100% Eat - Subway BBQ Rib Sandwich

Episode Date: August 4, 2020

In this episode, Michael Jones and Jordan Cwierz eat and review Subway BBQ Rib Sandwich so you know if it's worth eating. They also talk about following the format closely, Subway Smell, and more. Sponsored by Us: https://store.roosterteeth.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to Face Jam, the show where we try every new fast food creation to let you, you, you, no, no, no, if, if, if, you, you, you need it. You probably do. Thanks to us for making this show possible. Once again, we're back on our own. I'm your host, Michael Jones, alongside my co-host, Jordan Sweers. Jordan, how are you? Although, we don't know that yet, because, you know, last second, someone can zoom right in. we don't know that yet because you know last second things can change zoom right in and then you know we could end recording and get a get an ad or we could finish recording an ad and get another ad right and say stuff that ad you just did we sent you the wrong information can you do it can you do it again again i know it was last minute but it was also wrong last minute also we don't mind because you know we love it it's nice to feel wanted yeah also like we talked about sending you guys some stuff from the sponsor

that'll show up right after you do the ad yeah like i think the ad heard you talk about it and when it's true i decided to show up and sent it out came to my house anyway to answer your question i'm good what's up eric nothing there's just a lot there's a lot happening there's a lot going on there's a lot there's a lot happening at the beginning of this episode i'm just saying we might we might be sponsored by there's a new up-and-coming product coming out called screamies and i'm demoing it in the background of my house right now how's it working for you are you like it you need to include an i statement you need to say i like this because i if you're looking for authentic screams to just go off randomly right like because a lot you can you

can have a planned scream but that's not as good you know it's coming you know it's 3 30 time for the screams if you want random screams maybe even like right when you're in the middle of a meeting or recording something that you want screamies there it's going off again it's going off again anyway um today uh we're eating the uh subway barbecue rib sandwich we did good times at the subway or which were the boy as it's called so i didn't realize this until i got to texas it's like the biggest chain like out of everything in texas the number one fast food chain in the world it and that's and i think that's mostly because of texas i would think so too texas everywhere i mean you you think mcdonald's are close together blows it out of

the water there are like 10 subways for every six or seven McDonald's. It's crazy how many subways there are. And it's crazy because it's not good. It definitely isn't good. But also, I was like, you also don't notice them. Because today, when we were talking about getting the food, I was like, where would I even go? Where's the closest subway to me? So I looked up on Google. I'm right in the middle of a triangle of some ways i noticed there are three

equidistant from where i'm surrounded by them i had no idea i had no fucking clue it's nuts but but you're right it's not good it's to me i'll eat it but it to me it's not saying i had subway i'll i'll stick it in there. Oh, absolutely. I'll make 12 inches disappear like that. Although, asterisk, it's not really 12 inches. It's just called a foot long. It's not actually 12 inches.

But it's the lowest tier sandwich you could possibly get, even from chains. Yep. Every single thing is better. You know, much like the pizza conversation growing up in new jersey everyone sold sandwiches any local shop would be better than their chain but even you went to a train you know blimpies blimpies was better i always went to blimpies over subways i've been to a blimpie before yeah it's pretty good it's definitely better than subway but like if you have a local like sandwich place like like for me growing up, it was TJ's and TJ subs.

Amazing. Great. Uh, TBA, uh, great Turkey sandwiches, uh, just across the board, better than a subway. The hallmark of a sub shop, right? Not just we sell sandwiches. A sub shop is you, they cut the meat and cheese. They got a big, it's like a deli yeah and that's yeah and and again tons of deli you could go get a sandwich subway's the only

place it goes here's our shit look at it look how disgusting it looks watch us put it on the bread for you watch us fight tooth and nail to try and pull these pieces of cheese apart what is it's true we're gonna pull out a square these are actually triangles can you imagine Tooth and nail to try and pull these pieces of cheese apart. It's true. We're going to pull out a square. These are actually triangles. Can you imagine every single day of your life knowing you had to pull apart hundreds of pieces of cheese that didn't want to come apart? It's a nightmare. I buy my meat and cheese from the deli, again, because it's way better than packaged cheese. And you can tell them how thick you want it sliced.

And I always get it like the meat I get number one, the thinnest, because I like thin meat. But the cheese I always get two, because if the cheese is too thin, you can't pull it apart. And so I go into my refrigerator and I go, okay, here we go. I'm going to separate the cheese and not just rip it to shreds. And then I pull it out. I do it. and i go we're in the clear and then i eat my sandwich that is my hell watching the like trying to pull that cheese the paper in between helps sometimes if if you get it like that the paper helps can't get

you can't get that from the deli right like that gets packaged in like what do you mean the pre-packaged cheese like oh yeah yeah are, yeah. They're not slicing it and putting paper in between for you at the deli. Well, yeah, they do. They do the sheets. Not like every single slice, but they'll layer it where it'll be like chunk of cheese, paper, chunk of cheese, paper. It's really only the cheese they do because the meat doesn't want to stick together.

Meat wants to be free, happily separates. The cheese goes, no, my brother's. It wants to rip itself to shreds when i was a kid and that stuff would happen where like the meat would come apart really easy to get deli stuff or whatever the meat would come apart really easy i'd be like oh this meat wants to get eaten but this cheese does not and that's not a joke that's really just what i thought as a kid i'm like well this cheese is not coming apart well he wants to stay so i'd go i'd flip it over and get one from the bottom

because i'm like he can stay with his friends for exactly you you try and it's like jenga you go what's the best way to attack this cheese situation where's the best peel gonna come from i'll leave the next like shitty peel for the next sucker and then when you make that sandwich you take it out back why'd you take it out back and then you i forgot i forgot that's what we say now that's what we say now that's the new phrase take it out back means you you eat it yeah it sounds like you're gonna do something else but no you're just you're going outside you're gonna go eat your sandwich in the backyard yeah or or you deal with it which is also i'm gonna i'm gonna deal with this sandwich and you crack your knuckles or you load your gun and then you take

it outside and then you eat your sandwich and you go it was pretty good um i want to talk about why every subway shop smells the same why do they smell that way they smell like vinegar and like you're on to something you would think they would smell like toasted bread and be nice but like everyone you you walk into, it smells awful and I hate it. And it makes me not want to go. In fact, I didn't go to Subway today. I had it delivered to me. I forgot about that, that you did. I'm not going to smell it.

You bring it to me. Did now, when they handed you the sandwich, did you get hit with the smell or was it? No, it was, luckily it was in its bag and the smell was contained. When I opened it, no smell got out. And then you ate it sealed? You ate just the whole bag? You never opened it? There was no smell even when I opened it.

Okay. It was removed from the smelly, smelly restaurant. They vacuum sealed it. What if, okay, so what, if anything, is the appeal of Subway then? They're everywhere. If we're talking about it being the that's it right it's the number one i guess it's the convenience if you really want a sandwich but do i do you is that i just can't figure out i can't crack the code on it i just i seem to eat it out of

necessity more than anything else i haven't been to a subway in forever if i'm eating a sandwich for lunch here in austin i'm going to Thundercloud. But in college... Thundercloud sub. That's a song. Hot bread delivered fresh each morning. So in college I didn't know Thundercloud subs had a song. Yeah. It's more of a jingle. I wouldn't call it a song. We should get a jingle for Face Jam. It's neither here nor there right now.

I'll workshop it. I'll get back to you next week. Thank you. Alright. Well, we we're gonna hold you to that i guess uh i feel like subway was the thing that i ate in college because it was five dollars for roughly 12 inches of 12 inches asterisk of sandwich but that's it i don't eat it now i'm a grown man like why would i eat subway that being said everyone in line with me at subway was grown men i don't think they had podcasts either i don't none of these guys seem like they had podcasts you should have that's how we always know that we're doing better we go we have a podcast i

don't know why you're here yeah you guys you regular people you have no excuse well i mean i think that's what we said a lot to each other out loud at Arby's. When we were ordering at Arby's, we just kept going, what the fuck are all these people doing? We were really self-conscious about being in the Arby's. So we wanted to make it clear to everyone else that we were there not for Arby's itself. We were like, yeah, I was getting it for the podcast. Yeah, we were just saying out loud to nobody, we got a podcast, we got to do. We were saying it to the people working there going hey you i don't want to be here i have to be here i'll tell you we definitely

said it in the first episode we went to little caesars we made it very clear we don't come here everybody in here besides us the hell's wrong with the two people who were there the two people who were there who were having their their connection if you remember that's burned into my brain that pilot episode pizza portal everything yeah for me it's just i used to have a subway right next to my house so i went there quite a lot if i wanted a sandwich and i didn't have sandwich meat it would be the difference of you know five minutes or 15 to 20 minutes and then subway's shitty sandwich would win i just go yeah yeah it's not as good but it is it is cheaper generally it's fast and it's quick and it's certainly not a place you're ever going to walk into and have one of the

employees try to start a conversation with you because i think i think subway does an excellent job at vetting people who just want to be dead and i mean you know there's a probably uh you know a venn diagram of most people i would say human beings let alone fast food workers that don't want to be there but subway really takes the cake but it's not like um angry people you know or people like they're just like how are you it's probably it's probably this it's probably the cheese thing i'm telling you it's probably that they're just like fucking cheese thing they're just looking for like every person that walks in they're like i gotta separate cheese for this person yeah i mean because it's different it's different. Like Jack in the box,

everyone was on parole, but at subway, I feel like everyone is 16 or 60 and they don't want to talk to each other and they don't want to talk to you. Yeah, I agree. You, they,

the interview process is like, okay, so you applied to work at subway. What do you think you can, you can bring to the table? And they say, Oh, well,

you know, it's, I'm looking, I'm, you know, my first job, I'm in high school. I really want to start working you know start building a savings and i want to get a car i want to do things and they go this isn't for you next may i uh suggest uh arby's or some other do you have any felons no don't go to arby's unless the next person comes

in for the interview and they say uh what qualifications do you have to work here and the person just goes yes they sold that's it as in little as in as little words as possible you have you have stated why you should work at someone they just slowly blink and they're like get this get this guy some gloves you keep this attitude up you're gonna be a manager I don't want to be a manager all right here's your promotion you got it you just demoted me yeah they don't even like ask like you know like oh do you want lettuce and like tomatoes they just move the sandwich into the area and then they're like they gesture they do yeah they do this little hand motion kind of grunt like here it is tell me they do this little hand motion kind of grunt like here it is tell me

all all is in front of you i have a question and they just go just point at the food they point to the the arrangement of of toppings and meats and then like they gesture to the back like do you want it toasted which one of these breads like come on you know how this works yeah so heaven forbid god help you if it's your first time there yeah you don't know how it works they they must be trained this way because i've seen it happen so many times with people in front of me and you know someone will say you know they'll ask them what kind of bread they want and they'll say what kind of bread you have and they don't ever answer them they just point at the sign there's a whole fucking thing right there i mean there is a whole thing there stupid they have like the husks of bread you have. And they don't ever answer them. They just point at the sign. There's a whole fucking thing right there. I mean, there is a whole thing there.

Stupid question. They have like the husks of bread that have been there since 1998 waiting for you to look at them. They've already asked you. It's just, I'm not going to fucking answer you. Sign.

Bread. Oh boy. That's what that show Caveman should have been about is just them working at uh yeah they should make that show again they should try a show about the geico cavemen again they should bring it back and i think it'll work if they just work at subway it doesn't make sense the commercials were so popular what happened yeah how did they this it was it couldn't not be successful and yet and yet somehow they blew it and yet must have been like everyone was fine with seeing them for about 30 seconds but not for 30 minutes you know in a world where commercials were still dominant and you had to watch them yep you know there was there

was like tivo you know that'd be about it. And that was, well, I'm not rich. I don't have TiVo. There was no commercials. Who watches commercials? Who the fuck runs in now and says, did you see this commercial last night? And then you get struck because who's watching commercial TV? But look at what it did for Subway.

The Jared thing, that was a commercial, a huge success. That really elevated Subway from a restaurant in the 90s that was just kind of like you know it was big there were like a lot of locations but after like those jared commercials they were fucking gigantic and then look what jared did jared used to be gigantic yeah and then he got small and then subway got gigantic just transferred and then and then he went to jail so what yeah huh oh yeah i think we'll tell you later what happened yeah okay it was something it was some small thing something like really small a bunch of small things i think i remember something about states and lines i don't remember oh you know what i think we'll find out more about that

in the fact section i think i want to say cheese pizza. Yeah. Oh, okay. Speaking of commercials that were a success and should have launched things, how come Quiznos isn't bigger when they had those things that were like screaming about the moon or whatever? Quiznos subs. Quiznos thing was we're going to toast it. Yeah, then Subway went, yeah, we'll do that, whatever. Yeah, we have a microwave too. And then Quiznoskies yeah that was a thing right that's a that's an austin original

it started here yeah is it really i don't know why it's still here i didn't well i mean i i remember schlotzkies schlotzkies from back home, but I didn't know it was from Austin. We just called them the Schlotz. I'm going to go play the Schlotz. Someone will go, you want a shot of Schlotz? Yeah, that's just like a quarter sandwich is a shot of Schlotz. Beautiful.

Alright, let's learn about Subway, Michael. Okay, Subway facts. Here we go. Subway makes 5,300 sandwiches a minute, which factors out to be enough sandwiches to wrap around the earth 14 times in a year. That's crazy. That's a lot of sandwiches. So many sandwiches.

Are those an arrangement of footlongs and six inches? Have you guys ever got one of those long six-foot platters? I mean, I haven't, but i've eaten some i've probably consumed yeah those are pretty big huh um almost six feet um here's here's the interesting part about this right it says subway makes it saying the fact that is that is sentient and just wrote itself yeah um 5300 sandwiches a minute And can you imagine if they made, like that's even gotta be an equation because they don't make a sandwich in a minute.

It takes them about four and a half minutes to make a sandwich. So imagine if they actually cared and they could pull the cheese apart, it'd be like 20,000 sandwiches a minute. That's what I was thinking. You're absolutely right. It gets slowed down by the cheese.

So if they just fix the fucking cheese problem, that number just is gonna to go up exponentially. They could hit 20, 30 times around the earth easy. I want to know how many cheese slices they're pulling apart each minute. 15 a minute worldwide. Very low number. That's why it's really slowed down now. And that's across all of their restaurants in the world.

There are about 37 million sandwich combinations available on the menu, but only one available smell that you can't get out of your clothes if you're in a subway for more than six minutes. That's it. It's like radiation. You gotta get in and out. Clicks start happening. It's like

ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch. You're like, oh shit, the smell's coming. You know how in Chernobyl, they're at the explosion site the firefighters and they see something and they touch it and then later on that guy's hand like gets burned it's like yeah if you touch anything in the subway and you're just gonna like smell your hand later be like what the fuck is that oh my god it's like burned into your hand yeah it's like the graphite there's a guy working in subway that just graphite on the ceiling they go oh this this subway smells killing me and he goes that's not subway smell and you're standing in a subway

and you go yeah it's right there that's not subway smell i feel like uh i feel like there was always there were always kids like in high school because they worked at subway who would smell like subway like all senior year there would be like three people that would just smell like subway the whole time and it would just be like this is where i work i don't know it is just a stench of of oil and vinegar yeah yeah you had a friend in junior college who was dating a girl who worked at subway and you'd go over to his apartment his whole house would smell like subway because his girlfriend pretty much lived there but like didn't make like an air freshener that's just subway smell i think you could just put a shirt in a subway for half an hour and then put it in your car and your car will just smell like subway

forever subway was ordered to pay the canadian broadcasting corporation five hundred thousand dollars following its failed bid to sue the cbc for defamation the cbc ran a report saying that subway's chicken was mostly soy filler and had scientists run a DNA test on the meat, which was probably actually rat meat, but they wanted to spare the public the embarrassment of having eaten rat, even though that's what they ate. I hear rat's good for you. Well, look at what happened with Jared.

He was a very healthy man. He's no rat. And that's all he did. didn't exercise and he'd do anything he just sat he just ate subway eating subway that's the real story yeah because that's what the commercial said it's not like he lost that weight doing diet and exercise and occasionally ate subway no that would be because in the commercial that's not what they say that wouldn't make sense he goes he goes i used to be like this. And now I'm like this, thanks to Subway. Hey, is that your kid over there?

Well, that kid must have been running loose. I don't know. He's being friendly. Yeah, think about it. He ate all those rat sandwiches. He lost all that weight. There's not a lot of protein in rat. That's all I'm saying.

The thing about rats, though, is they're tough. They're scrappy. Well, that's why you have to mix it with soy filler and chicken. That's all I'm saying. The thing about rats, though, is they're tough. They're scrappy. Well, that's why you have to mix it with soy filler and chicken. Yeah. I would want to be more like a rat. It's an impressive creature, you know? They withstand a lot running around in the sewers, mucking it up, you know? They have their own

king. They have a monarchy down there. They got that. They have a society, yeah. They have like a whole fiefdom. There's serfs. It's really incredible. I think they have socialized medicine too. It's everyone but us, huh? It's a real utopia down there.

This lawsuit is Subway sued CBC, the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation, and said, you're lying about what you did, like your experiment. And then they lost and had to pay CBC $500,000? Yeah.

Wow. In legal fees. Talk about. I don't think they saw that one coming. No. They probably went, we have to what? Yeah. But the real precedent there is not only did you then have

to pay them half a million dollars but you validated their entire thing because you couldn't prove they were wrong so oops that's a very american response yeah that's why there's no to canada yep there are 9 000 non-traditional subways located in places like churches zoos or casinos. During the building of the World Trade Center, Subway opened a store high above the New York Skyline to feed hungry, time-strapped construction workers, but for some reason, it's closed now. Well, it's probably because of the COVID, right? Maybe. I don't know. I couldn't find a lot of information. I think there's a whole, like, after effect of the McMillions thing that closed down some stuff.

Oh, that closed down some subways? In that general area, a lot of stuff is not there anymore. That used to be there. Oh. Yeah. I hear they rebuilt some stuff, but I don't know if the subway is back. That's just what I heard. Apparently it's not. That's just what I heard.

According to this fact sheet, that subway has shuttered its doors, which is a shame because those construction workers are probably hungry they're probably starving i'm sure they're still there working on it and yeah i mean it's like an ongoing thing right you know stuff this is like the third time they've had to build it they could build like a monument to that mcdonald's you've got to eat while you make that i mean it's a subway well well i mean but it was mcdonald's the subway is adjacent oh i see i see mcdonald's shut down and thus causing the subway kind of just got caught in the in the in the mess if you will like in in the aftermath the subway was in the subway was in ground zero so it just had to close yeah it's tough final fact jared fogley was a subway spokesperson from 1999 to 2015 and can now be found in mcdonald's play places around the country michael do you think that's the guy you met

do you remember did he look did he have like a long over face i think this was before fogly he would he hadn't blowed up yet he was still yeah but okay so okay so the guy that you saw was he was he a skinny man with glasses or a very very fat man with glasses did he have very big pants he was dressed like a clown oh the thing of the thing about Jared and why he was at the McDonald's post Subway is he liked he was a child at heart and he liked playing with kids and he couldn't fit through the slides. And he said, this is impacting my life. I want to get in there and I want to mingle. I want to play with these kids. And Subway really enabled him to really get in subway enabled him that's that's the perfect word to call them enablers they enabled

his love some say lust for children by helping him slim down so he can fit through the slides all all we're saying is that there are unintended consequences to everything. And if Subway had not helped Jared, who knows what would have happened. Because, I mean, think about it. Before, he probably would have stood out. If he's like a heavier set man in a McDonald's Playplace area, people would be like, what's going on over here? Who's this guy?

But when he lost all that weight from eating nothing but subway because they enabled him to do so he became a very unassuming man or even like a celebrity exactly they and people would be like oh my god jared yeah i trust jared welcome to mcdonald's play place here's my child go nuts do in the play place take them out back, go into the ball pit and start rooting around. Where's your kid? Rooting around back with Jared? Don't worry, he's a celebrity. Yeah, he's a celebrity.

Subway endorses him. Subway wouldn't let anything happen to my kid. And those are just the facts. Those are just the facts about Subway sandwiches. I learned a lot. So did I. That's all I'm here for. I'm just, I'm happy to help.

Yeah. Should we, should we fuck around some more? Or do we want to just talk about this damn sandwich? I mean, we should talk about, I had a little bit of a journey to get there. Do you want to fuck yeah is that what this show is do you want to fuck around some more yeah you don't have that on the sheet you don't build it into the format we've been doing it for so long you should retroactively put it in there right i should put in it's just fucking around there definitely needs to be a bit somewhere

between the facts and like the pr part where it's just like fuck around for a bit if you want exactly jordan i don't know when to do it every episode sometimes that's why sometimes sometimes it's after the facts if you put it on the paper it would be in the exact same spot every time you want me to write fuck around a little bit if you want well we will want to have we ever not i mean you can make it like cuter if you want like give it a fun name i mean we're not usually so on the nose about it you can you can you can call it spitting silly or something okay you got it spitting silly word around a little bit if you want i need to i need to print out the new format sheet well that now you got it it's just going right here right after the facts and just before your pr stuff so go ahead and fuck around a little bit if you want okay i mean but now this is separate from i'd say a chris gaines

conversation that's uh something that doesn't deserve to be talked about and shouldn't exist that should not fall honestly that's eric strong arm in his way in talking about his idol chris gaines and then we just got way off track and then we were just littered with bountiful ads and it just blew the episode out of the water 11 minutes 11 minutes of ads you didn't have to listen to if you're a first member and you listen on the site you don't have to listen to the ads you also don't have to listen to it if you're not you could just skip it skip a bunch yeah the advertisers don't listen to this part of the show, so they don't really care if we tell you to skip them or not.

Yeah. I'm just saying, when Face Jam gets a sponsor, they're going to get their goddamn money's worth. Absolutely. Okay. 100%. It's what they deserve for supporting what is premium content. Right.

I would call this premium content. It's a shame that we're fucking around right now those last two sponsors only signed that one episode deal yeah honestly it's surprising as well yeah i wonder if i wonder if all of a sudden i'm gonna get a message later today or tomorrow that goes i know this is the last minute can you guys do this ad and then all of this conversation is for not that's the thing if you ever listen to the podcast and what we say doesn't make sense to what's reality it's because it made sense when we said it like if we open up and say for 10 minutes we have one sponsor and then you listen to it and you say but they have two sponsors why didn't

mention the other one well you only had one when we said it podcasting is more of a science than it is an art that's correct in that facts change and widely accepted facts become you know they shift your reality and sometimes sometimes for months at a time you have no sponsors then you have two sponsors and your world is flipped upside down and then the next episode you have no sponsors again and then you're talking about how you have no sponsors and then before this episode even comes out you get a sponsor which could happen and then we say oh do we you know edit out something or add something and we go no nah we're done with that now we're fine yeah i've i've moved on personally and professionally i'm not going back in there it'll just come out and not make sense it's fine with me it's pointless to live in the past

we'll just explain it next episode if you want to know what happened last time this is like a serial kind of situation we're like these aren't like one-off pieces you really got to start from the beginning if you want to get the full story and and and on that vein we should we should move on to our uh new segment talking about vans no we can't there's nothing to talk about do we have exactly there's no van update no okay when i went to go pick up the package it was just like like somebody sent like cereal or something it wasn't a van no it wasn't a van did it come with a toy van in the cereal did you check i got i got a toy van from mcdonald's not too long ago you got a toy van from mcdonald's from happy meal yeah came with a toy van it was that um did you get to keep it or does oh i mean she has it but i reign supreme it's mine right everything she just let her play with it

yeah i let her play with my van toy from My Happy Meal. Is it big enough for us to fit in? Could we record an episode in there? No, it's from that, is it Pixar? I don't know. That movie with Tom Holland. Onward, yeah, that's a Pixar movie. Yeah, that's it, Onward.

Yeah, they drive around in like a murder van. Trolls 3, I think. Trolls 2 just came out, Jordan. Don't exaggerate. Yeah, world tour baby i just think there's so much that happens between episodes you know what i mean like i know that like a van maybe could happen but like it's not like i know i know a lot of stuff happened like things happen suddenly like taylor swift releases an album and that's all like you know that happens super fast. We need to have this every episode because it could change any moment. And who knows, next week or next Fortnite, when a new Face Jam comes out,

we could do the van segment and be like, oh yeah, hey guys, we got a van. A lot of stuff happened. I don't think that's how, no, I don't think that's how. Everyone would just lose their minds. He's absolutely correct. Jordan is right? Yeah. Yeah.

You're pushing me this way. You're going to sound like an idiot when next episode, two weeks from now, everyone mark your calendars. In two weeks. You think we're going to have a van in two weeks? For 3 a.m. or whenever this show comes out and we have a van and Eric looks like a fucking idiot. I don't think we're going to have a van.

I think, I think, I'm going to split the difference here. I agree with Jordan. You will look like a fucking idiot i don't think we're gonna have i think i think i'm gonna split split the difference here i agree with jordan you will look like a fucking idiot i don't think it'll be the next episode but i could be wrong i think one day you'll go ah again it's like egg is on my face they were right and and i go yeah you got egg on your face but just roll down your window let the wind blast it off because you're sitting in a van because you're in a van baby yeah anyway so that's the van talk we did the budget for this episode was like 20 for sandwiches so i don't know how we're gonna afford this van i'll tell you how we're gonna afford the van because you talk about budget i've paid for every goddamn food since we've been home i've told you guys to put it into... I've told you to put it into...

I'm putting it into the van fund! Everything I buy should go to the van! How many times have we recorded an episode from home at this point? There's gotta be... There's gotta be over $100 saved for this van by now. Over $100!

We're in triple digits! Probably. We're almost there we're like one percent there so back to subway so we ate this rib barbecue rib sandwich rib yeah um some sort of mcrib imitator it's was my exact same thing i mean it's just a little rib giblet just a slab of what looks like a slab of ribs yeah well but it doesn't look like ribs in any way shape or form no uh it looks like the mcdonald's amorphous blob it looks like ribs from a rat it's here's here's why it looks like it looks like ribs tasted some rat bones it looks like the mcdonald's ribs and i know mcdonald's ribs are ribs because

they told me they are that's why would they lie if you i'm saying if you showed someone a slab of that meat and you say what is this no one in the world would say oh those are ribs no he the guy when he was making my sandwich grabbed the ribs from the little bucket and I wanted to go, what's that? Cause it's like cat food. You could, you could say it's anything. But we're calling them ribs. So does that not make them ribs?

McDonald's decided that's what they are. I'm just saying, I know what a real rib is. I've eaten it. It's not that. How would you describe the shape of what they put on the sandwich? Because it's got like, yeah,

it is rectangular, but it also has like little like not enough not enough that i bumps not enough that i would point that out in the description they have interest they have um i would call them cosmetic bumps someone's made a rectangle and they said doesn't look like a rib bump it up put some bumps on there bump it up and they went how about now and they went yeah it'll do close enough it looks like somebody took the thing and then with four fingers just went yeah like pushed in the sides just barely just a little bit and then they're like well when we get into the store we'll just like marker the grill marks onto it

give them all the rib pieces and also give them a sharpie. And we'll just scribble it on there. The definition to the ribs are much like painted on abs. You can see them. Good way to put it. They're not real. It's really the Strong Bad's Ab Aber 2000 of rib food. Is that a friend of yours? Strong Bad? Yeah.

I'd say we're friends. That's cool. Alright, let's see how they explain this did you well anything happen when you got your sandwich are you okay he has to go through the pr piece you're right well i thought that was the fucking around you talk about rating it surely we talk about going to get it before then well yeah no he has to go there there's two more sections there's the rib sandwich which is the pr piece and then a quote about the food and then you guys can get into it yeah but you always have to get into it no listen to me you have get into the experience of going to get it we never do that at the end of the episode every single time we ever

get there i go but also we don't we don't have to not because it comes up naturally it's there so if you don't get to it you can go oh i'm just i don't know what's happening because it didn't happen naturally and i'm scared why Why hasn't it happened yet? Every single episode ever, we've done it before the PR sheet. So I'm freaking out that we haven't done it yet. We're like so all of a sudden in like what the 20th episode, we're like so dedicated. Why did we lose it? Why did we?

Oh no. All right. Do your PR. I guess we'll save it for the hang on. Get into the experience of going to get it. Did anything happen? Was there a story revolving around going to get it? It's always been there.

I know it's always been there, but we've never done it there. So it concerns me. Michael, if you want. I'm worried. We can do that now and do the PR thing later. No, I'm worried about Eric if we do it now. This is why we so concerned about the 400s episode. I thought that was what we were going to do with the fucking around part

but then the van talk just took all of it I kind of just this is on me I was taking the liberty of him like talking about the McRib and I thought like you know we could segue into like them explaining how it's different than the McRib and really it's my fault

okay you know what thank you for taking the blame for that it's well deserved go ahead and read the PR It's my fault. Okay. You know what? Thank you for taking the blame for that. It's well-deserved. Go ahead and read the PO. Hem hem. Rib sandwich. Mix things up with the new Subway barbecue rib sandwich. Tender pork topped with sweet barbecue sauce, crisp lettuce, onions, and tangy pickles. Try the tasty new barbecue rib footlong or six inch sub

today asterisk rib shaped pork patty look at how that fit into that conversation rib shaped tender pork topped with sweet barbecue sauce so yeah they don't even say there that it's like rib nope it's like just call it a pork sandwich no rib sandwich yeah people like the word rib yeah it makes it sound expensive because if you just say pork sandwich it's like what's it like pulled pork rib you know exactly what it's also good they should give it a cute name kind of like the mcrib but like since it's subway like the ribway sandwich ribway you think yeah ribway they should call it no they should call it the rib job oh now we get a 12 inch rib job yeah that's how i ordered mine and like i just stared

at me but let me get it toasted so he stared at you and then he and then he slowly and then he put on the gloves yeah and then he like slowly pulled those cheeses yeah i'll meet y'all back first i gotta fight this cheese quote conjuring up comparisons to mcdonald's infamous mcrib man they're just i like this they're going they're going for it this is no no this isn't a subway quote because subway didn't provide any subway wouldn't provide any quotes sorry i couldn't believe it they said the m word yeah i was they did yeah both of them uh conjuring up comparisons to mcdonald's infamous mcrib that makes it sound like cooler for some reason the barbecue rib sandwich features rib shaped pork patties topped with sweet barbecue sauce lettuce onions and pickles on italian bread says brandeating.com

that is a great name for a website oh it's not bad uh subway continues to offer their limited time five dollar footlong promotion thank god it's back god bless america where you can get any two subs including the new barbecue rib sandwich for $10 when ordering online at participating locations. What is this website? Do they just do PR statements for- Yeah. And a lot of times when I go to get information from these places, they refer me to brandeating.com or chewboom.com.

Crazy. Sorry, what was that other one? Chewboom? Chewboom.com. He's been talking about chew boom yeah dude i'm a chew boom guy baby uh talks about his chew boom hey i don't understand so the reason i included this because i wanted to go like well if it's ten dollars for two but not five dollars for one then it's not a five dollar foot long but it was just a five dollar foot long why why does this information

say ten dollars for two like you couldn't get one for five? Because mine was five bucks and I only got one. To me, it's like, why are they even telling me I can get two for five? Like, I could also get three for 15. Like, why do they need to tell me? That's what I'm saying. Because this information makes it sound like you could get one for $7 or two for 10. But it's not true. One is five.

You can get four for 20. I'm going to take a stab at this here, maybe. The first answer is they're stupid. What you said is five. You can get four for 20. I'm going to take a stab at this here. Maybe the first answer is they're stupid. What you said is true. Okay, interesting. The second one is, now bear with me here, and says you can get any two subs for $10.

I believe the $5 footlongs are limited to a couple of sandwiches. You might be right. So that could be it or back to the first one they're stupid and it makes no sense really go either way on this go either way i don't care it sucks what's like the cool special sub that's more than five dollars outside of the five dollar footlong promotion you know what i mean like what like meatball sub is five bucks right like i mean you might have to go in there and just get silly right not

not saying this you've seen all like the options like what are you gonna get silly with there i don't i don't know you get like an extra piece of bacon like that's not silly that's just dangerous and that's like that's like the thinnest bacon i think i've ever seen that's like the kind of bacon that you feed to your dog out of a bag it's yeah like begging strips they just throw that right on sandwich like and as good as it gets where he just carries around the bag of bacon so the dog likes them what it's like that um episode of seinfeld when elaine puts the the meat in her pocket and then oh no that's that's that's jerry he does that he puts oh you're right you're right it is jerry because he doesn't like the lamb because he had Oh, you're right. You're right. It is Jerry. He doesn't like the lamb or whatever.

Because he had a salad. You're right. He had a salad. And then he was worried that that put off his date because he's like, she thinks I'm not a meat eater. So I got to eat no matter what they make. And then he hates it. So then he sticks it in his pockets.

In the pockets. And then, yeah, the dog attacks him and she finds out it's in his pockets. I was confusing it. I just don't think you're a big Sefeld head so i'm not there's the napkins that elaine stole and her cousins like you stole nana's napkins because i think he used those napkins or something i don't know nick's nodding i don't know if he's agreeing or not he's just nodding and then uh george was in the tub george takes his shirt off when he takes a dump. Then he eats. He also eats during sex.

I was going to say he eats the dump. And I was going to say, I don't remember that episode. That's a good episode of Seinfeld. That was in the Curb Your Enthusiasm reunion. Anyway. Not everyone saw that. We can cut this part out. I saw it.

No, no, no, no, no. Here's how I'm going to guarantee it stays in. Nick, cut this out. Get it out of here. And we're back. Michael, you want to get in the experience of going to get it? Yeah, I'll talk about it. Was there a story revolving around going to get it?

You want to talk about that? So I, for the first time in quite a while, there's a subway real close to my house. And I thought, aces. i don't have to go far i don't have to eat it in a parking lot like an animal i can actually bring it home and get on this call and we can all eat the sandwich at the same time so i'm going there and as i'm like in the store or in the parking lot you know i confirmation from Jordan and Nick that they've got their sandwiches. And I say, oh, this is going to be great. I'm going to get my sandwich, pop right back home.

So I go in there. There's no signs for it or anything. There's no promotions. There's nothing. And I say, uh-oh, I hope they have it. I'm waiting in line. There was one guy in front of me. it uh i'm waiting in line there was one guy in front of me and the uh the sad looking man in front of me who looked much like the employees there he was just going through the motions

do you think he was applying he he might i think he's probably an ex-employee and he's just like he's retired he's got the stench they can can't go anywhere else. He smells like them. So I heard him go to Carl's Jr. Dude, to a fucking T. He goes, oh, do you have the, uh, that new rib sandwich? And the person just stares at him like a zombie says fucking nothing. And just slowly shakes their head. And just, just no.

He didn't correct him. Like saying, no no literally just like it's a rib shaped pork patty and i went fuck and i took my paper towels and my uncrustables and i left because i also went to a subway in a walmart because i had some shopping to do and i thought this is great i can go pick up the things i need my ex's kids are always fiending for these fucking peanut butter and jelly sandwiches i'll go pick those up i'll get my subway you gotta have paper towels too god paper towels messy as shit i ordered a six pack of paper towels yesterday and the package looked like there was only two of them

and i'm like i read it like six times and i'm like no it says six there's six of them i'm certain it's six and then they showed up six pack of toilet paper and i said fuck what those aren't paper towels i need paper towels now i know i'll get some and then i'll get the sandwich they didn't have the sandwich and now i go great i don't have the sandwich everyone else already has their sandwiches now i gotta drive to another subway and these Uncrustables are gonna melt in the back of the car they're frozen they're gonna defrost not gonna melt so now there was a race against

time both for this show and the Uncrustables both grape and strawberry flavor I'm starting to understand why there's so much screaming going on at the top of this episode well it doesn't make sense because they got the Uncrustables so I don't know what they're screaming about but they were thawed they were defrosted

if they were defrosted then they couldn't have eaten them because you have to wait let me don't even get me started when the kids want incrustables you take them out and then just tell them well you gotta wait an hour they want to eat a fucking frozen incrustable and i keep saying it's frozen in the middle you can't eat it and they scream that they want it now and i go okay i guess suck on this ice cube i don't give a shit take it i'd wait 40 minutes but you can't eat it and they scream that they want it now and i go okay i guess suck in this ice cube i don't give a shit take it i'd wait 40 minutes but you don't want to so i drove to another subway which is about 15 minutes away and i get there and it's not it's not in a store but it's one of those things where i i honestly don't even know what the fuck was next to it i

was just like i was zoned in on the subway there it is i walked in but it's one of those things where you can walk through a side door and you're in another store i don't know if it was probably like a some sort of quick mart type thing or something um but this was a standalone subway and i thought better chance of it being here than in a walmart there were like fucking 12 people in line when i walked in oh my god and i thought i'm running for oh my god there's all these people here and again there's no fucking signs i'm gonna wait all this time and they're not gonna have this sandwich but i didn't want i i thought of just like cutting to the cash register and be like yo you got the ribs because i don't need to wait if you didn't

but i didn't i was immediately well i walked in I waited in line and then people walked in behind me. And then they actually had, we had to leave and go wait in the other building. Cause there was so many people in this tiny room that the subway was like, he was like, there's too many people in here. You got to go out there. You know,

you there's like, which is also interesting. Cause he goes, we can't have more than 10 people in here, but he was only counting the customers. And I'm like, you're people too. There's four of you

no they don't count they definitely don't see themselves as people i watched him count one two three four five all the customers and i'm like he's not counting himself or the three people standing next to him surely the first line of the subway training video just is like you are not human thank you for applying to subway you're a valued member of the team let us tell you right off the bat you have no more humanity it's the deal you sign it's like mib like say goodbye to your family they'll never you're a subway worker now um so i waited i waited in line and i thought a thousand percent i mean they had promotions everywhere they had five dollar foot long signs they had um they're doing some kind

of like sliders they're like subway sliders they had that up they had shit everywhere and i'm thinking there's there's no fucking way that they're gonna have the sandwich so i expect to be someone shake their head at me i walk up and i say hey do you have the sandwich. So I expect to be someone shake their head at me. And I walk up and I say, Hey, do you have the, the rib sandwich? And lo and behold, the guy just goes and just taps the,

the little tray. It sits and he just knocks on it. Like right in there. Check it out. We got, but it doesn't look like rib shaped pork. It was like, that was his cell.

You know, when you go somewhere, they go, ah, look at this appealing, right? He went, it's right in that hole, right in that little tiny fucking tray where you

there you'd think there'd be some medical supplies or something this is the hole we keep it in and i went and and because of the show my reaction was oh thank god they're in that hole i don't have to go to a third subway because i slacked you guys when we got there like ah it doesn't look like they have this thing so then the other issue i ran into right because i didn't feel like fumbling with my phone and checking all this shit whenever we order something whenever we do this show we just get it how they make it it's just what's the promotion you know we'll eat it as it is yep so he you know like we said earlier subway they just go uh what do you want uh and then you're just supposed to tell them

so he takes the disgusting frozen little pork rib shape things out you know there's like it's like scraping the ice off of them you know they're they look like shit and he says do you want you know do you want the barbecue sauce yes obviously i want the sauce and it's okay he goes do you want it with cheese and i'm immediately like oh you know i just go uh i guess whatever it comes with what does it come with and he says pepper jack and so i went oh okay sure put that on there great they do that you know heat it up goes down the line then it gets to the you know the veggies and shit and they're like what do you want on it and again i lied to you by the way dude i'm telling you i first thought was like i don't think that's right but whatever so then goes down the line and they say okay what do you want you know and i say uh just i don't know whatever usually comes on it and the way it comes the woman was

blown away by my reaction there's no way that she went like this default right she she looked like she fucking saw a ghost like she got neuralized to keep it with the men in black yeah thing it's like starting a lawnmower it was like starting to kick start she's like i have to think now she's gonna hang on she immediately turns to the other guy who i guess is you know the more senior employee there and she's like i don't know what to fucking do this guy just told me to put on whatever like it comes with what does it come with this guy's put the ball in my court and i don't know what to do what was what does it come with he looks at me and says oh whatever you want and i'm just like no i know how food works it's clearly marketed in some manner i know there's something that's supposed to go on it.

You have no fucking signs anywhere. I can't tell you. Normally, I would just go, look at this fucking sign behind you. Make it like that. But it's not there. And I'm just like, uh. And then he goes, I mean, like, you could do peppers. Oh, my God.

And I just go, give me peppers and onions sure so this is this is how michael got a cold cut combo instead of the rib sandwich i got the rib sandwich with barbecue sauce monterey jack cheese uh green peppers and onions what no pickles and so i i know you guys take a picture i made sure to take a picture of it because I was watching him make this. I go, no fucking way. This is the sandwich that they're going to be eating. There's no way that there's green peppers on it. I bet they're supposed to be pickles.

Fuck if I know. I'm just going to eat whatever they hand me. This is the second Subway I've been to. Did it come with the barbecue sauce at least? I mean, it did, but he asked, like, what am I going to eat this without barbecue sauce? Are you fucking crazy? Oh, my God. Oh, my God asked, like, what am I going to eat this without barbecue sauce? Are you fucking crazy? Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

That is great. So that's what I ate. And I went, they're going to hear about this. I'm probably the only one who got it the way God intended, because I had it delivered because I didn't want to get the fucking subway stench on me. It was already, like, all the presets were there. Right, like there was a set order to the sandwich it was there and i was like it was it came pre-toasted like already selected and i was like send that to me and it was perfect i mean like it was perfectly like you

know advertised not like i think if i had to guess if i could be a fly on the wall in that subway i was at they're probably still shooking up they like, remember two hours ago when that guy asked us what goes on the sandwich? Do you think anyone else is going to ask that? Should we maybe like figure that out? Dude, I can't deal with this and the cheese. I'm not getting paid enough for this. So I've already tried to pull so many slices of cheese apart. I do not need this on my plate.

He was probably excited and recommended the, the pepper Jack because it was shredded. Yeah. Oh, he went, thank God. I just always say pepper Jack. That way they don't have to pull cheese apart.

Oh boy. Well, you had, it sounds like you had a good time. I had enough story for the both of us. Cause you, unless you like fucked yourself up in your own house. I don't know how you would add to that.

Nope. I had to walk downstairs to answer the door. The guy was in his car. He waved to me. I didn't trip going down the stairs. That would have been a good story, but I didn't do that. Grabbed it, brought it in. I took a picture, and then I brought it in.

And then I ate it. And now we're done pretty good story huh well eating it is a is a whole other thing and i review the food and give it the score from 1-100 i i don't think that this segment needs to be particularly long no oh the point the point of the show i agree what are you talking about everyone says it's always about the journey i'm a destination guy show is the journey i'm a destination who gives a shit about the food who gives a shit about you mr donkey over there talking about being a destination guy you're talking donkey talk then i'm in but we're talking i'm talking

this whole show is donkey talk that was the next name after face jam was donkey talk michael jordan podcast face jam donkey talk guys we're getting back into the fucking around segment oh no all right let's hit it with a review okay the food sucks uh the sandwich is bad the thing was like all flat and smooshed. It comes toasted and for some reason it just dehydrates the bread and makes it stale. It's hard as a rock. I still wish I had like a piece of it so I could like tap on it. It just sounds like, it sounds like this. I'm going to tap my desk. That's what the bread sounds like.

Yeah. So it's awful. The barbecue sauce is the only flavor. It's super sweet and not great there are pickles and onions allegedly and uh it looks like it does look like rat meat and it doesn't taste very good yeah i worry that maybe i'm hard on it because when you go to subway and you make it your own and you're telling them, this is what I want. It's kind of like you're putting some of yourself into it.

And therefore it's kind of like your art and you have a more like deeper connection with it. Like build a bear. This is just something that showed up on my doorstep. You know, it's like an abandoned child, somebody left. And so I have no love for it.

But I would say I wouldn't, didn't, didn't that the online order supplement that you telling how you wanted it, I guess, but also like, I didn't like, I wasn't there seeing it. You didn't get to see it.

Yeah. It was just code. It was just ones and zeros. Exactly. It's just the matrix to me. Um, so yeah, just,

it shows up and then you eat it and it's just, it's just sad. It's not really a bad sandwich as much as it is a sad sandwich it's just oh it's just very depressing and um i'm gonna give it an eight wow wow it's not a bad sandwich eight it sounds bad you know our you know our scale goes to 100. It's just so sad, though. It makes me sad. I was expecting a low score. I was not expecting an A.

You rated it lower than Arby's. This is insane. I don't think that's the first single-digit rating we've ever had, isn't it? I think Arby's, at least Arby's made me feel something, like anger and confusion. Like Last of Us 2. You might not like it, but it made you yeah there's no way a sandwich can be that ripped holy shit it's not natural i fucking hate subway sandwich politics and that's why i gave it i don't i don't need that in my sandwich jordan jordan i need you

to understand you gave this an eight the arby's fish and cheddar sandwich and mint chocolate shake, you gave us 17. More than twice what you just gave the Subway sandwich. I'm not trying to get you to change your score. I'm trying to get you to understand. The Arby's had ice cream involved. There's also... That's where that comes in. I mean, to give Jordan's score credit here, this is the biggest fast food chain in the fucking world!

What are they doing? People were waiting for us to rail into Burger King and stuff, which we did, but its food still got a decent score. Right, Burger King is a piece of shit, but those spicy nuggets weren't bad. Wow. Alright, well that's an 8. That's an 8! So, you know,

just to have it on paper here, looking at what's in this sandwich. What was supposed to be in your sandwich. I'd have to agree with Jordan. It was fucking bad. The best part of the sandwich was probably the green peppers and the pepper jack cheese. Things that were not supposed to be on it. I didn't get lettuce.

I didn't get lettuce. I didn't get pickles. I don't think my bread was as hard as Jordan's. I didn't feel like I had a stale bread. Maybe I got lucky there. But the only thing you can possibly compare it to is the McRib. That's all you can compare it to. We go to a lot of burger places. A lot of burger places are very different.

The way they cook the burgers, how big the meat is, the spices on the meat. There's a million different varieties. All you can compare this little fucking gross rectangle wedge to is the McRib because that's what they did. They went, we're going to fucking make a McRib

and they made the exact same thing and it's worse than the McRib. No doubt. A lot of people don't like the McRib. I'll eat it it because it's a McRib this is my first bite was well this is worse it's just um it felt when I ate it it felt cold and not like it was heated up and got cold you just they didn't cook it enough right off the bat in their you know 20 second fucking microwave I got that too but I just wanted to like I wasn't sure if i should hold that against it because it was delivered to me but i'm glad oh no yeah the at fault was certainly the store that was my first thought

was this is worse than a mcrib and they didn't cook it long enough because it's it's not only cold as i'm eating it and it's supposed to be a hot sandwich, but it was never cooked enough. So it's cold and I wouldn't call it frozen, but I can taste the inner coldness. Yeah, I know what you mean. It just was shitty. It was not good. There's a lot of food we eat and I'll say, you know, this is great. Go get it. Or I wouldn't go get it, but if you're there, but if you're there i'd eat it or i try it if

you're at a subway i wouldn't eat the sandwich i would just get something else i would get the cheese steak over this that's okay i'm gonna give this this is like uh i want to give it a 20 uh okay so first i would like to say I'd like to make a correction. Jordan's lowest score did not come from the Arby's episode. Jordan's lowest score is from the Pizza Hut, Big Dipper, and Mozzarella Poppers. You gave it a 10. Oh, okay. And Michael gave it a 25.

That average score was 17.5. This average score is 14. Oh, that's too high. Can I lower my score? Golf, it wins. In golf, the Subway barbecue rib sandwich with the score of 14 is fucking crushing

it. In golf, the goal is to be subpar. You want to be below par. And this is definitely subpar. Definitely subpar. This is a testament to this sandwich and i think jordan more than anyone can agree if i'm saying don't get it if you're at subway get something else it's not good yeah subway sucks and their other crap is better than this they went through the trouble of introducing something that's worse than the crap that they already make

the average score is is the last word on this because you got michael on one end of the spectrum you got me on the on the correct end and we were real close yeah so that's how you know the same end of the spectrum on this one yeah that's how you fucking know this thing is garbage all right i mean that's it at 14 that's that take that subway i was excited about this sandwich too yeah i you know what i was i really was talking to people going like i think this might be a dark horse i think this might be one where you get it and you go well that's fucking good turns out it was just a horse it sucked yeah i mean it really was it was horse indeed. It was a horse. And now we go into the Serpcide segment. Serpcide!

Now, Serpcide is very interesting because Subway, as a restaurant, doesn't offer a lot of sides. You can get chips or cookies. Yeah. So, Jordan, what did you get as your Serpcide? I got chocolate chip cookies. Oh, okay. And did you like, like, you don't have to give the score yet. I'll let Michael do his, but did you like it?

Yes, it was better than the sandwich. I didn't eat mine yet. You didn't eat your syrup side? No. Okay. Do you want to take a bite right now? What did you get? As you said, Subway doesn't have a lot of options.

So you've got cookies or soups or chips. So I went with the classic classic subway side uh a whole pizza pepperoni pizza wait what's up hold on i don't remember seeing that on the menu it's definitely you're definitely eating pizza and it's in a subway box it's a subway pizza box it says subway hot on it which is kind ofway box. It's a Subway pizza box. It says Subway hot on it. Can you take a picture of this pizza? You got a Subway pizza?

I took a picture of it. What's the crust made out of? Italian? It's pizza crust. That's interesting. You ever have a whole pizza as a side? Can I have some? I'll tell you this right now. It's a subpar pizza this is better than the

sandwich so if you go to subway for some reason get the pizza i've been saying it for years subway the pizza restaurant people don't know people don't know they got pizza it's on the sign at every single subway your brain never locks it looked. Now I really regret not going. They have pizza? Yeah. Show us the pizza one more time. He's eating the pizza. It looks like shit.

I don't even see pepperoni on it. It looks awful. That looks like dump. It looks like the weird loaf of pizza you get at elementary school cafeteria. Yeah, really. Man, that's really weird did you take a picture oh yeah hang on i'm peeling back the cheese oh no well there's the pepperoni that

looks fucking gross it looks like a heartbeat i mean you see it it's big it's like you're dissecting a human i'm gonna give this pizza wait what did you give yours yeah would you give your chocolate chip cookie the chocolate chip cookies are really good. 97. Wow, so the opposite of the sandwich you ate. In almost every way. It's hard to fuck up a chocolate chip cookie. How's the za?

Like, not a good pizza, but... I'd say it's a 42. Holy shit. 42 on the pizza. If you go... That looks like a 42. Holy shit. 42 on the pizza. If you go... That looks like a 42. Get the pizza. Yeah, but after a fucking 20 and an 8 for the sandwich,

I drove to a second subway for the sandwich. The first subway had this fucking pizza. I could have got the pizza and been done with it. How much customization is allowed in the pizza? You want pepperoni sure that's that's the customization i just did it you want pepperoni yes or no that's the flow chart for that's it i think that's it i said yes i just i can't believe there's i can't believe there's fucking pizza i can't believe not only is there pizza not only is there pizza but they went to the effort of having their own pizza boxes made because they're personal pizzas so they're a

little smaller but they went through the effort of making a pizza box they didn't just say fuck it and shove it in something else and there's even a pizza bag look what i don't know what oh what the fuck it's like a bat a subway bag that's different from the normal bags. They usually just put them in the plastic bags. Yeah. It's like a handled paper bag to put your pizza in. It's like you went to California Pizza Kitchen or something. Yeah, it's really a CPK situation.

That's really interesting. Well, I mean, I guess if you want to send us snacks for Snack Attack, the segment which hopefully comes back when we get a van or we can go to a parking lot together. We haven't had any snacks, so we're desperate for snacks. Yeah, we are out of snacks. We desperately need more snacks. We haven't had snacks in months.

Nick's dog heard that we haven't had snacks in a while, and it got pissed. I was just looking at his monkey mask in the background. Yeah, the monkey mask is just babyish there. Yep, it's pretty cool. You can go to the Twitter, you can go to atfacejampod and you can see the monkey eating some Subway sandwich. There's some good pics.

You can go to see my pizza. Yep, you can see it all. But if you want to send us snacks, you can send them to FaceJam, care of Eric Badour, 1901 East 51st Street, Austin, Texas 78723. We have received a bunch of snacks. They are sitting in a room in my house that I have dubbed the snack room.

We have to make sure that no animals get into the snack room. Rats are otherwise. Are you an animal? Start rooting around in there. I need you to know how hard it is to have a room full of snacks when I want something sweet. And there's just all this shit sitting in that room that I could just eat if I wanted to. But I won't do it for the sanctity of this show oh thank you you can all

you can also follow us on twitter at face jam pod to stay up with everything going on with face jam just so you know there is a face jam store site store.roosterteeth.com and then you can find it under collections is face jam you can find all

of the variants of the 100% each shirt there, including the original. Can you explain to our listeners what a website is too? A website, ask your grandson how you get on the internet and tell him you need to go to the Face Jam collection page at store.roosterteeth.com. What do they do if they forgot their CompuServe password? Sign up for Netscape.

You can ask AARP. They'll help you. Use your jitterbug. Dial two. All of the 100% Eat shirts are there, including the original, the 100% Eat Pride shirt, and the two variant shirts, the 100% eat king and 100% eat mcjam shirts are both there the black and white listen to face jam shirts along with the hat

and the 100% eat pop socket we got a lot of shit you guys yeah and Michael already talked about how we were getting a spice rat shirt in the last episode I don't remember if you remember because you drank a whole bottle of wine but you didn't make that happen I took a nap cool uh-huh so we will hopefully be having a uh spice rat shirt coming very soon it's a matter of getting everything sort of in motion um but yeah you

can check that all out at uh store.reachyourteeth.com and again follow us at face jam pod for all of the information on all of that stuff i just want to say I put my pizza and my sandwich in the Slack channel and I want Jordan to look at it and see if it looks like I ate the same food as him. It looks like I went to a different restaurant. All right, let's take a look. I have a pizza and not the sandwich that we were supposed to eat. Yeah. Yeah, that's a totally different sandwich.

They really, they really sprinkled those peppers on there, man. Oh yeah, that doesn't look like what Jordan They really sprinkled those peppers on there, man. Oh, yeah. That doesn't look like what Jordan got. The guy went, oh, peppers? Mine's just so sad in comparison. I have like one onion on mine. So sad. Anyway, this next part is very important because we say it every episode, but I don't think

anybody listens to it. So listen very carefully, rate and subscribe, and tell a friend about the show where we eat food and then rate the food this is pivotal you need to rate preferably five stars but we're not going to tell you to do that but i'll tell you don't do that but hey if you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything at all uh and then tell your friends face jam challenge going strong still going strong still getting face jam challenges i'm doing face jam challenge. I was playing some good old fashioned iRacing and somebody recognized

my name in a lobby. It was like, are you Jordan from Rooster Teeth? And all I said in response was listen to face jam. And he said, I guess not, and then left. He was really quiet for a while. I think he was looking up what face jam was and then he confirmed that that was me and then was like, cool good luck well there you have it also if your friends want to sponsor

this podcast if your friends are like we're talking like big fish though you know like like if you're friends with a guy that runs marketing for Sony, send him our way. Let him know. We'll do it. If you want us to promote the next big movie that's coming out in five years when the movie theaters open up again, we'll talk about it. Just send me a DVD screener. Send me an unreleased copy of the movie. I'll watch it. I think we should just talk about **** and hype it up until it comes out.

I mean, if they're not paying us, I'm not doing it. I'm not even going to say the name because I haven't gotten a check yet. Please bleep that name. Well, there you have it. Okay, everyone say bye now. Bye now. I got to finish my pizza.