100% Eat - Spittin Silly - Food Court 10
Episode Date: December 12, 2023Order in the court, the FOOD COURT! Our Hero Judges are back to rule on more cases from you loyal bugs. This week it's pasta salad, but not the way you think, the ultimate gainz meal, and cooking stea...ks in a dishwasher. Sponsored by Shady Rays (http://shadyrays.com code FACEJAM), Nuts.com (http://nuts.com/facejam), and HelloFresh (http://hellofresh.com/facejamfree code facejamfree). Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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Sorry, can't hear you.
Welcome to Spittin' Silly, the Fortnite podcast where anything can happen, and it probably does.
I'm your host, Jordan Swearis, alongside my co-host, Michael Jones.
Michael, how are you?
Are you ready for the second betrayal?
Oh, this sucks.
No, I'm tired.
You said that and Gracie got up and I just went, I won't do it.
The look on your face as you looked at Gracie. He gave all the energy last night.
It was everything that I had.
No, I'm tired just from the roller coaster and all the candy.
Yeah.
Yeah, I'm crashing hard.
There's a lot of sugar to take in.
A lot of sour to take in.
A lot of steezes.
Yeah.
A lot of chemicals. Well, I mean, think about if you got a giant Diet Dr. Pepper, that could have been yours. Right? of sour to take in. A lot of... A lot of chemicals.
Think about if you got a giant diet Dr. Pepper.
That could have been yours. We should get Gracie.
No.
Hopefully you listen to these in order.
Or listen to them at all.
She has not stopped spraying the blue bread.
She won't stop.
We went to go do the pickle thing,
which is outrageous, by the way.
First member. Yeah.
Gotta be first to see it. It's
extra special. When we came back
from that, cleaned up the mess.
Yes. Oh, everywhere. And then we walk
into the room, and I'm not even looking
and I hear,
it was as soon as we
walked in. And I was like, Jesus Christ.
She's eating the crybaby tears.
She's spritzing the warhead shit.
Well, this goes back
to her whole fry argument.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
It's just things she wants.
I think this is going back
to the thing where
I don't know if Gracie can't taste.
We'll see.
I don't know,
but she says she tastes the sour.
She does.
And she likes it.
The hot she can't taste,
which is still wrong.
Yeah, I mean,
I acknowledge that this is sour. I just enjoy it. I it. The hot she can't taste, which is still wrong. I acknowledge that this is sour.
I just enjoy it. I acknowledge.
That's how everyone else
feels with heat.
I acknowledge it's hot, but I like it.
You go, nope, not hot.
The super mega hot-o-bar is not hot
at all.
Oh, man. But now we are really
doing food court. Yeah, now we really have a food court.
That's great that we really only had one solid idea.
Insane.
It worked perfectly to get Nick his free food and then get the betrayal in.
It was perfect.
We were able to squeeze in a betrayal.
Today couldn't be going any better.
Yeah, we all love it.
I'm going to be honest, it's having a great day.
We didn't squeeze it in.
It needed to fill a slot.
But we anticipated. We got it. We knew it It needed to fill a slot. But we anticipated.
We got it.
We knew it was going to happen.
Insane.
Eric, do you feel silly about making the whole episode,
the first episode about that drink now?
Yeah, whatever.
Because Michael was saying before we started recording,
he was just like, he brought it up.
I just like that.
Michael was just like, oh, this guy's going to get,
he thinks he's not getting hammered now.
I just like for the audience
to be in my mind for a second.
If you've listened to all three of these spit and stillies in a row
now, when the whole cup conversation
was going on in the first one and Eric's like,
I can't believe you guys are dogpiling.
We already knew what was about to happen.
And the
tension in the room that Eric didn't
know existed.
Maybe it was excitement.
Michael described you as a dead man.
I really was.
I was blindfolded being walked down to the gallows
and I was going,
guys, this is getting pretty crazy.
I don't know what's happening.
It was like casino or something
where you're going to get executed
and you don't know that.
I have no idea yet.
But on the way, you get into another argument and you're like,
I can't believe you guys are arguing with me.
I just feel so attacked right now.
I'm going out on the little boat.
I'm about to have a good time.
I'm on the boat.
He's not on trial now.
No, you're on trial.
You are on trial.
If you email facejampod at roosterteeth.com,
you can send your food conundrums.
Gracie has picked some really incredible food court cases
that we're going to go through now.
I have one that stood out to me so well, I remember it.
What was it?
Like, actually.
No, Nick's out of here.
He's gone, dude.
He said, and then continued to leave.
He went to go find a gavel.
I don't know which ones Gracie has.
And also we have 500 million.
So there's no way it's one that she saw, but I don't have the, the names or anything off
the top of my head.
But the story was, it was so fascinating and rare to me, I think, where they were like,
you know, it's always, Hey, I do this thing.
And you know, my friends say that's crazy.
Am I right or wrong? This
was them, if I recall correctly,
it was basically someone saying,
uh, I eat, uh,
shrimp. I eat, like, shrimp cocktail.
And, uh, I'm always under
the impression that, like, it's cooked.
Like, even, even, like,
food, like, served. Food court raw shrimp
is normal? Yes. It's that one.
Hello, honorable judges and the monkey master.
This is from...
He left the room.
He's not here.
Good.
This is Zeth.
My favorite Final Fantasy VIII character.
Xenogears is great.
Close.
I recently got into a bit of a heated argument about shrimps.
Yes, I understand y'all think they're bugs, but hey, I like them. Aside from
that, a couple of my buddies and I were talking and there was a scene in a movie where a girl
was eating raw crab. Not that odd as I've seen it in many other cultures, but the real problem
comes from me mentioning raw
shrimp sushi and then them saying that eating raw shrimp is the most normal way to eat them.
Like going to a potluck party or having raw shrimp in a cocktail sauce.
Okay.
I heard this and I was at a total loss for words and slight outrage as the only way I've
ever eaten raw shrimp
normally is in nigiri sushi.
So he's eaten fucking raw shrimp.
Yeah, that's not normally in quotes.
Yeah.
So what's the problem?
I humbly await your judgment as this is either a food crime or that I'm crazy or that I'm
crazy.
Never viewing this as something that people eat on a regular basis.
So he thinks
that uncooked is wrong.
This whole argument
P.S. This whole argument was myself
against five other people.
Did you really have to write into the podcast
then? He wrote into five other people.
What stood out to me though, hang on.
What stood out to me there is
the shrimp cocktail part.
Yeah. Is that not cooked?
Yeah. That's my point.
I don't eat shrimp. That's always cooked.
I think so, isn't it?
Again, I stand. I feel like
it sounds like five people were just like,
nah, it's always uncooked. And he's going,
I've had it uncooked like sushi style, but
every other style is cooked. And they're saying,
no, it's always uncooked all the time. I feel like I don't know what
shrimp cocktail looks like all of a sudden.
Cooked, served cold.
Right.
I feel like it could be both.
Shrimp cocktail, raw or cooked from delish.com.
If you've ever wondered, is shrimp cocktail served raw?
The answer is no.
The shrimp is boiled until pink and cooked through, then chilled, and then chilled and served.
So I don't know that I've ever eaten a raw shrimp.
I don't think I have. Right.
I might be in the same boat as Zell
here. I feel like
that's what it is.
Yeah, I know.
But I don't eat shrimp.
I think he's right though. I've only ever had it in
that nigiri form. What stood out to me
was the five people saying you eat raw
shrimp cocktail.
Right.
And I don't think you do.
Right.
So in a rare occurrence, the one getting bodied by five people is right.
It's why it stood out to me.
It's why it stood out to me.
I had to defend this person, I think, for a food I don't eat.
But is the question, what is the default?
The default way to eat it is cooked.
It's cooked.
I think so, yeah.
Like the sushi is the exception.
Right, which is what they said.
Yeah.
So you're right.
Your five friends are wrong.
Seth, you've done it.
Hammer them.
Get a gavel and just pound it in their fucking faces.
What the fuck?
Okay, Jordan has a little hammer.
Jordan has a hammer and a...
So, listen.
I asked...
Did you get a picture?
Oh, yeah. I asked Nick for one of the gavels
And he said he didn't have one
I said go look, maybe the merch place has it
He came back and he said no, they don't have one
And I go, oh that's disappointing
And then he held up a hammer
And I was like, alright I guess
And then he gave me this coaster
So that's what we're using
It's a quick coaster too
Oh wow, it works!
But try it on the table
No, don't try it on the table.
No, don't try it on the table.
Do it light.
In what world? Yeah, it's just a claw side.
You pounded a hammer against a cork thing
and Nick went, wow, it works.
Yeah, it made sound.
In what world would it not work?
Well, he could have hit it and you heard nothing.
Yeah, it could have gone quack.
It could have went.
In a world where you just hit it and it goes...
I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to interrupt the whole thing on there.
I read a lot of these and I went,
I think this one person might be right.
I think coming in with a
real left field one, into it.
And also, it shows that if you email
facejampot at roosterteeth.com with your food conundrum,
you might
be right.
The odds are slim.
They are slim.
So slim.
It could happen.
But now we have proved that it happens.
Hang on.
I agree.
Nick has held up a sign.
Just ice.
He reads justice.
Oh.
Just us.
Well, Seth, let your friends know that they're wrong and you're right and they're idiots
and then make them eat shrimp. You have permission
to hammer them. Yeah, get a gavel hammer.
Don't use a hammer. You're holding a hammer near your
phone and it's just stressing me out.
Oh, he faked it.
My heart jumped out of my body. It really
is. They're right next to each other. I'm too old for this.
Hope I don't miss.
Hey, here's the
here's our next case.
Your honors, when I eat pasta with red sauces, I like to mix my salad with it.
It can be a Caesar salad or a salad with a garlicky ranch.
I will eat this combination primarily in a bowl.
Dude, I was barely hanging on with them
But for whatever reason, the bowl
Just to make the mixing easier
But I don't mind if plates are the only dish available
My girlfriend thinks this is insane
But I just like the creaminess and extra garlic flavor
If I'm found innocent
Will you grant me a pass from ridicule from my girlfriend?
Loyal Jammer Chase
I don't think you have to worry about that
I don't think you have to worry about that.
I don't think you have to worry about how we're going to get that pass to you.
If only there was a sauce that was kind of creamy and garlicky.
I love pasta.
I love pasta.
But I wish you could have garlic.
I just wish you could have garlic without making it a salad.
It's the only way.
What the hell are you talking about?
There's pasta.
What are you talking about? There's pasta. What are you talking about?
There's pasta that you can like put spinach in.
Yeah.
You can do everything that you're talking about,
but cook it into like the food.
Just getting, I just picture a bunch of spaghetti.
And then he goes, where's my salad bowl?
And then dumping it on the salad and mixing it around
and then sitting down and watching an episode of a show.
It's just like,
you're a freak.
Regular Thursday night.
God damn.
Uh,
I love letters like this that are like,
this is a weird thing.
I kind of do.
I'm like,
I'm not on board,
but I'd love to hear your justification.
And I was expecting this to just be like,
I just like,
uh,
the texture or something.
He really didn't mention the salad at all.
Yeah.
But then he described,
I like how,
I like how it's creamy.
There's creamy sauces!
With garlic in them. Most sauces
are creamy. But he's saying red sauce
specifically, which is kind of a little more chunky.
Right. Okay, true. It can be chunkier.
Right, it seems like just... But you can also add
a bunch of garlic to it.
Do you know a lot of them come with it?
Like right on the jar.
He says, garlic.
So, I mean, I probably wouldn't rule in Chase's favor if,
barring this explanation,
like already the salad and pasta combination sounds bad,
but his justification for it is so illogical and kind of dumb
that it has nothing to do with the salad.
Yeah, that I can't rule in his favor.
No! Why would...
I like that he said
the heats instead of
the bowls.
But... I will use a plate.
Well, it's like if Gracie brought me a Coke,
I'd drink it.
But she didn't do that.
The nothing is my bowl. Well, it's like if Gracie brought me a Coke, I'd drink it. Yeah. But she didn't do that. But she didn't.
It's fine.
The nothing is my bowl.
The Coke is a plate.
I'll use it if I got it.
I prefer nothing, but I'm not going to turn it down.
So what do we say to Chase?
I don't know.
Again, I feel like either there's missing information there. I don't think there's any missing information.
Yeah.
You wish you could get garlic flavor with your pasta.
Why don't you just try putting the flavors you like in your pasta?
You don't even need a...
You can just put garlic in.
Yeah.
Like, just the garlic itself.
And who knows?
Maybe if you've never had...
If this is the only way you've eaten pasta and salad,
you might find that they're better separate.
That might...
Put one in a plate and one in a bowl
and never should the,
never,
never should the twain meet.
Like,
like,
again,
if you're talking cold,
like pasta with,
like oil,
like vinegar and mozzarella
and tomatoes.
Like a pasta salad
sort of situation,
but not like this.
Yeah,
that,
in my head,
it's like,
okay,
there's like,
there's greens, it's salad-esque. Yes. Yeah. But it's in my head is like, okay, there's like, there's greens.
It's salad-esque.
Yes.
But it's not just, here's a salad, put spaghetti in it.
Which I think is what they're saying.
That is exactly what they're saying.
I can't agree with that.
I can't agree with that.
No, no, no, no.
You should let your girlfriend know that you wrote into a podcast and they hammered you for it.
Literally.
Wow.
That's a good ruling.
I can't believe it worked.
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I'm so excited for this next one.
Oh.
I'm buckling up.
Hey, buckle the fuck up.
Okay.
My honorable and humble judges,
I write to you today to clear my name as a disgusting freak. My friends and even spouse have called me this and worse for eating
tuna fish, mayo, and hot sauce sandwich accompanied by a Greek yogurt and mint chocolate chip protein
powder mix. They say the two dishes do not belong near each other. It's not like I'm actively
scooping mint yogurt onto my sandwich or something crazy like that.
Do I interchange bites?
Yes.
But I'm not chewing both at the same time and have water in between some of those bites,
so it resets the palate.
Some of those bites.
I also haven't even begun to think about the calories to protein ratio of this meal.
I need a lot of protein to fuel my
gains, something my fellow honorable
muscle-bound monster presiding
over this case will understand.
Jordan, that's me.
Their words have cut me so deep
that I'd
like to enter a countersuit
for slander. The only thing
I'm seeking is their
food court first. Exactly.
The only thing I'm seeking is their... A face jam food court first. Exactly. The only thing I'm seeking is their eternal thanks for the gains I pursue.
In conclusion, clear me of the accusations.
Dogpile on their grubby little asses for not thinking of protein content.
Order them to respect slash validate me, please.
Many thanks, Tom.
Please validate me, literally.
Tuna mayo and hot sauce sandwich
Alright so that's meal one
Tuna mayo hot sauce sandwich
And then he has a greek yogurt
That he mixes mint chocolate chip protein powder into
The mint chocolate protein powder
Mixed into the yogurt
Sounds like the worst part
That is
Cause I just don't like mint chocolate
Same
The thing That gets me That is... Because I just don't like mint chocolate. Same. Same. Sounds bad. Unfortunate odds for you.
The thing that gets me is that it's the specific mint chocolate chip.
Yeah.
If he's working out and he has a bunch, you know, he's taking in protein and everything,
I'm sure he's had other protein flavors.
Right.
There's several.
He's not saying...
You're honing in on the one you
like he's he's not saying i've done this with vanilla i've done this with double chocolate
i've done this with rocky road he keeps specifying this is the fucking thing that his little freak
gains mind has locked into where he's eating tuna fish mayo and hot sauce and then a yogurt with mint chocolate chip protein powder in it.
Like, that's the specific part is the mint chocolate chip.
Why?
What?
Why?
I don't have anything against the mint chocolate chip, but it's the thing that he's so zeroed in on.
I need you to know, it's this one.
That sounds vile.
Also,
I have water sometimes
in between bites.
I don't think
the two things
together is close enough to
disgusting freak zone, honestly.
It's not what I would eat.
Two things as in the yogurt and the
mint or the
sandwich and the yogurt and the mint or the
sandwich and the yogurt.
I feel like, do you
find that particularly egregious?
I also hate mayonnaise.
It's getting there. Well, listen.
Well, it's with tuna fish. I wouldn't
eat any of this, but
I won't hang on that. I don't feel like it's the most
disgusting thing anyone's ever said.
It's not like it's salad and pasta.
It's not.
I would say it's better than that.
In a bowl or on a plate?
I think it's worse than salad and pasta.
You think it's worse?
I definitely, I agree with Gracie.
I think it's worse than salad and pasta.
I could just, he's thumbs down and over there.
But I know he hates gains.
Yes, he does.
No, you're not.
You're either with him or you're his enemy.
He was big thumbs down over there.
It's true.
Uh,
it's just
whimpering.
Oh,
man,
I don't,
I mean,
there's,
there's,
there's separate conversations here though,
right?
You can't,
you can't.
There are better ways.
There are other ways,
not better.
And also,
I'm just going to say,
very specific,
I understand the sentiment here,
but don't think you can come in with any case whatsoever and go,
but it's protein.
So, you know.
Yeah.
That's sorry, sir.
That's not going to work.
Yeah.
Okay.
Flattery.
Flattery.
Flattery.
Too many sprays.
Nowhere.
Too many sprays.
Flattery will get you nowhere.
My tongue.
My tongue is so sour.
I just like, you can do a thing.
I say this all the time on FoodCorp.
You can do a thing that's like, hey, if that's your freak weird thing and it works for you, that's fine.
But you can't, you don't get to do it and go, and it's totally normal.
That's it.
That's it.
And it's totally normal.
And I, as in there is said, need to be validated for it.
It's like, that's, you can't always have it both ways.
Sometimes if that's your thing and that's how you get your
muscle-bound freak gains
and that works for you,
that's fine,
but you take the good with the bad.
You're going to be labeled
as some kind of monster.
You let the gains do the talking.
It's true.
You don't let the food.
I'll be honest,
you maybe need to eat some more of them,
get big enough,
nobody will dare to fucking say that to your face.
That's what I'm talking about.
Nobody's calling Michael a disgusting freak.
Who said it? Where are they? I said no one. Yeah, face. That's what I'm talking about. Nobody's calling Michael a disgusting freak.
Who said it?
Where are they?
I said no one.
Yeah, okay.
No one in this room, surely.
Just checking.
Nick's, uh-uh.
So it was me.
So what do you rule?
That he needs to get bigger?
I think, like, again want if you want acceptance you have to give up your own personality a little bit right if you want to be cool you gotta act cool yeah okay you can't act
uncool you don't tell me i'm cool yeah you don't get i'm gonna be my truest self no matter what but
you have to like me that's true you have to i. You either got to get a little phony and get the acceptance you want or you stick with it.
So I'm not outwardly against this disgusting combination.
I wouldn't eat it.
But I am against touting it as totally normal and everyone does it.
And you have to do it for the gains.
You know what I did for gains today?
I ate a fucking turkey sandwich.
It was 40 grams of protein.
And 46 carbs.
And it was a sandwich and I bought it and I ate it
and I drank it with water. Did you put any mint
chocolate chip powder on it? No.
And I got 40 grams. And then I ate
way later, this Whataburger
double chili cheeseburger. More protein.
There's nothing mint.
There's no things
combining with, I'm just saying,
it's possible.
So don't try to, you know, suck up
to the judges.
As much as we like it.
But that's almost more...
You love getting sucked up.
That's waiting for Michael to buzz that one out.
You can't
do that and then cover your mouth and laugh so hard leaning away from the microphone.
What do you mean?
Just hang him out to dry here.
That's why we're an audio podcast.
If I ever somehow had the brain capacity to do stand-up, which I never would,
I would laugh the entire time.
It would be so obnoxious.
I'd be like, that's funny.
That's fucking funny.
If I were you guys out there, I'd be cracking up.
They would be laughing.
I would just be laughing with them.
He tells the jokes, he shouldn't laugh.
I wrote it, I'm gonna laugh.
Gracie's having more
of this fucking shit.
I think I'm hilarious.
I just saw something
happening out of the corner
of my eye.
Awesome.
Alright,
what's the ruling on this guy?
Um,
just accept
that some people
are gonna call you
a disgusting freak
because some people
find that a little
disgusting,
you freak.
It's not the worst thing
in the world,
but it's nowhere near normal.
Yeah.
It's not so normal that we have to, but it's nowhere near normal. Yeah. It's not so normal that we have to...
Congratulations on the gains, though.
Honestly, like, do what you gotta do.
But, like, we're not gonna...
You don't gotta do that.
Yeah.
We're not gonna...
We're not gonna countersue your family for not being with it.
Crunch fit bars or whatever they are with that chef on it.
They're great.
What's up?
Robert Irvine.
He knows.
Countersuit denied.
He knows.
He knows about gains.
Countersuit denied.
Countersuit denied.
No validation here.
Sorry.
Great.
Fennifish,
not as much protein
as I thought.
It's all right.
Yeah.
Man, turkey.
I wish turkey tasted better.
Yeah.
I wish it tasted better.
You don't like it?
I mean it's good
but it's not like
oh yeah
I mean it just doesn't taste like anything
it's about what you put on it
on a sandwich
that's the problem
like tuna fish is good
that's like yeah
a lot of protein in sushi?
I don't think so
I don't think a lot
bummer
yeah
mostly carbs
I was thinking we should do a sushi episode
you know where there's a lot of protein?
you love sushi.
Which is crazy because I just saw you put it in there.
Alright, that's enough.
Sour sushi?
Panda Express.
Oh yeah, Panda Express chicken teriyaki.
Insane.
By the time this episode comes out.
36 grams in entree, which is like that.
You get the triple plate?
Yeah.
That's like 99.
108 grams.
Close.
That's like 99. 108 grams. Close. That's great.
By the time this episode comes out,
we'll have, I think, done this,
but Panda Express,
I put it in our Slack channel,
Blazing Bourbon Chicken.
Gracie's going to love this.
No, she's not,
because it's not going to be spicy.
That's what you think.
Blazing Bourbon Chicken,
crispy boneless chicken bites,
fresh veggies, all wok tossed in a spicy blazing bourbon chicken crispy boneless chicken bites fresh veggies
all wok tossed
in a spicy
and sweet
bourbon sauce
alongside the
signature hot ones
last dab
Apollo hot sauce
whoa
let's go
do we have to sign
a waiver to eat this
let's go
let's go down
he's fucking screaming
over there
but I mean
it's the end
I mean we'll do
no today
yeah right
honey I'm working late
that's not out yet watch the kid you're on your own Jesus Christ fucking screaming over there. But I mean, it's the end of the, I mean, we'll do it. No, today! Yeah, right. Honey, I'm working late!
That's not out yet.
You're on your own.
Jesus Christ.
That'll be the next episode though,
so that'll be,
that'll be good.
Oh!
I,
again,
this is like such a hot topic because as,
even though we couldn't
grant their appeal
or their counter suit,
I'm a protein fiend.
Oh,
I,
Alfredo and I,
super big on...
He's the t-shirt podcast.
Super big on Panda lately
and the chicken teriyaki.
The second you sent that bourbon in,
I went,
Alfredo, I don't have the macros yet.
But we got another Panda Express on our hands.
He's like,
what's going on here?
Check it out.
What is it?
The second you said vegetables though,
it's going to be less.
Yeah.
That's the beauty of the teriyaki.
They don't give you shit.
They just pile chicken on.
Are you at like one, one and a half grams of protein per pound?
No, I don't.
That's hard.
You're just trying to get as much as you can.
Yeah.
I try to do at least like one.
Yeah.
Like one gram per pound.
That's success for me.
If I could do more, I could do more.
And that's because the thing is you can do more I could do more and that's
because the thing is
you can't eat all at once anyway
right
like it's
it'll fuel you
but you can't just like
eat 150 grams
in the morning
and then be done
it's like water
you gotta do it throughout the day
that's what I'm doing wrong
that's what you're doing wrong
you keep waking up
and doing 200 grams
200
wake up
50 eggs is too many eggs
and he keeps doing it
no it's the mint chocolate powder
well he's mixing with the eggs.
No, it's just the powder.
I've been getting the triple entree plate
with the side of chow mein,
which in its entirety right there is 121 grams.
And so, because it's the three entrees,
and even the chow mein's 13.
They're 36 an entree.
Times three, 108.
It's not 99, you dummy.
It's not 99, you dummy.
I've been screaming it from the rooftops once I found out.
So if I eat that meal,
I try and like,
I eat the chow mein
and then half the chicken
and then eat half the chicken later
and I go,
that's 120 for the day.
That's insane.
That's crazy.
One like chicken sandwich after that
puts me basically at my weight.
And you're right there.
160.
Let's go.
He wants to go.
We're not going now.
Well, hang on.
We could get the teriyaki.
And then we could start asking about the burpee.
We got all the tonal heads who are listening to the podcast satisfied.
Let's get to the next.
That was the Panda Express.
Yeah, just send this one to your guy.
Just send this episode to your guy.
Hey, I'm going to skip the one that you have as number three.
I want to go to four.
I want to go to four.
I was going to say let's skip three. This is a good one to sort of cap us off.
You're the sonographer.
What is Gracie's role now in the courtroom?
She's the court.
Judges.
He's the bailiff.
History.
Oh, she could be the artist.
Like draws the people.
Sketch artist.
Yeah, yeah, sketch artist.
Gracie's drawing the people by putting them in a Google Doc.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, okay. So. She the people by putting them in a Google Doc. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, okay.
So.
She's going to draw you
and you're going to look like shit.
That's amazing.
You're going to look like Tom Brady
in his picture.
Great, thanks.
All right, get to it.
This is the last one.
Facejampod.com
slash first
if you want to sign up
and support us directly.
Watch all of our weird stuff,
but here's this.
So, I've been told that
this is a food crime. I cook my steaks
in the dishwasher. Oh,
I read this one too. Not just open,
of course, I vacuum seal them. Dry brine
them overnight, then garlic pepper powder
for seasoning vacuum seal. So they're like
sous-viding them in the dishwasher?
Throw them in the dishwasher for about 35 minutes.
What this does is make, it's a makeshift sous-vide.
I don't have the room for a traditional or standard sous vide in my kitchen.
Then I take them out and pan sear them to finish them.
They're delicious.
This is a food crime.
Michael.
No.
No, it's the person.
I clear it.
Really?
Oh, they're asking me.
No, I clear that.
You're good with it.
Yeah.
If it's sealed, that's ingenious.
It's hard to find a fault with it Especially if you don't have
Especially if you don't have the room
To actually do the sous vide
If your food ain't getting dish washed
Which I think you know of it did
It sounds crazy
How's it that different than an air fryer
I don't know
Do we know if
Okay
Is he running it
without like a detergent or anything?
Yeah, he must be. Or is he
Or is he washing the dishes?
I bet. Hey. Is he trying to be as efficient
as possible? You fucking know that he
does it with dishes in there
but he tells people, no he doesn't.
Air fryer is just a convection oven.
Thanks, man. Cool. I said air fryer.
Yeah. Oh, okay. I said it wrong. Here's i said air fryer yeah okay here's the thing
about a sous vide here's the thing about a sous vide a sous vide is a controlled temperature
that it will never go over so when you cook your steak in a sous vide to reverse like to pan sear
it afterward it's not reaching over if you set it say 125 or whatever it is
that you set
you're throwing
a vacuum sealed steak
into a dishwasher
that has no
temperature control
sure
it's just hot
right
that's a problem
no
it's hot always
same temperature
just what you're saying
yeah
I think so
and wet
is it not
what I'm saying is that
the temperature
could fluctuate.
It's not a sous vide. It's just a dishwasher.
I know.
You missed the part where he said
he didn't have room for one.
How much room do you think
you need for a sous vide?
How big? Room this big?
Two of these rooms. I don't know.
You need like a three bedroom house.
The size of this laptop.
Dish pepper.
Pepper.
Pepper instead of washer.
All right.
You're in timeout.
I don't know what he's going on about.
You're in timeout.
A sous vide is a stick that you stick down in water.
And I have.
Like a dishwasher.
Water.
I have a setup that is no bigger width-wise or anything than this laptop.
Okay.
I don't agree that he doesn't have the space.
All right.
And if this is really what he's going to do, it's not controlled the way he thinks.
Okay.
Right.
I mean...
However, now, all these could be fair points.
I don't know.
They're coming from Eric, but they could be.
And it sounds like he's the most committed because he has a sous vide.
Yes.
Right.
But... So he's already spent the money, and he has a sous vide. Yes. But.
So he's already spent the money and he's in their pocket.
He actually, every time one sells, he does well.
Yeah.
We'll say that.
Right.
He says it again.
Put the smile on my face.
That's what I'm saying.
Did he disclose that?
Here's the thing.
I feel like we may be losing it a little bit here on, yes, it's not the proper way to do it.
Yes, Eric has the real one. but does this work and does it taste
good is what I'm wondering, right?
Well, look, and I feel like there's only one way
to find out. You've got to be kidding me.
We put a pin in this. Oh, no, we're
pinning it. Oh, I mean, we have
dishwashers here.
Eric, can we do a blind
comparison? Yeah. I don't think, again,
I'm not comparing it to an actual one.
I think we should.
I mean, we could.
We should.
That's fine.
One could end up tasting better.
One could make us sicker.
No.
Well, we got right back to see if he uses detergent before we cook it.
Let us know, Michael, if you use detergent.
Not me.
The other one, yeah.
I feel, look, and I'm willing to say put a pin in,
because I'm inclined to immediately agree and give them the green light on this.
But I'm willing to table that until I get to taste it myself.
I wasn't really worried about the taste,
because it seemed like at least it was getting sous-vide enough.
But when Eric brought up the kind of food safety concerns,
maybe I was leaning the other way.
This is the guy that ate the stereo with me, though. That's true. So now he's bringing up safety concerns. Maybe I was winning the other way. This is the guy that ate Listeria with me, though.
That's true.
So now he's bringing up safety concerns.
He's in Big Suvi's pocket.
Fucked up.
He's upset about this.
I don't even know if I want to try a dishwasher prep.
He's shaking his head.
After everything he's been through today,
he hates how this is how it's ending.
Yeah, I threw a stick in a dishwasher.
It's like a sous vide.
No, it's not.
With more like a sous vide than cooking on the grill.
Right.
It is.
It's the closest thing that you have.
It's the closest thing you can get.
With space that limits.
Holding it under, like running water in the sink
is more like sous vide than cooking it on the grill.
Correct, yes.
There are steps.
But this is better than that. There's a are steps. But this is better than that.
There's a spectrum of everything.
This is better than that.
You're starting to learn that things are nuanced.
That's very good.
Yeah.
That's what I'm learning.
Well, you learn the nuance of different sour.
Ugh.
Ugh.
No.
We're all the same.
Terrible.
All right.
So I guess the ruling is we have to try this?
I'm just saying.
Why wouldn't we?
I agree with Michael. Okay. Why wouldn't we? I agree with Michael.
Why wouldn't we?
I don't want-
Me and Jordan agree.
I don't want to, but he's right.
Okay.
I gotta hand it to him.
All right, Gracie, this is the next thing we have to do.
All right.
Pinning.
So maybe we compare this dishwasher steak, and then we just pick up a couple of Vince Youngs.
Not a bad idea.
Do they sue me?
Yeah.
If not, we'll throw them in the dishwasher.
Hey, let me get five perfect
tens.
Can you put them in?
Oh, you don't have vacuum
ziplocs, fine.
Incredible.
You know what?
I'm going to go ahead and say he probably shouldn't be doing it,
and neither should you, listener.
But we'll do it for you.
We'll do it for you.
We'll take the risks.
Like eating poison chicken ice cream.
Will, you run away from the fire.
We run towards it.
That's right.
It's like Mr. Rogers said, look for the helpers.
Yep.
Mm-hmm.
That's us. It's like Mr. Rogers said, look for the helpers. Yep.
Oh my god.
Oh, right. I do the outro. That's another batch of cases
in the book on food court.
And another
possibly last thing we'll ever do.
Eric ended more upset on this
episode than the last one.
Which is wild. Put the steak in the dishwasher.
It's the same as cooking normal steak.
I'm not saying it's the same.
I'm saying it could be an elevated version of a normal steak.
As he said, there's just simply no room.
We don't know.
I think Eric's mistake again was telling us where he stands on something
so that we can go against him.
Wait until you hear how he makes coffee.
In the dishwasher.
Spoiler alert.
We think it's wrong.
Hey, thanks for listening to another incredible episode.
That's what I'm calling it.
Of Spit and Silly.
A little bit of a longer one.
Extended cut.
Don't forget to listen to a new episode of Face Jam next week.
That's right.
Next week.
Tell a friend about the show where we do whatever we want and nobody gets bullied.
Bye.
Shove them in the dishwasher.
Fucked up swirly.