100% Eat - We Eat Tacos and Drink Beer - Face Jam Vodcast #1
Episode Date: November 3, 2020Thanks to Voodoo Ranger for sponsoring this episode. Michael's ex-girlfriend stops by to talk to the boys about the perfect pairing of tacos and Voodoo Ranger beer. Find Voodoo Ranger IPAs at New Belg...ium’s Beer Finder: https://www.newbelgium.com/beer/finder. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Transcript
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This is a Rooster Teeth production.
A lot of fingers in my suit.
Mm-hmm.
That's my favorite kind of suit.
Yup.
Let's dive in, baby.
Welcome to Face Jam, the show where we usually try every new fast food creation to let you know if you need it.
But today, we're doing something a little bit different.
Thanks to Voodoo Ranger for absolutely making this show possible, including that little
Voodoo Ranger doll thing that just fell over.
It seemed like maybe it was a sign.
I'm your host, Michael Jones, alongside my co-host, Jordan Sweers.
Jordan, how are you?
I'm about to fall over too.
Yeah, dude.
He's getting tipsy.
He's had a couple of voodoos himself.
Yeah.
We're in the van.
We're in the van.
The van.
We're vanning it. It's real. We're in the van. We're in the van. The van. We're vanning it.
It's real.
We're in it.
We are recording in real life.
We got Monkey Man Nick back here.
He's been driving us around.
Sauce Monkey just monkeying around.
And this is a-
Still running the audio.
He's still running the audio.
Listen, he's got to work.
He can't just drive.
This is episode one of our special additional series.
Right.
Face Jam Plus Ultra.
Whoa, I like that.
We hadn't named it, but there you go.
New streaming service.
And so this is coming at you every bi-week in between regular Face Jam episodes.
We've got the Voodoo Face Jam Van, and we're doing it a little bit different.
And it's a video podcast as well.
So for people screaming into the night that they can't listen to us
and they need to see us,
this is for you.
Now maybe after these four supplementary episodes,
you will attach a face to the voice
and then you can go back and listen to the podcast
that you couldn't visualize
and you'll go,
I know what they look like now.
Now the night terrors will dissipate.
And you can also imagine like Nick in his monkey now. Oh, could be. Now the night terrors will dissipate. Yeah.
And you could also imagine, like, Nick in his monkey mask.
Right.
Nodding in the background.
Mm-hmm.
That's pretty much what it is.
That's all it is. It's real, baby.
So here's what happened.
Okay.
Voodoo Rangers.
Hey, what happened?
Voodoo Rangers said-
I had a good idea, and Eric finally listened.
I think, yeah.
Voodoo Rangers said, we love you guys.
Yeah.
We love you.
We want to kiss you. I'm going to crack in. You guys want to crack into it right now? Yeah, I'm, yeah. Voodoo Ranger said, we love you guys. We love you. We want to kiss you.
I'm going to crack in.
You guys want to crack into it right now?
Yeah, I'm cracking in.
We got the Juicy Haze IPA on this episode.
Right.
So Voodoo Ranger said, hey, we'll get you guys a van.
You want to drink some beer and eat some food?
And we said, yeah, let's have.
You had me at van.
I'm going to say what happened.
Just to say, Voodoo Ranger said, we love you guys.
What can we do?
And we screamed van.
Yep.
And they said, okay.
And we went from there.
They said, why?
They didn't come in with a van.
They thought it was weird, but we said, trust us.
Right.
It's a thing.
It'll make sense.
And people love it.
Just get us a van.
Eric hates it.
No.
But he'll let it happen.
Now Eric loves it. Oh, now he's pro-van all of a sudden. I'm super pro-van. Yeah, weird. I'm'll let it happen. Now Eric loves it.
Oh, now he's pro-Van all of a sudden.
I love the Van.
I'm super pro-Van.
Yeah, weird.
I'm incredibly pro-Van.
Very weird.
Yep.
Very weird.
But we have little turncoats.
Little turncoats.
So we're going to be doing four episodes.
We're going to be doing four supplementary episodes, like Michael was saying.
They're going to be on off weeks of what our regular Face Jam is.
So this isn't going to interrupt.
You don't miss out.
This isn't going to interrupt regular Face Jam.
You're going to get a regular episode, then a special episode, and then a regular episode, a special episode. Wow. It's going to keep going four times. It's great. You're going to get a regular episode, then a special episode,
and then a regular episode, a special episode. It's going to keep going four times.
It's great.
You're going to get blasted for two months.
Here's the thing.
We got this van.
Each episode, we're going to try a different kind of food from around Austin.
Some of them are chain.
Some of them are local.
We got to check it out and see what's up.
But we also had to hook some of our friends in.
I know a lot of times it's just like, oh, this is this guy.
It's someone we know. Don't worry about it.
Don't ask.
We're not going to tell you. Now that we have this monkey
chauffeur driving us around,
we can drink and hang out and eat and everything,
and then include our friends, so that way we can
figure out what is the top
dog in each food category
that goes along with this Voodoo Ranger
beer. Yeah, and we have a different beer for every episode.
That's right.
It's an extra science experiment.
Juicy Haze IPA.
And we've covered all of our bases.
We've all been tested because we are living in the COVID times.
I got that swab.
We've all been tested and swabbed.
I've been swabbed, baby.
Then we stuck this guy in a monkey mask and said,
no beer for you, monkey man.
He's our designated driver
So we're good
We're super safe at every turn
You're really hanging on this turn
I just thought it was great that I wrote that
And I thought when I wrote this at 11.30 last night
I went boy am I clever
I think that's really going to be great
Honestly 11.30 last night that's better than usual
It wasn't 6am this morning
He had to wake up early.
We had an early start.
You're gonna leave it that long.
So today,
again, we're drinking the Juicy Haze IPA.
We'll get into the food in just a little bit, but Jordan,
will you read the
Juicy Haze IPA marketing copy?
Oh, sure. My favorite part.
The Juicy Haze IPA is
packed with bright tropical aromas and brilliant citrusy flavors.
This unfiltered IPA wraps up with a pleasantly smooth finish.
I gotta say, they ain't wrong.
They ain't wrong.
It's nice, too, to hear Jordan read a PR thing and then not immediately shit on it.
Well, here's the thing.
It's not garbage.
There's nobody's name attached.
Nobody is the vice president
of food marketing genius.
Of flavor innovation. Someone just
described their beer accurately.
And it's good. They nailed it. I love this beer.
I think it's really good.
Voodoo's been a big hit
for a while, for me personally.
One thing that tends to turn people off of IPAs
is the bitterness of the bitterness.
Yeah.
Or like the hoppiness.
But I feel like Voodoo Ranger in all of their iterations like do a really good job of like
making it flavorful and still tasting like an IPA without any of that like overly bitterness.
Yeah.
Which I like.
It's good stuff.
So.
I like that when I drink it, it doesn't beat me up.
Yeah.
That's what he's saying basically.
Yeah.
IPAs beat me up. Quit kicking my ass's saying, basically. IPAs beat me up. Quit kicking my
ass. Not again.
So today,
we're going to be eating some tacos.
Guys, we went to the
premier taco places
in all of Austin, Texas.
No stone left unturned.
The best of the best.
Hang on, I'm still hyping it up.
Yeah, I'm still hyping it up. Let him finish.
The number one...
Guys, only the best for you.
Listen, what does this hat say?
Because this is on video, so you can see it.
It says producer.
And as the producer...
Where'd you get that hat?
Doesn't matter who bought me the hat.
And if they also bought somebody a monkey mask.
It doesn't matter.
I'm just saying, who mentioned the van?
Just saying, investments, man.
You know?
You gotta sink your own money into something if you wanna see something happen. It doesn't matter saying who mentioned the van
So you gotta sink your own money into something if you want to see something happen, and that's how we got the van I scrimped and saved. Yeah, you did
The saying
One we already did a van like reveal video like a little gremlin saying script and save
Screaming every episode no budget no budget no budget
Van and then all sudden you're the hero. Yeah, you're what do you think the cost breakdown is like?
99.9% voodoo ranger and then right zero
Remember that dime that we found in here earlier when we were cleaning it out?
That was the dime?
That was my dime.
I was wondering why you screamed, my dime!
I need that!
So thank you, Voodoo Ranger, for this excellent van.
99% thanks, Voodoo Ranger.
1% thanks, Eric.
Oh, man.
Guys, here are the taco places that we're going to be reviewing today with this juicy
queso.
I can only imagine the great local places.
Ready.
Torchy's.
The best.
Oh, yeah.
Your favorite.
A very good taco place.
You've said before, best queso in Austin.
Yep.
Hey.
They got great queso.
You know how me and my queso and how I'm talking about it constantly and how I always want
people's opinions about it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And hey.
It's like right up there with your favorite breakfast taco place.
If you know a place with better queso, tweet Aaron.
Please don't.
Please don't tweet me.
Yeah.
Hopefully the social team doesn't slam me.
I'm sick of the social team.
Second, the other taco place.
You guys ready?
Local taco favorite, Taco Bell.
I've heard of them.
Yeah.
I've dabbled.
I've rung that bell.
According to all the funny tweets. According to the funny tweets that I get where the social team says hey let Eric know what limited time food
you should get and then and then everyone goes it's a little place I
don't know if you've heard about it Taco Bell so my local town yes so I agree to
all of the tweets hey new episode that was is like
his he's got he's wearing a like a little sweater yeah Shaw yeah he pulls
it down yep well I never and third you to let me know what you guys think about
this place Taco Cabana the monkeys giving it up like our senior
holiday this thing was crowing.
Ball pointed at him.
Dude, it's been all day with him. All morning.
He was ooh and ah-ah-ing all day.
And he kept saying, yeah, but 20 years ago.
And I was like, how old are you, though?
20 years ago, this place was great.
32?
What are you talking about?
You remember?
No, but when I was nine, it was so good.
Yeah, a lot of places are good when you're nine. Are was so good. I can see 20 years ago.
Yeah, a lot of places are good when you're nine.
Are you 50?
And all you eat is garbage.
So what we're doing today, we're eating Torchy's Taco Bell and Taco Cabana.
We tried to find the taco that was the most similar to each one of these.
So we're getting beef tacos from each of these places.
We're going to have to rate, worst to best, what we what we think. But again, we're going to have a guest
come in later and let us know. They don't have to tell us
what they get like a real rate. No, no, no. They're just giving
us their opinion about what they think the best is and what they think paired best with the
Juicy Haze. It's kind of like phone a friend. You could choose to ignore it. Exactly.
Fuck off.
If the friend you phone is an idiot
who doesn't know the answer,
it's like, ugh.
We are going to be eating on this episode.
Watch out.
We're going to do our best not to eat into the microphone.
Don't do that.
Jordan will chomp
at you. That was like in my brain.
Yeah.
Stop doing that. People are turning off this body. The monkey's fucked up. Jordan will chomp that was like in my brain yeah
So monkey got fun we're gonna we're gonna start with the Torchy's
We're gonna start with the Torchy's beef fajita
Here hey Michael check this out. No, I don't hand it to you. Okay? Oh, okay?
Because I didn't realize that I could do that right away.
So I want to say, we're releasing this as an audio form.
That's correct. On the feed.
So if you're listening to the audio form, just know there is a video.
Yes.
This, these four times.
Yep.
That's it.
Yep.
You can go probably, I think, on the Achievement Hunter YouTube.
And at RoosterTeeth.com.
RoosterTeeth.com. You Google it. It'll be out there.. Why you gotta crinkle right into it. Yeah, right. No kidding. I'm crinkling right here
No, you aren't that far down. You are mid-range crinkle. And then when I called you out you went whoa I was down here
So we got the Torchy's fajita beef fajita taco. That's what we're doing here. Now, this looks pretty good.
I like me some Torchy's.
I do like Torchy's.
Here's the thing.
We didn't get sauce.
So we've got sauce for, was it Taco Cabana?
Is that what it is?
Uh-huh.
Okay.
Well, there was another one.
I think Del Taco was on the list.
They lost.
We don't do that.
There's no Del Taco in Austin.
Well, that's why we didn't go there.
And then we got Taco Bell sauce, but I don't want to mix sauces.
And you shouldn't.
You have to judge it by what it is.
Now, normally what I like to do when I go to Torchy's is you get it trashy.
They just cover it in queso cheese.
Because as you've said, best queso in Austin.
Oh, you know how I say that all the time.
Now, what are you guys thinking about the beef fajita taco so far?
I gotta say, it's not like...
I'm biting it.
It's not usually my go-to, but I mean, like, everything at Torchy's, this is great.
You can tell, like, the tortilla and the beef is just high-quality ingredients.
I will say, the steak is a little fatty.
It's a little chewy.
I don't know if, you know, those who are watching, I was struggling a little bit to get a bite here.
I tried to take a bite, and I pulled a lot.
Yep.
That'll do it.
It's tough.
Michael's thinking and drinking and doing it all.
I'm just trying not to gobble into the microphone.
Yeah, when you bite the steak, you really got to bite the whole piece. Because it's not going to rip.
I don't have a metal mouth.
I can't cut it.
I don't have the strength.
This isn't a Jaws from James Bond situation.
I don't have the strength.
I'm more of an odd job anyway.
So as long as that piece of steak is, you just take it and let it ride.
That's all I'm saying.
Now that steak in the bite, it's a little spicy, not really.
It's more like a
peppery kind of spice, right? Definitely, yeah. But how does it hold up with the Juicy Haze?
I got to take another little nibble and see how it is with this beer.
I didn't think about that. What? No, that's the whole point. Give the talking to the microphone
too. No, I don't want to. No, but you're some... No, I don't want to. No, I don't want to.
That's a really good pairing.
Yeah?
It's like one of the great things about beer is that it can enhance
whatever you're eating.
Oh, that's really good.
And there's like some
science and shit that really explains it.
You know what it is?
It's not the...
I don't think it's the beef that it's making better.
It's the bell peppers, like the cut up peppers that are in there.
I feel like those like fly with this beer.
Wow.
That's really different.
I'm soaring.
Yeah.
See you in the sky, baby.
Yeah, I'm already up here.
I see you.
We're next to each other.
There's nowhere to see me from here.
Let's look around. We're in the van and we're
flying um yeah i um torches i mean you get whatever you want when you order it but yeah
just just the the fajita they pack it you know and it's nice there's so much fucking steak in
there there's a lot there's a lot of steak. And for something that borders a fast food restaurant,
because there is no drive-thru in Torchy's.
It's a skirt in that line of you've got to go in.
We had to park the van.
It's dangerously close, but I'll allow it.
And dangerously cheesy.
They definitely lean more towards a real restaurant,
not a fast food restaurant.
Right.
Packing it both full, they're not skimping on the materials, and also just different ingredients.
I haven't eaten the Taco Bell taco.
I'm going to guess there's meat and cheese.
Maybe lettuce.
And that's it.
Interesting.
Hey, if you're lucky, there's lettuce.
If you're lucky.
That might be a shred.
You might find a stray shred.
All right.
You guys want to try the Taco Bell taco now
Yes, I do all right over Jordan take a grab. It's not close. No. It's close there. Yeah, we go
It's only getting farther now. I'm not gonna put my hair down cuz I don't want it to run away from me
You can do a grab why did you grab some sauce? Why is Nick gasping?
What do you want? What do you want monkey monkey monkey words which one?
What do you want monkey monkey monkey words which one?
Well he he wants fire I want to fight only one fire there's fire here's the thing
All right, okay, you hit yourself
Grab your taco what are you doing? Yeah? I have a taco in my hand. I'm talking to him Well, I was waiting for the monkey man
I'm burping him. Well, I was waiting for the monkey man. Oh, the monkey man. Oh, my God. I'm burping.
What a mess.
Gasping, dude.
This is crazy.
All right, what do we got here?
This is crazy.
What kind of...
Can I escape if I have to right now?
Can I escape?
No.
I feel like I need to scream and run away.
Why did you say it like that?
It's from video games.
Oh, there's tomatoes.
Taco Bell Crunchy Taco Supreme.
Okay.
What makes it supreme?
I mean, looking at the taco that was Torchy's and then this, stark contrast in quality.
Yeah.
Right out of the gate.
However, I will say there's also a stark contrast in price.
That's incredible.
Without looking it up, this is probably like a buck.
Yep.
You know, maybe a buck thirty.
A dollar thirty.
Yeah, you get what you pay for.
That beef fajita, which I call a bafeta, is probably three bucks.
Three fifty.
I'm just saying.
What a difference.
Here's my question, though.
So that was like fajita meat.
So that was like steak.
That's not what this is.
This is beef.
So it's not the same at all.
I tried to do beef for all of them. They don't really have a beef taco. Fajita was close. Oh, okay. That's not what this is. This is beef. So it's not the same at all. I tried to do beef for all of them.
They don't really have a beef taco.
Fajito was close.
Oh, okay.
That makes sense.
They're above that.
Dude.
That tortious.
Whoa, you're dude-ing over there?
You dude-wowing?
Fuck off.
This is so good.
Oh!
I agree.
Fuck off.
It's not.
This is, oh.
Jordan's wrong.
This is like, oh my God.
Bury me in this flavor.
There's something so good about this
dude taco bell rules have you had taco bell before i it's i guess it's been a little
hang on eat cream it we got it Ugh. Can I get a napkin?
I already gave him a bunch of napkins.
Welcome to the vodcast.
I need another one.
I wonder if there's napkins in here.
Look at this.
Look at this monster.
Oh, thank you, monkey man.
Oh, there you go.
Yeah, I don't like that at all.
Okay.
It doesn't taste good.
You're crazy.
Mm-hmm.
You're crazy.
I'm so excited to try this with the beer.
I'm so fucking stoked about the next bite.
He's a little bit crazy. I'll so excited to try this with the beer. I'm so fucking stoked about the next bite.
He's a little bit crazy. I'll agree with you.
No! My tomatoes!
I tried some with the beer, and it's like, it's not as good as the Torchy's.
That was just like a match made in heaven, but this is like, take a bite, this is like, whatever.
And then you drink it.
And it's like, oh, that helped it a little bit.
Like, it can only, like, help so much.
Like, you know. So this is like a match made in divorce court.
Hey, you would know.
Don't bring that up.
I hate to agree.
I hate to agree with Jordan.
Literally, word for word with everything he just said,
but I absolutely agree with Jordan in word for word.
Like it's doing the heavy lifting.
There's almost so much it can do.
You were just screaming about the taco.
It tastes so good, but when you have it with the beer.
What the hell is the matter with you? When you have it with the beer, it's like it's not.
What?
Use your words. on think the torch
ease taco was good and then really went to great yeah when it had when I had it
with the beer this Taco Bell taco just kind of like man it tasted so good but
then that second bite was like oh yeah it's more of the same and then you have
it with the beer and you just go yeah yeah, it's more of the same.
It just doesn't go anywhere.
Let me ask you this.
When did you decide to spill sour cream on me?
I'm sorry.
Is that what you think happened?
I didn't want to say it, but he was planning it.
I was just saying.
He's over there plotting and all of a sudden I'm covered in cheese and cream. I've got a sick prank.
No, this makes sense.
7.5 alcohol by volume. Okay, cool. Yeah, this makes sense. 7.5 alcohol by volume.
Okay, cool.
Yeah, this makes sense.
What does that mean?
It means we've been doing this all day.
I can do this all day.
I like.
They're not going to be able to pick that up.
They can't even see your face, Jordan
You've got a microphone and a
Guys
Guys
What's the point? You're supposed to write on that?
Yeah, you know
Don't you love writing on your Taco Bell sauce packets?
Whatever
Guys, are you ready for a third taco?
I've never had Taco Cabana
Me neither
I told myself
This is new for me When we were plotting this Planning, scheming Are you ready for a third taco? I have never had taco cabana. Me neither. Okay. I told myself.
This is new for me.
When we were plotting this, planning, scheming, I thought, it's a lot of food.
I'm going to take a bite from each.
And then I went out to eat a whole taco.
I've eaten two whole tacos.
Well, have a third, my friend.
Don't worry.
We have another episode to do today, so it should be weird. Dude, since the last episode, I lost three pounds.
Three pounds? There it goes.
Alright, I'm gonna try this.
Alright, Michael, grab your taco cabana, ground, beef taco.
Get your sauce, too.
Yep. The monkey's gonna be pissed.
Oh, is there only three?
No, I think he got a sauce. He's pointing again.
He got a sauce. Okay.
There was an angry point that flew over my shoulder.
What do you think of the look?
What the fuck is this, by the way?
That's Jordan's.
That's mine.
I put it back.
Get out of here.
Why am I going to put it on the floor?
I don't know.
What'd you put it back for?
On the floor?
This is a-
He's wowing over there.
Wow.
This is a-
Crazy.
No, this is like a-
That's what he's going to say next.
Ground beef.
Yeah, it's very fine.
It is ground.
It's like a bulgogi. Yeah, it's very fine. It is ground.
It's like a bulgogi.
Yeah, it really is ground.
Let's pronounce baloney.
Baloney beef is what I think he's trying to say.
It comes from Italy, Bologna. I'm sorry, but you sound stupid when you say that.
It's only baloney if it comes from the baloney region of Italy.
No, this is looking more similar to the Torchy's than the Taco Bell.
But this feels like a real middle ground between the two.
It feels nothing to me.
It's definitely in between.
The sauce is actually pretty good.
It's got a little spice to it.
The monkey said it was good two decades ago, and he cleaned his plate.
Who can say how good it was 20 years ago?
But now it's okay. It's not bad.
You okay?
I don't...
What am I eating?
What?
I mean, all I get is the beef.
And the beef is like...
It's better than the Taco Bell,
but it's not close. I hardly get the beef. and the beef is like, it's better than the Taco Bell, but it's not close.
I hardly get the beef.
It mostly tastes like tortilla.
Really?
Yeah.
Mine's fucking soaked.
You should bite the beef.
Baby, I bit the beef all the way.
Put that beef in your mouth.
Let it slide down.
All right.
Beef bite.
Beef bite with beer, because I don't know about the not, this Taco Cabana taco is not great.
It's actually working pretty well with the beer let me know your thoughts Eric
in my opinion most things work well with beer
that's me
that Taco Bell didn't
but the beer makes you forget about the Taco Bell
so it's still working
it's pulling the weight
Voodoo is not's pulling the weight.
Voodoo's not only pulling the weight with this van, but with the food too.
It's saying, hey, don't worry about it.
This beer is 7.5%. You'll forget soon enough.
It's really not.
Crack open a second one.
You'll forget you even ate it.
Where am I?
I got to try another.
I don't know what I'm getting here.
This is weird.
Maybe you got like a defective one. You just shut up and eat it. This is weird. Maybe you gotta like a defective one.
You just shut up and eat it.
Yeah.
Thanks, man.
You got a defective one.
Like, I think it's fine.
It tastes like a good Taco Bell.
No, it's not.
Hey, my taco's defective.
What do you mean, sir?
Like...
I don't taste it.
No, it's wrong.
There's a screw in it or something.
I just, I'm not getting
It's not doing anything for me
I feel like this one's perfectly in between
Where like
With the Torchies in the Voodoo Ranger
It's like match made in heaven
Again perfect they compliment each other
They ascend each other perfectly
And then this one is like
The taco's okay
And then you take a drink and it's like
Talk is a little better. Mm-hmm. And then the Taco Bell was like this is garbage and then you drink it
It's like it's not so much garbage. Michael got shocked when you said that can't believe
Yeah, I'm
Thunderstruck. Oh
You've been that's crazy. Can we do in post cuz this is like yeah, uh-huh
No, yeah, go ahead and give them something to do it most that they absolutely won't do
post can we do like like I got electrocuted so you see my skeleton can
you move the microphone and give us one real quick lightning like thing around
me like flash a skeleton super easy now we gotta go get you x-rayed
so it's your skeleton
you gotta live rangerously
that's all I'm saying
okay
on my Instagram one time
I posted an x-ray
of my
it's like my skull
and my back
really
yeah and it was just
because I was going
to a chiropractor
and they were like
here's your x-ray
and then somebody posted
like oh cool
do you have scoliosis too
and I went
I don't think so
I might now okay
I fucked up oh no well we learned something so what do you think you have
if you have a scoliosis mm-hmm it's a nightmare to get an epidural so if
you're ever pregnant just know my ex was calling about okay here's okay here's
the thing thankfully I don't really see your bird no here's hey hey now here's the thing. Thankfully, I don't really speak to her anymore. No, here's, hey, hey, hey.
Here's the thing.
Our first guest on our first episode of Face Jam Plus Ultra.
Yes.
It's Michael's ex.
Whoa, are we on Springer right now?
What the fuck?
Michael's ex-girlfriend graciously said.
Why? Why are you going to go around me like that? You embarrass me? Hang's ex-girlfriend graciously said... Why?
Why are you gonna go around me like that?
You embarrass me?
Hang on.
You have to flip the page over
and read the copy.
You have to read it.
You have to.
Go ahead and read it.
Read it.
Everything from the top?
Just till it says introduce.
What the fuck, man?
Go ahead.
Okay.
But now that we have this van
that Eric graciously got for us,
I don't believe that for a second.
No.
With the help of Voodoo Ranger,
believe that,
we wanted to bring in some of our
friends to help us rate these foods.
So we're gonna bring on
She's our friend.
Ladies and gentlemen. I'm sorry you don't get along.
Please welcome
You guys are my friends.
Please welcome Lindsay.
Hi Lindsay.
How are you?
She took my kids and my name.
Wow. Wow.
Crazy.
Jones now.
Yeah.
Whoa.
I just thought it was a coincidence.
We're like, like a.
I told you that.
So, Lindsay.
I'm getting half of the face jam.
I can't tell if I want the face or the jam yet, but we'll figure that out.
Yeah.
I don't know.
We'll see.
We'll see.
Jordan, you were saying?
You guys okay?
I, yeah, I'm about to. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. Let's talk about this food. I'm a know. We'll see. We'll see. Jordan, you were saying? You guys okay? I, yeah, I'm about to be.
It's fine.
It's fine.
Let's talk about this food.
I'm a professional.
It's fine.
Let's talk about the food.
The classic professional thing to say, I'm a professional.
Yeah, I'm a professional.
It's fine.
You know what I mean?
I feel like one of us is trying to keep this show going.
Whatever it is, let's keep going.
Let's get to the food.
Okay.
I'm a classic professional.
Yep.
Here I am.
Yes.
Anyway.
Lindsay, we have brought you in for the
taco episode i felt like this was going to be a good fit for you very appropriate for me to be
here but you're a texan native exactly yeah that's exactly what i thought so lindsey tell us about
your history with tex-mex itself like this is the stuff you grew up eating right yeah i mean i've
loved it in texas my life. I grew up in the
Dallas area, and that's heavy on Tex-Mex,
but I had family in San Antonio, and that's
the place for Tex-Mex, from what
I've been told. So I guess I've had the San Antonio
experience of Tex-Mex.
Yeah, I love myself
a good taco, for sure.
He's rocking the whole van.
The monkey's going nuts. He's agreeing with you
hard. But how do you feel about the Austin experience of Tex-Mex?
Because this is...
It has its own flavor.
We got Taco Cabana.
And Torchies, both like Austin kind of things here.
Yes, for Tex-Mex.
It's interesting because Austin is obviously very close to San Antonio,
so we have that Tex-Mex background.
But Austin, I think Torchies kind of encapsulates the Austin-like weirdness
with the Tex-Mex. They're not afraid to try new things. Eric's favorite queso.
Stop saying that. It is. Everyone's just going to keep tweeting about this queso.
I'll go into Torchies, I'm like, I want Tex-Mex, and they're like, let's get freaky with it.
If you've had better queso, tell Eric where you've had it.
At Eric Bedore. You have to stop
In fact I dare you no don't dare anyone, but uh would you agree with Lindsay that Torchy's gets a little freaky?
Michael if I must yes, yes, I would agree they do have the taco of the month
They do some stuff with that yeah, they just get silly. They're silly they sell real freak with the flavor of the month. They do some wacky stuff with that, yeah. They just get silly. They just get silly themselves. Just like a real freak with the
flavor of the week. Whoa.
It's a month. It's not a week.
Lindsay, do you want to be on this show?
Yeah, that's not bad. That was a great...
That was off the top. Let's keep it moving.
That's right, yeah. If you want the better
Jones to hop in, I'm available.
All right, that's good to know.
He's just shushing. Yeah, I'm shushing.
Lindsay, we've touched on the food in Tex-Mex
itself. How do you feel about the Voodoo
Ranger Juicy Haze IPA?
See, I love IPAs.
All about it. Austin's big for IPAs too.
Big fan of the Voodoo Ranger
specifically because
mixing with the tacos, I thought
like my
idea of a taco is
with beer. Like you have to have it with beer.
That's just always on about that.
That's the thing.
That's what you do.
That was like,
Hey,
we're having tacos tonight.
And she started screaming.
Michael's all about tacos and wine for some reason.
Let's just live it.
Give it to the taco.
And she said,
no,
taco and scotch,
please on the rocks.
Thank you. No, but yeah, you have to have a beer of some sort. So I think this, please, on the rocks. Thank you.
No, but yeah, you have to have a beer of some sort.
So I think this is the best way to enjoy a taco, period.
Personally, the juiciness of the Juicy Haze
fit the hardiness of the taco very well.
It was a good blend.
It was a soft and hard blend.
You have a very sophisticated palate, Lindsay.
She's really good at this.
I've tasted a lot.
I've tasted a lot in my day. I mean, she's like throwing out stuff. It's making me a Jordan
Let me know if I had a same way get the hat. Yeah was me. She's saying me
She's saying like all these hearty flavors. Yeah talking about like freak of the week
And it's like damn like off that's off the cuff she can spit rhymes and like complex flavors
and like complex flavors i mean that's about tacos lindsey color me impressed that's all thanks for the fucking review what okay well all right well which one did you like well lindsey
how did you feel about uh like i guess we can start at the top how did you feel about the
torches beef fajita taco by itself and with the beer i love that taco now i normally i don't go
with beef tacos when i go to Torchy's.
I'm a Baja shrimp person.
So for me, this was like extremely new experience.
I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, beef?
Calm down.
So I had it by itself without the beer.
I like that it's a thicker slab of beef too.
Like ground beef is okay.
But just that hardiness again.
I agree, yeah.
Like they really sync your teeth.
The other two were like just a mess.
Right.
And these ones were like.
Yeah.
It's a struggle to chew it sometimes,
but it's like good flavorful bites.
Yeah, it's worth the struggle.
Nothing good comes easy, Jordan.
And that taco is included.
With every bite, I have to struggle through that beef,
and it was worth it.
Lindsay's my mentor now.
That's who I was.
I was going to make it through.
It's also just like the animalistic feel of ripping into a taco
and going, and then downing a beer. That was me. I was going to make it through. I feel like we're seeing- It's also just like the animalistic feel of ripping into a taco and going,
and then downing a beer.
That was me.
Yeah, that's right.
I feel like we're seeing a different side to Face Jam in this episode.
This is really interesting stuff.
No, not a different side.
No, really.
I mean, like, I don't-
Two sides of the same coin.
I think we're seeing the other side of Face Jam, to be honest.
Interesting.
Really interesting.
We were only getting one part of the story,
and now we're getting the other side of the story.
Yeah, you're getting the bad side.
Oh, okay.
Lindsay, how did you feel about the Taco Bell Crunchy Taco Supreme?
It was a little bit different from the Torchy's Taco.
Yeah, let's hear it.
A little different.
Now, here's what was interesting is I had the Torchy's.
I went, I don't think anything else is going to top this.
Then I had the Taco Bell.
Now, it didn't top it, but what was was interesting what was different for me is i don't
like i don't like crunchy tacos i'm not a crunchy taco person i like my soft tacos all the time
with the beer i don't know what it was but the blend of the crunchy taco with the beer made me
think i was eating chips wow and i love that softened it up i love that i liked the the the
texture on my tongue the crunchiness and water flow of beer i can i
can attest to this there's a number of times i would um just just out of like the kindness of
my heart go out of my way to get tacos for lindsey and if i got hard shell they'd be thrown in my
face wow soft shell only you coward and i kept saying how am i a coward i don't understand this
she would say, you rat.
Why did she call you a rat?
Yeah, she called me a rat.
It wasn't Spice affiliated at all.
It was just a straight up insult.
When she'd go, soft only, you rat.
And she would throw it at me.
It was fucking wild.
That's crazy.
You got to really roll it out to your rat.
Whoa.
I mean, did you feel, did the hair on the back of your neck stand up?
Like you really felt it there?
Like I'm living three years ago right now.
Those are dark times.
I thought I was out of the tunnel,
but I'm back in a train coming at me.
He's got some PTSD.
Oh, man.
Well, I thought that was,
that was, I mean, really well said about the Taco Bell,
but now I have to know what you think about the Taco Cabana ground beef taco.
Are you a big TC fan?
Is that Taco Cabana?
Yeah, that's what they call it, TC.
Yeah, please.
There's TB and TC.
It's two classes of people here.
I'm a TB person.
I TC every now and then.
I'm TC positive.
Oh, really?
Wow.
That's terminal.
I'm sorry. Look at him. That's terminal. I'm sorry.
Look at him. He's dying.
But he's living at the same time.
Michael, these jokes are great.
These are great jokes.
You must not have heard.
Oh, I heard.
I feel like Eric on this show.
I do like Taco Cabana.
I don't go there as often as Taco Bell.
But even then, I got to say,
I feel like this was the most disappointing taco.
Even with the beer, couldn't save it.
The beer washed away the taco for me.
It was like, let me get rid of that.
You just crushed Nick 20 years ago.
Yep.
Nick's a big fan.
There was a time capsule where he was four years old,
sucking down tacos. and he said,
I love it, it's great.
And now...
And he won't let go.
He doesn't go there anymore,
but he also won't let go of the memory.
Yeah, well, now he drinks.
Yeah, that's smart.
Just not while he drives the van.
Well, he drives not today.
What did you think about comparing
straight up like the ground beef
from Taco Bell to Taco Cabana?
Like how do they stack up against each other?
Ooh, that's tough.
I don't know what it is,
but I think Taco Bell's ground beef has an extra,
like I hate to use the word spice because it's not spice,
but it seems like spice to my white ass.
It's a drug.
It's a drug. Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah. I mean, that's what it is.
Yeah, they make me want more of it.
Oh, something you guys can agree on.
Yes. Okay. Interesting.
Listen, there were good times.
There were good times.
You know what I mean?
Something was there to begin with.
All of it has been eroded.
That had to start somewhere.
There's like a slurp factor.
There is.
That's a great way to put it.
It's not that good, but I'm just slurping it up and I'm sucking it down.
And Taco Bell has that yep
Definitely, I agree. It's like you know people taking taste of stuff, and they're like I don't like this
Uh-uh it's like you take a bite, and you go. I don't know and then you can take another and you're like
Why am I still eating this? I don't know, but I'm done
Before you know it I guess that was good you wake up naked in an alley
Bell wrappers around you and then all of a sudden
you're the bad parent.
I miss our honeymoon too.
I miss our honeymoon too.
I'm starting to put together pieces of this puzzle.
I'm getting a real clear picture.
I have more questions to be honest.
Move on. Let's get...
What did she like?
Alright.
What would you rank number one?
That is the final question. Lindsay, out of these three, before we make our rating,
I need you to tell us what is your number one food that we ate here today?
Number one food that I ate here today?
I think Torchy's took it.
Wow.
I'm going to go with that Torchy's fat beef.
I love fat beef. I don't know what it that Torchy's fat beef. I love fat beef.
I don't know what it is.
It's not surprising.
No, that's really.
The thickness.
Wow, that's that thick, fatty cut.
The thick meat with the juicy beer.
It's like, mmm.
Why are you looking at me with glazed over eyes?
It's because I had most of this beer.
He's glazing over there watering.
Wow. I've got to say, I've never had, before I've never had the beef fajita. he's blazing over there watering wow I gotta say
I've never had
before I've never had
the beef fajita
me neither
from Porchie's
but I'm gonna get it
every time
every time
that was a good ass taco
if I can have it
with this juicy haze
maybe
you have to
it's too much meat
to not have with the haze
let me tell you
well Lindsay
I wanna thank you
for taking time out
of your busy day with two children to come on to this show my weekend you do a lot of work yeah friday
it's my weekend i just want to say thank you and thank you for helping us uh pick what is the best
food to go with this juicy haze ipa lindsay anytime lindsay jones thank you so much for
being on face jam plus ultra and and we'll see you next time.
Well, we won't.
Well, they will.
I mean, they didn't see you this time because you couldn't get your webcam to work.
Damn it.
They'll see it in post.
No, no.
I'm not there.
I'm not there to fix things.
Uh-oh, the whole house is falling apart.
I paid for the house, yet I got to move out for some reason.
Doesn't make any sense.
Oh, man.
All right.
So thank you very much,
Lindsay Jones,
for being a part of this episode
of Face Jam.
That's great.
That was great.
She was great.
Yeah, she had a lot of valuable insight.
She was okay.
Yeah, she was fine.
It was okay.
It was fine.
I thought she had a lot,
like when she was talking about
like the different ground beefs
and like San Antonio.
Yeah, I mean,
I was thinking that i was
thinking it too no no i'm sure you were doing you did you were you're doing great also buddy
yeah you're doing i thought it before she said it she's got yeah she's faster hey well we had to let
her talk first and she said i do that i do the same thing when i'm watching jeopardy and it was
like somebody on the show answers the question.
Oh, they go faster.
And I was like, I was going to say that.
I was about to say that.
I was going to say that.
I was just letting you finish.
I'm going to let you finish.
And I did.
Yep.
All right.
Anyway.
Let's read that middle paragraph.
This part right here?
Yep.
Uh-huh.
Okay.
I'm going to read this.
Okay.
Now that we've gotten guest input,
and we've had long enough to think about it,
it's time to rate which of these tacos goes best with Voodoo Ranger Juicy Haze IPA.
Eric, I need you to explain it to me because I'm used to rating in one way or another.
We're not rating out of 100.
No, no, no.
We're rating three, two, and one.
We saved the best for last.
Yes.
What is your least favorite?
What is your middle?? What is your middle?
And what is your favorite?
Okay.
Right.
And we have to come to a consensus here.
We have to figure out...
Yeah, because we have to tell the people.
I don't know if we have to, but okay.
What do you want to tell?
I'll tell you guys my number three right now.
There's just two of us.
I'll tell you guys my number three right now.
Because it was really hard.
Well, there's just two of us.
Exactly.
So how is...
The monkey will be...
Hang on.
I wrote... I wrote, come to consensus. What. So how is... The monkey will be... Hang on. I wrote...
I wrote, come to consensus.
What does it say?
Does the monkey vote?
Question mark?
No, because he's going to pick...
He's the monkey.
He's going to pick Taco Cabana.
He's TC positive.
That doesn't make any sense.
You're right.
You're right.
Okay, cool.
So I'll let you guys rank.
You're three, two, and one.
Okay.
Go ahead.
Well, my number three is obviously Taco Bell.
Is it obvious?
What?
I'm sorry, what?
Did you hear him screaming when he put it into his mouth?
No, he's electrocuted.
You're monkeys, monkeys, monkeys agreeing back there.
The whole van's shaking.
I know he's in agreeance.
Your number three is Taco Bell?
Yeah, it was the worst one.
You're blown away by this?
Yeah, honestly, yeah.
There is nothing supreme.
Don't cross the line.
Get back there. There's nothing supreme about that taco
Well the sour cream is what made it supreme
That's just kind of a naming convention
It's not really like a commitment to quality
It's just we're gonna call it supreme
What's your number three then?
Well I feel like you should finish your whole list
Oh wow
Oh you wanna do the whole ranking?
Yeah let's see
No no that's fine It I would think. Number two.
No, no, that's fine.
It was close between three and two.
There are a lot of similarities between Taco Bell and my number two.
You know, including the one I'll be taking later.
Hold for laughter.
Okay, we'll keep holding.
Yeah, he didn't do it.
It was a poop
He was talking about poop
He said number two
It's Taco Cabana
Taco Cabana is like okay
Taco Cabana number two
Bunchy said
Oh
Taco Cabana was okay
It was the first time I had it
Yep
I don't think it was the freshest it could have been
Okay
I also don't like the ground beef
Yeah
And compared with
Shocker number one Torchy's.
Yeah.
Everything about that just screams quality.
It's constantly screaming at me that it's quality.
Listen, I don't get about beer.
Everybody.
And I understand.
But man, that Torchy's taco with the beer was like.
That was exactly what they were made for.
100%.
Yeah.
I absolutely agree with that.
Man, it was really good.
And it's almost like Torchy's is a restaurant that tries and cares and like-
Almost.
But what about Taco Cabana?
Yeah, they're there.
They're a cabana.
You summed it up with your giggle and your smirk.
Yeah.
I think you know exactly what you mean.
You know what you've done.
Their tortilla was like pita bread.
It was crazy.
Weird.
You must have had a weird one.
What was going on over there?
It was defective. All right. Torchy's number one. All right. Taco Cabana. All right. What was going on over there? It was defective.
All right.
Torchy's number one.
All right.
Torchy's number one.
All right.
What do you think?
You're number three, Michael.
I'm going to just cut through the noise here, save some time.
100% agree with Jordan.
Really?
Wow.
You guys are exactly on the same page here?
No, I think he's right.
We're the experts.
Not only did I think Torchy's was the best taco in itself, but also easily paired the best with the beer.
Yeah.
I think Taco Cabana, Taco Cababa.
Yeah, sure.
I thought it was a fair amount better than Taco Bell,
but I don't think it paired with the beer that well.
I agree.
That's where it lost me,
on the Taco Bell to the beer comparison. Torchy's was like, great taco, great with the beer that well. I agree. It was the, like, that's where it lost me. Yeah. On the Taco Bell
to the beer comparison.
Mm-hmm.
Torchy's was like,
great taco,
great with the beer,
done, I'm sold.
Yeah.
That's, I'm calling it.
I think that,
I like,
here's the thing,
you guys were worried
about consensus,
didn't even have to worry about it.
You guys nailed it.
Well, you were, like,
playing mind games with us.
Yeah, you thought
you could divide us.
All manipulating.
That's why your little fingers
are fingering.
All I had to say was, does the monkey vote? And all of a sudden, it was like, we're on the same page. Yeah, you thought you could divide us. All manipulating. All I had to say was
does the monkey vote? And all of a sudden it was like
we're on the same page. Yeah, well, no.
That's not what did it. The food is what did it.
Let me give you the monkey's
top three. Taco Cabana, Taco
Cabana, Taco Cabana. Yep, look at that.
He's disagreeing with you.
He understands human speech.
Coco. Wow.
Coco.
Does that mean fuck you? No, they're kissing. Wow. Coco. Thank you.
Does that mean fuck you?
No, they're kissing.
Oh, that was fuck you.
You didn't see that.
Your back was turned.
Oh, boy.
He's learned too much.
Time to put him down.
Take the monkey out back.
Yep.
Oh, what?
He's fucked up.
Monkey.
Monkey, please.
Guys.
Let me join him.
Yeah.
We have another one of these
Oh boy
What are you talking about? I'm going to be wearing a different shirt
It's a totally different episode, it's a different day
Alright guys, well
Thank you for joining us for this episode of Face Jam
Plus Ultra
This was cool
I want to thank Voodoo Ranger
And the Juicy Haze IPA
Awesome beer to go with tacos.
Really, whatever taco it is.
Great beer by itself, too.
If you can't get Torchy's in your neighborhood, tweet at them.
They'll probably show up.
Yeah, they'll figure it out.
But, again, thank you for Voodoo Ranger for helping us get this van.
They combined with me to get the van.
Mostly them.
Right.
As the producer.
I think he woke up and answered the phone.
Uh-huh.
And then it happened.
Huh?
Both of you to think it was a phone call.
Yeah.
So, I want to say thank you guys so much.
And this has been...
I forgot to turn on the spotlight.
Oh, spotlight.
Not only did they get us the van,
but they also got us a truckload of beer.
Yes.
There's a lot of beer.
So you cracking that open before we have to do the next one is like, oh, boy.
I'm loving it.
Yeah, you better go steal some from your ex's house.
But we'll see you next time on this supplementary episode of Face Jam X Voodoo Ranger.
I thought it was Plus Ultra.
Well, that's what he wrote at the top.
Yeah, he hadn't come up with.
I think we should call it Face Jam in the van.
Well, I guess that's an idea.
It's...
We can discuss it.
How about...
We can't use that song.
We can't use that song.
Right, right.
Face Van.
Goodbye!