100% Eat - Red Robin Pretzel Bacon Beer-Cheese Burger
Episode Date: November 8, 2022In this episode, Michael Jones and Jordan Cwierz eat and review Red Robin Pretzel Bacon Beer-Cheese Burger so you know if it's worth eating. They also talk about the South Beach Wine and Food Festival..., how much is a decent amount, opinions of Fat Tire, and more. Face Jam Truck'd Up Premieres November 17th. 8 chefs battle for fast food supremacy as Face Jam judges their eats. Sponsored by ExpressVPN http://expressvpn.com/facejam , Hello Fresh http://hellofresh.com/facejam65 + code facejam65, and Black Adam in theaters now! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Transcript
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This is a Rooster Teeth production.
Professional, you hear it?
Prop, prop, prop, prop, prop, prop, professional.
Prop, prop, prop, prop, prop, prop, professional.
Can we have that song?
It's a different song.
Welcome to Face Jam, the show where we try every new fast food creation.
We'll let you know if you need it.
You probably do.
I'm your host, Michael Jones.
Alongside my co-host, Jordan Spears.
Jordan, how are you?
I'm not ready for that one.
What?
Huh?
Did you say something?
Jordan was sitting back and went...
Sorry, were you talking to me?
Sorry, I'm thinking about cracking open this Sprite.
I'm thinking about how you just finished guzzling down a vanilla Coke and how I want a vanilla Coke.
Yeah, dude, they're tasty.
I don't know why it's so hard to find a vanilla Coke.
I don't understand it. It's the hardest thing in the world sometimes. To me, it's better than regular Coke. Yeah, dude, they're tasty. I don't know why it's so hard to find a vanilla Coke. I don't understand it.
It's the hardest thing in the world sometimes. To me, it's better than regular Coke.
It is. It's better than regular Coke
and it's better than
cherry Coke. Yeah, it's very subtle.
It's so subtle, it
could replace regular Coke. It could.
Nobody would even notice, I bet. You know what I mean?
Because I'm a big fan of cream soda and it's got
that cream. Oh, I'm definitely a cream soda guy.
You know what I mean? It's got that cream. I don't like the way Eric says that.
What do you mean? I'm a creamsman. No one likes the way he says anything.
What do you mean? I'm a creamsman. Do your parents ever try to
make you vanilla Coke?
Hey, we got vanilla extract at home.
Like, baking vanilla, and I go,
this sucks.
I want the fake vanilla
high fructose corn syrup. Yeah, but dude,
it's so easy to find
cherry Coke diet vanilla. That is flooding the markets. That's lemons, apparently. But dude, it's so easy to find Cherry Coke Diet Vanilla
That is flooding the markets
That's lemons, apparently
Cherry Vanilla Coke is also interesting
Next time I snipe one, I'll get you one
Yeah, get one for your bud
That was the only reason
I would go to Rubio's
You keep talking about it
I'm the Rubio's guy
You said Vanilla Coke
And he said Rubio's guy. Also, you said vanilla Coke, and he said Rubio's.
I was like, what?
And he kept saying, it must be.
That must be the only place you can get it.
And then you answered with silence.
Well, it was Jordan.
Right, because I was like, oh, I had a craving for a vanilla Coke,
and I got one over the weekend.
And Eric goes, where'd you go, Rubio's?
And then there was just long silence, and we all just looked at each other.
I didn't know it was in store. And you went, no, just like the store.
I'm looking at Michael drinking it out of a plastic bottle labeled vanilla Coke.
For Rubio's?
Yeah, from Walmart.
They got Rubio's in Walmart?
Yeah, there's a small, they closed the subway.
And they closed the subway.
Well, it's Texas.
It's usually a subway.
They closed the Subway.
They closed the Subway.
Well, it's Texas.
It's usually Subway.
Rubio's is a fish taco place that was the only place where I could get vanilla Coke,
and I don't even really like soda.
Wild.
Yeah.
It's a little bit classier.
Eric's under the impression that that's how everybody consumes it. That's how everyone, that's why you guys got vanilla Coke.
Yeah.
That's how I do it.
I've never heard of it before.
That's so good. I've heard of Rubio's
By the way this is about the red robin pretzel
Bacon cheeseburger
A.K.A. the Wendy's killer
Oh no
Watch out Reggie Bush
Yeah what the fuck Reggie Bush
We didn't talk enough about
The stolen valor of Reggie Bush
Yeah
Reggie Bush. We didn't talk enough about the stolen valor of Reggie Bush. Yeah.
Reggie Bush is stealing our valor.
Every commercial is about how Reggie Bush brought back the pretzel pub. He got something taken away.
He got stripped of an award, right?
Yes.
And then he agreed to play on that?
Yes.
Yeah.
I mean, it's been about 17 years.
I'm just saying, though, still, I mean, obviously, he's over it. It's been about 17 years. I'm just saying
obviously he's over it.
It's just funny. Remember that humiliating
thing in your life? You want to make
a commercial where we pretend like
it's going to humiliate you
but it's just a sandwich?
Hell yeah.
If I can help face jam, I'm pretty sure
that's what he said off the record.
I don't think he's trying to help us.
I think he's trying to undercut us.
So here's the thing.
Here's why I agree with you.
Reggie Bush is a year older than me, I think.
They went to the same high school.
And he went to a rival high school.
Oh, he went to a rival high school.
And him and who was the quarterback?
It wasn't Nick Foles.
No, Alex Trebek. Smith. Alex Smith. Yes, it was Alex Smith. who was the quarterback uh it wasn't easy wasn't nick foals no alex uh trebek smith alex smith yes
it was alex smith so they were on the same high school football team against us and my friend
was like a linebacker and it was just like go tackle these guys and he would just go i don't
think so they were adult like they look like adult men he's a 17 year old who's maybe, I don't know, 5'11".
Yeah. Maybe 180 and they're
full grown men. Yeah. Same age
but somehow are 6'3". Yeah.
200 pounds.
And I think that Reggie Bush
knows that there's a connection
with Face Jam. He just senses it. He's held on
that long. And he went
Oh, I can steal
the valor? Okay.
I can get one more dig at the rival high school.
So you're saying he didn't learn his lesson?
Santee High School can go fuck itself.
I assume that's the one you went to.
Definitely not. Did he steal any
sandwiches before?
Is that why he lost the Heisman? No, not at the time.
He did steal a Heisman trophy.
He stole a Heisman.
He went, and then he took it.
So, wait, wait, wait.
What was he doing?
So, he cheated and got it.
Yes, it was money.
Or he physically stole it from like a museum.
Well, he did do.
And then he went like that.
He got money while playing college football, which you're not allowed to do.
However, he did do an Ocean's Eleven style heist to steal the trophy and was unsuccessful.
So, now Wendy's says you can have the sandwich.
And that's bullshit. He forgot to have the sandwich. And that's bullshit.
She forgot to change the carpet.
He had a little guy stashed in a box.
A little guy stashed in a box and then
the box opened at midnight or whatever and the little
guy scrambled all around the top of tables
and shit. I should have just made
a replica. That's what I'm saying.
But hey, when you go to
study hotel management
at USC, you're not getting a lot of
hotel management.
You're not getting
the best education. We should have the monkey
doing the Heisman Trophy pose, but
holding a pretzel pub.
Oh. Yeah.
Because everybody's trying to grab it. Everyone's trying to grab it.
And he's just fucking
facepalming like, fuck you.
He like hulks out when he's
got the pretzel pub. He becomes
Forrest Gump. You just hand him the ball and he just runs through
people. He hulks out or like
turns into like a crazed
barbarian.
But here's the thing.
Will he be doing it with the Red Robin
pretzel bacon beer cheeseburger, the thing we ate?
Or will it be the Wendy's?
I don't know.
Let's discuss.
I think regardless of this episode, it will be the Wendy's.
Yeah.
I mean, let's be honest.
I think the real question is, will it be just the Wendy's or the Wendy's and the Red Robin?
Is he going to have one sandwich in his hands or two sandwiches in his hands?
I think he'll always go with two.
He has one up to his mouth
and he's just slamming the other one in
somebody's face. I have gone
straight feral on the pretzel pub
since it's been back for like a week
or two and now I've started to
just safely distance myself
because I don't want to get hurt again.
I'm still getting him but I
guess I was
caught up in it. You can now imagine a world without it.
I have to imagine it.
Right.
You know what I mean?
I got caught up in a high thinking, like, I guess it's around forever.
And then all of a sudden, boom, it's gone.
Maybe Matt Leinart will bring it back.
So, yeah, if anybody else wants to take credit for keeping it, you know, but until then,
I just, you know, I just, like, I want to enjoy it, but not need it.
You have to, like, you have to, like like wean yourself off of it while you still can.
When it came back, I needed it.
Yeah.
I needed it.
Because if you like.
Well, because it forced me to quit cold turkey.
All of a sudden it was gone.
I didn't know.
It didn't say, at least Wendy's, give me a heads up.
Yeah.
Guys, you have two weeks left.
Yep.
Start weaning yourself off.
It's just irresponsible that it's putting this shit out on the market, letting people get hooked,
and then just taking it away.
I will say for the Red
Robin pretzel bacon
beer cheeseburger, it is a burger.
At Wendy's, you have the option to get
the superior spicy chicken sandwich.
Red Robin... They gave us no such option.
It is a burger place. Yeah, it's
Burgies only, really. I'm sure they have chicken,
but I don't think it would have been wise or advisable.
I'll be honest.
Just under the context, I didn't even think about it.
It wouldn't even cross my mind.
Wendy's, it's a no-brainer.
Red Robin, it's like, well, yeah, maybe they have chicken, but it's Red Robin.
You get the burger.
I got a mistake order the other day when I ordered the pretzel pub.
What?
At Wendy's? I got
the burger. On accident?
I definitely ordered the spicy chicken.
Didn't know until I got home. Picked it up.
Knew the heft. Oh, because it's heft.
Do you know if you get a normal burger
or like a fucked up burger?
This is a good fucked up. This is a single patty.
Like trucked up. I grabbed this.
Wait, which one's good?
Which one's bad? It's all good. Do we want to get trucked up? It's all good. I think we're going to learn. I grabbed this. Forked up. Wait, which one's good? Which one's bad? It's all good.
Do we want to get trucked up?
It's all good.
I think we're going to learn.
I don't know.
Either way.
I'll be honest.
I don't think we learned in the show.
So I picked it up and I'm like, this is it.
Cool.
I got it.
And I got home and I opened it up.
This is it.
I got it.
And I opened it up and I went, burger.
I housed it.
How unsatisfied were you?
You know, it was satisfying because it's good.
It is less substantial than the chicken sandwich.
A little lighter on hanging out in your belly.
I could take
one and a half of those
to the dome where the chicken sandwich
one...
Well, the thing about it is, though, what was it, though?
Was it a single, double, triple? It was a double.
Oh, wow. Which was crazy.
And I think that's why I thought the heft was right.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Because the chicken's a little bit bigger than a burger.
I will say probably the only advantage,
now as we talk about this sandwich yet again
in an episode that has nothing to do with it,
I will say the only advantage to the burger
is you could, if you're not that hungry,
you could get a smaller one.
You can't do that with the chicken.
Here's what I say.
But it's definitely not as good. Pull your fucking pants up. Yep. Eat the chicken. Get to work. Look, sure. You could get a smaller one. You can't do that with the chicken. But it's not as good. Here's what I say. But it's definitely not as good.
Pull your fucking pants up.
Yep.
Eat the chicken.
Get to work.
Look, if I'm only eating half,
I guess I'm wasting half my chicken sandwich,
but I'm going to eat it if I'm going to eat it.
A half-wasted chicken sandwich is better than a whole burger ingested.
It's a half-eaten chicken sandwich is what it is.
There you go.
And that's the life that I'm living.
Guys, it's hot tub fall.
I'm living life.
Wow.
Have you not had, like, put the other half in the fridge and come back to it later?
No, I'm not a leftovers person.
Oh, okay.
Okay.
Michael's got too much going on.
I'm a real American.
I respect that.
Oh, I'm definitely a leftovers guy.
Yeah.
Big time.
I'm the leftovers.
I just know.
Well, what it is.
I am the leftovers.
I think what it is.
That show?
That's about me. That's about me, baby. Me eating a chicken sandwich the-handed. I just know. Well, what it is. I am the left-handed. I think what it is. That show? That's about me.
That's about me, baby.
Me eating a chicken sandwich the next day.
Oh, shit.
Me going, ooh, a little bit more, huh?
Chicken sandwich for breakfast, I see.
Classic Damon Lindelof.
Who's he married to?
Jennifer Aniston?
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Justin Theroux?
Yeah, dude.
Yeah, that guy.
Yep.
That's me.
He wrote one of the Iron Man movies, didn't he?
That guy?
Did he? Could be
That's cool as hell
We're getting out there
Getting away from it
We're getting away from it
How far can we get though?
Let's not try
I think what we need to do is
Come back down to earth with a haiku
Remember Spittin' Sleaze a segment
Not a show today.
Today.
Today.
It is a show next week
and it was last week as well.
Have we,
we've done Red Robin before.
We have.
So we'll,
we will,
we will talk about
what we gave it last time
and everything,
but I'm wondering
if you guys have been
back to Red Robin
in between.
Nope.
Yeah,
I like it.
Absolutely.
Jordan,
you're not a Red Robin?
I know,
like you said it and you were only looking at Michael
but you said you guys
and I'm just like come on
Jordan you're not driving up to fucking
Pflugerville
where I have no cell reception
yeah Jordan we got
yeah really
but
here's the thing though I will say
anecdotal or not I don't know.
Not a single person in Pflugerville has cancer.
The entire city.
Something to think about.
I don't know if it's related or not, but something to think about.
Bad reception.
Great cancer rates.
As in, zero.
I would also wager nobody got the vaccine,
because I couldn't get any 5G out there.
Oh.
I was stuck on 4G LTE.
Watching George just try to...
We're sitting at the table and he's going,
all right, over here.
I put it to the edge.
Okay, let me see.
You know what fucking worked?
Putting it on the booth.
On the seat.
Oh, the seat has 5G.
Had to put it below the table.
Weird. Anyway.
Well, let's learn about
Jordan's haiku. Let's learn about a haiku.
Let's learn about Red Robin via
a haiku. Shut up.
You messed it up.
We know you messed it up.
Got it, baby.
Pretzel imposter.
Red of breast
v. red of hair.
Whose pub
is more fair? Wow.
It rhymed, too?
It does not often do that.
That was a little ominous.
I feel like if you
answer that, what are you doing?
Oh, okay. Nick came in to book
the telephone booth.
Somebody was about to, you know, swoop in and steal this booth from us.
Because, you know, someone's going to sit down and not notice we're in here.
Imagine them coming over.
Excuse me, I have that booked.
Yeah, I don't really care.
You know, imagine a train car that's fit for, like, two people a seat.
Well, imagine 70% of that.
That's what we're in.
We made Nick sit on the outside.
This is where we did Spittin' Silly
food court. We're doing our trucked up
shoot. Which we can now say is trucked up
because the trailer came out.
That's what we were doing.
We did Spittin' Silly and
an episode, right? Yeah.
Yeah, that was in the middle of the week.
Very efficient week, though.
It was very efficient.
I got a lot done.
Knocking shit out.
It was great.
And Trucked Up was good.
That was fun.
Trucked Up was great.
People cooking food, going crazy.
Well, not us.
No, again.
We certainly weren't cooking.
There are people that are like, well, it looks like they're going to cook.
Is this a cooking show?
It looks like it is a cooking show.
No, no, no.
Many pitch meetings where they're like, all right, you guys cook in a food truck? And I go,
no. I like the
announcement
trailer tweet from Rooster Teeth
was like, how many times do we have to say it's not a
cooking show? And I was like, it's funny because
that's what we've been telling you. Yep.
Mr. Teeth.
Hey, do you
know why that was the tweet?
Because when they sent me another tweet, I said, here's what you should tweet instead.
That is the tweet that I wrote, and that is what I gave them.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Which the audience might see that and go, who calls it a cooking show?
Don't worry, that's all internal.
It's all the people we work with.
That's just something we've been saying for two years.
It's not a cooking show.
It's not. So the irony of Rooster Teeth tweeting, two years. It's not a cooking show.
It's not.
So the irony of Rooster Teeth tweeting,
we told you it's not a cooking show.
My head almost exploded a little bit when I saw it.
Why won't anyone listen to it? What the fuck?
They know?
It's not a cooking show.
People cook for us, which is just what this show is.
Right.
Face Jam is a show where people cook for us
and then we eat the food and rate the food,
which is what we're good at. But now you see where people cook for us and then we eat the food and rate the food, which is what...
That's what we're good at. But now you see how
people cook the food. That's that show.
Trucked Up. That's why it's Trucked Up. Yep.
Which is good. I think that's not why it's Trucked Up.
It's Trucked Up because we got there too late, Jordan.
That is true.
Oh, I see the name's bad on purpose. Yeah.
Yes. Well, purpose.
Yes. Uh-huh.
That's why
I hate an email that says EOD.
Need to know EOD.
Yep.
Friday at 530.
Mm-hmm.
Don't worry.
You guys got this right.
Don't worry.
Eric's going to get it.
Jesus Christ.
You guys head out of here.
I'll take care of this email.
Monday morning.
What's the show called?
Trucked Up.
Listen.
Listen. We got food court back. It's true. What's the show called? Trucked Up. Listen.
Listen.
We got food court back.
It's true.
It's been silly food court. Should we get on to some-
It's a fair trade.
Are we going to learn about Red Robin?
I don't know.
Are we?
Via Red Robin effects?
Unlikely.
What do you mean?
You typed it.
Our previous Red Robin episode-
This morning, right before coming here.
Yeah.
He's trying to talk.
I thought I had two hours to do it this morning
Well somebody wanted to move it up a little bit
Someone wanted to be a little bit more efficient
That's not rewarding around here
This dare I say
Maybe the most efficient episode we've ever done
Our previous Red Robin episode
Was not as efficient
But it was released August 3rd 2021
Where we ate the Red Robin Scorpion Gourmet Burger and Scorpion Wings.
It received an average score of 65.5.
Do you guys remember those?
Not in any way.
Exactly what I thought you were going to say.
Did we go to a Red Robin for that?
We went to the exact same Red Robin.
No.
I bet it wasn't that hot.
Because that was the first episode, I think, that we got back together.
That was Little Caesars.
That was the pilot, technically.
I like what Michael does.
That episode that we recorded, we got back together for the first time since COVID.
Finally, somebody took my advice and we ate inside.
Okay, fuck off.
Yeah, it only took two and a half years.
One and a half years. Why don't we just eat, it only took two and a half years. One and a half years.
Why don't we just eat inside?
We're eating in a parking lot? Die.
Fucking die. Look, I love
messing your car up as much as the next guy.
But I don't know why you just wanted to keep doing it.
Ridiculous. Alright, I gotta move on.
Next fact. Here we go. The robin's famous
red breast is actually an orange
coloring. What? This is due to the birds
being named before English
had developed the word orange.
I believe that.
I do believe that. I think, wait.
Did orange
predate red? Because
they used to refer to red as like wine
colored, which would be more purple.
Wine colored is like a stormy sea.
But red predates orange.
Interesting. Yeah.
That's why when we found the fruit,
we just went, oh,
boy. What color
is it? Orange? What's the name of it?
Oh, fuck.
This is an orange, clearly.
I'll be honest. Should have done it with everything.
What are you eating? A yellow.
That would have been awesome.
Reds and blues
So do you think a lemon
Fucking rules
Do you think a lemon
Would be a yellow
And then the demand for yellows
Would be through the roof
Absolutely
Lemon's gotta
Yellows
Well
Hang on
Hang on
Now normally you'd never
Compare the two
But it could be banana
Oh
Banana's true
Probably like number two fruit
Yeah
But here's the thing
Well I guess that's why We need more than one word for things.
I don't know.
That sounds wrong.
I feel like a lemon is yellow longer than a banana is yellow,
and therefore lemons are yellows.
Let me try this out.
See, that's where it gets more convoluted.
What are you calling bananas?
Green to yellows?
No, I'm calling them browns.
Let me try this out.
Green to yellow to browns?
Let's see if it fits.
Okay.
All right, go ahead.
Hey, suck a yellow. Yeah, that's good. That's lemons. out. See if it fits. Go ahead. Hey, suck a yellow!
Yeah, that's good. That's lemons.
Wait, a banana? Oh.
Hang on, I'm not sucking a banana.
Gotcha.
Yellows!
Eric, I'd just like to point out that this was
a bird fact and not a Red Robin restaurant fact.
No, it's a Red Robin fact.
It says Red Robin facts.
Well, I know that it does. Interesting. And that's a fact about a Red Robin restaurant fact. Well, it's a Red Robin fact. It says Red Robin facts. Well, I know that it does.
Interesting.
And that's a fact about a Red Robin.
And then at the bottom it says,
I, Eric, inherit $1 million.
Yeah, so whenever we're going to get that,
if someone could pay up,
that would help me out.
Here we go.
Red Robin holds an annual contest.
Are you listening?
At the South Beach Wine and Food Festival's
Burger Bash to find new burgers.
If you enter this contest and win, you get to tell your grandkids about the time you won a hamburgers contest
in Miami-Dade County where you were picked to go on a food menu for a bird restaurant.
Your grandchildren will surely call you more often to hear your stories then, right?
That's good.
I mean think about entering a contest and then
you win and then the
bird restaurant gets rich off of your
I think best case scenario they take your recipe
which isn't really even taking
because you're giving it to them
it's not a Red Robin funded
festival it's we go to the
South Beach Food Festival
and we eat some burgers and we steal the best ones and then we go to the South Beach Food Festival. That's exactly what it is. Hell yeah. And we eat some burgers and we
steal the best ones. And then we go
scorpion burger please.
I mean but that's what they're doing here
because they stole the pretzel pub.
Well is this
not just a genre of sandwich?
How many pretzel pubs have you had before pretzel pub?
I don't go to a lot of pubs. I mean here's the thing.
You're throwing the word pub around. Yeah.
Okay.
This isn't. This is like a pretzel
bun. Uh-huh.
But I don't know if it's like a whole pretzel pub
sandwich. But I think the pub
doesn't fill the chute.
No, I agree. And I think the pub is supposed to be like
beer cheese. Yeah, but
I'm just saying there's a reason they don't say it.
It's true. It's not on here.
Yeah, because if they did, they'd be held liable to Wendy's.
Look, like Jordan's haiku said.
Look, I'm just saying it is a pretzel bun,
and we did obviously think of Wendy's immediately,
but it doesn't even attempt to replicate it.
Like, as far as the toppings go and shit.
It's pretty much just a fucking cheeseburger with a pretzel bun.
It's a pretzel bun cheeseburger with cheese that you can dip it in.
Or pour.
Or pour.
All right.
Yeah.
We'll get to that later.
All right.
Hang on.
More contests.
Yeah.
Apparent contest lovers Red Robin also hold the Golden Robin Burger Contest, where students
grow up their best new burgers and win a $10,000 scholarship, which you need your grandchildren
to win because it's the only way they'll believe
you about the Miami Bird Restaurant hamburgers contest you've been telling them about for
years.
God damn it.
Why won't they listen?
I'm sure there are a lot of jammers listening right now who can relate to this content.
Their grandkids won't listen to them.
They won't listen about the bird restaurant
in Miami-Dade County.
There's a lot of people doing that
Leonardo meme right now.
They're all pointing, listening.
They're going,
they're talking about you.
Ain't that the truth?
Don't I know all about it?
Why do they love
contests so much?
Because they're stealing.
I think why do they keep getting free recipes?
Here's a $10,000 scholarship.
Is the tax write-off for us?
Absolutely.
That's not even that much money for a scholarship.
No, not at all.
How much is that going to pay for all the work of going through this?
That's half the Biden bucks.
Yeah, think about it.
If you're fucking playing
your cards right
and you have the EMT loan.
Yep.
If you're an EMT,
Joe Biden wants to pay for you.
Well, if you had the EMT loan,
I took it out
and then dropped out.
Oh, that's good.
Kept the cash, so.
But I'm waiting for the refund.
And the final fact.
Wow.
A Portland area Red Robin
is under investigation
after an employee
allegedly tainted a customer's salad with semen.
The victor's lawyer said his client ate, quote, a decent amount of it before noticing it had a funny taste, end quote.
Then had to be rushed to a
hospital for nausea and a panic attack.
This cum salad,
not on the menu, is expected
to be a huge hit when it is
entered into next year's Red Robin
South Beach Cum and Food
Festival.
Jesus Christ.
These guys love context.
Dude.
God.
You know who would love that salad?
Rod Stewart.
He gets sick off of it.
He just keeps ordering these fucking salads.
You wouldn't even have to go to the hospital for that.
He's like, this is not even close.
Jesus Christ.
You got to go and pump it out.
So there's so much to this, like so many good quotes in this story about the cum salad.
The fact that the lawyer said, and that's a full quote, a decent amount of it before he noticed it had a funny taste.
It's funny how saying the difference between a decent amount and a considerable amount I think is very exact
language. It was
the guy
noticed that it tasted funny then lifted up
all of his salad greens and at the bottom
of the salad bowl was just a bunch of cum.
Jesus Christ.
Oh boy.
What the fuck?
But was it a self plant?
You know, like...
You think he cummed in his salad?
Well, I mean, there's the whole, like,
thumb in the chili thing, right?
That's true, right?
Where someone brings it, throws it in,
and says, thumb in the chili, cum in the salad.
I'm just saying, I'm just saying,
what's more likely?
Someone's in the back cumming in salad,
or someone's cumming in and putting cum in their own salad?
Probably the latter.
How did he get...
I'm just saying.
How did he get to the bottom?
Cum in my salad! Did he just lift it all up?
Then he put it all at the bottom. He had his little
He had a turkey baster probably.
He had a little ramekin.
You know the things they give you ranch in?
He just filled that and then
dumped it all at the bottom of his salad and then he went
Oh my god, I ate cum. I'm just saying I don't know
any, I was going to say I don't know all the facts
I don't know any of the facts. What do you mean? These are all facts.
I know a lot of allegations.
Yeah, I know a lot of bullshit that you've handed me.
I'd just like to hope no one came and someone said.
Just, you know what is even the craziest part?
If it's an untargeted attack.
Yeah.
Right?
That's the true sign of an insane person.
Just coming randomly into a salad.
Not even like, oh, this person killed your father.
Come away.
You know, or something like that.
I think it was targeted, but I don't know in which way.
Oh, God.
That's insane.
The thing that gets me about it, too, is the guy is suing for $1 million, which is, to
me.
That's not that much in this game.
He got nauseous.
It's too round of a number.
Like, $1 million is too round of a number.
Bro, that's worthless.
Exactly.
It shows no imagination on this come-eaters part.
Jesus Christ.
He should be going way higher than that.
Clink, cheers.
Yeah, so
how'd you make your millions?
He's got Super Bowl tickets
and a sweet ride.
Let me just say, I've got a bit of a suite.
You ever go to Red Robin?
Don't.
Don't.
That's my stuff.
Stay away from that Red Robin.
I'm just saying, if you're going to go for a get-rich lawsuit in 2022, a million dollars is nothing.
You have to go way bigger.
Or maybe this is a kind-hearted cum eater who's just like,
I don't want to rob them
of house and home, so I'll just
ask for a million.
I suffered enough.
That could be true, Jordan.
Maybe this
grubby
little guzzler is just the
first person we've seen
actually show some standards right in a
lawsuit where they're like look yes i'm suing you but i'm not being greedy look i'm not getting
paid income here i don't need to go nuts it's just money look this is no thumb in the chili
i understand right it's simply coming by salad one million million dollars. And I'm on my way. Honestly,
I don't even know if that goes to court at that point.
That could be done through the mail.
Yeah, we'll just write you a check. That's fine.
The accounting guy doesn't even need to
seek... Under memo, right?
Come. Make him cash it.
I'll know what it means.
The accounting guy doesn't even need to seek permission
for that. He's just like, oh, I'll write that off.
Yeah.
They write it
in the memo line and then send a camera
crew. They're just like, yeah, we want to
wash you. Catch it. Go ahead. Catch it.
Catch it right now. We want to see it.
Tell them what it's for. Go ahead. Tell them what it's for.
I like that he went
because he felt nauseous
and had a panic attack.
I just picture him at the restaurant going,
Ha!
Ha!
Make up!
Ha!
I'd be pretty nervous myself.
I don't know.
I'd probably be more panicked than nauseous.
All I'm saying is that-
At that point, like, if I already ate it,
and I had already consumed the cum,
and it was fine enough to chew, swallow, and then think about.
I think I would be past the nausea and just in a full-blown panic.
It's what Jordan pointed out.
Rod Stewart had so much more and had to go get his stomach pumped before.
Yeah, this guy doesn't seem like—
This guy just barely had a salad's worth.
Not even a whole salad's worth.
This guy didn't even have a salad's worth.
He had a decent amount.
Those are the facts.
I bet most of that was not factually based.
What do you mean?
I'm just saying.
I'm throwing out a disclaimer.
I'm going to recommend this for you, Jordan,
but I'm throwing out a disclaimer for myself.
I endorse none of what I just said.
What do you mean?
This is, you can-
It's all, I read all allegedly,
and I'm reading Eric's words.
This is-
And I distance myself from any of this cum talk.
This all makes sense.
Hey, if someone came in someone's salad,
I think that's bad.
Yeah.
I don't think that's a good thing to do,
and I disagree with it.
I think morally and honestly, like, I think just as far as food prep wise, I wouldn't
agree with it.
I stand by it being very funny.
But again, it's all alleged.
I'd like to I'd like to I'd like to go back and add in an alleged come eater.
OK.
Yeah.
If you can edit that in.
Thanks. Right. I don't know can edit that in. Thanks, Nick.
Right.
I don't know that I find that as funny as Jordan.
I think if you and a friend have a funny inside joke with cum and you guys go nuts on each
other.
Literally.
And do whatever you want.
That's fine.
Like if you're like pooping on someone.
Right.
Your friend when he used to be a little bit of a prankster.
Yeah, and then you become Blippi.
That's fine.
That's fine because the guy was like, yeah, poop on me.
Right, two willing participants.
I don't think this was that, though.
This is Blippi for Red Robin.
I don't think Red Robin should be involved in a situation like this.
They kind of just get caught up in the middle of it as a result.
They seem a little bit too corporate to be a part of what's going down.
Why did you write this fact?
That's a fact.
These are all facts.
The color orange wasn't invented yet.
You can have a...
They got the South Beach Wine and Food Festival thing.
You have the $10,000 scholarship.
Come eat her.
It's all facts.
Did we spit silly?
I feel like we spat.
How long have we been going?
I feel like we spat a lot.
I don't know.
Eric refused to set a timer.
That's it?
Oh, my God.
We're halfway through.
This is perfect.
Yeah.
This is great.
I'm not so sure it is.
I think we need to spit some sill.
Okay.
Just to make up for it.
Make up for what?
You talk about trucked up.
Gained time.
Instead of lost time. You talk about trucked up. Gained time. Instead of lost time.
You talk about trucked up.
Nah.
Yeah, it's a good idea.
Yeah, I mean, that's still like, I mean, what day is it?
Yeah, that comes out.
This comes out in like two weeks?
It's too early to be talking about that.
Well, the thing about trucked up is I don't want to talk about it.
I'm not worried about spoilers.
I just don't think it's very good.
Oh, yeah?
Really?
I don't think we should talk about it
or endorse it or tell people to watch it.
Are you setting
expectations low or do you honestly
think the work we did was bad?
I think the work we did was amazing.
I just can't trust
you know.
It's Ray. Big Ray.
You know what I mean?
You kept laughing.
You're shaking the camera. You're shaking the camera.
Don't laugh. You're shaking the camera. I just want to, I don't know. Really, that's our There was that one point. Remember we were getting our picture taken and the lens cap was on?
Oh. I went, oh no. And that was on Friday.
And so I was thinking, did any of it get filmed? No. Yeah. Guys, it's been five
days. You got to look through the? No. Yeah. Guys, it's been five days. And that's the thing.
You got to look through the viewfinder.
I keep saying that.
And that's the thing.
The only way to find out if it's any good is to watch it because we haven't seen it.
Right.
I haven't seen it.
There might not be anything to look at.
And for some reason, we shot it all on film.
So we're not getting any of the, we don't know if the footage looks good until it gets
into the cutting room.
Yeah, why do we let Wes do that?
I keep asking for selects and I don't even know
what it means. Well, I keep saying show me the dailies
but it's been weeks at this point.
Are we down to weeklies now?
I don't mean to
exaggerate or use
Hyperbolt, but
Wes is in Egypt.
He's not in Egypt right now.
I don't know.
He's in Egypt.
I don't know if he's...
He's in Cairo.
Sorry.
He was like...
Something about the mummy's curse.
Oh!
He's doing a 1999 The Mummy.
He was going...
Well...
He's trying to prevent it.
He's trying to prevent a 1999 The Mummy.
Correct.
Which I said is easily done because I keep saying, hey, dum-dum, it's 2022.
It can never be a 1999 mummy again.
Right, right, right.
But I don't, you know, he doesn't get it.
He keeps seeing Brendan Fraser in the news and he's like, the mummy, the mummy.
And I don't know why.
And he's like, I have to go to Cairo.
I have to go to the Pizza Hut.
But he kept saying, got to go to Cairo. I have to go to the Pizza Hut by the Pyramids. Gotta get the Cairo BRB.
So why do we shoot it on film?
I don't know why you did anything.
I don't know why we couldn't get...
This is a real show, by the way.
I don't know why we couldn't get a goddamn...
And I...
As low as you could possibly say working, working van.
And then you got two, like, industrial food trucks.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Like, high quality ones with burners.
They got wrapped.
Wasn't that cool?
Yeah.
And the wrap looked great.
Yeah.
Even though they were fully drivable.
Yeah.
Unlike the van, which we needed to move and was
not movable at all. We moved like
the food trucks. So the food trucks just
sat there. But we didn't need a food truck
when we needed a van.
We needed a van when we needed
a van. But we had these food trucks.
And then you wrapped it before you asked us.
Well, I thought it would be like a fun surprise.
Yeah, you didn't tell us the name
and you were like, here it is.
Here it is.
It's like, well, you've already put a lot of money into this.
And I made that Jell-O.
I thought Nick made the Jell-O.
No, he was doing potatoes for some reason.
I thought he turned the potatoes into Jell-O.
That's what the trailer was like.
He was doing potatoes for a long time before it turned into Jell-O.
Well, you know, I don't know how to cook.
Who knows what magic
goes on. So stay tuned for Trucked Up.
Yeah, Trucked Up. Don't listen to Michael.
It's good. We haven't seen it, but
it's good. It's pretty good.
There's a whole cast of characters
you'll be, maybe some will be
familiar, and maybe some will be new
faces. I didn't know most of those
people. Oh, yeah?
Who did you not yeah? Who did
you not know? Who was the blonde girl?
I'll tell you later.
Well, it comes out November 17th
so you can watch it. Don't ruse your
teeth. Tell a friend to listen to this podcast
where we talk to you about the show.
But you should probably watch the show.
Just let us know if it's any good.
On to the food.
Yep.
All right.
Pretzel bacon beer cheeseburger.
Fire grilled beef burger topped with cheddar cheese, hardwood smoked bacon, and mayo on a toasted pretzel bun.
Served with new Belgium register trademark, fat tire register trademark, beer cheese fondue for dipping.
So that's where the new Belgium stuff came in.
Yeah.
I'm not a fan of fat tire, personally.
I like Voodoo Ranger, though.
I think I used to be and then um
you learned what other beers yeah and then you and then you go oh my third beer yeah yeah honestly
honestly this isn't a rubio situation i'm i think we had the same experience here you go you go a
corona a fat tire oh blue moon and then you stick with you stick with that for a year or two right
you kind of rotate through those i'm a beer drinker yeah exactly oh i have an orange of a blue moon. And then you stick with that for a year or two. Right, you kind of rotate through those. I'm a beer drinker.
Yeah, exactly.
I'll have an orange.
I'll have a blue moon.
It comes with orange.
Did you know they didn't know the word for orange?
This wasn't invented.
I say after my fifth one.
It usually takes about five before you start spitting color facts.
We also got one other limited time thing.
Pretzel bites.
we start spitting color facts. We also got one other limited time thing.
Pretzel bites.
Bear claw pretzel bites
and new Belgium fat tire beer cheese.
Truly inspired
description from McLaughlin.
There's not even a
article in here that's not even like
it's a. No.
Or it's just like bear claw pretzel bites.
Beer cheese.
Bro, you know what to do?
Open up.
Can I get a prune inside?
I'm a little bear.
What's a bear claw pretzel bite?
I don't know.
Did those feel like bear claw pretzel bites?
They felt like pretzel bites.
They felt like pretzel bites.
I don't understand a regular bear claw.
Like the donut?
The donut?
Yeah.
It's big.
It's kind of big and it's... It doesn't seem very big.
...paw-bear paw-shaped.
I think that's giving it way too much credit.
A bear claw?
I could fight a bear.
Too specific.
No, you couldn't.
Oh.
Oh.
He could absolutely fight a bear.
Yeah.
He could get killed.
No.
Right.
Quickly.
No.
Yes.
Nope.
Yes.
Nope.
He could fight a bear.
If these were bear claws, these pretzel bites, this bear's going fucking down.
Right.
But that's not a bear.
Sure, but that's not what a bear is.
What?
The only chance you have-
I only know a bear from food.
The only chance you have with a bear is it sees your ass in the woods and thinks you're its baby.
Yeah.
Oh, my small child.
Yeah.
And you just go, fuck, I guess I'm a bear now.
I don't think I want to become the bear.
Do I want to become the bear?
Do you want to die?
I mean, I think it's become the bear or be consumed by the bear.
Right.
You just walk in and you go, hi, I'm Eric.
I'm a bear now.
I'm the bear.
I had to become the bear.
You've played Red Dead Redemption you know how those bear fights go
Yeah yeah yeah
Those bears fuck you up and then in the next scene you're fine
Yeah and then I go I'm back
Just like the way that would happen when I fight a bear
You wake up in a field
And for some reason some of your money's gone
Did the bear take my wallet?
You're talking about Lenny
I definitely think that
Up to a point
I could fight a bear.
Up to a point?
Yeah. I'm glad you think that.
Up to the point where you lose.
Up to the point where you get close to the bear.
Right.
What are these parameters you're setting?
Have you seen sun bears? They're scrawny.
I could take a sun bear.
Sure, yeah.
But they can get you from a sun bear. Sure, yeah. Yeah.
You can maybe take- But they can get you from a distance with their long, long tongue.
You can maybe take a care bear.
And that's about it.
I could beat up a sun bear.
You can beat up the care bear that's got the sun on his stomach.
I don't know which one that is.
Sunshine.
Okay, you could probably kick the shit out of him.
Sunshine gumdrop.
I can beat up sun bears and sunshine the care bear.
And you could kick the shit out of any of them that are sleeping.
Who else?
What other bears could I take out?
Teddy Ruxpin, he's toast.
Sun bears, they're done.
Yo, it doesn't matter though.
The lion's going to fuck you up.
He's not even a bear.
It's fucked up.
He's just a lion.
You couldn't take Paddington though.
Because Paddington wouldn't fight you.
No, he would make me a delicious marmalade.
There you go.
I definitely think I could fight a bear.
I'm glad you've made that abundantly clear.
I feel pretty strong about it.
And I feel pretty strong that you're wrong.
And I feel like, Jordan, how about this press material?
Last year's cheese lovers lineup.
Stop laughing.
This is serious.
How come we weren't in on that?
No, because we had a scorpion burger.
How did we miss the cheese lovers lineup? Well, I'll had a scorpion burger. How did we miss the Cheese Lovers lineup?
Well, I'll tell you how.
This guy.
We need to start perusing.
Oh, I definitely think I probably sent it to you guys and we went, this sucks.
Party leader my ass.
I'm setting.
Take that, you little time warp.
I'm setting a Google News alert for Cheese Lovers lineup.
I'll be alerted when they come back.
Last year's Cheese Lovers lineup was one of our most
popular menu promotions with our guests said jonathan mutar uh red robin chief concept officer
that's a great title what the fuck does that who's the chief chief concept officer for face
just coming up with ideas man we all kind of do it nick I think I am. Nick raised his hand. Yeah, I am. You know why? Because we didn't have one.
He got dibs.
He beat me to it.
Yep.
Damn.
The Chief Concept Officer, we decided to bring back the much-loved cheesy bacon fondue burger
as well as offer our guests a delicious new burger with bacon, a pretzel bun, and a side
of beer cheese fondue for dipping.
How did you feel about the side of beer cheese fondue for dipping?
Nick is clapping for it right now.
Well, it was very saucy, so.
It was, how do I describe it?
Queso is a thing in Texas, right?
And so there's a lot to compare to.
This was pretty good for like a restaurant beer cheese I would say. Right? For a Red
Robin that I assume you can
get anywhere in the country.
Right. It's a pretty good dip
sauce. It's no easy tiger.
It's not like
smooth like a good queso
is. It's like thick and
chunky almost. Beer cheese is kind of
supposed to be that though. It's true.
One thing that I thought was interesting was when they
brought us the pretzel bites,
the beer cheese that came with it,
it was in a very watery state.
And then the longer it sat there,
and I think the more we dipped in stuff
and some of that excess water got away, then it
became beer cheese. It got there.
It became more...
It was almost like a spread.
Yeah, more spread than sauce.
And that's what it's supposed to be, I think.
I thought it was good. I could easily dip my bear claw into it.
I liked it.
I thought the pretzel bites were good.
Yeah, the pretzel bites were very
good. It was a good little snack.
They were amazing, actually.
I think if there was a bar
in Austin that did
those pretzel bite beer cheese things or whatever,
that's a thing that people would talk about.
If I love any sort of decent bar food, not just like shit, it's a fucking soft pretzel.
I get it every time I go to Alamo.
I like the chips and queso there, but you get queso and spicy mustard with the big pretzel.
It's just so goddamn good. There's so many different ways big pretzels. It's just so god damn good.
There's so many different ways that pretzels can be served
to you but the best way is
piping hot
with a very
crispy
outside, very soft inside.
Do you gotta rip it?
You get the mix of textures
and it's hot on the outside, it's cool on the inside.
It's the perfect blend of textures and temperature and flavor i like what michael's pointing out though too is that it's not just the pretzel those like dipping pieces with it
that's like crucial if you get like the big mustard and like the beer cheese that like my
mouth's watering thinking about it because it's just so good when we go to like the austin fc
games yeah we get the beer cheese and the mustard. But it's just easy tiger pretzel.
It's just something
to think about too.
Like if you got like
yellow mustard,
it'd be like,
this is fucking dog shit.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It would fucking ruin it.
Yes.
It would absolutely ruin it.
That's super pretzel territory.
So, yeah.
Now I want a pretzel.
Yeah.
That was good pretzel talk.
You know who's got good pretzels?
Who?
Coco's Bavarian.
I haven't been there
and gotten that yet.
They are the same thing where it's like they come out hot.
They got the good textures.
They got the dips?
They got some good dips.
They don't have pretzel bites, I don't think.
No, it's just the big soft pretzel.
But they got good dips.
Nick's making a note of Coco's Bavarian right now.
You haven't been there?
That one's escaped you?
Ooh, shocking.
Nice.
So let's get into the food here what we had at red robin
and how it really compares to wendy's i think it was a burger and it worked that has that going
against it but as far as the quality of ingredients you you definitely get the the difference that you
hold on what's he trying to tell us?
Hang on.
It's getting bigger.
Y'all want to get lunch?
Can we finish the goddamn show first?
He's got to go pick up his kids.
So it'll just be us three.
I think you've miscounted.
It'll be us six.
Everybody pile in.
Be on your best behavior,
Eric.
What the?
What the fuck was I saying?
You're talking about the quality.
Points against it because it's a burger.
Well, yeah, you were past that.
There are some quality increases in that
it is not a fast food joint giving it to you.
I thought the pretzel bun was really well done.
I thought it was cut in that pretzel bun fashion, and you could pull it apart in its four little sections if you wanted to.
It was like a real bun.
It wasn't like a facade.
No. Right. Crumpled when you touched it yeah yeah uh i think that's one thing that the wendy's pretzel
pub like the the bun is lacking and and it's the least integral part to the wendy's one but i
thought it worked really well on the red robin one um again with that beer cheese I went dip I went dipping I saw Nick went
Nick went pouring
took the bun off and poured
some sauce on it
Nick ate the whole fucking thing and he was the only one
he's reliving it right now
he's agreeing but I
he wanted to go back
he wanted to go back
what if we did it one more time
alright man yes moaning. Yeah, he wanted to go back. What if we did it one more time? Alright, man.
Yes!
And I'm not gonna
make the whole rating just
comparing it to the Wendy's one, but
the lack of the
shoestring onions, I actually
found that a little nice. I think
that's a little too much
on the Wendy's one.
But I do wish it was chicken.
I'm gonna
give it, it falls somewhere in between.
So I think
I'm gonna give it just below. I'm gonna give it a
68.9. Okay.
Because it can't be better than the
Wendy's one. Now he's doing
point stuff. You know what? Hey. People grow the Wendy's one. Now he's doing point stuff.
You know what?
Hey.
People grow.
It's crazy.
Right?
People learn.
Insane.
People adapt to their surroundings.
Incredible.
You know?
I never thought I'd see the fucking day.
I just don't understand why you're griping at me when I gave it a lower score than the-
No, no.
He's a griper.
He's a griper.
Because the point system is-
He wants to eat again.
He's griping for some reason.
I don't know, bro.
He wrapped the truck.
Stupid name.
I'm just trying to do things that make Eric happy,
and nothing seems to be working.
Conditional.
You're the guy who gave food conditional, too.
And now it's 68.9.
Nothing surprises me at this point from Jordan.
We've been doing this show long enough.
So, I do agree.
First of all, the pretzel energy is good.
It is like, yes, it is.
I guess that's a good point.
It's not supposed to be queso.
But I guess to specify the difference, it's not like gooey, drippy.
It's definitely more of like, it starts as a dip, but once it gets on the pretzel, it's now a spread.
Yeah.
It's like, did I put you on with a knife?
Yeah.
What happened?
But it's good.
It is good for dipping like the burger too, if you've got it, because it comes in like a little bigger size cup.
It's almost as big enough for you, yeah, to put a whole burger in it.
The bun was good.
I will say I was less impressed with everything else, with the burger itself.
I do think I enjoy, to compare it to the Wendy's,
I enjoy the extra stuff on the Wendy's because I will say,
especially for a fast food restaurant,
like Red Robin really doesn't have to do this
because they have so many burgers.
There's a burger restaurant, like a sit-down restaurant, you know what I mean? restaurant like red robin really doesn't have to do this because they have so many burgers or burger
restaurant like a sit-down restaurant you know what i mean so they have lots of different specialty
burgers but what i like about it at wendy's is like you know you go to wendy's mcdonald's whatever
it's the same shit yeah for like three four ingredients mixed 50 times like all the numbers
you know what i mean and like the pretzel pub has enough different things where it's like,
it's actually kind of different.
You know what I mean?
Like,
yeah,
it's just a crispy onions and yeah,
it's just the bun and yeah,
it's just the pickles and it's like the crinkle cut pickle,
but altogether you're like,
Oh,
this is actually like a different sandwich.
It doesn't feel like I'm getting the same thing every time.
This definitely felt more just like a burger with a pretzel bun.
Not that that's a bad thing, but that's what it was.
So it doesn't even come close to me, like even the same burger comparing it.
It was pretty good, but it was just like I think I like the pretzels better.
The bun was good.
The burger was fine.
Dude, we're rating those pretzel bites.
That's like 90 range.
Yeah, right.
Those things.
Nick wants to go back for the burger. I want to go back for the pretzel bites. That's like 90 range. Yeah, right. Nick wants to go back for the burger. I want to go back for the
pretzel bites. I mean, look, you're not
insulting the name of pretzel,
but I don't think you've elevated it
55. Okay.
I'm surprised Jordan gave it such a high rating.
I wanted to get dangerously close.
No, he did it. I mean, you did it.
It was good,
but I don't think both
in general or especially because of the top can
i say my original plan was to just be like this is the most amazing thing we've ever eaten on this
show it's so much better than the pretzel bacon but you know 61.95 um honestly i think that's a
very fair i think that's fine i think the thing to consider is that our grand total was like 80 bucks fuck yeah we didn't even get the fat tire
we drank water yeah and it was still like 80 damn isn't that fucking crazy um it's pretty pricey
yeah it's a lot but that's red robin i mean it's just an expensive place can i just say no matter
like if i give it a high score or you give it the low score i always wanted to be the one who's like
shitting on it and giving it the lower score.
But it's a true testament to the power of the average score that it always works out.
It always lands where it should, I think.
It is.
It's a reckoning.
It's because there's a certain art to it.
People think we come in here all willy-nilly,
but it's like a dual Spidey sense.
We know what has to be done, even when
we don't know what the other person's doing. Exactly.
It's like a subconscious thing, where it's like
we just know that. Unless there's a rare... It's a
true yin and yang. It is. Unless there's a rare
punishment coming that I didn't know
that the restaurant deserved, we're usually
even when we
even when we
have different opinions, we're on the same page
of what's going on.
Or if somebody's troubled.
Oh, there's trouble.
This is Snack Attack.
This guy's trouble.
What?
Trouble, trouble.
Oh!
Dear Michael, Jordan, Eric, Nick, and Kat.
Well, maybe not.
That's an old one.
Greetings from Austria.
I'm an American who moved to Austria just before COVID hit.
Wow.
Do you like it?
How did you know?
Would you recommend it to other Americans?
So I've been mostly stuck in my apartment eating food.
Oh, okay.
Most of my favorite snacks from Austria are pastries,
but since they probably aren't going to be open until mid-2023,
close, end of 2022, don't worry about it,
I didn't want to create a new pandemic with rotten food.
So here is one of my favorite snacks.
These are, how would you say that?
Shoko?
Shoko Bananen.
Shoko Bananen.
Shoko Bananen.
You want to crack them open and see what's up?
So I assume they're some sort of chocolate yellows?
They are chocolate yellows, but not the yellows that you think. They're yellows
bananas. Yeah.
They're not yellows. Oh, they're not individually
wrapped. Oh, no. Well,
Choco Loco.
Have a grab.
Please let me get it before you
throw it to this monster.
And you can have the bag.
Just take your bag.
Okay.
These fucking disgusting banana chocolates are everywhere.
Wait, what?
And are sold in an absurdly large box.
I feel like you comically waited for us to take a bite.
This was the smallest bag I could find.
I bet these little fucks melted on the way to Texas
because they can't even sit in a bag correctly.
I've yet to meet someone who actually enjoys them,
but if you like this snack,
I swear on Michael's ex's life,
I will get the biggest box I can find and ship it to you.
Well, don't worry about that
because I don't think we like them.
This is...
Hang on.
They're sickly sweet bananas.
It tastes like if you dipped a banana runt
in a mixture of darkened milk chocolate.
It does taste like a runt.
Yeah.
It's like a softened runt.
Yeah.
It is a softened runt.
One bite's enough on that one.
I don't hate it, but it's certainly not good.
You know when I eat this?
If some weird fuck who works there was handing these out on Halloween, I'd eat it.
If it ended up in my house for my kid's bag and there was some candy on the counter, I'd eat it. If it ended up in my house for my kid's bag, and
there was some candy on the counter, I would
eat one of those. I would never go
seek that out. No. No, never.
It has to come to me. It's not just sickly
sweet, but it's artificially
sweet. It's such a weird
sweet. It's really weird for,
in my opinion, European candy always
does it better, but this is
so overly sweet. Also, you know what does it better, but this is so overly sweet.
Also, you know what it tastes like, too?
Not just banana runt.
It tastes like the banana ice pop flavor.
Yeah.
It just tastes artificial.
It's like a banana bomb ice pop.
A Laffy Taffy banana.
Yeah, it's definitely a flavor that I expect from an American candy.
It's very surprising.
But it's European and gross.
What do you think?
Maybe it was made by a European company from a guy that used to live in America.
Oh!
He rags on it because he's got confidence issues.
Yep.
What do you think of Skokin Bananin?
Skoko?
Skoko?
35. Okay. you think of skokin bananin skoko i'm skoko i think 35 okay i was thinking something like
i hate it definitely more than michael so i gotta go lower i'm going 28 okay do you think i was too
do you think i was too high you're higher than i was expecting 31.5 do you think i was too low i
was in the 40s originally but i had to go lower oh so i was i had to you think I was too low? I was in the 40s originally, but I had to go lower.
Oh, so I was too low.
You thought I'd be higher.
Yeah, I thought you'd be a little higher than that.
I thought you'd be high 40s, low 50s.
Thank you, Amanda.
I guess what I said wasn't really like a 35.
I was like, well, it's not bad.
It's not bad, 35.
Thank you, Amanda, Emily, and Ethan for that
and a few other snacks that we have in here
that we're going to eat on our own.
Thank you.
Feed the Nick.
Yeah, pretty much.
If you want to send a snack, you can.
You want to send them to Face Jam,
care of Eric Bedore, 1901 East 51st Street,
Austin, Texas, 78723.
You can follow us at Face Jam Pod
to stay up to date with everything.
Don't forget to watch Trucked Up on the
17th of November.
So that's very soon by the time this comes out.
We also
have Spittin' Silly. There was one last week.
There's one next week. It's Spittin' Silly.
You can email FaceJamPod
at RoosterTeeth.com with your food conundrums.
I've been getting quite a bit of those.
What was on before Spittin' Silly last week?
Face Jam.
No, it wasn't.
You don't remember?
What happened?
Check out, hey, guess what?
We have Switch Forks and Switch Spoons coming very soon.
What?
Along with Pumpkin Spice Rat shirts and crew neck sweaters.
Ooh, perfect for the fall weather.
Are you a Spice Rat?
Are you a Pump rat? Are you a pumpkin spice rat?
Dude, pop on your pumpkin spice rat
for your fall hot tubbing.
Fall hot tub pumpkin spice rat
of crew neck.
Wow.
Dang, that's the good stuff.
Well, thanks for listening.
Hopefully,
you like Spittin' Silly next week.
What are we going to do? I don't know, but anything we want.
Based on all the emails we're getting, we should probably do another
food court. Yeah, probably, because there's a lot.
Holy fuck, there's a lot.
You've got to take me off your tweet.
You've just got to put it on the take me off your tweet.
It's quickly unraveling to the point where we might need
to turn it into its own thing. Yeah, really.
Food court's really going, man. I'm just going to go in
and start deleting them for everybody.
Well, no, you don't have to delete them.
You just delete them out of your inbox.
No, no, no.
I have a Google thing set.
They go to a folder.
I never see them in my inbox.
I want to go to the main email and start purging.
Oh, okay.
So you better start saving them.
You better rate and subscribe and tell a friend about the show where we eat food and rate the food.
Thank you for listening.
Bye.
Listen to that, bitch.