pretzel eater. I said earlier in the Slack channel, I'm all about pretzels. In the regular pretzel shape. Good old-fashioned regular pretzels. He's a real stickler for pretzel

shapes. He likes the shape of pretzels. He demands the shape of pretzels He demands the shape of pretzels I don't even know if maybe it's the food so much as he likes eating the shape Any other shapes are unacceptable I have You know how some people can taste colors Yeah yeah yeah I have that with shapes

I can taste shapes A delicious pretzel shape Oh no a square It just tastes different I forgot what I was saying Fuck it A delicious pretzel shape. Oh, no, a square. Yeah, it just tastes different. I forgot what I was saying. Fuck it. Pretzel crust, huh?

Really gets in your brain. Little Caesars. It turned your brain into a pretzel shape. Oh, I was going to say, apparently people claim her for this stuff, so it comes back. Yeah, but they're all little freaks. No, but here's the thing. Here's the thing to me when you've got shit like this especially returning shit there's a line between this which is okay pretzel crust and the other

crap we'll get into but it's still a pizza it's still like a normal pizza and then there's the double down which is you're holding two fucking pieces of chicken right it's like the McRib where, you know, it's like, well, it's a good thing, but it's a sandwich.

And then there's the Friday, like, it's a cotton candy steak. Yeah. You know what I mean? This is at least in the realm of normal food, right? Like if I were going to get a regular pizza, I might see this and go, ooh, I'm going to get that.

If I'm going to get a cheeseburger, I'm not going to be like, fucking pancake hot dog. Why the fuck do I want that? This is right on the line of that. It's on the line. It's saving grace is that it is pizza shaped and I can eat it like a pizza. It is.

And that's very important for Jordan to know that it's pizza shaped. It's the circle that becomes triangles and he's good with that. Dude, that's why square pizza is not as good. Tavern style, just taste it. I had a square pizza for the first time at home slice the other day. It was real good Oh, the Sicilian there. Oh, it's so like fluffy It's huge though because I'm used to like normally get a Sicilian they're bigger It's like a square or whatever, but usually I'd say on the East Coast, it's like cut into like 15, 20 pieces. Home slices, it's nine.

Yeah. It's nine slices. Holy shit. You got a whole pizza? I guess. I'm just like, oh, no, I got the whole pizza. Okay. But the whole pie is only cut into nine slices.

They're huge. It's insane because it's much bigger than a regular pizza. The problem I always have. It's good shit, though. Yeah. That's the problem with home Slice is that their regular pizza like pepperoni and mushroom pizza New York style

Classic. So delicious. And it's all you want to get. But then the off chance you try something else like the Sicilian or one of their sandwiches

Those are also delicious. The garlic knots are good as shit too. Their garlic knots are really good. Not at all garlic knots. No. They're just little bread twists.

They're fat pieces of garlic bread. And they go, it's a garlic knot. Yeah, because you put garlic on it. It's a bit of a barbara. Yeah, but they're delicious. I'd never had a garlic knot until I was like well into my 20s. I'd never heard of it. I didn't know what it was.

Fuck, they're good. It's a bunch of extra shit laying around. Yep. That's what it is. It's just like, make this little knot. Here's some dough. Fuck it. We'll make something out of this.

And we'll just smother them in oil and shit. Hey, somehow this is worse for you than the pizza. Oh, 100%. Yeah, nice and crispy, like golden brown.

Which again, not at all what home slice makes. Right. But it's very good and I get them anyway. They're just huge

fucking like bread balls. I just don't think it's fair for home slice to be so good at everything. All of their items, like I want a go-to

thing that is going to be good and i'm not missing out you know i feel like if i just get one slice of pepperoni and mushroom i'm missing out on a good sandwich i'm missing out on on the sicilian and they need some sort of bundle so i did so i can have all the good food i need a subscription service to home slice so i'm never missing out but like you know portion it out so i'm not eating too much okay great yeah yeah that's great are you listening concerned about the portion so give me everything i want but like a reasonable amount and also at a reasonable price

it's like people who like 90 of something and complain about the the 10 that they don't like yeah well home slice is 100% good. But I also have problems. I love this thing. And here's everything wrong with it. It also poses issues. So sometimes it's good not to be 100%. Yeah, sometimes. But we didn't go to home slice. No, we certainly did not go to home slice.

Can we? It's delicious. But we went to Little Caesars. Because it's back. The pretzel crust, baby. Didn't know it was ever a thing. I was going to say, have you guys had the pretzel crust pizza before? Never heard of it.

I heard about it, I think, the last time it was around. Before I didn't forget. At the very end of it. And I was like, oh, I hope I never eat that. Because I think it predated Face Jam. Yeah. Some other people that I follow and are friends with, they were eating it. One is a really big fan of it and was afraid it would never come back.

So he sealed it forever. In like that Breaking Bad episode where they made like the construction. Oh, no, it was Better Call Saul where they like put the thing in silicone. Yeah. To preserve forever. He did that with a slice of pizza. Does that work so anyway it's back can you eat that i don't know is it to preserve it to eat or just have

i think he just likes looking at it okay well that makes more sense yeah there's some people uh that i that i know who love this fucking thing to death and um can't get enough of it same guys guys. You have some animosity. No animosity. I will say, not animosity. It's confusion. Actually, one of them makes a lot of sense.

Not that confusing. The other friend. There's multiple. What are you doing? Kevin, you don't have to live this way. So there's two different versions of this pizza that we got. Let me see it. The pizza?

One has cheese sauce. Why do you sound so shocked? There's so much left. This is the regular pretzel version. Can you get audio of that? Of the salt? You said it with a smirk. That sounded so good.

That's not what I thought you were going to say, Nick. Here's the thing I get. You said it with a smirk. Eric didn't even have time to answer. He picked it up and it was an avalanche of salt. And I closed my eyes and I heard it and I was thinking, wow, that was clearly salt. And he's screaming over there. I love it. I love it.

It was... It sounds like those rain sticks. Clearly salt. And he's screaming over there. I love it. I love it. It's so good. But it was whoosh. I went, oh, that was good. It sounds like those rain sticks. So it does. So we got the regular pretzel crust and the pretzel crust stuffed. Okay, it was a long pause. It's so Nick can enjoy the salt.

It's so Nick can enjoy the salt. It was much subtler that time. It's kind of like Nick listening to pizza sounds is like his ASMR. He listens to that when he goes to bed. Pizza sounds. Is tumbling salt a general pizza sound? No, but it is. It's a very specific.

Siri, play Nick's playlist pizza sound four. When the pretzel crust comes back, then it gets put in the rotation. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So there's a regular pretzel crust pizza and the stuffed pretzel crust pizza i was not aware of the stuffed pretzel crust pizza until i went to order this morning and it said hey you want stuffed and it's like you're always looking you want to get stuffed i fucking can't get enough of getting stuffed you also can't get enough of always going to a different Little Caesars. Sometimes you gotta try to.

Because while you wanted to get stuffed. I know there were so many Little Caesars around. While you wanted to get stuffed like a little child, you didn't want to call. So we go to a closer one. Yeah, it's an online order coming soon. Right. And I said, well, couldn't you call? And you just went, well, online order. It's always fun driving by a location.

Pointing at it. Just being clear. We're not going there. We're not going to this one. That was five minutes away. We're going to one ten minutes away. Yes. That I didn't know existed. Here's my rationale.

Okay. Other than online ordering. It's a good rationale. That, I think, is justified in and of itself however i will say that if a franchise is to be looked at like we're reviewing this thing that should be the blanket version of this no matter where we go it should it should be the same but the importance of trying different locations is to truly see if they can hold up against each other shut the hell up yeah it's like you give a shit about anything that you just said what a compelling argument what a about anything that you just said. What a compelling argument.

What a compelling argument that you in no way believe or stand behind. It was such a good speech. Anyone else saying it, I couldn't believe it. It's true. It's true. I sat there going like, wow, what a good point. Oh, wait a minute. Yeah, this is Eric. He doesn't wow, what a good point. Oh, wait a minute. Yeah.

This is Eric. He doesn't believe this for a goddamn second. And that's the reason we went to a third Little Caesars. All right. Let me tell you where this argument falls apart. We've gone to three different Little Caesars. We've gotten three different things from these three different Little Caesars. So what are we comparing?

You know, seeing if they do the limited stuff. Yeah, it's true. Right. Here's the thing. Here's what we learned. Hey, Pizza Portal worked at this place. I'm going to be honest. I got out of the car after you guys. I walked in and you were

walking out. I went, okay. We walked out and you guys were getting back in the car. I went, I don't know, picture? And you went, oh yeah. I was just like, I took my seatbelt off. The Pizza Portal, Eric just went in there and started mashing buttons. We didn't even get to enjoy the pomp and circumstance of the pizza portal

working. There was a guy behind the counter who did not say hello when I said hi. And when we got stuff out of the pizza portal, he did not look at us. And when we were leaving, here's the thing. We were like, oh wow, the door I think the door doors broken open I think he has a buzzer behind where he is and

he opened it oh oh you sure no but I think that's what happened oh okay I mean Matt Lauer style that's cool yes holy shit were you like a second behind me on that I'll be honest that's opposite of Matt Lauer style he was he was you were you like a second behind me on that i'll be honest that's opposite of matt

lauer style he was he was you were leaving he was closing the door that's like a little caesars and they hit the button they go you're not going anywhere uh i'd be perfectly fine gotten that also no you leave it in uh because we don't want people to forget about matt lauer style which was a thing that i think everyone forgot about it's true wow whenever somebody talks about like buttons that unlock doors i go who has that oh yeah matt lauer but his is more of one that locks doors there's's context. I'm sure it unlocks them too. I wouldn't be so sure. This man probably has a key.

This man let us have pizza and then ushered us out. He didn't let us anything and didn't usher anywhere. Well, he let as in chose not to look at you or speak to you or acknowledge you or say hi to you or the body of you. So he didn't have to talk to us. He existed in a liminal space. And like we also existed there very briefly. And then we're so quick to leave. So quick.

It truly is like a four dimensional creature interacting. We only caught a glimpse of him as he intersected with our plane of existence. You're really putting a lot of stock in this. I think the door might have just been swinging open. I think the door was just broken. I don't know that the guy had a Little Caesars door button. No, I think he had an anti-Lauer style button. Reverse

Lauer style. Yeah, he had a reverse Lauer. I think that Little Caesars had a reverse Lauer. I think. What? I think! They let you out. Hey, did you get a haiku? Hey, let's...

You don't want to keep mining this? The canary is dead. Everyone out. Everyone out. It's time to get out of the air. Out of the mines! Out of the mines! Oh, that was a Lauer-style mine.

Now the door's locked! No, you don't understand. The canary's name was Matt Lauer. Matt Lauer alerted us to danger. We have to get out. The canary tried to restore honor to the name. So that haiku. Did not die in vain.

So that haiku. Salted rim surprise. Two tastes that taste together. puzzling fusion that's pretty good two tastes that taste together they certainly are two things they uh this pizza i think was shocking when i uh unveiled it to you guys in the little bit yeah just the concept of it is like why why who thought of this well here's the thing i don't know how much we want to dive into this but i you know last second alerted as usual it's a pizza thing and it's a pretzel thing it's a pizza pretzel

thing and so that's where my expectations began and ended and then upon opening it i noticed something else slightly different and then which i asked like oh is that this cheese and you had an even another answer that i didn't expect and so then at that point to me is the big thing about the pizza it's not the crust it's not the pretzel because again it's it tastes different but it's a pretty replaceable crust it's a little caesar's pizza as far as like structure and all that, it's not like the sausage crust, which is you're holding fucking sausage

and there's pizza on top of it. What the fuck am I doing? The replacement is decent, much like the pretzel pub. Like it's a sandwich. What's on it is crazy. It is. So just so you guys know,

it is instead of a pizza sauce, it is like a cheese sauce. It's like a nacho cheese sauce. A little bit of it squirted out onto my hand. And I did not want to like lick it up. Michael looked at it and he went, is there cheddar on it? And I said,

yellow. Yeah. Like in splotches. Right. It's like very yellow. Yeah. And it's not that there's cheddar on it. It's that there is a cheese sauce under the cheese.

So when you're talking about, well, there can't be a cheese on cheese. There is that there is a cheese sauce under the cheese. So when you're talking about, well, there can't be a cheese on cheese, there is, and it's on the pretzel crust. It makes sense because it's like a beer cheese. Your pretzel and your cheese. They're never interacting with each other.

They're bumping. It's a crust. Not just the face Jordan's making, but the entire upper body expression he did for 10 seconds. He was just fighting to find the words. I don't understand it. I'm struggling to understand it. Yeah, we put like a beer cheese sauce away from the pretzel.

It's one of those things where I feel like, again, Jordan is the first person I think of when I go, man, this is going to go either way, where it's, okay, we're doing the pretzel thing, there's the beer cheese, there's the cheese sauce, do we commit and be like, we're doing the pretzel thing, we're committing, or is it like, come on, that's, we're not going to commit

that far, we're going to be the pizza thing, and Jordan's the first one I go, hey, what the fuck, why didn't you commit? So many experience, where is the cheese sauce? That didn't you commit? So inexperienced. Where's the cheese sauce? That's my assumption, if it were the exact opposite. But yeah, they went with- They should have put that sauce in the stuffed crust one. They just went-

It's a great point. That's a fucking great point. Or, on the side. I think if you dip it, you dip the pizza, and then you dip it. Much like a regular pretzel, you have the option. Yeah. That's just a presented way.

But then again, understandably, just from a business standpoint, that's another million steps in the chain of like, put this on plate, push this in the oven, do whatever. That guy's already not talking to people.

You think he's going to throw your cheese cup in? Well, let's learn about Little Caesars. What they should have done is mustard sauce. I mean, look. Anytime there's a soft or baked pretzel, which I guess is really the same thing. I don't know. Mustard.

Come on, man. Some places know this. Some places don't. I was just griping about it. Alamo Drafthouse recently, at least here, they pulled their mustard from their baked pretzel. It comes with the pretzel, queso,

and mustard. And it's amazing. It's amazing trifecta. No mustard now. I'm telling you, I'm going to start bringing my own. I just keep forgetting. Yeah.

I'm going to start bringing, and don't give me thumbs up, Nick. Fuck off. This, see this? I won't. You're like him now. I'm not like Gremlin Nick. Very similar.

One of us. Here's the thing. I'm not like Gremlin Nick. Very similar. One of us. Here's the thing. I'm not like Gremlin Nick. There are two of us now. I'm restoring the order that was already in place. Right. Oh, Gremlin Nick. No, I'm bringing mustard because these fuckers took it away from me.

Right. I mean, and then you'll go to a movie with Nick and you'll go, and here are my other sauces that I also brought. Here's some house homemade enchiladas. It's a sacrifice I'm willing to take. I will be the one to stand up and say, my mustard makes me different than him. I'm not like him.

Michael's bringing it. But in a Ben-Hur situation, he will then stand up and just repeat what you said. I'm Spartacus. That's fine. And I'll say, that's fine. He's Spartacus. Yep, good job.

I'm Michael. I'm Michael. And I like spicy brown mustard. My mustard makes me different from him. I'mus Yep good job I'm Michael I'm Michael And I like spicy My mustard makes me different I'm from New Jersey And I'm Polish You can't take my mustard from me Fucker

Let's learn about Little Caesars That's Alamo not Nick Our previous Little Caesars episode was released August 31, 2021, where we ate the Little Caesars Crazy Calzoni and received an average score of 56.5. I don't remember that. I probably remember I probably gave it a decent score and Jordan probably didn't like it.

It was in a cross kind of shape. Remember we had the Batman one too? It was in like the cross shape and then like you ate,'s like a weird cheese i remember the probably on somebody's car or something it's like that it's just that okay which which uh little caesars did we go to to get that one that's probably too well yeah we went to one we went to the regular one and then the other time was when uh taco what was the fucking, Taco Cabana, Taco Cabana, when it didn't have the food and we had to drive all the way north, that was like Kat's first episode of Face Jam,

was us being like an hour late because we were driving all the way up to Little Caesars. It was like so insane. I remember you being like, somebody's just got to let her in. Yeah, it just felt so fucking bad. My favorite thing about the Taco Cabana thing. I miss Kat.

Too bad she doesn't work anymore. Yeah, not here specifically. Yeah, that's what I said. My favorite thing about the Taco Cabana thing is like no one has to understand that, right? Yeah. It's just because we, for some reason, saw that clip like 5,000 times and latched onto it.

I think you heard it. You go, I like the way you say it. I just kept saying Taco Cabana. It's just from like early cuts of the jam, the jam, the van episodes. I'm sure we've said it a lot and people don't know what the hell we're talking about. Nope. Good. It's not worth explaining.

It's one of the 10% things they hate about it. You shouldn't cut this out, but bleep out half of what I've just said. Just so they still don't know what it means. It's perfect. All right. To announce the return of the pretzel crust pizza, Little Caesars made a fake corn cob crust pizza and put out a social media campaign that tricked more people than you think

based on the amount of tweets that were sent to us by very gullible people who take things at face value and have no critical thinking skills. Dang, Eric. Where's the joke? The joke was, Eric. Where's the joke? The joke was the tweets. Where's the joke, dude? It was, look, we put corn cobs on our crust,

and people were like, you guys got to eat this. Yeah, that sounds good. I'll eat that. Right, this isn't real. I can't wait for that. When did they post that? Did they not do that? No, they didn't do that.

I sent you a tweet about it, though. When did they tweet that? Right before April Fool's Day. Right before April Fool's Day. The best time to do an April Fool's joke. So that means it was legit. No. Maybe it was April Fool's Day in Australia.

Oh! I don't think so, but maybe. They're way ahead. It's like 15 hours. That's a long time. And their seasons are reversed. Oh oh and the seasons are reversed so that might be behind us now no i think they might be ahead of us i think they might be in 2024 do we go back and forth or no do we go back and forth what are you talking about they're a day ahead then we're a day ahead you know what i mean no damn they're always a day ahead i'll be cool though what place does that like switch yeah what what do we switch with?

Are there places that switch? Or are you just asking? I'm hoping there is. That's what I'm saying. There is one. If you ever look at the international date line, you'll see it's a straight line

for the... NBC. You'll see it's a straight line for the most part and then a very weird kind of alcove that they cut out because one island nation

did more business with somebody on the east part of the international dateline. So they're like, can you just cut us out of it so we can be on the same time as them? Wow. Apparently it's just a made up construct and we can just do whatever we want. Yeah, that's most things I think.

So, yeah. My idea doesn't sound so crazy. Honestly, he sold me on your idea. So maybe Face Jam can carve out and be on Australian's time zone. Yeah, we're an Australian podcast. But we have to be in the Adelaide time zone, which is 30 minutes different. Oh, man, I forgot. I forgot about that. And I hate it.

That's cool. I hate it so much. And people hate Adelaide, don't they? Well, I mean, it's not Melbourne. I mean, I'm not. Well, I mean, it's not Melbourne. I mean, I'm not. I mean, obviously. Take that, Perth. I'm not people.

Well, Perth doesn't like Perth. No. That's pretty true. I'm just spouting things people tell me. The only thing Perth's got going for it is that Quokka Island. Oh, where the little monsters are there. How dare you. Yeah.

Finishing 66-96 in the 2022 season, the Detroit Tigers... Why do you give them sports wins? You can't read them. No, they lost by 30, Jordan. They did. I mean, they lost by 30 games, dude. They did. Jesus.

The Detroit Tigers are still owned by the Illich family with Mike's son Christopher now in charge of the team. Nothing screams capable like having your dad buy something then give it to you so you can run it into the ground while millions of people watch in abject horror. Go Cats! But you didn't put an exclamation. No. He's really coming out swinging with these first two.

Yeah. You're not a big Christopher Illich fan apparently. I don't think anyone who's a Detroit Tigers fan is a big Christopher Illich fan. I'm just telling you, looking at just the length and the bold print coming up in the next one, I don't think he gets any calmer. What do you mean? Did you see the tweet where the Tigers tweeted, like, guys, we have something special coming for you,

and it was like a picture of the ballpark, and they're just announcing some game day thing, and every reply is people going, are selling the team oh 66 wins yeah right 96 losses 96 is a lot of wins 96 is more losses unfortunately but if you stop at 66 that's true right if if you were a football team and you got 66 wins if you're playing basketball you got 66 wins well that's pretty good way to go so there we wins, well, that's pretty good. Way to go. So there we go. You got 66 hockey wins. That's pretty good. Unfortunately for baseball, not a lot of wins.

Yeah, not a lot of wins for baseball. Yeah, but you haven't seen nothing yet. Yep. The spaghetti bucket has not returned to Little Caesars. But when you Google spaghetti bucket, you find a restaurant called By the Bucket, which is a franchise offering 1.5 pounds of spaghetti in a bucket for $20. Mama mia. $20?

Where is that? The closest one is Edmond, Oklahoma. Oh, that's a different state. North. Is it north in Oklahoma or is it south in Oklahoma? It's middle of Oklahoma. That's pretty far. Because by the time you get to Dallas, you're practically in Oklahoma, so you might as well

keep going. Yep. No, it's middle. And if it's just a little jump across the border... Nick is saying we should go there, I think. Oh, fuck. We... Hang on.

Nick is trying to make his text bigger so he can communicate with us. Well, this can be great, though, because we can use the brand new Space Jam... Space Jam flight jet sports car. Space Jamx jam uh-huh let's fucking go in big letters and we're driving the space flight force the problem the problem with the space gym flight force is that like like the spacex counterpart it does crash a lot. Yeah, but if it blows up there, Right, as long as we get there, like we were expecting it to blow up way sooner.

I thought he was looking up how far it was. No, he was just saying let's go. He doesn't care. He doesn't care how far it is. He just wants to go. But we need to know. If it's like in a real city, we can maybe go, but I don't want to go to fucking Edmond, Oklahoma. Me neither, but then don't want to go to fucking Edmond, Oklahoma. Me neither.

But then I'm just saying last second, you'd bail anyway. Me? Yeah. Are we going to talk about it? Let's. Spin silly. It sucks. Okay.

Yeah. We'll save it. It sucks. Just say we got that travel budget. It's fine. I have. It's just sitting around now. I have.

So. Twist. Six hours. That's it. That's not far at all. That's a good twist. Six hours. Six hours, that's it? That's not far at all. That's a long flight. It's a six hour flight, right? It's a six hour flight? Right.

Oh. So let's get the Space Jam flight force sports car. On the ground. Six hours? We could do that. We could do that in three days. How many places do we have to stop and film? We'll be fucking like, hey, it's only six hours away.

I'll see you on Monday. We'll bring Big Ray. He'll film the whole thing. It'll be great. We'll stop and get peanut butter jelly sandwiches. We gotta bring Cameron, too. He doesn't have to do anything, but he does have to be there. Alright, give me the budget.

There's one more fact. I wanna get this budget. Oh, let's learn. The final fact. Seven Little Caesars franchises in Tennessee violated federal child labor laws by having 15-year-olds to work over 40 hours a week while operating ovens and stand mixers. The Department of Labor fined Little Caesars $161,000. And the children were sent to the mines where they will learn to keep their mouths shut.

Uh oh. Uh oh. I hope it's not the mine we were stuck in earlier. Why? Child labor's back, baby. Dude, it is, unfortunately. It unfortunately is in a big way.

Being 15 and just wanting a job, you're like, I just want to make some money working at a Little Caesars when I get some free pizza, whatever, and they're making you work over 40 hours a week and like in the oven yeah yeah that's the that's the other thing too man 15 16 year old employment yeah like legally commercially is like you can put this on the shelf yes like it is like it's working at target it's hard it's hard to get a job because you can't do anything right yeah you're like legally you know, also nobody wants to work.

Yeah. That's the other problem. Is what happened. And that's why they're going to the mines. But these kids do. To learn to work at this. What? These kids want to work.

They're going to learn. These kids want to work, which is why they're working. They want to work 40 plus hours a week. They're tired of school. They don't want to school anymore. I want to be a sophomore in high school, and I want to go home to apparently my one-bedroom apartment where I don't live with my family.

That's pretty cool. I'll tell you one thing. I don't know how they rented it to me, but I pay cash. Little Caesars, this billion-dollar corporation, they're going to think twice after getting fined $160,000. $160,000. That'll teach getting fined $161,000. $161,000. That'll teach them. That is pretty awesome, actually. I mean, they only had to

pay the kids what's 40 hours times probably $4 an hour. Yeah. Because they're not adults. They don't get the federally mandated minimum wage. Fuck. So cool. Knowing Tennessee, they probably have a law that's like we're allowed

to ignore the federally mandated minimum wage because you work for tips you know because it's food service right yeah it all evens out yeah so you make 235 an hour hey i want to tip uh 15 but i want to the oven no no no no no no here's what you need so you do like a guy in a bathroom you have a kid dressed nice stand stand in front of the pizza portal. He goes, let me get that for you, sir. Let me get that. What's your IT skin if you work out? He opens it for you, and then they just put their hand up.

Can I get you some mints? Yep. Would you like some cheese packets? Nick would, yes. Of course. He's already taken them, actually. Those are the facts, by the way. Those are just the facts about Little Caesars.

There's something. He learned a lot about Little Caesars. Right? Yeah, I guess. Well, I learned that they're like every other evil corporation in this... Yeah, they own the Detroit Tigers. Yeah. Terrible.

They're taking the sauce off pizza. As an Angels fan, I can commiserate with the need to sell the team. Sell it to me. Just give me the team. You want it? Yeah. I bet FaceChamp could scrump together some. All right, well, it immediately went from you to us.

Yeah. Guys, I need help. Now he wants to scrimp and save. I'm just saying it's not that you want to spend. It'd be a more attractive offer. Okay, if it's multiple. Okay, so let's think about what you would change on the team.

Would they still be the Tigers? No, I want to buy the Angels. Oh. Okay. I mean, we can do that. Okay, well, hold on. Let's buy the Tigers. Okay.

Step one. Okay. Get Mike Trout. Get Shohei Otani. Okay. Get him where? To the Tigers. To the Tigers, I guess. They got to get to the Tigers. Okay. They're players. Yeah, yeah Shohei Otani. Okay. Get him where? To the Tigers. To the Tigers, I guess.

They got to get to the Tigers. Okay. They're players. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Step two, pizza portals everywhere. Oh. Define everywhere. It's what the fans want.

You enter the stadium through a pizza portal. Oh, but do you get cooked? You're not getting cooked, are you? No, no, no, no, no. Okay. You're nice and toasty, though. Oh. All right. It's just keeping you warm. I just don't know. Is this why? It gets pretty cold in no. You're nice and toasty, though. Oh, alright. It's just

keeping you warm. I just don't know. It gets pretty cold in Detroit. I don't know if you know that. Now you're just walking through the pizza portal as like a doorway or it's an actual portal that's teleporting you places. A door is also a portal. Okay. It's not widespread teleportation across the planet. Oh, no.

Have not cracked that yet. You're just putting warm... That's step three. Step three. You're just putting... Funnel all profits. That's the teleportation technology. I'm sorry, you signed Mike Trout and Shohei Otani and you're funneling profits? What he's saying is he wants to add...

Because every game's a sellout. He's going to add a little heater over every doorway. Yeah. And then you're being transported... To the pizza portal. To your pizza. Is it Comerica Park? Where do they play? That's right. Step four. Okay. Change pizza portal. Your pizza. Is it Comerica Park? Where do they play?

That's right. Step four. Okay. Change the name. Are we? Is it Face Jam Park? Face Jam Field. Face Jam Field.

Okay. When I played. Everyone's walk-up music. The intro. Oh, everyone. That's so cool. In baseball? Or just the team?

Oh, wow. Here comes Mike Trout. On the team. It'd be cool if it was every team, though. Well, the away team, they don't get music. They get booed. When I played... That's like a song.

I played MLB The Show last year. It's the ghosts. And when you make your own team, you make uniforms and stuff. And I made them the face jam. And it was 100% Eat Logos. Oh, cool. Yeah. I made the Austin Dillos. Nice. That works, too. I mean, mine is more based onos. Oh, cool. Yeah. I made the Austin Dillos.

Nice. That works too. Mine is more based in what we're doing here. Yeah. I thought we were talking about MLB the show now. No, we were talking

about Face Jam. So those are your steps. We should do a franchise boat and get the Tigers. And then invent teleportation. But then when are we coming back around to the Angels?

Yeah. What's our plan with the tigers? Step five. Now that we have teleportation technology, I imagine after two years and two very successful campaigns and two World Series wings and rings. That's what we do. We win so many

that we get rings and wings. I'm with you there. Throw the wings in the space jam. Boneless wings. We teleport the team to Anaheim. Okay. And now they're the angels. And so we're just leaving. So hang on.

Wait. So wait. There's already the angels there, but we've teleported the Detroit Tigers. So R&D on teleportation didn't go as planned. Okay. You can't take one thing and put it in another without replacing what's there. And that is the

material, the matter used to create the thing that's being teleported there. So they just cease to exist. And it works out one for one because it's one team for one team. Exactly. So Detroit's happy because they don't have a team anymore and they were mad about it.

So Anthony Rendon is Detroit's kind of destroyed Taffy because they don't have a team anymore. And they were mad about it. It perfectly evens out. That problem was solved for them. So Anthony Rendon is sacrificed in order for... Shit. Well, sacrifice isn't the word. He's... Taylor Ward's body becomes just material in order to bring the Detroit Tigers relocated. Well, what I'm saying is Taylor Ward becomes whoever... Name another Tigers player. Like, he takes his spot. Miguel Cabrera I don't think plays anymore, so I'm saying is Taylor Ward becomes whoever.

Name another Tigers player. Like, he takes his spot. Miguel Cabrera I don't think plays anymore, so I can't. Verlander? He does not play there. He's still there? No. Well, Michael, you want to get on the ground floor of Jordan? What?

Thank you, Sharks. This has been my pitch for buying the Detroit Tigers. Let me finish the sentence. Nope. I'm just saying, these are some outside-the-box ways to run a baseball team. It's absolutely true. And I think we can be real disruptors in the industry.

And I see a difficult but achievable path to evaluation of 250 billion Twitters. Oh, okay. Yeah. We're going to be so... Oh, here it comes! Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait! Don't throw the pizza. Okay.

Throw the pizza now. Oh! Oh! That was awesome. I don't know how I'm going to put his face on that, but we're down. That was pretty good. That was awesome. I don't know how I'm going to put his face on that, but we're doing it. Hey, let's learn about the food. First introduces a limited time promotion

in 2014, the pretzel crust pizza is a large, buttery-flavored soft pretzel crust pizza with creamy cheddar cheese sauce, mozzarella and Munster cheeses and pepperoni. The salty, savory treat can also be amped up with an optional cheese-stuffed crust. We did that.

Or customized to include the traditional Little Caesars pizza sauce. Why didn't we do that? I didn't know it was a thing you could do. Made from vine-ripened tomatoes instead of the cheddar cheese sauce. I bet if I would have called, they would have offered. Son of a bitch. Classic millennial. He doesn't want to talk on the phone.

Press material. You rich fuck. Yeah. We are thankful to have countless pretzel crust pizza fans that are extremely vocal about their love for this product. It's absolutely true. Greg Hamilton, Little Caesars chief marketing officer, said in a statement,

despite bringing it back several times, it feels like the pretzel fervor has not waned. We're bracing ourselves for the predictable outcry on social media when it eventually goes away again. This all sounds like very positive that like they like their fans and stuff. It has an undertone of like, shut the fuck up about the fucking pizza.

Leave us the fuck alone. We keep bringing it back, assholes. Little Caesars truly a fuck the fans franchise. That's great. That's just, hey, you little fucking idiots, we know you're going to complain when this thing goes away. Dip shits, we know. And you'll be back. And you'll be fucking back. And then

what? That sounds like Face Jam. No. What? So what did you guys think michael's eating another slice of piz you little bugs michael's eating another sliz of piz what do you guys think about this pizza like it's little c it tasted like little caesars yeah yeah it does um it has that soft crust that a classic Little Caesars brings. Is the under crust supposed to be pretzel or just the outer crust? I don't know. What's the underside look like?

It looks like regular crust. It does look like regular crust. Yeah, but where does it begin and end? I don't know. It's true. It looks like they just toasted the top or airbrushed it with pretzel color. I imagine it's all pretzel. It's got to be all pretzel.

It's got to be all pretzel. It's got to be. If you salted that whole thing, I bet ited it with pretzel color. I imagine it's all pretzel. It's gotta be all pretzel. It's gotta be all pretzel. It's gotta be. Yeah. If you salted that whole thing, I bet it would taste like pretzel. We didn't even talk about the salt on this thing, really. It gets everywhere. It is fucking everywhere. And it is... We did, because you slid it around. Right. It is so salty

through the whole pizza. It is so fucking salty. Sure is. That is insane. And it's all over michael it is he's saving some for later well that's great uh it's so weird i get it it's a pretzel it's what you'd salt yes it pizza did not need to be saltier no and it brings me back to why these two things maybe a corncob pizza wasn't such a bad idea. That would have been crazy.

Then at least you're just getting butter everywhere. Yeah, but do you like eat the cob? You know what I mean? Like pizza bones? Yeah, that's true. You got pizza bones left? You don't want pizza refuse, you know, leftovers. What do you think about the pizza in general, Michael?

I felt like I got to listen to Face Jam. Oh, how was that? I'm not beyond it. It was good. Yeah. Like, I was the listener? Yeah. And you guys were talking? Mm-hmm. Is it any good? It was good. And as a listener, not Michael, as a listener, I'm thinking, like, fucking Jordan.

Again, he get that, we got that corncob thing, he would have hated it. Fucking this is an abomination, I hate this piece of shit, this fucking guy. And that's why I'm like, I'm a listener. Yep. Yep. You got it.

And then you started looking at me and I went, oh no, they can see me. Without rating it, what do you think about it? Yeah, right? Like, it's so weird. It's weird, but it's salty. Definitely salty. The cheese sauce, not a fan of. Really?

Yeah. I don't. Do you think it would have been better with regular? Agreed. Because at least then it would have been pizza. Yeah. Yeah. Instead don't. Do you think it would have been better with regular agreed? Because at least then it would have been pizza. Yeah. Yeah. Instead it changes it too much and it's very different. It doesn't serve the higher purpose

of combining the pretzel and the cheese together. I feel like if it were the regular sauce then you get a true here's pizza but pretzel. Right. And right now it's like it's not pizza because you wouldn't make pizza with this. I mean it's pizza. You know what now it's like it's not pizza because you wouldn't make pizza with this i mean it's pizza you know what i mean but it's not your vanilla red sauce pizza so

it's all weird it's all weird it's hard to judge it on just the pretzel when the sauce is by far way odder right even with the salt like you can wipe that off there's a lot of salt i'm a person i like salt but i'm of the i've always been of the fucking dumping in salt i can always wipe it off if it's unsalted i'm screwed yeah but it's very salty you're not wrong but man that's not what hits me it's that sauce you bite it and you're just like whoa like i just took another bite as you can another slice i'm looking at it i knew it there, right? But I took that first bite and was like, oh, just forgot. It's just creamy. It is very creamy. It's creamy.

And creamy is not something I really want on a pizza. Yeah. I don't want creamy. Again, the pretzel, the flavor's different, but it's a fucking crust. Yeah. It's very similar to pizza crust. It's damn near identical. Yeah.

Very weird. Especially on the other side. Or it is pizza crust. It's flavored or whatever the fuck I i know jordan what do you think um what do you want to what do you want to rate this thing what do you what do you think about little caesar's pretzel crust pizza 43 wow okay i just doesn't do enough to combine them together like which is clearly what they want to be doing i agree but they're just not doing it like i would further have them make it pizza in the front pretzel in

the back oh like the mullet of pizzas instead of this instead of this little like they're kind of related but they're still separate do you think it would have been better if it was a regular pizza sauce so it's all pizza throughout and then the crust is pretzel. And then they give you cheese. Listen, that's better incrementally. But then you get like a cheese to dip it into. Here's the thing. You can give me the cheese. I wouldn't use it.

But maybe there's some freak that loves it. Yeah. I would say don't force it on the pizza. Yeah. The other thing is not only do I think. Apparently we could have done it. But he didn't want to call. Yeah.

It does say right here available for callers only. Not only does the marinara, obviously, or the red sauce, it's just like regular pizza, but you also, that sauce applies to pretzels. It's true. So it's still already worked. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah.

As like a pretzel pizza. And now I just- The gremlins demand the cheese though. Now, I'll be honest, like this freak Nick, I want to try this again with the red sauce. I really now I'm interested because I think I would like it a lot more. I think, I think. Oh, first of all, would you give it 43? I'm going to give it a 40.

Wow. It's just, I don't like the middle. And it's so much of the pizza. Yeah. Unfortunately, it's most of it. Again, it's the thing. It's weird. I'm not like, oh, it's bad. It's just not. I don't like the middle. And it's so much of the pizza. Yeah. Unfortunately, it's most of it. Again, it's the thing. It's weird. I'm not like, oh, it's bad.

It's just not. I don't love it. And it's most of it. Yeah. So what the fuck? I'm not going to give it a great rating. Like, it was okay. But, you know, it was 90%.

The crust is the best fucking part to me. It is. And not a big difference between the cheese stuff. I never like stuffed crust. Yeah. It's just. It's just different cheese. It's weird cheese. It just doesn't work. Yeah. It's just. It's just different cheese is weird cheese.

It just doesn't work. Yeah, it could have been something interesting. Stuffed crust always somehow undersells. It's like the pizza is real cheese and that's like fake cheese.

I can't explain it. It is like they use a different cheese that only works. They can only get it to work because it's like mostly plastic. I don't know if it's the cheese

or the way it's made or whatever, but it's not's not at all like oh it's more of this inside that that would be right fine it's a different completely different cheese that's always like it's not as stretchy and gooey it's more just kind of i don't know here's my five-step plan to fix this oh my god um step one mike trout show hey uh let me do mike illich's son oh there you go get him in your Oh my God. Step one, Mike Trout, Shohei Ohtani. Whoa. Step two, Mike Illich's son, Christopher Illich. There you go. Get him in here. Fix it. Let me pose this and feel free to say no if you don't think it's a good idea.

How is it? Spit and silly episode where we do this pizza. I'll do it. But with the Nick's, I don't know if you picked up on the mic. Nick gasped like It was a revelation It was like the season finale of Dallas Yeah it really was like oh my god Who shot JR

So what if we did a Spittin' Silly episode Where we got that pizza I know that we don't typically do limited food on Spittin' Silly My immediate thought was Even for 30 minutes is a lot of heavy lifting. This guy doesn't want to do it. I'll eat it. I don't care. But we should do it. Okay. It should get a...

I'm curious enough to give it another crack. Here's what we do. We do it in Spitting Silly, but we just do it while we're doing something else. Okay. We don't make it the episode. Just be like, hey, we're going to do this. Nick wrote we can get the cookie brownie. So we were in that Little Caesars, as previously mentioned, for 30 seconds.

And it did not take him very long to be like, cookie brownies. Did he say cookie brownies? And I was like, Eric, we got to get out of here before you see some other treat he wants. That's funny. I literally missed that. Me too. That's how fast I literally missed that. Me too. That's how fast it was. And you were in there.

Oh, Jesus Christ. It was like 10 seconds. Let's get to a snack. But yeah, we should do like a whatever. And then while we do it, we just eat the pizza. Yeah. Because then it can be like a side dish. Then we can talk about it a little bit.

I thought it was a snack. This is also what Nick was screaming about earlier. This is a snack. You've given us what looks like a bottle of maple syrup. Ah, it's indeed not. What is it? This is Kentucky 74. Ooh.

Spiritless. Distilled non-alcoholic spirit for bourbon cocktails. This is from Sarah Weems. Sarah. She's a friend of Michael's. That's crazy. Yeah, only Michael's friend. One of them?

Only Michael's friend. We don't know her. I know someone named of Michael's. Crazy. There's only one of them. Only Michael's friend. We don't know her. I know someone named Sarah. Yeah. They're crazy. There's two people. Same person. Different Sarah.

I doubt it. I doubt it. Sarah. Sarah said, I bought this. Not Kentucky. That's true. Sarah said,

I bought this because I've been drinking. You know, she's like, I really like bourbon. I wanted to try something that wasn't alcoholic. So I figured I'd grab this. She tried it once and she went, I do not like this. I wanted to try something that wasn't alcoholic, so I figured I'd grab this. She tried it once, and she went, I do not like this.

Right. But. Well, because it's not bourbon. Right. And she said, but I do want you guys to try it because it's so different. Was she drinking it straight like this? Yeah.

Or was she mixing it into cocktails? I mean, she mixed it. I think she did it straight and then into a cocktail. So this is Kentucky 74. It is a distilled non-alcoholic spirit. So basically, how do you make this without it being alcoholic? I don't know. Is it just water that's bourbon flavored?

I guess. Oh, God, it smells terrible. It smells almost like bourbon, but then like cinnamon, and then like weird candy. Oh, God, I don't want to drink this. This is like all the worst parts of drinking. A hint of watered-down Coke. Then like weird candy. I don't want to drink this. This is like all the worst parts of drinking. A hint of watered down Coke.

It's like 140 in the afternoon. My body is literally going, don't drink bourbon at 140. Right? Because it's just like a guttural reaction. And I'm going, don't worry. It's not real bourbon. Which is somehow worse. Why am I doing it? Bourbon in particular is.

It sucks. Oh, I hate bourbon. is a smell that I will get a whiff of and my stomach will immediately hurt. I am not and will never be the liquor guy. Yeah, sure. We'll pour it in a glass with some rocks. I like mojitos. I like pina colada. Nice.

Well, this is Kentucky 74 let's give it a shot alright okay thank god it doesn't have the burn of alcohol

whatsoever no it doesn't it's crazy it's like is this what bourbon tastes like without the burn no because I still don't like it

yeah no but it's still bad it's not good but oh it's so much better than i thought it was gonna be it tastes like you took out half the flavors of a dr pepper that's yeah it's so watery it's it's like it's like water it's flat dr pepper cut with water yeah that is bizarre it's like somebody had made a like had had bourbon in this cup, and then I put a bunch of water in it. There was one time years ago, we had this special Texas-shaped tequila glass or bottle at the office. And we were all going to do a pre-RT podcast shot of tequila.

We took it down from the cabinet, and we all poured it into shot glasses, and we all took a drink at the same time. And we were like, this is water what somebody somebody drank all of it and put water in it and it became a mystery that's funny that's awesome but uh this is this reminds me of that it's that's so cool it's watery bourbon because you still had like the remnants of the tequila flavor but it was 99 water that. That's just weird, man. That's what this is. That's wild. I don't know.

It's for making cocktails to get a bourbon flavor. I took another drink. I didn't like it. I was blown away you didn't drink it all at once. Yeah. There's not enough bourbon flavor to mix it with anything to mix it with a bourbon cocktail. It's oddly sweet. It is very sweet.

That's just going to make your cocktail bad. It tastes like, you know when you get, like, uh, Jack Daniel's barbecue sauce. Whoa! It's that kind of way. It's that kind of bourbon flavor where it's not Fridays. It's not Fridays. Yeah. When you get a cotton candy steak

and a Jack Daniel's barbecue sauce, it tastes like the way that bourbon is used in a barbecue sauce. It's just like a sweetness with none of the punch. There's no impact. I do think that non-alcoholic alcohol is becoming more popular. And I think eventually, give it a couple years, this might end up being good with some more development. It's like teleportation.

They haven't cracked it yet. Right. Here's his five-step plan for non-alcoholic um it kind of kind of like you know uh like impossible meat like you know they finally cracked that so give this a couple couple more years and maybe it'll be good okay right now not so great what do you rate kentucky 74 oh i don't like it at all i mean i guess for what it is but i i don't like bourbon like even as a drink this is not a drink. No. It's a drink.

So it's like a 16. Okay. Well, it's 20. Nick doesn't like it either. Nick hates it. Nick's doing a gun. Nick's killing it. Average score of 18, which I think if you're, for some reason, looking for non-alcoholic

bourbon, I don't want to say look elsewhere because you shouldn't be. Yeah, you're screwed. If this is something you're looking for. I mean, this is a place to start. Yep. Sorry. It's a place to start. Like Jordan said, just hang out for a couple of years.

Let the R&D do its thing. Let the brainiacs do their magic. Right. They'll crunch the numbers. They'll crack the code. And it'll be smooth and delicious. Maybe. Hopefully. Well, that was Snack Attack. If you want to send us snacks, you can. numbers they'll crack the code and you'll it'll be smooth and delicious maybe hopefully uh well that was snack attack if you want to send us snacks you can was that was yeah oh that was

our snack when are we doing a big one uh like a bait like a snack attack yeah it's been forever sarah gave us another thing that she wanted to do on snack attack do you want me to go get it shit what do you want me to go get it i'm sorry are we just not ending weren't we in the middle of anything well i that's what it was but you want me to go get it? I'm sorry, are we just not ending? Weren't we in the middle of ending the episode? Well, that's what I was, but you seemed like you wanted another snack. No, I'm talking about like a fucking like a big stream. Oh, we'll do something like that soon. And then you can bring Sarah's snack. You think I was talking about

just more snacks? Yeah, like right now. Oh, okay. Well, if you want to send a snack, I'm not even going to say to do the ads. Nick said get snack. I'm not getting a snack. Nick, if you want to send a snack, you can. You send them to Face Jam, care of Eric Boudreau, 1901 East 51st Street, Austin, Texas, 78723. You don't have to do that, Nick.

You can just hand it to him. Yeah. Also, if you see Eric walking down the street, hand him a snack. There you go. Hey, the monkey rug is on sale now. Send us a picture of where you put Nick's face. Monkey rug. You tweet at us at Face JamPod and put it on Instagram too.

The Monkey League baseball shirt also on sale now. Hopefully we have something that's tied in with that. Baseball's back. Step six. All right. We're changing the name to the Monkees. Nice. Okay.

Hey, we're going to announce this now. We got an announcement? FaceJam tracksuits. I already announced it. On sale. I already announced it. 420? 420.

A couple days ago on a live stream. FaceJam Mafia rise up. I announced it. 420. 420. A couple days ago on a live stream. Base Jam Mafia, rise up. That's right. The first time you're hearing about this right here, right now,

the 20th of April. It's news to Eric. Base Jam tracksuits will be on sale. Set your alarms, you fucking stoners. All right. Don't spend all your

money on drugs. Buy our tracksuituit then buy drugs tracksuit cool as shit did you know we inspired like multiples are people taking our tracksuit ideas people who are here

motherfucker dude they keep doing that I bet I know exactly who it is I don't know if it's actually coming out on the same day or not t-shirt podcast no it's not it's like achievement something I don't know who that is

there's other ones coming out but most importantly the face jam tracksuits buy those first because we told you about them first you owe us

you owe us shortoutreceipt.com is where you're going to want to here's the thing too kudos to all e-commerce involved because they gave me

those fucking things in November and they said April and they were right. They were right. It's true. It was April. They knew their shit.

Well, I mean, when they got a six-month runway. People asking me like I forgot going, oh, remember those? And I'm going, I said April. Yeah.

I think you forgot. Yeah. I said what I said. April 20th, 420. April 20th, 420, man. Buy your tracksuits. Face Jam Mafia. And I hear there's already

some digital stickers of me really yeah i made them yeah you had someone earlier and it was really something what's up it was a good one would you say early earlier oh because it was early after i sent it but i was like i got kids i don't give a fuck i was having a cup of coffee right in this uh format sheet come see us at rtx july 7th through 9th at the Rat and Grackle Pub. Guys, we'll be chilling at the Rat and Grackle Pub all day. Can't wait. Yep.

Be hanging, banging, taking pictures. Monkey bartender. Monkey bartender. What are we going to review? That's not a sticker. That's just a picture. He's wiping down. He's practicing.

He's wiping down a paper cup. What are we going to review for our RTX episode? I don't know. What should we do for it? We'll figure it out, I guess. Are you going? I don't know. What should we do for our... We'll figure it out, I guess. Are you going? I... They have...

I was thinking about... They have... At Q2 Stadium, they have the PB&J Crunch that they had at the... Yeah, we found out that that's at the actual soccer stadium that we have.

It's fucking crazy. Well, they copied us, right? After we reviewed it? Same distributor. It got stellar reviews, didn't it? Yeah. It got stellar review. Look at that. There's another one. That't it? Yeah. It got stellar review. Look at that.

There's another one. That's a good one. Face Jam Mafia. Hey, come see us at RTX. See you at rtxaustin.com to get tickets. Follow us at Face Jam Pod on Instagram and on Twitter. Spittin' Silly will be... Whoa, that's a weird one.

Spittin' Silly. They included that. They can't see these. I'm showing Eric. This one's just my groin. I mean, it says Face Jam, but that's one can't see these. I'm showing Eric. This one's just my groin. I mean, it says Face Jam, but that's one of the approved ones. That looks shopped.

That looks like somebody did some warping. Big time. Spittin' silly next week. Email facejampod at roosterteeth.com for your food conundrums. Are you the new Bose and Shreds? Is that how you pronounce it? Conundrums? Yeah. What have you been saying? You don't even want to know.

Oh, whoa. Dude. Conundrums. I saw a fucking email come in today that I had to flag. Do you want to just read part of it to tease it? Is it the one that isn't a food court submission? Dude, I don't even remember. Because there's one that we got that isn't that.

But there was also a really interesting there were there were two that i noticed and i think one was a food court oh yeah one was a food court and one was this one yeah was that one this one was this was this from spitting silly god or was this from face jam we were talking about this that one was from face yeah okay so but yeah you should read that. So, this is... Because that's not going on Food Court. So this was sent to Face Jam, and the subject, it just says merch.

It's from Chris G. And it says, hello, I don't know who to reach out to, but a few months ago, I remembered that there was discussion about a cat or gun shirt. There was another episode. So by the way, this has nothing to do really with cat or gun beyond, beyond.

You could have told this story without mentioning cat or gun at all. But there was another episode where the idea was brought up about calling eggs, lemons and calling lemons eggs. That's what we were saying. Have they swapped? And they still are. I think as of now,

they continue. I'd be interested in buying a lemons or egg shirt i'm sorry if this comes off spammy it doesn't i'm i'm saying it doesn't oh okay i don't know what it comes off as but it's not spam okay but thought this was too good of an opportunity to pass up thank you and then what they sent was it's just like a computer background. It's just a black image. On the top left, there's a picture of lemons. An actual like photo stock image.

Yeah, stock image of lemons. And then on the bottom right is a stock image of eggs. But it says eggs or lemons and eggs next to the lemons and lemons next to the eggs. And that's it. And I'm curious what we can do with this yeah i was gonna say like there's something it's not a shirt so simple about it i it's not a shirt it looks to me like a motivational poster right you know what i mean but i don't know what it motivates i don't know i don't know what it motivates some emotion i feel like we could sell it as a poster or we could sell it as a desktop background

not even sell it just give it away i feel like we definitely don't sell it as anything people have already paid in time make it into this make it an nft who cares whoa we should release this as our first desktop background oh our first official desktop background can we pay christy one dollar can we buy this but just i'm being very clear for very little right yeah yeah for i mean really for near nothing is what we're trying to do honestly it made me laugh honestly we could recreate it it made me laugh for less money yeah but it's not in the spirit of it is not It's not in the spirit because they put the work in. But anyway,

I don't know why this was so long at the end of the episode. I like it though. I liked this email and this was just this morning. Yeah. So anyway.

Anyway, thanks for listening to Face Jam. It's over, get out. The show where we have a five-step plan to end the show. Okay. Step one.

This is step three. Is rating and subscribing and telling a friend about the show or eat food and rate the food. Goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye.