100% Eat - Red Robin Pretzel Bacon Beer-Cheese Burger

Episode Date: November 8, 2022

In this episode, Michael Jones and Jordan Cwierz eat and review Red Robin Pretzel Bacon Beer-Cheese Burger so you know if it's worth eating. They also talk about the South Beach Wine and Food Festival..., how much is a decent amount, opinions of Fat Tire, and more. Face Jam Truck'd Up Premieres November 17th. 8 chefs battle for fast food supremacy as Face Jam judges their eats. Sponsored by ExpressVPN http://expressvpn.com/facejam , Hello Fresh http://hellofresh.com/facejam65 + code facejam65, and Black Adam in theaters now! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Starting point is 00:00:00 At Mila, our partner is the planet. Until June 30th, every Mila dishwasher purchased supports the planting and preservation of Canadian forests through the Mila Forest Initiative. Join us in making an impact today for a better tomorrow. Visit mila.ca to learn more. This is a Rooster Teeth production. Professional, you hear it?
Starting point is 00:00:25 Prop, prop, prop, prop, prop, prop, professional. Prop, prop, prop, prop, prop, prop, professional. Can we have that song? It's a different song. Welcome to Face Jam, the show where we try every new fast food creation. We'll let you know if you need it. You probably do. I'm your host, Michael Jones.
Starting point is 00:00:36 Alongside my co-host, Jordan Spears. Jordan, how are you? I'm not ready for that one. What? Huh? Did you say something? Jordan was sitting back and went... Sorry, were you talking to me?
Starting point is 00:00:51 Sorry, I'm thinking about cracking open this Sprite. I'm thinking about how you just finished guzzling down a vanilla Coke and how I want a vanilla Coke. Yeah, dude, they're tasty. I don't know why it's so hard to find a vanilla Coke. I don't understand it. It's the hardest thing in the world sometimes. To me, it's better than regular Coke. Yeah, dude, they're tasty. I don't know why it's so hard to find a vanilla Coke. I don't understand it. It's the hardest thing in the world sometimes. To me, it's better than regular Coke. It is. It's better than regular Coke and it's better than
Starting point is 00:01:11 cherry Coke. Yeah, it's very subtle. It's so subtle, it could replace regular Coke. It could. Nobody would even notice, I bet. You know what I mean? Because I'm a big fan of cream soda and it's got that cream. Oh, I'm definitely a cream soda guy. You know what I mean? It's got that cream. I don't like the way Eric says that. What do you mean? I'm a creamsman. No one likes the way he says anything.
Starting point is 00:01:27 What do you mean? I'm a creamsman. Do your parents ever try to make you vanilla Coke? Hey, we got vanilla extract at home. Like, baking vanilla, and I go, this sucks. I want the fake vanilla high fructose corn syrup. Yeah, but dude, it's so easy to find
Starting point is 00:01:43 cherry Coke diet vanilla. That is flooding the markets. That's lemons, apparently. But dude, it's so easy to find Cherry Coke Diet Vanilla That is flooding the markets That's lemons, apparently Cherry Vanilla Coke is also interesting Next time I snipe one, I'll get you one Yeah, get one for your bud That was the only reason I would go to Rubio's
Starting point is 00:01:58 You keep talking about it I'm the Rubio's guy You said Vanilla Coke And he said Rubio's guy. Also, you said vanilla Coke, and he said Rubio's. I was like, what? And he kept saying, it must be. That must be the only place you can get it. And then you answered with silence.
Starting point is 00:02:14 Well, it was Jordan. Right, because I was like, oh, I had a craving for a vanilla Coke, and I got one over the weekend. And Eric goes, where'd you go, Rubio's? And then there was just long silence, and we all just looked at each other. I didn't know it was in store. And you went, no, just like the store. I'm looking at Michael drinking it out of a plastic bottle labeled vanilla Coke. For Rubio's?
Starting point is 00:02:34 Yeah, from Walmart. They got Rubio's in Walmart? Yeah, there's a small, they closed the subway. And they closed the subway. Well, it's Texas. It's usually a subway. They closed the Subway. They closed the Subway.
Starting point is 00:02:43 Well, it's Texas. It's usually Subway. Rubio's is a fish taco place that was the only place where I could get vanilla Coke, and I don't even really like soda. Wild. Yeah. It's a little bit classier. Eric's under the impression that that's how everybody consumes it. That's how everyone, that's why you guys got vanilla Coke.
Starting point is 00:03:01 Yeah. That's how I do it. I've never heard of it before. That's so good. I've heard of Rubio's By the way this is about the red robin pretzel Bacon cheeseburger A.K.A. the Wendy's killer Oh no
Starting point is 00:03:16 Watch out Reggie Bush Yeah what the fuck Reggie Bush We didn't talk enough about The stolen valor of Reggie Bush Yeah Reggie Bush. We didn't talk enough about the stolen valor of Reggie Bush. Yeah. Reggie Bush is stealing our valor. Every commercial is about how Reggie Bush brought back the pretzel pub. He got something taken away.
Starting point is 00:03:34 He got stripped of an award, right? Yes. And then he agreed to play on that? Yes. Yeah. I mean, it's been about 17 years. I'm just saying, though, still, I mean, obviously, he's over it. It's been about 17 years. I'm just saying obviously he's over it.
Starting point is 00:03:48 It's just funny. Remember that humiliating thing in your life? You want to make a commercial where we pretend like it's going to humiliate you but it's just a sandwich? Hell yeah. If I can help face jam, I'm pretty sure that's what he said off the record.
Starting point is 00:04:03 I don't think he's trying to help us. I think he's trying to undercut us. So here's the thing. Here's why I agree with you. Reggie Bush is a year older than me, I think. They went to the same high school. And he went to a rival high school. Oh, he went to a rival high school.
Starting point is 00:04:17 And him and who was the quarterback? It wasn't Nick Foles. No, Alex Trebek. Smith. Alex Smith. Yes, it was Alex Smith. who was the quarterback uh it wasn't easy wasn't nick foals no alex uh trebek smith alex smith yes it was alex smith so they were on the same high school football team against us and my friend was like a linebacker and it was just like go tackle these guys and he would just go i don't think so they were adult like they look like adult men he's a 17 year old who's maybe, I don't know, 5'11". Yeah. Maybe 180 and they're full grown men. Yeah. Same age
Starting point is 00:04:50 but somehow are 6'3". Yeah. 200 pounds. And I think that Reggie Bush knows that there's a connection with Face Jam. He just senses it. He's held on that long. And he went Oh, I can steal the valor? Okay.
Starting point is 00:05:05 I can get one more dig at the rival high school. So you're saying he didn't learn his lesson? Santee High School can go fuck itself. I assume that's the one you went to. Definitely not. Did he steal any sandwiches before? Is that why he lost the Heisman? No, not at the time. He did steal a Heisman trophy.
Starting point is 00:05:21 He stole a Heisman. He went, and then he took it. So, wait, wait, wait. What was he doing? So, he cheated and got it. Yes, it was money. Or he physically stole it from like a museum. Well, he did do.
Starting point is 00:05:33 And then he went like that. He got money while playing college football, which you're not allowed to do. However, he did do an Ocean's Eleven style heist to steal the trophy and was unsuccessful. So, now Wendy's says you can have the sandwich. And that's bullshit. He forgot to have the sandwich. And that's bullshit. She forgot to change the carpet. He had a little guy stashed in a box. A little guy stashed in a box and then
Starting point is 00:05:54 the box opened at midnight or whatever and the little guy scrambled all around the top of tables and shit. I should have just made a replica. That's what I'm saying. But hey, when you go to study hotel management at USC, you're not getting a lot of hotel management.
Starting point is 00:06:09 You're not getting the best education. We should have the monkey doing the Heisman Trophy pose, but holding a pretzel pub. Oh. Yeah. Because everybody's trying to grab it. Everyone's trying to grab it. And he's just fucking facepalming like, fuck you.
Starting point is 00:06:26 He like hulks out when he's got the pretzel pub. He becomes Forrest Gump. You just hand him the ball and he just runs through people. He hulks out or like turns into like a crazed barbarian. But here's the thing. Will he be doing it with the Red Robin
Starting point is 00:06:43 pretzel bacon beer cheeseburger, the thing we ate? Or will it be the Wendy's? I don't know. Let's discuss. I think regardless of this episode, it will be the Wendy's. Yeah. I mean, let's be honest. I think the real question is, will it be just the Wendy's or the Wendy's and the Red Robin?
Starting point is 00:06:59 Is he going to have one sandwich in his hands or two sandwiches in his hands? I think he'll always go with two. He has one up to his mouth and he's just slamming the other one in somebody's face. I have gone straight feral on the pretzel pub since it's been back for like a week or two and now I've started to
Starting point is 00:07:16 just safely distance myself because I don't want to get hurt again. I'm still getting him but I guess I was caught up in it. You can now imagine a world without it. I have to imagine it. Right. You know what I mean?
Starting point is 00:07:28 I got caught up in a high thinking, like, I guess it's around forever. And then all of a sudden, boom, it's gone. Maybe Matt Leinart will bring it back. So, yeah, if anybody else wants to take credit for keeping it, you know, but until then, I just, you know, I just, like, I want to enjoy it, but not need it. You have to, like, you have to, like like wean yourself off of it while you still can. When it came back, I needed it. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:07:49 I needed it. Because if you like. Well, because it forced me to quit cold turkey. All of a sudden it was gone. I didn't know. It didn't say, at least Wendy's, give me a heads up. Yeah. Guys, you have two weeks left.
Starting point is 00:07:59 Yep. Start weaning yourself off. It's just irresponsible that it's putting this shit out on the market, letting people get hooked, and then just taking it away. I will say for the Red Robin pretzel bacon beer cheeseburger, it is a burger. At Wendy's, you have the option to get
Starting point is 00:08:16 the superior spicy chicken sandwich. Red Robin... They gave us no such option. It is a burger place. Yeah, it's Burgies only, really. I'm sure they have chicken, but I don't think it would have been wise or advisable. I'll be honest. Just under the context, I didn't even think about it. It wouldn't even cross my mind.
Starting point is 00:08:33 Wendy's, it's a no-brainer. Red Robin, it's like, well, yeah, maybe they have chicken, but it's Red Robin. You get the burger. I got a mistake order the other day when I ordered the pretzel pub. What? At Wendy's? I got the burger. On accident? I definitely ordered the spicy chicken.
Starting point is 00:08:49 Didn't know until I got home. Picked it up. Knew the heft. Oh, because it's heft. Do you know if you get a normal burger or like a fucked up burger? This is a good fucked up. This is a single patty. Like trucked up. I grabbed this. Wait, which one's good? Which one's bad? It's all good. Do we want to get trucked up? It's all good. I think we're going to learn. I grabbed this. Forked up. Wait, which one's good? Which one's bad? It's all good.
Starting point is 00:09:05 Do we want to get trucked up? It's all good. I think we're going to learn. I don't know. Either way. I'll be honest. I don't think we learned in the show. So I picked it up and I'm like, this is it.
Starting point is 00:09:14 Cool. I got it. And I got home and I opened it up. This is it. I got it. And I opened it up and I went, burger. I housed it. How unsatisfied were you?
Starting point is 00:09:23 You know, it was satisfying because it's good. It is less substantial than the chicken sandwich. A little lighter on hanging out in your belly. I could take one and a half of those to the dome where the chicken sandwich one... Well, the thing about it is, though, what was it, though?
Starting point is 00:09:39 Was it a single, double, triple? It was a double. Oh, wow. Which was crazy. And I think that's why I thought the heft was right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because the chicken's a little bit bigger than a burger. I will say probably the only advantage, now as we talk about this sandwich yet again in an episode that has nothing to do with it,
Starting point is 00:09:55 I will say the only advantage to the burger is you could, if you're not that hungry, you could get a smaller one. You can't do that with the chicken. Here's what I say. But it's definitely not as good. Pull your fucking pants up. Yep. Eat the chicken. Get to work. Look, sure. You could get a smaller one. You can't do that with the chicken. But it's not as good. Here's what I say. But it's definitely not as good. Pull your fucking pants up. Yep.
Starting point is 00:10:06 Eat the chicken. Get to work. Look, if I'm only eating half, I guess I'm wasting half my chicken sandwich, but I'm going to eat it if I'm going to eat it. A half-wasted chicken sandwich is better than a whole burger ingested. It's a half-eaten chicken sandwich is what it is. There you go.
Starting point is 00:10:20 And that's the life that I'm living. Guys, it's hot tub fall. I'm living life. Wow. Have you not had, like, put the other half in the fridge and come back to it later? No, I'm not a leftovers person. Oh, okay. Okay.
Starting point is 00:10:34 Michael's got too much going on. I'm a real American. I respect that. Oh, I'm definitely a leftovers guy. Yeah. Big time. I'm the leftovers. I just know.
Starting point is 00:10:42 Well, what it is. I am the leftovers. I think what it is. That show? That's about me. That's about me, baby. Me eating a chicken sandwich the-handed. I just know. Well, what it is. I am the left-handed. I think what it is. That show? That's about me. That's about me, baby. Me eating a chicken sandwich the next day. Oh, shit.
Starting point is 00:10:49 Me going, ooh, a little bit more, huh? Chicken sandwich for breakfast, I see. Classic Damon Lindelof. Who's he married to? Jennifer Aniston? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Justin Theroux?
Starting point is 00:10:58 Yeah, dude. Yeah, that guy. Yep. That's me. He wrote one of the Iron Man movies, didn't he? That guy? Did he? Could be That's cool as hell
Starting point is 00:11:08 We're getting out there Getting away from it We're getting away from it How far can we get though? Let's not try I think what we need to do is Come back down to earth with a haiku Remember Spittin' Sleaze a segment
Starting point is 00:11:24 Not a show today. Today. Today. It is a show next week and it was last week as well. Have we, we've done Red Robin before. We have.
Starting point is 00:11:32 So we'll, we will, we will talk about what we gave it last time and everything, but I'm wondering if you guys have been back to Red Robin
Starting point is 00:11:38 in between. Nope. Yeah, I like it. Absolutely. Jordan, you're not a Red Robin? I know,
Starting point is 00:11:44 like you said it and you were only looking at Michael but you said you guys and I'm just like come on Jordan you're not driving up to fucking Pflugerville where I have no cell reception yeah Jordan we got yeah really
Starting point is 00:11:58 but here's the thing though I will say anecdotal or not I don't know. Not a single person in Pflugerville has cancer. The entire city. Something to think about. I don't know if it's related or not, but something to think about. Bad reception.
Starting point is 00:12:16 Great cancer rates. As in, zero. I would also wager nobody got the vaccine, because I couldn't get any 5G out there. Oh. I was stuck on 4G LTE. Watching George just try to... We're sitting at the table and he's going,
Starting point is 00:12:34 all right, over here. I put it to the edge. Okay, let me see. You know what fucking worked? Putting it on the booth. On the seat. Oh, the seat has 5G. Had to put it below the table.
Starting point is 00:12:46 Weird. Anyway. Well, let's learn about Jordan's haiku. Let's learn about a haiku. Let's learn about Red Robin via a haiku. Shut up. You messed it up. We know you messed it up. Got it, baby.
Starting point is 00:13:02 Pretzel imposter. Red of breast v. red of hair. Whose pub is more fair? Wow. It rhymed, too? It does not often do that. That was a little ominous.
Starting point is 00:13:18 I feel like if you answer that, what are you doing? Oh, okay. Nick came in to book the telephone booth. Somebody was about to, you know, swoop in and steal this booth from us. Because, you know, someone's going to sit down and not notice we're in here. Imagine them coming over. Excuse me, I have that booked.
Starting point is 00:13:35 Yeah, I don't really care. You know, imagine a train car that's fit for, like, two people a seat. Well, imagine 70% of that. That's what we're in. We made Nick sit on the outside. This is where we did Spittin' Silly food court. We're doing our trucked up shoot. Which we can now say is trucked up
Starting point is 00:13:56 because the trailer came out. That's what we were doing. We did Spittin' Silly and an episode, right? Yeah. Yeah, that was in the middle of the week. Very efficient week, though. It was very efficient. I got a lot done.
Starting point is 00:14:09 Knocking shit out. It was great. And Trucked Up was good. That was fun. Trucked Up was great. People cooking food, going crazy. Well, not us. No, again.
Starting point is 00:14:16 We certainly weren't cooking. There are people that are like, well, it looks like they're going to cook. Is this a cooking show? It looks like it is a cooking show. No, no, no. Many pitch meetings where they're like, all right, you guys cook in a food truck? And I go, no. I like the announcement
Starting point is 00:14:29 trailer tweet from Rooster Teeth was like, how many times do we have to say it's not a cooking show? And I was like, it's funny because that's what we've been telling you. Yep. Mr. Teeth. Hey, do you know why that was the tweet? Because when they sent me another tweet, I said, here's what you should tweet instead.
Starting point is 00:14:49 That is the tweet that I wrote, and that is what I gave them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which the audience might see that and go, who calls it a cooking show? Don't worry, that's all internal. It's all the people we work with. That's just something we've been saying for two years. It's not a cooking show. It's not. So the irony of Rooster Teeth tweeting, two years. It's not a cooking show.
Starting point is 00:15:05 It's not. So the irony of Rooster Teeth tweeting, we told you it's not a cooking show. My head almost exploded a little bit when I saw it. Why won't anyone listen to it? What the fuck? They know? It's not a cooking show. People cook for us, which is just what this show is.
Starting point is 00:15:20 Right. Face Jam is a show where people cook for us and then we eat the food and rate the food, which is what we're good at. But now you see where people cook for us and then we eat the food and rate the food, which is what... That's what we're good at. But now you see how people cook the food. That's that show. Trucked Up. That's why it's Trucked Up. Yep. Which is good. I think that's not why it's Trucked Up.
Starting point is 00:15:34 It's Trucked Up because we got there too late, Jordan. That is true. Oh, I see the name's bad on purpose. Yeah. Yes. Well, purpose. Yes. Uh-huh. That's why I hate an email that says EOD. Need to know EOD.
Starting point is 00:15:52 Yep. Friday at 530. Mm-hmm. Don't worry. You guys got this right. Don't worry. Eric's going to get it. Jesus Christ.
Starting point is 00:15:58 You guys head out of here. I'll take care of this email. Monday morning. What's the show called? Trucked Up. Listen. Listen. We got food court back. It's true. What's the show called? Trucked Up. Listen. Listen.
Starting point is 00:16:06 We got food court back. It's true. It's been silly food court. Should we get on to some- It's a fair trade. Are we going to learn about Red Robin? I don't know. Are we? Via Red Robin effects?
Starting point is 00:16:15 Unlikely. What do you mean? You typed it. Our previous Red Robin episode- This morning, right before coming here. Yeah. He's trying to talk. I thought I had two hours to do it this morning
Starting point is 00:16:25 Well somebody wanted to move it up a little bit Someone wanted to be a little bit more efficient That's not rewarding around here This dare I say Maybe the most efficient episode we've ever done Our previous Red Robin episode Was not as efficient But it was released August 3rd 2021
Starting point is 00:16:43 Where we ate the Red Robin Scorpion Gourmet Burger and Scorpion Wings. It received an average score of 65.5. Do you guys remember those? Not in any way. Exactly what I thought you were going to say. Did we go to a Red Robin for that? We went to the exact same Red Robin. No.
Starting point is 00:16:58 I bet it wasn't that hot. Because that was the first episode, I think, that we got back together. That was Little Caesars. That was the pilot, technically. I like what Michael does. That episode that we recorded, we got back together for the first time since COVID. Finally, somebody took my advice and we ate inside. Okay, fuck off.
Starting point is 00:17:22 Yeah, it only took two and a half years. One and a half years. Why don't we just eat, it only took two and a half years. One and a half years. Why don't we just eat inside? We're eating in a parking lot? Die. Fucking die. Look, I love messing your car up as much as the next guy. But I don't know why you just wanted to keep doing it. Ridiculous. Alright, I gotta move on.
Starting point is 00:17:37 Next fact. Here we go. The robin's famous red breast is actually an orange coloring. What? This is due to the birds being named before English had developed the word orange. I believe that. I do believe that. I think, wait. Did orange
Starting point is 00:17:53 predate red? Because they used to refer to red as like wine colored, which would be more purple. Wine colored is like a stormy sea. But red predates orange. Interesting. Yeah. That's why when we found the fruit, we just went, oh,
Starting point is 00:18:09 boy. What color is it? Orange? What's the name of it? Oh, fuck. This is an orange, clearly. I'll be honest. Should have done it with everything. What are you eating? A yellow. That would have been awesome. Reds and blues
Starting point is 00:18:25 So do you think a lemon Fucking rules Do you think a lemon Would be a yellow And then the demand for yellows Would be through the roof Absolutely Lemon's gotta
Starting point is 00:18:32 Yellows Well Hang on Hang on Now normally you'd never Compare the two But it could be banana Oh
Starting point is 00:18:40 Banana's true Probably like number two fruit Yeah But here's the thing Well I guess that's why We need more than one word for things. I don't know. That sounds wrong. I feel like a lemon is yellow longer than a banana is yellow,
Starting point is 00:18:53 and therefore lemons are yellows. Let me try this out. See, that's where it gets more convoluted. What are you calling bananas? Green to yellows? No, I'm calling them browns. Let me try this out. Green to yellow to browns?
Starting point is 00:19:02 Let's see if it fits. Okay. All right, go ahead. Hey, suck a yellow. Yeah, that's good. That's lemons. out. See if it fits. Go ahead. Hey, suck a yellow! Yeah, that's good. That's lemons. Wait, a banana? Oh. Hang on, I'm not sucking a banana. Gotcha.
Starting point is 00:19:15 Yellows! Eric, I'd just like to point out that this was a bird fact and not a Red Robin restaurant fact. No, it's a Red Robin fact. It says Red Robin facts. Well, I know that it does. Interesting. And that's a fact about a Red Robin restaurant fact. Well, it's a Red Robin fact. It says Red Robin facts. Well, I know that it does. Interesting. And that's a fact about a Red Robin.
Starting point is 00:19:29 And then at the bottom it says, I, Eric, inherit $1 million. Yeah, so whenever we're going to get that, if someone could pay up, that would help me out. Here we go. Red Robin holds an annual contest. Are you listening?
Starting point is 00:19:40 At the South Beach Wine and Food Festival's Burger Bash to find new burgers. If you enter this contest and win, you get to tell your grandkids about the time you won a hamburgers contest in Miami-Dade County where you were picked to go on a food menu for a bird restaurant. Your grandchildren will surely call you more often to hear your stories then, right? That's good. I mean think about entering a contest and then you win and then the
Starting point is 00:20:10 bird restaurant gets rich off of your I think best case scenario they take your recipe which isn't really even taking because you're giving it to them it's not a Red Robin funded festival it's we go to the South Beach Food Festival and we eat some burgers and we steal the best ones and then we go to the South Beach Food Festival. That's exactly what it is. Hell yeah. And we eat some burgers and we
Starting point is 00:20:25 steal the best ones. And then we go scorpion burger please. I mean but that's what they're doing here because they stole the pretzel pub. Well is this not just a genre of sandwich? How many pretzel pubs have you had before pretzel pub? I don't go to a lot of pubs. I mean here's the thing.
Starting point is 00:20:41 You're throwing the word pub around. Yeah. Okay. This isn't. This is like a pretzel bun. Uh-huh. But I don't know if it's like a whole pretzel pub sandwich. But I think the pub doesn't fill the chute. No, I agree. And I think the pub is supposed to be like
Starting point is 00:20:57 beer cheese. Yeah, but I'm just saying there's a reason they don't say it. It's true. It's not on here. Yeah, because if they did, they'd be held liable to Wendy's. Look, like Jordan's haiku said. Look, I'm just saying it is a pretzel bun, and we did obviously think of Wendy's immediately, but it doesn't even attempt to replicate it.
Starting point is 00:21:17 Like, as far as the toppings go and shit. It's pretty much just a fucking cheeseburger with a pretzel bun. It's a pretzel bun cheeseburger with cheese that you can dip it in. Or pour. Or pour. All right. Yeah. We'll get to that later.
Starting point is 00:21:30 All right. Hang on. More contests. Yeah. Apparent contest lovers Red Robin also hold the Golden Robin Burger Contest, where students grow up their best new burgers and win a $10,000 scholarship, which you need your grandchildren to win because it's the only way they'll believe you about the Miami Bird Restaurant hamburgers contest you've been telling them about for
Starting point is 00:21:50 years. God damn it. Why won't they listen? I'm sure there are a lot of jammers listening right now who can relate to this content. Their grandkids won't listen to them. They won't listen about the bird restaurant in Miami-Dade County. There's a lot of people doing that
Starting point is 00:22:10 Leonardo meme right now. They're all pointing, listening. They're going, they're talking about you. Ain't that the truth? Don't I know all about it? Why do they love contests so much?
Starting point is 00:22:25 Because they're stealing. I think why do they keep getting free recipes? Here's a $10,000 scholarship. Is the tax write-off for us? Absolutely. That's not even that much money for a scholarship. No, not at all. How much is that going to pay for all the work of going through this?
Starting point is 00:22:41 That's half the Biden bucks. Yeah, think about it. If you're fucking playing your cards right and you have the EMT loan. Yep. If you're an EMT, Joe Biden wants to pay for you.
Starting point is 00:22:51 Well, if you had the EMT loan, I took it out and then dropped out. Oh, that's good. Kept the cash, so. But I'm waiting for the refund. And the final fact. Wow.
Starting point is 00:23:00 A Portland area Red Robin is under investigation after an employee allegedly tainted a customer's salad with semen. The victor's lawyer said his client ate, quote, a decent amount of it before noticing it had a funny taste, end quote. Then had to be rushed to a hospital for nausea and a panic attack. This cum salad,
Starting point is 00:23:29 not on the menu, is expected to be a huge hit when it is entered into next year's Red Robin South Beach Cum and Food Festival. Jesus Christ. These guys love context. Dude.
Starting point is 00:23:47 God. You know who would love that salad? Rod Stewart. He gets sick off of it. He just keeps ordering these fucking salads. You wouldn't even have to go to the hospital for that. He's like, this is not even close. Jesus Christ.
Starting point is 00:24:02 You got to go and pump it out. So there's so much to this, like so many good quotes in this story about the cum salad. The fact that the lawyer said, and that's a full quote, a decent amount of it before he noticed it had a funny taste. It's funny how saying the difference between a decent amount and a considerable amount I think is very exact language. It was the guy noticed that it tasted funny then lifted up all of his salad greens and at the bottom
Starting point is 00:24:34 of the salad bowl was just a bunch of cum. Jesus Christ. Oh boy. What the fuck? But was it a self plant? You know, like... You think he cummed in his salad? Well, I mean, there's the whole, like,
Starting point is 00:24:49 thumb in the chili thing, right? That's true, right? Where someone brings it, throws it in, and says, thumb in the chili, cum in the salad. I'm just saying, I'm just saying, what's more likely? Someone's in the back cumming in salad, or someone's cumming in and putting cum in their own salad?
Starting point is 00:25:01 Probably the latter. How did he get... I'm just saying. How did he get to the bottom? Cum in my salad! Did he just lift it all up? Then he put it all at the bottom. He had his little He had a turkey baster probably. He had a little ramekin.
Starting point is 00:25:12 You know the things they give you ranch in? He just filled that and then dumped it all at the bottom of his salad and then he went Oh my god, I ate cum. I'm just saying I don't know any, I was going to say I don't know all the facts I don't know any of the facts. What do you mean? These are all facts. I know a lot of allegations. Yeah, I know a lot of bullshit that you've handed me.
Starting point is 00:25:29 I'd just like to hope no one came and someone said. Just, you know what is even the craziest part? If it's an untargeted attack. Yeah. Right? That's the true sign of an insane person. Just coming randomly into a salad. Not even like, oh, this person killed your father.
Starting point is 00:25:44 Come away. You know, or something like that. I think it was targeted, but I don't know in which way. Oh, God. That's insane. The thing that gets me about it, too, is the guy is suing for $1 million, which is, to me. That's not that much in this game.
Starting point is 00:25:56 He got nauseous. It's too round of a number. Like, $1 million is too round of a number. Bro, that's worthless. Exactly. It shows no imagination on this come-eaters part. Jesus Christ. He should be going way higher than that.
Starting point is 00:26:14 Clink, cheers. Yeah, so how'd you make your millions? He's got Super Bowl tickets and a sweet ride. Let me just say, I've got a bit of a suite. You ever go to Red Robin? Don't.
Starting point is 00:26:29 Don't. That's my stuff. Stay away from that Red Robin. I'm just saying, if you're going to go for a get-rich lawsuit in 2022, a million dollars is nothing. You have to go way bigger. Or maybe this is a kind-hearted cum eater who's just like, I don't want to rob them of house and home, so I'll just
Starting point is 00:26:50 ask for a million. I suffered enough. That could be true, Jordan. Maybe this grubby little guzzler is just the first person we've seen actually show some standards right in a
Starting point is 00:27:07 lawsuit where they're like look yes i'm suing you but i'm not being greedy look i'm not getting paid income here i don't need to go nuts it's just money look this is no thumb in the chili i understand right it's simply coming by salad one million million dollars. And I'm on my way. Honestly, I don't even know if that goes to court at that point. That could be done through the mail. Yeah, we'll just write you a check. That's fine. The accounting guy doesn't even need to seek... Under memo, right?
Starting point is 00:27:35 Come. Make him cash it. I'll know what it means. The accounting guy doesn't even need to seek permission for that. He's just like, oh, I'll write that off. Yeah. They write it in the memo line and then send a camera crew. They're just like, yeah, we want to
Starting point is 00:27:51 wash you. Catch it. Go ahead. Catch it. Catch it right now. We want to see it. Tell them what it's for. Go ahead. Tell them what it's for. I like that he went because he felt nauseous and had a panic attack. I just picture him at the restaurant going, Ha!
Starting point is 00:28:07 Ha! Make up! Ha! I'd be pretty nervous myself. I don't know. I'd probably be more panicked than nauseous. All I'm saying is that- At that point, like, if I already ate it,
Starting point is 00:28:20 and I had already consumed the cum, and it was fine enough to chew, swallow, and then think about. I think I would be past the nausea and just in a full-blown panic. It's what Jordan pointed out. Rod Stewart had so much more and had to go get his stomach pumped before. Yeah, this guy doesn't seem like— This guy just barely had a salad's worth. Not even a whole salad's worth.
Starting point is 00:28:43 This guy didn't even have a salad's worth. He had a decent amount. Those are the facts. I bet most of that was not factually based. What do you mean? I'm just saying. I'm throwing out a disclaimer. I'm going to recommend this for you, Jordan,
Starting point is 00:29:02 but I'm throwing out a disclaimer for myself. I endorse none of what I just said. What do you mean? This is, you can- It's all, I read all allegedly, and I'm reading Eric's words. This is- And I distance myself from any of this cum talk.
Starting point is 00:29:16 This all makes sense. Hey, if someone came in someone's salad, I think that's bad. Yeah. I don't think that's a good thing to do, and I disagree with it. I think morally and honestly, like, I think just as far as food prep wise, I wouldn't agree with it.
Starting point is 00:29:31 I stand by it being very funny. But again, it's all alleged. I'd like to I'd like to I'd like to go back and add in an alleged come eater. OK. Yeah. If you can edit that in. Thanks. Right. I don't know can edit that in. Thanks, Nick. Right.
Starting point is 00:29:45 I don't know that I find that as funny as Jordan. I think if you and a friend have a funny inside joke with cum and you guys go nuts on each other. Literally. And do whatever you want. That's fine. Like if you're like pooping on someone. Right.
Starting point is 00:30:04 Your friend when he used to be a little bit of a prankster. Yeah, and then you become Blippi. That's fine. That's fine because the guy was like, yeah, poop on me. Right, two willing participants. I don't think this was that, though. This is Blippi for Red Robin. I don't think Red Robin should be involved in a situation like this.
Starting point is 00:30:22 They kind of just get caught up in the middle of it as a result. They seem a little bit too corporate to be a part of what's going down. Why did you write this fact? That's a fact. These are all facts. The color orange wasn't invented yet. You can have a... They got the South Beach Wine and Food Festival thing.
Starting point is 00:30:41 You have the $10,000 scholarship. Come eat her. It's all facts. Did we spit silly? I feel like we spat. How long have we been going? I feel like we spat a lot. I don't know.
Starting point is 00:30:49 Eric refused to set a timer. That's it? Oh, my God. We're halfway through. This is perfect. Yeah. This is great. I'm not so sure it is.
Starting point is 00:30:57 I think we need to spit some sill. Okay. Just to make up for it. Make up for what? You talk about trucked up. Gained time. Instead of lost time. You talk about trucked up. Gained time. Instead of lost time. You talk about trucked up.
Starting point is 00:31:08 Nah. Yeah, it's a good idea. Yeah, I mean, that's still like, I mean, what day is it? Yeah, that comes out. This comes out in like two weeks? It's too early to be talking about that. Well, the thing about trucked up is I don't want to talk about it. I'm not worried about spoilers.
Starting point is 00:31:21 I just don't think it's very good. Oh, yeah? Really? I don't think we should talk about it or endorse it or tell people to watch it. Are you setting expectations low or do you honestly think the work we did was bad?
Starting point is 00:31:34 I think the work we did was amazing. I just can't trust you know. It's Ray. Big Ray. You know what I mean? You kept laughing. You're shaking the camera. You're shaking the camera. Don't laugh. You're shaking the camera. I just want to, I don't know. Really, that's our There was that one point. Remember we were getting our picture taken and the lens cap was on?
Starting point is 00:31:55 Oh. I went, oh no. And that was on Friday. And so I was thinking, did any of it get filmed? No. Yeah. Guys, it's been five days. You got to look through the? No. Yeah. Guys, it's been five days. And that's the thing. You got to look through the viewfinder. I keep saying that. And that's the thing. The only way to find out if it's any good is to watch it because we haven't seen it. Right.
Starting point is 00:32:12 I haven't seen it. There might not be anything to look at. And for some reason, we shot it all on film. So we're not getting any of the, we don't know if the footage looks good until it gets into the cutting room. Yeah, why do we let Wes do that? I keep asking for selects and I don't even know what it means. Well, I keep saying show me the dailies
Starting point is 00:32:28 but it's been weeks at this point. Are we down to weeklies now? I don't mean to exaggerate or use Hyperbolt, but Wes is in Egypt. He's not in Egypt right now. I don't know.
Starting point is 00:32:46 He's in Egypt. I don't know if he's... He's in Cairo. Sorry. He was like... Something about the mummy's curse. Oh! He's doing a 1999 The Mummy.
Starting point is 00:32:59 He was going... Well... He's trying to prevent it. He's trying to prevent a 1999 The Mummy. Correct. Which I said is easily done because I keep saying, hey, dum-dum, it's 2022. It can never be a 1999 mummy again. Right, right, right.
Starting point is 00:33:13 But I don't, you know, he doesn't get it. He keeps seeing Brendan Fraser in the news and he's like, the mummy, the mummy. And I don't know why. And he's like, I have to go to Cairo. I have to go to the Pizza Hut. But he kept saying, got to go to Cairo. I have to go to the Pizza Hut by the Pyramids. Gotta get the Cairo BRB. So why do we shoot it on film? I don't know why you did anything.
Starting point is 00:33:33 I don't know why we couldn't get... This is a real show, by the way. I don't know why we couldn't get a goddamn... And I... As low as you could possibly say working, working van. And then you got two, like, industrial food trucks. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:33:52 Like, high quality ones with burners. They got wrapped. Wasn't that cool? Yeah. And the wrap looked great. Yeah. Even though they were fully drivable. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:34:03 Unlike the van, which we needed to move and was not movable at all. We moved like the food trucks. So the food trucks just sat there. But we didn't need a food truck when we needed a van. We needed a van when we needed a van. But we had these food trucks. And then you wrapped it before you asked us.
Starting point is 00:34:20 Well, I thought it would be like a fun surprise. Yeah, you didn't tell us the name and you were like, here it is. Here it is. It's like, well, you've already put a lot of money into this. And I made that Jell-O. I thought Nick made the Jell-O. No, he was doing potatoes for some reason.
Starting point is 00:34:35 I thought he turned the potatoes into Jell-O. That's what the trailer was like. He was doing potatoes for a long time before it turned into Jell-O. Well, you know, I don't know how to cook. Who knows what magic goes on. So stay tuned for Trucked Up. Yeah, Trucked Up. Don't listen to Michael. It's good. We haven't seen it, but
Starting point is 00:34:52 it's good. It's pretty good. There's a whole cast of characters you'll be, maybe some will be familiar, and maybe some will be new faces. I didn't know most of those people. Oh, yeah? Who did you not yeah? Who did you not know? Who was the blonde girl?
Starting point is 00:35:09 I'll tell you later. Well, it comes out November 17th so you can watch it. Don't ruse your teeth. Tell a friend to listen to this podcast where we talk to you about the show. But you should probably watch the show. Just let us know if it's any good. On to the food.
Starting point is 00:35:30 Yep. All right. Pretzel bacon beer cheeseburger. Fire grilled beef burger topped with cheddar cheese, hardwood smoked bacon, and mayo on a toasted pretzel bun. Served with new Belgium register trademark, fat tire register trademark, beer cheese fondue for dipping. So that's where the new Belgium stuff came in. Yeah. I'm not a fan of fat tire, personally.
Starting point is 00:36:02 I like Voodoo Ranger, though. I think I used to be and then um you learned what other beers yeah and then you and then you go oh my third beer yeah yeah honestly honestly this isn't a rubio situation i'm i think we had the same experience here you go you go a corona a fat tire oh blue moon and then you stick with you stick with that for a year or two right you kind of rotate through those i'm a beer drinker yeah exactly oh i have an orange of a blue moon. And then you stick with that for a year or two. Right, you kind of rotate through those. I'm a beer drinker. Yeah, exactly. I'll have an orange.
Starting point is 00:36:27 I'll have a blue moon. It comes with orange. Did you know they didn't know the word for orange? This wasn't invented. I say after my fifth one. It usually takes about five before you start spitting color facts. We also got one other limited time thing. Pretzel bites.
Starting point is 00:36:41 we start spitting color facts. We also got one other limited time thing. Pretzel bites. Bear claw pretzel bites and new Belgium fat tire beer cheese. Truly inspired description from McLaughlin. There's not even a article in here that's not even like
Starting point is 00:36:59 it's a. No. Or it's just like bear claw pretzel bites. Beer cheese. Bro, you know what to do? Open up. Can I get a prune inside? I'm a little bear. What's a bear claw pretzel bite?
Starting point is 00:37:12 I don't know. Did those feel like bear claw pretzel bites? They felt like pretzel bites. They felt like pretzel bites. I don't understand a regular bear claw. Like the donut? The donut? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:37:22 It's big. It's kind of big and it's... It doesn't seem very big. ...paw-bear paw-shaped. I think that's giving it way too much credit. A bear claw? I could fight a bear. Too specific. No, you couldn't.
Starting point is 00:37:33 Oh. Oh. He could absolutely fight a bear. Yeah. He could get killed. No. Right. Quickly.
Starting point is 00:37:38 No. Yes. Nope. Yes. Nope. He could fight a bear. If these were bear claws, these pretzel bites, this bear's going fucking down. Right.
Starting point is 00:37:47 But that's not a bear. Sure, but that's not what a bear is. What? The only chance you have- I only know a bear from food. The only chance you have with a bear is it sees your ass in the woods and thinks you're its baby. Yeah. Oh, my small child.
Starting point is 00:38:07 Yeah. And you just go, fuck, I guess I'm a bear now. I don't think I want to become the bear. Do I want to become the bear? Do you want to die? I mean, I think it's become the bear or be consumed by the bear. Right. You just walk in and you go, hi, I'm Eric.
Starting point is 00:38:20 I'm a bear now. I'm the bear. I had to become the bear. You've played Red Dead Redemption you know how those bear fights go Yeah yeah yeah Those bears fuck you up and then in the next scene you're fine Yeah and then I go I'm back Just like the way that would happen when I fight a bear
Starting point is 00:38:34 You wake up in a field And for some reason some of your money's gone Did the bear take my wallet? You're talking about Lenny I definitely think that Up to a point I could fight a bear. Up to a point?
Starting point is 00:38:50 Yeah. I'm glad you think that. Up to the point where you lose. Up to the point where you get close to the bear. Right. What are these parameters you're setting? Have you seen sun bears? They're scrawny. I could take a sun bear. Sure, yeah.
Starting point is 00:39:05 But they can get you from a sun bear. Sure, yeah. Yeah. You can maybe take- But they can get you from a distance with their long, long tongue. You can maybe take a care bear. And that's about it. I could beat up a sun bear. You can beat up the care bear that's got the sun on his stomach. I don't know which one that is. Sunshine.
Starting point is 00:39:19 Okay, you could probably kick the shit out of him. Sunshine gumdrop. I can beat up sun bears and sunshine the care bear. And you could kick the shit out of any of them that are sleeping. Who else? What other bears could I take out? Teddy Ruxpin, he's toast. Sun bears, they're done.
Starting point is 00:39:31 Yo, it doesn't matter though. The lion's going to fuck you up. He's not even a bear. It's fucked up. He's just a lion. You couldn't take Paddington though. Because Paddington wouldn't fight you. No, he would make me a delicious marmalade.
Starting point is 00:39:43 There you go. I definitely think I could fight a bear. I'm glad you've made that abundantly clear. I feel pretty strong about it. And I feel pretty strong that you're wrong. And I feel like, Jordan, how about this press material? Last year's cheese lovers lineup. Stop laughing.
Starting point is 00:39:59 This is serious. How come we weren't in on that? No, because we had a scorpion burger. How did we miss the cheese lovers lineup? Well, I'll had a scorpion burger. How did we miss the Cheese Lovers lineup? Well, I'll tell you how. This guy. We need to start perusing. Oh, I definitely think I probably sent it to you guys and we went, this sucks.
Starting point is 00:40:12 Party leader my ass. I'm setting. Take that, you little time warp. I'm setting a Google News alert for Cheese Lovers lineup. I'll be alerted when they come back. Last year's Cheese Lovers lineup was one of our most popular menu promotions with our guests said jonathan mutar uh red robin chief concept officer that's a great title what the fuck does that who's the chief chief concept officer for face
Starting point is 00:40:38 just coming up with ideas man we all kind of do it nick I think I am. Nick raised his hand. Yeah, I am. You know why? Because we didn't have one. He got dibs. He beat me to it. Yep. Damn. The Chief Concept Officer, we decided to bring back the much-loved cheesy bacon fondue burger as well as offer our guests a delicious new burger with bacon, a pretzel bun, and a side of beer cheese fondue for dipping.
Starting point is 00:41:02 How did you feel about the side of beer cheese fondue for dipping? Nick is clapping for it right now. Well, it was very saucy, so. It was, how do I describe it? Queso is a thing in Texas, right? And so there's a lot to compare to. This was pretty good for like a restaurant beer cheese I would say. Right? For a Red Robin that I assume you can
Starting point is 00:41:27 get anywhere in the country. Right. It's a pretty good dip sauce. It's no easy tiger. It's not like smooth like a good queso is. It's like thick and chunky almost. Beer cheese is kind of supposed to be that though. It's true.
Starting point is 00:41:44 One thing that I thought was interesting was when they brought us the pretzel bites, the beer cheese that came with it, it was in a very watery state. And then the longer it sat there, and I think the more we dipped in stuff and some of that excess water got away, then it became beer cheese. It got there.
Starting point is 00:42:00 It became more... It was almost like a spread. Yeah, more spread than sauce. And that's what it's supposed to be, I think. I thought it was good. I could easily dip my bear claw into it. I liked it. I thought the pretzel bites were good. Yeah, the pretzel bites were very
Starting point is 00:42:16 good. It was a good little snack. They were amazing, actually. I think if there was a bar in Austin that did those pretzel bite beer cheese things or whatever, that's a thing that people would talk about. If I love any sort of decent bar food, not just like shit, it's a fucking soft pretzel. I get it every time I go to Alamo.
Starting point is 00:42:38 I like the chips and queso there, but you get queso and spicy mustard with the big pretzel. It's just so goddamn good. There's so many different ways big pretzels. It's just so god damn good. There's so many different ways that pretzels can be served to you but the best way is piping hot with a very crispy outside, very soft inside.
Starting point is 00:42:59 Do you gotta rip it? You get the mix of textures and it's hot on the outside, it's cool on the inside. It's the perfect blend of textures and temperature and flavor i like what michael's pointing out though too is that it's not just the pretzel those like dipping pieces with it that's like crucial if you get like the big mustard and like the beer cheese that like my mouth's watering thinking about it because it's just so good when we go to like the austin fc games yeah we get the beer cheese and the mustard. But it's just easy tiger pretzel. It's just something
Starting point is 00:43:25 to think about too. Like if you got like yellow mustard, it'd be like, this is fucking dog shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It would fucking ruin it. Yes.
Starting point is 00:43:31 It would absolutely ruin it. That's super pretzel territory. So, yeah. Now I want a pretzel. Yeah. That was good pretzel talk. You know who's got good pretzels? Who?
Starting point is 00:43:42 Coco's Bavarian. I haven't been there and gotten that yet. They are the same thing where it's like they come out hot. They got the good textures. They got the dips? They got some good dips. They don't have pretzel bites, I don't think.
Starting point is 00:43:53 No, it's just the big soft pretzel. But they got good dips. Nick's making a note of Coco's Bavarian right now. You haven't been there? That one's escaped you? Ooh, shocking. Nice. So let's get into the food here what we had at red robin
Starting point is 00:44:07 and how it really compares to wendy's i think it was a burger and it worked that has that going against it but as far as the quality of ingredients you you definitely get the the difference that you hold on what's he trying to tell us? Hang on. It's getting bigger. Y'all want to get lunch? Can we finish the goddamn show first? He's got to go pick up his kids.
Starting point is 00:44:34 So it'll just be us three. I think you've miscounted. It'll be us six. Everybody pile in. Be on your best behavior, Eric. What the? What the fuck was I saying?
Starting point is 00:44:55 You're talking about the quality. Points against it because it's a burger. Well, yeah, you were past that. There are some quality increases in that it is not a fast food joint giving it to you. I thought the pretzel bun was really well done. I thought it was cut in that pretzel bun fashion, and you could pull it apart in its four little sections if you wanted to. It was like a real bun.
Starting point is 00:45:23 It wasn't like a facade. No. Right. Crumpled when you touched it yeah yeah uh i think that's one thing that the wendy's pretzel pub like the the bun is lacking and and it's the least integral part to the wendy's one but i thought it worked really well on the red robin one um again with that beer cheese I went dip I went dipping I saw Nick went Nick went pouring took the bun off and poured some sauce on it Nick ate the whole fucking thing and he was the only one
Starting point is 00:45:54 he's reliving it right now he's agreeing but I he wanted to go back he wanted to go back what if we did it one more time alright man yes moaning. Yeah, he wanted to go back. What if we did it one more time? Alright, man. Yes! And I'm not gonna
Starting point is 00:46:14 make the whole rating just comparing it to the Wendy's one, but the lack of the shoestring onions, I actually found that a little nice. I think that's a little too much on the Wendy's one. But I do wish it was chicken.
Starting point is 00:46:31 I'm gonna give it, it falls somewhere in between. So I think I'm gonna give it just below. I'm gonna give it a 68.9. Okay. Because it can't be better than the Wendy's one. Now he's doing point stuff. You know what? Hey. People grow the Wendy's one. Now he's doing point stuff.
Starting point is 00:46:45 You know what? Hey. People grow. It's crazy. Right? People learn. Insane. People adapt to their surroundings.
Starting point is 00:46:52 Incredible. You know? I never thought I'd see the fucking day. I just don't understand why you're griping at me when I gave it a lower score than the- No, no. He's a griper. He's a griper. Because the point system is-
Starting point is 00:47:03 He wants to eat again. He's griping for some reason. I don't know, bro. He wrapped the truck. Stupid name. I'm just trying to do things that make Eric happy, and nothing seems to be working. Conditional.
Starting point is 00:47:14 You're the guy who gave food conditional, too. And now it's 68.9. Nothing surprises me at this point from Jordan. We've been doing this show long enough. So, I do agree. First of all, the pretzel energy is good. It is like, yes, it is. I guess that's a good point.
Starting point is 00:47:36 It's not supposed to be queso. But I guess to specify the difference, it's not like gooey, drippy. It's definitely more of like, it starts as a dip, but once it gets on the pretzel, it's now a spread. Yeah. It's like, did I put you on with a knife? Yeah. What happened? But it's good.
Starting point is 00:47:52 It is good for dipping like the burger too, if you've got it, because it comes in like a little bigger size cup. It's almost as big enough for you, yeah, to put a whole burger in it. The bun was good. I will say I was less impressed with everything else, with the burger itself. I do think I enjoy, to compare it to the Wendy's, I enjoy the extra stuff on the Wendy's because I will say, especially for a fast food restaurant, like Red Robin really doesn't have to do this
Starting point is 00:48:22 because they have so many burgers. There's a burger restaurant, like a sit-down restaurant, you know what I mean? restaurant like red robin really doesn't have to do this because they have so many burgers or burger restaurant like a sit-down restaurant you know what i mean so they have lots of different specialty burgers but what i like about it at wendy's is like you know you go to wendy's mcdonald's whatever it's the same shit yeah for like three four ingredients mixed 50 times like all the numbers you know what i mean and like the pretzel pub has enough different things where it's like, it's actually kind of different. You know what I mean?
Starting point is 00:48:48 Like, yeah, it's just a crispy onions and yeah, it's just the bun and yeah, it's just the pickles and it's like the crinkle cut pickle, but altogether you're like, Oh, this is actually like a different sandwich.
Starting point is 00:48:59 It doesn't feel like I'm getting the same thing every time. This definitely felt more just like a burger with a pretzel bun. Not that that's a bad thing, but that's what it was. So it doesn't even come close to me, like even the same burger comparing it. It was pretty good, but it was just like I think I like the pretzels better. The bun was good. The burger was fine. Dude, we're rating those pretzel bites.
Starting point is 00:49:21 That's like 90 range. Yeah, right. Those things. Nick wants to go back for the burger. I want to go back for the pretzel bites. That's like 90 range. Yeah, right. Nick wants to go back for the burger. I want to go back for the pretzel bites. I mean, look, you're not insulting the name of pretzel, but I don't think you've elevated it 55. Okay.
Starting point is 00:49:33 I'm surprised Jordan gave it such a high rating. I wanted to get dangerously close. No, he did it. I mean, you did it. It was good, but I don't think both in general or especially because of the top can i say my original plan was to just be like this is the most amazing thing we've ever eaten on this show it's so much better than the pretzel bacon but you know 61.95 um honestly i think that's a
Starting point is 00:49:58 very fair i think that's fine i think the thing to consider is that our grand total was like 80 bucks fuck yeah we didn't even get the fat tire we drank water yeah and it was still like 80 damn isn't that fucking crazy um it's pretty pricey yeah it's a lot but that's red robin i mean it's just an expensive place can i just say no matter like if i give it a high score or you give it the low score i always wanted to be the one who's like shitting on it and giving it the lower score. But it's a true testament to the power of the average score that it always works out. It always lands where it should, I think. It is.
Starting point is 00:50:34 It's a reckoning. It's because there's a certain art to it. People think we come in here all willy-nilly, but it's like a dual Spidey sense. We know what has to be done, even when we don't know what the other person's doing. Exactly. It's like a subconscious thing, where it's like we just know that. Unless there's a rare... It's a
Starting point is 00:50:52 true yin and yang. It is. Unless there's a rare punishment coming that I didn't know that the restaurant deserved, we're usually even when we even when we have different opinions, we're on the same page of what's going on. Or if somebody's troubled.
Starting point is 00:51:08 Oh, there's trouble. This is Snack Attack. This guy's trouble. What? Trouble, trouble. Oh! Dear Michael, Jordan, Eric, Nick, and Kat. Well, maybe not.
Starting point is 00:51:25 That's an old one. Greetings from Austria. I'm an American who moved to Austria just before COVID hit. Wow. Do you like it? How did you know? Would you recommend it to other Americans? So I've been mostly stuck in my apartment eating food.
Starting point is 00:51:36 Oh, okay. Most of my favorite snacks from Austria are pastries, but since they probably aren't going to be open until mid-2023, close, end of 2022, don't worry about it, I didn't want to create a new pandemic with rotten food. So here is one of my favorite snacks. These are, how would you say that? Shoko?
Starting point is 00:51:55 Shoko Bananen. Shoko Bananen. Shoko Bananen. You want to crack them open and see what's up? So I assume they're some sort of chocolate yellows? They are chocolate yellows, but not the yellows that you think. They're yellows bananas. Yeah. They're not yellows. Oh, they're not individually
Starting point is 00:52:09 wrapped. Oh, no. Well, Choco Loco. Have a grab. Please let me get it before you throw it to this monster. And you can have the bag. Just take your bag. Okay.
Starting point is 00:52:26 These fucking disgusting banana chocolates are everywhere. Wait, what? And are sold in an absurdly large box. I feel like you comically waited for us to take a bite. This was the smallest bag I could find. I bet these little fucks melted on the way to Texas because they can't even sit in a bag correctly. I've yet to meet someone who actually enjoys them,
Starting point is 00:52:47 but if you like this snack, I swear on Michael's ex's life, I will get the biggest box I can find and ship it to you. Well, don't worry about that because I don't think we like them. This is... Hang on. They're sickly sweet bananas.
Starting point is 00:53:00 It tastes like if you dipped a banana runt in a mixture of darkened milk chocolate. It does taste like a runt. Yeah. It's like a softened runt. Yeah. It is a softened runt. One bite's enough on that one.
Starting point is 00:53:13 I don't hate it, but it's certainly not good. You know when I eat this? If some weird fuck who works there was handing these out on Halloween, I'd eat it. If it ended up in my house for my kid's bag and there was some candy on the counter, I'd eat it. If it ended up in my house for my kid's bag, and there was some candy on the counter, I would eat one of those. I would never go seek that out. No. No, never. It has to come to me. It's not just sickly
Starting point is 00:53:34 sweet, but it's artificially sweet. It's such a weird sweet. It's really weird for, in my opinion, European candy always does it better, but this is so overly sweet. Also, you know what does it better, but this is so overly sweet. Also, you know what it tastes like, too? Not just banana runt.
Starting point is 00:53:49 It tastes like the banana ice pop flavor. Yeah. It just tastes artificial. It's like a banana bomb ice pop. A Laffy Taffy banana. Yeah, it's definitely a flavor that I expect from an American candy. It's very surprising. But it's European and gross.
Starting point is 00:54:07 What do you think? Maybe it was made by a European company from a guy that used to live in America. Oh! He rags on it because he's got confidence issues. Yep. What do you think of Skokin Bananin? Skoko? Skoko?
Starting point is 00:54:24 35. Okay. you think of skokin bananin skoko i'm skoko i think 35 okay i was thinking something like i hate it definitely more than michael so i gotta go lower i'm going 28 okay do you think i was too do you think i was too high you're higher than i was expecting 31.5 do you think i was too low i was in the 40s originally but i had to go lower oh so i was i had to you think I was too low? I was in the 40s originally, but I had to go lower. Oh, so I was too low. You thought I'd be higher. Yeah, I thought you'd be a little higher than that. I thought you'd be high 40s, low 50s.
Starting point is 00:54:52 Thank you, Amanda. I guess what I said wasn't really like a 35. I was like, well, it's not bad. It's not bad, 35. Thank you, Amanda, Emily, and Ethan for that and a few other snacks that we have in here that we're going to eat on our own. Thank you.
Starting point is 00:55:07 Feed the Nick. Yeah, pretty much. If you want to send a snack, you can. You want to send them to Face Jam, care of Eric Bedore, 1901 East 51st Street, Austin, Texas, 78723. You can follow us at Face Jam Pod to stay up to date with everything.
Starting point is 00:55:23 Don't forget to watch Trucked Up on the 17th of November. So that's very soon by the time this comes out. We also have Spittin' Silly. There was one last week. There's one next week. It's Spittin' Silly. You can email FaceJamPod at RoosterTeeth.com with your food conundrums.
Starting point is 00:55:40 I've been getting quite a bit of those. What was on before Spittin' Silly last week? Face Jam. No, it wasn't. You don't remember? What happened? Check out, hey, guess what? We have Switch Forks and Switch Spoons coming very soon.
Starting point is 00:55:54 What? Along with Pumpkin Spice Rat shirts and crew neck sweaters. Ooh, perfect for the fall weather. Are you a Spice Rat? Are you a Pump rat? Are you a pumpkin spice rat? Dude, pop on your pumpkin spice rat for your fall hot tubbing. Fall hot tub pumpkin spice rat
Starting point is 00:56:13 of crew neck. Wow. Dang, that's the good stuff. Well, thanks for listening. Hopefully, you like Spittin' Silly next week. What are we going to do? I don't know, but anything we want. Based on all the emails we're getting, we should probably do another
Starting point is 00:56:27 food court. Yeah, probably, because there's a lot. Holy fuck, there's a lot. You've got to take me off your tweet. You've just got to put it on the take me off your tweet. It's quickly unraveling to the point where we might need to turn it into its own thing. Yeah, really. Food court's really going, man. I'm just going to go in and start deleting them for everybody.
Starting point is 00:56:44 Well, no, you don't have to delete them. You just delete them out of your inbox. No, no, no. I have a Google thing set. They go to a folder. I never see them in my inbox. I want to go to the main email and start purging. Oh, okay.
Starting point is 00:56:56 So you better start saving them. You better rate and subscribe and tell a friend about the show where we eat food and rate the food. Thank you for listening. Bye. Listen to that, bitch.

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