100% Eat - We Blaze, Hot Ones %% Panda Express Blazin Bourbon Chicken

Episode Date: September 17, 2024

Our Heroes venture to Panda Express to take on their new fiery fare. Does the Blazin Bourbon Chicken bring the heat or does this Hot Ones collab end up a dud fit for a salt mouse? Spice Rats unite, it's a hot one tonight. We also talk about Blockbuster, trash pandas, and if actual pandas rip your arms off based on a You Review segment. Support us directly https://www.patreon.com/100percenteat where you can join the discord with other 100 Percenters, stay up to date on everything, and get The Michael, Jordan Podcast every Friday. Follow us on IG & Twitter: @100percenteat Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What's it like to trade crypto on Kraken? Let's say I'm in a state-of-the-art gym surrounded by powerful-looking machines. Do I head straight for the squat rack? I could, but this gym has options, like trainers, fitness pros, fodders to back me up. That's crypto on Kraken, powerful crypto tools backed by 24-7 support and multi-layered security. Go to kraken.com and see what crypto can be. Not investment advice. Crypto trading involves risk of loss. See kraken.com slash legal slash ca dash pru dash disclaimer for info on Kraken's undertaking to register in Canada. Welcome to 100% Eat the Show where we try every fast food restaurant

to let you know if you need it. You probably do. I'm your host, Michael Jones, alongside my co-host, Jordan Sweers. Jordan, how are you? Oh probably do. I'm your host Michael Jones alongside my co-host Jordan swears Jordan. How are you? Shit I'm ready to yeah, they never they never they don't write anything. Yeah, I wish they would cue us like like Jordan like um who's that and happy? Yeah, where's my line? Who's they do I need it? I don't want to start writing lines your team. Yeah You're talking about like how the hot ones guy has a team and he gets all the credit for all the things his researchers do.

So then we were like, oh, you with the fact sheet. Except people don't give you credit. But that's not what you said. You need a team to discredit. That's not quite what you said. You said, you know how people give you credit, they don't. And then it was... Which really made me...

I was really, what are you talking about? Someone has to write the fact sheet? Yeah. And one day I hope to meet them. How you how you doing? Well, I sat down also anyway, it's bright well, I had to take her oh well I open things. Yeah, I noticed so it's Going sunglasses today. It is why it's been dark in the studio So I'm trying this out to see if it's brighter, but then past this dark for months it right And I'm trying to I'm trying to dial it in now Now he's trying to do something the problem is we do like two in one week

And then we don't do this again for like two weeks, so then it's like wow it's been such a long time So the episodes like staggered right he goes what show is this again? Yeah? My team didn't brief me mark. Yeah. Yeah, he's got something He was talking about some other podcast earlier He's always talking about them. Yes. He is I will say the way he talks about them always makes me feel better because it's like at least we're not the problem child That's a lot of him. It's a lot of Eric going you're fucking stupid, brother I really got into some stuff today on the other one. It was oh fuck man.

We're eating and reviewing we ate it already Panda Express blazing bourbon chicken. Yep. It's brought to you by Hot Ones. Yeah, interesting that it's not incorporated in the name. Because it's Panda Express blazing bourbon chicken. So is this something they already had and they were just like what a slap of Hot Ones on. I have a feeling that bourbon chicken was a thing they already did and then they just threw what they already had for the hot orange chicken onto this because they had like the little red peppers just like the hot orange chicken. Can I ask a question?

Sure, what's up, man? Did you change the paper you use? No, why? I don't know. Does it feel different? It does feel a little thicker. It feels better. Yeah, it feels like a higher quality paper

Did you go to a little library? Right it feels like better paper. I did have to replace the paper, but that was a little while ago So I wonder you I wonder if it finally just got to like the new telling you I hold a lot of this crap that your team writes and I look at this fucking gibberish on here But it never feels this good Yeah, this is too. It's too nice. It is too nice. This is too good for our show I'm really glad that you all agreed with yeah, I don't holding it going this paper feels I think it feels a little bit smooth. I got a picture. I think we should cut here, okay

Start over with like better paper. Is it what you just said this paper is too good right better for the better for the show paper worse quality All right, I'll let my wife whose printer I use know that her paper was too good Yeah for the well as froze the vibe on tell her she ruined the show. Okay, I'll let her know Hey, Michael said you ruined the show. Why don't you buy your own printer? If I'm buying a printer, I'm keeping it here Oh, that's a good idea. Perfect. But here's the concern. Then we'll need another table for the printer. But here's my concern. We already need another table. Who knows if we'll ever be able to buy one?

Yeah, you can check out a Patreon video that went up at this point last week where we rent a truck. We didn't. You did. I rent a truck. We walked in today and the rental agreements on the table Michael's like oh the truck rental agreement Do you need that I went nope didn't need it when I rented the truck also also before we left that day I took a picture of the table just like sad and alone that video That day started with with Nick trying to fix the chromecast and being defeated Yeah, and it ended with a very sad truck rental agreement Ended also with Nick watching baseball and his kids

Okay, he was so How would you give your kid an iPad oh, it's my I'm dangerous that's crazy, but you get the firetap is cuz you're cheap as shit I have a smash them What what you get your kid is an iPad and you use a fire now It's gonna be reversed one's more expensive than oh he uses both the kid uses the iPad pro And then when he and then when he says that I'm allowed I I can get 30 minutes with it But but he also says he also says I need to watch my squeen But he also says I need to watch my squeentime. When my wife's boyfriend comes over he lets me play his Xbox. And I get to use the printer.

There's a whimit. It's not being funny for Jake. It's pretty good. No, it's pretty funny. Oh man. Panda Express Hot Ones 100% eat blaze and bourbon chicken. We need to get in on this. We did. We hated. No, no. I mean like we need to get our branding on some ice cream. We saw it was kind of there already. We're not going to get there spending

money on good paper like this. Don't worry. She didn't spend any of this show's money on the good paper. Okay. Tell her we're going to send her a bill too. We're going to send her a bill? Yes. That's correct. For bill. That's correct for her paper. Okay cool Paper ruin the show and so it's more of a fact the more we talk about it the more money. It's good Now we're going over Jordan has a calculator on his watch Dude, I start my own had a tweet back off. Yeah. Oh, he's tweet out dude. He's tween. Yeah, look at me Yeah, there it is Yeah, this is not quite the Gracie no

It's not but it was I like we were talking about getting drinks were at the Panda Express and Jordans like I'm gonna have a tweet Yeah, we all thought that was really cool. I walked in and had a tweet Yeah, I'm thinking about having a nice you didn't walk in you busted yeah that door open also is he on the bonkers board absolutely not he did threaten to break he threatened to break our ankles so I I didn't I hesitated he implied that an accident might befall someone who puts him on the bonkers board. I've had a bit of a couple days. Yeah, it's been a life. Uh, the Panda Express that we went to is next to a 7-Eleven. Yeah, we drove right by it.

Uh-huh. We drove, like, I would say to the 7-Eleven, and drove past it to get to the Panda Express. For a second, I went, we're going to 7-Eleven. And then as we were leaving, we saw a sign, and you can see this in the ride along that comes out in a little while, there was a sign for wings. And you guys pointed them out to Nick as he was trying to handle food. Absolutely, I just went, Nick, look! And then he did, and then he saw the wings, and then he said, now I gotta know.

He saw the wings and then he said now I gotta know And what he got to know is what they taste like What do you think they taste like Jordan? They're fucking terrible. I've had chicken wings at 7-eleven. They're fucking dog shit. I would never buy any food from an American 7-eleven. The best the best food you can get at 7-eleven honestly like they're shit, but actually is like decent The taquitos. The taquitos. And the hot dogs. Yeah, like they're shit, but actually is like decent the taquitos taquitos and the hot dogs Yeah, like they're all they're gross. They're like they're all sitting in there slowly rotating That's that is a fireman, but it's I don't like it's still like sitting heating the wings and the pizza Just sits in a window on a shelf. Yeah

The the difference between the two is astronomical. I had a friend who would get the pizza He walked out of 7-eleven all the time and get the pizza. And I'm like, that is the craziest thing I think you could come up by that. It's like eating a brick. Yeah, like it's the worst pizza ever. It's like fair pizza. You're talking more like it is. Eating pizza at the fair.

That video came out by the way too. Don't watch the theory. Or the pizza. You eat the pizza there? Nah. I tried. Nah, it's fine. It's not fine! It's not fine. not mine as the guy's thing though the guys say but the hot dogs are pretty good

The hot dogs and the pizza are both not fine the hot dogs are like ten times better than the ones better. What's better? Oh my god It's just that your voice is so high he has Everything's at like this level where it's all up here and then like what's not fine is like so low that like it all fits. It's fine. No, it's fine. Yeah.

I would say probably the best food if you want like not sitting out and old and also not yucky germs people are touching it is like the pre-made sandwiches Oh, yeah, yeah, the pre-made sandwiches are probably like you get the Jordan safety move or you rip it Seal of protection are they dated as like They're dated when they should be eaten by and they always put the freshest ones in the back And I will move six of them at cuz they're like we gotta get rid of and I go nope Especially cuz I usually get tuna fish so it's like best by Thursday that's crazy that's crazy yeah it's fine I do it but

I do it all the time I see tick and he's fine I see tick tocks I'm thriving I see tick tocks all the time people going to like convenience stores and like Japan and stuff and they're like oh like getting like getting like their drinks. I would trust that but that's the same thing It's the same thing. It isn't it's a 7-eleven or in Japan seven and I holdings It's the same thing it is it's totally this I'm gonna start shooting videos at 7-elevens around here, but shot like they're in Japan. I thought you were gonna say, everyone will be walking like this. Yeah.

This is how they walk in Japan. This is how they walk. Oh, cool. You know, it would fool me. But that's what I'm saying, like it's the same, it's convenience store food. It's exactly the same. I think just there's an inherent higher quality

that's implied at a Japanese 7-elevens. But he's not trying the tuna fish, I mean, he doesn't know. Because the convenience store culture there is also held to a higher standard. I guess I could agree with that, but I just feel like you go to most 7-elevens here and they're at least... Not Nick fine. They are better than that. They're like, they're very... Oh, 7-elevens around here are way above like a shithole gas station Yes, absolutely nice. Yeah, it's it's definitely like tiny supermarket Yes, and not like a 7-elevens like 7-elevens where I grew up more like gas station shitholes. Well, they're definitely nicer here

There's really only one way to find out and it's Google. It's about $1,800 to get to Tokyo. Okay And it's Google. It's about $1,800 to get to Tokyo. All right, okay How many miles do we have in the credit card so far not we're almost Nearly enough to use it on that octopus by the way five dollars and 20 cents really for that octopus That's not bad. That's not bad at all. We got five tries though a dollar a try. That's not bad That's that's fair plus tax Yeah, he's gone now. He's been he's gone. I took him. Yeah, I said he stayed just so Gracie could oh Gracie He's going crazy for a she was head. It was cool. Yeah, we got there um in general for Panda Express I was gonna say in Japan in Japan for Panda Express. No man. I bet Panda Express is amazing

Japanese Panda Express is held to a higher standard Actually, I don't believe that fuck no What do you guys think cuz you you're a Panda Express guy? I feel like you're definitely a Panda Express guy cuz it's an easy way to get protein. It is it's actually it's good and cheap Mm-hmm. They're they're double plate bigger plate chicken teriyaki, it's nuts. We got two Panda bowls, two, like two entree plates, and then four of the apple pie rolls, and what, two spring rolls or whatever.

I got a spring roll. It was 48 bucks. That's not bad. That's not bad. That's good for a family of four. Yeah, yeah. A growing family. In this economy?

Yeah. Like, that's not crazy. And Panda Express, I feel like, is pretty tried and true to like, it'll fill you up for a little while, but boy, I'm roaring back hungry in like an hour. And I want to eat more Panda Express. Sounds like you didn't get enough protein.

Yeah. Whoa. You gotta get the plate. You just gotta stop getting the bowls. Yeah, you kept talking about how the bowl is enough for you. It is. That's why you just contradicted yourself.

Well, it's not, you're coming back for more. Oh, no, I think no matter- A part of cross-examination Oh no, I think no matter. A part of cross examination. Like, say it, answer. You just got chat queues. When I used to get, like in college and stuff, I would like really load up,

you get like the two entree plate thing or whatever, I'd eat all that and then like, again, you're hungry in like an hour or two. Like I feel like it just burns right through you. That was what, 20 years ago? You're a different guy. Hey, yes it was. He wishes, it was

It's tough to think about when you go college 20 years ago, huh? Yeah, it looks like it was 30. Yeah It's not though. The coach not coming back. Yeah, I really thought I was being hyperbolic. Yeah, really? Certainly you weren't no, we get a couple more truck rental situations. It'll look like Santa Claus ho ho whoa What do you think about Panda Express right in general Jordan is it something you ever go to or no? Yeah? I like Panda Express. Yeah, it's it's kind of gone to The standard of I feel like the standard of I feel like

Back at it. I feel like splurging a little bit. I feel like a dirty meal as I call it mm-hmm where it's like Nutrition be damned. I'm gonna over indulge yeah, and I'll double up on orange chicken and chow mein What is not that bad for you? Actually? It's uh yeah, but like I eat the double yeah And then I'm like Eric. I'm like oh, that was too much food, but it is very satisfying But then you lift like 18,000 pounds. Yeah, lift 18. Yeah, I do that. Yeah, that's I go straight to doing that Right as long as as long as it gets burned off. Uh-huh three calories well half gets some gets burnt I have some gets burned off and some gets muscles. No Must go on going everywhere tell me more about this process. Yeah, you got it. Well. You got to lift 18,000 pounds It's just a ballpark you could you got to lift a ballpark you could do five you do all ballpark Yeah, the Dell diamond. Yeah, but not all at once just only over time. Okay. We went to the Dell Diamond last night me and Nick and

It was dollar hot dog night. Thanks for inviting Michael He's never been to a baseball game and right that's why I would have been nice to go. That's what I was free last night We are man. You weren't doing anything. I've been free the last several days Bone and stress-free, that's right absolutely free of everything. Yep I've been free the last several days. I've been doing nothing. And stress free. That's right. Absolutely free of everything. We had a friend there who was like, he's getting dollar hot dogs and he came back and he's like, man, I asked him, I saw it on the menu. They have a grilled cheese hot dog and I almost got it. Do it, do it, do it.

But they said that they don't have it right now. That's more confounding. And we had to explain like, it sucks. so hard do it I if they did have it I don't have it that means they don't have grilled cheese right yeah they have plenty of dogs yeah I would have withheld that information with like you should totally get it just so I can watch the disappointment on his face. We explained what it is and I just went like, make a whole grilled cheese. Right. Close

it. Bread, cheese, bread. And he's like, American cheese? Yeah. I'm like, it's the grilled cheese sandwich. And he's like, okay. And I went, now take a hot dog and just like put it in like your hand and then just put it on top. And he's like, oh, and then like put like the bread on top. And I went, no, no, no no it's already closed. It's done. Yeah, it's done. It's just You have a hot dog Yeah, and you have a grilled cheese and now put them and now you're gonna say together And you're gonna think open the grilled cheese put it in no no no put on top and be done with it you fool And then you kind of try to make it a hot dog

Yeah, and then he fold it. But the bread folds a different thing. It's way too solid. It's just everywhere. It doesn't work. Uh-huh. Yeah. And then he went, fuck, that sounds awesome. I missed it. Can I get a t-shirt of this thing? Oh, that's what he saw. He's like, I saw the shirt.

I wanted it. It's a great shirt. It is a great shirt. You're wearing it right there. I am. I'm really happy I was wearing it when we had that picture taken. I think you picked it out. It was like, oh, this is going to be immortalized.

I did. I did. It's pretty good. this is gonna be a more I did I did You wish it looked like that yeah, it doesn't look like that no it does it does not at all look He's wearing it like a goddamn life vest yep, right yeah It's more like Tommy boy trying to put on the the life vest. Oh, yeah in Tommy Tommy boy trying to put on the the life vest. Oh, yeah In Tommy It's pretty good It's very much like they hand you the ingredients and they don't say this because it's it's done But if you didn't know it was done, they almost go you do it. Yeah, right

If someone gave you a couple of the ingredients of a Big Mac and just handed it legally it must be a legal loophole It's like legally you can't serve a grilled cheese hot dog. Yeah in Round Rock You it's illegal. Yeah, so you have to kind of do it yourself. I think it's probably like a Kalahari resort restriction. Like, they do it. Right, because it's right across the street. What? Kalahan.

That's the other, no, you're thinking Tommy Boy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, this is Kalahari. I get why you're confused. It's close. I'm not confused. You're confused. You were talking about Tommy boy Drive I was gonna say we should go to Dan ackroyd He makes car parts for the American working, uh-huh. Mm-hmm Cuz that's what he is and that's what he cares. Hey, do you guys want to learn about Panda Express? I want to talk more about Tommy

Tommy while we need yeah, we got should go there. We should go to Tommy. They're good. We do that. They're good They do another Michael says yeah Let's go next week. We've become we go to Six Flags No, can we go to Tokyo? That's just no if there's ever a thing, you know Like what if we say can we get Tommy wants when you and you go That's a reasonable request. Yeah, yeah, imagine my children every now and then it'll just be like 430 on a Wednesday Like hey, can we go to McDonald's hey can we go to wherever it can go to Six Flags no what that's

Two hours away. That's that's in San Antonio. That's an ordeal. I know. I respect the hustle though. Oh, it'll come back. Okay, we have a sleepover? No. We go to Six Flags tomorrow? Tomorrow's Thursday. No. We go to after school? No! Do they come to you? No! Do they come to you together as like a united front? Never. Okay. They're not there yet. Yeah. Usually. Yeah. They don't know they can work together? Yeah. I mean they can't, it's not usually in like work together in like the the request phase So I'm like I might get hammered like yeah separately Uh-huh, but it's not there's yet to be like a formulated plan right and let's get so out of nowhere One of them will go can I go to can we go to six? It's usually the younger one really yeah

And I go no, dude We're like for like a couple weeks ago That's a cup a cup a couple weeks ago cuz like you know they're back in school now Yeah, I'm like especially the younger one like she's fucking beat when she gets home You gotta get up like six in the morning. Oh, just tired so they school is so they so they nap Which is good until it's too long. Yeah, bad because it's like fuck You've been sleeping for three hours now. It's eight o'clock Oh fuck I gotta wake you up to get you ready for bed

Uh-uh, so it's a couple weeks ago. She pulled one of those so it was like getting late, and I'm like alright It's time to like you start getting ready for bed, but what but she's like it's not bedtime. It's morning I'm like she did just wake up, and I go yeah, it's not morning. You were taking a nap. She's like no It's morning, and I'm like dude is dark outside. No the Sun is up Right there you can look out a window right there. No, it's dark. Dude. This is your awesome, that's the key to less like I'll turn it a fax over here. I like it. That's pretty cool. No. Yeah, they're eating the dog She she's got to the point you got on TV

Yeah, when they're like little babies they make crazy threats yeah, or threats, or they just have fits now She's making threats that don't really track, but she's getting there. I'll be like you got to do this thing You got it. You know we fucking dinner you're vegetable. I want you whatever. It's like all right well I'm not going to school tomorrow All right, all right. You're getting close you you're driving something you can rest, I want to, whatever. It's like, all right, well I'm not going to school tomorrow. I'm like, all right, all right, you're getting close. You're driving. Yeah, it's not something you can. You're driving in the direction of where you should be going. Well if you make me eat this, I'm not waking up tomorrow morning.

Well, you are. Well that's certainly, I understand what you're driving at. You're not quite there. And it's scary that you're getting close. Yeah, yeah, those, those like, can we go to Six Flags requests? I understand what you're driving at. You're not quite there. And it's scary that you're getting close. Yeah. Yeah, those, like, can we go to Six Flags requests are gonna get a little more sophisticated soon.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm not going back to university to be your friend. I'm going so I can get Uber One for students. It saves you on Uber and Uber Eats. I'm there for $0 delivery fee on cheeseburgers, up to 5% off smoothies, and five percent Uber cash back on rides. Just to be clear, I'm there for savings, not whatever you think university is for. Get Uber One for Students, a membership to save on Uber and Uber Eats. With

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The fact sheet your team wrote. What, what, oh God, I wish I had a team. I was thinking about how kids will never go and rent video games and that was a huge part of my childhood. That was such an important part of my childhood. I would build weeks around renting a video game. It was an event.

It was a tent pole time in your life when you would go and rent Rayman. You know? Yeah, Quest 64. I remember- Good game. I remember like my parents would get home from work and be like, take us to a blockbuster.

We were too young to like ride our bikes all the way there or whatever. Take us to a blockbuster. Ours was like too far. Yeah. And so it was renting a game and then my mom was like off work, tired, but had to get something from like

Walmart or whatever so we go and rent the game because we were very insistent someone else is gonna take it no one else can take quest 64 they might I was I also rented that game and then you and then you have it and then instead of going straight home you go to Walmart and it is the worst it must have been 20 minutes that was like 20 hours I Yeah, but you're like, I just want to play. Put me in the instruction book! I gotta walk around the polygonal environment. That used to happen to me a lot, not with renting games,

but like buying a game. If, it's like I was a little bit older, so like 15-ish, my mother would take me to the mall and it's like, all right, she's gonna go to some store, I'm gonna go to the game store, whatever. I'm done in 10 minutes. Oh, because you got the thing that you wanted, it's done.

And then she's just like, not even shopping, just looking at shit. Yup, dude, the looking. Ah! The looking. Ah! The looking. Hang on, let me check Macy's.

Yeah, the looking at shit. I wanna look around. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'm just going, ah! And I'm just reading the instruction book at 100 fucking times. I'm like, I wanna play Kingdom Hearts 2 I'm going, ahhh! And I'm just reading the instruction book like a hundred fucking times. I'm like, I wanna play Kingdom Hearts 2! Stop looking at that stuff!

I wanna look at the TV while I play this game. Hang on, I wanna see the jewelry. You know you're not gonna buy any. You're not allowed to buy any. Why are you looking at it? Yup. Can we go to Six Flags? Yeah.

And at least even then, I was only 45 minutes from Six Flags. My children, it's outrageous. Just thinking about your kids asking for something, that's all like, that was a tried and true Can we rent a game? No one's gonna ask for that. So it's gonna be can we buy a game? And it's like I'm not gonna let you buy a fucking video game you idiot. Do you think that like a blockbuster could open up and attract nostalgic losers like us. For a time. I don't know how long an insane business.

I think for like three months. I think Austin be the place to do it. I think you could go and you can walk in and you can smell it and you can look at everything. And then you go, whoa, cool. And then you rent one DVD that you don't watch in the four days that you have it. And then you go, why did I fucking do this?

And it's the only time you go. That's it. I would do it, but it would only be stuff from like 1998. You'd have to. Available. You'd have to. Real time capsule. You go to like, we love video for that.

Did you ever rent a console? No. That was always the big ticket. I was like, yo, someone ever done, like it's like 40 bucks. Like 30 bucks. That's how we found, like that's how- You could rent a whole fucking console. That's how we found like that's how

That's how I fell in love with the N64 and needed it Yeah, there was it was a slippery slip for my parents because they rented it and then when it had to go back Yeah, I was not happy. I was not happy and I was demanding we get it. Jordan's talking about it being morning at night Yeah, yeah I was waking up. I was outside my parents door with the Super Mario 64 Prima official handbook being like look what you can do You've never seen Mario move in a 3d environment like this dad And and like I'm pretty sure the reason you can fucking go inside the castle. Yeah, right I'm pretty sure the reason it got rented was because my dad loved video games anyway

Yeah, and yeah, it was for him first, and then he saw us playing it was like oh fuck yeah Whoops yep, hey, can we go six flights? Yeah, all right? Let's read the facts. Let's learn about fucking fair We're going to fight watch the video everyone knows what's wrong with the fair? We're going to five flags. Watch the video. Everyone knows what's wrong with the fair. I think the fair might have been one flag. One star. Here we go.

Fact sheet from the team. Our last Panda Express episode is Face Jam was September 27th, 2022. That was a long time ago. Where we ate the Beyond Orange Chicken. It received an average rating of 61.5. I kind of remember that.. I kind of remember that. I do kind of remember that. That's two years ago though.

Sometimes I feel like, I only say that's a long, because there's other places where I go, Oh, it's been forever. And then I look at the date and it was like four months. Yes. And I'm like, really? Yeah. And that's more common than not. So to see one that's two years is like, oh, that actually is a while. Doing this weekly now, we go through stuff faster for sure But weekly now, can you believe that shit?

That's why it feels like But a lot of a lot of places didn't do a lot of limited time stuff Panda Express has hit it hard with limited time stuff He's hard, bro Hit him with it. In 2022, the last year we ate them, Panda Express sold almost 68 million pounds of orange chicken and their secret recipe for the food has held strong since 1987. Good year. Ancient Chinese secret, huh? That's not racist.

It's from an 80s commercial for laundry detergent wait my dad used to say it a lot, too wait pause a Washington State woman is suing Panda Express after she unknowingly 83-inch piece of wire that got lodged in her throat and was blocking her airway Oh God The wire was from a cleaning brush the Panda Express was told to stop using by court order and we at 100% Eat find that to be the problem if you're gonna eat wire it needs to be electrical

Otherwise you can't play robots with the monkey He eats these wires like spaghetti and he keeps saying he's going quote to go to the matrix which doesn't even make sense because it's not a place But he won't stop Why are you eating these wires like spaghetti man? And he's choking on yeah she The thing they had a picture of this thing that came out of her fucking throat She the thing they had a picture of this thing that came out of her fucking throat

It was in her chow mein and it's like how did you was it? Do you just slurp it like spaghetti, but you don't let it go in your mouth. You just fucking have a good Open your throat. Yeah Her tongue is just But she was like my throat I had to like tilt my head back and keep my mouth open or I couldn't breathe and then it was like emergency, they had to pull it out and everything and she's suing them and then they found out, hey this is that wire from that brush that by court order we told you to stop using. Maybe they got wrapped up in the food before the court order. Yeah, think about it. And we were just kind of, you know, rooting around.

Anyway, you gotta eat just handfuls of electrical wire with the motor. That's how you play robots. And then you can play robots. Yeah, go about it. And he's just kind of, you know, rooting around. Anyway, you gotta eat just handfuls of electrical wire with the monkey. That's how you play robots. And then you can play robots. Yeah, I can play robots. You play robots by becoming robots first? Listen, he keeps saying he's gonna go to the Matrix. I don't know what it means. Okay.

Beep? See, it's working. He's been eating his spaghetti. Were you rooting for the sentinels in that movie? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I would say rooting. Ignorance is planned. I mean... The steak looked good.

The steak looked good. He takes a bite and... There's a wire. Ah, no! I figured it was my spaghetti. I knew I should have got the steak. I'm not gonna say, like, you know, I agree with any side fully. Humans are like a virus.

Yeah, think about it. I can definitely agree with that. Oh yeah, Hugo Weaving was right. Yeah. I like when they're fighting, him and Neo, and then he blocks the punch and then he goes. It's the best part of all three, all four movies. It's the best part because not only does he do it.

But he. Yeah, the rules. It's the funniest fucking rules. He goes, stop. It's funny, you started not only does he do it, but Started speaking It's the best part Because it's not even like a punch chop, it's right caught he is stop Got strong fingers. Ladies? Panda Express is suing

What? Phoenix based woman owned food truck named Trash Panda Vegan because the use of the word panda will confuse people. that is their claim The food truck has operated since 2019 and was approved to sell at the Super Bowl the Panda Express put a stop to it

Honestly, the most confusing part about trash Panda vegan is their branding because aren't trash pandas raccoons Yeah, this lady just put pandas on everything. That's not a trash panda a trash panda that's a panda okay we might be on Panda Express's side here throw him in the trash panda when I saw I'm like oh man they're suing someone right but clearly it's gonna be raccoon uh-huh it is just pandas none them are in trash cans. None of them are raccoon looking none of them are pandas with raccoon tails None of it makes sense. They're just paying they're just being does maybe you think about a little differently. Maybe they're all drunk Oh, yeah, yeah trashed. They're trash pandas and because it's a food truck. It probably faded a little bit So the other thing is post was post-trophy deed. There you go.

I think it might've been in the fact sheet- Like truck it up. It might've been in the fact sheet last time, but this isn't the first time that Panda Express sued an Arizona restaurant. They sued a place called Panda Libre because they owned the trademark for food. They owned the trademark for Panda.

Because it's confusing. That's real. And then their statements that they put out are like, as a family owned business, we know how hard it is to start a restaurant. And that's why we're suing the fucking pants off you bitch. That's why we're suing the Pandas off you. Whoa!

That's why we're suing this family owned small restaurant. This is a vegan bigger face woman. this family-owned small restaurant. This is a vegan, phoenix-based woman owned- Get a bigger family, bitch! My family's bigger than yours. Like, she could just have trash panda vegan, make them raccoons, and be like, what's confusing? Phoenix-based woman owned food truck. That's how it was described. It wasn't a phoenix-based woman owned food truck.

And it wasn't even phoenix-based woman-owned food truck. And it wasn't even phoenix-based woman-owned a food truck. It was just phoenix-based woman-owned food truck. Named trash panda. Yep. Exactly. You gotta have the whole thought. In the final fact, we learned... He's on thin ice. I agree with you. In November of last year, Panda Express lost a class-action lawsuit over misrepresented delivery fees in Louisiana and is now on the hook for 1.4 million dollars.

The suit states that Panda Express would offer quote low delivery fees for $2.95, but tack on an additional 10% 10% service fee driving up the price. We, at 100% EAT, would never do that and that's why, why, you sign up for the Patreon at patreon.com slash 100% eat. You should do it through a browser to get around Apple's hidden fee additions when subscribing through the app. Oh, yeah. Wow, we're helping you and passing the savings on to us. Real heroes. Patreon.com slash 100% eat was the URL in case you missed it by accident. You're welcome. Thank you.

You're welcome. There you. You're welcome. There you go. We had to inform people. I really thought that was going in a totally different direction, but that's actually helpful. Yeah, don't use the Apple. Don't sign up through the app if you're on an iPhone.

Or use the app once you're already done. And you just eat the corn. Yeah, yeah, here's the thing. Because here's- No, that goes to Big Apple. Yeah, but Big Apple does doesn't sign up like this That's true right, but you can just do that on the browser. Yeah, yeah, so faster Well, if you if you get one of those keyboards that kind of like It's this is this how you guys game?

Sorry, what'd you say? I was fragging noobs What'd you say? I was fragging noobs What'd you say are we doing g4 again? Sorry I was I was pwning some nubs You got fucking pwned What what's the WN? What's the LOL thing the World Warcraft is like like kek like K Okay, yeah, he's like LOL or something But you couldn't I don't really understand what that is. You couldn't understand like other people or something? You want to hit him with it or I will?

I don't know how World of Warcraft works. Leroy Jenkins! If this is someone's first episode of this show, that's fucking crazy. Yo, dude I checked out 100% heat, how was it? They were like yelling Leroy Jenkins Look At least we got chicken that's what I'm talking about baby Do this every time dude that video came out 20 years ago really did

Wild that was I don't want to think about I don't even want to say I saw that video on g4. Oh, yeah Oh, it was like that's how I saw it was like a phenomenon on the back of the show But when you think about it, it's just forever. It's just a meme Kevin Pereira showed it Yeah, yeah, but like before like social media. Yeah, there's no way for that stuff to get around I was that was before YouTube I was thinking about like hanging out at friends houses in like 2002 and like is play video games passing the troll around or whatever and like what you do it like the in-between times when you're like not playing it's not like you're like oh let me check my stuff real quick and then yeah we're

like locked in it was just we're here doing this yeah simply that's it that's all we're doing I might play snake for a second on my phone but then I go I don't look at this anymore, and then put it away. That's weird. It's crazy We tried having a gaming session like I think it was like two years ago That now here's the thing I think I can halo for the first. I think it would have worked if Games would have let us all play at once instead of There were four of us. We're like box perfect. Yeah, we're like oh, there's four of us players Uh-huh that's halo. That's which which one was it it was the Master Chief collection. We're playing halo one. Yeah Oh, I've never played halo. Okay. I've like never played through it at all

Okay, and so we were like oh well do this it'll be the four of us That's a two-player game, and that's what we found out and then we went oh, we'll just wait there this and uncertain in Certain campaigns like halo three you can play with four players in a campaign. Correct, that was the first one. Right, yeah. Yeah, we didn't know that. 102? I was under the impression

that they had kind of retrofitted it for the Master Chief collection, that you could throw in a couple more Spartans. Yeah. Yeah, didn't know that. So we passed the controller around, that was fun. But then we got to Eric's favorite part. Then we then we tried to play Golden Eye because it had just come out. Oh, you didn't even get to the part of trying to save Captain Keyes. Oh my God. What was that? Why do they make? Why do they make you do that?

Oh my God. He's just like walking in front of stuff He's like, don't worry. It's like all right protect Captain Keyes. Okay, cool. Don't worry Master Chief I'll run out way ahead in front What? Don't worry, I'm gonna cook these green beans He's leading! A leader leads! We we couldn't get a checkpoint outside of the cutscene to save our lives So every time he died it went back to like just saving him from the brig And we had to watch that little in in game cutscene where he's like stow the belly aching remember. You're a leatherneck

Brutal it's saw and then and then it would be like okay, just like Let's go one at a time so that he doesn't follow us and then Let's go one at a time so that he doesn't follow us and then You gotta watch out for that one of those fucking times I'm throwing a plasma grenade, and then he was like I got this yeah, he's your master chief. I'll save you yeah Run the camera perspective. It's looking at the elite and then yeah just comes from It was a whole house of men going That's not a fluke. That's that part.

It is the hardest. And the harder the difficulty, the more fucked you are. We were trying to do it on Legendary. Cause he ties immediately. Yeah, we were very fucked. He's fucking stupid. And then we tried playing GoldenEye,

cause it had just come out on- On the Switch, yeah. It just came out on Switch. Yeah, you can't. The controls were like beyond comprehension. Unless you have like a pro controller. You're not understanding the very cool thing they did when they released them.

So if it came out on the Switch, they were like guess what? You can play online. Yeah. We can play this game online. That's what we did. Oh did we add the second stick control? No. No. No. It's still just one. No. But, but, but, we also put it out on Xbox right and it does have second stick control. Yeah, but there's no online. Yeah They're geniuses. It is the craziest shit in the world. It was miserable out of spite

I don't want to hold R to aim. I 100%ed golden eye on the switch out of spite With those shitty controllers. I'm getting my fucking money's worth. You got all the cheats? I got all the cheats. Damn. That was fun. That was really hard as a kid. Yeah, beating like what Aztec in like under a minute or whatever the goal is. I remember doing that one afternoon There's like it's harder as a second or third level the faculty facility. Yeah, the level is starting the bathroom Yeah, that's like under two minutes or something yeah yeah shoot him we got here to open the

door yeah where's dr. dope yep so I just play starfox what does possible sound like for your business it's having to spend to power your scale with no preset spending limit redefine possible with business platinum that's the powerful backing of American Express. Terms and conditions apply.

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Must be 19 or older, Ontario only. Please play responsibly. If you or someone you know has concerns about gambling, visit connectsontario.ca. Hey Jordan, let's learn about Panda Express's Blazing Bub-Burban Bu-B-Chicken. Okay. Hehehehe

Panda's new chicken dish featured crispy boneless chicken bites and wok tossed veggies and a sweet bourbon sauce mixed with the signature Hot Ones last dab Apollo hot sauce. So that's- Liars! Yes. That's- I'm walking about... Hey, that's really- Why is that in the commercial?

That's really clever. Can you do that one more time for the camera? And do like the pose too. Yeah. Panda Express new blazing bourbon chicken! That's what I'm walking about! That's good. If we clip that, we're gonna be millionaires.

What? I mean, I said it. I'll give you guys a cut. I'll give your team a cut. Yeah, there's about ten people on my team. Yeah, you can use that um I wasn't that's the chicken But what about the press release is so short yes Also, this is the press release is crazy is it written by the guy from hot ones check it out. Oh He got put the king without a crown Blazing bourbon chicken is painted's spiciest dish on their menu and made

with a crispy chicken coating to create an addictive comforting flavor in every bite. Panda Express says. Can you believe that? I every I went to so many press releases, so many articles and all this stuff. Nothing is attributed to a person. It is all attributed to Panda Express. Panda Express is a hive mind. It's a hive mind. But it's also... If we had played more Halo, I would say it's like The Flood,

but you didn't get that far. Is that Monsters? Yeah. Kinda, yeah, I guess. Did you get a twee? Yeah. Nice. Twee! To help fight back the Flood.

The thing that's weird about this is that Panda Express is saying it, but Panda Express is also saying... They're saying their menu. Yes. Not our menu. No. Not my menu. No. Who are they? Who are you? Who am I speaking to, reading at? From all of us at once.

We are Panda. Forever and ever. We are all Panda. Panda R1. It is crispy and boneless. Yep. Yep So the guys trash me guys we have some We have some opinions about this food But we need to hear from you in a segment that we call you review and this first one's from angel don't even ask But why is there no I don't know I think I think when I moved it from the bottom one to the top one, because it was the last one that I had,

and I went out, this was the first. You said in the car that it was perfect. Yeah. You said your team- I meant through the facts section. No, we said it was good. We didn't- He distracted us long enough for us to forget the double Y.

Yeah, that's true. I was trying to see if we could just sneak that into it. All right, I'm just going to fire in, because this is a good one. This is from Angel, you said? This is from Angel, yeah. I asked to use the bathroom that had temporarily out if order sign on it once I saw an employee come out of it.

See, that's why I put this one first. Let me read this again, just so you know what I'm saying. I asked to use the bathroom that had temporarily out if order sign on it once I saw an employee come out of it Those are two sentences uh-huh by the way uh-huh sign on it period once I saw I can't tell those separate thoughts now. Here's he did it because he saw the employee or what he saw Saw a temporarily out of order sign or a temporarily out of order sign on it? Saw that and then remembered a time I came out when it wasn't on it anyway. This is bullshit. Yeah, I worked before Either either way hey either way one star

What part of that dude I read it and I went part of that made it get Dude, I read it and I went. What part of that made it get one star? I read it and I went, dude, we gotta eat at Panda Express. That one specifically. Uh huh. I think that Jordan should read the last one. Okay. That's how I feel. I'll read Michelle C real quick. Okay. This is awesome. Oh, this one's got a name. This is great too, because it starts off, I don't eat panda because well you do you're already eating it hey you're gonna love it you've already eaten it that's why you're reviewing you're like this you do eat it fucker I don't eat panda BC I've had food poisoning from eating their exclamation also I thought I give panda a second

and guess what I got sick again two exclamations on top of that comma Don't ever order the shrimp with walnuts you get no walnuts and when I asked for more they want to charge you gross and nasty five exclamation points I don't eat at Panda Express, so I thought I'd give Panda Express another try People she wanted more walnuts. I'm also confused by this logic, okay, because she goes, don't order the shrimp and walnuts. Yeah. Right?

You get no walnuts. But then that's her complaint, it's bad, it's you get no walnuts. Yeah. When I ask for more walnuts, they want to charge you. Gross and nasty. Yeah, that's gross. Not like the food is gross and nasty. I mean- Their behavior is gross and nasty.

I need more- I don't know that that's what she means I need more of these disgusting walnuts now. I want more of this food fucking grow I don't eat here BC. It makes me sick. I'm trying to get sick again. So walnuts, please I got a I got a shift tomorrow. I don't want to go to food poisoning, please I'm not waking up tomorrow If you don't give me walnuts, I won't go to school!

And then went home after, I mean like, went to Panda Express and asked, can I go to Six Flags? They said no, one star. Even though one time I saw an employee there. You were at Panda Express! I saw a Panda Express restaurant at Six Flags So this doesn't add up Are you Six Flags?

Last year review, I love it Jordan, are you locked in? This is Heinrich Z You think he's German? His name is Heinrich I immediately regretted going to Panda Express even before I ordered I just looked at the faces of the other patrons It's one of these guys. Yeah That's why I wanted you to read it

Even before I ordered I just looked at the faces of the other patrons and saw the hollow-eyed pall of guilt Mixed with confusion and a deep dulling pain coming from somewhere mysterious I'm writing a novel Eating at Panda Express is the kind of experience that makes me question my value as a living and breathing entity on this earth I question it if it helps I'm questioning his I don't think it. I don't think it's eating at Panda that's doing that. No, I think it's being insufferable. It is everything that's wrong with the earth and we're all wait. Hold on. It is everything that's wrong with the earth all reduced and concentrated into a

Chinese fast food restaurant. Like what? The Panda is the perfect symbol for this place though. It looks cute and inviting, but trying and cozy up to the panda and it will tear your arms off with its massive claws and continue devouring a forest of bamboo. Is that what the restaurant's like? They tear you up with its massive claws? What's the- That's not even what pandas do. No, but also what's your equivalent? What's your metaphor there?

Cause once again- Oh, let me explain. You never got food or talked about the food you dumb fuck Well nothing about this has anything to do with a lived experience besides you walked in and you looked at other customers That's where the review ended. Um, I can explain it. Uh-huh. He's actually very smart. Oh I hadn't considered that I had I. When I was 15, I would write something like this. This is definitely like, but here's the thing about this review. There's no shot he's 15. He's a guy in his 20s. His name is Heinrich. You're not named Heinrich if you're 15. Heinrich Zelinski. And he's just... Ah, yeah. He makes carparts. He's just insufferable all the time and then wrote a review about this

Do you think maybe hindering right a review not anything now? He just wrote things uh-huh and then at the end he didn't put this, but I'm pretty sure this happened He wasn't actually looking at the restaurant and the other patrons. He was looking at a mirror whoa looking at the restaurant and the other patrons. He was looking in a mirror. Whoa. And he saw... It's actually fucked up. Twisted, dude.

Yeah. This guy can't wait for the Joker 2. Twisted D. Oh, probably. This guy's Joker 2. He's so excited. He loved Joker 1. Yeah, yeah. He can't wait for the Joker 2. He's going to fast forward through all the songs.

I'm thinking like, all the people that love Joker without kind of getting it. Yeah, definitely without getting it. Wait, getting it? I, definitely without getting it. Wait, getting it? What do you mean he's twisted, bro? What that crossover will be for a musical? Oh, but I think that's why they're doing it like this.

Because it's like, I think they're trying to like rub their faces in it. And they'll get their faces rubbed in it and like it but not understand it. Yeah, they're gonna go like, yeah dude, Sopranos rule, I love Tony, fast forward through all the Melfi scenes. And it's like, do you know what this is? Yeah, dude Sopranos rule. I love Tony is fast-forward through all the milfie scenes. It's like what do you know what this is? Yeah, dude, no Absolutely, I don't understand. Yeah, you woke up this morning. He got got a gun and dude in that so fucking Tony, bro Bro, that's so Tony

It's pretty good This guy sucks. I've heard about the show. That's how that's his panda. This guy fucking sucks. One star. One star That's his whole Panda Express review. This guy fucking sucks ass. You're insufferable. Fuck you. You suck. Mm-hmm But that's why you review is such a special segment. It is special. Because it's what you the viewer have to say. But try and cozy up to the Panda and it will tear your arms off with its massive claws. You know how pandas are always doing that. You know how pandas are always doing that. You know how pandas are always doing that. You know how pandas are always doing that. You know how pandas are always doing that. You know how pandas are always doing that.

You know how pandas are always doing that. You know how pandas are always doing that. You know how pandas are always doing that. You know how pandas are always doing that. You know how pandas are always doing that. You know how pandas are always doing that. You know how pandas are always doing that. You know how pandas are always doing that.

You know how pandas are always doing that. You know how pandas are always doing that. You know how pandas are always doing that. You know how pandas are always doing that. You know how pandas are always doing that. You know how pandas are always doing that. You know how pandas are always doing that. You know how pandas are always doing that.

You know how pandas are always doing that. You know how pandas are always doing that. You know how pandas are always doing that. You know how pandas are always doing that. You know how pandas are always doing that. You know how pandas are always doing that. You know how pandas are always doing that. You know how pandas are always doing that. You know how pandas are always doing that. You know how pandas are always doing that. It was efficient. It was fast. Clean. And the Express is one of the more... We had three people helping us. I had to deny a drink three times. Yes.

They wanted to serve me so much. And the Express is one of the more, like, supply line type. Oh, yeah. Like, they got their shit together. That's true. It's like airy together. It's like Chipotle. It's like all this shit's sitting out already.

Yep. There's like people at each station. They go, what do you want? And they slide the fucking thing down. Like, sure, some might be slow or some might be packed. But like, compared to like people need station. They go. What do you want? They slide the fucking thing down like sure some might be slow or some might be packed but like compared to like a McDonald's Yeah, where you sometimes you go in it's a fucking Wild West. Yeah, like Panda Express. These has their shit together It's advantageous that it's like super easy to just scoop shit and put it into the really is and also like again It's not a subway all the scoops are like measurements. Yeah, you know what I mean? Yeah, it's gonna double

It's like you get two scoops. Mm-hmm. It's very easy. You can argue about like the quality of the food obviously. It's it's American Yeah, Chinese food right, but like if you understand that and you know what you're getting there's nothing like innately wrong with Panda Express It's not a shitty restaurant. No you could be like it's shitty Chinese food. We which is debatable like it's I mean it's American Chinese It's not authentic exactly yeah, but that's like a shitty burger McDonald's sucks, but like it's American Chinese. It's not authentic. Exactly. But like, that's like saying McDonald's is a shitty burger. McDonald's sucks, but also it's fucking awesome. And I know it because it's McDonald's. The thing we talked about when we pulled up was,

I remember having to get it when it was COVID, because we were doing an episode for it. And it was a table set up outside. So a woman who was there with her mask on and everything, and they were making the food inside. And when you ordered ahead of time, somebody would run it to her and then she would like keep an eye on all of them and have them organized. And you'd be like, I have this one. And she'd be like, here it is all hands-free and all this stuff. And it was like, oh wow, this is run very well

and straightforward and very easy. And, uh, yeah, but did you look at the I didn't look at their hollowed? I? Try to cozy up to that woman. Yeah, but then she started chomping on bamboo and I went And then I went this is just like life. Yeah, this is just like the Yep This is just like life. Yeah. This is just like the earth. Yep. So. M'lady. So Panda Express, we got their blazing bourbon chicken, and it's from the.

It's from Hot Ones. Hot Ones, and that's it. We researched really good questions. We researched really good questions, and we read them so authentically. So normal and regular. But Jordan, it's time for the review. What do you think on scale 1 to 100, what are you thinking about Panda Express's Blazing

Bourbon Chicken? The Blazing Bourbon Chicken Hot Ones was definitely spicy. I don't remember if I got the hot orange chicken when it was out. Me and Nick did for sure. Yeah. That hot orange chicken I love. We tried to do an episode. These guys are just excited about each other's.

You got it. Nick really good by going, Nick's a bit crazy. It's Nick's fault. If Nick laughs, then Michael's done. Yeah. If anyone laughs, Michael's done. He.

Uh. He's a good girl. Well, he's got the headphones on. No one else can even hear it. So I go, He could be funny. He's funny. Don't even have to do anything. uh Well, he's got the headphones on no one else can even hear it Oh, you're great. I mean us dude That's really good now get me get me I dare you More like Yours is more like egg on a burger. It's like, it's that.

It's not a hee hee. Very good. It's very good. I'll tip my hat. I'll tip my hat once I'm done writing this Panda Express review. That's exactly what it is. Steampunk ass fucking loser. Oh, you came in with a top hat for sure.

Yep, no doubt anyway um The it was definitely spicy probably the spiciest thing I've had it painted because I didn't get the hot orange chicken Usually something like this is not spicy. It's like whoa watch out. It's hot And then it's not hot at all. It's definitely above spice mouse level. Like if you can't really handle spice, you're in for a rough ride. My nose was running a little bit. It kind of dominated even the chow mein I was eating. I was like, oh, I need a little break.

And my mouth was still hot. The texture is good, very crispy. I did not get any of like the bourbon though. And I ate every piece of chicken to make sure. And a little disappointing that there's no actual, any flavor, it could have been anything, like whatever the sauce was. It could have just been the orange chicken, honestly. There was no bourbon to it.

So on that front, it's a little disappointing, but impressed that it was hot. So I'm going 65. Ooh, nice, 65. 65%. Michael, what do you think? He's right, it was hot. That was a little bit spicy. Sometimes when we eat stuff that's like, that I think is a little spicy, or like I like it, or a little bit hotter, I go, well, Jordan's gonna feel about this. And I was like, this is spicy. It was very well cooked. Like the crispiness and theiness and texture. I thought so too. I really like how it was hot I feel like if you eat Spicy shit like I could taste a little bit more. I feel like the heat was bothering me less

It was not a huge flavor, but like it was a little bit like smoky Yeah, it reminded me the flavor a little bit of like Korean barbecue Okay, and had like a little little dab there of like, I would go like this. But you did have to look for it, and it was behind the heat. I don't think my palate is sophisticated enough heat-wise to like, to parse through. It was a tiny bit. Because, because, a little spicy. Mmm.

The heat was, it was hot for me too. I was blowing my nose. But I enjoyed it. I, it's probably on the level of like, hot enough and not like bursting with flavor enough that I don't know that I would get that regularly Yeah, like the spicy chicken sandwich at Wendy's. Yeah, it's like it's perfectly so fucking flavorful, too It's like this is definitely more spice less like actual flavors But it was good if the orange chicken was cooked like this chicken, like the texture and stuff. It's kind of like, it kind of tastes like, fuck, like the pork you get at some places.

Oh, like the pork belly? Yes, pork belly, yes. Kind of like the crispy end. Like the roasted pork, like at Vince Young's. Yeah. Like that, where it's like real crispy on the outside, but soft and pale on the inside. So satisfying to chew through. And then Vince Young's, fucking flavorful. Yeah, shit. Good shit. It's like that yeah where it's like real crispy on the outside so satisfying so satisfying the truth wrongs fucking flavor shit good shit it's like that not

a slave bowl but like it is a very good texture I enjoyed it mm-hmm I'm gonna give it I definitely liked it better than whatever the fuck we had last time so I'm gonna say 75 75 75 percent that's an average of 70% So see it's a passing grade I think it was pretty good I'd say like I like the Beijing beef The Beijing beef is not as spicy But there's definitely more flavor I think the Beijing beef has like a nice texture to it too

I like the Beijing beef It's really nice The orange chicken for me is the gold standard And I think for most people Of like what you get at Panda Express The hot orange chicken that they had that we missed was very good. I also missed it. It was very good.

This is, I hope that they keep doing limited stuff. Yeah, I actually really enjoy Panda Express for doing that. Me too, yeah. I think they're- Because otherwise, I'm just gonna get the orange chicken. Yeah, and I do think- I'm not gonna eat anything else anyway. And I think their flavors are

They have enough variety where something can you can just put something spicy and it's enough to get people in the door Or you can make a sweet and sour thing or whatever. I think there's just a lot you can do there We also had the apple pie What are they like roll ups? I don't know what you call them. Spring roll things? They're like long spring rolls. They're like half a churro, half an apple pie. It was like half, yeah, apple pie churro spring roll. And it wasn't that good. No, the flavor wasn't really that great. Michael was messed. Flipping out. Dude, first of all, covered in fucking cinnamon. All over it.

Like absolute, like worse than a churro, but like sticks to me more than a churro. Covered. Right, like all of it. You bite it. 5,000 flakes fall out. It went everywhere. And I'm not talking like, sometimes people like bite a chip

and it falls out of their mouth. Right. Yeah. There's no keeping it in your mouth. It's impossible. Like wherever the line is where your teeth cut it. It's like an inch back Yeah explodes. I was standing over there eating it over the track. He was he was taking bites and yelling it's fucking I was so mad. I walked in and you were holding like the tray Yeah, it's like it's literally impossible to fucking eat without like pisses me off the pro outrageous The problem with it is that it was supposed to be apple pie whatever it was cinnamon all the way and then at the end it goes apple

and you go it was worse than like a McDonald's apple pie which is already like not very flavorful. So you go eat this and let us know what you think of the blazing bourbon chicken. Not a bad one. Just so you know he's talking about the gold standard being the orange chicken I agree that it's the gold it It's like the Big Mac. Yes Yeah But also it's up there number two highest protein you can get the orange chicken is yes really yeah Oh wow so even if you're not even trying and then you go lift 18,000 pounds Yes, if you really want to stop fucking around huh chicken teriyaki

I'm not done fucking around a lot of reviews in for that Fucking around? Uh-huh. Chicken teriyaki. Oh. The highest. I'm not done fucking around. A lot of reviews that I was looking at for YouReview were people going, one star, no chicken teriyaki. They were out of chicken teriyaki. Does that happen a lot? That they're out of chicken teriyaki? The Panda Express that I go to usually, they are out of everything a lot.

Oh really? Sometimes I'll go to order where I'm like, I don't understand how you're open right now. You have no food. I will go to order at 6 p.m. And it's like, we have, it'll be like a green bean chicken or whatever, like one of the entrees nobody gives a fuck about, and rice.

Oh my god. And like, you know sometimes you open the app and it's like, oh, that's like the specials. Like where's the menu? You go, oh that is the menu. That's all they have. I give open the app and it's like oh that's like the specials like where's the menu you go Oh, that is Given the credit like it's updated to reflect what they actually are selling right now in that store That's cool, but I'm like it's 5 p.m.. Yeah, why the fuck you even open?

Yeah, no one's gonna want this everyone that comes by is gonna go and they're gonna leave like I Don't know I don't know how that happens, but but that's the one I go to a lot I don't know if they're all like that if you're talking about other Chinese restaurants on the show before and I have like my favorites Around town it there's there's like like a couple of good places in Austin for Chinese food I mentioned old thousand and the ride along Din Ho is one of my favorites Wuchow is the other Wuchow is amazing. Where's that at? Is it an open cover?

There's a couple locations. They've come. No, they're here. Oh, you know where else is fucking good? Lins, have you been to Lins? No, I haven't been to Lins. For dumplings? Ooh.

I'm cultured, I have a one wheel, I go places. Yeah, now you can go places. Oh, that's right. Oh yeah, yeah, I went to Lins before Wuchow. Nice. Wuchow is like P.F. Chang's, but like. Exactly, it's classier P.F. wu-chao which I was like pf Chang's but like exactly it's glassier But it's class it's classier pf Chang's and I think like pf Chang's like it impresses me Yeah, wu-chao is a whole other. Oh, that's cool. Maybe we

Shall looks closer to like a real restaurant. Yeah, not like a chain restaurant Yeah, Lynn's is more like a hole in the wall fucking killer. Everyone's like it's loud in there Oh, yeah, that kind of place, but but and it's like it's like super popular But super well known but you gotta know you know, and that's it fucking like it was I don't know if it was I Don't think it was like a holiday or whatever But I was just like making dinner reservations for Lindsay and I and it's like last second and every everybody was booked. There's like the day before something. It's like Vince Young's book This place is booked. I know the go-tos fucking fucking Linz. They're like, yeah, we got space Yeah, even though it's like super popular. It's super popular, but like a cult following. Yeah, it's like it's crazy

We can get this last second. Yeah, this is like this is like a hot spot. It's always like really good food It's always packed, but it's never like over packed. Right? Anyway, don't go there. They're not allowed. Yeah, this is like this is like a hot spot. It's always like really good food. It's always packed But it's never like over packed right anyway. Don't go there in a lot. Yeah, there you go Uh, I'll just cut all that out. I think they they have like three restaurants Lin's Chi that's like XI or something Anyway, oh I thought he meant we got a wrap. Yeah, we got a wrap. No, no, we gotta go run out. We gotta go Hey go to store.100%eat.com for merch. Hey, I wanna let them know before we get to our 100% fan. New designs coming in early October.

We got everything set and settled. We got everything ready. We updated the store. We are getting international shipping sorted right now. So, you'll be international. He's guaranteeing it. Here's the thing about international shipping. You think, is it going to be all countries? I don't know right now. I guarantee

He doesn't know but I do yes I guarantee there's some country that gets left out. Canada, United Kingdom, Australia, Timor Leste, Syria, Russia Almost exclusively Russia. They really want these designs. We have some really cool new designs that we got settled. A lot of fan art based stuff that I'm really excited about. So stay tuned, we'll have an update soon.

You can follow us at 100% Eat on Instagram and on Twitter. And you can go to Patreon.com slash 100% Eat to sign up. If you're a Grackle, you can listen to the Michael Jordan podcast and every old episode new on every Friday but you can sign up to be a 100% fan and you can get an exclusive shout out just like this like this one from Ray what are a she says despite how much shit Michael and Jordan give them about it I think that Eric's gray hair looks great and suits him very well. Truly entering your Silver Fox era. Yeah, it's the problem with that is like, it's cool and like, yeah it looks pretty good when you're in your late 40s.

You know, not like, oh man already. Also, also, I just think you need to act your hair's age You know that's one thing also. It's like Sometimes people get the silver Fox and it's around for a while. Yeah, and I feel like you're gonna flash through it. It's going Or speed run it doesn't go backwards What if what if what if you're just like dude, I'm going Have you tried going super say yeah Wouldn't be blonde anymore Maybe if we get maybe if we get to a certain number of patreon followers or something

I'll dye my hair. That's something I could incite. Oh, can we just ferment it? Yeah, if we get I have to figure out what number it is in every 10,000 paid subscribers like we have to get some we'll have to figure something out to do what to to dye my hair to do it actually to not have to be this gray all the time. It's gonna be real low. When you say die, do you mean die like Michael died it at RTX that one year? No, I mean, it would be a thing that I would have to live with for a while. Not something I would just go rinse out. Bleaching. Yeah, I hooked them up.

Yeah. Yeah. You look good. I was looking at the mirror the other day, and I was going, Eric, now? Eric, before. Ah. Eric, now. Eric, before.

It's all it really takes. I was just, I became, I remember I dyed your hair, and then I turned into Gus. You were, and that picture is so funny. It's so good. Wait, that was you? That was me. No, that was Gus. No, that was me. Hey, hey, you can go to, you can send us stuff at the P.O. Box.

It's P.O. Box 1432-41 Austin, Texas 78714. P.O. Box 1432-41 Austin, Texas 78714. If it's 100% treat, label it. It helps us know where to open it and everything. If it's something else, you can let us know on the thing on the box. It helps. If it's a bill,, label it. It helps us know where to open it and everything. If it's something else, you can let us know on the thing, on the box, it helps. If it's a bill, put it in the trash. That's what?

Oh! Into this? This guy, that twee is still cooking, baby. And if it's something else, you could mark the box 100% feet. Whoa! And if it's a toaster, write not a toaster on it. Make sure you say not a toaster. Or if it is a toaster, write? Not a toaster. Make sure you say not a toaster

Um or if it is a toaster right not toaster anyway, it'll blow her face. It's gonna freak me out Yeah, we'll be we'll be like toaster. Oh, it's not a toaster. We have oh We have a 100% treat video coming out pretty soon But that's it go follow us on YouTube if you're just listening to this We put up a lot of videos in the meantime on YouTube and it's been fun. It's been pretty good. Yeah, we've been having too much fun. It's been pretty good. It's been too much fun.

I had extra fun today because I didn't have to hold my microphone. Wee! That's the way it goes from now on, baby. Now I can do this. Yep. All right, Jack, take us out. Now I can do this.

No feet! No feet? Rate, subscribe, tell a friend about the show where we eat food and- Eat the food. And rate the food. Damn it. And eat the food and rate the food and eat the food and then Oh man that wasn't even close. No it wasn't. You say tell a friend about the show where we

Rate the food and we eat the cats and dogs. Whoa Bye I saw it on TV you